68. Giving you gender disappointment, pregnancy, and lazy wives

Summary

Give It To Me Straight – Episode 68: “Giving you gender disappointment, pregnancy, and lazy wives”

Hosts: Alex & John (Dear Media)
Date: September 9, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this candid episode, married hosts Alex and John tackle the unfiltered realities of late-stage pregnancy, modern parenthood, gender disappointment, and shifting relationship dynamics, sharing both advice and their own personal experiences. With characteristic humor and banter, they cover everything from birth plans and baby tech, to division of household chores, body image, intimacy, and some controversial listener questions. The conversation reveals the complexity, uncertainty, and often conflicting advice surrounding parenting, while emphasizing empathy, grace, and working together as a couple.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Crunch Time: Final Preparations Before Baby

• Both hosts discuss the mounting pressure of impending parenthood and how they're batching content to prepare for their baby's arrival.

  • They joke about their inability to take real "maternity leave" as small business owners, highlighting the pressure of balancing work and new parenthood.
  • Alex: "We want to...focus on our child." ([01:45])
  • John: "We'll probably just go back to work because we're toxic like that." ([01:49])

• Reflections on pregnancy emotions and mental health:

  • Alex shares that this second pregnancy has her feeling emotionally numb, in contrast to the emotional upheaval of her first.
  • Alex: "[Our] first pregnancy, I was so unhinged in the most emotional way. It took everything out of me that I couldn't give the emotion to this one." ([03:12])

Overwhelm & Anxiety: Baby Tech, Health Advice, and Parental Decision-Making

• Growing frustration with the abundance of baby “tech” and its impact:

  • The couple joke about everything being connected to Bluetooth/Wi-Fi, and debate the dangers (or not) of all the tech in modern parenting.
  • John: "My dad sent me a video...it was talking about EFPs or something with electronic waves from tech." ([05:57])
  • Alex: "Half this shit has batteries and Wi-Fi and Bluetooth. Who knows what the effect is going to be? Who cares? Ignorance." ([06:46])

• Health and parenting advice is always changing:

  • The hosts lament the conflicting recommendations around nutrition, health, and parenting.
  • Alex: "Recommendations are changing every fucking second." ([07:57])
  • John: "Isn't it good for you or not?" ([08:01])
  • Notable quote: "Don't listen to us. Don't listen to your dad...don't listen to the Internet. Do what feels right." – Alex ([09:12])

Revisiting Relationship Milestones & Shared History

• A nostalgic discussion of their first “I love you” at Gurney’s, the site of a recent baby tech event:

  • The hosts humorously bicker about who said "I love you" first, and who actually put together the baby gear.
  • Alex: "Is that not my lived experience? So when I'm also at Gurney's, I'm allowed to think like, wow, my husband said he loved me...” ([14:25])

• Banter about exaggerated pregnancy-related irritation and John’s support role:

  • Alex points out shifting relationship dynamics and the need for better communication and “active listening” from John as pregnancy nears its end.

Unfiltered Talk: Birth, Medical Procedures, and Advocating in the Hospital

• Candid and humorous discussion of OB appointments and late-pregnancy medical procedures:

  • John admits he couldn’t handle watching Alex get swabbed and retreated to the corner, sparking laughter.
  • Alex: "After experiencing loss, I knew that I was just a specimen...I'm just gonna be present." ([17:03–17:51])

• Advocacy during labor:

  • Alex emphasizes the importance of John advocating for her if she’s too drugged or incapacitated in the hospital.
  • Alex: "If shit's going down and I'm drugged up, you've got to be there…” ([17:53–18:03])

Listener Questions and Relationship/Parenting Advice

1. Workplace Pregnancy Timing

• Listener worries about starting a family soon after joining a new company.
• Both Alex and John advise prioritizing life/family over job concerns.
  • Alex: "Don’t make your job personal...they don’t give a shit about you." ([42:20])

2. Pre-Pregnancy Fitness

• Advice is ‘just do your best but don’t stress.’
  • Alex: “There really is no ideal situation in which all the stars are going to align. I think you just got to fudge and go for it.” ([43:48])

3. Pregnant Partner Not Doing Chores (and “Lazy” Wives)

• A husband’s complaint about his pregnant wife’s lack of household help:
  • John (playfully): “You're an asshole, but these are inside thoughts you should just keep to yourself...Suck it up, after that, if she’s still being lazy, then you’re not an asshole.” ([46:54])
  • Alex highlights how every pregnancy is different, and men can’t fully understand what a woman endures physically/mentally.

4. Self-Esteem, Body Image & Intimacy During Pregnancy

• A woman laments body changes, lack of intimacy, and feeling undesired by her husband.
  • Both hosts urge self-compassion and recommend open communication, acknowledging everyone’s experiences are different.
  • Alex: “You have to try to keep your peace and give yourself grace and just know this isn’t forever.” ([54:55])
  • John: “Your dick’s not that big. Shut up.” ([53:35]) – Injecting humor into a delicate topic.

5. Gender Disappointment & Pregnancy After Loss

• A listener, pregnant with a boy after losing a girl, asks about managing disappointment.
  • Both share their complex feelings: relief, sadness, and grief.
  • Alex: “I still went through a grieving process...when I found out that I was pregnant, because I was like, it’s still not him, you know?” ([61:46])
  • They stress that feelings of disappointment, grief, and excitement can coexist and that therapy and compassion are vital.

6. Family Boundaries: Pregnancy Announcements

• A listener discovers her mother-in-law secretly posted all her pregnancy details:
  • Both hosts are appalled.
  • John: "You fucking bitch. You bitch. That's such a move." ([65:12])
  • They recommend setting—and enforcing—strong boundaries, and express frustration at insufficient support from the listener’s husband.

7. Sister Drama

• A very pregnant listener refuses to drive and pick up her drunk sister at 3AM:
  • Both agree: not the asshole. The sister is being childish and inconsiderate of the listener’s circumstances.

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Memorable Quotes

• "We've been through enough fucking shit. I think people understand that we're grateful to be here." – Alex ([03:12])
• "Half this shit has batteries and Wi-Fi and Bluetooth. Who knows what the effect is going to be? Who cares? Ignorance." – Alex ([06:46])
• "Don't listen to us. Don't listen to your dad...don't listen to the Internet. Do what feels right." – Alex ([09:12])
• "You're an asshole, but these are inside thoughts that you should just keep to yourself and not fudgeing say anything. It's nine months. Suck it up." – John ([46:54])
• "You have to try to keep your peace and give yourself grace and just know this isn’t forever." – Alex ([54:55])
• "I still went through a grieving process...when I found out that I was pregnant, because I was like, it’s still not him, you know?" – Alex ([61:46])
• "You fucking bitch. You bitch. That's such a move." – John, on mother-in-law's Facebook group ([65:12])

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• 01:33 – Preparing content and work-life balance ahead of baby’s arrival
• 03:12 – Mental health and emotional disconnect in subsequent pregnancies
• 05:57–07:10 – Overwhelm at technology in parenting and debates about risk
• 09:12 – Advice on ignoring external opinions and trusting instincts
• 14:25 – Playful debate about relationship memories and story ownership
• 17:03–18:03 – BD/delivery procedures, advocacy, and support during birth
• 29:42 – Q&A: Parenting hypotheticals—screen time, choosing spouses, etc.
• 46:54 – Responding to a husband’s complaint about “lazy” pregnant wives
• 54:55 – Advice on body image and intimacy during pregnancy
• 61:46 – Discussion on gender disappointment and parenting after loss
• 65:12 – Outrage at mother-in-law secretly posting pregnancy details

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Tone & Personality

The duo’s trademark tone is witty, irreverent, and deeply honest. They balance raw confessions with humor, poking fun at each other and at the absurdities of modern parenthood. Alex is more empathetic, detail-oriented, and prone to overthinking; John is blunt, deadpan, and brings comic relief, but with sincerity, especially regarding support for his partner.

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Takeaways

• Every pregnancy and relationship is different—cut yourself and others some slack.
• Boundaries matter, especially with family and on social media.
• Expect conflicting advice in parenting; ultimately, do what feels right for you.
• Men can never fully understand what pregnancy is like—support and patience are key.
• Open, sometimes uncomfortable communication is vital—especially around intimacy.
• Grief and excitement can coexist after loss, and therapy can support processing.
• Last, and always: Don’t listen to the internet. Trust yourself.

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Transcript

[A]

I'm in between her legs, like that's where the sea was. I'm like, I'm going to step away from this. And I walked to the corner. I put myself a timer.

[B]

You want a full view? That's exactly where you're going to be. Once she exits my body.

[A]

No, I'm going to be up by your head making eye contact with you.

[B]

With my pussy. And welcome back to give it to me straight. I'm Alex.

[A]

And I'm John. And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious host.

[B]

Happy Tuesday, John.

[A]

Happy Tuesday.

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

What's going on?

[B]

You know, I have a kink in my neck, in case you were wondering. I would really appreciate a massage later.

[A]

I know you've told. You've told me multiple times.

[B]

It's so painful.

[A]

Oh, shit. You know, we forgot to do is go get the heat. A heat pack for your shoulder.

[B]

I have your hands.

[A]

My hands are pretty clammy. Warm. Clammy is not warm, I guess, right?

[B]

I don't know. I just need you to massage it. Remember when we went. Where do we go where someone gave me a massage and they go, you need to rub her back more.

[A]

I don't know. She was also like, you should buy this product.

[B]

I know, but still, I think that you should trust what she said about the knots in my back.

[A]

I mean, I believe it. Yeah. I'm too busy rubbing your arm all night.

[B]

Not even. It's like that doesn't. Doesn't help me these days.

[A]

Guys, guys, we're in crunch time for real.

[B]

We've been saying that for the last few weeks. We're like, we're in crunch time, but it feels like we're actually in crunch time now.

[A]

What's gonna happen is we're batching all these episodes, we're doing all this content, all this stuff so we can have free time with our baby.

[B]

No one said free time. Like, it's not. What is free time with a newborn mean?

[A]

Not free time. I'm just tying. We could focus on our child.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

We'll probably just go back to work because we're toxic like that.

[B]

Like we're so toxic. No, I. I just. We're doing what we can to prepare so that we can have enough time with her. Obviously, she's going to be our focus. Maybe we'll retire. Maybe we'll. She'll get here and we're just gonna be like, fuck everything. Let's just quit our jobs.

[A]

All the listeners gone.

[B]

Guys. We wouldn't do that to you. You'd be so mad at us. I would be mad.

[A]

You can't do it again.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

We can't do it again for the third time.

[B]

I was thinking that, too.

[A]

How many seasons, how many times have we done this?

[B]

People take breaks, whatever. You know what I mean?

[A]

No more breaks.

[B]

No break ever.

[A]

We take a break, we're done. We're never doing it again. This. This is our.

[B]

I guess, like, there are pastors who do take significant time off. I mean, we took a. A very long mental sabbatical. Yeah. But I think. What do you do for maternity leave? You know what I mean? You're doing what we're doing. You're just batching your episodes.

[A]

You really get maternity leave when you own your own company?

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, we can't take leave because we have our own company. We want to. The harder we work, the more we get paid. We don't work. We don't get paid. You know, I like.

[B]

I like to work, but I'll just be interested to see our trait dynamic will change once she's here. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, don't you find, like, that's our problem? That's our issue.

[B]

My problem is I can't sleep right now. And I have feet. My ribs. So once I get that problem out of me, I'm just kidding. She's not a problem.

[A]

We're blessed. We're hashtag blessed.

[B]

We've been through enough fucking shit. I think people understand that we're grateful to be here. I also, I've realized because someone asked me, they were like, have you been, like, really emotional this pregnancy? I'm like, actually, no. I've been so dead inside. But I think that's because our first pregnancy, I was so unhinged in the most emotional way. It took everything out of me that I couldn't give the emotion to this one.

[A]

Well, they, you know, they should understand that you've been pregnant for 2,000 years. So.

[B]

No, I think I'll just be hit with a flood of emotions when she's actually here, though. Yeah, that's when we'll believe it and be in it. But until then, we should actually. This weekend, I think we're going to take the time to actually learn.

[A]

It's not. We should. We need to, like, so much. Like, we haven't done the nesting thing. Right.

[B]

My mom has helped, thankfully. If it wasn't for Jama, we would have nothing done.

[A]

You know, speaking of, like, getting stuff together, the amount of tech that is out there for baby stuff Is overwhelming. Between you got the cameras, you can. You can have like, everything's connected to an app too. Like, I. I already hate technology.

[B]

Remember when we got married and we made our registry and we got like a scale, Just a regular scale.

[A]

I. Go ahead.

[B]

Just a regular scale. And then we also got a vacuum cleaner and then like a coffee maker. For some fucking reason, everything had to be connected to Bluetooth or wifi or you had to have an app to operate it. And I remember getting this scale scale to just stand on and tell us our weight.

[A]

Wouldn't give it to you.

[B]

And we were like, are you kidding me that I have to download an app in order to see how much I weigh? Straight to the trash.

[A]

You know what Alex got me for Christmas? A heated mug that I needed an app for.

[B]

Do you know why I got that for you, John? Because. And I'm pretty sure if you guys actually want to go deep dive into our episodes, we probably talk about this somewhere. Back in the earlier seasons, you complained all the time about how your coffee could not stay warm. So. So I say, hm, let me get John one of those mugs that keeps your coffee warm.

[A]

And I needed an app to go on my phone. I just want to drink the fucking coffee. It's like, oh, let me get the app.

[B]

I need it so that you can change the temperature. But you're right, it should have had a temperature setting on the mug itself. I know. You know, it's all data collection. That's why they're trying to collect our data.

[A]

There's nothing impressive to take from me, I'll tell you right now.

[B]

I know, but they're like, okay, how many 80 year old men are interested in this mug?

[A]

Okay, well, you could slow the.

[B]

Not you. You're not in that dem demographic. And then how many 40 year old men?

[A]

Little. I'm not there yet. How dare you.

[B]

I know. You're. You're almost there. Gotta start party planning for that.

[A]

So with all this tech and gizmos and gadgets and all this stuff, it's really cool and it's exciting stuff. My only concern is my dad sent me a video and it was talking about EFPs or something with like electronic waves from tech. So the sky goes in this.

[B]

Are you looking around this room right now? We are surrounded.

[A]

We're adults. I know, I know. And we've had phones in our pocket forever. Like it's just coming about now. Like we didn't realize about this. Like, you're not supposed to plug your phone in at night. Next to your head.

[B]

My God, life is short. People die. Who the fuck cares? Who cares? I mean, yes, we want to obviously give our daughter an ideal living situation and not put her in a room full of X ray technology, but we're doing our best. We can't help it that, like, half this shit has batteries and WI fi and Bluetooth. Who knows what the effect is going to be? Who cares? Ignorance.

[A]

What do you mean, who cares? No, because she's getting like a fucking MRI 247 in her nursery when I just. You might as well get her a lead vest.

[B]

You just don't know. You don't actually know. Like, whatever.

[A]

Are we getting, like a body scan every time we walk through the room.

[B]

Concerned about the technology that we have to. Number one, keep her alive and keep her and surveillance her. Let's just go back to the stone age again. Like, no. Survive. Yeah, until they were 12 and then they all got disease. I mean, this conversation can just go in loops and circles about so many different things. Like, you just. These are the things that we're gonna have to deal with as parents, is just decisions. There's just so much when it comes to nutrition, food, environment. Like, you could get. So you could go so far down a rabbit hole about all of this shit. Just don't even worry about any of it.

[A]

Maybe that's why there's not a specific book on how to raise a kid. Or maybe because every kid's different. Every. They're all their own personality. They're all doing their own thing.

[B]

Recommendations are changing every fucking second. You could Google right now.

[A]

Isn't it good for you or not?

[B]

Does it cholesterol or not? Exactly. And nobody knows. Should you be lifting weights? No. Should you be running a marathon? No. Yes, you actually should be. No.

[A]

Like, actually, no. I heard running who, Testosterone, CDC just approved eggs as a healthy food item.

[B]

Or how they were saying, like, cold plunges were great for you. Now apparently they're not great for.

[A]

First off, fuck cold plunges. I never like them. I'm like, no way. This is good. Shocking your body to where you almost have a heart attack. Do you remember?

[B]

I feel like again, we've just gone so far off. All this is stemming from us being overwhelmed. There's too much.

[A]

Where was I?

[B]

Like, there's too much.

[A]

You looked at me like I had no blood flow back in my body.

[B]

At the cold plunge, we were visiting Kat and she brought us to, like, a cold pond sauna.

[A]

The water we shattering ice to get in it. That's what it Felt like we weren't.

[B]

It actually wasn't. Kat and I did it seamlessly.

[A]

I was blacked out from pain.

[B]

Yeah, I've actually never seen you and your body in that much of a panic mode. But the sauna part was hard too. That was actually fine. I couldn't breathe in there. I was like, what's happening?

[A]

You can't breathe.

[B]

Anyway, so great. Anyway, so long story short, don't listen to us. Don't listen to your dad you want, don't listen to the Internet. Do what feels right. And then we'll all, we'll all figure out what the right thing was maybe like on our deathbed. And we'll be like, you know what? Maybe that wasn't the right.

[A]

We'll see which kid lives the longest, you know?

[B]

I don't know. Ours didn't.

[A]

We need to stop laughing at our own jokes.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I watch myself on this podcast. I'm like, you're cracking yourself up, John, you fucking loser.

[B]

You mean?

[A]

I think I make like a funny joke and then I'm laughing at my.

[B]

John made a funny joke to comedians.

[A]

Like, I'm not saying I'm a comedian, but like stand up. When they laugh at their own joke, I find it annoying.

[B]

Oh, I think sometimes it's funny if it is a funny joke not to.

[A]

Like cross the street, you know, because I've seen some comedians, they're just laughing after every single joke. I'm like, stop it, stop it.

[B]

You know what's interesting is when you think too much into it. Like if I'm watching a comedian and then they like, you know, they're, they're in the middle of telling a joke and then they like, Sebastian.

[A]

Mel.

[B]

No, I'm not saying anything.

[A]

Which he's funny, but he does that. He laughs halfway through his joke.

[B]

My point being is when someone does that, it's a scripted set, so it kind of like takes me out of it. When I'm like, you already know the setup that you're giving. Unless this is truly improv and you're doing a live set right now, you've already pre planned the joke, so you know what's coming. You know what I mean? Like when they're like, they say something and they laugh at it, I'm just like, you knew, you knew that.

[A]

So it feels not improv.

[B]

I guess it's a show. You know what, it's all a show.

[A]

I'm not giving a comedians a hard time. Like, I could never do that.

[B]

No, me neither.

[A]

Laughing at your own joke. I Don't know. Kind of irks me.

[B]

I don't always hate it. I think it's funny, you know how the leaves are changing right now. Well, so is my bag. This episode is sponsored by Vivrel. Fall is my favorite season to update my wardrobe. Cozy sweaters, boots, layering up. And now, thanks to Vivrel, I. I get to swap out my handbag and match my vibe too. Vivrel is the incredible members only club where you could borrow designer handbags, jewelry, watches, and even diamonds. And they are not playing around. Their closet is stacked with brands like Hermes, Fendi, Chanel, Dior. Basically all the dream bags I would normally just drool over, but never actually splurge on. Here's what makes Vivrel so fun. There are no return dates. You could swap items once a month or keep them as long as you want. And if you end up falling in love with a bag, which will be me, you could buy it from Vivrel for less than anywhere else. I love that every season I can refresh my look without feeling locked into one bag forever. They're adding millions of dollars worth of new inventory every week, so there is always something new to love. And Vivrel gave me the highest discount code they offer. Go to vivrel.com and use code straight. That's S T T R A I G h t for 50% off.

[A]

Whoa. 50%?

[B]

Month of membership. And the code also lets you skip the wait list. So as the leaves change, your wardrobe, your accessories and your bag can change too. Yay.

[A]

It's awesome. What else? What else? What happened this week?

[B]

Well, we went to. Speaking of baby technology, Nanette. Shout out to them. They took us out to the Hamptons.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which. Where do we go, John?

[A]

To Gurney's.

[B]

And what happened at Gurney's eight years ago?

[A]

John told me she loved me.

[B]

No, you told me you loved me for the first time there.

[A]

I'm pretty sure you told me you were drunk.

[B]

No, I told you for the first time, like a month before that. And then you go, you're drunk. And then I go, okay, well, then I won't say it again. And then so I kept it inside of me and was like, fine, I'll just go fuck myself while I'm hanging out with this guy who I know loves me because you said it. Date, date. One.

[A]

I won.

[B]

And I never said it. And then we go to Gurney's. It was like, God, we were such pieces of shit back then.

[A]

Like a DJ party.

[B]

Hammered. But it was fun. And we walk, you're like, let's go to the water.

[A]

I don't want to. I really don't want to rekindle.

[B]

Well, we are. So we go walk down to the ocean, and John faces me, and he goes, I've been. I've been meaning to tell you. And I'm like, I know you love me. And you're like, I love you. And I'm like, I knew it. I knew that. You have. I love you, too. And it was, like, the least romantic moment ever.

[A]

Glad we got that out of the way.

[B]

We got that out of the way. But being back at Gurney's, I was like, wow, full circle moment. This was when you first told me you loved me.

[A]

I think I brought it up, but it's okay.

[B]

What you.

[A]

When you tell stories, sometimes you, like, say, like, you're the one. Like, I'm the one who brought up. I go, remember, this is where you told me you love me.

[B]

I. Honestly, John, I don't. I don't.

[A]

Like, earlier when we were talking to your brother about our baby station, you're telling him the story of, like, putting it together.

[B]

Like, what do you mean?

[A]

I was the one who put it together?

[B]

Like, you act like you came out the end. I go, look at this part of this equation.

[A]

When you tell a story, you tell us. They're like, you were there for the story.

[B]

I am. I was there for the story.

[A]

You were there at all for the setup. You came in at the end when I was like, look at this button.

[B]

Fucking annoying. I was there when you told me that you loved me. Is that not my lived experience? So when I'm also at Gurney's, I'm allowed to think like, wow, my husband said he loved me for the first. You don't even remember, right? You thought that I told you that I loved you there for the first time.

[A]

No, that was intentional. That was intentional. But you just told the story of us at Gurney's this past weekend.

[B]

So what did we go to Gurney's for? Like, you're just so annoying. You're like, let me just nitpick and fight Alex for no reason. You weren't there. I was. And even when you said up the baby. You don't even know what it was called.

[A]

Baby changing table. It wasn't the changing. The changing pad, whatever. It's on the table. It's the same thing.

[B]

The table is not the same. The table is the table, and the changing pad goes on the table. Move on, John.

[A]

Speaking of being agitated, we. We're starting to notice a little Bit in the late stages of the game. Alex getting triggered. Oh, very me. Very easily.

[B]

John, I think you need to practice your active listening skills.

[A]

Snapped at me.

[B]

I think you need to practice your active listening skills. Number one. If you were even pregnant for one month.

[A]

Well, that's why I didn't give you a hard time. I got it off of a bridge. I believe you.

[B]

And why don't you just. Why don't you just listen? Like, when we're doing things, I think you. You just are on another planet, and then you get annoyed. And I'm like, that's such bullshit.

[A]

All right, we gotta move on. We gotta move on for this.

[B]

All right, so we go to Gurney's. John told me he loves me. He was like, oh, my God, this is the best.

[A]

Anyways, Nan had hosted it. It was a cool van. It was like baby cameras and stuff like that. Really nice Montauk. Great area. Hot as shit.

[B]

Hot as shit.

[A]

That's what we did over the weekend. We went to the ob. That was fun. Alex got a swab. Upper butthole.

[B]

Didn't know that they. That was a thing.

[A]

I had to walk out for that one. I was like, I walked to the corner.

[B]

John's a liar.

[A]

I walked.

[B]

I walked out.

[A]

Well, first off were the.

[B]

You're a horrible harness.

[A]

Things are for your feet.

[B]

The stirrups.

[A]

The stirrups. I'm in between her legs. Like, that's where the seat was. I'm like, I'm going to step away from this. And I walked to the corner. I put myself a timeout.

[B]

If you want a full view, that's exactly where you're going to be. When she exits my body.

[A]

No, I want to be up by your head making eye contact with you.

[B]

With my pussy. You and our daughter are going to lock eyes for the first time when she exits me.

[A]

Oh, that'd be an interesting. I'm not doing that. I'll do the snip.

[B]

Snap your own dick.

[A]

The court. Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, I didn't know that I had to get. When you get to a stage of pregnancy. And again, like, after experiencing loss, I knew that I was just a specimen. Like, you have a million people's hands inside of you. Just like rods, things, tools. This time as well, I'm just like, here we go again. Like, when you get to the end of your pregnancy, I'm just like, just feel me up. Do all the things my OB felt. Her head, she goes. I feel her.

[A]

I was wild. Like, you can feel her. That's how close she was.

[B]

Yeah, I know. So I'm preparing to just. Just again be a bot. Just a body donated to science. Well, I hope not. I don't want to die. But, like, just, you know, I'm just gonna be present.

[A]

Oh, you're definitely gonna be present.

[B]

Well, you have to advocate for me too, John. Like, if shit's going down and I'm drugged up, you know, you gotta be there to be like, hey, hey, I don't know. I don't know. What.

[A]

What do you want me to do, pull her out?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't give her drugs unless she asks for it.

[B]

I guess that's just the thing, too. It's like birth plan. Just, like, make sure we live, you know? Just get us out both alive. Okay.

[A]

You know, so we're tiptoeing around a subject with our ob. Oh, and at the end we're like, hey, so, like, look, what's, like, the protocol with dumping and pumping? You know? And she's like, oh, well, don't dump your colostrum. Did it? I was like, no, no, no. Like, if she drinks.

[B]

Yeah, like, can I have a glass of wine? And then going back to what we just ranted on in the beginning of this episode, everyone has a different opinion on what you're supposed to do, how much you're supposed to consume or not consume at all while you're breastfeeding. And so I was like, let me just ask my ob. But we just kept asking. But, like, in indirect ways. I was like, no. Like, if I want to have, you know, like, a glass.

[A]

I just hate that we had to take the little step because she's like, oh, one glass, you're fine. I'm like, okay, what about two? And she's like, well, don't black out. I'm like, black.

[B]

I'm like, between two glasses and blackouts pretty. That's a broad spectrum.

[A]

Then I'm like, do we push and ask her about three?

[B]

No, I think it's more. Again, I think that they have test strips that you could actually test your milk. But I just think it's like, again, my tolerance is probably half a glass of wine currently anyway, so I just. Whatever.

[A]

I live a little. What's a glass?

[B]

What's their own? Also, I'm sure people are going to cancel us in the comments.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

People, Whatever. I'm just so. I'm just so tired. I was gonna say, like, people used to drink martinis and be pregnant.

[A]

Oh, no, she said, drink a hoppy.

[B]

Oh, a hoppy beer. Yeah, like a Guinness or something. She said it actually helps with milk production. But yeah, I just. There's so many things I have a healthy pregnancy. Knock on wood still currently, I think, which we'll get into some of these questions. Before we got pregnant with Leo, we were so in tune with our bodies, but peak healthiness. And I'm not saying that, like, it shouldn't matter. Your health absolutely does contribute and you should do the best to try to have the best possible outcome for your baby. But there also is a point where it doesn't matter. What you do is out of your control. But I don't that. Not that that has to do with breastfeeding and drinking.

[A]

Stress has a lot to do. Not a lot. I think stress has a part in pregnancy. Right. And being anxious and stressful, whatever. And I think this go around you just being like, we're just going with the motion, you know, I think again.

[B]

That was just a lot of therapy and EMDR for me. Just being disconnected and I'm like, I feel nothing. But here we are at the end. And again, God willing, she is here and we're happy and we've figured out a great balance of technology and caveman life.

[A]

Perfect. I'm so over this.

[B]

Anyways, okay, so what else do we do?

[A]

Two quick things and then we go into questions. I had two questions because I don't know if you can answer this for me. Going to Starbucks, for example, when they pulled around and asked for the tip. I just want to know, when you don't give servers, like, cash tip and it's on the pad, does that actually go to them?

[B]

Sometimes you have to ask, really? Like, I've gone to places before. And I'm like, does this go to you or does this go to the establishment? They'll be like, it doesn't go to us. And I'm like, but I don't know. I think every place is different. And then sometimes people will be like, oh, no, it does go to us. I think asking, why would the tip.

[A]

Not go to the server? Like, that's already. You're paying a premium to. To eat somewhere. Like, the money should go to the server.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. But I don't know. Tip culture is a whole nother conversation. And again, I'm very passionate about still tipping people for what I know.

[A]

Because you worked at fucking PF Changs and all your.

[B]

I'm sorry. That working in the service industry helps develop fundamental tools to exist in the world, John.

[A]

It does, it does.

[B]

You're like, I catered for two days.

[A]

I did catering for three summers in college, and I worked at this restaurant called McAdoo's for two days until I tore my meniscus.

[B]

So you would think that you would just be, like, kinder to people then.

[A]

I'm kind. I'm kind to everyone. I'm a gentle soul.

[B]

That's exactly what I would say to describe you, John the gentle soul.

[A]

Show respect, Give respect. Be a dick, get hit. Does that rhyme?

[B]

Eat a dick.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I wanted to talk about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. They're just so cute. When we were in la, we were talking about when they started dating, and I was like, oh, they're gonna get engaged soon. They're still not engaged. Maybe they are behind the scenes, but did you see them on their podcast on New Heights? Podcast?

[A]

I don't listen to podcasts. I don't listen to podcasts. I don't watch podcasts. Ironically, I have a podcast. I just like listening to people talk. I'm like, dude, shut the up. I don't care. I could care less. That's us, too. Just chirping away. Like, I hate myself.

[B]

See? But I like listening to podcasts because it feels like while you're doing tasks around the house or. Or just like, work or working out, you're just listening. You're listening in on a conversation that you feel like, you know, you're chilling with friends. You're just. You're hanging out, you know, Because I don't, like.

[A]

I'll count that as my social time so then I don't have to, like, hang out with people.

[B]

I know. That's what I do. I'm like, I have lots of friends. They're all podcasters.

[A]

Besides hating podcasts, the two of them, though, they're cute. They're cute together. I like. I like them. They're gonna get married. They're going to get engaged this year for sure.

[B]

I know, but would you.

[A]

Okay. Would you film.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You would film your wedding?

[B]

Yeah. That's one wedding I would probably go back for.

[A]

You heard it here at the end.

[B]

Of the day, too. It's like, for what? Like, what would the end goal be? I guess just.

[A]

We got. When we get canceled, we can go back to filming just celebrity weddings.

[B]

I don't. I don't know, because it's like, I still don't know that. Would you do it just to say that you shot their wedding? Is that a reason enough to do it? Like, I would want to just be friends with them as. Go and go as a guest, but maybe that would be our in. If I'm like, okay, we could shoot her wedding, become their besties.

[A]

But we would shoot their wedding. But we'd actually hire people who are. We'll hire 31 films to actually do it with us because, like, we're so rusty. So we'll get shots, but they'll get the main shots.

[B]

They wouldn't do that. They'd be like, we fucking shot this wedding.

[A]

No, they want the end. They're doing it under Madison. Great media.

[B]

Oh, man. Back in the day. Throwback. I don't know. I don't know that I would honestly even trust ourselves to do their wedding.

[A]

Don't say that.

[B]

Yeah, because we're so rusty. I would have to be like, we can't. Sorry. You know, speaking of them on the Internet and Taylor just joining their podcast, you could tell that she's. She's very. I mean, she's been in the spotlight for so long, but she's very, very eloquent and thoughtful about the words that she uses. And it made me realize, not that. Not that we're on that level at all, but that there's a lot of situations in which I'm talking about, like, are you.

[A]

Are you at. In any way, shape or form comparing us to.

[B]

I'm talking about, like, talking. Talking on a public platform.

[A]

You're doing great.

[B]

I'm trying my best.

[A]

You're doing great, sweetie.

[B]

When you know that you're going to be criticized, like, you can see the comments before they even start. So you filter what you say because you know that there's going to be backlash or feedback or whatever. And again, like, she's been used to that her whole life. Like, we're very. Still relatively new to that. But I noticed that in certain situations, it does impact me and my opinions on certain things, which, again, like, back to our rant earlier in the episode about just, like, everyone having a different opinion on how to raise your kids or, like, what technology you need or screen time or just, like, certain, like, fed is best breastfeeding. There's just so many things that no matter what, you cannot exist without getting hate from someone. And it made me think of the bean soup theory. Have you heard of that?

[A]

Yeah, you. When you eat the beans, you toot.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Please get to the point.

[B]

I hate looking at you when you're not engaged.

[A]

I'm listening to what you're saying, though.

[B]

Let's move on.

[A]

You're going back. I'm like, you're doing zigzags. Go straight. Go straight.

[B]

I can't go straight.

[A]

What about the bean soup? What about it?

[B]

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

[A]

Are we the beans soup season? Is Kelsey, is he the soup.

[B]

Let's get to questions. No, the bean soup theory. There's this girl who made a recipe on the Internet about bean soup, and people in the comments were like, well, what if. What if I want to make this without beans? Or, what if I'm allergic to beans? And people are like, then this recipe isn't for you, you idiot. So it's like, everyone is like, well, what about this? Or what about that? Or you're not considering. So anyway, it made me think I am that person when we're answering some of these questions that I'm always thinking about, well, what about X person? What about Y? And I'm like, the Internet has ruined me. The Internet.

[A]

And then I countered that, and I was like, alex, that's just who you are. You're like that in general. Like, that's why you have a lot of friends or acquaintances, because you're always thinking about everybody. You're always inviting, including, and all that. And I'm like, half these people. I know there's a difference because, like. And that's, like, on this podcast, I'm so black and white because that's actually who I am. And you're, like, thinking of everything holistically.

[B]

Yeah, but I don't know. I want to be more of a, you know, teach me your ways, John.

[A]

But then also, I was like, it's how you deliver it to your delivery on something to what you just might be annoying.

[B]

I thought you were going to say kind.

[A]

No, if you try to be, like, cunty, it just comes off like, you're.

[B]

Like, I'm not an actual.

[A]

Yeah, it just sounds weird.

[B]

So you're like, don't try to be what you're not.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

Okay. No, but I. I don't think it's that. That's not what I'm saying. Like, and being kind of. I'm just saying I. I feel like there's a lot of situations in which I overthink things because I'm like. I could already see the comments like, oh, well, what about a mom who's struggling and who doesn't have the capabilities? Or what about the mom who doesn't have extra set of hands and needs the. This WI FI connector to me, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just. My brain is consistently going through the other. All the scenarios that people could be going.

[A]

That's what makes you a great podcast host.

[B]

No, I don't think.

[A]

Question number one.

[B]

That makes it worse. All right, well, you ask yours to me, because we do. Give it to me straight to each other.

[A]

Questions. Well, what's the topic?

[B]

Well, this is a new thing that we also didn't tell you guys that we're doing. We're doing it. Give it to me straight to each other.

[A]

We did it last episode.

[B]

Questions. Yeah, but I don't think that we called it out. We just did it.

[A]

Okay, well.

[B]

Oh, because we might.

[A]

Dude, this episode is all over the place.

[B]

Whatever. It's fine. That's, like, gonna be our lives.

[A]

That's our lives.

[B]

Well, and that's. That's why we're here to talk about. Because, you know, we probably have a child at this time, and so we're here to talk about what this journey was like. Getting pregnant, babies, parenting. Not that we could really speak on parents, because we're not actively parents yet.

[A]

It might be. This is like talking to our future selves.

[B]

It is.

[A]

All right, my question for Alex. At what age do you think it's acceptable for our kid to have screen time?

[B]

Well, what do you consider screen time? Like watching a movie?

[A]

Until about 20 minutes ago, I always thought screen time was anything with a screen. Computer screen, TV screen, iPad, phone. Are they separate?

[B]

I guess in my brain, mentally, I think screen time as a whole is time outside of the house. Like, screen time to me, does not consist of the actual, like, tv, like a movie. You know what I mean? Like, if you're gonna put on Moana or Frozen, I don't think of that as screen time. I think of putting on YouTube videos or Ms. Rachel or whatever as screen time.

[A]

Very fine line. I could. I could see it being everything.

[B]

I don't know, dude. Because again, we're not there yet. I. I would love to be the quote, unquote, perfect parent and say not until they're, you know, five or never. But I don't know. I don't know when we're traveling with her, if throwing on, if giving her screen time is gonna calm her down. Like, am I gonna do that in the minute, in the moment? Maybe. Probably. I don't know. So it's hard to really say when we're not on that side of it yet.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I'm not gonna judge anyone for what. What their choices are.

[A]

Yeah. What do we know? I. I do like the 90s approach, though. The 90s of, like, a VHS, like, old school. Because I think there's something to do with, like, fast cuts on a show. That's way too much stimulus in a kid's brain. It's going to make them distracted or whatever. So, like, slower pace. Like back when they used to paint the images, you know, like the Seven Dwarves and Little Red Riding Hood and on all them. And Pocahontas.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Pikachu.

[B]

Huh. And it was just a slower pace. Good times.

[A]

Good times.

[B]

Or like, when, like, you used to.

[A]

Just, like, draw on Fantasia. Princess Diaries, like, with Anne. Beauty and the Beast.

[B]

Princess Diaries with Anne Hathaway.

[A]

Devil Wears Prada.

[B]

I just. There used to be a time in which TV time you can only get in the living room of your house. You didn't have a screen around you 24 7. So I think it's trying to limit the amount of time that they're looking at an iPhone and iPad. That's the dream. Right? And then they only watch Devil Wears Prada on Friday nights with us.

[A]

Like, they have a specific time to watch something.

[B]

Right. But I don't know.

[A]

Okay, next question.

[B]

That's also.

[A]

That's my question.

[B]

That's like asking me how I'm gonna help them with their homework.

[A]

I don't know. These are fucking hypotheticals. Right? I forgot what the sexual.

[B]

I'm asking you a legit question that you know in the moment, like, not a hypothetical. John, give it to me straight. When choosing me as your lifelong partner, did you take any qualities of being a potential parent into consideration?

[A]

No. Did even. You didn't even cross my mind.

[B]

You never even thought, like, oh, my gosh, no.

[A]

Because I didn't want kids.

[B]

Is the mother of my child.

[A]

Fuck, no. I always find that weird, too. I had a guy, went to college, he's like, she is the mother of my unborn child. I was like, bitch, we're like, 19. Shut up.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You're being weird.

[B]

I don't know if it's just a.

[A]

They got divorced anyways.

[B]

Okay. Sorry. To them. I don't know if it was just like, an instinctual thing. I was obviously with you for more reasons outside of that, but I did think, like, oh, John would be a great dad. That did cross my mind. Yeah.

[A]

Well, because you always on the fence about having a kid. You always thought about.

[B]

My thing was if.

[A]

Actually you said you wanted three kids when we first talked about it.

[B]

I think that was just the norm. Because I was like. Or not. Not that that was the norm. I thought that that's what you had to do. I was like, well, I came from three. I enjoyed being from three. So, yeah, I would have three kids now. Absolutely not. Because I've lived life and I have life experience, but to each their own. But I just think when we first started dating and you were like, would it be a deal breaker for you if I didn't want kids? And I was like, yeah, because I think that I didn't want that.

[A]

So then I was like, oh, yeah. Well, no, I mean, I might want kids because I don't want to. I don't want you to cut me out.

[B]

Right. But if you had actually said, like, absolutely not, I was like, oh, well, I don't really know if I want kids or not. So I just need that door to still be open. Like, it has to be a fluid conversation. And so then I guess you lied to me and you said it was. And here we are.

[A]

Cool. My turn.

[B]

Yep. Actually, I don't want to listen to it.

[A]

Alex, give it to me straight.

[B]

Do you give me life, John?

[A]

Do you think you'll spank as a parent?

[B]

Oh, that's a good question. I don't want to.

[A]

Full of good questions.

[B]

I don't want to. And so, no, I like how I'm like, I was. I was spanked for sure. And look at me, I'm fabulous. But I do think that there's effective ways of discipline without getting physical. Because you would never hit an adult in real life to get your point across. You would go to jail.

[A]

Depends on the situation. I'd get my point across. If you're slapping a defenseless person and I knock you out, my point has been across your face.

[B]

I'm so confused.

[A]

You're saying to get my point across, like, don't abuse someone.

[B]

That's called self defense.

[A]

I'm going to abuse you.

[B]

Yeah, that's self defense.

[A]

Well, you said never. I'm like, there's. Oh, there's situations.

[B]

Starts it right. I don't know. My mom, she had the pressure points when we were kids. So, you know, before she spanked us on the butt, she would grab a pressure point. I don't know how the she found those, but she got it right every time, which immediately made me zap into.

[A]

It's like a mom dog biting them.

[B]

No, literally, I was like. I asked her the other day, I go, mom, where. Where are those pressure points? Because you knew exactly where they were to make us just like, if we weren't listening. Because again, I do think kids need discipline. Like, the adult is in charge. But I don't necessarily think that you need to resort to being physical. In order to get your point across.

[A]

I saw this video and this guy brought up a good point and he said, backing up your threats because his wife was like a. A child psychologist and like the number one thing that worked for their kids and what they've recommended to their clients or parents is backing up any of your threats and committing. When you're like, you're not getting ice cream, don't give them ice cream. Don't give in. You keep talking, we're not going to Disney World. I will pack that car up. We're going home. Consequences.

[B]

You're saying no? Yeah. Like, no.

[A]

Empty actions have consequences. And you have to commit because if they know they can roll over you, it's game over.

[B]

Game over. Would you spank?

[A]

No, I don't think I will. Again, we're not parents. I don't fudge know. But as I'm thinking about it now, no, I'm not going to spank my kids.

[B]

Did your parents thank you?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Not hard. I mean, I only ever remember getting spanked once because it was super embarrassing because my mom, I think, started with the spank and was in front of all these people and then passed her to me, my grandmother, who then spanked me. It was a double spank.

[B]

Double spank. Spanked.

[A]

And that's the last time I remember getting spanked or the first time.

[B]

I mean, I'm not going to say I didn't deserve those Spanx when I got them. My mom used the wooden spoon one time, broke it on my ass. And so, I don't know, I just.

[A]

Got that fat ass. Girl, that.

[B]

That was definitely not it. When I was, you know, seven. I don't know how old I was, but. Yeah. Yeah, that's also weird, John. That's fucking weird. Like, I'm a grown adult now, but you're talking about me as a child.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

But, yeah, I don't know. I don't think that. I look back and think that that was abuse. Like, I don't consider that abuse, but, you know, other people would. I think there's a lot of things and studies that have later come out. This is why I'm also not excited to be a parent on the Internet. Because I just feel like anything we.

[A]

Do are going to be wrong. Yeah, doesn't matter which way you go. Someone's going to say something. We got to go into questions. We're skipping the other gives.

[B]

Hold on. No, I just have one more for you. If you could give one word of adv to your past self before we got pregnant the first time. What would it be like get going.

[A]

Into, oh, I did everything right. I. I mean, I don't think I did anything wrong. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I mean, like, I would maybe be easier on. That was easy on myself. I'm trying to think of advice. I was there for you. I ate healthy. I watched my drinking. I mean, what else could we have done differently? I don't.

[B]

I don't. I wasn't thinking in terms of, like, how to have a healthy pregnancy because that's out of your control or being.

[A]

Good with your partner. I think we.

[B]

Yeah, maybe I'm asking. Maybe I wrote this more for myself. Like, what word. What would advice would I get? And it's just like, again, knowing that easier on yourself.

[A]

Be easier on yourself.

[B]

Well, I think it's just again, realizing that this is a journey. Deciding to start a family isn't always going to be easy. Like, there are going to be obstacles along the way, whether that's from the beginning of conception to the time that your child is here or just as a parent in general. And so it's really just allowing, giving yourself grace that things are not always going to be perfect and that they're out of your control. That's my advice to myself, and I guess yours was just dumb. So let's move on. This one was, I thought, a funny one. It came through and I was just like, I have to ask it if your genetic testing had actually shown that you were siblings. Obviously you're not, but for shits and giggles, would you reconsider being together or would you say effort and keep canoodling?

[A]

We talked about it.

[B]

We did talk about this when we.

[A]

Got our genetic test. We're like, what if we are related?

[B]

Oh, yeah, but what if we were?

[A]

I remember us being like, well, the damage is already done.

[B]

I know, but I also just don't think that I'd be able to get that out of my brain. Siblings, I feel like, would be. I mean, two options. Cousins.

[A]

We talking second cousins?

[B]

No, there's like your first cousins and your second cousins.

[A]

Well, we know we're not first cousins.

[B]

Those mean girls reference. No, we're not. We're not blood related at all. But what I'm saying is, like, this listener wrote. I'm like, wait, we were siblings? Would we still be together? Like, would you still want to stay married to me and still, you know, be putting your P in my V?

[A]

Probably. I. I don't know. Probably not.

[B]

Siblings. I don't Think cousins. Not first cousins. Probably not second cousins. I would consider third. There's like, you know, if we had third cousins. Do you even know your third cousins?

[A]

I would just. I think we would end it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Mutually. I. I don't think I'd be able to get it out of my head.

[B]

No. I think it would be way too weird. And, like, in the public eye, though, I would, like, just have to say we are.

[A]

Then our content would just be like, friends.

[B]

Oh, I wouldn't make contact with you.

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

Yeah, it would just be.

[A]

God, I'd have to go.

[B]

You're like, I have to go back to the.

[A]

I have to go back to work.

[B]

I couldn't. I couldn't. Maybe I. Maybe I would make friend content with you sometimes just to keep you relevant. But no, I just. We couldn't do that.

[A]

The podcast would be friends. Brother sister giving you unsolicited brother sister advice. Okay, so, yeah, we split it.

[B]

Next question, Next question. My husband and I are about to celebrate two years, and we're ready for that next baby step. I have a tricky medical history where I won't necessarily know if I could get pregnant until we actually start trying. My question is, should my job be a consideration for when we start? I've only been with this company for a few months, and I definitely want to stay here long term. That said, I'm nervous that if I do end up getting pregnant sooner than later, it will look bad. Should I even be worried about this? It's been driving me crazy.

[A]

You should consider all factors in your life when getting pregnant. With that said, so many people get a job and get pregnant immediately. Your employer, he's not the owner of the company, I'm assuming, and I'm sure it's a little more work on him to find another employee. But, like, everyone's replaceable. Don't worry.

[B]

100. I was gonna say don't make your job personal because the second that they want to downsize, the second that something is going on in the company, they don't give a shit about you. I'm not saying don't care about your company if you really do love working with them, but I think that you scheduling your potential pregnancy around keeping your job. I wouldn't. You're putting too much energy and effort into thinking that they care that much about you. They don't. Most likely.

[A]

We're only human. Shit happens. Life has changes.

[B]

I also don't think you should. Yeah. Put your life on hold for. To be courteous for this job. So good. Good job. Next question. My partner and I are seriously talking about trying to get pregnant. We've been delaying due to non ideal health, but it's been motivation for us to work out regularly. Any advice on pre pregnancy workouts or how to know when you're physically in the right place to start trying? This is kind of all start, John. This is kind of what we were just talking about before where I'm like, there really is no ideal situation in which all the stars are going to align. I think you just got to fudge and go for it. Of course you want to give your future child the best chance at thriving and surviving, but take it from us, it doesn't always work out.

[A]

You got to work out.

[B]

No you don't, dude. No, you don't. I really don't think you do like we do.

[A]

You work it out. Want to help you so much mentally, mentally.

[B]

But what I'm saying is you can, you can literally be a crackhead and get pregnant and it works out. We were in the peak shape pinnacle of health when we got pregnant with Leo. And again, yeah, you would want the most healthy ideal situation to give your baby the thriving chance. It doesn't fucking matter.

[A]

Saying like how to work out saying.

[B]

Any advice on pre pregnancy workouts or how to know when you're physically in the right place to start trying? I would say it has less to do with physical and more to do with mental.

[A]

You know what it is when you start sweating and you don't fucking smell?

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah, because I notice when I eat like trash.

[B]

Nothing to do with when you should.

[A]

Start sweating the next day. I'm just sweating out toxins. I'm like, ugh. But when I'm like healthy and I'm working out, I don't smell.

[B]

So that could change from day to day.

[A]

Well, when you're going to get pregnant, dude, day in and day out, be healthy.

[B]

I'm just, what I'm saying is it really doesn't matter.

[A]

That's terrible advice.

[B]

It is, but it didn't matter.

[A]

No, pregnancy itself is like, it's hit or miss, whatever. But if just for your own peace of mind and you want to be healthy, just start somewhere. Just get on the treadmill or something. That's low impact. Watch a movie. You don't have to do everything. Correct. But just like watch a movie while.

[B]

You'Re on the treadmill. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Lean on the Stairmaster. Just do something.

[B]

But I think that it, it depends what.

[A]

Stop drinking.

[B]

But the definition of health is going to change across the board, depending on who you are.

[A]

Okay. The definition of health is don't eat processed foods. That's a definition of health because you eating that is not good for you. Don't smoke, unfortunately, don't drink alcohol.

[B]

But what I'm getting at is that it still isn't a guarantee that things are going to go well.

[A]

We know that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Not asking us. She's just like, do you have any tips or tricks or advice on like getting healthy beforehand? Like those three main things. Work out, do some sort of exercise, don't drink, don't eat like shit, don't smoke, don't take Molly. Next question.

[B]

You heard it here first. Fitness tips from John. Next question. My wife is currently pregnant and approaching the end of her first trimester. I've been doing a lot to try to be the best husband I can be. And I know she's going through all the typical pregnancy symptoms. However, this side of her has come out that I've never seen before. I don't want to call it lazy, but she refuses to do the most simple tasks. Putting her dishes away, folding her laundry, pumping gas when she takes the car, etc. When I confronted her, she told me that these are all things that I should be doing. Since she's the one who's pregnant, I'm not asking her to do manual labor, but after you eat or use a towel, put it in the dishwasher or throw it in the bin, not on the floor. Am I an asshole for thinking that while she's pregnant she should still do the most basic tasks around the house?

[A]

You're an asshole, but these are inside thoughts that you should just keep to yourself and not fudgeing, say anything. It's nine months. Suck it up after that. If she's still being lazy, then yeah, then you're not an asshole. It's just like we as men don't know what the woman is going through with the pregnancy. I have no idea. You could tell me how you're feeling, but I don't know. Like if you're fudgeing miserable and it's nine months, like, yeah, we need to pick up the slack as the dad.

[B]

That's a very PC answer for you and I appreciate it because again, but it's not PC.

[A]

It's like you're, you are growing the child, right? It's nine months, there's an end date.

[B]

To it and well, and then even when the child is here, she will most likely predominantly be the caretaker for a, a period of time. I think it's hard because for me personally, my pregnancies were wildly different from the first one to this one. The first one, mental health out the fucking window. This one, I felt healthy. I felt like I was able to actually do things and stay active. But pregnancies between. From women to women, from even just your same person, but pregnancy to pregnancy are so different. So you can't just assume that her not doing. And again, I could see where, like, if she's already out with the car, what's the difference of pumping gas? But, like, that might just be mentally too much for her. And it is tough. Like, it's even tough for me to say as a pregnant woman myself, what another pregnant woman is going through. Because every pregnancy is different. Prior to our first pregnancy, if someone was not being physically fit or, like, was like, oh, I'm, you know, I can't work out or I can't, like, do what I used to do, I'd be like, well, why not? You know, like, it doesn't mean that you have this disability. Absolutely not the case. Like, every pregnancy is different. Some people experience extreme sickness, nausea, or just fucks with your mental health, and you just don't have the bandwidth to do it. So I appreciate your take on it, but I just, I think that. Again, it's not a generalization.

[A]

You think I'm going to dive in on that? Are you fucking crazy? I'm not an idiot.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

I'm saying, like, this dude's like, looking at me like, right, like, right. I'm like, fuck, no, you're in the deep end by yourself, brother. I'm never saying that shit. You lost your fucking mind.

[B]

I mean, again, it's just. You can't compare what you think she should be doing during this period of her life. It's a completely different phase of life and I can't even. I can't even say what she should be doing.

[A]

Whatever, just fucking do it. Just do it.

[B]

Just do it. However, I will say if this becomes a pattern later on.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. There's a difference. There's an end date again, watching the baby, whatever, whatever. Till a certain point. Then it's like, okay, get back. You got to get back into the fucking schedule of being a teammate.

[B]

But what are your thoughts, though? Because it's like just throwing your clothes in the bin like that. It's right there, you know, like, is that a little bit manipulative would you say, of someone who just, like, isn't doing.

[A]

Alex, this isn't tiff or tat the laundry basket right there. You still put your clothes on the ground. Sometimes, not all the time. The amount of times that your clothes are inside out, I just swear to God. Can you just pull it out for me?

[B]

I forget. I know.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, I'm gonna. But like, whatever. You're pregnant.

[B]

You're doing this.

[A]

Wait a minute. You're literally doing this. You've been doing this for like eight years of just not pulling your clothes inside out.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. This isn't a pregnancy thing. But like I again, there's things that we both do in our relationship where we hold weight.

[A]

That's totally different. Exactly. Is she. What is she doing? Like, what are you doing? What is she doing? It's easy for us to compare because he's just saying from his side, like, she's not doing anything. She's getting lazy. But like, what are you doing? I'm never gonna give you a hard time because you spend all your time editing and coming up with creative and all this stuff. I'm like, I want to help you as much as possible and that's how we are. So I don't give you a hard time. I don't feel like you're not contributing. Here's the thing, this guy for some reason feels like she's not contributing, but I'm like, what? What is she doing? We don't know.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

Whatever. Again, she's pregnant. Just. You're like, just hit us up after that.

[B]

Just get through this phase.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Next question. I'm nine months pregnant and my husband and I are living with my mom and sister while we're in the process of closing on our first home. My sister says she doesn't feel like I'm there for her during the season. I told her that I'll always be there for her no matter what. She recently went out on a Saturday night with her girlfriends, got shit faced and called me at 3am to pick her up. The bar is about 45 minutes away downtown, so I offered to call her an Uber, but she said no. I told her I'm literally about to give birth any minute and wasn't going to drive downtown to get her drunk ass. Her friend grabbed the phone and told me not to worry, she'd take her home. She made it home safely, but the next morning my sister was upset, telling me that I proved I'd never be there for her again. Am I the asshole for not picking her up? Also, am I the asshole for not caring anymore? No, you're not the asshole at all. Your sister is so emotionally immature. Next question. I'm in my. Do you have anything to say?

[A]

No, it's just.

[B]

No, you're not. Your sister's a child. Grow up.

[A]

Grow what? You're not in danger. Get a Uber.

[B]

Why is it your job? At nine months pregnant, you also put.

[A]

Yourself in the situation of getting intoxicated to a point where, like, you need someone else to drive you. You're just inconveniencing. Inconveniencing other people.

[B]

If anything, I would say she's being just more disrespectful to you and not consider your circumstances. Your sister. Next question. I'm in my third trimester and while I love my baby and feel lucky for a healthy pregnancy, I hate being pregnant and what it's done to my body. I'm usually fit, working out five to six days a week, eating healthy and feeling good. But pregnancy has taken that all away. I'm exhausted, had food aversions, nausea until 20 weeks, can't run without pain, and I crave junk food. I thought I'd be the fit pregnant lady with the glow, but I'm the opposite. My partner is supportive and affectionate in every way except sexually. He says he can't enjoy sex knowing that the baby is inside of me. And while he insists it's not about my body, it still hurts my self esteem. How can I accept my body right now? And Alex, how was your intimacy with John during pregnancy? Did it change? And how do I stop these self loathing thoughts?

[A]

Dude, your dick's not that big. Shut up. Shut up.

[B]

Remember we were talking about we were nervous that our daughter is going to grab John's dick on the way out.

[A]

Actually, the fact that you're OB grabbed our daughter's head.

[B]

She didn't touch her head because she didn't go through my cervix. I think she meant she felt.

[A]

She felt her head. The outline of how far in.

[B]

Oh, John, I. She fully fisted me. She went far.

[A]

I feel violated.

[B]

You feel violated? I felt her in my lungs.

[A]

Oh, my God, girl, your ar.

[B]

Your fingers are longer than I thought.

[A]

Chill.

[B]

Okay, well, there's two parts to this. The first part is you talking about, you know, you don't feel like yourself. That's just pregnancy. Like you can have this idea of what you thought it was going to be. It never is. Give yourself grace. It is a season of life where you're gonna feel tired. You don't have the Energy. You don't have to be the fit pregnant lady with the glow. Like, everybody's experiences are going to be different, but you have to try to keep your peace and give yourself grace and just know this isn't forever. It's not going to last forever. It's a period of time. And so you'll get back to yourself. You'll feel like yourself eventually again. So don't be too hard on yourself there.

[A]

Like, hot take. This guy's just making an excuse because he's not attracted to you right now because you've gained weight. You think that she's like, I'm not the fit one. I'm eating like shit. I'm, you know, not myself. Him saying that I'm going to hurt the baby is just a lie. It's a lie.

[B]

Well, okay. Do you think that. And from a guy's perspective, and it might vary from man to man, I.

[A]

Never thought I was going to hurt our child.

[B]

Do you think that being sexually attracted to your wife can change when someone is pregnant or not? Remember when I was pregnant with Leo and someone had asked her and they.

[A]

Were like, or doesn't you still need to do your duty? You know what I mean? You're a team. You're a partner. Whether you're sexually attracted, whether it went down or whatever, it will come back down the road. I don't know. Like, am I looking at you exactly the same as I did when you weren't pregnant? Not really, John, but it's fine. I still want to have sex with you and be intimate with you. You're my partner. I love you and I'm thinking of you and I'm want your needs to be fulfilled. And I think it's crazy. Like, do you got to do, dude, go get a dick pump, click the button in the sack?

[B]

I just think, like, no matter what, your sex life is going to change when you're pregnant.

[A]

Like, your sex life changes from when you first start dating to when you're married for five years.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

Well, apparently not, because one of those comments like, well, I've been with my husband for 14 years, sex every day.

[B]

I'm like, okay, good for you.

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

No, really, good for you. But like, I just think, personally, I don't even feel my most sexy self. Obviously there's something physically in the way. And like, in the bedroom, intimacy is very mental. It's not just physical. So when you want to get there, you have to feel confident in yourself. You want to feel good, you have.

[A]

To feel comfortable this is probably the biggest point of communication. You have to be comfortable with your partner.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I. And it sometimes is a little uncomfortable. We talk about it and I don't think a lot of couples do like, that is. That's an advanced level of comfortability, talking with your partner about intimate things in.

[B]

The moment, especially during the season of life. I think we've been the most vocal and not like sex talk in the bedroom.

[A]

It's been what works.

[B]

Yeah. Because I'm like, I don't think I can stay in this position for this.

[A]

Long or belly to belly, like, this ain't working.

[B]

So you do. Communication is so huge when you're intimate, especially during pregnancy, because there's so many changes. And it's not just like changes in, you know, one month, it's the entire time because you're getting bigger, you're getting more uncomfortable. Like. But we have talked about this several times that it's like, yeah, do we really feel like doing it right now? Not necessarily, but it still brings us closer together. And it's. I hate to say it as if it's a maintenance thing, but it is.

[A]

You need to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like maintenance for your relationship. It just. You gotta do. You gotta try to make it work.

[B]

And you can still make it fun. But I just think that if you continue to not do it, it's not going to make it easier or better. I don't know. But I think you have to understand that this is a season of life. You're not always going to feel this way, but you have to be comfortable enough to have a conversation with your partner about what you want intimacy to look like throughout your pregnancy.

[A]

I'm really starting to think about, like, any question now that we ever had about intimacy in general, that people aren't comfortable having conversations about intimacy, especially if, like, one person's not performing or one person's not enjoying it or whatever. It's an uncomfortable topic. But, like, you gotta have. You gotta get to that level of comfortability with your partner to talk about it or nothing's ever gonna change. And I can see that being very hard to do.

[B]

Yeah. I think it just boils down to. It's not. It's not the most fun conversation to have when your needs aren't being met or when, like, you don't want to. You don't want to insult your partner.

[A]

Right.

[B]

At all. Or. Yeah, it's just a tough conversation or an uncomfy conversation to have. But it's so important because if you don't.

[A]

Resentment, resentment growing Apart. Yeah, keep happening, happening, happening where you're just not gonna address the elephant in the room. Cool.

[B]

So, season of life communication. Next question. We had a 36 week stillborn baby girl. For unknown reasons, I became obsessed with getting pregnant again and quickly conceived a baby boy. You lost Leo, and now you have a girl on the way. Did you and John experience gender disappointment? This is my last baby, and I always pictured having a daughter. While the different gender helps separate our loss from this pregnancy, I can't help but feeling sad all over again. Like the day we lost our girl. How do you balance grief with excitement for a new baby?

[A]

I think she said it right. Like, it. It helps. It's a little. It's helpful that she. It's a girl.

[B]

Separate.

[A]

Because I don't feel like I'm replacing Leo. You know, I don't also feel like I'm honoring him. Like, I never want to forget about him because I feel like that's doing him, like, a disservice to, you know, like, always remembering him, not replacing him.

[B]

You think that if I was pregnant with a boy that you would feel.

[A]

No, I mean, I would shift to that mentality of, like, we are not replacing our original son and we're not gonna forget him.

[B]

I think gender disappointment is. Is real. Especially, I think, when you have multiple kids. I think it's immature when people act so insane over it, especially on social.

[A]

Media, especially coming from us, from lost parents. You know, it's like people who get disappointed, like, you know how lucky you are that you have a healthy kid. Like, shut up and be in the moment, like, how lucky you are.

[B]

I think that truly changed our. Changed our perspective on a lot of the things in pregnancy, just having a healthy baby. But I will say that I was nervous about getting pregnant with. I mean, just in general, I really didn't know how I would feel either way. But when we did find out it was a girl, I almost felt a. Probably the opposite of what this listener wrote in, where I felt a little bit of a sigh of relief where I was like, okay, like, it's not another boy. Where I didn't feel like I would hold that and be like, you would have been Leo, you know, and even so, I just think that, like, I.

[A]

Feel bad even thinking that way because I think we both had some relief. But, like, I. I feel bad that I would even feel some sort of way if it was a boy.

[B]

I still went through a grieving process either way, when I found out that I was pregnant, because I was like, it's still not him, you know? And I think that what you're feeling is normal because your new pregnancy is not the baby that you had. And like, at the end of the day, that's the one you wanted. And now you're pregnant again. And it's just these really hard, complicated feelings of feeling like you are replacing your other baby. But you know, I think again, they are completely separate pregnancies. I think you're allowed to have gender disappointment, like, because you did lose your girl. But I think we just dealt with it day by day. Therapy again was a huge thing for me. Again, I like, can't say it enough, but it's just going to be something that you're gonna continue to learn to heal from as you go through your pregnancy.

[A]

Well said.

[B]

Next question. Am I the asshole? My partner and I have been together for six years and unexpectedly found out I was pregnant. My partner proposed one weekend after a big family gathering. An hour later, during lunch with his siblings, his sister announced that she was pregnant. Am I the for being mad that she overshadowed my special day?

[A]

No, you're not. No, no, no, you're not the. I'm assuming. We're just assuming because you didn't really say. I guess everyone knew you were pregnant, so.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We're gonna pretend like you're pregnant. Everyone knows you're pregnant. Then no, you're not the asshole. You're sister. I think that's a fucked up move an hour after. Why would you do it the same day?

[B]

Well, and again, I guess this is after when you guys are celebrating your proposal, right?

[A]

Like, does she know that you just.

[B]

Got proposed, so you're pregnant, you got engaged, and at your proposal party, that's when she announced.

[A]

So we're making up two potential scenarios.

[B]

I think from this question it sounds like the sister now choose pregnant at.

[A]

The gathering that we're assuming your sister's at.

[B]

My God. What? Anyway, no, I don't think you're the. I think it's. We've.

[A]

We've had a place at a time before for your sister to say that. And that was not then, correct?

[B]

Yeah. We have nothing else to add. Well, I have a secret. You want me to read it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, read the secret.

[B]

This one was in the secret section.

[A]

But.

[B]

But I do want your opinion on it. She didn't ask for any advice, but like, I just want to give. I want to hear your two cents. When I found out I was pregnant with my fourth baby, we decided not to post anything on social media and to wait to Find out the gender until birth. After two previous losses, I wanted to guard my heart and keep opinions and sympathy at bay. We told close family and friends, but no one else. After a 37 hour labor, our perfect daughter was born. We wanted to surprise our other three kids and extended family with the gender and the name. So again, we delayed posting. Shortly after birth, my husband got a congrats on baby girl text from someone outside of our circle.

[A]

I'm assuming his mother posted.

[B]

He learned that my mother in law had created a secret Facebook group with 70 members posting updates throughout my pregnancy, including the gender and birth details. And she had blocked us from it. Freshly postpartum, I decided not to say anything and my husband only asked her why without pushing further. Four years later, I still feel betrayed and robbed of announcing our surprise. I can't understand why her need to post outweighed our wishes.

[A]

You fucking bitch. You bitch. That's such a move. Oh my God. She's probably best friends with the. With the mother in law who poked a hole in the condom to get him pregnant. Remember that question?

[B]

Yes. I just.

[A]

It's not about you. Her doing that is making it about her. Like, look at my grandkid, 70 people.

[B]

I just don't have words because of the selfishness and the entitlement here. I don't know how you face your mother in law because again, some. Someone might be like, oh, it's not that big of a deal.

[A]

But yeah, I couldn't even look at you.

[B]

I would probably lose my mind. But cut her out. I would never share anything with her.

[A]

Here's the difference. And I'm like, your partner is your immediate family. Now. If my fucking mom did that, sorry, mom. If you listen to me, I will lose my shit on you. Don't be taking photos. Don't be making it about yourself.

[B]

Again, it like, it's just there are. There just are no words. You are the parent. You and your husband are both the parents. And you created this boundary for a reason. Regardless if other people agree with it or not, she disrespected your wishes.

[A]

She's got nothing else going on. She's like, let me make this about me.

[B]

But the fact that your husband also didn't press.

[A]

That's why I was bringing up like my mom did, that I would lose my mom, right? Lose my mind on my mom.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

This guy just saying, wow. I'd be like, no.

[B]

He said, why whatever. Without pushing further.

[A]

Do more, buddy.

[B]

Oh my.

[A]

That's brutal.

[B]

Okay, anyway, so that was a secret. Not that you Asked for advice, but we just gave our little two cents there.

[A]

Sometimes when you, like, give me the last questions that are triggering now, I'm just like.

[B]

More. You know what? Maybe bring back spanking to adults. Maybe that's what we do need to do.

[A]

All right, my Rex. You. What's your rack?

[B]

Oh, shoot.

[A]

Come on, girl. I'll do my wreck. And I don't know if I brought this up, so if I do, I have another one. Tomb.

[B]

What?

[A]

Tomb.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Garlic dip.

[B]

Ew.

[A]

T o o m. You get it at Costco. It's legit garlic.

[B]

I love garlic. But if it didn't make your breath so rancid, I would be more on board.

[A]

It is to promote so fucking good chips. Carrots, celery, kettle cooked chips. Anything you want. Crackers, pita chips. Tomb.

[B]

Wow. You should be their spokesperson.

[A]

I should. It's a yellow container, Costco with a garlic bulb on the front. Okay. What's yours?

[B]

You know what? Now that I'm at the end of my pregnancy, I will give my Rex for this belly oil that I used. I used the hatch belly oil, which was fabulous. I don't have a stretch mark. I'm sure a lot of it is genetic as well. My mom didn't ever get them. But then on top of that, I would use Palmer's lotion. I believe that it is, I don't know, Palmer's Maternity, Cocoa cream, butter, whatever. So I would do two of those twice a day. And my skin is so smooth. I'll see how it looks after I push her out. But.

[A]

So you've been doing lotioning twice a day?

[B]

Twice a day. Oil and lotioning her up. I just don't let my belly get dry. Really? Again, like, I just, like, wear clothes.

[A]

Around, but I hate having any sort of, like, lubricant.

[B]

I know, but when you're growing and your skin is stretching, it gets very itchy. So you want. Not just for, like, the aesthetics and the stretch marks of it all. And again, most of it is genetic, so sometimes you just can't prevent that. But I think for me, it was the itchiness of it that I'm like, I can't handle it. So oiling it up, lotioning up my belly, those were the two things that I used. And so far, so good. Yeah. But we'll see. I still have, like, days.

[A]

We'll find out.

[B]

Who knows? Who knows?

[A]

Well, guys, that's all we got.

[B]

Thank you guys for tuning in.

[A]

Subscribe Email comment Do all the things.

[B]

If you want to email us, you can reach [e-mail] if you want to send us an anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or in our email and you can follow us everywhere. Give between straight podcast anywhere and all the places. We will see you next week.

[A]

Ciao ciao.

[B]

Bye.