80. Giving you commitment, vandalism, and hallucinogens

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight

Episode 80: Giving you commitment, vandalism, and hallucinogens
Hosts: Alex & John
Date: December 2, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode showcases the trademark dynamic of Alex and John—a married couple offering unfiltered advice from both sides of the relationship coin. They dive freely into their own domestic chaos (including clothing clutter, sleep deprivation, and family traditions), react to listener questions about boundary-setting with family, commitment dilemmas, and holiday hosting awkwardness, and riff on everything from hallucinogens to Dr. Seuss. The tone is candid, energetic, and often hilarious, with both hosts veering off-script into story-heavy real talk and unsparing opinions.

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Highlights & Key Discussion Points

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1. Wardrobe Realities and Clothing Rental for Men

• [01:13–03:47]
  • Alex and John open with banter about clothing habits: Alex prefers sweatshirts, John finally wears an old shirt.
  • They discuss rental services for clothes like Rent the Runway, Nuuly, and bemoan the lack of male equivalents. Alex gifts herself a subscription for variety and less clutter, suggesting men’s closets need a similar service.
  • John: “I need a visual of what to wear—what goes with what. That would help guys a lot.”

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2. Being Easily Hacked and Family Traits

• [03:54–05:48]
  • John complains about getting hacked repeatedly (“Why am I so easily attacked?” [04:09]) and blames his occupational therapist history, personal info online, and his dad.
  • Alex points out blue eyes skip a generation, and they joke about inherited traits and what their daughter Lucy might get.

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3. Sleep Deprivation, New Parent Life & Bodily Functions

• [06:12–11:12]
  • Alex wonders if she’s developed a dairy allergy since giving birth; John attributes new parent body woes to stress and poor sleep.
  • They describe recurring “gerd” (John vomited in his mouth at night), garlic’s effect on their household, and sleep deprivation gaffes (Alex thought she was in an Uber rather than her own car—[08:22]).
  • John: “You’re gonna kill us with garlic!” [07:18]
  • They riff on what age children remember seeing parents naked and when to stop cussing: “Cussing is just part of our vocabulary.” [11:06]

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4. Child Development, Mimicking, and Screen Time

• [11:45–13:58]
  • Lucy, their daughter, is babbling—are “oohs and ahs” a developmental milestone? (Turns out it’s just a family thing).
  • John: “How’s it going with your oozing?” [12:47] is met with confusion.
  • Screen time debate: Alex argues big screens (like old TVs) are not as bad as smartphones for children.

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5. Coffee Shop Vibes & Dr. Seuss on Hallucinogens

• [19:06–22:43]
  • They critique a poorly designed local coffee shop for its lack of coziness. “I felt like I was at a deli,” John complains [19:42].
  • Alex reads Dr. Seuss for the first time since childhood and suspects he was “for sure on drugs.” [21:06]
  • Witty banter ensues about hallucinogens: “I would love to do shrooms one day,” Alex jokes. [21:30]
  • Memorable riff on Dr. Seuss’s “trippy” worlds.

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6. Why “Assholes” Live Longer & The Importance of Therapy

• [23:22–25:39]
  • John theorizes blunt people (assholes) live longer because they don’t internalize feelings—“Nice people implode.”
  • Both reiterate their credentials: “We don’t give good advice—we don’t know what we’re talking about.” [23:58]
  • Alex: “I just let things go. I don’t need to express it to the actual person.” [24:52]

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7. Holiday Family Drama: Listener Questions & Advice Corner

• [38:30–55:14]

  Packed segment with standout listener submissions:

  • Boundary Setting with Smokers ([38:30])

    • Mom doesn’t want smoke-exposed relatives holding her baby; Alex and John validate her right to set boundaries—enforce it firmly, even if it upsets in-laws.
      • Alex: “I’m not going to let you hold her reeking of cigar smoke.” [39:05]

  • Frequent Moves & Embarrassment ([41:22])

    • Couple debates if moving back home and buying a 3rd house is “dumb.” Alex: No, never make big life decisions based on embarrassment or what others think.

  • Holiday Scheduling & In-Law Monopolies ([44:30])

    • Sister’s mother-in-law commandeers all holidays. John and Alex agree: Say something—siblings can take it.
    • John: “It’s your sister, who cares if you offend her?” [44:50]

  • Commitment-Phobic Boyfriend ([64:19])

    • Listener’s boyfriend of three years (on and off) refuses family holiday invitations saying, “I’m not sure if you’re my forever person.”
    • John (fuming): “Shut the fuck up! You’re such a bitch. Three years—what a piece of shit.” [64:19–64:47]
    • Alex: “If you’re worried about scaring someone off by being yourself, you’re not with the right person.” [66:42]

  • Hosting Dilemmas with a Vandal Cousin-in-Law ([56:31])

    • Family drama: Should a brother-in-law who was arrested for vandalism be allowed at Christmas? Both hosts think the husband’s hard line is overblown unless the vandalism was truly disturbing. “Is he going to spray paint your bathroom? Grasping at straws.” [58:44]

  • Holiday Stay Logistics: Parents vs. In-laws ([70:29])

    • Listener prefers her in-laws’ fun, lively house over her parents’ stiff home. John’s practical answer: Get a hotel so neither side feels slighted.
      • “I want the reprieve of my own downtime.” [70:35]

  • Sibling Jealousy over Attention at Holidays ([60:22])

    • A listener resents her brother’s girlfriend “stealing the spotlight” from her at family holidays. Both hosts call this “immature”—there’s enough attention to go around.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On commitment:

  • John: “You’re with this person for three years...this poor girl's like, I would love to have a little more commitment…what a piece of shit.” [64:19]

• On letting it out:

  • John: “Assholes live longer because they get everything off their chest.” [23:30]

• On advice-giving:

  • Alex: “We haven't given a disclaimer in a while that we don’t give good advice on this podcast.” [23:58]

• On childish holiday rules:

  • John: “I think this is a stupid policy…like, you have certain parties they can go to and then, like, holidays…this is weird.” [60:22]

• On talking about family:

  • John: “If you’re not comfortable talking to your sibling, I can’t imagine what it’s like in the rest of your life.” [45:32]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:13–03:47: Men’s clothing rental wish, minimalist wardrobe chat
• 06:12–08:44: New parent health woes, sleep deprivation stories
• 19:06–20:25: Coffee shop vibe discussion
• 21:06–22:43: Dr. Seuss and “psychedelic children’s lit”
• 23:22–25:39: Emotional honesty, “why assholes live long”
• 38:30–55:14: Advice questions—smoking boundaries, moving homes, holiday monopolizing in-laws, family attention issues, hosting “vandal” relative, and the commitment-shy boyfriend blowup
• 64:19–66:59: “Forever person” boyfriend teardown
• 70:29–73:59: In-law sleepover/hotel logistics at holidays

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Final Recommendations & Listener Takeaways

• Set firm boundaries with family, even if it’s uncomfortable.
• You’re never the “asshole” for protecting your peace or your child’s health.
• Don’t let embarrassment dictate life moves.
• Be honest with siblings, especially about feelings over holiday traditions.
• If a partner is ambiguous about commitment after years together—listen to their actions and words, and value yourself.

Listener recs:

• Good Culture cottage cheese: “The best cottage cheese.” [77:02]
• Fisher Price Piano Playmat: Lucy, their baby, is obsessed with it and it buys parents much-needed downtime. [77:53]

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Tone: Playful, blunt, sometimes profane—always real and relatable. Alex and John don't sugarcoat, and their banter is as much the show as their actual advice. If you want honest, uncensored, and sometimes outrageous takes on relationships and family life, this episode brings it all.

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Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media.

[B]

Production dad, you're not my forever person. They've been together for three years. Oh, my God. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Dude, you're such a bitch. This poor girl's like, yeah, I would love to have. I would love to have a little more commitment. Like, know that you love me and we're together. Oh, my God, what a piece of shit.

[A]

Should I finish the question? And welcome back to Give it to Me Straight. I'm Alex.

[B]

And I'm John. And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious, gracious. I got an eyelash.

[A]

You look like you're ready to chop down some wood. Is that what you were going for?

[B]

I don't know. You know, I've had this shirt for like three years and I never wore it. Why not? I just, like, I think the podcast is a perfect place for me to just put. Cuz you know how you have your set clothes you wear. We wear the same thing every day. Sweatpants.

[A]

I have a million sweatshirts and I feel like I just like, cycle through them.

[B]

But you know how, like, we just have our comfy clothes. We always wear, like, I feel like I need to wear some of the clothes that I have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just feel like putting this on.

[A]

I know what you mean. But like, that's never what I like to wear. I always just love a sweatshirt.

[B]

Right.

[A]

For sure is my go to.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

I will do, like full glam sweatshirt.

[B]

Speaking of that, and you talked to me about this like a couple of days ago, a week ago. Like, there needs to be something for guys where guys can just rent clothes.

[A]

Yeah. I just gave myself a Christmas present and I'm doing Run the Runway. Merry Christmas to me. But I.

[B]

But walk me through that.

[A]

Well, so it's. I mean, what I talked to you about where like, instead of investing into really expensive pieces, again, this is not sponsored. But I was just like, I'm getting bored with my closet, but I don't want to keep buying things and then wearing them and being like, you know, I wore this out here and being. Getting sick of statement pieces. Like, if I wear a cool pair of pants, I don't want to wear it 10 more times.

[B]

But it's expensive to do that.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. It's expensive. No, no. Renting is not expensive.

[B]

Rental Runway is not expensive.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

I guess it based off of, like, your clothes.

[A]

Well, yeah. I mean, again, it depends on like, how much you're investing into, like these actual statement pieces, but it's just. It's a personal choice if you want like there's plenty of rental companies out there. But I wanted to get one for you for the holidays. I was like, there's no good man's men's version of Rent the Runway. Or like there's other things like Nuuly or fashion fix or something like. Yeah, but like you're right.

[B]

But I guess it's like if we go to. Because of what we do, we go to events and certain things. Like I. We need.

[A]

Remember hiring one guy. He was like, I've seen John wear this outfit twice.

[B]

I'm sorry, I got that one.

[A]

Or some girl made a comment too. She was like, Alex has worn this dress before. Shut up. Sorry. I'm saving the environment.

[B]

I know. I don't wanna. I don't want more. I also hate clutter.

[A]

Same.

[B]

I'll just like, if I can rent something, then that's the way to go.

[A]

Well, and that's more why I did it because I was like, I don't need more clothes. I would rather have less and just have a big variety in my closet. And I feel like it is. It's easier just to do that. Why are we talking about this? Oh, cuz. Your shirt.

[B]

Yeah, I was just thinking about my mom. My mom could travel for like three weeks out of a carry on suitcase. She, she. Because my mom travels for work and she has it down to a te. It's like all black. Like that windbreaker co wardrobe. She's like the scarf. You change a scarf out and that's what changes the outfit.

[A]

Yeah, well, yeah. Or like again, you just capsule wardrobe is where you have a few statement pieces that you could mix and match with other pieces in your wardrobe.

[B]

That's what guys don't. We don't do that for most of us. Like I don't. I don't know. Mix and matching. Like I need a picture, a visual picture of like what I need to wear, what goes with what, you know. And that will help guys out a lot too.

[A]

You need like a stylist because I'm not good for your style.

[B]

No. You don't know guy style.

[A]

No, I don't. I'm not, I'm not.

[B]

I've never claimed to, but that. Would somebody make that? Because I would sign up immediately.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For some sort of whatever for guys. Something just happened to me by the way, like two minutes before we got on this podcast, I got hacked again. I think someone's trying to open up an account Infidelity. Like what. Why Am I so easily attacked?

[A]

Oh, you know what happened? Our friend who's in cyber security said that your information is out on the Internet. Not that everyone's gonna go, I mean, whatever.

[B]

Save me.

[A]

You could. If you got a new number.

[B]

It's like, why?

[A]

Why? Because, you know, I'm just like, I.

[B]

Didn'T do anything wrong. Just because that fucking guy called me about. Remember when he called me when California. And was like, california? California was like, you got to pay me in coupons or whatever.

[A]

That's not why. It's because. Well, number one, you're very gullible. Number two, you do have your information out from when you're an occupational therapist so people can contact you.

[B]

I blame my dad. I definitely put my dad just get.

[A]

A new phone number.

[B]

You put my. All my information on, like, Monster, Inc.

[A]

So your dad is really to blame for all of this?

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

You could just scrub the Internet.

[B]

I was talking to him the other day. I'm like, I blame you for. I know. Like, Lucy's gonna do this to me. Like, I blame him for all my bad traits, like dyslexia. Got that from my dad.

[A]

Oh. I mean, I don't know. My grandma has it. And does my dad have it, too? Could be passed down. You know, the things that she did get, though, that's not from us. Blue eyes. Like, I know she doesn't.

[B]

No, we don't know yet. They're gonna really be blue, but they're so light.

[A]

I don't see any brown in them. Whereas we saw a baby who was the same age as her recently. Dark brown eyes. So I don't know. But my mom has bright blue eyes.

[B]

Your mom's a white?

[A]

Walker eyes. Couldn't share any with me, but.

[B]

No.

[A]

At least if she can give them to my daughter. Whatever. I like brown eyes, too. We love our Brown Eyed crew.

[B]

That's us. But we're not unique. Blue eyes are unique. That's cool. I wish she had two different colored eyes.

[A]

What do they call that head?

[B]

Like one of those alley cats?

[A]

No. There's a name for it. I don't know what it is. Someone. Someone put in the comments. So how was your week, John? What are you up to? What'd you do?

[B]

What I do. What I do. What I do. What I do. Just working, you know, I. You know, I don't.

[A]

I have a question. Can you. Since you're not saying anything, can you. And again, I'm not asking you, John, because I have asked you. And you being a doctor, you don't seem to know I'm not a doctor.

[B]

I'm only a love doctor.

[A]

We love to ask for medical advice on this podcast in the comments. Can you develop a dairy allergy after giving birth? Because I have eaten dairy my whole life have never had a problem. And then weeks after delivering Lucy I started getting the worst stomach aches anytime I would eat dairy.

[B]

Owner stress has we got both have stuff going on right now ever since Lucy came into the picture and sleep isn't happening. I think sleep is affecting a lot of what's going on with our bodies. I just want it guys.

[A]

Two nights ago dairy and live my life and be fine but now have.

[B]

The since when Avocado intolerance, Banana intolerance.

[A]

I just don't understand.

[B]

Anyway, so two nights ago I. I keep getting this like gerd thing going on and I'm like, I'm gonna just lay on my stomach. I woke up, I threw up in my mouth and woke up to it.

[A]

It's not like you were drinking and this is hangover.

[B]

No, I think garlic is killing us. Alex. I walked into the bedroom last night and it smelled like a garlic trash can.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

I mean, you're gonna kill us. You're gonna kill our baby.

[A]

I blame you. You're the one who I go, this recipe called garlic.

[B]

You made the sauce.

[A]

I did. But you were the one who cut up all the garlic.

[B]

You have to use it all. You didn't tell me how much you needed. So I'm like, all right, these six cloves of garlic are going in.

[A]

I didn't know how many you cut up. I just put them in. I said just some garlic.

[B]

Made a nice pumpkin ravioli.

[A]

I know that on previous episodes we talked about being sleep deprived. I feel like I'm just going to keep a running tally of things that I'm like, oh, this is from sleep deprivation. You did something else the other day that you put in like the freezer or the fridge. You put the granola in the refrigerator. Put. But no, I also I was sitting in the backseat with Lucy and we were coming back from was it my parents house or somewhere and we were ordering food. So I did Uber Eats and I look at my phone and because I was sitting in the back seat, it said like 55 minutes until the food was supposed to get delivered. But in my brain I thought I was in an Uber and I was like, oh, 55 minutes until I'm home. We were five minutes away from our house and I was just.

[B]

And you were in a car with your husband.

[A]

But I for a split second was like, I'm in an Uber and I have 55 minutes until I'm home. Rats. Oh, my God. That really sucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I was like, wait a minute. My husband's driving, I'm sitting next to my daughter, I'm in the backseat of my own car, and it's 55 minutes until the food arrives. What?

[B]

It's called sleep deprivation for sure.

[A]

That's all right.

[B]

We don't know what's going on with her sleep. Hopefully it gets better.

[A]

I also like how last episode we were like, she's doing great. All these things. Everything we said was a lie.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

By the next day, she went back to sleeping terribly. It's okay.

[B]

Yeah, Solid first couple hours and then like. No, she does like four or five hours. It doesn't seem like that though, does it? Seems like it's two hours.

[A]

No, she does, she does do a solid five hour to six hour stretch. But it's like that last hour, you could hear her starting. She's like, oh, I'm waking up now. It's time. I'm getting my shit together.

[B]

We need, we're feeding her now again, you guys stop feeding her. But she won't stop screaming.

[A]

So I don't know, I just, I can't. I can't listen to her struggle.

[B]

Her booking of. I know. Oh, so we need to get a d. A humidifier because her boogers are crazy at 2am I'm using that suction thing to get off her nose. She's screaming. I'm like, this. We can't do this every night. So hopefully a humidifier helps with that. Question about sleepwear. I don't know if I talked about this before. I would like a wreck on sleepwear.

[A]

For you or for babies?

[B]

For me. Because like, I'm wearing these shorts and I'm getting like wrapped. I like wearing something.

[A]

Do you want like a set?

[B]

No, no, no. I get too hot. I just want like bottoms. Like a shorts. Not even pants.

[A]

Just. We're boxers.

[B]

No, they're too tight. I. I don't know. I need like something like that will move around my body so I don't get tangled up. That's the other thing.

[A]

You're too sweaty. I'm.

[B]

Well, yeah. If we sleep naked, then we're going to be cleaning our sheets a lot.

[A]

Yeah. You don't want to like leave poops here farting.

[B]

You farting? Garlic spray. Fart garlic all over.

[A]

You're the one who literally has you're.

[B]

Going to give me pink eye.

[A]

Wet poop. So you're the one who's going to leave smears. I'm not going to give you pink eyes.

[B]

That's another. Even with like Lucy now our poops, I'm like pooping at 10 o' clock at night. Now.

[A]

I also want to know when do babies, like when is your first memory of seeing a naked person? Like when. When will Lucy start remembering? You never remembered seeing your parents naked?

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

I don't ever remember seeing my dad naked. I think because he always like left for work so early. But I remember seeing my mom naked. But like when will she start to remember us naked?

[B]

Probably when she's at least like walking and moving around, right? Talking.

[A]

I don't know, I'm trying to think. Like, when are your, when are your memories first we need a lock up.

[B]

Cussing soon. I'm having a hard time with that because it's just like part of our vocabulary.

[A]

Vocabulary, vocabulary, vocabulary, vocabulary. Yeah. I think we still have some time and I don't know, it's not like we are that bad.

[B]

I don't, I mean we're not bad but like we like saying certain words and she's going to pick up on those words.

[A]

She's so cute. She is starting to mimic us.

[B]

And that's why I'm saying that she's.

[A]

Only, she's like 11 weeks, you know, I think is going to be tough for her. What are the first thing that they say? Like, dad.

[B]

Oh, so we go out to lunch with our friends yesterday. We bring Lucy, they bring their daughter and we're talking.

[A]

So she's six months old, Lucy's almost three. She's not three months old.

[B]

But they're talking about, she's like how the daughter's starting to pick up like vowels or whatever, whatever.

[A]

She's babbling and I'm like, oh.

[B]

I'm like, you guys don't do the eyes.

[A]

You go, you guys doing your oohs and Oz. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh God, here, here we go. And I'm like, let's just move on to the conversation. So we got home. I'm like, john, oohs and odds are not a thing.

[B]

No, they looked at us like, what are you talking about?

[A]

We just do every day with Lucy because she mimics us doing it.

[B]

You're spearheading all this. I'm just assuming, you know, this knowledge. I'm like, oh, that makes sense. Like she's picking up oohs and ahs. I'm like, so everyone should be doing oohs and ahs?

[A]

No, I'm just like looking at her and singing with her and looking at what she's picking up. And I'm very. What's the word?

[B]

Expressive.

[A]

Expressive with my mouth so she could learn how to start to, you know, mimic us and speak.

[B]

Okay. I just thought this was like a developmental milestone.

[A]

Yeah. John's like, how's it, how's it going with your ooze?

[B]

And I was serious. Like, you guys doing the oozing?

[A]

Like, no, that's, that's just something that I do.

[B]

They're like, no. I was like, you're behind. Yeah.

[A]

Lucy's crushing her oozing.

[B]

Oz, you're down here, she's up here.

[A]

No, but she's, she just is so.

[B]

Reactive and I don't like that. It was like a sports bar. She was zoned in on the tv. I was like covering her eyes. I'm like, wow. I've never seen her like, so. I mean, there's a lot of stimulus there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Still though.

[A]

But big screens, I feel like, are not as bad as little screens. I know some people in the comments, but it's like when we were kids, we had big screens. We just didn't look at phones all the time.

[B]

We got this old school tv. Like it's a purple TV with a built in VHS player in it. I'm like, she'll use that.

[A]

Give her some old school school movies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One day. Whatever.

[B]

We're just all surviving.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm not going to judge anyone for anything. Like it's hard. You gotta just. I mean, it's great, but it's hard. Do what you gotta do. If you could find something that's gonna occupy their time for at least 10 minutes, that product is vital.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Treat yourself.

[A]

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[B]

Crazy.

[A]

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[B]

Top quality.

[A]

I love that Aura actually feels personal. I preload photos before it even ships so when they open it it already is full of memories, family moments, trips, inside jokes, all of it. And the fact that you could keep adding photos and videos from anywhere at any time straight from your phone makes it something that they'll enjoy and use all year long. It's honestly the easiest way to give a gift that feels sentimental without being overly cheesy. And truly, for Secret Santas, white elephants, dinner parties, or that friend who already has everything, this is the gift that always lands. You can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it for a limited time. Save on the perfect gift by visiting Oraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames named number one by Wirecutter by using Promo Code Straight at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code straight. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. This episode is also brought to you by Parallel. Ever wonder why your prenatal vitamin stays the same when your body changes so much during pregnancy? As a first time mom, I was so overwhelmed trying to figure out what prenatal to take. There are literally so many options out there and suddenly you're googling everything, comparing labels and and wondering if you're actually taking care of yourself the way you should be. It honestly feels like vitamin roulette. That's when I found Parallel and it was the first prenatal routine that actually made sense to me. Instead of juggling different bottles and questioning every ingredient, Parallel gives you everything you need in one simple daily pack. And each pack is formulated by OB GYNs for exactly where you are in your pregnancy or postpartum journey. Your needs change throughout this process and I love knowing that my vitamins change with me. What I do really appreciate is the peace of mind. Parallel is the first OB GYN founded vitamin company and their packs are clean label certified, meaning they're tested for over 400 contaminants including heavy metals and pesticides. They're made with bioavailable ingredients your body can actually absorb. Which makes me feel confident that I'm supporting both my body and my baby in the best way that I can. Especially during a time when balance feels hard and everything feels new. No more second guessing, no more overwhelm. Just a simple routine that actually supports you. Exclusive or give it to me Straight listeners. New customers can enjoy 20 off their first order with code straight. Visit parallel health.com that's P E R E L E L H E-A-L-T-Com and use code straight for 20 off your first order.

[B]

You're asking me about this week? Anything new? Our exciting lives? The only thing we did, we tried a new coffee shop. We were very pumped about it. We went there.

[A]

Don't don't on it. It's a new place.

[B]

I hope I'm well. I'm not going to talk about the the name of it, but I was very disappointed in. You could tell a dude put this coffee shop together. It was a very bright color. I'm not gonna say the color. And when you think coffee shop, you think like, there's a feng shui to it. There's like, it's cozy, there's. You want to sit and chill. Those kind of coffee shops. This was not it. I thought I was at like a deli. That's what it was. I felt like I was at a deli.

[A]

Yeah, I guess with like the way sporadic chairs. Yeah, it just felt cold. Like a cafeteria.

[B]

Not inviting.

[A]

Yeah, but I mean, whatever. It was just like a new spot near us that had opened up and we had high hopes for it and. But the coffee, I think itself was good. Just get it to go, you know? But I do think that there's a lot to say about interior design. It makes the vibe. Like, I would. I would be more likely to go to a place because of the vibes. Even if the food was a little bit, like, a little bit more shitty. Like, if the food is a 7 out of 10, I'd be more willing.

[B]

Well, everyone knows your rankings for the.

[A]

Vibes as opposed to going to a cold cafeteria feeling place. If the food is a 10 out.

[B]

Of 10, you know, I think less is more too. I could do like a specific. It's just coffee and maybe light app snack, little snacks, but like, not food. I just want to keep it simple.

[A]

You just want to open up your own coffee shop?

[B]

Well, we talked about it. Like, if we ever retire, we can invest and make our own coffee shop. I would. I think you're an amazing interior decorator.

[A]

Thanks, John.

[B]

And I love, I think, like, as I'm getting older, I love looking at like home designs and build outs and I. I think we could do something really cool.

[A]

You know what I did do this weekend also, I read Lucy Dr. Seuss, which I feel like I haven't actually read any of those books since maybe I was a kid guy. Whoever Dr. Seuss is, was for sure on drugs.

[B]

I think his name is Dr. Seuss.

[A]

I just. Yeah, like, whoever that man is, whoever.

[B]

Dr. Seuss is tripping out on. Yeah. I don't know how he came up.

[A]

No. Like, have you actually read any of the books?

[B]

No, I don't understand them.

[A]

They're just. So if I psychedelic were to do. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's like a hallucinogen. What's a drug is meth.

[B]

No, no, no. Like, if peyote, like Shrooms.

[A]

I would love to do shrooms one day. If I were to do some sort of hallucinogen and hallucin.

[B]

Hallucinogen.

[A]

Hallucinogen.

[B]

I like how I can't say vocabulary, but I could say hallucinogen. You still didn't say hallucinogen.

[A]

Is it a hallucinogen or is it hallucinogenic Drug?

[B]

Is that a word? When you say genetic, then I feel like you're saying it's like a big pharma term. Okay.

[A]

A drug that makes you see colors.

[B]

Oh, acid.

[A]

Doctor. Dr. Seuss was on acid writing all of his books.

[B]

I find it weird that there was only like one Dr. Seuss. Like the Grinch. There's all those books. There's probably some. Maybe there's another movie out. But there's so many borax is Dr. Seuss.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

I don't know who the fuck that is. Was he the orange thing with the mustache?

[A]

Yeah. Or is Horton Here's a who. Is that also Dr. Seuss? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

In Wholand.

[A]

Name two more.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then if you go to Orlando Universal Parks, you could walk around into who is that? Not who. Ville. Whoville is the Grinch. I think it's just like Dr. Seuss Ville land. Which is cool, but it's trippy. Maybe. Maybe. John, you and I do some drugs and we start to try to write a children's book. And then we make millions.

[B]

I don't need to do any mind altering things with you. It's never fun for me.

[A]

Why?

[B]

You just ruined my time.

[A]

You know what? You're just always miserable. Yesterday I just wanted a hug and.

[B]

Yeah, time out. You have your own. We just got up. I'm cleaning the dishes and you're just like all up in my personal space. You have your moments too. Okay. It just happens that both of our moments are always at different times.

[A]

I just want.

[B]

I want attention. I come up and you're like, off.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

I'm all.

[A]

I'm always like, come here. With a warm embrace. I'm always welcome.

[B]

You're such a lie.

[A]

I always welcome you.

[B]

Speaking of. That's why we live so long. What? I had something in my notes about being an asshole.

[A]

Oh, how? Like, good.

[B]

Why live longer than nice people? My theory is because they get everything off their chest and they own. Because they get things off their chest versus nice people who like, bury stuff inside and then they implode.

[A]

Like it turns into cancer or something.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Like it. They man, they harbor all that resentment, and then it manifests into sickness.

[B]

I like that. I'm from a clinical background, but yet I say outlandish like that. Like, yeah, that causes cancer, but it doesn't. But I think it causes something.

[A]

I feel like we need to give. We haven't given a disclaimer in a while that we don't give good advice on this podcast and we don't know what we're talking about.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So just so everyone knows, I think.

[B]

Harboring thoughts, though, definitely.

[A]

But then go to therapy. So do you think that, like, I'll live long since I get it out?

[B]

I've said this on so many different episodes. That's why. That's why therapy is good for people who bury things. I don't bury anything. I let everything out. And that's why I feel great.

[A]

That's why I don't need any fixing, and I don't need to go to therapy because I'm perfect.

[B]

I didn't say that.

[A]

Me, Lumberjack John.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

I just don't feel like there's this lingering thing that, like, I need help with. But maybe, like, people who are, like, you don't want to offend people. You keep. Because you're a good person, you keep things inside. That starts eating at you from the inside out.

[A]

I don't think I. I just let things go. I just don't feel the need to express it to the actual person.

[B]

You let things go? Yeah, I guess. Not everything, though, but some things.

[A]

I just talked to you about that yesterday, where I was like, oh, I forgot about this thing. Thankfully, I did. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to see stand this person.

[B]

But see, it came back. You thought about it.

[A]

But then I said, I'm glad I forgot about. And now I'm gonna let this thought.

[B]

It kind of.

[A]

It kind of flew over me like an airplane. Like, I was like, oh, there it is. And I'm like, let that. Let that go again.

[B]

And you know what? I would never have that thought because I've already destroyed that right off the bat. And then I would never soazy. It's a woozy.

[A]

Yeah. But I also did address that issue with that person. Remember? Like, I did was something. And then I addressed it, and then that's why I said, well, that's different.

[B]

If you did address it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Glad we got that.

[B]

So I know our intros have been very long lately, so we're gonna.

[A]

We're gonna try to not talk about ourselves and our daughter for 55 minutes?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I do actually want to talk about things today. Other things. Sorry, John. Four Christmases. I watched it this weekend. You and everyone in the comments are correct.

[B]

But it's like you don't believe me. Like, you just don't believe me when I tell you things.

[A]

It doesn't. Why? You're right, though. Like, why.

[B]

Why go do all these Christmases with everyone and then at the end we all get together? Like, what the fuck?

[A]

Did we just, like, drive to your house?

[B]

I basically just broke up my girlfriend because of the chaos all you ensued on me.

[A]

Yeah, Because I think the movie at its core doesn't make sense for that to happen. So why does that happen? And they don't explain it.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

And I'm pissed. What's your favorite Christmas movie? Also, I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. What's your favorite Christmas movie?

[B]

I don't know. I like Jingle all the Way.

[A]

Really? I hate. I. Not that I hate.

[B]

Yeah, I don't remember. I like Tim Allen as the Christmas man or whatever.

[A]

The Santa.

[B]

Is that what it was called?

[A]

Santa Claus?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that one.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, besides like, Elf, the grand shows are great. I love Christmas with the cranks. I think it's so funny.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

Jamie Lee Curtis is just the best.

[B]

She is funny. Does Harry Potter count? Oh, no. My favorite Christmas movie is probably. I'd say Die Hard is probably better.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Die Hard. It's a Christmas movie.

[A]

And what movie is kind of copy paste Die Hard that we saw? Carry On.

[B]

Carry On.

[A]

We went to that premiere. I actually. Okay. There is something about going to see a movie in person at the theater that I feel like makes the movie better. Like, you enjoy the experience. Like, I like movies less when I watch them from home, but, like, I'd prefer to watch them from home because I'm just like, I'm at. I'm in the comfort of my own home.

[B]

But if it's a shitty movie and it's watching at home or watching it at the movie theory, I'll be pissed. Like, I drove all the way here. I paid the tickets to come here. Alex wanted popcorn. All this. That's like $30. But this and the movie's trash. Oh, and now I have to drive home. Oh, I'm gonna hit traffic now. Sick.

[A]

But I feel like the environment of a theater with. With popcorn enhances the movie itself. Like, I'll probably.

[B]

Popcorn is a hot take. Is dog.

[A]

I love movie theater popcorn. I will go to a movie just for the movie theater popcorn.

[B]

And it's got one of the highest carcinogens.

[A]

When we went to the premiere of Carry On, I was like, I love this movie. I think this movie is so good. It's so witty. It's got me literally on the edge of my seat. And then I came home. People had watched it on Netflix, and they were like, meh, meh. It was okay. And I'm like, I don't know what sound that's different.

[B]

Like, I Wish I watched F1 in theaters, because at home I'm like, oh, these. The racing scenes, dialogs like, whatever. But the racing seems like these are sick. And if I was in, like, what's the big thing called? The big theater?

[A]

Imax.

[B]

Imax. That would have been nuts. I want to go to the Sphere so bad.

[A]

Oh, in Vegas.

[B]

Yeah. We could have you imagine seeing F1 in the sphere.

[A]

Yeah, well, that. I don't think they just show movies in the sphere. They have to be made specifically for the sphere. I think they said that they did.

[B]

They do.

[A]

They do the wizard of Oz, and then it feels like you're in the tornado.

[B]

Cool. Oh, wait, my parents. Didn't my parents go to that?

[A]

I don't think that they saw the wizard of Oz, but they saw who.

[B]

Plays probably Earth, Wind and Fire or some. My mom loves Earth. Oh, no, sorry. Tower of Power.

[A]

Were they.

[B]

My mom has gone to see them, I want to say. At least 10 times this year. My dad shows me. He's like, we're at Tower of Power. It's a tower. Power.

[A]

Power.

[B]

Tower, whatever. He's not a fan, but, like, you know, he's supportive of my mom. Great guy. Shows me a video. Everyone had to be, like, 80 there. And they're like, but.

[A]

But that says a lot about their fan base that, like, they're willing. Are you going to go to a concert when you're 80?

[B]

No, I don't go to concerts now, but I'm just saying I hate watching a movie more than once. I can imagine listening to a band or a group, like, 10 times in one year. My mom goes to Vegas for them. She'll do, like, anywhere goes to see.

[A]

I don't know. But, like, I love seeing the Lumineers live. They're great. And then when Hannah Montana would you.

[B]

Go 10 times in one year?

[A]

Not one year, but I would go every year, like, in different places to see them in different venues because, like, they're just so good. But, like, when Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus was on tour when I was in, like, middle school or High school. I saw her like two or three times.

[B]

I know, I know. I'm in like for such a rude awakening. When Lucy gets older to. I know. I'm sure she's gonna be like, if Taylor Swift is still big, then wanting to go see her and Barbie movies and stuff. That movie was pretty good, though.

[A]

Yeah. I'll be interested to see what she's into and like, what sparks her joy.

[B]

I'm gonna get her into karate or something. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for sure.

[A]

And then you could bring her around for.

[B]

Dude, I watched this. I watched this tournament. Karate kick in, hits this guy, like, who. He's got the bags, he's like training with her and she hit it and this guy just rolled out of the. The ring. I'm like, yeah, that's gonna be Lucy kicking ass, taking names, kicking ass, taking names.

[A]

And there we have it. Shall we jump into questions now?

[B]

Well, what are we talking about this week? What's. What's going on?

[A]

Still just holiday drama. Holiday related until the new year. You know what I mean?

[B]

Is it life without drama?

[A]

There's just so much like when it comes to like in laws and just like family. And family. There's just too many good questions about holiday drama. So we're just going to like keep rolling on.

[B]

Go, come on. Bring that holiday cheer.

[A]

It's not really. It's not all cheerful, John.

[B]

You know me. It is.

[A]

No, because you just like listening to the tea. So this is perfect for you.

[B]

Yeah, it's great. It's like tea that doesn't involve me. So it's like, I'm doing great and.

[A]

You just get to like comment on it and no one.

[B]

I'm not going to. Yeah.

[A]

And say, I don't.

[B]

Yeah. I don't need to hear a rebuttal. It's great. It's basically I just get to talk shit and not hear anything back.

[A]

You get to talk shit and not get hit.

[B]

Yeah. And on that note, which more people need to get hit? Me including. I need to get hit.

[A]

You think?

[B]

I think everyone should get smacked around a little bit just to stay in check. Jacob Elordi said something. He goes, people need to be. We need to bring back shaming. Is it shaming? He said it was something like accountability because people are too, too comfortable, like running their mouths without any repercussion. Well, I think Mike Tyson said that too.

[A]

The Internet makes it easy. But that's like what happened with Jason Kelsey where like the one person who was filming him and was like talking was like, how's it feel with your brother? Some comment about Travis, and then Jason took his phone, smash it, and I'm like, good for you.

[B]

I wish I was Jason's size, though. I'd feel a lot more comfortable doing that. I would take someone's phone and then I just get pummeled.

[A]

Right, That's a good point. It's kind of just like, could I actually take this person?

[B]

You know, we're the same age.

[A]

Me and you.

[B]

Me and Jason.

[A]

Are you. I don't know why he gives off such warm, like, mature vibes.

[B]

I know. Like, I'm just.

[A]

I think he also has four kids.

[B]

So anyone who has kids is definitely. I feel like they're the more like seniority adults. Your cousin, who's the same age as me, she's got three kids. I look at her, I'm like, Jessica.

[A]

You'Re definitely like, I look up to you.

[B]

You're the adult in this situation. I think I say it every time I see her.

[A]

And this is how we segue into speaking for 80,000 minutes. Okay, let's jump into questions. This episode is brought to you by Neiman Marcus. You're home for the most exceptional gifts. And honestly, my go to when the holidays hit and I need everything from a standout outfit to gifts that actually feel special. Between holiday parties and planning my New Year's Eve look, which I'm so excited, actually, for New Year's Eve, we have some fun plans. I've been living in Neiman Marcus. Whether it's something glam for a cocktail party or a full New Year's Eve moment, they just make the whole process feel exciting instead of stressful. But it's not just outfits. Neiman Marcus is also where I knock out my gifting list. I'm shopping for everyone from my best friends to family members who are notoriously impossible to buy for. Even Lucy. And they truly have something for everyone. Stunning jewelry, beauty must haves, elegant timepieces, gourmet goodies, chic kids finds, and the ultimate stocking stuffers. Their holiday gift guide makes it so easy. And then there are their legendary fantasy gifts. Those over the top, one of a kind pieces that feel straight out of a dream. And if you're anything like me and appreciate a little guidance, sometimes you just need a little help, you know? Their Neiman Marcus style advisors make finding the perfect gift at every price point completely effortless. So whether you're looking for the perfect party look or gifts that will genuinely support, surprise and delight, head to Neiman Marcus and make your holiday shopping feel a little bit more magical.

[B]

And thank you Wayfair for being a podcast sponsor today. The holidays are here and if you're anything like us, you blink and suddenly you're hosting, decorating and realizing your house needs a little refresh. Alex is always changing things up and this year we fully leaned into it while getting the house ready for holiday hosting. We had this beige rug that felt like a great idea at the time, but between a dog and a baby, not exactly realistic. So we updated it with something way more practical and honestly, way more sty. Thanks to Wayfair.

[A]

I love this rug.

[B]

And then there was the record player situation. We didn't even realize we needed a new console until we saw one on Wayfair that just made the whole living room feel more put together. It's one of those pieces that makes the space feel intentional, cozy and ready for people to actually come over and hang out. Wayfair has made last minute holiday prep so much easier. From rugs, storage and decor to hosting essentials and furniture, it's truly a one stop shop. The delivery was fast, hassle free and honestly clutch when you're trying to pull everything together without stressing right before family shows up.

[A]

You know what's from Wayfair that I love in our house?

[B]

Our tree.

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Well, not just our tree, our rug. I mean our rug. Our rug is too Our couch. Our green couch. My favorite statement piece in our house.

[B]

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[A]

Thanks to Skims for sponsoring this episode. I have to share the most amazing underwear I've discovered because honestly, it's too good to keep to myself.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

I love skims and honestly, it is worth all the hype. Specifically the Fits Everybody collection. And I get it now. I truly don't know what kind of magic they put into this fabric, but it feels like you're wearing nothing. I've never worn intimates that feel and fit like this and I will never go back. It's like butter on your body. But personally, my favorite is the Fits Everybody thong from Skin.

[B]

Mine too.

[A]

I have them in every color. They melt onto your skin and you forget you're wearing them, which I truly didn't think was possible for a thong because you know they wedge up your butt. But I'm replacing they wedge up your butt. I mean they do but like these. These are just so comfortable. And I'm replacing all of my old underwear with these. And it's not just me. Even John tried the thong. Just kidding. You didn't try the thong but you've tried the Skims men underwear and he is obsessed. He also said they're breathable, lightweight, comfortable and feel secure without them being tight or annoying. So yes, Skims is officially a household brand over here. There's so many items that I do love from Skims. I actually even ordered more of their maternity bras also because they're the comfiest and the most easy ones that I've ever game tried.

[B]

Game changer.

[A]

If you haven't tried the Fits Everybody collection yet, this is your sign Shop the best underwear for men and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you select podcasts and in the survey choose Give a chance to Me straight from the dropdown. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now [e-mail]? 1 I met a great aunt in law for the first time on Thanksgiving. She was expecting to hold my daughter who was about two months old at the time. I managed to get away with it by saying only grandma can hold her due to cold season. Throughout dinner the great aunt had a horrible smoker's cough, went in and out of the house to smoke and would come in smelling like cigarettes. At the end of the dinner my husband said next time she can hold her. With Christmas coming up, I really don't want her to be holding her due to the above and the smell of cigarettes would definitely get onto my daughter. Gross. Should I just get over it and let her hold her for a few minutes? My mother in law keeps saying the great aunt is buying her stuff for my daughter and our family. Not needed. She just wants to so I feel like I should. What would you do?

[B]

Don't strap her to your chest.

[A]

But she's she's on me baby wear I drew about.

[B]

Well I think the first thing you do is talk to your husband. If he's saying, she can do that, be like, here's the reasons why she can't. And you better back me up on that. I don't know. I guess at what point, though, it's like, it's his side.

[A]

Yeah. An in law. I don't know. I drew a boundary with your family. When Lucy was a week old and your dad was visiting and you guys, like, were outside smoking cigars, he was like, all right, last time with Lucy, let me, like, hold her. And I was like, no, because he smelled like cigar smoke.

[B]

True. I mean.

[A]

And he was like, oh, my shirt's downstairs. I was like, I'm not. She. I'm. I'm not letting you hold her, Eurek. And then.

[B]

Because it's not about them either. It's, you know, it's like, okay, you're allowed to, but you're gonna make an adjustment if you want to.

[A]

So your dad changed his shirt. And I was like, all right, you could hold her. Yeah. Because I was like, you don't. You don't want your kid. You hand your kid off to someone else, they smell immediately like the other person.

[B]

Whether you're not personally insult. You're not trying to insult the person about, like, your B.O. smells about. It's like you had a cause and effect. You were smoking, Right. I don't want that smoke on my child. Like, do you blame me for that? Yeah, you shouldn't.

[A]

Yeah. The other thing that I think is interesting is unless it's, like, a close family member who. Who's out here just, like, wanting to hold other people's babies. Like, if it's someone who. I don't know. You're not. I'm not just gonna pass my baby off to you. Like your parents, your siblings, sure.

[B]

But, like, I can't speak for that. I don't know. But like, your friends, people are gonna hold. Hold the baby.

[A]

But like, people who don't. Who you have no relationship with, you know?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, as speaking for guys. I don't know what guys? Like, let me hold your baby. Well, yeah, you know, like, I don't know how. I'm not a woman. I see, like, women all the time wanna hold babies, but a baby that.

[A]

You have a relationship with the parents, I could see that.

[B]

Even our own cousins and friends. I'm like, my first thought is not to hold that baby. I'm like, hi. From a distance. And that's enough for me. I also have my own kid. My arms are exhausted holding my Own kid. The last thing I want to do is pick up someone else.

[A]

Because you have that vanity strength.

[B]

I do. I'm just a weak bitch.

[A]

It just. It's all luck. But I don't mind. I would just say no. Yeah, just say no. No's attendance. Next question. My husband and I just had our first baby. We live away from family and have no one around us besides our friends. We recently have started looking into moving back home and trying to buy a house. The kicker is that this would be our third house. We bought in three years and moving back for the second time in three years. For background, we moved away in 2020, back home in 2023, moved away again in 2024. So third house, third move. Now with a baby, we are sort of embarrassed with our constant moving back and forth and spending money to buy homes. But we would love for our baby to be around family and have the holidays and special events with everyone. Is it dumb that we're doing this again?

[B]

I really is this. Did you write this?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, we've done this. I think. I think Catherine pulled this because she was like, Alex and John have done this. I want to hear their takes on it.

[B]

I mean, embarrassment, Never, never embarrassed. Cross my mind. But we're also. That's how we elevated in life. Couldn't afford in New York so we moved somewhere else. We was going to try to move to New York again. Still couldn't afford it, sold that house, moved to a different state, it was more affordable. Then we finally moved back but well, no, I'm missing.

[A]

No, we didn't buy a house until.

[B]

There was two attempts that we tried for New York and we couldn't because we had the Raleigh house. Then we're looking in New York and we couldn't afford it. So then we got the Virginia place.

[A]

And then after that we went to LA the next most because we were like, either we're going to New York or we're going to California. We chose California.

[B]

I was like, if we don't try California now, we never will. And we don't have a kid. And then yeah, we're with Leo. We're like, we want to be around family or anybody we know.

[A]

Yeah, again, you just can't make decisions based off of what other people are going to think ever.

[B]

What's her question? Is it. She's embarrassed.

[A]

She's like, is it dumb? We're doing this again? Is it right? Is it the right choice for your family? If the answer is yes, then who cares if it's Dumb. It's not dumb.

[B]

Are you making lateral moves? Is it, Are you like, are you down? You know what I mean? Is it a bad move that you're making or is it still like elevating your life because you don't want to financially put yourself in the hole if you're going back and forth like that, like for us when we did it.

[A]

But I don't think that that's what she's saying here. She's just saying like in general, sort of embarrassed, like, is it dumb that they keep going back and forth? Do it 10 more times if that's the right choice for your family.

[B]

So flex on them. You'd be like, I do as many times as I want.

[A]

Yeah, I. You're in. Every season is going to be different. You might move away, you might get home, be like, actually, we fudged up, let's leave again. And then in four more years, or who knows, six more months, you're like, wait a minute, let's actually move to this other area. Or this house is going to be better. Honestly, if you're willing to go through the stress of moving, that's on you. Do it. Who cares?

[B]

You and I should have just had like an Airbnb or a rental in the middle of nowhere, had PO Box there because we just were gone so much. Buying homes are so stupid.

[A]

Well, again, it worked in our favor.

[B]

You know, it helps your credit though, so you know, if you're financially savvy.

[A]

And it's like spring cleaning all the time, you really purge a lot of shit that you don't need when you move. Next question. My sister's mother in law is what I call a holiday hoarder. It started when my sister and her husband were dating and not surprisingly, the pattern continues now that they're married. The mother in law books trips with them to visit them or has them visit her and her husband around every major holiday in addition to regular monthly visits, with the holiday trips always being 8 to 10 days. My family has always been flexible and doesn't mind not celebrating on the actual holiday as long as we can all see each other another day. But it makes it hard when they're gone for two full weeks around said holidays. I'm not trying to, but I just have this ongoing tally in my head of how many holidays they've missed and it really makes me sad. But I also know that this is their life and their new family unit, so I don't think it's my place to say something. Should I just stay quiet? And wait to see if my sister brings it up or should I talk to her about how I'm feeling?

[B]

I mean, if your sister cared about you, she would, you know, delegate and equally see the mother in law, whoever the fuck you're talking about. And you, what's the issue?

[A]

She's just like, do I say something to my sister that I miss her coming to holidays?

[B]

Do you really? Do you really need an answer to that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh my God. Yeah, it's your sister. Who cares if you offend her?

[A]

Oh, that's weird. Who cares? And that's true.

[B]

I sent my sister this meme and it was the meme said something like, you get a hundred million dollars, but you can never make fun of your sibling again. And then like in the meme it's this guy lighting money on fire and like throwing it at his sister, basically, like the money. I'm gonna insult you.

[A]

Yeah, I got it.

[B]

Okay. You sure? You looked at me like, I don't get it.

[A]

I was waiting to hear like the whole thing. I was giving you the floor, John. But yeah, I don't think that your sister is going to care if like you express your emotions to her again. It's not like a friend who can get offended in a way that a.

[B]

Sibling question wasn't juicy enough for me to really care. Really dive in. Yeah, I mean, why would you not if you're not comfortable talking to your sibling, I can't imagine what it's like in the rest of your life.

[A]

And for me, sometimes I'm just like, who cares? Like, if your sister wanted to be around, she would. Like, obviously her actions speak louder than words like, do you really need a response from her? But like there also is a world in which like, tell her how you feel. Who cares? And then maybe she, you, she'll open up and be like, yeah, you know, I've been feeling the same way. Like I should, I should stop prioritizing my husband's family so much and my mother in law and come hang around like, my, my family's important too. You know, maybe she just needs to.

[B]

Hear it for me in my life of like, people I know. Right? There's only so much holding as far as we know.

[A]

John, you're not going to die of cancer because you let off all of your.

[B]

No, no, no. But like, I'm not going to exhaust my. A family member when I already do with like, friends. Well, like say friends annoy me sometimes. I'm like, whatever. Like, I just like won't put the mental space into that.

[A]

So you're more likely to be nicer to friends and, like, you don't want to. I get what you're saying.

[B]

Like, what is it? What is it? I'm trying to figure out how to say it. It. You know, I'm already being accommodating to people that I'm not as comfortable with. So, like, you. At some point, there's some people that you have to be comfortable speaking to. Like, I'm not going to exhaust myself with because your family is your family. Like, unless you're cutting them out of your lives, you're going to have to really work on that. Friends come and go, but unless you're a person who cuts family out of your life, which I get if you do. But there's ones that you're, like, holding on to. Like, you're gonna have to have these hard conversations and, like, get getting over that hump, and it's exhausting.

[A]

Yeah. In simpler terms, I mean, too. It's like how people say that children are meaner to their moms because they feel the most. Most comfortable and vulnerable around their moms. Like, they know that their moms love them. They're not going anywhere. So if they're exhausted, they're. They could. They could take it out in their moms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which isn't a great thing.

[B]

But I'm not saying, like, I'm super comfortable with my family because I don't see them that often, but I'm willing.

[A]

To have those uncomfy conversations because. A little bit more. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, work. Like, working on family relationships, you know, Because I was like, I can't. I don't. I'm not going to be able to cut them out of my life.

[A]

You're like, you're not going anywhere. So I'm just gonna tell you. Tell you how it is. I'm just gonna. I don't think. I don't think you're.

[B]

No, I don't think you're getting what I'm saying.

[A]

Okay, maybe not.

[B]

Give me one second. I'm, like, trying to. I think I do unravel this.

[A]

Like, family's not going anywhere. And so you're like, I'm. I'm.

[B]

No, I don't need to put a.

[A]

Filter on for this conference.

[B]

No, no. The family is way more. I'm putting way more effort and energy into that than I am with friends. Like, I'm going to brush off whatever bullshit the friends are doing because I'm like, I'm not going to work on that. I'm going to work on this. And my mental energy is going to be on this. And that's where I'm like, I'm going to be exhausted enough from them. I don't know what I'm saying. Do you get what I'm saying?

[A]

I do, yes. But like, I think. Get me there.

[B]

No, no, it's not the opposite. That's what. That's.

[A]

So you care more about your family. And so. Not that you didn't care about them before, but you are putting more energy into that relationship. I thought you were. Yeah, okay.

[B]

I know someone is gonna get what I'm saying because someone's always like, oh, I see what John's saying.

[A]

And yeah.

[B]

And they configure the dots together.

[A]

So like you, you would rather conscious effort those harder conversations with your family. Because you.

[B]

Because I have to.

[A]

Because you value those relationships more and, like, they're stronger. You want them to be stronger than your friends. Your friends. You're just like, I don't give a fuck about you.

[B]

No, that's. No, that's not what I'm saying. I feel like you're stuck with your family, so you're going to have to work on it because they're not going anywhere.

[A]

Oh, like, so. As opposed to just existing and then eventually really resenting your family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like how you could. You could resent a friend because they're not always going to be around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But like, you don't want to have those hard feelings against your family. So it's like, just have.

[B]

Because I know I'm going to see them again.

[A]

Yeah. So just have the hard conversation. Don't hold it in. I get it. I think I got.

[B]

Thank you. Okay, next question.

[A]

I am 30. My husband is 32 and I just found out that I'm pregnant. He prefers to spend every holiday with our families, while I prefer to have more of a balance between our families. But also just him and I time, we have very different upbringings. He values time with our parents and our siblings over anything else, which I respect, but I'm just not that way. We tried spending Thanksgiving last year alone, just us, but he felt it was silly because we, quote, could have been spending it with our families separately. One of his brothers is also getting married next fall. And the other day my husband made a comment that he might just fly to Colorado for a quick 24 hours for the wedding. I tried explaining to him that I didn't think it was normal to leave your postpartum slash, very pregnant with wife, even if it was just for 24 hours. But family is that important to him. Regardless. Should I just suck it up for the holiday season one more time and deal with driving all across the state with the caveat that I'll be much less accommodating next year? And also, what is an appropriate amount of time to pass before the husband takes a solo trip after the baby has arrived? Well, it sounds like two things here. It sounds like you want some alone time with your husband during the holidays. You don't love to spend it with all of your families.

[B]

Devil's advocate to that, though. Like, besides the holidays, are you guys spending time with family at all? Or is. Are you just an introvert and don't. And you know, like, because that's unfair if you're constantly just spending time, like, wanting just your husband all to yourself? Like, no, you need to accommodate. You need to accommodate to him, and he needs to accommodate to you. But I want to know that part.

[A]

Well, and that, I think, is the question. It's like, how much quality time are you getting together? Because if you're already not getting qualified quality time, and then he's like, yeah, we need to be with my family around the holidays and yada, yada, I could see where I'd be like, well, what about some time for us? But, like, I'm. I'm on more of the husband's side where I'm. I do enjoy spending holidays with, like, larger groups. That's when people come to town.

[B]

That's the whole point of the holiday.

[A]

Point of the holiday, yeah. Like, we have, I think when we've been. When we haven't lived in state and couldn't necessarily travel for holidays, we have spent holidays with just one another. And while they're quiet and cute, you know, I don't think that they're as fun as it would be getting together with the whole fam. But I guess, like, personal, to each their own in that category. But if you want to have a little bit of a balance, maybe your husband can go. You know, it might hurt his feelings if you don't necessarily join him. And then you guys can celebrate alone on a separate day.

[B]

Is she saying she will be like, baby will already be here when the holidays come? Or she's just pregnant.

[A]

She's currently pregnant. And so the holidays, she's, you know, going to be traveling around. But then when it comes to the.

[B]

Wedding, is the wedding wedding.

[A]

I mean, like, if you're still pregnant and don't want to go, I still think it's okay for your husband to go. While you're pregnant. But that's just me.

[B]

You're pregnant, the baby's not here. What's the problem?

[A]

Maybe some. I could see where a pregnant woman would feel like they don't want their husband to leave in case, like, you were to go into labor. Like.

[B]

Well, that's what I'm asking. How far along is she gonna be?

[A]

Right? I don't. I don't know.

[B]

Again, she's like, first trimester, he's going for 24 hours.

[A]

Now her brother. Her husband's brother is getting married next fall. And her husband said. So it's either she'll be very far along or she'll have the baby.

[B]

That's different.

[A]

So then the question is how long. When is the appropriate amount of time for time to pass. I think that's also a personal.

[B]

I know it's tough. I mean, it's tough with the newborn. I mean, I left for one night, and I can imagine. I mean, sure, that was hard for.

[A]

You two, but it's okay.

[B]

That's a. That's debatable.

[A]

Well, it was two nights.

[B]

I took the red eye. Sorry that the red eye crusted over.

[A]

It was too nice.

[B]

Crusted. Crested over into 6:00am I mean, anyways, I went for work first off.

[A]

Either way. Yes. Like, it's a personal choice.

[B]

Well, you know Alex's thoughts on it.

[A]

No, no. Like, I would still do it again. Like, I. Again was fine. And it was a conversation between the both of us. And that's the thing. There's no set time. That's gonna work across the board for people. It's such a personal choice. And it depends on, like, what it is.

[B]

I think it's how it's presented. So the difference here is he's like, I'm gonna go for 24. I'll just go for 24 hours. Like, seeing like, he's already made his mind up.

[A]

Well, it said he might, so he made a comment that he might just fly to Colorado for a quick.

[B]

So look, he's not making it a definite. And, like, I think that's a huge factor. Like, when I went to California for work, I went to. Alex is like, I can go either way. I don't care. It's up to you. What do you think? Let's. Let's make this decision together as a team, and that's how it needs to be done. Because I could see friction where he's like, oh, I'm gonna go. If he does say that. And then I'd be like, you just gonna make the decision without talking to me first. I think it's all about how. How it's just brought up.

[A]

Yeah. And it sounds like decisions brought up in both of these scenarios. The holiday spent with his family or your family, and then him going to his brother's wedding. Because that is a huge milestone in his brother's life that I'm sure he would want to be a part of. But again, I think as long as it's his brother.

[B]

I thought it was like an in law you're gonna get mad for if he doesn't go to his brother's wedding.

[A]

Right. That's what I'm saying. Like, it's a conversation. Like, of course, if, like you're. You just delivered and you just had the baby two days ago. I think it'd be a lot for him to fly out to his brother's wedding. But if you had the baby and the baby's been around for a few weeks a month, like, and he's. It's a quick 24 hours. Like, I personally would be okay with it, but that's. That's me. You guys might have a different conversation.

[B]

This is an unknown for her, too. If this is your first kid, like, you don't know, like, we didn't know how it was going to be. And every baby's different, right? Every baby is different.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So your baby might sleep right away.

[A]

It's just all, all of this is just a personal. A very personal choice between you guys. Next question. My husband and I have wanted to host Christmas Eve dinner for a few years now. This year, my husband said to let everyone know that we'll host Christmas Eve dinner. I've started making invitations and feeling out who in the family will be in town. But when my husband found out that I told my sister about the dinner, he said, well, you did tell her her husband isn't welcome in our house. Right. For context, her husband got arrested for vandalism a few months before they decided to elope. Two years ago, we agreed to not feeling comfortable having him at our house. But now, two years later, they have had their first son, our nephew. And we've been around them a lot at other family functions. Her husband has also begun to look up to my husband a lot. It's been very obvious by how he follows him around during family functions. And my sister admitted it to me too. I understand. We did talk about him not being allowed at our house, but I thought since it's been two years, as well as it being a bigger group of people over that It'd be fine, but my husband still refuses to let him come. Am I the asshole for wanting to just never host again?

[B]

How are you not going to tell us what he actually did? What was the vandalism?

[A]

Well, yeah.

[B]

Did he spray paint something?

[A]

So in my brain, vandalism is truly just like a man.

[B]

Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking.

[A]

Nothing else? Like, it's not like, like flipping tables, it's not bringing things.

[B]

Spray paint a dog.

[A]

What are like, why would you not.

[B]

Tell us what it is?

[A]

But like, what, what is the range of vandalism? You know, is it spray painting? Like, what's the worst case of vandalism that exists?

[B]

The worst case of vandalism is subjective but severe. Examples include the destruction of priceless art like the Buddhists of Bamayan, the damage to historical and cultural landmarks like ancient statues, and acts that endanger public safety, such as shooting out a substation that caused major power outage. The severity of vandalism cases determined by the damages caused, it impacts on society and the historical or cultural significance of the property.

[A]

Okay, so that makes you like, yeah, that's a shitty thing to do. But are you a dangerous person?

[B]

Yeah. No.

[A]

And so for me I would be like, why is your husband so like, how is he? How is your sister's.

[B]

I'm pretty sure every guy has done some sort of vandalism in their life.

[A]

Because we had a similar question a few weeks ago where a sister was not inviting her abusive husband.

[B]

That's different.

[A]

Her sister's abusive husband to her house. That makes sense. He's abusive. He's been arrested for that in past. But vandalism, I feel like that's like.

[B]

I see the guy who stole the art in Paris, right then even that. You're welcome. I would still be like, I want.

[A]

To know what happened.

[B]

I want to know what happened. You're tell this story. Dinner. I feel like your husband's grasping at straws. He just doesn't like him. There's something else going on. Vandalism, personally, I want to know more.

[A]

Yeah, I like. Is that it in this case? As to why your husband doesn't like your brother in law now? I don't know. I'd be annoyed too if I was you because if like my husband, if this was a hill that he was going to die on, I'd be like, then we're not fucking hosting because I'm not going to tell my sister that her husband isn't allowed to. Especially when you guys have been around him at other Family events and it's like, so you feel safe enough to be around him. Is it a safety issue? Does your husband think that he's going.

[B]

To steal something from your house or.

[A]

Like, break the dishes at family dinner? Like, what does he think?

[B]

Is he, like, vandalism isn't even stealing?

[A]

No, no, no. Not steal something. But yeah, that's what I'm saying. Break the dishes or like, you know.

[B]

Spray paint your bathroom priceless utensils that you're worried is going to ding up.

[A]

Yeah. Like, if he has a history of like, peeing on your bathroom walls and like, ruining your. Your spaces, sure, don't invite him. But otherwise a stretch grasping.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Next question. Am I the asshole for not wanting my brother's girlfriend to attend holiday events this year? I, 24, female, and my husband, 24, male, had been dating for five years before we got engaged and married this past year. The family rule has always been that a significant other needs to be engaged or married to a family member before they can attend holiday events. My family had the chance to get to meet him at smaller gatherings, dinners and graduations before we got engaged, but he only received an invitation invitation to a holiday event. After we were engaged, we were both excited to go to Easter dinner together. And then my brother's girlfriend showed up. I like her mostly, but she, 20, female, and my brother, 21, male, are both kind of pushy people. Even though she didn't have an invitation, they both showed up to dinner together and all the attention was on them to get to know her. I was secretly excited for the attention to talk about my wedding, but I didn't get that now that we are married, we moved out of state state and are visiting home for the first time for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We no longer have the wedding to talk about, but we are still the only married couple of my siblings and we moved. So I hope people will want to talk with us about that. Am I the for hoping my brother's girlfriend doesn't show up to the holidays so that more of the attention can be on me?

[B]

I want to first say I think this is a stupid policy that they have. This is weird that like, you have certain parties that they can go to and then, then like holidays. Like, they can't come to this. Like, this is. I don't know. I found that weird. I do understand where she's coming from though, where she had to jump through all these hoops to have her husband come or get engaged. And then your brother gets to just bring his girlfriend. Like I could See, being annoyed because you're following the rules. I'm a rule follower, and that's bullshit. The other point that I want to make, and I find that I'm this kind of person. I like a controlled environment. You know who. I know who's coming. I do. You find it. You're like, the more the merrier. I'm not that type of person. I want to know exactly who's coming, who. Especially if it's like, my party or what I'm doing. I don't know. There's definitely just two types of people when it comes to gatherings.

[A]

Well, and I think, like, again, there's a balance here. I think at all. Everything involved in this question is very immature. I think this holiday policy is fudgeing dumb. So you're telling me that, like, the same group of people who go to a dinner for a graduation is fine, but if that same group, they're getting together for Easter, then the significant other draw the line included, like, just because they're not engaged? Fucking stupid. So I think that's dumb. But I also do think, okay, while it's annoying that your brother got to, like, skip this rule and he's jumping through hoops and bringing his girlfriend, can people not have conversations about other things? Like, just because she's there doesn't mean that the attention has to be taken off of you. Like, multiple people can have things going on at once. Like you and I, but she's the.

[B]

New thing in the room. You know what I mean? Like, the. All these people know each other won't.

[A]

Be like, okay, cool, you met her, she came to Easter.

[B]

Now assuming that they're going to talk about her.

[A]

Yeah. And so you're like, oh, you know, we moved and we. I still want people to, like, talk about us, like, what we have going on. And it's like, bring it up. Why can't two things? Why can't everybody is wins exist in a conversation at once? Like, how many family members of mine had babies this year? Am I going to be pissed? Because I'm like, oh, my God. Well, our baby's the only important one that people should be talking about.

[B]

It's a maturity thing.

[A]

That's my point is, I feel like this whole question is just so immature.

[B]

Well, if her brother's 20, what's going.

[A]

To happen if you get pregnant and then your brother gets married the same year, Are you not going to want to show up? Because they're. People are going to be talking about their wedding in the year that you got pregnant. How Dare they. I just feel like people are always going to have shit going on. Like, there's enough.

[B]

True.

[A]

There's enough room at the table for everyone to talk about all the things that they have, all their wins in life.

[B]

Get a girl. Get it.

[A]

I'm just. No, I'm just growing.

[B]

You're bringing. You bring up good points.

[A]

Imagine people were annoyed about us, you know, talking about something that we had going on because they wanted to talk about their new house.

[B]

I could tell you what a nightmare would be. My nightmare would be everyone at the table directing their attention towards me.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Oh, my God. I was just like, curl up in a ball.

[A]

Also, like, how long is this dinner? Is it supposed to be 100% on you? Like, what percentages are we splitting of attention here? Like, I just don't. Next question. My boyfriend, 34, and I, 33, finally decided after three years of on and off casual dating, to try a real relationship. We've been together for about five months now, and I feel so strongly about him. We're best friends and truly love each other. I've never trusted, loved, and actually liked someone as much as I do him. The one issue that keeps coming up is his fear of commitment. With the holidays coming up, I've started mentioning that I'd like to get to know his family better and for him to get to know mine. Every time the topic comes up, though, he emotionally shuts down. We both come from big families, but while I'm very close to mine, he only sees his on major holidays or birthdays. Over the past year, I've had to really drag him to come to just a few family parties, maybe three total. And I've only met his family once. Recently, we had a conversation about Thanksgiving where I told him I'd love for him to come to my family's dinner, even just for a little bit. His response was, I don't like mixing families.

[B]

Grow the fuck up.

[A]

It makes me uncomfortable. And I'm still not sure if you're my forever person.

[B]

Guys, 34 years old, bitching about dad. You're not my forever person. They've been together for three years. Oh, my God. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Dude, you're such a. I swear to God, you are wasting someone's time. You're with this person for three years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This poor girl's like, yeah, I would love to have. I would love to have a little more commitment. Like, know that you love me and we're together. Oh, my God, what a piece of shit.

[A]

Should I finish the question? Take a breather. I mean, to be fair, she says they're three years on and off casual dating, so they.

[B]

I wonder.

[A]

They've only.

[B]

Who's the one who wanted that? Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

This guy's really banking on someone else coming into his life. Like, hopefully find someone better.

[A]

Let me finish his response. His response was, I don't like mixing families. It makes me uncomfortable. And I'm not sure if you're my forever person, so why get close to your family if we might break up in six months? We'll come back to that. That was incredibly hurtful. It made me feel like he still has one foot out the door. Probably. Perhaps it's because he does have one foot out the door. I've never had this issue in past relationships, but I'm struggling to understand how to handle it. I don't want to scare him off, but I also want him to understand that this is important to me. I've also only met his closest friend once. We're homebodies, so it's not that weird. Any advice? Much appreciated.

[B]

Poor girl.

[A]

He's telling you exactly who he is. He does have one foot out the door. And he's basically monkey barring you. He's holding on to you, and he's waiting until he finds something better to hold on to. And so he's not. He's not fully committed. He hasn't been for the last three years. And to even bring up, what if we break up in six months? Like, why are we even. What's the point of even investing into each other's lives in case we break up? Like, he's already foreshadowing that I don't.

[B]

Have anything to say. I'm not saying anything else.

[A]

And if you're. If you're worried about scaring someone off, if you're in a relationship and you're worried about doing something that is important to you and it's scaring your partner off, you're not with the right person. I've never once been afraid of scaring you off. And if you are, then. Then scare them off. Do the thing to scare them off, because that's weeding them out. Then you realize if. If they're so easily scared off by.

[B]

I was so desperate for a relationship, you were never gonna scare me off, girl.

[A]

But it's like, you're so easily gonna scare someone off. Good. Then you're weeding them out. Then they're not your person. If me being my true self is gonna scare someone off, they're not meant for you. Does that make sense?

[B]

I just think some people don't think they deserve to be happy. I truly just think people like you are worth so much more than you're. You're letting yourself, you're not letting yourself be happy. Not the right person for you.

[A]

Because when you're with the right person, they're thrilled to be part of your life and they fit in so seamlessly. Like it shouldn't. You shouldn't have this tension at this point in your relationship. It should be.

[B]

So I'm having tension right now.

[A]

You see, you're stressing out. John.

[B]

I'm have a stroke listening to this.

[A]

I hope we get a follow up from you in the new year.

[B]

I don't need to follow that.

[A]

You are broken up.

[B]

She's not. You could tell. I could tell the type of person just off this question. She's. She's definitely the accommodating person in this relationship. She wants to make it work. That's hard to, that's hard to, to change.

[A]

I mean, we've met this type of person time and time again and I'm sure. What, like, what are your friends opinions on six months?

[B]

I don't know if we'll be together to six months. You've been on and off for three years. I'm not gonna rev up, I'm not gonna rev up right now. But like, this is. I can't believe you said that. Actually, no, I can believe you said that, but I can't believe you kind of just brushed that off.

[A]

I'm inviting Jim Bob from the diner to my family party. But your boyfriend won't even come. Like he's happy to come. What? You deserve better. Next question. My husband and I got married this past April, but have been together for 10 years. I'm 28 and he's 30. We are from the same hometown and our parents both still live there, 10 minutes away from each other. But now we live in a different state. Over the years before we were even married, when we came home for holidays, we admittedly enjoyed spending more time with my husband's family than mine. Their house is always fun, lively, filled with friends, extended family and siblings. We play games, have good and deep conversations and are always eating amazing food. It's a warm and loving atmosphere. My parents house, on the other hand, just feels stiff and uncomfortable. There are quiet people who live a very quiet life, alone and to themselves. When I visit, it's boring quiet. We don't have stimulating conversation or anything fun. They don't cook and we just sit around Staring at the TV or forcing small talk until it's time to leave. And to top it all off, they have very different political beliefs and core values than my husband and I do. So even when we do try to make conversation, we find ourselves having to to tiptoe around a lot of topics to avoid awkwardness or conflict. With our first married holiday coming up, my husband and I are trying to make a plan for how we want to split time between parents going forward, and it's been difficult. I almost wish that our parents lived in different cities so we wouldn't have a choice but to stay at each one's house separately when we come to town. But since they're so close to each other, we just have to pick one to sleep at and visit the other while we're in town. Naturally, we end up spending more time with the side we're sleeping at. And the truth is our preference will always be to stay at my husband's house while we're here. But I can tell my parents are noticing. I can also tell that they really don't understand why we never stay with them. But what am I supposed to say at the end of the day? Though we disagree on many things, I love my parents and don't want to hurt their feelings. But my husband always says we're married now and we are our own family, we're adults and we can make our own decisions. We shouldn't be guilted into situations where we are not comfortable. Am I a bad daughter for preferring the company of my in laws over my own family? How would you handle holidays as a married couple in this situation?

[B]

I mean financially I would just get a goddamn hotel room.

[A]

If you really didn't want to bother or upset either side, that would be the solution.

[B]

I would want a hotel room anyways because I want the reprieve of just having my own downtime. I don't care if I'm staying at your parents house or staying at my own parents house. Even staying in their house at night I'm like, it's not. I don't get the reprieve that I want.

[A]

But that's a solution for us and maybe like what we would do.

[B]

But you don't have to get a nice hotel.

[A]

No, but let's just say like they don't want to and like if they genuinely enjoy staying at his family's house, why would you not want, like what if they.

[B]

Because if it's about, you know, you don't want to bother anyone, like hurt anyone's feelings, be like we're just doing this so we don't affect anyone. I could spend time here today, there tomorrow, cut and dry. What's the problem?

[A]

So you. But even if, like they truly want to stay at their in laws, do.

[B]

What you want, stay at your in laws and then piss off your parents. Like, fuck. What's the, what is the question? What are you asking me?

[A]

I'm asking you. Yeah, like what you would do. I know you're giving me a response. I'm like, but what, what would you do? Because you don't mind, like, if anything.

[B]

Be like, you're welcome. I'm accommodating. I Look, obviously I'm hurting your feelings. So, so I don't, so I don't. In order to not hurt your feelings, I'm going to be, I'm going to inconvenience myself and get a hotel room. You're welcome. Right, sorry in laws, but I don't want to piss my parents off scenarios. I don't understand why you can't just say, say those things. Be like, hopefully everyone's mature enough to understand you're accommodating to your parents. You don't hurt their feelings. Be like, I acknowledge that you're a little upset that I'm not staying with you. So now I'm staying in a hotel because even though I want to stay over here, I'm not going to do that because I know it bothers you. And then you go to your in laws like, guys, we'd love to stay with you, but I feel like my parents are getting upset them and spending so much time with you. So in order to not do that, I'm gonna stay in a hotel room.

[A]

But they haven't admitted to being, to saying it. But like, let's just say, okay, you're coming into the holidays and you're like, I'm staying at a hotel. And I'm like, why, why don't you stay with us? Why aren't you staying with us? Why aren't you staying with me? I'm your mom, you're my daughter.

[B]

Oh, I'm the dad.

[A]

No, in the situation, you're my daughter. You don't. So like you would rather say you're in laws like with your husband, but like I'm boring. But like I. You're my daughter. Why aren't you staying with me? Don't get a hotel. You have a room here.

[B]

I know, I know. Unfortunately though, they have. Dan and, and Betsy just have way more room and it's, it's more spacious.

[A]

No, they don't. We have a bigger house. Do you? Yes.

[B]

Do they?

[A]

She didn't say it. Size doesn't matter, John. Not in all situations.

[B]

I actually, I wouldn't even say I'm staying with them. I'd be like, no, we're just gonna get a hotel room that's in the middle of both your homes. That's easier for us.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm tracking your location. Why are you staying? Why are you sleeping at the in laws?

[B]

No, I'm actually gonna get a hotel.

[A]

Oh, okay. But why?

[B]

Because I don't want to offend you. Because I know that you really want us to stay with you, but we just, we enjoy staying at their home more.

[A]

Oh, so why aren't you staying there? Why are you staying at a hotel.

[B]

But I'm not here? No, I just told you I'm gonna stay at the hotel. But, But I know you. I'm not saying this whole thing. I'm gonna say the same exact thing that I just said. I know. What I just brought up the scenario.

[A]

That she should have a conversation with her parents and just be like, hey, like, we're more comfortable at my in laws.

[B]

No, I'm bypassing, I'm getting a hotel.

[A]

You're so.

[B]

Because I'm doing the sandwich thing. Like, I don't want to offend them all the way and just be like, I probably would lie a little. Be like, they really want us to stay with. They really want us to stay with.

[A]

Them and you want us to stay.

[B]

So in order to just like keep the peace, I'm just going to stay.

[A]

In a hotel and then maybe your parents will be like, oh, no, don't worry about it. Like, go. You can go stay with them.

[B]

Like, boom. You're welcome. Yeah, there you go. There's your response. So a little white lie around the holidays.

[A]

A white lie around the holidays. Sean, you're getting coal. I mean, it's hard because again, you don't want. I mean, that's what you do with your parents. But yeah, like, sure.

[B]

Good job. I think that was a good. We did that together.

[A]

We got there together, acted that out.

[B]

I overdrived a lot on that. I'm a little exhausted, but you know.

[A]

Yeah. Should we do this for all the questions, scenarios, just.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like half the time I had enough information. Like vandalism.

[A]

Yeah, right. You're not invited over because you're gonna pee my bathroom and bring my plates.

[B]

I just feel like, what if he spray painted a dog or something? I'd Be pissed.

[A]

A dog?

[B]

Yeah. That's vandalizing an animal abuse, though.

[A]

That's not just vandalism. That's like animal abuse, I guess.

[B]

I don't know. Maybe like, I think people spray paint their dogs all the time, but if.

[A]

You spray paint a rock, that's vandalism. But if you spray paint a dog, I would. That's evandalism and animal abuse.

[B]

I would assume you wouldn't be invited to Thanksgiving if you did that.

[A]

No, there was just a guy who I saw. I don't know if he got arrested. I literally just saw it that like, maybe.

[B]

Don't tell me something sad. I didn't want to.

[A]

No, it's not necessarily sad, but it's just like, leave wildlife alone. He was a tourist in Hawaii and posed for a photo.

[B]

Like, don't touch the turtle. A turtle, you idiot.

[A]

He lifts this turtle up. I had to scroll.

[B]

I hope they shoot him.

[A]

I hate seeing animals, like, in uncomfortable situations where they're literally fucking helpless. Anything with animals, anything with children, Leave them alone. Leave them the fuck alone. And this guy, he's just posing for a photo holding this turtle. And the turtle is just like this. Obviously.

[B]

I will devil's advocate a little bit though. With hunting deer population way overpopulated. There's certain things that we need to do, but, like, wildlife that's endangered and like, don't be touching animals. Don't be touching animals and stuff.

[A]

My ex boyfriend was a hunter. I would go and I would yell, oh, there's deer. Hi, dear.

[B]

I'm not saying I could do it. I would be. I would cry probably. I would go bird hunting, though.

[A]

I feel like birds, I mean, they're just like in a different. Birds are kind of like fish, you.

[B]

Know, Buddy rents out like this. Him and like a bunch of guys rent out this floating house in a lake because that's where they. They shoot the birds in the air. And you just like drink beer and hang out and shoot guns. That sounds like fun.

[A]

I mean, you did grow up in the South.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Anyway, leave the wildlife alone. Unless I guess you're going to hunt and use. Use all the animal. But this man visiting Hawaii, posing with the turtle, like, yeah, don't. For a photo. Leave the. Don't touch the fucking turtle. Leave him.

[B]

What a prick.

[A]

And he lifts him up. Is that even safer? The turtle? No, probably giant turtle. Anyway. Anyways, guys, any Rex?

[B]

Oh, that's right, Rex. You know, you can't really have it right now. I don't know if I ever brought it up. Goodies. Did I bring it up?

[A]

Oh, the cottage cheese. I mean, fuck. That's the best cottage cheese.

[B]

Goods goodies.

[A]

I think it's good.

[B]

Z.

[A]

So good.

[B]

Is there a Z in it?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Best cottage cheese though.

[A]

The best cottage cheese I think that they wear snacked it at Target the other day, but they usually have it. They usually run out of it so quick at our grocery store, but they never keep it in stock.

[B]

We have a limited resource grocery store near us.

[A]

We what?

[B]

A limited resources grocery store.

[A]

I have limited resources. I don't know why, like I couldn't.

[B]

Understand you just had slur my words.

[A]

My wreck is a Fisher Price playmat. It's. I think it's called like piano and play or like something. It's a little piano. It's a mat with like this thing that goes over it. Lucy loses her mind. She loves this thing so much. I shared it to my Instagram stories last week.

[B]

It's like $40. Yeah.

[A]

Get it on Amazon.

[B]

I'm just like, this is like what I said earlier. Anything that will occupy their mind even for like 10 to 20 minutes, buy it.

[A]

But she's. She loves it. She's like punching the things that are hanging. She's laughing and she's looking at herself. She's learning. She's mini mochi.

[B]

Ooh and on.

[A]

She's ooh and on all day long. She's hearing her have a blast is.

[B]

Just warns our hearts.

[A]

Warms my heart. Her happy. Her happy yells. And that's what I love is like happy. You can hear her happy yells. It's not even coos because like she'll screech at the top of her lungs. But it's like, was it a happy one or was it a sad?

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

Anyway, that Fisher Price playmat grandma got it for her. Thanks, mom.

[B]

Thanks, gma. Anyways, guys, that is it. Like subscribe, email, comment, do all the things.

[A]

If you want to follow us, you can find us everywhere at Give me say podcast on all the socials.

[B]

Do it right.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

If you want to find through that.

[A]

You could find us at Everywhere. Give it to me straight Podcast on all of the social channels. And if you want to send us an anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or on our website. And if you want to send us an email, you could reach us at hello, give it tome straight podcast dot com.

[B]

That's your news reporter voice.

[A]

And we will see you net next week.

[B]

Ciao, ciao.

[A]

Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.