87. Giving you drunk texts, sibling fights, and sharing locations

Summary

Podcast Summary: Give It To Me Straight

Episode 87: Giving You Drunk Texts, Sibling Fights, and Sharing Locations
Release Date: January 20, 2026
Hosts: Alex and John (Dear Media)

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode, Alex and John let listeners in on their unfiltered, often hilarious discussions about the realities (and absurdities) of modern adulthood, relationships, and parenting. The duo shares witty commentary from their own marriage, openly answers listener questions about family drama, boundaries, and etiquette, and weighs in with “give it to you straight” advice—no sugarcoating.

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Episode Breakdown

1. Life Updates & New Parenting Adventures

(00:23–09:25)

• Parenting a Baby: Alex and John recount recent milestones with their baby, Lucy, including her first time rolling over (which happened at Alex’s mom’s house, much to her chagrin).
  • “If Lucy has any firsts, I don’t want to know about it. Don’t tell me...just pretend her first everything is with us.” – Alex (02:43)
• Introducing Solids: They debate if a mashed banana qualifies as a “solid” and talk about early feeding practices.
• Adapting to New Schedules: Lack of routine, feeling exhausted, and adjusting to parenthood figure heavily.
• Golden Globes & Personal Milestones: Watching the Golden Globes is tied to memory of Alex’s positive pregnancy test.
  • “I’ll always think of the Golden Globes of when I found out I was pregnant with Lulu Canoe…” – Alex (09:16)

2. Relationship Banter & Household Hilarity

(09:25–15:01; 24:04–32:58)

• Household Debates: Socks on hardwood, who loses the keys more, and John’s tripping in Crocs.
• Guest Rooms & Murphy Beds: Alex’s brother installed a Murphy bed, sparking discussion on wasted guest room space and toddler-proofing.
  • “A guest room is just a waste of a space that you use…I would have made that room a gym.” – Alex (30:15)
• Screen Time Parenting Rules: Debating when (and if) to allow their baby, Lucy, access to screens, and if watching their own podcast “counts.”
• Couple Sleep Habits: Bedding styles, sleep positions, and why cuddling isn’t glamorous. They riff on European/Nordic sleep cultures—separate blankets, sometimes even pushed-together twins.
  • “I’d be little spoon. Be great, you know, and I think that you do like being little spoon.” – Alex (31:54)

3. Family, Fights, and Boundaries

(15:08–24:04; 35:18–47:06)

• Physical Altercations & Defending Family: The duo explores “fight or flight” scenarios, personal histories with altercations, and how far they’d go to protect each other and Lucy.
  • “I think everyone needs to get their ass beat at one point in their life. Checks you a little.” – John (16:58)
• Sibling & In-Law Tensions: Referencing listener emails, issues like narcissistic siblings’ partners, family lawsuits, and calls for estrangement are discussed with blunt honesty.
• Letting Relationships Go: Stories highlight how some friendships or family ties can become irreparably toxic, and the wisdom in letting go.
  • “You can’t change people. And I think that’s what it boils down to...let her be.” – Alex (49:40)

4. Listener Questions: Give It To Me Straight

(39:24–70:14)

Family Pressures & Boundaries

• Wife’s Family Pressuring a Move (39:24):

  • Advice: The spouse should understand parental responsibilities from previous marriages; the issue lies with her, not just her family.
  • “That’s not who you married...the person you married, that person should be...she’s the one who should be saying, ‘No, our family is here.’” – Alex (40:53)

• Work Friendships Turning Sour (41:34):

  • Advice: If shifts change, distance will happen naturally; otherwise, make polite excuses until the message is clear—guard your peace.

• Friendships Ending With No Closure (43:48):

  • Advice: Sometimes you have to accept things don’t always get closure; let it go and find peace without knowing.

Family Estrangement

(47:01)

• Sister Marries a Narcissist & Cuts Off Family:
  • Advice: There’s a limit; sometimes it’s healthiest to go no-contact and find peace elsewhere.
  • “I want everyone…to know, you can’t change people.” – John (49:40)

Relationship Red Flags

(51:06)

• Pregnant Listener’s Partner Drunk Texts Ex:
  • Advice: This is a clear boundary violation; ask yourself hard questions about whether this is a pattern you want to live with.
  • “Is he making you feel good? Is he putting you first?...No, no, no. Bye.” – Alex (54:39)

Parental Gaslighting & Cutting Ties

(54:41)

• Mother Who Dismisses Everything:
  • Advice: Consider going low-contact; mourn the parent you wish you had if necessary, and protect your own mental health.
  • “You kind of have to mourn who you thought your mom was…just move on.” – Alex (58:14)

Digital Boundaries

(59:12)

• Sharing Locations with Family:
  • Advice: Adult children shouldn’t feel pressured to share locations; it’s okay to set boundaries, and preferences about privacy should be respected by family.

Etiquette & Friendships

(63:27)

• Friend Asks Guest to Split Cost of Home-cooked Spaghetti:
  • Both hosts absolutely reject this etiquette as “tacky” and ungracious.
  • “Spaghetti? What is it, $3? Jesus Christ. Don’t invite me over if you expect people to chip in.” – John (63:46)
  • Hosts clarify: If you’re hosting, you pay—splitting only makes sense for group food orders, parties with up-front cost-sharing, or if the norm is reciprocated hosting.

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5. Secrets & Snack Recommendations

(70:17–74:11)

• Listener Secret Confession:

  • Listener had repeat threesomes with her best friend and now-fiancé back in college; her fiancé has no idea the parties involved.
  • Hosts are comically silent—John: “No…don’t tell me either.” (70:41)

• Snack Debates and Recommendations:

  • Alex asks listeners for snack ideas for breastfeeding moms who are tired of protein bars.
  • John wants tips on how to wash hats without ruining them.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I’m like scared to ask Alex questions because it’s like a whole fucking monologue getting to the point—but people need the backstory.” – John (04:39)
• “You always think I lose things. I know exactly where everything is… brown leather jacket, left pocket.” – Alex (28:12)
• “Don’t have a party and expect people to chip in for your fucking party…don’t host shit if you expect something in return.” – John (63:46)
• “You can't change people. That's what it boils down to…let her be.” – Alex (49:40)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:23–05:56: Opening banter, household humor, and baby updates
• 05:56–09:25: Golden Globes tie-in and personal stories
• 15:08–24:04: Parenting, sibling fights, family protection
• 39:24–54:39: Listener questions, boundaries, drama, etiquette
• 63:27–70:14: Friendship etiquette, splitting costs, parenting social dynamics
• 70:17–74:11: Anonymous secrets, snack and hat cleaning recommendations

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Summary in Brief

"Give It To Me Straight" episode 87 is a blend of heartfelt parenting anecdotes, marital banter, and brutally honest advice. Alex and John navigate everything from baby milestones to awkward etiquette dilemmas, fielding listener questions about estrangement, boundaries, red flags, and weird friend behaviors. With deadpan humor and zero pretense, they tackle each issue directly—offering clarity, a little comic relief, and the simple, straight truth.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a dear media production spaghetti. What is it, $3? Jesus Christ, people, don't invite me over. Don't have a party and expect people to chip in for your fucking party. Don't do anything. And welcome back to Give it to Me Straight.

[B]

I'm Alex.

[A]

And I'm John. And we're your gracious grand, gracious gracious host. Energy, energy, energy, energy, energy, energy, energy, energy. Let me see some of that energy.

[B]

How you feeling today, John?

[A]

Feeling. Feeling good.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

How about you, Alex? Look, I. I'm asking you, how are you?

[B]

Yeah, we have been running into this issue a lot where I asked Sean, like a very insightful, in depth question that wasn't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Reciprocate.

[A]

I'm like, I'm trying.

[B]

I'm so glad you're.

[A]

I'm gonna try to ask you the same question now.

[B]

That's gonna be your New Year's.

[A]

I feel like that's something I really should work on.

[B]

I feel like it's become like now a bit where you. I ask you a question and then like, it's just silent and I go, no.

[A]

I literally.

[B]

Thank you so much for asking, John.

[A]

I think nothing interests me, so I'm like, cool, cool, let's move on.

[B]

No, no, no. It's my own bit that I like to do with myself.

[A]

Oh, right.

[B]

Thank you so much for asking. So the way that I. What I'm interested in to eat for. For dinner tonight, I'm so hungry right now. I should have just eaten before because now I'm just gonna be hangry this whole episode.

[A]

I know it's one thing like, I know you need your protein. You need it for feeding of Lucy.

[B]

I feel like otherwise. Does your body just take for, like, is it just taking from my muscle mass and my bones?

[A]

We're just withering away.

[B]

Nothing left to give. How was your week? What'd you do?

[A]

How's our week? You know, I think my mom asked me the same thing. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

It's all a blur.

[A]

We're just surviving. We're just still surviving, you know, four months into this, we're still. There's no routine. We're just doing what we can.

[B]

Lucy is getting cuter every single day.

[A]

Disgusting.

[B]

And I think I say that every single day to her. I'm like, you're getting cuter every single day. But what's fun is again, the new milestones that she hits every day. She's learning so much. Yeah, she's just figuring out her mouth.

[A]

As gross as that sound is, it was me trying to do Lucy's face.

[B]

Nice with her lips. Did we say that she rolled for the first time? When did that happen?

[A]

No, because that happened.

[B]

Yeah. It happened this past week. She had been trying. And you know what's really tough is the shoulder. She could not get over that shoulder. But she's so cute because again, she really, like, gears herself up. And of course, we go. We leave her with my mom. She rolls for the first time with my mom.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I'm like, listen, moving forward, if Lucy has any first, I don't want to know about it. Don't tell me, like, pretend that her first everything is going to be with us. Okay. Just, like, humor us.

[A]

Just act.

[B]

She's like, oh, wow. She sends us the video. It's just Lucy face down. She's like, she did it. I'm like, I don't. I won't believe it till I see it for myself. And then she's rolled. She's.

[A]

She's doing it.

[B]

Does it every day.

[A]

Yeah. And we're trying. We're trying solids now.

[B]

Well, not.

[A]

Are they solids? I guess. I mean, I'm basically mashing up a banana and then I'm letting her taste it. Yeah. Putting on her mouth. Because apparently, I know you all have heard, you got to let them start implementing trying foods at four months. Because then it's six months when you're supposed to be feeding them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not like shell shock. Yeah. Or like, standoffish from trying food. So anyways, typical. She definitely is. My daughter gave her some, and she was just so indifferent. She was like, yeah, whatever. I don't give a shit.

[B]

Yeah, whatever. She just sat with it in her mouth.

[A]

I'm like, is it cold in here?

[B]

Is cold in our entire house?

[A]

Frigid.

[B]

Yeah. My toes are frozen right now. I didn't wear my fuzzy socks. My mom told me I needed to buy new socks other day.

[A]

You had nothing on your feet right now?

[B]

Currently, no. I'm just raw. Dogging it around the house.

[A]

Little raw dog around the house.

[B]

My paws just slapping on the hardwoods, which is dangerous.

[A]

Didn't you hurt your. You slipped in socks or something? What was the whole.

[B]

Oh, no. When I was, I don't know, like seven, there was this sports complex called Sports plus on Long island, and it had, like, bowling arcades, ice rink, like, everything. And so my parents would do, like, bowling night and then stick us in, like, the kids zone or kid center. I guess they had teens Watching little kids run around and play, but they had just replaced their carpets. I just feel like you're like, hurry up, get there. And so I was wearing socks running around in this kid's zone.

[A]

I'm like scared to ask Alex questions because it's like a whole fucking monologue getting to the point of people need the backstory.

[B]

And so I slipped and I smashed my face on the ground and needed stitches.

[A]

Yeah. So that's brutal. Anyways, so you.

[B]

Why I still walk around.

[A]

Just. Socks are so dangerous. Unless they're grip socks. You shouldn't be just like running around, walking around in socks.

[B]

You.

[A]

We have hardwood floors.

[B]

You. Yeah, but like, I don't. When Kobe runs around with his muddy paws, I feel like I don't like the dirt than getting on my sandals on. No. Because I watch you wear. Wear your pink crocs around the house and you trip way more than I do. You trip and slip on everything.

[A]

I don't have plantar fasciitis, though. You can complain about being barefoot and then you're. Okay.

[B]

John, listen.

[A]

Wait, wait. Sorry. How was your week?

[B]

Thank you so much for asking. Exhausting. Like every other week.

[A]

We hung out with some people. We made a point to get out of the house this week a little bit. You know, we went to your parents once. Well, that was for work. We dropped Lucy off your parents house once. We also went out to lunch.

[B]

Yes, we're trying to do that because.

[A]

We have so crazy. So crazy.

[B]

No. God, what have our lives turned into? But we're trying to implement like a date night because we realized we don't. If we go out, it's usually without each other because one person is then left home with the baby. Which is fine. I think again, it's.

[A]

Which we also don't do often.

[B]

No, but we did. We got lunch with friends this weekend.

[A]

Date night is actually day.

[B]

Day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Day date. I prefer for sure. Because then we can like have the whole evening to ourselves.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Golden Globes were on. Watch those. Nikki Glazer was great. The best host. Someone said it perfectly where it's like she knows how to toe the line.

[A]

Of like, what's funny and not over well. Because like, when she did the Tom Brady roast, like, she destroyed people. She definitely toned it down for the golden close because it was.

[B]

Well, it's not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think that she is able to entertain the audience at home by roasting the celebrities. But she doesn't offend the celebrities too much. But just enough so that everybody gets a good laugh.

[A]

Right?

[B]

She's great.

[A]

Speaking of that. Cuz I know one battle after another. One good movie. We were talking about this though initially I. They had music going. I'm like, are they going to have music throughout this whole movie? But then it ended up stopping. But you know that one movie, I wrote it down. It was highest to lowest with Denzel Washington. Probably was a good movie. But I couldn't get through the first 15 minutes. Cuz they. He plays continuous music throughout the whole movie. I'm not a director. I'm not going to pretend like I know anything. But for me, me it was so distracting. I'm like, why is it just constant music?

[B]

Well, it's hard too when you notice something and then you can't unnotice something. Like when you.

[A]

If I'm coughing to the mic or I'm like, right? Or like listen or saying like too many times.

[B]

Yeah. It's the only thing that you focus on and so you can't focus on anything else while you're watching or listening. Yeah, yeah. And now someone listening is going to listen to all the likes that we, we say for the rest of the episode. Or your coughs and your sniffles again.

[A]

I'm not gonna pretend like I know what's good or not. I'm not like a movie critic. But it was just very distracting for me. I'm like h. I can't even. I couldn't finish it.

[B]

Yeah. The Golden Globes was a little bit nostalgic for me though, because the year before when I watched it, you were out of town. And that was the evening, the night that I took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant with Lucy. Because it was the faintest line. Me and my friend, she was over, we were watching the Golden Globes, had espresso martinis and I was like, I'm going to take a pregnancy test. Took it.

[A]

That's so random.

[B]

Well, I mean, I knew that I was getting my period or should have gotten it. I think I was, I was going to get it the next day, but I was like, let's just, let's just see. Or maybe I was one day late, I don't really remember. And then took it. It was hardly a line. And then Catherine goes, I think we've just had too many espresso martinis.

[A]

I was like, my sperm barely made it.

[B]

No, because I went to bed and because I remember seeing a faint line, I couldn't go to sleep and I literally waited. I was just like, I'm just gonna wait until 5am to woke up at 5am cause I couldn't fall asleep and then I just took another test and it said pregnant.

[A]

Damn yeah.

[B]

Cause I took a digital that night too and it was like not pregnant. And then just a few hours later it said pregnant.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

So I'll always think of the Golden Globes of when I found out that I was pregnant with Lulu Canoe and and then she was just a little, just a little pee, then a little peanut looking at her.

[A]

It's just crazy to think that we made her contemplated for the longest like I'm just like so happy. I'm glad we did it now being older, you know, I'm just like oh, I could stay inside all day, just.

[B]

Hang out with her. This episode is sponsored by Ritual When I was pregnant, I really tried to be intentional about the steps I was taking to support my body. From how I ate to how I moved to what I was putting into my routine every single day. One thing I learned more about this time was the human microbiome and how much it can shift during pregnancy or even postpartum. Research shows that those physical and hormonal changes can impact your microbiome and that can affect both mom and baby during pregnancy and after. That's actually why I chose Ritual to support my pregnancy journey and why I added their natal biotic alongside my prenatal. Ritual created a natal biotic as a specialized biotic designed specifically for pregnancy and postpartum, which is with clinically studied brains. It was designed by obgyns and it's meant to support digestive health, vaginal health and baby's immune health. What I really appreciated was how thoughtful and science packed it felt. NatalBiotic includes probiotic HN001 which supports breast milk immune factors and baby's immune health. It also includes prebiotic pre4pro and probiotic HN019 to support digestive health including occasional constipation, bloating and gas. Ritual is also the company behind the number one best selling prenatal and the only leading prenatal with its own human clinical study. They've been raising the bar for science and safety in women's supplements for years and recently committed $5 million to human clinical trial. That level of transparency and research is exactly why I trusted them during pregnancy and I'm still taking their postnatal vitamins today. Get clinically studied biotics to support your changing pregnancy microbiomes for you and baby for a limited time. Save 40% on your first month at ritual.com straight that's ritual.com straight for 40% off your first month.

[A]

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[B]

Wow.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Going back to this week, hypotheticals, I think I'm rubbing off on you. We're in the car driving to drop Lucy off so we can go to meet some people for lunch. Alex, show me this video. This crackhead lady on the street, homeless. But I'll say crackhead lady because she was a crackhead. She's screaming at this mom who had her baby in a stroller. She's like, you ain't pretty enough to have a baby. You whatever.

[B]

And the mom, but she threatened violently to her harm the child.

[A]

The mom was like, come over here and say it to my face. It like scared out of the crackhead. It was the. The funniest thing ever.

[B]

She almost got.

[A]

It was like seeing a dog with a tail tucked between the legs running away.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah, I love to see it.

[B]

But I think it brought up a question between you and I where I was like, fight or flight? You know, would I in a situation like that just be like, listen, I'm not going to escalate this. Let this woman who is clearly mentally ill walk by. Or are you just you have such a protective instinct that you fight back.

[A]

And I was like, I don't know. I have worked with people with mental illness before. You're not gonna, like, it's. There's no point of escalating a situation. We're not in a. Unless they're coming at me, I'm not gonna instigate or escalate a situation. And now I'm just saying, did you yeah her up then? What did I say? I said something, and you're like, yeah, well, let's not wish me getting my ass kicked in 2020.

[B]

Oh. Because you said you were like, you know what? And then we. It brought up the conversation of, have, like, either of us been in a physical altercation, which we talked about before, but I was like, no. Like, I've somehow always. And, like, I'm tall, so I always would protect my short friends if, like, they were fighting with people. I don't know. It's just, like, always the short ones who got in fights. And so I would step in. Wait a minute.

[A]

This is starting to add up.

[B]

This is starting to add up. And I was like, I've never been in a physical altercation. And you were like, I think everyone needs to get their ass beat at one point in their life. And I was like, let's not put that energy out there. I don't. I don't feel like I need to get my. Can it. Can it be, you know, hypothetical or, like, what's not the hypothetical? What's another word that I'm looking for?

[A]

Like, for what? God, let me help you get. Let me help you land the ship.

[B]

I got my ass beat emotionally. You know what I mean?

[A]

Some sort of experience. You need the physical.

[B]

I don't have to go through the physical experience, like, metaphorically. I can metaphorically have my.

[A]

It's not the same. I could tell you that you beat.

[B]

My ass in different ways.

[A]

Okay. I think getting your ass kicked at least once, I think it puts things in perspective. It checks you a little.

[B]

When have you gotten your ass kicked?

[A]

I was for a long, like, high school and then, like, once in college, but you know what I mean? Like, it just makes you, like, check yourself. You're not going to be like. Because I'm not going to bark unless I know I can somewhat back it up. I. Like, if there's a group of dudes talking shit, I'd be like, yep, you're right, because I don't want to get my ass kicked. And I know for 100% fact that I would.

[B]

What's a situation in which, like, you would kick. Try to kick someone's ass. Currently, as. As an adult would.

[A]

I would want to. If I was my. If Lucy or you were getting attacked, like, I would have to step in, obviously, whether I was going to win or lose. I mean, I'm calculating, like, paint the picture.

[B]

Okay. It's like a. It's a.

[A]

Okay, there's a day. There's a crackhead street walker, maybe don't.

[B]

Talk about the crackheads. Okay.

[A]

If someone was trying to steal Lucy and put her in a van.

[B]

Just, Just Lucy or, you know, just like, that's the only scenario in which.

[A]

Okay, what if someone's just talking shit like, I'm old enough and wiser now that I'm not gonna, like, get involved in that unless there's, like, a threat.

[B]

Did you see that video of the guy and the girl who were standing outside of the airport? And she's standing there, like, with her person. Maybe they were waiting for a cab, I don't know. But someone, like, had a video of, like, her getting attacked. Some guy was, like, trying to steal her purse, and the guy who she was with ran and hit off. And then the other people who were watching came on and helped her.

[A]

And when he's. Once he saw that they were, like, winning, he's like, now I'll step in.

[B]

He still didn't. He didn't over until, like, she was completely separated from this guy wielding a knife. Like, this guy would. I would. You know what? I would hope that you would step it. Do you think he would run away?

[A]

No, but, like, I hope I say.

[B]

That confidently enough because you can't.

[A]

I mean, look, I'm 100%, yes, I'm going to, and I want to. But you don't know your fight orf flight mode. You know, Are you that type of person that's gonna freeze up, right, and just stand there, like, until you've been in that situation? You don't know.

[B]

It's true. It's like when someone says something to you and then you always think of a better comeback later in the shower.

[A]

You'Re like, damn it, I'm not smart enough for that. So for sure, I jump in. I'm getting stabbed, Devin. Oh, yeah. What am I? And then he just stabs me in the face. But you can get away. That's the whole thing. I'm a. I'm just a body. But you better use that five seconds of me just getting destroyed for you to go get help. Go get help. Don't leave Me stranded.

[B]

I'll do my best.

[A]

You're like, jokes on you, I freeze up.

[B]

That also depends too. It's like, is Lucy with us? Or is it me and you against. Am I going against Galacticon right now to save Lucy?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Or is it you just you and I and Lucy's rolling, my dad getting.

[A]

Punched in the face.

[B]

Maybe we change the subject. We don't need to talk about violence and like, you know.

[A]

Fair enough.

[B]

Fair enough.

[A]

Not even sure what this week's about.

[B]

I wanted to talk about my dream because you were very annoyed at like, my basic boring dreams the last time. I think because we were talking about it. My dream that night. After the last episode, I got another colonoscopy.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

But this time I was at a plastic surgeon's office.

[A]

I think it's a sign. And you should probably go get a colonoscopy.

[B]

I mean, I have healthy bowel movements. It doesn't matter.

[A]

Okay, deli meat or whatever.

[B]

I don't eat deli meat.

[A]

Type 1 carcinogen. We used to turkey slices. That's. The shit's still bad for you. I think with all the processed food and stuff that's going on. Colon cancer is becoming rampant in 20 and 30 year olds.

[B]

I mean, it is on the rise. You're right. You know what? I don't know at what age you're supposed to go get one, but like you said, insurance doesn't cover it. I'm only 33.

[A]

I know.

[B]

That's so young.

[A]

There's gonna be a lawsuit coming up. We've talked about this before before, though. It's crazy.

[B]

You know what is interesting that I've noticed? Not that I've noticed. I mean, I should have known this being a new mom. I used to be able to wear a pair of sweatpants, like through the day. And then if they didn't get dirty, whatever, I'll wear them the next day. Or like a sweatshirt, you know, I wear for nothing is clean anymore. Everything gets immediately dirty because Lucy spitting up on me or I'm using my clothes as a napkin or a burp cloth or just some type of towel to clean up said mess. Nothing is clean. There's not a single thing that I could wear for five minutes.

[A]

That's why we go out. If we go out and like Lucy, we got to bring Lucy with us. Like, bring her to your parent or whatever. And like, I'm not putting on whatever my outfit is until the very end.

[B]

I don't know. She really isn't. She's Not a spit. Like, she doesn't spit up much. Like, I've been around babies who spit up a ton. She really doesn't spit up much, but, like, she's starting to drool a lot, too, which we thought was teething. Apparently, she's not teething. She just likes to stick her fists in her mouth.

[A]

I don't know why it's so sour. It's so sour and so sour so quick. You're like, oh.

[B]

I mean, I guess it's throw up. Like, if you throw. If you were to throw up, it would be sour.

[A]

Oh, we would have to fumigate this house for sure. Something gross that I've been doing lately, not by choice, is Lucy's booger thing. So every time I use it, I clean it. I clean the pieces out and put in hot water. I have to take, like, the. The nipple, the top part, you know, and go to shoot the booger out. I'm pretty sure stuck in the middle.

[B]

There's like, a device that you could, like, clean it with that it came.

[A]

Small toothpick.

[B]

Yeah. There's like a. A cleaning. Whatever.

[A]

I just shoot it out. But it is pretty gross. It's like a old loogie in the.

[B]

It's interesting, the things that I thought that I would get grossed out at as a parent, because when it's not your kid, other kids still gross me out, but Lucy doesn't.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, oh, but then I watch Fallout, and I see that, like, ghoul's face, and it grossed me out. I had to stop eating.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's so weird. You're right.

[B]

The things that gross you out. Yeah. You just. When it's your own. Same thing, like with Kobe. Like, I guess because he's our dog. I don't mind his kisses. I don't mind his boogers or, you know, his grossness, his poops. But other dogs. I'm like, you disgust me. Oh, one. One fun thing that we added to our house was my brother came over and built a Murphy bed, which I feel like is great. It saves so much space. I love it.

[A]

That's so cool. Yeah. I never actually seen one in person before. I love, like, the cabinets closed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What I don't like, though, is why is everything made out of compressed board now?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, well, he was like, do you want me to build these custom? And I was like, well, how much is it gonna be? And it was quadruple the price. I was like, man, we'll just order.

[A]

Something online for sure.

[B]

And Then he put it together, thankfully. But, yeah, because everything is made cheap and nothing is made to last. That's why it's too expensive. Everything is so expensive. So it is. It is tough because even the Murray bar that we still purchased was still expensive. I mean, worth it to save up the space. But, yeah, it's like, whatever. It's fine.

[A]

Don't even get me started. I had to help the guy drag it up on a pallet up our driveway because it's gonna get the truck up anyways.

[B]

So my brother was here, and he has three kids. And so before he started on the Murphy bed, he comes up, we're chatting, we're talking, and he sees Lucy, like, rolling on the ground. And he looks at her and he goes, man, I remember when you could just leave them like that. And I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, well, you know. And then they start walking and rolling around, and you're chasing them. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, Toddler life is going to be so much more challenging. And I think I've heard people say that.

[A]

Gratifying and gratifying.

[B]

But I hear mixed reviews of people where they. Some people don't like the baby stage, and they love the toddler stage. Or some people love the baby stage, and some people are exhausted by the toddler stage. Like, which one do you think?

[A]

Toddler stage. They're going to be able to maintain their attention more to something than baby stage. I don't like a toy.

[B]

Play with a toy more or, like, coloring or something? Hmm. Good question. I'm not sure.

[A]

When do you start them with musical instruments, was the question. I mean, maybe she's a saint.

[B]

Lucy's a piano player right now. On her mat, where she kicks her feet on those piano keys, she's basically Beethoven.

[A]

She turns into a pianist, but plays with her feet. She could maybe.

[B]

Yeah. It just got me thinking about parents and, like, screen time and everything. And we don't put Lucy in front of the tv. We don't give her any screen time.

[A]

Yeah, we.

[B]

And again, we don't know what type of parents we're gonna be. I would love to be like, we're gonna be the best, and just give her coloring books.

[A]

Just holding off as long as possible. That's what we're doing. Let's see how long we could do it.

[B]

Similar to, like, breastfeeding. People are like, how long are you gonna go? I was like, up. Up to a year if I can. But as long as I can, who knows? But it got me thinking about the only screen time that we have let Lucy have is watching the podcast. And for some reason, it feels okay because I'm like, she's just watching us. Yeah, she's just seeing us. But she talks back to us when she watches us on the tv. Like, she's, like, cooing and having conversation as if we were in person with her. And, I mean, we're sitting there watching it with her, but she's on the ground rolling around, and I'm like, I'm not gonna build up a pillow wall for this one. She could watch.

[A]

It's like we're. We're there, like, watching her. You know what I mean? Like, it's like the TVs. The babysitter with us on the TV.

[B]

But I do wonder, is that still screen time?

[A]

Yeah, people would be like, I'm still screen time because when I face on my parents, like, they need to see her, but she's, like, obsessed with, like, seeing them on the phone.

[B]

Yeah, I was wondering that the other day, too.

[A]

You're going to have some. I mean, come on. Well, anyways, you know, this week, not a whole lot. Next week we might have a lot of shit going on. You know, it's. Every week's different.

[B]

So for as much as we have going on, I do feel like you don't give me enough credit. I just want to say something really quick. You always think that I lose things. I know exactly where everything is.

[A]

You don't know. You didn't know where the car keys were.

[B]

John, explain. Tell the story then. If I didn't know where the car keys were, I'm just saying, no, tell the story. If I didn't know where the car keys works. Tell the story.

[A]

I didn't know where the car keys were. Because I know. Because I know where they're normally put.

[B]

Right? We use.

[A]

But you don't put them back and that.

[B]

So there's a difference between me losing things and just not putting them where they're supposed to be.

[A]

So then you're wasting my time looking around for it.

[B]

I know, but you.

[A]

She'll have, like, her purse wall will be one spot, her keys in another spot, sunglasses in a different spot. Like, you just have shit everywhere.

[B]

But I know where everything is. And so, like, when you tell me, like, I lose shit, I never lose anything. I know where everything is. So John comes up to me the other day. He's like, I'm going to ask you this very calmly. Where are the car keys? And I'm Like, I had to think back, and I'm like, I know I didn't put them where they're supposed to be, but I know exactly where they are. And I was like, brown leather jacket, left pocket. Hanging up in my closet.

[A]

In her closet, where there's 9,000 jackets, 30 of them, probably brown.

[B]

I said brown leather.

[A]

Hung up.

[B]

You know what? I packed a few brown leather ones, but it was the dark, and I was like, it's the one I wore the other day.

[A]

It wasn't a cool coat closet, by the way. It's like her closet in our bedroom.

[B]

And where were the keys? Still exactly where I told you they were.

[A]

The thing is, if that was me, I would never, ever remember. If I don't put back exactly where it goes, don't ask me. I have no idea where they went. No, I don't know where anything went.

[B]

Yeah, but as long as I. I know where it is, it's fine. But. Yeah, you do. It's just funny because I think when your parents are in town, you're even more aware of things getting moved. Because, like, your mom likes a clean space, too, but she just, like. She won't ask where things go. She put things.

[A]

Ye. So.

[B]

But you are so quick to turn on your mom when she comes to visit. You're like, I know you moved something. And she's like, john, I swear I did not move it.

[A]

Lies.

[B]

Speaking of that, that'll probably be the next time we get to use the Murphy bed. Is when your parents come visit.

[A]

True.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, we'll have to test it out at some point.

[B]

Maybe we should test it out before that. Just like, make sure it doesn't like, like in the movies. I'm not sharing bound up in.

[A]

I'm not sharing a twin bed with you.

[B]

It's not a twin. It's a queen.

[A]

How big of a difference is a full versus a queen or two? I feel like twin. Full queen, right?

[B]

King, California king, Alaskan king.

[A]

Speaking of all that, I do have a question.

[B]

Wait, no. I do want to go back to it really quickly. Like, what a waste of a room. A guest room. That's why Murphy bed is perfect. I feel like a guest room. How often.

[A]

You don't have to preach to me. I don't need anyone coming to know.

[B]

I'm just. I'm so excited to, like, have this now is like a dual space because it kind of gives us a room back to use. Like, it's extra square footage that we weren't using before. Now we can make it. Lucy's playroom, an office.

[A]

So she gets two rooms now. Perfect.

[B]

Lucy can have the whole house.

[A]

She's so spoiled. We're screwed.

[B]

But I'm. I just feel like again, a guest room is just a waste of a space that you use. I would have made that room a gym.

[A]

No, whatever. Yeah. I don't care. Question European culture about. I don't know if they actually do this or not. Maybe I'm making this up. Like, you know, the two beds together, like. Or you have your separate. I'm not so super opposed to even us having the beds together, but our own separate blankets. Because the. My issue is we have this one, the square comforter. It just fits the perfect size of the king. There's no you. The minute you move or you tug or you put the blanket between your legs, boom. Takes the blanket from me. So I'm like, should we just have our blankets?

[B]

I think you and I just also sleep so close to the edges. Like, I sleep so close to the edge.

[A]

That's a taut behavior. Because I would like to be cuddling. That ain't you. I don't like to cuddling when we're both too warm bodied and we're the same size. It's not like it'll be like, I'm cold now.

[B]

Like, I'm really cold now. If you want to hold my hands. I'm so cold.

[A]

It's not. Wouldn't be a cute spoon. We're the same size. So my face is just. Would literally be in your hair.

[B]

I also.

[A]

You wouldn't be like tucked down, you.

[B]

Know, And I think that you do like being little spoon.

[A]

I'd be little spoon. Yeah.

[B]

Be great like you want. And I'm like, you want to be little spoon? It's ne, of course, but like, no one has ever, like, it's never been comfortable cuddling together. No Peeling our bodies off. No, we do like the. You'll scratch my arm.

[A]

I mean, you're probably the only girl I've been with that's like so warm bodied, you know? Like, normally don't girls want to like, they're cold.

[B]

I'm cold right now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But the majority of the time I am profusely sweating, especially being postpartum. Don't even, don't even look at me. Don't even touch me.

[A]

There's something to be said about like fueling your body throughout the day, you know, like, because we consume protein and like all this stuff, like you had these amount of calories, like your body's trying to burn off at night. I think that has something to do with it because, like, if, say I don't eat a lot during the day, like your, your core template will probably drop because what's it burning? You know, fuel wise?

[B]

I'm not going to start stating.

[A]

So when we slam fake facts a day.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I just. We're just like farting up the room.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

I don't. I'm not going to make up shit.

[A]

I don't know if that's made up.

[B]

Getting really hot and spicy. Like the meat sweats. Those are a thing. But like, I'm all right no matter what my diet is throughout the day. Like, I'm just sweaty at night.

[A]

I think I'm on to something here. That is like fun fact, John. Yeah. Like if you're starving yourself, then your temperature drops. Wait, are you nothing in your body?

[B]

European culture, they put two twins together.

[A]

I don't know. And also I see maybe like Nordic or something.

[B]

Eighteen bajillion countries in Europe. Like, which country?

[A]

I don't know. I've seen it before. They put their beds together. So it's like they're still together in the same room. The same, like, but they have their own separate. Like.

[B]

So is it one sheets or is it sheets on the.

[A]

It's like almost like two twins put together or two singles put together. But we each have our own bed. But we're together. But we have our own sheets, our own pillows.

[B]

Are you thinking about that time that we had a layover?

[A]

Like, we fought naked.

[B]

Yeah. I don't want to give people the visual, but fighting naked. I was pregnant. Not pretty. Because you stole my phone charger. See? And because I know exactly where I put everything. I knew that you were wrong. You're like, this is my phone charger. I'm like, you got it from this bag. That is my.

[A]

They put us in a room with. It was just the two of us in a room. Six or seven beds. Six single beds.

[B]

I'm like, yeah, some shit has gone down.

[A]

No clothes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's snowing in Finland.

[B]

Just washing our underwear in the sink.

[A]

I always remember that naked fighting with pillows.

[B]

That was a hard time of life.

[A]

Like, so romantic.

[B]

I mean, first world problems. Like, oh, no. We're like coming back from this brand trip and we have like, you know, a 30 hour layover. But like, it was when we found out, like, we were very high risk. It was tough, tough times.

[A]

Our car got totaled. I don't care if that's first world problems or not.

[B]

Yeah. Our only Car.

[A]

Our only car got total. And I was even driving was on a flat transport truck. And the truck flipped. Totaled our car. And then they didn't want to give us the money. How much the car was worth.

[B]

We didn't make money. We lost, like, $20,000. Anyway, character move on. That was a lot of character development. How do we go from Murphy bed to there? I'm in the sleep separately.

[A]

Airport. Our. All of our flights got canceled. Luggage is missing.

[B]

And.

[A]

And I'm on the phone with insurance and trying to figure out where the fuck our car is.

[B]

That's how. That's how productive John is. Is in the moment. He's like, calling insurance. I'm like, let's just do. When we're back. You know why we're just sitting in.

[A]

The airport for 24 hours.

[B]

Why are we stressing. Why are we stressing about this?

[A]

Meanwhile, Alex is talking to this random stranger dude who kept being like, did we go to school together? And he was like, in Finland. From Finland. I'm like, he's like, is this.

[B]

He's looking at John and I. He's like, no, we've all hung out before.

[A]

I'm on the phone with insurance. I'm like, not now.

[B]

And literally, like, I'm like, oh, no, we haven't. And he's like, you went to this school. We've. We're friends in Finland.

[A]

You're like, we're not.

[B]

And I'm like, I'm not. Because the one time that we. Someone thought that they recognize us, or they did recognize us, and they couldn't place how they knew us. And I was like, oh, the Internet. And they said, no. I was like, I will never do this again. I will never assume that they know us from online. And so I'm always like, oh, I just have a familiar face.

[A]

Like, helping me. Alex is, like, trying to help this guy. I'm not helping us figure out where he might know us from, which is so irrelevant because he's from Finland.

[B]

You know what I was doing? I was trying to find a charger because my laptop was died. Died. And I think that we needed to, like, submit a video or something during that time. So you're on the phone, and I'm walking around trying to find an outlet, but of course, I don't have a converter.

[A]

This is so triggering. I'm just thinking about, like, this whole.

[B]

Fiasco, and then you almost made us miss our flight. We should just move on before we start fighting.

[A]

Everyone had jackets. I had a sweatshirt and sweatpants on. And it's in the tundra.

[B]

That's your problem.

[A]

And then we couldn't get a taxi or anything. We had to walk from the airport to the hotel.

[B]

Yeah, but again, I blame you for that because you, you have to be prepared for outside. You're just like, oh well, I'm only going to go from the car to building to building.

[A]

I didn't think I was going to have to go. Like, we went to the wrong hotel.

[B]

What would happen to the wrong hotel if, if there was a, a crash.

[A]

If there was a nuclear war and a bomb was coming? Nobody hits me directly in the but.

[B]

What if there was a situation in which, like, you know, something happened with the plane and then we're on the tarmac for hours and now you're out, the weather was 10 degrees and, and you're like, oh well, I only brought my little sweatshirt. Got to be prepared.

[A]

Stay on the plane.

[B]

You can't. What if the plane, like, caught fire?

[A]

I'll stay next to the plane because it'll be warm. Duh.

[B]

Idiot. Let's jump into questions. Support for today's episode comes from Square, which honestly powers so many of the places I already love. I notice Square the most at my local farmers markets. I'm usually walking around with a giant toe, coffee in one hand, probably holding a flower or produce in the other, and Square just makes everything fast and easy. I can tap, pay, grab my receipt and keep moving without digging through my bag or awkwardly transferring money. As a customer, I also just feel way more comfortable. I like knowing that I'm not swiping my card into some random machine or passing my phone around. Square feels clean, efficient and familiar, and I think that's why so many small businesses use it. And on the other side of things, Square is the platform behind the scenes for so many businesses you already know. Cafes, boutiques, salons, market vendors, even service based businesses. It's not just a point of sale. Square gives business owners one connected system to take payments, manage inventory, send invoices, run payroll, and see everything in one place. It works whether you're selling in person, on the go, or online. You don't need a tech team or complicated setup to get started. Square grows with you whether you're running a single stand at a market or expanding into a storefront. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves business better tools, Square helps you sell, manage and grow without slowing down. Right now, you could get up to $200 off Square hardware. When you sign [e-mail], go straight that's S Q U A R E.com G straight. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today.

[A]

How do I tell my wife that her family peer pressuring us to move back home isn't normal? I have one child from a previous marriage that I split time with. 50. 50. My current wife's family lives in the Midwest and we are on the West Coast. They are constantly pressuring us to move to the Midwest. Regardless of my feelings that I've expressed about not wanting to be away from my daughter, my wife doesn't seem to see the issue. How do I convey that? Boom, crushed it.

[B]

I'm going to say like I absorbed that question, but as this listener here, it is hard to pay attention.

[A]

Yes. Somebody wanted to move something.

[B]

Someone there's. Okay. From what I gathered, a wife.

[A]

What you're saying. I didn't read that well.

[B]

No, I don't think it's you. Maybe it is you. But I'm sitting here and I'm just like, it's really tough to pay attention. I'm giving you a pass, John. I'm basically saying like, it's okay sometimes, like when you have follow up questions because like as a listener it's maybe it is how you read it. It's hard to follow along.

[A]

Yeah. You can't expect in the.

[B]

No, exactly.

[A]

Does she want to move?

[B]

What's annoying is like, does the wife want to move? Your. The. He said his wife doesn't seem to see the issue. How do you convey that? How, like, how would the person who you're married to.

[A]

That would be a conversation predicament that you're in.

[B]

Exactly. You have a child, you don't want to be away from that child.

[A]

And now that's very selfish of her if she doesn't like understand the situation that you're in.

[B]

You have a daughter, your wife marrying you. She also knew what the deal is.

[A]

Idiot.

[B]

I would say the issue isn't necessarily with her family because like, whatever. If they want to pressure because like, of course they miss her.

[A]

That's not who you married though. The person you married, that person should be.

[B]

She's the one who should be saying, no, our family is here.

[A]

Not even. No, just being like, hey, I understand the predicament that you're in. Like, let's. We could talk about it. It, whatever. It doesn't seem like she even did that. She's just like, what's the, what's the issue? Why not move? Like, are you, are you like not.

[B]

Understand what she was getting into when she married you and maybe not.

[A]

Maybe she's that like thick headed that she's not thinking about anyone else but herself.

[B]

We're just like ripping his wife a new.

[A]

It's about time we rip a chick up, you know what I'm saying? It's always the guy.

[B]

No, I feel like a lot of times no, guys don't write in that often.

[A]

This guy did. Good for you, brother.

[B]

Next question, next question. How do I appropriately end a friendship that began at work without allowing it to interfere with our professional relationship? Moving forward for context, we are both nurses. This person has recently been unsupportive of my decision to prioritize my mental health by transitioning to a day shift position. They've made comments such as calling me a traitor for not staying on the night shift team and have displayed unprofessional behavior and a negative attitude towards me. While it's uncomfortable, I don't feel it's healthy or appropriate to maintain a friendship outside of work with someone who isn't respectful or supportive of my personal decisions.

[A]

Good news. Your day shifts, you don't to see them.

[B]

I was just going to say if.

[A]

You'Re switching, that actually would have been my suggestion. Like switch shifts. So you're already one step ahead of me.

[B]

But if you're working in a job that it's not a shift position, what would you do? I guess they wouldn't be calling you a traitor. But like if you're, you know, doing well, that's tough.

[A]

You're seeing every day and you go from friendship to not friendship. But I guess if like, if something happened, that's one thing would just say you kind of like with that person. It'd be hard to shift from friend to not friend because there's nothing that like really happened. You know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know how you would avoid them. You could just be cool with them and then they'll probably get the point down the road when you just constantly make excuses of why you can't hang out outside of work.

[B]

Yeah, but in this situation, you're not going to be working the same shift as them. And then if like you don't feel like seeing them outside of work, good news.

[A]

You don't have to guard your peace, guard your mental health lie.

[B]

Next question. I had a very good friend who I met in college while doing an internship. Then we both moved abroad. But we always kept in touch and traveled to meet regularly. I went to her wedding, which was in her country of origin and not a Lot of her friends came. Then she relocated abroad with her husband, and we spoke a lot as she settled into this new country, which is close to where I live. All of a sudden, four years ago, she stopped replying to my messages. I still send her an invite to my wedding. And then she deleted me from Instagram. I tried reaching her on other socials, but I got no reply. I asked a mutual friend about her who said that they still speak regularly and that she's doing fine. I tried for one year to contact her with no success. To this day, I still have no idea why she decided to cut off her friendship. And even if she doesn't ever want to speak to me again, I would appreciate some closure. What should I do?

[A]

What? She lives in a different fucking country. See ya. What?

[B]

But I guess I was like a good friend of hers who just, like, stopped talking to her kind of out of the blue. If I were you, I would ask the mutual friend to do some digging and just be like, hey, does she. Did she ever say why she stopped talking to me?

[A]

I guess. I mean, you don't want to put them in a predicament that, like, affects their relationship with that person either, right?

[B]

But there is a point where you just have to be like, all right, whatever, bye. And like, out of mind, find peace without knowing, you know?

[A]

Like, I get wanting to know. I get that.

[B]

But especially if there was, like, nothing that happened. But do you ever think that some people lack self awareness?

[A]

Like, if I was just thinking, there's this guy that I grew up with and he disappeared and we all were wondering about him.

[B]

Did no one have his phone number?

[A]

No, he just fell off the face of the earth.

[B]

But did you not have his phone number?

[A]

No. I don't know. We didn't have cell phones then. I remember his home phone.

[B]

So you stopped talking when you were like 9, 10 years old?

[A]

No, like in high school.

[B]

Oh, you didn't have cell phones in high school?

[A]

Oh, my God. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, my God. I never thought of. Because I've had the same number since high school.

[B]

John, for real.

[A]

Hold on, hold on. We kind of lost touch, though, in like, 9th grade, 10th grade, something like that.

[B]

You just thought, now let me see if I have this person's number.

[A]

No, I don't have it. None of us had it. Something must have happened where he lost, because there's like four of us. We've all talked about. None of us have his.

[B]

So maybe he never had a cell phone.

[A]

Maybe Anyways, finally got in contact with him. I was like, eh, that's enough.

[B]

It's the worst story I've ever heard.

[A]

The moral of the story is like just let shit die, you know? Like that is so different.

[B]

People went to each other's weddings. Like you like you played soccer with each other at recess and you're like, man, it's okay.

[A]

Just like that is not the same. Things happen for a reason. Just let it go.

[B]

Like this guy, it's. He moved cuz his dad got a new job when you were 12 and this girl just like ended a friendship and you're like, it is the same exact thing.

[A]

So yeah, moral story just like leaves.

[B]

Some things in the past, I guess. Yeah, some things just run its course.

[A]

Lying dogs lay, you know, what do.

[B]

They say about friendships? Some friendships.

[A]

My lie. You miss my.

[B]

Let lying dogs lie. I heard you. Like you and your one liners. Don't cry over spilled beans.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

No. Every time. Shoot your shot. That's what you should do.

[A]

Every shot. You don't shoot, you don't make. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

No, but there's a lot about friends. Like there's friends for a lifetime. I don't know the saying, some ships gotta look it up.

[A]

And here's to you and me.

[B]

Friendships are there for a season, a reason or a lifetime. And so cool. Maybe I guess the lifetime one. You don't know until like you're dead. But like the season because like you won't know which friends last a lifetime.

[A]

Unless like you won't know when you're dead either.

[B]

Exactly. So only other people will know if it was truly for a lifetime.

[A]

Well, the words of wisdom. How wise we are.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Someone should write a book with our next question. Sure. Next question. My sister married a narcissistic monster nearly two years ago. I got married about five months after she did. But between the time of her wedding, in my wedding, her husband had entirely brainwashed her into believing that we were all evil. I uninvited her to my wedding upon advice from my therapist, knowing it was the right thing to do. She has since had a child and has yet to apologize for any of her wrongdoings. Nor will she stand up to her husband to understand how bad this is. He is suing my parents over ownership of a house that he is not on the title for. The house was purchased jointly by my parents and my sister before she met her husband. People in my life, like my grandmother, ask that I speak to her again because she Is my sister. I tried to explain the context, but no one ever understands that I can't even speak to her without her texts and her phone calls being screened and read by her husband. They're often even answered by the husband from her phone. Am I the. For never wanting to reach out again?

[A]

No. See ya. No, goodbye. I mean, you should actually leave a message knowing that he's gonna look at it.

[B]

If you're sister, that's true too. Like, hi, Dennis.

[A]

I know you're listening.

[B]

I know you're reading.

[A]

If you're wondering, we all still think you're a piece of.

[B]

Yeah. And you don't own that house. It's my sister's.

[A]

If you know how laws work, you should have your name on the title. I don't know how that works. I don't know if, like, does he get a right to something after a certain amount of time?

[B]

Well, that's why, I mean, they are married. So if he is suing it and like, it might be on behalf of your sister. So it's really like your sister who's suing. Like, they are a joint team at this point. Again, I'd have more of an issue with your sister, as it seems like you do if she's not in a dangerous situation. Emotional abuse is a thing. But what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? You know, what are your parents doing about this? Like, do your parents. Are your parents talking?

[A]

No one needs to do anything about it. Let her run this into the ground because you aren't doing anything about it. Sometimes. Yeah, I guess you guys have probably already said your piece to her, right? That's enough right there. Her decisions are her decisions.

[B]

And if she wants to stay married to a narcissistic monster who's convincing her that you guys are all evil, so be it.

[A]

I feel like if you asked me this question when we did this podcast three years ago when I was still.

[B]

You'd give like an actual answer. Like, try to make. Go to therapy.

[A]

Like, hearing these questions. I want everyone. Like, we get so many questions and. And they're all. It's just like terrible people or horrible things happen to people. And unless it's just like a total shocking question. I'm like, heard this before. So similar. Like, you can't change people.

[B]

You can't change people. And I think that that's what it boils down to is if she is happy in her life being married to this man, let her. Let her be.

[A]

I could see it toward, like, I get it bothering you because it's your sister, but you're gonna have to find your piece somewhere else, you know?

[B]

And again, you just have to shut out the people who are like, but it's blood. It's your sister. You shouldn'. Talk to her. Oh, well, you're just gonna, like, that's like the same category of people who are asking, what, are you gonna have kids? Why aren't you trying? You know, it's like, just like, people just like to ask questions or tell you to do things or talk about. Because they don't know they're not in that situation. Yeah. They don't know what it's actually. Closed doors. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

Move on. Next question. I'm in a long term relationship, three years and currently pregnant. My partner was previously married and has a child with his ex, and they share a long history together. While I don't believe he wants to be with her anymore, there has been a reoccurring issue throughout our relationship where he crosses emotional boundaries with her and sends her drunk text messages. This has come up multiple times over the years. Each time we talk about it, I try to move past it and things seem like they're okay. For a while, I genuinely believed that once we moved in together and became more committed, that this behavior would stop. Recently, it resurfaced again. I found out that within the last six months, he sent another inappropriate message to her. He insists that he doesn't want her or that life anymore. But I'm struggling to understand how I'm supposed to trust that when the same pattern keeps repeating. Am I being dumb for staying?

[A]

He's drunkly texting. Who?

[B]

His ex, who he has a child with. But now she's pregnant with his baby as well.

[A]

Girl, you know, just stay with them. Are you asking a serious question? Are these serious? I mean, no.

[B]

It's tough. She's pregnant with his kid now. So you think that she should just.

[A]

Up and leave like, no, that's why I said, just stay with them.

[B]

You're right. I need to practice my active listening.

[A]

We're not laughing at your expense.

[B]

No, no. I'm laughing at my.

[A]

Because how stupid this question is.

[B]

No, because it's not stupid. Like, you're in. You're in. What?

[A]

What's annoying about this from, you know, a person of somewhat emotional intelligence. I would think you would not be doing that as a husband, as a future father. You wouldn't be texting your exes. You're not 20.

[B]

Exactly. Regardless of the fact that they share a child together, that relationship is Over.

[A]

Even if you did text them, if it's about the kid and you're sober.

[B]

But it's in a drunk.

[A]

Emotions come out, feelings come out.

[B]

I think what, you know, I'm sad with that.

[A]

Which you will with that information.

[B]

I'm just sad that, like, this seemed like based off of your question, this has come up multiple times over the years that you didn't walk away from this relationship before having a baby with this man, but now you are pregnant. I don't think that you run away from this. It's something that you want to work through.

[A]

Through.

[B]

But I, I don't know that this man is going to change. He hasn't proven to you that he is. So I think all that we could say is best of luck in this relationship until you. Until it snowballs into something more and then you do decide to leave.

[A]

Good news. Male Y chromosome apparently is fading out. So soon enough, we're all going to be non existent anymore.

[B]

The male species. I mean, I think that'll take a long time. She'll still be around. I mean, he'll still be around. So, like, it's not like she's going to outlive him by a few centuries.

[A]

Hold off. Just hold off, girl. Just. Just stay in that relationship at some.

[B]

Point and he'll just perish.

[A]

Honestly, I don't care. I do what you want to do. You're reaching out. You know the answer. I think sometimes these questions, they know. They already know. And you're getting. We're not therapists. And I know people are like, why are you. Because I've seen people respond or anything. Like the fact that you're reaching out to podcasters for, like, advice. I'm like, we're not.

[B]

We're not. We're. We're. It's more.

[A]

But, you know, we are our hot takes common sense.

[B]

And we're here to give it to you straight. Literally, like, from. And from our.

[A]

I will say I may have just saved you $150 seeing a therapist because it's a pretty obvious reason to not be with somebody.

[B]

The thing about therapy, too, you. They walk you through so that you get to the point yourself.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna go from point A to point B directly.

[B]

Right. Without having you get there. Because the fact that, like, we're not.

[A]

Going to the grocery store. I got it now. We're not going to the grocery store and. And looking like, what do I know? I want some type of cereal and you're going through all aisles. But I'm like, bam. Captain Crunch right there. Directly go right to lane four. Pick that shit up, get out. Boom. That's what we're doing. We just saved you an hour.

[B]

That's what we said in a recent episode. Keep things simple. Don't over complicate things. This man, is he making you feel good? Is he putting you first? Is he prioritizing your feelings? No, no, no. Bye. Next question. I, 33, female, have a difficult relationship with my mother. 61, female. She never sides with me. In her eyes, I'm always wrong. I some examples are I complain about a medical condition. Her reply is, you are imagining it. You're fine. Another time, I rushed to her because a man who I later found out was our neighbor was following me and taking pictures of me. Why are you laughing?

[A]

Is that my mom? The first part.

[B]

Is your mom in the medical field? No, like asking, not you. This listener. Is your mom in the medical field? Because your mom is.

[A]

My thumb was almost. I might be exaggerating a little bit. Slice my hand and it was gushing blood. I'm like, I think I need stitches. She goes, yeah, here's a bandage.

[B]

Shut it. Let me finish this question because this is not the same. Another time I rushed to her because a man who I later found out was her neighbor was following me and taking pictures of me. I was 18 at the time. This happened on multiple occasions, and I was honestly afraid. Her answer was, don't worry, he seems like a nice man. I'm sure it was nothing. And it keeps going. Now, as a homeowner and a landlady, I'm kicking out my tenants due to multiple complaints from neighbors about noise from parties until late hours, multiple police visits, altercations with neighbors, threats, and allegedly breaking the car window of said neighbor. I asked our real estate agent to support to help navigate the conversation, which went surprisingly well and they will leave on good terms. I told my mother about the situation and her answer was, you were probably rude to them for no reason. You need to consider your tenants. Above all, they looked nice and I'm sure this is because of you and your meddling. I'm not even in the same country and I never met them in person. Every conversation I have with her is hard and I find myself avoiding discussing important topics. So my question is, should I cut her off to avoid the constant stress, guilt, manipulation and gaslighting, or should I keep low contact and not tell her about anything important?

[A]

First I'll say, if I told my mom that someone's taking photos of me, my mom would police her There, she's macing that person. So I'll give my mom that. 2. Cutting her off. I don't know, it sounds very extra from your mom. I mean, I wouldn't just immediately cut her off. Seek other outside support to like navigate, like what to do here? I don't know, get a family therapist in there. It's kind of weird that she's just constantly saying everything's your fault.

[B]

I would turn it around on her and just be like, why don't you believe me? Just ask her that. Why do you think that I'm the problem here?

[A]

I'm sure she said that. I'm surprised she didn't tell us in the like, all you've told us is like what your mom's initial statement is. What was your rebuttal ever to that? Or what did you say to her? Because it's just a weird thing.

[B]

Or have you addressed this with your mom that like when she has this rebuttal, have you said, is there a reason why you know, Or I. This is how I'm feeling. This is how I feel like you're communicating with me. It feels a little bit manipulative or you're gaslighting me.

[A]

Sounds like your mom hates you. Why?

[B]

I mean, she might be jealous of her. And like some, some moms do have weird tendencies towards their children. And I'm not saying like your mom shouldn't have been a mom, but like she just doesn't know how to parent or communicate.

[A]

And again, this should be not nurturing.

[B]

Yeah, sometimes you can have a tough conversation, but if you're going to continue to hit these dead ends, I would do what you suggested in here. Keep a keep low contact and not tell her anything important that you know true can be turned around on you.

[A]

It sucks that you can't confide in your mom, but it doesn't seem like she's giving like positive reinforce or like giving you good advice. She's just flipping it around on you, which isn't helping the situation.

[B]

So difficult situations like this is you almost have to mourn or like grieve a relationship with the parent that they're unable to give you. Like, you look wow. You like think that a parent should be kind and warm and listen to you and like side with you and believe you, but it's like you're. You keep trying to like make your mom into someone who she's not. Like she's incapable of being the person this mother that you need her to be. So you kind of have to like close that door and like grieve. If again you have this conversation with her and she still is like manipulating, guilting you, adding stress to your life, you kind of just have to like mourn who you thought your mom was or who you wanted her to be and what the relationship, the expectations that you had and just move on.

[A]

Let it go.

[B]

Let it go. Next question. Am I the asshole for not wanting my in laws to track my husband's location? I, 29 female and my husband 28 male, just got married in October 2025 before getting engaged last July. His relationship with his family was pretty good. During the wedding planning process, his family was awful to us and treated us both very poorly because they wanted certain things done their way. After the wedding, some fences were mended, but the relationships are still pretty fresh and strained. My mother in law barely talks to my husband, but she, his dad and his siblings all have his location and vice versa. My husband started doing this while living at home and given his profession as a firefighter, never had qualms about sharing his location. I however, am a very private person. Given that his family hasn't made much of an effort to mend the relationship, it has started bothering me that they have his location to me. If you want to know where I am or what I am doing, you should have to ask or reach out to a spouse. I don't share my location with my own parents, only my husband and my sister. I don't know how much my mother in law stalks his location, but the other day the entire family was at lunch except my husband and me. My husband got a call at the last minute to join because she saw he was in the area. If you want to know where we are or if we're available, you should just ask. Ask. Am I the for wanting my husband to stop sharing his location and force his family to reach out to see where he is or check with me if they're worried now that we are married.

[A]

Okay, personal experience. My mom was like, let's share locations. I said no. She shared it with me. I'm like, that's fine. You know, I know she is in Ubers a lot, plans, whatever. I'm like, I'm a grown ass adult. I'm fine, I'll share with you.

[B]

Yeah. Do you have it with anyone else?

[A]

No.

[B]

No one else has your location?

[A]

No. I don't think so. I don't know. I don't think so. I don't want to share with anyone. I don't want anyone to know where I am because even if I'm like lying because half the times I don't want to go somewhere. I don't want someone to look and be like well he's lying to me.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

That's one thing.

[B]

People could just turn your location off.

[A]

Then people don't need Woody Harrelson said that 247 access. Access to you. No you're grown ass adults share with each other. You're. I agree with that. If somebody wants to know where you are, they can call. Whatever. Whatever. The other part of this though is it seems a little tit for tat your reasoning behind it because you're going back to like well, they don't, you know, respect whatever the was going on. Like I wouldn't make sure you're doing it for that reason. Not the reason to kind of get back at them.

[B]

I think it's also tough too because it's not you like does your husband have an issue sharing his location with them? Like does it.

[A]

It would bother me though because I'm the. If you guys are together and they're like looking at your right.

[B]

Like I guess it can sometimes then share where you are as well.

[A]

Share it with your partner and share your kids locations with each other. That's it. You don't need to. Extended family, friends. No one needs to know that. Why do you tell you I know you do it which is weird. I find it weird. Like it's too much.

[B]

I don't ever check my friends locations though, in like a stalking way. It's more like if we're getting together and then I'm like how far away are they?

[A]

And then I text them, call them. I don't know too much.

[B]

Also as women it is more of a safety thing.

[A]

That's why I have it. What is your friend in California going to do if you're have all ended.

[B]

Up sharing our locations while we're on like a trip together.

[A]

Like when we were remove it after then.

[B]

No, I think it's fun.

[A]

I don't agree. I think it's fucking weird.

[B]

I think if you take advantage of it. If you like use it for how you measure that. How do you know if someone is like hey, you're here. I don't know. I'd have to like I. I don't have any examples where my friends have like abused my location. And if you don't want to agree to disagree.

[A]

I just like you don't. I don't think you need. People don't need to know where the you are.

[B]

I don't Know, it's not. I don't know, it's not that deep, but yes. People don't need to know where you are. But I feel like you're okay with it. Just like I feel like your husband is okay with it. I don't know.

[A]

No, because if one partner's not going anywhere anyways, when we go places, it's together. So every time I'm with you, but.

[B]

People don't know that, you know, I go a lot of places alone, John.

[A]

You know, agree to disagree. Okay. Best of luck.

[B]

Next question. When you invite someone over, specifically a close friend, into your home, is it normal to ask them to split the cost of dinner you're cooking? My best friend invited me to visit her for a weekend in another state. While I was there, she offered to make spaghetti for dinner. The first night, when we went to the grocery store to buy the ingredients, she asked me to split the cost with her.

[A]

I would never be your friend. Spaghetti? What is it, $3? Jesus Christ. People, don't invite me over. Don't have a party and expect people to chip in for your fucking party. Don't do anything. Don't host shit if you expect something in return.

[B]

For context, spaghetti isn't an expensive meal. I like how she has to tell us, like, for context, like, we know.

[A]

You could have get there. Thank you for clarifying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was it non gmo?

[B]

She's financially stable, not wealthy, but more than capable of covering the cost of sauce and noodles. Am I crazy or is this ridiculous? If we were planning to split the cost, I would have much rather gone out to a restaurant where I could choose my own meal. I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to create unnecessary drama. It didn't feel like it was worth it with her. If I were hosting someone for the weekend and offering to cook dinner, I wouldn't ask them to split the cost of groceries. I'm not saying I expect all of my meals to be covered, but asking me to pay for half of the ingredients for a simple three or four ingredient meal feels strange. We're not as close as we used to be for a variety of reasons, but this incident has always stuck with me. What are your thoughts? Is this actually ridiculous or meatballs? Or am I the one who's out of line? Yeah, like maybe if it was like really prime protein that was added to it, and it was now, actually, even in this situation, there's no way in which I would have someone so tacky.

[A]

So tacky even. I guess what's your thoughts if somebody's like, hey, I would like to host. This might be a little different. Hey, I really want to do like a four to six course meal. Like sit down dinner with all the couples. Maybe if you preface it that way, like, I'm gonna do a lobster bake. I'm gonna have a nice setup. If you guys want to do this, I'm down to cook for all of us and.

[B]

Right. But that's like something that you're like, that's a party versus just like an end. Also, I still think it's different when we've had people over our house. To me, these are the etiquette rules of splitting things. You're hosting. We are covering any meal that we have at our house. Unless we're ordering in.

[A]

No, first off, Alex, we cover everything. If you want to bring something, obviously brings a. No, bring something. That's the etiquette. But I would never like where if.

[B]

We'Re making breakfast, we're covering the breakfast costs. If we're order. If we're making dinner. But what I'm saying is, like, etiquette wise, I think it's okay to split the cost with someone if, like, you're ordering in. Like, if I'm doing an Uber eats meal at someone's house. You know what I'm saying? Like, we could all split. Split that.

[A]

If it's a group of people that's not hosting. Yeah, right. It's not like a hosting thing. If you're hosting something, don't expect anyone to do anything. Etiquette to bring something. But we would always say no.

[B]

Or if you're going out to dinner, of course. Yeah. Like, then you could split the meal.

[A]

But I think there is something where there's a pre disclaimer of what I just said. Like, you want to do a progressive dinner or something, you know, Like, I think this would be fun. If you guys want to do it, we can all split this and I'll make all this or whatever. You know, it's like a initial thing and then people could say no. That's the only way I can think you can get around, like getting people to like a five, six course meal, you know?

[B]

No, I know. Sorry. I'm just like envisioning being at the grocery store with a friend who I and see. And that's where like, I would not want to be friends anymore.

[A]

I'd be you. What?

[B]

I think we got a question similar to like, splitting costs. Once before from a moment who got Venmo requested by another mom when her daughter went over. Yeah. And was like, your daughter used up, like, $5 worth of, like, products in my house, like crayons and toilet paper and snacks and Venmo, honestly, then don't have my daughter over your house. If you are going to. If you're gonna venmo Request me. $5. We're not. We're not hanging out anymore. I will happily have your kid at my house.

[A]

No, not anymore. No.

[B]

No, I would. Because it doesn't. It shouldn't. I just, like, would never want.

[A]

That is a fine line where you talk about, like, kids and parents and, like, friendships, like, the whole thing that's going on with, like, Hilary Dawson.

[B]

But I think a lot you do need that balance where there is that back and forth. Like, maybe has this friend cooked for you, like, every single time?

[A]

No. Do you think it goes both ways? Like, if the kids are friends and the parents are friends, but, like, say the kids aren't friends anymore, you're no longer really probably going to be spending time with the parents because the kids don't get along. What about the parents don't get along, but the kids get along? What's the view on that? Do you still continue to let your kids be friends?

[B]

Because if there's. If I don't get along with a parent, there's a reason. And then their kids probably a little taught, too. And, like, I don't want them, like, adding their toxicity to, like, my kid. No. But I think also if we're. We're parents, Lucy, like, has friends and we're always the one, like, covering the cost of things for, like, Lucy's family friends, consistently, like, would that get annoying over time if, like, the parent. The other parents never, like, if we're always taking them out to dinners or lunches, like, consistently, you know, would that get annoying?

[A]

Anyway, this is nothing so tricky because it's like, that's subjective, right? How much is too much? Like, and everyone's threshold is different when it comes to that.

[B]

I just.

[A]

Would some people be like, all right, I brought her out three times, you got to start paying me to bring her out to dinner. Or is it like, like once a week for a year?

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Like, there has to be some, like, balance there that you're self aware of. But in this situation, like, gifts. What do you mean?

[A]

It's a fine line. It's just like, gifts. You don't know. You know, it's like, I don't know.

[B]

In this situation, I think, would you.

[A]

Get it where the hell did you get an Xbox for $20?

[B]

This is just tacky. I don't. And again, unless, like, this friend has cooked for you 15 times in a row and maybe she's asking you to split it because you haven't split the last dinner.

[A]

I will never split red sauce spaghetti with no meatballs.

[B]

With no meatballs. Yeah.

[A]

No meat.

[B]

There was no protein involved. Absolutely not.

[A]

Did you handcraft the pasta or is it just fudgeing angel hair from Walmart? Do we answer that? Yeah. Don't be their friend. Anyone in this.

[B]

You're not out of line. I just don't.

[A]

Just don't talk to this person ever again in your life and make it known how cheap they are and that they're never gonna be. They're never gonna have friends and they're not a good person.

[B]

They might have friends who are also nickel and dimers there. It's not gonna be. I won't be your friend.

[A]

Ain't gonna be me.

[B]

That's it. But I do have a secret. Ready?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Ready?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Ready to go.

[B]

I just want like that visual confirmation.

[A]

That you are ready.

[B]

I had casual threesomes with my best friend and her boyfriend, who's now her fiance in college. My fiance has no idea that my threesome experiences were with them. I know how he would feel if he knew. Probably uncomfortable, which makes sense. So we all agreed to just die with it. John, I have a secret for you.

[A]

No.

[B]

Imagine. Don't tell me that either. That would really. Are you just envisioning it? I'm trying to think. Out of your friends who are married, which one would you have joined in on their threesomes with? I. I can imagine it. I'll say it offline.

[A]

Okay. Recommendations? I need a recommendation. I will say. Okay, I'll. My one recommendation. It's not this. I should have wore it. My melon hat. M E L O N or M E L I O N? It's just like that generic black hat.

[B]

I have like a beanie or a baseball cap hat. Okay.

[A]

I love it. Just goes with everything. It's breathable, blah, blah, blah. I love the hat. So I recommend it if you need a hat. It's like my good travel hat. My black hat I always wear when I travel. And also because I don't it up in the washing machine. It hasn't really messed up. Now my Rex that I need is how do I actually clean because all my other hats destroyed in the washing machine. I know you can get like a.

[B]

Hat cradle, but how do you effectively.

[A]

Wash hats without ruining the bill, and it's all crunch. I do you dry the hat. Do you not dry the hat? Because this hat smells. I need to clean it. Okay, that's. That's what I need to know.

[B]

Maybe instead of giving recommendations, we should start asking for recommendations. Like, the first half of the year, we're like, I'm not.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

Here's our recommendations. And now, like, I want some recommendations.

[A]

That's a good idea.

[B]

Should I give a wreck today, or should I?

[A]

You have one?

[B]

No.

[A]

Then ask a wreck.

[B]

What are some good snacks for, like, a breastfeeding mom? I'm just, like, hungry all the time, and I just need, like, an easy snack. I'm sick of protein bars, even though, like, I do love protein bars.

[A]

Let's got these and a Mimi Edamami and a mommy snacks. And it's like eating ch.

[B]

I don't mind them.

[A]

One handful. If I don't slam some water, all that stuff.

[B]

So dry. I know, but, like, I just want some good snacks. I just love snacks with. It's hard because I'm just like. Once you look at the ingredient list of half the.

[A]

You're just like, oh, I want a filling snack, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, I. But I love snacky snacks, like popcorn, popcorners, carcinogens. I love pretzels. But I want, like, what are some. Just good snacks. You know what I mean? I feel like no one's gonna have good recommendations for that.

[A]

You know what? I will say Turkey Hill never got back to me.

[B]

Oh, yeah, John, I had this story.

[A]

I put up, like, last month, and we got. Was it chocolate chip or it was cookie dough?

[B]

Cookie dough.

[A]

Only chocolate chips. There's no cookie dough in there. And I was like. And I was on my store. I'm like, hey, Turkey Hill, there's no cookie dough in this. I love your ice cream. But, like, we got to do something about this. Turkey Hill messaged me and, like, hey, send me the barcode on it. I'm like, all right. Send them the barcode. Never said anything after. Like, send them the barcode.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

So either they just fired everyone in this zip code or of the. Whoever made. They're like, we can't narrow down who didn't put the cookie dough in the ice cream. So everyone's getting fired. Or, like, they don't care. They're just pretending to do their due diligence.

[B]

I don't know, you know, to segue off of your ice cream story. I didn't realize that if ice cream doesn't have a certain amount of dairy in it, it's technically just a frozen frozen dessert, not considered ice cream. Which is why we should just eat at Cold Stone. I love Cold Stones.

[A]

Today, there's no one. There's none near us.

[B]

We could just. Yeah, but we could drive.

[A]

We can make our own ice cream. With that ninja thing not as fun.

[B]

Oh, maybe. I don't know. I don't feel like putting an effort.

[A]

Anyways, guys, that's it. Like, subscribe, email, comment on itunes, Spotify, do all the things.

[B]

If you want to follow us, you could do so at Give it to Me straight podcast. If you want to send an anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or on our website. We'll see you guys next week.

[A]

Ciao. Ciao.

[B]

Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.