CHRIS COLE | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 268

Summary

Podcast Summary: Good For You | EP 268: Chris Cole with Whitney Cummings

Release Date: December 23, 2024

In Episode 268 of Good For You, comedian Whitney Cummings hosts legendary skateboarder Chris Cole. The episode delves into Chris's career, personal anecdotes, relationship dynamics, and mutual support systems, all wrapped in Whitney's signature comedic style.

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1. Introduction and Professional Background

Whitney Cummings kicks off the conversation by inviting Chris Cole to introduce himself. Chris humorously downplays his status as a "legendary skateboarder," leading to a playful exchange about his professional identity.

• Whitney: "Legendary skateboarder." [00:00]
• Chris: "I wouldn't say... Years of being pro." [00:29]

As they discuss Chris's occupation, it becomes evident that Chris identifies more as an "independent contractor" rather than solely an athlete, highlighting the multifaceted nature of his career.

• Chris: "If it says athlete, it says athlete." [01:08]

Whitney lightly teases Chris about his iconic tattoos, including a Ninja Turtle on his leg, setting the stage for deeper conversations about personal stories and experiences.

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2. Relationship Dynamics and Personal Stories

The episode transitions into a humorous exploration of Whitney and Chris's relationship. They share anecdotes that reveal their playful banter and the unique ways they communicate affection and handle conflicts.

• Whitney: "Do you know when you knew you loved me?" [06:28]
• Chris: "I was trying to think of exactly when... holding two bags. One bag of gummy bears, one bag of gummy worms." [06:45]

Chris recounts the first time Whitney met him, emphasizing his unconventional entrance with tattoos and snacks, which initially made Whitney skeptical but ultimately endearing.

• Whitney: "It was disgusting." [07:05]
• Chris: "There's no Trina here. No Trina." [03:31]

Their discussion highlights the importance of communication and setting boundaries, especially in everyday scenarios like grocery shopping or attending social events together.

• Whitney: "When we get to the Target or the grocery store, that's when the real journey to the store begins." [04:24]
• Chris: "I'm working on that. If you get to the Trader Joe's at 5, you'll get into the Trader Joe's around 6:37." [04:50]

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3. Mutual Support and Personal Growth

Whitney and Chris delve into the personal growth they've experienced individually and as a couple. They discuss the importance of therapy, self-awareness, and supporting each other's mental health.

• Whitney: "Therapy is a miracle because it helps you separate yourself from like your ego." [11:52]
• Chris: "Yeah. Never exhausting. Never exhausting. Super duper fun." [10:27]

Whitney shares insights on handling stress and maintaining mental well-being, reinforcing the value they place on personal and mutual support.

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4. Hobbies, Interests, and Favorites

The conversation shifts to lighter topics as Whitney and Chris share their favorite movies, horror films, and candies. This segment showcases their playful sides and differing tastes, enriching their interpersonal dynamic.

• Whitney: "Favorite horror film. Joe Dirt." [35:24]
• Chris: "Properly scary. No, It's Candyman. Candyman 2. Farewell to the Flesh." [35:37]

They also engage in a fun segment about favorite candies, revealing their preferences and past experiences with discontinued or unique treats.

• Whitney: "It's candy corn. You know, I'm a year-round candy corn person." [37:20]
• Chris: "Reese's was like, we'll take that." [38:35]

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5. Tattoos and Personal Quirks

Whitney brings up Chris's tattoos, leading to a humorous discussion about their meanings and the stories behind them. This segment provides a glimpse into Chris's personal expression and the significance of his body art.

• Whitney: "Professional skateboarder, three-time X Games gold medalist and Street League super crown." [02:12]
• Chris: "I do. What do I got?" [03:20]

They humorously debate the aesthetics of tattoos, with Whitney expressing her curiosity and Chris defending his choices.

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6. Challenges and Resolutions

The duo addresses challenges they face in their relationship, including communication hurdles and differing expectations. They emphasize the importance of honesty, setting expectations, and addressing issues proactively.

• Whitney: "If you have doubts about someone that I'm with, I have to bounce." [17:59]
• Chris: "I believe in that, too." [29:07]

This candid discussion underscores their commitment to maintaining a healthy and transparent relationship.

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7. Closing Thoughts and Humor

As the episode winds down, Whitney and Chris engage in playful banter and joke about each other's quirks, reinforcing their strong bond and mutual affection.

• Whitney: "I love you so much. Bye, guys. Don't ride elephants." [55:19]
• Chris: "I like the term babe. And the way that I use it is like a rock and roll dude from the 80s would say it." [40:20]

Their lighthearted exchange serves as a heartfelt and humorous conclusion to an engaging episode.

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Notable Quotes

• Whitney: "Therapy is a miracle because it helps you separate yourself from like your ego." [11:52]
• Chris: "Never exhausting. Super duper fun." [10:27]
• Whitney: "If you have doubts about someone that I'm with, I have to bounce." [17:59]
• Chris: "I believe in that, too." [29:07]
• Whitney: "I love you so much. Bye, guys. Don't ride elephants." [55:19]

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Conclusion

Episode 268 of Good For You offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and meaningful conversations between Whitney Cummings and Chris Cole. Listeners gain insight into Chris's professional life, their relationship dynamics, and the importance of mutual support and personal growth. The episode concludes with affectionate humor, leaving audiences entertained and connected with both hosts.

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For more episodes, visit Good For You YouTube Channel.

Transcript

[A]

Ba, ba, ba. Everyone welcome Chris Cole to the program. Chris, how would you describe yourself? Give yourself. We don't do intros on this show famously, but if you want to do one for yourself, what were you thinking? I don't know. Legendary skateboarder.

[B]

Yeah, I wouldn't say.

[A]

I guess you can't really call yourself that.

[B]

Here's what do you analyze the problem?

[A]

Wait, I've never asked you this. When you go to the doctor. Well, you never go to the doctor. If you were to go to the doctor, what would you write under occupation?

[B]

Athlete. It took me a long time for a very long time.

[A]

How long?

[B]

Years of being pro. I would write independent contractor, and I would write that all the time. And then it was like, oh, I'm going to the doctor for injuries. Like, I kind of need to write that.

[A]

So how long into the doctor's appointment do they ask what kind. What sport do you play?

[B]

Or do they usually think musician until the injuries, they're like, oh, are you in, like, a band or anything like that? And you're like, nah.

[A]

If it says athlete.

[B]

No, if it says independent contractor and then I show up.

[A]

But if it says athlete, it says athlete.

[B]

They just immediately ask. It's instant.

[A]

Are they usually surprised?

[B]

Yeah, actually, they are. They are. Oh, they're as surprised as a person on, like, an airplane next. Next to you.

[A]

I. I'm surprised you can do that.

[B]

Like Tony Hawk. That's usually how it goes.

[A]

I'm still surprised you're a professional skateboarder.

[B]

Just as surprised as you are.

[A]

You don't look like one. Pat, do you think he looks like one?

[B]

Offense taken? The highlights speak for themselves.

[A]

Professional skateboarder, three time X Games gold medalist and Street League super crown. Super crown champion. Oh, yeah, terminology. Should I just interview Chris? Because I know truly nothing about your accomplishments.

[B]

That would be awful.

[A]

Thrasher 2 Time of the year. Skater of the year.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You're now live. Oh, look at us. We're live. Okay. I am here with the hacky sack legend, Chris. Oh, sorry. I need my mic up. Sorry. Look, when has anyone complained that they couldn't hear me mic up, bruh? Or that the mic wasn't close enough to my face? So we are recording a podcast, Chris Cole and I. He is the love of my life and my.

[B]

Love you more.

[A]

Love you. You don't love me more. You don't know that I hate. See, I hate. I hate like that because you can't quantify it and you don't know you love me more, but you just get to say that.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

How do you know you love me more? You're basically just going, hey, you don't love me enough.

[B]

It's a feel. No.

[A]

You sure?

[B]

No. It's just saying, like, hey, I'm best at love. I just wanted to see your reaction.

[A]

Any more tattoos on the horizon for you, Chris Cole? Really?

[B]

I got a really good one.

[A]

We're not done. No, Just getting started.

[B]

They do hurt more.

[A]

So Chris does have some iconic tattoos. He's got a ninja turtle on his leg.

[B]

I do.

[A]

And a.

[B]

Nope. What do I got? What do I got?

[A]

You know what? I try not to ask about your tattoos because of your shady past. I don't know. It's just like, a girl named Trina. I don't know.

[B]

There's no Trina here. No Trina.

[A]

Yes. No. Snake Flower. Look, look. Rocky Horror Picture Show. My eyes are closed. Bumblebee. A ghost with high heels. Whore ghost. Your. Your boar. Your skateboard logos. One is like a skull with his face falling off. One is a giant moth with a skull on its head. The back with your back. You don't have any.

[B]

Actually, I can't see it back there.

[A]

It's weird that guys get tattoos on their back.

[B]

It's like, totally solid if you want.

[A]

To, I guess, if you have a mirror, but. Yeah.

[B]

That's a lot of canvas. It's going to take forever. It's going to hurt. I'm like.

[A]

And a man's going to be on your back.

[B]

It's going to cost a lot, too. Like, I'm good.

[A]

Okay. So here's what I'll say. I love that Chris Cole with every ounce of my heart. Two things that. That may end up being cited as irreconcilable differences in the legal zoom proceedings. Number one.

[B]

Yeah, give me them.

[A]

When we get to the Target or the grocery store, that's when the real journey to the store begins. Yeah, that's when we. If you have half a tank of gas, you better go fill up, because if we're in the parking lot, I'm gonna. You're going on a road trip.

[B]

I'm working on that. If.

[A]

If you get to the Trader Joe's at 5, you'll get into the Trader Joe's around 6:37.

[B]

I'm just looking for a space. I don't like to stalk for a space, though, but I'll definitely pass spaces that just have bad.

[A]

Perfect space. Perfect spot right up front.

[B]

I don't like the way. I don't like, where I am in, like, right there junction to literally right.

[A]

Next to the cart thing. It's right perfect.

[B]

There's something bad about it. Like, that's like on a Native American burial ground or something. Like, I don't want to park there.

[A]

Bad juju.

[B]

Yeah. Like, dead pets will come back.

[A]

And then what's the other thing? Oh, that he will ask me things that it would actually be slower to ask me. Like, Googling. It would be faster. And I really struggle with infantilizing you and.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And answering questions for you. And then all of a sudden, I'm your, like, caretaker or, like, nurse.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And like, the memory. I feel like I'm in the memory care unit. Especially when it's like, where's the party tonight? Like, I don't. You know, I don't know. I'm going to have to look at the thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And why don't we just deal with that? The thing before, the thing. Why now?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't. You know what else I'm. Because of? I am not obsessive. I'm addictive. I don't want to be on my phone any more than I already am. And if I go on my phone to Google something for you, that's 45 minutes, I'm gone. I'm on brie chicken fry. Grace O'Malley drama. I'm off to the races.

[B]

Yeah, you're gone.

[A]

Oh, Somebody said, chris Cole, can you heel flip?

[B]

Can I do?

[A]

I will. I love a heel flip. I don't know what a heelflip is. Someone said, you look so genuinely in love. Is this real?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You think?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When did you knew you loved me, babe?

[B]

You know, I was trying to think of exactly when and I don't.

[A]

The moment you saw me, it was.

[B]

No, it wasn't that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because remember the first time we hung out? I was like, does she even like me? I'm taking my gummy bears.

[A]

The first time we hung out, he showed up at my house covered in Saran wrap because he had just gotten a tattoo on his left arm covered in, and just walked in holding two bags. One bag of gummy bears, one bag of gummy worms, eating them as he was walking in. And I literally was like, I am never dating a professional athlete again. I swore that to myself, she would.

[B]

Say it all the time on the pod. If you're a real fan, you remember it.

[A]

But you also know anyone that denies something and protests too much, they are going to do it. It's just like. And so you came in. I Was like, okay, I'll give this guy a shot. He seems like, so sweet and such a, like, family, like, sweet guy. And you came in, like, after getting a tattoo with like gummy bears.

[B]

Like, I was trying to not bleed on stuff.

[A]

Oh, it was disgusting.

[B]

Yeah, it was disgusting.

[A]

And then he. We hung out for like a couple hours and you were kneeling on the other side of the couch and. Oh, no, no. Oh, is this just how dating is now? Within 20 seconds of him being in my house, he pulls up YouTube videos that I had to watch. YouTube videos about David Bowie and Freddie Mercury.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Getting AIDS together.

[B]

I don't know how to human.

[A]

Well. I'm like, I'm a comedian. I got. I got this. I talk. This is my thing.

[B]

Okay. If you do right, let's bring that. Let's. Let's talk about that. So she's seen nothing, like, as far as, like the.

[A]

The cameras there?

[B]

Hey, as far as the funny videos that are online, she's seen none of them. So, like, if you send her something, she's not watching it because she's.

[A]

Name. Name.

[B]

Okay. Freddie Mercury and. And David Bowie.

[A]

No, it was Mick Jagger, I think.

[B]

Oh, it was Mick Jagger and Freddie Mercury dancing in the street or Mick Jagger and David Bowie. Jeez, who cares? Anyway, it was dancing in the streets, but it had no backup and you could hear their feet move around.

[A]

No, no, it sucked enough to watch. I don't have to relive it. You narrate telling me.

[B]

Anyway, you didn't see it.

[A]

So then I had to watch YouTube videos with him.

[B]

Dan's like, shakira hips don't lie. You didn't see that?

[A]

Okay, so then he left and it was like, oh, you know, like, it could be like a cute, like, hog or something. And he started walking out of the house and then he did a U turn. Was like, hey, are you going to eat those gummy bears? And I was like, nah, dog. You can take them if you want. I call you, man.

[B]

I didn't want to leave trash at your house. So I knew that was a risky move to. To ask about the gummy bears. But it's just behaved like mainly I just didn't want to weave trash, but.

[A]

I have a trash can. You could have been just like, oh, let me throw this out.

[B]

But if you weren't gonna eat them, I was gonna. So it's like, what do I do?

[A]

Do you remember Maloof in nyc? Someone wants to know.

[B]

Yeah, I do. You want to hear a funny story about it?

[A]

Please.

[B]

Okay? I fully got. I fully got heat stroke, okay? Like, because it was. I. If that person remembers, it was hot as hell, okay? It was so, so hot.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

I was skating in white pants, by the way. Like, if I'm wearing white pants, I'm skating. You know that, Like, I'm feeling pretty good, okay? Right? Like, you don't want to be the asshole that sucks in white pants.

[A]

That's a good point.

[B]

Right? So I was wearing white pants, getting heat stroke enough that, like, people were throwing up in the middle of the contest. They would, like, lean over the barrier and throw up, like, mid contest, okay? And I had heat stroke enough that I pissed myself mid contest. Didn't even know until I got back to the hotel.

[A]

What does having heat stroke have to do with pissing yourself?

[B]

Oh, dude. Like, I was skating a contest with heatstroke.

[A]

Just when I got okay with him calling me babe. It's taken a year. He's now calling me dude.

[B]

No, dude was for all them, okay? You're not dude.

[A]

Thanks, babe. Someone wrote, is Whitney exhausting, super fun, or both?

[B]

Never exhausting. Never exhausting. Super duper fun.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Not exhausting, really.

[A]

Why do you keep looking over there when you say it?

[B]

Because I'm really thinking about it.

[A]

But you keep looking over there, okay?

[B]

Like, is this better?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I hate this.

[A]

You hate looking me in the eye.

[B]

I just don't like that type of animal.

[A]

I don't know what this means. What's your worst Christmas gift ever received? Someone that sued me bought me a candelabra with my own money. You. Happy holidays to you and yours. And a lot of people this season are gonna really conjure their inner huckster and try to just chill. Chill their garbage. And, like, I don't. I'm in a public fight with David Portnoy, okay? And I'm gaining hair, okay? But the amount of stress that I'm under, plus the fact that I gave birth to a tiny vampire who ate most of my bone marrow, all of my 98% of my brain, and all of. Look at my. I look. I am. I mean, Jason Momo. Who? Sorry.

[B]

Jason Momoa.

[A]

Jason Momoa. I hate you. And I'm, like, trying to write jokes for CNN New Year's Eve, pulling my hair out, okay? And I still have all these luscious locks. Look at my hair, okay? If I take another neutrophil, I'm going to look like this. I feel like I should. I feel like I should stop taking them. Quite frankly. It's too much as Far as I'm concerned, Nutrafol is the number one. Oh God. That wig has been through a a lot. It's the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement trusted by over 1 million people and I'm half of them. Neutrophil targets root causes of thinning hair like stress hormones and nutrition. Using 100% drug free ingredients. Their formulas are tailored to different life stages so you get the support that you need. In clinical studies, 86% of women sought improved hair growth after six months and 72% of men saw more scalp coverage with a subscription. Nutrafol makes building a hair routine very easy. You're going to get automated deliveries, free shipping and access to a neuropathic doctor giving you consults. Plus you're also going to get a headspace membership which is included to help you manage stress. For a limited time, Neutrfol is offering your listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. Visit nutrafol.com and use promo code. Good for you. That's nutrafol.com promo. Good for you. This show is brought to you by Better help you guys. I don't, I can't. If you're not going to therapy around the holidays, I don't want. I'm unfollowing you on TikTok. You're not allowed to complain about how stressful the holidays are if you've already, you know, made a yule log in the shape of never trump. You know, it's a holiday. We're not doing politics over the holiday. You guys need to go to therapy. You guys need to go to better help. Go to therapy. Figure it out. You guys got to figure out a way to coexist with other people. Even if they didn't vote the way that you wanted to, even if they don't have a Greta Thunberg sticker on their bumper of their electric car. We gotta figure out a way to get along. And for me, therapy is a miracle because it helps you separate yourself from like your ego. The ego that's telling you that everything everybody else is doing and believing is at you like, as a personal affront to you. Like, no one's thinking about. It's like my therapist said once, you know, like the insecure narcissism of thinking like I'm a piece of shit at the center of the universe. Like the simultaneous, like low self esteem but also self absorption of like she would always say, like, we obsess over what people think of us until we realize they're not thinking of Us. And also, it's like, there's something kind of wild when you, like, think of yourself as a really altruistic, kind, benevolent person, and you're so mad at that other people aren't as nice and kind of benevolent as you. And you're like, oh, wait, I'm kind of. Am I being a bully? Like, that's so different than the narrative I have about myself, you know? So it's like, I feel like the people over the holidays that are the most brutal there was like, oh, so you didn't do this for that? You didn't vote like this to help these people. And you're like, the irony is, like, in your head, you think you're like. You think you're, like, kind, like you'll be kind to someone you've never met or this, like, vague group of people, but not like the family member right in front of you. You know what I mean? So that stuff that I feel like therapy really helped me. Please don't run around in the holiday season just drinking noggin without therapy. Okay? Better help is a miracle. You just have to fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can switch therapists at any time for no extra charge. BetterHelp is here for you. Visit betterhelp.com Whitney today to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com Whitney Chris is. You know when I knew I was in love with you? I did know I was in love with you. When we went to something and he was talking to everybody and got along with everybody, I didn't have to, like, take care of him at all. And then he came up to me and he's like, you need me to jump on any grenades? Like, any people I.

[B]

Anybody I need to babysit?

[A]

Anybody I need to babysit for you?

[B]

Yeah, that's couple bubble. Before the party, like, hey, did you invite anybody that needs babysitting? Because I'll.

[A]

Babe. Couple bubble. This is something called a couple bubble. It's Dan Tatkin wrote a book. I don't remember what it's called, but one of the tactics is called couple bubble, where before you go into a party or an event or whatever it is, wedding, you do couple bubble, and you go like, okay, is there anyone you don't want to talk to? Is there anyone. Okay, here's who I don't want to talk to. You know, are you hungry? Do you want to actually eat? How long do you want to stay? If you want to Stay longer and change your mind. Let me know. Do you want to be with me or want to, like, go off on your own? And then you decide that ahead of time so that you don't walk out of the party two hours later and be like, what the hell was that? Like, I wanted to leave. Why are you doing. He's. I thought you want to stay. Like, I'm starving. And then you just like. Or in a fight about this party. That was, like, supposed to be fun.

[B]

Yeah. We did come up. I think we can up it one and do, like, codes. Like, if you see me tugging at my ear a lot, that means I'm like, I need to get out of here. Like, help me.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Help me.

[A]

But you're always itching yourself in some way, so how could I know that's different.

[B]

That's true. I am. It's probably because I don't moisturize.

[A]

I said that I knew that I was in love with Chris when I went to talk about him on stage. And I. You know, like, normally when I, like, do a bit on stage about a guy I'm dating, I'm like. And then he was like. So anyway. And then it's like, always, like, they have, you know, a billion chromosomes or something. Like, I just. That's my impression of guys for whatever reason, you know? And then the first time I talked about you on stage, I was like, you know? And then he was like, so where should we go for dinner? And I was like, whoa.

[B]

I respect.

[A]

I respect him. When did that happen? I'm slipping. Someone just wrote Silver Ocean 8 Love. You thought you'd be single forever. I'm not single. Look, I think that anyone.

[B]

Never been single.

[A]

No, I think anyone that is single is by choice. I just. I refuse to stay in a relationship that doesn't make any sense because it's not fair to anybody. Do you know what I mean? Yes. No. If you're not a match, just. You got it. You gotta. I will not stay in something that is even 99 perfect.

[B]

You're bright enough and also had the wherewithal to go and trust yourself that you knew that these things weren't right. And most people don't have that.

[A]

If I have doubts about someone that I'm with, I have to bounce because I just. I don't know. It seems very simple to me to put yourself in the other person's shoes. If they were having doubts about me, I would want them to bounce.

[B]

Totally bounce. I think people don't trust themselves enough to just go, maybe it's me. I don't know. And am I like, maybe they're fine and I'm not.

[A]

The jig is going to be up eventually in four months and six months. I'm not going to be able to pretend it anymore. They're like, who's this person? I'm like, the person that you wanted. And they're like, what?

[B]

You definitely trust yourself when you're not thinking about trusting yourself. Because you. You're gaslighting me because. No, you were just like, I'm going to start a podcast and it's going to be like this, and it's going to be in this room and it's going to be all blue and it's going to look like the weird science kitchen. Like, all that stuff. You didn't think, like, hey, this is a huge leap and I probably maybe shouldn't. You're just like, got to do that and just did it.

[A]

I mean, you jump off buildings on skateboards.

[B]

I'm very confident there. Like, I'm. But risk assessment. I totally trust that. I know when it's not safe.

[A]

Top three skateboarders to have a session with. Chris Cole.

[B]

Top three to have a session with.

[A]

That's a tricky one because I. If someone was like, top three people to act with, I wouldn't say the people I'm in the most of. I'd say the people that I, like, have the most fun with.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Would you say, like, Rodney Mullen?

[B]

Yeah. Like, I mean, he's one of the greats. Yeah. There'd be, like, the. There. There'd be the Rodney Mullen, Jeff Rowley, Mark Johnson. Right. And. And then there'd be the dudes, the people that I skate with every week.

[A]

Name them, Name them, Name them.

[B]

P. Rock, Dane Dunya, Adam Derm, Reuben, Kat Monks.

[A]

You have a great question. Can you two agree to watch the same TV show or movie?

[B]

She won't watch anything with me ever.

[A]

Now you look me in the eyes.

[B]

Yeah, because I was challenging you. I was like, say I'm wrong.

[A]

I am happy to watch Apple screensavers with you any day of the week.

[B]

She loves Apple screensavers. She will watch those. But we started watching the Last Dance. She bailed.

[A]

What was that?

[B]

That's The Jordan. The 1990 Bulls.

[A]

I don't like the way they treated Dennis Rodman and Scottie Pippen. And it was upsetting me. I didn't like it. I think they still owe Scottie Pippen money.

[B]

They do.

[A]

Am I wrong?

[B]

They do owe.

[A]

So we're just gonna watch this and not start a kickstarter for Scottie Pippen. I mean, unsung hero, Chicago Bulls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I mean, that's why I can't watch the Cowboys documentary, because if they're, like, they're underpaid, I'm gonna be like, pay them. Like, I can't watch injustice and not go all over.

[B]

You're dating an Eagles fan. So, like, Cowboys documentary. Not.

[A]

Oh, well, that's.

[B]

You lost me at Cowboys.

[A]

Cowboys cheerleading. Not even cheerleaders. There's something funny. The idea of a guy, like, if you were single and had that. And had the. Disgusted. Like, what if, like, a hot Cowboys cheerleader tried to flirt with you?

[B]

No, never.

[A]

Like, if she was so hot, she's like, no. I used to like, I. I'm not even a Cowboys fan. I just needed a job.

[B]

Wrong job. Pool.

[A]

Imagine you just wrong. Like, the hottest Alice Cowboy. Wait, the hottest Dallas Cowboys cheerleader being like, hey, like, want to go home with me later? Like, not fool. Okay. Him falling in front of you, has it turned you off?

[B]

So that's a fan.

[A]

That's a really good question.

[B]

She hasn't seen me fall yet. Except for that one time in the pool.

[A]

I saw you fall 68 times at Wallenberg. Embarrassing. Well, that's why I didn't understand that he was a famous.

[B]

Seven times.

[A]

67. Okay. I. Look, I've fallen that many times in love with you, babe. Let's be honest. I love that I didn't understand that he was a famous or successful skateboarder because I went to his page and it was mostly falling. Cringe. Embarrassing. I didn't know that in skating that if you were really good, you could post yourself falling and it would just be, like, funny, you know? So I was like, good for him. Good. Like, go, keep going.

[B]

It's exciting.

[A]

Go get him.

[B]

Gets the fans going.

[A]

It just didn't make any sense to me that you would fall that many times and then keep pursuing that job.

[B]

Oh, you know what? If you start falling at a really young age, you don't know anything different.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So it's like, oh, I just know that also someone.

[A]

Or why is he, like, 100ft away? Because we're remote on the podcast. We're trying to.

[B]

There's a camera over here, and there's a camera over there.

[A]

That's right. That's right.

[B]

Also, it's. It's nice to post. Well, it's nice to post balls because then you get. You get to, like, show people, like, hey, we fall, too.

[A]

So you are going to pick at your skin on the back.

[B]

No, what I'm doing is I'm itching a tattoo that's raised.

[A]

I literally asked him to stop itching and picking at his skin for an hour. That's all I ask it.

[B]

She didn't ask nicely.

[A]

Okay, this is a great question. It's Mac. White Christmas lights or colored?

[B]

Chalk this up on that legal zoom.

[A]

Again, Another one of our irreconcilable differences.

[B]

I love colored lights because.

[A]

Okay, say okay.

[B]

I love them because they, like. They have, like, a flavor. They feel like divorce. They feel like they. They have, like, a taste to them. I know that that's weird, but because.

[A]

It'S bad taste, and I think, like, bad taste.

[B]

I just think, like, 80s Christmas.

[A]

Like, colored Christmas lights are the sketchers of Christmas trees.

[B]

Don't say that.

[A]

Colored Christmas lights are the. Take that back. Are the starry.

[B]

Take it back.

[A]

I've been drinking that. That drink. Starry. It's like fake Sprite at the airport a lot.

[B]

Oh, it's Sprite color.

[A]

Why is it.

[B]

No, it's not Sprite.

[A]

No, don't try to change the subject. Colored Christmas lights are the true religion jeans of Christmas trees.

[B]

Somebody. That's not true.

[A]

Colored Christmas tree lights are the pat. Are the Under Armour Teva knockoffs of Christmas trees. I'll do this all day, and you know I will.

[B]

Yeah, but, like, just do it a few times and make them good.

[A]

But there's never purple on colored Christmas lights. It's yellow, orange, green, red, blue.

[B]

Definitely blue.

[A]

But it's. It's. Here's my thing. If you're to do Christmas, do it. If you want to do it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Red, green, white, gold. That's it.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

That's it. When you carve a pumpkin, do you add blue stripes to it? Do you mind? Do you like your. Let your pumpkins be blue on Halloween?

[B]

How much I love a pumpkin.

[A]

I. Do you know how much I love a Christmas tree? And you're gonna just talk like this in front of the public?

[B]

Okay. You can't speak about pumpkins around a pumpkin expert. And I won't speak.

[A]

You just speak about. You just. We zoomed or whatever. We FaceTimed, and he was decorating his Christmas tree in his house. Not only was it a colored tree, it was blinking. So. Okay.

[B]

A colored tree in demo mode.

[A]

If it was. If it's in demo mode. If. If your tree is colored, fine, we'll talk through it. Let's not call it colored. Okay. That's not. Okay, now we're out of the algorithm.

[B]

Multicolored.

[A]

If your Christmas tree is multicolored, I'll let it slide. I'll allow it. If it is blinking in any capacity, I will call the police.

[B]

It was in demo mode. I hadn't figured out how to. I didn't want to read.

[A]

This is someone that spent 24 hours. I had to nurse him back to health because he had a migraine, and then he goes and has light up seizure tree.

[B]

Yeah. I hydrated a lot before putting in that Christmas tree, though.

[A]

Okay, Jenna McHugh would like to know. Wait, but when did he know he loved you? We did drop the ball on that.

[B]

Yeah, well, I didn't. I couldn't remember exactly when it was. What? I couldn't remember.

[A]

What?

[B]

There was a moment.

[A]

Okay. The thing I love about you, and here's the thing about guys in general that I'm learning with you, is that when they have a disappointing answer or say they don't know something like your anniversary or something, they should know. If they say they don't know it, that means at least you can trust them all the time. Because this is the time you should lie. And you're not, because I know you don't lie. Yeah, you'd rather break my heart than lie.

[B]

I don't know, but I. But what I do know is.

[A]

And you only said it because we were in a thing.

[B]

It was pretty. It was pretty early, but I. You know. I know.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Right? Guy, you know, lived a lot of life.

[A]

But how long between you knowing and you saying it was there?

[B]

It was a minute.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because you don't. Because I already knew that. It was early to say it, but I was just like.

[A]

I also told you you better not. And then you did, and I was like, you shut your mouth.

[B]

I know. She did handle it so poorly.

[A]

I didn't.

[B]

So poorly.

[A]

I didn't handle it poorly. I just said, look, we're adults. Don't say you love me. You've said it to plenty of people. We've all said it plenty of times. I don't want to just hear it and then feel stuck in something or then feel like suddenly things need to feel different because you said this, like, word that's supposed to be this magic word. And I would, because I've had people say it to me, but I didn't feel it, you know? And so my thing was. Don't. I'll let you know when you love me. You don't have to tell me. I'll let you know. I'll Take the pressure off. You don't. We don't have to do this weird thing. We have to wonder when we're going to say it and he's going to say it and I'll let you know.

[B]

How would you have let me know? Let's do that. Would you have been like, oh, you love me?

[A]

No, I wouldn't have.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, I would not have. No. That sounds like someone who would rescind their girlfriend invite, but okay. He asked me to be his girlfriend and then rescinded it.

[B]

Well, I said, I'm.

[A]

You know.

[B]

I said, rescinded it. I said, you want to be my girlfriend? And you said, I don't know. What are. What are my duties as your girlfriend?

[A]

It's called flirting.

[B]

I know, but I was. But I was, like, way too, like, I don't know, vulnerable. I was literal.

[A]

You also hadn't asked me to be your girlfriend. And I was like, are you gonna ask me to be your girlfriend at some point? And they're like, do you want to be my girlfriend? I was like, what does that entail?

[B]

What does that entail? And I was like, never mind.

[A]

He did say now. He rolled over. He went, never mind. You, like, pushed me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I truly believe you have to ask someone to be your girlfriend. You don't get to just do that assumption.

[B]

I believe in that, too. That. That's cool.

[A]

I also think that expectation. You should have expectations. It's like, are we. Where are we talking every night before bed? Do we talk every day when we're out of town?

[B]

There's not, like, a dance I have to ask you to, So I should probably just.

[A]

Yeah, I just do. I feel like a relationship is better when you're like, okay, like, what does that entail? Like, seriously, like. Like, do I call you every night before bed? Do we FaceTime when I'm out of town?

[B]

Like, figure it out after we're dating?

[A]

No, that. Who's that? Worked for us. How's that?

[B]

We're still doing it.

[A]

I know. That's because I keep asking, what are the rules?

[B]

I mean, we. I mean, we're. We're doing it.

[A]

Did I see Dave hating on me today? Dave Portnoy was hating on me today. I can't wait, honestly. Oh. Oh. Oh, no. Oh. I have never had a problem with Dave Portnoy. I think we've always gotten along. I did the BFFs podcast a long time ago. It's working for him. I think that he knows that controversy is how he's, you know, stays Relevant and there's something kind of like, what is it? He's like, car accident, like you know, drama. He knows that I do, I do not know how to create drama in order to stay relevant. I'm horrible at it. I try to make everybody like me. It's a horrible business model. I am going to slip into irrelevance because I refuse to have like Internet beefs with people because I have a conscience and I have to live with myself and have integrity or else I'm going to like, you know, relapse. So I just, I think it's wild that these two human being girls that are 25 that he is filming their emotional trauma for views. I think it's wild. Everyone knows that. I mean, Chris has met Grace. Like Grace went on tour with me. I love her dearly.

[B]

She's great.

[A]

Bri. I, I don't know Bri that well, but he knows that she just went through a traumatizing ordeal. I don't know exactly what happened. No one ever will. But like let's, you know, I believe what happened to her right until provided other evidence. So she just went through this horribly traumatic thing. I've been in a really toxic, nasty, abusive relationship too. When you get out of it, you're full of adrenaline, you're full of cortisol, you don't know which way is up. You know, sometimes you do self destructive things, sometimes you overshare sometimes you haven't unpacked it all yet. Why am I looking? Why am I looking at you guys? So to film her on, to put her on camera before she's even been able to sort through all of her emotions. And just like we need to talk about you and Grace hating each other. Like she still hasn't processed this relationship that she was just in.

[B]

And just also give their friendship a second.

[A]

Give their friendship.

[B]

They've been friends for a long time. Give their friendship a second.

[A]

I just, I don't know, I see two girls in a lot of pain and I feel like he's inserting himself. Am I wrong? Am I nuts?

[B]

Watch that person be wrong. And he said nothing about you today.

[A]

Am I wrong? But also like neither of these girls, if they want, if Bri wanted to take some time off and maybe heal and process and you know, unpack everything happened with her and Zach and you know, and if she wants to do it this way and if 20 years she looks back and said, I handled that exactly the way that I wanted to, that's awesome. But there is a chance that Bri Might look back and go, oh my God, I was so tired. I was like, so I was full of regret and shame and embarrassment and I hadn't had time to process it. And I should have been, you know, talking to a therapist or I should have tried to work it out with Grace privately. Like, has he even had. They even had an opportunity to do this privately? You know, what if they did try to heal privately? But then she kept having to go on BFFs and it just was making it worse and worse. I don't know. I'm literally at the point in my life where I do not give a shit about success or fame. The most important thing to me is my friendships and not relationships, clearly, because I'm having you on here. But I just wouldn't, at some point, wouldn't he just go, hey, I'm bored. Like, why? The bigger question is, why is it Dave Portnoy bored.

[B]

Bored to tears.

[A]

I try to tell Chris about the Brianna Grace drama and he's just like, like 25 year old girls fighting.

[B]

Cycle is over pretty quick.

[A]

Shouldn't this be boring to you? Maybe that's the bigger issue.

[B]

Well, because immediately you get, you find the cheese. Like, you immediately get to the end of the labyrinth and you're like, okay.

[A]

Well what's the sports like? What's the sport like? Like watching girls in their 20s just suffer. Like, is it.

[B]

What is the sport?

[A]

It feels sadistic to me. It's not just to the girls. I mean, it seems like all the employees are in a, like Stockholm syndrome, like kind of nightmare. But sorry anyway, it's gonna get me in trouble.

[B]

Other things we got.

[A]

Chris, what trick scared you the most?

[B]

There were tricks where I was like, I'm gonna die. Like, I'm gonna try this, but, like, I'm gonna die.

[A]

Someone wrote Whitney's the scariest trick. Rude Wallenberg, probably.

[B]

Wallenberg wasn't scary.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because it's got its cards laid out for you. You know, I'm gonna jump from here and I'm gonna fall down there. When you're jumping on something that you might fall over the back of and fall down a story.

[A]

But when you're at that stage in your career, like, I actually find myself as a comic having more fear later. I was so much more fearless in my 20s. Cause I didn't even. I had, I had nothing to lose. And I was so broke and there was, I was too stupid to know, not take like extreme risks now. And maybe it's like social media and all the stuff that goes on with comics now and people filming in clubs, I'm like, oh, I don't want to say that. Or, oh, it's gonna get me in trouble. Or like, I have so much more. I have so much more fear now.

[B]

Yeah, you have stuff to lose now.

[A]

Do you feel like you had to do a lot of self work to be ready quote for each other?

[B]

Oh, we both did so much work, it's insane. Yeah, it's. It's cool to meet somebody who also.

[A]

Did work, but if I may, I think that we both did a lot of work to be the people that, like, deserve the other person and to be able to communicate with each other. But I also think I thought I needed a lot more work than I did until I met you, because I was like, oh, well, that doesn't bother me about you. Or, like, oh, I don't get jealous with you, you know. Oh, I don't feel like I need to control this about this person. Or I didn't feel like I needed to change anything about you except how dry your skin is.

[B]

Which is awesome, though, because if you. If you do the work, still do the work, great. You know, it's good to do the stuff and then not need it, you know?

[A]

Favorite horror film. Joe Dirt.

[B]

Nightmare on Elm Street.

[A]

Okay, nice.

[B]

Properly scary. No, It's Candyman. Candyman 2. Farewell to the Flesh. That's the one.

[A]

Yeah. But you don't like scary movies, I thought.

[B]

I don't. I don't either.

[A]

Why are we signing up to be scared?

[B]

I also like Black Swan, and Black Swan is, like, whoa.

[A]

Oh, the one with, like, hot ballerinas.

[B]

Yeah, but it's, like, creepy.

[A]

Yeah, it is. That's true.

[B]

I don't know why that would be, like, cool to watch, but, yeah, it is.

[A]

I want to see a comedian version of the View hosted by you. Thanks for saying that. Also, what is the View doing?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

What a wreck. I mean, this show I used to respect. I mean, who. Who was on it that I liked? Well, I love. I used to love Whoopi Goldberg. I mean, I guess I'm still attached to her and, like, ghost and stuff. But, like, it is a disaster. It's like a legal disaster. Why not just want to call it, please. I'm going to hold. Okay, the audience. I'm holding you and Chris accountable. If I. Yeah, if I am doing something in 20 years where I am just disgracing myself on a daily basis and a punchline, please just put me down. Intervene. I'm going to Give you a conservatorship?

[B]

What world view do these people really have?

[A]

No, they. I'm just saying, like, can no one just go, hey, guys, there's no. This isn't working. I did that with my sitcom, literally NBC. And I just was like, I don't. I'm not feeling this character anymore. I feel like I've outgrown this character. Like, can we just call it? You know what I mean? Can anyone just call it? Can anyone just cut their losses and just go, you know what? We had a good run. But, like, this is embarrassing. Does anyone get embarrassed anymore? I'm embarrassed all the time. Favorite candy? We did this the other day. What's my favorite candy? It's hard one.

[B]

Mars bar. Forget. No, it's payday.

[A]

Did they even.

[B]

It was a payday.

[A]

Do they still even make a Mars bar?

[B]

It was a payday.

[A]

It. It was. Well, it's candy corn. You know, I'm a year round candy corn person. The pumpkins, preferably. Pat knows.

[B]

And I didn't even open the bag.

[A]

I have them here somewhere. And then there was payday, because we saw them at the store. But KitKat's my number one. Number one.

[B]

Yeah. But I said KitKat last time, and then you told me it was payday.

[A]

Depends on the circumstances.

[B]

Okay, that's fair. If we're talking chocolate bar.

[A]

So everyone agrees Leonard is here. Wrote Mars bar was an offensive answer.

[B]

Yeah. You know what? That's fair.

[A]

That was dumb.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm actually, honestly, if I'm gonna really be honest, shamed of myself. Frozen Snickers. It doesn't get back. Insane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Snickers is like whatever.

[B]

Frozen Snickers, It's a different thing.

[A]

It's another level.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Take five bars. Kind of my go to Never had it.

[A]

Not once.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Reese has bought it. It's that good.

[A]

Hmm.

[B]

Reese's was like, we'll take that.

[A]

Reese's peanut butter cups. I just. It's not. I need a wafer. Like, it's just too decadent for me. I need a wafer.

[B]

This is awesome that you say that.

[A]

No, I don't want the bar. I don't buy it.

[B]

No, no, no. Check it. So I lived in a test area growing up, right? Like, it was a lot of different class systems in the same area. So we were a test market. So we got things like Pepsi Kona, which was a coffee flavored Pepsi. Right. That never came out.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

We also got Reese's cookie cups. And so they were Reese's Peanut butter cups. But in the bottom of it, inside, it would have an, like, an Oreo top. Like cookie, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they had. And they came in a. They came in a yellow package.

[A]

Don't tell RFK about this item. And so you got to have them. But I mean, remember, like, Pepsi clear? There was a minute where Pepsi was clear and then it just went away.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, that was sick. Ice cream, Twix. You know what? We should. We should. We should try that. Never had it.

[B]

Yeah. You just.

[A]

Nickname. Is there a nickname for Chris? I don't know. This for or that she doesn't know. What do I call. I don't have a nickname for you.

[B]

Babe.

[A]

You're super. I don't like babe, but I had to surrender to it. Ultimately. It was. My son's first word, was babe. Babe. Because we call each other babe all the time.

[B]

I use it like, are you sorry? Proud.

[A]

My son's first word. Babe. My son looked at me and just went, babe. Babe. I'm getting catcalled by my son because of you.

[B]

I like the term babe. And the way that I use it is like a rock and roll dude from the 80s would say it.

[A]

I love Chris so much. Chris lets me, like, just be. What?

[B]

No.

[A]

Why? Sometimes I don't take Prozac, and I interrupt and I ramble and I talk, and I can't. Sometimes I can't stop talking. It is a tick. It is. I'm on Prozac. I'm doing the best that I can. I do have Tourette's. If I feel like a point needs to be made and it's not being made and I'm not getting some kind of affirmation. But I'll probably. You're probably just like, I get it. Move on. But I'm like, I don't think.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

And I'm like, I don't think you're hearing me. So I'll say it a bunch of different ways, because you'll just be like that. And I'll be like, he's not hearing me. And then one time he just went, shut up.

[B]

I said it really with trepidation.

[A]

I was like, sweet.

[B]

Maybe just shut up.

[A]

And I was like, thank you so much. I just. I just needed someone to.

[B]

I don't know how to get her. Stop.

[A]

Completely tried other ways because I physically can't stop. And I need you to just tell me to shut up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I mean, shut up's actually nicer than like, I got it. Or calm down or relax.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I. Nothing worked. I was just like, oh, what do I do? What do I. How do I.

[A]

You wouldn't know. You went like, shut up, you guys. You know how life is. You know how it can be, like, unpredictable. I mean, look at me, I'm in a vest. One moment everything's fine, the next moment you're dealing with some nightmare. You're in the aftermath of someone else's rigmarole, their negligence, their tomfoolery, the skullduggery. If you're ever injured, you deserve to be paid for what you lost. Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm with over 100 offices and over 1000 lawyers fighting to get you full and fair compensation. With over 20 billion recovered from more than 500,000 clients, their track record speaks for itself. Filing a claim is super easy. There are no upfront costs and you don't pay unless they win. Morgan and Morgan takes the hard work out of injury claims that you can focus on on what matters most, getting better if you're ever injured. Visit for the people I need to hire Morgan and Morgan to go after the new lighting person at the Comedy Store because my brain does not work. After performing there this evening, go to for the People.com Whitney or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's for the People.com Whitney or pound law pound 529 this is a paid advertisement. Curious about Ozempic or Wegovy but not sure if your insurance covers it? Well, that's where Ro comes in. Ro helps you understand if GLP1 is right for you and your goals. But that is just the beginning. As a RO member, you're going to get support throughout the process. No insurance paperwork. You are going to have access to your provider on demand for any questions. Plus, signing up is easy and it can be done entirely online from the comfort of your home. No waiting for in person appointments, no commutes and no waiting rooms. Join over 250,000 people who have chosen row to access GLP1s. Go to Roe Co Whitney to find out if you're covered for free. That's RO ko r o dot cowhitney for box warning and full safety information go to RO co safetyprescriptiononly. What about me is weird to you? And I'll tell you what's weird to you about me. Cause there's also this other thing where when you haven't been in a relationship in a while or like allowed someone in your space for a while, you don't realize how weird you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you've been living alone for a while, and you just do. So we've both been living alone for a while, and now all of a sudden, we're, like, sharing a space, and I'm just like. The other day, he opened his backpack and a moth flew out.

[B]

That did happen. It. It also happened. It also happened directly after we were talking about me kind of like, for some reason, like, my stuff's always, like. Like, ripped and dirty and, like, I have, like, old vintage shirts and, like, I'm just kind of like, I have, you know, dirty hands and stuff like that. And then I opened up my bag.

[A]

And it's called ashy. There's different. Ashy and dirty. You're ashy. You're not dirty. You just refuse to moisturize.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah, I do. I do. I've gotten this far without moisturizing, and now I look like a catcher's mitt. But a moth flew out of my bag, and I saw it fly out, and I was just so defeated. I just watched it. I went, oh, come on.

[A]

He did. He went. Come on.

[B]

Got me good.

[A]

Did you bring it from your plate? Like, I've never.

[B]

Dude, where'd it come from? But then, like, right after it, like, a bunch of the. A bunch of those things happened. Like, I'd pick up my. I'd pick up my clothing on the ground, and it'd be like a spider run out.

[A]

But I like, you know me. I like, when there's a praying mantis inside. I'm, like, so flattered. I'm like, oh, my God.

[B]

I'm more like. They're all conspiring against me. Like, you don't belong here. And they're, like, scampering away. Get out.

[A]

Meanwhile, my house. My house is full of ants 24 hours a day. I'm 12.

[B]

Did it happen before I was here?

[A]

Oh, wait.

[B]

Or am I just eating cookies?

[A]

That's a really good point. I had an infestation right when we started dating. That is literally when it started. Babe, babe, babe. Here's what I love about you, babe. You're very straight. You're the straightest of all the guys. No one's. Every mole has a hair coming out of it. I mean, there's not.

[B]

Is that the way to describe it? Like, I was, like, feeling good. I was like, hell, yeah, dude.

[A]

And then you're like, every hair on your face is a different length.

[B]

That's cool. I'm with that.

[A]

Okay. What do you think is weird about me that you haven't told me, though. You have to say for the first.

[B]

Time that I haven't told you.

[A]

Well, what have you told me? That you think I'm weird.

[B]

I. This is. This is a booby trap. And if I. If I'm as big a Goonies fan as I think I am, this is a boob.

[A]

Oh, that's one of them. We were watching Goonies and I couldn't stop talking about the cinematography.

[B]

And you were the lighting. You're like, oh, my God, the lighting's amazing. I was like, never watching a film with you, like, you breaking down the story, blah, blah. The sound studio, like somebody's.

[A]

I don't. Nobody talks about how good the lighting is in that movie.

[B]

And now I do.

[A]

So it's incredible.

[B]

When I watch, like, if Goonies comes on with other people around, I'm just like, have you ever noticed how good the lighting is? I just take it like, it's mine now.

[A]

Okay. This is something that I didn't totally expect from a skateboarder. I've never met someone who is as competitive as me in, like, a petty way. Oh, yeah, you are so petty. Other way. Like, you know, I. It doesn't matter.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Did that matter?

[B]

I do. Did that matter when it. Huh.

[A]

Did that. When he doesn't want to answer something because you won't lie. You'll just go, huh, what's up? What did that matter whether it was Apple or Spotify or did you just need a little win? You. You did say one time. You. You did.

[B]

I wanted you to be right.

[A]

I love when you say that, babe. I love when you. When you admit that you don't know something. There. There was one time that we were arguing about something and you were like, just let me have this one. I need one today.

[B]

I need this so badly.

[A]

Faye the Velociraptor. What an amazing name. What's the funniest thing about Chris, babe? Literally, when I tell you he's the person that just. His. His Bing. His text will go off because he's got all these chains with guys about, like, Wordle and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Skate locations and yeah. By the way, high school grown man being like, check out this high school. Like, it is tricky. You are a bunch of grown men that go from high school to high school looking for. For a flight of stairs to skate down.

[B]

I mean, no. No quotes.

[A]

No quotes working.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it'll just be like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And he will just look you. He will continue his conversation as if it is not Happening. I am in a full spiral into a migraine. I am sweating. I am on legalzoom.com even though we are not married, trying to figure out my rights in this situation. And you're like. And you will just not even break eye contact. What do you think that is? You just hate me? My guts. You hate my guts.

[B]

I.

[A]

There's easier ways to break up.

[B]

You're going to get better at this.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

The older Henry gets, the more you're going to have to just deal with bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Like, all over the place. But how so he's going to be bing, bing, binging.

[A]

I don't put batteries in any of these toys.

[B]

I do. I'm the one who does that.

[A]

Oh, everything is so funny to me about you.

[B]

Like, you know what I think it is? I. I think the funniest thing. I think what you think the funniest thing about me is me not backing down from something.

[A]

It's exactly what I. So Chris will do something, like, a real dumb. Like, he'll like, what is it when you wrap up a T shirt and, like, whack someone? And, like, it's not even that.

[B]

You've never done that, but I'm saying, be something.

[A]

So if you did that and I turned to you, and then I'll just be like, you'll lean into it, like, yeah. You'll say some stupid dad joke pun, and I'll be like.

[B]

And I'm like, yeah, I definitely lean right into it.

[A]

But then sometimes, because you have such a good heart, sometimes you'll cave on something kind of like. Like we were in Vegas in a hotel room, and I got up to go to the bathroom. Had you been asleep or did you wake up just for this? I got up to go to the bathroom, and then I was walking back to the bed, and all the lights were off, and he was behind the door. He had gotten up while I was peeing, went behind the door, and then. And then I walked past, and he grabbed me to scare me, and he just went, I'm so sorry.

[B]

I just. I just went, boo.

[A]

You were like, boo. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, you were so bummed.

[B]

It was such a fool's errand. I got back there, and I was so bummed. I was like, oh, man, I'm going to scare this.

[A]

But had you fallen? You, like, rushed out of bed to hide behind a door.

[B]

It was so dumb.

[A]

Okay. Oh, that's cute. Someone said, I Need you to just shut, shut, shut your mouth. What about a gesture that would work. Stick a pen in her mouth. Jesus Christ. When it's my birthday. Happy birthday, Carol. Happy birthday, girl. Show the Ninja Turtle tattoo.

[B]

Okay, fine, sure.

[A]

We just need this camera to see it. This one, you could just stand if you want to stand. We will show the Ninja Turtle tattoo and you will see why I love. By the way, I didn't really realize you had this for, like a while. Look how dry that is. Flakes are coming off it.

[B]

Why did you say that?

[A]

Babe, look. Flakes are coming off. I won't show it to the game. Babe. Right there. I love you, babe. Oh, you guys are saying such nice things about the Friends show. I really appreciate that. Now on Max. I am hosting a show called fast. It is a game show with friends trivia. It is not triggering. We're not lecturing you how to vote. It's entertainment that's actually entertaining. And no one's going to make you feel guilty about global warming. And it's a show that my son can actually watch. I finally did it.

[B]

I'm so excited. Oh, I'm so excited.

[A]

I've never had someone be so supportive and such a.

[B]

Such a Friends fan.

[A]

Love you. Ooh. Whoa. Eric Santialis. Let's end on a real tough one.

[B]

Zinger.

[A]

Who was Chris's favorite female comedian? Before Whitney.

[B]

It was always you, babe.

[A]

You did look me in the eye. That was weird. You normally look down when you're in a panic.

[B]

Yeah, because I wasn't panicking.

[A]

You just can't name any other ones.

[B]

I can name tons of other ones.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, It'd bum you right out.

[A]

Name them.

[B]

Name them.

[A]

Name them.

[B]

Name them.

[A]

Name them. Name them. Name them.

[B]

Annie who?

[A]

Annie who?

[B]

Peterman.

[A]

Who else?

[B]

That was. That was a joke. I can do more. Not going to. But I can't.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

Elaine Boozler.

[A]

Name them, Babe. I mean, this is bad. Babe. Even if you get one at this point, it's like, I've won this. I won. I win. I think we.

[B]

Margaret Chu.

[A]

Margaret Chu. This is actually embarrassing because there are some in movies that you could easily pull. Truth About Cats and Dogs.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Jeanine Garofalo. Like, you could pull like, feet, you know?

[B]

Molly Shannon.

[A]

Yeah. She's not a stand up, but yeah.

[B]

Lisa Lampanelli.

[A]

Whoa. Back in the game. Impressive.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Is that it? All right. So you have to do another one?

[B]

I think I do.

[A]

Because I did.

[B]

Well, I have another one.

[A]

Okay, go.

[B]

It's. Give me One second.

[A]

Reason to stay here. All right. Oh, Wolfman. Jason Ellis is watching. Just went.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

Jason, I won this game with your name.

[B]

She. She won it.

[A]

I won it fair and square, babe. Fair and square. Okay.

[B]

Okay. Ellen DeGeneres.

[A]

Ellen DeGeneres. Tig Nataro. Jesse May Peluso. Kelsey Cook.

[B]

You got the light. So long ago, by the way.

[A]

Grace. Grace O. Ali Fame Blank. Telling you, I know we have low blood sugar. We have to go eat. Oh. Tiffany Haddish. Leslie Jones.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

There are a lot of female comics. Hannah Burner. There are a lot of female comics out there.

[B]

Turn. Turn it to me. Judy.

[A]

Judy Tanuda. That's our P rod.

[B]

Oh, man. That's your P rod.

[A]

What's that p rod? What?

[B]

You just gotta shout.

[A]

Do you know Judy Tuda? Judy Tuda was a comic that wore a bunch of fruit on her head and just. I don't know, was just like a wild cartoon character. Super kitschy. Yeah. Judy Tanuda. Underrated, Ahead of her time. Dead.

[B]

I think if she's not, she's pissed.

[A]

Roseanne Barr. He's getting madder.

[B]

I'm just like, okay.

[A]

All right. Love you guys. We. I will definitely do an IG Live before for the holidays. Thank you for participating. Is there anything you'd like to say?

[B]

Babe, don't ride elephants.

[A]

Babe, I love you so much. Bye, guys. Don't ride elephants. Don't you dare.