70. Giving you ring upgrades, codependency, and compromise

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight – Episode 70

Title: Giving you ring upgrades, codependency, and compromise
Air Date: September 23, 2025
Hosts: Alex & Jon
Duration: Approx. 71 minutes

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Overview

In this lively and candid episode, husband-and-wife duo Alex and Jon discuss major life updates, relationship milestones, societal norms, and answer listener questions covering a wide range of topics: from pregnancy anxieties and gift-giving to wedding compromises, prenups, and ring upgrades. With their signature back-and-forth banter and unfiltered advice, they delve deeply into both lighthearted and serious issues couples face, all while keeping the conversation honest and a bit irreverent.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Updates: Pregnancy & Hospital Scare

• [02:03] - [05:29]
  • Alex recounts a scare involving reduced fetal movement, necessitating a late-night hospital visit. All is well, but they stress the importance of monitoring fetal kicks.
  • PSA: Start counting kicks from 28 weeks onward (“Not gonna tell you how to do it, but look it up…” [03:12], Alex).
  • Both vent frustration at unhelpful hospital staff and relate this to their work in weddings, emphasizing empathy for “first-timers,” whether it's marriage or childbirth.
    “Just direct us in the right way, don’t cop an attitude.” [04:38], Alex

2. Societal & Family Commentary: Posting Kids Online and Celebrating Birthdays

• [07:34] - [11:52]
  • Discussion about viral claims that kids might one day sue parents for posting their images online, monetization of ‘family creator’ accounts, and parallels to child stars. “Family creators fall under the same umbrella as child stars… you should be putting money aside for them.” [08:47], Alex
  • Diverging on whether birthdays should center on the child or the mother, Alex thinks moms deserve cake for the work of childbirth:
    “She went through the trials and tribulations of dealing with you and then raising you…” [09:50], Alex
    Jon mostly shrugs it off:
    “That’s literally what Mother’s Day is.” [10:19], Jon

3. Parenting, Content Creation & Children’s Safety

• [14:19] - [17:09]
  • Jon rants about a gender reveal video he finds “tone deaf” for prioritizing views over authenticity.
  • They criticize “having kids for content,” referencing family influencers and darker incidents involving child exploitation. “Do something else. Make content about something else besides your kids. That is wild.” [16:10], Jon

4. Childhood Safety and Parental Anxiety

• [17:20] - [19:36]
  • Jiu-Jitsu vs. horseback riding vs. general accident risk—Alex argues all childhood activities have inherent risks.
  • Acceptance that “life is scary” and parenting will be a journey of continual, evolving anxieties.
• [19:51] - [20:23]
  • Playful debate on who (between them) will be the more anxious parent.
    “This is the first time in our relationship where you’re the one that’s more stressed out than me.” [19:51], Jon

5. Long-Term Marital Dynamics

• [21:09] - [22:38]
  • Flashback: Listening to an old episode with their now-close friends/managers. They note how little their banter has changed—laundry squabbles persist! “Nothing has changed. Alex doesn’t respect me.” [22:05], Jon
  • Alex admits she’s trying to improve tiny habits (“Maybe what I need is a sweet treat when I do it right.” [22:38], Alex)

6. Gifts, Anniversaries, and Traditions

• [22:45] - [23:56] & [32:30] - [35:15]
  • Ongoing, lighthearted argument over whether to exchange gifts or do experiences for anniversaries and birthdays.
    • Each believes the other is the “problem” in gift-giving debates.
    • Discuss meaningful traditions (letters every five years, shared memories).
    • Both recall their 5th anniversary as the most significant—due to both loss and their tradition of exchanging letters, even if their stored bottle of wine had gone bad.

7. Listener Question Highlights

a. The “Seven-Year Itch”

• [37:25] - [39:09]
  • Neither buys into the superstition, emphasizing communication and “reinventing” your relationship. “If you’re having an itch, it’s because you’re missing something in your relationship. Reinvent the relationship.” [39:09], Jon

b. Prenups, Houses, and In-Laws

• [39:40] - [43:11]
  • Nuanced discussion about prenups when in-laws help buy a house. Alex: It’s about healthy boundaries and clear contribution. “If you want to be half-owner...work together to pay his parents off.” [40:36], Alex

c. Wedding Ring Upgrades

• [45:44] - [47:38]
  • Is upgrading a wedding ring superficial? Alex and Jon agree: not at all, growth as a couple justifies changes that reflect your journey. “You could keep your original ring and do something special with that...” [47:01], Alex

d. Codependency vs. Mental Overload

• [53:06] - [56:56]
  • A listener worries her fiancé’s need for her input signals codependency.
    • Alex explains the “mental load”—it’s okay to ask for help, but adults should make small decisions individually. “I can’t take on this mental toll… I trust you to decide.” [55:40], Alex

e. Wedding Compromises — When is Enough, Enough?

• [57:27] - [61:52]
  • Discussion of a couple where one wants a big event, the other prefers elopement. The hosts feel the writer is minimizing their partner’s preferences, mislabeling what is or isn’t “compromise.” “You haven’t compromised.” [63:35], Alex

f. Societal Pressure: Marriage, Family, and What You Really Want

• [63:31] - [67:32]
  • A listener unsure if marriage is what she wants or just what society expects.
    • Both share how even they sometimes felt influenced by friends having kids but underscore the need for honest internal reflection: “Think long and hard… 20 years from now, are you going to be okay with that?” [67:01], Jon

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Ring Upgrades:
  “Why not? You guys have grown together. It’s an accomplishment.” — Jon [46:40]

• On Anniversary Traditions:
  “If my parents had as much content out there as we do, would you consume it?...There’s so much footage of our lives.” — Jon [33:06]

• On Societal Pressure:
  “I think as you grow up, you evolve, things change, your priorities change. Just because maybe you never thought marriage was for you, and now you’re with the right person—it’s okay to want those things.” — Alex [66:30]

• On Compromise:
  “If you both are like, ‘I want this...’ it’s called compromise. You’re not going to always get what you want.” — Jon [63:29]

• Humor Highlight:
  “My dream—she literally started melting away...turned into a Crest whitening strip.” — Jon [27:04]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• T. Swift engagement & pregnancy hospital scare: [00:42] – [05:36]
• Posting kids online / Family creators & child stars: [07:34] – [09:03]
• Gender reveals & influencers having kids for content: [14:19] – [16:31]
• Childhood injury risks & parental anxieties: [17:20] – [20:23]
• Long-term relationship patterns & old episodes: [21:09] – [22:38]
• Gifting, anniversaries, meaning of traditions: [22:45] – [35:15]
• Listener Qs: Seven-year itch: [37:25] – [39:09]
• Prenup and home ownership: [39:40] – [43:11]
• Ring upgrades—superficial or milestone?: [45:44] – [47:38]
• Codependency & decision-making in marriage: [53:06] – [56:56]
• Wedding compromise & budget: [57:27] – [61:52]
• Coping with societal norms vs. true desires: [63:31] – [67:32]

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Final Segment: Recommendations

[68:55] - [70:38]

• Jon recommends Calm brand melatonin gummies to help with sleep.
• Alex shares a tip for keeping hydrangeas fresh: cut them at an angle and place them in boiling water—for weeks of blooms.

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Core Tone & Style

• Warm, irreverent, often tongue-in-cheek.
• Alternates between playful teasing, authentic vulnerability, and genuine practical advice.
• Both hosts reveal and reflect on their relationship habits, family planning anxieties, and evolving perspectives.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential “Give It To Me Straight”—relatable, unfiltered, and full of banter but also meaningful reflections on transitions, family, partnership, and the pressures we put on ourselves (and each other) in modern life. Whether you're prepping for marriage, pregnancy, or just in search of honest advice on the ups and downs of long-term love, Alex and Jon’s candor makes it accessible and real.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Look at all that hair. And I go, what hair? She's like, you see these. These particles? She goes, it's like flowing in the wind, but it's your amniotic fluid.

[B]

I'm like, what?

[A]

She's like, oh, yeah, she's got a lot of hair. I'm like, the fact that you could tell that's all you. That's your hair.

[B]

Oh, we know.

[A]

We know. You were born bald and then your mom tried to kill you.

[B]

And welcome back to Give it to me Straight.

[A]

I'm Alex.

[B]

And I'm Jo. On.

[A]

And where you are. Gracious, gracious, gracious. Okay, we have to start by saying what the biggest news of the day is that we just found out.

[B]

T. Swift, hot off the press. Kelsey engaged. And this will be. This will be a month later.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but we. We just talked about it on, like, an episode that we. We recorded recently. And so I'm sure people are gonna listen to that one and be like, they're already engaged. But, like, now it's real time for us. They're engaged. I mean, it's August. It's just so exciting. We've been waiting for this for forever.

[B]

Officially, we're saying we. I don't care.

[A]

You care.

[B]

Why would I care, John?

[A]

They might. What if they're like, Mr. Booth, will you film?

[B]

Then I'll care. Actually, I don't know if I'd want to film the wedding.

[A]

Now that I'm thinking, I wouldn't either. But you do care. Number one, because I said Taylor Swift is engaged, you go, really? Let me see. If you didn't care, you.

[B]

I wanted to see the ring.

[A]

Yeah. So, like, you care a little bit.

[B]

You can't say, like, we're so excited. Like, I don't. I mean, whatever.

[A]

No, we are. We're a team.

[B]

Like, I'm happy for them. Sure.

[A]

Just such a great day. Her album, her engagement, she come out with new music. By the time that we're back, they'll probably be pregnant.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Hopefully.

[B]

That will be fun. That'll be the baby of the year.

[A]

No, they should have their wedding first. Enjoy being married.

[B]

They'll have a baby and they'll join us with our beta generation. Beta babies.

[A]

Yep. 20, 25 babies.

[B]

So this week was it this week? Was it last week? I don't know. We went to the hospital. That was fun.

[A]

You're just going to leave it at that? Give no context as to why?

[B]

No, I was waiting for you to cut me off and then Tell me.

[A]

You're the one cuts me off the most.

[B]

Tell us what happened at the hospital.

[A]

No, you go ahead. This is your story, John.

[B]

Alex had low fetal kick movement or something. So that's when we went to the hospital. And, yeah, baby's fine.

[A]

See, like, this is a scenario in which you were. If you were pregnant, you would get annoyed at me for telling the story because it didn't exactly happen to you, even though you were part of it.

[B]

I'm sorry, not part. Not just part of it. I was with you the whole time.

[A]

Correct. But, like, remember when we went to gurney's together and you told me that you loved me? I also was there the whole time, but apparently that was only your story to tell.

[B]

No, we're talking about the baby changing table. You weren't part of that at all. And you told a story like you were in the room and you weren't. I put the baby changing table together.

[A]

We're going to get through one episode.

[B]

Intro where I'm just countering what you're saying. I was part of this. I drove you to the hospital. I was there the whole time.

[A]

Okay, so what happened was I had an OB appointment the week. That week. But a few days earlier, they had said, like, my levels for amniotic fluid were a little low, so I might feel reduce movement, and if I do, or if I have any leakage, go to labor and delivery that night or a few days later. I didn't feel her move for, like two hours. I was counting kicks and I was like, you know what? I've only felt her, like, faint a few times. Let me just go for peace of mind, because usually she's going cray cray at night. So we went in, everything was fine. But this is a PSA that towards the end of your pregnancy, I think starting at 28 weeks, say, recommend starting to count the kicks. And I'm not going to tell you how to do it, but look it up because I'm sure I'll say how to do it wrong. But you just, you know, the main.

[B]

Part is lay down, right? Or just sit there and don't move.

[A]

You want to focus on the movements of your baby. But again, if something feels off, so whatever. I'm glad that we went. We actually were able to, like, see where we need to go when we actually go.

[B]

I brought us to the emergency room. They're like, this isn't where you go. I'm like, I don't know.

[A]

We don't know.

[B]

We also don't. You love when like, people like, I get you do a job, whatever job you're in, and you probably have to answer the same fucking questions all the time, but you have people coming to your place of work that's never been there before. Like, don't give me a fucking attitude. How was I supposed to know where to go? Sir, it's midnight.

[A]

We're there at midnight. I'm pregnant. Like, clearly we, like, just direct us in the right way. Like, don't cop an attitude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you're way off.

[B]

Okay, tell me, am I Bill?

[A]

Okay, well, clearly we're confused. Never delivered a baby before. But that was like when we worked in weddings, when people would get frustrated at brides for asking. I'm like, this is their first. Most likely, this is their first time getting married. They've never done this before. So, like, you have to walk them through. And I would remind myself that every bride, I'm like, this is their first time. Even though we've done it 18,000 times.

[B]

You just have to make it special as a therapist. Every patient, every day, eight times a day. Half of them had dementia. Same question every single day.

[A]

When am I gonna die?

[B]

Where am I? Who are you?

[A]

When can I go home?

[B]

Don't touch me.

[A]

Did I shit my pants? So, yeah, that was fun. Anyway, baby girl's doing fine. She's moving around.

[B]

First off, that wasn't us, like, making fun of the elderly. I'm literally saying that's exactly what happened. Every single day, same questions.

[A]

That's what I mean. It's like, is it gossip? If it's what? Is the truth factual? Is it. Is it defamation if you're just stating facts, Is it.

[B]

Well, that's us saying stating facts. But it could be hearsay. True or. But it's. We don't think it's subjective because it's actually what happened. But you guys don't know. You weren't there. Just like when I tell a story about the baby changing table.

[A]

Apparently, I wasn't there either.

[B]

Yeah, she wasn't. But, you know, you guys have to.

[A]

What is the story of the baby changing table? I don't even know the changing table.

[B]

When I put the changing table together.

[A]

You didn't put the changing table together. My dad built it.

[B]

The baby changing thing on top, the pad. It's not just a pad. It's electronic thing. You have to put your table right.

[A]

But that's not the table. We had this conversation already.

[B]

You're asking me, so I'm telling you.

[A]

But when you give the wrong, like, details of that.

[B]

Whether it was the table or the thing on top of the table. No, it's still putting it together. And the store was.

[A]

You weren't picking matter, though. The details matter. Like picking up our daughter from school one day in the future, if it's like 4:15 versus 4:30. Like, those are details that you're going to need to know.

[B]

The fact that you won't let me get through it. Let me just get through it. Whatever it is that I put together, it. It heats, it cools, it tests their body temperature, all this kind of stuff. And you need an app for it. So I'm trying to figure all this stuff out. Whatever. That's my experience with it. When you told the story on the podcast the other week, I didn't.

[A]

You were like, roll the tape.

[B]

Yes, you did. You said, like, how we had such a hard time putting together. I was like, you weren't part of.

[A]

I didn't I at all. Roll the tape. Yeah, I never said that. I did talk about, like, the electronics and stuff. And then the story about Gurney is like, when you told me that you love me and you're like, you. Like, you weren't there. Even though.

[B]

Speaking of babies and children.

[A]

Oh, you know what? It was the crib. Maybe that's what you were talking about.

[B]

I know what it is because we just watched it. Speaking of kids, I just saw the Instagram post, and I don't know if it's true or not saying kids, when they turn 14, could sue their parents for showing them online.

[A]

Did you fact check that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I did not. But that's an intriguing thought. What's your thoughts on that? 14's young.

[A]

You can also see your parents for, like, didn't someone try to sue their parents for giving birth to them? And he was like, I didn't give you consent to have me.

[B]

That guy was like, 50.

[A]

Right, right. He was just like.

[B]

And he was living in their basement.

[A]

Right. But again, because he did nothing in his life, he was like, I didn't want to be here. I think he lost.

[B]

But yeah.

[A]

So that's what I'm wondering. Like, can your. Because your parents are your guardians, where's the line of what you can sue? Because can you potentially sue them for anything? Like, I can sue them for putting me in. Not putting me in dance classes. I don't know.

[B]

I think suing should come into play if they're monetizing off of you, because growing up, taking photos, like, that's inevitable. But, like, if you're making an income from your kid. You should be putting something aside for them. Again, everyone has their own view on that or whatever. But anyways, I think that family creators.

[A]

Fall under the same umbrella as child stars. Like the parents who put their kids in their content, they are working. You should be putting money aside for them. Because I think we talked about that, how California has implemented a law where you have to put a certain amount.

[B]

Of money and some of those family accounts are literally moving different states.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Again, another topic to tread lightly on, I guess.

[A]

Well, it's just like we have friends who post their kids online, which again, to each their own. It's just not something that we're gonna do. I'm gonna make John dress up as our daughter, so that'll be fun. But one other thing that I was thinking of is that birthdays, we celebrate the individual who was born on that day. I feel like we should celebrate the moms as well. Like, it's great that like you lived and you were born that day, but like, who did the work? Your mom, like your mom should be celebrated on.

[B]

You want to add another holiday, basically.

[A]

Double holiday, saying that like, if we're going to give you a cake on your birthday, like, you should really give your mom the cake. Like, she, she went through.

[B]

I didn't ask to be born.

[A]

The trials and tribulations of dealing with you and then raising you, that's. That's even more worth celebrating, is that she got through 18 plus years with you.

[B]

Mothers and fathers both have enough. They have Father's Day. I guess that's why you have Mother's Day.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I got.

[B]

So he could even celebrate his own fucking birthday on his own.

[A]

You can, but I just think that, like, we should also appreciate moms that day too, because it's like that's the day that they.

[B]

That's literally what Mother's Day is. That's the whole point of Mother's Day.

[A]

Like Mother's Day is more like the day to day. Like, oh, I, I don't agree. Yeah, it's more, it's more to celebrate what they do on a regular basis. But like the birthday, like when our daughter is born, I'm gonna be like this. Like, I worked really hard on this day 18 years ago.

[B]

Definition of mother's a day of the year in the us the second Sunday, May, on which mothers are honored by their children.

[A]

Right. And that's what. Okay, John. Like I just wasted. In general, in general, mothers are celebrated on Mother's Day for the general work that they do as moms. Whether you adopted your kid, whether you're a dog mom. People are going to hate me for that. But I just think like, whatever you do, it's in general. But I think like the birthday. Your mom did all the work on that day. You just slid out.

[B]

I don't care. Like, honestly, whatever. There's. I'm just going to say I agree to disagree because there's Mother's Day. Talking about parents, this.

[A]

Why are we celebrating fathers? They didn't. They didn't push out a baby.

[B]

I don't care about Father's Day either.

[A]

I'm talking about the birthday itself.

[B]

Like, yes, that makes sense. Why is there a father? Because. I don't know. Because.

[A]

No, because fathers without his sperm. Baby general. What I'm saying is the birthday itself.

[B]

I know what you're saying.

[A]

Birth. You should celebrate the mom. Like my birthday. I should be. I shouldn't be blowing out cake. I shouldn't be getting gifts.

[B]

I should be giving them to my mom at this point. In the third trimester. Whatever you want, Alex. Okay. We're gonna celebrate you too, girlfriend.

[A]

No, I don't want to be celebrated.

[B]

Oh, now you don't. You just tell me what you want.

[A]

I just don't understand. Like, I think that they should be. Is what I'm.

[B]

Got it. My mom made it very clear.

[A]

Our grandma.

[B]

I think you're arguing with yourself.

[A]

Grandma had six kids and my other grandma had five. It's like they should be celebrated on each of their kids birthdays. That's a lot of work that they had to do anyway. My mom tried to kill me when I was a baby. This episode is sponsored by Ritual. One thing that really shocked me during pregnancy is how little actual research is done for women, especially pregnant women. We're talking about one of the most important phases of human development. And yet so many prenatal vitamins on the market are not even clinically tested. And that never sat right with me.

[B]

That's bullshit.

[A]

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[B]

Wow. So, so thoughtful.

[A]

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[B]

You know what? I. I'm too busy just wanting to talk about people right now.

[A]

So you.

[B]

It's just like you don't care about.

[A]

The fact that I almost didn't make it. Like I'm a survivor.

[B]

John, you are. You are. You're fine now.

[A]

All right, so who do you want to hate on.

[B]

Earlier today, seeing that couple doing the. The baby reveal or the gender reveal? And I'm like, it is so tone deaf.

[A]

What?

[B]

And I hope everyone knows who I'm talking about. I don't even know that. I've never seen them before. Young couple, younger than us, I guess, at least they look like that. And they were breaking up in ice bath and they're doing their gender reveal and they, they get in the ice bath, both of them, and she. I don't even know how far along she is. And then I kind of skipped through because I didn't care. And then the water turned pink. So whatever about the gender reveal. But it's the, the caption she wrote that just pissed me off. It's like, let us know what we should do for comment below and let us know we should do for gender reveal. Baby number four. I'm like, dude, shut the fuck off.

[A]

You're sure that that wasn't their fourth? That was their third?

[B]

Yeah, they said something about baby on the third. The third baby. And then they went to the fourth baby. Like, what should we do for the general for the fourth baby?

[A]

Oh, like she's pregnant with her third and they're already talking about doing the gender reveal for the fourth.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I just think either way, when you're saying comment below for something, you just like, you're just doing it for views and attention and capitalizing on your kid. That's going back to that. I'm like, dude, well, I saw a.

[A]

Video the other day, and it was this girl, and she's like, I am not concerned about the population declining because we have influencers who continue to have children as their annual paycheck.

[B]

They're like, oh, Sally's four. She's not hitting the view she used to. We're gonna have to pop.

[A]

Smash in. Yeah, pop out another one. And again, like, yes.

[B]

No, no, not. No. Not. To each his own. Like, those fucking people are diabolical.

[A]

I. It is. I mean, it is.

[B]

I mean, someone needs to talk about. I mean, some people do talk about it, but it's just like, everyone needs to. You got to chill out when you're.

[A]

Actually having kids for content. Do you think that people legitimately do that, though?

[B]

A hundred percent. What about that Utah mom or whoever went to fucking jail? Oh, yeah, people do that. People just have kids for views and they see their views go down because whatever. And like, oh, shit, I need another kid. So the views go back up. Do something else. Make content about something else besides your kids. Like, that is wild.

[A]

I think it's just too.

[B]

The sexual predator, the shit that's going to Tim Tebow. Do you know who Tim Tebow is? He's. He's doing. He's got this whole documentary thing about, like, sex trafficking and, like, underage child porn. And it's just wild what's going on out there with. With social media and the Internet and then taking a picture of your kid's face. Like, it's scary.

[A]

You need to think about that more. I mean, of course, that is a real concern about having your kids on the Internet, but it's also more about, like, your kids will growing up to resent you, like, feeling used. But again, we're not. We're still not parents yet, so we still don't know.

[B]

And again, did you see me posting our kid? I, like, we're in trouble.

[A]

You know, that we're hurting for dollars, that we have a mortgage to pay.

[B]

I'll do only fans first. Yeah, I've been going back and forth. She's not even here yet. I'm like, I keep talking to Alex about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and I just, you know, I hear for, like, girls, it's amazing for them because it doesn't matter about boys, the age and the weight. Like, well, they're kids because it's all about leverage, girls building confidence and being little badasses and stuff. And then I see this video of this one girl launching this other girl, and they're like, five, and the girl got a spinal Cord injury. And then I'm like, but I know.

[A]

Is that just a freak accent, though? Because, like, think about it. If she got into horseback riding, you could get kicked in the head by a horse.

[B]

Horseback riding is wild.

[A]

Why? Why is that so wild?

[B]

It's dangerous.

[A]

Well, that's what I'm saying, though, about anything. I told you about anything is the B soccer.

[B]

Yeah, but at least you're lower to the ground.

[A]

No, like, I mean, I'm just saying that there could be a freak. Those are freak accidents, what you're talking about. And so I just think there could be freak accidents no matter what you do. Like, when I was a kid, I was ice skating, fell on my face. Now, that's where my fake tooth came from. But it could have been a head injury.

[B]

I guess you need to look at statistics of, like, injuries and which sports, just for likelihood.

[A]

I don't even know if it's necessarily just sports or just kids. Like, just happens sometimes. Like, I jumped off a playset when I was five. Broke my arm because I jumped off. I also jumped in a pool when my mom told me not to, and my neighbor saved me. Like, there's just so many things that can go wrong and freak accidents happen. I just don't think that you could really live life in fear. Like, oh, we can't put her into Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, because, like, some other bigger girl is gonna break her spine.

[B]

I mean, it was just. It was just wild what I saw. I was like, that's it? Yeah, that's it.

[A]

But that girl went to rehab, and she's fine now, I think, right?

[B]

Did you just make that up?

[A]

No, I'm pretty sure I saw the video that you sent, and, like, she had gone through therapy, rehabbing.

[B]

I don't know. I don't remember, but it was scary.

[A]

I mean, I think life is scary. When you have a kid, you go through these chapters. It's like, we just need to get through pregnancy, make sure that they live. And then after that, it's like, let's get through the newborn stage. And then after that, it's like you send them to school for the first time, and that's scary. And then they start driving, and that's scary. And then they go off to college, and that's scary. We're just going to have to prepare for a life of scary.

[B]

Hopefully all vehicles are, like, automated at that time, so I don't even have to, like, scary.

[A]

That's scary. You look at Tesla as they just drive off into the road. No, you know, we're just going to. You're. You already have anxiety. Times it by 10. Maybe you should.

[B]

You know, actually, I don't think I. My anxiety is that bad. Like, I know that your anxiety actually is going to be worse than mine. This will be the first time in our relationship where, like, you're the one that's more stressed out than me.

[A]

But wouldn't you have thought that I'd be more anxious this pregnancy because she's not here yet.

[B]

When she's here, that motherly instinct kicks in.

[A]

See, you're just projecting. You're just hoping that I'm the more anxious one.

[B]

I want you to know what it feels like, honestly, because when it's just the two of us, I'm the anxious one. But now, I don't know.

[A]

I don't know that that's gonna change.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

I'm sure it will, because I'm gonna love.

[B]

This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna. With all my willpower, I'm just gonna try to act so chill. But that's. Go be the person that's, like, not so chill.

[A]

But I think having a healthy dose of anxiety with your kids is, like, pretty necessary. It's just survival, right? Like, it's evolution.

[B]

I. I'm assuming.

[A]

So do you still have anxiety with me? Like, when you see me, like, when I drive off somewhere, which is very rare. Do you get scared that I'm gonna get in a car crash?

[B]

No, no. You're older now. You're getting more tired. So I'm not as, like, anxious with you anymore.

[A]

I'm just doing less. I don't know. We'll see. It'll just be a learning curve. It'll be fine.

[B]

Everything will be fine.

[A]

Another thing from this weekend was our friends came to visit, and they are also our managers, and we love them so much, and we've gotten super close over the years. But before we really, like, knew them, we had them on our podcast, I think, in like, 2021 or 2022. Yeah, I think 21, three or four years ago. And we had a zoom call with them. Anyway, we thought it would be fun when they were here this week. And, like, let's see how much we've grown from the podcast. Like, our. Is our banter the same like you style Shocker. The. That episode could have been recorded last week.

[B]

Nothing has changed the way I thought we would be better.

[A]

The way in which we were complaining about the same shit. Or I guess you were complaining. You go, alex, just put Your clothes outside in. Stop leaving them inside out. And I was like. I had to look at the episode and say, oh, this was a recent one. We just.

[B]

So nothing has changed. Alex doesn't respect me.

[A]

But we did recognize that on a more recent episode where I said, like, this isn't just a new pregnancy thing. This has been going on for years. But the way that we talked about it then.

[B]

So we basically just talk about the same thing.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

All the time.

[A]

I'm still sorry.

[B]

You're not gonna change, but it's okay. No, I actually, lately, I'll come out after I do the laundry. Like. Okay. So this time, out of five shirts, two of them you've actually done outside in. Or however the you say that. I'm like, thank you for that.

[A]

I'm trying.

[B]

I'm gonna keep doing that. So it's just like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Embedded in your brain.

[A]

Can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can. Maybe what I need is like a sweet treat when I do it right.

[B]

What's your thoughts on, like, you know, since baby girl is going to be here the same month as our anniversary? Like, are we, like, done celebrating our anniversary or.

[A]

Is this your way to get permission to not celebrate?

[B]

Well, what are we done buying each other? I don't think. We don't buy each other's stuff. Yes, we do. We buy each other's stuff.

[A]

Like, why you ruin it every year John goes.

[B]

Even Christmas out. The John. The little electric piano thing I got you. You used it.

[A]

That was for my birthday.

[B]

Your paint.

[A]

That was saying that.

[B]

Haven't used it once.

[A]

That was also for my birthday. These are birthday presents. And every year I say, I don't want anything. Let's do something, and you buy me some shit. So you're the problem. Because every Christmas it's the same thing too. I'm like, let's go do something. Let's not buy each other something. And then you buy me something. Yeah, you're the problem.

[B]

Okay? No more just buying.

[A]

No, Just going and doing things. Like, I think we should do something for our anniversary.

[B]

I just like buying stuff. So dumb. It's just clutter. We don't use half of it.

[A]

Just remember that. You said that.

[B]

I will remember. You're.

[A]

No, you're the problem.

[B]

No, because this happened in LA where I didn't get you something. And you got me like six things.

[A]

Did. But you got me something that I didn't want. You got me like a Dyson Air wrap. And I was like, I never.

[B]

And you were like, upset.

[A]

No, I just was like.

[B]

You were upset?

[A]

Well, I was just like, if you got me this, you don't know me. I never dry my hair. I never. I just let it air dry.

[B]

Speaking of hair.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So we went to the OB today, got an ultrasound, and she's doing the thing on Alex's belly. And she goes, oh, wow.

[A]

She goes, look at all that hair. And I go, what hair? She's like, you see these, these particles? She goes, it's like flowing in the wind, but it's your amniotic fluid. I'm like, what? She's like, oh, yeah, she's got a lot of hair. I'm like, the fact that you could tell, that's all. All you. That's your hair. Oh, we know, we know you were born bald and then your mom tried to kill you.

[B]

Well, didn't she say like. Cuz you have a lot of hiccups. Does that have to do with hair?

[A]

I don't think so, but she gets the hiccups like twice a day. And me, yeah, she had the hiccups during the ultrasound as well.

[B]

She didn't come out with hair and a mustache.

[A]

That. And that's from me.

[B]

That's from Alex. Two last things I want to say. And the last one's going to be really happy. This one, I need to resend a statement I made a while back about returning your grocery cart.

[A]

Oh, why?

[B]

Because I saw a video of a mom and her kid and I did see comments about this, so I had to resend this. She went to return the cart and then when she returned the car, because she was putting her kid in the car seat and it got her car stolen.

[A]

She didn't lock. I guess if you like, turn it on to keep the air.

[B]

Just real quick, like, baby's in the car seat, you just turn to go put the.

[A]

This might be a logistics thing that, like, I'll figure out what's easier when she's here. But like, would you not like, hold baby when you bring. I guess if you have multiple kids, that's another thing. Like, I don't know. And so, yeah, I guess it just depends on your scenario. If I saw a mom who like, needed help, I think that like, you should offer. Not you specifically, but if I saw.

[B]

And if I wanted to, they'd be like, get away from me, creeper. I'm not gonna talk in their direction.

[A]

Right, True, true. But I just, I think maybe that's what is it. That's what it is. Like as a Community. Just, just try to help parents help.

[B]

Moms helping, helping one another in need. You see the model, the guy model, part time model from New York who saved two women on a train in Germany and these guys fucking sliced them up. No, because they were like attacking her. It's just like, that's so sad. I'm like glad people are out there like helping each other. Yeah, hopefully.

[A]

I just saw a video recently of this girl getting beat by some dude at a concert and no one stepped in.

[B]

What the fuck is wrong?

[A]

I know there's just craziness. I again, it's like, is the world getting crazier or is there just more surveillance and we know more about it? Because I don't think that people are.

[B]

I think there's more surveillance.

[A]

Yeah, we're just more aware of the things that are going on because like there wasn't cameras when there was less rules back in the day was around.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Like how many serial killers are out there now?

[A]

Less than there were. The. The world is a scary place again. You just can't live in fear. But we were going to because we're going to have a daughter now. So that's life. Anxious.

[B]

And since the world is a scary place, I want to end on a really nice dream that I had.

[A]

Oh, a nice dream.

[B]

I had a nice dream. I finally saw our daughter. In my dream, she was blonde and had blue eyes. It was not her, but it was like she was this like little baby and like it was our baby. I'm like, oh my God. Cutest thing. And like my heart was like full and I was like melting away. And while I was melting away, she literally started melting away. She kept getting smaller and smaller and smaller until she like slipped out of the bars in the crib and turned into a Crest whitening strip. I don't know why she turned into a Crest whitening strip and she was like inchworming on the floor. That was my dream.

[A]

Well, at least you still loved her as a Crest whitening strip.

[B]

Anyways, moving on.

[A]

Well, this week, not in real time for us, but in real time for you guys. When this episode comes out. It's the week of our anniversary. John, do you know how many years we've been married this year?

[B]

Going on six.

[A]

Yeah, six years. Which is so crazy to think about. I know we already did the episode on weddings, but anniversaries are different than initial wedding planning. You know what I mean? They are, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like milestones. And we've been married now for Six years. It's. It really went so fast.

[B]

I don't think so. I don't. I don't think so because, like, you know, like time flies when you're having fun.

[A]

Oh, so you haven't been having any fun?

[B]

I was not having fun when we were. For the first three years were brutal. Were brutal. I don't remember having, like, fun in those times. I felt inspired during those times, but we were working nonstop, I guess.

[A]

But it was still like, the days were long, the years are short. That's what they say. I think they say that about even having kids. It was challenging.

[B]

Like, I love shooting weddings on the weekend. Library was on a boat.

[A]

I know.

[B]

14 hour.

[A]

I remember living with my grandma and she goes, why don't you guys throw any parties?

[B]

When grandma time.

[A]

We don't have time. But 2021 was a tough year into 2022, but we made it out relatively. It still went quickly, but yeah, I mean, again, in the day to day, it felt long.

[B]

It's been great. We've experienced so many things and like, I. I'm just countering the. It's gone quick go. Because we've done so many things and I can, like, remember.

[A]

Well, I guess that's true too. Like, thinking back to who we were on our wedding day, I don't know that I would look at who we are today. I don't. I don't know that I would have assumed that we would be the people that we are today. No, you know, like, I think our life.

[B]

Drastic detour.

[A]

Like, if I were to talk to myself on our wedding day, she'd be like, what the.

[B]

Like, we thought you would have ran like a powerhouse wedding company.

[A]

Not just that, like, between the grief and the loss that we've experienced together, the deep darkness, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. But it's all learning.

[B]

It's all life everyone goes through, you know?

[A]

Yeah. At some point in your marriage. And I think that that's like, what's so important. And we've said this a million times, but when you're choosing a partner, know that it's gonna. You're choosing someone based off of having those bad times in the future as well. Like when you give your vows and you say in good times and in bad, bad can be fucking bad. But that doesn't mean, like, bad as in, like, your partner's a piece of shit bad. It means, like, you both experience bad things together. Sickness, health, loss. Yeah.

[B]

You got to come out on top.

[A]

Work together as a team. So John, should we do. Give it to me straight with each other real quick?

[B]

We should.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm going first.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I kind of, I kind of said this, asked you this earlier, but it's a little different. Where do you prioritize celebrating anniversaries? In the ranking of holidays, what do you think the top. Give me the top ranking of five holidays.

[A]

I don't know. I just feel like since dating you and, and being together with you, I've put less weight into holidays because they really are just a day. Like growing up, we always had Christmas tradition that Christmas Eve at my parents and then Christmas Day was at my grandma's. I think now since moving away, I'm just like celebrate when you can celebrate, like as long as like your family's getting together within that season, you don't have to be so stark doing something on that day specifically, especially when you're married to someone because then there's compromise about like spending time with my family. Spending time with your family. I don't know. Like, I think importance of holidays don't exist to me, but like holidays that I actually enjoy with one another. I would say I like Thanksgiving. I don't know if that's number one though, Christmas. But I enjoy our anniversary because just you and me, like that would be I guess the most important one. Oh, but I don't really have a ranking for them. But I do enjoy, I guess like.

[B]

Of importance because if you're going to rate like I would say Christmas is number like for kids.

[A]

Yeah. Because now that we're having a kid, because I'm not going to lie, Christmas is kind of just another day. Christmas is a whole to do as adults. But I'm excited now to have our own kid to be able to do these traditions with, decorate the tree and.

[B]

Like going to family events, family holidays with other people's kids. And I don't have a kid, I'm like, why am I here? You want me to contribute in like being one of the mascots? I'm like, no. When my kids here 100, I'll do that.

[A]

It's.

[B]

I'm not committing to until I have to. Until I have some skin in the game.

[A]

So what was your question?

[B]

What were the. If you were to rank the holidays, our anniversary, like in the holidays.

[A]

Anniversary is not considered a holiday though. That's like a milestone. Like is my birthday a holiday? No.

[B]

In my life it is.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

No, it's not Alex day.

[A]

I, I think one of my most like special days though is still Our anniversary. I love, you know, just mem. Remembering that day, like, looking back at our wedding video, and it's just fun.

[B]

I think that's what's cool. Like, I know when we're older, we could just do, like, a highlight reel of our life because we have so much footage of our lives.

[A]

It's almost too much, though. It's overwhelming. I'm like, I. If. If my parents had as much content out there as we do, would you consume it? Because I do love looking at pictures of them. But is that because there's so few?

[B]

Maybe, you know. Well, you'll just edit it together. Al. You got it. Just another thing you have to do.

[A]

All right, let me ask you. Looking back, I know it's only been six years, but what anniversary has been the most important or special to you over. Over the years?

[B]

I would say five. You know, was sad, but because Alex and I, on our wedding day, put a bottle of wine in this box and wrote each other letters. And now I don't even remember what the letters wrote, but. So we're like, every five years, we'll do a new letter. Yeah, I think that was nice.

[A]

We wrote each other new letters on our 5th year to open on our 10th with a new bottle of wine. The saddest part was that the bottle of wine was bad that we had put in there, but we've moved so many times. But I would say our fifth year was the most special to me, too. Even though it was the most sad.

[B]

And it was a milestone, you know.

[A]

Leo was gonna be born, and so it's kind of like, you know, remembering him, thinking about how, you know, he would have been there. And so it was. It was like a bittersweet. Like, we made it to this milestone, but we were also very fresh and grieving the loss of Leo. But this year, I think, will be another one that we'll remember because it'll be our first anniversary with a kid again, God willing.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So I don't know. I think this one will be pretty special, too. Do you have another question?

[B]

I do. I've already. I asked this earlier. I guess I forgot that these were questions because I was like, Alex with brutal honesty. Are we officially done buying each other gifts or just doing a trip or experience for you guys? I think I put this in the wrong box.

[A]

John, if you guys can't tell, is very obsessed with. With gifts and not giving them or getting them. Every episode, you've brought it up.

[B]

Anytime Alex gets me a gift, I'm like, I don't want this. And then you get mad. I'm like, you don't have to get me anything. And then you get disappointed.

[A]

But then you request things, like, if.

[B]

It'S specific, get the specific station. You got me. Alex got me some, like, basketball shoes once. I'm like, alex, have you ever seen me.

[A]

That must have been year one.

[B]

It was. No, it was in L. A. You got me, like, not air.

[A]

No way.

[B]

They were high tops. They're high tops. I'm like, have you ever seen me ball?

[A]

They weren't high top sneakers. Help.

[B]

Cobo.

[A]

I don't know. John, you got me a fudgeing indoor planter. Should we move on? No. I know you don't want gifts, so do you want me to say we're done giving anniversary gifts?

[B]

Okay, perfect. I'll bring you to dinner. What's your question?

[A]

That's fine. I feel like we. You answered this kind of in the last one. But if you had to pick one tradition we've started, or if you want to start for anniversaries, what would it be? What?

[B]

Say it on three. One, two, three. The Valentine's Day thing.

[A]

Anniversary. I'm like, what? I have no clue where you were going with this. No. A tradition for anniversaries, which, again, for us, every five years, is writing the letter, I think. But is there one that you would like to do annually?

[B]

I don't. Incorporating our daughter somehow in our anniversary. I don't know. Maybe having her.

[A]

Oh, you know what I think people do. Okay. No, you go ahead. You go ahead. Go ahead, Go ahead.

[B]

Whatever you just so I know.

[A]

It just came to my brain. Just came to my brain.

[B]

Say something sweet like, she's got to bring you a certain flower or something.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Honestly, you just, like, pissed me off. Like, I'm not going to ever bring you anything. Oh, you know what I saw? Go ahead. What?

[A]

Not even on Mother's Day? No flowers on Mother's Day. Fine.

[B]

Not right now.

[A]

You did nothing. I wish Father's day was first. So that go.

[B]

What did you see?

[A]

I saw that families on their anniversary make it their family birthday. Cause that's like when their family started. So you get a birthday cake and you're like, yay, it's our family's birthday. Too lame for you, John?

[B]

Too lame?

[A]

Too lame. You just said you wanted to incorporate our daughter, and that's a way in a corner.

[B]

Cool way.

[A]

Okay, whatever.

[B]

Question number one.

[A]

Question number one. Do you believe in the seven year itch? How do you overcome it? A lot of Mine and my husband's friends are getting divorced or having affairs right now around the seven year mark. So we have one year left, John, until.

[B]

We'll let you know.

[A]

We'll keep you posted.

[B]

Next question.

[A]

Yeah, we can't answer this one yet. I don't know. I feel like. Is that an actual thing? I don't believe in the seven year itch because we've had friends who don't make it.

[B]

I don't know if you can say that. It's half the time when you with questions about parenting, you're like, I don't know. We're not parents yet.

[A]

No, it's true. We haven't gotten to our seventh year. If John doesn't.

[B]

This kid either is gonna bring us joy or it's gonna bring a lot of anguish in our relationship.

[A]

You can't, you can't use the D word.

[B]

I didn't. It's an anguish.

[A]

And you're one, though. Like, I just think we're gonna, we're gonna have stressful times. If you can't tell by the beginning of all of our episodes, it's gonna be stressful.

[B]

I, I just pray that our, our journey is gonna be easier because I just keep banking on like, well, we both work from home.

[A]

I would rather assume it's gonna be harder and then be pleasantly surprised. So I'm preparing for the worst.

[B]

I'd rather hype myself up right now.

[A]

That it's gonna be so easy.

[B]

It's so easy, but, like, enjoyable.

[A]

You can, you can do anything, John.

[B]

Anything you put your mind to anyways. I don't know. I haven't been there. This is the first time I fucking heard of the seven year itch. I hear about that with work.

[A]

I've heard that there's like, certain milestones in marriage that are challenging. Like year one, year three, maybe year seven, year 15. I'm just like throwing out some numbers right now that I think that I've heard. But I think that as long as you're communicating together, I don't know. I don't know that a year. I don't believe in these, like, superstitious.

[B]

Year Mark, if you're having an itch, it's because you're missing something in your relationship. We're always growing, doing something new, reinventing ourselves, as hard as that sounds to do. Like, do that in your relationship. Figure out why. Why is there the itch? What are you missing? Or you just so over your partner. But there's probably a reason for that. Reinvent the relationship.

[A]

Keep that sparkle.

[B]

Go do something new.

[A]

With that said, we'll touch base in one year.

[B]

Yeah. For real.

[A]

Next question. My fiance and I are about to get married in a couple of months. A few days ago, he told me that when he started building the house, his parents offered to help him. But under the agreement that the house and the land remain in his name even after marriage. Since the house isn't yet registered in his name because the process takes time, he proposed a prenup. I feel awful. Not because I desperately want to be half owner, but because a prenup signals to me I can't trust you. At the same time, I understand him. I know this isn't his wish, but rather a promise he made to his parents after they helped him so much. Am I overreacting?

[B]

They're. The parents are helping him build it and pay for it.

[A]

Pay for it? Yeah, I mean, I don't.

[B]

That, that's like, that's like you're living at your in laws, you're under their house, their rules kind of thing.

[A]

You know, If I were you, then I wouldn't contribute to the mortgage. I'd be like, okay.

[B]

If I were you, I'd be say, no, let's try to make it on our own. Let's pull out a. Let's pull out our own mortgage.

[A]

And if you want to be half owner on the house as well, you, you two can work together to pay his parents off.

[B]

Yeah. Like, what's your rebuttal to that? You're like, well, I just want to be on it. Like, what are you doing to contribute?

[A]

I just like, I think you and I, we operate under the idea that we don't want to owe anyone anything. So in past experiences, we've always worked to like, for example, when we were first buying our house, like we could afford to put a down payment on it, but we needed a co signer. We worked as hard as we could to then refinance our house so that.

[B]

We could get my. I think my parents were on the first house.

[A]

My parents were on the first. Your parents were on the second.

[B]

And we did the same thing for both of them where it was like, as soon as we could, we got.

[A]

Them off of the loan.

[B]

That's why we refied our mortgage. I was trying to. I was like, why did we do that in Raleigh? We never stayed at our house as long. I'm like, all we're doing is like eating the closing costs. I'm like, because we wanted to not have our parents on it.

[A]

Yeah, both times. Yeah. And then when we moved to la, I think that was the first time that we were able to do it with no. With no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Again, we never took financial help, but if we did, I think this girl talked.

[B]

No offense. It's. It's almost a little victim mentality. Like there's things you, you could be doing to not even have to go through that. Don't use his parents. Easier said than done. Don't build a house, find a condo, finds it's right. Are they building a house?

[A]

Yeah, but I mean, again, no. I think that if you had a house, if your parents were helping you build a house with land and that was the agreement, like, sure, again, then. And I'm not gonna get 50% of the house. A prenup is also there to protect you as well. And that's, I think, the part that like a lot of people don't understand. It's protecting your assets as well. But you can go into the prenup and understand like, okay, well then I don't have to contribute 50% to the home knowing that if he's owner and gets 100%. Or you could set up the prenup to maybe where you both split the house 50. 50. That's what a prenup is for. It's like figuring out who gets what in case something goes bad. I don't think it's a bad thing.

[B]

Is there something writing you could do where it's like, okay, fine, the house is in his name until refi.

[A]

Right. Who knows?

[B]

But I would have that in writing then. But then that's just.

[A]

That's what a prenup is for. It's having those agreements in writing. So I don't think it's necessarily as bad especially. And I could see it from the parents perspective. For example, if we were helping our daughter, or we gave our daughter a sum of money to put towards her own house, and then she marries some dude who maybe we don't love, but she loves him. And she's like, I'm going to marry him. And be like, then you're fucking getting a prenup. I don't want him taken away from what we're doing.

[B]

Fuck no. I don't know that goober.

[A]

Yeah. And like back maybe before having a kid, I would say, love is love. Give a gift. Like, don't. You know? But I'm like, no, not, not with my money. Absolutely not. You're getting a prenup.

[B]

I wouldn't tell her. I wouldn't tell her that I'm giving Her money. I always think that's such a bad. Don't tell your kid you're gonna give them money or anything. It just makes them.

[A]

I'm not saying that you have to tell them ahead of time. I'm just saying if like you are helping your kid like with a home and it's your money and she's.

[B]

What would you say about a wedding? Because like a wedding, you're fine fronting the whole bill for the wedding.

[A]

We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Maybe she doesn't want to get married.

[B]

Maybe she's not getting married. With the house, it's the same, it's a hypothetical.

[A]

This girl is getting married. I mean, I like how you could.

[B]

Throw out a hypothetical and then I throw out one. She's like, what is that? You're like, what is that?

[A]

Well, what are you talking about? What are you saying?

[B]

For example, not saying we have to, but predominantly the parents of the daughter are the ones who pay for the wedding. Are you like, like, oh, we're paying this whole wedding for like her and.

[A]

This goober, but we might actually really like the guy. Who knows?

[B]

We might actually like the guy to get a house. Yeah, you're like flipping the.

[A]

But a wedding is a one time event, a house is an asset. I don't know, I just.

[B]

You're giving them the, the same amount for the wedding's probably the same as a down payment on a house if that's what you're doing.

[A]

And maybe down the road we'll say that. Or maybe she hates us and we don't give her anything. Or maybe we have nothing and we need help from her. Like, who knows? Who knows? Maybe I'm dead and you married some bitch who's trying to steal your money.

[B]

No, no, I'm definitely in a home.

[A]

I just like, I don't know. Tabitha, I was just.

[B]

Tabitha, help me.

[A]

I was just talking about an example that made sense to the question, not a wedding. Okay, Tom Sandoval, next question. I'm 27, female and my husband is 29 male. We've been married for seven years this December. We married young and in college while starting our business. When he picked out a ring, I told him I didn't need a real diamond. I just wanted us to start our life together. He bought me a beautiful ring with a half carat lab grown diamond. Early on there were comments, maybe from him, maybe from others, about upgrading my ring. Later I never cared much. But now that we're older and financially stable and have a success Successful business with rental properties. I think it could be fun to upgrade. Friends of mine have done the same, but I worry it seems superficial and since he could be sentimental, he might feel bad that I'd want to replace the diamond.

[B]

Thoughts she had me at. I think it'd be fun. She was chewing about her ring. She's like, I think that would be fun.

[A]

It would be fun.

[B]

For her.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, not like, nice. Like, I think it'd be fun. It'd be fun to, you know, get an upgrade. I just thought that was a funny, like, verbiage. I get it. Yeah. I mean, why not? What does the guy need? Yeah. Just let the give whatever the girl wants, you know? What does a guy get at 5 year anniversary?

[A]

I upgraded your ring. We both upgraded each other's rings. We did.

[B]

Don't go there.

[A]

While one was a little bit more expensive than the other, we were. We still both got each other upgrades.

[B]

But it was for a. This is what I'm talking about. Gift giving.

[A]

Oh, my God. You're like, it's never reciprocated. Sorry. I'm sorry. Do you.

[B]

Now I'm realizing all my. Do you want a large.

[A]

This is where it stems. I think you just really want to be a woman so that you could just be spoiled.

[B]

Exactly. No, I get it. I get what she's. Why not? You guys have grown together. It's a cool. Even for the husband, I think it's. It's really cool to be able to do something like that for your wife because it's an accomplishment. It's like you guys have grown together. You are being successful. You're doing. Doing all these great things. It's like, why not? Why not? And it's like a stepping stone.

[A]

And you could keep your original ring and then do something special with that. But yeah, I don't think. I don't know. But you and I, we don't really look at items and like, they have sentimental value. It's like, I care about you, I care about Kobe, I care about Leo and his ashes, and I'll care about our daughter. Like, I just. Those are the only things that matter. Everything else is so replaceable. So to me, I don't know, upgrade it. Who cares? But I think that's also a personal thing. I could see why people might think that that's.

[B]

Sorry. So you like the ring that's not like, meaningful to you are.

[A]

My original ring that you proposed to me is meaningful and I won't sell that. I mean, I still have it even though, like, we upgraded, but I do want to do something special with it and turn it into something different. But like, for me, I'll never get rid of that. My point being though, is like, if something happened to all of my personal belongings, including that ring, including this ring, that's okay. The only things that I care about are the people.

[B]

Right. You know, but items aren't really sentimental values.

[A]

Correct?

[B]

The people that you surround yourself with. I got that. Yeah, I get that.

[A]

But I don't know, is that just because, like, you and I don't hold sentimental value to a lot of things? Like, because we move so much?

[B]

I don't know. I could see your initial wedding ring being of sentimental value because it's like first big purchase, like something that's like a commitment item where then when you're getting more successful and it's just like, it's just stuff, you know? Going back to her question, what was it like? Did she. Am I the asshole for wanting a new ring or something?

[A]

She. She just said it might be suit. I worry that it seems superficial since no, you know, it can be sentimental. He might feel bad that I want to replace the diamond. What are your thoughts? Don't replace it. Add to it.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Next question. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and got married this year. We're business owners and I'm very goal oriented. I love setting intentions and being intentional with my words and my actions. My wife isn't like that. A few times a year I'll say, let's do some goal setting and work for our marriage. I or I'll say something I learned from a podcast or a book and get excited to implement it. She usually responds with, we've done fine for the last 10 years. Why can't you just be content? She thinks my wanting these things means I'm not happy in our marriage. But really all I want to do is avoid complacency and keep improving together. And I've told her this. Do you two goal set marriage plan or have meetings? Should I just accept that we're different when it comes to this?

[B]

Do they both own the company together?

[A]

It sounds like it like they're just both business owners.

[B]

I think it's just two different personalities. I wouldn't, I wouldn't get offended by just like, she's thinking a different way than you. Do we goal set? We do, but like, we talk every day about goals. It's not like we have a sit down of like this. Well, I guess we used to. Was the last time we did that?

[A]

No, we. We probably have an annual sit down of like what we are looking at for the next five years. Because I don't know that we redo our five year plan every five years, but every five years we do a five year plan.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And we look back at it a lot just to see because usually because every year we do get together and we're like, what do we want to do this year? Also having a team has helped because it feels like we're working together towards these goals. But, you know, we usually work together for business goals. I don't know that you and I have ever done personal goals. Like, what do we want in our personal lives? Like, we've never once set a goal to start a family or to move into a certain type of house or into a neighborhood. Like, we've always. They've always been business oriented.

[B]

Do you think because they're intertwined, you know, or are we subconsciously having our personal goals or relationship goals on the back burner versus our business goals? Like, it's not a priority for us. I'm actually asking him, like, that's good because we don't.

[A]

We've never had an intentional meeting about that or like an intentional goal setting for our personal.

[B]

I think the only time we ever really did was for our wedding. Like, we want to get down £20 or some shit like that.

[A]

I still don't even think that we like necessarily had a conversation about that. And I don't know. Yeah, I think like, at the end of the day, like, you are two different people. Because I will say, between the two of us, like, I'm not expecting you to listen to business podcasts or read business books, whereas I'm the one who is more interested in that.

[B]

Yeah. But I'm also receptive. I'm like, cliff, note. What did they say?

[A]

What do I need to know about.

[B]

What I need to do? She should take an interest, though. I mean, that's the thing. You guys are business partners. If you're trying to grow personally and your business all that, like, she should be involved in that and interested.

[A]

Yeah. But I do think that there's different sometimes in business. Like, one is more of the creation.

[B]

You do something better.

[A]

Yeah. And one is more like the nitty gritty data day. I feel like as long as you guys are in a good place, like if you feel like you have a healthy working dynamic and a healthy marriage, it's not something that you necessarily have to push. But if you feel like things are, you know, going off track, I would maybe prioritize this and do it once a year.

[B]

How you talk about this person's personality is like this person who thinks about the bigger picture. Like, that's like our managers, like, one of them is like, you. And you guys talk about the big picture, the big scope, all this. And then me and our other manager were like, what's the day to day grind? What are we gonna do? Tasks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's what you need. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And that's why I think, like, if you just set this date once a year to just kind of keep each other in the loop about, like, where you're going, I think it's fine. I don't think that this is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, a deal breaker or anything. Next question. I'm getting married in a few months. I love my fiance, but sometimes he feels overly codependent. We've talked about him taking more initiative, but he struggles with small decisions, like what kind of cheese to buy. I appreciate him wanting my input, but most of the time I wish he'd just be confident and make choices on his own. I'm nervous this will continue after marriage. What should I do?

[B]

You made him this way. 100%. I'm taking this personally because you get mad at me at the grocery store.

[A]

I don't. When do I get.

[B]

What was that face? You get mad at me at the grocery store because you're like, just picks. Because I know if I don't get the specific thing that you want, like get carrots. I get carrots. You wanted baby carrots, but I don't blame baby carrots.

[A]

But I don't blame you. I've become more in tune with what you need, so I'm more specific.

[B]

What do you mean with what I need? I'm. I'm getting the items that you're asking for, but be specific about what you want.

[A]

Yeah, And I have been.

[B]

Now you are.

[A]

I don't think that this is the same thing. This is probably him being like, should I lock the door? Like something. You know what I mean? Just certain things are like, should I feed the dog?

[B]

I did something recently that you got pissed at me for. Because I didn't make a decision. I cannot think of what it was. Do you remember?

[A]

No, I just. This goes into the mental overload when it comes to, you know, household things or just discrepancies in relationships where it's like, I don't need, like, unless I have a specific toilet paper or you have a specific toilet paper that you want. Just make a choice. Because when you put that on your partner, it can feel overbearing. It's mental fatigue. And so that's. I think what she's getting at is that he is asking her input on things that don't really necessarily matter. Baby carrots versus carrots. Yes. Like, that was on me to tell you I didn't want horse carrots. I should have gotten. I should have asked for baby carrots. But that wasn't something I got mad at you at. It was more like a funny, like, oh, your interpretation of carrots is.

[B]

I mean, we made a video about it that's just relaying that.

[A]

Yeah. But this, I think, is more of like the mental load.

[B]

Changes happen when you get in a relationship and become one unit. I just. It happens. You go from being independent to. Then you're with your person. Like you and I, for example, I pretty much let you just take the lead on. Not let you. But it just happens where it. I go from. I'm with you all the time and I don't even care. Like, you make plans for us. Like, I don't make plans. I used to make my own plans. I don't even make my own plans anymore, because I don't. I do once in a while, but I don't care as much. And then I think the dynamic shifts, the role shift a little bit in a relationship, you know, And I think being complacent or maybe just trying to accommodate to your partner can turn into that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I don't know.

[A]

I get what you're saying. When one person is continuously making the decisions in a relationship, the other person might just rely on that person. Person to do things.

[B]

I'm not saying that's right. I think it just happens.

[A]

Well, and I think that that's where you have the conversation with your fiance is you just say, hey, I'm mentally overstimulated. I can't take on this mental toll of the weight of making all these decisions. I trust you to decide. And I think that a lot of couples deal with this when it comes to having a kid as well. Because I could see men looking at women as if they inherently know what to do when it comes to babies.

[B]

So.

[A]

And you, because you've asked me certain things, like even when we were pregnant with Leo, and I go, I know what you know, I don't know anymore. Just because I'm growing this baby, like, maternal instinct, no idea. And so I think it's working together and letting your partner know you. You're on this journey with me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We're we're doing this together. We're making these decisions together and learning together. And you just as much as me, can do your own research. Because if you're going to be like, how do I buckle that? What's the right way to put them into the car seat? I'm gonna Google that so you can Google that as well.

[B]

That was not an example from personal experience. I put the car.

[A]

No, that is true. If anything, I asked you. I go, wait, so what did the directions say?

[B]

Then? I'd ask some of my conference. If I put it in right.

[A]

I think it's just a balance, though. Like, it's. It's not just relying solely on one person in the relationship.

[B]

Everyone's gonna have strengths and weaknesses, but, like, if the guy's constantly just asking for you to make every fucking decision, like, yeah, okay. Come on, buddy.

[A]

Right, Next question. My fiance and I are getting married in July 2026. We're both excited, but we've already had to compromise a lot. She wanted to elope and travel, and I wanted a big family wedding with a chill honeymoon. Now we're planning a big wedding and talking about traveling with a second ceremony while abroad. We know our budget, but it feels like too much. When is enough, actually enough?

[B]

Is this the guy? Is the guy writing in? This is a girl or a guy writing in?

[A]

I'm assuming it's a guy.

[B]

Hot take. Guys, guys, it's not about you, for fuck's sake. This has been instilled in a girl since they're a kid about the fucking wedding day. Like, let them have their day whatever the fuck they want. I'm not like, team woman here. I was just like, guys, it doesn't. It's not about you. Who cares?

[A]

Well, what I find interesting, too, about this is that he goes, we've already. Or she goes, we've already had to compromise a lot. She wanted to elope and travel, and I wanted a big family wedding. Now we're planning a big wedding and they're talking like, so I'm like, so.

[B]

Where was the compromise? I guess you're just doing exactly what you wanted, right?

[A]

Like, she wanted to elope and you're not doing that. So where is the compromise here?

[B]

I always find when the guy's taking the lead on certain things, like this, for example, I find it very uncomfortable.

[A]

I. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't.

[B]

And controlling. But then I guess, I guess the counter. Because guys. And constantly like, well, well, the woman's controlling. What's. I don't know.

[A]

It could go either way. I'm just like, to. My brain is too shot to think about why a guy would be that invested in. But, like, perhaps he is and maybe he cares. Like, or it's more his family involved. Like, because the girl doesn't care. I don't know. One is enough, actually. Enough. That's such a personal choice because some people can afford to do a wedding in Egypt and then go on a four month long honeymoon. It really, it depends on what your preference is. Some people would look at our wedding and be like, that's insane. And then we went on a honeymoon. But like, other people might be like that. I would have done something different. It's so personal. But I don't think that there's much compromise here. So talk to your fiance. We can't help you.

[B]

Or take a loan out.

[A]

You would take a loan out for your wedding?

[B]

No, I'm saying. He's saying they're already, like, getting strapped. Take your. Take a loan out then. If you're gonna, if you're, if you're gonna do what you want to do too, then I guess take a loan out so you can afford it all.

[A]

That sounds horrible. Do not take a loan out for your wedding. If you need to take a loan out for your wedding and your honeymoon.

[B]

You'Re already making poor, poor choices. So just add.

[A]

So you're saying, burn the.

[B]

This guy's kind of just annoying me, okay? It annoys me because, like, like, I wouldn't do it. So, like, if I'm sacrificing what I want, which I don't care, then, like, you could sacrifice. Buddy, we talk about, like, we don't, but there's like, guys out there talking about, like, traditional roles and being the man. Like, okay, let the woman have her fucking wedding that she wants. Why do you care so much?

[A]

No, I got what you're saying. Like, I don't think that it's very traditional for a guy to be so invested. But it's, it's. It's 20, 25. Like, maybe, like, she wants him to be more invested. But it sounds like you guys, you guys just want two different things and you're doing what you want to do. So is enough enough? Like now it sounds like you're just complaining because she wants to still go travel and have a honeymoon and do a little ceremony abroad. Like, compromise would be you both doing that. That is the compromise.

[B]

I mean, how would you feel on your wedding day that you're doing what you want to do and not her? Like, what do you think's going through her? Like, I would feel bad, right? She's going down the aisle miserable because she's got to do what you want to do. Like, that's.

[A]

I don't think that it's fair to say, though, that a man just because he's a man shouldn't have any say in his wedding. Similar to the conversation we had about.

[B]

Personally. No, you shouldn't just fucking do what they want to do. Hot take. Why do you care? Why do you care? As long as your family is there and she's not, like, making sure no, no one. None of your loved ones are there. Like, why do you care?

[A]

Because, again, it's just how we have the same conversation about being pregnant when it's like, the woman and the man has an opinion on things as well. It's like, that's something that. And again, very different because one involves another life, but, like, it's his day, too. And it. While it might not be societal norms for him to be, like, so excited I'm with you because, like, I think it is.

[B]

You can have input. But when I. This just sounds whiny to me. And when I hear whiny guys, it's annoying.

[A]

But I want to have.

[B]

I want.

[A]

This is what I want to do.

[B]

And she wants to do this. And so. Well, guess what? Now I'm compromising. We're doing both. Like, you're not fucking compromising. You're still doing exactly what you want.

[A]

To do, separate from the question. Like, because I agree with you for the question. This guy. Like, you're. There is no compromise here. But what I am saying is that if you are a man who's. Who's invested in your own wedding, I think that's valid. Or what happens again, if, like, his family or he's paying for it fully, like, why wouldn't he want to have.

[B]

That's true. You know that's true. That's a valid point. And now I'm back on Team Guy. He gets to choose. He's paying for the whole thing.

[A]

You know, we don't know for this.

[B]

No, no. Hypothetically, if he's paying for the whole thing, that's different.

[A]

But even if it wasn't the whole thing, if it was 50%, like, if it was partial, like, I think a guy has every right to have a say.

[B]

He could. He could. He could pick out the floral, whatever.

[A]

It's just not black and white across the board. Everybody is different. Everyone. Some people are more chill than others. Some people. Not everyone's huge I just have this, like.

[B]

I just have this feeling that it's just a whiny voice typing this out. Right. You didn't get that vibe.

[A]

I'm just here to read the questions. You're here to give the answers.

[B]

Ugh.

[A]

He might also like getting gifts, John. You guys are just like very different people. And that's okay. It takes lots of personalities to make the world go.

[B]

I will say this. What do you think? That two people get what they want all the time? All the time. There's no way that relationship's gonna work. No way. If you both are like, well, I want this and you want this, it's called compromise. And you're not gonna always be able to just both get what you want. You know what I mean?

[A]

I do.

[B]

Well, I want. What? I want vanilla ice cream. Well, I want chocolate ice cream.

[A]

That's what is funny. He said we've already had to compromise a lot. And you. You haven't. All right, let's move on. Next question. Any advice for coping with societal norms versus what you actually want? Growing up, I always wanted kids, but marriage was never that important. It was just something I assumed would happen because that's what adults do. Now that I'm almost 30, it seems like everyone is getting married, engaged, or pregnant. I'm in a long term relationship with someone from a culture that strongly values marriage and family, but he doesn't want to get married. Before meeting him, I would have said the same. But now when I see everyone posting about engagements and weddings, I panic and wonder if I'm just not the girl for him. How do you personally cope with societal pressure? And how do you know what you really want versus what society tells you to want?

[B]

I would say I've never cared what other people are doing, but that would be a lie. Because when our friends got pregnant, two friends in particular, that's when I was.

[A]

Like, before we got pregnant with Leo.

[B]

Yes. That's when we really started thinking about trying for a kid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or at least really talking about it. It didn't even really cross our minds until that point.

[A]

It felt like such a far in the future conversation. And then I was like. We were both like, wait a minute.

[B]

I think because we were just so close to those two individuals, and we're like, oh, those idiots can do it. We can do it too.

[A]

It wasn't even that. We were like, oh, if they could do it, we could do it. It was like, should we do it? It was like, oh, wow.

[B]

You know what it was? It's probably like, they're already so happy and they're like, they still wanted more. I'm like, well, we're happy. Do we want more?

[A]

Does that have anything to do with this question? I guess, yeah.

[B]

Like you're saying, yeah, societal pressures.

[A]

Yeah. So, I mean, but I can see.

[B]

Why it would, is what I'm saying. Like, I could see why. Societal pressures, social media, your friends getting engaged, having kids, whatever, whatever. I can see that internally without you, like, really thinking about it first, just building and building and building.

[A]

Well, if you truly never. And again, I do think that people can change and grow and develop and, like, be open to wanting things that you necessarily didn't want when you were younger. Like, when I was younger, I thought I was going to have kids by the time I was 24. You know, like, then you hit these milestones in your, in your life and you're like, thank God that wasn't me. Or like, I could not imagine doing that now and then. So I just think, yeah, as you grow up, you evolve, things change, your priorities change. And so just because maybe you never saw, thought that marriage was for you and now you are with the right person, like, it's okay to now want those things. But I think the question is, does your partner want that? And you said that he doesn't necessarily value or his culture values marriage and family, but he doesn't want that for himself. I know this is very, this is very layered question overall. I just think it boils down to communication with your partner. If you find, if you realize that you do actually want to get married, that's okay. If your partner says absolutely not, then you are no longer compatible.

[B]

And good news, you're not married, so you can just leave. Why don't you just ask the question? Just ask them. Just use your words. Ask your partner.

[A]

I think it's okay for you to want these things and it's about communication, but I guess the real question is how do you know what you really want versus what society tells you? Because I think her concern is that she's seeing these outside pressures and she's like, maybe I do want marriage.

[B]

Think long and hard. 20 years from now and you're still with the same person, not married, and haven't really, like, not saying marriage is going to make you grow, but say you're in the same exact position you are now, 20 years from now, are you going to be okay with that?

[A]

That's a good exercise, is to do future things.

[B]

Love. Dr. John's in the building future.

[A]

Go to your talk to your future self. What does she want? What does her life look like? And what would she tell present day? You. You know, listen to her, not us.

[B]

Yeah, don't listen to us. Is that it?

[A]

Yep, that's it. You want to hear a secret?

[B]

Tell me a secret.

[A]

Okay. I started a new job recently and was out of the country for two weeks. The weekend after I came back, I had a baby shower to throw for my best friend who is in town from out of state. I immediately had to go back to work since I hadn't had any PTO accrued, so my time off was unpaid. On that Thursday and Friday, I called out of work to prepare for the baby shower since I had a million things to do. But I told my manager that it was due to my grandma in the hospital and that she was in the ICU and not doing well. That was obviously not the case. My work ended up sending me flowers on Friday with a card reading, we hope your grandmother gets better soon. I feel awful.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

My dog ate my homework excuse went too far to make yourself feel better.

[B]

At least you were doing something nice for someone else, right? You weren't just, like, hungover.

[A]

My thing is, I'm superstitious about saying anything about someone who's alive. I have no problem talking about how, you know, I need to take time off for my dead grandpa because he's dead or, but, like, my dying grandpa because he's already dead. But, like, hopefully your grandma's not alive.

[B]

I hope you have a good poker face coming back in, like, oh, yeah. I mean, she's okay now. Thank God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And scene.

[A]

And scene. I would feel bad, too.

[B]

My God. All right, recommendations.

[A]

Give me a rack. Give me a rack.

[B]

My Wreck. Since, like, I'm having a hard time sleeping because of you and the dog.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I try not to take them often because I don't want to, like, get addicted to them or whatever. The Calm gummies. Oh, yeah, the melatonin. Because I've heard, like, melatonin, if you take too much of it, it's bad for you or you get dementia or something. Front. That's the last thing I need is help, help, help with that. I don't know, but I do. They really actually do help me sleep.

[A]

Really?

[B]

So melatonin gummies by calm.

[A]

That's good. My wreck is. And I don't know if it's worth it now because I feel like they're going out of season. But hydrangeas. I love them. I love them in my house. They're so beautiful. And when they're in season, they're around my house. What? You know what I'm gonna say? I like to clip them, and then they're fresh hydrangeas throughout my house. But they are, like, the most dramatic flower ever. And for a really long time, I would just put them in the vase, and they would die. And I'm like, oh, my God. Not die, but they would just wilt and be so sad. And so I tried all these different tricks that I was looking up on the Internet, and I'm like, how do I keep these alive? I might have actually talked about this before, but I don't know the trick. Cut them at, you know, the stem at an angle, Put them in boiling water. Take, like, we have a hot tap in our house, which is very convenient. But, like, I take the hot tap, fill the vase, put them in. They are bloomed for weeks wild. They're just a dramatic flower, and I love that. That helps them last for a really, really, really long time.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[A]

I don't know what the magic trick is.

[B]

So I got on my arm right there. Hydrangea, my mom's favorite flower. And she lied to me.

[A]

She could have. I don't know why she would lie to you.

[B]

And on that, guys, like, subscribe, email, comment. Do all the things.

[A]

If you you want to follow us, you can find us at Give it to me straight. Podcast everywhere on all the socials. And if you want to ask an anonymous question, you can email us at Hello, Give tome straight podcast.com or click the link in our show notes or on our website. Yay.

[B]

And we'll see you next week.

[A]

You say it.

[B]

Ciao. Ciao. Bye. Bye.

[A]

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