67. Giving you weddings, plus ones, and distant friends

Summary

Give It To Me Straight — Episode 67 Summary

Episode Title: Giving you weddings, plus ones, and distant friends
Release Date: September 2, 2025
Hosts: Alex and Jon
Theme: Unfiltered relationship advice, with a focus on weddings, plus-ones, and complicated friendships

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Episode Overview

Alex and Jon, the candid husband-and-wife hosts, dive headfirst into all things wedding-related, from planning stress and vendor horror stories to navigating tricky etiquette situations with plus-ones, gifts, and evolving friendships. The duo, both former wedding filmmakers, leverage their firsthand and professional expertise throughout, bringing their signature banter and honest perspective to listener questions and personal stories.

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Key Discussion Points

Setting the Scene: Stress, Sleep, and Snippy Moments

• The episode kicks off with banter about stress and sleep deprivation as the couple prepares for a baby and juggles their workload.
• Alex humorously describes the love-hate flux of long-term relationships:

  “Sometimes I look at you and I'm like, God, I want to punch you in the fucking face... But then 20 minutes later, I'll be like, wow, I love this person so much, but you just ruined that.” — Alex (00:00–04:14)

• They reflect on how impending parenthood and busy schedules exacerbate everyday irritations and arguments.

Marriage, Babies, and the “Enemy”

• Jon advocates for preventative health screening after a quick sidebar about his colonoscopy:

  "Guys, get your buttholes checked. I am serious. I am an advocate for colonoscopies." — Jon (08:27)

• Alex shares advice she’s encountered about post-baby relationship stress:

  “When we're arguing... we look at the baby and we go, she's the enemy. The baby is the enemy. And it's like... that's what changed in your relationship.” — Alex (10:20)

Wedding Planning: Personal Regrets, Lessons, and Vendor Dramas

• The couple answers listener questions and recounts their own wedding experiences, emphasizing the importance of certain splurges (like music and photography) and missteps (problematic vendors).
• Jon’s biggest wedding regret: hiring a flaky florist from Alex’s high school, who was late and failed to deliver as contracted:

  “I hope [her business] went into the ground because you're the worst.” — Jon (25:01)

• Alex’s biggest regret: opting for a big wedding rather than something more intimate, and skipping the “first look,” which cut into time spent with guests.
• Discussion of professional vendor recommendations, with a shout-out to 31 Films for their exceptional wedding videography (66:27).

Listener Q&A: Real-Life Wedding Dilemmas

1. Where to Save and Splurge (37:34):

• Save: Invitations, over-the-top florals.
• Splurge: Food, music, alcohol, photography, videography.

2. Gifts and Canceled Weddings (42:17):

• If you buy someone a wedding dress as a gift and the wedding is canceled, you shouldn’t expect anything back. “Once you give the gift, it’s out of your hands.” — Alex
• Spirited debate about whether to give another wedding gift if/when the recipient remarries.

3. Pregnant and Kicked from the Wedding Party (47:37):

• A listener is removed from a friend’s bridal party after revealing her pregnancy.
  • Alex: “This says more about her than it does about you. She might have saved you money, and years of a friendship that maybe wasn’t genuine.” (50:16)

4. Plus-Ones for Long-Term (But On-the-Rocks) Couples (51:28):

• Small wedding, unsure about inviting a best friend’s longtime boyfriend whom she’s thinking about breaking up with.
  • Verdict: Don't make exclusionary or arbitrary rules. “Tacky, immature... Let her bring her boyfriend.” — Jon (53:05)

5. No-Kids Weddings and Family Pushback (54:27):

• Striking a balance between cost, guest list, and child policies.
  • Alex: “You have to decide on the vibe of your wedding... It’s not about numbers. Kids vs. no kids makes for very different wedding vibes.” (56:23)
  • Jon: “You do what you want, but don’t let guests use their children as bargaining chips.”

6. Fading Friendships & Pulling Groomsmen Offers (59:21):

• Hosts agree it’s fine to withdraw a wedding party spot if the friendship has faded and efforts to reconnect go unreciprocated. “If he didn’t care, you’re fine.” — Jon (60:53)

7. Conflicting Family Events (61:39):

• Best man at a father’s fourth wedding vs. cousin’s family celebration on the same date.
  • Jon: “You already made your bed, lay in it... commit to what you agreed upon first.” (62:54)
  • Alex: “It’s important to him, you committed... the celebration with the cousin can happen another time.” (64:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On relationship volatility:

  “You’re so literally dramatic… Sometimes I look at you and I’m like, God, I want to punch you in the face. And other times… I love this person so much, but you just ruin that.” — Alex (03:49)

• On vendor horror stories:

  “How do you run a business?... She was starting out. But I mean, again, her florals that she did do, we fucked up.” — Jon & Alex (26:31)

• On band vs. DJ:

  “If you have a good budget for a really good band — a really good band will dominate. The thing is you need a band that's also playing modern music.” — Jon (38:53)

• On exclusion of plus-ones:

  “When people start cutting people out because of arbitrary reasons ‘not engaged yet,’ it just feels immature.” — Alex (52:57)

• On wedding day priorities:

  “You want people to be happy: good food, good drinks, good music. Everything else can be adjusted down.” — Alex (39:26)

• On friend drama over being pregnant:

  “This person is actually not your friend, so jealous. I would take inventory of my friendship with her.” — Alex (50:25)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–04:14 | Unfiltered marital bickering and daily stress | | 10:20 | Navigating stress as new parents — “baby is the enemy” | | 18:02 | Alex’s Invisalign saga | | 19:36 | Professional wedding filmmaking stories | | 24:25 | Wedding regrets — florists, big weddings, first look debate | | 37:34 | Wedding Q&A begins: Splurges and savings | | 42:17 | Gifts and canceled weddings debate | | 47:37 | Pregnancy and bridal party drama | | 51:28 | Plus-one etiquette for questionable relationships | | 54:27 | Kid-free weddings vs. family pressure | | 59:21 | Distant friends and rescinding wedding party invites | | 61:39 | Conflicting major family events: best man vs. cousin’s celebration | | 66:27 | Wedding vendor recommendation: 31 Films | | 67:10 | Alex’s “unexpected” wedding rec: Rosemary Parmesan bread from Costco |

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Recommendations & Recap

• Top wedding vendor: 31 Films, for truly cinematic wedding videography (66:27)
• Best hot tip: Rosemary Parmesan bread from Costco is “life-changing” (67:10)
• Relationship takeaway: Communication, flexibility, and not being afraid to re-evaluate who’s worth investing energy in — whether family, friends, or vendors.
• Wedding planning wisdom: Focus on what lasts (photos, video, memories with guests) over fleeting details, and make choices true to your priorities, not others’ expectations.

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TL;DR

Alex and Jon tackle the messiest, most sentimental, and most contentious pieces of wedding planning and relationships, mixing humor and experience. The recurring message: your wedding (and life!) should reflect what you value most — and don’t be afraid to set boundaries, let go of fading relationships, and enjoy the ride (and the bread).

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For more, follow Give It To Me Straight Podcast on all platforms, or submit your own anonymous questions for Alex and Jon’s straight-shooting advice!

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Sometimes I look at you and I'm like, God, I want to punch you in the fucking face. Do I? No, Those are my inside thoughts. But then 20 minutes later, I'll be like, wow, I love this person so much, but you just ruined that. Like, I was on the verge of liking you again today. Not anymore.

[B]

Good. I want to be alone.

[A]

And welcome back to Give it to Me Straight. I'm Alex.

[B]

And I'm.

[A]

John has an attitude today.

[B]

I don't have an attitude.

[A]

A little bit. You need it. You need. And that. This is good practice for me because I'm like, oh, no, he just needs.

[B]

You're. You're the problem.

[A]

My aura ring said I had a great sleep score last night.

[B]

I. Did you not hear Kobe at all, Tom?

[A]

No, I don't. I have to apologize for the things that go on during my sleep. Like, that's none of my business.

[B]

And a one, and a two, and a three.

[A]

And welcome back to Intro.

[B]

She's Alex and I'm John. And this is the podcast.

[A]

It is. How are you feeling, John? Okay. We got it. Tired. A little bit of tude. It's all right. Me?

[B]

You have a tude.

[A]

No, I really don't. Look at me.

[B]

What just happened? Just before we hit start, Alex, we were about to record. She goes, well, let me post this tik tok real quick. I go, fine. Ten minutes later, you go.

[A]

I go, should I. Or should I post after you go, well, how long is it going to take?

[B]

I was a minute. You said a minute.

[A]

A minute when people say that now means, like, it's going to take a minute, a long time. It doesn't actually mean a minute when people say it's going to be a minute.

[B]

If I say a minute, it's in a. It's less than a minute. I am.

[A]

That's not what that means. That's not. A minute does not mean a minute. It means it's going to take a minute. And I said it like that. A minute.

[B]

No, you didn't. You weren't looking at me. You're already on your phone. You're like, yeah, a minute. I'm like, okay, a minute. And I just sat there in this chair staring at her behind that camera, and I just waited and waited. And then the minute she, like, minute that I realized it was going on longer, I. I go back in my chair, get on my phone, and as soon as I get on my phone, she goes, okay, are you ready? Like, I haven't been waiting you should.

[A]

Be ready to go whenever.

[B]

And then what happened?

[A]

And then you go, no, Kobe's barking.

[B]

Oh, because UPS was here. Then FedEx was here dropping off baby shit. And then I go, well, I go, wait, Kobe's barking? And then you did. You brought up a good point. You're like, well, by the time we set everything up, we'd be good to go.

[A]

And then you.

[B]

I get a delayed response. I go, fine. And as soon as I say fine, she's already looking down at her phone. I was like, you didn't answer me.

[A]

You went quiet. You literally. And you did this the other day. I looked at you and I was like, is he good? You just had a zone out moment.

[B]

Miserable.

[A]

So in that moment, I said, sat down. You're miserable now.

[B]

We're just doing so much stuff.

[A]

You're John. You're so.

[B]

You're just making us do so much stuff right now. It's exhausting.

[A]

It's just stressful times, Sean. Okay, I get it. You're not sleeping. I just started sleeping, but I won't be sleeping. And at this point, by the time this episode comes out, it's not even.

[B]

What I'm worried about going back to Alex. We didn't even finish the. The argument that just happened.

[A]

There's no argument.

[B]

So I look up, I go, I'm ready. Then Alex wasn't ready. It was just a back and forth and neither one of us being ready to hit the start button on the camera.

[A]

Okay. Oh, well, here we are. Hit record. Do you want to start over?

[B]

You know when you're, like, so angry at someone, you just can't even, like, look at them? I'm just going to look at my own camera.

[A]

You're so literally dramatic. And I was going to bring this up even before. Before we had our little tiff going on right now. I don't. And I want to be like, oh, my God, it's just pregnancy hormones. Like, I don't always feel this way, but, like, that's not true. I probably feel this way all the time, too. Is. No, not just what just went down. Sometimes I look at you and I'm like, God, I want to punch you in the face. And other times, like, it could be.

[B]

That's on abuse.

[A]

It could be 20 minutes. Do I. No. Those are my inside thoughts. Those are my journal thoughts. I should probably get a journal. I don't have one. But then 20 minutes later, I'll be like, wow, I love this person so much, but you just ruin that. Like, I was on the Verge of liking you again today. Not anymore.

[B]

Good. I want to be alone.

[A]

And so today we're talking about love and weddings. Before we get into that.

[B]

No, let's just talk about us for a minute.

[A]

What?

[B]

Alex and I, we're just trying to prepare for babies. So we got a lot of stuff going on right now that we're trying to like. Like this podcast we're trying to batch. We're also trying to batch content. We're doing a bunch of stuff. Whatever. Any time we add more workload to whatever we're doing, a point of contention always happens. It's just, like, a stress level. And I know you don't see it, but I see it coming out of you.

[A]

You, like, are, like, the witch brewing. You're like, I know it's about to.

[B]

I just know I'm psychic. I know it's going to happen.

[A]

It's just, like, human emotions, like, you don't have to be psychic to know. That's like saying, like, in a few weeks, we're gonna be really tired. Like, yeah, no shit.

[B]

I just think that stuff that normally doesn't bother you, it's bothering you now. Like, for example, yesterday or the day before, we were say.

[A]

Say something dumb. Say something that, like, is actually kind of like, would bother someone. No, say it. Say something dumb.

[B]

I'm gonna say it. Oh, I'm gonna say it. No, but I'm saying, like, I think if you weren't. If we weren't stressed, you weren't, like, peak third trimester. I don't think this would have bothered you as bad. So the other day, Alex, like, what are we getting my dad for his birthday? I go, your dad? Let's enable him because he likes drinking and smoking cigars.

[A]

Okay, I'm glad you're bringing this up because I thought you were gonna say a different story of what you said. That pissed me off.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Do you know what I'm talking about?

[B]

I think so. Am I right? This one's a little lighter. So I was like, oh, we'll just get him whiskey, and I got some cigars for him. That's what he wants. And then I was like, well, do you. Saying, like, to get him, I wanted.

[A]

To go to the vintage, like, thrift store because they have really cool, like, antique lighters or just cool ashtrays. But I was like, not an ashtray specifically. That's not, like, exactly what I was looking for. You were saying to stick with the cigar theme or the whiskey theme. And I was like, I don't know. That I want. And so you go, well, why don't we just re gift him that cigar holder that you got me wrong. That's ashtray that you. How do you say it?

[B]

I go, hey, why don't we give them what I don't regret. I didn't say regift.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Why don't we give them that ashtray over there that's been sitting there like it's part of the table.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it's never been used.

[A]

The one that I got you for your birthday that you've never used. He goes, you got it for me years ago. And I go, may was May years ago, John. Okay. And I go, whatever. I'm just gonna go to the store. I'll pick something else out.

[B]

Was. You would have thought that I said the most hateful shit to her. I was just saying.

[A]

But I didn't.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't talk to. No. What did you say? As we were like, you're helping me with the baby crib. Did we talk about that, by the way?

[A]

I think you did say that yesterday.

[B]

Which makes it even worse.

[A]

Through the door.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you mean? I didn't say anything mean. I just said, no, John, that's okay.

[B]

You are so. No, no, no, no.

[A]

What did you say Before I left for the store? Yeah. I go, you're one of the rudest people I've ever met.

[B]

Yeah, I wasn't trying to be rude.

[A]

No, you are. You are, though.

[B]

I need to answer that.

[A]

All right, take it.

[B]

Answer it real quick. It's about my colonoscopy.

[A]

Rude.

[B]

Hello? Good. I just wanted to make sure you guys got my colonoscopy results. Okay. Perfect. Just wanted to make sure. Thank you. Okay, I gotta get off that phone call fast enough. I, I, you were. Don't look at me. I was trying not to.

[A]

I'm just gonna sip my drink anyway. You are rude, John. You just took a phone call in the middle.

[B]

I needed to make sure my doctor had my colonoscopy results from two years ago. Guys, get your buttholes checked. I am serious. I am an advocate for colonoscopies. It's the most preventable cancer. True. And it's becoming more and more prevalent in men, even in women.

[A]

So I have a question, though. As someone who doesn't have, like, IBS or any symptoms, when should I actually go get mine?

[B]

They say that you're supposed to be going in, like, your 50s, then if you're 50s, but then if you're your family history of polyps or whatever, it's like, take five years off of each side. So, like, 10 years earlier.

[A]

Just want to go for. For preventative measures.

[B]

Here's the issue. It's expensive. Insurance will not cover it. Normally if you're under the age, like, 50 or whatever, even with, like, family history, because I remember I had to pay for it. But you know what? Your. Your health is everything. Like, you got to get it done because it's a death sentence, basically, if you have, like, stage four cancer.

[A]

Yeah. And you don't know. You usually don't have the symptoms until it's bad. Wow. We really segued into a different topic.

[B]

That's important.

[A]

Good psa, John.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I definitely could be an advocate for that. Yeah, I don't have colitis either, which is good.

[A]

What's.

[B]

Colitis is like, something with your bowels, I guess, too. Like, colitis is like a. Like, is that part of, like, Iral bowel syndrome or something? I don't. I don't know.

[A]

I don't know. But they did tell you that your esophagus was inflamed and to lay off the hot sauce, and you didn't listen to them. And you still eat hot sauce.

[B]

I try to chill a little bit on it.

[A]

You haven't really.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But anyways, so we're better now, and we're on this podcast being happy and love.

[B]

Happy, happy and love. It just goes down to stressful time doing more stuff. And I think that's in any relationship. And it's also, like, when we do things and you're learning something new as a team, there's learning, like, a learning process.

[A]

I know. Like, we're going to really have to be locked in when little one is here, because I actually saw a video of this girl explaining. And this was when we were pregnant with Leo. And I remember sending it to you, and she was like, my husband and I have learned that when we're arguing, like, we were good before baby came, we look at the baby and we go, she's the enemy.

[B]

She's the enemy.

[A]

The baby is the enemy. And it's like, obviously they're not, but that's what changed in your relationship. And so, like, when things are hard, it's like, we don't hate each other. We're just really frustrated. That's the enemy, like, trying to break us up. We gotta work as a team to. To overcome this. And so we have to remember that, John.

[B]

Today's episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. Now, I'll be honest. I sleep hot.

[A]

Yeah. We both Do?

[B]

Well, we both do. Pretty, pretty horribly hot pillow wall between us. Like middle of the night, kick off the covers, roll around hot. With my wife pregnant, she's been running hot too. Because she is hot. Did you write this?

[A]

I didn't add that in there.

[B]

I did not write this. I believe she's the hottest mom to be.

[A]

Okay, I didn't write that. I believe that.

[B]

I like that I haven't read this before. Reading it. Cozy Earth's bamboo sheets have been a game changer in our house. They're temperature regulating and naturally wick away heat and moisture, which means we both stay several degrees cooler. Honestly, that's really the only way we're sleeping right now.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Cool temps. Cool temps. Oh yeah, because let's face it, when the baby comes, sleep is going to be in short supply if we're only getting a few hours a night. I want those hours to actually be comfortable. No sweating, no tossing, just cooling sheets. And maybe, just maybe a little peace and quiet. And then there's the cuddle blanket. Alex is obsessed with it. I joked that she'd take it with her everywhere if she could, but I gotta admit, I'm into it too. It's perfect for those random cool nights when we can finally cuddle up in bed or on the couch.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

The best part, Cozy earth gives you 100 night risk free trial. So if you don't love them, which you will, you can send them back. Plus they got a 10 year warranty, so they're in it for the long haul. And just like our sleepless nights as new parents.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Head to cozyearth.com and use your code. Straight S T R A I G H T for 40% off. Because bed shouldn't be a place you sleep. It should be the one place you and your wife actually want to be. Even if the baby makes sure you're not in it for long. People need to stop scaring new parents because they're scaring. They're scaring me. Everyone's always like, well, just you wait. It's. It's terrible. It's hard. It's the worst, hardest thing.

[A]

I think, like, it's almost. I don't want to be like, take it with a grain of salt. But I'd rather it be. I'd rather people be like, oh, it's my God. Oh my God, it's so horrible. And then like we're pleasantly surprised. You know, like set, set the scene so that we think that it's going to be so bad. And then it's actually not. Because I feel like a few of our friends have said that as well, where they're like, oh, my God, we were. People were scaring the shit out of us. And it's like, they're like, it's not bad at all, you know, it's fine.

[B]

Some people just, like, want the attention of, like, making it seem like it's so horrible to get attention from other people. Like, shut up.

[A]

But I think it depends on your scenario as an individual as well. Are you.

[B]

I'm not saying everyone, but some people.

[A]

Yeah, but that's what I mean. Like, it might be shitty for some people if their baby's not sleeping, if their baby. If their partner's not helping, if they have to wake up for work the next day. Like, I just think it depends on your situation. Like, yeah, one someone might be able to handle more than someone else. Someone's situation might be different. So, like, that's their reality. It's shitty for them. Our situation might be different.

[B]

I guess I'm just talking about, like, social media personalities who, like, make it horrible for, like, views, you know?

[A]

Oh, like the people who do, like, the 1:00am, 2:00am, 3:00am time stamps.

[B]

That stresses me out. I'm like, wow.

[A]

But I'm sure it is like that. I don't know. Who knows? By the time this episode is live, we might know. We might not know.

[B]

So because you guys know we're batching, we could talk about something now. Kobe.

[A]

Kobe.

[B]

So our dog, the Money Pit, he's jumped on our couch back in December.

[A]

No, no, no. This wasn't December. His bowel obstruction was December. January. This was probably April, May.

[B]

Okay, April, May, Alex and I. The one time Alex is downstairs in the basement with me, we're watching something. Kobe jumps on the couch, but his back leg goes between the cushions and he, like, hyper extended his knee. Now he's limping on it. Bring him to the vet. The vet's like, well, he might have a partial tear, but let's give him these shots. Adequate. It's an adequate shot. So it's like, once every week for, like, the first couple weeks, and then it's once every month. So he gets eight shots. 900 for that. Cool. Do that.

[A]

Doesn't help.

[B]

Doesn't fucking help at all. Still limping. So I'm like, okay, bring him in. X ray guy's got a ruptured ACL and a torn meniscus. Fuck.

[A]

And when he was. When I adopted him at, like, 12 weeks old, I had brought him from North Carolina to New York to meet my parents and like the family. I was like, oh, look at my puppy. I'm so much of an adult. He was $90. He chased our golden retriever off the back porch. Two little steps, two steps, just two steps. He tumbled down those two steps, ripped his kneecap off, got a tibial crest of olsion. That was a $5,000.

[B]

And if you're wondering, in his wrong leg.

[A]

Yeah. So that was in his one knee. Now this is his other knee. And so he's been favoring his. His already bad knee so much that like his muscle atrophy is so bad it in his limpy leg. He's just a poor. A poor battle scars all over his first grown.

[B]

If I was Kobe, I'd be like, just fudgeing.

[A]

Kill me. He's still. He still has so much energy. He's so happy.

[B]

What? I feel so bad. He's like, oh, we talked about last time. Like, you never know where you're going to go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, oh, where are we going? And it's the vet. Oh. And you wake up and you're like, where the fuck's my leg did you do to me?

[A]

But this one was like legit surgery. He had this one staples.

[B]

He's really. His bowel obstruction ripped open his chest.

[A]

I know, but that one felt.

[B]

I mean, pulled out his intestines.

[A]

I know that. And that one was like. He had a hard time recovering from that one. It took a while from him for him to recover from that one. But this, like, he's become a tripod already. He. He really knows how to navigate. So the house with just his three.

[B]

Legs going back to my sleeping Kobe with his cone. So he doesn't lick his wound. Alex snoring. I think it's my house is like infirmary buffard. That's what it is. And I just think at night, between Alex snoring, oh, no, sorry. This will happen. Alex starts snoring. I kind of bump her. She moves. She stops snoring like, oh. And right when I go to sleep, it's Kobe with his cone smacking his head and all bed posts.

[A]

You know what it was? It was Kobe got a surgery the same week that I was so sick. Sick too. So we were both just like out of it. Snoring. I had a fever, just sweating. Could not sleep. Kobe, his just cone is hitting into everything.

[B]

I'm waking up co he's staring at me. He's staring into my eyes. It's 2 in the morning. I'm like, I Guess I'm ready for a kid every two hours. It was something and still kind of. He's. I don't know why he's getting up so early.

[A]

I. I don't know. His. His rhythm is off. I think he senses that something.

[B]

Wake up Alex.

[A]

I can't like, don't hear him. I did when he was a puppy, but maybe that's cuz it was just me. And like I know that this maternal instinct.

[B]

I pray we'll find out.

[A]

We'll see. One thing that I'm excited, one update that I have is I finally got my Invisalign cement. What are they called? Attachments removed. I mean, if you are planning on moving, do not start Invisalign. I started it when we were in la. I think I. I guess I started in what like 20, 23, 2022. I feel like it's just been the. Because then when we moved, I would just make appointments when we went back, but it just took forever. So I got to the point where.

[B]

I take like a red eye into LA and then we go straight to the orthodontist.

[A]

But I'm like happy with my results. I'm like, let's just take these off. Like I don't need to go further. My teeth are straight.

[B]

So you have like a bumper or something?

[A]

No, no, I think they only do that like after you get full braces.

[B]

Well, your teeth are gonna shift. So. What are you doing?

[A]

I have a retainer that I'll wear at night.

[B]

So you only are worried about at night? Yeah, it doesn't shift during the day.

[A]

I think that's why I wear it at night, is to keep them.

[B]

But people wear retainers during the day.

[A]

You wear your Invisalign during the day.

[B]

Do you still have it?

[A]

No, because I couldn't like I got the brackets taken off so I'm done with Invisalign. I just wear the. Is this confusing?

[B]

Oh, I didn't know. I mean, you're teaching all day long, not just at night. Shouldn't you wear it during the day?

[A]

You keep them in at night. You don't wear it during the day. You did what? To like try to get through whatever. Your teeth shifting to go straight faster. Don't call my orthodontist to ask these questions or Google it, John. I don't know. They just said wear it at night, so that's what I'm going to do.

[B]

Goo goo.

[A]

Well, it's September now and it's wedding season, so I feel like we have a lot of Experience with the wedding industry.

[B]

We did.

[A]

We did. Well, yeah. I mean, current day, I guess. Not like, I haven't.

[B]

Have you watched any wedding films? Like, are they still kind of the same thing? Like, opening shot, drone over the venue?

[A]

Basically, they're the pretty much the same. For those of you who might not know, but I feel like most people know. Before John and I were content creators and jumped on TikTok and Instagram, we were wedding filmmakers. And so on our weekends, we would spend at weddings with brides and grooms and families. And there was lots of drama surrounding weddings sometimes, But I feel like the majority of our couples were great. It was always like, the family members who were sometimes cray cray. I feel like overall, in the beginning of our career, we had the craziest, like, worst couples.

[B]

Let's be honest. The more expensive the wedding is, the better the clientele. So when we first started out, it was pretty rough.

[A]

We were charging, like, $1,000, and I'm just like, we're getting beat up, just.

[B]

Yelled at, bitching at us.

[A]

I'm like, oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

The worst was in the beginning, but now our. I mean, well, our clients towards the end of our career were amazing.

[B]

We should give Rex to about, like. Like, vendors that we know.

[A]

Oh, yeah, because we should.

[B]

So stay tuned. At the end, we could give Rex for film, right?

[A]

Yeah, I got mine. Don't. Don't doing it do. Oh, you do. Well, okay. Don't tell me that we'll give it at the end. But yeah, no, we made some amazing friends in the industry. But the wedding industry, I feel like every year has just grown so much. I mean, again, it, like, really helps helped us in, like, the customer service realm. I had customer service experience before that. Just, like, as a server.

[B]

Alison never let me get on the call with, like, the potential clients. I'd be like, this is our package. I take it or leave.

[A]

I don't know that you actually even knew what was.

[B]

I didn't know who the groom was. I'd be like, show me a picture. Before I went into the room to.

[A]

Film, you were still an occupational therapist, so you would just shoot with me on the weekends and then do that.

[B]

Then I fudgeing edited.

[A]

When did you come on full time? Was that in, like, 2021?

[B]

I never stopped therapy. I was still full time doing that, but I was still doing therapy and.

[A]

No, you did stop therapy full time.

[B]

Yeah, that's right when Covid hit. So I had, like, a half of a season.

[A]

No, but then after Covid I think it was 2021 that you quit or 2020 you quit. It was after so like the beginning of COVID you kept being an occupational therapy and then it was once wedding started picking up again that you started quit and then we were both full time. But yeah, you were doing the documentary edits.

[B]

I just remember pulling my back and then I couldn't film the last two. And then you just gave all of our weddings away.

[A]

You were. Oh my God, I forgot. You pulled your back again.

[B]

We rented a house, remember throughout your.

[A]

Back in the beginning.

[B]

Wow. We're all. We're. We're trying to figure out our own history. It doesn't matter.

[A]

We don't even know anyway. We worked in weddings. We have a lot of experience with weddings. So if you have any questions for weddings, we're going to answer them today. This episode is also sponsored by Vil. And since we're talking about all things weddings today, we can also chat about accessories. I don't usually splurge on handbags or purses. You know this. I usually just stick to one or two bags I have and I make it work. But then I discovered Vivrel and honestly, it has been a perfect way for me to have fun with different styles without the guilt of dropping sometimes thousands on one bag.

[B]

What?

[A]

Don't worry, John. We have Vivrel. Vivrel is a members only club where you could borrow designer handbags, jewelry, watches, even diamonds. We're talking brands like Hermes, Fendi, Sports, Saint Laurent, Dior. Basically a dream closet at your fingertips. And the best part is there are no return dates. You could swap items once a month or keep them as long as you want. And if you really fall in love with something. So like, I got this bag and I haven't told this to John.

[B]

No, you're. You're returning, you're returning it.

[A]

Okay. But I'm like, if I really do love it, like, I could keep it and I could buy it through VIL for less than anywhere else. They're constantly adding millions of dollars worth of new inventory every week. So there's always something new to fall in love with. I just love that I can change up my look depending on the season, the outfit, or even my mood without the big commitment. And Vivrel gave the highest code that they offer, which I'm so excited to share with you. Sign up [e-mail] use code straight that is S T R A I G H T for 50% off your first month of membership. That code also lets you Skip the wait list so you could start borrowing right away. That is vivrel.com code straight S T R A I G H T for half off your first month.

[B]

That's kind of wild. 50% off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

One thing I wanted to ask you were some things on, so I guess not. One thing. A few things I wanted to ask you about our wedding. So, John, give it to me straight. I'm going to ask you a question. If you could redo one part of our wedding, what would you change?

[B]

Okay. Dude, that's literally mine.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Alex, if you could change one thing about our wedding, what would it be?

[A]

Okay. Well, we might have different answers. Answers. So we should. We should answer that.

[B]

I know exactly what it would be and I want to on this person, but I don't remember their name. Oh, the florist.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't feel bad. You should. We should talk about her. She was terrible.

[A]

I don't think she has her own business.

[B]

I hope. I hope it went into the ground because you're the worst. Yeah, good. Look her up.

[A]

I don't believe she has her own business.

[B]

Even if she did, I guess we get sued for defamation, so I don't want to talk about it.

[A]

Well, is it defamation if it's the truth? The thing is, at that point in my career, I remember when we were planning our wedding, so many people had taken a chance on me, like, to, you know, do their weddings. And so I wanted. I don't necessarily say like I wanted to like, give back, but people who were starting their careers who knew had really good work, I was like, I'll hire them for my wedding. Because I knew that, like, we were already established in the industry that like, I would tag them. And again, like, we paid them full price. And so I was just talking about.

[B]

That we didn't have like a social.

[A]

Media following, but us being in the industry to connect them to other people, to kind of like just be a portfolio piece for them. Because I remember when people would do that for me, I was super grateful. And so a lot of them were people who I had gone to high school with. Maybe a little bit older than me, some younger than me. Also just like good connects to have. And so our photographer, amazing. She was someone I went to high school with. Our DJ, someone I also went to high school with. Fucking 10 out of 10. But our florist, someone I went to high school with. Should have known.

[B]

I didn't know you went to high school with her.

[A]

Yeah, she graduated with my sister. Should have Known that when she showed up like two hours late to our engagement party because my mom had hired her for that.

[B]

Was my mom.

[A]

Your. Oh, your mom was like, alex, you should not. Yeah, my mom also was like, alex, you should not use her. And. But she was so apologetic. I was like, no. She said that there was no way.

[B]

She'Ll fuck up twice.

[A]

I literally was like, no, she was so apologetic. Like, she was, you know, blamed it on traffic. Day of the wedding, two hours late. She's setting up. Well, this is. So this is your. This is what you would.

[B]

I barely remember. Wasn't she setting up while guests were arriving?

[A]

Yeah, no, while guests were there. She was setting up. But again, I'm just like, people, like, we noticed that and there was like, like thousands of dollars of work that she didn't do. Like arrangements that were, by the way.

[B]

That we still paid for.

[A]

Yeah, she blocked me on everything. When after I sent a follow up email and I was still. I was still so nice.

[B]

I was like, so if you guys really want to know, you can go way back on our social media and probably see the tag.

[A]

I don't think that I tagged her because I was so pissed. I didn't tag her in any of the florals because I was just like, you don't deserve it.

[B]

How do you run a business? And not like, it wasn't.

[A]

She was starting out. But I mean, again, her florals that she did do, we fucked up.

[B]

When we were starting out, we gave a discount, we gave an extra. We did something to compensate for up, which we rarely did because we're professional.

[A]

But some people just don't know how to run a business. Like, they're good at their work, you know, but they don't know how to.

[B]

Do the work for somebody. Well, I'm glad that we were your guinea pig to realize you probably aren't the best at having a biz. A floral business. You saw.

[A]

Oh, gosh. But our planner, she was like, it's fine. We're gonna figure it out. Like, she tried to, like, keep everything from us, but because we were in the.

[B]

Well, I don't care about the wedding. Wedding day, whatever. It was purple charging us full price for all the stuff that she didn't.

[A]

Do and then blocking me on everything. But I was just like, take the higher ground, whatever.

[B]

Like, she's you and higher ground is wild.

[A]

I just. I don't know, I'm just like, why?

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

It didn't ruin our wedding day. And like, if your wedding day is ruined by something like florals. You have bigger fish to fry. So I'm like, it just is not. Wasn't that big of a deal to me because I was just like, whatever. The wedding was still beautiful. Nobody knew. It was like, like fine. And again, I still followed up and she just blocked me.

[B]

Yeah. Not a big deal. I just hate getting, you know, paying for something that we never got, you know. Sorry. No, shoot me.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I think because if that was us in, in her position, we would have been mortified. If there was one thing that I could redo, I probably would have had a smaller wedding. I still like that we had in my parents backyard, but I think it would have been nice to have a more intimate setting so that we could actually spend time with everyone. Like we had, I think like 200. We had a big wedding.

[B]

We had a little over 200. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But so it just felt like a lot like we couldn't say hi to everyone. Also, like I didn't need half the people there. So I think looking.

[B]

You don't know that then though, you know, you don't know who you're stay friends with and who you know.

[A]

So true. But overall, like, I don't know. It was still one of the best days. I love that we did it at my parents house. It was just so fun.

[B]

It was very personal. I liked it.

[A]

Yeah. And I feel like we had a lot of personal elements added into our wedding day that I still love.

[B]

I think it was more relaxing because it was at your parents backyard. At least I. I felt more comfortable than I would have at like a wedding farm, you know.

[A]

That's why we like had it at my parents was because we were working in the wedding industry and we were like, we don't want to do another venue. We want to. And like they have such a beautiful backyard. So like they had the space to have the ceremony separate from the cocktail hour. The cocktail hour separate from the reception. The reception was tended. Oh my gosh. It was. I still look, I just wish we.

[B]

Had more time to spend with people. I think we took too long with.

[A]

Like, you know what I would have redone. I think I was so focused on having that moment of like me coming down the aisle where I was like, I don't want to do a first look. I really want John to see me coming down the aisle for the first time. But it cut into the day. And this is for anyone who's like, has had a wedding or planning a wedding.

[B]

Hold on, Alex. My next question is what was going through Your mind walking down the aisle to me.

[A]

Okay, well, I'll think of that. But I just want to say the one thing I would redo is I would have done a first look so that we had more time for photos.

[B]

Because I feel like you wanted more photos. We had plenty of photos.

[A]

No, to you, we. We do. But to me, I was like, I feel like we were rushed, and we missed out on the whole cocktail hour, which then we didn't want to join. But now I wish that we would have joined the cocktail hour.

[B]

Yeah, it would have been great.

[A]

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. So I wish that we did a first look so that we could have joined the cocktail hour. What was going through my brain walking down the aisle? I want to say I was trying to, like, not have a double chin, but I did in all the photos. I think I was, like, truly just trying to focus on you. But, like, it's my first time seeing everyone there, so I'm like, oh, my God. Like, people who I haven't seen, you're.

[B]

Trying to focus on the moment. Like, this is the most intense moment I'm going to have with my husband.

[A]

Yeah. So I don't. I wasn't really emotional. I think I was more, like, jittery. I don't remember what my thoughts were, though. I think I was just like, try to walk slow, focus on John, and just keep myself in the moment. Be in the moment. Yeah. Because I don't. I don't remember thinking anything specific other than just, like, walk forward. And again, like, I know I wasn't focused on how I look because I had, like, 18 chins. Just, like, grinning.

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, what was yours?

[B]

That's not your question. What's your question?

[A]

You know, I was gonna ask you something similar, like, the thoughts of me coming down the aisle, but, like, you'd say some. Like, you always say, like, oh, you didn't look like you. You had so much makeup on. So I cried.

[B]

I. I mean, I cried because I. It was. It was a moment for us when you got up, when we read our vows and stuff. Was I taken back a little bit by the.

[A]

The.

[B]

I mean, we're on the same page, right? The. The.

[A]

No, I thought I looked gorgina.

[B]

I've never seen you put makeup on like that before, and, oh, it caught me off.

[A]

But you've seen me where I had more makeup on. Remember that premiere?

[B]

And I tell you this all the time. Remember our wedding? And you say, yeah, it's not gonna look like that. And then you get your makeup done. You're like, holy. I'm like, I know.

[A]

Yeah. But I liked how my makeup was for our wedding because I also knew it had to last all day, the wedding. The makeup that I got for that one premiere was not it. I looked like a hundred years older. This one. Yeah, I had more. But I feel like as long as you. The bride feels confident in like what you look like.

[B]

Well, yeah, I'm not gonna. I was didn't say anything to you. I'm like, whatever. Like then, right. Five years later. Yeah, I mean, like, yo, what was that all.

[A]

It wasn't five years later. It was literally that day.

[B]

No, I didn't.

[A]

Or the next day. Yeah, you were like, that was a lot.

[B]

I get that they want to put a lot of makeup on for like photos and video. I don't know what women I. Any guy I've talked to is like, what the is this? I've never seen my wife wear this much makeup before. Like every groom, every guy. And it's like I. Even the photos, it's still over the top. It still doesn't look like.

[A]

Depends what you want. It depends what you want. That's what I wanted. I wanted to look like a snatch.

[B]

Makeup artists are gonna lose their mind over that. But I just think it's you again, weddings excuse for photos. It doesn't make any sense.

[A]

I don't know. My makeup still looked on point at the end of the night. That is a 12 hour day.

[B]

I'm not talking about the timing. That's fine. Even if you had to do your own makeup and reapply it a little bit. Like you're on camera all the time. And how you look on camera when you do your makeup is amazing.

[A]

That's because that's what you are used to. Whatever. It doesn't matter. This isn't about the makeup. I know you hated how I looked on my wedding day. I think that I love how you look fabulous.

[B]

Your grandma made your dress. You looked beautiful. I'm just saying the makeup artist was aggressive.

[A]

Okay, well, that's. That's your opinion, and I'm over it. I'm gonna ask you now, John, give it to me straight. Did you ever get cold feet leading up to our wedding day?

[B]

No.

[A]

No. No doubts.

[B]

No doubt. It was weird how your mind clicks over to like the. And we've talked about it before. Like, I didn't even real, like, think about proposing to you. It wasn't even a thought in my head. I was like, we're just grinding Working and your dad saying, like, should I get off the pot? I'm like, yeah, I guess. Like, what am I waiting for? We have so much stuff already locked in together for the foreseeable future.

[A]

We're having that conversation the other day where I was like, we never. It was never a question if we. Once we started dating and, like, you were moving to New York with me, I wasn't thinking, oh, my gosh, is this my person? Is this gonna work out between us? Are we gonna get married or not? Like, I knew that we were in it for the long haul. I never once questioned if we were gonna end up married or not. I don't know. I just never had doubts.

[B]

I never thought we weren't going to be together. I never thought about marriage, though. Just. I think we were just so busy with the company and working and trying to, like, just get ahead in life. That just never even crossed my mind. I'm like, oh, well, yeah. Why. Why would we not get married? Yeah, like, doesn't.

[A]

No, I. I just think that sometimes people over overthink it. Not that it's a bad thing to overthink it.

[B]

I think the thing is people have what ifs. I didn't. We didn't have any what ifs because we had the company and doing stuff together. We loved each other. Like, there was nothing wrong in our lives at all. And I. I didn't, like, have any thoughts about the future of, like, how are we going to be?

[A]

I just think when it's the right person, you don't have doubts. Like, it just feels very normal.

[B]

I don't have any, like, anything exciting to say about it. It was just like, we fell into it. It was easy. Like, yeah, it makes sense.

[A]

It just felt like, why would we not do this next step? Yeah.

[B]

What are we waiting for? And we're back at us now.

[A]

See the beginning of the episode.

[B]

Everyone is going to show me about the makeup thing. Look, I'm sorry. I love my wife. I think she's beautiful. If that makes her confident wearing that much makeup, that's fine. I just think makeup artists go over the top.

[A]

Yeah, you're not wrong. And again, that's your opinion. You're allowed to have it. Just like how when we first started dating, I said, you have the worst haircut I've ever seen. You changed it. I was like, who's doing your hair? You're like, my dad. I'm like, oh, perhaps it's kind of professional.

[B]

My dad goo and I would cut each other's hair.

[A]

It Is it is crazy because this September we're coming up on our six year anniversary and I love going back into my parents backyard. They're never allowed to move, by the way, because I just feel like it's so nostalgic going back there. But I'm like, remember when we had a wedding back here? That's the best.

[B]

The market lights are still up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Look, should we get into like questions or something?

[A]

I know we've been talking too much. Do you have another question? Okay, so yeah, our weddings were great, but here we are to talk to you guys about. I mean, I think, I guess September's wedding season. It was wedding season for us. Always the busiest time of year.

[B]

September 19th.

[A]

What?

[B]

19Th.

[A]

No, John, come on.

[B]

It's on my wedding ring.

[A]

I thought you were singing September. Like do you remember the 21st of September? That's a big wedding song. Every wedding plays that song. No, we weren't married on the 19th. Come on. I feel like you're just doing this to. To annoy me.

[B]

18Th.

[A]

He's just doing this. This is an act. All right, first question. My fiance and I just got engaged and are beyond excited. From your experience, both personally and professionally, what do you think are the parts of the wedding to save on versus splurge on?

[B]

We answer. We said something like this before. Save on.

[A]

I would say invitations.

[B]

Invitations. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, but invitations, who cares?

[B]

Just evite it.

[A]

Yeah, but like are those really going to put a drop in the bucket? Like yes, you know, depending on what your budget is. So save on invitations for sure. What's something else you can say?

[B]

What's your view on DJ versus band?

[A]

I think it just depends on the vibe that you have. Yeah. Because I think that like some venues I'm like, band works better or it just depends on your personality. My issue with bands, if you're not spending prime dollar, a band can suck dick. And so if you have a bad band, it ruins the vibe. Same thing if you have a bad dj. Like.

[B]

Yeah, but you're not losing as much.

[A]

No, exactly, exactly. And like bands are generally more expensive. But like if you have a good budget for a really good band.

[B]

If you have a really good band will dominate 10 out of 10 out of. The thing is like you need a band that's also playing modern music.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you want to dance on the dance floor and they're playing fucking Frank Sinatra, which I love. But like you need.

[A]

Yeah. For cocktail hour. I think that's great.

[B]

Okay, well, you have money for both. Yeah. Do them for cocktail Hour DJ for what?

[A]

If. If it comes down to saving money, I would splurge on a DJ or splurge on the band because you want to have good music. So like whichever your preference, whatever you have the budget for, DJs can ruin a wedding. They can. If you don't have a good dj.

[B]

Well, any music can ruin the wedding. You got to have. You got to have really good music.

[A]

You got to have good drinks, good food, good food, music and enough food. There's been weddings where I feel like they don't have enough food. So splurge. Drinks, food, music, other things that you could like save on or just do.

[B]

Like diy Floral florist is hit or miss, right? Because you don't need to go over the top with flowers. And that's where it gets really expensive.

[A]

It can, yeah. Did a wedding once where the floral budget was like a hundred thousand dollars crazy. Yeah, yeah. But again, florals can be beautiful, but they don't last.

[B]

You need a good venue. You do need a good venue, but.

[A]

You can make a venue nice.

[B]

You're not, Listen, you're not saving money on a backyard wedding. I could tell you that.

[A]

We never said that.

[B]

Yeah, but it's like, it's so. It's a venue you're gonna go to for the most part, right? Whether it's a farmhouse, whether it's a one of those wedding building. Like you gotta.

[A]

But there's different things where I would say, okay, it's like the day of. The things to splurge on are gonna be your food, your music, your drinks again. You, like, want people to be happy. The venue, whatever, that's gonna like range no matter where you live. Whatever that looks like. But for after the things that are gonna last, like, you do want a professional wedding photographer.

[B]

Not a friend.

[A]

Not a friend. And then of a professional wedding videographer. Those are the things that are tangible that will last you after. You don't want someone who's like, oh my gosh, I take real estate photos. Taking pictures of your wedding, they're not going to understand the lighting. They're not going to know the poses.

[B]

When I see someone's like, yeah, I got a combo photo, video, I'm like, yeah, don't. You're fucked. You need to separate because you focusing on. They're two different things.

[A]

Yeah, but I just think those are the things that are gonna last you a lifetime too. And you're gonna continue to look back on. So spend money on them. Wish we spent money, more money on our video. But that's nor here or there. Next question. My husband and I bought my sister in law a dress for her wedding as a gift.

[B]

Wait, I got one more thing. Wait, I think one that you definitely need to do if you're gonna do an add on. I think the best thing, late night food at the end of the wedding. Like we, we would go to weddings and they had fucking Popeyes or chick fil A, whatever it is, or smoothies. I know someone had a pig roast once and at the end, all the leftover pig roast, they made sliders and everyone got sliders at the end. Like getting. Having food at the end on the way, waiting for the bus or transportation or car. Get some snacks.

[A]

I don't think we did that.

[B]

No, but I wish we did.

[A]

Yeah, I think we looked into a taco truck. Like a late night taco truck.

[B]

But we're like too expensive for us. Like you Grant.

[A]

Exactly. We're like, we're already spending so much money. You just do what you can. I don't know. I don't think that that's. You have to splurge on that. I think that's an additional. Just.

[B]

That's a splurge. That is a splurge. It's a sword. Okay, good.

[A]

Next question. My husband and I bought my sister in law a dress for her wedding as a gift. One week later she canceled her wedding. What is your opinion on what happens next with her dress? It was off the rack since she put off getting it for so long. Which means it's non refundable.

[B]

Anytime you're. You're gifting someone something or buying somebody something, you have to be in the mindset that you're not making that money back. Yeah, you have to either way, even if she uses that dress or not. I will say however though, when it comes to the next wedding, what's your thoughts on like. Well, I kind of give you a dress like that's your fucking gift. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Like it rolls over.

[B]

I would roll it over. Me personally, that's the other thing. Like I would roll that over.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I know was you wouldn't.

[A]

I mean I just think that like.

[B]

I don't know, it's at least two grand.

[A]

I don't know that the sister in law is even gonna keep that dress for her next wedding. Like I wouldn't assume that she was gonna get married again. I would tell her to sell it and like again if she what she wants to do with her money, like.

[B]

Oh, that's fine now I Actually do have a question. She gets married again. She doesn't use the dress. Even if she uses a dress. Uses the dress or doesn't use the dress. Are you giving her a gift?

[A]

Yeah. Why am. Yeah.

[B]

On average, how much is a wedding dress?

[A]

Well, a wet. On average. This one was off rack, so it could have been anywhere.

[B]

I don't know what that means.

[A]

Like sample a sample or like whatever. Just like a quick sale. So probably, I mean, I guess it could range anywhere from like 250 to probably $3,000 off the rack. It depends on the, the label, the designer.

[B]

I'll go halfway, say it's two grand. You bought her a two thousand dollar dress. You're not getting that money back. Which is fine.

[A]

You weren't gonna get it back anyway though.

[B]

No, no, I know that. That's what I'm saying. Like that's fine. You're not getting the money back either way. But you still gave her the dress.

[A]

But then don't give her as big of a gift for her next wedding. I would just give her a check as a wedding gift. You know what I mean? Like, but I would still give her a gift. It's a new wedding. Like obviously they called off the wedding. That's a shitty situation to be in. Like you're when, when people get married. Sometimes people get married and then three months later they get divorced. And so what are they gonna do? Give back.

[B]

All of you keep saying give back. I don't want anything back. I know we're on the same page, right? But then whatever you give, don't expect it back, that's fine. But it's still another wedding. And you gave her like a two thousand dollar dress.

[A]

Someone very close to you got married, had two weddings. Did you give them another wedding present? Yes. You did. Moving on. I recently found out I'm pregnant. Like you just. You do, you give. If they have another event and you go, what are you going to be like? Oh, I gave you, I gave you $200 at your first wedding. You think I'm going to give you another $200 now I'm separating the two. You're not though.

[B]

The dress is $2,000.

[A]

Know how much it was? 2,000 $200.

[B]

Okay, that's different.

[A]

But you don't know. There's no price.

[B]

I'm hypothetical. The dress is $2,000.

[A]

Okay, but they could afford it. They could clearly afford the $2,000 wedding dress as a gift. It was a gift of the poop. Go poo.

[B]

Just go. Keep going.

[A]

It was A gift. And so my point is, whatever happens with that gift happens if she wants to sell it. But like, you no longer. Once you gift that gift to her, you no longer have any say of what happens to that dress or whatever gift you give.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, your opinion can be different. I'm just saying what I think is.

[B]

Correct where I say it is giving a gift. I. I will go. I'll give a gift. If you get married five times, it's fine if I'm going or whatever. Whatever. But the dress, if it's a really expensive dress, if it is, I don't know if I would give you a gift on the second wedding. And I would reiterate, hey, you better wear that wedding dress I got you. You know, if you don't, don't forget I got you that.

[A]

Okay, but what's the difference between.

[B]

Don't shame me if I don't get you a gift.

[A]

I'm spending too much time on this question. But what's the difference then? If the sister did get married in the dress and then later got divorced and then got remarried again? If she got divorced three years later, I feel better.

[B]

I'll get you a gift.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because you wore the dress.

[A]

Okay, but what if she. So she called off the wedding. What if she. What if she wears the dress at her second wedding? Are you going to give her.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

This is so stupid.

[B]

You just stop countering everything I'm saying.

[A]

Leave me alone asking, like. Because it doesn't make sense. Like you're, You're. How you're like, I'll give you a gift at a million weddings, but it's the dress. That's a principle. Because you just have in your mind that it's this really expensive dress.

[B]

Yeah, that's because they're expensive dress.

[A]

I'm. I don't even know. I'm so confused now. I just think that you gave it as a gift. It's none of your business what she does with it. Now, at this point, I agree with that part, but. Okay, but she's not asking about a second wedding, John. You're just making up hypothetical.

[B]

She just asked, is she getting married?

[A]

What's your opinion on what happened?

[B]

She getting married again?

[A]

No, it just says, what's your opinion on what should happen next with her dress?

[B]

Burn the fucking dress.

[A]

It's none of your business what happens with her dress. You get gave it as a gift to her. Unless you need the money back and you want to, you know, ask for it back, which I think is Rude. Yeah.

[B]

Next question.

[A]

Thank you. I recently found out I'm pregnant, so I will be about one month postpartum at my friend's wedding. I told my friend about my pregnancy before her upcoming engagement party because I knew if she noticed that I wasn't drinking, it would raise a red flag. She seemed happy for me, but I could tell something was off. That night. She asked if I still wanted to be part of her wedding party. I told her absolutely. I'm still very happy for her and would love to be part of her big day. The next day, she texted me this long, fake sounding message about how going through this change will be so difficult and that it would be best for everyone involved if I stepped down from the wedding party. She said she and her fiance had discussed it and agreed. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Who else is involved in my pregnancy besides my husband and me? I'm getting the vibe that she's jealous or just being selfish, maybe afraid I'll take the spotlight, which I completely disagree. I'm truly hurt and would love advice on how to handle this.

[B]

She thinks you're taking the spotlight for sure. She's jealous. And she probably also. Have you already had, like, a bachelorette party or anything? Does she not want you to, like, kill the vibe? Maybe?

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

No, I'm saying that's probably. Those are, like, the three directions that this is going in.

[A]

I just can't, like, imagine being in a place where I'm getting married, one of my best friends finds out she's pregnant, and I'm like, you're gonna ruin this for me. How? If anything, I'd be like, oh, my God, Congratulations. I'm so excited for you. I'm sad that, like, you are gonna be extra tired at all of my things. I would, if anything, be like, do you still, like, she gave you. Do you still want to come? Like, do you still want to be part of this? And the fact that you said absolutely, and she still kicked you out, like, it. I would be more understanding if my friend wanted to drop out because she didn't want to, like, go to my bachelorette party or engagement party or all these things.

[B]

She's 100 jealous.

[A]

What? I. I mean, I'm not disagreeing with you. I just think that that is crazy.

[B]

Weddings make people do crazy things.

[A]

Weddings do make people do crazy things.

[B]

I think they're just so focused on, like, no one else can have anything else going on in their lives. This is a day about me. I'd cut her Some slack on the. Just whatever she wants. To be honest, I would be annoyed if I were you. But, like, the wedding, again, whatever. It's her day. If that's what she wants, then you get a pass, dude. Yeah, you don't have to pay for. Unfortunately, like, you, you know, sucks. But this.

[A]

She saved you.

[B]

Like, saved you money, but you also.

[A]

Like, maybe dodged a bullet. Like, I would take inventory of my friendship with her and be like, were we actually this close then? If she's willing to drop me from her bridal party just because I'm pregnant, even though I, again, pregnant me, was still willing to do all of these activities. Am I even really a good. Are we really even that close?

[B]

Don't tell her if you get pregnant.

[A]

Again or just, I don't know, don't tell her anything. Like, I just feel like this person is actually not your friend, so jealous.

[B]

Friends are the worst.

[A]

I just don't understand, though. It's like, again, you're in different phases of your life. This doesn't make sense to me. I would. I would be hurt as well. But I think my advice here is to just do what you said where you're like, let her live her life. But I think you have to recognize that this says more about her than it does about you. And you. You just. She might have saved you on. She saved you money, and she saved you on years of a friendship that maybe wasn't genuine. But I hope you have a great pregnancy, and I hope you feel that weekend.

[B]

I hope you fill that weekend with a great party for yourself. You still go to the wedding?

[A]

Going to the wedding. Got kicked out of the bridal party. I. I feel like I'm not going then. You're one month postpartum, and your friend doesn't, like, even care to prioritize what you're going through. I don't know. I would be like, forget. I'm gonna stay home with my newborn. Thank you. Just don't go.

[B]

No spider more. And go. And then actually draw attention to yourself. Like, look at me. Postpartum. I have a baby. What's up?

[A]

Killing it on the dance floor. Yeah, I don't know. That's weird. Next question. We are having an intimate wedding, about 30 people, pretty much immediate family. And the bridal party. My best friend who is in my wedding has been with her boyfriend for four years, but she's been talking about breaking up with him for over a year. Do I have to invite him? My fiance and I have decided to only give plus ones to people who are already engaged or will be getting engaged soon. We have aunts, uncles, and cousins not invited because it's such a small and intimate wedding. And there are other people we would rather include. I also just don't want someone at our wedding who isn't going to be in our lives forever.

[B]

Half the people going to your wedding probably won't be in your lives forever.

[A]

Well, this is a very small. She said it's 30 people. Oh, because I agree with you. Where I'm just like, who cares? Have him go. But, like, when it's only 30 people.

[B]

I think I have a problem when people, like, start nitpicking like, who can come, who can't come, whatever. And if budgets are tight, you need to allocate exactly your budget for who can go for plus ones. You don't invite people by themselves. It's. I don't. I don't agree with that. I think people teach his own. But I think it's tacky. It's a tacky thing to do when you're like, only you.

[A]

Well, also when someone has been with someone for five plus years and it's like, oh, because you're not engaged yet. Or again, to your point, you said people who aren't getting engaged soon. But it's like, these rules, it just feels immature. Yeah, I feel. Or again, tacky, to your point, like, when people start, like, cutting people out.

[B]

So if you got keywords from us, from this question, you're listening. Tacky, immature. So, no, let her. Let her bring her boyfriend. It's not up to you.

[A]

You don't know what they're going through behind closed doors until she ends the relationship with him. I don't think. Unless you've had a conversation with her on the side where she was like, oh, you don't need to invite my boyfriend because I don't care if he comes or not. But unless she has said that to.

[B]

You, can you imagine how that's gonna make her feel?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to strain a relationship.

[A]

I've been with my boyfriend for four years and you're now cutting him out. But other people are going to be invited. Yeah. If anything, that might cause more tension in your friendship or just have a conversation with her about it beforehand or.

[B]

Focus on literally anything else about your fucking wedding.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

You got 30 people. All. All 30 people should have a plus one or whatever. 30 people told. Whatever the it is, everyone get a plus one.

[A]

Right. Next question. With our wedding planning underway, we are starting to see how expensive things can get. We tossed around the idea of having a no kids rule at our wedding, with the exception of our three nephews and one niece, as we want them to be part of our wedding ceremony. My fiance has family from out of state. And our concern is that if we make it adults only, it might result in them not coming. Because it would be hard to make kid free travel arrangements and handle all the details of being away from their children. It's just an idea at this point, and we would absolutely love to have them at our wedding. It's just hard with how expensive things can get. How do you think we should go about this situation? Should we cut friends from the list and include them instead?

[B]

Well, this is exactly the situation we had at our wedding. We did. No kids, except for my. Because my family's so small. Only my uncle's kids. They were. They were like 16 and 18.

[A]

Right. They weren't like they were above. Any kid that was at our wedding was between the ages of 16 and 18. Like, I don't think that there was any. There was no children there.

[B]

Right. But you have a role for the ones that are coming in. I would leave it like that. And I. And just be understanding. If the family members can't come because they can't get care. Like, I think this is gonna sound cold. I just think people are. I don't. Who gives a fuck who comes or who doesn't come?

[A]

Yeah, you're not.

[B]

What you're about your day. I'm gonna tell you right now. Ask anyone about their wedding. I don't remember a fucking thing. You're too focused on.

[A]

You remember my makeup, John. Yeah, you do. Don't lie.

[B]

You don't remember, like, the people you talk to. Your day's not even about you. It's like all the people there make sure they had a good time.

[A]

You have to decide on the vibe of your wedding. Do you want kids there overtaking the dance floor or do you want it to be a more elevated event where the adults get to enjoy themselves?

[B]

You know where we stand.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, like, I just don't think that an evening wedding where you're spending a premium and it's open bar is a place for kids. And if the adults don't want to get arrangements for their kids or whatever and they choose to stay home, that's their choice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just don't think, like, you have to bend over backwards and pay more money or cut people from your list because, like, now you have to. To be accommodating to their children like some parents do. Want a night off?

[B]

I like how I just said the day is not about you, but I take that back. The day is about you. It is. You do what you want, but I'm saying the day that it's actually you're in it and it's happening going back to like, you're not going to remember what people are there and who are not. I don't remember half the people that were at our wedding. Do you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you remember talking to everyone?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Every table shook everyone's head.

[A]

Go to every table and say hello. But I'm just saying, like, it's. It's not. This is about a kid thing. It's not about a numbers thing. And like, who is there? I just think kids versus no kids have very different wedding vibes. What kind of environment do you want?

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's what it is. I don't think. And I think if people want to, they will. They'll find a way to make it work.

[B]

You don't have to accommodate to other people. That's how. That's the answer to this question. It's your day. You don't have to accommodate to other people. Coming or not coming. My point of saying all that is like, I don't know because I don't care. So I'm gonna assume everyone else. But I know people are like, this is a really special day. I want these specific people here. But in the end, it's about you and your partner. Right. So I guess it's your husband's family. I don't know. How does he feel about your fiance's family? How does he feel about it?

[A]

Have people said that they would not make arrangements to come to your wedding unless their children were.

[B]

I love that people use that as a bar, like a chip. Like. Like the balls in your court. Now I'd be like, well, you're not coming.

[A]

If you really wanna be super generous, get an extra hotel room, hire a babysitter and then have all the kids. Fudge.

[B]

No.

[A]

People do that. People do that or, like, don't come, obviously. John, we are anti children at weddings.

[B]

No, no, no. I'm anti. I'm anti parents or guests using that as like a fucking threatening that.

[A]

This is a solution. If. If those people. If there's a lot of people who can only travel with their children because they can't leave them for three days or a week. Week. Provide a babysitter for the night of the wedding. I've seen people do that. People do that.

[B]

Fine, if you want to do that.

[A]

I'm just saying that's an option.

[B]

They're already tight on, like, their guest list, though.

[A]

Okay, you know what? Then I'm done giving options, because I.

[B]

Know when we have a kid and someone's like, hey, no kids. Like, thank God. I think, hey, I'm gonna send you a gift. Unfortunately, I can't come, but thank you so much.

[A]

And I'm like, I will find a babysitter so we can have a date night out.

[B]

I was hoping just, like, I got got out of going.

[A]

That's, like, the two different perspectives. There's a video in that.

[B]

I was like, oh, perfect. Hey, I appreciate it. No problem. Enjoy your day.

[A]

Oh, my God. I have my baby sitter on speed dial. I can't wait to go.

[B]

I'm talking to the groom. You're talking. And then we get off the phone. I'm like, wait, what?

[A]

No, we're going. You're like, we're not. But yeah, I think it really depends on what do you guys want? And. And I do think it's important. Like, why would you have to cut out your friends, you know, just to have extra kids there? I wouldn't do that. If family members were like, it's either us coming with our kids or not at all. It'd be like, sayonara.

[B]

People didn't even say that, but, like, people have said that. Like, multiple people. We know people who have done that for our own wedding, for other people's weddings, even in questions we had before. It's wild to me that people say that shit like, it's not about you. It's not your fucking day. Shut up. Come or don't come, but you don't need to add. Give that added stress to the bride and groom and make them feel like shit. Like, fuck you.

[A]

We know people who have. Well, we've heard of stories where people have RSVP'd when it's only. And it's an adult salted. No, not just that. They RSVP with their kid's name on it, too. And they're like, no, invitation. Invitation wasn't for you and baby Boone. It was just for the two adults. No, I mean, again, people are so tone deaf at the end of the day. Whatever you guys want, that's what you have to decide. Next question. Four years ago, I got engaged. My friend and I went to lunch for the first time in three years, and we talked about him being a groomsman. There was no official proposal or details, but the plan was definitely that he would be in the wedding party after multiple miscarriages and health issues, my wife and I pushed the wedding off for five years. During those years, I tried many times to get together with my friend, but he wouldn't commit. We didn't speak on the phone and I wasn't invited to his events. I wanted to officially ask him in person, but he was never free to meet. When it had came time to rent suits, my wife and I just decided to ask a family member in his place. I felt our friendship had fizzled and worried he wouldn't show up to the many wedding events. I feel guilty and awkward because I'm sure he was still expecting to be in the bridal party. In the end, he came to the wedding and other events acting like we were still best friends. But now post wedding, we rarely speak and haven't seen each other. Am I the asshole for rescinding my request? No.

[B]

If he didn't care, you're fine.

[A]

Yeah, I think you have.

[B]

Everybody understands.

[A]

I think you have different perceptions on what your friendship, on what your relationship actually is like. And this is no offense to you, but I think in your mind you might be a little bit closer to this person than he is with you. You like, he's probably like, oh my gosh, when we get together, it's great. He's one of those friends that I cannot talk to for three years and it's like no time has gone by when I get back together with him. And you might carry a little bit more weight to that and like want to have a stronger relationship with him on a more daily or more. What's the word I'm looking for regular basis. So I don't think you're the asshole. Otherwise I think he would have said something to you or acted a different way. It sounds like he just has other things going on and maybe isn't prioritize.

[B]

I think you're just thinking overthinking. Yeah, yeah, you're fine. You're fine. No, you're not an. It's probably smart that you did give it to a family member.

[A]

Agreed.

[B]

It seemed like it worked out both ways.

[A]

I was gonna say, yeah, he had a good time at your wedding. But like, you know, if you do want something out of this friendship, like again, communication is key. But it sounds like you just have different perspectives on like where your relationship lies. Next question. Hi. I need advice on a dilemma my husband and I are having. My father in law got engaged to his girlfriend of 10 months. This will be his fourth marriage and he asked my husband to be his best Man. My husband agreed on the spot without thinking too much about it. Two months later, his cousin, who he's really close to, called to say that he and his wife are expecting and will be having a ceremony slash party. Here's the problem. Both events are on the same date. My husband wants to attend his cousin's celebration because they only see each other once every two years and the cousin hasn't met our kids yet. On the other hand, he had already agreed to be the best man at his dad's wedding. To add to the drama, our kids weren't even invited to my father in law's wedding. What would you do?

[B]

You, you already, you made your bed laying it. I've had to do this with I like two best friends and the weddings were on the same day.

[A]

Well, those are weddings like that you're talking about. Reading this question, I'm realizing that you're talking about a celebration slash party for them expecting like your. His cousin's already married.

[B]

So it doesn't sound like a party versa wedding.

[A]

Yeah, like you can meet there.

[B]

What, whatever. It is a good moral character. You have to commit to what you agreed upon first. Because I look like, like my somebody from high school I grew up with and I still talk to this day. He asked me too late and I was already with somebody in college and I was like, I, I'm already a groomsman. Like I can't. I mean he still jokingly shits on me to this day about it, but. And like again you can't just, you can't be like, oh, sorry, yeah, an.

[A]

Arrangement and a commitment and also one where he's the best man. I would maybe understand again if this was just an acquaintance from work that he was like, okay, you know. And then his cousin celebration came up and like again, he had no role in the wedding itself. Like sure, you could do what you want, but I think that when you commit to something where you hold such like a valuable role, I, I think that you guys have to do the wedding and again, your kids not being invited, like that's just again because his dad doesn't want them there. Like we just went off and said, right. It's annoying because I'm sure like you want to go to something else, but that's like where you run into the situation too where it's like, well do what you want, you know, like it's your lives. If you're gonna, you know, be happier at your cousin's celebration and event, should they just go do that?

[B]

Yeah, I don't know, I'm going back off of what I said. Just. Just fudgeing. Commit to what you committed to. I don't care if it's a wedding. Whatever, Whatever, whatever. You already agreed to something.

[A]

You're like, that is my moral compass is I'm going. I'm going to what I committed to.

[B]

Yeah. Unless it is just an acquaintance. I mean, there is some things you can get out of.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I just saw a TikTok recently which I was like, you know, that's a good point where it's like you kind of to have good friendships and I'm not saying like this is obviously family, but to have like good relationships with people sometimes. Yeah. You do have to feel like you're being inconvenienced and just show up and like you might not want to go to his father in law or your father in law's fourth wedding. Like this is his fourth. But like it's important to him you committed to going the friend. The celebration for the cousin is always. It's. You could celebrate another time. It's not, you know, a wedding.

[B]

No one should ever get mad at anything if you have prior engagements to go to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, it's like. And we're all as you get older.

[A]

As an adult people do though, John.

[B]

I know, but it's like, sorry, I already like committed to something. Yeah.

[A]

How can you question someone who's already has prior engagements? Like, I'm sorry, everyone's busy.

[B]

There's so much going on in people's lives. Like, how do you just get insulted by something like, like, do you have any secrets? Are we done with questions?

[A]

I don't have secrets, but I have a recommendation.

[B]

No, we have. We got to. If you're going to do a secret section, you should probably have secrets because you keep doing it.

[A]

I know, but not everyone gives me their secrets. And sometimes they're stupid secrets where it's like I the bed. I'm like, okay, get. Which we read already.

[B]

How many people are no more secrets?

[A]

No, we could do secrets. But give me some good secrets, guys. Like, we don't know who you are. We won't give you advice. It's. It's all anonymous.

[B]

We'll give you advice. Even if some for some reason Alex wants to give her two cents.

[A]

I know, I can't help it. I'm sorry. I will have an opinion on your secret, but I'm doing my wreck first, okay?

[B]

Because I want you to steal from me.

[A]

I don't think we are gonna have.

[B]

The same Wedding film vendors. Oh, 31 films.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

I mean, look them up. 31 films. We got to meet them. One. Well, you know them, but I met him once at, like, a. What was that? Like a. An event in Texas.

[A]

Wedding Film Conference.

[B]

Conference, yeah. They're so, so talented. Not only do they do wedding films, they also do, like, commercial work. They're lighting their. Their storytelling.

[A]

My biggest regret, not hiring them.

[B]

We have it. We'd have money for them. No, they are expensive.

[A]

Expensive, but they're worth it.

[B]

If we were going to film another short film. We've always talked about hiring them. Yeah, so just look them up. You just look at the work. 31 films.

[A]

I mean, yeah, but they're out of Texas. But like, just the.

[B]

Every stunning.

[A]

Every film that they post, I'm just like, oh, my God, it's just so beautiful.

[B]

I'm just saying that in hopes that, like, they see this and they'll do a short film with us for free.

[A]

No, my wreck. I wasn't going to give a wedding vendor. I was going to say the rosemary parmesan bread from Costco.

[B]

I thought we were giving wedding.

[A]

I know. No, no. But I changed mine. It's the Costco bread. Yo. I woke up. Like, I haven't had any cravings.

[B]

Did you put avocado on it? You gotta. I don't want those to go bad. Yeah, I got those.

[A]

Oh, no, I'll put some avocado.

[B]

I still got those organic avocados from that lady that she was feeling up. What I talked about last time.

[A]

They're still hard because you put them in the fridge.

[B]

I didn't put them. Okay, well, maybe I did.

[A]

They were in the fridge. Or we just have to wait for them to get a little mushy still. But that bread, if you guys have a Costco and you come across this, you're welcome. Again, I have not had pregnancy cravings.

[B]

Rosemary parmesan.

[A]

But I woke up this morning and I was like, I can't wait to toast a piece of this bread. And I think I've had, like, three pieces of it a day. It is so good.

[B]

I can't wait for you to make bread again.

[A]

I just don't know how to make it Fluffy every time.

[B]

Ask the question. So people could tell you, when Alex makes bread, it's too dense.

[A]

But, like, right, but like, it's not. Like I'm using.

[B]

It's moist.

[A]

Lot of water. Like, I'm using. I'm following the directions to a tea. And then when I googled it, it was like, if you over knead it or if you underneath it, it could make the bread really dense. I'm like, I'm letting it. I'm trying all different variations. It's always very dense. And it's not even that. It's like heavy and wet because it gets like, it's.

[B]

That's dry. The bread's heavy, though.

[A]

Yeah, it's just like, there's. It's just so dense. Yeah, it's good once you toast it, but it just feels very heavy. I don't know. But this bread from Costco is the fluffiest, dreamiest. Oh, my God, it's so.

[B]

And on that note, let's go toast some bread.

[A]

Yeah, I'm going to. Anyway, thank you guys so much for tuning in.

[B]

Guys like subscribe, Email comment do all the things.

[A]

If you want to follow us, you can find us at Give it to me Straight Podcast everywhere. If you want to email us@helloiveitome straight podcast.com to ask us an anonymous question, you could do that in our show notes or on our website.

[B]

And we'll see you next week.

[A]

Ciao. Ciao.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

Wait, we switched. You say chow.

[B]

Chow. Bye.

[A]

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