90. Giving you season finales, second chances, and finding the one

Summary

Give It To Me Straight – Episode 90

Season Finales, Second Chances, and Finding the One
Release Date: February 10, 2026
Hosts: Alex & John (Dear Media)

Episode Overview

In their season finale, husband-wife duo Alex and John deliver characteristically unfiltered advice and share candid stories about parenting, marriage, travel horror stories, etiquette, and relationship struggles. The episode is a tapestry of real-life anecdotes (often centering on their daughter Lucy and their chaotic travel adventures), ethical debates (from child-rearing to friendships and infidelity), and listener Q&A. Both hosts toggle between humor and true empathy, championing honest communication, personal accountability, and, above all, self-love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Season Finale Reflections & Life Lately

• Parenting Realities: Opening with sleep deprivation, Lucy's unpredictable sleep schedule, and the unglamorous side of parenting.
• Household Upgrades: Chat about the quest for effective chapstick and considering built-in humidifiers as part of adulting.
  • “My nose holes are so dry. My mouth. Maybe we need to, like, tape our mouths…” – John, 02:06
• COVID & Health Experiences: Playful banter turns to COVID swab stories and comparing male vs female medical experiences.
  • “Everything in women’s care is aggressive.” – Alex, 03:52

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2. Travel Woes with a Baby

(LaGuardia, Delayed Flights, and Lounge Etiquette)

• The Ordeal: A short 58-minute flight turns into an 8-hour airport saga, revealing the unpredictability of traveling with infants.
  • Lucy’s temperament exceeds expectations despite the chaos.
  • Strategies and mishaps in the airport lounge, culminating in a rant about disrespectful parents leaving behind messes.
    • “People just have no respect for other...establishments or people’s like, it’s not yours. Not even learning how to clean up after yourself.” – John, 08:32
• Delayed Flight Excuses: Frustration with airlines—each delay brought a different (and likely false) excuse.
  • “They lied on four. There’s no way. It had all four things happened.” – John, 16:32
  • “That’s corporate America for you, baby.” – Alex, 17:12

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3. Parenthood Insights

• Navigating Parental Guilt: Alex shares her feelings about leaving Lucy for a work trip for the first time, and the anxiety associated with it.
  • “For me, I’m more so thinking, like, she’s so young to leave her...Is it too soon?” – Alex, 22:36
• Respect for Single Parents: Both reflect on newfound respect and empathy for single parents post-baby.
  • “Having a baby though has given me so much more respect for single parents. I actually don’t know.” – Alex, 24:18
• Emotional Growth: John talks about using positive affirmations to improve his patience and perspective in parenting.
  • “I really do think those positive affirmations about, like, just loving you so much and like, being so grateful to have her…” – John, 21:04

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4. Listener Q&A and Relationship Dilemmas

Notable Questions & Advice:

• Cheating Siblings / In-Law Dilemmas

  • Confronting infidelity in the family: “Even if you’re doing the right thing, he’s probably going to feel a type of way that his own family went against him… Him being anti-therapy means he doesn’t give a shit about this relationship.” – John, 46:02

• Sexless Marriage and Separation

  • Is it time to move on? “There’s so many things this guy could do… This question happens all the time. Sex drive dies. You got to put the effort in.” – John, 49:19
  • Alex: “If you’re separating over this, there’s obviously more issues. Because if you were…If you brought it up to me…then I would be like, oh my God, why? ... If you both are okay with the separation, then there were clearly other underlying things…”

• Dating Red Flags & Trust Issues

  • On serial cheaters: “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” – Alex, 80:12

• Infidelity Among Friends

  • Dilemma: Should you tell a friend her husband is cheating when your husband is in on the secret?
  • “You and your husband need to be on the same page.” – John, 74:02
  • “This is what I would do. I would talk to my husband and…say, listen, you brought me into this. Now I see this infidelity is going on…Have you told her?…Otherwise, I’ll tell her.” – Alex, 75:34

• Weak Friendships and Adult Drifting

  • “Are you willing to give them a shot? Because if you address the situation…are you willing to give them a shot? Or have you already made the decision…” – John, 63:04
  • Emphasis on communication, self-worth, and outgrowing negative energy.

• Getting an STD Test Conversation

  • “I get it. I mean, your health is number one and that’s a responsible thing to do…to be sexually active, you need to be an adult.” – John, 66:25
  • “If someone is offended, that says more about them…” – Alex, 67:24

• Is It Cold Feet or Something More?

  • “Do you want to regret the next 10 years?” – John, 69:06
  • Alex recommends listening to gut feelings, not being afraid to end an engagement if it doesn't feel right.

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5. Game Time: Mind Your Manners (Etiquette Mini-Game)

(31:05–42:12)

• Alex & John debate etiquette card scenarios:
  • Including/un-inviting kids to events, airplane armrest etiquette, tipping on takeout, Zoom dress codes, and bill-splitting at restaurant with over-indulgent friends.
  • Memorable Bit: On restaurant bills: “The ones who are being gluttonous are the last ones to realize that…not everyone is consuming like you are.” – John, 40:53

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6. Advice Highlights & Memorable Quotes

• On Self-Love & Avoiding Relationship Pitfalls:

  • “Maybe if I move in with him first. Maybe if I share a dog with him, it'll... None of these things are going to fix your stupid relationship.” – Alex, 00:00 & 81:47
  • John's repeated rallying cry: “2026. Let’s do better people.” (00:11, 82:01)
  • "It's about loving yourself. Love yourself enough so that you self respect so you want so that you see what you deserve in another relationship..." – Alex, 82:03

• On Outgrowing Friends:

  • "If you are not doing the work on yourself...you’re not gonna make the cut." – Alex, 63:59

• On Boundaries and Trust:

  • "Imagine having the thought of like digging through your partner’s phone..." – Alex, 81:16

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Useful Timestamps for Major Segments

• Travel Story/Parenting Opening: 00:00–10:15
• Flight Delays & Lounge Etiquette: 10:15–19:00
• Leaving Baby Overnight & Parental Anxiety: 21:56–26:30
• Parent Friendships & Navigating Adult Relationships: 26:32–29:46
• Etiquette Game Segment: 31:05–42:12
• Listener Question Segment Begins: 45:50
• Infidelity & Trust Issues: 46:02–50:56, 74:02–78:16
• Navigating Friendships & Red Flags: 61:18–66:25
• Relationship Red Flags / Cold Feet: 68:35–72:00
• Season Wrap-up / Final Advice: 81:08–84:40

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Final Takeaways & Tone

Alex and John maintain a playful, honest, and irreverent style, moving effortlessly from sarcasm to deep empathy. The main theme is the value of loving yourself enough to demand respect—in marriage, friendships, and family relationships. They encourage communication, setting boundaries, and not settling for less than what you deserve.

Closing Riff:
Alex: "Love yourself so much that you don’t have to be the shithole friend that people talk about because your life is a dumpster fire. And that is how we’re gonna end." – (82:49)

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Notable Recommendations

• John’s “Travel Hack”: Use FaceTime and your phone as a makeshift baby monitor while traveling. (83:15)
• Alex’s Baby Gear Rec: Nuna bassinet for travel and keeping baby entertained safely. (83:39)

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Listener Experience

This episode is packed with relatable humor, sharp-tongued rants about society’s ills, and heartfelt advice that foregrounds self-awareness and kindness—but not at the expense of dignity. It’s perfect for anyone seeking tough love with a side of laughter, especially new parents, couples navigating tough conversations, or adults confronting the messiness of adult friendships and family ties.

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Season finale mood: Messy, honest, cathartic, warm—and, as promised, always straight.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear media production. Maybe if I move in with him first. Maybe if I share a dog with him, it'll. No. None of these things are going to fix your fucking stupid relationship.

[B]

2026. Let's do better people.

[A]

You know what it is? It's about loving yourself.

[B]

And welcome back to Give It To Me Straight.

[A]

I'm Alex.

[B]

And I am John.

[A]

And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious host, John Soprano today. Good morning.

[B]

That was in sync.

[A]

What? That's that host? Yeah, the song.

[B]

It only took us 100 episodes.

[A]

Almost.

[B]

Almost.

[A]

How are you? How's life?

[B]

How's life?

[A]

I feel like we got good sleep last night. Decent.

[B]

We did, but, you know, Lucy getting.

[A]

Up ass early, whatever, that's like the par for the course of having kids. It's like they just wake up you up.

[B]

We should probably have napped when she napped, you know.

[A]

When did she nap?

[B]

She's supposed to be napping right now, but I'm pretty sure she's crying.

[A]

I would be so interested to know who actually naps when their baby naps.

[B]

John. Our boy, John Bernthal was like, I don't trust people that nap. He's like, your whole world is just going by you while you're sleeping or something.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Your lap. My lips are falling apart.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I've been pretty good about putting chapstick on them recently because it is so dry. Recommendations?

[B]

Anybody for good chapstick?

[A]

Sure, chapstick.

[B]

But also, like, legit chapstick.

[A]

A humidifier.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Really need a humidifier, you know, have you seen? I saw it. Like, my tick tock algorithm will show me, like, new houses with, like, new builds. And it's like, things that we put into our home. Some people, I guess, in, like, new houses have humidifiers installed in their house, like, so that they.

[B]

So you don't have to fill it up with water every night. Like I do.

[A]

Like, but it's in your home. So they come from, like, the lights, like, the.

[B]

The steam.

[A]

Right. But I feel like wouldn't that cause some. Maybe not. Well, I guess you already have pipes in your ceiling. So it's like, what?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know. But we need something. My nose holes are so dry. My mouth. Maybe we need to, like, tape our mouths because how bad is that for your gums? We're mouth breathers.

[A]

We could just get a humidifier.

[B]

Yeah, but like, having our mouth closed at night. I'm waking up, like, whatever.

[A]

I feel like I did mouth Tape for like five seconds. And then I was like, I'm gonna perish. I just feel close.

[B]

You got a nose job. You thought the deviated. I have a deviated septum.

[A]

It did help, but, like. And I can breathe and I can stick things up my nose now, but I just. There's. It doesn't stop from allergies.

[B]

Ugh. I don't know.

[A]

I say stick things up my nose. Like it was just the COVID stick that they couldn't get up my nose.

[B]

I remember blocked.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Not that I've done.

[B]

Not that I would. I feel like I've gotten Covid sticks.

[A]

Up my nose in a while.

[B]

I was such a with that.

[A]

Your little legs would kick when you.

[B]

Would sit on little legs. My legs?

[A]

Your really long legs and strong, masculine, chunky legs would kick.

[B]

Why was I on the kid table when they did it?

[A]

You weren't. You were just elevated.

[B]

Like, are these giraffes on the. I hate that. I hate getting this stick up my nose. No, I never got anyone liked it. No, I never got done. Thank God. When STD checks, when they initially came out, they used to stick like a Q tip in your dick hole.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I never had to get that done. But that was like the initial test. Can you imagine that going the P hole?

[A]

What is the test for dudes? For STDs?

[B]

Like, just blood tests or urine? Urine. Hmm. I don't know why I don't do the Q tip anymore.

[A]

In your pee hole?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's pretty aggressive sounding.

[B]

I would black out anyways.

[A]

Well, everything in women's care is aggressive.

[B]

So think about your hole versus my hole.

[A]

It's all relative.

[B]

Anyways, our week. Our week. Well, we went to a horrible flight.

[A]

You give Lucy no credit.

[B]

No, no, no, no. It wasn't Lucy.

[A]

Now been on four flights. Oh, okay, okay.

[B]

No, no, no. Lucy. So we go to Virginia to visit my family. My sister just had her son. I was like, let's. We're going to go. We're going to go meet him for the first time. Now, where we live, there happens to be an airport right next to us. They don't have the flights, so we had to go to LaGuardia, which is LaGuardia, which is a nightmare. They're all nightmares having to go there at jfk, we set up our ride. They pick us up at 4am the night before. Lucy, it's like, if she knows, she knows if we have something to do. Like Tamron hall, for example, when we went on the show. If we have something to do the next day. I don't know. She just senses it. She's like, I'm going to fuck your shit up.

[A]

Oh, yeah. It's like she reverts back to her newborn stage and she's like, I'm going to wake up every hour and a half and demand food.

[B]

Demand it. So demanding. Rolling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Rolling on her stomach. She doesn't know how to roll back yet, but it's constant, continuous. Just rolling her stomach, rolling her stomach. We have to flip her back over.

[A]

You think that she'd sleep great through the night because she'd be exhausted. She's rolling all day long, all day anyway. So she wakes up 18,000 times before. We have to wake up at 4am to go to LaGuardia. We get to LaGuardia, our flight is about to board in 8am in 10 minutes. And we're like, amazing. Lucy's doing great. Like, the ride there was fabulous.

[B]

Flights only 58 minutes, but 58 minutes.

[A]

I look, I'm like, the flight only has six people on it. They delay it and I'm like, I know what they're going to do. They are going to delay our flight until the next flight out to Virginia so that they combine. Because the other flight I looked up also only had like 12 people on it. So I was like, this is. They're going to delay us until 1 o'. Clock. So they delay us until 1 o' clock and then they delay us until 2 o' clock and then 2:30. We had 18,000 delays. They canceled our flight. Combined them like I thought they were going to do. So anyway, we have to. To. We were deciding, do we stay in the airport? Like, Lucy's only four months old. She's. She's.

[B]

She was great though, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If she never. What's the word I want to look for? If there was a time to ever be clutch, it was then. Lucy was good the whole time. There was no fussing. She wasn't really crying. Because we were in the airport. Instead of like 45 minutes in the airport, because we like to get there right before we were there for hours, seven hours, seven or eight hours waiting for our flight. So, like, if you all have American Express card, you get to use that, that lounge in the airport. So this interning lounge. So we go to the lounge and we see the kid room. I'm like, let's go in there. Because it was packed.

[A]

Say lifesaver that they have those kid rooms.

[B]

Yeah. But we go in there. It just was just kind of a little Skeevy. I don't know.

[A]

Well, you could tell the couches. Everything in there is used by children.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And again, we weren't prepared for staying in the airport for eight hours. So like John puts his jacket down on the floor so Lucy can lay around. And it's funny because the flight that we took first with her, I brought a blanket for her just in case we did get delayed and I had to put her down. But like, I was so confident that because this was only a 45 minute flight, I'm like, oh, why would it be? Everything's gonna be fine. It's gonna be.

[B]

No, there's no problem. It's 58 minute flight 45.

[A]

It's all the same. We're exaggerating here. So we go into this room. It's like you could tell it's been used by kids, but it's fine. It's like its own seclusion, secluded room. Most people in the lounge don't have their kids with them. But Lucy's chilling. We're good. This family comes in. Lucy finally falls asleep. She's taking a nap. This family comes in with their yelling children. And I'm like, you know what? That's fine. That's what this room is for. So we were like, let's get out. We'll like go get a table outside of this area so that Lucy can continue sleeping. She continued sleeping. We waited until our flight was about to board.

[B]

Are you cutting out half of this conversation? Half the thing that happened in there? These people come in, they have two kids. Get it. They're all. It doesn't matter. They this place up.

[A]

Well, no, I was gonna say it wasn't until we walk by to leave the lounge. We looked into the room. It was destroyed. Rappers cans.

[B]

They knew what they were doing though. They're like, we're gonna not the kids, but the parents were like, we're gonna make such a scene that no one else is going to want to be in here.

[A]

But he opened the door to let us out before we.

[B]

He knew we were gonna leave.

[A]

Yeah, he literally. And he doesn't even say anything.

[B]

No, he. I know.

[A]

And literally goes like this and gestures for us to leave.

[B]

This isn't your home. People, people just like have no respect for other. For establishments or people's like, it's not yours. Like, not even learn how to like clean up after yourself.

[A]

But I just think like people if you. And I don't think you have to work in the service industry in order to be respectful of a place that you're at but somewhere cleaner than where. Than you found it. How embarrassing.

[B]

Have a. Have this.

[A]

I don't have to clean it up.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. That's someone's job to clean up.

[A]

Why would I do that at the gym, too? Like, that would blow my mind. Where they're like, let me leave my weights around. Let me leave this shit around. Towels. Clean up your fucking mess.

[B]

Clean up your dog shit. How about that? Your dog poops in someone's yard. Pick it up.

[A]

It's a matter of just being respectful of other people in like. Because now a new family could go walk into that kids area and it's covered in crumbs and wrappers and they have to wait now for someone else or they have to clean up themselves. Like, just clean it up after yourselves and your kids.

[B]

So disrespectful. It's disgusting.

[A]

That literally, like, made me go from zero to a hundred because it's just a disrespect.

[B]

And you're gonna. Your kids are gonna be just like you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, if you're not showing, like.

[A]

If you're not modeling the behavior. Yeah. They're going to copy you. I saw that recently, someone was stitching a video about a dad overreacting to his kid losing to a girl in jiu jitsu. And he was like, now this kid is going to overreact when he loses because he's watching his dad overreact to you losing.

[B]

And it's like, it's the parents that think their kids the next Jean Claude Van Damme or whatever. Today's podcast is sponsored by Premier Protein.

[A]

Yay.

[B]

I love Premier Protein. Literally, this is coffee every morning.

[A]

My favorite partner that we've had. We love everybody.

[B]

I mean, we religiously use Premier Protein every morning.

[A]

One thing we use every single day.

[B]

Let me just read it. Life right now can best be described as lovely chaos. We're juggling work, a baby, sleep deprivation, and the constant feeling that we're forgetting something important. And spoiler alert, it's usually ourselves. Because once you become a parent, taking care of your own health suddenly feels optional. Like, I'll get to that after the baby eats sleep. Stop crying. And I remember what day it is. That's where Premier Protein comes in. With 30 grams of protein and tons of delicious flavors. Premier Protein isn't just for those who get after fitness. It's for those who get after life. And right now, getting after life for us means functioning on minimal sleep and still showing up like real humans. We generally drink Premier Protein every single day and one of our favorite ways to have it is mixing it straight into our coffee.

[A]

I think it's actually in this cup right now. I need a refill.

[B]

The vanilla is the best because if we're already holding a cup of coffee for Dear Life at 7am, it might as well be doing something productive. Turns our coffee into an actual meal which feels like a parenting win. And the best part? It actually tastes good. No Chalky, I'm being punished for not working out. Flavor Cafe Latte Chocolate Cake Batter it's healthy choice you want to make even when your standards are low and your patience is lower. Premier Protein gives us the fuel to get after everything we have going on. Not just workouts. It's fuel for powering through the workday, keeping up with a baby, still having energy left for the joyful stuff. Or at least enough energy to stay awake past 8pm for me. For me, not Alex. So if you want something easy, delicious and parent approved, find your favorite [e-mail] that's P R E M I-E-R protein.com or at Amazon, Walmart and other major retailers.

[A]

This episode is also sponsored by Bobby. Did you know that over 70% of new parents are combo feeding? That means using both breast milk and formula to feed their baby, which we are going to be doing because we are traveling for the first time without Lulu Canoe and we want Bobby on standby and honest. Honestly, I'm right there with them. Whether you're exclusively formula feeding, combo feeding like we do, or you just want a backup can in the pantry, Bobby is the formula I trust to deliver safe, complete nutrition to my baby's bottle. As a parent, feeding decisions can feel emotional, especially when you're juggling a million things. For us, Bobby has been such a comfort, especially when we're traveling. Like I said, leaving Lucy is never easy, but when she stays with her grandparents, I take so much comfort knowing that she'll have a formula we really trust and she'll be well fed and happy. Bobby's organic European style formulas are crafted with clinically backed ingredients and designed for easy digestion just like breast milk. And I love how much care they put into safety. Every single batch goes through over 2, 000 safety and quality checks before it even leaves their U S manufacturing facility. They also have a full suite of recipes and they're certified USDA organic, EU organic and have earned a Clean Label Project Purity Award and are Clean Label Project Certified Pesticide Free, which is a big deal. Plus Bobby was named baby list 2025 top choice organic formula and a 2025 top choice by Consumer Reports. Most importantly, Bobbi supports all feeding journeys, whether you're breastfeeding, combo feeding or exclusively formula feeding. If you want to feed with confidence, head to hi Bobbi.com to learn more. That's H I B O B B I E.com to find the formula. Trusted by parents and loved by their baby. 700,000 and counting.

[B]

This podcast is also sponsored by Nature's Sunshine. Honestly, I don't think people talk enough about how real Brain Fog is. Especially when your life changes overnight. Like when you're running on broken sleep, your schedule is totally off and you still have to show up, be sharp, record episodes, make decisions and function like a normal human. It can feel impossible and in those moments it's so tempting to just grab more caffeine. But then you end up jittery, anxious and crashing even harder an hour later. That's why I've been loving nature's sunshine. Brain Edge. It combines hand harvested yerba mate.

[A]

Yerba mate, yerba mate. I had been saying it wrong all this time. Whatever I consume, it's delicious.

[B]

I drink it with powerful nootropics to support focused memory and cognitive performance without the crash. It's a clean plant powered drink mix you can have hot or cold. And it's become such an easy, easy part of my day when I need to fear. Clear headed and locked in. What I really like is that it's designed to help with mental clarity and stamina, especially during those mental demanding stretches. Brain Edge helps enhance focus and clarity, supports memory and learning with ingredients like bacaba and ginkgo, and gives you smooth sustained energy from wild harvested yerba mate. No jitters, no intense crash. And it's all from Nature Sunshine, a trusted brand with more than 50 years of experience sourcing pure potential ingredients from nature. Don't fight through feeling foggy and lethargic. Ignite your mental performance with Brain Edge. Nature Sunshine is offering 20 off your first order plus free shipping. Go to naturesunshine.com and use the code straight at checkout. That's code [e-mail] going back to the planes for a second. This is, I'm, I'll call it. These airlines, they. Okay, so they delayed our flight. I was like, so hey, just wondering what's the delay for? Like, oh, there's delay. And because of the weather in Virginia.

[A]

And I immediately on my weather app.

[B]

No, I call my dad, I was like, hey, what's the weather? He goes, it's sunny here.

[A]

Well, I know, but I looked up the weather because I was like, by the time we got there. Is the weather gonna be bad? No, perfect weather.

[B]

So that's the first thing they say. Okay. When they delay it a second time, I ask again and ask a different person. They go, well, the water main Blue here in LaGuardia. Yeah, it's blown here. And in the JetBlue terminal, I'm like, okay, we're not again. And I ask. And they said, well, the.

[A]

Crew. The flight crew.

[B]

Flight crew timed out, delayed again. The fourth time I asked them, she goes, there was a mechanical issue with your plane, so they brought us a new plane. So they lied on four. There's no way. It had all four things happened.

[A]

But they don't care again. They're like, no.

[B]

That's how they get out of refunding you.

[A]

Oh, oh.

[B]

Because if there was an issue, they don't have to refund you for your flight.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Such a rat.

[A]

I don't read the fine print to. Plus I don't care enough to like, go and like, are you. Unless again. Well, they were going to give us a refund if we didn't want to take. Because they did cancel our flight.

[B]

They weren't gonna do anything. They're like, here's the number to call.

[A]

And then you'd be stuck. Whatever. It's all a fogging.

[B]

Also, our bag was already checked. I'm like, where the fuck's my bag?

[A]

And so everything's all annoying with. I mean, it is public transportation. What are you going to do?

[B]

Anyway? So I just think they're. They're lying and full of shit and they don't want to refund us. So whatever.

[A]

That's corporate America for you, baby.

[B]

Are airlines considered corporate?

[A]

Yeah, I just like all of it. It's all like a money making machine. Yeah. Like, it's corporate. Like, that's America.

[B]

So on the way back, though, flight wasn't delayed, no problems. I love small airports when they do work. But again, but on the plane.

[A]

Hold on. I just do want to say again, Lucy was fabulous. The 12 hours that we were like stuck traveling from like door to door. She was a queen.

[B]

The first part of the flight, the first flying there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Flying back. I'm so glad it was only an hour. We were in the trenches. I don't know what was going on with Lulu Bean, but she was losing her mind.

[A]

We were pulling out all of our tricks. I was like, titty. I didn't even care. Like Usually I'm trying to be, like, discreet, and I'm like, oh, okay. Like, let me cover up. So, like, people saying, I didn't care. I was, like, ripping my shirt off, trying to get a boob in her mouth. Didn't matter.

[B]

This guy walks by and he's like, staring. I'm like, what the fuck are you looking at?

[A]

I'm suffocating Lucy with my boob. She's like, oh. And then we tried her toys. We tried other anything, throwing her up and down.

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

But it was during the distance descent. Well, because again, when it's a short flight, you're only ascending and then descending. Like, by the time you get up there, it's 10 minutes. And so she was just fussy. It felt like the entire time. We apologized. Like, everybody. I thought, it's just our stress levels, and I'm sure she was feeding off of us. It was just stress. So much stress. But I mean, three out of four flights is.

[B]

And I was like, and you know what? Now we should go fly to Florida. I'm like, I'm good flying for a little bit.

[A]

I just want to be in the warmth. And that's what I'm saying. Like, three out of four flights for her, like, that's still good. She's still a good traveler, I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what it was, though, if it was her ears or she just wasn't hungry or she was tired.

[B]

Uncomfortable landing. Like, the pressure still would have been in her ears. She was fine once. She just wanted to be moved around. Like, walked around. That's her thing.

[A]

That's. I think, the more difficult part about traveling with a baby as they get older is because they're more awake and aware and can get. I don't know, but this is supposed to be, like, the easiest time to travel with them. She. I think she exhausted herself from the.

[B]

Flight, so then she slept.

[A]

She was very tired on the drive home. It really is just crazy how quickly she's changing. I just feel like every day she's a different baby, but she's currently in the phase where she's only occupied or, like, interested in something for, like, 10 minutes max.

[B]

And then you're giving what you're giving her some credit there. 10 minutes. I'm like five to five to eight. Eight the max.

[A]

And then she's like, move me, carry.

[B]

Me, put me in the chair, put me in the peanut, Put me on the ground, let me deal with this.

[A]

Put me in the ladder, put me in my stroller, walk me around, pick Me up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, she really is so demanding. Move me around or I'll lose my shoe.

[B]

Around, peasant.

[A]

I'm done smacking this. I'm done with my time.

[B]

It really humbles you, man. I love it. I love her so much, but it really. Oh, you know, I was talking to Alex earlier today about positive, like, what's the. What, what is it, like, affirmations or something?

[A]

Just, like, weird words. Like, what, you?

[B]

Yeah, because I'm always with Lucy. I'm like, God, we're so lucky to have you. I love you so much. And I think that really does work because, like, I don't resent her at all.

[A]

Are you saying, like, you don't actually feel those things? You're just saying it works. I do, actually.

[B]

No, I mean, I do. I just, like, I don't get frustrated with her. Yeah, I. I had like, a little, like, I was getting tired the other night when she was, like, crying constantly. But, like, I. You know, because we didn't know what we were going to be like parents beforehand. I'm like, am I going to. Am I going to even like my kid? Am I going to have patience for my kid? And it's just like, I'm glad I'm someone who just went head over heels for her.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? And. But I really do think those positive affirmations about, like, just loving you so much and like, being so grateful to have her.

[A]

As opposed to the verbiage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm so tired because, like, I'm.

[B]

A moody and like, things I don't like, like, I gotta hang out with this person and then, like, these negative things that I say ends up making me be miserable. Even up to the point people.

[A]

Guys, is this growth or what? It. So proud.

[B]

I'm not saying it's. I'm just saying I don't know if I subconsciously started doing that or what. But it worked. Yeah, it works.

[A]

I think you have to have a positive outlook on raising a child because you. There. It is a lot of work and you. It is exhausting. It is hard. And so the more that you tell yourself that, like, you're going to believe it. And so I don't know. But that's also. There's like, the. Well, what about people? And, like, that's not to take away from the fact that, like, it is actually hard, but, like, to make it easier on yourself. Just talk positively about it.

[B]

You know, talking about flights. So we're flying out for the first time without Lucy. This can be your. This could be your first time without her.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Because you've been with her. Have you had a night without her in four and a half months?

[A]

A single night? She's gonna be five months in a few days.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

No. So it'll be our first time. And of course, I feel like a horrible parent. It'll be a 24 hours. I'm trying to get into the mindset of, like, okay, but if we were still here at our home, people. Parents give their babies, if they have grandparents around, to grandparents for a night, and it's fine. What? You know, I'm trying to adopt that mindset.

[B]

Like, sleep through the night, though.

[A]

One night. For me, I'm more so thinking, like, she's so young to leave her. Like, we're going on a work trip, and I'm like, is it too soon? You know, because there was a lot of, like, opportunities up until this point that we said no to, like, for both of us going. But this is the first one that we're both going away from her for. So, like, yeah, I'm really nervous, and it's been on my mind all week, all the, like, all month. Really. I'm just like, I. I know that she'll be fine. She's staying at my parents, and she'll be great. But, like, I just. I get nervous leaving her. I just want her to be okay.

[B]

I. I don't think she's going to. Like, she loves who she's with. She's like, Kobe. Like, whoever she's with, she loves. Sorry.

[A]

That's a lie.

[B]

That's true. She. She's fine with whoever. Like, I'm not worried about Lucy. I'm more worried about your parents because, like, we. She's still, like, some nights are good, some nights are bad. I just hope she's good for your. For your mom.

[A]

I mean, we have that.

[B]

I don't want your mom to be like, I'm never doing this again.

[A]

My mom raised three. Three kids, right? So she knows what it's like. But again, it's been 30 years. Yeah.

[B]

What did my dad say when he goes, wow, I don't remember.

[A]

Oh, how hard this is? Because, yeah, we had Lucy, who's four and a half months, and then Sawyer, who's four weeks. And your dad looks around, he's like, I really don't remember it being this hard. I'm like, yeah, they need 247 attention. And again, like, yeah, you let them, like, play and, like, whatever, but you're still watching them to make sure that they're Alive, not smothering themselves. I think having a baby, though, has given me so much more respect for single parents. I actually don't know.

[B]

We say that all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's also made me a mush. I still not saying I like other kids, but I have so much more, like, empathy, compassion, and, like, if I see some horror, like, anything about babies, it just melts my heart.

[A]

I've never looked at other. I've looked at other dogs and been like, oh, my God, I love the dog. I want that dog. But now I do that with babies and I'm like, this is me.

[B]

Love that. No, I. I still don't do that. But, like, a baby in distress affects me. I don't want to see any baby crying, any. Any horribleness. Nothing. I'll be there for that baby.

[A]

I will be there.

[B]

I won't probably like that baby, but I'll be there for that baby.

[A]

I think that you would. I think that you would like that baby.

[B]

No, Like, I just don't like other people's kids.

[A]

I just don't like other people's gross kids. But I like. I don't.

[B]

And you don't have to. It's fine. Like, that's fine. But I'm just saying, like, I'll be there, just like a person in need. Like, I'll be there for that baby if it needs me.

[A]

You won't be happy about it.

[B]

I won't be.

[A]

But you will do it. And that's the goodness of John's heart, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, I am nervous to leave her, but I'm sure she'll be fine. But I think it's just, like, one of those milestones as a parent that everybody is nervous about.

[B]

I don't also want to say, like, we need a break, but it'll be nice for, like, the two of us. We're going for work, but whatever, it'll.

[A]

Still be a nice 24 hours that, like, we'll be able to, like, hopefully get eight hours of sleep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Uninterrupted.

[B]

It's crazy. What I'm looking forward to is just sleep. But we'll probably still wake up. Yeah, she's there.

[A]

I don't want to think about it. Like, I really. I'm sure it will be fine. And again, I know I have to rip the band aid off and, like, spend time without her eventually. Like, it's normal. People do that. People go back to work.

[B]

People do things only four and a half months or five months old. You know, it's. We do Whatever we want.

[A]

I just want to bring her with me everywhere I go.

[B]

I don't. Not on a plane. I'm good. I'm good. I feel like we're playing with borrowed time. What's the word? I'm like, she's been good. I think that flight home was a little reality check. Can you imagine flying for more than one hour?

[A]

I know, but the thing is, like, I don't think she would have done that the entire flight. I. I just.

[B]

We're talking about this too much. It doesn't matter. We're talking about this too much. All right, Moving from Lucy. Sorry, Sorry, everybody. Sorry, everybody.

[A]

Sorry. I'm not sorry. Because I love her so much.

[B]

Alex thought she did something nice for us and bought us new pillows. And it's a pillow that I have to stuff myself. So you bought something that. I had to do more work, John.

[A]

You complain no matter what. If I bought you a pillow, you would have been.

[B]

It's like a premium pillow.

[A]

It's too. It's too full. It's not comfortable. So now you could customize it. How was it last night? Because I loved it.

[B]

It was all right.

[A]

Okay. What was wrong with it?

[B]

Maybe there's too much in there.

[A]

Okay, so now what can you do?

[B]

I can, but we pay, like, a premium for these pillows.

[A]

Premium, John. This was 50% less than the one pillow that we bought years ago that we left at that Airbnb because the lady was a crazy pants.

[B]

We like, oh, my God, really nice pillows.

[A]

And then after 24 hours of being at this place, we were like, we gotta get out. You guys, pro. If you listen to the podcast, when we lived in la, did we talk about that? I'm sure we did.

[B]

Oh, my God. That was a nightmare.

[A]

Anyway, we, like, skedaddled out of the spot, and we left our pillows behind, and they were really. They were like, 250.

[B]

She's like, come get your pillows. I'm like, I'm never going back.

[A]

Exactly. I'm not coming for my embroidered crystal diamond pillow.

[B]

Alex. Love this place. I'm like, there's no AC. It's fudgeing L. A. Are you serious? We're going to melt.

[A]

There was a window unit. You know what she said? She goes, we were probably, I don't even know how many miles from the coast in L. A.

[B]

Freeze from the coast. I'm like, heart of L. A. What are you talking. Talking about?

[A]

We're also, like, in the Valley, where it just is. Where is.

[B]

There's no airflow.

[A]

Yeah, I want to get back to the pillows so you don't. So again, you can customize it to however you want to try to sleep better tonight.

[B]

John, I'm trying to think of an example that's like, let me complain.

[A]

If you didn't buy, then you buy the pillows. You've been complaining about the pillows and you don't do about it. I don't feel bad for you.

[B]

I can live in misery.

[A]

Can you? Because I can't with you complaining all the time.

[B]

Rex, for pillowcases, that's what we need.

[A]

It's not pillowcases. It's the pillow.

[B]

No, but I need a new pillowcase.

[A]

I already ordered new pillowcases.

[B]

Would you get them from online on the line?

[A]

Okay, I know we said we were moving on from Lucy, but I actually do have a question for our listeners. When do you move your baby into their own room? Out of your bassinet? Out of their bassinet. Out of your room? When do you move them into their own room in their crib? I feel like everybody has mixed reviews.

[B]

You can stay with us forever.

[A]

Well, we tried it. And I was like, I've heard that babies do sleep better. Because again, she's close to the five month mark. I was like, maybe it's time. Like, maybe we're waking her up in the middle of the night. Because again, our pediatrician was like, you know, after three months, like, you could move her into her own room. She'll be fine. Of course. We were like, no, she's sleeping with us forever.

[B]

You're so concerned about what the pediatrician's thoughts are like, who cares?

[A]

Well, because are they not like the person who you would think knows the.

[B]

Chicks in the 90th percentile of everything? She's doing fine.

[A]

Yeah, but she's not sleeping through the night. And I don't think that she is supposed to, but according to our pediatrician, she's supposed to be sleeping through the night anyway.

[B]

He also says you could let her cry for two hours. I'm not fudgeing doing that.

[A]

No. So we put her into her crib. Girlfriend doesn't make a peep. She's sleeping great. We're like, oh, my God, there's no way.

[B]

First off, there's no way. Initially I said, let's not do it. And Alexa, like, let's do. I go, okay. So then we put her down. She's asleep. I get a text from downstairs from Alex. She goes, I saved our queen, our princess. She's in our room with me. I'm like, what?

[A]

She was dead asleep. But then I went to go to bed and I was like, what am I supposed to do? Sleep without her in here? No. So I went, I rescued her. She stayed asleep.

[B]

So she was asleep, you picked her up and you brought her home?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

She was dead asleep.

[A]

I was like, I can't leave you behind. This is so wrong. So yeah, I picked her up from her room, brought her back into our room and she was fine. She woke up when she usually does, once at 3am and then again at 5:30 in the morning. And that's fine. I will do that for the rest of my life. Her husband can sleep train her. I love her so much. Like she's, she's never leaving.

[B]

I mean hopefully she could just sleep. Like just sleep with us. But sleep like I don't need to be waking up at 6am and then staying up from that until we put her down at 7:30 at night.

[A]

Just everyone.

[B]

At least that's the one thing we've done. We're like going to bedtime. Bath. She loves bath. Loves it. Bath. Time to sleep. Okay. Are we good here? We're good.

[A]

I could talk about Lucy forever.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Anyway, when we were in Virginia visiting your family, your sister gave us this game because she was like, you guys always like chat etiquette things and we did this now. Yeah, let's do it before we get into it. So it's this game. We're not going to play it. Right. But I think we'll ask each other. It's called. What is it called? Does it have it.

[B]

No, I forgot.

[A]

I forgot what it's called.

[B]

Mind your manners.

[A]

Oh yeah, that is what it is. So I don't know how you actually play, but there's these cards that have these scenarios and then you like talk about what you would do in this situation and then on the bottom it says the correct. The proper. The proper response, I guess of things that you should do. We don't have to read them all, but I figured it'd be fun. For our last episode of the season. This one is a hot topic that we get all the time. And I know what your response is going to be, but anyway, you get a wedding invitation addressed to and then it has like the person's last. So let's just say John Smith. John Smith family. Are the kids included? Like would the kids be included in that invitation?

[B]

Invitation.

[A]

It says the wedding invitation is addressed to the Smith family. Are the kids included in that? Yeah, I would say yes as well. Let me see what it says.

[B]

Because. Yes, because that's specific.

[A]

But if the invitation was addressed to Wanda and Amber, that wasn't the question card.

[B]

I'm yelling at the car like, that wasn't the question card.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Like, they're like, yeah, but if the question was this, like, that's not the question. So just say the car should just say, yes. It's addressed to the family, not the individuals.

[A]

Right. The question from the card just was saying, like, this is about etiquette.

[B]

I know. I'm just saying the response from the car saying, yes, that's correct. But if it said this, it's like that. That had nothing to do with it. I'm mad at the card.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

For the response.

[A]

I felt like you were mad at me there for a minute.

[B]

Oh, no. You're flying cheapo air again. Who owns the armrest on either side of your extra tiny middle seat?

[A]

Me.

[B]

I own both their shared property. But it would be kind of the people in the aisle and window seat to let you pull your elbows on them first to get the. To put your elbows on them first to get the comfiest position.

[A]

What are your thoughts? Person in the middle gets. Gets both armrests.

[B]

I don't know if they get both or at least get one of them.

[A]

You can. At least one.

[B]

Yeah. Next question.

[A]

I hate that, though. Like, when you're in the middle and nobody shares.

[B]

Saw this video. This guy had phoned out and just elbowed the dude's elbow off of it who was sleeping at the window. The guy woke up like, what the Jeez. I don't like how these questions are.

[A]

I know written.

[B]

They're stupid. But it gives me an idea, so I'll just do it myself.

[A]

Oh, wait. I think I was next. Okay, you, a committed atheist, are at a dinner party.

[B]

Does that mean you hate religion?

[A]

It doesn't mean you hate. Just doesn't mean you don't believe in religion. You a committed atheist? Maybe the committed part means, like, so.

[B]

Me, a person who doesn't believe in anything.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

At a dinner party.

[A]

You're at a dinner party where the host says, grace. What should you do?

[B]

Sit there?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

When people do it, I usually just sit there with my eyes open so everyone knows, like, I'll be respectful to. To whatever your. Your religion is, but, like, I don't have to participate.

[A]

Oh, John, that is such bullshit.

[B]

Because I do it, too. With your mom.

[A]

No, no, no. When you married into my family.

[B]

Well, I make it uncomfortable. I make everyone whole.

[A]

Everybody. John is, like, not religious at all. This really threw me for a loop. We date. He's like, yeah, yeah. Like, I grew up in church. Like, I don't go anymore, whatever. We get to my parents house for our first dinner. My parents are pretty religious, and so they pray before their meals. John goes, oi, oi. Everybody hold hands. Everybody's like, what the fuck? John's like, everybody hold hands.

[B]

If we're gonna do it, we're gonna do it right, baby.

[A]

He's. You've done it at Christmas dinners with, like, 30 people. John will say, everybody hold hands.

[B]

But I don't want to say grace because I freeze up. It's so funny. It's so funny. Like, we do a live podcast. We go on Tamron Hall. We do all this stuff. But, like, I'll freeze up. When your dad was like, say grace. And I'm like, I had a. I almost had a panic attack. I don't know why. Like, I hate public speaking still. Yeah, I hate it.

[A]

I feel like it has been a muscle that we've been able to flex, so I've gotten, like, more used to it.

[B]

You're great at it. You're great at it.

[A]

I wasn't always. Again, I'm glad.

[B]

You're like my chaperone when we do things.

[A]

I used to have to take shots when I was in college before doing.

[B]

Like, a presentation about you. Next question. Okay, Alex, you're getting takeout. You're standing. See, this is stupid. Basically, you're getting takeout. They put the tip calculator in front of you. What are you tipping?

[A]

Take out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm still doing 20%, but I think 10 is appropriate.

[B]

A 10 tip is fine for takeaway.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know if I'm gonna give 20. I think I do if there isn't a calculator, because I know it's like $1 for every $5. Comes out to 20.

[A]

That's like the hardest way to do it. Just double it. Like, double the number.

[B]

I don't know what that means.

[A]

If it's $20, just double it. 2. It's 4. $4.

[B]

I hate when you do this. You're confusing me.

[A]

It's. It's not even. John. It's.

[B]

I don't want to know. I don't. I can't do it.

[A]

Okay, moving on. You're on a zoom call, and no one is visible below the waist. I hate.

[B]

Yeah, I won't have my pants on.

[A]

And it says. Yeah, tighty whities. It is, right? According to this etiquette card. No you're supposed to dress.

[B]

That's a stupid no.

[A]

Yeah, I don't like that one.

[B]

Well, guess what? Your turns revoked. Alex. You arrive at a restaurant, you see that there's valet parking. You immediately break out into a cold sweat. When should you tip?

[A]

I tip at the end. I wouldn't tip in the beginning.

[B]

When you collect your car, the tip is thanks, not a bribe. And you should always look the valet in the eye and say, thank you. I don't do that.

[A]

You don't what? Look them in the eye.

[B]

I never. I never. I guess I should do that. When I'm giving money, I'm like, oh, here you go. Like, I never am. Like, here you go. Do you do that?

[A]

I mean, I don't.

[B]

You don't tip because you're always with me.

[A]

Okay, Are we not like a team tipper here? You act like. Like it's not my money team do you Cheap.

[B]

You're not the one doing it. It's me.

[A]

It's both of us.

[B]

This is actually what happens. The bill comes, I give it to Alex. She does the math, blah, blah, blah, gives it back to me, and then I hand it.

[A]

Yeah, like, so. You look like the good guy, but I'm the one doing the calculations.

[B]

Yeah, but, like, you never have cash on you. You never have cash.

[A]

Wallet. You're like, technically, like, your wallet's my wallet.

[B]

I don't like having stuff in my pocket.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. So it's in my purse. Like, this is a true team. I'm not. I'm not.

[B]

This is a very 50. 50.

[A]

Tip. John the Cheap ass.

[B]

No, okay. This is very 50 50. But you don't have cash ever in your wallet. So, like, I would be the one tipping with the cash.

[A]

The issue is, you know that I would probably tip like 1200%.

[B]

Oh, there's a reason why I'm the one tipping. You're a crazy tipper.

[A]

I just like to tip. Like, again, I. Working in the service industry at my favorite job, PF Chang, you survive off of tips. And so the fact that we can afford it. Tip your service 20% industry.

[B]

Fine, why not?

[A]

But you can afford it. Let's tip 50 here.

[B]

I'm not going to give more than 20%. The person's like, here's your hamburger. That's cheap. That's a lot of money. 20% on a bill is a lot of money for people.

[A]

Move to Europe.

[B]

You're saying barista hand hands you a black coffee.

[A]

Different. I don't. I don't agree with, like. Like, Coffee places. But like, if people are bringing you things and doing a service to you, like if I was at a coffee shop and I was.

[B]

If I had to get up to order anything, yeah, 20%. I'm not 20% a lot.

[A]

I'm not over tipping at an industry like that. I'm still probably going to get 20%, but I'm not over tipping. It is annoying. Whatever. That's just what. That's the world that we live in. It's. I don't fucking make the rules.

[B]

Sitting down is different.

[A]

Okay. Your friend's employer may go bankrupt and she's probably going to lose her job. Oh, you say, I know just how you feel. Was that nice of you? Solidarity is the most important thing or B, so A, just saying I know.

[B]

How you feel because, like, I guess I'm gonna lose my job too because I work for you.

[A]

Hold on, let me read the options. A, that was nice of you to say, solidarity is the most important thing. Or B, listening is a better way of supporting someone.

[B]

Obviously. B, yeah, you never want to. You want to be empathetic towards people you don't want to like, like, oh, I've been there. Like, you know what I mean? There's a way of, like, we've spoken.

[A]

About that with grief before. Like when we, again, we had a late term loss and people who had nine week miscarriages would be like, I know exactly how you feel there.

[B]

It's like you're making it about yourself.

[A]

And I'm not saying like, you don't, you don't know what it's like to feel grief or pain or experience loss. But like, I'm not going to compare the loss of my grandpa to someone who loses their husband. They're just different things. So you can't say I know exactly how you feel.

[B]

Also, it's not always like the best time to like talk about yourself.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Last question. You had a salad and a glass of wine. Everyone else at the table had cocktails, appetizers and desserts. Is it okay to point this out at check paying time?

[A]

Wait, hold on, read that again. You read it too quickly. I wasn't paying attention.

[B]

You're at dinner, you had a drink and a salad. Everyone else had like appetizers, a, a meal, a couple drinks. It's like, do you, Is it okay to point this out at check paying.

[A]

Time if I didn't indulge in any of the appetizers?

[B]

I told you all you had was a drink.

[A]

Yeah, because I would say I didn't. You know, hey, I'm just gonna get a separate check. While it's annoying, I think in certain situations to nickel and dime, we have been into scenarios where people overindulge and then expect everybody to split. You know what I'm saying? Like, your bill would have been $20. And then someone.

[B]

It's. It's. The thing is, like, whoever is the one, we have friends and family like this. The ones, the ones who are being like gluttonous are the last ones to realize that, like, hey, not everyone is consuming like you are.

[A]

And I think it's about it being self aware. Like, I'll never try to make it even if it's very clearly not even. But, like, if everybody's consuming, like, I'm not going to nickel and dime over 10 bucks. Like, I'm going to be okay. We cool? You got a little bit more of expensive cocktail and a steak. But we all shared appetizers. Well, like, you could just have to, like, read the room. Yeah. And like, again, there's a situation into where you can nickel in time, but when there's a big gap like that, I do think it's okay to speak up also, like, you don't know where everyone is financially.

[B]

It definitely puts a perspective. Like, I'll probably not. If someone financially can't, like, then I'm just not gonna go to dinner with that person if they're going to be like, that's so disrespectful. Because it's like the people we know aren't in the best financial situation and we got to eat with them and they pull some shit like that. That pisses me off. I hate when they do that. And it happens more often than not.

[A]

You're saying because they gain more out of going to an expensive dinner with other people.

[B]

But then that's crazy though. The mind. Yeah, they do that. And it's like the mindset of like, yo, you wouldn't be doing this on your own anyways. Yes, anyone, President is free to speak up for you first, but if they don't, then go for it. Hey, guys, any chance we could split by what we got instead of evenly? And if needed, I didn't order as much. That's what you say anyways. Okay, game time over.

[A]

Should we jump into questions?

[B]

Jump in, baby.

[A]

Okay, let's get started.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah, you go through those wipes pretty quickly.

[B]

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[A]

Flushable Wipes this episode is also sponsored by Skims. Okay, I need to talk about something that truly makes such a difference in my day. And it's honestly what I'm wearing under everything. Because I don't know about you, but I want two things at the same time. I want to feel comfortable and supported. I don't want to be tugging on straps that keep falling down. Adjusting all day, dealing with underwear that rides up my booty or feeling like something is digging or shifting the second that I move. And that's exactly why I reach for skims. Skims, intimates just work. Everything is soft, stretchy and supportive in a way that actually stays in place no matter what outfit I'm wearing, whether I'm in something fitted, oversized, running around all day, recording, living my life. I feel held in smooth and comfortable. No slipping, no wedgies, no constant adjusting. And the thing that I love most is that we all have that one pair of good underwear, right? The ones that you save when you really want to feel your best. I do the same thing with bras. I'm like, okay, this one is clean, this one's dirty. I'm going to save this one for my good outfit. With Skims, it's like, suddenly all of your underwear is good underwear. My whole drawer is filled with pieces that I actually look forward to putting on. I have a couple of go to bras and panties from Skims that give me the perfect balance of feeling supportive but totally relaxed. And it genuinely changes how confident I feel in my clothes. And I know I bring this up all the time, but like, truly, they're nursing bras. Like, I could wear them like an everyday bra while, like, knowing my boobies are supported. So if you're wanting intimates that are comfortable, supportive, and stay put all day, you need to try Skin Shop My favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Yay. My brother cheated on his wife with her best friend and they share four kids together. She wants to make it work and thinks that my brother will go to therapy. But he has always been anti therapy for everything and they still haven't made an appointment which was supposed to be her cue to leave. Now we fear she's fallen back into being too afraid to leave. And I just want to shake her and make her realize how horrible he is and how she needs to leave. He doesn't know that. The whole family knows. So do we just keep it that way and stay out of it or strangle him like we all want to? Kidding. For any legal purposes, depends how much.

[B]

You care about your relationship with your brother. Right. Even if you're doing the right thing, he's probably going to feel a type of way that his own family went against him. Him being anti therapy means he doesn't give a shit about this relationship. Like me. I don't really want to go to therapy. It's fucked up as this sounds, but like, if you were going to divorce me, I would go to therapy.

[A]

Oh, so I would like work on straw.

[B]

Yeah, like I'll. Because I don't want to lose you, so I'll do whatever I got to do, even though I should probably have done it beforehand and done my due diligence before. That's like people who break up or get divorced and then that's when they get in the best shape of their life. Like you should be. You should have been doing this shit beforehand.

[A]

Well, no, sometimes. Not necessarily. Sometimes like your partner, you're just like not in a good mental space when you're in a toxic relationship. And like you just have a glow up after.

[B]

I don't think that's true either. Because people who are people are happy. They don't really care about their weight either.

[A]

So if you and I get divorced and then like I get a fat ass and like boobs after, you're gonna be like, damn, like, why didn't. I would have respected you more.

[B]

No, you could remove the respect part, but like, damn, you could have done this while we were together.

[A]

Of course. But why would I? Why would I?

[B]

Like, because we're in a loving relationship now.

[A]

We love each other, but we love each other. But what I'm saying is, like, people aren't always in the best headspace when they're in a toxic relationship.

[B]

I'm not just talking about toxic relationships. I'm saying people get comfortable in relationships that are good, happy, and then they still glow up afterwards.

[A]

So it ends. Which means it wasn't a good relationship. There's an ending to that.

[B]

You can end stuff ambly. Amblicly. Ambly.

[A]

You're amicably. So amicably make excuses as to like why you won't do therapy until like I force you until I'm on the door.

[B]

No, I said that. Like I realized I should probably have done it beforehand. Due diligence therapy, because I don't need it.

[A]

Okay, next question. I don't think you need to get involved. Your sister in law, like, she knows the cards that have been dealt.

[B]

Like she knows that he cheated.

[A]

Exactly. Like she knows there's nothing you could do. People are fucking dumb.

[B]

Next question. You could bring a horse to water, but you can't get them to suck it. Next question.

[A]

Like you do that on purpose. Like you. Now you're just fucking up these phrases just to get a rise out of me. Is it working? Is it working? Go to therapy. Next question. I've been with my husband for nearly six years. Married for one. He's my best friend and so supportive. However, we just feel like roommates. We haven't had sex in multiple years. Not due to my lack of trying. At the beginning I tried, but he didn't want to. And then I stopped trying. This means even before we got married, we hadn't slept together or fooled around. I tried blaming it on the stress with our out of state moves, different schedules and overall depression, probably from both sides. But I convinced myself that marriage would fix these things and we would continue to build a life together. After all, this was our only real issue. I've recently asked for a separation, and we moved into our own spaces. Am I giving up on my marriage too easily? When is too soon to try meeting someone new to connect with, at least physically.

[B]

It doesn't matter who you're with. I don't know how many times I have to say this. You'll. There's no way whoever. Whoever you're with. You could be with a Victoria's Secret model. You could be with a Ralph Lauren model, the guy, girl, whatever. Ten years down the road. Your sex is not. There's no way your sex is going to be the same as when it was in the beginning.

[A]

Wait, but none.

[B]

No, I'm not saying none. But, like, there's so many things. You could take a dick pill. She can do hormone therapy. Well, I guess she's not the one with the problem. Like, there's so many things this guy could do. This question happens all the time. Sex drive dies. Whatever. Whatever. Like, you got to put the effort in. You got to put the effort in. Whatever it is.

[A]

I think it's just, like, communication here. So you're.

[B]

Are you not guys fucking talk to each other? Everyone out there talk to your partner. That's like the number one thing. Once you have that conversation and it's still not working out, at least you have an idea of what's going on. You're playing this guessing game. You're married. You've been in a relationship forever. Like. Like, do you guys. You need to talk. You need to be able to talk. Hell, that's going to help your relationship out significantly.

[A]

Because if you're separating over this, that, like, there's obviously more issues. Because if you were. If. If you brought it up to me and you were like, hey, I'm gonna ask for a separation, and then I. I would be like, oh, my God, why?

[B]

And you're so shocked.

[A]

Yeah. And then you'd be like, well, we don't. We're not as physical as we used to be. I'd be like, this is why. Let's work on this. If you both are okay with the separation, then there was clearly other underlying things that was either leading to the lack of sex or.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why you're able to, like, walk away from a separation. It's. It's not just the sex.

[B]

True. It's like, do you really want to get to the point of where you're fine not being with that person before Even giving it a shot of like talking about trying to fix it, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, I'm over it. Because that mentality, that cop out mentality will follow you into the next relationship.

[A]

And that's why communication is key. Communication, you give up.

[B]

I think we say. Well, cuz I was just also thinking, I think people like give up too easily and we always talk about like so quick. Well, I was also thinking about my, my thought. I didn't want to lose it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like we say get divorced all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When it's something significant. But something like this, I think people are just too quick to. There's too many fish in the sea, too many options. The grass is always greener. You got with this person for a reason. In the beginning you felt something. I just wouldn't give up so quick unless something serious happened. If you guys haven't talked about this is serious. Yeah. But if you guys haven't talked about.

[A]

It and you're married, like it's not like you are just dating this person and you're. You have indifferences like.

[B]

Next question.

[A]

I am in for a job opportunity, working at a gym. The problem is the guy that I'm seeing has an issue with one of the guys that works there. For context. This is the same guy his existence ex girlfriend cheated on him with way before he even knew me. For me, I don't see it as an issue but can somewhat understand where he's coming from. But when I told him about my opportunity, he said he couldn't support it. And if I were to work with this guy then he wouldn't be able to look at me the same. I feel like this is a bit much as we aren't even boyfriend and girlfriend. Do you guys think he's being dramatic and overstepping or should I be more supportive of his feelings and move on from this opportunity?

[B]

How does he know that this guy likes you?

[A]

He doesn't. This guy, who she is potentially going to be working with doesn't like her. He hooked up with this guy's ex girlfriend.

[B]

Oh, so he has the history.

[A]

I'm dating you.

[B]

No, I don't need to play. Okay, I got it, I got it. So are you sure? Yeah, because he. So he knows him, not her.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

I thought like she knew. Okay. No, I mean yeah, I could see where he's coming from. You're not dating yet though. Like he should probably chill out and not just assume. Not just you don't give him any inclination of like doing anything malicious against him.

[A]

It's also like, dude, be confident in your relationship.

[B]

You got to understand where he's coming from, though. A little bit, though.

[A]

A little bit. Because again, I. If I was. If you ended up working with a girl who cheated with my. My ex, yeah, I'd be like, fudge that hoe. But if this is something that's really important to you, like, you have to.

[B]

There's. I don't think you would be cool with that. There's no way. You'd be like, you think you're gonna get that job? You think you're gonna work there?

[A]

I don't know. I. I think that you think it.

[B]

Very highly of yourself right now to tr.

[A]

I feel like you just have to trust Al.

[B]

If I was dating a chick and this dude got my chick to hook up with him over me, and then you're like, hey, I'm gonna work at the same place that this guy works at, and I'm gonna see him seven hours a day. Where you're in them spending more time with him. I could be confident myself or not. I don't get. I don't fucking trust that situation.

[A]

But do you trust your partner?

[B]

They're not dating?

[A]

No.

[B]

Honestly, if I was the guy, I'd be like, you know what? Do your thing. I would just move on.

[A]

Well, and that's where I feel that you should be. If this is a career thing for you and you're not actually dating this guy, like, are you going to be resentful?

[B]

It's a career thing. You're going to the gym and working.

[A]

At a gym, not working out at a gym.

[B]

I'm actually more on the guy side. I think the guy should just be, you know what? If you want to do that, I'm not going to fault you for it or whatever, but, like, I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to deal with it. I wouldn't want to deal with that situation, because you can't. I understand. Like, I feel for the guy.

[A]

Yeah, I get that. But at the same time, like, for her, is she supposed to not work somewhere because he has a history, like.

[B]

From outside looking in. I don't. I don't blame either one of them. If. If I was the guy, I'd be like, look, we're not dating yet. This is something you really want to do. Like, I'm not going to fault you for that. You go, do you. But, like, I don't feel comfortable the situation. Maybe it's best to part ways.

[A]

I get both sides because, like, let's Paint a picture, John, you and I, we're just talking. We're not even boyfriend, girlfriend. You get an opportunity to be on a commercial set. The commercial is a month long. You're working.

[B]

We're not dating.

[A]

We're not dating, but we're, like, hooking up. We're talking. We're going on dates, but we're not official boyfriend, girlfriend. You get an opportunity to be on a commercial, and it's like a month long set. You're working with this girl who cheated, who was, you know, cheating with my ex boyfriend. And I'm like, I don't like that girl. You're like, okay, that's cool. Like, she. I don't have no interest in her. But I'm like, you can't take this job. This is your dream job. What are you doing?

[B]

I'm leaving you.

[A]

Exactly. So that's where I think that, like, for her, she should leave. It's not either one.

[B]

That's fine. That just made me think of that. Remember when we first just started dating? Like, we've been dating for one week, and I went to that wedding, a girl and that girl's trying to hook up with me. And I was like, nope, I'm dating somebody. And we were officially dating.

[A]

I think we had just.

[B]

But I was like, official. But I'm an honest man.

[A]

That's so kind of you, John.

[B]

I'm an honest man.

[A]

I also had a wedding that weekend, but there was no. No potential suitors at that wedding.

[B]

She's a.

[A]

You just think that you're.

[B]

She's a good man. You just think you're a hot man, Stephen. Oh, wait, Great. She's a good woman, Steven.

[A]

Savannah.

[B]

No, no. But like me to you, because you're a good woman. She's a good woman.

[A]

I believe that you probably hooked up with that.

[B]

I didn't.

[A]

Yeah, it's fine. Like, tying up a few loose ends myself, you know? Were you. No.

[B]

Maybe you started dating. That was it.

[A]

I don't believe you. It's okay.

[B]

Honest to God, on my life.

[A]

All right, next question.

[B]

I didn't have time to hook up with someone since I almost got arrested.

[A]

We don't care. Next question.

[B]

Everyone's wondering. I totaled a golf.

[A]

We all know, like, we've heard this story 18,000 times. Like, you don't want to listen to my stupid dreams. I don't want to listen to your arrest story.

[B]

What was your dream last night?

[A]

It doesn't matter. John tried telling me about his dream this morning, and I go, I don't care. Your dreams are boring because every time I try to tell John about my dream.

[B]

No one cares about your cold ascopy in the mall, Alex.

[A]

It's important. Colonoscopies are important.

[B]

You need to get a colonoscopy out.

[A]

We've talked about it.

[B]

I know, but what are you going to do it?

[A]

I don't know. In your dreams? Question. Our very close friends have spent years trying to conceive through IVF, then just became pregnant with twins the week after I, 31, female, got pregnant with our second baby. I was so excited to be belly buddies with a close friend and watch my husband get to share fatherhood with his best friend. Unfortunately, at their 12 week checkup the day before mine, they found out that she had miscarried both twins with no heartbeat. How on earth do we respectfully and carefully remain happy about our growing family while our closest friends are struggling to grow theirs? I can't imagine how she's going to look at me in the eye for the next seven months when I'm carrying a baby the same age her twins should have been. Did you know anyone the same gestational age as you with Leo? What can we do to manage this friendship moving forward?

[B]

I'm so sorry. That's so, so tough. That's tough for both parties.

[A]

It is. We did have someone, my brother and sister in law, they were a week apart from Leo. It was going to be two boys. So we were like so excited to have boy cousins growing up together. We're excited to have them be little buddies. I will say follow their lead. Let them know that you're there. Let them know that you're thinking of them and you support them. But you also have to know that it might be hard for them to just be around you for.

[B]

I would just be there. And just like you said, father lead if they, if they want to hang out, they want like and ask how.

[A]

They want to be supported, you know, it's just, it's just, there's nothing that can fix. There's no words that's gonna make them feel better. It's just gonna take time and just, and just be there. Listen, because I do remember being really, it was really tough for us. It's just really tough. It's really hard.

[B]

I mean, I think it's still tough now. Every time I see Luca, you know, I'm just like, he's so cute. I'm like, damn, same age. And seeing him grow, I'm like, Lee would have been the same age, same doing the same thing. Yeah, I. Like we said earlier, I think you just let them, Let them lead. Yeah, go off of that.

[A]

Next question. My grandfather is 94 and nearing the end. My grandmother is younger at 87, but doing great. My dad's sisters, my aunts, are already discussing how they're going to spend their inheritance. My dad, however, is the only one who knows that when my grandfather passes, the remainder of their money will go to my grandmother, but anything remaining will actually skip their kids and be split among the 10 grandchildren who they feel needed more. We're all out of college, but even the small amount will get will make a big difference. My grandmother asked my dad not to tell his sisters, but should he? He's pretty disgusted by their behavior already. Planning trips and how they'll spend the money they think that they're getting. I told my dad to tell them so they could stop talking about it. But he thinks he should wait to see the looks on their faces and that they may try to make them change their minds. What would you do?

[B]

100%.

[A]

100% what?

[B]

Wait, the dad? Yeah, because also. Because also if they say something, can you imagine now them being up in arms trying to change the will? Like at this point. At this point, it'd be so much easier for. For the dad because if he's the one like responsible party, if he's the POA or whatever.

[A]

Well, I think that's what the dad is saying. He's like, it's better to not tell them because then they won't try to like make them change their mind. I just insist situations like this. It's so disgusting that family members rely on the death of others for their.

[B]

Big payday to support themselves.

[A]

Exactly. What is wrong with you? Build a life where you can.

[B]

People are lazy and support yourself. Entitled and need other people to do things for them because they're too fucking lazy.

[A]

This just. This is a little close to home. So moving on. I have been friends with the same group of girls since high school. We're in our 30s now and we've been in each other's weddings. The problem is one of the girls has been an absolute pain in the ass since college. We've always given her grace because she was going through stuff. But after a decade, you realize she's always going through stuff. It's her, she's the problem. And now she's unpleasant to be around. Judgy, blunt, rude. Rude to her husband in front of us. Always dominates the conversation. Negative about everything. You get the gist. So we started doing things without her in secret, won't post anything, turned off, shared locations, etc. I'm a woman in my 30s. I can't live like this anymore. She really doesn't have any other friends, so anything we do would really hurt her. We've never confronted her about any of this. Cutting her out as a group would be mean spirited, Come out of left field and really crush her. I just don't know how to handle this.

[B]

Well, what's the problem? They don't know how to cut her out. Cut her out.

[A]

They're just saying like they don't want to be mean and cut her out. But they've never addressed my. I'll answer this question. Since John wasn't paying attention, I think it would be beneficial to bring up the fact that she is the common denominator and just ask like, have you considered that these things keep happening? You know, gently address that she might be.

[B]

Just phase out like you're doing. Just keep doing that and don't ever address it. And let her always be guessing the rest of her life.

[A]

That's what you would do, Mr. Blunt. John.

[B]

Yeah, because sometimes, you know, especially because like I moved, right? So like I wasn't really going to see this person again anyways. So kind of like drawn out. If we text, I'll text back, whatever. But I keep it pretty closed. Yeah, it just depends on the situation really. I mean, if this person like lives near you, you see them all the time. Like maybe you need to have that conversation. Depends if you want to like hurt their feelings. Like what's going to hurt their feelings more? Being blunt with, if you care. Being blunt with them on why you don't want to hang out with them anymore or just kind of fading out slowly. Which one's worse?

[A]

Yeah, I, I don't know. I just feel like communication is so important. Like if people are coming to you with the same, like, well, here's the shitty thing.

[B]

Are you, are you going to. If you tell that person right. What the issue is, Are you willing to give that person another chance? Are you done with that person? Because that's the problem. That's the thing. Because if you address the situation with this person, like, hey, you're just, you're very, you know, depressing to be around. Whatever, you're doing this, you're doing that in this and that person, like, okay, I'll change, I'll fix on there. Are you willing to give them a shot? Because if you're not, it's like you're doubling down, you're like, no, I don't want to hang out with you. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, or have you already made the decision that like, you no longer want this person involved in your life? I mean, I guess the easy path would be to not do a cold turkey and to just phase her out. Eventually it's, it's tough again. You don't want to be mean spirited, you don't want to hurt her. I get though, wanting to not be around someone who has this toxic behavior that's consistently bringing you down, like the environment, the energy. But I also operate under, like, I guess my group of girlfriends. Like, we just have really great communication with one another. And so I just feel like it does just happen naturally.

[B]

Too much, Too much.

[A]

What you think? Like our group chat, you guys give.

[B]

Like, not only voice chats, play by plays. You're like, tell me one good thing that happened today. Like, who the has that much time?

[A]

I love it. I love my girly squirrelies talking about.

[B]

Astrology and moons and stars.

[A]

I value strong friendships, but I value communication. Like, that is the number one thing that I value is like communication and relationships and just like bettering each other. Like, if you are not doing the work on yourself. And I think that that's what I pride myself with. Like, the group of girlfriends that I do have is like, everybody is working to better themselves. And if you're consistently the complainer. Yeah, like, you're not gonna, you're not gonna make the cut.

[B]

Too many things are depressing and sad in this world and it's too easy to be negative or the victim. It's so much easier to be the victim or, or be miserable versus being happy and having that positive coming from me. I know, but like, you're right, you want to. And as you get older, all you want to do is you want to elevate yourself. You don't want to be a miserable prick, you know, and you want to surround yourself with people like that. So I get it. Like, you're in a phase. Everyone changes. Everyone's phase in life changes. You're in a phase where you, like, you want to do better, you want to be better, you want everyone around you to do better.

[A]

So unless you're willing to have the conversation with her about, you know, her potentially looking into bettering herself, I don't think that you have to cut her out cold turkey. But if you know, you don't want to continue, if you don't want to continue doing these lies, keep your location on. She'll get the hint. You Know, you don't have to like.

[B]

She get the hint.

[A]

Exactly. I don't think I would hide my own life to spare someone else's feelings. Like, you'll get it.

[B]

Not enough time. Yeah, not enough time.

[A]

No one has enough time.

[B]

Anytime someone's giving you like way too much mental. Is taking too much mental energy, like, it's not worth it.

[A]

Next question. I'm a 29 year old single straight woman and I'm curious about your perspective on asking a potential partner to get an STD test. I recently ended a year long relationship and decided to get tested myself just to be safe. Before this, I had been in three relationships and honestly never gave STDs much thought. Now that I have a negative test result, I'm thinking more seriously about how to protect my health and feel confident with a future partner. I know condoms are an important protective measure, but they're not foolproof and there are situations where people choose not to use them. I've also learned that many women ask partners about their sexual health or testing status before becoming intimate. Of course, this applies both ways. This made me wonder, have you had this conversation at the beginning of a relationship? And what's a good, respectful way to bring it up with someone new? It still feels like an awkward and delicate topic, even though it's ultimately about my health and mutual responsibility. I also worry that some people may not test regularly or may not be completely honest, which makes the conversation feel even more important.

[B]

I get it. I mean, your health is number one and that's a responsible thing to do. To be sexually active, you need to be an adult.

[A]

Have you ever asked someone to talk?

[B]

No.

[A]

No, neither would I.

[B]

But I should, should have.

[A]

Would you? I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, because I'm. I wouldn't. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable asking. I don't know, because I'm just like more comfortable in my skin now. More now than ever before, probably. Yeah. Because that's the last thing I want to ex.

[A]

You're like, I made it this far. Yeah, I made it this far.

[B]

I got lucky.

[A]

Not just that, like, also just thinking of the health of our daughter, like, I would hate to contract something and then worry about her. Like if you and I were separated or something happened to me and I died or something happening to you and then like now you have someone else to worry about. And so yeah, I mean, I think to your point, just being more comfortable in your own skin, that's just where I would be more bold to ask. I don't think it's Wrong. And I think if someone is offended, that says more about them about relationship.

[B]

100%. Yeah, I would. Totally agree.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Totally agree. Yes, I would do it. Yeah. Imagine some of you being offended. I'd be like, we're fucking adults here.

[A]

I don't know your history. People do lie. Yeah. Next question. Is this typical cold feet or something more? I, 28, female, am engaged to my longtime partner, 33, male. We've been engaged for several years and dating since freshman year of college. Leading up to now, I had always been so excited to get married and plan our wedding, and at times felt impatient to get engaged. But now that we just recently started planning the actual wedding, I have a tiny voice inside telling me to run. I used to be infatuated with my partner, and lately all I can focus on are their flaws and all the aspects of the relationship that aren't ideal. This is exasperated by my best friend's newer relationship. She tells me and our other friends about arguments, and she and her boyfriend get in things he says or does to her, and all of us are so critical of him and think that she should break up with him. Meanwhile, most of these things are the same problems that arose early on in my relationship. I question if I would have stayed with him had I been older, more secure in myself, and more experienced in life. We've grown and changed so much, but I fear I am ignorant to the fact that I may be settling. He was my first of so many things, and I obviously am much younger than him. I feel so conflicted, like I'm betraying the past 10 years of my life by thinking these thoughts, but I seemingly can't stop. It comes in waves. Days that I feel like everything is great and we are at a good match, followed by days where I feel like I want to run away and imagine how different my life would have been had I not dated him long term. I feel like I am making a mistake by making this commitment, but I also feel like it would be a mistake to throw everything away out of fear. Is it normal to feel this way? Is it just cold feet or something more?

[B]

Do you want to regret the next 10 years?

[A]

I was gonna say, I never had cold feet thinking about marrying you, because I was like, I get to marry my best friend who I get to hook up with. This.

[B]

Getting married was scary, though. I was like, is this because it's something new? You know, like, you never been married before? I'm like, oh, my God, is this like.

[A]

But were you. Did you have second thoughts when we were Engaged? Of, like, should I be doing this? No. Be a little bit more confident that. In that. No, John.

[B]

No. I just. Like, you've been engaged for how long? That. That does say something.

[A]

I just think that. Listen, if you're having these thoughts now, it would be worse to get married and then to have to deal with a divorce and not listen to your gut. I feel like, yes. Is the dating pool shitty? Perhaps. I don't know. I haven't been in a while. And like, yes. Do I think that you get into a place in your relationship where things, like, maybe fall all flat? But if you are thinking that there's things in your relationship that are not going to work long term or things that have been bothering you, I do think that you do have to listen to this voice. Like, who cares that you were with this person for 10 years? Again, to your point, are you willing to waste another 10 years of your life just being passive? Like, you should be fired up about your partner. And that's not to say you don't get in arguments, like, I'm postpartum. Like, of course. Like, there's times, you know, that I'm like, gosh, I can't believe John. He's so annoying. And then you make me a snack and I'm like, I love him so much. I can never imagine my life without him there.

[B]

You've been with him for 10 years. You know everything about this person at this point. So if you're getting cold feet, there's. There's no, like, what if this is the right person? Like, you know this person.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

You know what I mean? So that should tell you enough right there. Because, like, sometimes when people, like, start dating, it's within, like, a year they get engaged. Like, everything comes pretty cool quickly. And 10 years, we haven't even been together 10 years. I feel like I've been with you for 100. Like, I know you so well. Like, there's no surprises.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

But I do feel like we still. I don't know, like, I still have so much fun with you that I'm excited for our future together. Like, I don't ever think because I feel like we still got together. Well, I was relatively young. I don't think about life what it would be like without you, because I just only want to experience it with you. I do think that's because I had an A dating history before meeting you. I think it's tough when you haven't had an extensive, like, dating history prior to being with your partner. And I don't want to say, like, high school sweethearts are never going to work out or people who started dating young or married, but I do think that, like, statistically, they don't necessarily work out because you are in a more immature state of mind when you are choosing your partner at such a young age. Like, you don't have the experience. Experience. Or like, the wisdom to be like, this is what I actually want in a lifelong partner. This is actually what I want in someone who I'm going to raise children with.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And so I do think you owe it to yourself to really take inventory and think about it. Like, it's easier to end an engagement than it is to get a divorce. I'll say that. Next question. We move often because of my husband's job, which means we don't have any family nearby. Therefore, the friendships we make become very close very quickly. It's the only way to grow a village in the location we find ourselves in. My husband and I met this couple and we immediately hit it off. They liked our kids. They spent many holidays with us together. The wife quickly became someone I considered a close friend. Fast forward two years later, my husband went on a work trip with the company that they both work for. During this trip, the other husband told my husband that he had been unfaithful to his wife in the beginning of their marriage and gave him a bunch of excuses as to why he did it. My husband, of course, came home to tell me because we're literally best friends and tell each other everything. But he made me promise not to say anything. I felt terrible, but thought, okay, maybe he learned his lesson and he wouldn't do it again. Later that year, they had another work trip together. And my husband witnessed this man cheat on his wife right in front of him. He saw him kiss another woman who was also in the same company. We have since found out that he continues to cheat on his wife because he has been bragging about it to all of his co workers. He continues to have a sexual relationship with the same woman. According to my husband, everyone in the company knows that he cheats on my friend. I feel so incredibly guilty because she has always been a good friend. She has helped me with my kids when my husband has been away for work. I know, I know she's someone I could go to if I need help. But my husband is adamant that I cannot say anything to her. The work relationship that he has with her husband is complicated. It's a small company and everyone knows everyone, and they must be able to work together for a mission to be accomplished. Yes, they're military. I value friendships, but I also feel extremely loyal to my husband. We have a very trustworthy relationship. And I would hate if he felt he couldn't tell me things anymore. My question is this. Should I tell her and maybe just damage my relationship with my husband if I do tell her, Should I do it like Snooki and JWoww told Sammy with an anonymous letter, or do I just stay out of it? Am I a terrible friend if I don't?

[B]

You and your husband need to be on the same page.

[A]

I was just gonna say this is, like, a value, like, with between you and your husband, where you would say, we both value honesty.

[B]

Also, there's something that come to play with, like, safety, your own safety. Like, say, you broke up this marriage. Is this person a psycho? They come shoot you, you know, I don't know. But then there's like, are we all land of sheep? Like, if no one. No one's out to, like, get each other's backs, we're all gonna, you know, like, people on the subway, for example, watching someone getting assault on subway, and everyone's just sitting there. Like, at some point we all need to, like, stick up for each other.

[A]

You guys have to be on the same page. If this was my best friend or again, if it was more of an acquaintance, I don't know that I would say something. But if she's a close friend and she's a neighbor who lives in, like, in your vicinity, you guys spend a decent amount of time together. I don't know that I would be able to face this friend consistently and not say something. I would feel like a shitty friend.

[B]

I'm just saying. Another thing is, like, looking at your husband's work, military say, you know, you do say something, finds out. I don't know. Like, I know. I'm sure the guy will get moved out of his platoon or unit or whatever. But then what happens to your husband with the other men and women in his. Like, what's the dynamic? Will, like, he not be trusted? I don't know. Like, is. Do you want to affect your husband's work? That's your livelihood, right? You know, you gotta. You gotta look at all aspects, whether it's right or wrong, what might happen to you in your situation.

[A]

This is what I would do. I would talk to my husband and I would say, you have to have a conversation with him and say, listen, you brought me into this. Now I see that this infidelity is going on we're close with you and your wife. Have you told her? I really think that you need to tell her. That would be the right thing to do. Do you say that? Otherwise, I'll tell her. I don't know, Like, I don't know your relationship and how close you are. I'm just thinking about, like, let's just say that there is this. This couple who we're friends with. I'll say the name offline. Would you? I, like, I wouldn't be able to continue hanging out without telling her.

[B]

Like, I got a great idea. I got a great.

[A]

What would you do?

[B]

You would say, okay, I tell my husband. You guys gotta be on the same page. But I'd be like, we gotta cut ties. You gotta cut ties. Even though it's your friend. Cut ties as the husband. Be like, listen, what you're doing is up. It's up. My relationship with my wife, she wants to say something. So if you want to do whatever you're doing, go to a different platoon, ask for a transfer. We're done. We're done here.

[A]

Or tell your wife.

[B]

Or my wife's end up telling your wife. I can't stop her. And then, you know, you lose that relationship. But you don't wreck someone else's. Whatever. And you know, that person doesn't come murder you.

[A]

Why are you so worried about, like, death?

[B]

Because people are crazy, man. People, you know?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, for someone, me, who they have a lot of crime podcast now.

[B]

We have a kid, you know, it's like, do they have kids? Yeah, yeah, you got it. Doing the right thing sounds great.

[A]

And all on paper until you're murdered. Your murder, your ditch.

[B]

Like, it's not your relationship. I'm sorry to say. It's like, okay, do I want to be looking over my back all the time? Because I, like, fuck this dude's relationship up. And now he's like, well. And that's why I'm on a vendetta.

[A]

That's why. I don't think it's necessarily on you to say something, but I think, like, you could put the pressure on the husband to speak up because it puts you in a weird position.

[B]

Doesn't matter if you say it or your husband, you're putting your whole family in jeopardy.

[A]

I hate that. Like, the only reason that you wouldn't say something is because you think that he would kill you. Like, that's the most extreme thing.

[B]

The fact that you don't think that anymore, that you don't think that is scary. You don't know people are crazy.

[A]

Like I got nothing to lose.

[B]

Mine are business, John.

[A]

You don't mind your fucking business. You would like. And again, if it depends how annoyed I am, that's what it is too though. Like, you're not that close with them. Like you really have only said I.

[B]

Consider one of my closest friends.

[A]

Yeah, but like how long have you known them? You know, like what do you really know about someone? So like, maybe they would kill you.

[B]

Well, I'll tell you this whether you tell her, you don't tell her you're losing a friend. So pick your poison.

[A]

Next question. My boyfriend, 37 male, and I, 35 female, have been dating for over five years. I'm unhappy with our current timeline because it feels like way too long to be dating. We are both on the same page about marriage, children and careers. We are in entertainment in different ways and have started working more around people we know separately. I have acted with people he's worked with. He's been on sets with people I know. Last year I learned that he had been cheating on me for practically the duration of our relationship, on and off again with multiple women. I learned this after a friend of mine noticed his name during my table reading. When I confronted him, he admitted to it and expressed how he had recently decided to stop and thought he could get away with never admitting it to me. While we worked to strengthen our relationship, I called BS but chose to forgive him. Still, I'm never completely at peace with this decision. Fast forward to present day. I have confronted other lewd behavior that didn't sit well with me. Liking photos of women on Instagram, going to places with, not telling me right away, even following one of the women he cheated on me with on social media. I was furious and he agreed to stop the questionable behavior and cut off those interactions completely. Now I am struggling with believing anything he says because it has been proven to me over and over that I'm usually correct when I send something off or unsettling. I've recently learned his password and have considered using it to check his socials and text 69 to confirm or deny if I'm actually right or wrong or what I'm sensing is just paranoid. Given his history, breaking up would be understandable at this point, but the progress he has made in strides gives gives me hope that while I'm not pleased with the timeline, he seems to finally be getting his act together. One Should I check his phone for peace of mind with this information? It would be proof that he has no intention of growing up blah Blah, blah, blah.

[B]

Who cares?

[A]

John, as a man, is it already over? Am I delaying the.

[B]

Come on, girl.

[A]

Like, let's be honest. I know the answer, but I'm hoping the exception to classic age old rule, when a person shows you who they are.

[B]

Believer. No.

[A]

Yeah, dude, maybe I should do this.

[B]

Maybe I should do it. No fucking leave.

[A]

Also, like again, you're. You've been dating for. You're 35, you've been dating for five years. There's no trust here. And he's. He only told you because he got caught.

[B]

Plot twister. Doing a table read for a porn.

[A]

Who knows to make your bank how you want. But listen, like, you only know this information because he got caught. It's not like he came to you with open arms and was like, I need to be a changed man. I have something to tell you.

[B]

She's hoping this is an exception to.

[A]

What the rule, like the classic. When a person shows you who they are, believe them.

[B]

Good news, guys. This is the last podcast episode, so I don't have to hear these stupid fucking questions again for a while.

[A]

People will do anything but face the truth.

[B]

Good answer, good response.

[A]

I'm just sick, girl.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

I'm tired. Aren't you tired, girl?

[B]

Are you exhausted from being in a show shitty relationship?

[A]

Imagine having the thought of like digging through your partner's phone. Not even just like, you again, like break up.

[B]

I mean, sure, why not? The damage is done. Go ahead, dig. Dig away. Go through there. And then you find even more reasons on guys why you should continue a year ago.

[A]

Push off. Exactly. Why are we continuing to be in shitty relationships? You want to live, you want to move on in your life. You want to have kids, you want to build the career, you want to do that.

[B]

You're like, maybe you'll change.

[A]

Maybe if I have a baby with this guy, it will fix things. No, it won't. Maybe if I move in with him first, maybe if I share a dog with him, it'll know. None of these things are gonna fix your stupid relationship.

[B]

2026. Let's do better people.

[A]

You know what it is? It's about loving yourself. Love yourself enough so that you self respect so you want so that you see what you deserve in another relationship if you don't love yourself enough.

[B]

Are your friends in good relationships? Like, you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, friends are shitty indicators because they're not going to actually tell you like it is. They're not gonna. They're gonna be like, it's okay, you should have that baby oh, my God, what a blessing.

[B]

You should have that marriage. This thicket thing.

[A]

Yeah. Like, sometimes your friends are fucking liars because they don't want to see you succeed. They're like, I'm doing fine. Oh, my God. This person is living. They're. They're the drama in my life because then they get to go home to. To their husband and their happy family and be like, would you hear this load of bullshit?

[B]

That they probably drama. Because they're like, you're worse than life.

[A]

Is a trash can. And they're like, God, I get to watch this dumpster fire, and I get to go home on my couch with my family and my money, talk shit about. You love yourself so much that you don't have to be the shithole friend that people talk about because your life is a dumpster fire. And that is how we're gonna end.

[B]

Wow. You know what? I have a rack, by the way.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Final Wreck. If you are traveling and you don't bring your baby camera or whatever, because we don't. And, like, you put the baby in a different room. Al, show me FaceTime. You put your phone in, and you could FaceTime your own phone. Make sure you put it on mute. And it's like a mobile nanny cam.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's great. It was such a smart idea. That's my wreck. You probably don't have one, because you never do.

[A]

No. You know what? My wreck is. And they were a sponsor back in the day on this episode. But the nuna bassinet has served so many purposes. Great for travel, great for. And now, like, that Lucy's sitting up. We put her in it, and, like, instead of, like, being taxing her. Yeah. We're walking her around our house, and she's just, like, looking around in her bassinet, like, having a blast for five to eight minutes. For five to eight minutes. And it is the most fun five to eight minutes of my life. I love her.

[B]

All right, guys. Well, it's about that time. So look, this season's done.

[A]

Yeah, but we'll be back.

[B]

We'll be back. We'll be back. Season.

[A]

Eventually, Lucy might make an appearance on the episode.

[B]

Why? No, she won't.

[A]

Meaning, like, we'll have her voice.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

We don't have to, like, you know, we'll blur her out.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We take a little break. You know, everyone needs breaks.

[A]

Just, you know, sue us for wanting to have a little time with our girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But we'll be back, and we'll be here to answer your questions and we'll be always ready to give it to you straight.

[B]

You know, give it to you straight. So guys, still like subscribe email comment.

[A]

You can find us everywhere at give it to me straight podcast on all the socials and if you want to send an anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or or in our bio. The link in our bio. And we will see you guys for season five soon.

[B]

That's it until we see you next time. Ready? One, two, three. Ciao, ciao. Bye.

[A]

Do I say ciao?

[B]

Ciao. And we'll see you next week. See you next week. And we will see you at a later date. Ciao, ciao. Bye.

[A]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.