Kevin Federline’s Tell-All Memoir, Love Is Blind Chaos, and Dancing With The Stars

Summary

Glamorous Trash: A Celebrity Memoir Podcast

Host: Chelsea Devantez

Episode: Kevin Federline’s Tell-All Memoir, Love Is Blind Chaos, and Dancing With The Stars

Date: October 24, 2025

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Episode Overview

Chelsea Devantez returns after a two-month hiatus (filming her feature, "Basic") with a “cookie jar” episode: a mix of hot topics and personal updates. Main focuses:

• A deep dive into Kevin Federline’s newly released “memoir” (audio only)
• Chaotic recent seasons of “Love Is Blind” and “Dancing With the Stars”
• Reflections on culture, celebrity memoirs, and personal filmmaker experiences

Guest host and producer Christina Lopez joins Chelsea for this pop-culture unpacking, sprinkled with biting commentary and memorable laughs.

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1. Chelsea’s Return & Podcast Updates

[00:55–05:50]

• Chelsea has been absent, directing her first feature film “Basic” (starring Leighton Meester, Ashley Park, and more).
• Praises Christina Lopez for captaining the podcast solo during her absence. Considers keeping a guest host as a monthly staple based on positive feedback.
• Requests listener feedback via Instagram, Patreon, or Spotify comments about keeping permanent guest hosts.
• Tone: Warm, self-deprecating, community-oriented.

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2. Kevin Federline’s Memoir: “Thought You Knew”

[05:50–42:26]

2.1. The Book’s Format and Presentation

[05:50–08:12]

• K-Fed’s “memoir” is audio-only, from a new “audio literary” company; there is no print edition.
• Chelsea critiques the lack of quality, style, and substance in both the audio and its branding:
  • “It looks like you don’t have $9.99 for Canva... Black and white, but he looks gross and dirty and that is hard to do” (Chelsea, [07:58]).

2.2. Chelsea’s Listening Experience

[08:12–09:05]

• Chelsea listened at double-speed:
  • “I’m not giving this man more than two and a half hours of my time.”

2.3. Content, Tone, and Major Red Flags

[09:05–18:00]

• K-Fed brags about his Super Bowl commercial, describing it as a career highlight.
  • “He talked about his Super Bowl commercial like it was a work of art.” (Chelsea, [09:07])
• Acknowledgments section:
  • K-Fed thanks Jamie Spears (Britney’s vilified father and former conservator), whom he has a restraining order against.
  • Direct quote: “Jamie Spears is pretty cool. Jamie Spears is a cool guy. I respect Jamie. Jamie did a great job running Britney's conservatorship…” (K-Fed, [12:26])
• Chelsea argues the real aim of the memoir is to push for Britney’s return to conservatorship, painting her as “crazy,” whereas K-Fed claims to be an honest, concerned father.

2.4. Unreliable Narrator and Personal Hypocrisies

[13:00+]

• K-Fed persistently claims: “I’m a really good dad” and “I’m real,” but only ever references his physical attraction to Britney (“I really wanted to smash that.” [15:21]).
• Details separation from ex, Shar Jackson, as if he were an innocent bystander despite her being pregnant with his child at the time.
• Glosses over the abandonment of his first family, spotlighting only his life with Britney and their children, Preston and Jayden.

2.5. Gross Gender Double Standards & Narrative Manipulation

[19:29, 20:16, 21:50]

• He boasts about sacrificing “his career” (dancing/rap) to be a dad while completely omitting his other children.
• Over-the-top worship of his current wife Vic (painting Britney as a “monster” in comparison) and using Jamie Lynn Spears’ (Britney’s sister) Facebook messages to “prove” Britney is a bad mother.
  • Jamie Lynn to Vic: “I don’t think there is enough money or material things in the world that would be enough to repay y’all for doing what she couldn't be bothered to do as a parent...” (Read at [22:09] by Chelsea)
• Chelsea: “If you take a step back, it’s like Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney’s tether — not even her real tether, she’s a TEMU tether! — reaching out behind her sister’s back...”

2.6. Relationship Timeline Rewriting & Misogyny

[25:55–30:00, 33:55+]

• K-Fed rewrites history, presenting himself as a key player in pop without acknowledging Britney’s pre-existing fame; splits chapters on Char/Jackson and Britney to hide timeline overlap.
• Describes their “Flip Flop Wedding” in sweatsuits emblazoned with “Pimps”:
  • “I also grew up in Southwest trash and when I see that, I go, that’s one of us. Absolutely.” (Chelsea, [29:48])

2.7. Attacks on Britney’s Character & Parenting

[31:20–35:10]

• Accuses Britney of loving one son more than the other (“scarring those kids”), excessive substance use, and being a neglectful mom. Fails to recognize or take any accountability for his own neglect.
• Chelsea: “You are when the downfall started... you brought a lot of drugs into Britney’s life, and she is suffering from mental issues from a young child.” ([36:43])

2.8. Final Assessment

• K-Fed doles out blame, calls Free Britney movement “violent and dangerous” ([39:18]), and requests return to conservatorship so he can resume collecting support.
• Chelsea: “His memoir is what gives celebrity memoirs a bad name. They’re all for money, all full of lies, and just for headlines.” ([41:41])
• Christina: “Does everybody’s voice deserve to have their story told?” ([41:20]) Chelsea: “This man came for money... had he not thrown his kids under the bus, had he given me anything, maybe.”
• Verdict: Don’t buy or stream it — “the book is tanking.”

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3. Love Is Blind: Denver & Culture Clash

[42:26–51:10]

• Chelsea reflects on the cultural soup of Colorado (religiosity, military, hippie, and “youth group” cultures) and asserts the Denver cast is a perfect storm:
  • “It’s a soup that does not taste good. They’re not supposed to go together.” ([44:49])
• Examines how women are indoctrinated into traditional gender roles (“sparkly bacon Megan”) — yet are mismatched with lifestyles or partners they don’t want.
  • “It’s okay not to want the things you think you want... Get out of this world that made you think you want a family, because you don’t.” ([50:55])
• No standout couples, cultural and racial microaggressions abound (“Patrick would go on the show and say... it’s because I’m specifically Asian, while being a total asshat himself, and picking a girl who literally says ‘I don’t like you because you’re Asian.’” [49:38]).
• Both hosts see the chaos as a symptom of the wider current societal clash ("the culture wars have happened and there is no clear winner... we’re all kind of in this mess of what it means to be a part of culture right now." Chelsea, [46:12]).

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4. Dancing With the Stars: Trauma, Disco, and American Darkness

[51:31–54:47]

• Chelsea admits to newly watching “Dancing With the Stars” and skewers its emotional manipulation and bizarre “trauma-chic” storytelling.
  • Impression of the show:
    “Next up, we have a trad wife dancing with her husband who was molested as a child and then cheated on her on Tinder — and they will cha cha it away!” ([51:56])
  • Points out how serious trauma is sandwiched between dance numbers to Katy Perry, then sprinkled with sequins.
• Christina, a longtime DWTS recapper, notes the show’s culture war happening via its new influencer-driven fanbase, older viewers, and rising viewer numbers:
  • “It’s been a real contention... the older fan base vs. the fan base who found it during the pandemic...” ([53:21])
• Both agree: it’s just as messy and dark as Love Is Blind Denver and Mormon Wives, yet Chelsea can't stop watching.

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5. Filmmaking Updates: The Journey of “Basic”

[54:47–62:26]

• Chelsea details her journey creating “Basic”:
  • Inspired by a social media micro-drama over a boyfriend’s ex, grown into a South By-featured short, and now a feature film.
  • “It’s high fidelity for your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends... It has a lot of jokes, it also has a lot of heart.”
  • Remarks on the grind (“six years” to make), the challenge of believing in yourself, and how her podcast community literally helped make the film possible by supporting production financially and volunteering on set.
    • “Believing in yourself is not always fun or easy… Sometimes it feels like a decision you’re making every second.” ([58:31])

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6. Reflections on Community, Art, and the Podcast

[62:26–end]

• Chelsea shares how podcasting and filmmaking satisfy different creative needs — podcasts force her to be vulnerable, while film provides distance via art.
• Expresses deep gratitude to Christina, producers, listeners (“cookies”), and Patreon supporters.
• Chelsea welcomes listener input about future guest hosts and celebrates her return to regular programming.

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7. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On K-Fed’s memoir:
  “All of this talk about getting formula and breastfeeding… he keeps throwing in, she's a mom and she's breastfeeding so I could be on cocaine… but Britney was being a monster.” (Chelsea, [33:55])
• On culture clash in Colorado:
  “It’s a soup that does not taste good. They’re not supposed to go together.” (Chelsea, [44:49])
• On the chaos of Dancing With the Stars:
  “Next up, we have a trad wife dancing with her husband who was molested as a child and then cheated on her on Tinder — and they will cha cha it away!” (Chelsea, [51:56])
• On creative perseverance:
  “Believing in yourself is not always fun or easy… Sometimes it feels like a decision you’re making every second sometimes.” (Chelsea, [58:31])
• On podcasting and storytelling:
  “It was really good to just get to make art and not be talking. I get sick of myself.” (Chelsea, [62:42])

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8. Fun Closing: Fall Traditions & Community Shout-outs

[64:52+]

• Christina shares an East Coast apple-picking tradition; Chelsea recommends a “Practical Margaritas” party (watching “Practical Magic” and pausing to make margaritas during the film).
• Listeners are encouraged to get involved via comments and Patreon (“Who should join the book club permanently? Let us know!”).

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Key Timestamps:

• Chelsea’s return & updates: 00:55–06:35
• K-Fed memoir deconstruction: 06:35–42:29
• Love is Blind Denver chaos: 42:29–51:15
• Dancing With the Stars cultural analysis: 51:31–54:47
• About the film “Basic” & art-making: 54:47–62:26

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a blend of cathartic venting, sharp takedowns, and thoughtful observations on the intersection of pop culture, memoir, and modern American life. Chelsea and Christina deliver witty, incisive critique while highlighting the importance of community and creative perseverance.

For listeners: You won’t need to sit through K-Fed’s memoir—Chelsea’s distillation contains all the jaw-dropping moments, feminist analysis, and cultural context you could want. If you care about the deeper implications of pop phenomena, or just want sharp commentary with your celebrity tea, this is your podcast.

Transcript

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Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Welcome to Glamorous Trash. This is a podcast of book clubs, celebrity memoirs, viral articles, and trashy discourse to elevate your life. I'm your host, Chelsea devontez. And I'm back. I'm. I'm. I'm back in the saddle. If you've been listening to this podcast regularly, I have been away for two months. If you just found us, you don't even know who I am or why I'm talking, but I'm usually the host. And I'm back, you guys. I was way directing my first feature film, which is still wild to say, and we are doing a cookie jar episode where we will discuss a handful of hot topics. And then at the very end of the episode, I will talk about the film that I just shot. I wrote it, I directed it. It's called Basic. It finally had its press release, so I'm allowed to talk about it. And the film stars Leighton Meester, Ashley Park, Taylor, John Smith, so many other comedians. There's a drag queen from RuPaul's Drag Race who stars in the film. You can wait to the end of the episode to hear who. But if you listen to this podcast, you know that I am a filmmaker. And the fact that I got to do this film means everything to me. And it's what I'm spending all my time on. And it's something I was trying to make for six years. And we finally shot it and now I am in the edit. But okay, so back to the podcast. Let me see. Let me get back into this intro and see, see if I can remember how to do this. I'm your host, Chelsea DeVont. I'm a TV writer, comedian, filmmaker, author, and sometimes I'm in stuff too. So I was really busy doing my other job and I will talk about it at the very end of the podcast if you're here for personal stuff. But if you're just here for the hot topics, today we are really going to be discussing K. Fed Kevin Federline's Men's Moir, which is it really a book if it doesn't exist in print and it's only an audio edition? Something to discuss. I imagine that's going to take up a lot of the episode. Is it devastating that that is my first memoir back? Yes, it is. We're lightly going to touch on Dancing with the Stars. We have to talk about Love is Blind, Denver. And then Christine and I are going to discuss some little cute fall things that we like to do, and then we'll talk about the movie. So let's bring in my guest host, my producer, the person who's been running this damn thing by themselves for two months, who did an incredible job. So many nice comments about what it was like. Christina Lopez, hi.

[B]

Popo's out. Chelsea.

[A]

Oh, wow, wow, wow. How does it feel to have been the solo captain for two months? Was it weird?

[B]

Yeah, it was a lot. It was like everything all at once.

[A]

Everything everywhere all at once.

[B]

Yeah, it was like drinking from a fire hose, basically, but in the best.

[A]

Way because usually I'm so in the edits. We do the edits together. We talk about everything all day long. And I will say I was still here for a little bit and then I was straight up gone. So everything was just Christina.

[B]

Yeah. I also just like, did not want to bother you. I was just like, you had a lot going on. Just from those.

[A]

You did have a lot going on.

[B]

So I was like, you know what? Let me just. I'm an adult. I've been doing podcasting for almost 12 years now.

[A]

You are the senior producer everything of this podcast. Yeah. You did an incredible job. You know, obviously I made this podcast because it's my dream podcast, all the things I'm obviously interested in. So I have to tell you to get to like, I would listen to our episodes when I was like on my way to set at 5 in the morning. They would help me feel like a person outside of the film, literally. I would play them as I showered, got ready, as I did my prep, and so I was like, oh, my God, I created my dream podcast for myself. So I loved the guest episodes. And I kind of already talked about it. You And I haven't had an official meeting, but I think we should keep one guest episode on a month because I. I don't know if that's me being biased, because I loved hearing it or if that's how everyone else feels, but I feel like we should keep a guest host on. And so here's my call to the cookies. Listen, send us a message on Instagram. Hello at glamorous trash. You can leave a comment on Spotify, you can always find me on Patreon. But I'm thinking we keep one guest host, maybe just like, the same person every month. They do a book, and I will do the rest. Don't worry. And I kind of think Tracy should be doing every viral article episode with me. I love her take. I was, like, fighting back with her on the Elizabeth Gilbert episode, which is, like. Which I find so interesting. And so anyways, but I'm biased, so please weigh in. Let us know what you want. It was also nice to get comments that people missed me. I. I wasn't sure if everyone would be like, yes, mom is gone. Let's talk about books the way we want. I don't know.

[B]

It definitely was not that.

[A]

It was nice to get some comments saying that they missed me. So that was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But anyways, yeah, let us know. Should we keep a guest host on permanently and then just have, like, one. One fresh take a month? I don't know. Okay, so let's get into our first topic, which is the Kevin Federline memoir. First, I want to state this. It is from a brand new. I'm Putting in quotes audio literary publishing house. This is their first go at it. They decided to lead with Kevin Federline's book. This was like their. Like, let's launch our whole company with this. So that's what we think about them. Not even gonna plug their name. And they run a company where basically they don't print the books. They only do the audio takes, which could just be a fucking podcast. So I'm not really sure what they're doing normal. Go ahead, go ahead.

[B]

It is a different sort of art to it, depending on how it's produced. Like, was his just, like, a straight up reading of, like, a version of what would have been a book? Because, you know, other audio memoirs incorporate some more, like, you know, sound design elements to help enhance it.

[A]

He did drop a beat during his acknowledgments, if that's what you're wondering.

[B]

Did he wrap the acknowledgments?

[A]

No. No. And I wish he would Have. That would have been even better. But like a beat came in and I was like, are you. It's not like there was like music throughout the book or sound design. I know audiobooks for audiobook purposes exist and can be really wonderful and great. I'm throwing shade because they launched this company with K Fed's book.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it just doesn't feel like a real audio experience, a real book experience. And it's not in print. Can't get in print. Not sure what photos he would have included, but I would have been curious. And I will also say the COVID for his book. It's like, you don't even have to put in the money to print these covers. And that's what you chose. It looks like there's no style to it. I was going to say it looks like a 90s CD cover, but those had style to it. It looks like, I don't know, like, you don't have 999 for Canva. And so you went on like free font.com and then tried to pull that. And you put it over a black and white photo of Kevin Federline, which. Black and white, very. That is what real memoirs have, a black and white photo.

[B]

That's how you know he means business.

[A]

But he looks gross and dirty in black and white, and that is hard to do. Like, usually you put a black and white filter on a photo. Classic, elegant. Your skin looks perfect. Put a black and white photo on Kevin Federline, you can still be like, oh, you smell dirty. Sorry, I'm back.

[B]

I. I just. I love the. The title.

[A]

Thought you knew, thought you knew, Thought you knew, Thought you knew. My God. So I did listen to the audiobook for this episode.

[B]

I'm so glad that it was you and not me. I actually was talking to Chris about it and see if we could, like, spare you from having to do that and just have him just, you know, is his beat. But I'm so glad that you took this on and not me this time.

[A]

Everyone knows Brittany's got a special soft place in my heart. And I feel like this is part of the Britney discourse. And so of course, I've gotta finish out the collection with a little K. Fed. It was an audiobook. I took this bitch in two and a half hours, put it on double time. And I was gonna say, like, oh, he actually is like a dynamic performer. And then I realized I had him on double time. I do talk fast, I listen fast. I hate the pace of audiobooks, so I always speed it up. However, I'M not giving this man more than two and a half hours of my time. And yes, the entire audiobook on double time was two and a half hours.

[B]

And would you shorten it anymore?

[A]

Yeah, he could have cut a lot. Yeah, I would say, particularly the entire chapter he wrote about his super bowl commercial being the height of his career. He talked about his super bowl commercial like it was a work of art. There's a full fucking chapter on the super bowl commercial where he is basically, it's kay fed taking your order at a fast food company and it's making fun of him. I got a whole stack. What rolling vip. What rolling vip. Better night.

[B]

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[A]

And he talks about that commercial in his book like it was a work of art that he participated in that made him. He literally said I was becoming my own man and getting out of Britney's shadow by doing my own work. Like my super bowl commercial. This idiot. Okay, so I think given, you know, always read the acknowledgments, that's where the real info is. This motherfucker thanked Jamie Spears. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break right now and we'll be right back. Okay. I reached a moment in life where I just needed some essentials in my wardrobe. It is fall, the weather is changing, and I just needed the basics. And the best, highest quality basics are at Quince. I went there to get some wide leg pants. I also got this like super cute utility shirt for my husband. And then I got a fresh new pair of slippers. I love just a hot, fresh pair of slippers for fall. I wear slippers all the time, so I constantly need new pairs. And I love the ones from Quince. Quince has kind of become this like one stop shop for me because you can get so many pieces there. Because Quint partners directly with top tier ethical factories and they cut out the middlemen. So to deliver luxury quality pieces at half the price of similar brands, it's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that just feels smart. Stylish, effortless, easy, easy peasy. But also super chic. Some would say glamorous and trash. Find your fall staples at quint. Go to quint.com glamorous for free shipping on your order. And 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com glamorous to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com glamorous when did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn [e-mail] okay, welcome back. Let's continue the conversation. This thanked Jamie Spears. To put that into perspective a little better, Kevin Federline has a restraining order against Jamie Spears for abusing his children. And he what, thanked him in the acknowledgments. And if that wasn't enough, here's a direct quote from Kay Fed in the book. Jamie Spears is pretty cool. Jamie Spears is a cool guy. I respect Jamie. Jamie did a great job running Britney's conservatorship.

[B]

Jamie did a great job at getting me money while Britney was under conservatorship.

[A]

Exactly. This entire book, obviously it was for him to try and get money. He has no other way of making money. But also it is a huge push to try and get her back into the conservatorship. That's why his book exists. And I think what makes me most upset about the book is that because Britney is really volatile on social media and obviously is as a woman recovering from being drugged and traumatized since, you know, the age of 14 is going through a lot of trauma and that that is showing up. And I think people want to call her crazy or call her names and like think that she's horrible. And when Kevin Federline does it, you think he's giving an honest account. So I think he's an incredible amount of damage because I've already seen comments being like, I mean, like, he's a loser, but he's like telling the truth on her. But here's my thing, and this is what bothers me about the book because there's, there's parts where he's talking about her and you're like, oh my God, is this true? And then I have to remember that this man talked about his own album and rap career as if it was a real thing that mattered to people. A real quote in the book is that Britney had a whole machine behind her making her famous. And he didn't have that in hip hop. You have to earn it. And I was just like, oh, for someone who truly thinks a Super bowl commercial making fun of him is how he became his own man. Like, how this is an untrustworthy narrator. Like, you can't trust this man's opinions on anything, let alone Britney. And he goes at her hard, man.

[B]

It wasn't like Britney became famous while he was dating her. She was already famous. So for him to treat it like this thing that he has to come up from out of is so weird, because it's like, dude, that was the thing that. Let's be all real. That was the thing that attracted you to her in the first place.

[A]

Yeah. And he does that thing where, you know what I say on this podcast? Like, if you say something too many times, it. Like that. It is just every time you're like, well, I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a bitch. I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a bitch. It's like, okay, you're definitely a bitch. Like, you know, I think JLo is constantly. I just don't love myself. I don't love myself. I don't love myself. I don't love someone. It's like, actually, JLo, I think you're doing fine. I think that's nice for you. And you know what? I think it's. With me, I'm always like, I hold grudges. I hold grudges. And then, like, I turned around in my filmmaking process, and I was like, oh, there's like, five people here who I've, like, made up with, and they're. And I'm. And then I instantly brought them into my film. So it's like, I'm not sure. You know what I mean? Thou dost protest too much. And Kay Fed. His whole thing is, I'm a really good dad. So it's like, he's like, I'm a dad. Like, all I care about are my kids. Like, I'm a really good dad. And then the other thing he keeps pushing is that he. He's real. He'll say, like, and I'm real. I'm just real. Like, that I'm real. And he'll be like, I wasn't in it for the clout or the money or the fame. Like, I don't. I don't even care about things like that. And he says it so many times, and you're like. But then he also never describes what actually attracted him to Britney other than a real quote, again from the book. I really wanted to smash that. That's a quote. Stop.

[B]

Yeah, stop.

[A]

Oh, my God. He was like that.

[B]

He's like a grown man. Yeah. Just for reference, everyone, he's 47 years old?

[A]

Yeah. This is a 47 year old man. He meets Britney when she's 16 and he is 21 because he is a backup dancer for LFO and LFO is opening for Britney.

[B]

I did not know that.

[A]

Yeah. And he even says years later she didn't even remember him. Cause they like barely crossed paths. He was on her tour from when he was 21 years old. And he tried to play it in the book. He was like. And then like people asked me to, you know, dance for Justin Timberlake. Like, I was busy. I was on the MJ tour. I took a dance class from Wade Robinson. And then all that drama happened between them and I was like, oh, you were a groupie outside her life for years and years and years. And in the book he tries to play of like, I was of the scene and I just happened to see Brittany that night and it's like, no, you've been like in her bubble trying to get inside it for six years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Ugh, gross.

[A]

Where do you think he's from?

[B]

Florida.

[A]

When I heard where he was from, I was like, ooh, this makes sense. No, not. It's. Florida's a really good guess. Sorry. Florida. Think of a city in California that if you hear Kevin Federline is from, you're like, oh, no. Makes sense.

[B]

I don't know. Orange County, Fresno. Oh yeah.

[A]

And I'm sorry to my Fresno friends, but I have, my husband has family in Fresno. And if you live in Fresno, you're like, yeah, that's ours. He's ours. He's one of us. That sucks. And I know we all feel like it sucks, but it, it makes a lot of sense that he was just a bad boy dancing in Fresno.

[B]

Dancing found him making it off the streets of rough and tumble Fresno 100%.

[A]

Comes to LA, he's like, I worked so hard. He was here for two weeks, got his first audition. It was for lfo, Booked it. He then spends an entire chapter talking about how great Pink is. And he was on tour for Pink.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the amount of compliments he gives Pink as an artist and a dancer and a creator, it's as, it's like, it's as if it's actively to hurt Britney. Like he just spends time on how and Pink, you know, exists in the same moment as Brittany. And he spends so much time talking about how great she was and how her career inspired him and all these other things.

[B]

That's so interesting that he can sort of see what a good pop star is but not be able to acknowledge that within Britney.

[A]

Yeah. I think had he been able to. Again, you'd be a more trustworthy source of what's happened with her. But, like, there's not a single Britney compliment other than he doesn't even say, she was so hot. He didn't say, we danced well together. He said, I wanted to smash that. And it was all physical, like, not a. So it's like, okay, well, then you had to have been attracted to the money and fame because you're not listing anymore.

[B]

Yeah. Otherwise, why would you get married?

[A]

Okay, so this is the other fucking crazy part of the book. So we talked about Char.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Char Jackson from Moesha.

[A]

Yes. He's just a dancer. He's dancing, he's making it. He's on the show. You got served. And then all of a sudden, he's with Char and he has a child. And he's like. And I. You know, no shade against Char, but her family was always around, and she just wasn't my soulmate. She wasn't the right person for me. She didn't want to go out as much. And her family was always around. Like, they're cool. But, like, that was a lot for me. And we were just really growing apart, and we were already growing apart before I. Brittany. Right? And then he's like. And then Shar got pregnant. You're like, okay, so you're not growing apart. Your fiance is pregnant with your second child, and you live with her entire family. And he really paints it as, like. He's just like, a good guy trying to find the woman meant for him. Spends absolutely no time on the fact that she's fucking pregnant with his child. He closes the chapter and he's like, things ended with Char. You know, I wish they would have ended better, but, like, no big deal. And then he starts the Britney chapter of, like, and here's how I met Britney. And it's like, bro, you left the mother of your children, who's like, seven months pregnant at home to go have a bender with Britney Spears for three days, which then shows up in the tabloids. And that's how Char finds out the father of her unborn child and children has left her for Britney Spears. And he separates the chapters as if they exist on two different timelines. It's just like, dude, you're lying. It's so infuriating.

[B]

How did you manage your stress while you were listening to this book of, like, just him being an outright liar?

[A]

I was also, like, unpacking. Finally. I had so many suitcases of things, so I was just like, I was like putting clothes away. Just stressed. So stressed and mad at him. It's a really angering book. And the other thing too is that a lot of times in the book he's like, I had to give up my career to be a full stay at home dad for Preston and Jaden. My kids with Brainy. And I had to because that's what they needed. And I just kept thinking, you have two other children. Yeah, you have two other children who you abandoned and are not in the book. And at the end of the book he's like, my children Char seem to be kind of mad at me because I give more to Preston and Jaden. I hope they can understand one day that like I wanted to be a rapper and I, I couldn't have a career because I need to be a stay at home dad who's fully paid for by Britney Spears and not seen my other children. I hope they understand one day.

[B]

And not only that, him and his girlfriend or I don't know if they're married.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's his wife now.

[B]

Yeah, his long term partner. They've been together since 2008. Could you imagine your husband, your husband or your partner releasing a book about their ex from 20 years ago?

[A]

And maybe that's why I think he would have done it anyway. But like Vic is fucking Mary Magdalene in the book. Like she is a saint, she's an angel. He compares her like Britney's trash. Vic is amazing. He talks about like all the bad things Britney has done to Vic. He then we should play this audio right now. He ends the book printing text messages or actually I think Facebook DMS that Jamie Lynn Spears sent to Vic and he's printing it like, see, Britney's the worst. Even her sister says I'm an amazing father and what would she do without me and Vic? But if you take a step back, it's like Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's tether. Not even her real tether. She's a teemu tether. Jamie Lynn Spears, the teemu tether. You know, reaching out behind her sister's back to say these horrible things to her ex husband's new wife. It's not even to K Fed, it's to Kevin Federline's wife. Vic, I think we should play the audio. It is four minutes long. Maybe we'll just play parts of it. I don't think there is enough money or material things in the world that would be enough to repay y' all for doing what she couldn't be bothered to do as a parent. And I'm sure my sister has never thanked y' all for raising her children and still being beyond gracious to allow her so many chances to take part in their lives, even when y' all had more than enough reason to validate. Cutting that off. Okay.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

How egregious is that?

[B]

That's pretty. That's gross. Like, I can't. Yeah.

[A]

And he's like, Jamie Lynn Spears. Like, it's amazing. Oh. He talks about how she made her own career without Britney's help. But Britney wanted credit for Zoe101. I'm like, you guys are all out of your mind. First off, no, she didn't make her own career. She is Jamie Lynn Spears. Secondly, I don't think Britney needs credit for Zoe101. Thirdly, if she did give it to her, she made you famous. And I'm so sorry, but, like, you dance nothing like Britney. You sound nothing like Britney. And I will give you your props if you deserve props. That is one of the most untalented humans on this earth. And the fact that she was given a music career and an acting career is wild. You only got it from being a Spears.

[B]

Yeah, 100%.

[A]

And then the one person he doesn't think of the book is Brian. But he's like, I just didn't get to know him very well. If you haven't listened to our episode about Britney and Lynn's end quote memoir that she wrote when she was 18, which I don't even think she laid eyes on it, you should, because in that episode in the book that was published in, like, 2002, Brainy's mom was like, brian is engaged to an amazing woman named Blaze. And Blaze is also a word Kevin Federline uses a lot in his own book because he loves to blaze. And Brittany knew that. And I don't know why Brittany was mad at me for smoking up. She knows I love to blaze.

[B]

So.

[A]

That was tough, too.

[B]

I love your Kevin Federline.

[A]

I'm even giving him more flair than he brings to the table. I'm giving. I'm giving double time. Where his voice is dynamic. Britney knows I love to blaze. Why she got mad that night is crazy. I've been smoking weed since I was 13. She knew that.

[B]

Anyways, honestly, can you just re record the audiobook in your own voice? It'd be way more entertaining.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Chelsea's version where I just record memoirs in my own voice.

[B]

Yeah. And then he doesn't get money for the book.

[A]

Okay, actually, wait A minute. This is good. And then everyone can hear his book without giving him money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Should this. Should I record. Should I record this on Patreon? I bet I could do it in an hour and a half. I'm a fast talker. You would kill it. So Brian, Britney's older brother, was engaged to a woman named Blaze. And Lynn Spears put it in print when we went to look up Blaze. Of course, they never even got married. He has ex wives who are not her. But I did find Brian's most recent girlfriend, who was on Instagram stories this year talking about how they drug Britney and use her as an atm, which didn't even make the news. And so that's also maybe why K Fed doesn't bring Brian's narrative into this. Because Brian is horrible to. They all are horrible to Brittany. But okay, let's see. He talks about the night he meets Britney by hanging out with her bodyguards. He's like, I was at Joseph's on a Monday night. It's just like the vibe man. And you know, he loves to dance. Brittany loves to dance. He didn't even say, like, they dance well together. And that's probably what drew her to him. He's just like. And then he was like. It was all physical and for some reason it's a headline like, Britney took him home on the first night. It's like, did you ever watch their weird shitty reality show? They are. They're like, we're in it for the sex. We've been fucking since the second we met. Brittany's like, I think our People magazine was like, I fucked him all night long and knew I had to marry him. We've known this. He talks about her assistant, female Fee, and how one night he walks in on Britney making out with another girl.

[B]

That's right. I've heard of, okay, get a Brit bisexual queen.

[A]

And he's so upset that he calls Fee and is like, book me a ticket home immediately because I ain't about this life. I guess he's. I don't know. Not about threesomes, not about. Maybe it was cheating. I don't know. You've known her four days, so I'm not really sure.

[B]

What. He's not into open relationships. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Again, like you're. You currently have a fiance who's pregnant with your child and she doesn't know you've broken up with her. So I'm not sure what the rules are on day four. Kay, Fed. Jesus. But you ask Britney's assistant to book you your flight home to Break up with her, you little bitch. You're already using her assistant and her money to book your ticket home, you little bitch.

[B]

He does not know that he's showing his ass. Basically, he's showing his whole ass.

[A]

Showing his whole fucking ass. Which I also think was the style of jeans he was wearing at the time. My next note is Idiot, bitch, loser, liar.

[B]

I'm so sad there wasn't a physical copy you could mark this up with.

[A]

I know, me too. So then he's like, you know, Britney asked me to marry her on a plane in first class with champagne. I didn't think it was real. Then I asked her to marry her, but I really wanted her father's permission. I wanted to ask her father's permission to marry her. And I was like, yes, you know, as we. Because Jamie owns Britney and then you will own Britney and you'll pass her back. But you know why he couldn't ask Jamie for his legal permission to marry his daughter?

[B]

Why?

[A]

Jamie was in rehab. Jamie was currently in rehab. And again, like, going to rehab is like a very noble, wonderful thing to do, but he does not stick to rehabilitation. And again, that won't be mentioned in this book at all. And then he wrote Jamie was cool, though, and he talks about the engagement rings he bought Britney as if he paid for them. You fucking showed. We. You don't have again. It's been three weeks with Britney. You were on the date. What? You got served and you said you were struggling to pay bills with Char. You didn't buy a four million dollar engagement ring.

[B]

No.

[A]

I don't know why you're so. He's like, I got Britney. It's like, you didn't get Britney anything.

[B]

He's like, well, I picked it out, but she paid for it.

[A]

Exactly. No, he was like, she picked it out. And then I got her the ring.

[B]

So he just drove her there, like, what? Yeah.

[A]

You were like, present maybe?

[B]

He was like, yeah, baby, that's good. That's a good ring.

[A]

Yeah, that's nice.

[B]

Where's your card so we can pay for it?

[A]

Jamie. Hey, Jamie, you around? And then this is. Oh, this is the one compliment he gave Brittany. He said the one thing about her actual quote. The one thing. That's the one thing about her. She always supported me as a father and said I was a good father. Because she lets him go to what, the birth of his child. They're engaged, they're planning a wedding. Oopsies. He's got to be there for the birth of his second child to the woman he abandoned a month earlier, and Britney let him. Isn't that cool of her?

[B]

That's so cool of her.

[A]

God. He says the night before they got married, she was outside crying.

[B]

I'm sorry. It is crazy for him to, like, write that sentence and then be like, okay, let me get back to talking about how terrible she is.

[A]

100%. 100%. Like, oh, but the one thing about her is that she always let me go to my child's birth, who I had just abandoned. But other than that, what a slut. He said, the night before they got married, she was on the phone with Justin Timberlake. And he said, just like she wrote in her book. I'm like, love that you're showing your ass that you read it. We all know you read Britney's book, but it's just nice to hear. She's nice to hear it. He was like, just as she said in her book, she never got over him. And I probably shouldn't have married her because she was in love with Justin Timberlake. I'm like, there's a lot of reasons you shouldn't have married her.

[B]

100%.

[A]

But, yeah, that's also one of them. And then as he was describing this wedding, I'm like, wait, are you describing the Flip Flop wedding? And I say that with love because I would absolutely get married in flip flops. But I'm pretty sure it's like he and his boys were in, like, Juicy Couture stuff. Sweatpants and flip flops or something. Wait, please look up the wedding pictures and describe them to us.

[B]

I remember this because I used to work in celebrity news. There's actually a picture Jamie Lynn and the Juicy Couture. Like, pink Juicy Velour back in. Yes. Okay. And now I see. Oh, my God. Kevin Federline's entire groom's party in white velour sweatpants. And in the back of it, written in black script, it says pimps.

[A]

Right? Right. And just once again, I'd like to say shout out to Fresno. I'm sorry you got to claim him. He's yours. Listen, I also grew up in Southwest trash. And when I see that, I go, that one of us. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's how the weddings are held.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Flip flops, pimps on velour white tuxes. Like, that's what it was. Okay, we're going to take a quick break right now, and we'll be right back. The holidays have arrived at the Home Depot, and we're here to help bring the excitement with decor for every part of your home. Check out our wide assortment of easy to assemble pre lit trees so you can spend less time setting up and more time celebrating. And bring your holiday spirit outdoors with unique decor like one of our Santa inflatables. Whatever your style, find the right pieces at the right prices this holiday season at the Home Depot. Okay, welcome back. Let's continue the conversation. Okay, so let's just do a few more high level details. He puts in writing multiple times that Britney loved Jaden more than she loved Preston. And he puts that in writing consistently, constantly. He puts it in writing as if we should judge her for it. But instead I'm going, you're putting this in your book. You, you're scarring those kids. And he's saying, like, it was really hard because it was just so clear that she loved Jaden more than Preston. It's like your children are still alive and here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're 18. Like, okay, yeah. And again, maybe those are real things they were dealing with. But like, you're the shithead for putting it in. He said Ben Stiller, Rosie o' Donnell and Jimmy Kimmel really hurt his feelings by making fun of him and they didn't know the real him. He said, you know, he wanted to be the breadwinner and wasn't used to a woman doing all this stuff. So he wanted to make his money, which is why they sold their reality show Chaotic. And that's when he got his first chunk of cash to then make his own album. I'm like, what? You're not the breadwinner when you sell a reality show off of Britney's fame?

[B]

No, not at all. You're like the accessory to that. That's not even your, you know.

[A]

No, it's here for you. They're here for. They're watching you ruin this woman for. And then he's like, now I finally have my own money. I'm like, no, it's not your money.

[B]

You're still making it off of her.

[A]

I wrote, oh, quote, I needed to rap to be the breadwinner. So then he, I mean, he makes some horrific claims that Brittany was drinking while pregnant, that she was on a lot of meds, that she slapped him, that she fired his whole security guard team one day who were hers too, because he was smoking weed. But in Britney's book, the story is she had two children back to back, which, reading his book, she had a C section with Preston. She was pregnant two months later with Jaden. And you're not even supposed to be having sex when you are healing from a wound like that. She's in full postpartum and he's locking her out of his home studio so he can rap. And one day her own security guards wouldn't let her in to see her husband. And she had a kid in each arm. And I think that's the day she fired him. And in his book, he's like, it's cause I was smoking weed, but she knew I loved weed. It's like she has two children under the age of two. Then his album release party on Halloween is the night that ends everything. And he spends a lot of time being like, Britney was gonna go home and breastfeed our children, even though I just saw her do cocaine. But then he will be doing crazy amounts of drugs, going on full benders. But never relate it to, like both of us were being really bad parents because he keeps throwing in, she's a mom and she's breastfeeding so I could be on cocaine. Like, I could do drugs. I could do whatever I wanted. I could drink all night. But Britney was being a monster. And so it's like all of this talk about getting formula and breastfeeding and it's all really sad, horrible stuff. He is also using it as a weapon that of course you'll judge a mom for things that are fine for him. He says that she fired manager Larry, Rudolph and Flea. I don't think that that's whatever. And then he said, there's multiple final straws with Britney in the book. And that was the final straw. And I'm like, really, bitch? Because a half an hour ago you also had the final straw. You don't have a fucking search function through your audiobook to know that you already said that it was the final straw. So his Halloween party was the final straw with Brittany. And then another final straw was when Lindsay, Paris, and Brittany all called him drunk and asked him to come over. And he's just not about that. Life in another sentence is like, I was going on vendors every night in all caps. I wrote, what about your other kids who you don't give a about?

[B]

When you said Lindsay, Paris and Britney, I was just remembering those pictures of them in the car together that one night.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I think he's insinuating it's that night.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like they were calling him from the car maybe.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And I think there's another. He's like, she was with an actress who was soon to be famous doing cocaine and he doesn't neighbor. And I was like, is this Supposed to be Lindsay Lohan. I don't know.

[B]

Interesting. Blind Adam.

[A]

I know. Cool blind item. Kay Fed. So then they go into all of these, like, custody hearings. And this is when we're gonna get into, like, Brittany locking herself in the bathroom with Jaden and Kay Fed, saying he never tried to take custody, but he did all this back and forth. I mean, it gets really dark. He says one day Brittany showed up to one of their custody hearings in a wedding dress.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Now, I was like. He was like, one of the wedding dresses she wore to marry me. And I was like, you know, Yeah, I think I might. If I was like, hey, remember, you married me six months months ago. Please stop trying to ruin my life. Would I show up in a wedding dress I wore to marry you? I might.

[B]

Right. I think it's, like, the instinct to look at it and be like, she's crazy. Instead of like, hey, this person needs help. This person really needs help.

[A]

And also, you're a huge part of why she needs help. He never mentions all the other players. Sam. What's the Sam Lufty who came in and started her life up. He, like, that person is gone from the narrative. He's acting like it's all Britney's choice to just be really mean to him because he's a good guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he starts talking about 5150s and rehab, how she checks herself out of rehab. And, I mean, he talks about the night she shaved her head is like, that's when I realized how bad she was and, like, the level I was dealing with. And, like. But I just want to be like, you married her two years ago, so this, like, you're a part of this. You're. When all of this started, obviously Britney always had stuff going on and was always dealing with, like, a horrific family and crazy career. You are when the downfall started. And he's. And he plays it in the book, like, can you believe I had to deal with this? It's like, you did it. Like, you brought a lot of drugs into Britney's life, and she is suffering from mental issues, like, from a young child.

[B]

Like, yeah, if he didn't start the fire, he definitely poured gasoline all over it.

[A]

Yeah, and that's exactly right. I think the whole book is, like, as if there's a pile of gasoline on the ground. He, like, kicked a cigarette towards it. It lit on fire. And then he spends the whole book being like, can you believe there's a fire? And so then, like, he's like, after the divorce, my career is crushing it I met Snoop with Britney, but then I met him on my own. He shouts, this is another quote from the book. My boy Purple. My boy Purple set me up with Snoop. My boy Purple. He then takes a chapter to thank all of his quote, boys in Miami. He talks about how Eli Manning.

[B]

A lot of boys here.

[A]

Lot of boys here. Talks about Eli Manning asking for a picture with him. Kid Rock is around, hanging out. Pretty cool guys.

[B]

Yeah, it sounds about right, actually.

[A]

He said the money he got from Britney wasn't enough because to keep maintain the boy's lifestyle as they had it with Britney, he had to spend $40,000 a month to raise his kids. And because Brittany was so intense, he couldn't rap anymore. You know, he would have. He would have had a big rap career.

[B]

What's stopping him from doing it now? Exactly. And blowing up? Nothing.

[A]

He talks about, like, how one day Britney comes over and he's with Vic and Britney is in a corset with one titty hanging out. And Daisy Duke's so short you could see everything. And then he just talks about how, like, her ass is hanging out as she's, like, overtaking care of the kids. Like, then I don't trust anything else you're saying because, like, why is that the most important detail? And then he. Yeah, I mean, he's going in between being like, one time Britney said that the kids said that Britney was horrible to them and, like, like, watched over them with knives. But then other times, he's being like, Dringo. I was pretty overweight. I was 230 pounds. And so I joined a celebrity fit club weight loss show with my ex wife, Char.

[B]

I remember that.

[A]

I was like, okay. He called. This is another quote from the book. He called Britney Spears Joan Crawford on crack.

[B]

Now, who told him about Joan Crawford?

[A]

He been listening to this podcast.

[B]

He's like, whatever happened to Baby Jane was a banger.

[A]

That's a classic. It's a classic. No more wire hangers. I say that all the time. He starts talking about Hawaii. Hawaii had to move to the island.

[B]

I know you hate that. I know you hate that. He pronounced it with the accent.

[A]

And I get that that's how you really pronounce it, but, like, fuck you, Kevin Federline. And then he said, you know, Char was a great mom to the other two kids, but because Britney was a bad mom, he had to raise his kids. He said, they don't like Britney. He says she needs to go back into a conservatorship. And he said the free Britney movement is violent and dangerous.

[B]

Because it threatens his bank account, his money.

[A]

I had to come and do a whole audio only book because Jamie's not giving me money anymore because he doesn't run the conservatorship. Yeah, he placed all the blame on her. And I will say the one thing that he says that again, I think is so dangerous is that he said Britney never reached the first step of recovery, which is admitting you have a problem alone. And that's like what Jamie Lynn is talking about when she's Facebook messaging Vic or whatever. And I think there's a lot of validity to recovery and drug use, especially when it's intertwined with severe mental health problems. And Brittany herself on her Instagram is like, I think I have brain damage, you guys. And it's like, yeah, we all agree. We all agree something horrible has happened here. But I think he talks about it as if all of it is choice and none of it is circumstance. Resources, how she was raised, how she was manipulated, including by people like him. And I think recovery is a road that Brittany is on and wants to be on. But he definitely treats it as if, like, he was always in control of his drugs and Britney never was, and that's her problem.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, that's tough.

[A]

It's really sad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, Anyways, that was Kay Fed.

[B]

Well, how did you feel after reading it and how did you recover from it?

[A]

Still not recovered. Okay. It definitely made me be like, wait a minute, what am I doing on this podcast again? Like, why am I reading K Fed's book? But I did it. I did it for all of y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

I love y' all so much. Booktal test. Was he vulnerable? No. Lying piece of. Was it entertaining to read? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. I listened. Something had to keep me company while I unpacked three suitcases from two months of filming. Did it elevate my life in any way? Yeah. And that it made me see the way people are allowed to talk about women and mothers who have mental health issues and the way the blame is put on to women very easily. And the headlines he's been able to create when he is a walking, talking chode. Do you mean like, should shoulds get to create headlines like that? I don't think so.

[B]

Yeah. And I mean, that's. This came up in the Patreon chat because I think there was a discussion about reading the book or not reading the book and, you know, like, does everybody's voice deserve to have their story told? And how do you advocate for that? Yeah. I don't know how you feel about.

[A]

That, but had that been when he did. Yeah, Everyone deserves a chance to tell your story. This man came for money. The whole book is just, I need money. And it's, please put her back in the conservatorship so I can get more money. Had he told his story, had he not thrown his kids under the bus, had he not used them as a shield, had he given me anything about himself besides, I'm a good rapper and my super bowl commercial was a really cool and good thing that I did. Like, his memoir is what gives celebrity memoirs a bad name. They're all for money. They're all full of lies, and they're just for headlines. And it's not a real book. It's literally not a real book. And so I think he did a huge disservice by doing this. The book is tanking. I hope hearing me talk about it means you don't have to listen to it or buy it or give him money. And I hope he eats just the way Jamie Lynn's book will eat. Will. Did.

[B]

Did. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, let's move on. Christina.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Talk about depressing. Have you also been watching Love is Blind Denver or is it just me?

[B]

I haven't been watching, but I've been keeping up on the Patreon chats and it seems bleak. I have seen a couple of clips on also on Tick Tock, and I'm just like, what was going on with the casting this season?

[A]

I love this show because it gives you glimpses into American cities, even when the people on there obviously don represent the whole of your city. They all have such distinct flavors that you do get a vibe of, like, where you are. And y' all have heard me talk a lot about Colorado on this podcast. I spent some really formative years there as a teenager growing up, and I've always said, hey, this is my experience of Colorado, like, 20 years ago. So it doesn't stand watching Love is Blind Dead for I said, actually, everything I said is true and right and still correct. And listen, of course, I can't speak for an entire state. There are so many parts of Colorado that are great. If you are listening to this podcast and you live in Colorado, you are great. Listen, this is a huge, vast state, so I'm just going to give my tiny little opinion, which is that as a whole, if you were going to give this date a headline or why Love is Blind Denver is such a rough season, it is because Colorado is a very difficult state to live in. And that is because of the Venn diagram of the cultures that exist in this state. And one is that it is extremely religious. We lived in a tiny, tiny, small town, and the churches outnumbered the amount of restaurants in total. Like, whoa. Extremely religious states. Extremely Christian, extremely militarized. There are military bases, like, hidden in the mountains that you don't even know about that are, like, running a lot of, like, like, tests and horrible crazy. And it's. It's just a really militarized state and has a lot of military presence next to hiking, hippies, fishing, smoking weed, being like, being like nature boys, nature girls. Right. Yeah.

[B]

I was gonna say Rocky Mountain high.

[A]

Rocky Mountain high, all that stuff. But it then it has, like, youth group culture Christianity that kind of blends the two of those of, like, we're playing guitar, we're Jack Johnson. But those two things coming together to try and exist in this state and some people trying to exist in both cultures.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Has created a soup that is not taste. It don't taste good. They're not supposed to go together. And that's where you get the people in love is blind being like, I'm. I'm Sparkly Bacon Megan, and I'm a girl boss, but also, I'd like my husband to be the breadwinner. I'm a millionaire. You're a loser. Like, I'd like to do the dishes for you, but also, I hate. And I'm. I'm woo woo. And I like crystals, but also, Jesus guides me, but I'm confused. And then, oh, my God. Then there's Calabria and Edmund, and, like, Edmund is so terrible. But then Calabria will yell at him for talking over her while all she does is talk over him. And then, oh, my God, she's like, you know, wants these certain things in a relationship. And then she's driving this snowmobile with him on the back, and he's like a child having his first snowmobile experience. And then she's talking in this, like, deep therapy social worker experience about accountability. And it's just like, you two don't even belong in the same conversation, but you were forced to find each other because you're. You're in Denver, where apparently no one else like you exists. So you found each other, and this is your best match. It's just there's no one. You want to get married on this show.

[B]

Okay, so what is this saying about Colorado or this moment? You know, because I know how you like to project a political lens on some of these things, so I do.

[A]

And I. And I think this and Taylor Frankie Paul on the Bachelorette are speaking to the same thing, which is the massive cultural clash and moment and undoing that is happening to us. And what is making the world feel so exhausted right now is because it eases your brain to know if the sky is blue and grass is green. Just basic rules of understanding, basic codes of conduct. And the culture wars have happened and there is no clear winner and there is no up and down. Sky is blue, grass is green. Like, we're all kind of in this mess of what it means to be a part of culture right now. Where, you know, in the past, we would have the idea of good Christians and good Mormons, like, don't even show shoulders and skin like that, you know, back in the purity culture days. And then now the Mormon wives are wearing, you know, nothing. And that's totally fine and good. And I think it's just this clash of, like. Like, wait, what are the rules now? And what are we saying about society? You know, we used to have debates about, is Obama the worst person in the world because he saluted the troops with a latte in his hand and was that disrespectful? And now we have Trump putting out AI generated videos of him dumping literal shit on Americans. And so it has just swung so far, and we don't know where things have landed yet because everything is a mess. And I think the people who wanted those cultural mouthpieces that give them power, like trad wife culture and subservient women, all that stuff, they are getting to say that right now, while not actually living that life and upholding those values. And I think that's exactly what we're seeing on this show and on Mormon wives and shows like that. And it is hilarious to me to watch it all break down. It's like these culture wars that we've been in are coming to a head because they literally, you cannot exist as all things. It's what Trump started, which is like, he's gonna run on the religious ticket while never being a religious man in his life, doing. He's gonna run the conservative ticket, but he's going to be the most egregious, like, uncouth person to ever exist.

[B]

Yeah. And I also think it speaks to the economy that Gen Z is at. Right. Because they're the ones who have an interesting political spectrum where the women are a little bit more liberal or tend to vote more liberal, and the men of that generation tend to be more conservative and believe in the, you know, head of household kind of thing. And so I think that's what you're seeing at play. But you're saying that some of the women are indoctrinated into that as well here.

[A]

I think. Hugely indoctrinated into it. Listen, I experienced a lot of, like, pain in Colorado. Colorado is such a great state. It has so many great things to offer. But I do think when you try and marry a set of values that cannot. They can't exist hand in hand, and I think you're seeing people trying to do that. And what it looks like. And it looks like the worst couples on earth, there's no one to root for. No. I hope none of them get married. I think the racial dynamics that played out in the show are true to the Colorado I knew, which was terrible at dealing with diversity and ethnicity because it is such a Caucasian state, or it was when I lived there, and there really was not a lot of education and understanding. And you really saw that with Patrick. And, you know, Patrick would go on the show and say, it's not. You know, women have always not liked me because I'm specifically Asian. And the racism to that, while being a total asshat himself, and then picking a girl who literally is like, I don't like you because you're Asian.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Like, unreal. I'm happy people are getting a glimpse of a type of person that can exist in Denver. Obviously, there's a bunch of great people in Denver.

[B]

So there really is no one to, like, root for on the show.

[A]

Absolutely not. There's a single dad who you actually really can root for. He's, like, really working class and humble, and he's all about taking accountability. You could tell he's just, like, probably pretty good in a relationship. And the girl, Sparkle Megan, has chosen him because she says she wants a family, she wants to settle down, she wants a good relationship. But when she sees what an actual family is, which is literally, she spends one night with his child who has diabetes, and there's, like, little alarms that wake up. You have to take care of his insulin and things like that. And you can tell it wrecked her. She was like, that was a lot. That was. It's a lot. And it's like, you don't want. It's okay to not want the things you think you want. But again, that's the indoctrination I'm talking about. This woman has been raised to believe she wants a man to court her, and she wants a family, and she wants him to be the breadwinner when everything about her doesn't want Any of that. She wants to go fucking play tennis in Belize every Wednesday. And it's just like, go do that. Like, get out of this world. That has made you think you want a family, because you don't.

[B]

Yeah. Ugh.

[A]

Anyways, the happy ending will be if no one gets married. And we are recording this the day that the wedding episodes dropped. So I actually don't know what happened, but I do know that the only progress will be if everyone walks away and everybody says no.

[B]

So why keep watching it? Just for the car wreck of it all.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I love it. Yeah.

[A]

Kidding me? Are you kidding me? I love it. I love Mormon Wives all. I saw someone. I did see someone in the chat be like, why does Chelsea like Mormon Wives? This is like one of the most toxic things in the world. I'm like, was I not clear about that? This is very bad. This is a very bad show about very bad people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love it. Have you gotten into Dancing with the Stars at all?

[B]

I actually have been watching Dancing with the Stars. Yes.

[A]

I gotta tell you. Yeah, I'm up. Christina. I've hated Dancing with Stars. I've hated what it's done to memoirs. And when I saw Dedication Night.

[B]

Which one did it for you?

[A]

Whitney from Mormon Wise. Okay. Yes. Dancing with her husband, Connor. Can I do my impression of Dancing with the Stars?

[B]

Yes, please.

[A]

Next up, we have a trad wife dancing with her husband who was molested as a child and then cheated on her on Tinder. And they will cha cha it away. It's like, what is happening?

[B]

This is.

[A]

Okay. This is something I think about all the time. There's a real one as I'm talking and see if you guys can guess what I'm talking about. She was indoctrinated by a cult as a child. They're currently trying to sue her. The person after her every day has killed. Killed his wife. Here to dance to Roar by Katy Perry and get over it all is Leah Remini with a cha cha slide.

[B]

And her partner, Tony Dovolani.

[A]

This is the craziest show I've ever seen this.

[B]

I love it. Yeah, I know.

[A]

And you learn so much about them. They're like, who do you want to dedicate this to? It's like my best friend who got me through all my divorces.

[B]

That was such a sweet dance sense.

[A]

It was really sweet. Yeah.

[B]

I've been. I've been following Dance for the Stars for a long time. I used to recap it for aol if to. So to show you how long I'VE been involved with Dancing with the Stars, and then for a while, I was, like, editing after the show interviews for our local ABC affiliate here because they would interview people after the show. So every week I would work from 3 to midnight to get those videos up in time for everybody.

[A]

I. I think the show fell out of popularity, and it is now. I think it's the number one watch show in America. They've had more votes than ever.

[B]

Yeah, it's actually been a real contention this season because the, like, older fan base versus the fan base who found it during the pandemic and afterward because of all these different famous people that they've been reaching out to in influencers. Really trying to.

[A]

Alex.

[B]

Yeah. Audience, for sure. So those pros are getting more attention than they're used to. And I think Mark Ballas was one of the ones who was, like, on the other side of, like, a hate train the other day. And it's, like, been really interesting to see how, like, the fan base for the show has changed.

[A]

This is Hunger Games.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I've. I've always rolled my eyes at this show because I'm just like, I don't want to watch you dance. And this is. These are the dark times, because I'm watching it.

[B]

And I mean, it's well produced. It's a well produced show.

[A]

It is just as dark and fucked up as Love Is Blind Denver and Mormon Wives, except worse, because then they put on a Disney song and they put on a costume and they twirl around to it.

[B]

It's bonkers. They're gonna get around injury territory in the next couple of weeks. So that really adds to the drama.

[A]

I just. Yeah, listen, this is how messed up life is. I'm watching Dancing with the Stars. I. I hit a point today where I was like, would I dance? Would I dance?

[B]

I love that, actually.

[A]

If they asked me to dance, would I dance? Who would I dedicate my dance to? Like, would I bring a dog out and make him leap into my arms? Yes, I would.

[B]

Oh, my God. Not needing quarantine dog, but definitely.

[A]

I think needy Evacuation dog would definitely be up there. Yeah, I think our new husky.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, Christina, I think let's just go into the last bit of the podcast. I'll just talk a tiny bit about the film I just directed. Yeah, so I. I opened up a special tier on Patreon. It's a sprinkle cookie tier where I actually did weekly dispatches with behind the scenes, like, pictures and talking about the making of a film. And if you are out there really interested in film. That would be. Probably be something you'd like to be into. If you just like hot goss, you could get into that. That's where, like, all the details live in terms of the big picture. I was gone for two months. We shot for 20 days, which is if you are in film, you know that that is really intense. Intense, intense. Tight schedule, but we did it. And we prepped for a month and a half. I will say a month and a half. So this is based off of a short film I made that went to south by south by Southwest, and then we've been pushing it to become a feature film ever since. When I say we, it's like, me, Jordan, my manager, the EP of this podcast, my agent Anna, Katie McNichol, and Mark Platt, who are the producers who signed on. We've been pushing this up a hill for six years.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And we finally made it.

[B]

Ever since I even joined the podcast, it's like we've always kind of been talking about this time that you might be stepping away and, like, what that could look like and how we could prepare for it. And then it actually happened, and I was like, oh, shit.

[A]

I know I really have to do this from the moment you sign because, you know, I was supposed to do this film a couple years ago, and then a bunch of crazy stuff happens, and it did end up happening. So, yeah, it's always been like, this could happen and I could have to step away and. Okay, here's where. Here's where the film came from. I made the short film six years ago. So, like, six years and six months ago or whatever, a girl my boyfriend had gone on three dates with years prior to meeting me had accidentally deep liked a tweet in my feed that was a year old. So I don't know if you just followed that, but a girl that my boyfriend had briefly dated years before he met me deep liked a tweet in my feed that was a year old. So I did what any normal person would do. I started a huge fight with my boyfriend where I was like, what the is this? And it suddenly occurred to me in that moment that, like. Like, it wasn't even about him. Like, me and this other woman were having an entirely intense relationship with our perceptions of each other that kind of had nothing to do with them. Like, I was so wrapped up in it, and I was like, this is not the woman I think myself to be, like, a feminist or supportive or whatever. But I was experiencing so much emotion about this person. And So I was like, I could continue to fight or I could make this short film about it. So I made this short film. It's called Basic. You can watch it. It's been up for years, and we'll.

[B]

Have it in the show.

[A]

Notes that turned into this feature film that I have been obsessed with making, which I've been jokingly calling, like, a Christopher Nolan rom com. Or if you're old enough, it's high fidelity for your boyfriend's ex girlfriends. And, yeah, it's. It's a comedy. It has a lot of jokes. It also has a lot of hearts. I truly think the performances in this movie are going to blow people away. Like, I was knocked off my feet every day on set. I'm just really excited. I'm so excited for the movie to get out there. You know, I talk a lot about art and storytelling on this podcast, and I finally got to tell this story about modern love and how we view each other. And, yeah, I'm just really excited. I don't want to give anything away, but it's got a lot of twists and turns. It's got a lot of jokes.

[B]

Well, yeah. What was it like to be away and, like, totally immersed in this other sort of artistic filmmaking process? And then, like, having to come back because we do have another guest host, we sort of slow ramping you back up into recapping books again. So, like, what is it like to come back into the fold of this machine?

[A]

You know, I will say it was really nice to have a break from the podcast in that, you know, when I'm coming in the podcast, talking off the cuff, I feel like what I put out there, I can get judged for me, you know what I mean? Like, I was just making jokes about Colorado and Dancing with the Stars, and I have to hope those jokes are taken the right way. And then I said everything as well as I could because that goes out there as the entertainment, you know, and then you can hear back to that, and it can feel very personal. Whereas when you get to make art, you get to put a lot more thought behind it, a lot more time. I had a whole team putting their vision into every piece of it. And now when I put this film out, you'll get to judge the film and that art. And there's something that feels that it's at least a lot easier for me to put something out there and have people judge the art versus feeling like you're putting yourself out there and getting judged as yourself. And I think I needed a break from that for A little bit. And I think I need to find more balance going forward, making sure I'm creating just as many things as I am just kind of putting myself out there. And, you know, it's always hard to be in the industry. It's always a hard place to try and make things. We don't come from shit. And it's been especially hard the past two years. And so to get the opportunity to really make my own story the way I wanted to make it. I wrote it, I directed it. Obviously, I had a thousand million obstacles I had to go through to get here, and each one of those obstacles, Christina, I said to myself, this can't be worth it. There's nothing that'll make this worth it. And obviously, it was all worth it. Now that I'm on the other side, I'm looking at the footage, I'm like, it was all worth it. But, wow, did we go through some. We went through some nightmares, but it was amazing. It was amazing to think about. How could we build this process of producing films in a way that, you know, you want to repeat again and again? Or how could you build, like, a sustainable way to keep making art like this? And I also have to say, like, believing I said this on my Patreon, but, like, believing in yourself is not always fun or easy. And sometimes it sucks. And it doesn't feel like it's a singular choice. Like, I believe in myself. And then you go on. It sometimes feels like it's a decision you're making every second sometimes. And I definitely felt that pressure. And this podcast community helped me make this feature film in that, like, there were a couple of moments where we needed money for things that, like, weren't approved, and Jordan and I were able to pay for them out of the Patreon. And it was things like making sure people's time was paid and the right labor was paid, or that we could bring in extra people, or, like, before we got, like, credit cards approved for, like, costumes. Like, we gave over our glamorous trash card, and. And, like, I couldn't have, like, made this art without also having this community, which I'm just so grateful for everyone here. So please know that supporting us on Patreon, supporting us by joining Apple subscriptions, you have helped me make my own art and get to give back to others and pay other artists, and it means a lot to me. So thank you so much for your support of this podcast. It's why I put so much into the Patreon and a bunch of the cookies actually. Came out and were in the film. So like a dozen cookies are on screen in this film, people who came out to be in it, and then also other cookies, like Rhiannon, who shout out to. Rhiannon noticed on my Instagram story that in the back of one of my photos, there was a brochure for Birmingham, Alabama, which is where we were. And she was like, are you in Birmingham? And I was like, how do you know that? She was like, there's a brochure in the corner. I'm two hours away. Let me come help. And if Rhiannon hadn't come and help, I don't know what we would have done for these three days when we were down a set dresser and I turned around and there I am, like, with Leighton Meester, like, with the opening scene. And I turn around and Rhiannon is headed her way with her clothes and items. And I was like, rhiannon, this is crazy. Like, you've just become the on set dresser. Because we were in indie film and, like, in indie films, it's just a very working class way to make art. And, like, everyone pitches in. And I couldn't have done it without the cookies. So thank you to everyone who's, like, been a part of this community. I can't wait for you to see this film.

[B]

Yeah, I'm excited.

[A]

Yeah, I'm excited too. And it's good to be back. I really miss the community. I missed all the mental processing I get to do, by the way, doing the podcast. That said, it was also really good to just get to make art and not be talking. I get sick of myself.

[B]

Yeah, I bet. I totally understand that now, having to, like, edit myself for Cookie Jar, and I'm just like, oh, my God, shut up.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my God, I get so sick of myself. I'm so excited for the movie. You will hear, obviously, lots more about it as it starts to come out. It's gonna have a theatrical run.

[B]

Oh, congratulations. I didn't know that. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah.

[A]

So there's a lot of really exciting things ahead, I hope.

[B]

I'm so happy for you.

[A]

Oh, my God, thank you.

[B]

It is such a crazy thing because it is, like, to watch someone, like, achieve what they've been wanting to do the whole time, like, that's crazy. Chelsea.

[A]

I know. It's also wild, too, because I have spent six years desperately, painfully, intensely wanting to make this film and getting knocked down over and over again. And I have spent two months and a couple of days having made the film, and so My brain is more used to feeling so desperate to try and make this dream than my brain is used to being like, oh, my God, I got to do it. I got to do this thing that I've wanted to do my entire life. And I feel discombobulated. I think there's just been so much suffering the past few years and currently still that to in the middle of it, go and get this little dream made. I'm not. An ounce of it is lost on me. Feel really grateful. I feel so grateful that you guys are here and that the podcast continued. Seems like people loved it with the one or two exceptions. Feels like people fucking loved these last two months. And I. I'm just so grateful to you, Christina, for keeping the show going and keeping the community going and. Because, like, it's just such a big part of my life. And I missed y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

I missed talking and talking, like, talking with people, like, on Instagram stories and Patreon. I miss that. Isn't that weird?

[B]

Yeah. No, I get it. It's fun.

[A]

Fun. It's fun, but it's also. It's like, elevating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know what I mean? It was, like, pushing thought forward and.

[B]

Like, a temperature check on, like, where people are at in society, too.

[A]

Yeah. And where am I at? What are we doing? How are we feeling? Like, how are we handling our days? Like, how are we. And, like, on the film, you really go underground. Like, every second of my life was dedicated to that film. So I came back up, and they were like, you know, Taylor has a new album, and we're all mad at her. I was like, I missed it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Christina, anything you want to leave the cookies with? Any fall traditions, any cute little things?

[B]

I usually love to go apple picking. There's a little town in sale, like California called Oakland that has a couple little apple farms around there. And you really do, because I think of where it's situated in a valley sort of. You get, like, a little chillier. It's, like, a little crispier. There's a place up there with really good apple cider donuts that are made fresh. You can see them on the little conveyor belt. And it's just like, as an east coast girly, I love, like, an apple picking moment. Yeah. And so, like, that. That's kind of like the fall vibe that I had.

[A]

Yeah, I love that. Okay, I'm gonna pass on. Corinne, the very first producer on this podcast, taught me this. You have a practical margaritas party, which is where you have friends over, you watch the movie Practical Magic and when the ants make margaritas, you pause the movie and you make margaritas and then you come back and finish watching the movie.

[B]

Yes. And that reminds me, we have our practical margaritas book club club this Sunday with our sugar cookie tier. So look forward to that.

[A]

Yeah, you want to join that sugar cookie tier? I will be having heavy margaritas now that I'm done with the film. Heavy, heavy drinking. Christina, I've missed you missed the cookies again. Please weigh in in the comments. I want to hear from you. I think Christina needs a break, but I've been gone for two months, so now I want to hear from you. And yeah, we'll, we'll see you guys soon. I'll be back back doing books more regularly in the next coming weeks. I think we have one more fun guest host episode and if you want a permanent guest host to stay on, leave us a comment. Who did you love? Who do you want to hear from? Who should, who should join the book club permanently? Let us know.

[B]

Bye Bye.

[A]

A big thank you to our senior managing producer, Christina Lopez, our executive producer Jordan Moncada, our sound engineer Marcus Hamm and our amazing associate producer, Jaron Padre. I also want to give a huge thank you to our incredible partners over at Thrive Cosmetics and every plate we will link to those brands in the show notes. Go check them out. Everything else we discussed is also linked in the show notes. And if you have questions, thoughts, comments, go to the Patreon sign up. There's a free tier you can join. Leave a comment chat with your fellow cookies. We will keep the book club continuing over there.