73. Giving you push presents, unwanted visitors and hand-me-downs

Summary

Give It To Me Straight – Episode 73 Summary

Episode Title: Giving you push presents, unwanted visitors and hand-me-downs
Release Date: October 14, 2025
Hosts: Alex ("A") and Jon ("B")

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Overview

In this candid and humorous episode, new parents Alex and Jon dive into the chaotic and emotional experience of early parenthood. They give raw, unfiltered advice on navigating postpartum life, relationship challenges, family boundaries, and expectations around gifts and support. The show answers listener questions on everything from "push presents," to mother-in-law boundaries, to failed friend support, all wrapped in their signature blend of playful banter, tough love, and vulnerable confessions.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Chaos of Early Parenthood

Timestamps: 00:00–06:45

• The hosts open with a reflection on how their new baby, Lucy, has upended their home and routines. Both admit to feeling exhausted and overstimulated.
  • Alex jokes: “One little human feels like 20 extra people were added to our house.” (00:01)
  • Jon: “There’s no adrenaline. I feel stressed, and it’s chaos to start this today." (00:40)
• The couple recounts struggles balancing baby duties, pet care, and household management. Jon admits to snapping at their dog, Kobe, out of sheer overwhelm.
  • “I can hear Kobe lick his paw from like, five rooms away. It’s just the most triggering sound for me.” – Jon (01:45)
  • Alex: “Poor Kobe, he licked his paw once and you were like, it is the most overstimulating thing.” (02:16)
• Both acknowledge they’re “complaining out of love,” recognize their privilege, and emphasize the roller coaster of emotions in these first weeks.
  • Alex: “Two things can be true at once. We could be thankful and really fucking tired.” (05:59)

Hosting Visitors – Setting Boundaries

Timestamps: 04:10–10:10; 47:04–56:42

• The couple discusses the challenges of hosting guests while sleep-deprived: wanting to catch up with visitors, but also wanting to rest.
  • Jon: “When you have people at your house, you’re not in your comfortable space. You’re still a host and accommodating.” (04:31)
  • Alex: “I should be napping, but when people are over, you still want to catch up...But I’m not a napper.” (04:50)
• Later, both express the importance of setting clear boundaries—especially with family—about when visits are welcome after childbirth.
  • “We had the conversation before having Lucy...Can we compromise and can they stay in a hotel? … It makes everything so much easier when you clarify what you want, you make it very clear.” – Jon (51:47–52:45)

Jon’s Social Mishap – Never Assume Pregnancy

Timestamps: 07:30–10:50

• Jon shares a cringeworthy story about accidentally asking a woman at the gym about her (nonexistent) pregnancy status.
  • “Never say it. Never, ever. Until they say it first…Unless it is truly confirmed.” – Alex (10:09)
  • Jon admits to feeling deeply awkward: “Now every time I go to the gym, I have my headphones in and walk by fast.” (09:52)

Postpartum Mood, Social Media, and Mental Health

Timestamps: 16:49–18:40

• Alex shares how an emotional Instagram post about motherhood led to a mental health resources notification, highlighting how social media doesn’t always translate reality.
  • “Someone thought I actually meant I need help, mental help...But when I was actually the most depressed after we lost Leo...Instagram didn’t flag me.” – Alex (17:04–17:49)
• They emphasize the importance of seeking support if struggling post-birth, and note that postpartum emotions are extremely volatile and normal.

First Pediatrician Visit – Rookie Mistakes and Vulnerability

Timestamps: 18:40–22:34

• Alex and Jon recount their chaotic (and ill-prepared) first doctor visit with Lucy, including forgetting a diaper bag and Jon becoming emotional during the exam.
  • Jon: “Where’s the brief? I don’t fucking have one.” (19:44)
  • Alex: “You looked like you wanted to punch our pediatrician…But when it’s your own kid, you’re like, I will protect you.” (21:01–22:06)

New York Living—Cash-Only Frustrations

Timestamps: 22:46–26:37

• The couple rants about New York’s cash-only restaurants, feeling like outsiders for not knowing, and suspecting some establishments are “a little bit illegal” for not making payment options clear.
  • “If you’re cash only, have a fucking ATM…” – Jon (25:09)
  • Alex: “Is it a little bit shady? Is it a little bit illegal?” (24:54)

Social Trends—Postpartum Honesty, Comparison and Unique Journeys

Timestamps: 30:59–33:47

• Alex pushes back on viral takes that all women “lie” about postpartum, highlighting that every parent’s journey is unique.
  • “You can’t have a blanket statement...Don’t compare, or get afraid, or feel like you were lied to.” – Alex (32:49)

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Listener Questions & Their Takes

1. Push Presents and Relationship Resentment

Timestamps: 33:50–41:14

• Listener is hurt they didn’t receive a “push present” after labor and wonders if expectations are unfair.
  • Jon is blunt: “Gift giving seems like such a...whiny, selfish thing. Your present is a healthy, fucking baby.” (35:37)
  • Alex is more nuanced: “It depends how someone enjoys being loved…A little gesture goes a long way.” (39:04; 41:11)
• Tone is playful with moments of bickering, but both urge clear communication and perspective (“Divorce is a strong word...maybe talk about getting a push present later.”).

2. Will Having a Baby Ruin Our Relationship?

Timestamps: 41:14–47:01

• Listener’s husband is afraid their relationship will suffer with a baby.
  • Alex shares an analogy: “How do you explain to someone in college that life after college gets better in a different way?...It’s harder, but it’s more rewarding.” (42:18–43:32)
  • Jon admits his rough post-college years, providing comic contrast.
• Their takeaway: Life with a baby is a transition—not worse, just different and rich in new ways.

3. Unwanted Hospital Visitors

Timestamps: 47:04–50:48

• A soon-to-be mom dreads having in-laws immediately after birth, but her husband disagrees.
  • Jon: “Your husband needs to be accommodating to you. This isn’t a moment for him…If you don’t want them there, I think he should go with your wishes.” (47:40)
  • Alex: “You have to decide what you’re most comfortable with. Communication, communication, communication.” (50:48)

4. Overbearing Mother-in-Law and Boundaries

Timestamps: 50:48–56:42

• Listener seeks advice on a mother-in-law ignoring postpartum boundaries.
  • Jon: “Don’t be passive aggressive. Tell them exactly what you want…If they do the opposite, you can be like ‘I’ve already told you where we stand.’” (51:49–52:45)
  • Alex offers examples from their own family, advocating direct, clear discussion and consistency.

5. Friends Who Don’t Show Up After Baby

Timestamps: 57:35–61:57

• Listener feels abandoned by friends since welcoming a baby.
  • Alex: “It’s a two-way street...Sometimes even just a little touch point goes a long way. A lot of relationships change.” (60:23)

6. The Hand-Me-Downs Dilemma

Timestamps: 61:57–66:53

• Listener wonders if she’s wrong to sell baby gear after being burnt by a cousin who did not return borrowed items.
  • Jon: “Everyone go fuck themselves. I would pull out a credit card and fuck up that chick’s credit...Oh, your cousin is a rat.” (64:08–65:01)
  • Alex: “You don’t owe anyone anything. This boils down to communication.” (66:31)

7. Being a New Parent’s Friend – How Much Space is Enough?

Timestamps: 66:53–72:23

• Listener is unsure if she’s overstepping by checking in with a new parent friend.
  • Jon: “It’s not about you. Leave them alone. Wait for them to let you know they’re ready.” (68:59)
  • Alex: “Don’t take it personally. They’re just in the trenches right now.” (70:59)

8. Reciprocating Friendship Support Postpartum

Timestamps: 72:26–77:45

• Listener feels she’s been a better friend postpartum than what she received in return.
  • Jon: “This person seems like she’s really only concerned about herself...I wouldn’t say anything right now, but I’d want to see if she has an epiphany down the road.” (73:44–77:13)
  • Alex: “If she’s actually that shitty of a friend, then you’re just going to not end up being friends with this person down the road anyway.” (76:36)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Overstimulation as New Parents:
  “One little human feels like 20 extra people were added to our house.” – Alex (00:01)
  “It is the most overstimulating thing.” – Alex, about Jon snapping at the dog (02:16)

• Perspective on Push Presents:
  “Gift giving seems like such a...whiny, selfish thing...” – Jon (35:37)
  “A little gesture goes a long way.” – Alex (41:11)

• Boundaries with family:
  “Don’t be passive aggressive. Tell them exactly what you want.” – Jon (51:49)
  “Communication, communication, communication.” – Alex (50:48)

• On Postpartum Experience Comparisons:
  “Don’t compare, or get afraid, or feel like you were lied to. Everyone’s experiences are going to be so unique.” – Alex (32:49)

• On Bad Hand-Me-Down Etiquette:
  “Oh, your cousin is a rat.” – Jon (65:01)
  “A normal, level-headed person would understand that.” – Alex (66:53)

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Recommendations (“Wrecks”)

Timestamps: 77:51–80:29

• Alex: Non-alcoholic wine: Spring in a Bottle by Wolfer Estate; also, series “The Girlfriend” on Amazon – enjoyable, White Lotus vibes.
• Jon: Video game Stardew Valley: “My little farm…It’s peaceful. My little unwind time.”

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This episode is a rich, honest, and comedic exploration of new parenthood and relationships, highlighting that the chaos is real, communication is everything, and everyone’s journey is unique. The hosts' banter keeps it engaging, with Jon’s abrupt hot takes and Alex’s more empathetic approach offering something for everyone in the parenting trenches—or anyone supporting them.

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Note: Ads, sponsor content, and closing logistics have been omitted per instructions.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a dear media production. It's so interesting that, like, one little human, one little peanut baby human. Feels like 20 extra people were added to our house.

[B]

How.

[A]

How does that happen?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Is it because she doesn't have legs and she can't walk and she's relying on us for everything?

[B]

I like how this whole thing, like, can. We're not. We're complaining out of love. And welcome back to Give it to Me Straight.

[A]

I'm Ale.

[B]

And I'm John. We're your gracious, gracious, gracious, tired host.

[A]

Do you feel like the adrenaline is.

[B]

There's no adrenaline.

[A]

No, no, no. Like, the adrenaline is. I can't even come up with the word is running out.

[B]

But I feel. No, right now. I feel stressed, and it's chaos to just start this today. We got ups, guys. We got Lucy crying. Kobe's barking.

[A]

Kobe. Poor Kobe.

[B]

Neglected.

[A]

No, poor Kobe. I feel so bad for him.

[B]

He's like, what did you get me?

[A]

People were like, oh, just wait. When you have a baby, the just wait people, they're like, you're gonna forget your dog. You're gonna be so annoying.

[B]

I mean, everyone says, like, I. You. You get annoy your dog. I'm not annoyed with Kobe. I just neglect.

[A]

Sure. Besides, like, no, because it was like.

[B]

Did we talk about that three.

[A]

No, it was like, day three home with Lucy. She's up, she's crying. We're still, like, just figuring out a feeding schedule in the middle of the night. And it's like, Kobe, literally, it's quiet for the first time. He hasn't done a thing. He hasn't. He's been a perfect little angel. Doesn't say anything. Obviously. He's a dog. He goes. He licks his paw once. You would have thought that John, that someone.

[B]

I feel like you're ruining the story. It's like 3am Lucy's gotten up multiple times. I can hear Kobe lick his paw from, like, five rooms away. It's just this most triggering sound for me.

[A]

And.

[B]

And so we're tired. Kobe does one lick. He's in the end of the bed. And I'm like, shut up.

[A]

John lost his mind. It's like Lucy is so fucking loud all night long. And then all of a sudden, he goes, one little lick. He goes, poor guy. He's probably like, this bitch over here is keeping up the whole house.

[B]

I feel.

[A]

So I lick my Paul once. I was like, john, you got to be nice to Kobe. He licked his Paul once. And you were like, it is the most overstimulating thing.

[B]

This is the sound. Be deadly quiet. This is the sound. And that. Enough. Just sent me through the roof.

[A]

Yeah. Poor guy. I know. But, like, I feel like I have to take intentional time to give Kobe pets and love and kisses, but at the same time, I'm just like, it's okay. We're gonna get through this.

[B]

I know that you haven't fed him.

[A]

I did.

[B]

You're feeding her, so I'm feeding him.

[A]

What do you. Yeah, Honestly, John, like, the deal was I keep baby alive, you keep me alive, and you haven't once. You fed me maybe three times.

[B]

That's a lie.

[A]

I'm hungry all the time.

[B]

You're lying. You're lying to make people be on your side. I make breakfast every. You have fucking morning.

[A]

You make it today.

[B]

I didn't have to because Jen brought, like, 9,000 burritos.

[A]

And who. Who made it? I did. Who heated it up?

[B]

Okay. I was holding Lucy.

[A]

No, you were.

[B]

Yes, I was.

[A]

My point. Everybody, we're struggling over here.

[B]

Feel bad for Alex. First off, team effort. There's a lot of shit going on.

[A]

Team Yvette. I'm so hungry. I'm feeding her. It's just a lot. Anyway, we were saying this morning, we were like, it's so interesting that, like, one little human, one little peanut baby human. Feels like 20 extra people were added to our house. How. How does that happen?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Is it because she doesn't have legs and she can't walk and she's relying on us for everything?

[B]

I think it's gonna be harder when she's a toddler, right?

[A]

Probably.

[B]

I mean, we're. I like how this whole thing, like, can. We're not. We're complaining out of love. First off, like, we're very lucky.

[A]

Difference between last episode and this one. That's what I mean. Our adrenaline was, like, peak, and now I'm like, one week difference. I'm like, wait a minute. Okay. I'm getting a little bit tired.

[B]

I don't know how anyone gets anything done. And we both work from home, and we're together. I'm like, we're behind. We're.

[A]

Well, we thankfully have my mom starting to come and help, but, like, for a while, it was just us, and then we were hosting a lot of people. And not saying that people weren't trying to be helpful, but, like, when other.

[B]

People are, it's not.

[A]

And you're. And they don't know where everything is. And they're. It's just, it's a lot. So we'll get into that in today. Into today.

[B]

I think just having people in general at your house, though, like, you're not in your comfortable space. You're still like a host and you have to feel accommodating.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In like we're, we're in the trenches right now. Like, I don't want to be accommodating to anyone and not saying they asked us to do that, but we're still those people. We're going to do that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I've made three charcuterie boards, coochie boards with you. I'm like, what are we doing?

[A]

I know, I know. And that's on us. But it's annoying too because it's like I should be napping or like we should be sleeping when Lucy's sleeping. But when people are over, like, you still want to catch up and whatnot. And again, everybody's fine. They're not nappers though. Go sleep. I also, yeah, I'm not a napper. I can't sleep.

[B]

Just go to bed at 7, like you did the other day.

[A]

Oh my. Well, that was the day. The next day I felt amazing. I was like, oh my gosh. I went to bed at 7.

[B]

You crashed out that day and then you felt better the next day.

[A]

Oh my gosh. Yeah, some days are better than other days. But we're not going to like, continue to talk about this. Of course you are, John. And we'll get into that. But I mean, this is like part two to the postpartum bringing Lucy home. Like, we'll get into some of the funny stories. But it, it is a journey and it's going to be different, I feel like every week. But just to get to filming and recording this episode. No wonder why people hire full time help.

[B]

We initially were going to start shooting at 9am it is noon. Noon.

[A]

It's okay. We're doing our best.

[B]

We're going to shoot. Alex has to pop. Just all the things. Hashtag blessed.

[A]

No, we really are. Two things can be true at once. We could be thankful and really fucking tired.

[B]

It's still not that bad.

[A]

I love how she's getting more aware too. Like, she's just. She really is the cutest.

[B]

I don't like that she's growing.

[A]

I know. She's getting so chunky. But it's been, it's been a journey since the last time that we recorded. We've had her now for a full month.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I guess by the time this episode comes out A little over a.

[B]

Month, but, like, we could talk about some other things. Other things besides Lucy during this?

[A]

What? I can't think of anything.

[B]

I can.

[A]

Oh, you went to la.

[B]

I went to la. I shot somewhat of a commercial that was pretty cool. I can't really talk about until it comes out, but it was really cool experience. I went for one night. I felt guilty enough just doing that, but Alex was like, you went for two. I guess, technically I flew in on a Tuesday, shot Wednesday, and then took the red eye home on Wednesday. So technically I was in the air.

[A]

For the night, but that's two nights.

[B]

Okay, this is a point of contention between us because this was a work op, but Alex was like, no, this was your vacation.

[A]

No, I mean, again, it's like, you don't have to technically be on. I know you went for work, so I'm like, go.

[B]

I don't want to be on. I shot for 12 hours on for.

[A]

Taking care of a life.

[B]

Okay. But I had to be on, like, for work.

[A]

Okay, but you also got to, like, shut your brain off at night. I did not.

[B]

Okay, I'm not going to win this. Fine. Whatever. Sure. So I did that.

[A]

It is different.

[B]

So that's one cool thing I did. Now the horrible thing that I did, and it's still just eating me alive, as it should.

[A]

I think I know what you're going to say.

[B]

So coming from the people who are always like, what, telling you what not to do is something I did? It was word vomit panic. I like, to start with, I am so awkward with small talk. Small talk is uncomfortable for me, especially if, like, I'm caught off guard. So to the woman, if you do listen to the podcast, I was going into the gym the other day and she works at the front desk, her and this guy manager. And they kind of know who Alex and I are. And I'm walking by and they're like, hey, congratulations on baby Lucy. Blah, blah. I'm like, oh, thank you so much. And they're both talking to me and the woman now she's speaking to me. And I don't know fucking why, by the way. She's sitting down behind the desk. She's at the front desk. I was like, oh, well, so what.

[A]

Could you see of her? Just so everyone knows, it's not like you were looking.

[B]

I didn't really.

[A]

She was behind a desk.

[B]

I. Word vomit. I'm like, oh, are you.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I was like, are you around the same dude around the same time as Alex? Like, basically saying, aren't you nine months pregnant. And she goes, no, I'm not pregnant. And I'm like, oh, she looks just like this other woman who works there that I thought. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm thinking this other brunette lady, you know? And she goes, there's no one else like me that works here. Doubles down on that. I'm like, I think it's a woman who actually just works out here. I see all the time because she is pregnant.

[A]

Wait, but she doesn't work there.

[B]

But she did work there. Gets worse. And I'm like, you know what? I think it's just someone that works her. You know, I'm.

[A]

Works out here.

[B]

Works out here. I'm just. Anyways, it's so nice seeing you guys. And then she goes, yeah, I should probably lose, like, 10 to 15 pounds. I want to kill myself. Don't know what to say to that. I. I mean, I just. I have like Larry David effect effect or moments in my life and just like, uncomfortable things because I make it awkward. And I do. I just like word vomit and there's no way of getting out of it. And I go, I was. I don't. I think you look great. Anyways, it's so great seeing you guys. And so now every time I go complex, I have a complex. Every time I go to the gym, I have my headphones in and I walk by fast and I go, hey, good seeing you guys over there.

[A]

I'm surprised you even kept your membership.

[B]

It's the only way I'll work on my legs. If I don't have leg machines, I'm not working on my legs.

[A]

Oh, my. I.

[B]

So it's been eating me.

[A]

Even as a woman, I can see someone who is nine months pregnant, and I will still be like, don't know.

[B]

Why I said it. Never say it.

[A]

Never.

[B]

Never ever.

[A]

Until they say it first. Unless it is truly confirmed. Like, you've already had a conversation. You can't.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And you've learned your lesson. And you know you'll probably never do it again. You haven't.

[B]

You know, it's funny, though, then the next week, I got our car fixed. I go to pick up the car, and the attendant knew who we were, and she's like, congratulations. I'm like, oh, thank you. She goes, yeah, newborn trenches. Did not say. I go, oh, are you a fellow parent? That's how I responded to her. She was, yes, I am. I go, oh, that's great.

[A]

A fellow parent. Or like, and you don't even want to say a fellow like soon to be parent. But yeah, even that's just. That is a. A better way.

[B]

Basically. Just talk for me. Al.

[A]

I can't, I don't. I can't come up with any words currently. I.

[B]

That's the other thing. We have been in our house literally for four weeks. We barely have gone anywhere. So when I went to la, I go from just talking to Alex, I go to LA and I'm around like a hundred people trying to have conversations and I'm just awkward.

[A]

It's not even the fact of like not talking to people. It's the lack of sleep where I just have a really hard time coming up with words or focusing. Like how am I supposed to be creative? We have work that we have to do.

[B]

I need you to be creative.

[A]

I'm going to retire. I think I'm just going to retire until she's in school and then I'll come out of retirement. Maybe. Before we continue, this episode is sponsored by winx. You know when something down there feels off and you immediately spiral on Google? At 2am I feel like I'm googling everything at like 2am, 3am, 4am all the hours of the night these days. But yeah, been there. And here's the thing. Winx Health is a sexual health brand that makes all of those I don't want to deal with this moments actually easy. No shame, no awkward pharmacy runs. Just real solutions that put you in control. Whether it's an oh shit moment when you need emergency contraception or you're wondering why does my pee burn, Winks gives you the instant answers and even same day prescriptions through telehealth. Their restart morning after pill has the same active ingredients and effectiveness as Plan B and it's legal in all 50 states. And for UTIs, yeast infections or BV, you can literally test and treat from home. Winks Health at home. Test kits tell you WTF is going on down there and you could get prescription treatment the same day without stepping into a waiting room. As a newly postpartum mom, I barely have time to shower, let alone schedule in person meetings. So having an option like Winks that lets me handle my health from home in between feeding snaps and chaos is everything. Winx Health is 100% women owned, OB GYN approved and all about making vaginal and sexual health less confusing and way more in your control. You could find Winks nationwide at Walgreens or get it delivered in 30 minutes on GoPuff, DoorDash and Instacart. Head to HelloWinks.comG I T M S for 50% off Winks at Walgreens 50 that's H L L O W I N X.comG I T M S For 50% off this episode is also sponsored by Parallel. You know what blew my mind during pregnancy?

[B]

What?

[A]

How much your body changes but your prenatal vitamin doesn't. No. Really? Like my body?

[B]

Yeah. And not mine?

[A]

No.

[B]

I mean, I did gain a little weight.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Huh?

[B]

Remember when you. You're talking about like the adrenaline of having Lucy. Remember when you posted on Instagram and you're crying, you're like I love her so much. What I send help. It's some. And Instagram, oh my God, Instagram flagged you.

[A]

So I did like it was like again first week home with Lucy and I was, I was obviously very emotional. Still am, but like lack of sleep. Just like so immersed in emotion from her being home. And I posted on Instagram like this is what happens when I stare at her for too long. Send help. And it was like me crying but happy tears. And I guess someone thought I actually meant like I need help, mental help. Because I got a notification from Instagram which was like someone thinks you need assistance. And then they gave me a link to a mental health line. Like if I needed to call someone, like, for which to be fair, we might. You are dealing with postpartum, any type of depression. Please reach out, get the help that you need because they're having Cool.

[B]

Instagram does that.

[A]

But I like how like it was when I was happy, not like when I was actually the most depressed after we lost Leo and like I truly needed help.

[B]

I guess Instagram's why just covering their ass like she's fine, but since this person flagged it. I guess we need to send her a message.

[A]

I mean, truly, I did say send help and they did. But, yeah, I mean, after, I think again, when it comes to postpartum, it can come at any time because I'm definitely feeling where. Not. Not that I'm depressed, but where. Where you can slide into it because you're just exhausted. Lack of help. You're just like, what is going on? My life is so different. And again, as much as you love your little baby, it's a lot. It's a huge life change. But what are some other things that we didn't chat about last episode that we wanted to bring up? First pediatrician trip.

[B]

You could. I'm not going to say you could talk about it.

[A]

Well, again, they like, you have to go, what, two days after you leave the hospital? One day after you leave the hospital. So John and I are like, okay, let's just say our appointments at one. I was like, let's, you know, try to get there early. I think we got there at, like 12:45 and. And the whole staff, they were like, wow, new parents here early. That's amazing. And we were like, yeah, we got this. I'm like, still wearing a diaper, in pain, leaking. And we get in, they change, they take off her clothes, like, weigh her, examine her, everything.

[B]

First off, they didn't.

[A]

Oh, you did.

[B]

We didn't know the protocol. The nurse is like, okay, let's go. I'm like, what? Take her clothes. I'm like, okay, little baby, take her. Put her on that metal sled.

[A]

So John is doing. Is getting Lucy ready. She needs a new diaper after she's examined. And they were like, all right, you could change her diaper.

[B]

And the difference, because Alex is sitting in the chair, rightfully so. And, like, her and the pediatrician are having a conversation. Yeah, me and this nurse are going to war. I don't have the brief. Lucy's shitting her pants. She's naked. The nurse is like, where's the brief? I'm like, I don't fucking have one.

[A]

And then they go, you didn't bring a diaper bag? John and I look at each other and we go, no, we just broke.

[B]

We brought the car seat.

[A]

We brought her. We didn't bring anything. We brought ourselves.

[B]

And we brought her on time, actually, early.

[A]

And they were like, oh, that's how you made it on time? Or that's. Yeah, that's how you guys were early. Because they were like, most new parents are at least 20, 20 minutes late. But Yeah. I was like, oh, yeah. Because we didn't bring anything and we weren't prepared.

[B]

I'm telling everyone we're minimalist, but really we just are unprepared.

[A]

Exactly. We're just neglectful. I'm like, okay. So the next time we packed our diaper bag, we brought extra outfits for her just in case. But I was like, what does she really need? You know what I mean? She has my boobs. Like, we're all prepared. But the best part was when Lucy's getting examined, she starts crying like, the table is cold. Our pediatrician is checking her heart rate, like, doing all of her vitals, and John is standing up. I'm sitting in the chair just, like, getting a bird's eye view of all this, and I see John start to slowly lose it and crumble. His eyes are welling up with tears. And you know the meme, the Arthur meme, where it's his little fist shaking the gif. I'm like, that is the equivalent. Like, you're tearing up. Why?

[B]

Why? Get off of there. Why?

[A]

You go. Nobody makes Lucy cry. Like, you looked like you wanted to punch our pediatrician. And I'm like, it's.

[B]

By the way, he is a really nice guy.

[A]

Oh, my God, the best.

[B]

I don't know why. Like, stuff is triggering.

[A]

Because you're.

[B]

Why? Why? Why?

[A]

But I'm looking from afar, and I'm. I'm trying to get John to look at me because you're just looking. And I see your. Your fist shaking like Arthur. And I'm like, john, it's. It's okay. It's okay.

[B]

And you're like, you're just gonna scream like that now? I have, but I haven't seen her scream like that before. I'm like, he's torturing her.

[A]

Yeah. And you're just shaking your head. You're like, this is not okay.

[B]

And they put that thermometer in her ass. I was like, this is terrible. I hate this. I know everything about this.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And it is still sad when you see them scream and cry. And I'm sure people will end up in the comments, but it's like, before having a kid, we're like, oh, yeah. Like, you know, it's our first time with this. You gotta have them be independent. Like, we'll. She'll. Not that we were, like, ever gonna let her cry it out, but, like, we'll, you know, not spoil her. Pick her up immediately as soon as she starts crying. No, when it's your own kid, you're Like, I will protect you.

[B]

Don't listen. We have no advice. Don't listen to us at all.

[A]

Stay at my home until you're 40 years old. You're never gonna get big. I will breastfeed you until you're 12. I'm just.

[B]

She's sleeping on my butt. She's sleeping the bed.

[A]

I mean, she's not sleeping in the bed because I'm too afraid of smothering her. But she's right there next to us and I'll let her live there forever. I love her so much. She's never going to leave our house. She's never going to get old. And we're going to keep her like little.

[B]

Do you hear crying? Yeah. Your mom's in the trenches upstairs right now.

[A]

Poor mom. I just love her so much. Again. She's not allowed to grow up. She's just too cute. All the things that I didn't think that I would say.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Besides Lucy, like segueing into random things that's happened during this week. New York. I know. Cash is king here and that's such old school way. What?

[A]

No, I'm agreeing. Oh, you're agreeing with him.

[B]

It's like when we lived in Raleigh.

[A]

I'm also half asleep.

[B]

Yeah, when we lived in Raleigh. Card. Everything was card. You could split how many ways? Thousand ways. With people in New York, it's. You split it once or you pick up the whole tab.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

One job, you get a discount if you pay with cash over card. There's a fee. And then some places only take cash. Alex and I have been talking about taking. Getting takeout from this place. We did it for our anniversary.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So it was our six year anniversary like a week ago. Like, oh, we're gonna order from this place.

[A]

And we've never been there. We just heard from so many people that it's great. And so we were like, that's it.

[B]

That it's great.

[A]

That it's great.

[B]

That's what we heard from it. Alex orders, call on the phone. I go, I'll pick it up.

[A]

Which also is an annoying thing. It's like the fact that you are not on Uber Eats, DoorDash, or Grubhub, any of those things. So I'm like, I will be an adult. I will call, I will look at the menu online, place an order.

[B]

So you talk to an actual person. This is important. So she talked to an actual person who works there.

[A]

And I looked at their whole website.

[B]

Okay. I go to pick it up. Guy goes to hand me all this food. Give him my card. He goes, we're cash only. And I'm like, what? So I got one guy saying, we're cash only. The other guy's awkwardly just holding the bag of food. I'm like, I look at my wallet.

[A]

I have like $25 in the year of 2025. How do you exist as a cash only?

[B]

So I go, establishment. I guess I'll go try to find a bank. Doesn't say anything to me. I'm like, okay, goodbye.

[A]

Or like, no atm. How do you not have an atm?

[B]

So, like, I look like I'm the fucking idiot. The guy is, like, looking at me like, I should know better. I'm beside myself. Like, I'm not fucking coming back. I'm trying to find a bank. A bank? No, there's no bank near this place. I'm like, okay, I guess I'm ordering for somewhere else. Like, I just feel bad leaving the food, but what am I going to do?

[A]

I just feel like if you're going to be a cash only place where you're preparing an actual meal, you have to let someone disclaimer like, hey, by the way, cash only. But again, that's why I'm like, is it a little bit shady? Is it a little bit illegal? Is that why they're not actually saying that it's cash only until they're in person?

[B]

He didn't. But he didn't tell me that if there's an 8, if you're cash only, have a fucking ATM right there. So I can. I can use that. You want me to go to another place? Like, you're not making this convenient. All make it easier for the patron.

[A]

This has to be a common occurrence. And maybe, maybe this, they don't say it because they like to eat the extra food. You know what I mean? Like, if I worked there, like when I worked at PF Chang's, if people. If people, like, forgot their order and it was untouched by like the.

[B]

Not everything's relatable.

[A]

Oh, my God, you can't really.

[B]

Everything.

[A]

I get to eat their meal. Amazing. So maybe that's what it is. They're like, oh, no, we cooked all this up and now it's for us.

[B]

So I call Alex's cousin's husband, who's born and raised here, who's lived here, and I'm thinking he's gonna make me feel better about the situation. And he's like, you didn't know that it was cash only? I'm like, bro, I'm not from here. I've never ordered from here. Like, I'm the fucking idiot. So I'm like, you're not making me feel better. So I call your other cousin and he's like, oh, yeah, Well, I think there used to be an atm. You knew that there was an atm, you should tell me. But there was not. There's no atm.

[A]

Yeah, there's a lot of places that do that. Again, I think it's because there's still some.

[B]

Just under the gist I got was the place. This place is like a local hot spot, you know, like there's this cool spot that everyone goes to. Cool. Didn't know you're going to have some people who've never ordered from there. So honestly, I'm never going back. Plus, I'm just embarrassed. So.

[A]

Money laundering. Next question.

[B]

And this podcast is also sponsored by Nature Sunshine. Okay, let's talk about brain fog. You know that feeling when you walk into a room and forget why you're there?

[A]

I mean, I feel like that every day right now.

[B]

Yeah, that's our entire personality right now. Between sleepless nights, diaper changes, and trying to remember if we actually brushed our teeth today, Alex and I are running on fumes.

[A]

Fumes.

[B]

We hit that point where caffeine just wasn't cutting it anymore. You get the jitters, you crash hard and somehow you're still tired. I do that after like four cups of coffee.

[A]

You crash.

[B]

Crash, I crash. Coffee does nothing for me anymore.

[A]

Can't handle this.

[B]

That's when we found Nature Sunshine, Brain Edge. And honestly, it's been a game changer.

[A]

Game changer.

[B]

Game changer. It combines hand harvested yerba mate with powerful nootropics to support focus, memory and cognitive performance. Without the crash, it's a clean, plant powered drink mix you can enjoy hot or cold. Which is is perfect for us because one of us is always reheating coffee we never finished. You or me reheating your coffee you never finished, it's always cold. And let me tell you, when your brain is running on newborn mode, anything that helps you remember where you left your phone or your baby's swaddle is a win. After using Brain Edge, I actually feel clear headed again. It gives me that smooth, sustained energy and I need to record, write, and survive another day of parenting without melting into the couch. What I love most about it though, it's made by Nature Sunshine, a trusted brand with over 50 years of experience sourcing pure, potent ingredients. And the yerba mate they use is wild. Harvested by indigenous communities in the South American Rainforest, which makes me feel good about what I'm putting into my body and who it supports. So if you're tired of fighting through foggy mornings and sluggish afternoons, ignite your mental performance with Brain Edge. Nature Sunshine is offering 20% off your first order plus free shipping. Go to naturesunshine.com and use the code straight at checkout. That's code [e-mail] this episode is also sponsored by Skims.

[A]

Okay, I have to share this because it's too good to keep to myself. You know how finding the right underwear or bra feels impossible, especially when your body continues to change. You got it?

[B]

My bra. Yeah.

[A]

No, they do have men's products too, which is. So it's available for you when with your changing body as well. During my pregnancy, my body was constantly evolving and nothing ever fit quite right. But then I tried Fits Everybody collection from Skims and I'm not kidding, it was like these pieces were molded to me through every stage. They were also just so smooth as butter. And when I looked at them, I was like, this is going to fit. Fits perfect. Gorgeous, comfortable. The fabric is buttery, soft, stretchy in all the right ways and actually moves with your body instead of fighting against it.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

I'm convinced this material is made with some kind of sorcery because it feels like you're wearing nothing at all while it's still being supportive. My favorite is the fits. Everybody scoop Bralette and the thong. I'm also. You guys know I've been sweating through everything, so I just have multiples of these that I change throughout the day.

[B]

There's night.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I was getting at. The full There is no difference between day and night. It is just all one day. They're sleek, lightweight, and perfect for every day and night.

[B]

Oh, there you go.

[A]

And honestly, when your body is going through major changes, whether it's pregnancy, postpartum, or just life, having something that makes you feel comfortable and confident is a big deal. So if you haven't tried Skims yet, this is your sign. Shop for the best underwear for men and [e-mail] when you check out, make sure to select podcast in the survey and choose Give it to Me Straight because we sent you Give it to Me Straight baby from the dropdown. That way they know that you guys heard it here first. You heard it here first. So head to skims.com and select give it to Me Straight. Well, I haven't left the house except to go on walk. So I have no fun stories to share, but while I am breastfeeding Lucy, I do. Well, I'll save those maybe for the end, because I'm like. I feel like, you know, Rex. I was gonna say Rex. I feel like I should write this one down, but I'll remember it. But one thing, though, that I saw on social media that I did want to address because, like, today, again, like, more part two to us being new parents. And then we'll get into different topics throughout the weeks. But I saw a video of a woman talking about how she feels betrayed by other women for not knowing the experience or what the postpartum and birthing experience was going to be like. She was like, nobody was honest with me about how horrible it is. Like, how it really changes your life.

[B]

I see videos all the time. That's a lie. There's so many videos out there that talk about postpartum.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Are you talking about your friends and family? Maybe they're lying to you, but people are very clear online what it's about.

[A]

But I guess when I was watching that, like, because she was going on and on about, like, these different categories of things that were, like, really challenging for her. And as someone currently in the postpartum trenches or newborn trenches, I truly feel like everybody's experiences are so unique to themselves. Like, it really depends on what your work environment is, what your.

[B]

What your environmental pressures.

[A]

Yeah. Like, do you have familial support? Do you have a community? What is your partner? Is your baby healthy? Are you healthy? Like, there's just so many factors that go into it where I'm just like, you can't have a blanket statement. Because if I were to tell someone, oh, my gosh, my experience giving birth was so great. They can think and they have a horrible experience. They would be like, alex, slide. It's like, no, I still can have a really great experience. Just how, like, when I was pregnant with Leo, and I'm like, I was depressed. Like, I just don't like these, like, giant blanket statements that people give on the Internet. Like, I feel betrayed by all women because everybody lied. And everybody posts these.

[B]

Everyone's threshold is also different. Like, one thing you haven't talked about, like, you're pouring sweat out of your body every night.

[A]

Well, I did say that the last episode. The postpartum night sweats are wild.

[B]

Sure, you had a breakdown the other day, but you know what? Like, you don't harp on those kind of things. So everyone's different like that. Can you. Having that breakdown the other day can probably just up someone's whole week.

[A]

Right. You know, I was like, I just need a nap.

[B]

You just need a nap. You were fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your sweats, you're like, oh, whatever that's been, that's something that happens.

[A]

I just have a pile of my sweaty clothes next to my bed.

[B]

Yeah. And some people could be like, I can't handle this. I can't handle the sweats.

[A]

So I just think like, if you are again in the trenches, you're going to be giving birth, you're planning on maybe having a kid. Like, don't let anybody's story sway you a certain way because no matter what, it's not gonna be. You can't. You just can't compare at all ever. Because everyone's experiences are gonna be so unique. So as I was watching that, I was like, this is kind of unfair to say that you feel like all women lied to you because they didn't tell you how hard it was. Again, because I feel like my delivery was, was actually easy and very enjoyable. Postpartum a little bit harder. Our experience now, it's gonna be different than someone else's experience who might, you know, have full maternity leave or their husband is at work. So I don't know. I just wanted to give that little disclaimer. It's just like, don't compare or don't get afraid or don't feel like you were lied to. If, like, your experience is not exactly like the people who you've heard it from. It's all gonna be different and unique to you. But anyway, should we jump into questions?

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Hit it.

[A]

Hit it. 5, 6, 7, 8. I have an almost eight week baby. Postpartum is already diffic. Imagine I read all the questions like a song.

[B]

Hate it.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. I have an almost eight week old baby. Postpartum is already very difficult with hormones raging. But no one prepared me for how much rage I would have towards my husband. Separately, I'm feeling super resentful because I was expecting a push present that never came. At one point during pregnancy, we brought my wedding ring to get cleaned at our local jeweler and looked at some tennis bracelets. We even discussed it being a possibility for a push present two weeks after we gave birth. We looked at a few different styles, but it just felt forced. I really wanted a gift brought to me at my bedside after all that work during my very long labor. The jeweler said he would order it in a few more options for our next visit. And Even called my husband to go and look at them, but my husband never followed up. I know we've both been in the newborn trenches, but it really feels like he dropped the ball on this. Am I being unrealistic or expecting too much? To me, a push present is more than just a reward for going through a very long and difficult pregnancy and labor. It's also about a sentimental item that I could one day pass onto my daughter and tell her that it was given to me at her birth. I'm feeling so pissed and hormonal. I literally sometimes just want a divorce because it feels like he doesn't care about me. He knows that I love a gift. When I called him out on this, he said I'm too picky and always complain about the gifts that he gets me, which isn't true. He just never puts any effort.

[B]

Hot take. I think people who are acts or gift giving, I think I just, like. I feel like that's not real.

[A]

What, like a love language?

[B]

Yeah. I feel like gift giving seems like such like, a. How she's talking. Oh, man. I get. No, I'm not gonna try. She's doing all the work. I get all this stuff.

[A]

Podcast is called Give it to me Straight, John. Give it to me straight.

[B]

It just seems like a whiny, selfish thing to be like, I want. I need a push present. Like, I guess you're. You're present. You're present to both of you is having a healthy, healthy, fogging baby.

[A]

I can see it working in some relationships if that's your dynamic. We both know you're like. You hate gifts. You've made it very, very clear, John.

[B]

But is that really your priority? Is a push present or like, your husband being there for you, which you're saying he's not because of the present thing, but, like, is he there for you as, like, a partner? Is he supportive? Is he. He, like, loving and nurturing? I just feel like your eye is off the ball when you're just so concerned about a present.

[A]

I think divorce is also a very strong word to use. She's also saying she's around postpartum.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know how that is. I know your hormones drop like crazy.

[A]

So I think it's just natural to feel some sort of way towards your husband when they are not the ones who experience pregnancy and then are fully needed postpartum. Like, you're the one healing. You're the one who's generally the. The person who's caring for the baby. Because, you know, if you're feeding them whatever, and your husband can step in where they need. But I guess, personally, I never. Like, when it came to a push present again, I think my perspective has changed wildly because my first pregnancy, I was like, of course I'm gonna get a push present after that. I was truly like, no, my present will just be a living, breathing, healthy baby and having a supportive partner by my side. But I do think it's also a conversation that happens beforehand. I don't think that you expect that afterwards or, like, bring that up afterwards, but it does sound like you guys kind of talked about it, but did you make that clear? I don't think that your husband is neglectful of you or going out of his way to not be present. I think, again, you're pissed. You're hormonal.

[B]

It's not a big deal. It's a materialistic item. She's like, something I can give my kid. Give her. Give her your. Your ring. Your wedding ring. That's probably got a lot of meaning of your love with your husband. You give that to her for when she gets married.

[A]

I also don't think that you do need a timeline to a push present either. If, like, this is something that's extremely important to you, it didn't happen at your bedside. Like, make it.

[B]

Honestly, I. To be. I don't agree with this chick at all.

[A]

You just don't think push presents should even exist.

[B]

All done. I think that's. That's a stupid thing. Just. I think Valentine's Day is dumb.

[A]

I don't know. A push present. I could see where people would like it.

[B]

Also. It's not like you didn't get something, by the way.

[A]

I know. I just got it before.

[B]

Okay. I don't know if that's hypocritical for me to say. I mean, either way, like, I'll do what I can to make you happy, but. You talking about divorce? Are you talking about, like, how he dropped the ball? I'm like, if he's a good person and he's there for you, like, your priorities are skewed. I. We could agree to disagree. I just, like, I'm. I'm not. I'm not gonna, like, support that.

[A]

I see your perspective, but I could also see hers where if she. If this is what she enjoys getting and like, that. That has always been a part of their relationship, and he knows that, you know, I just don't.

[B]

Don't you find that childish? Like, I need gifts. I need gifts to feel loved. Like, what?

[A]

No, it just depends how Someone enjoys being loved. Like just how your words of affirmation. It's like, you can't just feel loved by my actions. And it's like, no, you need to be told that, like everyone is loved in different ways or feels loved and appreciated in different ways.

[B]

But I even understand that more so too, like through actions or whatever. Like, I'm also fine with that. Gift giving.

[A]

But that's a love language.

[B]

Loved.

[A]

Yeah, but it is.

[B]

That's. I'll die on that hill. We could, we could. I'll argue people on that. I think it's so dumb.

[A]

I don't know. I think I, I still think push presence can be sentimental and nice. A nice gesture, sure, sure.

[B]

But for you to not feel loved if you don't get something, that's. That's my issue.

[A]

But again, you're not like, if that's how you feel loved, if that's like one of your love languages.

[B]

But I'm not. Who's the person who made up these love languages? Like, and saying that they're right. Like, oh, you're. Oh, well, your, Your love language is gift giving or gift getting. Like, that's, that's okay.

[A]

We're chalk this up as like Google it. But I'm assuming someone who's studied relationships.

[B]

The five love languages by Aristotle. I don't know.

[A]

I, I'm just. Again, my love language is I is not gift getting. So I don't.

[B]

I feel like I'm always defending the. I just like something like, you know, no, I'm just not going to agree with this.

[A]

I'm sure people are going to agree with you, of course, because it can come off as very materialistic. But in a situation in which you really are sacrificing your body and yourself and your mental well being for so long, like, a little gesture goes a long way. And so I just think, yeah, like, you could be disappointed. I think divorce, though, is a strong word. Talk to him about potentially looking towards a. For a push present later on. I don't know. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna say that this is. Shouldn't be important to someone when their love language is gift giving or gift getting, you know, okay, we can agree to disagree. And again, I'm sure people will be like, you're right, John. You're so right.

[B]

I doubt it. But it's fine. I'll. I'm not everyone's cup of tea.

[A]

Next question. My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few weeks. We keep seeing on social media and Hearing from people, mostly acquaintances, that having a baby will drastically change our relationship in a bad way. My husband and I have been together for eight years and have an amazing relationship, but he is nervous that things will never be this good in our relationship again. How do I reassure him that this chapter is going to be different but that we will still make our marriage a priority?

[B]

So he's just. He's just nervous.

[A]

Yeah. Understandable. I mean, again, you're going from downplay people like three.

[B]

Relax, buddy. It'll be fine. You be the confident one.

[A]

You know, we had a friend who, when, after we lost Leo, I was like, why the would I ever want to get pregnant again? Just, like, to have my heart potentially broken again. And we just really had an honest conversation, like, is having kids worth it? And, like, what's it like based on your relationship? And the thing that he said stuck with me. And I was like, oh, that is such a great way of explaining what life is like after having a kid that I've never heard before. And he was like, how do you explain to someone who's currently in college, they have, you know, classes twice a week, they get to hang out with their friends whenever they want, they're living in a dorm, they're partying all the time. How do you explain to someone in college that life after college gets better in a different way? But it's. But it's different. It's not necessarily. I mean, it's harder, but it's more rewarding. And unless, like, there are people who are like, no, college was the peak of my life, but, like, college was pretty awesome. I mean, it was. But life after college still has so much more to it, and you grow in different ways and, like, it is better. Like, you get into the workforce, you're making good money. Like, you can you become independent? You're, you know, you. You are a big girl now, big boy now. And I was like, oh, interesting. He's like, that's what having a kid is like. It's like, how do you explain to someone that, like, while there's more challenges, you're graduating to, like, this next step and, like, there's so much fulfillment after that. And so I think it's not ne your relationship isn't necessarily going to look the same, but you're going to have other things to look forward to in your relationship that you didn't before. It's like just growth. I would, I would say, yeah, sorry.

[B]

I'm just thinking about. I actually hated my life after college for, like, the first Five years. Like, I think it was the most horrible transition.

[A]

It's a beautiful transition. And John's like, horrible, worst, horrible.

[B]

It was probably the worst transition of my life.

[A]

Eventually it got better.

[B]

Years, years later, there's a photo of me. I know the exact moment in my life where I hit like rock bottom. It's Halloween. I have a zebra costume.

[A]

As long as it's not now.

[B]

My face is painted. I'm drunk, I have a cigar in my mouth. I'm at my parents house because I'm staying with them because I have no money and I'm trying to get into my master's program for ot. There's a picture of me smoking a cigar drunk. And I took all the candy and I threw it on the sidewalk and the kids were picking up the candy from the sidewalk and I'm just sitting there in a lawn chair.

[A]

Like, you couldn't even hand them the candy. You're like, pick it up. You're a piece of shit, John. Like, I was, I saw looking, man.

[B]

Is this my life? Is this my life? But seriously, when you go from college, you with all the people, all your friends, so many of you, and it's a drastic like. And then I was in the middle of nowhere.

[A]

But there's a transition phase for anything. Like, I too remember going from college into real world and I'm like, oh my God, that's why I adopted Kobe. I was like, a puppy will make me happy. I mean, he did.

[B]

Yeah, but you got to live with like your girlfriends. I lived in this old couple's. They're like their basement in the middle of the Virginia mountains.

[A]

Similar to the disclaimer we gave in the beginning of the episode when it regards in regards to postpartum pregnancy, you can't give a blanket statement for everything. So I guess some people's experiences from college to real world do stuff horrible, but it's a transition. Like I would say overall, the majority of people eventually get to a place where they enjoy life more than when they were in college.

[B]

Long time coming.

[A]

But yeah, my God, you know what, I'm just going to. We should just have separate podcasts.

[B]

I'm just saying don't do a blanket statement because I have a rough time.

[A]

I wasn't. But you're like, oh no.

[B]

You're like. And it comes with challenges. I'm like, no challenges.

[A]

You're like, I was depressed.

[B]

It's called depression.

[A]

Yeah, well, even when I met you in Raleigh, you were like, I hate my life.

[B]

I was like, I don't Think I've ever had, like, a job that I was like, I loved it. It just had just grinded it out, grinded it out. I had a job I don't think I ever talked about. I had a job where I worked in the back of this.

[A]

And then John does a commercial two weeks ago, and he's like, I work so hard. I'm like, please, you're not wiping ass anymore. Like, I was wiping ass.

[B]

Don't even go there. I had this job. I want everyone to notice I had this job. I worked at this place where they sold restaurant equipment. I worked in the back of the showroom where we used to buy, like, old Chinese restaurant kitchens. And they gave me one razor blade and I was screaming, nobody feels bad.

[A]

Everyone has worked hard jobs. I used to dig holes for my dad in the summer, literally for just two months in construction. I'd be like, home for college. Let me work for my dad's construction company.

[B]

Get rats out of the oven.

[A]

Okay, well, we could do tit for tat for all of our this. Where are we? We're so far off of the path. Your life is going to change in a way that is different, not necessarily for the worst. Unless you're fucking John. So you know what? Best of luck. Depending on who, your good luck suck.

[B]

Enjoy college.

[A]

Next question. I'm currently pregnant and due in March. I wasn't planning on having any family come to see us in the hospital. Right when our baby is born born, I want it just to be me and my husband. I know I'll be physically and emotionally exhausted, and I was thinking our parents could just stop by to see us and the baby once we're cleaned up and settled at home. A few days later, I just found out my husband wants his parents to come to the hospital immediately after our baby is born. Am I being stubborn for not wanting any family to show up immediately after I have a baby? Or is there a better way I can explain to my husband that I just don't want to see anyone else for few days while we settle in with our new baby?

[B]

I think your feelings are justified. You're the mother who just went through the most wild transition in your body and everything you just went through during labor. I think your husband needs to be accommodating to you. This isn't a moment for your husband to be like, look at my baby to my parents. If you don't want him in there, I think he should go with your wishes. I mean, we had your parents come, whatever, but if they didn't come, I would have been fine.

[A]

Well, my parents still, still came the next day. Day of I was like, we need.

[B]

Home at home and not oh, even at home.

[A]

Well, in the hospital too. So for us we made it clear that we were like, we don't want any visitors outside of our parents. If your parents were going to be in town, like they could have come by as well. But it was like short visit, like just and bring us food and just in and out. It wasn't like we were going to text them immediately as soon as she was here. Like, you're also exhausted. I'm like, I want to rest because you're not sleeping.

[B]

You got the nurse in there.

[A]

Like honestly like as, as the woman, you are just in the most vulnerable state ever. There's people in and out just checking to make sure you're not over bleeding or hemorrhaging or that you're, you know, taking your meds and they're checking you and it's just a very vulnerable state. Like again, you're learning how to breastfeed in the moment and like you don't need to be kicking out your father.

[B]

In law if you want to be settled down first. Like that is so justified. You need a minute to breathe. I get it.

[A]

But I think communicating that to your husband, that it is a very vulnerable and special time for you and again, that it is a very vulnerable time for you and you'd like him to understand. Appreciate that that like also it's very nice to just have that one on one time with you and your baby before you have visitors because it's so new and it's so fresh and there's going to be plenty of days after for visitors.

[B]

I will say though, I think it was nice that your parents came because I did have to step out once or twice. So like I never, I wanted someone there to advocate for you in the room. So like if you, if your husband goes out to get food or, or whatever, you know, always have someone in the room with you.

[A]

Right. Or like we had gifts for our nurses. So like you went to the car or like went to our house to go like grab those and like my mom stayed with me and baby or you know, but, but again I made it clear that I was like, we'll let you know when to come and you know, and they would have been fine if we said don't come at all.

[B]

Yeah, just clarify that to your husband.

[A]

To set those expectations. I also think a little bit is. I don't know if it's generational or maybe cultural. But some people used to just wait in the waiting room for the announcement of the delivery. Like my grandma, she was like, can I wait in the waiting room? I'm like, grandma, I'm getting induced. Like I could be there for days. Like, you know, you're in your 90s almost. I'm like, you don't need to be sitting in a waiting room. Like, I'll let you know.

[B]

She's like, it's been five minutes here. Did you deliver?

[A]

Yeah. Or like, baby's been out for five minutes. Can I come up? Like, you know, no. So I just think you have to decide what you're the most comfortable with because I know there are people who do like to be surrounded by everybody, their friends or family in the moment. Not me. I'm like, leave me alone.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But communication, communication, communication. Next question. I'm currently five months pregnant and I'd love your advice on tackling boundaries with a mother in law who does not understand the definition of of that word. For example, she is insistent on dictating when she could visit, already saying how long she will be staying after the baby is born, coming up with names, et cetera. But she has never once mentioned actually helping. No offers to cook, clean, or help with errands. Postpartum. Every time I've tried to politely correct her, I think she assumes I'm just being humble or that I'm afraid to ask for help when in reality I don't know how to break it to her that she is number one, not a offering to help and number two, blatantly disrespecting my wishes as the mom for reference, she ignores my husband as well when he attempts to correct her. So it's a lose, lose. I feel like, are you not just saying exactly what you want? Like you're, you're saying don't, you're trying to politely correct her.

[B]

Just be sounds passive aggressive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm telling you, you have to be direct. It's. I know that's hard. I don't have a problem with that. Yeah, you have to be direct. Don't be passive aggressive. Tell them exactly what you want. They don't adhere to your wishes, well then they'll find out the hard way when they come over and you go, I don't want you here right now.

[A]

Right, Goodbye. We had the conversation before having Lucy, like, what does the postpartum visitor situation look like? And initially I think because your parents are from out of state, you were like, oh, they'll stay with Us. And I had to communicate to you, I'm going to be freshly postpartum. I'm going to be very vulnerable. I don't feel comfortable like, having 24, seven people here also being a host. And your parents are great. Like, I know that they wouldn't expect us to host, but I was like, can we compromise and can they stay at a hotel? And so you were like, yes, I'll have that conversation with them. You did. They were fine with it. And then when they came to visit, it was, I feel like we had a healthy balance.

[B]

It makes everything so much easier. When you clarify what you want, you make it very clear. Because if they do, the opposite of you could be like, I've already told you exactly where we stand, where our boundary is, and you're not listening to me. So here's the consequence. Goodbye. Don't come to my house.

[A]

I will say too, like, you just have to know the personalities of your in laws or these people. Like, your mom, fabulous. Like, and she's such a clean freak, which I love. So, like, she cooks something in our kitchen. Like, my house is more immaculate. But dads. And I can't blame your dad because if my dad was over for four days, even just throughout the day, I'd be like, what are you doing? Like, seeing you. And again, like, I can't even complain because you were always the one to like, step in and communicate with your dad what you needed. But it was like a comedy show.

[B]

My dad for you. I keep saying my dad and I would be perfect for Amazing Race just for the views on the first episode because we wouldn't make it past the airport. My dad, I love him so much. He's the one person who can send me through the roof in like a second. But again, in a second.

[A]

They were both helpful in their own ways. But like, father in laws again. And my dad is the same. They're like, I could fix this door. But like, there was no doors that needed to be fixed. You know what I mean? So he's like, he's like, john, let's go.

[B]

Let's go out to the pool and smoke a cigar. I'm like, you think my wife's gonna be cool with me right now? We just. She just delivered the baby. Did I get to go take a break? Are you vacation out of your mind?

[A]

No, it was when he was making the pizza and then asking. And again, I love your dad. So he's like, hey, Alex, where is this? In your kitchen? I have no problem. I'm just like, Chilling there with Lucy. And I was like, oh, it's in the second drawer over there. You. You what? You go, dad, are you here to make our lives easier or harder?

[B]

I'm just saying no one asked for the pizza. Okay, so you. It's 8am, we've been up all night with Lucy. And he rolls in and he's like, I gotta make this pizza right now.

[A]

And he's like, breakfast pizza.

[B]

Where's the roller? Where's the flour? Where's this? And I'm like, I am. After the second one, I'm snapping, I'm snapping. And I'm like, dad, dad, chill out. No, I saw a pizza. And then he's like, oh, okay, okay. Like, oh, I'm pissing John off.

[A]

I'm like, oh, I think again, postpartum husband and wife, you're just gonna be a little extra testy. Like you're figuring out there's just so.

[B]

Much, oh, he's doing out of the goodness of his heart.

[A]

Exactly. And that's it too. It's like, like the intentions of your in laws or like your own parents are most likely coming from a good place, but you do have to communicate with them.

[B]

I gotta tell another story. Oh, God. I say this all out of love because I think it's hilarious. And I'm sure there's other people's parents like this. My dad, my sister sends me flowers. I take the flowers. This is on like day four of my parents being there. I take the flowers, I'm unwrapping the flowers to put them in a vase, and my dad is sitting there eating a bagel, which was, you know, Alex's cousins gave us the bagels post postpartum bagels. So that's like all these bagels, they're for me. He's eating our supplies and he goes, as I'm unwrapping the flowers to put them in a vase, he goes, you know, you should do. You should unwrap those flowers and put it in a vase. And I just fucking lost my mind. Because my dad, I think he does it intentionally. He just like, likes to state the obvious. Like, let me, let me send John.

[A]

Hey, Jet to the moon. Lucy's crying. You should probably go check.

[B]

How many times did he tell you to take a nap?

[A]

Go take a nap. I'm like, like, I'm fine. I'm fine.

[B]

Asking the listeners be like, all right, fuck you guys.

[A]

No, we love him. Again. We're both very lucky to have like, supportive parents who are involved. And. But I just think Sometimes, unless you're communicating what you need, it can make life a little bit more challenging if you're not very clear on what you need help with. So I think you need to. Don't be. Maybe she's right. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

[B]

Like, just make it easier on yourself.

[A]

Be open and say, I do not need you around. Or hey, if you're. If you want to be helpful, go run these errands for me. Give her a list.

[B]

So, yeah, holding baby really is not helping. No, because when baby, we've already done the legwork of like feeding her, swallowing, cleaning her, blah, blah. And then it's like you're just sitting there with her. I'm like, I gotta just put her in the bassinet.

[A]

Yeah. Ways to help parents postpartum. Cook for them, do their laundry, clean their house, run errands. It's like all the tasks because these chores just pile up. You're running around.

[B]

I'd be fine sitting with my own daughter. Right? That'd be nice.

[A]

That's what I want. She was just inside of me for nine months. I don't want to let her go. I just want to hold her. But gotta be clear.

[B]

Gotta be clear. I guess we were. This is us talking about our postpartum journey right now.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Alex's postpartum journey that I'm part of.

[A]

I mean, I guess you're technically. Are you technically postpartum too? Like I am? No, I'm post having a baby. But you're a new dad. Next question. Ever since I had my baby, some of my closest friends haven't reached out. I got married last summer and my baby is now five months old. And I'm talking about bridesmaids. They attended my baby shower and seemed to be excited and happy for me. But as my pregnancy progressed, I seemed to hear less and less from them. And then nothing at all. Just a congrats when she was born. No check ins, no how's the baby? Nothing. I can admit that I was busy in the newborn stage, but now that more time has gone on, I feel no desire to even reach out to them anymore. Is this a shared experience for postpartum moms? I'm the first one of my friends, early 30s, to have a baby. Is it just because we don't seem to have anything in common anymore? Am I the asshole to cut them out completely? I feel like this is such a big chapter and to not hear from friends who were so close some over 20 years, it's so hurtful. Especially when there's no attempt to even meet my daughter.

[B]

I think your experience is probably different than mine. I'm like one of the last ones of any of my friends.

[A]

True.

[B]

Who have a kid.

[A]

I have more family members who had babies.

[B]

Your close friends, you're like one of the.

[A]

Yeah, my, like my best friends outside of maybe like one or two. I was the first. But I don't know, I. I don't want to be like, yeah, you have shitty friends. But at the same time, like I was, I never pulled back from my friends throughout my pregnancy. So it is a two way street.

[B]

Good person.

[A]

No, I'm not saying that this person isn't a good person.

[B]

Not her, but like her.

[A]

Yeah. But I'm saying that like, I think a lot of, in a lot of situations, people when they get pregnant or when they are in postpartum, pull away from their friends because they're going through something that their friends can't relate to. I kind of brought my friends on that journey with me and I was still just as interested in what they had going on in their lives. So it still maintains like an equal two way street or at least I try to be. So like now that I'm postpartum, they still have shown up in ways that are super and extremely supportive to me. But I could see where it's challenging depending on who you, you know, where you are in certain relationships. Because I would say being postpartum I don't have the bandwidth to reach out to everyone. So yeah, I'm sure that there are some friendships for me as well that have kind of taken. Not a back seat. But like I haven't been able to prioritize as much because you really just don't have the time. So maybe these friends, if like you just haven't been as close with them on your end, maybe felt similarly. Otherwise if you have been checking in with them, maybe they're just not great friends.

[B]

I think I stopped paying attention like halfway through this. Yeah. Either reach out, they don't connect with you. Moving on. Got it.

[A]

How do you feel about your friends, John? Again? You're like the last one to have kids out of all of your friends.

[B]

Yeah, I'm more so reaching out to them. I'm like, is this normal? How long did it take for your kid to sleep?

[A]

Yeah, I just feel like your friends, while relationships ebb and flow and while they might not have things in common with you anymore or at this season of life, like if they're close friends, they should be checking in, but Again, it's a two way street. Are you also because maybe they think.

[B]

That you were like oh maybe she wants her privacy. Yeah, like if you haven't checked in, how do you actually fucking know how.

[A]

They feel or communicating? Like hey guys, I'm currently struggling just just sending a reminder. I love you. I just feel like sometimes even just like a little touch point of communication could go a long way. A lot of relationships change.

[B]

You're like really close with your friends. Like how you guys communicate with each other or even you do like a weekly update.

[A]

Yeah, like we, I don't know, we are just very vocal and communicate with each other all the time. What? What's wrong? Why are you laughing? With our weekly updates we love to know what we're all long distance guys and girls.

[B]

Guys and girls are so different.

[A]

The majority of me and my friends are all long distance and so it's.

[B]

Nice to just the amount of text messages you guys do to each other. I'm like like send to each other. I think I have like goo a call every couple weeks and we don't even have enough to talk about for like a five minute conversation.

[A]

Sounds like a you problem. Should we unpack that? No. Next question. A few years ago when my husband and I had our first daughter, my cousin announced she was expecting a baby girl about nine months apart from us. She requested hand me downs from us to which I told her that I would give her as long as we would get them back if we decided to have a second kid. We weren't sure if we wanted a second child at the time when I passed down our items. But just in case I wanted to make sure we wouldn't have to buy all new big stuff again. Bassinet, crib, swing walker, etc. Well, we just welcomed our second daughter earlier this month and when I asked my cousin for the big items back that she sold it that she was no longer in need of, she replied that she had gifted them to a friend of her.

[B]

That fucking rat.

[A]

Because she wasn't sure if or when we were ever going to have another. I was deeply annoyed because of our agreement, but eventually I got over it and with some budgeting we bought all new items. I justified to my husband that I could resell these items this time around and recoup some of our money spent since we 100% knew that we didn't want a third kid. My best friend just told me that she is now expecting a child about two seven months apart from our second and last and she knows we don't want any more. So she has made a couple of comments about taking any and all hand me downs and not being too picky. I told her of course if she is a girl we would be happy to pass along our used clothes.

[B]

Again, this is not.

[A]

This is to a different person. This is to a friend, not her cousin. So she said. But she made a comment recently about how she's the only person I know that's pregnant right now and how nice it is that she doesn't have to to add a bunch of the big stuff to her registry. I haven't told her that we are giving her everything, but I also haven't told her that we aren't either. It may seem to some people not that big of a deal to gift it all, but to be honest, baby items are not cheap as I'm sure you know. And given that we are a single income family and really had to adjust and budget to afford items that we assumed we wouldn't need this time around since we had already bought everything once before, it would be nice to resell them on Facebook Marketplace. So am I the asshole for wanting to make my money back on the used baby items rather than gifting it all to a close friend?

[B]

Everyone go fuck themselves. I would pull out a credit card and fuck up that chick's credit.

[A]

The first one, your cousin. Yeah, it's her cousin. So yeah, number one, a rat.

[B]

She told you verbatim. Yeah, I'll give it back to you. She gave it away to her friend.

[A]

So yeah, it's like the cousin, her. She gave the stuff to her cousin saying I want it back just in case.

[B]

Agree.

[A]

Her cousin gave it to her friend, her own friend, because she was like, well, you never told me when.

[B]

The second part of this is another friend's asking for her stuff that she.

[A]

Well, because she was like, my cousin gave away all my stuff already. Now I have to buy stuff again which your cousin actually should have paid for. Now she has a friend who's pregnant and her friend is like, oh well, you're not having a third kid.

[B]

No, no one's getting anything. I will take all the baby stuff, YouTube it, me burning it all rather than making. No one's getting it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, your cousin is a rat.

[A]

It's. It's layered here. So it starts with your cousin. Your cousin is the worst.

[B]

No layer.

[A]

No, no, I'm saying because there's different like tiers here. Your cousin shouldn't have given your away number one without your permission.

[B]

Are people that stupid like out of the goodness of your heart. You're like, please, here you go. Yeah, I'm already strapped. I'm already strapped.

[A]

Thousands of dollars worth of items and then she has the audacity to not even let you know, not even ask to just give it. Give stuff that doesn't belong to her to her own.

[B]

What a trash can?

[A]

Yeah. I would ask number one, I would have stopped there and asked your cousin to pay for those things and been like, we, we did not give these to you. We loaned them to you.

[B]

In her head she's like, oh no. I remember you telling me I could take and just do whatever I want with them. People will make up in their head.

[A]

Well, so anyway, then you bought new things. I don't think you owe anyone anything. But again, this boils down to communication. It sounds a little bit here that you're a people pleaser because I would have gone off on my cousin. You like here.

[B]

I don't know if Alex would have gone off on her cousin. Okay, you're kind of a chicken shit.

[A]

Fine, John. I would have had you go off on my cousin. And so I think in this situation you have to be upfront and honest with your friend and say whatever. Honestly you are comfortable gifting your friend. Do it. But if you do not want to gift those items, you don't have to and tell her that. Just be like, hey, we lost out. We had to buy completely new things from my cousin. If you could pay for these, fabulous, I'd be happy to give you a used rate. But we're selling them. So if you want to buy them.

[B]

I'm strapped and you don't have to explain anything. To be honest, you could be like, honestly, I'm just going to try to sell these.

[A]

Yeah. And just be like, we need to make our money back. We had to buy a whole second round because my cousin gave our away.

[B]

And you know what? They'll tell you what kind of friend you have.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah. A normal.

[B]

She could be another trash can too.

[A]

Level headed person would understand that. A normal, level headed person. So you're not the asshole.

[B]

I'm telling you, money makes people. People change.

[A]

This. But this is even like a money conversation.

[B]

It is, it kind of is. It's a finance thing. Like I just think that people were strapped. Like it makes people go crazy.

[A]

But who just thinks that they are owed something because someone had an self.

[B]

Entitled, I mean lots of people, self entitled people. The amount of self entitled people out there is absurd. That they think they're owed something.

[A]

I'M too tired for these shitty friendships and relationships. No.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Next question.

[B]

What a garbage can.

[A]

My best friend and I have known each other for almost eight years. We always dreamed about what life would look like once we had kids, and I even joked that I'd be the one making her postma part of meals. She just had her first baby about three weeks ago and in the months leading up to her delivery we were spending a lot of time together, shopping at Ikea for baby things, having dinners, and going to brunch the weekend before she went into labor. Our husbands are also close friends, so it felt really natural. She texted me a few hours after her daughter was born and I was so excited. I even asked if I could stop by the hospital and she said yes, but I had a house emergency and couldn't make it. Two weeks later I asked if I could could come by but she canceled at last minute, saying neither she nor her husband had showered and the house was a mess. I didn't want to push, so I gave her space. In the meantime, I've sent her funny reels just to brighten her day and we had a brief conversation where I told her I didn't want to bombard her, just that we were thinking and praying for them. Her replies have been short but polite things like we're getting the hang of it. My husband recently texted her husband to check in and he suggested we get together next week, but when my husband replied, the new dad followed up by suggesting they just grab a drink instead. I don't want to seem upset or too pushy, especially since I don't have kids yet and maybe I just don't understand how overwhelming the stage can be. But part of me feels hurt and a little confused. Would it be so wrong for them just to say they're not ready for visitors yet? Or that things are hard right now? Instead, it feels like I'm being avoided without really knowing why. She's my best friend and one of the things I've always looked forward to is being able to support her. I get it John, you want me to hurry up this question Should I just relax and give her the space she needs, or is it fair for me to feel a little bit both left out?

[B]

It's not about you leaving the alone. Why do you why do people make stuff about themselves off and wait for them to let you know they're in the trenches right now?

[A]

Can we hang out?

[B]

Can we go on a walk? We do like off off.

[A]

It's week three coming out of just week three it's so bombard me. Yeah, yeah. Also, not just that. Like, it is hard to even find your fucking phone when you're postpartum. You have a baby in your arms, you have a million other things that you need to be doing. You're leaking, you have Launcher, you've. So it is just. It's.

[B]

What's wild is people don't get the memo. You're like, hey, you know, maybe like, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking text you the next day, same goddamn question. Why?

[A]

Right. Yeah. And again, everybody's level of support and help are different. So if they don't have all hands on deck is her husband. Even if her husband's not back at work. It's a lot for just two people. You have to just let her come to you when she's ready. It's. It's so overwhelming.

[B]

I would be like, I don't. I. No times. I'm gonna put you at the very bottom of the list.

[A]

But I think you checking in, just being like, hey, I'm here when you need me. If you need anything one time. No, I mean, whatever. If you want to follow up. Don't be pushy though, and be like, hey, when can I come by? Hey, can I come by tomorrow? How I'm planning about coming on by here. Blah, blah, blah.

[B]

Fair enough.

[A]

You need to just be the helpful person who's. Or if you're going to stop by. But like, don't ask to meet the baby. Just be like, I'm bringing by some meals, I'm bringing some groceries.

[B]

Or at the bottom of the driveway.

[A]

Yeah, but like I'm telling you, based on sleep schedules, based on feeding, like there's. They just don't have the bandwidth right now to think about getting together, planning. They're probably sitting. Sleeping when they can throughout the day. It's just a lot. So don't take it personal. It's not. They're just figuring out how to keep this little thing alive right now.

[B]

As the parent, I take it personal that you don't give a About like, you saying, like, you're thinking about you. Let's be like you're not thinking about that.

[A]

But when you've never been through it. I mean, I guess another example of that.

[B]

Say someone goes through a breakup and they want to be alone and you're bombarding that person about meeting up and hanging out, and that person does not want to. That's not like who that person is. It's like, let them come to you. They'll talk to you when they're ready if there's someone's going through something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I guess before, don't make it about you.

[A]

We had kids, we always waited for the parents to let us know when it was okay to visit. Like, we would send food, send gifts, never ask to like, meet in person and just be like, hey, when you're ready with baby. So again. But again, a lot of people might not realize that because they haven't had that experience or they're just not sure what to do because their relationships are very different. You just. It's not. Don't take it personal. They're just in the trenches right now. John's reaction is just from personal experience.

[B]

Yeah, but even her like, question, that does make me think of people I know, like, we know that are doing it to us currently. And I'm like, they probably think the same way. Like, why are they ignoring us? Like, are you dumb?

[A]

Yeah, again, sometimes I don't even check my phone until 8pm because you're just running around. So I think just again, doing what you're doing. Giving a note.

[B]

No, no, not doing what you're doing. But like, do less, do nothing.

[A]

Checking in but not asking, when can I see you next?

[B]

Because she checked in. Enough. Next question.

[A]

Okay, well, this one is also about friends and postpartum experiences. So feeling resentful and need some advice. I'm just coming out of the newborn trenches myself and my friend just had her baby. She didn't really show up for me because she was so focused on her own pregnancy. Like complaining about how uncomfortable and tired she was to me right after I had just gotten home from the hospital. Valid feelings for her to have, but I was definitely not the right audience. She didn't offer to send us food or do anything that might be helpful postpartum. Not that we needed gifts, but even just a simple ask of how can I be helpful? Wasn't there. Now I'm showing up for her and being a really great support, but I'm feeling annoyed and resentful that I didn't even get a fraction of the support. I helped her through labor, sentiment, her food, texted her all through the night. Help, problem solve, etc. She says things like, wow, I don't know how you did this. Like it's something in the far past, but I'm currently still very much postpartum with a small baby. I don't think it's worth bringing up. Definitely not now while she's really in the thick of postpartum. But later on it feels pointless too Would you say something? What would I even say or do I just keep showing up for her but stop going above and beyond. I'm unsure what the right move is because I want to treat people the way I want to be treated and I'm not showing up just because I expect something in return. But I'm also over giving her all this support without getting anything back.

[B]

I like this person. She seems sounds level headed, educated, thoughtful, thoughtful, caring, thinking about others, all that, all that stuff. I definitely think your feelings are justified. I, yeah, I wouldn't say anything right now because she's going through some stuff, but this person seems like she's really only concerned about herself. You know, I think it's, that's unfair the fact that she said like I don't know how you did this. Like she's not like she's going through right now you're postpartum, you're going through.

[A]

Well, especially because it's back to back. I mean now being postpartum and seeing some friends who have like continued to like operate their businesses from afar so flawlessly, I have texted them and been like, I don't know how you fudgeing did this, but you also don't know what you don't know. So like while this friend maybe could be a better friend to you, I think that there's a lot of experiences in life that like you don't know how to show up for a person unless you've gone through that experience yourself, like with loss. I don't know that if someone experienced loss that I would know how to help or show up for a grieving.

[B]

Person, you can say something at least so they know that you've thought about them. She hasn't said one thing to her.

[A]

Is that what she said her whole pregnancy? No, that's not what she said. She was just saying she didn't really show up for me because she was focused on her pregnancy.

[B]

What is. Didn't really.

[A]

Right. But, but yeah, I guess you're right. She didn't, she didn't ask how can I be helpful? And so yeah, I mean again, even with my friends who I hadn't gone through.

[B]

You're an adult. If you're an adult, you have there. Yeah, she needs to take some sort of responsibility with that.

[A]

Like, well I.

[B]

You have you a conscience, right?

[A]

I don't think that you need to go. I don't think if it's in your nature to be helpful to someone, I don't think that you, you need to stop what feels natural to you do. I think you need to be going above and beyond for this friend anymore. No, like, pull back then if you feel like you're not getting the same treatment. If you want to match her energy, sure. But if that's not going to make you feel good about yourself, don't do.

[B]

Things and expect something in return.

[A]

And that's what she was saying. She's like, I'm not doing that. She's not doing things and expecting things in return. But would you say something like, if this was a friend who.

[B]

Fuck, yeah. But not in the moment. I get like, I'll let her get through all this stuff. Because those also. I'm a person that will continuously think about that. Every time I see that person, I know.

[A]

I just like, I'm not a grudge holder. So I would just like take the action. Do less.

[B]

What? Bury it down. You might not think that it's affecting John.

[A]

Like, that is the definition of not holding on to a grudge is not bearing it down. Like, you just let it go.

[B]

Like, I don't disappear. There's no way. Just disappears.

[A]

You probably think it disappears like a squirrel, but I forget a lot.

[B]

Yeah, you're like a squirrel. You take the nuts and you're putting in the tree and you're hiding it for another winter.

[A]

30 years. I don't. I don't know, I just.

[B]

You might not think it's still with you, but it is. If it's a resentful thing.

[A]

But if, if she's actually that shitty of a friend, then, like, you're just going to not end up being friends with this person down the road anyway. That's how I am. I'm just like, oh, these actions show who you really are and then you just don't be friends with them. That's me. That's what I do. I don't care. I don't care enough to be like.

[B]

I also want to say it to them because I want to see what their reaction is. Like, are you gonna have an epiphany and be like, oh my God, you're right, I wasn't. Or is it a double down moment? Like, how dare you? Then that, then that would definitely make you be like, this is not a good friend.

[A]

No. Yeah.

[B]

Because if you're not self aware enough and I bring it to your attention and if you're apologetic, I'm fine. But if you're like, what are you talking about? I'm like, oh, we have a big issue.

[A]

I know. And I really want to believe that it's just because she has been going through her own journey and hasn't gone through postpartum that she didn't know how to show up for you. But you could be right to where it's just like she's not self aware and she just cares about herself and she's a shitty friend. But like I say, with most relationships, those things will reveal themselves eventually. This is the first thing that she's ever done that is like more selfish.

[B]

Everyone's time's money, Al.

[A]

That's why you have no friends, Sean.

[B]

Because I have you.

[A]

I know. And now we have Lucy.

[B]

Lucy's my boss. Okay, that was the last question.

[A]

That was the last question. Okay, so my wreck. Someone asked a question and I wanted to answer it for a wreck. But this isn't my full wreck. This is just a reminder. She said, alex, when. When you were pregnant, I remember you talking about two different brands of non alcoholic wines that you liked. Can you remind me me of what they are? I don't know that I had two, but I had one that I knew of. It is Summer in a Bottle by Wolfer Estate. No, no, Summer bottle. No, that's their alcoholic one. It's spring in a bottle.

[B]

Spring in a Bottle.

[A]

Spring bottle. Good rose. Again, not. It doesn't taste exactly like a rose, but it's like the best one that I had. But also a lot of great non alcoholic beers like Athletic Brewing or I think Corona even has a really good athletics.

[B]

Really good. Because athletics like IPAs, lagers, stuff like that. Corona has a really good one. Corona 00 or whatever. There was one other one that you really liked too.

[A]

I don't remember, I can't recall.

[B]

But Heineken was good.

[A]

Yeah, there's a lot of good non alcoholic options there. Wines are a little bit harder, but Spring in a Bottle is great. But my actual wreck is the Girlfriend on Amazon Binge. Watched that. Very good. It gives a little bit like white Jenna.

[B]

What's her name? She's Jenny.

[A]

Oh God.

[B]

You didn't know that?

[A]

I didn't realize that that was her. I KN of cards.

[B]

You didn't realize those hurt the whole time you watched it?

[A]

No, I know, but she was great. Other girl from House of Dragons was in it. I don't can't think of her name right now, but fabulous cast. It had a little bit of like white lotusy vibes which I enjoyed. Ending was all right, but good show overall. I recommend so if you want to watch it. The Girlfriend on Amazon, very good.

[B]

What's your wreck John, my wreck. What I've been doing, when I have any spare time, I've been playing this game called Stardew Valley.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's my little farm. You can actually play on your phone. You download it on your phone. I've actually been playing this for like two months now. And what I like about it, it's a. It's like an old school Nintendo, Nintendo Game Boy game, like Pixel. I can start and stop. Lucy's crying. I can walk away. But it's peaceful. Nice little calming soundtrack. I built a farm. I just got married. Just built a nursery. I might have a kid. We might have a kid.

[A]

Penny, that hoe.

[B]

My wife's name is Penny.

[A]

Yeah, like, I don't like Penny. She's a redhead.

[B]

I got a couple cows, a couple sheep and some chickens. And it's peaceful. It's nice. It's my little, like, unwind time that I've gotten to play twice now since Lucy's been here.

[A]

Well, I'm happy for you, John. I'm happy for your nuptials and for your potential new baby on the way.

[B]

I got some fall crops going in right now. It is fall.

[A]

So happy for you. Can we go to a pumpkin patch, please?

[B]

We'll go. Yeah.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, we're gonna do a couple trips soon.

[A]

Well, our first, like, little getaway with Lulu Head.

[B]

Yeah, we're gonna go to like a little fall in place. It'll be cute.

[A]

I mean, fingers crossed this all goes well. What, like just meaning, like traveling with her. I'm like, you know, pumping, we'll be fine. Storage, sleeping.

[B]

What do we do? It's only two and a half hours away, so nothing crazy. But you know what? Until next week, no use.

[A]

I say that I think guys, like.

[B]

Subscribe, email, comment, like our show.

[A]

If you want to follow us, you can find us at Give to me straight everywhere on the socials. And if you want to email us an anonymous question, you can't do that because it'll show up with your name, but you can email us at hello, Gibson street straight podcast dot com.

[B]

We'll erase your name.

[A]

An anonymous question, though. You can send in our show notes or on our website. And I think that's. That's it. Right.

[B]

And we'll see you next week. Ciao.

[A]

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