← Give It To Me Straight
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- [00:00]
A
The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. I'm not answering this question by not answering it. Are you answering it? I think that's a yes.
- [00:08]
B
This question screaming, please tell me that I should give him another chance. I need someone else to give me reassurance that this isn't going to happen again. It's going to happen again. And welcome back to Give It To Me Straight.
- [00:28]
A
I'm Alex.
- [00:29]
B
And I'm John. And we're your Gracious Grace. Gracious, gracious, gracious. I went for a high five. You didn't even. You didn't even come in. I go, you ready?
- [00:38]
A
Four.
- [00:38]
B
Yeah. Right before, I was like, all right, let's do this. And you just blew me off.
- [00:41]
A
I don't think you did.
- [00:43]
B
I did. Arm was out anyways. Just talking about Alex's nice sweater. Those are dash hounds on her sweater.
- [00:49]
A
That's not how you pronounced it.
- [00:51]
B
What did I say?
- [00:52]
A
You said I didn't.
- [00:53]
B
Yeah, I said dash hound, I think you said. That's what I said. I. Dutch hound.
- [00:58]
A
But they're dachshunds.
- [00:59]
B
There's two ways to say it. Tomato, Tomatoes.
- [01:01]
A
Do people actually pronounce it dash hounds? I mean, I used to until my friend who's a vet said it's dachshund.
- [01:09]
B
What does she know? She only has a degree in animals.
- [01:13]
A
I mean it. Like, why would you spell something the way that it is not pronounced?
- [01:19]
B
Maybe it's from Dutchland. Dash hound. I don't know.
- [01:23]
A
Wiener dogs. They're so cute. I. I'm not a fan of little dogs, but if I were to get a little dog, it would be.
- [01:29]
B
That's the last dog I would get.
- [01:31]
A
Really?
- [01:31]
B
Out of all small dogs, that's the one you get.
- [01:34]
A
Cute.
- [01:35]
B
Oh, you know what I'd get? The brussel terrier thing. It looks like Chewbacca. It's like a little dog. It's a little.
- [01:42]
A
Oh, yeah, they're cute, ugly dogs.
- [01:45]
B
Yeah, they're expensive. If you get like a. I feel.
- [01:47]
A
Like all little dogs are expensive. All dogs that have problems are expensive.
- [01:53]
B
What, Kobe?
- [01:55]
A
Oh, well, yeah. Yeah. He. He was not expensive. He was only 90. But now he's expensive too many.
- [02:02]
B
Anytime you have to get a, like, surgery on a joint, forget about it.
- [02:05]
A
His bowel obstruction was more expensive than his knee.
- [02:09]
B
Not total.
- [02:10]
A
It was. Right.
- [02:11]
B
Well, because he's had two knee surgeries.
- [02:13]
A
Different knees. He's like you. You've had multiple knee surgeries? Three, but the same knee.
- [02:19]
B
Right.
- [02:19]
A
Your dad's about to get knee surgery. Yeah, my dad had is a knee replacement. That's a long recovery.
- [02:26]
B
Yeah.
- [02:26]
A
Do you think you'll need one?
- [02:28]
B
Me?
- [02:28]
A
Yeah.
- [02:29]
B
Down the road, I'm sure you think.
- [02:30]
A
You'Ll need a knee replacement.
- [02:31]
B
Yeah. Because if you any sort of surgery or anything with your knee, it's just gonna start breaking down.
- [02:36]
A
Why, like, why aren't we born with good knees? Like, what requires you to end up having a knee replacement? Like, why would you need a knee replacement?
- [02:43]
B
I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I just do know though, like, your think about like your meniscus, your ace, any of those, like paper thin. They're like paper thin ligaments. Not even like your meniscus in between your joints because that's what.
- [02:56]
A
But like, how can you care for your knees now? So you don't need a knee replacement.
- [03:00]
B
Don't be overweight for sure. That's a number. That's. That's huge. Because added weight to your joints causes tension, causes pressure. I don't know. I just know it's not good for you. The more you lose weight, the le like you're offloading on your knee.
- [03:14]
A
But is running. Running's probably bad for your knees, though.
- [03:16]
B
Oh, yeah, Swimming. I think running is actually not even like that great for you, man.
- [03:20]
A
I used to be a runner. I don't know why. Like, never again. And if you run, I understand, like, you get a good high when you run.
- [03:27]
B
But I'm like, never had a good high. No.
- [03:29]
A
Never had, like runners high.
- [03:31]
B
No. I had like back problems and had to stop.
- [03:34]
A
Well, that was because you all have always had back problems. I can imagine. Like, you don't like, this is a.
- [03:39]
B
Hot take because, you know, like, runners are like, this is the best thing for you. It's not. Running is not the best thing for you. I'm going to hot take.
- [03:46]
A
The worst shape that I was in was when I ran a marathon.
- [03:49]
B
And everything's shifting muscle mass. You need muscle mass and muscle mass as you get older. You're burning and churning running like you need that support when you're older so you can move.
- [03:59]
A
I think that there's seasons of life, though, where you can run as long as whatever. You know what? I don't want to.
- [04:04]
B
Cardiovascular wise, there's so many things you could do.
- [04:06]
A
But I feel like running is in the same category as eggs, where it's like you could. If you want to find things that are pro running, you can Google that. But if you want to find things that are like, oh, running is bad for you. You could find that too.
- [04:16]
B
It depends because you see those like side by side photos of like marathon runners versus like sprinters. Quick sprinters, like cyclists.
- [04:24]
A
Right.
- [04:25]
B
Be smoking anyway.
- [04:26]
A
That's not what we're here to talk about.
- [04:27]
B
Talk about whatever we want.
- [04:28]
A
What'd you do for the week? What did you do this week?
- [04:29]
B
Also, I also want to say, like, I think brown is like in now. Brown.
- [04:34]
A
I don't think brown was ever out.
- [04:36]
B
Yeah, brown was never like a color of choice, but starting to become like color and like long sleeve shirts. Brown. Brown pants.
- [04:46]
A
Yeah, I, I don't think that they were ever out. I think you're just now having an eye for fashion.
- [04:51]
B
Fashion, John.
- [04:52]
A
Yeah.
- [04:53]
B
Speaking of fashion, I love la. So the show. So funny, so good.
- [04:59]
A
Listen, maybe if you're not in the influencer world, you won't, but you would still have to get the comedy of it like it is. I think it is just so silly written. I think it's so funny. I think I've laughed out loud watching a show in so long.
- [05:16]
B
We should have done our research because I don't. I don't know her name. Do you know her name?
- [05:19]
A
Rachel? Senate. Senate. Senate. Senate. I don't know how to pronounce it.
- [05:25]
B
She's amazing. But also Jordan Firstman. Her. Her friend. Her gay friend. He is so.
- [05:32]
A
Yeah.
- [05:33]
B
Funny. Yeah, he's so funny.
- [05:35]
A
It was just a delightful show and it's. They're quick episodes on hbo, but I've seen her before. I think she created the show. She like wrote and created the show also. But. But I've seen her before in a few other things and she's always so fudgeing funny. She's just a great actress.
- [05:49]
B
She's so talented.
- [05:49]
A
Yeah. She's going to go do big things. I know that. Last week we spoke about. Was it rip? All right. Wait, what was rip?
- [05:56]
B
Rip? Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.
- [05:58]
A
No, we didn't talk about rip. I don't think we did.
- [06:01]
B
We're not movie critics. I'm just.
- [06:02]
A
No, I know, but like, you know, we're talking about when we put Lucy to bed, thankfully. And that's the one thing that I'll say that we did right is even though she's not sleeping through the night every night or any nights, we did do a bedtime routine so she at least gets a few hours in the beginning of the night. We put her to bed at 7:30 and we're able to like, you know, cram in as much content as we want. Yeah, the one hour until I go to bed. But we watched rip, which was good, but watching it reminded me of this.
- [06:32]
B
Might be get there too far.
- [06:34]
A
Like too far back. And you probably don't know Barbie Detective.
- [06:38]
B
Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
- [06:39]
A
So when I was a kid, there was this game called Barbie Detective. You would put in the CD ROM and you'd be chasing this.
- [06:46]
B
Did you say CD rom?
- [06:48]
A
Right. Isn't it like a CD rom?
- [06:50]
B
You put it in the CD player.
- [06:51]
A
But it's not a CD player. It's like four.
- [06:55]
B
You put it in the computer. I don't think it's called a. It's called a CD ROM is what you put it in, or the CD ROM is what the CD is.
- [07:01]
A
So I. I'm pretty sure the thing is called a CD rom. Like the cd. I really don't know. Anyway, it was a CD game.
- [07:09]
B
Okay, so you played Pet Detective.
- [07:12]
A
Barbie Detective. But the feeling that I would get in my stomach, like chasing after someone, it's just so nerve wracking. And it brought me back to my, you know, 10 year old days playing Barbie Detective.
- [07:25]
B
That stressed you out. But not when you played Halo.
- [07:28]
A
No, because Halo's like aliens. And you know, I was so good at Halo that I never got nervous.
- [07:35]
B
Maybe we start a new. A new thing. Streaming. Let's start streaming gaming.
- [07:39]
A
I only want to play Halo, though. Call of Duty is too, like, it's. It's too sensitive. It's too like quick.
- [07:45]
B
Too much for you. You have to be, you know, actually good at video games to play.
- [07:48]
A
John, I'm not like out here claiming that I'm great at video games.
- [07:51]
B
It's not Call of Duty anymore. It's Battlefield. Okay. We've transitioned. We've transitioned.
- [07:55]
A
Speaking of things that we claim that we're good at. You in. In your brain.
- [07:59]
B
Way better than you. No, you're not volleyball. Yes.
- [08:02]
A
I know you're gonna say that you are like this elite athlete.
- [08:05]
B
I didn't say that.
- [08:06]
A
Yeah, you did. Because you love to say like that.
- [08:08]
B
I can at least tend over the net, Al.
- [08:10]
A
John, I'm good.
- [08:13]
B
Someone who didn't play dookie.
- [08:15]
A
Okay. All right.
- [08:17]
B
Just like you think you're a pro NASCAR driver.
- [08:20]
A
In another life, I would have been an amazing NASCAR driver. Or F1. I'm telling you, I have the skills.
- [08:27]
B
Going 15 miles an hour versus going like 210.
- [08:30]
A
Every golf, golf cart, every Go kart that I have been on, every Go kart race. I've never lost.
- [08:39]
B
You never came in first. You're Just saying that. You got in front of me. You never let me pass the wall.
- [08:44]
A
That's what I've. I've always. I always win. And I beat you every time. So explain that, John. Explain every time we've done go karts.
- [08:52]
B
Because I let you go first.
- [08:53]
A
That's not true.
- [08:54]
B
And then all you do is block me the whole time. We both are capped at miles an hour. You won't let me pass you, so I'm just sitting there idling behind you.
- [09:01]
A
But that takes skill. Like, I am able to. You don't let me pass you like I pass you because I'm skilled and I know how to go around.
- [09:09]
B
You started before me.
- [09:10]
A
That is not true. Every time. No, I don't.
- [09:13]
B
You can't bump. You're not allowed to do anything.
- [09:15]
A
Where is there, like, a go kart track? That is legit. I'll let you go in front of me. I'll still beat you, smoke you, John, you've never. Like, that's not true.
- [09:23]
B
You've also. I'm keeping an eye on you, making sure you're safe.
- [09:26]
A
That's bullshit.
- [09:27]
B
She's in front of me. Eyes on.
- [09:29]
A
Right? Yeah. Like when we were in Finland and you really kept an eye on me.
- [09:33]
B
Well, you. You left. I thought you were done.
- [09:36]
A
No, I was behind you, getting cool shots. Anyway, I would have been a really good NASCAR driver. I know that. Like, you don't.
- [09:42]
B
Anyway, so this whole thing is. We play volleyball in the summers. Alex hasn't played in a minute. She's definitely not the best volleyball player, but for some reason thinks she's at a level, the same level as me, which she's not.
- [09:54]
A
Yeah, I would say that we're comparable when it comes to our skill. Are you crazy, John? I get ups. I'm taller than you. I can clock. Yeah, you can serve. I'll give you that. Like, you're a good server.
- [10:07]
B
You do have long ass fingers, but.
- [10:09]
A
Yeah, like, I can palm the ball.
- [10:12]
B
You could palm the ball.
- [10:13]
A
I'm telling you. Like, I'm not saying I'm the greatest, but I'm not bad. You think I'm trash, and that's not true.
- [10:20]
B
If you can't serve it over the net, you're trash. Serve it over the net.
- [10:24]
A
I could. I bump it over. Listen, I haven't played in years, so.
- [10:28]
B
Like, legally, I don't think you can even hit it like that. How you're hitting it. You're basically throwing it over the net. You can't. You can't do that, John.
- [10:34]
A
I Think you're just jealous that, like, I actually have skill, athletic skills.
- [10:40]
B
Okay, anyways, so I didn't tell you this. So the other day, I go to the grocery store. I don't know what I was getting. I went in the morning, like, 8:30 in the morning. Why did I go there? Oh, I think it was to get stuff for the soup I made. I'm in line, I'm doing checkout, whatever. And the lady, we're this close to each other. She goes, oh, I wish I had a gun. The one checking my grocery store attendant. And I'm like, what? She goes, oh, I'm sorry. The trigger, the scanner. And we both start cracking up because I'm like. Like, we all have some bad days sometimes. So I was. I felt like I was on one because I just kept ripping one liners, and she was cracking up. And I was like, remind not to go in your lane next time. And I thought I was like, that she was losing her mind. And I'm like, see you later. And I go, you just freeze. And then I. And then I walked out. And I was like, damn, you were on it. I was on it.
- [11:30]
A
There's no better feeling than when you just are able to, like, rip good ones like that in the moment.
- [11:36]
B
So my local grocery store. Now I know her, and I know the pharmacist. Like, I'm getting, like, that's my spot. People have their own, like, bars and stuff. My spot's the grocery store.
- [11:45]
A
I was just gonna say that's really funny that you say that, because we always talked about being local somewhere, like finding a place that we can go to. For you, it is the grocery store for sure.
- [11:55]
B
Every time I go in there and I'm like, hands up. Today's podcast is sponsored by Premier Protein.
- [12:04]
A
Yay.
- [12:05]
B
I love Premiere Protein.
- [12:06]
A
Literally.
- [12:07]
B
This is coffee every morning.
- [12:08]
A
My favorite partner that we've had. We love everybody.
- [12:10]
B
I mean, we religiously use Premier Protein every morning.
- [12:13]
A
One thing we use every single.
- [12:15]
B
Let me just read it. Life right now can best be be described as lovely chaos. We're juggling work, a baby, sleep deprivation, and the constant feeling that we're forgetting something important. And spoiler alert, it's usually ourselves. Because once you become a parent, taking care of your own health suddenly feels optional. Like, I'll get to that after the baby eats, sleeps, stop crying. And I remember what day it is. That's where Premier Protein comes in. With 30 grams of protein and tons of delicious flavors. Premier protein isn't just for those who get after fitness. It's for those who get after life. And right now, getting after life for us means function, minimal sleep, and still showing up like real humans. We genuinely drink Premier Protein every single day and one of our favorite ways to have it is mixing it straight into our coffee.
- [12:58]
A
I think it's actually in this cup right now. I need a refill.
- [13:01]
B
The vanilla is the best because if we're already holding a cup of coffee for Dear Life at 7am, it might as well be doing something productive. Turns our coffee into an actual meal, which feels like a parenting win. And the best part? It actually tastes good. No chalky. I'm being punished for not working out. Flavor Cafe Latte Chocolate Cake batter. It's healthy choice you want to make even when your standards are low and your patience is lower. Premier Protein gives us the fuel to get after everything we have going on, not just workouts. It's fuel for powering through the workday, keeping up with a baby, still having energy left for the joyful stuff. Or at least enough energy to stay awake past 8pm for me. For me, not Alex. So if you want something easy, delicious and parent approved, find your favorite flavor@premier protein d.com that's P R E M I E R protein.com or at Amazon, Walmart and other major retailers.
- [13:50]
A
This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. You guys know how much we love the Cozy Earth sheets. Their sheets are on another level. And you know what else is on another level? Their pajamas. I love the bamboo pajama set. They are insanely soft, they drape beautifully and somehow keep you cool without ever feeling flimsy. I fall asleep faster, stay comfortable longer, and they feel just as good at the end of the night as they do when you first put them on. I mean again, like I would live in their sheets if I could. So the pajama set is perfect. And for my friends who like something a little bit more classic, the Sutton pajama set is perfect. It's lightweight, breathable and polished enough that you don't feel like you're wearing old college pajamas on a group trip. John, I think we need to update those. Upgrade Upgrade to Cozy Earth. Cozy Earth is all about elevating the everyday. And right now they're doing something they never do, which is a buy one, get one pajama deal only from January 25 through February 8. These went viral and sold out over the holidays. So it is the moment perfect for like Valentine's Day, Galentine's Day. Plus it's totally risk free with 100 night sleep trial and a 10 year warranty, which is wild when you think about it. Who gets to do that with PJs? Go to cozy earth.com and use code straight B O G O to get pajamas for you and someone you love. Or honestly for you and you. Or just you and your best friend. Like two pairs.
- [15:18]
B
Or me.
- [15:19]
A
Or me. And if you get the post purchase survey, make sure you tell them you heard about Cozy Earth right here. Because cozy nights with your favorite people deserve the coziest pajamas. Well, I'm glad that you were on one at the grocery store and you felt like you, you know, could riff back and forth with your, the grocery store staff. Because when we went to Tamron Hall, I feel like we were so awkward. I don't know if it was like nerves or excitement different. So John and I got invited to go on Tamron Hall. By the time this episode comes out, the episode. By the time our episode comes out, the episode will have aired. So I think you can watch it on Hulu.
- [15:57]
B
By the time this episode comes out, the Chairman hall show would have been aired on Friday. A couple days before this comes out.
- [16:03]
A
That's what I was trying to say. And so many words. But we're in our dressing room and this guy knocks on the door. Or was it a girl? Someone knocked on the door and John and I were just like laughing at something and instead of saying come in, you go, come on.
- [16:23]
B
But like in the most weak.
- [16:27]
A
Come on. It was just so uncomfortable and awkward. But thankfully I feel like we got our nerves.
- [16:32]
B
That was awkward because they come in and Alex goes, we just got done making out.
- [16:35]
A
And I was like, I don't know why I said that word.
- [16:38]
B
Vomit.
- [16:38]
A
I think I was trying to make a joke. Like I was trying to be funny. And then in the moment I was like, that wasn't funny. Like, I don't know why I'm trying. I don't know why I'm doing this.
- [16:47]
B
Hey, you did great though. So we got asked to go on Tamron hall, if you haven't seen it, basically talking about, you know, our transition from loss with Leo to having Lucy, our experiences, whatnot. I feel like we met the producer, he was great. We didn't know specifically how the questions would go. And it just if from doing a podcast to doing something live, it's just so totally different.
- [17:12]
A
Well, it's not even a live element because technically, technically it's not live. Like it's pre recorded, but it's in front of a live audience. It really reminded me of when we did Lopez vs Lopez, except I was so much more nervous during Lopez vs Lopez because we had lines, but this. I just think that, like, when you're thinking you want to try to get all of your words out appropriately and.
- [17:36]
B
And quickly, because it was only, like, a small segment we had, too. Yeah.
- [17:40]
A
So I don't know.
- [17:41]
B
I feel great.
- [17:42]
A
We did as good as we could have done. But going live and talking about. I didn't. I didn't think that I was going to be so emotional. I think it's because they showed the montage and then, like, music. There was a really emotional segment before we had gone on, which, like, just.
- [17:57]
B
Just.
- [17:57]
A
I was already in my feels. And so by the time that we were getting interviewed by Tamron, I was just not. I felt unwell.
- [18:05]
B
She asked me a question, and I was still choking up.
- [18:07]
A
I go, can you come back?
- [18:08]
B
I was like, can you come back to me? I was like, could. I didn't know what they were gonna show.
- [18:12]
A
Yeah.
- [18:13]
B
You know, I was like, jesus. Because every time we talk about Leo, I guess, with people or. Or, you know, when something public like this, it just is like reopening a wound kind of. So I don't know. I thought I'd be fine, but. Yeah, I think we both were like.
- [18:29]
A
It'S interesting that you say that it reopens a wound, because I feel like I've done a lot of therapy that I'm able to talk about it without getting super emotional. Like, without it feeling super painful. Like, I could get to a painful place if I wanted to, but, like, I could talk to it from, like, a bird's eye view now of, like, oh, this happened. This is something that happened. And it's.
- [18:50]
B
It depends on the situation.
- [18:51]
A
Right.
- [18:51]
B
You have a fudgeing musical montage.
- [18:53]
A
That's what it was. And I think that, like, seeing how emotional, like, Tamron was and, like, the way that she was asking us these questions, I was like, this is making me. I'm going to lose. Lose it on live television right now. Well, technically not live, but in front of this live. Live audience. But it was a cool experience, though. Like, the entire team there. So nice. Everybody is so nice.
- [19:16]
B
It's cool. The industry. It's just funny. Like, the industry as a whole, like, how it runs.
- [19:20]
A
That's.
- [19:21]
B
It's very unique.
- [19:22]
A
What do you mean?
- [19:23]
B
The worlds are small. Like, I'm not saying I knew anyone there specifically, but, like, I heard that girl's story that was before us. Just even, like, the setup. Like, every setup's kind of Similar in a way of like how things, how shows are run and like the run a show and whatnot. It's cool. It's cool that we get to do stuff like that.
- [19:39]
A
Yeah. No, and we're thankful that they had us on and we were able to share our story. One thing though that I did note when we were there and I was like, I need to clock this to remember to see if anyone else feels this way. When we were in the, we had like our own dressing room but there was like public bathrooms like down in the hallway that like anybody who had. Was a guest on the show could use. And it was a one person bathroom. So you go in, but it's a big bathroom. It was like a long hallway, one person, single use. The toilet is the farthest away from the door. And whenever I use a bathroom where the toilet is so far from the door, I, I immediately have anxiety. I'm like, is the door locked? Is it locked? Because if someone opens this, there's nothing you can do. Feet away. I can't hold the door with my hand. I can't. Like I'd have to yell and be like, I'm in here. Like if someone gets this door open, I'm full, full vag out. Like full vulnerability. And I'm like, why do people put the toilet so far? And then I also feel like when it's that far, there's so much room for echo.
- [20:43]
B
It's probably a plumbing thing like where the. Of course the, the pipes are on the same walls that. So that's easy to connect.
- [20:49]
A
Right. But like plumber John, the door in. I don't know. Like, I don't. There's got to be a different layout. All we've learned from this so far.
- [20:59]
B
Is we need a. We need to move to the city. We're not close enough to the city.
- [21:05]
A
It's a topic for another day. You've come so far, John. The way that you're like, I'm never moving to New York. Well, it's just like never moving to LA.
- [21:12]
B
For a 10 minute segment it took us. It was a. It was from 8am to 3:30. Like we didn't get home till 3:30.
- [21:20]
A
Traffic. We could have taken the train.
- [21:23]
B
Would have saved us 30 minutes each way.
- [21:25]
A
So an hour could have pumped on the train.
- [21:27]
B
Yeah.
- [21:27]
A
Moving on from the city and the show. I want to talk about how you are one of the loudest. Like I'm loud but John, like you don't mean to be loud. You try to be quiet. Like it is Almost like watching a comedy.
- [21:48]
B
It's because I have to be quiet.
- [21:49]
A
So that cartoon, like, you are just a true cartoon character watching you. I have Lucy asleep, and it is. We're, like, struggling with nap time recently. Like, I feel like if we could get her to sleep during that time, it is a win if we could get her to sleep more than 30 minutes, even better. So I. We're trying to get her to nap in her crib, but that doesn't really work as well. She naps the best when she's on us. So anyway, she falls asleep on me. I'm sitting on the couch, and, like, everything is quiet. And we. We've been in situations before, or we tried to when she was little to, like, have loud environments so she could sleep in any scenario. But, like, I don't know, the older she's getting, she's just, like, waking up over anything. So I'm like, let's just, like, be quiet. So John starts coming up from the downstairs, and I see his head and I'm like, she's sleeping. And so John is carrying things and he's like, oh, okay.
- [22:37]
B
It was all the groceries.
- [22:38]
A
I'm going to be quiet. Like, you could see that he's trying. The second that he makes it to the top of the steps, you drop everything. And I'm like, what the actual. It's truly. You can't write. You can't write this. You can't make it up.
- [22:55]
B
My dad's son. That's my dad.
- [22:56]
A
Is your dad clumsy?
- [22:57]
B
Bing. Banging around loud.
- [23:00]
A
And then yesterday, you think that you're quiet. You have your Crocs on, and you must not have been wearing socks. You're like spongebob walking around the house. It's like, eee, ooh, ew, ew. And then you like, tinker, Tinker, Tinker, ew, ew. Like walking across the house. And then the other day, I was watching you on the baby monitor putting her to sleep. You drop your phone so loud. I see her arms go and stretch across her crib.
- [23:28]
B
Just stay on your feet. I know I'm just clumsy. I don't know. It's because that gate at the top of the stairs, the bag clip, that I tripped and dumped all the groceries.
- [23:36]
A
The gate is just. That's just one of the things again, seeing you so flustered when you dropped her your phone and her arms just, like, woke up and spread across like, oh, God, here we go.
- [23:50]
B
We did try. So we moved the bassinet to my side of the bed because I saw Something about. I mean, I guess it's colder near your side because the door's there. But I also saw have baby on Dad's side because if it's on mom's side, she could smell the milk or something like. I don't know.
- [24:05]
A
We only. I mean, we only did that one night.
- [24:08]
B
Great. Last night.
- [24:08]
A
She did, yeah.
- [24:10]
B
For the most part.
- [24:10]
A
Honestly, we'll take whatever tip and trick.
- [24:13]
B
Well, speaking of dropping phones, I don't know, man. I just had this, like, a pip. Not epiphany, just this realization that I'm getting older.
- [24:21]
A
I don't want the old man in.
- [24:23]
B
I. I know, I know. I dropped my cell phone from arm length on my foot. The corner of the phone hit my foot. I was fine. Like, the first two hours. 7:30 hits. I thought I had to go to the hospital. I'm dragging my foot. Like, I got shot in the leg.
- [24:42]
A
I know.
- [24:43]
B
I had to put ice on my foot. I'm like, what is happening? It was throbbing so much. I'm like, all I did was drop my cell phone.
- [24:51]
A
I know, I know. Seeing you, like, navigate around the house, I just. You're really one of the funniest people I know.
- [25:00]
B
I used to get paintball. I used to get paintball. I used to play paintball. Fall soccer, sports, everything. No, no problem. Dropping my cell phone.
- [25:10]
A
I just, like, have this vision of you getting up from the couch and making your way to the kitchen.
- [25:17]
B
You're laughing. Alex thinks it's so funny. Alex is one of those people, if you're hurt. She laughs.
- [25:22]
A
No, no, not all. You weren't actually hurt. Like, you were just.
- [25:25]
B
Wasn't actually hurt. I was like, do I have to go to the hospital?
- [25:28]
A
So dramatic about it. But in, like, a funny way that it was, you know, I had permission to laugh. I was peeing my pants. It's forever burned in my mind. But are you okay now? Like, how does your foot feel now?
- [25:41]
B
Because I iced. Because I iced it.
- [25:42]
A
Is that the only. Like, do you. Okay.
- [25:46]
B
No. I must have just, like, hit the bone. It just. Just went to my core. It.
- [25:54]
A
You're okay. It's okay.
- [25:56]
B
Moving on.
- [25:57]
A
It's February now. Did you. Were you ever a dry January person? I've seen some people doing dry January. Not. No one that I know personally in my life did dry January this year. I feel like we're all too old at this point.
- [26:11]
B
I have a friend who. Who's doing that. But, you know, if you had to do dry January, I'm like, you're drinking.
- [26:16]
A
Too Much, because that's the thing. I feel like Dry January was a thing when you needed to actually take a break from alcohol. Like, we. We don't drink nearly as much.
- [26:27]
B
We can afford to. I. Physically, mentally.
- [26:30]
A
Yeah.
- [26:31]
B
We were never people who did fad diets or like, something like this. I never really, like, committed to something like that.
- [26:40]
A
Yeah, Well, I think because we look at more as holistic, being a lifestyle change. Yeah. Like, if it's not something that you could implement forever, why. Why bother. Like, if it's not something that you could commit to from now into. For an entire year or like, for your life, why. Like, you need to find a healthy balance in general.
- [26:59]
B
With everything.
- [27:00]
A
Yeah, with everything. And so I just. I don't know. I'm not hating on you. If you do Dry January, maybe I've done it. I really don't think so. But, like, I just. It wasn't like a thing.
- [27:09]
B
The only thing I'm trying to implement, and I do once in a while if I'm busy, is fasting for sure. Like, eating breakfast. You don't need to eat breakfast.
- [27:21]
A
Okay, speak for yourself. I wake up and I'm starving.
- [27:24]
B
The minute I eat breakfast, that I'm starving at 10. So if I could just hold off until like, 11.
- [27:30]
A
Yeah, but what are. A lot has to do with, like, the quality of what you're eating. Are you eating enough protein then when you're eating enough protein? I don't. I don't know. I don't think. Okay, if that's what works for you. I feel like regardless, you just got to do what works for you, no matter what it is in life.
- [27:46]
B
You know, I also feel better. I have more energy the less I eat, though.
- [27:50]
A
Cool.
- [27:51]
B
And I stuff my face at night.
- [27:52]
A
Yeah.
- [27:53]
B
Because if I eat a big breakfast.
- [27:54]
A
I'm like, well, because you don't, like, you don't know portion control. That's the.
- [28:00]
B
For example, yesterday I had Indian food for breakfast. I had chicken marsala, bunch of rice, and then I put four eggs on top and an avocado, and I just shit my pants.
- [28:14]
A
I think that's the most difficult part about, like, dealing with you, like with a child, is the fact that you are still always your schedule.
- [28:22]
B
I had a whole shepherd's pie last night. And then you made one.
- [28:26]
A
Well, because we're traveling, and so I was like, I need to cook up these veggies and this meat and this pie. And so I was like, let me, let me make. We didn't have chicken, so I was like, I'll do A turkey pot pie came out really good.
- [28:36]
B
I've never turned you into a don't waste food person. I hate. I hate wasting food. I hate it. I hate it.
- [28:41]
A
John, there's a difference between, like, cooking food before it goes bad versus eating food that is already bad. You're a. If it's in the fridge and it has mold, I'm still going to eat it.
- [28:51]
B
No, but before trips you. Before back in the. You'd be like, whatever, it's in the fridge.
- [28:55]
A
No, you. What do you mean? We've always made dinners with what we have to clear out the fridge. That makes sense. But I'm. I've never been the.
- [29:05]
B
I don't think it bothered you as much until you're with me. Like, I make sure I'm, like, I'm cooking everything up.
- [29:10]
A
John, I don't remember life before. We've been together for almost 10 years at this point. Like, what was I, 23 before? Like, I was eating old pizza from the night before when we were dating. But it's not like we filled our fridge with a bunch of stuff before the snowstorm. We got a lot of snow this year so far, and there's more to come. I'm over it. My skin is dry. I want to go outside. I want to do things. I know. We should really plan a trip somewhere warm. I do like the seasons, but I'm getting over it.
- [29:41]
B
We're getting old. Our old bones.
- [29:42]
A
One good snow, then I'm done for Christmas. Just for Christmas.
- [29:47]
B
Yeah. You need winter wonderland Christmas, and then the snow can Off.
- [29:51]
A
Off.
- [29:51]
B
Let's dive in.
- [29:52]
A
Yeah. Let's get into questions now. Question number one. My husband, two daughters and I moved from California to Texas almost four years ago. I regretted the decision to move immediately. My husband, on the other hand, loves it here. I tried my best to love it as well, but it just isn't home. Where my friends and family are now, almost four years later, it is really weighing on the both of us. We're both resentful, and it's causing strain on our marriage. I feel like we need to go back close to family, especially for our kids. We recently started therapy, but how do I convince my husband this is what's best for our family?
- [30:23]
B
Is your only fight about where you're living, and that's causing a strain on your relationship. That make is making you have go to therapy. One of you just give in. One of you give in because that's not worth risking your relationship, just fudgeing. Move back if you can. What's better for the kids. Okay, let's tear it down. You two are conflicting. What is better for your children? Because I think they're most important.
- [30:47]
A
Right. Well, and that's the thing. You guys have been there for four years. Why did you move to Texas originally? Again? I, I think of this all the time. What are the actual core problems? Is it really the location or is it because like there's certain things that moving can fix.
- [31:04]
B
Yeah, like are you doing couples therapy just because of that? There's no fucking way.
- [31:08]
A
I think that your problems come with you. You know, happiness comes from within. And so it's really like what or what is it about your surroundings in Texas? Like is it the certain neighborhood that you're in? Do you. Would you rather be walkable to things? The weather? I think because now it's getting a little cold in Texas these days too. Who knows. But I don't know, I just think that like yeah, obviously you need to have a conversation and compromise, but not everybody can up and move. Is it that easy for you guys or your daughter was able, like what. Find out what the core issues are. What is it, you know, finding these.
- [31:45]
B
People that write in questions like, you know, there's more, there's. It's. This isn't the prime reason and you're like, let me bypass some and just tell you the one specific thing that's like on my mind.
- [31:57]
A
Right, Right. Yeah. Like this. Next question. I almost don't want to read it because there's no context, but I'm going to get into it. Next question. My husband caused a huge family fight on a holiday at his parents house because I had a disagreement with my sisters in law. While I may have exaggerated the truth a little bit about what happened, my feelings were still hurt by them and I think that they owe me an apology. It has caused him to not speak to his brother or sister in law and we have not been invited to any gatherings they have had since. He did just start talking to his sister again, but it seems like he is still at odds with both of his siblings. How do I mend this relationship with his family as it seems to be bothering him. But I do not want to take the full blame for everything what happened.
- [32:35]
B
I'm so what the fuck's a sisters in law?
- [32:38]
A
So her sisters in law, she has multiples. So like one is from his brother, one is his sister. Anyway, there was family drama.
- [32:46]
B
She caused the family drama.
- [32:48]
A
It says that she exaggerated the truth a little bit about what happened.
- [32:51]
B
Sounds like it's Your fucking fault. This whole thing started because of you. Well, take the blame. You're the fact. So I'm assuming your husband is defending your honor.
- [33:03]
A
Exactly, yeah.
- [33:04]
B
Oh, then you know what did you.
- [33:06]
A
What?
- [33:06]
B
I don't care.
- [33:07]
A
You fucking exaggerate.
- [33:08]
B
The fact that you want to apologize means, you know, that you. You up.
- [33:12]
A
What? What is the. What did. How. Why did they hurt your feeling? What did you exaggerate about? We need the context here.
- [33:19]
B
We need the tea.
- [33:20]
A
Not only because yeah, we're just interested in the drama, but it will help us decide whose side we're on.
- [33:27]
B
We've been doing this long enough where I. I know she's the problem. You started the drama. Your husband.
- [33:33]
A
She started it.
- [33:34]
B
Yeah, read the first read it.
- [33:36]
A
It says my husband caused a huge family fight on a holiday at his parents house because I had a disagreement with my sisters in law.
- [33:43]
B
Yeah. So he was defending you because you had a disagreement. So you are part of the cause of this fight.
- [33:49]
A
Also grammar question. Not that you would be the one to know this. Would you say if you have multiple sister in. It would be sister in laws, right?
- [33:56]
B
Like not sisters in law. Yeah, that's where it threw me too. I was like what does that mean?
- [34:01]
A
Yeah, just apologize.
- [34:02]
B
Who gives a. Who cares? I wouldn't apologize. I don't know.
- [34:09]
A
I mean it's kind of.
- [34:11]
B
It's your husband's problem.
- [34:13]
A
It's kind of like there's already this issue here.
- [34:16]
B
Now what I just think of I love LA when she was drunk at game night.
- [34:19]
A
Oh my God.
- [34:20]
B
So uncomfortable.
- [34:21]
A
So uncomfortable. But so funny.
- [34:23]
B
You come to the bathroom with me and me, he's like we're playing the. Right outside where it's my turn to.
- [34:30]
A
Roll the dice with Chancellor Claire. Claire the Chancellor.
- [34:34]
B
I got a new game.
- [34:36]
A
Oh my God. Moving on, next question. I have a sister in law who became best friends with one of my husband's exes. Does that make sense?
- [34:44]
B
I have a sister in law who became best friends with my husband's friends.
- [34:48]
A
So no picture this. My brother is best. Best friends with one of my ex boyfriends.
- [34:57]
B
Got it.
- [34:57]
A
Okay. But opposite like wife.
- [35:00]
B
Got it.
- [35:00]
A
She pursued having her as a maid of honor. So in your situation, this would be my brother pursuing having one of my exes as his best man. Like do you understand the dynamic? Okay, I'll switch it. Yeah, yeah. So like for me it'd be like if Jen it was best friends with one of your exes. Best friends. And Jen was like I'm getting married. I keep this keeping this girl around and she wants to have.
- [35:23]
B
Her bridesmaid. You'd be bridesmaids with the ax. My ex.
- [35:26]
A
And your ex would be her maid of honor. That's how close they are.
- [35:30]
B
I hope it's my high school girlfriend.
- [35:31]
A
See, you always bring her up. Job, shots fired, always on your mind. Do you understand the dynamic now? I know now that you can fantasize about this. Okay. She pursued having her as her maid of honor. And this friend has also made her the godmother to her child. My sister in law, of course likes to bring her up, how she's doing, etc when she visits. My husband does a good job of tuning it out and doesn't ask further questions because he could really care less about his ex. But his sister loves to bring her up and talks about her. It has sort of come in between my relationship with my sister in law. I feel like we used to be pretty close, but I've created some distance since. Am I in the wrong for being bothered by this or for creating distance between her and me because it's upsetting that his family has kept her close by.
- [36:14]
B
No, you're justified. I don't know. Like, read the fucking room, sister.
- [36:18]
A
I also think like there's. What is the reason that your brother and her split up? Like that has to mean something.
- [36:25]
B
Doesn't matter how long ago. Who cares?
- [36:27]
A
No meaning, like if you're ending. If my brother is ending a relationship with someone, there's a reason why they don't belong together. Why am I continuing to keep this person around? Like, I. I understand. Maybe not like completely exing them out.
- [36:42]
B
Immediately because if maybe your friends first or they.
- [36:45]
A
If you were friends first. Yeah. Or again, if it doesn't even matter.
- [36:48]
B
How long ago was it? It's kind of just like I'm more concerned with like how the sister keeps bringing her up. Like, right? You idiot. Why would you bring up my husband's or boyfriend's ex to me when I'm with your bro? Like I'm with your brother now, right? Don't bring this up.
- [37:06]
A
And it's weird too because it's like, you know that the sister being so close with his ex, probably wishes that they were still together. Because then it'd be like, oh, you could be my sister in law, you know, like there's that dynamic there of like being with your best friend and like wanting to be a part of each other's families. Like it doesn't sound like it's a healthy relationship that she keeps her brother's ex at an arm's length.
- [37:29]
B
It almost seems kind of toxic to be honest.
- [37:32]
A
And your, your husband doesn't say anything about it or your husband doesn't care.
- [37:36]
B
How is she pretty, Was she pretty close with the sister initially?
- [37:40]
A
It seems like she's created more distance. I don't know that they were like super close to begin with because if the, if they were close to begin with, the ex still would have been in the picture, still would have been her friend. But you're not in the wrong for being bothered by it. I think that that would bother anyone. I don't think it's, I don't think it's not normal though, to not. How do I want to say this? I don't want to give a double.
- [38:02]
B
I don't think it's normal to be best friends with your brother's ex. Like also in your future, if you're family oriented, what do you think is going to happen? Like, you probably should align with, especially if you guys are friends, like align with your brother's current wife. That's your family.
- [38:21]
A
Right. I can imagine that there's probably situations in which it would make sense like if you were friends before or if like there was an amicable split or if like maybe there was a kid involved.
- [38:31]
B
But either way, she doesn't have to bring it up to you. If she does end up having her as a bridesmaids, I would have played this whole thing like, because you know that they're close. I'm assuming that you've known that they're close. She could have been like, hey, look, like, I love you, but like, she's also a good friend of mine. She's. I'm gonna ask her to be one of my bridesmaids. I just want you to hear from me first, like, and then the ball's in your core and you could do whatever you want with that. Like, as long as she's not like demanding you be a bridesmaid too. You know what I mean?
- [38:56]
A
Like, I think it's more just like their relationship in general that makes her uncomfortable.
- [38:59]
B
Sure, yeah, I get that. But it's not your life. She's going to do what she wants to do. But I think the sister could have gone about it way better than she is.
- [39:08]
A
Yeah.
- [39:08]
B
Next question.
- [39:09]
A
I have quite a dilemma here and I'd like for you guys to give it to me straight. I'd like to start by saying that my relationship didn't start off too well as I, a 28 year old female, fell in love with a somewhat close friend's. Boyfriend, a 33 year old male for reference. We met back in 2018, but we only started talking after I had cut ties with that friend. I'd also like to add that he was the one who made the first move. We ended up together and got engaged. Right before the wedding, he told me that he had hooked up with someone from work. During a break that we had taken, I decided to move forward with him because we were able to move past it and work on our relationship. Fast forward three years into our marriage, he drops a bomb on me and tells me that he's fallen in love with a girl at work. He says he's confused, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again as it seems to be a pattern.
- [39:55]
B
Next question.
- [39:55]
A
What is the saying, how you get them is how you lose them.
- [40:00]
B
I'm not answering this question by now.
- [40:02]
A
By not answering it. Are you answering it? I think that's a yes.
- [40:06]
B
She's like this question, screaming, please tell me that I should give him another chance. I need someone else to give me reassurance that this isn't going to happen again. It's going to happen again. Oh, again and again.
- [40:21]
A
I think the opposite. I thought that she was looking for a reassurance to say like, leave him.
- [40:25]
B
No, no. Because any common sense person would not stay with that person.
- [40:31]
A
Right.
- [40:32]
B
She's writing in because it's like a. She's like a lifeline, like someone, someone. It's going to change, right?
- [40:39]
A
Yeah.
- [40:40]
B
Because I would do. Because she wants to stay with him.
- [40:42]
A
Right. Of course.
- [40:43]
B
Wild. Did someone in a comment like say.
- [40:48]
A
Something about everybody loves to just justify toxic relationships and they're like, it's not that easy. Have a little bit of like sympathy and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like if you're in an abusive relationship. Absolutely. Like I understand that those are very difficult situations to leave. If you're being abused emotionally, physically, like, and you're financially dependent on someone, you have like children involved. But in a situation like this where like there's just, there's infidelity and there's trust issues, it. It is that easy to leave. I'm not going to pretend like I know what it's like in other situations, but in a situation like this, oh God. I feel like people who decide to stay in relationships that are toxic are just lazy.
- [41:30]
B
You can bring a horse to water, you could dunk their head in that water.
- [41:34]
A
They're just not.
- [41:36]
B
But they're not smart enough to drink.
- [41:38]
A
They're just not ready to put the Work in of what it's going to actually take to better themselves.
- [41:44]
B
I don't think it's that. I think just people are. Some people are just comfortable weak minded.
- [41:49]
A
But that's lazy, right?
- [41:51]
B
No, I don't think it's lazy. I just think you're mentally weak, unfortunately.
- [41:55]
A
But what do weak people need to do to get stronger? They need to work towards something. So if you're not working towards something, you're lazy. I don't want to say like we're saying the same thing.
- [42:04]
B
Why am I saying weak? It's not the right word. I'm looking for like weak mind. It's passive. No, I guess it goes with confidence. Right? Like the willpower, confidence to like just be on your own. Like people just don't want to be alone.
- [42:21]
A
Like you don't want to be uncomfortable.
- [42:23]
B
No, there's another word. I'm not finding the right word. But anyways, yeah, I mean again, he's going to keep doing this to you. You're. You're writing in with hope. There's no hope. Get rid of this guy.
- [42:34]
A
Next question.
- [42:34]
B
Yeah.
- [42:35]
A
My husband and I have been together nine years, married for eight. He is absolutely amazing and such a great dad and a caring husband. One thing I'm struggling to rebuild is trust. With his past porn addiction. He would never admit to it being an addiction, but he would always promise me that he wouldn't watch it. And then somehow I would find out that he did. He was never forthcoming and truthful about it. I had to dig and dig until he would finally admit to it. I know that there was some shame there and maybe even embarrassment. It's not even up for debate with us. We both agree that it's wrong and it's not healthy for a marriage. Not even from a Christian point of view, but based on all the studies that have been done showing how it can affect relationships negatively. He said he hasn't watched it since we last talked about it and I haven't seen anything. I just have a really hard time moving forward with this. He won't admit that it's a problem. So he doesn't think that he needs help. Do you have any advice on how to help me? Not hyper focus on this and just focus on the now and not the what if.
- [43:28]
B
Don't you have other shit to worry about? Like is he main thing, are you guys having sex? Are you guys pleasuring each other? Like those things happening, is it actually affecting. How is it affecting your relationship just because you don't like it and it's against your values or is it like affecting your intimacy? Because those are two different things. Like, for someone just to be hyper focused on something because they don't like it. Like, how else is it affecting you? What else is?
- [43:56]
A
Right, But I guess if it's like an agreement in their marriage, like, that's not something that we've ever put like red tape around in our marriage. Because, like, I'm like, okay, whatever. Like, if it's not impacting our sex life for this, if it's, if it's something though that they've both agreed on that they don't want to do. Like, I look at it like drinking, you know, like, while it might not impact, if you're an alcoholic, it might not impact your job yet. Like, they both agreed to not drink. Like, if they're both sober people. So if he's doing it behind the scenes, like hiding it. She doesn't like the dishonesty there.
- [44:30]
B
Okay, I get like, if you guys have values and you have. You structured your relationship in that way, makes sense. But you're asking me how to not be hyper focused on this. I need to know how is it affecting your relationship? Is it just the breach of trust? They lied to you that he was watching it? Yeah, I guess that would bother me. But like, what else, what else is affecting your relationship? I don't know because, like, I can't say we told each other we're not going to drink anymore and I catch you drinking or, or you said you drank, but nothing, nothing was affected by that.
- [45:07]
A
I'm like, yeah, but it's the dishonesty. And it's a, it's the dishonesty, but also, but like the fact that it is a problem, like if it leads to an addiction.
- [45:18]
B
You say leading.
- [45:19]
A
Oh, I guess, you know, or just that some people, I guess I can't fight this.
- [45:24]
B
I can't fight this. Because you're right, you guys, because my argument, it's not about the porn itself. Because I could, you could say about anything that you guys think is wrong. Sure.
- [45:33]
A
Drugs, porn, money, eating trans fats.
- [45:37]
B
It could be whatever the it is. Right. So he breached trust. You guys made a pact about it. And I guess he previously had a porn addiction and he admits to that. Like, I can see your issue there. So for you to not be hyper focused on it, I don't know. Because what he did was wrong, I guess technically considered in your relationship is wrong. So there needs to be a correction for that.
- [45:57]
A
I know that you said that you've had to Dig and dig and find what he's looked at in the past. But that's probably also not good for your mental health. At the end of the day, you can't control other people. So for you to be a helicopter.
- [46:11]
B
Wife digging, did you have a hunch?
- [46:14]
A
I don't know. It doesn't. Who cares?
- [46:16]
B
Well, kind of, because it's like, I.
- [46:18]
A
Mean, she was obviously right. She found that he was looking at it. But my thing is, it's like you. You're going to go crazy or drive yourself crazy trying to like catch him in the these moments where it's like, I think you need to trust and just like know that if he's doing something in your marriage that you don't agree with, it will come out eventually.
- [46:35]
B
You have to trust, but I don't think you have to go digging. Why were you digging? There's a reason why you went digging. So it's hard to answer this question because you didn't. Why, why, why? Why did you do that? It's hard. Like when we get questions, it's very. It could be very subjective. It could be very. It's just very one. We never get like the full amount. So, like giving it to you straight on, basically, like an information you're giving us and there has to be a reason why you are digging. Are you that type of person to pry? Is that just you? Are you a nosy person? Did he give you a reason? Did something happen and that's why you're digging?
- [47:09]
A
Like, well, maybe because it's happened in the past and like, how long ago in the past?
- [47:13]
B
She said before they were married, right. He had a porn addiction.
- [47:16]
A
She actually said he would never admit to it being an addiction, but he promised that he would never watch it. I don't know.
- [47:22]
B
This is whatever.
- [47:25]
A
I don't know. I think with a question like this, it's like, how far are you willing to go to surveillance a grown adult if there's no trust there? That's something that you have to figure out. You can't control him. And then if he's going to look at it and it's against your values, like, he has to live with that, not you. But you can't drive yourself crazy over mommying him and being a helicopter wife. 24 7. So, like, that's ultimately a choice that you have to make.
- [47:48]
B
Good answer, good response.
- [47:49]
A
I'm 26 and starting the new year, having chosen to let go of two friendships that were each over 10 years long. I've always taken pride in maintaining Long lasting friendships. So I'm struggling with whether choosing to move on from them is a natural part of life or not. My husband and I have an eight year age gap and he's experienced a gradual thinning of his friend group over time. He says it's just sometimes how things happen as you get older. These friendships didn't end because of any big fights or blow ups, just a few messages followed by removing each other from social media and contacts. I chose to end the first friendship because I felt like I had grown out of certain toxic behaviors that she hadn't. At our age, especially with kids in the mix, the friendship felt like it never really left high school. The second friendship ended due to a lack of boundaries and a growing sense of obligation on my end to make her a top priority. Even though I have two kids, a husband and we don't even live in the same state, I don't feel like my reasoning for ending these friendships was wrong. And I believe I can carry the good parts of those experiences with me into the future, even if it's bittersweet. Still, now that I'm left with only one decade long friendship in my life, I can't help but wonder, is this typical or did I just not know how to choose friendships when I was younger?
- [48:55]
B
The gist of this question is her friendships went from a lot to a little dwindled as you got older.
- [49:00]
A
Well, I think it's more about like putting value into how long you've known someone.
- [49:05]
B
And like I think in general it's.
- [49:07]
A
Just, yeah, like you've, she, she's grown out of two long term friendships.
- [49:11]
B
I think it's normal. Unfortunately, I mean I talk about this all the time. I just like even going from college, being in a time of like or you're with so many people. It's funny, it's like one of the two times I ever seen my mom drunk. We were like at a vineyard and my mom's like, which she goes, you gotta find someone now. Just gonna get harder when you're older.
- [49:28]
A
A friendship or a relationship?
- [49:30]
B
A relationship. And then I was like, oh thanks mom. And then she was just saying it's the one time you're going to be around so everyone's your age, everyone's doing the same thing. And it's true, it really is like you're just like with this cohort of people that are just all in the same path and same line for a little bit. But yeah, I mean friendships grow apart. I've lost a lot of friends and.
- [49:50]
A
It'S but it's not.
- [49:51]
B
Some were bad. Yeah, some maybe were, but others are just like, whether it's different, it could be different political views, it could be different just like stages in life. You know, a lot of my friends, like if they had kids, I, I just. Having our own, our daughter now.
- [50:05]
A
A lot of my friends, or that's like what we say. Some. See, some friends are for a season, a reason or a lifetime. And I just, I truly think though that like you, when you are in a certain season of your life, a friendship might make sense. And then again you like go years of being friends with this person and then realize like, okay, we're not necessarily aligned anymore and it's okay to walk away from that friendship and like again, you had good memories. But I do think that after, you know, in my experience, sometimes it takes a minute where like it's a pattern of toxic behaviors that like you just get fed up with over time and it doesn't have to be a blow up fight, but you're just like, we no longer serve each other in the way that I need. And I don't think that you have to hold value or hold on to a friendship just because you've been friends for a certain amount of years.
- [50:53]
B
I feel like people think time.
- [50:54]
A
Yeah.
- [50:55]
B
In the investment quality or like investment means you should hold on. Like, who cares?
- [50:59]
A
No, quality does not equate to a time frame that you spent with this person. Like just because you invested a lot. Same thing with relationships. Like just because you dated a piece.
- [51:11]
B
Same thing with a job. Same thing. Like, yeah, I think people put a lot of stuff, but I spent 10.
- [51:17]
A
Years with this person. Oh, I spent four years with this person. It's going to be a waste. It's like, okay, well would you rather spend the next 10 years of your life like wasting time with a toxic person? Also with friendships, it's like, is this person building you up? Are you growing together? Are you only talking about the past? How do they make you feel? And I think that that's a huge thing as I had to take inventory of a lot of like my friendships as well, even moving into the new year and just be like, is this person? How does they actually make me feel? What does my relationship look like with this person? And on a future basis, where do I see this going?
- [51:49]
B
It's not like growth and maturity too, because you don't think about that stuff when you're younger.
- [51:52]
A
Yeah.
- [51:53]
B
At all.
- [51:54]
A
Yeah. So no, it's normal. I mean it could be sad, but again like you Look, I'm sure you learned great.
- [52:00]
B
One door closes, another opens. You might find a new friend at the supermarket.
- [52:03]
A
Oh, yes, exactly. Next question. My husband, 37 male, and I, 33 female, have been happily married for 11 years. We've done a lot of adventuring and traveling, and we welcomed our little girl a year and a half ago. I love motherhood, I love my daughter, and I love my husband. But I've become irritable and snappy. The truth is, I've always been this way. I'm pretty reactive and don't shy away from speaking my mind. I have a hard time abiding by social norms like talking politely or simply being sympathetic. I truly think I'm on the spectrum, and I've mentioned this to my husband. He's agreed that it's possible, though in his opinion, it would be mild at best. Knowing all this about me, he still chose to marry me. He used to say that I was young, I was only 20 when we got married, and that he would give me the space and time to grow. And he did, which was really considerate. But how much did he really expect me to change? Now I'm a new mom, stretched in a million ways, working full time and the primary provider. His job situation has always been unstable and he's currently unemployed. He has also gone through a period of anxiety and depression, which he appreciates me being patient with him through. He recognizes that I'm dealing with a shit tonight, but he's recently expressed that I do need to tone down my irritability. He says my tone towards him is disrespectful and that it has been your.
- [53:16]
B
Own employees shut the up.
- [53:17]
A
And that has been a year and a half since having a child and I need to figure it out. I feel like this isn't new. I've always been like this. It's just worse because of the circumstances. I feel like his request is asked me to change a core personality trait. I obviously don't feel like I actually disrespect him. Yes, my tone can be sharp at times, but it's also always in response to some trigger. Am I crazy for thinking this? How does someone stop using a tone that they don't even realize that they're using? Should I be more patient given the circumstances? I feel distant and withdrawn from him because I feel like his request is something that I can't do. He isn't generally unreasonable. So if there is truth to his perspective, how do I become who he wants? And should I even. Or should he accept it?
- [53:57]
B
Is There any resentment towards him because he's unemployed? Is he watching your child? Who's watching the child? If he's watching your child, that's different. That is a fudgeing job. Is he.
- [54:06]
A
I don't say that. She didn't say.
- [54:07]
B
Well, I can't. I can't. You know, and then I'm not going to lose my mind on this guy because if he is, well, doing childcare.
- [54:13]
A
Okay, let's just say she didn't mention any of that. But I do feel like, you know, regardless, there might be. And you didn't even say if he's, like, currently working for a job or how long he's been unemployed. But it's like, I could see. And again, we don't know the context here. I could see that adding some resentment. Like, where, again, given the circumstances, you're the primary breadwinner, you have a new baby, you're a new mom. Like, just. I could see where you would become snappy, sure. But I think that. How are you guys? What. What is the solution you're working towards? Is he helping with childcare? Is he looking for a job? Also just being postpartum? Like, you're just. I don't know how long you're snappy for you. I think hate is a strong word, but I think being snappy is.
- [55:02]
B
No, no, no, you're fine.
- [55:05]
A
Dad.
- [55:06]
B
Let's just. Hypothetically, he doesn't have a job, then I would lose my marbles on this guy. So this guy's not doing. And then he's going to complain. Then I have a problem. If this guy's doing child care and he's supporting, he's cooking, he's, like, helping out around that. Like, then, you know, okay, I just don't think he has. If he's not doing anything, I would shut my mouth. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't be giving my input. Because I don't deserve to give my input.
- [55:31]
A
Not even just that I think, again, what is the core? Like, what is the core of the issue here? Because you're saying that you've always been snappy. Like, that is.
- [55:41]
B
But it's getting worse. The core is she's stressed.
- [55:44]
A
Right.
- [55:45]
B
Added. Just more stuff's added to your plate. I get that. I'm right there with you. Like, I'm irritable. I speak my mind. You know, I'm rough on the edges a smidge. But yeah, like, it's new. Things are new. You're learning. You gotta adjust. But, like, yeah, more is on you.
- [56:02]
A
But I Think that that's also, like, where you can have a conversation with your husband and say, listen, I'm under a lot of stress right now. Like, I don't. I'm sorry. I don't mean to have this attitude. I don't necessarily think he's asking you to change because in a situation, like, for us, you know, I know your personality is kind of similar to hers. I wouldn't necessarily say, like, you're always irritable, but, like, you do speak your mind. You definitely are more abrasive towards people. But if I noticed a change in how you treated me, I think that for us, it would be a conversation of, like, hey, it's the current circumstances. What could we do to work on making the circumstances.
- [56:36]
B
So you're saying check in on each other. Like, you gotta have that conversation of, like.
- [56:40]
A
And just be like, it's situational. It's not like, I'm meaning to snap at you. I apologize. But what can you do to work on the situation at hand so that you aren't irritable? As irritable.
- [56:51]
B
I could tell. Like, if I was a husband and. And this was read to me, I would be so much more understandably. Man, that's true. Like, she is working her ass off. She just had our child. She's stressed. Like, I could see why she's being the way.
- [57:05]
A
Yeah.
- [57:05]
B
So hopefully he's not, you know, daft enough to not realize that he's a big word there.
- [57:13]
A
Sure. Go, John.
- [57:16]
B
Anyways, have a conversation with them. Yeah.
- [57:17]
A
It's about what, John?
- [57:18]
B
Balance. Communication.
- [57:24]
A
That's like the blanket answer for everything is it's about balance or it's communication. So, like, basically, we can answer every question with that. Or divorce or break up.
- [57:33]
B
Yeah. Speaking of breakup, guys.
- [57:37]
A
It's not a breakup.
- [57:38]
B
It's not a breakup. It's a.
- [57:39]
A
It's a break.
- [57:40]
B
It's a break. We. That's a. We're gonna do one more episode, and that's gonna be a wrap on this season for us.
- [57:46]
A
This season?
- [57:47]
B
This season.
- [57:48]
A
Until next season.
- [57:50]
B
Yeah. I think it's. It's always nice to take a little break. Right? Take a little break.
- [57:55]
A
Refresh.
- [57:56]
B
Refresh.
- [57:57]
A
We have a little one.
- [57:58]
B
Come up with more things we could talk about.
- [58:00]
A
Yeah.
- [58:01]
B
Maybe next time, you know, we can actually get Lucy out of the house. It's not a winter wonderland.
- [58:05]
A
I know.
- [58:06]
B
But, yeah, we're gonna take a little break. We got one more episode left in this season.
- [58:09]
A
And then send us your questions. We'll answer all of them next week. Until we're back for season five.
- [58:16]
B
No wrecks. No.
- [58:18]
A
No. What do.
- [58:18]
B
Oh, well.
- [58:19]
A
Do you want a secret?
- [58:19]
B
Yeah, give me a secret.
- [58:20]
A
This is an interesting secret and I feel like you'll like this one or you'll hate it. Actually, mice are pooping on my stove and I'm letting it happen. I live next to a natural area with a farmer's field just down the way. So they're cute. And little field mice, not big fat, disease ridden city mice. If I alert my husband to the situation by setting out humane traps, he will replace them with murder traps. Whenever I see evidence that a little friend has paid my cooktop a visit, she also wrote, little friend that has paid my cooktop a visit. I clean and sanitize the area, so I feel like there's no harm, no foul. I appreciate you and anyone else who might hear the secret secret keeping your pie holes shut about it.
- [58:58]
B
It's gonna get worse. It's gonna get worse.
- [59:00]
A
You have to set out humane traps because again, like, this is. You will get. Does he. Did you say debatable?
- [59:08]
B
No.
- [59:08]
A
So we did have a. A mouse. A mouse. One singular mouse in the rental house in la and we caught him and.
- [59:15]
B
You drove him down the street out the window. Yeah. And he was getting out of the trap. I was like, oh, my God.
- [59:21]
A
But again, you didn't put a murder trap out.
- [59:25]
B
Because you told me not to.
- [59:26]
A
The only thing that we need to be murdering in this house is. Are those centipedes?
- [59:29]
B
Yeah.
- [59:30]
A
Anyway, they'll be back next summer, I'm sure.
- [59:32]
B
Anyways, guys, one more episode of the season. Make sure you stay tuned next week. Like, subscribe, email, do all the things.
- [59:38]
A
If you want to email us, you could write us at. Hello, Give it tome straight podcast dot com. If you want to send us an anonymous question to answer next week, you could do so in our show notes or the link in our bio and follow us everywhere. I Give it to me straight podcasts on the socials and we'll see you next week.
- [59:52]
B
Ciao. Ciao.
- [59:53]
A
Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.