77. Giving you sleep deprivation, wedding drama, and confessions

Summary

Give It To Me Straight – Episode 77

Title: Giving you sleep deprivation, wedding drama, and confessions
Date: November 11, 2025
Hosts: Alex & John
Network: Dear Media

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Episode Overview

In this candid and characteristically unfiltered episode, husband-and-wife duo Alex and John dive into the messy realities of parenting sleep deprivation, wedding etiquette, complicated friendship dynamics, mother-in-law drama, and personal confessions from their listeners. Expect humor, blunt advice, and intimate glimpses into their life as new parents, as they tackle listener-submitted wedding dilemmas and share their own behind-the-scenes moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Sleep Deprivation, New Parenting Struggles, and Emotional Rollercoasters

[01:16–05:30]

• Alex and John open up about being utterly exhausted and sleep-deprived as new parents to their daughter Lucy.
• Their humorous recounts include accidentally putting ice cream in the fridge, mispronouncing everything in baby bedtime stories, and failed attempts at establishing a sleep schedule.
• Alex finds herself unexpectedly moved by children’s books:

  “Children’s books… some of them slap and make me really emotional, and others are just so—” (Alex, 02:33)

• The couple debates whether everyone else is doing better than them, referencing exaggerated claims from social media:

  “People who are saying their 4-week-old sleeps 12 hours through the night–okay, you’re a liar.” (Alex, 03:33)

• They acknowledge how hard it is to juggle work and parenting without help. Alex expresses deep admiration for single parents.

Comic Mishaps & Family Moments

[05:33–11:18]

• Alex’s mother-in-law visits, and John disastrously destroys their car rim on a coffee run to Dunkin Donuts.
• John’s misadventures escalate when he pours coffee all over the kitchen due to an overfilled coffee box.
• The couple share a hilarious story about a poorly decorated cake ordered for a friend:

  “If my right hand was my dominant hand and I wanted to write on a cake with my nose... that's what it would look like, but worse.” (Alex, 09:49)

Observations on Gender Confidence & Social Dynamics

[17:17–19:54]

• A discussion around gender and overconfidence, inspired by the “who would fly the plane?” scenario, with John and Alex playfully debating perceived male and female tendencies to volunteer for tasks they’re not qualified for.
• John quips:

  “Only a boy would be able to confidently be mediocre at something and confidently hand it off to you.” (Alex, 12:07)

Fun Facts Corner: Haagen-Dazs and Michelin Stars

[20:01–22:17]

• John shares trivia about:
  • Haagen-Dazs being a made-up name by a Polish family to sound European.
  • Michelin stars originating from the tire company to encourage more driving (thus selling more tires).

Baby Updates & Reflections on Parenting

[22:18–27:42]

• Updates on their dog Kobe and his hydrotherapy appointments.
• Reflections on Lucy’s changing appearance and how seeing herself in her daughter is shifting Alex's self-image.
• Parenting brings a bittersweet acknowledgment of time’s rapid passage:

  “Time is a thief. It’s so crazy how quickly they change as kids.” (Alex, 27:42)

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Listener Questions & Wedding Drama

[34:41–66:57]

1. Officiating a Friend’s Wedding—Is a Gift Still Required?

[34:41]

• The consensus: officiating counts as a gift if it’s a service normally paid for; “you’re fine, you owe them nothing material.”

2. Bachelorette Party Disaster—Confront or Ignore?

[39:33]

• A guest was caught rifling through bags and left without a word. The couple debates whether to confront her or avoid drama before the wedding.

• “She made it weird. If people can’t take accountability for their actions, that’s on them.” (Alex, 41:00)

3. Left Out of a Gay Best Friend’s Wedding Party?

[43:33]

• Listener hurt over not being included “for tradition’s sake.” Alex and John reason it’s a signal that the friendship may be less reciprocated.

4. Best Friend’s Fiance Hits on Me Before the Wedding—Tell Her?

[45:45]

• The sticky moral dilemma: John and Alex lean toward honesty, especially if you’re close; “I can’t keep my mouth shut.” (Alex, 47:31)

5. Overdue and Overwhelmed—Bridal Party While 40 Weeks Pregnant?

[48:48]

• Their advice: Don’t wait, just have an honest conversation—if you can’t make it, say so.

  “Why wait? Rip the band-aid off.” (John, 48:49)

6. Regretting Your Bridesmaid Pick?

[52:10]

• Quasi-friend drama and social anxiety in the bridal party—do you break the news or just let it ride?
• John:

  “There’s no way you’re going to say it in any way that’s not going to offend her; just suck it up or be ready to lose her as a friend.” (53:04)

7. Third Time’s the Charm—Attending a Friend’s Third Wedding

[55:10]

• John minces no words:

  “Go to the courthouse, get married, best of luck and f*ck off.” (John, 55:24)

• Alex agrees: “If it’s your third wedding, don’t expect people to get you gifts or attend bachelorettes or showers.”

8. Mother-in-Law Wears White to the Wedding

[62:17]

• The universal conclusion: Say something if it’s eating you up inside, and don’t internalize her rudeness.

  “If anything’s eating you up, bring it up. Otherwise it’s going to manifest and you’ll end up needing therapy.” (John, 63:32)

9. Secret Confession: “I Accidentally Got My Husband Fired”

[68:17]

• Listener shares a secret about (not-so-accidentally) providing evidence that got her unfaithful husband fired. Alex calls it “queen behavior.”

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Parenting Catch-up & Product Recommendations

[71:21–73:08]

• John reviews the “baby butt whistle” (Windy) and baby nasal aspirator (“the booger balloon”), with mixed effectiveness but some parental satisfaction.
• Alex praises their new Wayfair Christmas tree (unsponsored recommendation):

  “It brings me so much joy when I walk into our living room and I see it.”

• The couple discuss the ongoing struggle to find trusted childcare and the importance of making time for each other as new parents.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On wedding obligations:

  “Plan a party, but have zero expectations. Don’t expect a gift, don’t expect… If it’s your third wedding, don’t include other people to be in your nuptials.” (Alex, 56:13)

• On communication in marriage:

  “How do you marry someone and not have constant conversation?” (John, 64:41)

• On parenting revelations:

  “Parenting is about the little wins… I sucked a huge ass booger from her nose and now she could breathe. Made my day.” (Alex, 71:12)

• On wedding drama and being blunt:

  “Go to the courthouse, get married, best of fucking luck, and fuck off.” (John, 55:24)

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Segment Timestamps

• Sleep Deprivation & Parenting Mishaps: 01:16–05:30
• Family Stories & Cake Meltdown: 05:33–11:18
• Confidence, Gender, & Social Observations: 17:17–19:54
• Fun Facts (Haagen-Dazs, Michelin): 20:01–22:17
• Parenting Reflections: 22:18–27:42
• Listener Q&As (Wedding Confessions): 34:41–66:57
• Parenting Products & Finding Help: 71:21–73:08

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Tone & Style

Alex and John maintain their trademark mix of irreverence, empathy, and humor—offering listeners both laughter and a sense of “you’re not alone in this chaos” camaraderie, especially for new parents and wedding-weary friends.

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For more anonymous confessions or to submit your own wedding drama, email: hellogiveittomestraight or see the show notes for the anonymous question link.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

[B]

This podcast is sponsored by adt. It's that time of year again when you start arranging pumpkins on the stoop, try out a new cranberry sauce recipe, and plan out a tablescape that'll outdo last year's. In other words, it's when you break out all your DIY holiday skills. And now ADT is making it easy to DIY your home security, too. Their systems aren't just simple to set up, they also fit within your budget. So get excited for your next project because your peace of mind just went DIY. Visit ADT.com to learn more or call 1-880asap. When every second counts, count on ADT. Elope. Shut up. You're on your third wedding. Don't. Don't be asking fucking people to come be part of your party. And do this and do that. Go to the courthouse, get married, Best of fucking luck, and fuck off. Why do you need to have some wedding for your third wedding? This is. This is it. This is the one. This is the one that's going to really change my life.

[A]

And welcome back to give it to me straight. We have to hold hands so that we remember.

[B]

I'm Alex, she's John, and we're your gracious, gracious host.

[A]

You know how I know how we're so sleep deprived? Because I opened up the refrigerator this morning and you put the ice cream in it. That's not even the worst thing.

[B]

What did you do?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

No, that was the counter. Because that was your counter. I. What did.

[A]

Oh, you said. I was, like, trying to put on the top to the bottom, but I was just doing it.

[B]

It wasn't even on the top. You were, like, looking in the distance and the you at the top just, like, screwing on the side.

[A]

We tried reading Lucy a bedtime story the other night, and we were popcorn reading. I don't think we pronounced a single word correctly. How do people do this?

[B]

There's some weird children's books out there. It's like the whale one. That was the beluga whale.

[A]

Yeah, that was the weirdest one.

[B]

What the. I was like, I'm trying to understand the arc of this story because that's.

[A]

All that we asked for from people when they were like, what do you need? And we were like, we just want to build out Lucy's library. And we have. There's the. The oddest, the most odd books in existence for children's books. But I feel like it's pretty easy.

[B]

To get cried at two of them so far. You're right at Kobe. You brought that one up already though.

[A]

I think I cried at most of them.

[B]

It was like mommy, daughter book.

[A]

Yes. And it was like, you'll.

[B]

I'll remember you when I have my leopard spotted hands.

[A]

I don't even know. But for some reason children's books, some of them slap and in me in the face and make me really emotional and other ones are just so.

[B]

Other ones. I'm like, wow, we should write a children's book.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

How I just know that we're. I thought we were doing awesome and I feel like we're behind like the fact that everyone's babies that we know is sleeping through the night and, and who?

[A]

Everyone in the comments is your 8 week old sleeping through the night? Come on now. I don't think so.

[B]

People who are saying that more than two hours. I guess last night she slept three hours.

[A]

She does between two to three to four hours.

[B]

She doesn't do between that three hour for that four hour was a one off. The three hours maybe happened three days.

[A]

I'm just going to say that it's normal everything that I'm seeing. But then again you like scroll on tik tok and it's like how my. I know 4 week old sleeps 12 hours through the night. There's us.

[B]

And she's like, okay, you're a liar.

[A]

I feel like what would one good night of sleep do for us?

[B]

Well, we wouldn't want to kill each other.

[A]

Yeah. Because I think we're. We're still back at work 100% so we're not able to nap throughout the day. That's probably what makes the, the difference.

[B]

Well, we don't nap anyways. I think what it is is knowing there's like a bedtime schedule, like a light at the end of the tunnel for the day. Right now we have nothing. We have no schedule. We're not organized.

[A]

We need help.

[B]

We need help.

[A]

No, we do. I think like John and I have always been so productive with just the two of us. This is actually our own therapy section. Session on Give it to me straight. We have always just been able to handle life on our own and really do it so, so productively with each other.

[B]

People gonna be like, boohoo. You know, because everyone else, of course.

[A]

People are gonna be like, boo, dude.

[B]

I will say this, I will say this again.

[A]

I'm saying boohoo. I'm so just happy we have a beautiful daughter.

[B]

I know. I'm. I have so Much respect for single parents. Can you.

[A]

I can't. How the.

[B]

Do you do it by yourself? And you have to work on top of it. No, how. How do you do it?

[A]

I don't know. I really don't.

[B]

There's two of us. I'm like, we need three more people.

[A]

Well, that's why I do think again. Because most people are either not back at work yet or only one partner's back. I think because we're both at. We're both trying to work and care for her at home at the same time. Like, we just need. My mom comes when we record the podcast praise, but it's like we need someone more than that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, I think that we are a little. We had. We had higher expectations for ourselves of what we can handle. That's okay.

[B]

We're going to be. I feel like maybe hiring an assistant we might get.

[A]

Learning curve in itself. No one's following along. Let's just talk about our week. We're sleep deprived.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're doing okay. We're hallucinating.

[B]

Okay. So my mom came to visit. Thank God that helped out a lot because we. We got a lot going on with work. So it was nice. She came and helped and saw. Saw Lucy. And it's funny seeing my mom, you know, you know, crack that exterior shell of hers. I walked into the house at one point and she was like, sitting in the dark in the nursery and. And I was like. It looked like she was. I was like, oh, did you take a nap? He's like, no, like, I'm tearing up because she, like, had a moment with Lucy. She's like. It's like she was staring into my soul. That's what my mom says. I've never heard that say that ever.

[A]

They look deep into your eyes and you kind of feel like, what do you see in me right now? Like, what demons are you pulling out of my eyeballs? But yeah, it's like. Or, you know, what angels are you looking at? But yeah, it's very. They do look into your soul. So when your mom said that, I was like, oh, I'm glad. Glad you had your moment. But seeing your mom more the more of the maternal side of your mom, which is nice.

[B]

Something that happened when my mom was here. She doesn't like our coffee. She only likes Dunkin Donuts. So I go to get her dunkin donuts. Oh, 8:00am Dude, I don't know what the fuck's with these drive thrus. Why are they so goddamn narrow? And I slam my car Our car tire into the side. Fucked up the rim, destroyed the rim. Then I get. I'm like, whatever. So I got a. The box of Joe, the big ass box of coffee, which is kind of expensive, by the way. It's like 40 something dollars.

[A]

Which you said that. And I feel like that's shocking.

[B]

Yeah, well, I don't know how many cups that is. I guess you could look at the.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

But anyway, so I bring it home, I put in the car, and also I had to reverse the car. Tire smash. I have to like turn it and like up the room even more. Reverse. Get out, get home. Well, sorry. I'm driving home and now out of nowhere, the car's going. It's a brand new car. Destroyed the car. So I gotta get that fixed. Anyways, I bring.

[A]

Is it the wheel?

[B]

Oh, God, the wheel, the brake, something. So I bring the box of Joe inside. Alex is in the kitchen. Mom's in the kitchen. I go to pour my mom some coffee. I had the box straight up. So if you guys know the box of Joe, it's a square with a spout on it. I have it on a flat surface, not angled, nothing. I open up the top to the box of coffee and it just shoots coffee everywhere. Burns me all over the table. Alex is like, why did you pour the coffee on the table?

[A]

I'm like, dude, I didn't realize that you just opened up the cap and it just shot out because they overfilled it. I thought that you were going to pour it and got it everywhere.

[B]

Lawsuit waiting to happen. I'm telling you, Dunkin Donuts don't overfill. You got to have a fill line maybe on there so they don't overfill it.

[A]

Wait, I feel like maybe this is just the week of people not doing their jobs correctly because we also. Not that this was a dangerous situation that we ran into, but we got a cake from a bakery. It was for our friend Kat. And so John, I was like, you know, maybe like, get this written on it. Like, happy birthday, Cat. Whatever. So John goes to the baker at the bakery, asked for him to write this sentence on there. Happy birthday, Cat. He was like, it's too long. So John was like, all right, just do like hb.

[B]

I'm so confused why Alex is telling the part of the story where she was not there because I was. You could tell the other part where you saw the cake.

[A]

Fine.

[B]

John, I. It's a small, fun fact.

[A]

Then why did you tell the part of the story that I was in the kitchen? When I was there.

[B]

Because I was there and I heard you yell at me.

[A]

I don't want to hear it. You were.

[B]

You weren't at the grocery store when I got the cake.

[A]

I'm so tired.

[B]

The Funfetti cake.

[A]

Let's not even talk about this story. Let's just get to questions.

[B]

The cake is this big again. You're missing out if you're just listening. It's this big. And I'm not going to give you the dimensions.

[A]

6 inches, 8?

[B]

It's a high school kid. Okay, give him. Cut him some slack. Grocery store.

[A]

No. And I'm like, do better, John. He like, just how you tried to find that. The flashlight with your eyes closed. It's this kid. It looks like.

[B]

Honestly look like I wrote it looked like I wrote it.

[A]

If I were. If my right hand was my dominant hand and I wanted to write on a cake with my nose. Non dominant hand, my left hand, that's what it would look like. But worse. Eyes closed, backwards, upside down.

[B]

So he goes, I can't write. Happy birthday. It's too long ago. All right, write hp.

[A]

What he should have said was, I can't write anything because I. I'm not good at my job.

[B]

He goes. He goes. So I go, right, HB comma, happy. So it's hb, Cat the rat, because that's what we call her. And so he does it. He's like, 10 minutes later, it's done. I get the cake, but it's already taped up and closed. He did not show me. And I. Now I know why he didn't want to show me. Because it was an embarrassment. It looked like a 3 year old wrote it. I open up the cake to give, which kind of makes the story even funnier because it's like we're half assing a cake home.

[A]

Yeah. And he's like. I was like, oh, let me see the cake. I'm holding Lucy. I. He opens it up and I'm like, halfway. Because we were just like, oh, it's taped. Let's just take a peek. All I see is the hb And I'm like, yo, are you for real? And I was like, at first I thought you wrote it. I was like, oh, John just wrote it. Maybe in the car. Like you got icing. And I was like, did you make this? You're like, no, I had the baker do it. I'm like, open that up all the way. Maybe we need to insert.

[B]

What are your qualifications for a baker?

[A]

I almost want to send this to where we got it to just be like, you do better. Because if it was supposed to be a joke, it would be funny. But because we paid money, we thought.

[B]

On our feet, you know, it's fine.

[A]

No, like, we actually paid money for.

[B]

This and cake was $20. No, I know.

[A]

Oh, that's all it was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, no, but you got.

[B]

I didn't get a custom made cake one from the thing.

[A]

But did you pay extra to have them write on it?

[B]

No. Oh, I don't know.

[A]

Maybe not.

[B]

Do you normally pay extra?

[A]

I don't know. Anyway, I just feel like there's a lot of talented people who work at the bakeries in grocery stores.

[B]

We should have went to Costco and got a sheet cake for sure.

[A]

My point being is if you are not confident, just say, I can't do it or find someone else to do it. Or just be like, that's not a service that we offer. Like, anything else would have been better than this. And we have to attach a photo in you in our YouTube just so you guys could see it.

[B]

That's true. It was actually hilarious.

[A]

Like, it wasn't. It was purposely made bad.

[B]

I kind of respect the kid for him, like, you know, confidence.

[A]

Only a boy would be able to confidently be mediocre at something and confidently hand it off to you. Because I.

[B]

Maybe he saw me, he's like, oh, this is a chill guy. He's a chill cool guy. He's fine with it.

[A]

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[B]

And this podcast is also sponsored by Wayfair. You ever agree to help your wife decorate for the holidays and suddenly find yourself knee deep in a box labeled assembly required?

[A]

That was John.

[B]

Yeah, that was me this weekend building a nine foot Christmas tree that Alex ordered from Wayfair. I'm sweating, tangled in lights, she's sipping coffee, giving supervision. I can't even complain because the tree looks incredible though I was going to.

[A]

Say, are you going to say something positive about the tree? Cuz it looks magnificent.

[B]

Anyways, now, if you know my wife, you know, decorating for the holidays is basically an Olympic sport. But I'll admit it, this tree is perfect. Wayfair had so many different styles that actually look unique. Not the same ones you see in every store. She found one that somehow made our living room look like a Hallmark movie. No, it does my cooler.

[A]

My mom said that she walked in and she was like, this looks like out of a magazine.

[B]

All right, Hallmark, you know what's up? Hit us up. And here's the best part. I didn't have to spend half my weekend waiting around for delivery. I Wayfair's fast and free shipping manager showed up way sooner than expected. And everything came right to our door in one day. Honestly, that's a win for both of us.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

While I was working on the tree, I started scrolling through their Black Friday sale. And it's dangerous how easy it is to shop. Up to 70% off everything from home. Sofas, spatulas, cookware, linen, decor. Literally all the stuff you need to make your home a holiday ready house.

[A]

Keep me away, you can't stop me.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

We should tell that. That is a cool.

[A]

My brain is oatmeal. But no, someone. I don't know where I heard this again. Someone said, if there are two people, let's just say you're on a plane. The pilot dies and the flight attendant gets on and says, who here can fly this plane? And two people raise their hand. A man and a woman. Who are you trusting to fly the plane?

[B]

Who's the pilot?

[A]

Who? The pilot's dead. But the flight attendant said, can anyone else know how to fly the plane?

[B]

You don't just pick someone because they raise their hand, like, what's your credentials? Give me the credentials.

[A]

You don't. You don't.

[B]

Who's blindly like, oh, good. You raise your hand. Go up there.

[A]

No, no, no. Let's say you don't have. You have to choose one without knowing their credentials. Who are you choosing?

[B]

Don't back me in the corner. I'm just saying a corner. You got to choose based off of strength.

[A]

Strength. What strength does it take? Okay.

[B]

Oh, so you don't know, do you? Planes, Nose diving.

[A]

John.

[B]

Whose biceps are gonna. Whose biceps are gonna pull? You see the movies where they take the wheel and they have to pull up. Me versus you. I'm picking me. If it's stepping on a break with your leg, I would pick you because you have stronger legs than me.

[A]

So the. The. The moral of the story is no woman is raising her hand for a job that she's unqualified for, whereas a man could be.

[B]

Who are you talking about? That's a crock of shit flu. There's very confident, overconfident women out of.

[A]

A plane and call her. Call him duty.

[B]

Call him duty. Call him. Do you even care about my hobbies?

[A]

Call her duty.

[B]

It's not called duty anymore. It's battlefield.

[A]

And so I'm confident that I could do it. So that's my point is, like, I would never work.

[B]

I think I did.

[A]

I would never work at a bakery. And somebody would be like, write this happy birthday in cursive. And if I couldn't do it, I wouldn't try. I would be like, hey, I'm going to keep practicing. I'm going to find my other employee, Zachary Samantha, who's going to be able to do a better job for you. But now I know that you're just choosing a dude because of his.

[B]

I think. I think I debunked in that. Oh, okay. Do the same thing. Man or woman writing on a cake. I would pick the woman.

[A]

Wow. John. Just because she's good in the kitchen?

[B]

No, because they're great calligraphy.

[A]

Who. Who said that? Why aren't men good at art? What about Michael?

[B]

And there's definitely way more women who have better handwriting than men. 100% die on that hill because they.

[A]

Think the matriarch does have to do with. That's because they think that women belong in the kitchen. That's why.

[B]

Because of their handwriting. You're biased, and I'm. I debunked everything you said. I win. I'm the shit.

[A]

No, you're Not.

[B]

So two fun things that I learned that I told Alex. I'll tell the stories because she's going to think that she. Someone else told her. Haagen das real quick. I think this is important. This is cool information for everyone to know.

[A]

And Haagen Daz is the ice cream that John left in the refrigerator, by the way.

[B]

Yeah. So what I remember. Fun fact, John Haagen das Cliff Note was made by a Polish family. They didn't want. They were selling it on the streets. Whatever, whatever. And they ended up making the ice cream. They wanted to sound like north, like European, like fancy, elegant. So they made the word up. It's not even two real words. And it's either Norway or Denmark. They said that this ice cream was from. And when Haagendas actually came to either Norway or Denmark, the people were like, what the does this even mean? Like, so they made this fancy ice cream out of nowhere because they want to sell, like, upscale ice cream. Genius.

[A]

Genius.

[B]

Next store, next thing. Which I thought was fascinating. And I didn't tell you this. Michelin. Michelin star. You know where that came from?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Michelin star. For restaurants, people should learn some shit from this podcast. You know, like take something. Michelin star restaurant.

[A]

Oh, wait, I think I do. It was the Michelin star. Like the tire company. And it was about driving there, right? Like, finish the story, John. I wasn't there, so I'm not allowed.

[B]

To tell you this.

[A]

I'm not allowed to tell this story.

[B]

Did I tell you this?

[A]

No, I pretty much sure I saw it somewhere else because some dude on a podcast was talking about it, but, you know, because I didn't hear it and I wasn't there.

[B]

Well, I'll just correct you if you're wrong.

[A]

No, no, I'm talking about the book of the Michelin. You continue. So, no, sorry. You were there. You were there.

[B]

I wasn't there.

[A]

You tell the story. You were there.

[B]

So Michelin tires were. They weren't selling enough tires. If people weren't driving enough, there wasn't enough cars on the road. They're like, how do we make people drive more to burn more tires? So they made this book of places to go with your car. Different restaurants, and they started ranking these restaurants. Then they started giving them Michelin stars to know which restaurants to go to. And they had this whole book, and they gave the book away for free because it wasn't about the book. It was about buying more tires. Boom. Michelin star. That's where it came from. The Restaurant. And they're secretly still doing it to this day.

[A]

You feel good?

[B]

I actually do feel good. Okay. So we talked about my mom coming. What else? Kobe Hydrotherapy. Crushed it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. He looked so cute. He had a mobile tomorrow, too. He looked so cute. Do you want to tell the story?

[B]

No. God, no.

[A]

I mean, I wasn't there.

[B]

I told enough.

[A]

I mean, I met the guy.

[B]

You do a lot, you know, for us. So did you bring him down there?

[A]

No. Mike did the hydrotherapy. The hydrotherapist. He came up, introduced himself, brought Kobe down to his van where he has water tank, a mobile van, so Kobe could start his physical therapy. And he looked so cute walking in his little water tank.

[B]

Can we do another. Just adding work for our editor. Can we have, like, a shot of Kobe walking?

[A]

Yeah, let's just have all these videos included into our YouTube channel.

[B]

Perfect. Just give him more work. I think it's a great idea. It was actually. It was really cute. So he got into this. The little tank in the van. He's got music going, the heaters.

[A]

I just hope it works for him because I said it should feel bad for Kobe. It's just like, he has had knee issues his whole. I mean, he doesn't seem to be bothered. It really doesn't bother him, but I just want to be able to take him on longer walks.

[B]

Yeah. I also think he picks and chooses when it hurts him. He's like. I look out of the corner of my eye when we're not paying attention, and he's just sprinting around, playing with his toy. And then we look at him.

[A]

He's like, my paw. Yeah, he did used to do that, like, before. He's smart. Yeah. Like, remember when we used to walk him downtown Raleigh and he would just lay in the street?

[B]

I know. I remember when we were drinking all day and he faked that injury, and I picked him up and carried him over my back and walked. It was. We were a mile, probably further.

[A]

Probably like a mile and a half.

[B]

And then walk, bring Kobe all the way back. I'm just covering sweat as soon as we get to the house, jumps down, starts sprinting around the backyard, loses his mind.

[A]

He's so excited to jump around and move and run around the entire backyard. We were like, are you joking? Literally, people were stopping us and, like, do you need a ride? And we're like, no, it's okay. Like, our. My dog, he hurt his leg because he had surgery as a puppy. He just. Yeah, he is smarter than we give him credit for, actually. No, we give him all the credit. We know that he's smart.

[B]

He's manipulative, for sure. Manipulative.

[A]

Manipulative.

[B]

Manipulative.

[A]

That's all right. Let the words just blend together. You know something that I did recognize this week? The more. You know that we actually never talked about Lucy. How she looks like me. No, we never spoke about that. How, like, we jokingly. And we jokingly say that, like, Lucy is John, because John just plays a great Lucy. And in all of our scans that we got, our anatomy scans, she literally looked just like John. But she came out looking like me.

[B]

No, I don't. I think she's changing a little more now. But in the beginning, up until this point, I'm like, oh, my God, my jeans just got destroyed. None of my jeans are. She also, like, she might get blue eyes, which is crazy.

[A]

Well, my mom has blue eyes. Does someone in your family have blue eyes?

[B]

Yeah, cousins.

[A]

I mean, baby's eyes change so much. I feel like they.

[B]

As long as she gets, like, my skin tone, that's all I care about.

[A]

She's currently a little pale.

[B]

Yeah. But like, me, does that change or.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. She'll probably. She could get darker, but, yeah, I was. That was very shocking. She came out and I was like, did I create my doppelganger? What happened? My little twin.

[B]

She also looked like she had, like, lip injections coming out.

[A]

Babies are just swollen everywhere. But, I mean, I did get lip injections, so, like, years ago. So she does look like me. But, no, I feel like looking at her sometimes I feel like I'm looking at myself. And it's actually made me appreciate the things about myself that I didn't love before. One being my double chin. This girl has the cutest double chin I've ever seen. And I'm like, I will never. Will never talk about my double tune again. I love it so much. This is the cutest. She's so cute.

[B]

She's the cutest.

[A]

We put her in a pumpkin. We probably talked about that. She loved the pumpkin. She really is so cute. But, yeah, that was one thing that I realized. Like, looking at her, I'm like, oh, my gosh. The things that I didn't like about myself, like, I love, like, because it's. I'm passing it on to her. She's so cute.

[B]

It's just so surreal. It's so weird.

[A]

It is being a parent.

[B]

It's even saying, like, on my story today about cooking, whatever. I was like, my daughter let me. I'M like, oh, it's so weird saying that.

[A]

I think it will be more weird when she calls us mom and dad. Like when she can actually come to us as like, Mom.

[B]

I hate saying, like, I don't want to fast forward because I love this time with her. Isn't it? But I'm like, pumped for her to, like, embrace us, hug us, say like, mom, dad, like, tell us her needs and wants, like, hang out. But mainly to have like a bed schedule at 7:30. Like, I know you're going to bed.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. I feel like, torn. I feel like I'm two people because I love this stage. Like, while I'm excited for sleep again and like, for her to reach those milestones, I also feel like I'm grieving in the moment, losing all of those things because it's going so quickly. Like, I remember day four of her being here crying because I we weren't going to get that time back. I was like, oh, my gosh, she's only going to be this little right now. She's going to get so much bigger every single day. And now I just go back through my camera roll and I'm just like, I can't believe how big she is already. It really. Time is a thief. It is so crazy how quickly they change as kids.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Like, me and you, we're just getting like five extra gray hairs a day. Maybe.

[B]

Like, dude, I don't like more wrinkles. My hair. I don't care. But my mustache, I'm not a fan of this.

[A]

Do you feel like you're getting gray?

[B]

I got four on one side and like one or two on the left.

[A]

Do you think it's been more in the past two months?

[B]

Yeah, because of you. Not Lucy, though.

[A]

Anyway, should we jump into questions?

[B]

Well, going into what we're talking about, ironically, I just saw something. It was saying that now. Little teaser, what we're going to be talking about. June is no longer the main wedding month, was it? I guess so. That's.

[A]

I always thought it was like the fall, which is why we did an episode.

[B]

October is the biggest wedding month.

[A]

I get that. I could see that. Because it's just like a cool, crispy, cozy time of year. June, you run into more weather. You know, this year in New York, did it not rain the majority of June? It wasn't summer until July. Felt like it was in summer till July.

[B]

Well, then it's just too hot.

[A]

Yeah, July and August are too hot. That's why it's like September October are the biggest months.

[B]

Yeah. Because even this October wasn't that bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then December, just so frigid. I skipped November. I don't know about November.

[A]

I don't even know what month you just said. What did you say is so frigid?

[B]

December. Because I remember every wedding we used to film. The last wedding was always in December. I'm like, this is brutal.

[A]

Our hands would be on the cameras just like, crack.

[B]

Pretty, though.

[A]

So pretty. Well, because you have the Christmas lights.

[B]

Yeah. But if you're like, guests, because, like, guys like to smoke cigars at weddings, like, you're not going out, it's freezing.

[A]

But if you have heaters, maybe, or like an indoor outdoor vibe.

[B]

Anyways, if you're wondering what we're talking.

[A]

About today is, well, we're wrapping up wedding season. We get so many wedding questions, but this one is more focused on, like, friend and, like, you know, the cost of friendships, like money and just certain predicaments that you come in with, like weddings and friends and other relationships.

[B]

So it's across the board ending, like the ending of a. Yeah, we're wrapping.

[A]

Up because, like, we're getting into the holidays, so a lot of our topics are going to be, like, more holiday related. So we're like, we're. Let's just like wrap up on wedding season because we just always get so many wedding questions. But they're across the board and fun for everyone. So tune in.

[B]

Fun forever.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

This podcast is also sponsored by Hexclad. The holidays are here, which means the kitchen is about to become the busiest room in the house. Between big roasts, endless sides, and all those one more batch desserts, cookies, your cookware really gets put to the test. If your current pans are warping under pressure, turning every meal into a cleaning nightmare, it's time for an upgrade. Enter Hexclad, the cookware that's as serious about performance as you are about good food. Hexclad gives you stainless steel strength with nonstick convenience, so you get that perfect sear without worrying about sticking or burning.

[A]

And that's great for John's cooking journey.

[B]

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[A]

Straight this episode is also sponsored by Skims. Okay, I have to share something that is too good to keep to myself. I finally tried the Fits Everybody collection from Skims and and honestly, I understand the hype now. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this underwear and these bras feel like nothing I've ever worn before. I'm a huge fan of Skims. Not just because of their Fits Everybody collection from Skins. I mean I live in their nursing bras. I love their Fits Everybody Scoop Bralette. For years I've had a love hate relationship with intimates. They're either digging in, rolling down, or reminding me that something exists every five minutes. But skin skims. The fabric literally melts onto your body. It feels like you're wearing nothing at all, but in in the best way possible. Not like you're actually naked, but kind of. I started with the Fits Everybody Scoop Bralette because finding a comfortable bra postpartum has been impossible. I started with the Fits Everybody Scoop Bralette because finding a comfortable bra just feels impossible. Sometimes everything is either too bulky, too flimsy, but this one is a total game changer. It gives amazing support and lift without saying suffocating. Me and John, he tried the Skims men's boxers.

[B]

How do you like comfortable?

[A]

Smooth. He won't stop talking about how they feel like he's wearing nothing. But he's still secure where it matters. His words, not mine. Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or you just want to finally upgrade that sad underwear drawer, trust me, the Fits Everybody collection is the move. So shop the best underwear for women and [e-mail] after you place your order, let them know that we sent you, select podcast and then choose Give it to Me straight from the dropdown menu. And if you're in full holiday mode like us, the Skims Holiday shop is officially [e-mail] because comfy sexy gifts. Always a good idea. But actually, I'm planning to gift skims to to me. Well, not just You. You do need to update your underwear collection more frequently, but I feel like most of the people on my list I am planning to get skims for because it is so buttery smooth and soft.

[B]

Buttery, buttery smooth and soft.

[A]

And also like, great. They have so much good postpartum wear as well, so skims. Add it to your holiday list of places to buy.

[B]

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[A]

Question 1 I officiated a friend's wedding this year. I spent countless hours writing and editing the speech to be the perfect fit for their day, even modifying it to their liking after the wedding. They did not pay me, which is fine. I would have refused payment anyway. Since they are a friend, here lies my question. Through the chaos of writing, practicing, and preparing for the ceremony, I forgot to get them a wedding gift. It was not intentional. Do I apologize and send them one late? Or does my service officiating their wedding count as a gift?

[B]

In a way, that's definitely a gift.

[A]

I think so. I think if it's a service that the couple would normally pay for, that's a gift.

[B]

I know if I was the one giving the speech like. Well, like a best man, you give a speech like it's a lot on you, like stress. You're not having fun at that. Wedding until that's over with. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Well, I feel like giving a toast as the best man or maid of honor is a little less pressure because you're not officiating for the couple. Like, you're giving a toast. And it's funny. It's like we have some drinks when you're officiating the wedding. Like, that is your. Your lead. You're leading this, the whole ceremony. It's like you're organizing it. You're reading passages. So I don't know. I mean, but I think it's also a personal choice. If you want to give him a gift, give him a gift. But if you don't, that. That's a service that people pay for. So.

[B]

Yeah, I wouldn't. I think you're fine.

[A]

Yeah, I think you're fine, too.

[B]

Let's go back to me for a second. Okay.

[A]

Fabulous.

[B]

I don't know why I have such a complex with public speaking for, like, what we do and stuff.

[A]

You don't feel like it's gotten better?

[B]

No, I just, like, such a fear. I was asked to be a best man once, and I. I turned it down. I was like, oh, you should ask your brother. I'll be in the group, like, the. The party. Because I just, like. I think I'd freeze up. I'd freeze up.

[A]

I mean, I used to. I couldn't. It wasn't until I became a maid of honor at my friend's wedding that I was like, I have to get. Get over my fear. And then I practiced. And I do think that doing this podcast has helped me as well.

[B]

I think it's more so. Like, I'm not the person that can read a monologue. I think without looking at my phone, I'd be like, and back in 1997.

[A]

But you know why I think you feel nervous? It's because you haven't done it. I think if you did it and ripped the band aid off, you would surprise yourself at how good you were at it. Especially if you practice, you're not going up and just ripping off a toast. Some people can do that, and that's a gift. I don't have that gift.

[B]

You know, it's funny, though. I think I'd be more comfortable. Like, remember when. When I did this to just challenge myself to see if I could do it? When I did the monologue from Inglourious Bastards, when Brad Pitt's like, we're dropping behind enemy lines, blah, blah, blah. And it was a long monologue.

[A]

You know what we should do what we should.

[B]

You know, Let me finish. Hold on.

[A]

Christmas party. And you can give a toast at the beginning of the Christmas party. Who wants to come?

[B]

No, I think us hosting the party is enough.

[A]

No, no, but you can welcome everyone and give a toast before dinner or maybe lead a prayer at.

[B]

No, lead a prayer. Absolutely.

[A]

At a holiday.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Dinner.

[B]

Not. Ha ha. Thank you for this grub.

[A]

I think it's just. It's a muscle that you have to flex and you get better with it. The more that you didn't let me.

[B]

Finish what I was saying.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

[B]

The monologue that I read for, like, you and Sean. I feel like I could do that on camera. You know what I'm saying? Like, work wise. But mike in hand, talking to a crowd. I guess we did the live show. I don't know. I just got a complex of just about that. I don't know.

[A]

I don't know. But we did do Lopez. Vers. Lopez. And that was.

[B]

I had two lines. Anyways, let's go. That's fine. But you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, I think it's just a muscle that you have to flex, and I think that you would be better at it than you think. You just have to do it. Someone get married and make John the best man. That way he could face his fear.

[B]

I'd rather film a whole wedding. I'd rather film a whole wedding.

[A]

That's a lie.

[B]

It's not a lie.

[A]

If someone was like a two to three minute toast in front of.

[B]

Can I read my phone? Can I read off my phone?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

But again, you have to address the crowd.

[B]

I'd be like, yeah, yeah, Mikey was a good guy.

[A]

And then eye contact. Eye contact.

[B]

And then one day when he played soccer, he broke his leg.

[A]

Yeah, I think you could do it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Also, not that I endorse using this because I think it should come from the heart, but, like, in the world of chatgpt, it'd be easy for you to come up with the toast and you just read it off the paper. I hope people don't do that for wedding toasts. I would feel very.

[B]

Know what I found? Interesting?

[A]

Transactional.

[B]

You know, scars are the dad. They're all actors. All the scars are. I guess apparently he had a stroke or something happen. So when he acts now, he gets an earpiece. He. They read the. They say the line. He says, it's harder. But I'm like, I'd be down for that little earpiece. Tell me what to say.

[A]

I feel like that would be hard because if you're trying to.

[B]

But I'm going directions. I'm good in directions.

[A]

We should just go into the next question.

[B]

Next question.

[A]

My fiance's younger brother has been with his girlfriend for almost two years. After some initial hesitation regarding her age, maturity, and slight issues in the past, I ultimately ended up inviting her to my bachelorette party. The first night, she got completely trashed and was acting extremely awkward and weird towards my friends. As the night was wrapping up, she was caught by one of my good friends going through their bag. In an effort to not start any drama at my party, my friend did not confront her, but told me afterwards the girlfriend ended up just leaving the next day with no goodbyes. This is obviously extremely embarrassing and just straight up weird. I told my fiance and he wants to tell his brother. I'm hesitant to mention anything as our wedding is in six weeks and I don't want to stir the pot in my new family, but I know my mother in law would actually die knowing this info. Do we let this relationship run its natural course or do we interfere? Do I just act like nothing happened while she's getting ready with all my friends and me on my wedding morning? Help. Oh, like she's just asking like, do.

[B]

Because before her wedding.

[A]

Yeah, like she doesn't know if she.

[B]

Wants, like, is she in the bridal party?

[A]

Doesn't say. Just that she was invited to the Bachelor. I guess she is, but she's getting ready with all the girls, so maybe she is in the bridal party.

[B]

It's your wedding. Because that would bother me. And then like, I don't want it to take away from my fucking day. Yeah, I just like, you know what? I think it would be best if you didn't get ready with me.

[A]

I think hold people accountable for their behavior.

[B]

Well, normally I get that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if you're going to go down this route, I would remove her from the. The environment. As far, if you're gonna say something, it's not gonna be. It's gonna be weird. And then I think that's also going to offset your day a little bit. I would. If you're gonna say something, then commit to also being like, you don't need to get ready.

[A]

But if you don't mind it being weird, make it weird. She made it weird. You know, like maybe she just wants. The reason why it's weird is because she did. She acted the way that she acted. Went through your friend's bag. Like, if people can't take accountability for their Actions that's on them. Like, you're just calling out behavior of what she did of like, you know, do you know what I'm saying? That like, it'd be like if I robbed a bank. And then people were like, we can't discuss it because it's gonna make Alex feel weird that she robbed the bank. But it's like I chose to do that. I was.

[B]

So it depends on your personality. Are you gonna. Are you down to make it awkward?

[A]

Yeah, I guess that's true.

[B]

Leave it like that.

[A]

I would say something. I would say something to my mother in law too. Just knowing how much like your mom loves tea. I'd be like, you gotta hear this.

[B]

I would say something. But I'm not one to like. I know that would make things awkward. No, it'd bother me day of. So I know that I would be like, hey, and also like, feel free to not come get ready with me. And that would make me feel better on my day. Like, I don't have to like, because I know this would bother me.

[A]

Yeah, it would make you feel more awkward to pretend like nothing was happening and let her get ready with it.

[B]

And you take me out of my, like, yeah. Mojo also.

[A]

Then I'd be like checking every. I'd be like, everyone, hide your bags. Is this bitch stealing?

[B]

Right?

[A]

I'd be like, I don't want all of her shit with my best friend's shit. Yeah, I would say something. But again, I think to your point, it depends on what your personality is like. Do you mind awkwardness? If not, who cares?

[B]

Let it rip.

[A]

Let it rip. Rip the band aid off. Next question. My gay best friend is engaged. I definitely consider him one of my best friends. We talk almost every day, go on trips to together several times a year, and we call each other besties. He told me that I would not be in his wedding. He admitted that if he picked his wedding party based on closeness, that I would be in it. However, he wants his wedding party to be traditional. All men. I find the idea of traditional odd considering number one, it's a gay wedding and number two, his fiance will have women in his bridal party. I understand that it's his wedding and I need to respect his decision, but am I crazy for this? Making me rethink my friendship with him?

[B]

No, you're. That's so weird that the fact that his partner is gonna have women in his like, dude, what if you wanted it to be traditional, both sides wouldn't have, right? Opposite sex on the right. Yeah, that's Weird. No, I feel bad. You should. I'd be like, what the.

[A]

I would.

[B]

That's a lie.

[A]

That you just don't think that maybe he's as close with her. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say is like, maybe you're closer to him than he is to you or he has just closer relationships, but maybe you're the only close female relationship that he has. Because I. I would think that if me. But like. Because he's not having any female relationships in his bridal party. But yeah, maybe he's just closer with his guy friends than he is with you.

[B]

I think that's the hard truth right there.

[A]

Yeah. And that could be it.

[B]

But would you, I guess question it?

[A]

Would you say anything to him?

[B]

No, it's his day. But I think guard yourself a little bit more in the future, like, because I think you have more invested in this friendship than he does. Good luck.

[A]

Next question. My friend's fiance called me at 2am the night before. We were going on vacation with both of them, my family and my own fiance. He was with his buddies, wasted, trying to get me to come hang out with them. I thought it was weird he would think that I would hang out with him without my friend who is his fiance, being there too. After telling him no and trying to get him off the phone, he started confessing his love for me and saying I'm more his type physically than my friend is. Etc. I hung up and thought, what the just happened? The next morning he called again, apologized and said he was just drunk and didn't mean any of it and to please not tell my friend. I didn't know what to do since we were all about to be together for the weekend, so I didn't tell anyone about it. Well, on vacation, he tried to fight my fiance over a board game. And after vacation, I told my fiance about the phone call. With that plus him trying to fight my fiance, we both decided I should drop out of the wedding and distance ourselves from them. I never told my friend about the middle of the night phone call because I didn't think she would leave him since he's done shady stuff in the past and she's stayed. Plus, I didn't want to blow up her life so close to her wedding and felt like this pressure shouldn't be on me, but on her fiance since he caused all of this. And am I the asshole for not telling my friend about the phone call?

[B]

You bring up a good point, like the pressure on you, like you don't want to be the I get where you're coming from with that. I mean, it depends how close you are with your friend. If this was like my best friend, I'm like, yo, you're making a horrible fogging mistake. Shit. I would say this somebody that's not really my friend, to be honest. So.

[A]

Yeah, I don't see any world in which you wouldn't tell. No, what I think is interesting is that you didn't tell your fiance. If you're. If like one of my friends husbands or fiance called me to express their love, the first thing I'm doing is I'm telling you, I'm like, yo, John.

[B]

How bad did you want to go on that trip? Because that would make me be like, I'm not going on this trip. If I go on this trip, I'm going to fight this person.

[A]

Oh, that's true. That's probably why she didn't tell her fiance. Cuz she was like, I don't want.

[B]

How do you think that's going to go?

[A]

I know, but still, honesty is.

[B]

I'm drowning this. What board game were they playing against? About.

[A]

Yeah. Oh my gosh. So it sounds like you're a Peacekeeper. You know, if I'm going. If I'm talking about Enneagrams here, you're a Peacekeeper, but I don't. I don't know that you're the asshole based off of past experiences, because it sounds like you've maybe addressed things already and she still has stayed with him based off of his shady past. But yeah, I think either way it's not necessarily going to be a great. You're. You're in a shitty position regardless.

[B]

I mean, look, you didn't tell her, so what's your friend thinking? Like you're distancing yourself from them. Like, does she.

[A]

True. What was your excuse for dropping out of the wedding party?

[B]

Yeah, let me know that.

[A]

I don't know, like, what would I legitimately do in this situation? I think you're right.

[B]

The game was Monopoly.

[A]

If it was. But you're close. But if you're close enough to be vacationing with them, you're pretty close. Like you're a best friend.

[B]

Good luck.

[A]

No, I don't know. I would probably say something. I don't know how. I can't keep my mouth shut. I asked you guys for advice on telling my friend something the other day and you and your mom were like, I wouldn't say anything. I told her. I was like, I can't. I can't keep it anything a secret.

[B]

Can we just move on?

[A]

Yeah. But like John said, good luck. Next question. I'm pregnant with our first baby and due this winter. My sister in law is getting married a few days around my due date and I'm in the bridal party. Since this is my first pregnancy, I didn't know what to expect, especially towards the end. I am on the struggle bus. I can't eat without being out of breath and the wedding is approaching and I've gotten my dress and alterations done. However, I don't think I'm going to make it or want to make it. Being 40 weeks pregnant on the wedding day, I'm going to be extremely uncomfortable all day or just recovering from birth. I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. And my in laws keep asking when they think the baby will come, but I truly have no idea. It's out of my control. It's too late to back down and I don't want to cause any issues. But like I'm pregnant with the first grandbaby slash niece on both sides. I feel like if I don't go, it'll be an issue or cause grudges. I need to have some sort of conversation with them all and my husband, but I don't know what to say without coming off as selfish, which I have every right to be at this time.

[B]

My thing with, with everyone, always. Why wait?

[A]

Till when is the wedding this winter? Like so soon? November, October. Well, November, December, the minute you even.

[B]

Have that like inclination of like, you know, I don't think I'm gonna, I don't think I'm gonna make it or I don't want it, whatever, Just rip the band aid off. Why do people fucking wait till the last? The longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get. Should I do it? And you're not gonna end up going and you're gonna make it even worse at the end of the day. Yeah, say something. You're pregnant. All these people should be completely understanding of where you're at in your life.

[A]

I was gonna say if they don't understand that at 40 weeks pregnant you're not gonna want to be on the dance floor at a wedding or even just leaving your house off the couch. Maybe those people aren't. I mean, even if it's a healthy, like even if nothing happens, like at 40 weeks, at 39 weeks, you're just so uncomfortable. Like you should just want to be at home and you should have every right to just be at home. I think that people truly can't give you shit. Especially if you give birth around that time. Also, I can't imagine a sane minded person expecting you to be at that wedding, you know?

[B]

Right. You're the problem. You're like, you need to say something.

[A]

You're the problem.

[B]

Say something like rip the band aid.

[A]

Yeah. And I. I just think maybe you're in your head a little bit more. More than what's actually the truth. Like do or have people said that you have to go to the wedding or is that just the story that you're telling yourself? You know, because sometimes you set up expectations in your brain and you're like, no, I need to. And it's like, no you don't. Says who?

[B]

Anyone's.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No one like has that expectation. Just let them know.

[B]

Yeah, no, that makes sense. That's actually a smart way. I knew a lot of people are in their own heads about things. So yeah. Interesting.

[A]

Next question. My wedding is about a year out and I have started to formulate my bridal party. I haven't sent out the official bridesmaid slash maid of honor proposals yet, but I have asked some of my friends if they're comfortable being in the in my bridal party and they all said yes. However, I'm regretting asking one of my friends to be a bridesmaid and I feel horrible. I initially asked her because she's someone I've grown quite close with in recent years, but upon reflecting my choice, I'm realizing I didn't consider that she's antisocial, doesn't get along with other girls in my bridal party, and sometimes struggles when the attention isn't on her. For context, earlier this year I had a small brunch with her and two of my friends to celebrate my birthday. She texted me after explaining that she felt alienated and uncomfortable during the brunch and even requested not to be invited to future group gatherings. This was very confusing because everyone was kind to her and seemed to be getting along fine. I've been very accommodating ever since, even letting her bring a plus one to my baby shower so she didn't feel uncomfortable. After realizing I may have made a mistake, I spoke to her to gauge how she's feeling about being a bridesmaid. Given the social commitment, group chats, bachelorette rehearsal dinner, etc. She claims she's excited, except she expressed concerns that she feels that my maid of honor doesn't like her, which is not true and it solidified my initial fears. She also gets very short with me and changes the topic whenever I bring up wedding stuff. I'm not sure how to proceed without hurting her feelings, but I think it would be best if she's removed from the bridal party. How can I approach this in a sensitive way to avoid losing a close friend?

[B]

I mean, at first I'm like, you. It seems like you made your mind up so.

[A]

About not having her in it. Yeah, See, I was like, when I read this, I was like, I'm gonna give this question to John because I'm horrible with this shit. I. I would just still have her in it and then just like, let bygones. Like let. Let it work out itself out after.

[B]

I know I'm like, I could say some bullshit, like trying to put myself in this situation. I'm saying because I feel like we've had been like stuff if we. Because we know a lot of people inviting people to things and we're like.

[A]

But like, if she's going to be petty about your bridal party, that's on her. Like, as long as she's not bringing this shit to you or her other friends. Because it sounds like it's more internal problems. Like she's.

[B]

There's no way. Hey, I think it's best if you're not.

[A]

No, that's what I'm saying. So don't, don't bring that up to her. Like, just have her in it.

[B]

Tell her the wedding's canceled.

[A]

Hey, actually, we're moving.

[B]

Changing the date.

[A]

But my thing is too.

[B]

Is it that big of a deal?

[A]

This girl is already has given you problems in the past. Like, are you even really this the closest. Why do you want to be friends with someone like this who like, can't actively get along with other people in your bridal party? But I think also you have to think, is your bridal party about the group getting to getting along together as a whole or your individual relationships with each person? While it sucks that maybe like the people in your life can't all get along, let's.

[B]

Let's break it down. One, we both agree with you that she's not the best fit to be in your bridal party.

[A]

Right? But you already asked her.

[B]

Two, there's no way you're going to say it in any shape, way or form in a way that's not going to offend her based off of her personality already. She's already offended for no reason.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

So you're just going to just be blunt with her, like, hey, I just don't think you're a great fit for this party and then you're just going.

[A]

To have to deal with the backlash. Or you just suck it up and have her complain.

[B]

I guess just getting over the hump of knowing that this isn't gonna go well. Yeah.

[A]

Either way, you're not gonna be pretty shitty.

[B]

You're not gonna lay this down soft, I'm gonna tell you that.

[A]

Yeah. I just don't see it ending well either, no matter what path you choose. But again, that's why it's like, you don't need to have everyone. Less is more. But you already asked her.

[B]

So it's weird because I think I'm like you in this situation where we just had the question where I'd be like, yeah, that person. But I know if it's something in real life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's not too bad. I would be like, whatever. Just fudgeing.

[A]

Ha.

[B]

Sit in the corner and shut the up.

[A]

That's like. I just think about like, I picking bridal party. I couldn't even like.

[B]

I mean, she's not stealing shit out of your other.

[A]

Right. Yeah, exactly. Like.

[B]

And that's afterwards.

[A]

It's like her. This. Your. Your friend's issues are more centered around herself. Like an internal. She's not getting in fights with other people. Like just. You made your bad line. It's just fucking annoying.

[B]

Just be prepared for her to b. Tch. Afterwards.

[A]

Yeah. Or just be okay with losing this friend. Who cares? Next question. My best friend is getting married for the third time. I've been asked to be a bridesmaid in each. The first one was called off, the second ended in divorce, and the third is coming up.

[B]

I brought elope. Shut up. You're on your third wedding. Don't. Don't be asking fucking people to come be part of your party and do this and do that. Go to the courthouse, get married. Best of fucking luck and fuck off. Why do you need to have some wedding for your third? What? This is. This is it. This is the one. This is the one that's going to really change my life. Leave everyone alone. Don't waste everyone else's time. Just enjoy it.

[A]

I.

[B]

Then fuck.

[A]

Well, I mostly agree with that. I. The part that I disagree with is like the party part. Don't include people to be. Don't give them jobs. Like, don't ask other people to be involved in. In your wedding. That's going to cost them money. If it's your third wedding, plan a party, but have zero expectations.

[B]

Grateful that people show up.

[A]

Exactly. Like, don't expect a gift don't expect. And again, this is. This is basically what the friend is asking is. Let me. Let me ask the whole question. No, I'm going to ask it. So, okay. Her best friend, she's coming up on her third wedding. I bought dresses for each attended multiple showers, bachelorettes. For this wedding, a shower was not thrown or. But a small bachelorette bachelorette will be happening.

[B]

What?

[A]

Nothing. Too expensive. Just a day event. Am I a bad friend if I don't give them a wedding gift? We are building a home and have no extra money to spend. Right now I could barely get the dress. And that's the problem. Like the fact that you still buy a dress and you have to pay for alterations, hair expenses for the day of. Is it expected for the wedding party to get a couple a gift? And then she went into like, what she should.

[B]

A wedding party. You want to make this a thing thing.

[A]

That's. That's what I don't agree with is if it's your third wedding, don't include other people in your nuptials. Just have it. Have the party. You don't have to have a wedding party.

[B]

And then start planning the fourth one.

[A]

Another shower, and start playing. This is kind of how I feel about people on their fourth kid having a baby shower. I'm like, you have maybe. Unless it's another gender, I could see like a sprinkle. Even then, though I'm still just like, this is your choice.

[B]

When's enough enough?

[A]

This is your choice to continue procreating.

[B]

Creating not enough, like, not enough kids, but, like, one's enough celebration.

[A]

Yes, exactly. And how much are you expecting from all these people in your life every time that you do something? Meanwhile you have your friend who's just like, been in law school, not married, no kids, but she's like, do. What have you done for her? What have you done for the. Your friend who became a lawyer or like, went through schooling to become a doctor and she doesn't have a husband and she doesn't have kids, but she spent all this money on these things that you're doing for you. What about them? I just think it becomes selfish to a point where you're on wedding number three.

[B]

Celebrate me and my. Yeah, come on.

[A]

Wedding number three, child number six. And you're like, more parties for me. Yeah. I don't think that you'd have to get her anything.

[B]

Don't go.

[A]

Don't go. John just says, don't go.

[B]

I wouldn't go. I'd be like, you've done this enough. Good luck.

[A]

But she. She's going to be in it. She's a bridesmaid in this one still.

[B]

Just. That's on you. Why did you even agree? Like, sorry, I'm sick next month.

[A]

But you did agree. So what's. What's the plan here? Like, would you. I mean, again, I think that if, like, your friend is going to be offended. I don't know. But then we had a question a few months ago where we were like, would you get someone on their second or third wedding.

[B]

Don't get me.

[A]

And I would get them a gift.

[B]

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't show up. I wouldn't respond to the rsvp.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a hypocrite.

[B]

Because is that cold of me? I'm like, no, I just feel. Is it. I don't maybe. Or are you just like, grow up?

[A]

This is where I said the bridesmaid thing from the movie Bridesmaid, not Life is where Annie gives her a nice handmade gift. Make her something. Make her an ornament. Make her an ornament with something on it. Like, you know, you draw a little, like, make a little handprint and then write like, their name and then made the year done. Homemade, cheap.

[B]

You're getting married for a third time. So you're a veteran in this space. Right. You know what her friend entails. The amount of time and energy it takes for anyone to show up the whole day before the day, all the other things. So it's like you're aware. You're self aware enough to know, like, the amount of energy time and money takes for other people to do these things. So that's why I feel like it's selfish you could counter me. Whoever people are. It's like, well, it's a celebrate. How dare you. This is a celebration of these. This nuptials were like, shut the up. Shut up. It's your third time. Do it yourselves. If you're. If you're so in love, who gives a about anyone else coming just the two of you?

[A]

Yeah, I'm with you.

[B]

People love to just get praised, man.

[A]

Do you think too that people do it to get the gifts? Because I know of people who have a big wedding thinking, oh, not everyone.

[B]

But I'm sure people do. Do.

[A]

Yeah. Because I feel like if, you know, I just like a party. So if I was getting married for the third time, I would have a party, but I would say no gifts, but, like, someone else might be doing it for the gifts, you know, man.

[B]

I guess we can counter this whole thing. Because it's like, what about birthdays? Oh, Look, I'm turning 39. Let's have a party for me. Give me presents. I wouldn't do that. But like, people have birthday parties now. If you're having just a party to.

[A]

Have a party, that's the difference where I feel like it could be like, I love a party just for a party. Don't bring anything. I don't want shit.

[B]

Nothing. You know, we're providing everything. Just come have fun.

[A]

Right. There's a difference. And. But I feel like if this best friend, like, the bride, like, I would give that disclaimer if I was getting married for the third or fourth time just because I love a party, I'd be like, nobody give me anything. I don't want anything. Just come see, celebrate. I finally found my person. The fifth times of charm.

[B]

We're getting married on our own. Don't worry about this. But we're gonna have a party. Yeah. Just show up to show up.

[A]

Yeah. But this bride didn't do that. So.

[B]

Because you can say about anything, she.

[A]

Might be expecting a gift.

[B]

I'm having a fourth July party. I'm having Halloween party, Whatever. Whatever.

[A]

I don't think that inherently, like, people aren't just bringing a gift for a Fourth of July party.

[B]

No, I'm saying, like, if you could just go down the rabbit hole of, like, having parties and wanting people to show up to something that's like a recurring thing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, oh, this third wedding.

[A]

I mean, that's basically what her weddings are becoming. It' she's having her annual wedding. It's like Fourth of July at this point. I know.

[B]

Rsvp, don't forget.

[A]

Yeah. Like if you wouldn't bring a gift.

[B]

For the fourth of July wedding party.

[A]

Yeah. So no, just bring like a bottle of champagne, maybe ask. Yeah, like what side dish you could bring.

[B]

Plastic plates, please.

[A]

I don't know. I think it's a personal choice.

[B]

We can move on. We can move on.

[A]

Gift giving is such a personal choice. So it's really up to you. John hates gifts. I'm a hypocrite. I say for this situation. No, but I've said in situations in the past. Yes. So who the fuck knows? It depends how you're feeling on the day.

[B]

Do you think we were too harsh?

[A]

Nah, we've been. You've been harsher. We've been harsher. You've been harsher for sure. Next question. I got married this September to a wonderful man, and I'm very happy with my Husband. We get along so well and have great communication. The issue I have currently is his mother. He's an only child from Texas and we left a couple of years ago to be closer to my family and leave the intense politics. I always got the impression that his mother didn't like me with her behavior and side comments. On our wedding day, she wore a white dress, had her nails done in white, and wore white shoes. She told me before our wedding that it was a pink dress, so I didn't think I needed to double check. My husband never said anything, so I don't know if he didn't notice or is he choosing to ignore it. But I know she did this on purpose to upset me. I'm not the kind of girl who cares about other women's outfits, but it was my wedding and it's a well known tradition to not wear white. I really believe she did this to disrespect me in front of my family and friends. She's Southern, so it feels very passive aggressive to me. As someone from the northeast, my husband has a habit of having blind spots with his mom. Do I say something to him or his mom? Do I wait till our wedding photos come back after Thanksgiving? I don't want to look petty, but it's been eating me up.

[B]

If anything's eating you up, bring it.

[A]

Up because otherwise it's going to manifest and it will come out and then.

[B]

You'Re going to need therapy.

[A]

So you think I'm in therapy because I've just been manifesting all these feelings?

[B]

No, you're pretty vocal. No, but I said that last, last episode, I'm like, just get. I think I'm great because I say everything that's on my mind. I feel so much better.

[A]

Right. I mean, I. I think honestly in this, not saying.

[B]

That's always right.

[A]

The choice. Yeah. And again, people are in therapy for lots of reasons, not just because they need to get things off. Yeah, but.

[B]

Yeah, right, but like, if you bury stuff down and eats at you, like, that is so bad for your mental health.

[A]

I. I just don't understand also being married to someone and not communicating, like, every thought that you have with that, like, you and I word vomit.

[B]

How long ago was your wedding to each other?

[A]

Other? It was in September and she said she hasn't said anything to her husband. Like, I would be like, your mom's a hoe number one. And like you said, wait till you get your wedding photos back. Did no one take an iPhone pic and say hello? Like, no one has a single Photo? What do you mean? Like, nothing exists, no evidence other than your wedding photos?

[B]

Dude, how do you marry someone and not have conversation?

[A]

Like, constant conversation.

[B]

Constant conversation.

[A]

I tell you when you know more.

[B]

About me than I know. More than I know about myself.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Like, it's wild. Like, you get married, you're like, we're one now, right? Is that what that means? We're a unit? Like, yeah, we're just like in sync in our whole lives, everything's revolved around each other.

[A]

But maybe that's because we're both just open. Like, we're both good communicators. I don't know.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

Weird.

[B]

It's just weird. That's what a lot of these questions happen where people are like, I got this bone to pick with my husband and her wife. It's like, how are you six months?

[A]

Because again, I would have, I would have had probably at this point, if my wedding was in September and my mother gasket, I would have had at least 1001 conversations about your mom wearing white to my wedding. Forget having one conversation. It would. I would have written a whole.

[B]

And you're just like.

[A]

How do you get through the day? How much, how many gray hairs have you gotten from just holding this inside? Yeah, how much Botox have you gotten?

[B]

So anyways, ladies, say something holy.

[A]

Say something. And look petty. She was the one who was petty. I think just for your own sanity, and for my sanity, you have to have the conversation with your husband about the fact that your mother in law did this.

[B]

And then you guys could plot something against his mom.

[A]

But there's nothing you can do about it now. What I'm actually more surprised about is your friend. Friends and family, if they are from the northeast. How did no one say anything? How did no one say anything?

[B]

I know, I don't know. That's crazy.

[A]

Someone is going to show up wearing white.

[B]

I'm kind of ashamed of our culture, Northeastern culture.

[A]

I actually saw a video on Tik Tok, which shout out to this bride, someone I guess brought their girlfriend. And the girlfriend showed up to a wedding and someone behind was filming, like them greeting all the guests coming in. And she goes, why are you wearing white to the girlfriend? And she goes, oh, I don't know. She goes, it's a wedding, it's my wedding. Why are you wearing white?

[B]

Good.

[A]

And then the video got cut off. But I'm like, as you should call someone out for wearing white to wedding. I think, I don't know if it's. I don't think that guested it intentionally. I think some people just don't know intentionally. Didn't some people truly don't know like.

[B]

You vibe check your as a woman going to a wedding, you don't ask other people like how does this look? How does this look on me? Some people, no one's going to tell you well it's a fucking wedding.

[A]

But when you're a guy guest of like a boyfriend at a wedding or a guest of another partner, you still.

[B]

Ask your your other girlfriends like how does this look on me?

[A]

Maybe. But some people haven't been to weddings. Like I remember being in college and again meeting people who have never been to a wedding before. So maybe it was that, who knows? Anyway, your mother in law have been has been to weddings. She knew what she was doing. How this conversation with that old crow.

[B]

Knows what she's doing.

[A]

It's just annoying because it's like now this is going to exist forever. Like she did it and now it's going to like last in your brain about your wedding. Fore.

[B]

Good news. You get the professional photos. Don't show her, don't give her any.

[A]

Or ask your pay like an extra few hundred bucks. Ask your photographer edit.

[B]

Make it blue change.

[A]

You can do that. You can add a mask over the photo and change the color. Everyone that is in love, change it to something ugly like a line floral. Floral isn't all ugly.

[B]

Like a lime green like a Lily Poulter dress.

[A]

Yeah, those are actually ugly. And she's from Texas, so she'll probably love that. All right, well, that's it. Do you want to hear a secret?

[B]

Please.

[A]

I accidentally got my husband fired from his job. I found out he was having an affair at the place we both worked at.

[B]

No accident there.

[A]

No, exactly. My supervisors got word of it and confronted me about it. Basically asking for the proof that I had. Once I showed them, I realized that the video also showed him doing something else. That was against the terms and agreements we both signed up for when we got hired. When they let him go, they told him a different reason so they wouldn't throw me under the bus. He had another job lined up so I didn't feel as bad. And we are still separated from that incident. This is definitely something I would never tell him. If we do get back together. Do get back.

[B]

Why would you keep. What a weird. Just like lost respect for you.

[A]

That just irked. Yeah, irked me. If we do get back together. Why it's almost like she's like I accidentally got my husband fired. Okay, no Change this to I got my ex husband fired from his job. Queen. That's queen behavior.

[B]

I guess everyone deserves a second chance. And that's why I'm a good person.

[A]

Yeah, I guess. Secrets we have no advice to give.

[B]

Well, that is it.

[A]

Do you have any wrecks, John?

[B]

I don't know if I brought this up. Maybe not wrecks or things not to get. I don't know. The baby butt whistle.

[A]

Oh, the windy.

[B]

The windy. Hit or miss? I think it's worked. Two out of the four times we've used it. If you don't know what it is, you lube it up, you stick it in the baby's butt to release gas. It's worked like twice. One of the times just came out.

[A]

So why are you giving this as a wreck?

[B]

I don't know if I'm gonna. Because the one I. I'm just thinking the things we use.

[A]

Like the one time. It did work.

[B]

I know. The other thing is the booger balloon. The actual handheld one.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Like the squeezable one.

[A]

I can't think of the word for it.

[B]

It's like a.

[A]

The nasal aspirator.

[B]

Notice like a turkey baster where you push it in and. Yeah, that one's pretty reliable. That's all I got through all of.

[A]

Lucy's gadgets and talk about what is worth it, but that is. I got a huge booger out of her nose last night. Which before kids boogers. Disgusting. And maybe it's just Lucy's boogers because other kids boogers. I'm like, no, but like, seeing other parents deal with their kids boogers, I'm like, could never be me. Like, I'm not gonna have a boogery kid.

[B]

So kind of grossing me out. But I'll do it.

[A]

I don't know. I. I'm out here picking her nose.

[B]

Her booger whistles are more triggering to me than like her. Like, it's the booger whistle. We gotta get that out.

[A]

I know, but sometimes they're so lodged up there, you can't. I'm like, I got again. I got a really good one yesterday, but it wasn't whistley.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

It just was a full.

[B]

It does feel good. I like these little wins. Like three in the morning and she shits. I'm like, thank God.

[A]

Parenting, I feel like, is about the little wins.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's where I understand the joys. Like the. Because it is the little things. It's like I sucked a huge ass booger from her nose and now she could breathe. Made My day.

[B]

Yeah. Anything to relieve pain.

[A]

I lifted her legs and she got out a huge fart.

[B]

Solid.

[A]

Made my day.

[B]

Yes. What's yours?

[A]

Do you have one?

[B]

Do you have one?

[A]

What is my rec. Oh, my wreck. Even though they're a sponsor for today, this wreck isn't sponsored. Our Christmas tree from Wayfair. I genuinely love, like, it brings me so much joy when I walk into our living room and I see it because it looks so good with our tall, like, I just love it so much. It was one of my. One of our best purchases.

[B]

And coming from the person who put it together. Alex wasn't there. She was having fun in the city, actually. Oh, we didn't talk about that. Alex was like. Because last podcast, we're talking about how I went into the city. Alex was in the city for, like, seven hours. Okay.

[A]

I in the city, and I forgot all of my milk there.

[B]

Everyone knows Alex gets her, like, free time, too. So Alex went to the city, hung out with her girlfriend Kat, and I was at home with my mom and Lucy, and we did a cooking video. I put the tree up. I was like. And, you know, just being productive.

[A]

No, I was very appreciative. And, like, the fact that your mom was there to also help, I felt. Felt less guilty leaving you. But I think we both. We both have to, like, take our me time for each other, like, apart, which is good. But at the same time, like, you and I need to prioritize. We haven't done anything together because all.

[B]

And that's on having a nanny I know or someone.

[A]

We need help.

[B]

We're going to get a nanny.

[A]

People who are parents, let us know in the comments if you've made it this far in the episode, because this is literally the last 30 seconds. How do you find people that you can trust? You know what I mean? Like, how do you find solid help that you can trust because your babies are your most prized possessions? I'm like, the only people who I trust is my mom and your mom.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And family. But I'm like, no, I know that we need actual help or even just for, like, date nights.

[B]

You know, what's that we need?

[A]

I can tell you we really have not spent any time together outside of work, guys.

[B]

Like, subscribe. Email comment. Give us some suggestions, please.

[A]

If you want to send us an email, you could do so at. Hello, Give it to me straight. If you want to send us an anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or on our website. And you can follow us everywhere at. Give it to me Straight podcast. We will see you next week.

[B]

Ciao. Ciao. Bye.

[A]

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