71. Giving you dating nightmares, fetishes, and cheating husbands

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight Episode 71

Title: Giving you dating nightmares, fetishes, and cheating husbands
Hosts: Alex and John
Date: September 30, 2025
Platform: Dear Media

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, husband and wife duo Alex and John welcome listeners to their final pre-recorded show before the arrival of their baby. The conversation weaves through personal milestones, hilarious and awkward anecdotes, and their signature unfiltered relationship advice. The episode covers everything from birthing updates, spooky season stories, relationship horror tales, dating fetishes, trauma after cheating, co-parenting drama, and listener Q&A on intimate and emotional subjects.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Updates and Pregnancy Anticipation

Timestamps: 00:39–07:30

• The episode is the last before the hosts expect their baby, featuring anticipation and anxiety about labor.
  • Alex: “This is the last episode that we’ve pre-recorded.” (00:47)
• John humorously shares the surreal experience of attending Alex’s OB appointment, comparing it to a horse vet (“...they like, jam their fist in their ass.”) (02:06)
• Both discuss their individual emotional and physical experiences in late pregnancy.
  • John admits to phantom pains and being easily moved to tears by Alex's vulnerability.
  • Alex reflects on approaching pregnancy with gratitude after a prior traumatic loss.

Notable Quote

• “I’m so thankful for it. Like, previously, before I found out that Leo was high risk… I looked at it, this pregnancy, as if like, I'm just — I feel so blessed and lucky to have a healthy pregnancy, to have a healthy body.” – Alex (10:13)

2. Reflections on Past Grief and Relationship Growth

Timestamps: 10:01–14:17

• The couple shares their journey from a tragic pregnancy loss to renewed hope, thanking therapy and each other's support.
• The conversation grows tearful and tender as Alex acknowledges how John’s steadfastness helped her through trauma.
  • John: “I’m just impressed by your mental fortitude. I'm impressed by your... to do that for nine months is hard. To do it for two years, like, you've been doing it — that's number one.” (09:09)
• Both express heightened excitement and nervousness about soon becoming parents.

Memorable Exchange

• Alex: “I'm excited to give you guys an update again, God willing that it all went well, and we'll share next episode our story.” (07:21)

3. Social Media Backlash & “Marriage Isn’t Hard”

Timestamps: 14:17–17:37

• The viral social media debate: Alex and John revisit their hot take—“marriage isn't hard, life is hard”—and discuss backlash.
  • Alex: “People outing themselves who are in shitty marriages and they're like, ‘No, marriage is a lot of work. It's really hard.’ And I’m like, you’re just tattling on yourself right now.” (14:41)
• They stress that with the right partner, marriage is about navigating life’s difficulties together.
• Listeners are reminded that viral moments miss the full context of deep relationship work.

4. “Do Soulmates Look Alike?” and Modern Traditions

Timestamps: 18:59–26:18

• Alex humorously notices that many couples (including themselves) look like siblings, sparking musings on why people marry others who resemble them.
• They joke about their future daughter inheriting family features.
• Discussion on royal family birth traditions versus modern openness about pregnancy.

5. Creepy Crawlies, Seasonal Anecdotes, and Spooky Season

Timestamps: 26:10–34:06

• Hilarious household horror: Alex recounts discovering a centipede in the sink, which spirals into mutual confessions of home “nightmares.”
• John shares his infamous winter slip-and-concussion story, stressing the need for winter safety.
• The couple gear up for Halloween — Alex is all-in for family costumes, John less so (“I hate Halloween. I love the Fourth of July.” (32:21))

6. Q&A: Listener Horror Stories & Relationship Dilemmas

Timestamps: 34:54–63:47

a. Toxic In-Laws & Insulting Comments

• A listener seeks advice after her mother-in-law jokes about her postpartum body.
  • John: “Be like, and if you ever say something like that again, I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.” (35:48)
  • Alex suggests having a “rebuttal arsenal” for shocking comments and emphasizes the role of supportive partners in confronting in-laws.

b. Fetishes and Awkward Dating

• Listener dates a man with a “hair fetish;” Alex and John affirm that “anything's a fetish” these days, laugh about unconventional turn-ons, and offer a green-flag verdict for unique (but harmless) quirks.

c. Cheating, STDs, and the Limits of Trust

• Listener’s husband contracted HSV-2 after 10 years together, claims he never cheated. Alex and John stress the need for medical advice, but side-eye the timing and lack of symptoms.
  • John: “Signs are pointing to cheating. It’s been 10 years and you never contracted it?” (42:57)

d. Bisexual Partners, Threesomes, and Deal-Breakers

• A man is uncomfortable with his girlfriend’s bisexuality and interest in threesomes. The hosts clarify: bisexuality ≠ infidelity; boundaries are key.
  • Alex: “It's the threesome situation … If you have very different ideas here and that's something that she's expressed that she likes...” (48:23)

e. Co-Parenting Conflicts and “Emotional Cheating”

• A pregnant listener is frustrated that her boyfriend’s ex sends flirty photos and he refuses to set boundaries. The hosts say: trust your gut, demand boundaries, and don’t settle for less.

f. Exclusion in Family Photos

• A wife feels excluded when her sister-in-law says "just family" for a group picture. John and Alex urge fact-checking, but side with the listener as “family is who you marry.”

g. Cheating During Pregnancy – “Walk Away!”

• A heartbreaking account: a woman’s husband cheats while she’s pregnant, and continues contact with the other woman despite being caught.
  • The hosts, clearly exasperated, urge her to leave: “What made it worse is that the woman he cheated with knew we were together and pregnant. Your husband fucking knew. Who cares what she knew? You're with a piece of shit.” – Alex (60:18)
  • John: “That guy … is gonna ruin your life and your kid’s life, by the way.” (57:38)

h. Quirky Dating Anecdote: The Harry Potter “Wand”

• Listener shares a light-hearted tale: a new boyfriend asks, "Want to see my wand?"—revealing a box of Harry Potter wands, not what she expected.
  • Alex: “If you showed me your box of wands, I’d be like, fudge. Yeah… We’re going to Orlando.” (62:39)
• Both declare nerdy, wholesome quirks a “green flag.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Marriage isn’t hard. Life is hard. When you choose the right partner, you navigate the hard moments of life together.” – Alex (14:41)
• “I’m just impressed by your mental fortitude. To do that for nine months is hard. To do it for two years, like, you’ve been doing it – that’s number one.” – John (09:09)
• “You don’t have a family. That guy… is gonna ruin your life and your kid’s life, by the way.” – John, advising a mother to leave her unfaithful partner (57:38)
• “If you showed me your box of wands, I’d be like, fudge. Yeah…” – Alex (62:39)
• “Find someone with common sense… That is bare minimum.” – John (65:13)

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Episode Highlights by Timestamp

• 00:39–07:30: Baby anticipation, OB/gyn appointment horror & family dynamics
• 10:01–14:17: Trauma, therapy, and gratitude after a difficult loss
• 14:17–17:37: Viral debate—“Marriage isn’t hard, life is hard” explained
• 18:59–26:18: Soulmates who look alike and birthing traditions
• 26:10–34:06: Centipede nightmares, winter accidents, Halloween costume banter
• 34:54–63:47: Q&A — in-law insults, dating quirks, infidelity, bisexuality, co-parenting drama, and relationship horror stories

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Tone and Style

The episode is upbeat, brutally honest, irreverent, and spiced with both humor and empathy. Alex and John’s rapport is affectionate and teasing; even in serious moments, they maintain candor and playfulness. Advice is tough love, peppered with F-bombs, sass, and clinical honesty.

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Final Thoughts and Recommendations

• Find a Partner With Common Sense and Self-Awareness: Don’t settle—compatibility and emotional maturity matter more than anything.
• Stick to Your Boundaries: Whether it’s in-laws, co-parenting, or sexual norms, know your “deal-breakers” and communicate them.
• Don’t Excuse Chronic Disrespect or Cheating: A healthy relationship demands mutual respect, trust, and safety; your mental health and your children's are non-negotiable.
• Embrace Unusual Quirks: “Nerdiness” and authentic joy are green flags.
• Family Is Who You Choose: Long-term partners are family. Don’t let anyone—sister, mother-in-law, or friend—redefine that.

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Closing

The hosts promise big life updates in their next episode—by then, as new parents—and remind everyone to subscribe, submit questions, and tune in. They encourage listeners to enjoy spooky season, eat grilled cheese and tomato soup, and—most of all—demand the love and respect they deserve.

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Contact & Follow:

• @giveittomestraight.podcast (all socials)
• Anonymous Q&A via show notes link or email: [e-mail]

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Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. What made it worse is that the woman he cheated with knew we were together and pregnant. Your husband knew you were pregnant. Your husband fucking knew. Who cares what she knew? You're with a piece of shit. Yes, the other woman, she's a piece of shit in her own. But he is to blame.

[B]

And welcome back to Give It To Me Straight.

[A]

I'm Alex.

[B]

And I'm John. And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious, gracious host.

[A]

So if you're listening, we, God willing, have a baby. And this is the last episode that we've pre recorded.

[B]

This is like Terminator. We're like talking into the future.

[A]

Well, we are. Because what's crazy is the next week for our listeners, like, they'll get the updates on True.

[B]

This is the last. Oh, because it's the last pre recorded episode.

[A]

Correct. So, like, they don't have to wait for, you know, like, next week will be the updates about what our life.

[B]

Has been with us right now. The next week you're gonna be like, holy fudge.

[A]

I know. Like, how much grayer is my hair going to be? The bags under my eyes? Or are we just going to be glowing because we're just so happy to have a baby that's alive? Yeah, hopefully. Hopefully again. This is why I hate speaking into the future. I'm just like, you never know.

[B]

Oh. Which is. She's coming, she's coming. Oh, man. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

So I'm all yours today. You know, I didn't write anything down. I don't have anything exciting to share, so we're just gonna.

[A]

What do you mean? You literally. We just came back from an OB appointment. You go, I'm gonna talk about that.

[B]

Oh, yeah. One of our last OB appointments. They really get in you, you know? They really get in you.

[A]

Yeah. Try being me.

[B]

Try being my size, Amy. You don't know what it's like.

[A]

Yeah, I. Every time, weekly for the cervical check. Still, still not dilated at all. Every day I'm like, you're obese.

[B]

Saw me. So I stood.

[A]

Today's the day.

[B]

I stood by Alex's shoulder. I'm like, let me again not be in the front. I watched her go in. You know, it reminds me of, you know, when like the horse vets come in and they like, jam their fist in their ass.

[A]

All right, that's enough.

[B]

That, like. And I'm like, oh, my God, the.

[A]

Horses are built for a full fist. Like, I can't take it. I'm like, I'm good. That's enough.

[B]

She'd have put her whole fist in there and there's no way.

[A]

No, John. It was her fingers. But like the way that she reached so far because she's a tiny girl. So I mean, like her fingers. If I would be a great ob, because I have long ass fingers, so they'd be like, oh, you need to touch my cervix. I'd be like, easy.

[B]

Watch my twin Andrew Schultz stand up about his wife's IVF journey because he does a bit about this and it's fucking hilarious. Look, let me just paint a picture. I'm standing by Alex's shoulders and if you're watching, it looks like she was aggressive because there's a. There's the gown thing. And she goes in like this. Just.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

Like that. Like, if it's just her fingers, why is she.

[A]

I feel like. Just wait because the next episode I'm going to. We're going to be like, that was nothing. I'm going to be like, that was nothing compared to what I'm about to go through and experience.

[B]

Probably because the OB looked up at me like, are you okay? Basically because my face, I was like this.

[A]

She looked at you as if, are you okay?

[B]

Well, because I guess I was making a face like I was uncomfortable for you.

[A]

I was like, oh, this isn't about you, John.

[B]

I'm just saying what we saw, we saw. We. We made eye contact still. I made a sound.

[A]

Still nothing compared to what I went through last year.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, truly, I just feel like that was the worst because at least.

[B]

Hopefully, again, the difference is we both were crying then versus now.

[A]

Yeah, I'm getting. You know what? Let's just.

[B]

I was having phantom pains for Alex last year. No, Even this. It's weird. It's just weird how like, connected you could be to your partner. Because nothing. I'm in pain, but like, it makes me sad, like seeing you grimace or in pain or whatever. I'm like, oh, no. Oh no. And I do this weird thing, like, then I almost start crying. It's like a weird thing with my eyes. I don't know what it is. In certain situations she's talking about, baby. I almost start crying because she's talking about. She's probably. What the fuck's wrong with you? I don't know. This is. Don't know what's happening. Yeah. So did we talk about the. Would you say like when. When she brought up labor training or whatever? What she say in the.

[A]

Just going into labor. You mean, yeah.

[B]

She's like, did I tell you about the. Your labor training? I don't know what it is. And then I'm like. Was getting teary eyed. Then I'm like, oh, my God, it's happening.

[A]

I know, because it really is so.

[B]

Close, but unknown for us right now.

[A]

I love how though, like, you are truly like, no, no, let's wait until she comes. And I'm like, I want her to come now. I'm doing everything that I can. I'm like, StairMaster Level 100.

[B]

Alex. It's squats the other day. She's such a beast. Does squats the other day. And she's like, oh, my God. I'm like contracting. I'm like, what?

[A]

Yeah, no, I was for sure having contractions, but doesn't matter. She still. She fingered me. I'm 0% dilated.

[B]

So she was like, this is your cervix. And she said, she goes, I'm going to be that person. I'm like, you're in, right? You're in the good company. And she starts doing like the dick in the.

[A]

She's like, can't get past.

[B]

She's like, if you're just listening, it's me trying to jam my finger into my fist, which is her cervix.

[A]

He's giving a visual.

[B]

Let's do a little lesson.

[A]

I don't feel like I do.

[B]

So if your cervix is four fingers thick, John, the ob, that means that you ain't get it. She ain't get in there with the finger. She's trying to touch the head of your baby. And so you want it to get to one finger.

[A]

I think you could touch the head of my baby. Of your own baby.

[B]

That's too far.

[A]

We should. That can help induce labor.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Come on, John. Do your duties.

[B]

Whatever you want. Whatever you want, girl. But I honestly, I'm fine with letting her bake. I know she's not in my body.

[A]

She's fully cooked. That's the thing.

[B]

If we could just get through three more days of water work, then she can. Come on.

[A]

I know you're right. We deal. We do still have to do. But I'm just like, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out when she.

[B]

We're gonna be doing stuff up until the point she gets here. Alice will be doing some sort of dance in the hospital. I don't know.

[A]

I just like, she is fully cooked. So I wouldn't be mad if she exited right again just because I Still, I still have stress around it. Like, I'm just like, she's alive, she's kicking. Let's get her out. She's cooked. Let's get her out. What are we waiting for? But you know, I know you're supposed to let them come.

[B]

I was telling Alex the other day, it's like, from my perspective now, it's like every day I'm counting, I'm like, this is the. This is one less day. It's just me and Alex together.

[A]

And I'm at the point in pregnancy where I'm like, yeah, let's fudge go.

[B]

I'm sure, I'm sure that's why moms are so ready and prepared when baby comes out, because they're like in relief of their own body and they're just so. The guys are like, it doesn't cross our mind until like the last little bit of time, like, oh, I'm about to have a kid.

[A]

It will hit you more when she's here.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. But I don't know, like, because I. I thought I'd be more stressed about like the nursery and getting together, but I'm just so ready for her to be here that I'm like, everything will fall into place. Like, I'll.

[B]

Dude, wrapper in a towel should be fine.

[A]

Right? That's my point is I'm just ready for her to be here. So I'm excited to give you guys an update again, God willing that it all went well and we'll share next episode our story.

[B]

Yeah, crazy.

[A]

We'll be different people then we'll be parents. You'll be a daddy.

[B]

So since this is our last batched episode, so I've been able to see like previous episode comments and stuff like that. So let's talk about that a little bit. One thing is people were making fun of how I say avocado.

[A]

Oh yeah, cuz avocados you say like.

[B]

It'S something that you do with avocados.

[A]

Avocado. I say avocado.

[B]

Avocado. Avocado.

[A]

You also, there's another word that you say that's interesting.

[B]

That willy nilly.

[A]

No, I think it's like vacation. How do you say that?

[B]

Vacation.

[A]

Oh, maybe that's just like the cadence. Like vacation. Like you I say when we vacation.

[B]

There'S certain words that I have a really hard time pronouncing and I don't remember what they are.

[A]

I never know until the moment I'm like, that's interesting.

[B]

Like we're have to switch this sentence. John Cannot say that word or I blend my words together.

[A]

Did you ever go to speech? I think I've probably asked you that before.

[B]

No, I didn't go to speech, but I was in special classes.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, those are different.

[B]

I got extra time to take my test in elementary school. Yeah, I was. I was actually in the trailer, so I was in the trailers.

[A]

We know.

[B]

Me, Ms. Burakarak. Ms. Buraker.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She was the best. She had a mustache just like my dad. And she. She. She was so nice. Then I got to middle school, you know, and then I look at you now. Look at me now.

[A]

Look at you now.

[B]

Still can't spell.

[A]

You're doing. It's fine. You don't need to. You have spell check.

[B]

Probably read.

[A]

Should probably. Oh, you should probably read me. I was like, read what? I. These questions get into it already kind.

[B]

Of circling back to OB and the.

[A]

Going from the trailers to the.

[B]

At the ob.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know if I talked about this last episode, but it really does impress me how much pain tolerance you have. It's just kind of. It's just crazy to me. Like, the things that I've seen you go through, and you're like. Even Rob being like, wow, you're. You're not swelling or you're. You're. You seem, like, healthy, and I just feel like you have. I don't know. If I was you, I'd be just miserable the whole time. And you really haven't complained that much. I mean, and I know when you are in pain, like, it's a serious thing, but. Yeah, I'm just impressed. I'm impressed by your mental fortitude. I'm impressed by your. You're working out every day, you're eating healthy. You're, like, doing what you got to do. And to be able to do that for nine months is hard. To do it for two years, like, you've been doing it, like, that's number one.

[A]

Thank you. I feel like that's, like, one of the nicer things that you've ever said. But I think I only say things that are true. It comes from our previous pregnancy. Like, I. Therapy has just been huge. Having you as such a supportive partner has been huge. But I think I've gone through this pregnancy with such. Such a different outlook on it. Like, as opposed to complaining. I'm so thankful for it. Like, previously, before I found out that Leo was high risk, like, I was, you know, annoyed that my body was changing and I felt very vein, I guess, in that way. And I Do care. So I looked at it, this pregnancy as if like I'm just. I feel so like blessed and lucky to have a healthy pregnancy, to have a healthy body. And so I'm going to continue to treat it as best as I could throughout. But I also attribute that to having a healthy pregnancy. Because my mindset last time I was so depressed and like I couldn't work out because I was high risk. But that really became like a domino effect. Like it impacted my diet, my well being. And so this time around with therapy with you, with just how things were such like a 180 from our previous pregnancy. I wanted to try to make the best of it that I could. And so I think like continuing to work out because I am healthy enough to. I. I feel like that's a blessing being able to eat well. Like so I just feel like it came from the perspective of what we experienced before. And again, I couldn't have done it without you.

[B]

And thanks love.

[A]

I. This is like our last episode before like welcoming a baby. And I think going from our loss. That was like such a dark time last year. We took obviously a really long break. But like seeing how you showed up for me made it really solidified the fact that like.

[B]

Are you getting teary eyed? No. It's so fucked up. I'm sorry. This is all such nice things you said. This sounds like something's in your throat though.

[A]

No, I'm like right now, like could you go.

[B]

The whole time you're talking, I'm like. I think she has something in her throat. I don't.

[A]

I'm just like trying not to cry.

[B]

I know this is a sentimental moment.

[A]

Just so sentimental.

[B]

The last thing I need is. I'm not gonna. I can't. I'm not gonna get on the level of me getting upset. I can't do it.

[A]

I'm so excited to see you as dad.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[A]

I feel like after like such tragic loss, like you know, obviously I've been very scared. This pregnancy again. I just like couldn't be more grateful for like the partner that I have.

[B]

I love you, bae.

[A]

I couldn't have like gotten this far without you.

[B]

I mean, we just been together so long. Like we just.

[A]

Is my makeup everywhere?

[B]

Let me get you a tissue. Hold on.

[A]

Okay. No, I'm back. I just needed a minute. My makeup was smeared all over my face. I'm fine.

[B]

But all in all I feel bad that cuz we're normally like on the same page. I don't know. I do think I'm just like, not taking anything away from Leo. I'm just in such a happy, excited time right now because we've gone through this whole. You've gone through this whole pregnancy, both of us, however you want to say it. Like, she's healthy. Like, we're literally going to have a baby girl coming soon. And I don't know, I just think that's like, in the forefront of my mind right now. And like, we've been through so much together and I'm just like, I'm proud of you, you know?

[A]

Thanks, love. Yeah. I mean, again, I just feel like I've been holding my breath this whole pregnancy. And so, like, to be in the final, actually the final week again, to have you by my side is such a supportive partner, like, it means the world and I couldn't be more thankful for you and I love you and I'm excited to enter this new chapter together. Everyone on the other side listening is probably like, what the fuck is happening? I'm pregnant. I'm like, so fucking scared. And so I'm just like, ready to enter the new chapter because I know everyone's like, well, just wait, just wait. I'm like, I can't fucking wait. I'm so excited to have those fears about, you know, having a living child. Like, just getting through this one part is going to be such a huge milestone for us. So.

[B]

Speaking of. Just wait. Just wait.

[A]

Yeah, you tell me, John.

[B]

So we had, we had a real. A while back. I. I'm mixing all these. We had a reel a while back from one of our earlier episodes and Alex and I were talking about how marriage isn't hard, life is hard. And I think people kind of took that out of context a little bit or didn't understand what we were saying.

[A]

Well, I would say 99% of people were like, this is true. Like, like when you choose the right partner, you navigate the hard moments of life together. But then there's the people outing themselves who are in shitty marriages and they're like, no, marriage is a lot of work. It's really hard. And I'm like, you're just tattling on yourself right now.

[B]

Or someone listing off like, working nine to five, working one income, having, you know, family die problem, like health issues. That is all fucking life, right?

[A]

Those are the hard parts of life that we're talking about.

[B]

You getting married to someone is a decision that you made. You know, don't rush into it.

[A]

I think again, we've. We've almost been together coming up this year. On nine years married for someone, like.

[B]

Just you wait, wait till you get.

[A]

To 15 years or whatever. And I just think again, no matter what, like, people who are in unhealthy relationships will continuously move the goalpost to be like, just wait. Oh, it's not until this. Or just wait until you have kids. And it's like we've experienced a lot together and I think some profound experiences that a lot of people will never go through and hopefully won't or, you know, and there's going to be other challenges in our life. Like we know that having a child is going to be a new test to our marriage. But I put that under the life category where it's, you know, the marriage part is us navigating that together. Of course there's going to be sickness, of course there's going to be financial issues down the road. Of course there's going to be problems with your kids. Like, that's life.

[B]

I can't stop thinking of anything but your analogy of bean soup.

[A]

Oh, the bean soup theory. Which you didn't understand for a minute.

[B]

But go kind of.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, now you got it.

[B]

It's just when you watch something, I feel like everyone's trying to put themselves into that situation and then turning it around on like whatever their situation is. I mean, we're not talking about everything, right?

[A]

You know? Yeah, I'm not talking about the fact that your husband cheated on you or that he died in like there's so many different things and it's always the what about this? Or what about me. But again, I think the majority of our listeners are self aware. A lot of times when those videos go viral on the Internet, like off on social media, the majority of those people are not listening to our episodes, like with full context or they don't really know who we are either.

[B]

That goes back to the guy saying, like, we ripped one of his fucking videos and you find out it wasn't us. Like, do your homework, do your research, fact check, no one cares. If you're going to watch a 30 second reel, then watch the whole episode and see everything we said. It's just like, yeah, I guess we kind of do that to ourselves. We're like, this is going to be a fun one.

[A]

Right? You know, again, we, we put it out there because I was like, oh, I didn't think that it would be a hot take. Saying that finding a good partner is, you know, makes marriage.

[B]

Not like we're besties. Like besties though. Like, I don't consider you like my friend. Like my guy friends, you know? And you have girlfriends.

[A]

Best girlfriends. I don't consider you, like, my best girlfriend. But would I be lying if I said, john, is it like, you should be best friends with your partner?

[B]

I mean, how are you not if you're together all day, every day?

[A]

Like, well, most people probably aren't with their partner all day, every day.

[B]

Well, you're with your partner at least once a day.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Like, if you don't, you're with that person more than you are with your best friend.

[A]

I hate it. When we were doing weddings, I would hate when people would say, like, I'm marrying my best friend. My thing is. Because they should be like that, obviously. Like, you have your best friends in your best friend. Like, groups, but different context of best friend. Exactly. Like, you should be fudgeing marrying your best friend.

[B]

Should we put a disclaimer when we said besties?

[A]

Whatever. And that's my point is, like, when these clips go viral, you can't be best friends. I know marriage is actually really hard for you because you married the wrong person. That's why.

[B]

Yeah, you're just projecting.

[A]

But anyway, now that we got the sappiness and everything out of the way, we're excited. I'm thankful for you. You're thankful for me. We'll give you guys updates on how thankful we are in.

[B]

In the first episode back. Should be hilarious.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Very interesting.

[A]

At least we'll have a lot to catch up on. So I'm excited. But speaking of marrying the right person, I've heard this so many times before that your soulmate looks like you. Like, if you marry the right person, you guys kind of resemble each other, you know, like, you look like your sibling. Which is why, you know, we're meant to be is because we look like brother and sister. We. Which I can't wait to see what she looks like because I know she's gonna look like you, which in turn means she'll look like me. But. So I logged on to our wedding Instagram account the other day, which used to be my high school account. Like, that I. Or not my high school account. My account that I had made in college. So there was a lot of people on that account that I followed, who I went to high school with, who. Whose weddings we filmed. And so it's, like, interesting. Like, it was very nostalgic. It, like, pulled up, like, all these people who I don't follow on my main account, like, their feeds, and I'm like, oh. Oh, my God. What's so and so up to. I have seen so many people's wedding photos, and they all look like they married their sister or their brother.

[B]

Are you talking about our. Our wedding account?

[A]

I. I'm telling you, I logged on to our wedding account, and the people that I follow on that account were people I went to high school with or weddings that we filmed or just, like, people I went to college with. Like, just people.

[B]

And they look like they're proud of my past.

[A]

Everyone who has gotten married in the past, like, few years that I have not logged on to that account looks like they married.

[B]

So we're all vain and just want to look, like. Be with someone that looks like.

[A]

I don't think it has to do with necessarily being vain. I mean, I've made that joke before that, like, I love myself, so why.

[B]

Wouldn'T I find someone familiar?

[A]

Familiar Familiarity.

[B]

Familiarity.

[A]

What?

[B]

That makes sense, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Being someone that you're kind of, like, comfortable with their.

[A]

But I'm like, what is it about our brains that attracts us to a face that I analyzed someone who I knew, and this was, like, one of my cousin's friends who had just gotten married, and I was like, they are legitimately siblings, like, these people, but they're not. But they look so much alike. How do you find a partner in this world that looks.

[B]

Our manager's cousin and his wife, and I thought it was his sister. And I was like. I was like, oh, you're blah, blah, sister.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's like, no, I'm his fiance. Yeah, my fiance.

[A]

Yeah, I know. But people, I just think it's so interesting how I'm like, you found someone who has your face in boy form or, like, girl form, and you just look.

[B]

It's creepy.

[A]

It's really creepy. But I'm like, I bet people think. Think that about us.

[B]

But the weird thing is, like, you reconstructed your face to look like me.

[A]

You guys have the same. No, I'm like, great. This is not my. And I still got to get it fixed again. Yeah, that was during COVID During Pandemic. I got that. My nose.

[B]

Guys, our daughter in every single photo. Seriously resting bitch face.

[A]

Well, we'll see what she comes out with. Hopefully she has a little bit of joy, but, yeah, she hasn't smiled in one single photo.

[B]

My parents said my first word was no.

[A]

That's not shocking. That's not shocking at all.

[B]

She's a little mini me. She'd be great as soon as we go to, like, a pumpkin patch. Like, no. I'm like, all right, let's go home.

[A]

Well, I noticed my nephew. I was like, oh, my gosh, is this what I'm like. Like, is this what I'm in for?

[B]

That's why I was like, I get it.

[A]

Yeah. Well, he's also the middle child, and he's just like, you know, he's the second born, but I'm holding him. We're like, it's Christmas. We're, like, looking at these lights. His sister, my niece, is just, like, so fucking happy to be there. She's like, candy Cane Lane. Fuck, yeah. Let's go. And I'm like, let's go to Candy Cane Lane. He goes, I want to go home. He's two and a half at the time. I'm like, you don't want to go to Candy Cane Land.

[B]

He doesn't need all that fancy. He's like, I want to go home. He's like, overrated. Bring me home.

[A]

He was like, it's. It's cold. I don't want to be held. I have boogers running down my face. I'm miserable. We, like, walk over to the firefight. I'm like, you want to s'? More. I want to go home. Okay. I'm like, is this. This. And I was like, this would be a kid? Yeah, this would be John's kid. So here we are. We'll see. I'm interested. That's what I'm excited for, is to see what her little personality is going to be like. But, yeah, that's a segue into that. People just marry people who look like them.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I do think that that's interesting if you, like.

[B]

Are you just, like, trying to make an excuse for us, or.

[A]

No, I'm. I just thought it was interesting because I'm, like, looking at these people, and I'm like, wow, they look so similar. I'll just show you who I'm talking about later.

[B]

I don't know why I'm immediately thinking of, like, the Royal Family. Markle and him don't look anything like.

[A]

But I bet if you actually analyze their faces, you could find similarities in them.

[B]

But I didn't know they had a kid, by the way.

[A]

I think they have two.

[B]

Wow. We were talking about this earlier. It's so funny to see, like, they 40, 48 hours after she had a kid, she's, like, fully dressed. They're showing the kid off to everyone. And then I saw. It was, like, an Instagram post. And this guy, he goes. And then everyone else, and he takes a selfie of himself and the baby and his wife's in the background facing the other way. And all she on as a diaper.

[A]

I think that's, like, a thing that's always been around, or. I don't know if it's tradition or what it is that they have to, like, present the child.

[B]

Do your. I mean, that's their duty.

[A]

Your.

[B]

Your royalty. People want to see it.

[A]

Geez, I'm tired. Be like, you go. You go without me, John, please. I'm good. The one thing that I saw someone do comparisons to, though, is how, um. And I don't know why they had brought up, like, the maternity outfits with, like, Princess Diana and Kate Middleton. And just how over the years, maternity looks have just changed so much. Like, women used to hide their bellies in their pregnancies, which I think in workplaces, because I guess before there was, like, protection around, like, women and being pregnant, like, they could get fired, and it was fine for them to get fired for being pregnant.

[B]

What?

[A]

And so anyway, they would, like, hide their pregnancies. But now, like, women are very, you know, much more proud of it. Proud of it. And I. It made me think of when we were on our baby moon in St. Vincent. St. Vincent's I'm like, I never remember what it was. Sandals. St. Vincent's a woman, an older woman, and her husband had said that to me there. She was like, you are just so beautiful. And I was like, thank you. And she's like, I love seeing young women being cel. Like, celebrating their bodies and having them out. She was like, your bump is just so, so cute. And she was like, we used to cover up back when I was pregnant. She was probably in her, like, 70s, but it was just so interesting to hear where I'm like, I can't imagine a world in which, again. Well, I mean, when we were hiding it, I was covering it up, but in which you felt like it was a bad thing. Because I feel. And I felt this pregnancy so, like, beautiful and so feminine.

[B]

And it's funny seeing, like, older people. And I like it, too. Like, coming up to us, I get one couple out east, and he looked at me like, you're doing it right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're like, what?

[A]

You guys are cute. Or what did they say?

[B]

Yeah, Like, I think that's what he said to us. He was like, no. He said like, you're doing it right. You guys are cute. You're doing it right. Or something like that.

[A]

He's walking his dogs. I'm like, you're doing it right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You and your wife yeah.

[B]

You want to be you.

[A]

Well, before we jump into questions and talk about what we're talking about today, something spooky happened to me last night. So, again, I've just been cramping. It's always at night. I'm probably just dehydrated, but I'm, like, cramping. Going to bed, and I'm brushing my teeth, and I'm leaning over the sink, going to spit, and all of a sudden, one of the creepy crawlies falls out from, like, the lip of the sink. Like the. From the. What is it called? The.

[B]

Where the little sink drain hole is like a pie there.

[A]

Yes, exactly. It was another huge one. So I'm freaking out. And what do you. What would you do if the sink water is on and you see a bug?

[B]

Splash it in. The.

[A]

Splash into terrain, these things, because they live 18, 000 legs that sprawled out. It didn't move. It still was army crawling up the sink. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. So now I'm, like, brushing my teeth, freaking the out, and I'm like, everyone's.

[B]

Like, don't kill them. They're good for your house.

[A]

I'm sorry. I can't. Like, what am I. What am I supposed to do in that situation? Hold him. I couldn't leave him in the sink. I'm, like, just trying to. Anyway, so I'm brushing my teeth, I grab a wad of toilet paper, and I just squish him up and put him into the toilet. That was, like, the most brave I've been with.

[B]

I don't know if I told you this, Al. You know how I drink out of the sink. I turn the water on, put my mouth. And it fell out of the.

[A]

You're lying.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

You're lying.

[B]

Yeah. So in the middle of the night, when I drink out of the sink, I let it run for, like, two seconds before I drink.

[A]

You. It fell out in. Is there not a filter? It fell out in your mouth. No, you're.

[B]

It didn't fall into my mouth because as I went down to drink it, it fell out.

[A]

When was that?

[B]

I don't remember.

[A]

Rue, when was this?

[B]

I'm not gonna tell you. I didn't want to freak. I don't remember. It was, like, a couple weeks ago.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Maybe that's what happened. Like, I just didn't notice, but I'm, like, just brushing my.

[B]

We should spray our house or something.

[A]

This is. I mean, it's insane when people are like, leave them. I'm like, we've found probably at least 40 of them.

[B]

Yeah, leave them out. We got the fucking deer eating. Everything in the front yard are different.

[A]

They're very.

[B]

Deer in our nice trimmed up bush. Was in the bush, smashed everything down. I go, hey, get out of there.

[A]

Just leave him, okay? He's like, the deer in our yard are just living their lives.

[B]

They're like a zombie thing that's going on with the deers on Long Island.

[A]

It's properly on fire Island. That's where they look like zombies.

[B]

Remember that one time rabbits got like growth and shit all over its face? Now the deer are getting it.

[A]

The deer in our. Aren't on our lawn are very cute and you should let them eat our bushes.

[B]

Okay, you know what? Let's just. Let's just get into questions.

[A]

The deer will trim our bushes as a unit. And you will trim my bush as my husband.

[B]

Speaking of trimming.

[A]

Speaking of trimming. Yeah, so anyway, I didn't wash my face last night in the sink because I was too afraid that another one would fly out and I'd open up my eyes and see why. So, yeah, the centipede things are still out and about. I'm like, that's why winter here is good, because I feel like the winter cold kills a lot of the things.

[B]

Will kill me and I'll get another concussion again.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I really learned my lesson about putting salt down. Guys, I had Kobe on a leash. This is before we even started the podcast. Yeah, I had Kobe on a leash. I'm like, my crocs on or something. And why did I bring him out on a leash? Because I didn't want him fighting the raccoons. It's like 9 o' clock at night. Open up the door, Joe. I slip. My legs are further than my head. I slam my head down. I don't remember shit because it's concussion.

[A]

So. Because it had. It had snowed, melted, and then it was a light snow, so you couldn't see that there was black ice underneath.

[B]

By the way, this is. Doors have like cracked open. I slipped down the stairs. Land. I don't remember anything for about three or four seconds.

[A]

I'm like, great, you already have dementia.

[B]

Next thing I know, one croc is all the way down the. Down the steps. My shoes aren't on. Kobe's somewhere gone with a leash. And I'm like. And I was like, what was that?

[A]

Well, I usually. Because you're very clumsy and I feel like we might have talked about this before. I usually don't Come to your rescue. Because I'm like, john tripped on his Crocs again. But this one, I was like, oh, that sounded like a thud. And I heard you grow.

[B]

It was an earthquake. Earth shattering.

[A]

No. So, yeah, I came out and I was like, you didn't even care.

[B]

You go, oh, you okay?

[A]

I did.

[B]

And you just went back inside.

[A]

John, I gathered your shoes. I gathered your shoes. And I. And I. And I made sure that you didn't fall asleep. I checked your eyeballs. I asked you what year it was. I didn't even ask you to spell your name, because I know you still would get that wrong.

[B]

I was like, I have a slight headache. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

[A]

That is bullshit. Literally, I. I made sure you were fine. I was like, do we need to go to the hospital?

[B]

You're asking the fucking concussed guy? I don't fucking know.

[A]

But you're the doctor.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

Anyway, so I don't. Why'd you bring that up? Just the winter. You're excited for the winter? No.

[B]

Put salt down.

[A]

Oh, to put salt down. Yeah. It's necessary pro tip for me.

[B]

I like to learn the hard way.

[A]

Yeah. So the deer will still come around then too. I love the deer. I'm so glad that they're around. Even though they bring lyme disease and ticks to our property too. But that's fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So anyway, we are heading into spooky season. Tomorrow is October, and we love it. We already have our costume plan planned.

[B]

Alex has our costume planned. Why, like, do I. Guys don't. Like, I don't need to wear.

[A]

I don't care what you want. Like this.

[B]

I'm not going out with the costume.

[A]

Our costume idea, John. Our costume idea for this year. You literally don't have to do anything. Do you remember what I. What it is?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you thought it was a good idea. You go. We have to do that.

[B]

No, I didn't.

[A]

Yeah, you did.

[B]

Are we just, like, home for, like, a photo?

[A]

Well, we'll take a photo, and then.

[B]

I'm not, like, walking around, I guess.

[A]

It'S not like she's of trick or treating age, but we have nieces, and.

[B]

You know, when she is of trick or treating age, like, I'll take her out. I don't have to dress up.

[A]

You do.

[B]

Why? Why do I have to dress up? It's not fun. I hate Halloween.

[A]

It is.

[B]

I hate Halloween. I love Fourth of July. I don't mind Christmas. I don't mind Thanksgiving.

[A]

Halloween, who's not a holiday is the 4th of July mine? I know, but I.

[B]

And I never. Because I never. I never got off for fourth of July. But it's always like, boating, like, going out and partying. I guess that's not my lifestyle anymore.

[A]

Yeah, I was like, when was the last time you were on a boat for the 4th of July?

[B]

A long time ago. It was fun, though, you know, like, reliving those old memories.

[A]

Yeah, those days are.

[B]

Holly grosses me out. I remember being in college and, like, the buffet line and the weight. The buffet server, she's like, you want scrambled eggs? And she had, like, fake blood and all over. It grossed me the out. I couldn't even eat.

[A]

I believe that you ended up working in health care with how grossed out you get by.

[B]

I'm not eating while wiping someone's ass or, like, helping someone. When I'm eating, I'm like, I can't even look at anyone. They got anything on their face.

[A]

I can't wait to see how. How you are with a baby where it's just gonna be nastiness all the time.

[B]

I used to feed people all the time at work because, like, if they need, like, adaptive equipment, I'm, like, just shoveling spoonful of, like, mush. That never bothered me. But I also wasn't eating. I'm not eating at the same time.

[A]

Right. You could separate it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

How did we get here? Spooky season. We keep segueing. John, stop distracting me. So because we're heading into spooky season, today's episode is really just, like, a mishmash of topics. Exes that haunt you, monster in laws, nightmare partners, horror dating stories, and just spooky situations that I thought were spooky. So we're just gonna go through it. There's nothing, like, really specific. It's just intro into spooky season.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Oh, my God. You know what we should do? We should dress up for the podcast. We should wear our costumes for the podcast. Yes. We're doing it. High five.

[B]

Absolutely not.

[A]

No, we did dress up that one year when we were living in L. A. I was Ursula and you were Daddy Triton.

[B]

Okay, fine.

[A]

And you did the whole episode with your shirt off?

[B]

Yeah, I was sucking in the whole time. Do you guys. I just, like, roll over. I'm just like, whatever, Alex.

[A]

Up, John. Like you.

[B]

That's what I. That's what I say all the time. I go, yeah, whatever you want. I just say I feel like that's my. That's my saying all the time I.

[A]

Want to hang out with you 247 and you don't let me have that.

[B]

We hang out in the same house together 24 7.

[A]

Yeah, but you're downstairs, I'm upstairs. I'm like a cat. You're like, I just want you near.

[B]

Let's go. Sure, we can dress up.

[A]

Let's jump into questions. Question number one. After having my first child, my body naturally went through changes like weight gain and my boobs becoming larger with more saga. I felt self conscious about it though I never really talked about those insecurities. One day my mother in law was giving us Halloween costume suggestions and said, I know the perfect one for you. You should be an orangutan since you look like one with your saggy boobs and large stomach. We don't have this kind of joking relationship. She even went so far as to share her joke with her friends and all of my husband's friends. What she considered a joke left me feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. How would you handle a situation like.

[B]

That'S rude as fuck. So she said that I kind of missed the first one she said in front of people.

[A]

Yeah, she told that joke to her own friends and then her husband's friends as well. About how her daughter just like, oh.

[B]

Yeah, well, you look like a.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Like really just completely cut off. Be like, and if you ever say something like that again, I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.

[A]

When is violence acceptable? You know, like in this situation, in these situations. Because, Because I'm just like, you deserve a smack.

[B]

What I think unfortunately if you don't set the tone right there, she's going to just like letting anyone ever just roll over you.

[A]

But the worst is when someone says.

[B]

I'm not saying actually do physical violence. You need to like, actually you need to nip it right there.

[A]

I know, but I'm saying sometimes in the moment you're just so shocked by what someone has said that you're like, what the. Like, it's just so out of pocket that you can't think of the great rebuttal in the moment. Like the amount of times even throughout this pregnancy that people have just made comments and like I just am frozen. And then I think of a great reply after. I just, I feel like that's the worst is in. And like in a situation like this, it's coming from your mother in law. You probably didn't have something locked and loaded to be like, there was a.

[B]

Mother in law who said that. I thought it was a friend. I know I wasn't listening all the way. Oh my God, that's horrible.

[A]

Especially because it's like you built her grandchild. The. She's also had kids. She knows what postpartum is. Like, shut the up. Did your husband say anything? Like imagine. Yeah, like imagine your mom. Your mom would never hopefully imagine your mom said something like that to me. Would you say something to your mom?

[B]

I can't even process that because my mom's not that stupid.

[A]

And that's true too. Your mom is very intelligent.

[B]

She would be smart enough not to say something like that. The I think you really be like, wow, I'm really hurt that you would say that about your daughter in law who's carrying your grandchild. That's kind of disrespectful. Thank you so much.

[A]

There are a lot of rebuttals to weird comments that people say that I think you just need in your inventory, like in your bag.

[B]

Not a weird comment saying you look like a orangutan, you have a fat belly and saggy.

[A]

No, no, I'm saying rebuttals to weird comments.

[B]

I know. I'm saying that's not a weird comment. That's a fucking horribly rude comment.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So mean.

[A]

Yeah. And that's where I'm saying, like, I think it's good to have an arsenal of responses to comments like this that are just out of pocket. Like, would you say, did that make you feel better? I don't know. I would honestly probably just start off.

[B]

Like, you're never going to see your grandchild.

[A]

Yeah. We should do a group costume then because. And you could be the leader. Like, I don't, I don't know.

[B]

Corny as.

[A]

Okay, I'm. We're clearly the best at comebacks.

[B]

I mean, I just dig deep. Like, oh my God, you're such a bitch.

[A]

Yeah. And I feel like that sums it up. Again, I'm operating.

[B]

I actually enjoy never seeing a grandchild. I just keep it like, just really just dig deep.

[A]

I'd be like, like a mom. I say the shit out of you.

[B]

Dig deep. But don't. I do hate those people in your lives that are like close friends that if you get in a tiff with them and they cut deep, you know.

[A]

And then you cut back and they can't handle it.

[B]

Well, that's terrible. But in general, like having someone having a close friend, those are dangerous people. Like having a close friend that you confide in and they'll cut deep into.

[A]

You, but that's not a good friend.

[B]

I know that's such a.

[A]

This is her projecting her own insecurities onto you where she must feel like she's like. It's a. It's very pick me mentality where it's like, who are you trying to impress here? Who are. Who are you? What are you trying to get a laugh at for? Out of who?

[B]

Right?

[A]

You know, it's like when it just gives very pick me energy. And it's weird that it's your fucking mother in law.

[B]

Right?

[A]

It's weird. So how would you handle a situation like this? I guess if you didn't say anything in the moment, I would have. Because, like, do you say something after? Would you bring this, this conversation up to your mother in law after? I would have my husband say something. I'd be like, dude, fucking.

[B]

I would have a hard time not saying something in the moment in front of everyone to really double down and be like, don't fucking cross me. Do not cross me. At least my husband's not dead. I don't know, you know, like, whatever is going on in her life. Is that the first question? Move on.

[A]

Me move on or her move on? Next question. I dated a guy who I swear had some type of hair fetish. The first time we hooked up, as I was undressing on the edge of the bed, he came behind me, put his whole face into my hair, and inhaled deeply with a satisfying sigh. I froze, was weirded out, and contemplated just putting my clothes back on and leaving. But I ended up staying. I figured maybe he was just really drunk or high from smoking. Smoking. Even after he always seemed to be touching my hair and commenting on how soft it was or how good I smelled. Is a hair fetish a thing? I feel like I've never heard of it, but it definitely threw me for a loop.

[B]

I think anything's a fetish. Some chick farts in a glass and sends it to people. I mean, come on.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Someone clips their toenails, sends it to people.

[A]

I don't know. I feel like hair. Like, I don't know that I would have done that on date one. But, like, you have such luscious hair. I don't know that I, like, get into it and smell it, though. But I do like to, like.

[B]

No, you don't. I wish you did.

[A]

This morning I was literally giving you the best head scratches.

[B]

And twice a year you scratch my head.

[A]

That's not true. You have the thickest hair. So I like to, like, run my hand through it. I'm like, must be nice. But No, I. A hair fetish could totally be a thing. Maybe he likes your shampoo.

[B]

Maybe he wants to murder Yoshi. Maybe. Get out of there.

[A]

Yeah. I don't think that they're dating. She said we didn't last long.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He keep tabs on him?

[A]

Next question. My husband recently found out he has HSV2 genital herpes. I haven't told anyone because I'm so confused and frankly, embarrassed. We've been together for just shy of 10 years. He says he's never cheated and that he must have had HSV2 all this time without knowing until he explained experienced symptoms for the first time this year. We've had unprotected sex for nearly our entire relationship, and I've never contracted it. We have one child together, and we both want one more. I want to believe that he's telling the truth and didn't cheat, but the logical part of me can't understand how I never got it if he's had it this whole time. When I expressed my doubts, he insisted he didn't cheat and gets distraught at the idea that I don't believe him. His explanation is that he's had it for 2, 10 plus years, contracted it before we got together, but didn't know because he never had an outbreak until now. I feel stuck. I want to stay married and grow our family, but if he cheated, I definitely divorce him. Is he telling me the truth or just lying to prevent me from leaving?

[B]

If you don't have an outbreak but within 10 years, I don't want to say for a fact. I know if you're in good health and you don't. You don't have, like, it. It's not like, coming around, but, like, when you're sick and your immune system's low, normally, like, that's when you can get, like, cold sores and like that. I don't 100, dude. I'm not a. I'm not a doctor. I don't know enough about that.

[A]

I'm a love doctor. Guys.

[B]

I'm a love doctor, not a herpe doctor or war doctor, whatever. I mean, signs are pointing to cheating. It's been 10 years and you've had unprotected sex for 10 years and you've never contracted it.

[A]

But I guess you really would only contract it if he had an outbreak. But it's weird timing. I don't know. I don't know. Can. Can it lie dormant for that many years and then you get a sudden outbreak?

[B]

The first part of her being like. And I Don't want to tell anyone. Like, who the fuck are you going to tell?

[A]

Maybe the doctor or you talk to the doctor.

[B]

Like, who are you going to tell your friends about it?

[A]

Right, that's true. Yeah.

[B]

You know, out yourself.

[A]

I don't know, maybe Google can tell us. Great. Google. All it says is an indefinite period. So, like, what the fuck does that mean? It says, oh, but then this other Planned Parenthood, it says it could be dormant and not active in your body for 30 years. So I don't know. Are there any other red flags in your relationship?

[B]

Have you checked your kid?

[A]

Yeah, well, you. She would have been tested with when she was pregnant, because I was tested. And so I just feel like if you're having a baby, so I'm sure, you know, if she didn't. If she doesn't have it, her kid most likely doesn't have it. I. If there were other.

[B]

If we were in the court of law and it was prosecutor versus defendant on if this person gave me herpes or not, based off of the facts in the information that's out there, innocent until proven guilty. Because if it says it could be dormant, how are you going to prove that it's not?

[A]

I think there would be other red flags in your relationship that you would pick up on. And if not, you will pick up on eventually. You know, like, I just think that the truth will come out and if he's not lying, then he's not lying. But I just think I. We don't know enough about the virus itself to say for sure that he just contracted it or if he's had it for 10 years. I would maybe talk to your OB about it and just be like, hey, patient confidentiality. This is now something. And it is something now that you actually have to consider in your sex life.

[B]

We're also looking at fucking Google. And you search for two seconds, like, how do we. We don't fucking know.

[A]

Exactly. I don't know. That's why I'm like, talk to your fucking doctor.

[B]

Good luck. Good luck. Yeah.

[A]

Next question. I've been dating someone for six months and I really like her. We have a strong bond. Her daughter and I get along, her family loves me and mine loves her. It has honestly felt like everything I've ever wanted in a relationship. I'm very traditional. And she recently disclosed that she's bisexual, which isn't something I'm comfortable with. Had I known that up front, I probably wouldn't have pursued the relationship, but I've genuinely fallen for her. She also mentioned that she occasionally likes threesomes. I told her how I felt that it's a deal breaker for me. I can't be with someone who wants to involve other people in the bedroom.

[B]

She said she'd be another girl or another guy.

[A]

Doesn't say. Probably another girl if she's bisexual. She said she'd never do anything that makes me uncomfortable. But I worry deep down that she'll want it eventually and I won't be able to give it to her. I'm disgusted by the idea of a threesome. To me, it feels like asking for permission to cheat. I'm a one woman guy, so I'm assuming a woman that she would bring in. She hasn't brought it up since, but I'm worried this could build into resentment in the future. Am I overthinking this? Have you watched Hunting Wives? That is your future.

[B]

I have two friends, both of them. One was married, lasted six months. His wife ended up being bisexual.

[A]

Did she say that she was bisexual in the beginning of their relationship?

[B]

I don't remember. And then my other friend was like, living with her for like three years, and then they broke up and she went to a girl right afterwards. So both guys. Both their girls went to girls right afterwards.

[A]

I mean, I think this is more of a communication thing, though. Like, you don't want to stop her from being who she is, but you have boundaries as well, and that's okay. And if that doesn't.

[B]

How long were they dating until she said it?

[A]

They've been dating for six months. And then, you know, he said that if this is something that would have been a deal breaker in the beginning, why is it not a deal breaker now? Like now because you're invested and you like her. But six months.

[B]

She did say something in the beginning.

[A]

No, no. He said that if she said in the beginning, it would have been a deal breaker. She said it now, but now he's a little bit more invested, so he doesn't want to.

[B]

That's unfair. Think about what is the purpose? What do you think the reasoning for her not telling him in the beginning because she didn't want him to think a certain way and to break it off. Like, what is your intentions? Because six months, when you start dating somebody in the beginning, you're seeing a lot of each other. You know, you learn about each other. You don't need six months to, like, feel like you're in a serious relationship.

[A]

Being bisexual is something that don't yuck someone's yum yum.

[B]

I get that. But one Party member is not all about. Is not for that. That's unfair to put that on that person.

[A]

No, what I'm saying is I don't think it's the fact that she's bisexual, because I don't know that that's something that, like, you necessarily need to know right up front. It's the fact that she wants to have threesomes. That is like a current. Because if you're bisexual, but you're in a committed relationship, you're in a committed relationship, the same thing goes.

[B]

You're acting on it straight.

[A]

You're not exactly like, I'm straight. Doesn't mean I'm just gonna go, like, date other dudes.

[B]

Okay, you know, yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

But, like, it's the threesome situation where she's like, oh, I like to.

[B]

That's a good.

[A]

A little bit more excitement in the bedroom, where you're like, absolutely not. We don't need to involve people. That's where I'm like, if you have very different ideas here and that's something that she's expressed that she likes.

[B]

Well, you come a long way in your takes. That's a very. You breaking it down. Like, that makes a lot of sense.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

It's just like, I didn't even think about that. I was like, oh, well, if she's bisexual, that's unfair. But it's like, no, because she's not acting on it.

[A]

Yeah, well.

[B]

Well, if she wasn't. But it's because she did say that. Now that's fucked up.

[A]

Who you like. If she was date. Chose to date a woman and she's. As long as you're committed to the person you're in a relationship with, it's just that he doesn't want to have a third party involved, which is fine. That's your boundary. So I think you're not overthinking it. I think that she's made it clear that like. Or. Or have the conversation with her and be like, hey, I am not ever gonna have a threesome. It's not in the cards for me. If that's something that you're gonna want and you're gonna get resentful over time, this isn't gonna work again. You've only been dating for six months. Like, in the scheme of things, the.

[B]

Shitty thing is she wants her cake. Eat it too. Right? Maybe. Or she'd be like, no, I'm not gonna. Like, I'm fine. But that's always gonna be in the back of his head. Like, is she actually going to be fine or down the road, is this going to come up again? Because you don't want to waste your time. But she doesn't know either. Like is she gonna be fine now? But it could change down the road. But I guess you could say about anything.

[A]

Yeah, I mean is she gonna.

[B]

Because he could be like, I like women now, but then he likes dudes a couple years later, then it could be. It's the same thing. You never know. People's, people's political view changes.

[A]

That's why you have to make decisions based off the information that you have in that moment. So you have to ask her in that moment and today's, today's knowledge what she has. Do you want to continue? Do you want to have threesomes? I just think it's an open conversation.

[B]

That changes my mindset on everything now. Because that's the same question like we had previous where the girls, like we didn't want kids in the beginning.

[A]

Yeah, but again, nothing. I mean people evolve. People do change in ways. It's like the bridesmaids conversation. Do you think people really change? No, I think they're. No. What they do, they change. I don't know. So I just think it's a conversation. If she again is already seeking to have a threesome and that is a non negotiable for you, it's conversation. But you know, again, down the road, could she Potentially go buy 100 buck and get one? Don't watch Hunting Wives because that's the whole, the whole show is being bisexual and threesomes and infidelity.

[B]

Yeah, I don't, I don't envy that guy because that would be in the back of my head all the time to be like, is she good with just me? Yeah, hunting wise. The one scene I walked by, she was watching some high school kid get. Getting head on the bed. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And she was watching him from the door.

[A]

That show, good show. But it really just. I was not expecting any of it when I first started it. It was just, it really threw me for a loop and I was like, oh, okay. Anyway, next question. My boyfriend and his ex wife, the mother of his kids have what I believe is an extremely unhealthy relationship. He calls it co parenting, but she constantly sends him photos and videos with comments like, I hope this cheers you up. I've told him that this isn't normal and it feels inappropriate. It's mostly her initiating. But he refuses to set boundaries and claims that I'm Delusional. Am I in the wrong here or is he. Please help. Oh, because I'm also five months pregnant with his child. I know. I was gonna say just break up with him, right? But now you still could break up with him and not be with him if he doesn't like set those boundaries.

[B]

I feel like this has been going on longer than. Than the pregnancy, you know, I mean, this has probably been going on a while. That's on you. That's. Come on. You shouldn't have stayed in that.

[A]

Well, now she is in it and. But you don't have to stay in it just because you're pregnant. You're also.

[B]

You don't. But you're also just dating guys. Use your guys. Use your common sense.

[A]

Use your thinking caps, please.

[B]

Is this okay that my boyfriend or husband, whatever, whatever. Is talking to his ex in a non platonic way? Fuck. Come on.

[A]

Photos and videos of like their kids being like, you know, like if me and you weren't together and we hope.

[B]

It doesn't matter what is. I hope this makes your day better. Shut up. Are you flirting with me?

[A]

I mean, I would always flirt with you. Always. Never forget that.

[B]

People. That's why people think we're disgusting.

[A]

Who thinks we're disgusting? Someone was like, actually, I don't want to know.

[B]

We were talking about like your husband or your partner should be your best friend. You guys, you guys are just rubbing it in now.

[A]

What? Like again. Shut up.

[B]

By the way. Rubbing it in. Like the bars on the floor.

[A]

Bars on the floor.

[B]

We're just surviving.

[A]

You want to like the person who you marry. Bars on the floor, rubbing it in. Sorry for existing with a person I like and I'm attracted to, God forbid.

[B]

Bars on the floor. I mean, rubbing it in.

[A]

Wow. We need to be more humble, John. Yeah, I. At this point, I think this is really up to you. Do you. You're pregnant with his child now. You have to establish the boundaries that are important to you. If he doesn't, do you need to stay with him? No. You're also not married.

[B]

Does it upset you? Yes. Should you say something? Yes. Figure it out. Next question.

[A]

Next question. I've been with my husband for 15 years, since high school. Been married for eight. He's been in the military since right after we got married. And he recently had a big promotion ceremony. His family came and we all went out for a big lunch to celebrate. Afterwards in the parking lot, his sister went around telling everyone, mom wants a photo. My husband turned to me and said, honey, come over For a photo. And his sister immediately said, no. Mom said, just family. My husband instantly replied, that's my wife. She is my family. We took the photo, but we left furious. Are we blowing this out of proportion? Kudos to your husband.

[B]

Yeah, but did you also make sure your mom said that true? I don't trust shit. No, I'd be like, oh, did she say that?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Mom. Hey, ma. Did you just say what Becky said? Yeah, I don't think the mom said that.

[A]

Yeah, fact check. But also, do you have a history of like not getting along with the sister or potentially the mom? Either way, you've been together for 15 years and married for eight and someone has the audacity to be like, oh.

[B]

I could see a mom doing that. There are mothers that are jealous of their daughter in laws.

[A]

Weird.

[B]

It's weird.

[A]

Thank God your, your mom is so busy just like focused on herself that like she doesn't care about.

[B]

Occupy your time. When people are bored, they make shit up. They fake. They always think something's wrong with themselves. Like, I'm sick, I gotta go to the doctor. Like work. Do something that gives you purpose. So you just shut the up, live your lives and stop bothering people with nonsense. And yep, that mom's the mom doing that is bored.

[A]

Well, the mom didn't say it. Technically, the sister did.

[B]

If she did, the mom's bored. She, she, she's spicing up her life.

[A]

Or. But like mom said just fit. Like maybe the sister took it out of context though, because saying saying family, like if your mom said family photo, I'm assuming I'm in that. You know what I mean? Like if, if we're at a group party and people are there who are from all walks of life, you know, friends, family, acquaintances. And your mom was like, family photo. I wouldn't. Or, and she said just family. I'm included in that. I'm family. So maybe your sister was the one who was or whatever.

[B]

It doesn't matter. Mom or sister in law or you did something to pistol off.

[A]

I'd have more of a problem with the sister in law, not the family. Or not the mom is what I'm saying. Like the sister in law is the one who was like, no, mom said just family.

[B]

Like, sounds like she didn't really step up for you either.

[A]

So I'm saying that she might have misinterpreted it from her mom in a way that is negative against you. Does that make sense? Anyway, you're, you are not blowing it out of proportion. That's annoying. But it's also just like you. Your husband set that boundary. There's really nothing to be annoyed at here. Like, you guys are good. People are gonna.

[B]

Your husband defended you. So.

[A]

Yeah. Next question. When I was six months pregnant, my partner cheated on me. What made it worse was that the woman he cheated with knew we were together and pregnant. But she continued the fair anyway until she suddenly had a change of heart and ended it. He apologized and did all the right things to convince me we were moving forward. But fast forward. Our son is now one year old. And I discovered that that same woman was still. Still in his Instagram messages, laughing and liking his stories. I messaged her myself telling her to stay in her lane. Instead of respecting that, she called him directly, which led to them talking again. I'm gonna pause this question.

[B]

Why are you messaging her?

[A]

Why are you not taking this up with your loser husband? Let me finish. I kicked him out. Okay. There we go. And we broke up for two months. But he came back saying that that's not what he wanted.

[B]

Just. I would just end this question. You're an idiot.

[A]

I let him back in because I wanted my family more than anything. He doesn't like you.

[B]

You don't have a family. That guy. There's no feel. It's you and your kid. You bring. You're bringing that nightmare in that's gonna ruin your life and your kid's life, by the way.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Good luck.

[A]

It's been a few months, but I still feel so hurt. I love him. But the resentment lingers. And I don't know.

[B]

Yourself.

[A]

I don't know if I should fight for this relationship or finally walk away. What would you do? Walk away. You're embarrassing yourself, girl. What the fuck? You think that he's going to change?

[B]

It's not. It's not a real question. She's like.

[A]

Someone is just this person.

[B]

Let me just rage bait. John and Alex, maybe I love my family, so have some self respect. Listen. Something happens once depending on the situation and what happened. I'm not going to say I'm against second chances. Depending on the situation. But this guy was fucking this chick while you were pregnant.

[A]

But heavy on the. Depending on what it was like. How. How did you find you were pregnant?

[B]

Pregnant in the most vulnerable time in your life and this guy is not by your side.

[A]

And then for him to come crawling back and be like, I up. Perfect. Now you could go to therapy. You could work on your relationship.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

No showing.

[B]

That's. That's not. This isn't. A scenario where you let that.

[A]

No, no, but I'm saying she already did. She already did. She was like, he's apologizing the first time. Yeah. And then he's coming back, whatever. But now he's literally showing you who he is. He's talking to this same woman and you're going to call her out. The fact that you even thought to waste your time on the other woman as opposed to look directly at your husband and go, what the fuck are you doing? That's where like the problem lies.

[B]

While they, like, people think that the other person, like that person's not even in the fudgeing equation. It's your husband, it's your partner.

[A]

What made it worse is that the woman he cheated with knew we were together and pregnant. Your husband knew you were pregnant. Your husband fucking knew. Who cares what she knew? You're with a piece of shit. Oh, why are we blaming. And I get that, like, yes, the other woman, she's a piece of shit in her own. But he is to blame for 100%. You could give the other girl. Yeah, she's a piece of too. But like the fact that's not even.

[B]

A new girl, is it even more slap in the face, right? I don't want this chick. And then still, still messaging her, still on Instagram and then talking to her again.

[A]

And you're like, I'm hurt. Of course you're hurt. You loved him, but he betrayed you. And you're gonna keep.

[B]

The person will come in the comments like, well, marriage is hard. He's fucking stupid.

[A]

Circle. Marriage is hard. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work, John. Yes. When you married pieces of shit like this marriage is hard.

[B]

Should we have sympathy?

[A]

No, I don't. Because like, you're being dumb. Like, you have to stand up for yourself, girl. Like, stand up, walk away. This guy does not give a about your feelings to do that while you're pregnant.

[B]

No. It's up though. There are people out there that they're like, in the eyes of God, marriage is unbreakable. I'm like, how is this not a scenario where you should not be with someone? It's unhealthy. It's unsafe. Your mental well being. Oh my God. Your self respect for your, for you, the safety of your child. Your child's mental. Look, think about your, this guy coming back and forth into your life. Not even sorry back and forth into your, your kid's life.

[A]

Right?

[B]

How horrible is that for them and their, their mental health. Mental Health.

[A]

Yeah. I hope that this isn't a real question because moving on, I just don't want to.

[B]

Look, I'm not even giving you advice. You should know better.

[A]

So those are all of our questions. Of course. You know, I like to give you the worst one for last. I do have like a story. It's not necessarily a secret, but just kind of like an interesting, like, spooky. It's not even Halloween based. I don't even know.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

I'm just going to get into it. I was dating a guy years ago who was about eight years older than me. One casual night at his place, we ordered food and we were watching a movie when out of nowhere, he asked, do you want to see my wand? My mind immediately went to a sexual place like his wand. I hesitated, but I said, sure. He jumped.

[B]

Abracadabra.

[A]

He jumped off. He jumped up, ran to his room and came back with a box of Harry Potter wands, excitedly showing them off. I tried to keep a straight face and acted invested, but it was not what I was expecting. After I left, I called my friend and we had a good laugh. I mean, I like Harry Potter, but wow. Not the wand I thought he was talking about.

[B]

Seems like a good dude. I wonder if you ended up hooking up. I kind of want to know the end of that, you know? Like, you guys still hanging?

[A]

Depending on how that went. Like, I wouldn't hate that you can.

[B]

Have this guy or the guy who cheats on you with the same person.

[A]

Like, I would 100% choose one man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Over probably anyone. If you showed me your box of wands, I'd be like, fudge. Yeah. We're going to dis. Or not. We're going to Orlando.

[B]

Nerds. A bad rap. I'm telling you. Like, those are the guy. Those are the people you want later in life. People who just not obsessively game, but like, instead of going out and doing stuff and getting into trouble, they're like, I'm going to work, love my family, I'm going to game a little bit at night or watch Harry Potter, you know, those are the people you want.

[A]

I can think of like three different video trends that you could do with this guy where it's like the one where it starts with you and you would look at the camera and you're like, my boyfriend is about to show you his one collection. Be nice.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Or again, just like you guys running around Harry Potter world in Orlando studios just having a blast of out of Cadaving. Like Fall season would just be great. You guys just, like, binge watching. And it's like, oh, my husband. Oh, he must be out talking to other girls. And it's like, what he's really doing. I don't know. I don't think that this is a red flag. I think it's a green flag. I think that you guys could have a really cute time together.

[B]

I'm sure you're not talking anymore, but Harry Potter wedding. Abracadabra. Poof, you land in the altar.

[A]

Abracadabra. But whatever. Avada. Avada. Dava.

[B]

Aa. Soda.

[A]

Avaka soda, maybe.

[B]

Did you see that one video of the Italian guy? He's like one of Italian.

[A]

Harry Potter. Yeah, that was a while ago.

[B]

It was a good one, though.

[A]

I know. Anyway, that's it. I'm excited to do a Harry Potter binge watch.

[B]

Yeah. Marathon with her in. In the winter months. Do you have a wreck?

[A]

My wreck is find a John if you are.

[B]

Wow, that's nice.

[A]

You're in a shit relationship. Or if you're just, like, dating, don't settle because life is hard. We had a hard year.

[B]

I wouldn't say find a John. I'm. I'm such a. I'm a. I'm a basic person. Don't. Don't hype me up.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Fine. Find someone who is compatible to you.

[A]

Who'S, like, the best partner for you. Because the things we talk about this where I'm like, I know that I wasn't a good partner. I'm not a good partner forever. Some people would hate me, just like some people would hate being with you. Of course you're like, that's not what I'm saying.

[B]

That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying one trait that I think I have that, like, what is for a good person, a good partner. Find someone with common sense. That's it. Find someone. Common sense. Someone with common sense normally is steering in the right direction. And that is bare minimum.

[A]

I don't know, I would say emotional awareness. Like. Like self awareness.

[B]

Emotional kind of goes with that. You could kind of common sense tiptoes in a couple of these little different areas.

[A]

Yeah, maybe. But I just think that there's a lot of. There's a lot of traits that you need in a person. Well, I don't think that you have to be, like, so stark on certain things. I literally was just trying to, like, make a vague.

[B]

It makes me uncomfortable. My turn.

[A]

Find a good partner.

[B]

Don't say, I don't like when When I get like credit or whatever.

[A]

Compliments. Compliments you literally. Your love language is words of affirmation in private platform. I'll tell you later.

[B]

Mine are so dumb.

[A]

What?

[B]

But I will say this because I don't think people think about it. Car service over an Uber. Because Ubers, it's not all the time. Is Uber or Lyft or any of those cheaper than a car service? I think car service is underrated because when we go to the airport, sometimes a car service is actually cheaper and it's nicer and it's a nice car. Then you get the regular uber, it's like $150 more.

[A]

We haven't. We haven't done that though, at all.

[B]

We've always just what we have in the past, like a while ago.

[A]

I know. Before Uber.

[B]

So look into your local car service. Go back. You know, Uber used to be cheap and now it's so expensive. Anyways, use your local car service maybe instead of Uber or Lyft. They're all great. But I just think, you know, think about the little man.

[A]

Yeah, we love shopping local and supporting your small businesses. And you know what else I want to give a wreck for this season? Make a makeup. Make a homemade grilled cheese and tomato soup. We did that yesterday and it was just so lovely and cozy. And I think I want to have that for dinner tonight, too. What?

[B]

And it'll be on John's Cooking Journey. Alex, why would you not plug John's Cooking Journey? That's where we did it. You're going to see that video at some point.

[A]

You'll probably see it before this episode comes out. True, maybe. But anyways, guys, I'm so excited to give you updates about, you know, everything.

[B]

We'll see you soon next week.

[A]

We'll see you soon next week, technically.

[B]

So guys like subscribe, email, comment, do all the things.

[A]

If you. If you want to follow us, you could find us at Give it to me Straight. Podcast everywhere on socials. And if you want to ask us an anonymous question, you could do so with the link in our bio, in our show notes, or email us@helloiveitomestray podcast.com and we will see you next week.

[B]

Ciao. Ciao. Bye.

[A]

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