65. Giving you gifts, shared bank accounts, and loser husbands

Summary

Podcast Summary – Give It To Me Straight, Ep. 65

Episode Title: Giving you gifts, shared bank accounts, and loser husbands
Hosts: Alex and John
Date: August 19, 2025
Podcast Network: Dear Media

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Main Theme

This episode offers unfiltered, real-talk marriage and relationship advice through listener questions and the hosts’ own life updates. Alex and John, a candid husband-wife duo, tackle hot topics around relationships, money, family drama, parenting pressure, gift giving, and the messy realities of adulting.

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Section 1: Life Updates & Banter

Timestamps: 00:02–11:52

• Preparing (or Not) for Parenthood

  • Alex confesses they're not "nesting" or as prepared as social media moms, and admits to feeling anxious about comparison:
    “If you’re pregnant and due in two to three weeks, don’t worry. We haven’t done shit!” (02:37–02:56)
  • John and Alex joke about family members helping more than themselves.
  • The pressure created by seeing other people’s productivity on social media is a recurring stressor.
  • They digress on baby gear, buying almost nothing yet, and having a custom changing table built by Alex’s dad.

• Changing From Party Animals to Homebodies

  • Reflecting on how their podcast content changed as their lives matured.
    “If you listen to our episodes a few years ago, you can hear us talking about, like, being newlyweds and being pieces of shit, like going out and partying.” (03:17)

• Dog Drama

  • Their dog Kobe’s reaction to Alex’s pregnancy; John jokes Kobe is just pacing and indifferent, no loyalty there. (04:09–04:43)

• Cozy Season & The “Crispy Weather” Debate

  • Playful back-and-forth on the meaning of “crispy” weather and noticing seasonal changes.
    John: “Crispy sounds like hot.” Alex: “No, no, no. It’s cool when it’s crispy.” (10:45–10:47)

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Section 2: Tales from the Suburbs

Timestamps: 11:52–24:56

• Neighborhood Drama: The Drunk Teen Saga

  • John recounts confronting rowdy teens outside their house:
    “I see one kid take a glass bottle and fucking yeet that thing in the road. I go, that’s it.” (13:12)
  • He’s met with disrespect:
    “The kid gets an attitude and goes, what bottle? I didn’t throw a bottle.” (14:00)
  • Reflection on how, as kids, they’d be apologetic if confronted. Now, he feels young people are less respectful.
  • Alex has 911 ready, just in case things escalate.

• Generational Shifts in Respect

  • Debate whether today’s teens are less respectful, or if every older generation just feels that way:
    Alex: “Do you think when we were teens, the older generation was like, man, these kids?” (17:32–17:48)
  • John insists boys always get into mischief, but used to be more apologetic.

• John’s Faulty Grilling and General Domestic Mishaps

  • John details burning an entire meal, nearly microwaving metal, and accidentally setting off the smoke alarm:
    “I almost blew up our microwave…” (22:25)
  • Alex is both horrified and amused, emphasizing the importance of grilling as a laid-back weekend activity.

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Section 3: Q&A, Advice, and Hot Takes

Timestamps: 24:56–68:57

1. Gift Giving Etiquette

• Too Many Gift Obligations? (34:54–40:32)
  • Listener feels pressured by Amazon gift lists for kids’ parties and wonders if it’s rude to arrive empty-handed.
  • John: “I hate giving gifts. I hate it. … Gifts make people feel like shit.” (36:28)
  • Alex: “I love giving gifts. I hate getting gifts.” (36:55)
  • Both agree: if you attend, bring something (even a homemade card). But don't feel obligated to go if it’s transactional and not reciprocated.
  • Memorable moment:
    Alex: “What do you do that’s therapeutic for you, John?”
    John: “Go to the gym … play your submarine game.” (25:17)

2. Awkward Real Estate Friendship

• Should You Hire Friends? (32:13–33:40)
  • Listener’s “realtor friend” is furious they didn’t get chosen to help buy a house.
  • Alex & John agree: business is business, and you’re not “responsible for your friend’s paycheck.”
    “It’s a maturity thing too. You’re really gonna be insulted that I didn’t use you? Shut up.” (32:29)

3. Money, Marriage, and Shared Accounts

• Career Advice & Side Hustles (28:35–31:24)

  • John advises finding a remote job or new position for better income, and that staying in the same place rarely yields significant raises.
  • Alex emphasizes applying elsewhere or developing unique “side hustle” skills for better financial growth.

• Shared Finances with Overbearing Parents (43:36–47:24)

  • Listener’s fiancé’s mother still controls his finances at age 33.
  • Both appalled:
    Alex: “At 33? Come on… That would be a dealbreaker for me.” (44:27) John: “Go get a fucking hobby, lady.” (46:30)

• Joint Accounts and Financial Abuse? (61:01–66:45)

  • Listener’s husband refuses to share access to his business account, giving only money for essentials.
  • Discuss the nuances of “what’s yours vs. ours” in marriage, and whether withholding money is financial abuse.
  • John: “That’s why I don’t like that you have to ask him for money … you guys are a team.” (65:35)
  • Advice: open communication, maybe involving a financial advisor; both partners should contribute to a joint account.

4. Gift Giving & Reciprocation in Family

• What if Your Sister Didn’t Give a Wedding Gift? (47:31–55:02)
  • Listener’s sister skipped all gifts, now expects one herself. Alex and John are split—he says:
    “This is why I think gifts are stupid.” (47:55)
  • John resents the non-reciprocal dynamic:
    “I hate both. I don’t want anything. I don’t want to give anything.” (36:58) “You shouldn’t look at it like that.” (51:18 – Alex)
  • Alex sees value in giving anyway, John says if it bothers you, skip it.

5. Husbands, Responsibility, and Respect

• The “Loser Husband” Dilemma (58:27–61:01)

  • Listener’s husband has massive debt, spends on OnlyFans, doesn’t contribute, plans selfish outings.
    John: “You’re married to a loser, dude… Oh, your wife paid your debt off and you doubled down and got more debt.” (59:14) Alex: “He’s not only disrespecting you, he hasn’t made the effort to change…” (60:04)
  • Both recommend couples therapy, and stress this is a pattern that will breed resentment if he doesn’t change.

• Friend Bailed on Wedding (40:32–43:28)

  • Should you confront a friend who skipped your wedding for a vacation, then lied?
  • Both agree: just talk to them directly—honesty is best. “What I don’t get about lying is wild to me… I’m just going to be honest. I’m going on a trip. Sorry, I’m not going to your wedding.” (42:43)

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Section 4: Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If you’re pregnant and due in two to three weeks, don’t worry. We haven’t done shit.” – Alex (02:37)
• “That’s just a generational thing to say as well… I think every generation that goes on, you think that the younger generation is worse just because you’re older.” – Alex (17:32)
• “I hate giving gifts. I hate it. I’d rather like—it’s annoying.” – John (36:28)
• “Money gets involved… bringing in a financial advisor could be a good solution.” – Alex (66:45)
• “You’re married to a loser, dude.” – John (59:14)
• “You don’t have to pretend everything’s fine. If he did something that annoyed you, vice versa, just talk about it.” – Alex (42:13)
• “I love giving gifts. I hate getting gifts.” – Alex (36:55)
• “Go get a fucking hobby, lady.” – John on the overbearing MIL (46:30)
• “I don’t need help. I’m smart enough. I set myself up enough where I don’t need help from anybody.” – John (51:21)

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Section 5: Recommendations & Wrap-up

Timestamps: 67:16–end

• Weekly Recommendations
  • John: Mandolin slicer for cooking (“[It] really cuts it thin … glad I finally got one”) (67:24)
  • Alex: Pumpkin pancakes (“Just make a fucking pumpkin pancake and enjoy it.”) (68:48)

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Episode Takeaways

• Real Life = Messy, Social Media Lies: Don’t compare your preparation (or lack thereof) to other people’s highlight reels.
• Gift Giving Stress is Universal: Everyone’s threshold and expectations are different; be true to your values but don’t feel obligated—especially when it’s not reciprocated.
• Money Matters Are Messy: Communication is essential, whether it’s handling shared finances, negotiating job changes, or dealing with entitled family.
• Take Responsibility (or Don’t!): Avoid toxic relationships—whether it’s a selfish spouse, a controlling parent, or a disrespectful friend.
• Honesty is Vital: Even if it’s awkward, be upfront in friendship and family matters—it saves long-term resentment.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In Yet

This episode is a relatable, sometimes hilarious, sometimes heartfelt window into the realities of marriage, friendship, family expectations, and adulting. You’ll hear brutally honest perspectives, practical advice, and a ton of wild, real-life stories. Alex and John tackle each question with candor and compassion—plus plenty of laughs—making the heavy stuff feel accessible and real.

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Skip to These Timestamps for Key Topics:

• Life Updates & Parenting Pressure: 00:02–05:24
• Neighborhood Drama: 12:13–16:52
• Generational Respect Debate: 16:52–18:18
• Kids’ Birthday Gifts: 34:54–39:03
• Handling Money in Marriage: 28:35–31:24 and 61:01–66:45
• Family Gift Etiquette: 47:31–55:02
• “Loser Husband”/Financial Red Flags: 58:27–61:01

Tone: Candid, irreverent, and always unfiltered—expect real talk, gentle (and not-so-gentle) roasting, and strong opinions.

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Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

[B]

I think gifts overall are stupid. The parents should get the kid a gift. That's it. Until they're, like, 18. Then no more gifts.

[A]

But this is for a wedding.

[B]

Fudge gifts. It's just, like. Because everyone's threshold is different, Gifts make people feel like shit.

[A]

I don't think so. I think that it's like it's coming from the goodness of your heart and you want to fuck.

[B]

And welcome back to Give it to me Straight.

[A]

I'm Mat. Alex.

[B]

And I'm John and gracious, gracious, gracious, gracious host. Oh, yay.

[A]

How's your day?

[B]

How's your day?

[A]

How's your week been?

[B]

It's been busy. We're just busy people, I think, because.

[A]

We'Re in crunch time right now, and it only hit me, I think, like, a week ago, where I was like.

[B]

Whoa, we don't have anything. Well, no, a crib.

[A]

That's. It's really just a bassinet. It's not a crib.

[B]

No, that's a crib. It says, oh, Baby Bjorn crib.

[A]

Right. But that's about all we have.

[B]

That's like a mobile crib, I guess.

[A]

My dad, he's building a custom. What is that?

[B]

Changing table.

[A]

Changing table.

[B]

Is he gonna put, like, guards up?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yes. He said that because I was like, nah, it should be fine. He's like, I'm gonna add some rail.

[B]

My dad was asking about. I was like, I have no idea. I don't. I don't know what it's gonna look like. It's got, like, legs and a drawer.

[A]

I mean, I ordered the handles for it, which are pretty. I just. Like, I walk in that room, I think it's just TikTok that gets me because I see people who are, like, nesting 28 weeks or nesting at 32 weeks, and I'm like, we're due in just a few.

[B]

Had that feeling at all. Nesting. What is nesting? Like cleaning?

[A]

Yeah, like the want to. Or to start organizing things to get ready for.

[B]

I mean, we did what we did. We organized that room with your.

[A]

Only because my mom came over and was like, I'm forcing you to do this. If it wasn't for my mom coming over, it would still just be a room with a. With piles of shit.

[B]

Well, we're just waiting for our stuff. But, yeah, that's. I'm like, I wasn't in any rush to do it, but I'm glad we did do it. I didn't realize, like, I didn't know you had to wash all the baby clothes.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, me neither, but I'm like, I buy something from the store, I just put it on my body. But then you realize, I guess it's like the chemicals. Yeah. Babies can have allergies.

[B]

You don't know, BFPs or whatever the fuck's in the clothes.

[A]

We're. We're just going to be best friends with Google because YouTube, whatever.

[B]

We'll figure it out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People are doing it for thousands of years, hundreds of years, whatever. Yeah, we got it.

[A]

I know. I just, like, I think from social media, you see a lot of what other people are doing and it gives you anxiety because you're like, should I be doing this? Should I be this prepared? Because I'm not. So in case you're pregnant and you're doing a two to three weeks. Don't worry, we haven't done shit.

[B]

We should probably stop talking about kids, seeing how people think. That's the one comment was saying that's all we're doing is talking about kids.

[A]

I don't care. The majority of our listeners are ages 25 to 40, and most of those people have kids.

[B]

That's also not all we're talking about. Like, and even the questions that we pull are all just. They're all over.

[A]

I don't give a fuck. This is what we're experiencing.

[B]

This is our stage of our life.

[A]

This is what we're gonna talk about. If you listen to our episodes a few years ago, you can hear us talking about, like, being newlyweds and being pieces of shit, like, going out and partying. Half the time I didn't have a voice because I was out partying all night before. And now I'm like, I had bachelor parties or bachelorette parties. That's why I was always on a bachelorette party. And so our first season, I feel like I never had a voice. I was always so rational.

[B]

I haven't been on a bachelor party in forever.

[A]

I don't know the last time that I actually lost my voice. When am I, like, screaming above people.

[B]

At the bar I went to? When we went to Vegas for F1.

[A]

I didn't really lose my voice. It was a little bit.

[B]

I lost my voice, too. Remember we were at that club and I was screaming. That's what happened to try to talk to you. And I'm like, I have no voice now.

[A]

It was fun, though. It was worth it.

[B]

Yeah. So we go from partying to now I'm just like, we're trying to keep Kobe off our bed because like, I1 I could. I'm such a light sleeper and so did not have room on the bed. And then Alex snoring. I'm like, cody, stay off the bed. And it's like he's just pacing, pacing, pacing again.

[A]

He knows something's brewing. He's getting. He's getting ready too.

[B]

He's getting me ready.

[A]

He's feeling my symptoms. Like every time I get up to pee, he's like, something is happening. Something is brewing.

[B]

He doesn't care. What are you talking. Kobe could care less. Kobe loves who he's with.

[A]

Yeah. No.

[B]

People are like, no loyalty.

[A]

Did your dog change when you got pregnant? I was like, no. If anything, he'd be. Became more separate from me.

[B]

Yeah. He's like, get away from me.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, what the. Are you doing all right?

[B]

What else? What's going on? How was your week? What you do?

[A]

I just wanted to talk about like, nursery organization, which again, if you're not there yet, don't stress. I haven't packed a hospital bag and I could deliver at any second. I could. My water could break right now.

[B]

I. I think you're fine.

[A]

It could, it could, sure. No. So that was nice to have that like one on one time with my mom. She was very helpful because she's been the go to person for my brother who has three kids, and I feel like she's a pro. She knows so much more than we do.

[B]

This is gonna be like the era of Jen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because she's like, I know everything. You know, nothing good. Listen to me. And I'm like, that's fine.

[A]

Honestly.

[B]

Tell me what to do.

[A]

When I feel like grandparents have their first grandchild, they're a little rusty because it's been a while. My mom now has three kids that she has already gone through. She's cared for, she knows she's primed and she's. My mom is like a young. She's in her early 60s, but she's very fit. And so I feel like she's. She's very.

[B]

Don't offend her. I think she just turned 60. Right.

[A]

She's turning 61 this year. So. Yeah.

[B]

Give her a little girl. You're like early 60s. That she's.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

She's a newly 60 year old.

[A]

Yeah. But she's probably got more energy than I do, so I'm. I'm very grateful to have her around.

[B]

That was. That was good. I feel better that the room's cleaned up and organized a little bit more.

[A]

Right but one thing I remember that I wanted to talk about was we were driving the car the other day, and I do feel like it's getting crispy out a little bit, which is weird for August. I feel like usually August is, like, one of the hotter months.

[B]

It's not crispy. It was literally some of the hottest days ever on Long Island.

[A]

Maybe. Maybe because it's not 95 anymore. It feels crispy because that was. Was.

[B]

It doesn't feel crispy. You've just seen the leaves fall, which I have seen.

[A]

Well, speaking of leaves, we're driving with the windows down the other day. A leaf flies into the car.

[B]

I thought it was.

[A]

You would have thought John got shot. Veers off the road. So dramatic. I'm like, what are you gonna do if it. But if it was an actual bee.

[B]

What are you gonna do, kill us all? You know, it makes me. I hope I don't become that guy. Did you see that video? The guy was holding his kid and, like, a. He almost tripped over. He tripped over his cat or saw the cat or wreck whatever it was in the yard and freaked out, like, threw the kid.

[A]

Sorry, I'm distracted by your shirt. I just looked down at it. What is your shirt?

[B]

My fun shirt. I got another fun shirt. I'm trying to bring some energy to myself right now.

[A]

Oh, you're just trying to get people to go to YouTube so they can watch to see what you're finding.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

That's a score. Nope, that's a lobster.

[A]

Lobster.

[B]

Lobster. That's a pineapple in that. And then that's a guitar. I don't know.

[A]

You don't know where you got the shirt?

[B]

Yeah, I know where I got the shirt. Oh, Ben Sherman. It's a shirt company.

[A]

I don't know. It just looks like a shirt that you would get.

[B]

I like it. It's a fun. That fits me well with like a free.

[A]

You know, like, buy three ice creams, get a shirt free.

[B]

That's so up. No, this is a nice shirt.

[A]

Feel.

[B]

Feel it.

[A]

I can't read.

[B]

Just stretch.

[A]

It feels like a shirt.

[B]

You just. You have no class.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I just. I don't particularly like that shirt anyway. No.

[B]

Speaking of driving. Okay, we're driving. We're late to a baptism, and this lady on a scooter.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Pulls out in front of us. You. It's not street legal. There's no license plate on it or anything.

[A]

It wasn't like a bird scooter. It was. I guess maybe it kind of was kind of similar. Yeah.

[B]

So it's. Well then, are those legal?

[A]

I don't know that you.

[B]

Well, because in the cities there's. Yeah, like there's lines.

[A]

But like we're in the suburbs and like when you go on a main road, it's a main road. It's not like driving through Manhattan where.

[B]

Not on the side, she's in the.

[A]

Center of the lane going 19 miles per hour.

[B]

What? Yeah. The fuck are you doing?

[A]

Also just so fucking dangerous. It's like we were behind her, but I don't know.

[B]

You're not going the speed limit, so I have to go around you.

[A]

Also the first thing that we both said because like she pulled out probably like 50 yards in front of us. Thought it was a little kid at first. We both say when we see her pull out, oh, we're not getting one of those for our kid.

[B]

Yeah, it was like a 50 year old woman on it. I'm like, okay.

[A]

And I get it. It's like if you don't have your car, something happened. Cars in the shop, you got to get from point A to point B. But I guess pull off on that. Maybe it's safer to drive in the middle of the road. I don't know. Is that way cars don't try to.

[B]

Pass you, you know, I don't give a shit. It's not. If it's motorized and you have it on a main road, like that's just not safe. And if you're, if you're putting anything on a main road, you should have a license plate. I mean, that's bullshit.

[A]

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to, right?

[B]

I don't know. Like, I know golf carts. If you're going on the road with them, you have to get like a license plate, right? Unless you're in like a gated community.

[A]

I don't know what the laws are.

[B]

I'm turning into an old man. You are.

[A]

While we continue to talk about sleep in the summer and fall and being ready for crispy, cozy weather, let's talk about our sponsor, Cozy Earth. Cozy Earth's bamboo sheets are temperature regulating, which has been crucial for us right now. They naturally wick away heat and moisture, helping you sleep several degrees cooler. And as a warm and, let's be honest, slightly sweaty pregnant woman, these sheets have been an absolute lifesaver. Honestly, between the sheets and their bubble cuddle blanket, getting out of bed has become an emotional journey, like everything these days. Are you feeling emotional, John?

[B]

I'm feeling it. I'm feeling.

[A]

I am a Blanket person. And I can't wait to be wrapped up in a blanket 247 this fall. Once it gets crispy.

[B]

Once it gets crispy.

[A]

No, crispy cool like the weather outside. It's like crispy.

[B]

You know, crispy sounds like hot.

[A]

No, no, no. It's cool when it's like crispy.

[B]

Cool when it's like chili. Say chilly.

[A]

Okay, fine. Chilly.

[B]

When it's chilly outside, you want to be wrapped in a cozy earth blanket.

[A]

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[B]

Which, if anything, I was trying to be a cool guy.

[A]

Cool old man. I know.

[B]

Really backfired.

[A]

So what day was it? It wasn't even a weekend, though. It was like.

[B]

No, it was. It was a Saturday.

[A]

Oh, it was okay. Because that's, I think, why we were like, just leave them. Whatever. So John and I are just like sitting in the house watching a movie. Oh, maybe not a movie. I think we were watching Four Seasons.

[B]

Good show.

[A]

And so we're watching it and we hear chaos outside of our house. Just like yelling, screaming. You could just tell it's like drunk kids and. But it's really loud. I don't know what, like, why the volume just felt like it was so loud. And so you were like, because we.

[B]

Had a door open. I'm like, what is that? And then I just, like, I could tell that they're younger. And I can hear him, one guy talking to another guy. He's like, you're so drunk. And the other guy's like, you threw up in my car. And they're like, joking, whatever. I'm like, I don't care. But it's going on for like 40 minutes.

[A]

And yeah, we were like. We were like, we'll give it a few Minutes and just see like, you know, we were, we used to be drunk kids before. It was a little nostalgic. And I was like, it's only 9 o'. Clock. And I was like, you know, if it was 10 o', clock, that's crossing the line.

[B]

That's crossing the line. That's past and curfew hours.

[A]

We don't have a kid yet. So I was like, eh, whatever. Like we're awake. Just let him yell. But yeah, then it went on for another like 30 minutes, 40 minutes.

[B]

So I'm watching them from the deck. I just want to like see what's going on. It was like eight kids in one car. Seven at least seven. It was definitely overflow of kids. And I see one kid take a glass bottle and fucking yeet that thing in the road. I go, that's it. That's where, that's where I drew the line. Because I mean it's residential. You're causing a disturbance. And I'm like, I don't want them to get in trouble.

[A]

There are like, we live in a very walkable neighborhood. There's kids and dogs and old people who walk every day. It's like, you don't need to be trashing our neighborhood now at this point.

[B]

That's where we fucking live anyways. Well, I'm like, I don't want to call the cops on them and get them in trouble. I've been there. I've been a kid. I'm trying to be understanding. I go down there and I'm like, hey guys, you gotta go. And one kid's like, what do you.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I said why? Like, what are you talking about? I'm like, I saw you throw that bottle. I'm like, you gotta go. The kid gets an attitude at me and goes, what bottle? And throw a bottle. I'm like, excuse me.

[A]

So like I'm. I don't know again, up, up a ways, literally watching this whole thing, but I can't really hear exactly what's happening. But I'm listening to some like altercation like in like start ensue. And I'm like, oh no. And so I'm there with Kobe. Kobe, who's Frankenstein. Kobe. And I'm. I literally am like, I have 91 1. And I'm like, I. I did not. I don't want it to escalate to this. But I'm literally ready to go.

[B]

My pregnant. My pregnant wife and our 11 year old dog.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, I can't. I can't run as fast as I could.

[B]

So I'm just down there. Yeah. Alex is, like, telling her part of. She wasn't even part of this. Them down there. And so all these kids are just, like, snipping at me, and I'm.

[A]

No, not all of them. I heard some of them be like, one kid, sir, sorry, we're going.

[B]

Not by all of them, though. But the kids just giving me this attitude. And I'm. In my head, I'm like, is this high school kid really doing this right now? And I go, you know what? I don't care. Just go. I'm like, just get out of here. Go. Being nice. And, you know, they get up and leave. And then in my head, I'm like, damn.

[A]

I, I.

[B]

When I did this shit when I was younger, if I had an adult say something, I'd be like, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'll leave. Whatever. Thank you for not calling the police.

[A]

Like, if we were in a neighborhood or, like, I don't know, smoking pot in a car somewhere, like, in a random neighborhood, and an adult came out spooked, we were so apologetic, left, ran, never went back again. But again, like, my. I brought this up to my mom when we were organizing the nursery, and she was like, oh, yeah, that happened when, like, me and your dad moved into our neighborhood. Like, a group of kids were just, like, drinking, and you guys were babies, and she was like, your dad went out and everyone. They were so apologetic and so nice. She was like, but that's weird that they were confrontational with John.

[B]

All these kids with their broccoli hairstyle that they have going on, like, that's the new style or whatever.

[A]

They're dangly earrings.

[B]

Dangly earrings. Well, I had earrings, so I can't. I'm not going to judge them on the earrings.

[A]

Yeah, you did. You had studs, though.

[B]

Just the disrespect, you know? Yeah. We go back up. I'm like, whatever. And we go back. I go back up to the house, and we're watching Four Seasons, and then we kind of sit there. I'm like, did I make the right choice by going down there? My dad's like, you could have gotten shot. I'm like, that's true. I mean, you know, I don't know what's going on anymore, but I thought I was doing them a favor by. Because if it wasn't me, someone else would have called on them.

[A]

So, I mean, either way, it's more. It boils down to respect, where it's kind of just like. And I get It. That's why we gave them leeway. We're like, who cares? Like, yell in the neighborhood. It's, you know, Friday, Saturday night, whatever it is. But it was like, you don't need to be trashing the street that people live on. And then give lip back when you're called out.

[B]

The one. One kid, ironically, there are some big kids in the car. The one kid that was giving me the most attitude was the smallest. He had to be like £70. And. And then his other friend comes out and they're both like, chirping in my ear. I'm like, what is going on?

[A]

That's like, you, you. When you're out, like with my cousins, the linebackers, for sure, they're so big, you're like. I could say whatever I want, but no, I mean, again, I think that kids will be kids, but it's just a matter of like, okay, once you're asked to leave, like, just be respectful. What?

[B]

Well, it's just scary to see what this younger generation's like now with the respect level.

[A]

Is that just a general generational thing to say?

[B]

Say generalization?

[A]

No, a generational thing to say as well. Like, do you think when we were teens, the older generations were like, oh, man, these kids are. You know what I mean? I just think that, like, every generation that goes on, you think that the younger generation is worse just because you're older, you know?

[B]

I don't know. I think boys through every generation get into mischief. I think that's just like a rite of passage of doing stupid shit when you're wrong. Normally it's being apologetic.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Not copying an attitude and being a little prick.

[A]

I don't know. When you're drunk, though, you have balls.

[B]

Yeah, we talked around enough. Anyways, long story short, I'll just call the cops from now on. So. You know what? That was my one time. One time being nice.

[A]

I think it's like the non emergency number that you have to say. Like, I don't even know. I don't know if that's the right choice either. But it's like, then do you just leave them out there to like, we.

[B]

Got a bunch of old people that live around us and they were drunk and being mischievous and probably could be violent towards someone. I mean, you're throwing glass bottles and stuff.

[A]

Yeah, that did happen to my neighbor growing up who's like in his 50s, 60s at the time, went out to approach a drunk group, got punched in the face.

[B]

Like a group of kids.

[A]

Yeah. Who were like, in the cul De sac area. Yeah, but it was like three in the morning. I'm like, three in the morning. I would not go outside. Nothing good. What do they say? Nothing good happens after midnight.

[B]

That would be our luck for something to happen here where we live. It's like the safest, nicest area versus, like the horrible places that we have lived.

[A]

I. I've liked everywhere.

[B]

Sorry, Questionable places that we liked.

[A]

All the places.

[B]

I guess that's gunshots ringing off and I'm like, oh, let me go outside and check it out. Like a idiot. I need to do. I need to be better.

[A]

Yeah, you, like, run towards.

[B]

Like, I'm going to do anything again.

[A]

Like that time when we were living in LA and you thought that someone was underneath our house during a rainstorm. I was like, I think John had.

[B]

A too much of that weed coming. I took a weed gummy. I'm like, someone's under our house.

[A]

Me and Kobe are just inside.

[B]

Somebody's under us. It was, of course la, but it was storming. It was so much rain.

[A]

I was like, john, perhaps it's sticks and wind and you're like, no, no.

[B]

I heard a voice. I take a flashlight and I'm army crawling under our deck looking for some homeless person.

[A]

Neurotic.

[B]

You're paranoid as a paranoid person when you, like, hide in the room, hide in a corner.

[A]

Not.

[B]

Well, I had to know what it was. I had to know what the sound was.

[A]

I know, but I just think, like, there's. Paranoid is like emotion, I would say. And then like, it depends how you act due to your paranoia, you know, like, you could be paranoid and hide. We could be paranoid and like, go towards. It's like, you know, I don't know. I don't know either, but. But yeah, going back to the show, four seasons. Did want to keep that for my wreck, but I'll come up with something else.

[B]

No, you can keep that for your rock.

[A]

No, I mean, we already talked about it, so I'm going to get into it. It. If you haven't seen it, it's on Netflix. It seems like when you look at the trailer, like, even like a little bit of the first episode, maybe a little boring, cheesy, a little boring, but it's actually really good. It's with Steve Carell because we can relate to it.

[B]

Even though we're not in our 50s. I can still relate to, like, their trips that they want to do. I'm like, oh, yeah. So with this warm weather and the summer coming to the end and then buying that Blackstone. I think I've only used it three or four times since we bought it. I'm like, I need to. I need to use it a little bit more. So yesterday I went to use the grill because I had a bunch of, like, Omaha steak stuff. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna grill up these steaks. And I got it ripping hot. I don't know what you're supposed to do. I'm just assuming you always put it on really hot for, like, thicker steaks.

[A]

You're not supposed to do that. You leave it at hot the whole time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, again, that's why. That makes sense. That's why. Also, it wasn't really that burnt.

[B]

You said it was, like, oh, so burnt, but it was just, like, a little charred.

[A]

I had to chop off the top layer, then it was great. But that. That makes sense, though, because if the inside wasn't as cooked and the outside was extremely, like, black already, like, you.

[B]

Had the heat too hot anyways, so I'm cooking it. I. Whatever. I burnt, literally all the meat. All the meat was burnt. I'm like, fuck.

[A]

But yours was raw on the inside.

[B]

One was. One was raw. I burnt my fucking hand on the grill. Then you have to clean how you have to clean the grill. I just don't think I'm a griller. It's so much work. You have to watch it the whole time. And then you have to. How. You have to clean it afterwards and you have to oil it to season it afterwards. It's just a. It's just a long ass process. And then side note, I didn't. So this is what I didn't tell you yesterday.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The filet mignons with the bacon wrapped around it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, we weren't ready to eat, so I had them out. So they cooled down. I'm like, I gotta heat them up.

[A]

So Kobe ate one.

[B]

I put it in the microwave. I forgot there was a metal piece in it.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

So.

[A]

But wait, why was there a metal piece?

[B]

Because the metal piece is holding the bacon to the flamingon.

[A]

Oh, not like a toothpick.

[B]

No, it was metal, but thank God I didn't. I. I put in the microwave. I go to turn it on, but I looked down. I saw the smoke shooting out of the oven because I was burning the bread, so I forgot to hit the start button. I almost blew up our microwave.

[A]

Wait, how. So how did you realize that the rod was in it?

[B]

I'm. Let me get to that. So I pull the oven. All the smoke Shooting out of the oven because I burnt the bread, and I'm freaking out about that. Opening up the doors, blah, blah, blah. And then once the room clears from the smoke, I'm like, oh, that's right. I cooked the filet. So I thought I actually did cook it, even though I didn't. I just put it in the microwave. So I pulled out. I go, oh, it's still cold. And that's when I saw the metal piece. I was like, oh.

[A]

You'Re. You're just a danger to yourself and our health and all of it. I mean, okay. Thank God you didn't, you know, blow up the microwave. You would have heard it within, like, three seconds of it being on. It would have, like, zapped.

[B]

You know what? Because I had the. The stove oven vent on. Like, you would know.

[A]

You would have heard it. Like, when have you ever put the microwave.

[B]

No. Have you?

[A]

Well, yeah, I've heard of, like, not. Not from me doing it, but, like, just roommates or, I don't know, videos. Like, it. It sparks immediately. You would know immediately. But no, I just feel like the environment of grilling has to be a vibe. Like, I don't think that you could just force yourself to do it. It's like a weekend activity, you know, like, you did it at the end of the work.

[B]

I just not feel rushed to do it.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

A fun experience.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it should be. You have a beer.

[B]

I was like, this is. I gotta clean it.

[A]

We have the pool.

[B]

I know. Those goddamn crickets. Oh, my God. I'm like, why are. These Are the stove. Like, what are all these crickets doing?

[A]

Also, I like how you call me outside. You show me, John shows me. There's probably a pile of, like, 20 crickets that are just, like, chilling in, like, a nest next to our house. And I'm like, oh, my God, gross. John does the same. Same strategy that you did with the millipede. Smacked mall with a towel.

[B]

I don't know where they went.

[A]

What is.

[B]

Put the walls clean like, you just.

[A]

Did you want them to live?

[B]

Did I want them to live? No, I wanted them off the wall. There was, like, 15 of them, so I just smacked them wherever they went. I'm not gonna individually go over there and.

[A]

No, I thought that you would, like, you know, brush spider webs, like a broom or, you know, the broom is.

[B]

All the way downstairs.

[A]

Okay, do whatever you want. Legs, Cricket legs everywhere. Well, before we get into questions, I did want to point out my nails. I'm so proud of myself. I Started doing my nails a few years ago on my own just because I feel like it's, like, therapeutic for me. You know what I mean? What do you do that's therapeutic for you, John?

[B]

Go to the gym.

[A]

You go and play your submarine game. So while John does that and he fights off sharks. I have learned over the years to paint my nails, but I do Gel X. No one cares about this, but I don't.

[B]

My mind is blank right now.

[A]

I'm proud of myself. So I wanted to talk about it. And I usually can never get them. Like, when I first started, I couldn't get them to last, like, more than, like, a week, maybe a few. Like, more than a few days. And then slowly, it was like, a week. These have been on for weeks. I'm so proud of myself.

[B]

I am, too.

[A]

I need you. I'm very over this color, though, so I do need to change them.

[B]

Paint over it?

[A]

No, like, you're supposed to, like, file them down and, like, refresh them and, like, change them out.

[B]

Do you like them that long?

[A]

No, but they're this long because they've been on for weeks. So I do need to change them, but I'm like, look.

[B]

So I guess it would shift down just a little bit more.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, I'm supposed to remove them. But my issue is, is I've never removed them because they've always just popped off. So I'm like, I don't know what to do. I know that there's videos, but my cousin, she actually. If you guys are in San Diego, she has a nail company. Bella, Babe, San Diego. Or something like that. Christina, she crushes it. She does actual art. She gave me tips on how to keep these on. But anyway, so if you're like, wow, why does Alex still have great nails? It's because I'm just, like, a really great nail tech now.

[B]

I'm also. I'm proud of your consistency because it's a lot of trial and error. You've been working on it for a while, and you finally figured it out.

[A]

Six years, really? Like, I think I bought my first kit for Gel X when we first moved to la, because I was like, I'm just gonna learn how to do my own nails. And now they're on, and I don't know how I'm gonna get them off.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

That's it. Anything else you wanted to discuss for the week, John?

[B]

My dad saying that your maternal instinct's not gonna kick in once baby's here.

[A]

What the fuck was that about?

[B]

Cause I was Telling him how, like, you just sleep through everything. And I'm like, such a light sleeper. And he's like, oh, yeah.

[A]

Because I've heard people say it's gonna change. They're like, oh, no. Like, you'll wake up by just like hearing a pin drop. Because your maternal instincts will stick, will kick in. Because when I adopted Kobe, not that having a puppy is the same, but when he was only a few weeks old, I would wake up to him crying to go out and I would be up like three or four times with him in the night to let him out because her bladders are so, so little. But I'm like, I don't know. I think it will change. I hope it will change. But your dad, I hope it now.

[B]

Yeah, I'm definitely. Oh, my God, my mom's going to murder him. He's like, yeah, when you were a baby, oh, I was the one getting up every night and taking care of you because your mom wouldn't wake up. So I was like, I hope that's not Alex.

[A]

We'll see. I guess we'll know soon.

[B]

Soon.

[A]

Soon enough. All right, well, let's jump into questions.

[B]

John, shall we dive in.

[A]

So after watching the show four seasons, I just feel like it, it opened up a lot of marriage qualms and I was like, oh my gosh, these are so relatable. But one marriage Qualm. Is that a word? Like qualm?

[B]

Sounds like it.

[A]

Marriage, go with it. Tension, marriage, whatever. Things that like you.

[B]

Friction.

[A]

Yeah. Things I can caution point is money. And I was like, I don't think that we've really talked much about money recently. So I was like, let's do that today.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

So first question, I'm trying to make more money for my family. I make about 60k a year working 50 to 65 hours a week. My amazing wife is a stay at home mom to our son. But I want to give them the world. Any advice on how to increase my income.

[B]

It's doing 50 to 60 hours a week with that job at that point. Maybe something like that you do from home because if you got another job, then you're never going to be home to spend time with your kids. That's tough. My initial, like a remote job or at least something remote that you can do from home.

[A]

My initial like gut to reading this was apply for a new job. Like if you are stationary in the same job for years, you're most likely not going to get a raise or it's not going to Be significant. Don't they say that like moving positions, moving jobs?

[B]

They don't say it. I say that.

[A]

Oh, okay. But that's also I think a known thing. Oh, that is my tip. A financial advisor. And that's what I say. Like you want to continue to move out of your career into something else.

[B]

I just know in therapy, for example, in healthcare at least I it was always a 2% raise. A 2% raise is like pennies. That was your raise every year. So I didn't start. And at least it for OT and PT to make more money, it's going to different places and negotiating, that's when you get to negotiate is the only time you really get a chance.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so like I know after my five year stint as a therapist and I spoke to some of my friends who were still at the same place after five years, I think they made three more dollars, four more dollars an hour, like it was fudgeing crazy.

[A]

But you moved around a lot and then that's like where I think you made the bulk amount.

[B]

It also made me hate therapy.

[A]

Right. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think ultimately if you're looking at long term goals, you have to look at yourself skill of what you can do. That is like an irreplaceable skill. Like for us, I knew again when we were doing weddings, I knew that I wanted to get to a place where we were charging a premium because like we were that good at doing them. And so if you have a skill, you could start as a side hustle because I mean again, that's like kind of what we did with weddings before I went off and like started my business full time is perfect that. But I think the easiest thing would be apply to another position.

[B]

To sum up, there's a lot of things you can do. I think looking for a new job. You're doing 60 grand a year for 50, 60 hours. That is not a lot of money.

[A]

No. Well, I mean especially if you're not making overtime either.

[B]

If you're a good worker, you'll find something else. Yeah, but yeah, I'd find look for something in your wheelhouse of skill. But also go back to remote work. I know there's a lot of stuff online that you can do. At least that way you could be home with your family.

[A]

Yeah. Next question. My husband and I bought a house on a whim a few days ago. We weren't planning on buying, but we went to an open house, fell in love with the property and made an offer on the spot. We have several realtor friends, but one in particular had an over the top reaction to us not using her. We never discussed house hunting with her, and she doesn't even sell in the area we were looking in. Her husband has been best friends with my husband since childhood, so it feels like they both assumed we'd use her out of obligation. Now they've both been cold towards us for weeks, despite my husband reaching out multiple times to apologize. I keep telling him we aren't responsible for her paycheck. This is just business. He feels guilty and, like, he's lost a lifelong friendship, but I believe this has been blown way out of proportion because of the realtor wife. Are we in the wrong here?

[B]

No.

[A]

No.

[B]

Was she gonna give you a kickback?

[A]

Also, there's. If you have so many realtor friends, what are you gonna do? Do it like a sit down panel with them to see who you want to use?

[B]

Like, that's a maturity thing too. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're really gonna be that insulted that it didn't use you? Like, shut up.

[A]

Yeah. No, you're not in the wrong here. I would.

[B]

You know what? If you're. If you're upset about it, you must not be busy enough. You must not be busy enough that you're offended by your friend not using you.

[A]

True. Because again, speaking back to when we were in the wedding industry, I can't think of any scenario that I got annoyed when a friend didn't hire us. If anything, I was like, thank you. Like, I have so many other.

[B]

Well, I was like, recommendations. Thank you. Because I don't want to shoot this whole wedding and knowing that I have to give you a discount on top of it.

[A]

Well, you know. You know who says it? Alex and Layla Hermozi. They're like the best financial business gurus on the Internet. Um, they say. Which I 100% agree with. If they are your true friends, they wouldn't expect a discount. You know, they would pay full price and support your business. But you. You mentioned you have several realtor friends. I mean, and even if you didn't have several realtor friends, there's a lot of different reasons why you may or may not choose someone. I think she's taking it personal, and that's her problem. And so I think you're in the dodge the bullet. Yeah. If anything.

[B]

So smart choice.

[A]

I think you just have to, like, let your husband. You. You know, that you're not in the wrong here. And hopefully your husband comes around to realize that as well. He has guilt for no reason.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Next question. Is it required to bring a birthday gift to every single birthday party? My husband and I, early 30s, have a toddler and another baby on the way. We both have good jobs, but we're budgeting carefully due to daycare costs. We live within our means, but like to enjoy occasional dinners and small outings. One of my close friend groups, all moms, started having kids a few years before me. Many of them now throw yearly birthday parties for their two plus kids, ages three and up. These aren't casual get togethers. We get formal invitations and Amazon gift lists. None of the invites say no gift necessary, necessary. So it feels mandatory. Meanwhile, they rarely attend our daughter's birthdays and have never brought gifts. We don't even spend this much on nieces and nephews. Our family often insists gifts aren't necessary to avoid clutter. We just received another invite with a gift list and my husband doesn't want to go or buy a gift. I feel weird showing up empty handed, but I also agree it's getting excessive. So is it rude to attend a kid's birthday party without a gift Gift.

[B]

A gift list, an Amazon.

[A]

What are like, are we registries for kids?

[B]

I guess that would help though, like, for me personally, I don't know what the. To get a kid.

[A]

I do agree with her too. Like, whoever in her family is like, we don't need gifts because we don't need clutter. So I guess a gift list would help with what your kid actually wants as opposed to just getting them that's gonna pile up. Or things that they already have. But man, I can. I feel like we've had this conversation before.

[B]

But your family's huge. Your family. You have a ton of.

[A]

I like how you're already getting mad at me. Like, as if, like, no, no, no, no. You're like, oh, we're skipping out on these birds.

[B]

No, no. Like we, we're there because it's like everyone has kids and your family and so we talk about that too. I'm.

[A]

It's like we just give cash.

[B]

I'm like, yeah, are we giving every kid cash every single birthday?

[A]

Like, I think nieces and nephews are different. For me, of course I think nieces and nephews are different, but I think friends. I mean, we also just don't like to go to things. So, like, I just, like, just say no.

[B]

I don't go, then I'm not bringing a gift.

[A]

Like, just say no. But I could see it getting excessive. I mean, like, what is. I would love parents to weigh in. Like, what Is a budget there? Like, is it $20? Is it 5, $50? Like, how much are you spending?

[B]

Know, it sucks about this whole situation. It goes back to your. What's it called? Like, acts of service. What the that called?

[A]

Oh, like, yeah, like love language.

[B]

Love language. Giving acts of service that's spearheaded by the gift giving person. You know what I mean? Someone who's throwing the party and is doing a gift list is that person's love language is gift giving. And then everyone else has to follow. Follow along under that person of having to give a gift. I hate giving gifts. I hate it. I rather like. It's annoying.

[A]

See, I like giving gifts. I hate getting gifts, which is.

[B]

I hate both. I don't want anything. I don't want to give anything.

[A]

You just don't want to be obligated to give something to someone. I love giving gifts.

[B]

But like, let's be honest. When we give gifts and you shouldn't think this way, but I'm gonna think this way, we never receive an equal.

[A]

You're saying it's never reciprocated?

[B]

Yes. Wow, that word.

[A]

But I think that's okay. Like, when you give something, you shouldn't give something with the expectation that you.

[B]

But it makes me not want to do something.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

We're just let down every, every single time. And I don't expect anything from anyone, but I don't want anyone to expect anything from me.

[A]

Right. But I really do want parents to weigh in on this. Like, is an Amazon gift list, like, more helpful? Do you think that that's a selfish thing? I mean, like, for us, I. We are very privileged and we know that, like, just us being content creators, like, we do get a lot of like, PR and gifting already. So we said we don't want to have a baby shower. Not just because we don't want to be, like, celebrated. I'm obviously very nervous with this whole pregnancy, so that's like my main reason for not wanting a baby shower. But I just don't want excess, excess things. And so, like, we're already donating the extra things that we do have and like, we don't need because I just think that we live in a current day with Amazon and all so much consumerism and it's so much extra crap. So I just feel like in situations, because I'm like, we have to give advice here where it's like, so is it rude to attend a kid's birthday party without a gift? A physical gift? I would say no, but would. Can you I think, yes, I think it is rude.

[B]

It's rude. Just let's make it simple. Rude if you don't bring a gift? Yes. The other part of your question though is I wouldn't fucking go because based off of what you just told us, they rarely attend any of your stuff. Don't fucking go if you're on the fence.

[A]

Don't even go if they're not giving you gifts. I think that's weird. And I don't think it's because you're not giving a gift list. Like, then you just come up with something or give cash for you.

[B]

That's like inviting somebody over for dinner and say, don't bring anything. Brings something.

[A]

Always never show up.

[B]

Don't be a idiot idea.

[A]

And that's what it is. I do think it's rude to show up empty handed. Is there an alternative to a gift that you could do? Like maybe make something homemade, you know, not necessarily like a meal, but do a craft like with your kid, that it's something more special like in craft with your kid.

[B]

What do you. You're gonna have the kid, like, draw a painting and give painting to the other kid?

[A]

I like. I love making homemade cards.

[B]

If I saw you give, I'd be like, cool, cool. Where's the real gift?

[A]

I don't know. I think it just. Sometimes something personalized, a DIY gift could be a little bit more thoughtful. Like in Bridesmaids, when Annie gives the. When Kristen gives her friend. No, not the dog. When she gives her, like the specialized box of like, personal memories that they grew up with. And she's like, oh, my God, I love this. This is so meaningful. And then, you know, Helen got her a gift, a trip to Paris.

[B]

Helen's my friend. I'll be Helen. I'll be Helen's. Helen's my dog.

[A]

We all need both. We need both friends. I just think. Yeah, I do think it's rude if you don't want to bring anything. If you don't want to buy anything, just say no.

[B]

Just say you're sick. But as far as the list, I think it looks kind of like pompous or not. What's the. It looks strange. But at the same time, for someone like me, I actually would appreciate that.

[A]

So you know exactly what to get.

[B]

Yeah. So I don't have to think about anything. Yeah. Cool. Best of luck. Don't go.

[A]

Next question. I have a close friend that I considered one of my best friends. I asked him to be a groomsman, and he excitedly accepted at my bachelor Party in January, out of state, somewhat pricey. We all had a great time. We make good money, so I didn't think costs would be an issue. That said, he spent hours FaceTiming his new girlfriend one night. About three hours. But I brushed it off. A few weeks later he told me he got some switched to night shifts and wouldn't be able to attend our wedding in Florida because he couldn't travel on weekends. I understood. Then I found out through a mutual friend that he went on a four day vacation with his girlfriend that same weekend. I felt lied to when I mentioned it. Our mutual friend said my groomsman felt like he spent way more money than everyone else during the bachelor trip, which is not true. I spent nearly 1,000 myself on restaurants, golfs, ubers, etc. Since then he has sent memes and friendly texts, but I haven't responded. Am I the asshole for ignoring him instead of telling him how I feel? Or should he have been honest about what was bothering him?

[B]

Just say something. What are you gonna do? Just constantly ignore him? Unless you're gonna cut him out completely. Might as well just nip it in the butt.

[A]

You're also just hearing this from the Buddha, but there it is. You're also just hearing this from mutual friends. I feel like unless you hear it from the source, it's all here.

[B]

The wazi is a woozy.

[A]

It's just all fairy dust like you.

[B]

Well, unless he definitely did go on a trip.

[A]

I mean, right? Right. Like if he didn't work that weekend and he did go with his girlfriend. But either way, I still think that it's a conversation to be had.

[B]

Is it the best man or best woman or whatever?

[A]

Just groomsmen. And he accepted. But then he didn't show up to the wedding.

[B]

Who care? What?

[A]

Yeah, just communicate, you know, communication. I don't necessarily think you're the asshole for ignoring him. I do think it's a little bit petty at this point. It's just like have that conversation. You don't have to pretend like everything's fine. But if he did something that annoyed you, vice versa. But yeah, like you're hearing this through a mutual friend.

[B]

I would be pissed that he lied to me. Right, for sure.

[A]

But that. But you also wouldn't let that slide. Like you would call him out immediately.

[B]

Okay, you're not. Here's the thing. What I don't get about lying is wild to me because I don't care enough to someone care enough about someone's feelings to lie to them. I'm just gonna be Honest. I'm going on a trip. Sorry, I'm not going to your wedding. Oh, my God. You're in the free and clear. Little friction, but you do whatever you want after that.

[A]

You've always.

[B]

You don't think your friend's gonna find out that you went on a fucking trip, right? Or you told another friend, like, are you stupid?

[A]

Yeah. And I. We say this all the time. Like you could beat around the bush, but honesty is the best policy. And again, you're not in the wrong. Your friend was the one who obviously felt some type of way about going on this trip with his girlfriend.

[B]

But if it's affecting your mental health, just say something. Let's go.

[A]

Yeah. Next question. Hi, everyone. We're everyone.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

And I guess the whole give it to me straight community. I'm 27 and engaged to my fiance. He's 33. But I'm struggling with whether or not to call off our engagement. When we started dating, he told me that his mother handles all of his finances. I didn't think much of it until I noticed how involved she really is. On date nights, she'd text him asking why he was spending so much money. This has continued our entire relationship. He says she handles it because he's never been good with money. I've offered to take over, but whenever we bring it up, she gets offended. Now that we're engaged, I've told him I don't want her managing our finances when we're married. At that point, she'd essentially be managing my money too. We're adults. Why is she still this involved? It's a huge deal breaker for me. I need my fiance to step up. I can't spend the rest of my life with his mother constantly in our business.

[B]

Is he an only child?

[A]

Either way, doesn't fucking matter. Why are you involved at 33? Come on.

[B]

I remember when we first got engaged or whatever and my dad had access to my bank account because I was for bills and stuff. So we'll just exchange money. And you're like, we're going to have to cut that out.

[A]

I was like, my parents don't have access to my accounts. Your parents should not have access to your accounts. And it's not even like, yes, you can trust your own parents. And it's not that I don't trust them, but I think it's just a maturity thing.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, at some point you have to grow out. Even though I still am on my. My parents cell phone anymore.

[A]

Like, we need to get on our own cell phone. Plan because I'm still on mine. I just said my parents easier just.

[B]

Pay them and be. I think that's why I had the account open.

[A]

Probably. But either way, we should still get on our own cell phone plan. We're having a kid now, you know, like, she'll need.

[B]

And we could write it off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What was your first phone?

[A]

It was a flip phone. It was T mobile. I got it when I was 13.

[B]

I had a Kyocera.

[A]

I could still text in T9 if I wanted to right now if you gave me.

[B]

Not a black option. You did T9.

[A]

Not on. You're not texting in T9 on an iPhone.

[B]

All you do is swipe. Do you swipe?

[A]

No, text.

[B]

You do it individually.

[A]

It's a keyboard, John.

[B]

I know, but you could swipe the keyboard to make words. I was, but it could just never get the word I wanted.

[A]

Especially for someone who's dyslexic. You. I don't think I've ever seen you actually type something you use. Siri.

[B]

I fucking hate texting all the time. I hate texting. Jason was the one who told me about. He uses those audio notes. Oh, that is like. I like that now.

[A]

I like those if you're telling a full story sometimes. Other times, I don't love it because I'm like, I got to do. It's nicer to just, like, read a message. But if it's a long story, I get it. I'll, like, put it on with my girlfriends like a podcast. Anyway, we've segued completely. His mom should not be involved.

[B]

No, no, no. Yeah, no, that's weird.

[A]

He doesn't. We're getting a mom out. I would be. That would be a deal breaker for.

[B]

Me to go get a fucking hobby, lady.

[A]

Or again, bring up maybe getting a financial advisor. Like, if he's not good with his money, you guys, and he doesn't want.

[B]

You in charge, there's other avenues to go down.

[A]

Adviser his mom. That's muddying the water there. And again, when you guys are together, you are a unit. Nobody, no other party needs to be involved. There it is between you and him. Cut that out.

[B]

Finances are stressful enough between a couple. You're gonna add a third party in there, right? That's not gonna go well. That's one of the big five. Finances, children, religion, politics. I'm missing one.

[A]

I think you're just making them up.

[B]

Those four are huge.

[A]

Where you're gonna live, kids.

[B]

I already said that. Religion, politics, finances, kids. There's a fifth One sex.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, sure, sex.

[A]

Fancy time.

[B]

Fancy time. Fancy, dancy. Fancy time.

[A]

Next question. Did we answer that?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

Okay, next question. I, 30, female, got married last year. My sister, 27, was my maid of honor. She and her boyfriend didn't give us a gift for the bridal shower or the wedding. Honestly, even just a card with a heartfelt message would have meant something. This has nothing to do with money. I've seen her bank statements. She's now engaged. I told my husband I don't plan to get her a gift. He thinks we should. What would you do?

[B]

This is why I think gifts are stupid.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I think gifts, overall are stupid. The parents should get the kid a gift. That's it. Until they're, like, 18. Then no more gifts.

[A]

Oh, like. But this is for a wedding.

[B]

Fudge gifts. It's just, like. Because everyone's threshold is different. Financial, whatever they have, and finances are different because you make people feel like, you know, gifts make people feel like.

[A]

I don't think so. I think that if, like, it's coming from the goodness of your heart and you want to. You feel like it. It has to be reciprocal. Where, again, it's like, you scratch my back, I scratch yours.

[B]

Like, you know why I feel like that?

[A]

Why?

[B]

It's because it's not just happened, like, one time. It happens all the time. And because we're in the position of giving decent gifts doesn't come back.

[A]

I don't ever expect that, though. Like, I truly. When I give a gift, I'm like, I'm so happy to give this to you.

[B]

It's not even a gift. More like, even, like, the fucking effort or even, like, having parties. Like, we put that time and energy and effort into parties. And, like, people don't do shit.

[A]

Not really. I would love to have more parties. I feel like we don't even host that often because. Because of this. Because of that, you get annoyed. You're like, no one. No one shows up not knowing my mother's.

[B]

I'm my mother's son. You really My mom. All the parties and stuff my mom has ever done, it's like she goes above and Beyond. There's only 20. There's only 30 people. Cool. She's got enough food for 150 people, right? Decorations, houses, clean gifts for everyone. Thoughtful.

[A]

I'm. But I'm like your mom in the way that I'd rather host because I know that it's gonna be done right. I was actually having this conversation with my cousin the other day, where she was like, I just host at my house because I just know that it's gonna be fun. It's gonna be a good job. Because she lives in an area upstate where she's like, people just don't know how to host. And she's like, and it's never fun. The kids are starving. And so I'm like, I. I feel that, like, I like to overdo it. And you don't like that because you're like, why are we spending all this money?

[B]

And how long are these people staying? That's my biggest thing. I would love to go to someone else's party so I can leave when I want.

[A]

But then you complain at someone else's house because you're like, their house is. It's messy. The cat's on the counter. There's hair in the food.

[B]

I don't think it's that much. I'm not asking that much.

[A]

My point is, like, then don't get mad.

[B]

Clean your house.

[A]

Me for wanting to host. Like, you just. You can't.

[B]

This is such a good topic. I just. I don't know. I.

[A]

We're in a place has nothing to do.

[B]

This question. I just think, like, in our society, materialistic money stuff is just like. It's just like. It's being like, I feel bad for my Uncle Tom. He's my dad's, like, best friend growing up. That guy has given me, like, $20, whatever gift like, every single birthday until I was, like, 25. I want to tell him, like, that is the nicest thing. That is so nice of you.

[A]

You.

[B]

You should not have. Have to do that. You should not have to do that.

[A]

And what have you done for Uncle Tom?

[B]

Nothing. That's what I'm saying. I'm a piece of shit.

[A]

But you were also a kid. Like, I would never expect my nieces to, like, pay me or give me anything. But in your mentality, you're like, I'm not doing shit for you. Don't do shit for. For me, because I don't want to do shit for you. It should. You shouldn't look at it like that.

[B]

I don't need any help.

[A]

I'm with this girl's husband here.

[B]

I don't need any help. I'm smart enough. I set myself up enough where I don't need help from anybody.

[A]

You and this listener are on the same page. I'm on the same page as her husband where I think, yeah, who cares? Like, it's your.

[B]

You and him probably both love Valentine's Day then too.

[A]

Valentine's Day has nothing to do with this job.

[B]

Stupid holiday. You got to spend money.

[A]

No, you don't. Like, you could do whatever the fuck you want. And that's at the end of the day, you can do whatever you want. Your sister clearly did whatever the fuck she wanted and she didn't get you anything. But does that mean, like, if you want to give her something, then give it to her, but if you truly, deep down don't just because she didn't, it's. It's really up to you.

[B]

Then don't.

[A]

Then don't. But I think if there's a gift, I don't know, I don't look at it like that. I'm just like, I just like to gift give. And so I would still get her something. And then you could be petty about it later on and just be like, yeah, well, I got you something. I don't. I don't know. I just. I don't think that it needs to be petty.

[B]

See the dollar signs floating away out of our bank account.

[A]

And then John will in turn complain about how he has no friends. He's like, this is so weird, people. I really just, like, don't feel like I have a core group. And I'm like, well, maybe because you don't invite anyone over.

[B]

Anyways, good luck.

[A]

I think ultimately, to wrap that question up, you just can't expect everyone to reciprocate. Like, similar to the other gift question.

[B]

No, you can. You can. Especially if it happens. I mean, more so, like, more than once with the same person.

[A]

And the majority of people, I'm sure, are going to agree with you and be like that. These people. Yeah, they don't get you something go. They could go themselves. I'm thinking from, you know, just if you have it.

[B]

You know what? I never even came at you because.

[A]

You come at me all the time.

[B]

You. You set yourself up for disappointment. You say you don't care, but you get disappointed and you have. What am I disappointed in the past with? Like, people not reciprocating, whether it's wedding gifts or bachelorette party gifts or just like, the amount of work and time you put into someone's birthday party and like, the same thing has not been reciprocated to you and you have been a little disappointed.

[A]

No, no, no. Not with, like, parties for me. I get annoyed. And we had a question about this, like, sim, like, a few weeks ago where the. The bridesmaid was like, these. These sisters aren't helping. That's where I get annoyed where it's like, everybody gets credit for the work of one person. And I'm like, that dumb bitch didn't do shit. I did this all. That's where I get annoyed because I'm like, I. If I'm throwing a party for someone else or giving a nice gift to someone, like, I truly don't expect that back for myself because I just feel like, again, we're in a very lucky and blessed place where, like, I don't need anything. Like, I have everything that I need, and so I'm taken care of. But do not take the credit of the work that I've done for someone else.

[B]

That changes the friend dynamic, though. That's why I don't want to look at like that just because the position that we're in. I don't want to be treated differently. I don't want to feel like, because we are okay, that I don't need anything. Like, no, I'm getting you a gift. You get me just like, if I go out with the guys to go do something, I'm not going to pay for everyone to go just because I'm in a better financial place than someone else's. I want us to equally contribute because I don't want to feel different.

[A]

I think it's a balance because also, like, when you're in an adult and you have more adult money, and again, like, this is coming from a place of, like, privilege and not financially struggling. I do think that it gets annoying when you're. You consistently are picking up the bill for the friend and they never offer. You know what I mean? It's like, there are those friends, and.

[B]

I. I'm saying split it.

[A]

But that's not gifts. That's like, just like, I move so.

[B]

Far away from this question.

[A]

This is undigging, unburying. Some other type of trigger for you?

[B]

Do you know. Do you know where I'm. What I'm saying, though, as far as, like, not wanting to. You just, like, I don't want to feel any different.

[A]

Yes, I agree with that. But when it comes to gifts, I think that's a separate conversation. You're talking about just, like, splitting finances in general, which, yeah, I think is annoying.

[B]

Activities or doing whatever.

[A]

Yeah, right. Like, you can't expect the one person who does well in your friend group to pick up the bill every time. Like, because we have run into situations like that where I'm like, girlfriend, I've gotten 18 of our coffees and you're.

[B]

Gonna venmo me fucking $15 request me for this water.

[A]

Fuck off. Like, are you shitt? Yeah, I just think those are the types of people.

[B]

Like, do you not like, do you have any self awareness at all?

[A]

I don't know. No.

[B]

So everyone out there, check your friends, check them. I do that and I do sometimes with.

[A]

I just think for a wedding, a gift. If you're gonna feel guilty for not giving your sister something, then get her something. I, I do what you want. I would get her something. John wouldn't. So we're split here, 50. 50.

[B]

I mean our wedding, none of our friends from the south, but they trav.

[A]

So to me I'm like, I wouldn't expect anything from them if they traveled. Like, you know, and. And some people who did travel did still.

[B]

And this is where the gift conversation sucks because everyone's threshold of when you should give gifts, how much of a gift, how big of a gift is different protocols and, and different. Oh well, you travel. You don't have to get me a gift. But you, you are within a five mile radius of this location. You should be getting me a gift. Like, how you think about gift giving isn't the same as other people. And that's why I think gift giving in, in general sucks. It's shitty. We shouldn't do it because it's gonna make people.

[A]

Do you hear that everyone? Nobody buy John a gift ever for the rest of his life.

[B]

I don't fucking need anything. I'll get it myself.

[A]

So. But you, but with that you're like, I will not get a gift for anyone else.

[B]

No, I will.

[A]

No Mother's Day.

[B]

And that's what sucks. I will get them a gift. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And so people are still going to give you a gift.

[B]

I don't want a gift. I don't want anything. Don't give me a fucking gift.

[A]

Everyone write in the comments what I should get John for a gift for Christmas.

[B]

I used to cry all the time when my mom would sing me Happy birthday. My mom and dad, I hated it. I don't like that.

[A]

Just everybody leave John alone. That's really the moral of the story. Let's move on. You look sweaty.

[B]

Is it shining off my face? That's what happens when they have to shave the sheen.

[A]

I can't believe you don't have a skincare routine. Like, you look so beautiful.

[B]

Wow, that is so nice. You're beautiful.

[A]

No, you don't have to say no.

[B]

No, you are. No, you are.

[A]

You really have like such nice skin.

[B]

It's that Sicilian blood in me.

[A]

I know. But, like, I'm also Sicilian.

[B]

I think you're a fucking liar.

[A]

I'm literally 50%. It's just the French and the German also took over. You're also French, you motherfucker.

[B]

Look how tan I'm like. You're not tan at all. Sometimes I get tan when you do that spray tan.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. Well, it works okay. I'm just trying to avoid the sun more as I'm getting older, because I don't. I want to protect my. My skin, but I do love the sun. Next question.

[B]

That's somebody that's not, as Sicilian blood would say.

[A]

Two months before we got married, my husband revealed he had no savings and 15k in credit card debt. I paid it off to avoid interest, but asked him to pay it back over time into a joint savings account and start budgeting for our future. A year later, he never followed through. He accumulated more debt, and I found out he was making monthly payments to a girl's onlyfans account. We've been married for four years and have a daughter. He's trying to improve financially but still still has no savings and hasn't contributed to our joint account. For Valentine's Day, he planned a date dinner and a comic book movie that he wanted to see. I ended up paying $40 for valet and tip using a gift card. Am I petty for feeling hurt? I just want to feel taken care of once in a while. Like, I'm married.

[B]

You're married to a loser, dude. What is wrong with people? Are you like, you just so worthless that you. You just can't get your together? Oh, your wife. Your wife paid your debt off and you doubled down and got more debt. And on top of that, you're like, I could spring for this only fans account on top of having a daughter.

[A]

Remember that person who wrote in about divorce and was like, oh, my God, stop telling people to get divorced? Absolutely. Get divorced. To me, like, he's not only disrespecting you, he hasn't made the effort to change. And then he's like, I'm gonna, to your point, double down and go pay money for someone's only fans.

[B]

I'm trying to think, like, what would be worse than that? I guess it would just be like a crackhead. So it's crackhead than this guy. Like, it can't be that hard to find a normal quality person.

[A]

I. But they have a kid. I don't care. You show your daughter bars on the floor. Just like the cherry on top is going to the movies for A movie he wanted to see.

[B]

Then you got the question about the other guys. Like, I want to provide for my family. Poor guys working 50 to 60 hours a week. Like where the. We need more of those.

[A]

Yeah, but those people exist, like you. And I don't want to be yourself.

[B]

Worth, like have some self worth for yourself. You're. You're conflicted by this.

[A]

Okay, well, let me finish the question because I didn't answer. I didn't finish it. I voiced how I feel, but there's been no real change. I worry that if I keep letting it slide, resentment will only grow. Which it will. He has a heart of gold and I know he's trying. No, he's not. You just said he wasn't. But am I asking too much? No, you're not.

[B]

Yeah, you're asking so much. Oh my God. You should just chill out.

[A]

He's not trying. This whole question, you literally proved that he's not trying. So, okay, maybe before divorce, talk to a financial advisor, go to a therapist. Like couples counseling. We always forget to add that couples counseling is a thing you can try that. Which, you know, maybe insurance will pay for, but I'm sure that's going to cost money as well. But this is a lifelong thing of him being selfish and also doing things behind your back. I'm like looking into the camera as if I'm speaking to this person. I think this is just a problem that's going to continue to grow with your resentment. John really hit the nail on the head. He's a loser and you deserve it more. Okay, next question. Am I the asshole for wanting access to my husband's business bank account? He owns his own company and I work part time. At a 9 to 5. He makes significantly more. About double what I do. We have a joint account, but he won't contribute to it or give me access to his business account. He pays all the bills except for water and my car payment, which takes up my entire paycheck. So I never have any money for myself. When I asked for money, it's like pulling teeth. And he only agrees if it's for groceries or essentials. The other night I asked for access to his account or even just a card for emergencies. He looked at me like I was crazy and asked, why do you need access to my money? It's our money. It led to a big argument and I still don't have access. Does this count as financial abuse?

[B]

Kinda. I don't. That's tough.

[A]

I mean, I think everyone's everyone's idea or not idea, but like, look, technically.

[B]

It'S his money first off. It is. Right? The business is in his name. Did he have this business before her? We've talked about like prenups and like sharing accounts and all that. In the end it technically is his money. But if they're, if you're doing something with contribution to this relationship, like I don't know if kids are involved or whatever. It sucks that like you, he. And he's also paying your bills on top of it too. You can't just expect him to pay for your lifestyle, I guess. But at the same time you are a team. So there should be a mutual account.

[A]

Yeah, I think everyone has different opinions when it comes to what's yours and mine and marriage. Especially when it boils down to finances. Like for us, when we got married, it was our money. Like, but I think you knew that I was financially mature or like financially stable enough, you know.

[B]

It wasn't that.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know what was it.

[B]

I just trusted you.

[A]

But if you.

[B]

But also we weren't materialistic. Neither one of us are materialistic people.

[A]

Like, Right.

[B]

I saw your spending habit. I know your spending habits are like, it's like we're, we're more business oriented, driven. Whatever we needed to get for the business, that's what we spent our money on. It was never new. Yeah, we don't care about that. And I think it was very. Just easy for me to. Yeah, we should just have joint account.

[A]

Yeah. And that's where it's like tough to call this financial abuse because like you are also working but you don't have enough funds for yourself. Are you a stay at home mom? Because then either way, like if you're a stay at home parent, I think yeah, like he should be contributing to some joint.

[B]

You just doing part time just to just, just do part time. Because then I.

[A]

Or like are you not physically able to work full time? Like, what is the reason? Like can you get a new job where you're making more money? I just, it's hard. We don't have all the details here. But I do think the conversation around it being your money together does need to change. Like I don't think that he should be saying this is my money, but does he have employees? Like, are there other things that like the money in his business account goes to? Because for us we have a business, we've always had a business account. We keep that and invest back into our business. But like we pay ourselves outside of that. So like we both make A paycheck from our. So how much is he paying himself? There's a lot of little meticulous things that go into owning a business that like again, he might not actually have the excess funds. And we don't know because I don't know like all the details of that. But I just think you do need to have more of a conversation about.

[B]

I think you both give a little bit. Like if you're just working part time, just to work part time, you need to be working harder. I would think if he's working, like maybe you need to show some incentive. But on his end he should be, he needs to be contributing like holding a. You guys are married. That's why, like I don't like that you have to ask him for money. Like you guys are a fucking team.

[A]

Well, and that's where it does feel like financial abuse because it's like I, you're only allotting an amount for groceries and you know, household essential.

[B]

Wouldn't you be pissed if you're him, like say he's working his dick off. He's this business and she's just work. Not saying that's what she is, but like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I have to just go off of what the information I have. If you're just doing part time and I'm like, what do, what do you need? Like, like work. If I'm working, you work.

[A]

Right. But again, if you're a stay at home mom or if there's other reasons why you can only work.

[B]

We're just going off of the question.

[A]

Yeah. So yeah, it's hard to really focus fully answer this one. But with the details that you've given us, I do think it's more on you to try to bring in like more money for those excess things that you're interested. Whether that's nails, hair, clothes, I don't know, whatever you want to spend your money on.

[B]

Maybe you showing initiative too is going to make him more open to the idea of like having access to the accounts or making a joint account. I think you guys definitely need to have a joint account. Either way, whoever either one of you is in the wrong or whatever on that, both you should have a joint account that you're funding together because you are married.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Or again, like we've said before, bring, bring in a financial advisor. It's always good to have a third party involved to let you know, to comb through both of your finances to know what you can spend, what you can afford, and then maybe again it will give insight to your husband. Like, no, you can contribute this amount and, like, you're still fine. Your business is good. I think, like, again, when money gets involved, bringing in a financial advisor could be a good solution in order to get down to the nitty gritty of it. Go, team.

[B]

Go team. My wreck. My wreck for the week is the mandolin.

[A]

Oh, the mandolin. John, those are dangerous.

[B]

Yeah. But it really cuts it thin. So for my cooking journey, I'm glad I finally got a mandolin to, like, get thin sliced veggies.

[A]

I feel like the whole time you were using it, I was like, please be careful. Please be careful. Please be careful. Because I've known of so many people who have just, like, sliced open their fingers using one.

[B]

I need some for, like, an onion.

[A]

My wreck for the week. Well, it was going to be four seasons that show, but now pumpkin pancakes.

[B]

Man, did a great job. I don't even like pancakes. You put protein powder in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But, like, I made a huge batch and I've probably had it every morning for the last four days. I think I made 40 pancakes.

[B]

That was good. I like it. I'm pumped. I think I'm getting excited for fall.

[A]

I know I'm. I'm that basic. Like, I really am just so excited also because, like, by the time fall is actually here, like, we'll have a baby. Knock on wood.

[B]

We'll do a knock on wood. We're doing the pumpkin patch. We'll be doing the scarecrows. The of. What else? Pumpkin spice lattes.

[A]

All of it. I'm just strapper in, like, sweaters, and then I won't be sweating in my sweaters.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

It's just. Anyway, so if, like, you're feeling bad because you're like, oh, my God, it's still summer, but I'm ready for fall. Just make a fucking pumpkin pancake and enjoy it.

[B]

I did light a pumpkin candle.

[A]

I did that yesterday, and it made me so happy, honestly.

[B]

Do whatever it takes to make you happy.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

On that note, guys, like, subscribe, email, comment, go to Spotify. By the way, I didn't know Spotify.

[A]

You could ask questions or give comments.

[B]

I didn't. I never knew that.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So our. Our video is not on there, though.

[A]

Not yet. I think we're working on it.

[B]

We're working on it.

[A]

Working on it. But thank you guys so much for tuning in. If you want to ask a question, you could write us at hello, Give it tome straight podcast dot com. Or you could click the link in our show notes to leave an anonymous question. It's also in our website. There's a link somewhere.

[B]

Something like that.

[A]

You can follow us everywhere. Everywhere at. Give it to me. Sorry. Podcast. Yay. That's about it. See you next week.

[B]

And we'll see you next week. Ciao. Ciao. Bye.

[A]

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