81. Giving you postpartum sex, high school bullies, and fetishes

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight - Episode 81

“Giving you postpartum sex, high school bullies, and fetishes”
Date: December 9, 2025
Hosts: Alex & John
Podcast Network: Dear Media

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Episode Overview

In this candid and comedic episode, married co-hosts Alex and John tackle a variety of relationship and life topics, from the realities of postpartum sex and parenting mishaps to high school bullying, social awkwardness, and sexual fetishes. With their signature unfiltered honesty, the duo fields listener questions—ranging from foot fetishes and swinging mishaps to threesomes and mismatched sex drives—while weaving in stories from their own relationship and recent parenting adventures.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. High School Bullies & Fashion Nostalgia (00:02–04:00; 22:31–26:16)

• Both hosts recall being bullied:
  • John: "Yeah, I remember that. Got bullied. Got bullied by popped collared polo dudes." (00:02)
  • Alex: "I got bullied by a girl who had like, really big boobs. But I. I want really big boobs." (00:08)
• They riff on 2000s fashion making a comeback, from “duck boots” to double-layered polos.
• John expresses trauma associated with past bullies and certain fashion trends.

2. Parenting Mishaps & Social Life Post-Baby (05:00–12:40)

• Alex and John recount an outing with baby Lucy and the chaos of forgetting essentials in cold weather, emphasizing the unpredictability and finger-pointing that happens when parenting in public.
• Alex: "The most difficult part of being a parent is when you communicate... and then you’re in the field, pointing fingers at each other." (05:38)
• On the importance of proactive socializing even when tired:
  • John: "If you don't make a point to go do something, you'll have nothing to talk about." (05:02)
• Discuss their favorite baby carriers, noting the value of practicality over trends.

3. Navigating Social Awkwardness Sober & Postpartum (10:17–12:32)

• Alex admits to new social anxieties since becoming a parent and being sober at gatherings.
• Humorous anecdote about accidental flirty gestures across a room, resulting in awkward miscommunication with a stranger.

4. Sleep Deprivation, College Nostalgia, and Friendships (17:50–21:41)

• John reflects on missing the camaraderie of his college years while observing groups of energetic college kids at the gym.
  • John: "Don’t take for granted your college years because that is the one time in your life you are going to be around so many people your age all doing the same thing." (19:11)
• Both acknowledge being happier in their current stage of life despite fleeting nostalgia.

5. Clashing Approaches to Communication & Therapy (26:21–31:48)

• Alex calls out John for morning crankiness and venting about everyone, prompting a discussion on self-awareness and the value of being called out by a partner:
  • Alex: "After an hour and a half… I was just like, are you done? You've literally, nobody is safe this morning." (27:07)
• Debate over who benefits most from therapy versus spousal venting.

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Listener Questions & Advice

6. Postpartum Sex & Body Image (38:08–39:15)

• Listener asks how to revive intimacy post-birth:
  • Alex: "The first sex back after having a baby is less sexy and it's more like we are going to try this, and we're just going to see how it goes." (38:36)
  • John: "It's not gonna be comfortable ever the first time... communication really needs to be there." (39:15)

7. Foot Fetishes—Normal or Not? (39:30–40:41)

• Addressed with humor and acceptance:
  • John: "I can think of way worse fetishes than a foot fetish." (40:33)
  • Alex: "I'm not here to, like, yuck anyone's yum..." (39:45)

8. Voyeurism, Family Boundaries, and Being Caught (46:31–49:55)

• Listener shares discomfort with husband’s sex-in-semi-public kink, especially around her family.
  • John: "I could see it being a turn on...like potentially getting caught." (47:25)
  • Both agree that it’s valid to draw boundaries and have direct conversations outside the bedroom.

9. Mismatched Sex Drives and Nakedness (51:41–54:39)

• Pregnant listener struggles with partner’s suggestion to be less naked to rekindle attraction.
  • Alex: "Your feelings are valid. But I would maybe try to incorporate something new into the bedroom..." (53:56)
  • John: "There is something to, like some mystery..." (52:05)
  • Both stress honest conversation and understanding life stages.

10. Swinging and Swinger Anxiety (57:41–61:39)

• Listener recounts an awkward swinging experience with performance anxiety and subsequent blame.
  • John: "You're the problem here, right? The common denominator is your flaccid penis. Let's fix that. I'm game." (58:50)
  • Alex: "I just...would never yuck someone's yum. But I personally...think just opening up your marriage can start problems." (57:58)
  • Advice: Be honest; don’t lie to avoid hard truths.

11. Threesomes, Secrets, and Jealousy (62:30–65:31)

• Listener admits secret threesome with friend’s cousin and cousin’s husband, no regrets but keeps secret.
• Alex and John discuss theoretical boundaries if they were ever in a similar scenario.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Postpartum Sex:

  • Alex: “Don’t overthink it. It’s not gonna be fun, but I don’t think that you have to let it go longer. My advice would be to just, like, get it out of the way.” (39:04)

• On Social & Parenting Mishaps:

  • Alex: “We’re, like, feeding her on the go. Our coffee's dumping all over our stroller. I think we lasted four minutes, five minutes.” (06:36)

• On Relationship Growth:

  • John: “If you do it enough, you get in sync with each other, you learn each other’s like what you like, what you don’t like.” (45:30)

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Secrets Segment Highlights (62:30–69:57)

• Marital pettiness: Listener purposely paying joint mortgage late to impact ex's credit (66:01).
• Restaurant love triangle: Listener has affairs with both boss & boss’s nephew, keeps it secret (66:34–68:11).
• Petty grandma: Sends anonymous postcards to brother for decades after potato salad insult (68:11).
• Compulsive ex-checking: Married listener still checks up on cheating ex (69:21).

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Product Recommendations (Recs/Rex) (70:29–73:23)

• Alex: Fisher Price piano play pad for babies.
• John: Padrón cigars.
• Both recommend the De’Longhi coffee machine as their go-to for high-quality coffee at home.

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Overall Tone & Style

• Conversational, humorous, self-deprecating, and highly relatable.
• Alex and John’s banter keeps the episode lively and honest—even on topics that are uncomfortable or taboo.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• High School/Bullying & Fashion Nostalgia: 00:02–04:00; 22:31–26:16
• Parenting Chaos / Fireman Parade: 05:00–09:00
• Social Awkwardness: 10:17–12:32
• Sleep Deprivation and College Memories: 17:50–21:41
• Therapy Talk / Venting: 26:21–31:48
• Advice Q&A - Postpartum Sex: 38:08–39:15
• Advice Q&A - Fetishes & Voyeurism: 39:30–49:55
• Advice Q&A - Mismatched Sex Drives: 51:41–54:39
• Advice Q&A - Swinger Drama: 57:41–61:39
• Secrets Segment: 62:30–69:57
• Recommendations ("Rex"): 70:29–73:23

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Summary for Listeners:
This episode is a candid, playful exploration of intimacy and partnership post-parenthood, sprinkled with nostalgia, awkward confessions, and open-minded advice on fetishes and sex questions many are too shy to ask. Alex and John deliver practical insight and comic relief with authenticity—perfect for listeners looking for a mix of unfiltered relationship talk and relatable laughs.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

[B]

Yeah, I'm triggered. Yeah, I remember that. Got bullied. Got bullied by popped collared polo dudes.

[A]

I got bullied by a girl who had like, really big boobs. But I. I want really big boobs.

[B]

Good news. We both could buy both of them.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

And welcome back to Give It To Me Straight.

[A]

I'm Alex.

[B]

And I'm John.

[A]

And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious, gracious host.

How you doing?

[B]

Good. I know you're looking at my hat.

[A]

Well, what is it?

[B]

I. I don't know. I was sent to me.

[A]

I just. I'm not a camo lady.

[B]

I just, you know, I'm just in a. I want to start wearing. I have different clothes. I just want to wear different things and the same thing I always wear.

[A]

Right, but like, like a sweatshirt. Yes. I mean, I. I'm not one to speak. I don't. Again, I don't. No, but like camo, I just feel like it's. Whatever. It's so southern. But it's fine.

[B]

It's just a new hat that I had that I don't make it a thing. I'm just wearing stuff that I have. I. We have a lot of clothes. I don't wear them ever.

[A]

I just like. I can't see your head. You don't need.

[B]

You don't. Okay.

[A]

Like, do you get it?

[B]

Oh, oh, I'm an idiot.

[A]

No, it's fine. I just feel like I was living in the south for so long. There was so much camo everywhere I looked and. And it's just like burned into my retina. So I'm. Now when I see it, I'm just like, you're a hunter?

[B]

Oh, I stuck out so bad where I grew up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Winchester, Virginia.

[A]

Speaking of hunter. Hunters, people. Like, I just want to know is the fun of hunting the fact that like, you're like searching for an animal? Because we had the biggest buck on our lawn this weekend.

[B]

It's like a seven point buck. Not this weekend. It's like every weekend. Because his whole family lives in our backyard.

[A]

But that's the thing. That's what I'm wondering. It's when people go hunting, is it a family of deer that just like live in that area? Like, you're literally destroying a family. Because if we.

[B]

People. This is a dangerous topic because there's some people that are like.

Whatever, like naturalist environmentalists, where it's like deer ruin property, that overpopulating. So like, I get that where you probably need to, like, keep a certain population down.

[A]

I get it. I don't want to be around when you're hunting. I'll eat the deer jersey that you make. That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm still going to eat it as long as, like, you use the parts of it. I just don't want to be present for that. Similar to how, like, I might.

[B]

I couldn't shoot a deer. I could blow a bird out of there. But deer.

[A]

Well, I was going to say, do you think that you could kill a chicken?

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

No, that's what I'm saying. So why are you okay, blowing birds out of the air?

[B]

The chicken's just standing there. A bird's flying, you know, which is.

[A]

If anything, even more sad. It's like he's. He's just living his free life and then bam, he's taken out.

[B]

I don't know. I just like. Well, what about fish?

[A]

Fish? I've. I've fished a lot.

[B]

You gotta pick and choose. I guess that's what I'm doing again.

[A]

Well, I think we talked about this before. Mammals, fish, chickens, chickens, I guess and fish are kind of in the same category.

[B]

You can be like a not environmental. What's it called when, like vegan? Well, that, but like someone who's in defense of animals. What is that called? Well, not a humanitarian. No, but it's like, you can't be whatever that is and then also be eating meat. Like, I'm sure they don't eat a lot of protein.

[A]

No, I mean, I think that there's ethical ways to.

[B]

How they're killing chickens is probably not ethical.

[A]

No, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

Did you hear about the massive bird bird barn fire that killed all these chickens?

[A]

No, I don't want to know.

[B]

Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of chickens. It's like a barn fire.

[A]

You just, like, got out of breath saying that.

[B]

Yeah, another thing, I saw something like governor, mayor. I don't know if they're talking about Long island or where they were like, do your job. Everyone get a gun and start shooting deer because there's too many deer. I won't even, like, what about Fire Island? You can't even shoot the deer there because it's all residential.

[A]

I feel like this is just a disaster waiting to happen. Someone's gonna, like, shoot a deer but accidentally, like, kill their neighbor.

[B]

I mean, you can't shoot in residential. That's. That's the problem. Oh, so.

[A]

Well, yeah. And our deer only live in a Residential neighborhood. Like, yeah, they're too cute.

[B]

They don't. I don't care. They don't bother me. Eat my grass and whatever.

[A]

Wow. That's the first time I've ever heard you say that.

[B]

Don't eat my grass. Eat the bushes. Whatever. We're never outside, going back to our outfits, though. I'm not knocking your outfit, but what it immediately made me think of is Freddy Krueger.

[A]

Oh, he wore that. I was thinking some, like, elf or some, like.

[B]

I think you can use this for Christmas, but also Halloween. If you get a mask, you can wear that, too.

[A]

That's actually a good idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this isn't my sweater. I rented it.

[B]

So it's.

[A]

I'm not keeping it in my closet.

[B]

Whatever. I'm just saying. Okay.

Going into our week, our weekend.

[A]

How was your weekend?

[B]

It's good. I think one thing we've talked about, it is if you don't make a point to go do something, you'll have nothing to talk about.

[A]

Oh, just in life.

[B]

Just in life. Because I. I could be comfortable just staying in the house doing nothing. And it's like, if we don't get out and experience something. Because there's always something to talk about when you end up doing something. It could even just be out to go to the grocery store. There'll still be something. For example, we went to a fireman's parade this weekend. Got all packed up. One day we'll actually be prepared. We're never. Anytime we go somewhere with Lucy, we're never prepared. We don't bring the right. Difficult.

[A]

The most difficult part of being a parent is when you communicate. And then it's like, point or lack thereof, communication. And then when you're in the field, pointing fingers at each other, like, you said you were going to break this. No, I said I was going to bring this. And you said this is what we were going to do. And we're, like, trying to diffuse the situation in front of other people. And we're like, okay, we're not gonna have this discussion right now. But Lucy heard you say this.

[B]

We're. I'm not gonna say who did what. Who's in the wrong here? But either way, we forgot these fucking blankets. And it was, like 40 degrees out. And they got. Alex's cousin, had, like, a snow suit.

[A]

That we can give her, save the day.

[B]

But then, you know, we exchanged because then we had the headset, right? We left and gave them the head. So we go to this fireman's parade. We go to our Friends has a party.

[A]

It was like the fire truck. So it's like the holiday parade in a Hallmark town, essentially, where they do the tree lighting and everything. And we're like, yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna join. So we needed to protect her little baby ears.

[B]

So we. We go from their house and we walk down to the fireman parade or whatever it is, and it's freezing. Lucy's getting hungry. We're, like, feeding her on the go. Our coffee's dumping all over our stroller. I think we lasted 4 minutes, 5 minutes.

[A]

I could probably look at my camera roll. I think it was at least 11 minutes.

[B]

And we're like, know what? I just chalk up wins or losses with, like, when we go out with, like, Lucy, normally, she's. She's.

[A]

Yeah, but we also lasted the whole party. Like, we were there for at least, like, an hour and a half. Like, she was asleep on me. Guys, I love a baby carrier. It is so convenient if your baby likes them. But I feel like we got Lucy used to it in the beginning, but just to wear her around, she falls.

[B]

Certain ones. You got to be specific. Like, the one we have is simple. Some of the other ones, I'm like, is this a camping. Like a hike hiking bag, right? 14 straps.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

You have to trial a few to see, like, which one you like the most.

[B]

But our friend had. I made fun. Our friend had this thing, and it.

[A]

Was like, oh, the tush, baby. I would totally get that.

[B]

Some guy at the party goes, what is that your chalk bag for climb? Because I was like, are you climbing a mountain? And the guy goes, is that your chalk bag? I didn't know the guy. I thought it was a hilarious joke.

[A]

A chalk bag bag.

[B]

You know, like, when you climb mountains, right? No.

[A]

Well, I don't know.

[B]

I've never climbed, like, a. Like a. No, it looked like a fanny pack.

[A]

Yeah, no, that is essentially what it is. It's like, one that sticks out, that can hold your toddler so that it's less.

[B]

This was my joke. She had this on. I thought it was so funny. And I go, oh, there's no straps or anything. She's like, no, you just plop them right on there. I go, oh, wow, you're free soloing it. You know what free solo is that movie about the guy who, like, climbs the mountains with no harnesses or straps. Like, I just find that kind of ballsy.

[A]

Oh, to put your kid there.

[B]

Yeah, there's nothing.

[A]

You don't let go of them. You keep One arm, but it's just so that your arm doesn't get exhausted.

[B]

Where's your safety net? Well, you know what I'm saying.

[A]

You. I think you still hold them. You just. It's so that you're not exhausted, so you can hold them longer.

[B]

God forbid you stumble and you gotta hold on to the wall.

[A]

That's, you know, happen with any.

[B]

Yeah, but if there's like some sort of strap in, they don't just fall off. If you're one line of security.

[A]

The point is to have an older child in it, not like a newborn. Like, they have to have a little bit of head strength, I believe. Neck. Neck strength.

[B]

Cool concept, though. I mean, you just sat on it. Well, I'm just saying it makes me nervous. But still, it's a cool. I rather use that than a harness.

[A]

They're for different stages. Yeah.

[B]

What else?

[A]

No, just going back to doing things. When you think about just good memories that you have, it's always when you leave the house or like when you have people over or something, like you're doing something outside of your norm. So I feel like I would like to. I mean, we do have a pack schedule for this week, but, like, I think it's important to at least get out and make a conscious effort to do that especially.

[B]

Do what exactly?

[A]

Just like to. To do things. Go to. Go to a coffee shop, walk around a park. Like, when I think back to our memories with Lucy, I mean, of course, like, there's all new things that we've experienced with her, but like, even just memories with me and you, my favorite ones are, like, when we're out doing. Not when we're at home binge watching Game of Thrones for the third time.

[B]

I still haven't done that. But my memory will just constantly be walking around the island with Lucy because that's. I feel like I'm just doing that all day.

[A]

Oh. In our house, just making laps, trying to get her to sleep.

[B]

Yeah, that's what it'll be.

[A]

I'm trying to think of, like, what are. What new skills has she developed lately? Because obviously you guys are so interested in, like, the new skills that she has. I was going to say she's reaching with her hands now. She has like a punching bag. But I am nervous for the day that she starts to roll over because currently we could just like, plop her places and know that she's going to stay there.

[B]

Right? Yeah.

[A]

Speaking of being social, the one thing that I'm starting to be more aware of in these social Interactions. And I was just about to say, like, maybe it's because I'm dead sober is the awkwardness of. Of leaving these conversations. It's like once you've said hello to someone, you, like, catch up and then, like, you're ready to either go get something to eat, go grab a drink. How do you exit a conversation? I just completely forgot, like, when we went to Thanksgiving, when we were at this holiday party, I'm like, I don't know how to appropriately walk away from this and go get a plate of food without saying, all right, catch you later, I'm gonna make a plate.

[B]

I just talk and walk kind of like, it's like a trailing sentence as I'm walking away, like, oh, yeah. Well, hey, you know what? Yeah. Good seeing you.

[A]

Good on ya. Send me that link.

[B]

We'll make a lap, and then I'll see you right back here again in five seconds, yada. The conversation has to end at some point, so I just. It's a walking. Oh, yeah, that's so funny, huh? And then I just walk into the room. I just don't engage into a second part of conversation, and I just make a lap. Make a lap. I don't know. I don't care. It doesn't matter. I do notice that my attention span. Some guy was talking to me at the party when we were like, I was making that joke eye contact with you, and he's telling me some story about work, and I just could not pay the fuck attention to what he's saying. And my eyes kept just trailing away from him.

[A]

Was it because you were so distracted by me across the room?

[B]

Well, I was trying to make that do that joke thing with you. But even before that, he was like, talking like, I don't know. What the f. I don't care.

[A]

Focus, focus. I've been in those. It could just be a still. Just lack of sleep. But speaking of that exact moment, being across from you in the kitchen, John kept doing, like, this jokingly, like, flirty eyes with me as if, like, we were meeting for the first time. Like a movie. Yeah. And he's waving at me, and I'm holding Lucy in, like, a different group of people, but I see John, so I like, wave back at him. But there's a guy in between us who thinks that I'm waving to him. So John is giving me, like, flirty eyes, blowing me kisses across, and I'm like, trying to shut it down because this man in between us thinks that I'm blowing kisses back at him. And I'm like, I. It was just so uncomfortable. I feel like I'm just so, so awkward these days. I don't know. I just don't know how to interact.

[B]

It does. It doesn't matter. It's funny, I. I actually didn't know that was happening.

[A]

I'm like, clearly this man is facing me. You're directly behind him.

[B]

And I'm like, everyone's so distracted by their kid. They. I, I don't know if that guy has a kid or not.

[A]

He wasn't distracted by any child. He was looking at me being like.

[B]

You made his night.

[A]

Who is this crazy? He made his night blowing kisses at me. And I'm like, no, no, no. The man behind you. And I'm like.

[B]

This podcast is sponsored by Aura Frames. All right, so every year I promise myself I'm going to be the guy who's ahead on holiday shopping. And every year Alex wrotes me into something last minute, Secret Santa or white elephant that I definitely did not prepare for. And now I need to get a gift asap.

[A]

I just told you that last week.

[B]

Yeah, I was like, hey, by the way, so pumped. And listen, I've done the frantic Christmas Eve shopping run and I refuse to live like that anymore. This year I finally outsmarted the chaos because I'm giving Aura Frames the true last minute lifesaver. We have an Aura frame at home and we love it. It has basically become the dedicated device for the hundreds of photos Alex and I take of Lucy every week. Between the newborn moments, the accidental outtakes and the oh my God, look at this face photos, we're constantly adding new memories to it. And that's the thing. Aura makes it so easy. You can upload unlimited photos and videos straight from your phone memory cards. No cables, no storage panic, just the Aura app and wi fi. Plus you could preload photos before it even ships. So when this shows up at my mom's house, she's going to plug it in and instantly see pictures of Lucy. And we keep adding to it all year long from anywhere. And every frame comes in this premium gift box. No price tag, no wrapping required. It looks like you planned ahead even if you absolutely did not. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting or frames.com to get 35 off Aura's best selling Carver Matte frames named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code straight at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code straight. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order it now to get yours in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Neiman Marcus. Okay, so you guys know that I am in full holiday mode right now. Full holiday as per usual. I'm hosting a holiday themed party this year and I decided we're going for that classic Ralph Lauren holiday look. I can't wait. Think rich plaids, velvet bows, glowing candles. I want the house to feel like a cozy, elegant winter movie set. And honestly, Neiman Marcus has been my home for the most exceptional gifts and the finishing touches I need to pull it all together. Holiday shopping can feel very overwhelming, but I actually had fun this year because everything I needed was in one place. At Neiman Marcus, there's something truly special for everyone. I've been shopping for my family, like the beauty must haves and luxe self care sets for my sister, the gourmet goodies for my mom who hosts everything, and the chicest kids clothes and toys.

[B]

For the little ones.

[A]

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[B]

This podcast is also sponsored by adt. It's that time of year again when you start arranging pumpkins on the stoop, try out a new cranberry sauce recipe and plan out a tablescape that'll outdo last year's. In other words, it's when you break out all your DIY holiday skills. And now ADT is making it easy to DIY your home security too. Their systems aren't just simple to set up, they also fit within your budget. So get excited for your next project because your peace of mind just went DIY. When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more. When you're talking about, like Lucy's new skills, one thing we need to figure out is how to like, get her to sleep longer. We've tried everything. One arm out of the swaddle. Double swaddle. Putting her down when she's drowsy, Putting her down when she sleep, putting down when she's awake. It's like the same thing.

[A]

No, she does a long stretch.

[B]

She's one long stretch, and then it's weird. It's like. Like clockwork. Every hour, 45 after that. So I. I don't understand what is causing that.

[A]

She's just a baby. I don't know. Like, are you asking me? Are you asking our audience?

[B]

I'm asking the audience. I'm looking at you, but I'm asking the audience, like, help us.

[A]

I don't think anybody actually has the true answer of what works. Like, I think it's just certain developmental milestones that kids grow out of. Maybe she's cold. Maybe she is. That is a question. How do you know if your baby's actually cold? Because, like, her body is warm, though.

[B]

You said the neck thing.

[A]

Her neck is warm, but then, like, her little cheeks are cold. But, like, sure, should her cheeks be warm? But then I don't want her to overheat and die.

Like, what?

[B]

Hold on. Sorry. I just had this thought. Speaking of cold, I went to the gym the other day, and, you know, all the college kids are on break. All the college kids are flooding the gym. Whatever. That's fine. At the gym, I'm doing chest. I'm maxing out. So 225. I'm trying to, like, you know, do it. I do, like, three. I'm gassed. I look over this kid who's, like, 120 pounds is repping it out. I'm like, I've officially been surpassed.

[A]

Wait, that much weight?

[B]

Yeah. 225 is just repping.

[A]

What do they call that? A sleeper built.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I think when, like, you look at a. Someone's body and you're like, oh, you little twig. They could squat, like, 300 pounds. Sleeper build.

[B]

So that defeats me. All these kids are, like, youthful, having fun. You know, like your little group having fun. Like, college break. I'm like, God, I don't know. I'm not saying I'm jealous. I want to go back to it, but it's just, like, it looks fun having your group of friends again. And then I leave the gym. I leave the gym. I get in the car. I'm about to leave the parking lot. This other kid comes out of the gym with his shirt off. It's 40 degrees outside.

[A]

John.

[B]

He's Got his shorts on and he's walking to his car. I'm like, I get it, dude.

[A]

Are you.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Do you just like, do you miss the freedom and the carefree life that like, you used to have to be able to do those things? Cause like, you could still take your shirt off and walk to the car if you want.

[B]

I think what I miss. Yeah. Thank you. No, I don't want to scare anyone. What I do miss is, and this is. I hope some college kids are listening to this. Probably. No, but if you are, don't take for granted your college years because that is the one time in your life you are going to be around so many people your age all doing the same thing. You all in the same level of life, you know.

[A]

Well, I was going to say it's not even the fact that you're around other people, it's that everybody around you has no responsibility and is carefree. Because that's what I recognize now, being older and like having friends with kids. If we have a little bit more flexibility and me and you are carefree, it doesn't necessarily mean everyone else is well slept unstressed and has. Has the availability to do like what we want to do. And I think that that's where we struggle a little bit. It's like everybody, like we're tired, but we're in a different stage though, are ready to rally. Other people are like, I'm dead.

[B]

Not that we've what you're talking about, ready to rally.

[A]

Rally as in like go out during the day like other people have, you know, going on too. What I'm saying is not everybody is as aligned as you were in your college days when you had zero responsibility, no kids and that.

[B]

Well, I was also saying everyone's doing the same thing. Everyone's drinking, everyone's going to class like those. That's it. The other thing is the vicinity within a mile radius. You have hundred thousands of kids your age and friends and always something going on. But you're. I mean the responsibility part too. But what a drastic change that happens right when college.

[A]

I know you miss college so much you wish you could go back and.

[B]

No, no, I don't miss college because I was such a piece of shit. But just like that group of friends, I do miss that, you know. But anyways, nostalgic.

Speech. Speaking of nostalgic, I'd be so interested.

[A]

To see if like you were back in that environment if you would actually hate it. I probably would like currently.

[B]

Well, I couldn't stay out and do stuff like that. But like a little kegs and eggs, you know?

[A]

You mean, like, it's just fun to, like, think back at and be like, oh, man, like those. The good old days.

[B]

Like, would I like to see my group of friends again that I haven't seen in forever and, like, rehash the past? Maybe, like, go to, like a bar and hang? Yeah, I mean, that'd be cool to see them, I guess.

[A]

Maybe. Because I'm still close with a lot of my college girlfriends. I don't, like, have that. Like, I don't miss that stage. I'm so much happier in the stage of life now.

[B]

Yeah, no, same.

[A]

Are you.

[B]

I am. I'm just saying, like, well, you're still. I'm not friends with a lot. Like, I haven't spoke to a lot of them in a while. We all, like, dispersed after college out. I don't know. I reach out to, like, the select few. Speaking of nostalgia and Talking about early 2000s when I went to college. All that style coming back.

[A]

No, what style? Like, when you were.

[B]

Well, okay, I went to. I need new jeans. And, like, I like the little tear. A little baggier. Not so tight anymore. There's a huge transition going on right now. But I went to, like, American Eagles website, guys. The models are wearing the flannels, are wearing Clarks, like wallabies. I used to wear wallabies all the time. You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

No.

[B]

The shoes from Breaking Bad that Walter White wore.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Still can't think of the moccasin looking shoes.

[A]

No, I have no idea. I have to look it up.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't even wear those.

[A]

That wasn't like, duck boots.

[B]

Duck boots were big though, too.

[A]

You still have those, right?

[B]

No, I'd get rid of them.

[A]

I. That's my issue with fashion is because it always comes back around. So it's like when you clean out your closet, do you actually. Because I maybe have like two pairs of skinny jeans left, and I'm like, I haven't worn them in like two years. So I'm like, do I get rid of them or will they eventually come back again?

[B]

I think it depends. Have you worn, like, I had to burn all my stuff from college because it was just old.

[A]

I don't. Okay. I'm not talking about, like, I don't think I own a single thing from college.

[B]

Right, right, right, right.

[A]

Like, I don't.

[B]

My underwear with holes in them. I love them because they're so comfortable.

[A]

You actually do have clothes from College though, Like you could tell by looking at it. I'm like, that looks at least 30 years old.

[B]

You can't pay for comfort.

[A]

You know that like tri sports T shirt that you have is ripped to shreds.

[B]

You know? You know why? You know why? That shirt gives me memories. What's it.

[A]

Because it holds memories.

[B]

Yeah. The reason why I have that shirt, one, it's comfortable and there's memories from it because I won dodgeball in Raleigh.

[A]

You might as well be wearing nothing. Like you should just be that guy walking to the your car with no shirt on. Because that shirt is a just a cut off with a billion holes in it.

[B]

Everyone has some clothes that they have nostalgic value to. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, of course. But I think like, maybe it's different for women who like hold on to quality clothes. Like men just. And maybe it's not all men, but like you. All my exes have held on to like ratty clothes.

[B]

Yeah. Why throw it away? Why throw it away? But with saving the environment with whole.

[A]

Like you can't wear it out. I mean, you do around the house.

[B]

Go to the gym with it.

[A]

Is it something that is like, oh, this is cool. Like how jeans with holes. Is it how you feel about T shirts with holes? No, I don't feel like I've definitely like worked on a truck in this shirt. Is that how it get like, is that.

[B]

No, no, no. Because I know what you're talking about because I remember when that was like a thing when you'd buy like pants with dirt on them and to make you look like you're a working man.

[A]

Oh, maybe not dirt, but like that's how people feel about like jeans with holes in them. Or the, the old people make fun of you. They're like, how did you get those holes in those jeans?

[B]

Like Sick Hollister jeans back in the day with like all these tears in them.

[A]

That's what I'm thinking though. Is that like your mentality when you keep shirts with holes in them? You're like, this looks worn. I look cool. I look like I have.

[B]

If you look cool, it would be in American Eagle, Abrom and all those stores. They don't like torn shirts.

[A]

Yeah, like the. I think that people sell shirts that look worn. Anyway. I was just.

[B]

The shirt's comfortable. That's why I'm wearing the shirt.

[A]

So your clothes from college are coming back. Good thing you still own all of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what style I think I did see that's coming back is a double, double layered polo Popped collar. Popped collar.

[B]

No, I never did. I never did that.

[A]

Unless I'm like imagining things. But I thought I saw a video that like they were promoting double popped collars. I could be wrong.

[B]

I think why I'm so against it is because two guys that I got bullied by in like school for them and they thought they were so cool. It was like, one was like a pink and one was like a teal or like a light blue. And they weren't like those guys. I would like to call them out, but I'm not going to. Yeah, I'm triggered. Yeah, I remember that. Got bullied. Got bullied by popped collared polo dudes.

[A]

I got bullied by a girl who had like really big boobs. But.

I all. I want really big boobs.

[B]

Good news. We both could buy both of them.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

I don't have much else to say. I. I know Al called me out the other day and she was so right. I think I was so cranky.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

We were watching. We. We watch over the podcast to make sure, you know, it's just clean audio for you guys and we're watching it. It's like 8am I'm tired. I didn't sleep well at night and I just start just ripping on everyone I know. And I was just.

[A]

It wasn't like you were going down the list of like, let me talk about. It was like, oh, you know, Thanksgiving is coming up or the holidays are coming up. And so certain people were coming into conversation and you just had something negative to say about. Nobody was safe. And so after like an hour and a half of just like separate conversations between.

[B]

As I'm holding Lucy, I'm just like.

[A]

Between work, between talking about other topics. I can't even think off the top of my head. Just unrelated topics of different groups of people. I just was like, are you done? You've literally, nobody is safe this morning. You've shit on every single person or. Or found something to complain about about every single person.

[B]

I think you said you looked at me go, are you okay?

[A]

And I'm like, go take a nap. Please go to bed. Wake back up. Refresh.

[B]

I know. Good news is at least I acknowledged that. No, that's good. That's good that I'm able to do that.

[A]

No, you literally. I think it's because I pointed out to you and you just broke down laughing and you were like, no, no, I did do that.

[B]

The only reason I acknowledge is because you called me out on it. Like, some people probably wouldn't acknowledge that they're wrong. I was like, you're right. You know, this is.

[A]

I mean, I roll the tape. Like, there was no way that you could have argued your way out of that. After just, like, the rant that you had gone on that morning. I was sitting there, and I'm like, okay, well, there's good in the world too, John.

[B]

I know. You're an angel.

[A]

I am.

[B]

All right.

[A]

It's. It's a tough season. We're in close proximity with other people. It's getting cold. Everyone's just like, you're a scrooge.

[B]

That's not that. It's not. That ruins, like, give me some sleep. I'm for the most part. Okay.

[A]

That's the tough part, though, is even you getting good sleep?

[B]

Is that the tough part?

[A]

No, no. You already don't get good sleep. Like, you've never. Even on a night that you get good sleep, you don't get good sleep.

[B]

I thought she was talking shit for a second. I was, like, about to go jump on the gun.

[A]

I'm just saying, like, that's the tough part, is for you. You already don't sleep. Sleep well.

[B]

Except for last night. We went to bed at 7pm I'm.

[A]

So happy for you that you slept well last night.

[B]

I mean, we both slept for four hours straight until she woke up. And then after that, you took over. I think I was giving you, like, pep talk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, hey, maybe you got this.

[A]

Similar to, like, how when I was giving birth and you were patting me on the head and you were like, push, Alex. You got it. Go, go, go. And I'm like, yep. Thank you so much.

[B]

I'm giving her suggestions while she's rocking. I'm like, maybe one arm out of the swaddle.

[A]

Your eyes are half closed. You're snoring, and I'm just like, just go back to sleep, please.

You should do this.

What time does. Does everything open?

I'm like, just leave me. I got this. Yeah, but.

[B]

All right, what do we. What are we diving into today?

[A]

It's officially December. I'm ready for it to start snowing. John has gerd and what is gerd?

[B]

I don't want it because everyone's. I don't want anyone's opinion, like, you have throat cancer, stuff like that. I don't know what's going on. I'm not going to eat hot sauce for the next couple days.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, no, I'm not. I'm. I didn't have any yesterday.

[A]

Let's let's circle back in a week and see if you actually do. A week?

[B]

I am pushing food down at night. I only ate once yesterday, too.

[A]

Maybe that's your problem, John. Like, you don't need to starve yourself.

[B]

No, I wasn't trying to. We were, like, doing stuff. So I had the big meal, the tomato soup, which is high acidic value. We probably should eat less acidic stuff. And I had the tomb. I love tomb. The tomb. Garlic dip. Garlic is probably the enemy. There's a lot of sulfur, I think, in garlic, too.

[A]

I just like garlic. Makes everything stanky.

[B]

But I got agita.

[A]

Tastes so good. It's also, like, you really do need garlic and everything.

[B]

So I'm sleeping sitting up so I can push the food down. But I just hope I know if I go to a doctor, they're like, you got to go to ear, nose, and throat doctor. You got to get the scope down your throat. I don't want to do all that stuff.

[A]

I know. Ignorance is bliss. And then, like, you'll just die.

You know, just, like, ignore your problems. Which is actually crazy coming from you, because, like, that's me. No, no, no.

[B]

I ignore mental stuff.

[A]

Yeah, you. And then you end up, like, resenting everyone.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

You spend an hour and a half on the couch in the morning just venting about everyone.

[B]

No, but I felt better because I vented to you that.

[A]

I'm so glad that you felt better because it just, like, put, like, a huge weight on me.

I'm just like, this is destroying my morning.

[B]

Like, maybe this is why I feel amazing. And Alex is in therapy.

[A]

Like, if John just did the work, I wouldn't feel so the need to talk to a therapist.

[B]

You're my therapist, though.

[A]

I feel like I'm 18 people's therapists. Like, I.

[B]

No, fuck all those other people, though. Just.

[A]

You're like, only you can.

[B]

Because we're the ones paying for the therapist. So this way we only pay for one therapist.

[A]

Speaking of, I need to reschedule. I just feel like recently I've been canceling on my therapist because just, like, shit pops up. Or like, Lucy's schedule is crazy. I know. I need to actually email her today, so thanks for setting the reminder.

[B]

No problem.

[A]

I don't know what just reminded me of this. We will get into questions, but have you ever taken a shit and then been like, I need to send this to someone?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who do you send it to?

[B]

Oh, I haven't done it in a while because I'm an adult now. But, like, in College. I did it all the time.

[A]

No, because like I had two this week that I was like, I need to send this to John.

[B]

No, don't, don't. I'm good. Don't send it to me. But you can go on to ratemypoo.com.

[A]

Is that a real website? Yeah, they had like ratemyfart.com back in the day. I just feel like I remember when the Internet first came out, there was all those websites. Yes.

[B]

And it was like you could meatloaf farts. There's chick got farts on a meatloaf.

[A]

I not the girl. Cause I didn't like watch porn as a kid. But when you went on these websites, you could listen to people's farts and it would say what they ate. It would be like, you know, rice and beans and like quesadillas on the side. And then like you would listen to their farts. I just like have this memory of being like 10 and like, and look.

[B]

How far we've come. We went from a website where you can rate farts to now you could fart in a jar and sell it.

[A]

Yeah, well, that was probably always a thing.

[B]

I don't know that that chick made a bunch of money. I think she went to the hospital.

[A]

Anyway, I just like. I didn't send you my poops this week, but I thought about it.

[B]

I appreciate it. Thank you.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, we're in winter season now. To get specific, it's secret Santa season. And so we asked you guys for your secrets because I thought that would be fun. Why not? And what's. What's more sexy? What am I trying to say than sexy secrets? Sexy? I don't know. We're talking about sex this week. Kink sex, Relationship woes in the bedroom. All the things.

[B]

All the things. Question one. Let's go.

[A]

This episode is also sponsored by vital vitamins. Becoming a new mom has done a lot of things for me. But making my routines easier, not one of them. Some days I'm lucky if I remember to finish my coffee. I'm literally still working on it and it's ice cold. Let alone get through a full skincare routine or keep track of all the supplements I'm supposed to take. That's why I've really been into vital vitamins Age defying bundle lately. It has become the I can manage this part of my day. It's three simple supplements, all third party tested, made in the USA and no nonsense. And it covers all the things I want to be doing for myself. But don't always have time for the big one for me is the multi collagen complex plus. It's five types of collagen plus biotin, hyaluronic acid and vitamin C. All the beauty from within stuff I used to throw into a smoothie except now it's capsules. It's the one step I can stay consistent with and it's been great for supporting my skin, hair and nails. I've also been trying their brain booster plus which I call my please let me lock in moment. It's caffeine free, no jitters, and full of ingredients of things that help me feel a little clearer when my brain is juggling mom mode, work mode and whatever John is doing in the background. And then there's NAD plus which is all about healthy aging and cellular energy. The cool thing is Vital Vitamins uses actual NAD plus, not the precursors, a lot of brand use. It's one capsule, super easy and honestly, anything that helps me age a little slower, I'm going to listen. The best part is it fits the rule I'm trying to live by this holiday season. Make the healthy choices the easy choice. Six capsules, one habit Everything checked off Vital Vitamins is offering our listeners 20% off all orders with code straight at my vital vitamins.com again that is 20% off with coffee code straight at my.

[B]

Vitalvitamins.Com this podcast is also sponsored by Branch Basics. So it's the holidays, which at our house means one thing. People, people everywhere. We're hosting friends, friends are stopping by, family's flying in and that's also means a lot of cleaning. Counters, floors, bathrooms. Just a constant cycle. And now that we've got a newborn in the house, I'm way more aware of what we're using to clean everything. We've been using Branch Basics and I genuinely love it. When you start reading what's in most conventional cleaners, it's not great. And when you're cleaning this often with a baby who touches everything, and I mean everything, it matters. Branch Basics is plant and mineral base. No harsh chemicals, nothing. I feel weird about spraying all over the counters. What surprised me most is how effective it is. The whole thing is this one concentrate that you use for basically everything. Kitchen, bathroom, floors, laundry, even things like produce or makeup, brushes. One bottle replaces half the stuff under your sink. And since it's a refill system and it ends up being way more Affordable long term, one concentrate makes 13 refills, which is wild. And honestly, it's just peace of mind. No fumes, no mystery fragrances nothing that makes me think, okay, let's open a window. Especially when a newborn is in the house, it feels good knowing we're keeping things clean without bringing harsh chemicals into the air she's breathing. Get yourself and your loved ones the best gift of all. The gift of Clean with Branch Basics for limited time only, our listeners get 15% off and free shipping on their premium starter pack. When you use code [e-mail] forward/straight that's 15% off your order at branch basics.com forward/straight with promo code straight please support our show and tell them we sent you Get Branch Basics this holiday season because cleanliness matters.

[A]

Thank you so much to Google Shopping for sponsoring this episode. We're coming up on our first holiday season since becoming parents, which is so exciting.

[B]

So exciting.

[A]

But honestly, we have less time than ever to gift shop for our friends and family. Enter the Google holiday 100 each holiday season, Google puts together the list of the top 100 hottest products of the year based on search trends. It's broken out into categories like apparel, accessories, electronics, toys, etc. Which massively helps when you're gifting for all the different people in your life. I even scrolled through it for John because this year I want to get him something that could be an activity for the both of us so we can prioritize time together as new parents.

[B]

Oh, can't wait.

[A]

So I went to the holiday 100 and found him this really cool TV projector under the electronics category.

[B]

Now we're talking.

[A]

Don't listen. Pretend like you didn't hear that John and act surprised. It's perfect for an at home date night after we put Lucy to bed. For all of your holiday shopping this year, head over to g Co Shop Holiday 100 Trust. It'll make your holiday shopping a breeze.

I am five months postpartum and my sex life hasn't returned. My husband hasn't made an effort, but neither have I. I was feeling like and totally disinterested but now I'm feeling better. So how do I start trying to bring intimacy back into our lives? I feel like it's almost awkward now to initiate or try to be sexy. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. Also, I am still feeling like crap about my body so doing something sexy sounds terrifying.

[B]

Well, you don't have to do anything sexy. Talk to him. Be like, you know, let's start testing the waters here.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like the first sex back after having a baby is less sexy and it's more like we are going to try this, and we're just going to see how it goes.

[B]

We're just going to keep trying, and.

[A]

You'Re going to keep trying, and you're.

[B]

Trying to keep trying and keep trying.

[A]

Because eventually, hopefully, it won't hurt anymore.

Can't tell you when that happens.

[B]

We're. We're all still in the trenches together.

[A]

Yeah. But I just think. Don't overthink it. It's not gonna be fun, but I don't think that you have to really, like, let it go longer. I would. My advice would be to just, like, get it out of the way.

[B]

I think it's not gonna be comfortable ever the first time. So you're gonna have to give it a shot again. This is another one of those, like, be very.

Your communication really needs to be there. You gotta. Gotta talk about it. Talk it through with each other.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Next question. Is a foot fetish that weird? No.

[B]

Who cares? Is the foot fetish with your partner or is it in general with, like, you need to look at other people's feet.

[A]

Feet.

[B]

Other people's feet while you're, you know, having sex?

[A]

I'm not here to, like, yuck anyone's yum, but I don't know that I would be in a relationship with someone who had a foot fetish. Like, because. Why, you know, like, what do you like?

[B]

Your feet being massaged? So what if you're having sex and then the guy's licking your toes? You care?

[A]

I just think that's like. I think that that would take me out of the moment if you started sucking on my toe.

[B]

You're different, though. I mean, even with, like, a TV on, you're like, what's on the tv?

[A]

Well, because, I mean, I think most women are like that. You really just do have to focus to get there. Like, the stars have to align. Like Kobe licks his paw. Forget. Forget about it all.

[B]

That would lose. I lose my mind.

[A]

Well, you lose your mind because you think it's annoying. I would lose my mind because I'm like, well, I'm not having an orgasm today.

So you think. You don't think of foot fetishes?

[B]

I mean, I can think of way worse fetishes than a foot fetish.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Again, what we always say. Don't yuck someone's yum.

[A]

Next question. I want to see my boyfriend's butthole. We've been dating for almost two years now, and I don't like the idea of there being a body part of his that I haven't seen. Is this normal for me to feel or am I weird? He's seen mine, so it's only fair. Why doesn't he want me to see his.

[B]

If you want to be scarred for life seeing that guy's tarantula hole, knock yourself out.

[A]

I will say, and I think I've talked about this on previous you, Alex. I. I never took a peek. But, like, one day, and here's the story. One day, John was vulnerable. You know, like, every time I'm, like, trying to, like, I'm, like, gonna make my way to the booty hole, I'm gonna touch that whispering eye. You were vulnerable.

[B]

That's the wrong whispering eyes from that movie. It's. Isn't it vagina?

[A]

I thought a whispering eye was your butthole.

[B]

It's from the movie Rope.

[A]

Now I know. Oh, my God, you're right. Vagina. What I've always called.

[B]

I'm two for two right now. That Four Seasons. You don't believe me?

[A]

I never.

[B]

For Christmas, I just wanna. I would love due to Four seasons.

[A]

Please send us to the four Seasons. No, I really. I feel like every time I've always thought it was butthole, and I don't.

[B]

Know it's vagina, but you don't listen to me.

[A]

Okay, well, either way, I still want to see your whispering eye.

[B]

No, my vag.

[A]

I'm just kidding.

[B]

I was vulnerable. Get there.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I was like. What was. What were you talking about? There was a moment in time where John was vulnerable, and I was like, this is my moment to get to his booty hole. I took my finger, I made my way through. I immediately regretted it. Immediately. So, like, sometimes there's just some things that you should not do.

[B]

By the way she's talking about seeing it, you're talking about sticking your finger in my ass.

[A]

Well, I just wanted to touch it. Then I had regrets.

[B]

You see my butthole?

[A]

I don't think I've seen your butthole.

[B]

When I get out of the shower, I bend over. Like, I gotta watch every angle that I'm seeing.

[A]

You know what? It might have been in the view. But my eyes didn't go to your butthole. No, my eyes went to. Everything was sagged. Dangling.

In between your legs. I was like, I never want to see this view again. Yeah, there's nothing. I don't. I don't know.

[B]

So going back to your question, I mean, knock yourself out.

[A]

Well, why do you think that he doesn't want her to see it? Because there's nothing pretty there.

[B]

Is that why you're vulnerable too. Like, the guy's got to bend over. Like, out of any. Every Tick Tock video we've ever seen, it's always the woman poking the dude in the. Like, any video of, like, I'm walking behind them on the stairs. We don't trust you, right?

[A]

But you have thick cheeks. Like, I would be able to touch your butthole, but I wouldn't be able to just see it.

[B]

Like, unless you were right off my ass cheeks.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I don't know.

[B]

I don't have fun.

[A]

I don't think you're weird. I think, like, it's a curiosity. But I think that you will have regrets when you look at it. Like, I don't think you're. You'll actually enjoy it. Next question. I'm in a new relationship about three months in. My boyfriend is so amazing in every way, and I feel so lucky to have him. Except for the bedroom. He and I are both the same age, 29. However, I have dated around before meeting him, so I have an idea of what really good orgasmic sex is like. He has only had two partners prior to me, and those were mainly in his teens and early twenties. I try to coach him during sex, but there are just some things that can't be taught. His size, girth, and physical are perfect. But this isn't something I would break up over. What are some ways to go about this without hurting his feelings or his confidence?

[B]

You can't. What does she say? Like, she can't. She does tell him a little bit, but there's some things that you can't teach. What? Like. Like the motion. Go faster, go slower, go in a circle.

[A]

I guess I'm kind of confused about this question.

[B]

Stop putting all your weight on me.

[A]

Are talking to him. And there are some things that you can't teach. Then what is there to talk about?

[B]

I'm honestly just thinking of stuff like, is he putting too much of his body weight on you? You know, is he. Are you physically uncomfortable somewhere?

[A]

I think maybe she's talking about, like, the energy. Less about. Because it sounds like she's. She said I try to coach him during sex, but there are some things that can't be taught. Like what can't be taught?

[B]

Don't breathe in my ear.

[A]

Because I feel like most things can be taught except like an energy, like a vibe. Like you coming with a.

[B]

You have to motion in the ocean together. Just like this. If you're watching.

[A]

Is that. Is that how you and I do it?

[B]

Yeah. We sink in Lock in focus.

[A]

It looked like you were on a waterbed. Like it looks like waves. I don't think that that's how we do it.

Yeah, it's more of a clapping motion.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

And then John stops crying eventually.

[B]

We can't fudgeing help you? I don't know. Good luck.

[A]

Yeah, we like, literally, I feel like.

[B]

If you do it enough, you get in sync with each other, you learn each other's like what you like, what you don't like.

[A]

Right. You're.

[B]

You're in a new relationship, you're only three months.

[A]

And that's true, like in the beginning of our relationship.

[B]

It doesn't happen right away.

[A]

Trying too hard, you know, I just feel like you don't really get comfortable until you've had more experiences with each other. Even outside of the bedroom. Comfortable with each other.

[B]

Exactly. You get. When you're more comfortable even just in your relationship in general, like experiencing new things. Whatever, whatever. When you're more. Okay. Like vulnerable.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. I think this is just one of those things that it's going to take time.

[B]

Seems like everything else is great though, so.

[A]

Yeah, because sometimes sex with a new partner is great off the bat, but then they suck outside the bedroom. So it's like you got to pick and choose your battles. I think this is just like, give it time, but if it's like this forever, you know, you'll cross that bridge when you get there.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it's like be miserable for two minutes or be miserable, you know, 247 outside.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[B]

Emphasis on two minutes. Next question.

[A]

I think my husband has a voyeurism kink, which I. I had to Google. It's the practice of gaining sexual pleasure from watching others when they are naked or engaged in sex sexual activity. So I guess like, you know, but based off this question. All right, let me just read it. So now that you have the context of what voyeurism is, because I had no idea. I think my husband has a voyeurism kink. Lately, whenever we are visiting my parents house or on a trip with my family, he wants to have sex. I'm not talking about in a locked room though. I'm talking like next to the stairwell with an open overlook or on a balcony or when he knows my sister will be back shortly. This has been making me very uncomfortable as I wonder if he is turned on by my sisters and who are only a couple of years younger than I am. Obviously this is something hard to bring up, so give it to Me straight. Is this something I can and should bring up or am I being a.

[B]

Little bitch minus the younger sister part? That's weird. I could see it being a turn on. Like potentially getting caught.

[A]

Why? Oh, right, that was a vacation a while ago, John.

[B]

That part I can see. That being hot. Don't say, like, this was back in the day. Like, we would do it now if this was like on vacation or something.

[A]

John, I don't think that I could ever consume the amount of drinks that I had then now.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not talking about. Honestly, who knows?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Drinking, the ocean views. The views.

[A]

Who knows?

[B]

Anyway, back to your question. I.

[A]

Right. There is something sexy and hot about that, but around family, I don't think.

[B]

Well, I'd be more specific, like, why. What exactly is the turn on here? Because there's the sister thing. That's why. Weird as.

[A]

Yeah, I think.

[B]

And inappropriate.

[A]

The sister thing specifically is weird. But I do think it's okay to bring up, and I think that you could again, be casual about it outside of the bedroom and just say, like, by the way, do you get turned on by having sex in public? Like, is that something that, like, you know, gets your gears going? Like, I think that there's a way to have a conversation about things that happen in the bedroom.

[B]

I don't. I don't see why that's not a problem. Just say it like that.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's my point. I think that you can bring that up. Don't be nervous. It's fine. It's casual.

[B]

I mean, don't bring it up in the moment. That's going to kill the vibe of it. But yeah, when you're not.

[A]

Like, unless you want to kill the vibe. Unless, like, you truly don't want to get caught.

[B]

But if you're having. Say you're having sex on. Okay, no, no, because balcony about.

[A]

What if we did was illegal. I don't. I don't know.

[B]

Okay, another hypothetical, because this is a good question. You don't have a balcony or anything. You're having sex and you're like, you're a skyscraper apartment. You're having sex against the window.

[A]

That can't be illegal. Like, you're inside your own home. Other people are peeping, you know, but.

[B]

You have the curtains up, lights on. I mean, it's bright and obviously people could see inside your place. Is that illegal? That's a good question. I don't know.

[A]

I actually want to look this up because imagine like now that we Have Lucy. If we're walking past an apartment building, people are just. But it's kind of like the red light district. Like, you're in Amsterdam and people are just. But I guess they're not in the windows. They're just showing their cities. And John is walk by.

[B]

I was like, oh, hello.

[A]

I'm like, john, they're waving at you to bring you inside. You're like, they're just nice.

[B]

They're just nice people. See it. Wow. CIA is going to come and take your laptop.

[A]

It says.

Just from this podcast. It is illegal. If it could be seen by the public, it could be considered a crime, like lewd conduct or indecent exposure. So, yes. Oh, so I guess you do got to be careful.

[B]

My buddy in college got indecent exposure for peeing.

[A]

Well, that. Behind a dumpster, but that makes sense because it's like out in public, you're not.

[B]

He wasn't maliciously. I know, but whipping his dick. He had to pee to give someone that. To pee. I'm like, come on. Because in LA you could pee, but.

[A]

Then you could use that excuse. And like, if you're peeing at a park in front of children and then just be like, oh, I do how to pee.

[B]

Don't remember the homeless guy who peed, Whipped his dick out and peed in the drain next to the restaurant.

[A]

But that's my point. That's why it is illegal. It's so that don't. Yes, it is.

[B]

In California. It's not illegal.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

Look it up.

[A]

I'm sick of Googling, John.

[B]

You could pee and poop out in public.

[A]

Just in California or everywhere in la. Can you pee in public in Los Angeles? No, it's illegal to urinate.

[B]

I know you type in can homeless people because they don't have a bathroom. Okay, but like, can homeless people pee in public also?

[A]

If homeless isn't the correct terminology. Unhoused, who the fuck knows? No, it's illegal for anyone to urinate or defecate in public, John. So I don't know where you're seeing your news. It's illegal for everybody. So anyway, I'm one.

[B]

One for three.

[A]

You're like, I'm belief.

[B]

Oh, wait, no, no, I'm two for three. I'm two for three.

[A]

So anyway, as long as you're not doing it in, like, public stairwells. Yeah, whatever. Just bring up the conversation. If it's cool with you, go for it. Or you know what? Get caught, get arrested. We'll see you on the news. Goodbye. Next question. My husband and I have had a pretty mismatched sex drive for most of our relationship. Not the worst thing in the world. But recently I brought it up again. How I wish he would initiate more and that it would happen more often. In the spirit of trying to find a solution. Solution. He said he thought it could help if I wasn't naked so often. For context, I sleep naked every night and sometimes we'll just hang out in bed naked. This was pretty hurtful to me, even though I know where he's coming from. I'm also currently pregnant with our first baby, so emotions are high and I'm already feeling uncomfortable. Am I wrong to be taking this request as though my body is a turn off for him or that he's already tired of seeing me in the nude? We've been together for two and a half years and married for less than two months.

[B]

You're not in the wrong, but there is something to, like some mystery. You know what I mean? If you're seeing the same thing over and over and over again. Yeah. Like, it's. You're gonna. The stimulus will be lost a little bit. I'm not knocking you for it, but I mean, it's just like anything you can love. I want to play paintball every day. And if I was playing paintball every single day, I would hate playing.

[A]

It would lose its luster. Yeah, I mean, I guess.

[B]

Was that the weirdest analogy?

[A]

Yeah, sure. But you were thinking about baseball, trying.

[B]

To connect the dots.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, sure, I got it. I saw you.

[B]

Smell what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, of course. But I think you've said similar things to me because we have had mismatched sex drives at different seasons in our relationship. And you're. You have said, if you would stop asking me for it every day, maybe I would want it.

[B]

Let me get that chase in right.

[A]

And so then I say to John, ew. I don't want you at all. You disgust me. You.

[B]

I feel bad, like, man, because, you know, like, to say the opposite of this. This woman, like, is just wanting her. Like, I know. I understand where you're coming from, especially.

[A]

When you are pregnant, like, your hormones are raging. You do get more horny when you're pregnant.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think you're in the wrong. I also don't think he's in the wrong either. I mean, I guess that's just kind of something you could talk about. But, dude, you're uncomfortable. Like, sleep naked. I get it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And that's. It's tough, too, because him saying that as the exact thing that you feel most comfortable doing to get him to be more interested in sex, that's got to be hurtful. Yeah, but I don't know. I would say, no, you're not. No, you're not. You're not wrong for feeling the way that you feel. Like your feelings are valid. But I would maybe try to incorporate something new into the bedroom to excite him or have a conversation with him.

[B]

A finger in his ass.

[A]

Sure. Ask him to bend over, see that tarantula, look at all the things that are dangling around and just be back. No. God, you would. You would actually die even if I just came to touch.

[B]

Don't touch my nuts.

[A]

I think, again, uncomfortable conversations are necessary to have in order to feel more comfortable in the bedroom. But. But you're also just in a different season of life right now. I think, again, we've had conversations about this in the past where. Or we had conversations about this when I was expecting and we had pregnant women writing in about how, like, their men might not feel as attracted to them. It's just a strange season of life. It doesn't mean that they're not going to be attracted to you always, or it doesn't mean that they're not actually attracted to you. It just might. Things are just different right now. It's a different season.

[B]

Depends on the guy's personality. That didn't bother me at all. I didn't have any. It didn't affect me, you being pregnant.

[A]

No, I know, but we had talked about people writing in about how, like, it did impact them. And you said that maybe the man just isn't that into you. But I was like, I think some men, it is just harder for them to visualize because they do say everyone's different. They do see a baby, and they do think of the baby inside of you.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Because I was like, dude, your dick's not that big, right? Yeah, but I guess, like, everyone's different. Some guys probably do think it's a turn off. Like, that's fucked up as that is. Like, that happens. They're in the wrong, whatever, you know, it's just like every stage is different. Oh, you said just talk about it. You can. But understand where he's coming from too. Because I get that, like, you're in a stage of life. It's not going to be like that forever. And trying to, like, keep that in the back of your head so it's not so triggering for you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But yeah, just talk to Him. Next question.

[A]

My husband and I decided to try swinging. So we set up an mfm. I'm assuming male, female, Male. Threesome, right? M, F, M, male, female.

[B]

Okay, so it's her and two dudes.

[A]

Yes. It was a fantasy for both of us and we talked through the rules and boundaries. The first time, my husband got shy and couldn't get hard. The other guy was understanding. He's a seasoned swinger and we were new. We told him that we would reschedule. My husband was embarrassed and I reassured him it was okay and that the threesome was a fantasy, not a need. Our sex life is great. This was just something fun to try. Two years later, my husband brought it up again. So we set it up with the same guy and we did it. My husband got hard at first, but kept losing his erection. When we switched positions. To avoid embarrassing him, I went along with it. While I was giving this other guy head, my husband was behind me pretending to have sex. When we switched again, he still wasn't getting hard, but I gave him head anyway. I'm not sure if the other guy noticed, but eventually my husband stepped aside and said he wanted to watch. So I had sex with the other guy while my husband sat in a chair watching and I think pretending to jerk off because he seemed flaccid. He seemed fine and then he made a wrap it up motion. I've only ever had sex with my husband, so I wasn't sure how long it would take this other guy to finish. Afterwards, my husband told me to give him head. I'm assuming to save face. The other guy cleaned up and my husband basically told him, thank you for your service, which I thought was rude. After he left, my husband told me to get off of him because he still wasn't hard and then accused me of leaving him out, which I didn't. I think he was just embarrassed and it was easier to blame me. It made me feel awful and made me never want to try a threesome again. Plus, he's the one who stepped aside. Recently. He's been hinting about another one with the same guy. I still think threesomes are hot, but I don't know how to tell him without hurting his pride that it's not a good idea because he couldn't stay hard the last two times. He'll definitely ask why and he knows I find the idea hot. So do I lie or do I tell him? I don't want to deal with being blamed or gaslit again if he can't keep it up, I Love my husband and our sex life, but I don't know how to bring it up without hurting him or being blamed again. I think a threesome could be fun if he stayed erect and actually enjoyed it, but I don't want to deal with the aftermath if he doesn't. If you were in my position, what would you do? For context, we've been together for 13 years, married for both 30, and we have two kids.

[B]

This is the only person she's ever had sex with was her husband.

[A]

It sounds like it that she's only ever been crazy.

[B]

Jump.

[A]

This is just listen. And again, I would never yuck someone's yum. But I personally, after watching Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, love that show. I think just opening up your marriage can start problems. And again, like, whether you think it's hot or not, like, that's great. I think, though, your husband is making you feel some type of way for his insecurities.

[B]

His first off, what is the problem with taking a dick pill? Take a pill, dude.

[A]

I true.

[B]

Rock hard, though. You'll just be so confident. I'm gonna fucking destroy.

[A]

But if you. Okay, I'm trying to actually, like, if you and I were like, if you.

[B]

Couldn'T get hard the first two times.

[A]

But would you be. Would you feel embarrassed if I brought it up to you and I was like, hey, if you want to do this again, you should take a pill.

[B]

No, you have to be. It's kind of like a come to Jesus moment, right? With that kind of. You're gonna have to be like, yeah, you're the. You're the problem here, right? The common denominator is your flaccid penis. Let's fix that. I'm game.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Game. But you can't be blaming.

[A]

Blaming me because that's the issue here. It's like, he's bringing it up, you're down to do it, but, like, then he's blaming you for the problem.

[B]

That's gonna be so confusing for her. Yeah, you're blaming me, but then you want to do it again and you're not doing it right. This sounds like a disaster, though, because it's not. This is like, it's going well.

[A]

But I'm glad, though, that, like, you had the conversation about boundaries. So that exists. But maybe you need to bring up the boundary conversation again and just be like, you can't blame me then, like, you can't come at me when you can't come and get embarrassed that you can't stay hard. Like, this is not my problem.

[B]

I Feel bad for the swinger guy.

[A]

He's like, I'm just here doing the work, and I'm exhausted.

[B]

Who invited me? Nigga kicking me out, right? Do I get. And do I get some food or anything on the way out?

[A]

And then to just be told, thank you for your service.

[B]

How do all these interactions. They open up the door. Do they shake hands and then just proceed with the act? Is there some drinking involved beforehand?

[A]

That's such a. Like, I would love to also know who successfully is married long term, where an open relationship works, and you have kids.

[B]

They probably you. Honestly, I bet you people who are in open relationships that are successful are probably the best communicators out there, if you think about it.

[A]

I mean, we're good communicators, but.

[B]

No, no, but, like, open. To have an open relationship, you have to be on, like, this telepathical playing, like, the same. Same level.

[A]

That's my point. Like, does it. Does that exist that, like, you can actually have that? Because there is still so much. What movie was it Shallows with. Is that what it was called?

[B]

Savages.

[A]

Savages with Blake Lively.

[B]

Yeah. That was a sick movie.

[A]

I mean, did that threesome work out? Well, I guess they were all in, like, a throuple. That was like, a relationship type of thing. And then that was a relish.

[B]

That wasn't a swingers party.

[A]

No, no. Yeah. I guess those are different. But I. I would.

[B]

Orlando. There's, like, big swinger parties in Orlando. Like, they fly down during. Like, it's like a swinger convention.

[A]

Again, if it's something that you want to your marriage, that's fine. But I think based off of past experiences, you are valid for feeling like you don't want to do this because it's ended up kicking you in the ass before. So I just. You have to have that conversation. I wouldn't lie. I would blatantly tell him. Be like, hey, you made me feel uncomfortable the last time because you blamed me, or you made me feel like it was my fault or, you know, that you were embarrassed.

[B]

What a fascinating world. I would. I don't listen to podcasts. I would listen to a swinger podcast that gives, like, the. The ins and outs of, like, how that works. Like, this underground John's gonna come society.

[A]

He's gonna be like, hey, Alex, I have a request for you.

[B]

What's up? First off, I'll never do mfm. I'm the dog. It'd be okay. Mff.

[A]

Okay. F, M, F, ffm. Both. They're all the Same.

[B]

Okay. Do you see my eyes just rolling in the background?

[A]

I'm like, you look like you were doing all the math just now.

[B]

Equations. Oh, all right. Yeah. Good luck with that.

[A]

Best of luck. On that note, secret sandwich. Let's jump into secrets. I feel like that would be a very big secret to have. Oh, perfect segue. Because the first secret is about a threesome.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Secret number one. I had a threesome with a close friend's cousin and her cousin's husband. I never told my friend about it. It feels like her cousin's secret. To keep or to share. It was a lot of fun and hasn't been weird when we've seen each other in groups. I don't know if there'd ever be a reason to tell my friend about it.

[B]

No, but that's cool. You have this, like, little secret, you know.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. But like, your close friend, like, cousin.

[B]

Who gives a shit?

[A]

No, I know, but, like, I would want. If it was, like, one of my best friends and I slept with her cousin.

[B]

Again, that's best friend, not her best friend.

[A]

Well, she's had close friends.

That's the other thing, too. I don't know that I and you might be different in this. I don't know that I would ever want to. I don't think that I could successfully be in a threesome. Number one, married, but where someone comes into our relationship. I feel like I would have to be the third if I were to ever do a threesome.

[B]

Oh, for sure.

[A]

You know, Like, I don't.

[B]

I. I mean, this is us. I wouldn't be able to look at you the same.

[A]

No. I'd be like, but what if it was a girl? What if it was FFM or MFF or.

[B]

I'd be fine with that.

But that wouldn't be. But then I'd feel bad for you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because I would honestly put myself in your shoes. Then you'd be, like, questioning me. I would. Because if I were you, I'd be questioning me.

[A]

Well, I guess that's where you would, like, draw the boundaries and be like, you know, only. Only hands, no mouth, even.

[B]

Any of that. Any sort of intimacy.

[A]

Yeah. No.

[B]

Well, that's not us.

[A]

I would beat the out of you. I wouldn't even, like, care about the other girl. Because I'd be like, we asked you to do this. I'm so sorry, but, like, I would.

[B]

That's like anything. Like, if you. If your partner's not the one that's respecting you, like, right. Your partner's One who cheated on you. I'm gonna you to the partner.

[A]

But if a couple asked me, I would feel honored.

[B]

I'd be like, oh, my God, thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

But then I would kill you.

[A]

Well, I would have to. No, no, no. I'm talking in a world in which, like, you and I are not together. Marriage. Like, I'm too much of a jealous bitch.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

Like crazy.

[B]

You're single. Someone asked you.

[A]

Correct. I would be honored. I'd be like, wow, thank you so much. But then I would also feel like I wouldn't want to know the people because what if. Then the girl comes after me? Like, or what if the guy catches feelings? Because obviously he would fall in love first off.

[B]

You never go with. It would be the girl asking you. Don't go if the guys ask you, but if the girl's asking you. You asked me to be part of. It's like, if it was me and two girls, hey, actually, I don't care because either one can ask me.

[A]

Maybe we shouldn't have this conversation because in no world is it happening without us being.

[B]

I, like, always try to lay out the plans.

[A]

Like, okay, so if I was single. So John, we get divorced. The only way that I would be able to work out in the threesome.

[B]

Well, it wouldn't even matter because wouldn't be divorced. I'd be dead. There's no getting divorced.

[A]

Correct. Till death do us part.

[B]

When we go, I'd be like, you do whatever you want. I want you to live your life.

[A]

If I end up dead, it's because John killed me because he wanted to be in a threesome.

[B]

Okay. And I'm over here. Like, if I died, I want you to just go off queen threesomes, do whatever the fuck you want, live your life.

[A]

I still think that would be too stressful for me. But, yeah, I would go off and live my life. Me and Lucy would, like, go on trips all the time, but. But we'd be sad about it. Okay, thanks. Okay, moving on. Outside of threesomes. Next secret. My soon to be ex husband refuses to add my name to the loan since he's petty. I'm being petty back. I'm paying our mortgage late so I could fuck up his credit.

[B]

Well, this is just secrets. I don't know why we're. It's not a question. So maybe when we read secrets, we get to say, like one word each or something. Or one.

[A]

I feel like I'm not creative and I'd just be like, cool.

Good. So maybe A sentence.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Give a sentence on that.

[B]

All you're doing is shooting yourself in the foot.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Is it her husband?

[A]

It's her soon to be ex husband. Oh, and like her name isn't on the loan.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

If you're this secret was two sentences and you couldn't even follow along.

[B]

Well, I mean, is. Was he a bad guy? What did he do that you're gonna divorce? Are you just doubling down and just like this dude over. Because you're breaking up.

[A]

That was more than one sentence.

[B]

Moving on. Can we just go on?

[A]

Sure. Next secret. Eight years ago, my second child was born. I cheated on my husband with my boss, who was 20 years older than me. He's hot. Think George Clooney. Older gentleman hot. We didn't go all the way, but we participated in other inappropriate activities. Months later, my boss's nephew, who is my age, came to work at the restaurant as well as an intern. And one thing led to another. We became involved and did sleep together during his two months with us. Neither person knew that I was involved with the other. And my husband also does not know. I still work for the company to this day, but my old boss is at another location. We are actually still good friends to this day, but nothing more. The nephew lives across the country, so we never see each other, but occasionally. Text. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

[B]

Sounds like a camera.

[A]

Work at the restaurant. Restaurant work. Very. It could get very.

Dramatic, you know, Think. Think Vanderpump. Vanderpump rules. It's like that.

[B]

It's like the movie Waiting.

[A]

Exactly. I love that movie where it's just like, people are involved, gets messy.

But I'm glad you got that off your chest. But, like, I feel bad for your husband. Like, you have kids with your husband. Like, why you keep cheating, girl? Just like, leave your husband. If you don't want to actually be with this man, just divorce your husband. I know we're not supposed to give advice, but I hope, like, you've left him.

[B]

Next secret.

[A]

Did you give a sentence? Did you say you don't want to?

[B]

I'm just. You're a terrible person. Merry Christmas. Secret.

[A]

My grandmother was so petty that after her brother insulted her potato salad in the 70s, she spent years mailing him anonymous postcards hinting that his house was haunting.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

He actually moved twice because of the potato salad. Well, because she was sending postcards insinuating that his home was haunted.

[B]

No, I know. Like, she was.

[A]

Oh, right.

[B]

She doubled down cuz.

[A]

Like a man. But how how ruthless was he in his how important potato salad?

[B]

Maybe the potato salad was like this staple thing in the family and he destroyed it.

[A]

Imagine you did this to your mom. You were like her eggplant parmesan. Oh, yeah. Do you think that your mom would retaliate slowly? Like she would start poisoning you? Maybe.

[B]

For sure you don't. With the eggplant parm.

[A]

I know.

[B]

How many more of these are there?

[A]

Not only that, like, it's a lot of work. So you would not just be insulting her cooking. You'd be like, I don't care how hard you worked. It would just be like a double. It would be like a triple week.

[B]

I wanted this.

[A]

I know that you worked in the kitchen for hours. Trash. I think your mom would actually kill you.

[B]

I'm nervous. It makes me nervous thinking about it. Are you sweating a little bit.

[A]

Next secret. I routinely check up on my ex boyfriend that I haven't been with in eight years. I don't know why I do it, but it's a compulsive thing that I've done for years and I haven't stopped. I'm married and shouldn't be doing it. And honestly, it disgusts me that I do. My ex cheated on me and did me really dirty. I guess part of me just wants to see how he is doing in life. Maybe it's because I didn't have closure. I haven't blocked on everything, but occasionally will unblock him just to check up on him. What the fuck is wrong with me?

[B]

I'm not answering that. That's your. That's a secret. Cool. I don't know. Something's wrong with you though. Next secret.

[A]

You go. I'm not answering that. Something's wrong with you though. I mean, she's not.

[B]

Is this secrets Just because she says what's wrong with me isn't open end. Just next secret.

[A]

Moving on. Last secret. Sometimes I wish my husband's penis was bigger. I didn't write that, John. I promise.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

You have nothing to say.

[B]

That was rude. Oh, that's it.

[A]

That's another sentence. The last secret.

[B]

Did you write that in?

[A]

No, I didn't write that. I love your penis. I love it so much.

I want to kiss it.

[B]

That's how we end. That's how we end. Is that it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, Rex, right? You never remember a wreck.

[A]

You never remember a wreck. I had the greatest wreck last week. It was the Fisher Price piano play pad for the babies to lay on and kick their feet like their little Mozart.

[B]

Little Mozart. Oh, Rex.

[A]

Rex, didn't you just smoke a really good cigar?

[B]

I did. I did. Thank you.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

One of my top cigars and I smoked it with my buddy Tank. He got it for me. Padrone P A D R O N. They're expensive cigars, though, but like, not patron. Patron drone. P A D R O N. Number four. There's a bunch of them. But, you know, again, you get what you pay for. It was an expensive cigar. Really fucking good, though.

[A]

That's good. My wreck is something that I don't know, that we've talked about. Maybe we did because we've had this coffee maker for years and like, we're actually partnering with.

[B]

I was gonna say this and. But I. I was just about to say what? Yeah, but I didn't want to.

[A]

So they're not a partner for our podcast, but they're a partner for us on the social media channels. And it's Delonghi. They have the best coffee.

[B]

You pay for the quality, though. Like, it is pretty expensive, but it.

[A]

Makes the best quality worth it. My God. Like. Like we've had this Delonghi coffee machine for now three years. And I would. I would 100, invest in 10, 15 more. Like, we haven't had to because it's lasted, but like, it is just. It creates the best cup of coffee. We make how many cups?

[B]

Also, there's a bunch of different models. The one we have is fully automatic, so it is more expensive. But it does. When you think about those fancy coffee machines where it's like whole beans.

[A]

Espresso maker, like an espresso machine, it.

[B]

Grounds them, then you take the little circle spoon thing and you smash it down. Then you put it in drip coffee. All this stuff that you manually do, it does all of it automatically.

[A]

Yeah. Again, it's expensive, but maybe I won't say it's expensive.

[B]

It is. I mean, well, let's be real. No, it is expensive, but you're getting what you pay for. Like, it is really good. And when I'm half awake and I could just hit the button and the. The meth lab trying to make coffee. Yeah.

[A]

I would rather have our coffee from home than ever get. Like, I think our coffee from home is the best.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I love it so much. Shout out to Longhi. We love them.

[B]

Guys like subscribe. Email comment do all the things.

[A]

If you want to ask us an anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or go to our website. If you want to send us an email, you can email us at hello. Give it tome straight podcast dot com. And if you want to follow us, you can find us everywhere. Give it to me straight podcast.

[B]

Wait. Reviews. The reviews. Do the reviews on Apple. Itunes, right?

[A]

That's called Spotify. Apple.

[B]

Can you write reviews on Spotify?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Do it. Anyways. Anyways.

[A]

Yay. Love you.

[B]

Ciao. Ciao.

[A]

Bye.

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