84. Giving you thirst traps, age gaps, and spending habits

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight

Episode 84: Giving You Thirst Traps, Age Gaps, and Spending Habits

Hosts: Alex & John
Release Date: December 30, 2025
Podcast Network: Dear Media

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Episode Overview

In this candid and unfiltered episode, Alex and John—a married couple—reflect on the end of the year, dissect pop culture and relationship tropes (with a notable deep dive into "The Notebook"), and tackle an eclectic batch of listener questions about romance, parenting, nostalgia, spending habits, and more. Their trademark banter brings both humor and real talk, making for an episode that's equal parts entertaining and thought-provoking.

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Key Topics & Discussion Highlights

1. New Year's Resolutions, Parenting, and Nostalgia

• 00:25–17:18
  • The hosts playfully lament the concept of New Year's Resolutions, riffing on tired traditions and resolutions they don’t keep.
  • Alex often jokes about being the "one always telling people to break up" while John claims he’s trying (and failing) to be less judgmental.
  • Both reflect on how their daughter, Lucy, has shifted their perspectives on time, goals, and parenting.
  • Discussion of their sleep and bedtime habits post-parenthood and how having a baby disrupts once-shared routines.
  • Banter about watching "The Notebook" together sparks a passionate takedown of the movie's plot holes and unrealistic romance.

  “There’s no world in which Ally would... just go back to someone who you spent one summer with.” – Alex (03:53)

  “You don’t know about love. I birthed you. I fucking delivered you. Shut the fuck up. I’ll teach you about love, Ally.” – Alex (09:43)

2. Financial Values and Relationship Priorities

• 40:40–43:01
  • Listener asks about a partner who values money and saving over experiences. Both hosts stress the importance of aligning on financial values, especially when building a future or family together.
  • Alex recounts her own previous relationships and how financial compatibility became increasingly important.

3. Parenting Realities, Socialization, and Sibling Talk

• 20:54–28:29
  • John discusses learning to accept the loss of privacy in parenthood and hilariously describes needing to poop while baby-wearing.
  • Debate on whether kids under three need to be socialized, addressing internet “advice” and their own family experiences.
  • The couple weighs in on whether their daughter, Lucy, should have a sibling; John jokes about scheduling his vasectomy.
  • Both hosts reflect sentimentally on baby snuggles and the bittersweetness of fleeting childhood moments.

4. Listener Q&A Segment (Wide-Ranging Advice)

• 36:12–76:36
  • Nostalgia for Exes (36:12)
    • A listener worries about still feeling nostalgia for an ex despite a committed marriage. The hosts explore nostalgia’s place in adult life vs. current relationships.

    “There’s a reason they’re your ex.” – Alex (38:07)

    “I think some people hold onto that, like, memory or nostalgic thing... like it will never be that again.” – John (38:38)

  • Age Gap Relationships (65:55)
    • A 26-year-old’s relationship with a 46-year-old coworker is discussed. The hosts, while hesitant to judge, admit it sounds like an "uphill battle," but stress that as long as the relationship is legal and both are happy, it's not for outsiders to decide.
  • Posting Thirst Traps/Body Pics (71:56)
    • A wife feels uncomfortable with her husband’s fitness selfies. The hosts admit their own hypocrisy, acknowledging double standards about men/women posting body pics, but agree that communication and respect for each other's feelings matters more than arbitrary rules.

    “If you’re working hard, if you are looking good—good. It makes you look good because you’re like, damn, look at my husband.” – Alex (76:02)

    “He should be okay if you did the same thing.” – John (76:22)

  • Mother-in-Law’s Passing & Grief (45:54)
    • A heavy question about resentment following a mother-in-law's suicide during pregnancy. Alex emphasizes that multiple truths can coexist, but cautions about centering one’s own feelings in another’s tragedy. John is blunt: keep it to yourself and focus on empathy over self-pity.

    “You have to follow your husband’s lead in this situation. It is his mom here.” – Alex (46:12)

  • Estranged Sister & Childcare Offer (48:55)
    • Listener fallout with a sister and awkward olive branch by offering childcare. The hosts spar over whether the offer was tone-deaf (Alex: too soon; John: just trying to help).
  • Friendship Changing After Kids (57:15)
    • A listener feels distance from a best friend whose only topic of conversation has become her child. Both hosts validate the concern, suggesting open, gentle communication about wanting to nurture the friendship’s broader foundation.

    “You talk about your life in the current state that you’re in... but you shouldn’t feel guilty [for missing the old dynamic].” – John (57:23)

  • Body Image & Pregnancy (61:14)
    • Honest discussion about the toll pregnancy and motherhood take on one’s body and identity, with Alex sharing her firsthand experience of shifting priorities post-birth.

    “I have, like, I’m just happy that she’s here. I truly didn’t care about getting, bouncing back or getting [my old body] back.” – Alex (65:56)

  • Ex Seeking Closure via Therapy (68:05)
    • A listener’s husband’s ex asks for a conversation to process their prior relationship for her therapy. Both hosts are unanimous: that’s a “hard no” and applaud transparent communication in marriage.

    “We break up, you’re dead to me. We’re never talking again.” – John (69:17)

    “It should have just been a hard no from the start.” – Alex (71:13)

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• 00:25-04:46 – Playful recap of the year, sleep routines, and introduction teetering into "The Notebook" debate
• 06:50-09:16 – Relationship priorities: Love vs Money, practical considerations in long-term partnerships
• 17:18-18:41 – Year-in-review, changes since becoming parents, and adjusting to new priorities
• 20:54-22:48 – Parenting, privacy loss, and “pooping while baby-wearing”
• 36:12–41:19 – Nostalgia about exes and the difference between reminiscing and regret
• 45:54–47:52 – Handling resentment and complex grief after a family suicide
• 57:15–59:13 – Friendships post-parenthood and loss of shared topics
• 61:14-65:56 – Body changes, motherhood, and coming to terms with a new identity
• 71:56–76:36 – Posting thirst traps and negotiating boundaries in long-term relationships

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Notable Quotes

• “There’s no world in which Ally would... just go back to someone who you spent one summer with.” — Alex (03:53)
• “You don’t know about love. I birthed you. I fucking delivered you. Shut the fuck up. I’ll teach you about love, Ally.” — Alex (09:43)
• “If you’re working hard...good. It makes you look good because you’re like, damn, look at my husband.” — Alex (76:02)
• “We break up, you’re dead to me. We’re never talking again.” — John (69:17)

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Tone & Style

• Unfiltered & Playful: Alex and John’s chemistry is based on affectionate sarcasm, playful bickering, and a willingness to push social boundaries in their discussions.
• Practical & Candid: They don’t hesitate to offer raw opinions—even if that means disagreeing or poking fun at themselves.
• Relatable: Honest about the challenges of marriage, raising a toddler, and navigating the not-so-Instagram-friendly moments of adulthood.
• Supportive, yet Blunt: Their advice for listener questions strikes a balance between compassion and tough love.

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Takeaways

• Communication and empathy are constant through lines—whether in marriage, parenting, or friendships.
• Self-awareness and honesty (sometimes brutally so) are key to navigating tricky relationship dynamics.
• Nostalgia is normal, but shouldn’t detract from building a fulfilling present.
• “Hot takes” are delivered with humor, but always loop back to practical advice.

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For anyone navigating the murky waters of adulthood, evolving relationships, or just craving a sharp-witted debrief on modern love, this episode delivers exactly what the title promises: the straight (but never boring) truth.

Transcript

[Alex]

The following podcast is a Dear media production.

[John]

How many relationships have we saved and how many relationships have we ruined with doing this podcast for four years?

[Alex]

You know what? And what's funny is like, I'm like, john's a scrooge. Blah, blah, blah. I feel like I'm the one who's always like, just break up, get divorced, end it.

[John]

I've been trying to not say that.

[Alex]

As much I am.

[John]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

Cuffing season. Fuck it, break up.

[John]

And welcome back to Give it to Me Straight.

[Alex]

I'm Alex.

[John]

And I'm John. And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious John.

[Alex]

This is the last episode of the year.

[John]

Cool. We're still going to shoot another one for the following week. So nothing has changed.

[Alex]

I'm just saying, like, it's the last one before the new year.

[John]

But yeah, I was like, you know, oh, New Year, it's new goals, new me. Yeah. All this. Nothing.

[Alex]

No, you're still going to be a piece of in 2026. What do you want to do in the New year?

[John]

I didn't even think about that. Like, New Year's resolutions.

[Alex]

It's crazy because I feel like when you think of the New Year, it feels so far away. But it's really just like we have another. I mean, this episode comes out, but before New Year's, this episode is the episode. I just said this is the last episode before New Year's.

[John]

Like the day before.

[Alex]

Look at the calendar. Two days before, I believe.

[John]

What's your New Year's resolution?

[Alex]

I feel like. Did I not just ask you that? Like, what? I didn't ask you what your resolution is, but, like, what do you want to do in the New year? You have to answer mine first.

[John]

Why am I tired? First off, I should not be tired. Lucy slept the longest she's ever had. I know she ever has. Last night.

[Alex]

You good?

[John]

Not really.

[Alex]

Cuz you just worked out, that's why.

[John]

I don't know. I didn't sleep that well last night. I wish I did. I. That was.

[Alex]

What time did you go to bed?

[John]

11.

[Alex]

We used to go to bed at the same time.

[John]

Not really. Not really.

[Alex]

We always did until this past year game.

[John]

You go to bed.

[Alex]

It wasn't until we moved back to New York that you started staying up late. That's not late.

[John]

It's not late. When we work all day, I'm like, I want. I need some downtime. I can't just go from work straight to bed. I don't know how you do that.

[Alex]

Because for me Work is fun.

[John]

So cool.

[Alex]

I do that. Like, in bed. I'm just, like, thinking of more ideas and doing more work. Okay, so you didn't tell me what your New Year's resolution is.

[John]

Also, watching the Notebook doesn't count last night as downtime for me. I thought we were going to watch the new episode of Fallout. And out of nowhere, Alex, like, there.

[Alex]

Is a new episode of Fallout.

[John]

But you didn't know that.

[Alex]

You didn't know that I put the.

[John]

Notebook on because before I was like, I think Fall comes out on Sundays. We were going to watch Fallout.

[Alex]

Doesn't matter. You love that movie, John.

[John]

I know. I know. Literally, you know? But no, no, no, no, wait. I thought we're watchful. She puts on the Notebook. So again, that doesn't count as my downtime. I was like, she wants to watch it. But, yeah, I got sucked in. I love the Notebook.

[Alex]

Except the old people parts. John, fast forward through all the old people parts I have seen.

[John]

So Saving Private Ryan is my favorite movie. Notebook is probably up there, but I think I've seen Notebook more than any other movie. I don't know why. Maybe, like, sometimes with girlfriends. I've seen it.

[Alex]

You never once watched it with me until the first time last night.

[John]

And yes, we've seen it together.

[Alex]

I don't think so.

[John]

Yes, we have. Yes, we have.

[Alex]

Okay, so what you.

[John]

I just posted. I'm just saying.

[Alex]

Is this supposed to make you seem like a hopeless romantic? Because no one believes you. You're not.

[John]

But I will bring up something might be a hot take because we've talked about this. I can relate to the parents 100%.

[Alex]

Ally should not have married Noah.

[John]

She married Noah. Noah. Really? Just like that poor girl Noah was hooking up with when he was older. And Martha's even like.

[Alex]

She's like, wow, what's her name?

[John]

She's so sweet. She even was like, she's so sweet.

[Alex]

You know, I also just feel like it truly is unrealistic. Like, Lon, so hot. He's also very successful.

[John]

Successful, good head on his shoulder.

[Alex]

I'm like, there's no world in which Ally would not actually. And, like, you're just gonna go back to someone who you. Who you spent one summer with.

[John]

There's no world where I would let someone like, oh, you got nervous jitters. Sure. Go back to your hometown. I know. You need to, like, figure some things out. No, I'd be like, I'm coming with you.

[Alex]

It's just unrealistic. Yeah, it wouldn't. The whole time we're just like, Jordan.

[John]

Sparks or whatever, whoever wrote the book.

[Alex]

Sparks.

[John]

Who's Jordan Sparks?

[Alex]

A singer. Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air.

[John]

That girl. Wow, that's a. Oh, it's a guy. I mean, it's a girl. Yeah, I thought it was a guy.

[Alex]

I'm pretty sure Jordan Sparks sings that song, and she's a girl. You thought that that song was by a man?

[John]

No, I thought Jordan Sparks was the author.

[Alex]

Nicholas Sparks.

[John]

I know, but I'm just saying I thought Jordan Sparks was the author. And then when you said Jordan Sparks sung a song, and then I was like, oh, it's a female. I assumed it was a male.

[Alex]

What's your New Year's resolution?

[John]

Wait, wait, let's just put this up.

[Alex]

No, I'm over it.

[John]

No, because the parents. Let's go back to the parents for a second. You got one daughter.

[Alex]

John is, like, really relating to these parents. You know why? It's because I said you look like the dad with the mustache.

[John]

Whatever you want to say. I'm just saying one daughter. They got her in piano lessons. They're doing all this stuff for her to succeed in life, and then she goes with Noah. I'd be pissed, too.

[Alex]

No, it's not a bad guy, but he's a hard worker. And again, he. He did build that house. My thing is just like you. When you've committed to an engagement, you're not going back to an ex who you dated for one summer seven years ago because you just wanted to see what that D was like. And you're like, oh, you're not doing that. And if you are, like, I just. And I don't like how quickly they wrap it up in the end where, like, you don't actually see the breakup between her and Lon. He's like, I'm not gonna share you. You know, Which I just. Whatever. We're moving on. What's your resolution? I get it, John. You just, like, as a parent, you're like, so, what would you do? Lucy. Lucy's in this situation.

[John]

Yeah. You might love him. You're young. When you're older, and then you gotta go to work because he ain't got no money.

[Alex]

But he built his house. He owns his house. It's not like he has a mortgage.

[John]

Yeah, okay. You guys still pay the bills.

[Alex]

I mean, he. If she's a trust fund baby, she has Daddy's money.

[John]

Yeah, sweet. That's what I'm doing. Share the wealth we made with someone. Who?

[Alex]

Noah's. Noah Wasn't asking for anything. He was just being himself, whether he.

[John]

Was asking for it or not. He's like, I know I'm getting some back pay on here.

[Alex]

Listen. I mean, I'm with you. Like, I. We ain't raising no fool.

[John]

How do we tiptoe around this?

[Alex]

There's no tiptoeing. Like, you are going to marry for your future. Like, her love for your future.

[John]

But, like.

[Alex]

Yeah, and that's the thing. It's like, her and Noah were toxic. They fought all the fucking time.

[John]

Yeah. That's why I don't think they should be together.

[Alex]

Oh, right.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Again, if you actually want to boil it down to money, like, that's not it. Because he's. He makes enough. He's fine. I think it boils down to.

[John]

We said from time. Time again, love isn't everything in relationship.

[Alex]

Marry you for money, John.

[John]

Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't either. Okay.

[Alex]

First off, so that's what I'm saying. You. You don't have to marry someone for money. But if. Okay, if you have two people and they're both amazing people, and one makes more money than the other, and that's the only difference between them. I'm going with the man who has money. I don't want to struggle, struggle.

[John]

I know friends. I have guy friends, and I've said this, who literally don't, well, use college friends. Like, I don't even hang out with them anymore. One guy specifically was like, I don't want to be with someone who's more successful than me because he wants to be the breadwinner. I'm like, bro, the last thing I want to do is work harder. Why the fuck would you be with somebody that you're not, like, growing together? You just want someone that's, like, doing nothing.

[Alex]

Noah didn't do nothing.

[John]

No. Was going nowhere.

[Alex]

But Noah did go somewhere. He built a whole house that. Can you build a house, John?

[John]

No. Cool. You got the house. Now what?

[Alex]

That's a big house.

[John]

You built a house. You built a house one or two years.

[Alex]

I'm saying, though, like, between Lon and Noah, if we're strictly talking about them, I would still choose lawn. Noah had great qualities, but, like, Chief Ali fought with Noah all the time, and Noah did not have as much money. So I'm going with lawn.

[John]

Also, we're talking pre Noah or after the war Noah. Because before they're 17 or young, he has nothing. This is before building the house. And as a parent, be like, correct. You're not hanging out with this fucking dude, right?

[Alex]

Like, I'm glad that Noah went and, like, did something with his life after.

[John]

Following up on that, though, we've talked before. Like, marrying, I think marrying, like, these endorphins, right? When you get married to someone or, like, you're in a relationship and these endorphins are so high and you love these people so much, like, that shit fades. It does fade. You had to be with someone more than just love.

[Alex]

The scene that I knew that we were old, that came up because I remember watching this as, like, a tween and being like, oh, my God, my heart. Like, go, Allie and Noah, like, forever. And then you become an adult, and you're like, no, absolutely not.

[John]

Fuck, no.

[Alex]

And it was the scene when she's fighting with her parents. She's like, you don't know what love is. You don't talk. You don't look at Daddy the way that I look at Noah.

[John]

I'm like, bitch, John and I look.

[Alex]

At each other, and we're like, talk.

[John]

To me in 20 years.

[Alex]

Yeah. You have no fucking clue what you're talking about. You're 17 years old. Get out of my house. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

[John]

Girl, get over there and play the piano like you're supposed to go back.

[Alex]

To your dance lessons. Like I'm breaking my back to give you a great life.

[John]

Oh, you want to pay?

[Alex]

You don't know about love. I birthed you. I fucking delivered you. Shut the fuck up. I'll teach you about love, Ali. Anyway.

[John]

Okay, that's. I'm glad. I'm glad I got that off my chest.

[Alex]

Now. What is your New Year's resolution?

[John]

My New Year's resolution is to make sure Lucy knows that no guy's good enough for her. Just implant that in her head.

[Alex]

Okay.

[John]

What's yours, John?

[Alex]

She can't even understand words, so perhaps.

[John]

I know I don't need to change at all. So I'm like, what? What kind of New Year's resolution so perfect.

[Alex]

Hmm. I feel like yours every year is the same thing. And you're like, I'm gonna be less judgmental.

[John]

I can't.

[Alex]

I know.

[John]

I think that's. That's what makes me me. Like, if I wasn't judgmental, would I be fun, you know, or funny?

[Alex]

You definitely do bring. I think that there's a balance. I was gonna say you definitely do bring a level of drama d Like, comedy dramedy to my life, because, like.

[John]

Johnny Drama, my dog. Johnny Drama, entourage. That Dude's my homie.

[Alex]

Yeah, you are kind of like copy paste Johnny Drama.

[John]

We both can't be so like, I trust everyone. I like everyone. Like, that's not.

[Alex]

It's a little interesting though.

[John]

You're gonna get kidnapped because you just trust for real.

[Alex]

Because I'm the one who, when we were in our Uber driver was number one negotiated.

[John]

We both got the card anyway.

[Alex]

So how are you going to help me? You go, you're going to be the.

[John]

One that was a desperate time that.

[Alex]

Was family kidnapped and you're supposed to be the protector of this family.

[John]

I was willing to take the risk. It was so cold. It was packed.

[Alex]

At jfk, you go, honestly, take me anywhere but here.

[John]

Get me. Assault me outside of jfk.

[Alex]

As long as I'm outside of the JFK lines. Do what you want.

[John]

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[Alex]

I'm so hungry.

[John]

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[Alex]

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[John]

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[Alex]

I'm trying to think what your New Year's resolution should.

[John]

Don't worry about mine. What's yours?

[Alex]

You know, I haven't really thought of it either. I just feel like we've been so.

[John]

I don't mind this.

[Alex]

Probably just be a good present parent. I would like to find more of a balance. You're already doing work life balance. You already being a good parent.

[John]

Yeah, I think we both.

[Alex]

Thanks, John.

[John]

We're around her enough. We're actually discussing. We should probably step. We're gonna be helicopter parents. We're. We're so. She is actually. She's gonna hate us. She's going to hate us.

[Alex]

Love, love, love.

[John]

Mine is. I'm going to try to stop cussing as much again.

[Alex]

I feel like we do we reserve it for the pod. I don't really know that we do.

[John]

I cuss all the time. So do you.

[Alex]

Do I?

[John]

Telling stories.

[Alex]

I don't think I do. You were telling stories.

[John]

No, I'm saying like anytime we tell a story.

[Alex]

You don't tell stories, John. You say sentences, I tell stories.

[John]

Okay. Okay.

[Alex]

Tell me a story right now. Wait, let me. I need to. I feel like I should actually think of a resolution. Maybe I'll. I'll talk about it on next week's episode because technically it's not New Year's yet. So in the new year I'll talk about what my resolution is for the year. But maybe we do a recap because this is the last episode of the year.

[John]

We could go that more work on me.

[Alex]

No. January found out we were pregnant with Lulu. Canoe. February. Well, you remember February, I think, is when I was like, man, I gotta do some intense therapy because I'm unwell. And then I think that's when I maybe started emdr or I started that in March. I don't know. Honestly, just looking through my camera, I was just, like, sad a lot.

[John]

All we did was work. We grinded, we got ready for the.

[Alex]

Baby, and we pretended like we weren't having a baby last.

[John]

The year before, we were crazy busy traveling, doing all that stuff. And this year was like a complete U turn. Pretty much following up from last week's episode. Yes, I was the one who wanted to buy mom Kenny G tickets.

[Alex]

John, I called your sister and she said that that was her memory.

[John]

She was gonna buy her different tickets. I was gonna get her Kenny G tickets.

[Alex]

But number one, this is the actual story. So I called Jen's. John's sister Jen, and I was like, did you buy your mom tickets? And then she said she didn't want them. And then your sister goes, yeah, because she wanted to go to Lady Gaga. She goes, yes. And I was like, john thought that was his memory. And I go, he said that he bought your mom Kenny G tickets. And he was. She was like, oh, well, maybe he did do that because I didn't buy Kenny G tickets, but I did buy my mom. It was to another, like, jazzy artist. And your mom said, no, I want to go to Lady Gaga. You never once bought your mom Kenny.

[John]

G. I was going to buy them.

[Alex]

You thought about this because it happened to Jen. Your mom never told you. I don't want to do that because I want to go see Lady Gaga. She said that to your sister.

[John]

So you're just like, someone's lying in this group and it's not me. It's not me things.

[Alex]

And so I'm supposed to just, like, believe that, like, your mom also said this. You guys both had the bright idea of buying your mom tickets to something, and your mom said to both of you on separate occasions, no, I want to go to Lady Gaga.

[John]

Maybe my memory. Jen's thinking it's her memory. You don't know. You don't know. So every week, Alex and I, we sit down and like, re watch the show before we upload it to you guys, just in case, you know, I do anything up. I had Lucy sitting on my lap Sunday morning. It's like 9am we're drinking coffee, and I just keep smelling something. Oh, I keep smelling something. Okay. The night before. Sorry, I had to go back the night Before I have Birkenstocks, by the way, the sandals. The smell that came off my feet from these Birkenstocks was. Was horrific. I. I thought somebody. And it was. So I got baking soda, I put on my sandals.

[Alex]

No, John, before that. You go, do my feet smell? You whip your feet over to my face, and I'm like, yes. Rancid. It's almost like, as if. Because you don't wear socks. Like, are your feet just as sweaty as your hands?

[John]

My. My feet do sweat.

[Alex]

Just wear socks.

[John]

No, no. But my feet don't smell normal. No, no, not normally. This was, like, horrific. I think it's the cork in the sand or whatever. I'm like, so are you supposed to wear socks with Birkenstocks? I don't know.

[Alex]

Wear socks with all my sandals.

[John]

That's weird. I'm like, why would I wear fudgeing sandals if. Maybe that's a hot topic. Why wear sandals if you're going to put socks on?

[Alex]

I don't to know. You can't wear shoes off.

[John]

Put on.

[Alex]

But sometimes it's just like, you want the ease of, like, wearing a slide. Like, you wear your slides and you just have socks on them because, like, your feet can stay warm. But it's like wearing a slipper, you know?

[John]

So sorry. This was Saturday night, and I'm like, oh, my God, my feet smell horrific. So now on Sunday, we're watching the podcast and I'm smelling something. I'm like, oh, my God, is that my feet? I keep getting whiffs, keep getting whiffs. I'm like, oh. And then I'm like, wait, I'm wet. And then I pick Lucy up and she all over me.

[Alex]

Queen. But, like, we're always just so happy that when she poops. So it's not even, like, you can't even get mad.

[John]

No.

[Alex]

I feel like she, like. Has she pooped on you before? I've been pooped on several times already.

[John]

Yeah. I'm just glad when she poops. I'm glad. I'm like, thank God. Because then she'll be less miserable going along with kid information. I do have a question. I see. Like, I don't know if you know this. There's, like, some woman expert I see on Instagram all the time talking about how kids don't need to be socialized before they're three years old.

[Alex]

I feel like that is a oxymoron in itself.

[John]

Don't use big words words with me.

[Alex]

Just something that is, like, a false statement, like, to, like, an Opposite.

[John]

Like a degree. Like a.

[Alex]

An expert on Instagram. I just feel like you can't actually know. Someone just puts a stethoscope around their neck and you're like, they're a doctor.

[John]

Because.

[Alex]

Why do you just believe?

[John]

I'm not saying I believe. I just. Because I don't think it was. No, it's a woman. I'm like, I don't know if this is true or not. Like, three years old. You're talking. You're communicating, right? I mean, your cousin's kids. Well, he's like a linebacker and he's like 2 years old. This guy's like 5ft tall.

[Alex]

So what are you saying? You don't want to hang out with people until Lucy's 4?

[John]

No, that's not what I'm talking about.

[Alex]

I get it, John. You're just looking up these videos to.

[John]

Make myself feel better. No, I'm like, do we need to get her involved in. Like, because they talk about parallel play or whatever with kids, but, like, they do more than that before three, right? They're talking and stuff. So I'm like, do you get them into. I don't know, what do you do? Do you start putting kids together? Do you bring enough classes? That's what. That's another thing I want to know which should we get her into? Stuff before three. Like, probably outdoor classes or like play DOH parties. I don't know. Like, what do you do?

[Alex]

You know what? Like a three year. Like, three year olds are pretty active.

[John]

Like, not based on what this woman saying.

[Alex]

Have you seen Luca? He's one. Like, he's already walking around. You're saying you just want to keep him home until.

[John]

Stop saying, I'm saying that's what I want. I'm saying that's what this woman is saying.

[Alex]

I'm like, why do you think that she. Why are you.

[John]

That's why I want to know. Because she goes, you don't want to have. You don't need your kids to be around any other kids until they're like three. Because it's parallel play. It's not. It's not like her thing.

[Alex]

Yeah, but even if it is parallel play, they can still hang out.

[John]

We're going to debunk this lady, right? Like, that's not right.

[Alex]

Well, how are you just going to go out and debunk everybody on the Internet? Like, why are you just so caught up with this lady? Are you just thinking because you saw this one thing and you're like, is this fact you're.

[John]

You're going to get it in the comments. I'm telling you, people are like, yeah, John's right. He's heard that. It's true. Like, this is what people say, that.

[Alex]

You don't have to socialize before three.

[John]

Yeah, I'm not agreeing with that. I want to know, is that like an accurate statement? Like, should we start getting whatever. That's. That's all. You know, I was just.

[Alex]

You're just. You're just presenting it to the people. I'm wondering.

[John]

I'm using this podcast as a platform to get my questions answered. You know what I mean? Because people answer my questions.

[Alex]

This is now called Give it to John Straight.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's you straight, but you could also give it to me straight.

[Alex]

Okay. Because that's where I'm confused. I'm just like, are we. Do we need to bring everything that is a question. Like, because to me, I would see that and just be like, oh, that's probably not right. And continue to scroll. Like, this is. This is.

[John]

I mean, I question it.

[Alex]

But like, I.

[John]

Unlike you, Alex, I look at all.

[Alex]

You're a thinker.

[John]

I look at all sides.

[Alex]

You're a thinker.

[John]

I'm like, I could see this. I could see this. Let's find the facts. Like Kenny G. Tickets. Okay, next.

[Alex]

I just feel like based off of. Even for this weekend, for example, is my niece's fifth birthday party. So she just turned five. She's a younger brother who's three, and then the youngest is one. They are all interacting with each other and you see how much the one year old follows the other kids around. He's walking, he's learning, he's like absorbing. So much so he. It. I feel like for children's developmental, you know, milestones, it is important for them.

[John]

To their frontal cortex.

[Alex]

Sure. I don't fucking know. To interact with other kids or at least like just learn from them.

[John]

Yeah, I know, right? I don't know why the lady's saying that.

[Alex]

That's so. Yeah. Like, why are.

[John]

Like, I'm confused. Are you arguing? Was it making a solid factual thing? I was wondering.

[Alex]

So I just. But there you go. Like, it is important.

[John]

Maybe you don't know.

[Alex]

Okay.

[John]

Do you have anything else to talk about?

[Alex]

I mean, I was gonna bring up my niece's birthday. How Just again, like, the kids are all playing together and the younger ones learn from the older ones and that's where I'm like, siblings.

[John]

What about siblings? I don't know.

[Alex]

Just loosening the sibling.

[John]

No, I'm Chopping my penis off. We're done.

[Alex]

Do it then. Do it.

[John]

Prove it. You won't.

[Alex]

You notice one had four months. Why haven't you done it?

[John]

Because I gotta wait for my yearly. No, I gotta wait for my yearly.

[Alex]

Visit because John wants another one.

[John]

I gotta wait for my yearly visit with our PCP because I don't want to pay out of pocket to see her for something outside of. Because I don't. You gotta pay for every time you see the doctor. So I'm gonna wait till my yearly visit. It takes two days for a deposit.

[Alex]

And I get it. John, your bank account's messed up.

[John]

So it's in April.

[Alex]

Okay?

[John]

That's my appointment.

[Alex]

April's a long time.

[John]

You get one appointment a year.

[Alex]

Lucy will basically be like a year almost.

[John]

I know one other thing, and then I am done with my updates. I noticed one thing once having a kid is your privacy is gone. Which is fine.

[Alex]

What do you mean?

[John]

You know, like how we have.

[Alex]

Oh, like how you have to poop with her and pee with her. Like that.

[John]

Oh, my God. No, I forgot all about that. I pooped with her on me in her thing. I'm like, this is so violating. I. I feel violated.

[Alex]

She wasn't awake.

[John]

I know, but, like, she's facing me in this, the thing, and I'm.

[Alex]

You know, it won't be forever because, like, eventually she'll be able to, like, walk off and be on her.

[John]

If you can't poop, strap a harness to your chest, put your baby in it and rock her. You'll have to shit by the end of that nap time. Yeah, for sure. No, not that. I was talking about. You know how we have your. Your mom watching her. My mom, like when we were on our work trip. It's just like your privacy is gone, right? Like they in and out.

[Alex]

There's always people around.

[John]

You know, you're feeding, they're in and out. I. I'm showering. Whatever it is. It's just funny how that. And I'm fine with it, but it really is turns into like a communal.

[Alex]

Thing, even like being at. In your own home. I just feel like, yeah, there's always. There's always just people. Well, because you need. You need the help. And maybe that's what it is. Like if you don't have help.

[John]

But it definitely makes me want to hang out with our parents more.

[Alex]

Oh, so that you do get the help.

[John]

I'm like, give me a. Just a little reprieve.

[Alex]

Set of hands.

[John]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

I just feel like I have constant knots in my back because I'm, like, either holding her or she's strapped to us.

[John]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

But again, I just keep thinking about there will be a time when we're not holding her anymore. And so I just love. Like, you were at the gym this morning, but she was napping on me, and I had her in the carrier and I had to pee, so I flushed the toilet, and that startled her awake. But then she, like, looked up at me, and then just. She looked up at me, smiled, and was like, oh, I'm safe. And, like, closed her eyes again, fell back asleep. And I was just like, I need to live in this for the rest of my life. Like, this moment. And then I think, too, I'm like, did our parents feel this way about us? But it's just. You just don't care, you know that? Like, that your parents loved you the way that you love your kids, and it just goes down.

[John]

Do you think that's a toxic thing to think about? Because we're always, like, thinking about, oh, my God, she's gonna grow out of this. We're gonna. She's gonna grow out of this. We're never gonna have this again.

[Alex]

It helps us stay a little present, you know? Like, I don't know that it's necessarily toxic. I don't think you should let it rob you of, like, the joy in the moment.

[John]

I'm a nostalgic person. I think that's gonna be a bad thing for me down the road. I'm gonna be like, I just remember.

[Alex]

I know.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So, like, her wedding.

[John]

Yeah. She's not getting married.

[Alex]

But then I think about that, too. Just, like, did my parents, the day that I got married, think of me?

[John]

They were so happy. They're like, God, thank God she married such an amazing man.

[Alex]

Yeah. And, like, your parents were like, who about me? Oh, John. Oh, right. Yeah, that one.

[John]

I forgot about him.

[Alex]

We're concerned about his sister Price child. Anyway, happy New Year, you guys. I'm excited to hear what everybody's New Year's plans are. Drop them in the comments. What are you doing? Or are you staying at home? Are you going to get lit? Like, remember when we used to go out for New Year's?

[John]

I know, I know, but I'm fine. Not actually. I feel like a lot of New Year's is house rentals. Like, we're renting a little house with some of our family and doing that, and I think I've been doing that. When was the last time you went to, like, a Gala or an event for New Year's.

[Alex]

New Year's. We've always, like, one time we did go to a party with our cousins. That was when we first moved to New York in like 2018, I think.

[John]

Went to a party.

[Alex]

It was like a bar. It was like a masquerade bar.

[John]

Oh, I was trashed. I don't remember. I don't remember.

[Alex]

Oh, you did, actually. That's the only time that I ever seen you blackout.

[John]

Yeah, that week was a blur.

[Alex]

But after that, we've done nothing.

[John]

No, not really. You've never been like, let's go. Because we're always like, oh, I know it's gonna be crazy if you go somewhere and trying to get home, but you can make that excuse for everything you.

[Alex]

That's. That's actually the plus of living on the west coast. Because I do remember being in LA and being like, we could watch the ball drop at 9 and then go to bed. Like, and even sporting events, like, shows that that's maybe a reason to move back to la.

[John]

Flip side to that, though, just for bed, you get a lot of your work done before they're even up.

[Alex]

That's true. So pros and cons, no matter what you do. Anyway, happy New Year. We'll talk to you guys next year. Let's jump into questions. So this week we're just going to do all the hot topics that we talked about this year. Like one from basically every category. Or maybe not. Maybe we missed a few, but these are the ones that we decided to pull or that Katherine decides they're new questions, though. Yeah, they're all new questions, but like, all the categories.

[John]

I thought you're putting a list together of all, like, the hot questions we've ever answered.

[Alex]

Well, the hot, like, categories of questions. Shall we dive in?

[John]

Let's go.

[Alex]

Thank you so much to Google Shopping for sponsoring this episode. Guys, holiday party season is upon us. I've always been a sucker for a good holiday party where I can dress to the nines. But finding an outfit that fits the vibe is no small feat. Online shopping can be overwhelming because you don't know what's going to look good in person. But also, who has the patience for in store shopping anymore? I don't.

[John]

I don't. You hate indoor.

[Alex]

Really exhausting. This year I have such a good hack for you guys. So listen up. Google's try on feature. I'm shocked at how easy and accurate it is. Instead of ordering a whole new wardrobe to my door with a million different shipping times, times and then finding out that most don't fit the vibe anyway. With this tool, I can actually virtually try on clothes before I buy them. I just pull up a festive outfit on Google shopping, tap the Try it on button, then I upload a full body picture of myself in fitted clothing. Boom. Within seconds, Google shows me what the outfit looks like on me. I can now try on multiple different fits without even getting up off the couch. No more tracking a million shipping links and no more returns. Which, let's be real, is the worst part. With Google's Try on feature in your pocket this holiday season, here's to looking fab with no added hassle. Check it out at G Co Shop Tryon.

[John]

This podcast is also sponsored by Rula. You know, there are a few moments in life where therapy would have really come in handy. I'm talking burnout, a tough season, stress, stacking on stress when you know you need to talk to someone, but then you try to find a therapist and suddenly it feels impossible. Hate that, because here's the thing. Find anyone who actually takes your insurance. That's where most platforms completely fall apart. I don't know about you, but if I'm using my insurance for my physical health, why shouldn't I be able to use it for my mental health too? That's why I love Rula. Rula works with over 100 insurance plans, which means the average copay is just $15 a session. That's actually pretty cheap and for some people it could even be $0. No expensive subscriptions, no paying everything out of pocket. Just a real therapy covered by insurance. And it's not just about affordability, it's about actually finding the right therapist. Or Rula doesn't just match you with whoever's available, they take into account your goals, preferences, background, all of it, and give you a curated list of licensed in network therapists who actually make sense for you. No wait list, no endless back and forth. Appointments can be available as soon as tomorrow. And Rula sticks with you, checking in, supporting your progress and helping make sure therapy's actually working for you. So if you've been putting this off or felt like care was out of reach, this is your sign. Go to rula.com straight to get started today. That's R U L A.com straight. And after you sign up, make sure to let them know you heard about them from here. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget.

[Alex]

This episode is also sponsored by Bobby. One thing no one prepares you for as a parent is how Many versions of care you need. There's at home care on the go care, and then there's grandparents watching your baby while you're traveling care, which is a whole different level of trust when Lucy is with her grandparents or when I'm traveling and not physically there. For every feed, I want to know exactly what's going into her bottle. And that's why we use Bobi. Bobby makes USDA organic, European inspired infant formula that was founded by moms who couldn't find what they wanted on the shelf, so they created it themselves. And the care they put into it honestly shows. Bobby goes through over 2000 safety and quality tests per batch plus third party testing before anything ever leaves their US manufacturing facility. They lose sleep over the details so that I don't have to. And we need those extra hours of sleep.

[John]

Yes.

[Alex]

Even when I'm not the one holding the bottle. Whether you're exclusively formula feeding, combo feeding, or like us, you just want a trusted option for when the grandparents are helping out and you need a backup can in the pantry, Bobbi has your back. Their formulas are modeled after breast milk and made with clean, high quality ingredients. You could feel confident about sharing with anyone who helps care for your baby. Bobi is founded by moms, trusted by parents and loved by over 3, 700,000 babies. And it's been recognized as Baby List 2025 Top Choice Organic formula and a top pick by Consumer Reports. It's built to support all feeding journeys without judgment, pressure or fear based messaging. At the end of the day, feeding your baby should feel supportive, not stressful. Even when you're not the one doing every feeding. If you want to feel good about your baby's bottle, head to hi bobby.com and get 10% off with code straight. That is H I B O B B I E.com promo code straight. Question number one. How do you know that you've completely moved on from an ex? I've been married since 2023 and have been with my current husband since 2021. But from time to time, I think about a specific ex with some nostalgia and warm feelings. I know it's not good to compare, but the passion in that relationship with my ex was so much more than my current relationship. I wouldn't say that I have any desire to be with him. Is this normal?

[John]

Go ahead, Alex, say what you're gonna say. Say what you're gonna say.

[Alex]

What?

[John]

No, go ahead.

[Alex]

What? Just say like you're nostalgic and you think about your ex girlfriend all the time.

[John]

No, I was Just waiting for that. But yeah, I knew you're gonna say that.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

Because I know that you, my mom.

[Alex]

You are in love with her.

[John]

Oh, my God. My mom brought me. What is my memory book. The only thing I have of my childhood.

[Alex]

The only, the only reason that John remembers things.

[John]

There's a ten page little.

[Alex]

For someone who's so nostalgic.

[John]

Here we go.

[Alex]

Continue.

[John]

Here we go. But physical, like evidence of my past. It's like a little 10 page booklet. And one is like, of my high school girlfriend, like on the beach or whatever. And Alex was like, who is this chick? And ever since then, it's been in her head that I'm waiting for her so we can get married again.

[Alex]

I didn't bring it up. You just said that. And so John, say.

[John]

Honestly, you were gonna bring it up.

[Alex]

I wasn't. I really wasn't.

[John]

You brought it up at least once a week since my parents were here.

[Alex]

Because, John, I see you, I see the wheels turning. I wasn't gonna bring it up here.

[John]

Yes, you were.

[Alex]

You brought it up here.

[John]

You are such a liar.

[Alex]

So she's on your mind, huh? She's on your mind. So, yeah. John, do you want to answer this? Is it normal? Is it normal?

[John]

So normal. Yeah. Yep. Honestly, you should probably get divorced, go seek out your high school hubby or boyfriend that you probably haven't Talked to in 25 years and try to rekindle that.

[Alex]

Next question. I can't speak for John, but, like, what I think is healthy. I don't think about my ex all the time and their giant rack.

[John]

That's what you say. You go, who's this chick with the big tits?

[Alex]

I was like, who is this? Let's actually answer this question, though. Like, John is in love with his ex still. And it's fine. Like, he hasn't moved on, but I have from all of my exes, for sure. Never think about them, ever. No, but truly, I think that when you're in a healthy relationship, how many years go by until, like, I think it's normal in the beginning, like after you've broken up with someone to compare. But once you're married and like, once you're in the place to be ready to be married, I can't say that I've brought the history or those, like, good feelings of my exes, there's a reason why they're your ex.

[John]

If you're a person. For example, like I am where you say, we went to a restaurant that we loved so, so much. Recreate, recreate. A memory. And you want to do something a. Like, you want to. You'll never have that same experience ever again. I think some people hold on to that, like, memory or nostalgic thing. Like, it will never be that again.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

You know, and I don't think people realize that. So some people are, like. Are holding on.

[Alex]

Or I do think, too, sometimes, like, when you think about moments of your past, you glorify it. Like, nostalgia is glamorized. Like, when people talk about the 90s, they're like, oh, my God, it was so great. Blah, blah, blah. I'm like, do you remember how long it took to rewind or fast forward those, you know, tapes before you delivered it at Blockbuster? It is so much easier now to just click on Netflix. Like, yes, there are things that are great about, you know, the past, but I think that a lot of it is, like, glamorized in our brain. Like, we always remember things better than what they were.

[John]

You could be like, I used to have bonfire parties all the time and drinking, like, Colt 45. Or, like, you know, like, Edward Forte Hands.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

To do that now, I'd be like, this is miserable.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Like, I don't want to. I wouldn't want to do that because.

[Alex]

Like, you're a different person or just, like, times have changed, but.

[John]

But you still think of the nostalgia time like you're with your friends.

[Alex]

It was great.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah. I think, though, that I would look at your current relationship and say, like, what is missing in your current relationship? And the grass is greener where you water it.

[John]

Do you think you're actually. Your argument is saying you think something is missing. That's why they're looking. I think people could just be nostalgic without things being missing.

[Alex]

Maybe. But she's saying, like, the passion in her relationship with her ex, you know, like, if you.

[John]

That's kind of strange. You're. You're just thinking about, like, the intimacy.

[Alex]

I'm just saying, instead of focusing on your past relationships, if you want to be committed to your husband, focus on nourishing that relationship.

[John]

That's what I say. No, I'm. I'm with you on that. Like, that's different. She's missing, like, the intimacy, passion part. That's different than being nostalgic of just thinking of, like, a fun time when you were younger.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Okay.

[Alex]

Like, with your ex on the beach with her, like, big titties. Next question. My boyfriend is a financial advisor and thinks life is about money. We recently got into an argument where I said that life Is about experiences and making memories to which he disagreed, saying you can't take memories with you and that spending money on travel is foolish because it a is form of instant gratification. I love that he's responsible with his savings, but I said that I feel like you can't take money with you and that life should be enjoyed with the people you love, even if it's at a low cost. He held firm that a financial legacy is what matters the most. Thoughts? I appreciate that I don't have to worry about him draining our savings, but also is this a red flag?

[John]

Is it bolter money or is it like he's. I just think it's ironic if it's coming from someone who's not making money, who's like, you should spend your money.

[Alex]

While they're just dating and these are conversations that you should have. I think you're learning a lot about each other and his values around money and it is important to have these conversations because it's a huge factor in a relationship that you can, you know, end up breaking up over or if you get married, get divorced over. So I think knowing how someone views their finances is important. And if you don't align, like I knew that we aligned on how we viewed money, but I didn't align with my exes on how I viewed money.

[John]

I don't think we really had a conversation about our finances.

[Alex]

We did, we got into business with each other.

[John]

I know, but we never like really talked like what type of spending habits do you have or what kind of person. I think we just got an idea of how we are with our spending, but we never actually had a combo about it. I think you in time just realize what kind of person they are.

[Alex]

Well, I think because you recognize like you view via context clues like how you do spend your money, like if.

[John]

You were buying lavish clothes, right?

[Alex]

Like you and I knew, like we always liked to reserve our funds for trips or things. Like we were never really big spenders or materialistic in certain things. But I think if you guys have different ways or different values of like how you do want to spend your money, like that is a huge conversation to have because when you think about kids, it's like if he wants to just save and you want to maybe do a family vacation and spend your money on a memory that might be a point of contention down the road. So I don't necessarily think it's a red flag, but I think it's something to consider.

[John]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Next question. Last year my brother in law got Married, they had a no kids, no exceptions rule which is fine. But at the time we had a one month old and we were told we couldn't bring her. They expected us to fly across the the country for a wedding and leave our 1 month old and 2 year old with someone. Or I could come and stay in the room during the wedding. I felt like I was uninvited because of this. Which is fine, it was their wedding. But they also had made zero effort to meet our kids. Now one in three, they just had a baby and my mother in law expects us to drop everything to go meet their baby. These people are strangers to my children and I have only met my sister in law once. I told my husband if we were going to spend thousands of dollars traveling, I would rather go on a vacation. He thinks I'm being petty. Am I completely out of line?

[John]

You're saying expecting a lot. I'm like are they actually. Are you just really making this about you?

[Alex]

I feel like this is being blown out of proportion. It's your mother in law.

[John]

I wish all they did was just invite you to the wedding. They're probably not.

[Alex]

And they were like no case.

[John]

Malicious, like oh she better be coming. Just say no. Yeah, I'm sure like we understand.

[Alex]

And I think too as new parents I recognize that having a kid does make things more expensive.

[John]

It's not about you.

[Alex]

I get invited to a wedding. That's destination. That is a no kids wedding. Great. Either we can choose to not go because we have a one month old or if we want to go, I have to now spend the extra money to bring someone else to sit in the hotel room. Bring a nanny, bring a babysitter, whatever. If we want to go to that wedding, I am not going to turn that around and say that means that they, they uninvited us because of that. Like that's a victim.

[John]

That's crazy.

[Alex]

And the fact too that you're saying your mother in law explains expects them to drop everything to go meet their baby. Did she say that or is that the story that you're telling yourself? And so also this has nothing to do with your in laws. You're just like creating villains out of thin air. So yeah, you're petty and you are completely out of line. Next question. I'm going to give a trigger warning for this. Next question. In case anyone wants to skip it. It is about suicide. When I was 20 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby this past fall, my mother in law took her own life. Unexpected, unexpectedly, the phone call. My husband received was horrible. We were devastated and shocked and we had to drive across the country to comfort his dad and be in town for the funeral services that weekend. My husband, his sister and his dad all grieved separately and so have I. But I can't help but feel annoyed and angry that my mother in law did this because it took so much joy and excitement away from our baby's upcoming arrival. Instead of celebrating freely, I had to watch my husband sink into grief and depression and our focus shifted to the loss instead of new life. I know suicide comes from a place of deep pain, but I can't help but feel robbed of those precious moments of happiness and anticipation. I'm angry because her choice left a wound in our family at a time that should have been full of hope. I tried to express this to his family and to him, but I fear it sounds selfish. Should I just process this quietly? Am I the asshole for saying anything?

[John]

Yeah, shut the fuck up and keep it to yourself. Do you think that person was like, you know what I want to do? I want to kill myself?

[Alex]

Because listen, I think in a situation like this, two things can be true at once because I, you know, thankfully.

[John]

No, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Alex]

I think I thankfully cannot relate. I don't know what it's like to lose someone through suicide, but I have had friends who have lost people and loved ones through suicide and people do. There is this feeling of grief and anger that comes with it because it's like, how could they do this to me? Like, you're. Your loved ones are left behind now to pick up the pieces. So I think it's a. Two things could be true at once. However, I do feel like you have to follow your husband's lead in this situation. It is his mom here. Like it's not. And you can feel some type of way. But to bring this up to him, like if he feels angry at his mom, like, maybe that's the time for a conversation. But I don't think it's the time for you to say that you're angry because it took away from your pregnancy. Like there's a lot of emotion here. I do think that this is something that you have to process quietly because yeah, this isn't about you. This is not about you.

[John]

You're doing really well. I don't have to go off because you're doing enough. I know there's like stages of grief and like anger and all that is part of it. I just can never process making it about me because that's what it seems like she's doing. Your husband lost his mother and you're making about you like, what the is that? And then also, you don't know what his mom has gone through. Like, it's not like suicide is. I don't know. But someone's doing it. Something's affecting them that much where they don't want to live anymore. So it's like, put yourself in that person's shoes. The pain, the grief, the torture, the mental load on them with that. They've been dealing with this for as long as they have. Like, I don't know, think about somebody else besides yourself.

[Alex]

Next question. Am I the asshole for offering to watch my niece? My sister and I have had an estranged relationship due to family drama for the past ten years or so. And I thought it was time we reconnected. I invited my mom, brother, sister, and her husband and daughter over for lunch. It was going relatively well, all things considered. We all got our anger and frustration out and everything we wanted to. To say off of our chest. And after, it seemed almost like a normal family time. I was so happy to have things be normal again. At one point, my sister brought up how expensive daycare is for her daughter. My niece, I'm 30 and currently not working, so I offered to stay with her for a couple of days a week so she wouldn't have to pay quite as much. I knew my sister would say no, considering she hasn't really seen me for 10 years and this was only the second time I've ever met my niece. But it seems pretty innocent to offer. That is not how my sister took it. She got furious and said something along the lines of, you can't leave our lives for 10 years and then just want to be an aunt to my daughter. This broke my heart because our falling out was just as much her fault as it was mine. And I was one who called her and asked to reconnect. Do you think I'm the.

[John]

Oh, so your sister's crazy. Got it.

[Alex]

Okay, I don't think you're the. But I think you have no self awareness. I don't think that you.

[John]

What do you mean? What are you talking about? She extended an oliver and she's like, I will help you, but I think you're talking about it. Her sister goes, how dare you? I'm like, how dare you? I was trying to do something nice for you so you don't have to pay that much.

[Alex]

That is like. Like not. I think it's too soon.

[John]

Like, I think your sister and they.

[Alex]

Haven'T spoken for two. It's your family.

[John]

It doesn't matter. It's not like a random friend. It's your sister and you're trying to do something nice. What?

[Alex]

I don't think your sister needed to go off on you, but if I was your sister, I too would be like, like, maybe let's pump the brakes. Like, we can take a minute to reconnect. Thank you.

[John]

What happened? What happened initially, does she say?

[Alex]

She doesn't say. It's just like, there's been drama over the past 10 years and she's not working, so she offered to watch her niece. I just think I would.

[John]

I am shocked by your response.

[Alex]

Protective. Now, being a mom, I would also feel protective and just be like, no, you don't. Like, I haven't spoken to you in the last 10 years. I'm with the sister here. I don't think she needed to go off on you, but I would just be like, thank you, but it's. It's been a minute. Like, we don't need to. I don't need you coming into my life and just like acting like you're a trustworthy person to watch my daughter.

[John]

A lot of, lot of jibber jabber for no reason. All you could have said was, so, basically, thank you so much. Like, we'll just, we'll think about it. I don't know.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

And why. Why give the. Why say all that other. I still can't believe, like, I. If I was her, the one who extended the olive.

[Alex]

But why would you even. That's not an olive branch to extend.

[John]

No, no.

[Alex]

That's too aggressive to start is what I'm saying.

[John]

Do you think she's doing. You think she's doing because she wants money? I think she's doing it just to know.

[Alex]

She said to help her sister save money.

[John]

What are you talking about?

[Alex]

I'm just saying it's a. It's when you're watching someone's child that is a huge, A huge, like, trust, a relationship of trust that you have to have in this person. Sounds like you guys just got together and just made amends. And in this, you're saying, like, now do the one. I'm going to offer you the one thing that is like the most precious thing of your life. I'm going to watch, like, you haven't seen her in 10 years.

[John]

She's offering the one thing she may be able to offer to her. She doesn't have any money. She's not working. I think you're looking at it like, she's trying to, like, get involved with this family. Yeah, no, she's doing. Are you fucking with me? Are you fucking with me right now?

[Alex]

You're fucking with it. Like, I think that her sister overreacted, but I think it's weird that this listener asked like or offered like. I think it's context clues. It's like, I imagine.

[John]

Yeah. I'd be like, that's nice of you. That's wild. That's out of left field. Your response? Because I think she's. She is the one who extends the olive branch for them to hang out. Then she's hearing about her sister's problem. She's like, how can I help my sister? This is the only thing I could do to help my sister. She just threw it out there. Like, hey, if you ever need me to watch your kid, I'm available. She's not. Like, you need to. You need to hire me.

[Alex]

Would you offer someone who you haven't spoken to in 10 years?

[John]

You need to think of something else. I never want to watch anyone else's kids. You got to think of something else.

[Alex]

Okay. And I don't know what the falling out was. I'm going to give an example here, and I'm going to say a name, and Sean's going to have to bleep it out. If she goes to you or to me, and she goes, well, I can come and I can watch your kid, what is your response going to be? You might be nice and say thank you.

[John]

You got it all wrong. Because you think that I would accept the olive branch from her.

[Alex]

That's my point.

[John]

No, no. For the initial hangout, we wouldn't even get that far. First off. No, that was. That was a dumb example. I'm like, this. This. This chick.

[Alex]

But let's just say that you did, and you had to sit down and you're like, okay, like, we're gonna, like, now move forward in our relationship. And then you're just talking about how expensive daycare is. And she goes, I'll do it. I'll watch your kid. What is your response going to be?

[John]

Oh, I just, like, we're okay. Thank you.

[Alex]

Right. But do you think that it would be weird, like, if. If that person who I just mentioned offered it? I'd be like, that's kind of out of left field. Like, we just. We're just, you know, getting to know each other again. We're just getting back into each other's lives. I don't think that you need to extend such a generous Offer?

[John]

No, no. Because the person you're talking to in our family, like, I know she has nothing. She has no money. She has nothing. She has nothing to offer. Yeah. So I'm like, okay, I could see why she would offer that, because that's what she can offer. Wow, you're cold.

[Alex]

I'm not saying her reaction was justified, but I'm saying it's a weird thing to offer.

[John]

Okay, so we agree that her response was wrong.

[Alex]

I don't think it's weird. I think it's too quick. Like, read the room. You're just getting together for the first time in ten years. You're just. That is the olive branch. Like, that's the first hangout. And now you're saying.

[John]

I think the disconnect here is. The disconnect here is you're offended by her.

[Alex]

Offended?

[John]

No. Like, you're.

[Alex]

No, I'm not offended.

[John]

You're with her about being. The response is wrong, sure. But internally it seems like you're offended by her offering. That's the weird thing here. Because I want to be offended. Because I'm like, I get it. I'm looking at her like, makes sense. She has nothing else to offer. Like, you, extended olive branch. You're trying to build this relationship.

[Alex]

Okay? And maybe. And maybe that's what it is.

[John]

Like, now I'm breaking her down. I'm breaking it down.

[Alex]

I. I just think. But, like, again, I'm. I'm not offended. I just think it's an out of pocket thing to say. Like, I just think it's too soon. You can't not be in someone's life for 10 years and then give this offer and expect them to be, like, warm and welcoming when it's literally about the most, like, prized possession of their life. Like, the most important thing of their life that requires the most amount of trust.

[John]

What would be a better thing for her to offer?

[Alex]

Nothing. Like, you're just reconnecting. Like, you don't need to do anything. And again, I don't think. I just think it's weird to offer something like that and expect a. I don't even know, like, not a warm response, but expect your sister to accept that.

[John]

Like, oh, I guess in this question now I'm thinking about me. Like, I wouldn't expect her to accept it, but just be like, oh, thank you for the offer.

[Alex]

Why even ask that? Why even offer? Like, I think it's weird to offer.

[John]

We're just gonna circle around.

[Alex]

Because I think, honestly, if we performative, I think it's performative like, and I'm not saying that you don't want to actually help your sister and her and your niece, but I think it's like, oh, my God, we're Kumbaya. Everything's fixed right now. Let me. I'll. I'll watch you. I just think I'd be like, that's.

[John]

So funny because how I think she said it. And she was probably like, hey, Mary. Sitting at the table. She's got done eating your snacks, whatever. You're just like, hey, Mary, by the way, I'm not working right now. If you ever need me to help, I'm free with babysitting.

[Alex]

Yeah. And her should have been like, no pressure. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Well, we'll think about it. Thank you. It could have been as easy as that.

[John]

Yeah, you're over here. She's like, oh, I feel so. You know what? Hire me. Let me watch. But.

[Alex]

Because if I was the sister who got asked by the other sister, I would go home and talk to my husband. Be like, that's fucking weird. I would be like, she doesn't. Like, we don't know her.

[John]

She's in. All I know is if every question is going to have this debate, we have. No, we're not going to have time for any more questions.

[Alex]

Next question. You're not the asshole. You're weird. Next question. My best friend and I have known each other for almost 20 years. We met the first day of college. We've gone through every phase of our adult lives together and have even lived together, and we have never had an issue. On paper, we are wildly different. I'm a perpetually single gay guy who has never had the desire to have children. And she is a married woman who is unsure about kids, but ultimately had her one and only child two years ago. I love my best friend, but I have found that ever since she had a child, it has become her entire personality. I feel like our friendship used to have so much more depth, but now our conversations are constantly focused on her daughter's favorite toys or her daughter's poop cycle. Doesn't make me a bad friend that I simply do not care about that stuff. Our relationship has become strained since the birth of her daughter, and I feel like we have nothing in common anymore. But I also feel selfish for feeling that way because I want to be there to celebrate her ups and downs, but they all revolve around her child. I don't want to say anything for fear of hurting her, but I miss my friend and desperately want some semblance of our relationship back. Not sure if I just suck it up and deal or have an open conversation. And if so, what do I say?

[John]

No, I get it. Your feelings are justified. I. I'm always so scared that we're going to end up doing that. Like, I don't want to. I don't want to be that person. Just talks about their kid all the time.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Again, we're in a stage of life where we're in the trenches, where that's all we're doing constantly. And that's, that's what you end up doing. You talk about your life in the current state that you're in. I think maybe if you have that good of a relationship with her, maybe talk to her about it. I get once in a while, sure. But you can't make your whole relationship about that because you met her in a time in life where you guys were similar and people grow and change and that's okay and. But you shouldn't feel guilty, right?

[Alex]

I don't. Yeah. I think I also had that fear when we had Lucy. And it's funny because it depends on the group of friends who I'm talking to. Like, to other parents, I talk about Lucy, but to my friends who don't have kids, I bring her up if they ask. But like, I, I intentionally am not always bringing her up because we do have so much other shit to talk about.

[John]

That's a self awareness thing, though. A lot of people don't have that. Like, read the room. Like, your friend should read that room. You, you don't understand that world at all.

[Alex]

What are you, like, also bringing to the conversation to talk about? You know, like, are you bringing up topics? And she's somehow segueing things, like, back to her daughter. Like, what other things? There has to be other things that like, you guys have in common to talk about. But speaking of this, like, it is when you are a parent, like, you know the majority of things that are on your mind. Because I thought when we were gonna do content, I was like, oh, we're still gonna do content about so many other things. But I'm like, I can only think of things that are funny to do with Lucy because I just think about her all day long. But at the same time, again, like, with my friends who don't have kids, we have so many other things to talk about.

[John]

So I'm trying to think, like, most of my friends are in the same stage as me. We don't really talk about it that much. We actually try to talk about anything Else.

[Alex]

Anything else? Yeah, I think, because it's kind of.

[John]

Like, for me, I'll ask if I have a question, because I'm like, is this normal? Or whatever.

[Alex]

Right?

[John]

But, like, I'm just not. But I'm not like, you know what Lucy did today? Like, I know.

[Alex]

I feel like I really don't talk about. If anything, my friends are like, what's Lucy doing? I'm like, oh, yeah, here she is, looking cute.

[John]

But I guess that's hard. If that's like your whole again, your whole personality, that's like, what's going on, that's exciting in your life. You want to talk about it?

[Alex]

Trying to think of, like, actual advice.

[John]

Well, we did. No, just. You could have a conversation with her. Bring it up lightly. Like, look, I know this. This is the stage of life that you're in, but I can't relate to that. And I don't want to be rude, but, like, we should try to, like, because she. You should be her outlet, you know, maybe go down that route with her talk to be like, this is your time to be away from your kid. Let's maybe, like, do stuff that we used to enjoy. If you still enjoy it.

[Alex]

Right? Yeah. Because if, like, you're just catching up on the phone, it's hard to create new memories. And she's might just be catching you up in her life, but maybe, like, plan a trip together or something if you're close.

[John]

Go to coffee, get something, do something. Phone's tough.

[Alex]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But I think, again, if it's your friend, you can. You should be open and honest. Next question. My husband and I have been married for three years in our early 30s, and are in the process of deciding if we are ready to have kids. There's one part of this that I haven't heard a lot of people talk about. Honestly, I'm scared of what pregnancy and motherhood will do to my body. I know the narrative is supposed to be that women's bodies are amazing and that this is all a part of the journey, but I've spent my entire adult life working hard to look and feel a certain way. It's been a huge part of my identity, and the idea of watching that change, maybe permanently, is something I'm struggling to come to terms with. My husband is supportive, but he's really the one driving the kid conversation. Before our relationship, I wasn't sure if this was something I even wanted. I'm on board now, but there's no real way for him to understand the physical sacrifice involved or what it's like to give up the version of yourself you've spent decades building. From what I see of your life, it looks like fitness, health and appearance are things you both take seriously. So I figured you might have some thoughts on this. How do you mentally handle the body changes? Do you just accept it? Do you fight for what you could keep? Or how do you balance the two?

[John]

I'll let you answer this question, but the one part I will take from this, which, like, people don't talk about a lot. There's a shit ton of information out there. Plenty of people are talking about it.

[Alex]

Right.

[John]

Women are talking about their bodies all the time. Talking about postpartum, talking about, like, I feel like my algorithm is riddled with that. Like, if you need information, there's actual information out there.

[Alex]

Yes. But I don't think that there's necessarily the conversation of, like, feeling like I. I think there's more discourse about accepting your body after because, like, women's bodies are amazing. And there's less conversation around, like, feeling like you're not sure if you actually want to, like, do.

[John]

Oh, you're thinking it's just like, the good stuff. People are talking about, like, how you.

[Alex]

Should accept your new body because it brought life into this world and not necessarily talking about, like, how it really kind of sucks. Like, you've spent a lot of. A lot of hard work working towards. You don't see anything like that, because I haven't.

[John]

I think what I like about our generation and the generation below us, it. It's not so curated anymore. It's people are raw and being real on social media and telling true stories. I mean, I guess that's not really the question, but I just want to bring that up. I think it's more so now than ever before.

[Alex]

May. I don't know, but maybe because you're a dude, like, you don't see it from the female perspective.

[John]

Women.

[Alex]

But, like, talk about how, like, they don't. Yes.

[John]

Postpartum talk about their bodies.

[Alex]

Like, but that's my point is like, they talk about accepting their bodies the way that it is. When have you ever seen someone talk about.

[John]

You might be right. You might be right? I guess more so. What I was seeing on there was people, women being open about postpartum depression. But you're right, maybe not so much body, like, talking about their body in a negative way.

[Alex]

I think that there's a lot of conversations. People are way more vulnerable and open about, like, the struggles that you deal with pre post pregnancy, during pregnancy, all of it. But I do think that there is not as much conversation about the feelings of resentment necessarily. Like, after you've worked so hard to like, have your dream body, like, get it to a place that you want to and then like, not necessarily be excited to have a kid because you don't know what it's going to do to your body. Because, I mean, I was there before getting pregnant with Leo. I was truly like, I can't believe I'm gonna have stretch marks. I can't believe this is going to ruin my body, you know. And then that pregnancy was also high risk. And then I could, couldn't work out. And as soon as, like, that was taken from me, like, that really impacted my mental health. But then once I realized, like, once my pregnancy was high risk in general, all that I was thinking of was doing what I could to make sure that he was okay. And it is just, I hate to say it, like, it truly is just like a mind shift that when you are pregnant you don't actually. And maybe this was just me because I went to through a high risk pregnancy and then loss. I would have gone and lost my leg. I would have destroyed my body 10 times over if it meant that I could have him here. And again, like, while I'm so grateful to now have Lucy here, my mentality around that pregnancy was still so different. I Fitness has always been a part of our daily routine. Both of us, like, I think it just was a val, like kind of like brushing your teeth. We were like, we are going to work out, we are going to eat healthy. Not necessarily for the vanity part of it, which, like, I do love looking good and feeling good in what I'm wearing, but it was more mental. And that's how I looked at like my pregnancy as well. So everybody's different.

[John]

If you're health conscious before you're working out before all that, you're going to be better off than a lot of.

[Alex]

People if you don't have a high risk pregnancy. Yes. Like, if you can continue your fitness regimen, it doesn't just mean that like your body is going to be destroyed. Like your bodies are actually built to have babies.

[John]

And high risk or not, I'm saying, like after the pregnancy or whatever happens.

[Alex]

Like, I'm just saying, because if you're.

[John]

Like, her body's not going to come will be the same, like, I'm sure she's going to be way better.

[Alex]

Oh no. But what I'm saying is when you're high risk, if, like you are a high Risk pregnancy and you can't work out. That does impact. Yeah. Like I gained way more weight when I was pregnant with Leo than when I was with Lucy because I was still able to like stay physically active. But I think if it's important to you, you're going to continue to work out, you're going to continue to eat right, do what, what makes you feel good. But I'm, I'm gonna be completely honest. Like, and this is just my take. Other people will have other experiences because nobody's experiences are like, I did not care, like once I had her here, I was like, whatever. Like I, I have, like, I'm just happy that she's here. I truly didn't care about getting, bouncing back or getting your whole life ahead.

[John]

Of you to get back into shape.

[Alex]

And that's kind of like where we're at now. Like I don't have as much time to lift and work out and so when I get to it, I get to it. Like I'll, I'll get into a routine sometime down the road. But I think having a fitness routine prior did help me, quote unquote, like bounce back quicker because I had a lot of muscle mass. But your feelings are valid no matter what, no matter what your experience is, like, no matter what your feelings are going to be valid. I just think that personally your brain does change around like what you're expectations are around your body and what you really do care about because like when you do have a healthy baby, like that's the most important thing. Again, your feelings are valid if you're going to be upset about your body changing because it is a huge change. Next question. What are your thoughts on age gap relationships? I'm a 26 year old woman and I'm currently dating a 46 year old man. We met at work. He started out as my work dad, but over time we became really close friends in the office and that slowly turned into something more outside of it. He has two kids and a bit of a dating history, two baby mamas. So naturally I expected someone who might be a little set in his ways. But honestly, I've seen so much growth and change in him over the time that we've been together. And it surprised me in the best way. We've grown a lot as a couple too. No one at the office knows except for a few of our close friends. So it's a bit of a secret and it's going really well. Between both of our crazy schedules and him having kids, it could be a lot to juggle but it also makes us value the time that we do have together so much more. More. Not really asking for advice here. I'd just love to know your thoughts. Is this kind of wild and is it workable? Is it giving? Midlife crisis or unexpected connection?

[John]

I'm not going to pretend like I know this guy's intentions. I will say kind of seems like an uphill battle. Two baby mamas, two kids, lot of experience on you, Versu. Who? Who knows? I mean, who am I to say where you can find love as long as it's legal.

[Alex]

And we'll leave it at that. Should I give thoughts?

[John]

No.

[Alex]

Do you want my thoughts? No. Should I? Should we really just leave it at that?

[John]

Yeah, I think it's.

[Alex]

Sure. Next question. My husband and I have been married a little over a year and we just had a baby in March. Recently, his ex wife sent him an email. She said that she's been in therapy, working through trust issues and wanted to ask if he would be willing to talk to her, to her about what it was like to be her partner in the past. She said she wanted his perspective so she could be better and understand the things she did or said that were difficult in terms of trust and use that information to work on herself in therapy. She went out of her way to say she didn't want to reminisce, overstep or hurt me in any way, and that she'd even be fine if I joined the conversation to make it more comfortable. She also wished us well and said she was proud of the life that we've built. My husband immediately forwarded me the email to be transparent, which I appreciated. After we discussed it, we decided not to respond beyond acknowledging it. I didn't feel comfortable with him rehashing their past relationship for her therapy. And honestly, I just don't want to invite that kind of emotional connection back into his life. Our mutual response to her was out of respect for my marriage. I don't feel it's appropriate for me to respond, but I really wish you the best moving forward. And we left it at that. So here's my question. Am I the asshole for not wanting him to entertain this conversation, even though her request seemed genuine and was framed around her? Her personal growth in therapy. That is not your job.

[John]

We break up, you're dead to me. We're never talking again. You didn't have to respond. Why even respond?

[Alex]

Who the is our therapist. I feel like therapy is. Is about dealing with your tr, your troubles and your traumas.

[John]

Don't Add in someone else and then give them trauma and be like, now.

[Alex]

I need you to. I need you to work with me to help me heal. No, it is about, like, other people live their lives the way that you and you have.

[John]

Before we jump the gun on a therapist, do you think the therapist actually asked her to do that?

[Alex]

Good question. And that's my point.

[John]

It's like, therapist 101 is probably not, like, let's involve other people into 100.

[Alex]

That's my point. Unless, like, you're in AA. This is an. Eventually go around and make apologies to people. But, like, you still, even after, like, your ex is married in a new relationship with a baby.

[John]

Let me reopen this.

[Alex]

Fuck. No, I can't. I'm surprised you guys even wrote an email back. I mean, that. That's nicer than I would have been.

[John]

Relationships are. No, I want to say difficult, but, like, they're a tightrope, you know, like, why. Why add something in, you know, that they could just risk drama and, like, fight. I'm glad you're seeing it coming. You know, it's like, do you really want to open that up?

[Alex]

Right. But I'm glad that your husband was on the same page, too. He, like, forwarded you the email, but.

[John]

I wonder if the husband. If I was the husband. Well, just to cover my ass, because I. I wouldn't. I would hate for you to open up my email and see it. I would show you, but my. My response, I wouldn't leave it to you. It almost sounds like the husband sent you.

[Alex]

It was like, what should we do?

[John]

What should we do? Like, you got to take the lead, dog.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[John]

You gotta be like, here's this email from my crazy ex. I'm not responding, just so you know, but I want you to see what she sent me.

[Alex]

Just so you know.

[John]

It needs to be full transparency laid out. But, yeah, bro, take the lead on that.

[Alex]

And the fact that you even have to question if you're the asshole for not wanting him to entertain this conversation. Like, it should have just been a hard no from the stock from the show solidified.

[John]

Be like, yeah, this ain't happening.

[Alex]

Yeah. Just so you know, like, the. The fact that you even feel like you have to write in and what's.

[John]

A little annoyed with the husband.

[Alex]

Yeah. You know what? At first I was like, huh? I'm glad he said it. But now I'm like, no.

[John]

What's your thoughts on this, Beth?

[Alex]

Next question.

[John]

I have a question. Maybe by New Year's, how many relationships have we saved and how many relationships have we ruined with. With doing this podcast for four years?

[Alex]

You know what? And what's funny is like, I'm like, john's a scrooge. Blah, blah, blah. I feel like I'm the one who's always like, just break up, get divorced.

[John]

And I've been trying to not say that as much.

[Alex]

I am. Oh yeah, cuffing season. It. Break up.

[John]

That's when you're. You get together. Yeah.

[Alex]

Coughing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Opposite. Don't cough. Uncuff, uncuff. Next question. My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for almost seven. Back when we were in our early 20s, he was very into fitness and maintaining his physical appearance and he would often post shirtless selfies to prove it. I always expressed to him that it made me uncomfortable for him to post these photos while we were in a relationship as I felt it came off thirsty and made me wonder who he was trying to attract. He would tell me that he posts them because he feels proud of the body he worked out for and wants to show it off and that it's not to attract other women. He would continue to post them anyway and we would continue to argue over it. Over the years, as we've gotten older, he went through a period where he stopped working out and put on more of a dad bod. I always thought he looked great no matter what, but he has felt insecure and he's recently started working out again. This means he's back to posting shirtless selfies and ab shots captioned with cheesy motivational quotes about hard work. I've once again expressed that I don't feel comfortable with him posting these types of photos. It all comes off as is cringy and thirsty to me. And honestly too attention seeking for a married man in his late 30s to be posting photos of just his abs on social media. He brushes it off as an insecurity of mine and says he feels proud to post these photos. Am I the asshole for not wanting him to post these types of photos or should he be respectful of my feelings as his wife?

[John]

I feel like I've posted.

[Alex]

I know that's why it's tough for me to say because same it's like when you do work hard, you are like fudge. I want, I want. I am proud.

[John]

Contents, content. You know, I mean, I mean that's our job though, to not showing off our bodies. But like, like if I'm proud of something.

[Alex]

But there is a little bit of a Double edged sword here that I do feel like when I see a girl posting her bod, I'm just like, hell yeah. But if I see a dude posting his abs with like cringy, like, you know, quotes, I'm like, get over.

[John]

It's a guy posing, doing the same exact thing as a woman.

[Alex]

So I'm saying it's, I'm a hypocrite.

[John]

No, no, no motivational, nothing. Just whatever the woman does, the guy's doing the same exact, exact pose, exact thing, no cheesy lines, nothing.

[Alex]

Okay.

[John]

You're still like, yeah, maybe it's like.

[Alex]

The cheesy motivational quotes where I'm just like, shut up. But yeah, so no, that's fine because again, if you post it, I'm like, that's so hypocritical.

[John]

I can't, I can't like judge a dude for doing the same thing a girl's doing.

[Alex]

Right? And that's what I'm saying. Like if I post a selfie after a workout showing off my legs.

[John]

Depends on who you are.

[Alex]

Do it.

[John]

I'm like, not showing my legs.

[Alex]

Well, your abs, your muscles, I guess.

[John]

How do you feel when I have done it a handful of times throughout the eight years. But like, when you do it, I'm like, hell yeah.

[Alex]

That's what I think. Because I'm just like, that's my husband.

[John]

Oh, so you are okay when I do.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah. But it also depends on like the type of pose. Like, are you posing like a loser? Or like, are you posing hot? It also could just depend on like lighting, you know, how, like, I guess you know your partner so well that you can tell when like they're trying too hard. And so that feels a little bit cringe. Like if it's like trying too hard, but if it feels like, you know, a little bit more natural. But that's just. Again, we're content creators.

[John]

It's kind of different for us.

[Alex]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't mind.

[John]

We get a pass.

[Alex]

We're like, yeah, we get a pass to post cringy content. We just also don't care what people think. So.

[John]

But we don't. Because why are we posting it then?

[Alex]

For ourselves. Like, I, when I'm posting, I'm posting because, like, I'm like, even when it comes to content, it's because I think something is funny and I want other people to see it. If I'm doing it, it's because I'm proud. And then, yeah, you want other people to, to see it.

[John]

I'm doing it hoping some fudgeing fashion brand sees it and will hire me.

[Alex]

I don't know.

[John]

I feel like I can't respond to this. I don't think I can because it's so hypocritical of me is.

[Alex]

I don't think we're the right people to speak on this because we are.

[John]

Like, I guess it's kind of just your values on. I. I'm. I'm sorry that your husband is brushing off your feelings. Now, you can talk about that where there needs to be a conversation, because that's kind of.

[Alex]

I've heard this conversation happen in the past where guys are like, I don't want my girl posting hot thotty pictures.

[John]

Okay, what was his thought? What would his thoughts be if you posted? You know, would he be okay with that?

[Alex]

I don't know. I just. Like, for me, I'm like, if you're working hard, if you, like, are looking good, like, good. It makes you look good because you're like, damn, look at my husband. That's just my mentality around it. And like, again, if he says that he's not out here, like, posting for other women, trust him until he shows you otherwise.

[John]

Yeah, yeah, but he should be. He should be okay if you're gonna. If you did the same thing, I at least ask him that because that would show, like, where he stands. Like, would you be okay if I did bikini pose? And if he's like, no, then I'd be like, well, now we have a problem.

[Alex]

Exactly.

[John]

Okay, that's it, Rex.

[Alex]

Well, wait. I have a secret. I've secretly thought about getting my tubes tied and lying to my husband about being infertile. Can you just get that? Isn't that kind of, like, major surgery? Like, wouldn't he know at some point? Or are you just going to, like, I don't know.

[John]

I'm not a doctor.

[Alex]

You are a love dog. I love. You are your loved one.

[John]

I'm not giving it. It's. It's a secret, so I'm not saying.

[Alex]

No advice for you. All right? Do you have a wreck?

[John]

You know what the wreck was gonna be was a humidifier for our room. But this humidifier is really pissing me off. Why I shouldn't have to fill it every night. And I think I. When I was rocking her to sleep, I heard it was empty. I was like, I just feel it.

[Alex]

Yeah, I heard that in the middle of the night, and I thought. I was like, like, what is that? I thought it was, like, the camera. I had no idea.

[John]

So a humidifier would be my wrecks. If we find like a one that doesn't burn through the water so quick. We also have a room air cleaner.

[Alex]

Like an air purifier.

[John]

We're trying to do all the things because this poor girl's got bloody boogers.

[Alex]

Leave our boogers alone.

[John]

What's your rack?

[Alex]

My wreck is.

[John]

You gonna say something stupid?

[Alex]

I have a really great wreck. I definitely thought of one before this episode. I'm just. I'm unprepared. I lied, John. I didn't come unprepared.

[John]

Alex. No wreck.

[Alex]

Oh, I'm sorry. That, like I'm editing these questions and these ads.

[John]

Well, you work so hard, guys. Like subscribe, email comment. Do all the things. You guys have a fantastic new year. Oh, and holidays. New year, holidays, Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever the you guys believe in.

[Alex]

If you want to ask an anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or on our website. You can send us an email at hello to give it tome straight podcast.com and you can follow us everywhere at give it to me straight podcast on the socials. I think that's it.

[John]

We'll see you next week.

[Alex]

Next week?

[John]

Are you supposed to say it?

[Alex]

We'll see you guys in the new year.

[John]

Ciao.

[Alex]

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