69. Giving you body positivity and Victoria Garrick Browne

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight — Episode 69

Title: Giving You Body Positivity and Victoria Garrick Browne
Date: September 16, 2025
Host(s): Alex & John
Guest: Victoria Garrick Browne

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Overview

This lively and candid episode of Give It To Me Straight delves into themes of body positivity, self-confidence, and mental health—particularly as they relate to societal pressures, relationships, and social media. Hosts Alex and John navigate both humorous and heartfelt territory, before welcoming guest Victoria Garrick Browne, a renowned body positivity advocate, TEDx speaker, and mental health champion. Together, they tackle listener questions, share personal stories and struggles, and dissect the complexities of loving one’s body in today’s world.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Updates and Pre-Birth Preparations

• [00:30–06:50] Alex and John kick off with their usual banter, discussing the final weeks of Alex’s pregnancy and preparing for their baby’s arrival.
• They vent about planning ahead, overpacking for the hospital, and the burnout that comes with last-minute cramming before a big life change.
• Humorous debate over John’s minimal approach to packing ("What? Shorts to sleep in and a pillow. What else do I need?").
• Laundry overload and keeping the nursery ready is a hot topic, with Alex declaring that clutter blocks her creativity:

  "I have no creative thoughts that are entering my brain right now. Like, I can’t get things done. It affects my whole mood." (06:20)

2. Reflections on Generational Change in Parenting

• [07:12–09:05] The couple laughs about how nursery technology has changed, with Alex describing her own baby photos covered in blankets ("No wonder I have breathing problems. Meanwhile, there’s me and you like, setting up 18 different cameras just to make sure that she stays alive." 08:41).
• The value—and sometimes contradiction—of parental advice passed down through generations is a recurring theme.

3. Social Etiquette and Neighborhood Pet Stories

• [09:20–12:28] A comedic (and slightly TMI) riff on pet waste etiquette, neighborly respect, and walking routines.
• John’s run-ins with dogs (and their owners) using his yard become an extended metaphor for controlling what you can in life.

4. Internet Drama & Originality in Content Creation

• [17:28–23:05] Alex addresses a drama where a commenter accused her and John of stealing content, which was later debunked.
• They highlight the dangers of internet accusations without fact-checking:

  "You can say that I cut off John—fine—but you cannot say that I do not come up with original concepts. I will fight you." (19:23)

• The episode emphasizes the importance of crediting creators and being careful before jumping to conclusions online.

5. Service Industry Gripes

• [23:25–28:50] The duo vent about recent poor customer service at local restaurants. Reflections on how one bad experience shapes future business are candid and relatable.

6. “Marriage Graduation” Trend

• [30:33–33:59] John introduces the “marriage graduation” concept (couples living apart to pursue dreams). Alex bluntly disagrees:

  “If being with the person who you’re married to stops you from living your dreams, you’re with the wrong fucking person.” (31:30)

• They question the feasibility and logic of such arrangements, suggesting healthy relationships shouldn’t require separation for personal growth.

7. Body Positivity, Confidence & Gender

• [34:27–44:48] Prepping for their discussion with Victoria, Alex and John share personal stories about body confidence and insecurity, touching on:
  • Societal pressures on women versus men.
  • Body image as a form of “currency” for women, especially in childhood and adolescence.
  • The impact of parental or familial commentary on self-worth.
  • How both hosts manage (or struggle with) healthy routines and self-esteem.

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Guest Segment: Victoria Garrick Browne Joins

Victoria’s Background & Mental Health Advocacy

• [47:23–52:23] Victoria recounts her journey from D1 volleyball at USC to mental health spokesperson, TEDx speaker, and content creator.
  • Her TEDx talk on athlete mental health was a pivotal moment:

    "Why are we not asking athletes how they feel?" (48:16)

  • She openly discusses her shift from performance-focused journalism to authentic advocacy after wrestling with depression and eating disorders as a student-athlete.

Social Media & Mental Health

• [52:34–55:44] The trio examine the impact social media has on all ages, especially young people and athletes.
  • Victoria argues for intentional content consumption—be aware of who and why you follow.
  • She calls for creator transparency, particularly regarding body transformations and “false advertising” with workouts or cosmetic procedures:

    “Don’t put out a workout class… and say, if you do this many scorpions and your glutes a day, you’re gonna get [that body].” (54:06)

Gendered Pressures & Evolving Ideals

• [57:17–59:00] Discussion on whether body image pressures are worse for women, or now equalizing. Victoria notes:

  “The pressure uniquely put on women and their bodies and their appearance is… miles greater than that put on men. Even the way that we glorify the dad bod is like, kind of hot. Moms don’t get to have a mom bod.” (57:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fact-Checking and Internet Drama
  "I never get brought into internet drama… But you could really damage someone’s reputation." — Alex (19:23–21:12)

• On Packing for the Hospital
  "What? Shorts to sleep in and a pillow. What else do I need?" — John (02:22)

• On Perpetuating Body Shaming
  “You were proposed to as you are. What makes you think you need to… walk down the aisle as someone totally different?” — Victoria (70:48)

• On Family Commentary
  "If someone wants to get a BBL, get a BBL. But don’t put out a workout class…” — Victoria (54:06)

• Victoria on Willpower & Food
  “Willpower is like a total myth.” (66:34)
  She elaborates that failing on a diet is rarely about “mental strength,” but a physiological and psychological response to deprivation.

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Listener Q&A Highlights

1. The Body Positivity Movement and Health

• A listener asks about the tension between body positivity and health concerns about being overweight ([60:33–66:34]).
  • Victoria emphasizes you can’t judge health by appearance alone:

    “We can’t look at someone’s body and say they’re unhealthy the same way we can’t look at anyone and say that we know anything about them based on sight.” (61:06)

  • She advocates intuitive eating, calls out societal fatphobia, and underscores the harm of diet culture.
  • John adds a healthcare worker’s experience but agrees this is a health systems issue, not a body-positivity issue.

2. Societal Pressure Around Weddings and Bodies

• [70:48–73:35] A listener feeling pressured to change herself for her wedding receives this advice from Victoria:

  “You were proposed to as you are...Block out the noise…The most important thing is that you’re at the altar with this person you love.” (70:48)

3. Responding to Family Body Shaming

• [74:05–77:51]
  Victoria offers tactful replies for family members making insensitive comments:

  “Don’t worry about me, worry about you.”
  She encourages boundary-setting and recognizing generational/cultural differences.

4. Navigating Lifestyle Differences with a Partner

• [78:23–81:15]
  Both Alex and Victoria agree: ask for small compromises, but accept that your partner may never match your commitment to certain routines, whether health or self-improvement related.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Pregnancy & Hospital Packing: 00:30–06:50
• Parental Advice & Generational Differences: 07:12–09:05
• Internet Drama & Content Originality: 17:28–23:05
• Body Confidence Journeys: 34:27–44:48
• Victoria's Story & Mental Health Advocacy: 47:23–52:23
• Social Media & Body Image: 52:34–55:44
• Listener Body Positivity/Health Q: 60:33–66:34
• Wedding Body Pressures Q: 70:48–73:35
• Family Body Shaming Q: 74:05–77:51

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Tone & Style

The episode is unfiltered, humorous but deeply empathetic, with a heartfelt conversational style that flows easily between comedic asides (usually courtesy of John) and grounded, supportive commentary. Victoria’s segments are especially earnest and validating, providing practical wisdom without judgment.

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Where To Find Victoria Garrick Browne

• Podcast: Real Pod
• Instagram/TikTok: @victoriagarrickbrowne
• Nonprofit: The Hidden Opponent

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Final Thoughts

This episode is both entertaining and insightful. Whether you're dealing with body image struggles, family dynamics, or preparing for major life changes, Alex, John, and Victoria offer validation, practical advice, and a liberating reminder: “Whatever works best for the person.”
This is a must-listen for anyone craving honesty, vulnerability, and a laugh about the messiness of modern life.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media.

[B]

Production Dude, I'm not trying to have another episode where I shit in someone's yard. I just like.

[A]

We're not walking shit Wherever it happens, so do you.

[B]

I'm honestly scared to go on a walk.

[A]

You didn't even clean up your shit. At least these people are cleaning up. There's no cleaning up that.

[B]

There's no. It was spray shit all over some bush. There was no solid shit to clean up. And welcome back to Give it to me Straight.

[A]

I'm Alex.

[B]

And I'm John.

[A]

And I'm still pregnant.

[B]

And we're your gracious, pregnant, gracious, gracious host. I almost said give it to you straight.

[A]

Oh, well, that. I mean, we are technically.

[B]

Give it to me straight. You know, just like, give it to me.

[A]

Give it to me straight. I'll give it to you straight. John, your sleeve is rolled up.

[B]

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[A]

Oh, it's not going down. It's because your muscles are too big.

[B]

Stop. You're a beautiful lady and I love you. What's new? What's up? What's going on? Give me the four. One, one.

[A]

I don't know again, st. Still here. Still have a baby inside of me, but I, you know, probably will for the next few weeks.

[B]

I don't know where we are. Like, episode pre recording. Pre recording. Are we. You're pregnant? Are we not? Are you pregnant?

[A]

Are we not pre recording this, like, about a month in advance. So hopefully, again, hopefully I have a baby by now. But, like, current. Current state is still. Gotta pee all the time. Still, still. But I'm at the end, so it's. It's really like, she can come at any time. We're just giving you the real life update. Like, when we went to the OB the other day, she was like, have your bags packed.

[B]

Because, you know, I was like, what bags?

[A]

What bags?

[B]

Like, we live close enough. I'll just drive back and forth to the hospital.

[A]

I know, I know it's a hospital bag. But, like, we really should. Because she was like, you could go into any appointment and we might send you to the hospital.

[B]

All these people, even the guys, like, this is what you need essentials when you go, shut the fuck up. Just go bring a pillow. Sit down.

[A]

People want to be prepared, but you're.

[B]

Just stressing everyone out. The guys like, bring. Make sure you bring this with you and this with you and this with you.

[A]

Mr. You pack. You or your mom, you pack literally so far before a trip, I'm surprised that you actually haven't packed both of our hospital bags. I'm surprised.

[B]

I just, like.

[A]

Because I know that you'll get there and you'll be like, I should have. You know, I should have done this. I should have gotten that.

[B]

What, Shorts to sleep in and a pillow. What. What else do I need? I'm not going to bring food with me. I'll just go get us food.

[A]

The annoying thing is, by the time this episode comes out, like, it will be too late for anyone's recommendation.

[B]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna talk so much shit. And then afterwards, I'm like, wow, I should have brought stuff with me.

[A]

I know we're gonna come back in October and I can't wait to hear.

[B]

What our lifely advice.

[A]

I can't wait to give the updates. But let's pretend like we're in current day. So we're pretending it is still September. It's getting into spooky season. I'm still so excited.

[B]

Speaking of, Alex already made me put out drag. Well, bring the decorations out from under the stairs.

[A]

Well, that's what I was going to say too, is because I'm pre planning, I know that future me is not going to want to decorate for the fall because I'm just going to be probably tired. Who knows? Maybe I would be interested in just, like, getting shit together if she's, like, taking a nap or something.

[B]

We really are, like, planning for the future. We're doing really well at that. Even like yesterday, for example, we were gonna go get food and I knew. We both knew. We're like, we had so much stuff.

[A]

Go out to eat.

[B]

Go out to eat, like, because we wanted a hammer. I want a hamburger now. I didn't eat yet. Anyways, we're gonna go get lunch. And I knew if we went to go eat and Alex knew, too.

[A]

Day is done.

[B]

Day is done. You put that carb in me, I'm on the couch.

[A]

Sleepy time.

[B]

You really gotta, like, not eat that much if you want to work. Like, right now, I'm cranked out on coffee.

[A]

I wouldn't say it's eat that much. It's eat, eat quality food. Like, if you want to have a.

[B]

No, no, no. I'll. I'll pass. I'll. Because I'll eat a lot and I'll just go sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

[A]

I'll get you an owlette sock.

[B]

That's why I'm fasting. If I fast in the morning, like, look at me, I'm. I'm like, I'm like this baby. The minute I eat, don't talk to me. Leave me alone.

[A]

Tired. Like, I just, I'm doing the most.

[B]

You are. You're doing the Lord's work.

[A]

That's, I think, the hardest part of this for us is because we're cramming in so much work in these last few weeks. I'm just like, I. I don't want to do this. Like, I want to be getting pampered. Feed me grapes.

[B]

Lay by the pool.

[A]

Yeah, I want to lay by the pool and drink mocktails.

[B]

But the porn still wasted us. It's like at the end of the day and Alex, like, you want to go in the pool? I'm like, no. During the day, I want to go in the pool. I don't want to go in the pool when it's like, dark out.

[A]

Not dark out, but, like, the sun is setting. It's nice. It's the end of the day, wind down.

[B]

Yeah. But I want to go.

[A]

I'm not going to be able to use the PO after I give birth for a week. So, like, I won't be able to use it until next year.

[B]

I think we still just fill the pool and be done with it.

[A]

You don't actually believe that because when you're.

[B]

You don't use it that often. We use it a little bit, enjoy it. It's a whole to do. Then I have more laundry. Then I got the towels and our swing trunks.

[A]

There is a lot of towels. That's annoying.

[B]

And unfortunately, that's what I think. When we see the pool, I see Money Pit. I still don't have a pool cover.

[A]

That's actually a good question to ask people because it's like, you don't wash your bath towel every time after you take a shower. Right? Like, you, you get a few uses out of it. And I get that. Like, you come out clean, you use it. But pool towels, I. We wash them every time.

[B]

And people probably leave their pool towels out. But, like, where would we leave it out? Up by the gate out there?

[A]

I don't know. I'm just curious, like, do people wash their pool towels every time or they'll.

[B]

Chlorine affect the pool towels?

[A]

I'm thinking it's more like, because you have sunscreen and like, you put it in dirt.

[B]

You know why? It's because you're showering every day. It's consistently pool. You're like, ah, maybe I won't use it for another week. Might as well wash the towel.

[A]

Maybe. You know, who knows? We've been washing all the towels. But, yeah, you're right, it does create a lot of laundry. But you know what we're going to be doing a lot of lately is going to be laundry. John.

[B]

So been cleaning all the baby clothes. You. That's another thing. Shout out to your mom. Your mom has helped us out a lot.

[A]

A lot.

[B]

Because the whole clutter thing affects both of us, but stresses Alex out to where it makes her like, I can't do anything. Can't do anything else if I don't.

[A]

Have a clean space. I'm like, I have no creative thoughts that are entering my brain right now. Like, I can't get things done. It affects my whole mood. Which probably isn't a good thing because I know moving forward, like, we're not going to have much control over.

[B]

Oh, we're going to be.

[A]

The cleanliness of our space. Yeah. But we're going to do our best.

[B]

I'll be on top of it.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I'm pretty on top of, like, I hate clutter, too. But when it came. When it came to the nursery, I'm like, I don't know. Clutter, I could do nursery. I'm like, where do you want this stuff?

[A]

It's still. It's still just a lot. And I saw this video the other day where it was like, things that I wish I did or knew before actually having my baby. And she talks about learning how to use everything before they actually come. And I'm like, I just see all of this technology or, like, even just bottles, things that aren't, like, technological.

[B]

People used to poop babies out in caves. And I know next to fire, like, do we need all this?

[A]

But life was harder then. You know, people died all the time.

[B]

What did I say? What did I say the other day? I'm like, with all this technology in the nursery, I feel like we're going to be walking into an MRI machine. Like, you better wear a lead. A lead vest so you don't get radioactive poisoning.

[A]

It is excessive, but we do need.

[B]

To learn how to use it all.

[A]

Yeah. Again, speaking of how things used to be done, my mom has been helping us with the nursery, which has been such a huge help. But she brought over my baby book from when I was born, and she was like, oh, my God, like, this is for you. I'm handing this down to you. Like, you can enjoy it and have it. And I'm like, oh, this is so sweet. I'm looking through the photos and again, like, there's more technology. These Days, there's more knowledge. More knowledge that people know. But looking at my baby photos, me in my crib, my mom has me smothered in blankets with these baby bumpers. Not only am I smothered in blankets, the photos that I have that she put in there are literally my face covered.

[B]

She's got a blanket. It's like, all I see is Alex's forehead.

[A]

It's my. My face is smushed against the bumper. These, like, FL. Fabric bumpers that they had in the crib. I'm, like, already suffocating. No wonder I have breathing problems. Meanwhile, there's me and you, like, setting up 18 different cameras just to make sure that she stays alive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my mom's like, you'll be fine. Survival of the fittest. She was dying.

[B]

Struggle. I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The favorite photos I saw of Alex were. She was like this. In one, eyes rolling back, and then the next photo, immediately asleep, milk drunk.

[A]

And that's what I do when I'm drunk. Today also. Well, not currently in my current state, but never again. That's how. That's how I sleep.

[B]

I'm like, oh, she's crusting over.

[A]

My mom said I slept all the.

[B]

Time, so hopefully I hope her daughter sleeps. Yeah, I hope she takes your sleep.

[A]

We'll find out.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I don't sleep, so we'll see.

[A]

Anyway, how's your week been, John?

[B]

My week? My week. You know, anytime I think I'm, like, having a good day, I'm like, oh, this is good. Whatever. Whatever. Where was I going? I was driving. I was going down the driveway to go pick up something for you or whatever I put on my driveway.

[A]

This is my fault.

[B]

No, no. But I looked to the left in. Down my driveway. I looked to the left, and a woman had to be two feet from my face, and her German shepherd's taking a. In our. In our tulips or whatever next to the mailbox. There's so many other places you. Your dog could take a shit, and I'm fine, like. But I have, like, a whole strip of grass. Have your dog take a shit on the grass. Don't go in the flower beds and take a shit.

[A]

The only reason why I'm, like, I can understand is because sometimes Kobe will do the same thing, and he'll.

[B]

I pull him away, but you need to. I'm so more aware of other people's, like, respect or lawn.

[A]

You know, when Kobe's about to ship because you. You watch his butthole like a hawk, you go, oh, he's cut.

[B]

No, he's pacing.

[A]

I know, but for me, you've had.

[B]

The dog for 11 years on a podcast.

[A]

So I'm walking, and I'm letting Kobe sniff, do his thing.

[B]

You have both your ear pods in when you're walking. That's not safe. One ear pod.

[A]

You could come on walks with me and keep me company.

[B]

Dude, I'm not trying to have another episode where I shit in someone's yard. I just like.

[A]

We're not walking you shit wherever it happens.

[B]

So I'm honestly scared to go on a walk.

[A]

You didn't even clean up your shit. At least these people are cleaning up their dogs.

[B]

There's no. It was spray all over some bush. There was no solid to clean up.

[A]

Imagine someone came down their driveway, and they were like, there's this man spray on my lawn.

[B]

The difference is, this was my face. How horrified. Like, I would feel so bad for that person. I would understand that this dog wasn't struggling. Okay, If I saw a person sweating in pain and uncomfortable and embarrassing. Bro, I get a. In the bush. I get it.

[A]

I don't know if I think if you actually saw someone shitting in our bushes, you would lose your mind.

[B]

Is it a crackhead or is it a normal person? A normal person I get, because it's not like they intentionally had to go shit. Well, they intentionally had to shit, but they didn't have a choice.

[A]

I don't know. I think that you would still have something to say about it.

[B]

Was mortified. I thought something was wrong with me. I'm like, I'm gonna have to go to the hospital.

[A]

God, the sun was setting.

[B]

Oh, thank God. Because it makes me think you want to go on a walk. I'm like, is there a bathroom?

[A]

So you're just gonna let me and your daughter and Kobe go? She's gonna be. Kobe's gonna be like, you can't always.

[B]

I know. This is when we're gonna go on walks in the morning after I drink my coffee. Boom, boom, boom. Then we go on a walk. I'm not doing any after dinner walks. Do you see those videos where, remember that woman's like, you gotta go on a walk after.

[A]

And okay, farts out.

[B]

It won't be a fart.

[A]

Yours are shards.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

No, no, Not a late night shart sesh.

[B]

When my body is purged, that's when we walk. So I guess we're going on my schedule.

[A]

Forget about what our kid wants. It's all up to you.

[B]

I mean, do you want to have an enjoyable walk or an entertaining walk.

[A]

Anyway, I think that it's okay as long as you clean up your dog. I think it's fine.

[B]

Fine?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, not. I'm sorry. Not fine. It's just annoying.

[A]

Obviously there's ideal places that you would prefer your dog to take a dump, but. But just there's a plethora of places like you. Sometimes it's an emergency sitch and you just gotta where your feet are.

[B]

There is a strip of grass all right here.

[A]

If it was German shepherd. He's. He's pulling her. He's heavy. I don't know. Before we continue our episode, let's take a minute to thank our sponsors. You know what I've been dreaming about almost as much as sleeping through the night again?

[B]

What?

[A]

Getting back to my wardrobe. Which is true. Like that. I actually have been really looking forward to that. After months of wearing clothes for the bump, I'm so ready to spice things up with real outfits again. And honestly, what better way to ease back into them with accessories that instantly elevate your look? And that is where Vivrel comes in. Vivrel is the members only club that gives you access to borrowed designer handbags, jewelry, watches, and even diamonds. Think of it like a dream closet stocked with your favorite designers like Hermes, Fendi, Saint Laurent d'. Or. And yes, the bags are just as incredible as they sound. Here's what I love, is that there are no return dates. None. You can swap pieces once a month or keep them as long as you'd like. And if you fall in love, you can even buy them for less than anywhere else. Now is the perfect time to join because they're adding millions of dollars worth of inventory to the closet weekly. And Vivrel just gave me the highest discount code that they offer. So sign up [e-mail] and use code straight to get 50% off your first month of membership. 50% off, that is V I V R E L L E.com code straight for 50% off your first month. And yes, that code also skips the wait list. So if you're like me and ready to swap out the diaper bag for Dior or just use both of them together, now's your chance.

[B]

And this episode is also sponsored by Wayfair. You know, as much as I love summer, I have to admit, I'm ready for the change.

[A]

Same.

[B]

The leaves are starting to turn, the air is getting crisp, and it just feels like the perfect time to refresh the home and get back into the routine that actually feels grounding. And Wayfair has been such a lifesaver during this chaotic season of life. Unlike Alex, I don't love to wander through furniture stores or wait weeks for delivery. But with Wayfair, we can refresh any room in my home with just a few clicks. Our home. Not my home.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's our home.

[A]

Thanks, John.

[B]

Free delivery, even on the big stuff, means no giant shipping fees, no hassle, new bedding, throw blankets, and even a dining setup that makes weeknight dinners feel like a little event again. Honestly, it's made me excited to slow down, enjoy family dinners and actually look forward to spending time inside Wayfair. Selection is huge. So whether you're looking for storage solutions, new cookware, or even a fresh rug like the one we can't stop talking about.

[A]

No, we're obsessed with it.

[B]

Talking about the one we just put in the living room. Love that one. They've got it all in one place and options for any budget. So as the leaves are changing, let your home change with it. Get organized, refresh, and back to routine. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair job.

[A]

Great speller.

[B]

Every style, Every home. This episode is also sponsored by Branch Basics. As summer winds down, I'm getting back into a routine. I've been thinking a lot more about what's actually in the products we bring into our home.

[A]

What are in the products, Sean?

[B]

I don't know. We're about to find out. Especially now that we've got a little one on the way. We're suddenly hyper aware of the ingredients in everything from what we eat to what we clean with. That's why we use Branch Basics. It's a female founded brand on a mission to eliminate toxins from our homes, starting with cleaning products. Their premium starter kit comes from one powerful concentrate that does it all. And I mean everything. Laundry detergent, bathroom cleaner, glass cleaner, even produce, rinse and pet wash. It's one plant and mineral based formula that replaces all the bottles under your sink. And the peace of mind. Huge. I have to protect my girls. Branch Basics is human safe, baby safe and pet safe. When they say human safe, they mean it. You can literally check every ingredient on the label. No hidden chemicals, no hormone disruptors, no sketchy stuff. No. No hard to read words. For me. That's so funny.

[A]

I wrote that.

[B]

Just a safe, simple swap that makes me feel better about the environment. I'm Creating for my family. It's scary how well you know me. It's scary. On top of that, it's effective. We swapped out old products, and we don't miss them. Having one product that works for everything not only makes cleaning easier, but also feels good knowing I'm cutting down on unnecessary toxins in my home. So if you're looking for a reset this season, this is it. Head to branchbasics.com to shop the premium starter kit and save 15% off the code straight. That's 15% off your starter kit at branchbasics.com with promo code straight.

[A]

Speaking of some drama, I guess, which we never get involved in Internet drama, and most people probably will not be interested in this, but this is the only drama that we have in our lives. So I would say I get tagged in a lot of things. Rarely do I check my tags or my DMs or whatever. But, like, the. Com. The thing that I was tagged in stood out to me because it was like someone complaining about us. And I was like, what is this? Caught my eye. So I click on it, and it's this video of this girl talking about how she's a smaller creator. She was upset that a larger creator had remade her video and didn't tag her in it. Like, Take had taken her concept and completely done it as his own. And I was like, this has happened to us so many times. Like, we've grown to the point that now I think, like, we're the larger creators, but all of our content growing up from, like, zero followers to where we're at now has always been original. And I think that's something that we pride ourselves in. But over the years, people just rip our content. And it's fine, because I like to. I like to operate on the note of we have the original thought. You will always be one step behind. Like, I'm not gonna rip you. Even if it's a bigger creator, a smaller creator, I'm just like, I know deep down, like, we're the ones who came up with that idea. And so I'm reading this comment, and this guy's like, oh, my gosh, I hate when that happens. People do this. One creator, Alexander Matterson, didn't say the name right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's. Or whatever her name is. Her and her husband ripped this video from us. And line for line for line, and I won't name names, but I was like. And then he tagged me, so I'm like, number one, you're spelling out my name incorrectly. But then you're gonna tag me in it with my correct handle. You're an. You're a douche. So I never respond, but because it's this one subject of original content, I'm like, this is what I pride myself on.

[B]

We die on that hill.

[A]

I will die on this hill. That, like, we create original content. You can say that I cut off John. You can say that I'm annoying on the podcast or I have bad takes, but you cannot say that I do not come up with original concepts. I will fight you. I would put my life on the line. And so I respond back, and I'm like, hey, prove it. Prove it. I'm like, this is not me. Would love to see the evidence here. And he responds back, and he's like, well, you know, sorry if. Sorry if I'm wrong.

[B]

Um, such a weird comment back. Sorry if I'm wrong. And if I am wrong or if you're wrong, will you apologize to me?

[A]

And I'm like, fucking 10. And I'm like, let's just go back. Because the video that he claims.

[B]

Roll the tape.

[A]

We ripped. Roll the tape. I'm like, this doesn't sound like a video that we've ever made. And again, like, I'm talking about an original. Like, when you use your own voice, obviously people recreate voiceovers. Like, if you're ripping a sound from.

[B]

We rip from movies all the time or whatever.

[A]

Or, like, if it's a trending. If it's something that's trending, like a whatever.

[B]

Anyways, he get to the point. The guy went back a day later. Then he commented. He goes, wow, I actually found the video. And no, it was not you as a different creator.

[A]

So this is the reason why he still name dropped the other creator who ripped him. But I'm like, people just take what people say on the Internet as fact. And so there were. There was a comment after his comment, like, calling us out. And the other person was like, oh, my God, I hate when that happens. It's so fact checking. I'm like, no one is fact checking. People are just so.

[B]

I'm like, so quick to judge and agree with something that you don't even know what the. The person's talking.

[A]

Right. And yes, he apologized.

[B]

That's what I was gonna say. Like, I'm not. Look, I respect. I respect the guy. No, you. I don't respect someone who, like, calls someone else out without facts because you could really damage someone's reputation.

[A]

That's what I mean.

[B]

But that said, he did apologize. So honestly, I Don't care. I'm not going to like.

[A]

No, I mean, attack this when someone takes accountability, for sure. But this is how so many women died back in the day because someone.

[B]

Was like, you're a witch. Huge.

[A]

You're a witch. You brewed some tea that made my headache go away. You're. You're a witch and I'm going to hang you now.

[B]

I think it's a dangerous game to play. So you have to, you have to be careful. And don't be so matter of fact if you don't 100% know.

[A]

Well, on the Internet, I would argue that the majority of people are guilty and taken until proven innocent. And that's my problem is like, again, this allegation against us is whatever. But I was just like, it could go onto a larger scale where to your point, you could ruin someone's life where someone's like, fighting for themselves in the comments. I just think on the Internet, like, things can spiral before there's actually proof of certain things. And yes, it could go farther into, like, other issues and problems that, like, we don't need to.

[B]

We gave this guy enough attention.

[A]

But yeah, my point being is that was just. I never, I never get like brought into Internet trauma. And again, it was not Internet trauma. There was like 3 comments on this. But still, I, I was annoyed because.

[B]

I mean, we both commented normally. Like, we commented. Not from like a talking shit standpoint. It was like a fact checking.

[A]

Yeah, I was like, I know that I truly never would have ripped a video line for line from a creator because I value that so much. For what?

[B]

Also, if we did pull, we tag if there's any inspiration from or whatever.

[A]

But even like line by line would never cross my mind.

[B]

What's the point of that?

[A]

Why people do it to us and then they rip our videos in other languages. Yeah, that happens all the time where I'll be scrolling and then all of a sudden I'm like this cadence. And these scenes seem very familiar and like, people will tag us in it and be like, hey, I'm Spanish. Like, this is Alex and John's original. And I'm like, what? But maybe we need to learn other languages.

[B]

Flattery, whatever, I don't care.

[A]

Yeah, and imitation is the purest or a highest form of flattery. It is what it is. But I just thought that was an interesting little thing from the week. And again, by the time this episode comes out, this is old news.

[B]

And so there'll be some other drama.

[A]

There'll be some other drama perhaps. But that just annoyed me, and I feel like the Internet. I was just gonna say it doesn't really annoy me.

[B]

You know what annoyed me? Something new. We went to a nice dinner with your brother and sister. Nice venue in law. What did I say?

[A]

My brother and sister in law.

[B]

Sorry. And I was like, oh, this is really nice inside. Nice place. And no one's really there. It took the hostess, what, 10 minutes to seat us. I'm like, lady, just. There's a seat right there. And I know the sections or whatever, but when there's only three other people in the whole venue, I'm like, come on.

[A]

It was like a solid seven minutes that we're standing there.

[C]

You might have.

[A]

She shuffled the menu.

[B]

The menus. Which menu? They're all the fucking same.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know, but I've noticed that recently. Or. You know what's interesting? We went into one restaurant, we walk in, and it's like lunch hour, probably.

[B]

2Pm it was happy hour time. So it was like three.

[A]

No, that's not happy hour time. Happy hour time's like 4 or 5.

[B]

No, 3 to 5. I saw the sign. 3 to 5.

[A]

Okay. Whatever fucking time it was, they were open. We were standing at the host stand for 10 minutes. No one even looked. No, they did look at us.

[B]

The guy was folding napkins. Because we like to go for happy hour. And there was happy hour time, you guys folding napkins. And I'm like, I know you see me.

[A]

And we're just like.

[B]

We walked out.

[A]

Wait. Yeah. And then what was funny is we posted about an restaurant that's close by. The manager of that restaurant that made us wait was like, hey, messaged you and said, hey, we would love to invite us into your restaurant.

[B]

It's crazy that, like, one bad experience can just make you not. But. And that's tough for, like, restaurant scene. Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

One bad, like, experience I have. No. I didn't even eat there, but.

[A]

Do you write bad reviews? I'm not a bad review writer, no.

[B]

Because I'm not going to. I don't want to destroy. Not saying I even had the power to do that, but, like, I don't care enough. I just won't go back.

[A]

I know. I don't think I've. I've written one bad review, and it was for this wine festival in Raleigh. That was the only bad review I've ever written because we went when I.

[B]

Wore the suit, when I wore my costume, it was.

[A]

No, it was probably in, like, 2017. Like, me and my roommates it was walkable to downtown. We went and it was just so poorly organized that like, we just didn't get any wine. But we paid $50 for this wine festival.

[B]

With you.

[A]

Maybe you were.

[B]

I was with you. And I was like, what is this bullshit?

[A]

I don't know if you were.

[B]

When you sell too many tickets and it's overcrowded, it's like, come on.

[A]

Yeah. And that's what it was. It was really just a disappointment. And $50 back in 2017 to me was a lot of money.

[B]

And so I think that's one thing Raleigh does great. I love Shout out to Kookabooth. It's the amphitheater in Cary, North Carolina. Cocoa booth, Kookabouth. But they do the beer, bourbon and barbecue.

[A]

Oh, you always love.

[B]

I love that. I love that. Until I embarrass myself on stage during the bacon eating contest.

[A]

I know you've told this story. 18.

[B]

Okay. Anyways, oh, so like we go there, she's shuffling the fucking menu like cards, finally sits us down. Then we, you know, your brother and sister in law come sit with us. And then the server like doesn't take our order. I have to go find him. It sounds like I'm being a dick by telling the story. And I just went up to him for. The dudes are in the back just talking to each other. I'm like, hey, man, do you mind if we just like order? Like, let us know what is the issue?

[A]

Well, again, it'd be different if we weren't sitting there for 30 minutes. But because I've worked many years in the restaurant industry, specifically at PF Chang's, I do have a lot of experience of how you are supposed to serve your.

[B]

I actually hate that I brought this up, Alex. This is a perfect opening for me.

[A]

Again, I think working in the service industry is so great for developmental skills and just like customer service. And so, yeah, I am a little bit more judgmental. But I mean, I notice when service is great. But then I'm also very hypocritical. Not hypocritical. I'm very.

[B]

I don't even need great service. Just take my order in a timely manner.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

30 minutes. You're just chit chatting with your boys back there.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Another napkin folding experience.

[A]

Were they folding that?

[B]

Yeah, they're folding napkins.

[A]

Gotta get done. Someone's gotta do.

[B]

When you're folding napkins, you're bored. You know, you're bored and no one's there.

[A]

But at least they are folding napkins and they're not just standing there doing nothing.

[B]

Okay. Anyway, so that was an interesting experience. Probably won't go back.

[A]

I know. That is what's annoying. It's like, I don't want to judge them based off of just that one experience there, but it does make it hard.

[B]

Alex and I are also just like, looking at venues to. For some events we want to host down the road.

[A]

And we're like, how is the service here?

[B]

Yeah, you know, use like ambiance, the.

[A]

Scene, the quality of the food.

[B]

Quality of the food. Well, I don't know, because sometimes you could just rent out the. As a venue. Right. A room. Do you have to take their food?

[A]

If it's a restaurant, you do. Yeah, most likely.

[B]

Well, not there then.

[A]

Yeah, unfortunately. But it's okay. It felt a little too stuffy in there anyways.

[B]

No, it was bright. It was open.

[A]

No, I meant stuffy isn't like, what, snooty? Yeah, like.

[C]

What's the word?

[A]

Like, too fancy.

[B]

Whatever. Anyway, so. Yeah, so we're, you know, we got some things we want to line up later on when Girl Girl's here and looking at venues and. Yeah, do better, people.

[A]

This episode is also sponsored by Parallel. One of the biggest surprises for me during pregnancy was just how different each trimester felt. First trimester, it was all about the nausea and exhaustion. Second trimester, actually felt okay. I had some energy back. Third trimester, well, you guys know how much I've been complaining about the lack of sleep and heartburn. They became my new normal. And the truth is, my body and my baby needed completely different support at each stage. So why would I take the same generic prenatal the entire time? That's when I found out about Parallel. Parallel is the first Obgyn founded vitamin brand and they actually designed their prenatals to change with you throughout pregnancy and and postpartum. Each daily pack is stage specific and formulated by doctors. So instead of playing vitamin roulette, wondering if I'm getting enough of one thing or too much of another, Parallel just gives exactly what you need for where you are in your pregnancy journey or after. It's also incredibly convenient. Everything comes in one pack. Perfect for tossing in your bag when you're on the go. And the best part is the peace of mind. Parallel is Clean Label project certified, tested for over 400 contaminants, including heavy metals, pesticides, and made with bioavailable ingredients. My body can actually absorb no heavy metals here. So if your pregnancy has taught you like it taught me, that your body is constantly Changing it just makes sense that your prenatal should too exclusive for Give it to me Straight listeners. New customers can now enjoy 20% off their first order with code straight. Visit parallel health.com that's p e r e l e l health.com did you get that, John?

[B]

I thought it was pa. Write that.

[A]

Down and use code straight for 20 off your first order.

[B]

Another interesting thing that I saw that I want to talk to you about and get your opinion on. A movement that I'm seeing on Instagram is called Marriage Graduation is when a married couple still in love, choose to live apart so they can follow their own dreams. So you and I get married and then we're like, hey, listen, who.

[A]

What is this study? Where's. Who's done it? Like, who's actually doing this? Or is this just like clickbait? Because I don't.

[B]

It's Japan. Marriage Graduation, or Satsukan in Japan, is when legally married couples choose to live separately while remaining committed to their relationship. The idea allows partners to pursue personal goals, careers, or interests without the restriction of traditional cohabitation. Popularized by writer Yamuko Sugayama in 2004 and gained recognition around 2013, Satsukan offers freedom and individuality without divorce.

[A]

If being with the person who you're married to stops you from living your dreams, you're with the wrong fucking person. If you're like, I can only do this. This person is holding me back. I can only do this if we're separated and we're not living together. Perhaps you're not meant to be together. Perhaps they are not the right person for you and divorce should be the option. I don't believe that they actually still love each other.

[B]

It's a weird concept.

[A]

It's like a hall pass.

[B]

People will be like, well, it works for them. Don't yuck someone's yum. I don't know. But it's like, coexisting.

[A]

Yeah, okay, sure. Maybe I. But, like, I just don't. I would love someone to weigh in who maybe has this experience.

[B]

I think that's a. That's a good point you just made. Like, how do you. What's your. What would be an argument against that? If you have a. If you're with someone and they're keeping you from doing what you want to do, like, dreams go like, that person's not right for you. And I agree with that. So how do you. What's a counter argument?

[A]

Because what are the reasons that you're not able to fulfill your dreams? Is it because kids are involved and you're the sole caretaker. Is it because. Yes. It's a financial thing. Is it because they're not helping around the house and you have like way more chores that you don't have the bandwidth to do these things. Like what is it? And then ask yourself, is it them or is like how would being single or like being off on your own? Like is that the solution? So then, then it's like the problem is your relationship. The problem isn't. Do you get what I'm saying? Does this make sense?

[B]

I'm. I agree with you. I just was like, I don't know how someone would counter argument that.

[A]

Because when you're with the right person, you're.

[B]

You don't need to.

[A]

Even better.

[B]

Yeah. You don't need to separate. I'm with. I'm. Yeah. How do you this. How somebody would say this that agrees with this would be like I love you so much and that's why we're separating. So we can create our own dreams. That makes no sense. That's why we're not gonna live together because I love you so much. But I'm gonna be focusing on this more so than our relationship, I guess.

[A]

Yeah. So that's stupid. I would love to. I would love to hear who is actually doing that and it's successful. Where they go pursue their dreams and then they find each other again.

[B]

I guess it's big in Japan.

[A]

I know, but what's like I want.

[B]

To go to Japan so bad.

[A]

Full circle moment. Like, you know, when. When do you decide I've reached my dreams. Let me. Let us move back in together or let us come back.

[B]

I guess we're going to Japan and study it. Study their restaurants.

[A]

I'm down.

[B]

Study their culture.

[A]

I thought you were saying study this theory. You're like, I'm like, go pursue your dreams, John.

[B]

I need to go. No, I just want to go.

[A]

Anyways ways. So we have a special guest on today. But before we introduce who she is, the topic that we're talking about is more related to confidence like body positivity. So you might. You might already figure out who she is. Also, I'm sure her name is in the title. So you've already figured it out.

[B]

Surprise.

[A]

Before we officially introduce her, I wanted to ask you, John, some things about body positivity and confidence.

[B]

I guess that's what the topic is.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I just said it was.

[B]

Did you say it?

[A]

Yeah. Uh huh. Active listening and so I think for me it's been A journey over time, especially being a woman. There's a lot of different, like, societal pressures. Just growing up in, like, the 90s, it was a very different time for just what was considered attractive. I don't know, you probably don't remember, but, like, because you were a dude.

[B]

Grew up in the 90s, you had four years in the 90s.

[A]

No, I didn't. I was 92. That's when I was born. The majority of my. My childhood was that.

[B]

Oh, my God. What? I think 1997.

[A]

You're 87. I'm 92. And I almost passed away because my mom tried to kill me. But, like, it is a thing that people talk about just, like, how, like, the pressures of, like, the early 2000s 90s. So I have my own journey with it. But I wanted to ask you some certain questions, John. So, John, give it to me straight. Was there ever a time in your life that you felt insecure about your body? And if so, when was it?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Like, there wasn't a time that you could recognize in your brain. Like, I don't feel confident in my skin.

[B]

I was literally bullied through middle school and high school, so probably didn't feel comfortable. I wish I was on steroids so I could, you know, fight.

[A]

So in middle school, you were like, damn it, I really wish I could shoot myself up.

[B]

I'm trying to think.

[A]

Oh, and that's it, too. Like, what about height? Did that ever make you feel insecure?

[B]

I don't think he really came. It's. It's not as big as it is now. Like, back then, I don't think it was that big of a deal. Like being tall.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think popularity in general is like, personality wise, look wise versus just being tall and gawky. Well, because you are gawky. I mean, you're tall in your middle school. You're like a bean pole. Or high school even. I mean. Yeah, I think that when I made a change in my life was when I was 18 in college. That's when I started working out. I was like, okay, I need. Everyone's in way better shape than me. I don't know. That's about it.

[A]

Yeah. No, I just wasn't sure. But I guess this is more of like, again, I don't want to say girl. Yeah. Like a female.

[B]

It's not because guys definitely, I mean, have body image issues as well. Yeah, of course. My question for you is the same thing. Alex, give it to me straight. When was the first time you felt negativity towards your own body. And how do you think we can plan to counter that with our own daughter?

[A]

Oh, that's a good question. I mean, I just, I remember the conversation about bodies like from such a young age. And I think, I don't want to say it's because I was a dancer, but like, you're three years old, you're put in front of a mirror and it's like, stand up straight. And you know, you're already comparing yourself to the other girls in class. And I was a late bloomer. Everyone got boobs before me. And I'm like, where the fuck are my boobs? I'm so still waiting for them. And so I just remember being a dancer growing up elementary, middle school, and being so focused on my body and comparing myself to other girls and that leading into dance team college. And I wouldn't say that I had an eating disorder per se, but I was probably borderline, like, way too focused on how much I was consuming, like the calories I was eating on a daily basis because it was a toxic environment. Then it was like if you jump and you jiggle, you're not performing on the field this weekend. Your coach said to you, yeah, and so you just like were doing everything to stay trim to have a six pack. And I've since adopted obviously like more healthy habits around working out and nutrition. When you learn, I think from such a be like, yeah, like just not even necessarily comparing, but I just think like you naturally do it because it's like a form of currency. As a, as a girl, you know, like boys are looking at you because you're.

[B]

I could see like food intake, for example, the notion of like, eat less, be skinnier. As a girl, guys eat more, get bigger. You know, I could see that as like being a household trend too. Like more moms or family members being having more of a watchful eye on daughters.

[A]

Do you remember? Like, because for me specifically, and I think that it's a lot has to do with generational conversations is I remember my mom talking negatively about herself or like saying phrases. And this isn't shade at my mom, like, I love her.

[B]

You think my mom has ever talked negative about herself? My mom's like, I'm a fucking G. Yeah.

[A]

But my mom would say things like once on the lips, forever on the hips. And those are the things that stuck with me. And I'm like, she's right. Or like, don't drink your calories. And again, this isn't to blame my mom. I think it's the way that like she was raised and it's generational, it's passed down, but those were things that stuck with me about how, oh, this is how I'm gonna have value in life is because I'm going to be in shape, I'm going to be pretty and like, you know, not overindulging because I want to look a certain way as opposed to feel a certain way. And so I think moving forward with our daughter, just being mindful about the way that I talk about myself and instilling that confidence in her that like, you are more than what is on the outside. Like what is on the inside is so much more important and valuable than what you look like on the outside. Because that's stuff that can change and it's going to change as we get older.

[B]

True. If you're the hottest person ever, you're going to look old as fuck. When you're old, have something else going on.

[A]

Good job.

[B]

Just your looks.

[A]

I don't know. Unless you're Kris Jenner and you go to her surgeon because give me the number.

[B]

That guy's got to be worth so much money.

[A]

I mean, but, but that's where it comes down to do what you think is best for you. But I think in little kids and little girls especially, instilling that like truly just being a good person and finding confidence in yourself is number one.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Well, this is kind of loaded to the before, but. John, give it to me straight. What are some things you do in your daily life to help you feel more confident?

[B]

As an almost starve myself, work out every day. That's me. I'm not judging anyone else. Do whatever you want. But for me, like, I really try to watch what I eat. I try to fast when I can. I mean, look for me to notice the difference. People ask what I do for working out, what, whatever. I'm like, I, I put a weighted vest on, I go on the Stairmaster, I sweat everything out, lose all my electrolytes, and then I stuff my face at night. I don't have a healthy diet of what I do or I work out seven days a week. Is that even healthy? I don't fucking know. But that gives me confidence, you know, because I know me personally.

[A]

There's John. We asked for him to give it to us straight.

[B]

You guys, I know if I was bigger, I would have low self self esteem. I know that for a fact. And I, I'm so much more confident myself now than I ever was before. I'm in better shape now than I ever was. Before, is it healthy? Not sure. I don't know.

[A]

But I think though that that's a spectrum. It's like what is healthy to one person might not work for someone else. Like if you similar to like a work ethic. Like if someone loves to work and wants to work 247 and that's what makes them happy.

[B]

So that's fulfilling to them.

[A]

Everyone has a different.

[B]

Everyone has an opinion of other people. Like whatever's good for you. Worry about your own self.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And what you're doing.

[A]

Yeah, it's not going to be the same answer across the board.

[B]

I mean, as long as you're not like neglecting your kids or whatever. You know, like for example, if you're like a workaholic and you're not even like, yeah, right.

[A]

Well, again, there's different. Like there's extremes on both levels.

[B]

But let me ask my follow up. Did you have to get over your body issues independently or did someone help you through that? How did you build your confidence? Confidence?

[A]

I think it's such an independent journey because it's the same thing with anyone. You could lead a horse to water, but until they're ready to actually make that change, they're not going to do it. I know, I wasn't gonna say it's like glass of spilled milk. Don't cry for spilled milk.

[B]

Glass half empty, glass half full.

[A]

Sure. And so I do think it's a personal journey. I don't.

[B]

I think people could say whatever they want to you to help build you up. That is so fleeting.

[A]

I notice that I do that to other people. I try to like instill confidence in them and I'm like, why the is this person not confident? I'm like, oh, right. Personal journey. Like they have to get to the point where they're so they want change in their life that they're ready to take the steps to change and feel confident in themselves. And again, that's not going to be the same journey for everyone. That doesn't mean a fad diet, that doesn't mean losing weight, that doesn't mean going to therapy. It's whatever that journey looks like for you. And you're only going to know like once you start and you hit that point of something's gotta change. And so for me it was figuring out what a healthy diet is, like, what makes me feel fueled. And because I think a lot of times too, you do these last minute fad diets that are like, I need to lose 10 pounds for this vacation.

[B]

I know so many people and Then it just, yeah, ruins it. Goes right back to what we're like.

[A]

I'm gonna go keto and. Or I'm gonna be vegan for X amount of time. And it's like you, your relationship with food is forever. And so you have to find out a relationship and moving your body in a way that you could do for the rest of your life.

[B]

I feel like this topic could be a whole episode.

[A]

Yeah, it is. I mean we talk about it with Victoria, but you know, and I think like being pregnant too, that's something, a whole other conversation I can have about it. Just be from going from being high risk to having a healthy pregnancy. Mental health is so much surrounded by what you consume and how you move your body.

[B]

Think about body dysmorphia, for example. I think we all have it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I honestly like anyone we talk to anyone in our space when we go on like these group trips, I'm like, oh, like I thought I, I had, I was bad. I'm like, oh, I should be actually eating even less, right?

[A]

No, but you think that. And it's like, that's not necessarily the truth. It's just people are comparing their themselves to other people.

[B]

That's all we're all doing. That's what social media is. We're all just comparing each other.

[A]

Everyone touch grass and do what's best for them. So. But without further ado, let's introduce our guest for today. Joining us is fellow content creator, mental health advocate and body positivity trailblazer, Victoria Garrett. Not only is she a Forbes 30 under 30 honoree, so fucking impressive. Tedx speaker is so fucking impressive. And a former D1 athlete. She started a nonprofit called the Hidden Opponent which raises awareness for student athlete mental health. And she is the host of Real Pod where she has candid sit down interviews with some amazing guests like us. We were on her podcast and she is just one of the kindest people you will ever meet. Truly a beauty on the inside and out. Let's give a warm welcome to Victoria.

[B]

Victoria, welcome to the podcast. Hello Victoria.

[A]

We're so excited to have you.

[C]

I'm so happy to be here. I love you guys.

[A]

Oh my gosh. Well, we love you. I feel like we just had, we just got warmed up. We just did your show. So if you guys have not listened to Victoria's show, you have to go and tune in. Obviously RealPod. Check it out. Yes, obviously to our episode. John is here first questioning in la USC volleyball.

[B]

Is that correct? Yeah, I am actually on a volleyball team. No, Big deal, Ellis. John, what's your thoughts on like a 59 guy? Yeah, on the volleyball team.

[C]

Well, what position are you? What are your hops?

[B]

You rotate around, we rotate around.

[C]

They just everyone plays everything like you.

[B]

Like, we're a well rounded team for software.

[C]

You know, we should do, we should do a little secret lesson and then the next time you show up, just stunt on them.

[B]

First off, I don't need lessons. I'm a pro. I could serve overhand. Ooh, can you serve overhand?

[C]

Spin floater. What are we dish?

[A]

Always.

[B]

I would like you to teach me that. I. As soon as we see a team. Because I'm like at a beach volleyball league, as soon as I see them do that back hit, I'm like, they're pros. They're pros. But yeah, like a roll shot, you mean? No, like when they, when they hit the ball and they. It like it, it drops like. That's a water.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Is that the terminology?

[C]

Think like you're giving a high five to the ball like you want to. To create no spin. And then if the ball leaves your hand, it's not spinning, it's gonna drop.

[B]

Love that. See, look, I already learned something.

[A]

See, like that stresses me out. I'm just like, I think too much into it. But again, I haven't played in years.

[C]

Do you go watch him play?

[A]

Well, no. So every year we usually join a beach volleyball league together, but the past two summers I've been with child and so I haven't been able to join. And so I do not watch him because I just don't feel like Alex.

[B]

Is not the best.

[A]

Are you, John? I'm a tall, girly squirrel. Not as tall as you, but I just, I feel like I'm pretty athletic.

[B]

You look like you have a lot of talent on the side.

[A]

Oh, my God. Anyway, I'm cutting John off. Thank you so much for being here today. We love you. We've been mutuals for a while now, but I don't know your backstory, how you got started in content. So give a little bit of background about like when, how you got started. Why I will.

[C]

And just cut me off. Because I'm like, I'm like, I can give you the hour version.

[B]

Alex is perfect at that.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Just give us all you got.

[A]

Perfect.

[C]

Okay, so I feel like you're faced with that was like, this one's going to land.

[A]

I hope this is a thing.

[C]

Like this is a dicey.

[A]

We got it, John. I cut everyone off.

[C]

No, I'm the Same. So I play volleyball at usc and that's where I got my start. I actually the first thing I did was deliver a TEDx talk on athlete mental health issues.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So were you already an athlete when you did that? How did you get into that?

[C]

I was a sophomore volleyball player who was depressed and that made me want to talk about what I was going through. I was a journalism major, so I wanted to be a sports broadcaster. And I. So I think I like cared about telling stories and I was going to school and talking about like athletes performance and how many points and then I was really struggling and I was like, why are we not asking athletes how they feel? And this was 2017, so we weren't having this like giant mental health conversation. And yeah, I saw that TedX came to USC. I'll speed this up real fast.

[A]

I got selected.

[B]

You could take note in the story.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

You are a perfect guest.

[C]

So I gave that TEDx talk and it, you know, took off in the sports world at the time. And then I started to vlog my life on YouTube and then I started to create content.

[A]

We have to slow down actually.

[B]

How did you land?

[A]

Well, tedx number one as a sophomore is a huge feat in itself. Were you so nervous?

[C]

I was nervous. I've always been like a performer and like vocal and outgoing. Like I sing in our high school's talent show, which like makes me cringe to this day. I got up as in front of like the senior guys. Like, I sang on a guitar. I'm like, not that good, but I'm just like, why not?

[A]

Why not?

[C]

So, and I will say like, in class I joke that if I was in a group presentation, I'd be like, so if you do the work, I will sell this shit on Tuesday to the class. Like, I'm like, I will get up there, we'll deal and we will like.

[A]

I need to be in your group.

[C]

Project Charisma, you know, so as far as like speaking on a stage, no, that didn't scare me. But obviously what I was talking about was really deep. And I do think that at the time the perception of myself and life I gave online was very like picture perfect. And I came from like a very white fence, high pressure, like town growing up and like you just didn't have struggles and you didn't fail. You just, you were the top. And so I definitely think that aspect of like, wow, people are going to be like, oh my God, this is like a side of Victoria Garrick I've never seen. That was Saying something for sure. And my parents at the time were like, are you sure you want to do this? Like, future employers are going to see it. I was talking about really dark thoughts of, like, should I be here? And so I get. My parents were like, yeah. Cautioning me. But the minute I said, no, this is my story, I want to tell it, they were so supportive. So, yeah, I mean, as far as your question, John, like, there was a callback process, and then there was a series of interviews. And then I remember the final. We had to write, like, our opening what our opening five minutes of the talk would be to just, like, perform it and captivate the people who were selecting us. So that's how it happened. And yeah, from there, I just saw it resonate with so many people that then I started to create more content around it and post on Instagram and post on YouTube. And then right after college, I went into public speaking. So I was speaking. Actually I speak spoke at NC State.

[A]

Wow, you did?

[C]

Yeah, to the student athletes there. And I. Oh, my God, too bad.

[A]

I would. I was graduated by that point, but I was on the dance team and we were like, student club athletes at that point. But so a lot of, like, your story I could resonate with just, like, the pressures of. Yeah, everything there. But would have loved to listen to you, but I'm older than you, so it was not.

[C]

Don't worry. And I know you said you spent a lot of time in Virginia. I've been to Virginia Tech, so it was my sister.

[A]

Oh, cool. Cool.

[B]

That's awesome.

[C]

So, you know, that's what I was doing. Athlete mental health advocacy. And then the pandemic hit. The last two speaking engagements I had were canceled because no one was traveling. And then I was like, what is this tick tock thing? And so I got on TikTok and I did have a strategic thought of, like, you know, it's been almost a year since college volleyball. I don't think I can keep, like, throwing on my practice jersey and, like, being this USC volleyball player when, like, I'm kind of farther removed. And so I started to talk more on tick tock about my past eating disorder and body image issues. And so then, like, tick tock started to take off for me. And, yeah, just one thing after another. And now I'm at this cool place where I would say I'm, like, a lifestyle creator and I talk about a little bit of everything, but always with, like, a very healthy dose of, like, mental health and vulnerability and realness, because that is, like, what I care the most about. I definitely want to always, like, be giving value or some sort of purpose to the people who come across my page.

[A]

We do have some more, like in depth questions that we want to ask you about. Perfect.

[C]

Just dive in.

[A]

Get it, John. Get it, John. Yeah.

[B]

My turn.

[A]

Okay, go. Take it away, John.

[B]

I'm reading off the card. Social media has obviously played a huge role in impacting self confidence, not just for students or student athletes, but middle schoolers, high schoolers, and even adults. What do you think needs to change to help with the mental health decline due to social media? Don't ask me what I just read. You go ahead and answer that.

[A]

Could you comprehend his question?

[C]

I comprehended it. And I'm guessing that you know that question has appeared because I do post a lot about the body image pressures and just the perfectionism we see online and these ideal lives and these ideal bodies and people who are happy all the time. And I always want to kind of pull the curtain back. And that's what I try to do on my show. Real pot is like, bring people on. Tell me what you're struggling with. Because all we are seeing is a highlight reel. You know, as far as what needs to happen. Like, I think we need to not just like, blindly give kids access to social media without, like, having those conversations about, okay, and like, who you follow, you're gonna see. And so ask yourself, why am I subscribing to this person? It's because she's so pretty and skinny and I just look at her every day and I think, like, what can I do to be like her? And you then feel bad about yourself, or is it this couple makes me laugh and they always bring me joy and like, you know, so I think we need to have those conversations more instead of just being like, here's Instagram, here's TikTok. And then also, I personally think it's like, on each and every one of us to be vulnerable and transparent as we can. Like, I, you know, if we talk about body image, like, if someone wants to get, I don't know, a bbl, get a bbl. But don't put out a workout class that you're charging and saying, if you do this many scorpions and your glutes.

[A]

A day, you're gonna get false advertising. Honestly.

[C]

And there's literally girls out there who are 14 doing these workouts thinking they're gonna get the body right. And that, like, breaks my heart.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I think, like, also calling for more, just transparency from creators is huge. And hopefully we do get to a world where we can track the filters and the edits and the face tune that's happening like more. So there can just be like a little disclaimer and there's.

[A]

Because, yeah.

[C]

You know, so much of what we see, we don't know if it's real.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And I mean, again, I have a lot of friends who are teachers and they have said that the change in these students because they're impacted by social media so much and just they're always in like counseling or just their mental health is really impacted by what's going on. It's very heavy on social media.

[C]

It's too much like that.

[A]

We're. When your frontal lobe is not developed.

[C]

Yes. I feel this way as a 28 year old who's like been in therapy for years and feels like I do the work. I have times where like just being on my phone, like you can't help but spiral. Like if us with like what we've accomplished and where we're at in life can feel like shit sometimes looking at social media, it's like, yeah, think about the susceptible 15 year old who like has their parents down their neck about grades and you know, so I also think I love social media. It gives us so much opportunity, it gives so much access to conversations and experts we would never otherwise be able to hear from. And we need to have boundaries. Like, it can't be the one thing in your life you don't have boundaries with. Like, how many hours are you on it a day? Are you taking it to bed? When are you looking at it? Are you taking breaks? Like, I love leaving my phone at home and going to dinner with Max.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think I was even looking at it differently now because we're gonna have a kid. I'm like, oh my God, that's out there. And. And the mental toll on, on children.

[A]

Think about the lengths that we had to go through as like middle schoolers, high schoolers to just get a photo onto Facebook. Like you would take your hard, your thick camera out to the club with you, not in middle school, but like in college or whatever. You know, flash in the, in, in the bar. And then you'd have to upload it, create an album at a really ugly filter.

[C]

I saw this meme that was like, remember when we used to create whole Facebook albums for one night out?

[A]

Yes. Literally. And then like you'd have to come up with the group chat, like, what are we going to name this Facebook album? And now it's just so immediate and So I think that scares me a little bit. And so for the child conversation, I mean, again, it's an ongoing conversation with content creators across the board. Not something that we're interested in, but people had their reasonings for putting their kids on social media.

[C]

Yeah, we're.

[A]

We always say, like, we're not going to yuck someone's yum, but at the same time, I'm just like, it really boils down too.

[B]

I'm starting to yuck people's yum sometimes. Yeah.

[C]

It's also tough because you want your kid to fit in. And I've seen this with, like, if every kid is on Snapchat and, like, your kid's not because you're protecting them, but then they're now, like, not in the jokes at school and they feel left out. Like, that's interesting. And I could see myself being like, well, I want you to have Instagram, because, like, your friends do. So, you know, obviously no one. You can't know until you're in it.

[A]

Well, and that's it too. I mean, like, thankfully, I feel like we have a lot of years until we get to that place of the social media conversation. Who knows, like, the plot, There might be laws by then.

[C]

It could be different.

[A]

It could be different.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What is not the. The notion that, like, it's harder for girls versus boys. I don't know. Because we're having a baby girl and I'm like, having a daughter. Do you think body, body image, all that, do you think it really is harder for girls than boys? Or do you. Do you think it's starting to become because of social media like, that it's the same amount of pressures for both.

[C]

Men definitely struggle with body image issues. Men have eating disorders. Men struggle with their mental health 100%. And I think if we look back in society, the pressure uniquely put on women and their bodies and their appearance is, to me, miles greater than that put on men. I mean, even the way that, like, we glorify the dad bod is, like, kind of hot. Or like, you get to have your dad bod.

[A]

Like, you never don't build babies.

[C]

That's looked at as, like, a fun thing. Moms don't get to have a mom bod. Like, the mom bod connotation is not cute and funny. You know, it's like moms, it's more like, when are you bouncing back? And just like the pressures of diet culture and, like, what we see in media and like, if you look back at the commercials that used to air and it would be like, wear this dress because he'll love it. Like it's all how you can look for a guy. And so we just internalize it over time. We internalize the beauty standard. Obviously we used to see, you know, one type of model and you know, that's why it's so important to see like body diversity these days and to support brands that are showing that. But yeah, I think women have a unique pressure. Men definitely have a pressure as well. But I think society puts a harder stress and a smaller box for women to fit into.

[B]

Good answer.

[C]

But, but John's like, I don't care. But one thing I'll say is for our mental.

[B]

I, I agree what you're saying. Like it probably is. But I just was curious because of social media is just so in your face now. Even with guys with, with the people that they're looking at who have six pack abs and are jacked.

[C]

Yeah, like Love island. You know, I could and I, and I think that no, but we don't have to talk about Love island. But those guys are coming in and they have to have these quote, gray bodies. And you know, I can definitely think about the men in my life who might be like, I would be insecure to walk out in Love island in my swim trunks, but to hype up men. I will say when we talk about mental health in general, men have a unique stigma for mental health. Just depression and anxiety because of, you know, you're never supposed to cry. If you cry, you're weak. If you do this, you're soft. Like. So I think women are more encouraged to feel their emotions and are allowed to be emotional, whereas men aren't. So I think depending on like the issue we look at each stereotypical, you know, gender has something struggles.

[A]

Yeah. But no, I think Love island, the narrative going back to Love island because I know John, you like, didn't really watch it that much, but, but you do see the difference in public opinion on the women versus the men. Like the women are so much more highly criticized than I think the men are. But again, it's to your point where it's just like each gender unfortunately is just going to have different things that people are going to criticize you for or just the standard that you're supposed to be held at. John, are you ready to ask any.

[B]

Can I just get mine over with? Then I could pay attention to the rest.

[A]

I was literally giving.

[B]

She gave me one of the longest questions. You literally bear with me, looked through.

[A]

Them and said, I want to read this One. I said, okay.

[B]

I love the body positivity movement. As someone who is overweight in the past, I always felt shame for my body type and eating disorder. Luckily, I turned my life around and lost 60 pounds. I worked with a dietitian and a therapist and have maintained my weight since. My only issue with the body positivity movement is that it applauds unhealthy body types. Let's be real. Humans were not meant to be so overweight. And even though someone is healthy, being overweight leads to and causes so many health concerns. That's why I lost extra weight to avoid that. What do you guys think about it? And I do think that is a hot topic.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Lots of, lots of fatphobia coming through in that question. Just to call it, call it, call it out. I think we can't look at someone's body and say they're unhealthy. The same way we can't look at anyone and say that we know anything about them based on sight. Like, and it's just not our place. And, like, I think what always gets me with this type of conversation is, like, if we're gonna do that, so let's have a person walk in the room who looks thin. And then we would, by those rules, say this person is, quote, healthy. What if they literally have an eating disorder and, like, they are starving themselves for that body, or they're bulimic and, sorry, I'm getting very dark, but. And they're, like, throwing up after every meal. But when you see them, you're like, visually, they're thin, so they must be healthy. When, like, actually, if that person was, quote, overweight, whatever that means, you know, in your eyes, they look 30 pounds larger than this, the body. Now we fast forward. But they're actually, like, not obsessing over food and they're loving their life and they're going out to eat with their friends, and they're not like, yeah, they're no longer bulimic and they've recovered. And, like, that's the body where they actually are. They're most mentally well. So anyways, I just think, like, everyone needs to do what's best for their body. And it sounds like this person might feel better having worked with a dietitian and what they did. That's great, but we can't now walk around and point fingers and say, this person needs to do exactly what I did.

[A]

When I hear a question like that, to me, immediately, I think the body positivity movement, and this is my take on it is less about health because of the reasons that you just listed and more about finding confidence in your own skin. And I don't, I don't know, you, I think, have a different opinion as well.

[B]

But you have to tread so lightly on this topic. But coming from a healthcare background, so I worked in skilled nursing facility for five years and I worked with morbidly, morbidly obese people where we needed a hoyer lift. A hoyer lift is the net that goes under them. And I have to fucking crane lift them out of bed to get into a wheelchair to be mobile. I had to clean them bed sores, all that because they couldn't move. There is a point where, and I am speaking for the healthcare, you know, whatever community, community, and it's, it's tough. It's a lot on the healthcare workers too, where you have to have some accountability for your, for your own health before it puts a strain on others.

[A]

But I don't think that that conversation belongs in the body positivity conversation. Like, that's a health conversation.

[C]

Diets are so harmful. And like, more than 80% of people who go on a diet will gain more weight back afterwards. Yes, afterwards. Dieting is not a safe way to lose weight and it can actually cause, like, more harm and lead you to an eating disorder. And so it's like our society thinks by putting such an emphasis and a scare tactic on like, don't eat these foods and you can't weigh this much, that like, you're gonna help people, but you're actually not. We're gonna, we're gonna keep, like, creating and perpetuating the issue. That's why I'm such an advocate for intuitive eating and like, blocking out the noise and tapping into literally what you were born with. When you were a baby and you couldn't think, you cried when you were hungry, and then you're satisfied, you stop crying. Like, we know, but so much of society has told us not to think about that and instead to look at the number on the scale or look at the calories in the bag of chips. So it's really nuanced. I'm in the process of becoming an intuitive eating counselor because I want to help people feel great and healthy in their bodies and do it in a way where, yeah, it's not gonna, like, be harmful on the other side. And then here's another thing, like with so much fat phobia. So then people are saying, okay, if you are, quote, overweight, you need to go to the gym, guess what happens? They Go to the gym and they're made fun of. People take videos of them. They laugh at them. Like, workout companies don't sell clothes in their size. Go work out. But also, we're not gonna dress you.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Like, you're not gonna be able to find shorts that fit you. Like. I mean, it's like, we ha. We can't just. People can't sit back and say, people need to be this way and then not look at this system. That's, like, creating so many obstacles for people.

[B]

It also doesn't happen immediately. Like, they're. They're trying.

[A]

Everyone's trying.

[B]

So it's like, you can't just expect it to happen just like that.

[C]

That.

[B]

Going back to intuitive eating, that's very interesting because knowing your body takes so much time to help someone with that. It would be great because, like, I overeat all the time and I eat whatever. And trying to learn, like, what bloats me or where I feel sick from eating something is such a great tool to know. And it. I mean, I'm just getting there, like, within the last two years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is so important.

[C]

That's great. And it's a journey. And because we've had so many rules around food, people don't know how to listen to their bodies. The question that most people say is, well, if I was an intuitive eater, I would just, like, never stop eating Taco Bell. And it's like, no, you would. Like, because of habituation, if you had Taco Bell every single day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, eventually you would be like, oh, my God, I kind of really want some carrots and hummus. I'm literally craving a crunchy salad. Right? Like, two. It's interesting to, like, allow yourself to be able to access this practice of intuitive eating. One of the first barriers of entry is unconditional permission to eat whatever you want, whenever you want. Obviously, though, without the. This is going to be taken away. Yeah, I'm going to be punished for this. I'm not allowed to be doing this. You have to. Because if you're telling yourself, okay, fine, I'm going to do it today, but then this. I really can't do this because I've got to lose £10 or. But tomorrow I can't have the Taco Bell. We're not really doing the practice. And it's very scary.

[B]

I think a big part of that is also willpower. Right? Like, you need. You need to learn willpower too. Shouldn't that be part of it?

[C]

I think willpower is like a Total myth.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Interesting.

[C]

Tell me this.

[B]

Dive in.

[C]

Tell me. I could. Tell me that. I. Sorry.

[B]

I know you have, like, 10 questions, but this I want to know real quick.

[C]

Okay, this is. I'll give myself an example. I had the mental strength to be on the number one volleyball team in the nation at the time. In 2015, I was starting as a freshman. I'm playing as the national player of the year. I show up at practice, I train, I do my homework. I'm doing everything. Like, I'm disciplined. Yet I can't resist having the Krispy Kreme donut that's brought into the locker room. I think there has to be a difference there. Like, clearly, I can work towards the goal. I'm dedicated. Yet. The Krispy Kreme donut, that's your reward?

[B]

I mean, that's your reward to it?

[C]

Well, I'm not able to resist it, and I blame myself. It's willpower, but it's so much more than that. It's actually like, we can. I mean, people can get into the science, but if I'm. Let's say I wasn't eating right because I was not feeling myself. And I'm starving myself and I'm counting calories. My body is, like, going into, like, fight or flight mode of, like, oh, my God, like, we need. We need food. Like, it's. Now all I'm thinking about. I'm obsessing about it, and so it. It doesn't really become this. Like, I don't have the mental strength to not open the box in front of me. Like, you could put a box there and tell me not to open, and I wouldn't open it. It's so different. So then we blame ourselves, and we're like, I suck because I couldn't stay on this diet. But it's so much more layered than just your willpower. Does that make sense?

[A]

Yeah. Well, John, does that make sense to you? He's the one, I think, who will say, like, I have no willpower when it comes to food, because he is a. Clean the plate, clean out the fridge. Like, if we're going on a vacation, he's like, we gotta eat everything.

[B]

We have three tomatoes. I'll. I'm making something out of it.

[A]

No, that's. That's fine. But I think, like, to your point, like, you consume overly.

[B]

Because, listen, everyone has advice, okay? I'm not smoking crap. I'm gonna fucking eat whatever I want. I work out seven days a week. I'm like, I. But that's my thing. Reward system. Right. I've never dieted before, ever. I. Sometimes I just like, kind of watch. Like, I'll try to fast a little bit, whether you believe in that or not. But then it's. I do feel like if, If I worked out really hard or if I had a really long day, I'm like, you know, a little treat coming in, and I don't know if that's bad.

[C]

Or good at the end of the day, like, if you feel like you have positive mental health and a food and body obsession isn't like, like hijacking the happiness in your life, like, you know, whatever works best for the person. However, I would encourage you the next time you feel like a cookie sounds good, whether you worked out that day or not, allow yourself to have a cookie because.

[B]

No, that's what I'm saying. I eat the cookie.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But then I don't like the feeling of feeling like after I eat it. Like what? Like I shouldn't feel bad.

[C]

But I agree with you. A cookie is a cookie. And sometimes we want more nutrient dense food. And so you might be like, you know what? I'm about to go work out and I don't want to have a cookie before I go, like, run this marathon. That's totally fine. But then you're not like a better or worse person because of what you.

[A]

Ate, you know, But I'll stop.

[B]

We're having a really good conversation. But I don't know.

[A]

Alex has no, I know Alex has.

[C]

Never experienced this before. She's like, wait, John. And the guests are just.

[A]

I'm like, I should probably say something. I'm like, you know what?

[B]

That's what I think all the time. I'm like, I'm over here. I should think of something.

[C]

I'm getting very into the seriousness. No, but like, I care about it so deeply.

[A]

I mean, this topic runs through, through all of the questions that we got from our listeners. I mean, but this one in particular, too, I think it just, just, it's inevitable because it's every day, like you have three meals a day that you're eating.

[C]

People care. So the most, the two most important relationships that you have to have in your life are with yourself and with food. You have to. You need food to live and you are yourself. So it's like everyone has a relationship with food.

[A]

Yeah. And I think again, to segue into this question, when you have certain milestones coming up, sometimes, again, you have put yourself on a very strict diet. So this listener in particular, she's getting married in 2026, she says I could not be more excited. She's engaged. However, since being engaged, my social media feeds and family conversations have been flooded with mentions of having the perfect wedding body. I'm talking fitness, Botox, losing weight, facials, teeth whitening, etc. Why is wedding culture in our society so adamant on looking perfect? How do I remain confident in my own body when people are constantly asking if I plan to get serious about working out or get beauty treatments done? I've never felt like I needed to do those things, but seeing them constantly pushed at me makes me feel like maybe I do.

[C]

My heart. Just the list of things you read that this person thinks they have to do is exhausting to prepare for. That's not how I want to spend my most blissful engagement year. Literally, just to give it to them straight, you were proposed to as you are. What makes you think you need to uno reverse and walk down the aisle as someone totally different? Like, this person loves you for you, right? Block out the noise. Like, don't go down the rabbit hole of the toxic bride stuff. I've seen it. And like, be yourself. The most important thing is that you're at the altar with this person you love and you're both there and you're happy and healthy. And I don't, I don't think it's going to be a great day if you feel like a shell of yourself, right, and are, like, mean to yourself every day leading up.

[A]

I think ultimately too, working in the wedding industry, weddings, similar to having babies, are a business. It's like, you say baby, they charge three times more. You say wedding, they charge 10. They charge 10 times more. Yeah, it's like. So I think that it's really just a money grab. It's not necessarily like, oh, you're not good the way you are. It's like the industry looking at how can we profit on this big event that you have.

[B]

Do you find that weddings are just a little too glorified? You know, it's a day in your fucking life, you. It's the two of you together for the rest of your lives. That's what's important to the wedding day. Like, whatever. And I just hate that there's so much pressure on the bride and groom financially, mentally. And, yeah, that's all I have to say.

[A]

Speaking about, like, women versus men, little girls, it is instilled in us growing up that, like, the biggest, most important day of your life is your wedding. You're gonna look the most beautiful, it's gonna be the most magical you're gonna ride in on a horse and it's just gonna be this big fairy tale. So I feel like that's the expectation that a lot of women have for themselves. And again, like we say to each their own. If those are things that you want to do before your wedding, if that's going to make you feel your best, by all means, do it. But if you're confident already in who you are, I think this is just society trying to.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Society as a whole. Like, look at these things that are being said to her. Like, it's ridiculous.

[C]

Also, a lot of the generation before us, especially women, like, it was even like a little bit worse and a little bit more intense, like, the body image pressure that they felt. And I think that way a lot about, like, like, the women in my life and the generations above me, like, had their own unique pressures. Like, my mom has said this on my podcast, but, like, she was dropped off at Weight watchers at like 14. And just like, we'll pick you up. Like, step on the scale. Like, yeah, like, that was just like, you know, lose weight, do this. Like, I mean, I. So I think, like, if you were. I'm guessing that she's receiving these comments from like, cousins, moms, older sisters, you know, whatever. And it's like, like, we can be the new wave. That's like, it doesn't. I'm good enough to get married the way that I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and I love what you said. Like, you got engaged the way that you are. You don't have to do anything different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's the person they fell in love with.

[A]

Right. Let's see what the next question is. John, do you want me. Do you want to read it or you want me to read it?

[B]

No, you keep going.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I need to pay attention, you know.

[A]

Any advice for dealing with body shaming from family? I'm a plus size girly and I wore jean shorts. Recently while visiting out of state family, my grandma made a surprised question slash comment. Something to the effect of, you're comfortable wearing those. And honestly, I was until she said that. How should I have responded to her? Respectfully, but also let her know her comment wasn't appreciated.

[C]

Gosh, so tough for a grandma specifically. We're not gonna change them. Let's just, let's start there. Like, grandma is not wanting to learn and change. Like, they don't. So that means we have to just accept that. Like, hey, when I walk into the room with this person, they're probably gonna make a comment about my body, and that's not fun, but I know that walking into the room, so I can, like, put on my thick skin and, like, when the comment comes, I can either just, like, you know, look past them, smile, not really acknowledge it, or be like, it's so great to see you. Or, you know, I would throw in a. Like, don't worry about me, worry about you. You know, you can throw in, like, little things like that just to remind them, like, their place. But that's how I would approach it with a grandma, for sure. You know, I've. I've said to, like, my Yaya before, she's like, you know, she's like, oh, that's a lot of food you're cooking for dinner. And I'm like, well, it's my dinner. Like, you eat what you want. Like, you know, you just can say your little things. But I do think for someone that you think has the opportunity to grow and they care about the relationship. Like, I think you can say, especially if you have, like, a mom breathing down your neck, and, like, you're close to your mom and, like, she just talks to you about your weight all the time. And then you can say like, mom, I love our relationship. I love you so much. I know that you care about me, and I know that you only want the best for me, and I'm so grateful to have a mom who wants those things. However, like, my journey with food right now and my body image, I feel confident I can handle that by myself. If I need your advice, I know I can come to you, but I'll ask for it. And if I'm not asking for it, I just need you to be my mom and my friend right now and, like, let me do me.

[A]

I don't need the unsolicited opinions. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think that was an amazing answer because you're separating the two. You tiptoed around. Basically, what I would say, just in a nicer version, what would you say the grandmother? Because I'd be like, who get. Like, relax. It's your grandma. She's not gonna change. She's probably from World War I or 2. Like, leave her alone. She's been through shit. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

But it does. But. But. But one comment about your body can, like, really can really, like, you know, it can throw you off the wagon.

[B]

But I get it. It's like sometimes just. She's like an older adult. Like, you said you're not gonna change her, so I just kind of brush it off. But with a parent, a friend, sibling, I get that. Where you need to actually, like, sit down and have a conversation.

[C]

You need to tell people what you want from them, how you need them to show up for you. No one's a mind reader. And yeah, I think a lot of people sit back in anything in life and be like, oh, my God, this friend really hasn't been calling me. Or they haven't been showing up for me. Maybe they don't know. You want them to show up for you.

[A]

No.

[C]

Text them and say, hey, this is a hard week for me. I'd love if you could check in.

[A]

I think that's the number one thing to take away from this, is that not everybody is a mind reader. Not everyone knows the type of support that you need. Because again, even with our experience of loss, being pregnant, like, just my body currently, I just think. I assume that people know, but then I have to give them grace and be like, oh, they're just.

[B]

Sometimes we don't even know what we want. You know, half the time you're like, in the moment, you're like, I don't know what I want, but I don't want this.

[A]

You know, it's like, it boils down to intentions. It's like, do you think that this person was actually intending to hurt your feelings? You know, maybe. Maybe.

[C]

And a lot of times people project, they're like, hey, if I've been on diets my whole life and I'm not allowed to be this size, why should I let you walk happily down the street being that size? Like, why are you projecting being that size?

[B]

You know, perspective.

[C]

You have to, like, you know. And then also I think about, with my. My Yaya won't listen to this, but not against you guys. She doesn't listen to my own show.

[A]

We let her.

[C]

We don't.

[A]

Yeah, we let her.

[C]

You know, I tell myself, I'm like, that is talking about weight and food is, like, one of the, like, majority conversations. My. I had to connect with women. All you did was talk about, like, what you ate. You were keeping the home. Like, she was a very traditional, like, housewife. And like, like, that's how she relates. I'm like, her telling me, you look so thin. Like, whether, like, even. I don't even want that comment. But, like, she might be thinking, oh, this is what I say to connect with women. Like, you know, it just goes so deeper that I just have to be like, whatever.

[A]

Yeah, it's cultural, but it's also different, like, generational. Yeah, different generations.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Mom brain again. I'm working on one brain cell right now. But we have one more question. How do you have the conversation with your partner about wanting to have a healthy lifestyle together without being an asshole? I'm someone who thoroughly enjoys fitness, healthy food, and I also do love my sweets. But my partner couldn't be less interested in any of it. It's hard to stay motivated when the person you're living with doesn't want to eat healthy or do any type of physical activity. I know that I don't need them to be involved in order for me to do it, but it's just nice to have someone on your side and working along with you. Any suggestions?

[C]

Yeah, I love that this is called give it to me straight, because I feel like I can just give my honest thoughts and not butter it up. Look, this person said it perfectly at the end. It would be so nice to have someone doing this with me. It would be, but you might not. And you can't, like, force your partner to do exactly what you need to do. And, like, you know, I might read a book on self help that, like, changes my life. And, like, Max might not be interested. And, like, I can't say, you gotta read this book because I just read this book. I think there's compromise. And you could say, you know, I'm really trying to, like, cook my meals at home, or I'm trying to go to the gym, and it's nice to have an accountability buddy. And so could you commit to, like, Tuesday mornings? Like, I know you're gonna come with me to SoulCycle or whatever. Or, like, can we know that Sunday nights we're gonna cook dinner? So, yes, I think compromise is healthy, but I do. I do think it's unfair for the partner to be, like, they might, like, love the way that they do their thing, and it works for them. And, like, obviously they bring value to the relationship in other ways. And, like, you just can't make them be on this new swing you're on just because it would be nice for you.

[B]

You know, I feel like I'm listening to Alex answer a question. That's exactly how you would answer that question.

[A]

I know. I love it too, because I'm just like, oh, my God, I'm saving my voice here. This is kind of. But I agree with you. And in, like, a more fun, I guess, like, analogy, it's like when your husband doesn't want to watch a show that you're into, but then, like, because you watch it so much, they Kind of, you know, over your shoulder, slowly start to get into it and then get. And not saying that that will exactly happen, but I think at the end of the day, like, you have to do what you want to do without the expectation that your partner is just going to be on board 100%.

[C]

Yeah, definitely.

[A]

John, any notes?

[B]

No, I, I think that's like anything though, because over time you're, you're gonna change a little bit, views are gonna be different, and that's always gonna be a point of contention where like you're either gonna have to meet halfway or, I mean, what happens if you don't? What then you just have to get.

[C]

Over it, you know, Like, I, I feel like Max and I, like the next thing I want us to like tackle together is like phone boundaries. Because like, I feel like his relationship with his phone is different than mine. And like, I would love for us to be like, no phones in the bedroom. And like we don't have phones on after 7pm like he just doesn. Like, I can't force him. Like he, he enjoys his decompression time on social media at night and whereas for me, it's a negative thing. I want it to be blocked out, but like, I have to accept that. You know, if we watch our show together or we, or last night, you know, we were reading together, like, you have to compromise and you guys were talking about this on my show, RealPod. But like there's. In marriage, you just have to communicate and then you have to like, you know, you checked in with her, you're like, alex, do you need anything or can I go play Call of Duty? So I think, you know, I get it. This person would love to be on the exact same plan as their life partner. But like, like you're just not going to be. So you got to meet in the middle and then figure out how to self soothe and be able to do it by yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Which is hard. I get that.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's just support being supportive of each other either way, no matter like what that timeline looks like.

[C]

Totally. As long as they're supporting you verbally and like emotionally, they might not need to do it physically.

[A]

Victoria, you have created such an amazing platform to talk to, to be open about, not just like mental health, but potty, body image issues, body positivity. And I just want to applaud you for all the work that you do. You connect with so many women and you are just such a great role model in this space. Thank you. Keep it going.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

I, like, love learning more about you. Love seeing everything that you're created. But, like, you've been such a joy to have on our show and so informative. Again, thank you for speaking on my behalf because I feel like I was, like, able to sit back today.

[C]

I'm glad that we have. We would have similar mindsets. I take those as a compliment and you thank. Thank you, guys. I, like, loved getting to hang with you today. For all of their fans listening, they're so cute and cool in real life. They're and like, you can tell they're soulmates. Like, I'm sure you guys feel that way because you watch them. Me looking. I broke the third wall.

[A]

It's okay.

[C]

They're the real deal. Irl.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you so much.

[B]

Do we want to do, like, plugging?

[A]

Yeah. Like, where can people find you?

[C]

Well, they should complete our little loop and listen to your episode on real pod. It's just real pod. Wherever you get your pods. And then I'm on Instagram and Tik tok talk. Victoria Garrick Brown. So come hang out.

[B]

Also non profit.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And the hidden opponent nonprofit we talked about in the beginning. If you are a student athlete or you have kids, check us out. Join our community. Make a difference. Yay.

[A]

Love it. Thank you so much.

[B]

Thanks.

[C]

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