Glamorous Trash: A Celebrity Memoir Podcast

Viral Article Book Club: Are We All Bad Friends?

Host: Tracy Thomas (guest hosting for Chelsea Devantez)
Guest: Cree Miles
Date: August 22, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode explores the viral CNN article, “Some of you are bad friends and that's why you’re lonely” by Kristin Rogers. Host Tracy Thomas and guest Cree Miles dissect themes of modern friendship, loneliness, social expectations, and the cultural shifts affecting our ability to connect deeply. While the article critiques flakiness and poor friendship, Tracy and Cree dig into societal causes—like technology, boundaries, and elite capture of self-care rhetoric—generously weaving in their personal perspectives and lively debate.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why This Article?

• Cree chose this article because it felt “more personal” and admits, “sometimes I am the friend who is being bad and sometimes I am a victim of raggedy friends” [04:33].
• The subject resonates deeply and is more complex than hot-take articles about screen time.

2. Who is Kristin Rogers? (Article Author Analysis)

• Tracy and Cree speculate about Kristin’s life, thinking she might be “a little judgy” and likely someone feeling hurt by unmet friendship expectations [05:29–07:11].
• Tracy observes:

  “Kristen’s bite is pretending not to bite… Hurt people hurt people.” [06:09]

3. What Are Realistic Friendship Expectations?

• Cree asserts:

  “If we're truly friends, then it is well within your expectation for me to be inconvenient sometimes because of our relationship and vice versa.” [08:09]

• The hosts critique the modern overuse of “boundaries” as avoidance, calling it “rooted in some white patriarchal shit” and ultimately a communication problem.

4. Social Media and the Erosion of True Connection

• Tracy laments the shift from spontaneous, casual interaction (“drop-bys”) to scheduled, performative events:

  “We think being around each other has to be an event… relationships in our lives [should be] relational and not just performative.” [11:01]

• Both recognize social media gives a “false sense” of connection:

  “…we think we know each other because we see each other on the Internet…” [11:45]

5. Obligation, Community, and Friend Inflation

• Danielle Bayard Jackson’s quote (from the article) is highlighted:

  “Obligation, responsibility, duty, inconvenience, commitment… not sexy words, but those concepts are inherent to a deep and healthy relationship.” [15:01]

• Both agree: not all acquaintances are friends:

  “We don't owe all of that to those people.” [15:39]

6. “Boundaries” vs. Avoidance: Elite Capture

• Tracy brings up “elite capture”—where radical concepts like rest/self-care are co-opted and divorced from their roots in social justice [17:26].
• She critiques the overuse of self-care language as an excuse to wall oneself off from meaningful obligation.

7. Managing Expectations—And Not Taking Flakiness Personally

• Cree normalizes the need not to over-interpret cancellations:

  “People live such complex lives… if your friend doesn't respond or flakes… it's probably more about them.” [20:40–20:52]

• Tracy calls for more communication and less sensitivity:

  “It is so disappointing when someone you think is coming… doesn’t show up… just be upfront.” [38:25]

8. Gender, Loneliness, and Community Breakdown

• Tracy links general loneliness to men’s lack of friendship skills:

  “Men are not equipped to have deep, meaningful conversations… If half of our population is struggling to make connections and the other half is doing all of that work, it can be lonely.” [23:26]

• Cree shares how women in her community step in for each other, while her husband lacks a similar support network [25:33].
• Societal changes—remote work, services like Instacart, and lack of public “third spaces”—exacerbate isolation [24:35–25:33].

9. Solutions for Friend Flakiness & Loneliness

• Find friends you truly LIKE. Cree:

  “Make sure that you like your friends... I know a bunch of people who do not like their friends.” [33:11–33:28]

• It’s okay to compartmentalize friendships. Tracy explains you can have long-term friends who aren’t central to your life:

  “…Not a friend I’m calling every weekend… I got five to six more months before I gotta see Boro.” [35:51]

• Be upfront and communicate. Tracy illustrates with wedding RSVPs:

  “Have the conversation so you’re not the asshole.” [36:22]

• Don’t be afraid of cutting people off if needed. Cree:

  “You are not a tree… cut this girl off and go find somebody you like.” [33:28–33:35]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On boundary overuse:

  “No bitch, you just need to, like, talk through how you’re actually feeling…” – Cree [08:09]

• On the eventification of friendship:

  “That piece of it is still as valuable as a girls trip or a Halloween, but it’s like we have to build relationships ... that are relational and not just performative.” – Tracy [11:01]

• On flakiness:

  “Why are people… cause I do think people are lonely.” – Cree [23:16]

• On choosing friends:

  “What do they say, you are not a tree… Cut this girl off and go find somebody you like.” – Cree [33:28–33:35]

• On “drop-by” culture:

  “You might meet up with someone and do an errand...That’s the hang.” – Tracy [11:01]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:49] — Tracy introduces the article & “bad friend” theme
• [04:33] — Cree explains why the article resonates for her
• [08:09] — Cree critiques “hyper independence” and avoidance culture
• [11:01] — Tracy discusses “eventification” of friendship
• [15:01] — Danielle Bayard Jackson’s concepts: duty, obligation, and commitment
• [17:26] — Tracy introduces “elite capture” concept
• [20:40] — Managing expectations, not taking it personally
• [23:26] — Tracy links loneliness to gendered communication gaps
• [25:33] — Cree shares personal example of female mutual aid
• [30:26] — Cree: “I’m at capacity, I don’t need new people…”
• [33:11] — Actionable solutions: like your friends, cut off the rest
• [36:22] — Wedding RSVP story as a model for communication
• [40:08] — Click Lit Quiz: was the article well-written/effective?
• [41:05] — Guest/host sign-offs and where to find them

Click Lit Quiz: Article Review

• Was the article well-written?
  Both agree it’s “solid, comprehensive,” but a bit introspective rather than energizing [40:08].
• Did it make you want to scream about it?
  More reflective than rage-inducing.
• Did it deepen thinking?
  No big revelations, but it connected existing ideas in a helpful way.

Actionable Takeaways

• Focus your energy on friends you actually like and support you.
• Compartmentalize relationships rather than forcing all into a “best friend” mold.
• Be direct and upfront with communication, especially about plans and expectations.
• Build casual, spontaneous connections (bring back the “drop-by” or simple hangs).
• Don’t overuse boundaries as an excuse for disengagement—communicate your needs.
• Cut yourself (and others) slack: Everyone flakes sometimes.

Notable Memorable Moment

“It is so disappointing when someone you think is coming… doesn’t show up… just be upfront. ... we've all flaked, and we've all been flaked on. I don't think it makes you a good or bad person. I think just, like, communicating around it…” – Tracy [38:25]

For further recommendations, follow Tracy at @thestackspod and Cree at @cree.miles on Instagram. Cookies (listeners): Share your takes or solutions on the Patreon or socials!