60. Giving you in-laws, arguments, and unwanted kisses

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight - Episode 60: In-Laws, Arguments, and Unwanted Kisses

Host Overview: Give It To Me Straight is a candid podcast hosted by the Dear Media husband and wife duo, Alex and John. They delve into unfiltered discussions on a variety of topics, including sex, money, and relationships, providing dual perspectives without shying away from the good, the bad, or the ugly.

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Episode Overview

• Title: Giving you in-laws, arguments, and unwanted kisses
• Release Date: July 15, 2025
• Duration: Approximately 71 minutes

In Episode 60, Alex and John navigate the complexities of dealing with in-laws, managing household arguments, and addressing uncomfortable social interactions. Through personal anecdotes, listener questions, and their trademark humor, they offer insights and advice on maintaining healthy family dynamics and setting personal boundaries.

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Key Topics and Discussions

1. Recap of the Week (04:48 - 07:00)

Alex and John begin by reflecting on their recent experiences, including parents visiting, nursery preparations, and a pool party. They discuss the challenges of balancing household tasks with familial interactions.

• Notable Quote:
  • Alex: "I just feel like recapping on a week is such a blur. I'm like, what even happened?"

2. Navigating In-Laws and Boundary Setting (07:34 - 19:10)

The conversation shifts to handling in-laws who overstep boundaries, particularly concerning their grandchild. Alex shares frustrations about their in-laws' inappropriate behavior, such as feeding John during meals and unsolicited comments on his physique.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Alex (08:00): "Your mom looked at me, she goes, did you lose? You lost a lot of like, you need to start lifting."
  • John (09:33): "It hurts my feelings because I work them out twice a week."
  • Alex (10:08): "When you're pregnant, that is like open season to comment on a pregnant person's body. Shut. Shut the fuck up."

3. Dealing with Negative Social Media Comments (16:29 - 23:12)

Alex and John discuss the impact of negative comments on social media, especially those that attack personal experiences like grief or pregnancy. They emphasize the importance of ignoring trolls and focusing on positive interactions.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Alex (19:10): "But the negative ones always stand out. Because as you guys know, a few episodes ago, we were talking about grief and someone wrote some bullshit..."
  • John (19:35): "But like, I don't know which they're getting right now."
  • Alex (20:34): "Tell your story. Is your story."

4. Listener Questions: In-Laws Not Attending Events (23:31 - 27:02)

A listener poses a question about in-laws declining to attend her son's first birthday due to a prior commitment. John and Alex offer differing perspectives on overreacting versus understanding their in-laws' priorities.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Alex (26:00): "But I guess you guys are all overreacting as far as like cutting each other out of each other's lives. That's stupid."
  • John (26:52): "You just have to be fluid with your life, with your friends, with your family."

5. Handling Mother-in-Law Overstepping Boundaries (28:36 - 35:25)

Another listener question addresses a mother-in-law disregarding requests for privacy after a pregnancy loss. Alex and John discuss the importance of unified communication and setting firm boundaries to protect the couple’s peace.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Alex (34:24): "You just have to have a conversation with your husband and let's let him know that you guys are a team."
  • John (35:10): "Best thing to do is sleep on something for 24 hours."
  • Alex (35:23): "I'm telling you I would not be okay with that."

6. Share a Secret Segment (66:07 - 70:49)

In a lighter segment, Alex shares a dramatic secret about infidelity, which John humorously dismantles with his blunt comments. They use this segment to highlight the importance of loyalty and honesty in relationships.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Alex: "I cheated on my fiancé two months before our wedding with my best friend who is also my maid of honor."
  • John: "Tit for tat. You guys could just be a throuple."

7. Wreck of the Week (67:30 - 70:49)

Both hosts share their personal "wrecks" of the week. John discusses his less-than-ideal workout routine, while Alex highlights her enjoyment of non-alcoholic wine.

• Notable Quotes:
  • John (68:10): "I just love the StairMaster. Put a little weighted vest on... don't do it right."
  • Alex (69:57): "My wreck is my favorite non-alcoholic wine, which is Spring in a Bottle by Wolfer Estate."

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Insights and Conclusions

1. Unified Front is Crucial: When dealing with in-laws or any family-related conflicts, presenting a united stance as a couple is essential. It prevents external parties from undermining the relationship’s boundaries.

2. Setting Boundaries Protects Relationships: Clearly defined boundaries, especially concerning interactions with extended family, safeguard the couple's peace and the well-being of their children.

3. Ignore Negative Influences: Negative comments, whether online or from family, often stem from personal issues of the commenter. Focusing on positive support systems helps maintain mental well-being.

4. Effective Communication is Key: Addressing issues calmly and directly with those involved prevents resentment and fosters healthier relationships.

5. Personal Well-being Matters: Prioritizing mental and emotional health over societal or familial expectations ensures a more fulfilling and authentic life.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Alex (10:01): "Don't talk about my size. I don't want to hear it."
• John (23:31): "Are you overreacting? It was just enough."
• Alex (16:03): "You just have to set the precedent where it's like, I don't. What am I going to have to do?"
• John (35:10): "Best thing to do is sleep on something for 24 hours."
• Alex (57:21): "How would you tell them, no, I don't want to be kissed on the cheek? How would you."

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Conclusion

Episode 60 of Give It To Me Straight provides a raw and honest exploration of navigating family dynamics, setting personal boundaries, and dealing with external negativity. Through relatable stories and practical advice, Alex and John empower listeners to prioritize their relationships and well-being amidst life's challenges.

For more candid discussions and advice, subscribe to Give It To Me Straight and join Alex and John every week as they cut through the noise and deliver unfiltered insights.

Transcript

[John]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

[Alex]

Obviously, I wasn't contracting. I was not gonna deliver her, but I thought that her hand was just gonna pop out or her something. There was something trying to find its way out.

[John]

I don't know how I feel about sexual relations anymore after this point.

[Alex]

She might grab onto your wiener next time.

[John]

Oh, my. So fucked up. No. Gotcha. And welcome back to Give it to Me straigh. And I'm John, and we're your gracious, gracious, gracious, gracious hosts. You know, just admit when you're wrong.

[Alex]

I'm not wrong. The thing is, John, you. You couldn't admit when you were wrong the other day when you.

[John]

I do. I just need a minute. Just need a minute.

[Alex]

You go, hey, hand. Hey, hand me something. You literally say that sentence. You go, hey, give me something. And then I go, give you what? And then you got mad at me because I didn't know what something was. When we were outside, what was I doing? You were at the Blackstone. You were, like, grilling. And then you go, hey, hand me. Hand me something. And I go, what is something?

[John]

I was cleaning the grill. You were already being short with me because you didn't want to shoot that reel or whatever, which I didn't want to anyways, but we had to. And so you had a little toot. So I had a little toot. Little tutu'd.

[Alex]

But you get annoyed that I don't know what something is.

[John]

Do you really want to go there? Where are the car keys? It's over there. Where? In the drawer. Okay, which drawer? The one in the kitchen.

[Alex]

You know where the car keys are all the time.

[John]

There's 40 drawers in the kitchen. I'm just saying, tit for tat.

[Alex]

All right, well, we don't have to start like this. But you started it. We had a little. A little spat before we started this, didn't we?

[John]

Last week. Every little spitz bat.

[Alex]

A little spitz bat. We're just preparing ourselves, which, by the way, we have less than two months to go.

[John]

I'm freaking out.

[Alex]

We're so unprepared. So unprepared.

[John]

Who cares? People doing it forever. Change. Change her on the floor. Let her sleep on the floor. I'm just kidding. Sleeping on the floor. Sleeping on the floor.

[Alex]

I mean, you guys, at least you and your dad painted the nursery this weekend, which is painted nursery. But we have nothing for it. It's still an office.

[John]

But that's the biggest part, right? The rest is just buying shit and filling up yes.

[Alex]

It's like, what do you need when you have a baby to start diapers? A bassinet, a stroller, a car seat. That's it, right?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Wipes.

[John]

Wipes.

[Alex]

I just.

[John]

I'm not doing the heated milk or the heated wipes because I heard you don't want them to get used to that.

[Alex]

You spoil your baby.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I don't know. You guys can let us know all the things that we need, because currently.

[John]

Are you going to have heated wipes when you're at a restaurant and they go boom, boom. And they're in there. Oh, by the way, they go boom, boom. Our cousin's kid in the pool, his diaper fell apart.

[Alex]

Oh. Like, it exploded.

[John]

It looked like jelly all over his leg.

[Alex]

I don't know. I don't know anything. And I realized that today, too, that I was like, I have have no clue about. About literally anything.

[John]

Yeah. At least you know how to hold a baby.

[Alex]

Hardly.

[John]

You're good at it.

[Alex]

I've watched you can do it.

[John]

I've never held a baby.

[Alex]

Also, is your shirt soft?

[John]

Like it.

[Alex]

Oh, I thought it was like doing.

[John]

A different shirt every week.

[Alex]

I thought you're doing a different shirt. Had holes in it. Like, it looked like a vacation shirt.

[John]

It is a vacation shirt.

[Alex]

Well, yeah, but it kind of is like a towel, so I guess you could, like, wear it.

[John]

It's a comfy towel.

[Alex]

It's like a towel shirt.

[John]

I wouldn't wear this outside because it's. I'd be sweating.

[Alex]

Yeah, you could wear that.

[John]

Do you like it, though?

[Alex]

I do. I mean, I don't like it as much close up as I did far away.

[John]

It's another fun shirt, right? Kind of fun.

[Alex]

It looks like a vacation.

[John]

Like, I'd be like out in. In the Hamptons, like, fist pumping somewhere.

[Alex]

Speaking of the Hamptons, everybody is out there. We're not.

[John]

I know. I feel like, have we even been out there this summer?

[Alex]

No. I mean, again, I've been pregnant for a hundred years. Last summer I was pregnant.

[John]

People just look at us like these old fox. They're about to have a kid we don't want to hang out with.

[Alex]

Dude. I mean, like, we can whenever we want since we live here, but off season, everything is closed. But now it's wild how busy it is. I don't want to go out there.

[John]

I wouldn't want to go back there to then have to drive home because it'll be a nightmare the same day. Was it like two hours from here.

[Alex]

And, like, we're already on the island and it's far, but. Yeah, I don't know. I don't. I don't have FOMO of it, but, like, last summer was fun. After we got out of our depressive state to go party it up at the Hamptons, it was fun.

[John]

All right, let's recap. This week, your parents came to town. Parents came to town. This is good. Again, three to four days. Perfect amount of time for people to visit, you know, I think we've nailed it. It's really three days, three nights, four days is perfect. But we were busy. Nice restaurant. My mom liked the restaurant, which is a huge plus.

[Alex]

True.

[John]

You know, did stuff around the house. Nursery, and then we had a little pool party.

[Alex]

I just feel like recapping on a week is such a blur. I'm like, what even happened? I'm operating on one brain cell. I don't know. It's good. I'm tired. What do you have written?

[John]

I have. I have notes.

[Alex]

Oh, here we go. All because I came with notes last week about how you like to look directly into the sun. You're like, what am I gonna get Alex on for this week? Because I.

[John]

No, no, no. Nothing about you.

[Alex]

Okay.

[John]

Speaking of the sun, I'm sitting on the porch with my mom where the sun's going down. It's nice. She's like, oh, it's so beautiful out here, John. I'm like, I know. Her next line to me goes, let's look at the obituaries in Connecticut. That was her next line to me.

[Alex]

Why?

[John]

I have no fucking clue. And she's looking. She goes, oh, my God. Antonio just died in Connecticut. I went to high school with him. I'm like, what?

[Alex]

Wait, so when she said that someone who died, who she went to high school with, that was just random because she just wanted to look up the obituary?

[John]

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe.

[Alex]

Is that what you do when you reach that age?

[John]

I don't know.

[Alex]

You're just like.

[John]

Which my mom wants to know the ins and outs of, like, what. What's. What's up with everyone?

[Alex]

I know, but, like, could you imagine doing that at our age? No, but, like, you get to a point in life, but your mom's not even at that point in life where people are just dying. Like my grandma.

[John]

But somebody. Did somebody die? And she calls my Uncle Army. You wouldn't believe who just died. Antonio is not. I don't remember the guy's name.

[Alex]

Just because she randomly said, let's look up the obituaries.

[John]

Sun's John said in the scene, sun's going down, beautiful little breeze. Enjoying ourselves, a little cocktail. Let's get morbid. That's what that was.

[Alex]

You know what? Like mother, like son. You are your mom.

[John]

I am another thing. Another thing.

[Alex]

Each other's doppelgangers.

[John]

Another thing. My dad make me so uncomfortable at dinner. Why was he like taking some of his food, feeding my mom, and then like feeding you? I'm like, why? Why is this happening? And you went for it. I'm like, take it off his fork. What are you like how Feeding each other.

[Alex]

Your dad, Your dad reaches over. Am I supposed to take it with my hand?

[John]

Yeah, that's weird.

[Alex]

It was like a piece of fish. I'm not going to take my hands. And then what? Lick my.

[John]

I felt like I was interrupting something.

[Alex]

Well, that's great because today we are going to talk about in laws. All the questions are in law related.

[John]

Perfect.

[Alex]

Inappropriate behavior with your in laws. I didn't think that was bad. Like my parents.

[John]

I don't know. I was like. Actually I was a little jealous.

[Alex]

You think that's weird?

[John]

Feed me.

[Alex]

The conversations that I overhear my dad having with you are so uncomfortable. Or my mom, like, my mom has definitely hit on you at some point.

[John]

Your mom is not speaking.

[Alex]

Your mom, your mom speaking.

[John]

Your mom and my mom. And this I don't know what the deal is with everyone commenting about my legs. Your mom looked at me, she goes, did you lose? You lost a lot of like, you need to start lifting. Your legs are skinny. Then my mom over the weekend, legs are looking a little skinny.

[Alex]

John, you do have skinny legs.

[John]

I don't. I work my legs out twice a week.

[Alex]

I don't know. I don't think you're. Are your legs sore?

[John]

Yes.

[Alex]

I don't believe.

[John]

Also I'm really sore because they increase my cholesterol medicine. So like I'm like body aching everywhere. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to do something about that.

[Alex]

This is so sad. Like, you're falling apart.

[John]

And people ask me, like, what do you do? Like, what's your health routine like? I am a mess.

[Alex]

But on the outside it looks like you have it together.

[John]

I have like, no back.

[Alex]

You speaking on people commenting on your legs though, has me thinking. Cuz even just this week I was like, when you're pregnant, that is like open. What's an open test? Like open table, open. Why do I want to say range? Like people. I can't find the word that I'm looking for. But like, people just think that they have the.

[John]

Oh, I see what you're saying. Like, they're comfortable enough to just, like, speak their mind. You. Yeah, I get that. I respect that.

[Alex]

It's only. I feel like no one would ever comment on your weight or your size at any other point in life. I mean, people do comment on your legs for some reason. You make them feel comfortable enough to do that. But I just feel like a pregnant.

[John]

Woman is always confidence. They're like, he doesn't care. That's why.

[Alex]

Yeah, but then it hurts your feelings. Every time you do care, you go, what? Excuse me.

[John]

It would. It hurts my feelings because I work them out twice a week. If I didn't work out my legs, I'd be like, you got it.

[Alex]

Okay, well, someone commenting on my giant growing body. I should be growing. And I still get annoyed when people are like, you look bigger. How about you shut the fuck up? Like, it's just the worst.

[John]

Well, thank God, because you want to get bigger.

[Alex]

Yes. But don't fucking tell me that. Like, oh, my God, you look so big. You look bigger. You look.

[John]

I don't even look in your direction.

[Alex]

What is your excuse for looking bigger?

[John]

I'm like, alex, do you want some coffee?

[Alex]

Unless, like, again, you're saying you just say you look beautiful. Or how about nothing, just say nothing. I just don't want to hear anything. And it is just. I feel like when you're pregnant that everyone feels open season, that it's open season to comment on a pregnant person's body. Shut. Shut the fuck up. Everybody in unison, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear it. That's what I'm saying.

[John]

She doesn't want to. Hey, hey. She doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to hear it again.

[Alex]

Unless.

[John]

Enough.

[Alex]

Unless it's how beautiful I am. Don't talk about my size. I don't want to hear it.

[John]

She talking about that fat ass.

[Alex]

I know. That is. You could tell me that I have a fat ass, but I feel like my ass is not getting fat. It's getting flat, even though I'm trying to lift it up anyway. I just don't. I don't think it's appropriate. And again, I've probably been that person to comment on a pregnant friend's body and be like, oh, my gosh, you're so teeny. Or, wow, you popped. I wish I could go back and punch myself in the throat.

[John]

I have one more thing. I'm slightly embarrassed that I did this. I'm like, why did I. Why did I do this? I'm at the gym. Gyms. All old people, basically, at my gym. Or you're in high school. And I got the.

[Alex]

Well, that's what happens when you go to the Y.

[John]

So, yeah, when you go to the Y, I got this ab roller, right? And I'm trying to speed through my workout. You know the ab roller.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

And I'm just like. I'm like, I'm gonna do 60. So I did 60.

[Alex]

60?

[John]

Yeah, I did 60.

[Alex]

Wow.

[John]

And I was gonna stop at, like, 40. And I could tell this one old lady that was doing ab crunches next to me and this old guy and doing, like, this, I don't know, chess machine. They were, like, talking to each other and looking at me, and I'm like, I'm gonna keep going. Like, I'm gonna impress them.

[Alex]

And so these old strangers.

[John]

Strangers. For some reason, whatever, I was like, I just kept doing 60, and then I had my music up, and I started doing, like, more apps. I don't know. Like, I felt like I had to, like, show them what's up. And then I left. I'm like, why did I do that?

[Alex]

You know, whatever motivates you. Maybe someone could motivate you while you're doing squats. Like that.

[John]

No. No one. As opposed. Watch. I don't do squats. I don't do a single squat. I pull my back every time I do the leg press.

[Alex]

If I wasn't worried about getting another hernia, I would have you do legs here, and then I would. I would spot you. But not in my current state.

[John]

No, no. Anyways. Okay, cool. Is that weird? Is it weird?

[Alex]

I mean, I don't know.

[John]

It, like, motivated me to be like, I'm going to keep. I'm going to keep going.

[Alex]

People talk about that how when you're at the gym, the motivation is from other people being around you, you don't.

[John]

Get motivated at all.

[Alex]

I don't want people looking at me like, I just want to work out in the comfort of my home.

[John]

Not people looking at you, just in general being around people. Like, if I see other people killing at the gym, like, I want to kill it.

[Alex]

When I used to run and do races. Yes. Like being. Doing a half marathon or a marathon, like, running it with other people. I'm like, that's motivating. Being in a workout class. Yes. Like, I've taken Orange Theory a few times, and, like, I guess it's motivating. I don't love classes. I. I really I feel like I get a better workout at home. Like, I love watching the peloton classes. I think those are amazing.

[John]

Yeah. You like staying on your compound and never leaving?

[Alex]

Yeah, I don't need to leave. I really don't.

[John]

If I don't get out of that house, I'm gonna be like, I'm going to blow my brains out.

[Alex]

I do leave the house to go out to a restaurant or walk outside with Coco. That's my.

[John]

I do. Like, I cannot wait for you to not be pregnant anymore so I can, like, have my buddy back and we can go to happy hour.

[Alex]

I'm still here. I'm just not.

[John]

I'm not saying you got a lot of drinks, but just me having one drink and you not having a drink.

[Alex]

I'm like, ugh, it's you. It's not even the drinking part. It's more like the. Mentally, I'm just exhausted and I don't feel obviously physically confident. Like, I'm just. I'm not comfortable currently. Like, I'm fine.

[John]

You let me know every day.

[Alex]

I know. Well, it's hard. It's hard. Again, looking at my work wardrobe, and I'm like, wow, I can't. You just looked. I'm like, look at my wardrobe and I can't wear anything.

[John]

Speaking of. Well, I look because I thought. For some reason, I thought, you're gonna talk about these lights. My dad's like, what? Why are the lights not this symmetrical? Why aren't they together? I'm like, I don't know, dad. It's a. It's a look.

[Alex]

It's a look.

[John]

It's a thing.

[Alex]

I don't know why we did it. Oh, we do have to print out these posters, though.

[John]

Yeah. And then he was so impressed that you did it, he's like, well, I know for a fact you didn't do it. I'm like, of course I didn't do it.

[Alex]

Your dad has no faith in you.

[John]

No.

[Alex]

You helped him, though, with the nursery, painting it.

[John]

He told your dad, by the way, a backhanded compliment slash insult. He's like, you don't believe what John did today. I'm so proud of him. He asked me for Phillips head, and he knew what that was.

[Alex]

Oh, no.

[John]

My cool dad. You're so funny.

[Alex]

And for context, my dad owns a construction company, and John's dad is an electrician by trade, so they are both very handy people. And it's fine, though. You're. You can't be good at everything. You're good at a lot of things.

[John]

I like to be good at something.

[Alex]

You are.

[John]

Name one. Give me a compliment. Go ahead, I'm listening.

[Alex]

You're good at making me laugh, which is all that matters.

[John]

Cool. All right.

[Alex]

One thing I want to bring up though, that has been bothering me and I mean it doesn't bother me. In all seasons of life, it's probably because my emotions and my. Can you just pay attention? Like put your tongue back in your mouth is probably.

[John]

I know the trick. I know the trick to do this podcast, by the way. It is don't really eat, work out and crank.

[Alex]

Not me. I just slammed a hamburger.

[John]

Well, for me it's different. And crank out coffee because I was a little flat last week and now I'm just like. We all go.

[Alex]

We also got like two hours of sleep that we fought and then it.

[John]

Was 3:30 when we shot it. I'm like, kill me. Can we get off this?

[Alex]

But now, like, you're paying attention. You have your listening.

[John]

Yeah. I mean, just be interesting though. Go ahead, say something interesting. Serious, like, keep me entertained.

[Alex]

Dude, I'm so over you. We are on different.

[John]

Are you not entertained?

[Alex]

Because I also have to limit my caffeine intake. So I have my decaf right here.

[John]

Somebody tell us that that's a big thing for pregnancy. Because I always ask Alex.

[Alex]

No, John, I've done all the research ever. Nobody can agree on anything. Some people are like, you can eat sushi. No, no, you can't. You can have the caffeine. No, you can't. You can drink while you breastfeed. No, you can't. Nobody has. You can't get poo. No, you can't. Everybody has conflicting opinions. You just have to do what's best for you.

[John]

So for me, I just don't want her doing backflips coming out of your vajayjay from five cups of caffeine.

[Alex]

Okay. I didn't have. I had one cup of coffee yesterday, which is allowed. But at the end of the night, I truly thought that she was going to exit my body. She's like, she found her way to the top of my cervix and I thought she was trying to escape. I really was like, is this the exit? No, I really thought that she was about to reach her hand out. That's. It's the most bizarre feeling in the world. I was like, she's. This is. This is it. She's going to. And obviously I wasn't contracting. I was not going to deliver her, but I thought that her hand was just Going to pop out or her. Something. There was something trying to find its way out.

[John]

I don't know how I feel about sexual relations anymore after this point.

[Alex]

She might grab onto your wiener next time.

[John]

So fucked up. No.

[Alex]

She is.

[John]

Gotcha.

[Alex]

You're trapped. Jesus. Disgusting.

[John]

You know, Josh, we're so fucked up.

[Alex]

Can we go back to what we were talking about before? You were talking about my daughter grabbing your wiener.

[John]

Our daughter. How dare you.

[Alex]

Okay, so going back to what I was saying earlier, when you change the topic 18,000 times. Being a content creator has its ups and downs, its pros and cons. And I was saying that it might just be because my hormones are heightened and everyone is just pissing me off. Like, I saw TikTok the other day where someone was like, someone's asked me what I'm craving for pregnancy, like, food wise, whatever. And I was like, I'm just craving for people to shut the fuck up. Like, to not talk to me. And that's currently the state that I'm in. But we get comments all the time. 99% of them are lovely and beautiful and sweet. But the percent that are not, I truly am like, what the fuck is wrong with you? They're just the ones that stick with me. And I hate that. I hate that. Like, the negative ones always stand out. Because as you guys know, a few episodes ago, we were talking about grief and someone wrote some bullshit where it was like, you think you're so unique talking about grief. What was the comment?

[John]

I don't know. So. So negative comments stick with you?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Really? Well, I could give a flying fuck because I just think, like, all these people hate themselves and I just think that. And then I'm like, I just feel bad.

[Alex]

No. And I recognize that. But sometimes, again, depending on my mood, a negative comment will just rub me the wrong way. Most of the time they don't. Because I know it's people projecting or they're miserable people or they're just trolls trying to get a reaction or.

[John]

But like, I don't know which they're getting right now.

[Alex]

Exactly. So I hate to even give this person the time of day, but this one specifically annoyed me.

[John]

And what was to cut you off for a second. You the reason you're bringing this up. It is a valid point because you could say this about a lot of things, which I know you're going to, but this is for other creators too, for them to think about this.

[Alex]

But what was the comment?

[John]

He. He or she was saying, like, you think you're unique talking about grief. Like, no one else is. Had this and then you're monetizing off of it.

[Alex]

It was like, it's not a unique experience. Like, you know, you don't have the place to speak on this. Or like, why did. Why does this fucking matter? And it got me thinking about everything in life where I was like, nothing is fucking unique. Everything has been done before. Marriage, engagement, a death in the family, graduating, a new job, breakups. But people share their experiences to feel less alone and to connect with others. So if someone were to tell you your story is not important because it's already been done before. It's happened before. You're not unique. Tell that person to go fuck themselves.

[John]

Tell.

[Alex]

Tell your story. Is your story. Like, imagine everyone thought like that. Like, movies would be made. Nothing would. Nothing is really unique. What do you think?

[John]

Unique.

[Alex]

But I do think it's still so important because I don't know, I just don't think that you should feel silenced because you might feel that your story is not unique or it's been something that someone has experienced before. Like, you have every right to speak up, to share your story, speak up to be heard. Thanks, John. Thanks. Just sound like like a DJ in the background.

[John]

Speak up and be heard.

[Alex]

Get it? Yeah. So I don't know. I think that in. Not just in content creation, but in a lot of industries. Why are you, like, move on, get to the next thing. What are you.

[John]

I'm not. I'm listening. I'm agreeing with you. I'm active listening. I'm active listening because I'm saying the words that you're saying.

[Alex]

You 100% have undiagnosed ADHD or ADHD.

[John]

No, it's just like, that didn't interest me.

[Alex]

Okay. Well, anyway, I appreciate other people sharing their stories and so don't let these twat waffles get to you. Because sometimes they annoy me. And just like, people who comment on my pregnant body, I want to punch them in the throat. I want to punch these people in the throat, too.

[John]

I'm like, trying to think of a creator who's like, niches. You could say about someone who's like an account just for cats. You'd be like, why are you doing all videos about cats? Like, it's not unique. Are you monetizing off of cat content? You know, saying, sure. Is that not the same thing? It's just like. Because he did say that in the comment about monetizing off of grief. I'm like, well, you're just talking about it.

[Alex]

Well, and my thing too is we. That's. Sorry, that's my life experience. Like, we're not number one. We're not monetizing off of it. We're just speaking on it, I guess. How would you technically monetize?

[John]

I guess legally we. Legally we. I guess we would be. If you consider like people watching. It's just like a view count thing. It's not like we're doing ads about grief. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like anytime someone watches your stuff.

[Alex]

Right, but that's what I'm saying, that you could talk about anything. Who's posting any. Anyone who's posting anything could technically be monetized. Like wedding, your engagement, your job.

[John]

Oh, you're getting married.

[Alex]

Someone talk about their gym experience like you. So are we just not to. Are we just not supposed to talk about anything? Like if. If you're a content creator or even if you're not. I'm just saying, like, people are just gonna complain about anything. And I'm complaining about this person. Complain about me.

[John]

So anyways, that guy or girl? Question number one.

[Alex]

Oh, you're ready to jump into questions?

[John]

Yeah, I'm ready. I'm ready. Are you ready?

[Alex]

Are. I don't know. Are we?

[John]

I'm ready.

[Alex]

I'm kind of tired.

[John]

Okay, don't worry. I'll read the questions and torture everyone.

[Alex]

Okay.

[John]

And then she went down the street.

[Alex]

I'll take the questions.

[John]

Is there any easy questions? Let me read one of them.

[Alex]

What consists of an easy question?

[John]

Short.

[Alex]

They're not really short this time you could re. You know what? Do you want to read the first one?

[John]

Is it easy?

[Alex]

You can tell me. I'm going to hand it over.

[John]

Our firstborn son is turning one in August and we have been told by my in laws that they will not be attending the birthday party because they are already flying into town a month later for my brother's wedding.

[Alex]

My.

[John]

My in laws are both retired and easily have the funds and means to pay for the flights. I'm upset about it, but my husband is not nearly as bothered. Am I overreacting? It was just enough. If it was any more than that, I would have fucked that question.

[Alex]

All the questions.

[John]

Popcorn, Alex.

[Alex]

Are more than that. So I'll take it from here.

[John]

Guess what? But I don't know what I just read.

[Alex]

So I was gonna say, did you wanna answer it since you. You don't remember?

[John]

No, I was like too busy slowing down. Actually, I think I read that pretty fast. But you know, to make sure I Didn't fuck up the lines.

[Alex]

So. Do you want me to read it to you?

[John]

Some let the in laws are in town, but they. Or they came a month ago and they're not coming back.

[Alex]

No. Okay, I'll read it to you. Our firstborn son is so.

[John]

He just tortured everyone.

[Alex]

I'm sorry, everyone. This is. But this is John's fault because.

[John]

So now I know. I won't do it again.

[Alex]

Yeah, well, you need to. It's hard, I know, to do both. Pay attention. It's like when you read a paragraph in a book and you're like, I.

[John]

Don'T know, maybe that's something with like dyslexia. Right.

[Alex]

I think you're ADD or adhd. I don't know. I mean, I'm not a doctor. You're the love doctor, John. Okay. Our firstborn son is turning one in August and we've been told by my in laws that they will not be attending the birthday party because they are already flying into town a month later for my brother's wedding. So they weren't already there. I get that. Yeah, they're just. Okay. My in laws are both retired and easily have the funds and means to pay for the flights. I'm upset about it, but my husband is not nearly as bothered. Am I overreacting?

[John]

Yeah, you're overreacting. Why does everyone make it about your kid is only special to you? Like everyone, everyone's just like, oh, my baby's the best. Like, no, it's not. We all going to have our own kid and you're going to love your kid and don't make people feel a certain way because they're not as involved as you are. It's nice enough that your in laws are coming that month for the wedding so you can all make your time see each other then. Also, I don't know if I'm the wrong person to ask because I've never celebrated holiday on the holiday because being in healthcare we celebrated like Christmas a couple weeks before birthday.

[Alex]

So it's just whatever.

[John]

Whatever. Even my own birthday, like my mom would we do it whenever I saw her, you know.

[Alex]

Right. Yeah. I mean I think she's more disappointed because it's the grandparents, it's the in laws, but I'm with you here that I'm like, then they're probably just setting a precedent where it's like, I don't. What am I going to have to do? Fly in for every birthday every year. Like a wedding is a once in a lifetime event. Whereas again they can still celebrate your son's first birthday at the. Like when they're in town for a.

[John]

While, I could see her being like, they didn't even come in for a second birthday.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

But because it's never enough. And I bet you she would forget about them even sacrificing and coming for the first one. I just.

[Alex]

Because if it's not the birthday, then it's Christmas. If it's not Christmas, it's the baptism and then it's the.

[John]

I rather disappoint you right in the beginning.

[Alex]

That's what I'm saying. They're setting the standard and they're not letting you get excited for all the birthdays down the road.

[John]

God, Boohoo.

[Alex]

I know. I just. This isn't something that would bother me at all. I'd be like, cool. Less people to host at the party.

[John]

I bet you she'll be upset when they send a birthday gift. It's like, well, this gift was only $50. It should have been $100. She'd be that type of person.

[Alex]

I know people like this though, who are like, I can't believe my sister didn't come in.

[John]

Get the fuck over it. I would. Whenever my sister sees me, she'll see me. You know, like everyone's got their own shit going on and you just have to.

[Alex]

You just have to be fluid.

[John]

Fluid. That's the word I'm looking for. You just have to be. You just have to be fluid. Fluid with your life, with your friends, with your family.

[Alex]

Good job. Love, Dr. John. Next question. Am I the asshole for still being mad at my mother in law two years later? My mother in law was very sweet to help me plan a little reception after my elopement with my husband and we have a great relationship. She told me that her friend's daughter got married recently and she had a lot of decor we could borrow. So of course I agreed to save some money. The morning of the reception, I found out that this friend's daughter was my husband's ex girlfriend of three plus years who had always been a touchy subject for me for numerous reasons, mostly due to her ongoing relationship with his family. Obviously, there was nothing I could do about it. So we went through with the reception using table centerpieces, serving trays and decor from my husband's example. When confronted, my mother in law said she didn't tell me because she knew it would bother me. This made me even more mad, but I dropped it because I didn't want to ruin the day. Am I the asshole for still being angry with her two years later.

[John]

No, I don't think you are. I think. But you are the bigger person for not getting into her ass about it. Mother in law. It's not her choice to make. She should have said something to you. And that's kind of disrespectful because that is an X in your husband's previous life. Like, you don't. They shouldn't be even like involved with each other unless there's a kid or something that's making them intertwined. Like that should be completely separated.

[Alex]

I mean, I don't want to make that generalization because I know that there are healthy relationships that exes can have.

[John]

Why?

[Alex]

I mean, we don't have them and again, why? No, but I'm saying, like, maybe if like you dated in high school and like you were neighbors or something and it was not. I don't know. Either way, you said that this relationship with her and the family. I'm just saying you can't make a general. I know friends who are friends with their husband's exes the fuck out of here with that.

[John]

No, nope.

[Alex]

It can work for some people. My point here is she's made it clear it doesn't work for her and that's where your boundary lies and your mother in law knows that. So I don't think you're the asshole for being annoyed with her. But did your husband have no idea in this as well?

[John]

Like, that's true too.

[Alex]

It's not your fault. You were completely blindsided and didn't find out until the day of. Because I was thinking, I was like, oh, you know, like, who knows? You saved some money. Who cares? But then I was like, would I want John's ex girlfriend's decor at our wedding from her? When. No, that just feels a little. It's just wrong.

[John]

If I had an ex girlfriend. You're so full of. If I had an ex girlfriend even, even in high school and I was friends with them, you'd be like, that's what I'm saying.

[Alex]

I don't agree. I don't think it would work with us. But there are people who. They make that dynamic work. I'm not gonna judge them. Or they claim that it works. So that's why I'm like, you can't. I'm not gonna make it.

[John]

I feel like it's very hypocritical to say why.

[Alex]

I'm telling you I would not be okay with that. I would cut a.

[John]

But you're saying, but it's okay.

[Alex]

For others, for other people. They claim that it works for them. So am I supposed to be like, you're lying? Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Some people can't hear you nodding your head, John. Yeah. You are supposed to call them.

[John]

You're a liar.

[Alex]

So I don't know.

[John]

I don't. No. You shouldn't be friends with your ex. No. Because it's always gonna be some sort of slight tension. And anyone's like, well, I. There's. I'm fine with my ex. No, you're not. Shut up. And you're. And your partner isn't fully. Okay.

[Alex]

It doesn't sound like her husband has a relationship, but I guess maybe he does if she still feels like she's has.

[John]

Well, the mother does.

[Alex]

That's what I'm saying.

[John]

If I was the son, I'd be like, what the. What are you doing?

[Alex]

Right. Especially do you want. If there's no kid involved because there's.

[John]

No way he's that clueless like that. He doesn't realize his wife's going to get in his ass or be upset about this. I'd be like, mom, what are you doing here? You're going to make it worse for me. There's no way. This is not. This is going to be a good outcome.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

Whatever.

[Alex]

You're not the asshole. I mean.

[John]

No, you're not.

[Alex]

But I would bring this up to your husband because if it's a point of contention that she still has a relationship with the family, that's on your husband. To nip that in the buddy.

[John]

Nip that in the bud. Nip that in the butt.

[Alex]

I'm pretty sure the saying I used to think it was, but. But it's bud. Like bud of a flower. I believe.

[John]

Plucking the bud of the flower off.

[Alex]

I believe so. I believe it's bud.

[John]

Just making shit up.

[Alex]

Google it.

[John]

Nip it in the bud.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

So idiom that means to stop something at an early stage before it develops into a larger problem. Okay. Good job.

[Alex]

Apologize.

[John]

I'm sorry.

[Alex]

Thank you.

[John]

And that is unhealthy marriage right there. Apologize when you're wrong.

[Alex]

Sure. Next question. When my son was born, my husband and I had two rules. Hand sanitizer before you touch him and no kissing. My mother in law refused to follow the no kissing rule. She would kiss him and say, well, it was just his head or it was just the back of his head or it was just his wrist or whatever loophole she invented for herself after she had done it multiple times. My husband kind of blew up at her he sent her a text reiterating the boundary, calling her out for crossing it and introducing consequences that she wouldn't be able to hold him anymore. If she doesn't stop, she lost it. She has since announced that she'll be leaving our lives since we apparently hate her, even though we've never said we do or that we want her out of our lives. She said being a grandparent hasn't lived up to her expectations because she pictured snuggles and kisses. Everyone keeps saying it'll die down and it'll all be fine, but do I want it to? Even if she begged for our forgiveness and vowed to never cross a boundary again, the damage is done. I'm picturing awkward family visits and holidays and anxiety when she's around my kid. Do we try to mend fences for the sake of our son having a relationship with his grandmother, or do we protect our own peace?

[John]

I agree with your whole boundary thing. I also think you and your husband and your mother in law are all overreacting as far as like cutting each other out of each other's lives. That's stupid. I mean, just give it time. But she needs to respect your boundaries on that. How like, susceptible are infants to disease? Like in the beginning. Because I get that. Like, I think we've talked about that. Like, no kissing. Right. And then unless they do you see that video where they. She put the plastic, the Saran Wrap over her face?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

I'll just Saran Wrap everyone's face before they kiss her.

[Alex]

I don't. It doesn't matter. Even if babies weren't susceptible, I think it's a boundary that you put into place. She disrespected it several times. And so, yeah, I think that you're allowed to introduce those consequences that you said where she doesn't. She's not allowed to hold him anymore unless she stops her reaction. She overreacted. But now I think you guys not wanting to make amends, I think is also overreacting. This is just emotions.

[John]

Everyone's heated right now.

[Alex]

Yeah. And it's like between the new baby. Like, this isn't going to be like this forever. And you know, you could take your time to let it die down because I do think that the emotions will eventually stay simmer down. But I don't think ruining your relationship and cutting her out of your life is the answer either. Communication. Like, we've all. We've had some tough times with our families too. It's just, just even like with loss and boundaries and it just, it's uncomfortable. But you just have to have an adult conversation when emotions aren't as high.

[John]

Easier said than done. I'm so bad at that.

[Alex]

Yeah, but don't you feel better when you have that conversation?

[John]

I feel better when I lose my mind in the moment. I'm like, oh, I'm so glad.

[Alex]

You say that every time. No, no you don't.

[John]

In the moment.

[Alex]

Because then in the moment. So again, it's like a short lived satisfaction.

[John]

I'm not saying I'm right.

[Alex]

So, so do you feel better after, you know, after you resolve it and like an adult?

[John]

If I'm like, right, right.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Then I feel good. I feel good. If I'm like, I need to prove this point and I destroyed. I'm right and I feel good.

[Alex]

Okay. John and I rarely have, rarely have like real fights ever. But whenever we have like little banters, he loves to go. When he just like landed a point, it could be completely wrong. But in your head you think you're right. You go, oh my God, I just owned you. Oh my God, I just killed that point. What's your rebuttal, Alex? What's your rebuttal? I'm like, am I arguing with the first guy, Crater? Oh my God, I just pwned you. That's how it feels. You're so ridiculous. And you talking about arguing with other people like that too.

[John]

Like Don destroyed you also.

[Alex]

You like hardly ever argue with other people too. Where it's to the point where I'm like, oh, John just owned you.

[John]

Like you would never say that you were my hype woman behind me. Oh, John.

[Alex]

Because that's how you act when you talk about your arguments or at least when you argue.

[John]

I would love to be your, your hype woman if you would actually get confrontational with other people.

[Alex]

I can't. I don't care.

[John]

I'd be like, alex just fucked you up.

[Alex]

My issue is like, I let people act the way that they act and then I like draw that boundary afterwards. I'm just like, you're a dumb bitch because now you'll never see me again. Exactly. I'm like, I don't need to address it.

[John]

People could walk out and be like, wow, that was such a great hangout with Alex. And Alex, you'll never, you'll never see me again.

[Alex]

I don't care. Again. I'll give you some chances. But like once you cross it, I'm.

[John]

Like, yo, that's next level. That's elite.

[Alex]

And then I just, I truly, I'm like, it's out of my hands. Now it's fairy dust.

[John]

So they're fairy dust.

[Alex]

What were we talking about?

[John]

Next question. That's what we're talking about.

[Alex]

Yeah, I just think you guys are all overreacting here.

[John]

So let it settle down. Let the dust settle. Because first the dust was in the air and now you need to let that dust settle.

[Alex]

Next question. I'm looking for some advice on navigating our family life. Lately I, 30, and my husband, 36, have had nothing but an eventful marriage these past six years. We were married right before COVID had our first daughter in the middle of a lockdown, endured my diagnosis and healing from a rare brain condition and now are expecting ourselves second child as a high risk pregnancy. Our relationship has grown from young kids to mature adults who now understand each other more deeply than ever before, although we obviously struggled. I say all of these things because recently my parents, who are currently our five year old's primary caregiver outside of school, have become overly critical of my husband and unfairly compare him to my sister's new husband. My brother in law is very different in personality than my husband. My husband is blunt with dry humor while my brother in law is very soft spoken and perceivably gentle. Recently my parents have shamed my husband for not taking days off from work when I'm out sick, thinking he's being a workaholic but not understanding how strained we are financially preparing for this new baby. They criticize his parenting even though he is an equal partner and uses all his days off, which he gets very few of, to be there for her. They have alluded to suggesting we never should have gotten married at all, which is great. Grossly unfair since he has earnestly sought their approval since proposing to me and now we can't avoid them or stop talking to them because they are our primary source of child care in a state where child care is astronomical. What advice do you have for navigating critical parents slash in laws? Have you ever dealt with this? And what did you or what would.

[John]

You have done first off when you said I'm looking for. And I just was just think I'm looking for a man in finance.

[Alex]

Oh my God.

[John]

Blue eye. And then that was in my head for like the first couple minutes.

[Alex]

And then what happened after that? What happened after that, John?

[John]

And then I. And then I heard the rest of the three paragraphs of a question that was critically judgmental in laws, parents.

[Alex]

I mean, just comparing husbands. Yeah, her parents.

[John]

Seems like they didn't like it from Day one is the gist I'm getting from this. It just seems like if he's doing all the right things and they're still on him, it's like they just don't like him. So he could take all the days off, he can get five promotions and they'll probably still hate him.

[Alex]

Find something to be.

[John]

So don't worry about what they think as long as they keep doing child care, though.

[Alex]

I mean, my thing too is like, who the fudge cares? I mean, if you guys are happy and secure in your relationship and they're helping you with your child, like, I wouldn't start.

[John]

Teens are like, assholes. Everyone's got one and just try to like, brush it off, as annoying as that is. But they're helping you, so just suck it up.

[Alex]

Yeah, I don't really have much other advice because every to your point, everybody has opinions and downsize.

[John]

Sell your house, wherever you live, move. Move into an apartment. I don't know, go somewhere where it's cheaper so then you don't have to deal with them.

[Alex]

Right. If it's that bad that you don't want to utilize them for help for child care. I mean, I. I also don't want.

[John]

To shit on this person, but it seems like we get a lot of questions like this. Like my parents, you know, are putting their two cents in about who I'm dating or my job or whatever. And then meanwhile, it's like they're still living with their parents or they, they rely on their parents financially or whatever. It's like, suck it up. You didn't set yourself up enough to where you don't need their support. It's like, so if you're gonna ask.

[Alex]

For their help, I'm not gonna pretend like it's easy though. But I don't think that. I don't think that you should take abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse. But in a situation like this where it's really just petty comments like, if you want to call them out, go for it. But I just don't think, like, there's no reason to cause a riff where, like, is there really one? Like, they're just talking shit. And, you know, if you want to call them out, who the fuck cares? You know? But like, I don't think to what your point was earlier, I think they're going to have an opinion on your husband either way. You just have to continue doing, Doing you.

[John]

I'm going to throw this out there and I don't know if this helps or not. I wonder if, like, Say they do pay them, like just an amount, whatever. Like less than what it would be for child care to kind of like set the tone of like, I'm gonna pay you for your baby care services, whatever. It's like, I don't want to hear any complaining, nothing like that. Like here, I don't know, would that help at all?

[Alex]

I don't think they're, the parents are complaining about the fact that they're helping with their child. I think that she's just sick of them comparing. I'm just wondering.

[John]

I get that. But I'm wondering if that would help at all, like calming them down a little bit. I don't know. Just like.

[Alex]

Well, that's where. If you wanted to have a conversation to get to the bottom of where these negative comments are coming from. And that's the thing.

[John]

Do you want me to pay you?

[Alex]

You can, but I don't think the money has to do with it. It's like their parents don't. Her parents don't like her husband. And so that's where you can have a conversation with them and say, what? What's up?

[John]

What is it? What is it that you don't like about him?

[Alex]

Yeah. And if it's something that you can't change, they just have to learn to accept it. You know, if you've accepted your husband and you're fine with how your husband is, that's all that matters. And that's what you have to explain to them. You know, I don't think that you have to blow it up and make it this big dramatic thing, but if it's important to you, yeah, you can have a conversation around it, but.

[John]

Cool.

[Alex]

Next question. My best friend's future mother in law bullied her into making all five of her fiance's sisters bridesmaids. And now none of them are upholding their bridesmaids daughter duties. And as a maid of honor. It's pissing me off. None of them are going to her bachelorette party. Two of them are younger, college aged and one of them is pregnant. But the other two have no excuse. And now three of them are saying they cannot financially contribute to the bridal shower. The entire bridal party was supposed to split the expenses. My best friend is saying she will pay for the three sisters parts, giving them excuses like they're young, they can't afford it, and she doesn't want to put the stress on them, especially the pregnant one. But I find this so annoying. If they want to be labeled as bridesmaids, they should do their Part the bride also should not have to pay for her own bridal shower. Would I be the asshole if I told them they had to contribute?

[John]

I feel like this is so far beyond me at this point. I'm like, this petty bullshit.

[Alex]

No, it is. And that's what I was thinking when I read this question where I was like, dude, bigger fish to fry. Your friend is saying it doesn't matter in the moment. No.

[John]

But the bride that they're in, it's like, that is a big deal. Probably where they're at. I don't know, people, college age ones.

[Alex]

Okay, right. But what I'm saying is your, the bride is saying it's not a big deal. It should not be a big deal to you. Also, I don't know where you guys live or like culturally maybe, but like the bridal shower, the bridesmaids contribute financially to that. I didn't ask anyone to pay or expect anyone to pay for my bridal shower.

[John]

I bet you she's probably just like, has a little anxiety over it because she's like, well, if they're not paying, I know I'll end up paying more Somehow. I could see that thought because I would be, I guess pissed too. Like if I'm contributing and these mofos aren't, but they're still the same bridesmaid as I am.

[Alex]

Sounds like it's the labeling that's getting you annoyed. But that's why I'm like, you just got to let this shit go. Because if it doesn't annoy your friend, the bride, and it shouldn't annoy you.

[John]

But she's contributing and they're not, I guess that's whether it annoys the bride or not. You're still contributing. So it could annoy you because you have skin in the game.

[Alex]

You're the maid of honor. Either way, like you're the one who's going to be up there getting the, you know, praise. Yeah. As the one who organizes and put this all together, I really just think like bridesmaids, it's like, it could be very dramatic in the moment, years ahead. Like you're not going to fucking give a shit about this.

[John]

And we could say that all day long. But in the moment it's a big deal. And it's a big deal to anyone who's like younger too.

[Alex]

It would be a big deal if the bride thought that this was a big deal. If it's not a big deal for her and the bride is financially contributing for her. And these are her sister in laws, like I don't think it should be a big deal to you. Who cares if it's not going to impact you financially? If it is, I understand, but like, and that's where I think. I don't think you would be the asshole if you ask them to contribute if it was hurting you financially. But if the bride has no problem, no qualms paying for on their behalf.

[John]

Why does it matter counter to that? If you're in her shoes and you're like, I am contributing to this bachelorette party, this, this and that, and they're not. I know when we're there somehow I'll probably be spending more money whether it's like getting the rounds of drinks or the decorations. That's what I would be thinking.

[Alex]

You think it's more.

[John]

These people don't have any money, so.

[Alex]

Well, they're not going to the bachelorette party. None of them are going to the bachelorette party.

[John]

Okay, so they're not going to anything. They're just going to the wedding.

[Alex]

And, and I think she's more annoyed that they're not contributing, but they're still being labeled as bridesmaids and they're not contributing.

[John]

I mean, I, even though I'm old as I guess I still would be mad at the labeling. I'd be like, you know what? Well, you should be a bridesmaid. I'd tell the bride, fuck them.

[Alex]

I mean, but it's her family now, you know, like, she's probably picking and choosing her battles too, where she's like, dude, let's just fucking get through.

[John]

That's the high road. I know that's. Yeah, that's the way to go.

[Alex]

But weddings, as much as you want to be like, it's all about me, you know, it's. No, it's all about compromise. Because now you're blending two families. Everyone has a fucking opinion and it's like you just want to get through.

[John]

It as soon as the bridesmaids be helping the maid of honor. So if they're not helping her do shit, even not financially, you, yeah, I'd be fucking.

[Alex]

But as long as you're going to.

[John]

Stand up there with me. But as you fudgeing contributed, I'd be elbow checking every throat punching bitches, boom.

[Alex]

Deserve boom here only I deserve this spot.

[John]

You all better get behind me. But I get behind me.

[Alex]

As long as the bride is aware, which she is, I think that's fine. If the bride was not aware of this situation that was happening and this was all fully falling on your.

[John]

Then in my Head. I would just be like, look at me. I'm helping her with her hair, helping her with the makeup. What are these lazy hoes doing? Nothing. They're fucking drinking their sangria and mimosas over there laughing, and I'm working my ass off. You know what? I'm on your side. I would be pissed. Burn the bridge. Tell the bride that's fucked up. They should even be her sister in laws.

[Alex]

So should she tell John, you would be the worst girl ever. Like, I wouldn't be. I don't think I could be.

[John]

I would be perfect on reality show 100%.

[Alex]

I know.

[John]

Stir the drama all the time. I'd had some loyal people, but the other ones, I'd be like, do you know what Bethany said?

[Alex]

I think I might. I might have to divorce you if you decided to do reality. Because I don't want to be brought down with you.

[John]

Because I know that you, you're a good person. I know.

[Alex]

I just like. I know that you would get the villain edit and I couldn't be. I couldn't be attached to that.

[John]

I just. I cannot keep my mouth shut when they're stupid people. I just am like, what? And then as I'm getting older, it's getting worse. Don't be around me.

[Alex]

I know John.

[John]

Or unorganized people or just like, just get your shit together.

[Alex]

No, I love this story. A few months ago, John is talking to me about this qualm, like this internal battle that he's having with someone else. Like, it's not even a legitimate argument, but he like wanted to set a boundary with someone. So he's like, you know what I think I'm gonna do? I'm just gonna say this. And John lays out this out of pocket sentence or statement that he's planning to say to this person. And I was like, oh my God. If John says this to this person who means no harm, like, truly would just be at the receiving end of, of. I don't want to say hate, but like annoyance from you. I'm like, John, I think has some mental health problems here. And I said that to you and you were like, wait, you wouldn't say that? And I'm like, no, I would truly question your ethics as a person or just your self awareness as a person if you actually made the statement to this person.

[John]

I have this in my notes app. Choosing a partner that keeps you in check. Not the blind leading the blind. Need a partner to put it in perspective. That was in my notes.

[Alex]

You're welcome.

[John]

I knew that I did that.

[Alex]

It's not a easy job. It's kind of entertaining.

[John]

Oh, because you're perfect.

[Alex]

I'm not saying that. You keep me in check too.

[John]

Thank you. But that's so true. I was like, I shouldn't say that. You're like, no, no, don't say that.

[Alex]

I was like, I think. I think it will do more damage. It will do more harm than good.

[John]

Nothing takes up more mental space for me than like text that can go 9,000 different ways. And I'm just like, what the fuck does that mean?

[Alex]

Best thing to do is sleep on something for 24 hours.

[John]

Never.

[Alex]

There, there you have it, guys.

[John]

Give yourself two minutes. Actually, you know what? As soon as you see the text, type it on the phone and just hit send without even thinking about what you. What it was.

[Alex]

This is why. This is why we have trouble making friends.

[John]

Close your eyes.

[Alex]

You just. The Holy Ghost takes over. This is. Yeah. This is why it's just you and me. This is why I'm your only friend. Wants to go back to la. I'm like. And make for friends.

[John]

I didn't make a single friend in la. We were there a year and a half. How do you meet people as an adult? Intramurals. And then I couldn't find parking. Anyway. That's a whole different thing.

[Alex]

I'm your friend.

[John]

Yeah, unfortunately.

[Alex]

Next question. My father in law always greets me and says goodbye with a kiss on the cheek. And I really wish he wouldn't. It's not sexual or inappropriate in that nature as he does this to everyone, all of his grown children and their spouses. My husband has also expressed his annoyance with it. The last time we met up with my father in law, my husband asked me in the car before we walked in. How can I get my dad to stop kissing me on the cheek? I'm a grown adult male. I told him that I felt the same way but that he should ask for advice from his siblings on the matter since his dad could be difficult to deal with. My husband and his siblings don't have a close relationship with their dad due to some things in their childhood, their dad could overreact.

[John]

The does that mean their dad can.

[Alex]

Overreact and be really sensitive at times as well? So my husband and I don't know the best way to establish this boundary without creating turmoil. For reference, my husband and I are both 32. How do we have this conversation with my father in law that a simple hug as a greeting and goodbye is more than enough?

[John]

Was he touched?

[Alex]

It doesn't say that, John.

[John]

Like I he some things that happened in their childhood. What happened?

[Alex]

They wrote it's not sexual or inappropriate in nature. I'm not.

[John]

Okay, you are. You are going to put. You were going to tell me that disclaimer if I didn't say anything.

[Alex]

It says it in the question literally. Where is in the first sentence of the question that I just read you? It says it's not sexual or inappropriate in that nature as he does this to everyone.

[John]

That part that the cheek his.

[Alex]

Correct.

[John]

That doesn't have to be sexual in nature. But what about as a child?

[Alex]

Where. Where does it say that anything was sexual from their child?

[John]

She didn't say anything. She said what are you talking went down when they were children.

[Alex]

And it says because he's difficult to deal with, not that they were touched as kids.

[John]

Read that. Read that again. No, not the whole thing. Read that sentence.

[Alex]

My husband and his siblings don't have a close relationship with their dad due to some things in their childhood. Their dad can overreact and be really sensitive.

[John]

Their dad can overreact. Was there a period and new sight?

[Alex]

There wasn't. Their dad can overreact and be really sensitive as at times as well.

[John]

Okay, that seems like she's talking about a different.

[Alex]

Why does point in time immediately.

[John]

She's talking about a different point in time. He can also be difficult and overreact as well. That's separate than the childhood porn thing. There's no child touching dude stuff going on.

[Alex]

Pretend that that part does not exist.

[John]

I'm not going to pretend.

[Alex]

John. She starts off the question. You're literally like losing the plot here and I'm going to move on unless like you get it together and lock it up. You have to stop assuming things that are not literally in the context of the question. She says it's not sexual or inappropriate. Done and done. Okay, so just leave it at that. Because when I read this question I was like, damn, if this was someone in my family who doesn't like getting kissed on the cheek, you would have to switch families because it's just an Italian thing. But now you think that it's sexual when she literally said it says it wasn't.

[John]

That's not what. You're reading it how you want to read it. You're reading it how you want to read it.

[Alex]

I'm reading. I'm reading the words of the question. You're just pretending to read right now.

[John]

Okay. My husband and his siblings don't have a close relationship with their dad due to Some things in their childhood friends, period.

[Alex]

It could be anything, period.

[John]

Yeah, I know. It could be anything. It could be something bad, period. Their dad can overreact and be really sensitive at times as well. Something totally separate. So we're going to agree to disagree.

[Alex]

So where is porn in that question at all?

[John]

I'm just saying.

[Alex]

Child porn.

[John]

I don't know. Something. Something happened as a kid, so I get it. If something happened as a kid.

[Alex]

John.

[John]

No kissing.

[Alex]

Let me know. Kissing. Let me change this question for you to maybe make it a little bit easier to understand. I don't. Your parents kiss me on the cheek every time I see them. I don't like it. How would I. How would I tell them, no, I don't want to be kissed on the cheek? How would you.

[John]

Stranger danger. Don't. No touchy.

[Alex]

But they're not strangers to me.

[John]

I get it. I mean, that's. That's awkward. That would be an awkward thing to have to say. But, like, if it's cultural, like, again, Italians kissing. Your cousin kisses me on the cheek all the time. I don't really want to be kissed, but I let her kiss me on the cheek.

[Alex]

There's not one person in my family that I don't think greets someone without a cheek kiss.

[John]

I know. I'm not a huge fan.

[Alex]

Your family does it too.

[John]

I know. I'm not a huge fan of it.

[Alex]

Oh.

[John]

But guess what? I just bury it down and I just let it. Ha. I actually don't really care that much, but I'm not, like, a huge fan. If you go in for the kiss thing, like, I'll do it back, but, like, that's not my. My go to move.

[Alex]

It's funny because I remember, like, growing up in New York. That's how the majority of people I know, because when I went to North Carolina for school, I remember meeting people and, like, friends who now I had established, and it would literally just be like the most distant hug, and I would go in for a kiss on the cheek, like, how are you?

[John]

I know.

[Alex]

And I'm like, oh, my God. No one does a cheek kiss here.

[John]

It's funny how it really is different, the north and the South.

[Alex]

Like New York, just cultures in general, or similarly. Going back to Love island, one of the characters, Amaya, she's Dominican and she calls a lot of the guys Babe, baby daddy, Poppy. Not Daddy or Poppy, but she just calls him babe. And some. Someone else stood up for her and was like, that's part of our culture. Like, everybody just naturally says Babe, baby, it's not derogatory. It's not because like she necessarily is attracted to you. It's just like I love when someone calls me honey, babe.

[John]

Like my sister hates that really like a way somebody was calling her hun and she was like, I, she hated it.

[Alex]

So I mean, everyone.

[John]

So everyone's different.

[Alex]

Yeah, everyone's different. But in a situation like this where I don't wrap up, it's sexual.

[John]

They're coming in. Done.

[Alex]

Wow, that's such a great tip, John.

[John]

What are you gonna do? I mean, if you hate it that, that much, say it. Just be prepared for the blowback from the dad. But like, again, I'm not saying he's right, but you're gonna get into an argument with him or he's gonna be uncomfortable forever around you.

[Alex]

And there's a, a bunch of different routes that you could go. You could be blunt and just say, hey, I'm not like into. This is not how I like, like to be greeted.

[John]

This is my thing.

[Alex]

Well, yeah, this is my thing. But like, you know, love a hug. Because again, I don't know how to beat around the bush. Unless you wanted to just avoid and be like, I'm sick today or like, I'm feeling.

[John]

That's gonna be awful. Because that's gonna be fun.

[Alex]

You're just avoidant. But like, you could also do what the people in North Carolina do where they just dodge you and you just keep distance with your face.

[John]

So I like the first one downplaying it. Be like, hey. Just like, hey. That's not just really my thing, you know, good luck. It's gonna go horrible either way.

[Alex]

I can't imagine that. Just because again, like in the culture that we both grew up in, you're one slip away from making out with your in laws.

[John]

Do you ever like, by accidentally think about kissing, like you actually kiss like your parents on the lips or something?

[Alex]

I think I've almost done that to my mom once where I've like gone in and I'm like, I almost kissed. But people sometimes do kiss their parents on the lips.

[John]

No, that's not for me.

[Alex]

Do you think that you'll kiss our daughter on the lips? No, I don't think so.

[John]

I'm also not like an affectionate person like that.

[Alex]

But I don't know, maybe when she's here.

[John]

I mean, I'll be affectionate to our child of course, but I'm not like a, I'm not a lip kisser.

[Alex]

Me neither.

[John]

I'll kiss on the forehead or the cheek or the cheek? I guess probably the forehead.

[Alex]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't.

[John]

Moving on, moving on, moving on, moving on.

[Alex]

Next question. My husband and I had a baby last year and even though it's been the hardest year of our lives, it has also been the best. We have started talking about number two soon, but my in laws keep saying just enjoy for now. A long gap between the kids is good for you and your marriage. I feel like it's advice I can't follow because they only had one child. No disrespect, but I feel like they are giving advice on something they know nothing about. I'm scared of disappointing them. But at the end of the day, if we decide we want three kids, I don't want to be too old and therefore high risk for the last pregnancy. What do you think? Do I just go with my gut on this? Yes.

[John]

It's funny, it's like you don't want to take their advice, but you want to take our advice. We don't even have a kid yet, so how, how would I know how to answer it? You should do what you want to do. Don't live your life how others think you should live your life. You bring up a good point. They only had one kid, so how would they know? But from What I've seen, 202 at least looks rough.

[Alex]

But if that's something that you want, you know what I mean? Like, I just think that's such a personal choice and like you're scared of disappointing them. Who cares?

[John]

Well, they'll also be fine. Like, yeah, like if your in laws are loving people, I'm sure they'll be happy either way. And they see that little baby face like oh my God.

[Alex]

Right, Exactly. I just don't think that this is something that you can really take their opinion with a lot of weight because number one, they also only have one. But number two, if you want to under two, who cares? Like it's going to be your journey. You're. Unless like they're helping you and they're like, we can't handle to, you know.

[John]

The responsibility of helping should be like, you should figure that out. Be like, are they helping you? And if they are, you'd be like, hey, listen, I'm not going to put that on you.

[Alex]

Yeah, but if they're not involved in any way, go do what you think.

[John]

Yeah, cool.

[Alex]

Next question. I went through a pregnancy loss and quietly shared the news with my in laws. We live with them. We asked for privacy and time to allow us to process this before we announced the loss to the rest of the family. My mother in law, however, deliberately went against this request and and by nightfall had already called to tell her daughter, my sister in law, about the loss and hid this from us. As she began discussing the situation. She felt it was her right as the mother of my husband to share his news and completely disregarded my feelings and my request for time. When I confronted her, she began saying that she did not care, threw her hands up and said, I said it and I'm not sorry and I don't care because of the heated argument. She then turned to my husband and said, is this how you want to continue a marriage with a woman like this? A woman who is controlling and is angry because she wanted to control the situation. I was so pissed and I said, I don't know how you feel like I'm the one who is controlling when I had zero control of this situation because you took that away from me as a mother of a baby we just lost. She does not see how she's in the wrong and she continues to create a toxic environment for us. How do I make my husband understand that it's time for them to move out and give us our own space and peace? This is our home. I don't want my marriage to have problems because of this constant negativity.

[John]

I feel like I would have more of like a crazy reaction if it wasn't so blatantly obvious how fucked up this person is.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

I mean, oh, I don't know why that took all the wind out of myself. Like fuck this person. Because it's just like so obvious that the mother in law is a horrible, horrible person. It's none of your. You're lucky that your daughter in law even confided. Confided in you and talk to you about it and then you went behind her back and did some shit like that.

[Alex]

I think some people, people who are mentally unwell just like to be the first one with news. They like to be the one with the tea, the one to share the gossip and they want to be the source. So I think some people feed.

[John]

Those are people that are have nothing going on.

[Alex]

Correct. And that's what I'm saying. Like, but then the fact that you called her out, she knew she was in the wrong and double down. Yeah. And didn't want to take accountability. So number one, we've talked about this several times before too. Like when you marry someone, you are each other's immediate family. Like it is you two. Nobody else Honestly should really be able to penetrate your relationship. And so I believe you and your husband have to get on the same page about this. About what your relationship, what you want that to look like. Because I think them living in your home, if it's your house house, you have every right to keep your peace and tell them you need to move on, you need to get out of my home. And I think your husband should support you with that.

[John]

It's not your kids responsibilities to also take care of the parents. It's not. And anyone who's having a kid because they are worried about their who's going to take care of me when they're older, it's like that is such a selfish thing. And I'm just thinking they're living with them. Why are they living with you? Are you helping them out? Are they helping you out? But I just like hate. I don't think that should be a norm anymore. Like don't ever put that.

[Alex]

I don't know, I mean I don't want to say it shouldn't be a norm because culturally like I just, I think if it works for you, that's great but if it's creating a toxic.

[John]

Environment for you, there's no way, there's no tension ever. When there's like other people in the mix living in your home. Like your in laws, safe space between you and your. Because the minute you throw anyone else in the mix besides your partner, there's going to be some sort of point of contention.

[Alex]

I don't know. I think it can work when there's trust, when there's boundaries, when there's certain like rules in play. But like your mother in law clearly does not. She doesn't respect you. Like you asked to keep this quiet and she lives in your home. So of course you're gonna share this information. I mean not that you had to but like again you trusted her with that information. Now you know that she doesn't respect you, she's not trustworthy and she doesn't honestly even respect your husband, her son. If she's willing to do that, do that to both of you. Like this was a mutual loss between both of you. Obviously more it's going to be more emotional towards you. But I just think that she, your.

[John]

Husband better have your back.

[Alex]

Like yes, exactly.

[John]

She's totally in the wrong. Now I'm starting to feel bad about the in law thing. I get in laws taking care culturally, whatever. I just don't like the notion that people have kids because they are worried they're Gonna have no one taking care of them when they're older. That's bullshit.

[Alex]

Why do you think that?

[John]

Because that's what I was talking about. So I just want to counter back to saying that.

[Alex]

Oh, I was like, that has nothing to do with it. Question though.

[John]

I want to know why they're living with you again.

[Alex]

It could be a multitude of reasons, like financial, maybe someone was sick, who knows? But I just think it's clearly not working. The fact that she's even saying she doesn't respect you. She doesn't respect you, but she's also now judging your marriage and trying to get your husband to be on her side. Absolutely not. Get the fuck out of my house.

[John]

Crazy.

[Alex]

Crazy. So no, you are not in the wrong here. And you have to have a conversation with your husband and let's let him know that you guys are a team and your mother in law disrespected.

[John]

You both get the out.

[Alex]

Get. Well, they have to get the out. You don't have to go anywhere. Unless he doesn't agree with you.

[John]

Then it's like, then you get the out of it. The mother in law get the out.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Or if he doesn't agree, you get the out of that relationship. But that's it. That's all she wrote.

[John]

That was a good one. I felt, I felt good. I felt good, I felt engaged. I felt, you know, going against the grain, you know.

[Alex]

But you had, you had coffee before this. You had a lot of coffee the last time too, but you just weren't, you weren't feeling yourself last time. I mean, I wasn't either. Oh, wait. But we did used to do a segment on the last season. I mean, I don't know how many times we did it or forgot it, but. Share a secret. So we got a secret message and I wanted to read this because like that's.

[John]

Did we say in the last episode?

[Alex]

No, no, we didn't share any secrets.

[John]

So how do people send secrets?

[Alex]

You could do it in the same spot that you ask a question. You just like toggle, share a secret. Instead of.

[John]

We have like a toggle thing. That's pretty cool.

[Alex]

John's never been on our website, so. Yeah, he wouldn't know which. We do need to redo our website. It's. It's old, but anyway, share a secret. Here it is. I cheated on my fiance two months before our wedding with my best friend who is also my maid of honor. We both agreed to keep it a secret since the wedding was so close and I regretted it. But a month later, I was feeling so guilty, so I told my fiance, and he was furious. Rightfully so. But he retaliated by sleeping with the same friend I cheated with. And now I'm pissed at not only him, but my friend because she seems to be down to fuck anyone that is available, even if they're about to get married or only doing it to get back at their fiance. Sounds like a messy situation.

[John]

Tit for tat. You guys could just be a throuple.

[Alex]

Yeah, it sounds like a lover's triangle quarrel.

[John]

That's gonna be an interesting marriage. Good luck.

[Alex]

Are you. Yeah. I'd be interested to see if you're getting married.

[John]

She'd even say, like, they need to get married. They should have. Should she? Should. She should have said that.

[Alex]

This friend, though, has no loyalty. Not to you or to your husband.

[John]

No. No.

[Alex]

Yeah. All right, John, what's your thoughts?

[John]

Super fun.

[Alex]

What's your wreck for the week?

[John]

My wreck isn't like a. I don't know. I was trying to think of something I'm always going back to earlier in the episode. People, like, ask me about what's my routine and stuff like that. I'm just trying to survive. But basically, I love the StairMaster. And I recommend everybody using the StairMaster. Yeah, because you pour sweat. I put a little weighted vest on. Just five pounds. Whatever. Put my phone up, play a game. I don't. And you know what? You don't have to do it right. It might hurt your back a little bit, but don't do it right. Because I lean up against it and I just watch stuff.

[Alex]

Do you think why. That maybe that's why your legs are a little bit skinny?

[John]

No, because I still lift my legs twice a week.

[Alex]

No, I know, but like, you know, the excess in cardio, perhaps I'm trying.

[John]

To do less, but if you're just trying to shed some weight, get on the StairMaster, you will shed. And another workout tip. Skull crushers. Do you know what a skull crusher is?

[Alex]

Yeah. You put the it over your head and you. It's worse.

[John]

You want those triceps to pop out. Skull crush is another thing. I do this motion up and as an ot, I'm just going to hell because I can't think of.

[Alex]

When I do that. All that I think about is, like, Final Destination and the barbell crashing on your face. That's all.

[John]

I'm holding it. It's not like. Yeah, but what if it's not like it's on the rack?

[Alex]

And the rack, but, like, what if you dropped it? What if it slipped out of your hands?

[John]

It's not that heavy. It won't kill me. So I do 10 like this, 10 like this, people listening and 10 like 10, 10, 10. Well, you better watch the episode if you want to know what I do for my triceps. 10, 10 like this, like this. And that's workout tips by John.

[Alex]

Wow, John. Maybe instead of like trying to demonstrate on the podcast, you could make a reel about it or something. Not going to because this is probably more audio than visual.

[John]

10, 10, 10.

[Alex]

Except for the people on YouTube. You just got a treat.

[John]

What's your wreck?

[Alex]

My Wreck is because we had a great summer weekend and I just feel like everyone was lounging by the pool, drinking cocktails. My wreck is my favorite non alcoholic wine, which is Spring in a Bottle by Wolfer Estate. It's the Rose. It's just like, it's fresh. It's, you know, I feel like a lot of non alk stuff is super high in carbs. Like this is low carb, low calorie. It's just delicious.

[John]

It's delightful and the bottle looks cool.

[Alex]

It's. It's not the real thing, but like of course, but it's just good enough, you know, better than nothing sparkling. It's fresh, it's very, it's springing about.

[John]

It's better than most that I've tasted because everything else kind of tastes like.

[Alex]

I just don't like sweet juice. And this is like very dry. I don't know. I've really enjoyed it. And they're a local.

[John]

I know the other one, but that should be your other wreck next time.

[Alex]

Athletic Brewing. Yeah, they're good too. But no, I don't want it to all be okay.

[John]

Then we should bring it now because Athletic Brewing is really good too. And that's beer. There's like IPAs, light beer.

[Alex]

The majority of them are good. I had one the other day where I was like ill. But Spring in a Bottle, it's a local vineyard on Long Island. So if you are going out to the Hamptons this summer, stop by Wolfer Estate. Love it there. Also not sponsored, but great, great non alcoholic wine.

[John]

Probably one of my favorite vineyards.

[Alex]

Not drinking school.

[John]

Yeah, nice little vibe. Cool. Anyways, guys like subscribe, comment, email, do all those things.

[Alex]

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you want to follow us, you can follow us everywhere at Give it tome straight podcast.com and you can email us at hello, Give it to Me Straight Podcast. Or you can send an anonymous question in our show notes. Yay.

[John]

I almost said like subscribe. Email again, but do that. And until next week, ciao, ciao.

[Alex]

By Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.