← Good For You with Whitney Cummings
Good For You with Whitney Cummings
EPSTEIN'S LIST, LAUREN SANCHEZ in SPACE and SHARK ATTACKS - Good For You | Episode 278
00:39:37
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I am going to start the show by saying that I'm a stand up comedian and I am on tour. When you come, you know what to do. Are we going? Oh, aren't you? Are you driving? Can you tell? Jail. Action again. Action. Why am I the only person on a set that wants to be yelled at? I'm truly the only one. Like, Blake Lively's like, and then they told me what to do and they told me what to wear. I'm like, that sounds amazing. That. How do I get a job with Justin Baldoni? He told me what to say. He wrote everything. So I didn't have to write anything. I didn't have a say in anything. It's like, can I please have that job? I would love it. It drives me nuts every week. I'm like, pat, tell. Yell at me when we're going. And he's like, that's rude. I'm like, yeah, that's my. I'm glad you think this is funny. So this podcast can be weird. I waited all day to shoot this podcast. We were going to shoot it last night. Pushed it to today. I got hoodwinked again. Got bamboozled. What's new? I was waiting for the Epstein list to drop because one of the blondes. What's in? I don't know. One of the blondes in the administration said, tomorrow we are getting the list. Okay. I was hoping to talk about the names on the Epstein list today, and now I can't. And I can't do it tomorrow because I'm going to. I have to leave at 3 in the morning to go to Cleveland. Is that a thing? I. I have never gone to Cleveland and had to take a connection. Like, ever since planes just started crashing every day, all of a sudden I'm on twice the number of planes. I'm on six flights a weekend. Normally now I'm on 12 flights because for whatever reason, cities with connecting flights, which never did before Pittsburgh last weekend to go to Tampa. I went through Miami, to North Carolina to Tampa. Is this normal? When I go to Lexington, I go through like, Birmingham. I'm like, what's. Are we being trafficked? What's happening? I don't know. Are they just pr. Are the pilots practicing? Do they need. They're like, you guys need to practice more. Maybe they're just, yeah, yeah. Or like, they don't want to do long flights. Like, I. I don't know what's happening. So there's not like too much gas on the plane or something? Like too much fuel? I don't know. Anyway, that said, I am coming to a city near you. Unless, you know, when you see a lot of crazy stuff happening in society, it's like, what's the common denominator in all of them? Because you want to go, how come this crazy thing is happening all of a sudden? Planes are crashing. All of a sudden, this is happening. All of them, this is happening. There's sometimes instead of one reason for each of them, it's like one underlying reason for all of them. Think of all the crazy things going on right now. Planes crashing too much. This Epstein list, that's just never going to come out. The planes that don't crash have people on them having manic episodes and attacking people. I mean, it's like, there's also an Adderall shortage. I took Adderall when I wrote my book. It did help, but it helped too much. The editor was like, this feels like a trilogy. She was like, we really need, like, 200 pages. And I'm like, adderall's not like a forever thing, okay? Adderall over time is just Meth. Like, you're just on meth, okay? And have you noticed this? Have you noticed that more people are taking Adderall after it was revealed that Hitler and his troops used Adderall? Just like kind of a spooky advertisement. Hitler and his troops were on Adderall, and you're like, is this a ringing endorsement for Adderall that Hitler and his used it? I also believe his judgment was impaired as well. Doesn't the thing he's being productive at matter, too? I'm worried that everyone's brain is just a little fried. Don't you notice everyone seems to be at, like, burnout, just fried. Whether it's adrenaline or Adderall, maybe it's the tap water. I don't know. Staring at screens all day. Because also, in the beginning, we weren't getting as, like, buzzed on screens because what we were watching was kind of like, a little more innocent, you know? I definitely don't think we should be watching planes crash all day. I mean, I don't even think whoever invented the Internet, who was it? Al Gore? I don't even know. Would have been like, just don't put, like, constant plane crashes. Like, I don't think our brain is designed. That's not healthy. My Twitter feed for the past two weeks has just been plane crash. I'm sorry. I don't. I'm. It's just so insane. You have to see it from every single angle. Like, every one person. How about, like, one person gets to post it and that's it? Everyone posting the breakout. This is not a good idea psychologically, especially if you're a touring stand up comedian. But anyway. It is weird, though, when reality becomes more gnarly than TV and video games. Friends of mine that play video games, like, for a living, they saw the Canada Jet flip and they're like, jesus. You're like, wait, what? When reality starts being more insane than, like, Grand Theft Auto, we're in a. I don't know, man. It's like, are we in a simulation? No, I don't think simulations are this. Like, no simulator would want that. Also, some guy jumped out of a plane that was, like, landing. Did you see the co pilot, like, just jumped out of a plane? I don't know if he was filming a TikTok. My co pilot just ran out the back of the plane. Ran out the back of the plane. So you don't have coal, you said? No, he just jumped out the back of the plane challenge or something. Or are we just all, as humans turning into, like, feral honey badgers? Even though, I mean, as a society we are technically safer than we've ever been, but because all we do is look at plane crashes, like, we feel like we're at least safe. I just feel like everybody's so stressed out. I do believe that something insane happened. And this is why, as a species, we are not to be trusted. And didn't everyone get more time recently? Like, that's all you want in life, right? I just want more time. We got it. We were literally gifted our time back. We now have Amazon, we have Postmates, we have online banking. You don't have to go to the bank. That used to be like a day, a week. You would have to, like, wait in line at the bank, wait for it to open and close. Like, we have groceries. You could have groceries delivered. Okay, dinner you can get delivered. You don't have to go to the gym to work out. There's like, apps. You can do it at home. Like, we save, like, three hours a day not running errands because of all these apps. Yeah, they're taking our eyeballs and our DNA and they're tracking whatever. But they did give you three hours of not running errands. Like, a day. Right? That's kind of fair to say. How. How are we more stressed than when we were running errands three hours a day? I'm not. Where did all that time we saved? Where's the save time go? I'm not like a mathlete, but I don't think this adds up to me. We're using the we save to stare at plane crashes and murders in our hand. That's what we've done with a mathlete. Huh? You're not a mathlete. Now you tell me. I just love mathlete. Like, if you're just. Sometimes I got to just like, throw, like, good strays. If you're a guy on a dating app, just write mathlete is your bio. You're welcome. So funny. That's so funny. Anyway, so the point is, the Epstein list was going to be the big thing I wanted to talk about today. And shocker, it's not out. I could have told you. I could have told you this. We didn't get the list. We got like a photo shoot with a bunch of pick me Karens and dorks holding binders from Staples saying. And everyone said the same thing. This is the most transparent administration in history. Okay, you guys, this is what this is. This is the trafficking of human being. This isn't a joke. This isn't your high school talent show. Why are you sm. She's like, smiling, holding it, like, are you out of your. I. Dude, they looked like they were collecting their diploma at graduation. They pat. Perfectly put. I was trying to capture the energy because I can't. I couldn't think of another thing. It was like pageant energy. You're exactly right. They looked like they were collecting their diploma at University of Phoenix online after majoring in communications, of course. Imagine thinking that is the way to behave. Are they doing a trending dance for Snapchat? You're holding a binder full of monsters. This isn't like the cliffhanger of a TV show. This is the most powerful people in the world abusing kids. Like, are we mentally just gone as a society? Like, are. Do people think this is, like, funny? I don't. This isn't the new Charlie D'Amelio energy drink that just dropped. This is like. Remember when nurses were dancing during COVID Meanwhile, people were, like, crying through plastic as their parents, like, died and they couldn't touch that. Like, it's. What I don't. Is this microplastics? Like, maybe I'm. I'm not even kidding. Like, there's something bigger going on in society that is like, the common denominator. And all this craziness. It's when people are in the. Are they in the government? Who are these people? They're just like, journalists or something. I don't. I don't what are they? Do you know? Twitter journalists. They're Twitter journalists. Twitter journalists are really having a moment between Elon's new chick and these guys dancing with their binders. Also, why is it in a binder, like a paper, someone printed that, like, this is. You guys went to Kinko's and. And knocked out a bunch of binders, like, okay, okay. The point is, the names did not come out, and I have a hot take. They won't. Why would they. Why would. There's no. There is no way. Here's my theory, okay? If they got people as powerful as we already know, whatever Prince Andrew allegedly and whoever, there's no way they didn't also get government people, intelligence people, you know what I mean, that were involved in some way. They're not going to let this come out till they do some serious copy and pasting. And it's not a left thing or right thing. It's anyone in power who has been immune to consequences since the beginning of time. You can't get away with stuff anymore, right? And this just happened, and they're old enough to have gotten away with it. I think that these people are waiting till we're all so mentally warped that everyone assumes everything they see is fake. We're not there yet. We're, like, a little bit suspicious when we see stuff, you know? Because then everyone's going to be off the hook again. You know what I mean? Because right now, it's like, you know, is that real? Is that fake? You're, like, not sure. In, like, two years, everything in our brain will be fake, and everyone will be able to say, like, oh, that's AI. That's fake. That's not real. Which, by the way, I'm all for. I'm. I am so pro. AI. It is ridiculous, because I need to be able to say to my son when he sees my standup on the Internet in 10 years, like, that's AI. That's not me. That's not your mom. I would never. I would never say that. That's just. It's fake. And I'll be like, yeah, probably. Like, I. I am excited that the new default will be everything you see is fake. I do not know who is on the Epstein list, but I do know who is not on the Epstein list, and I can say that with aplomb and authority. Keanu Reeves. No way. Denzel. No way. Right? No way. Wesley Snipes. No way. Is he in jail, though. He's in jail for something else. Maybe a while. He did his time, I think. He did his time. Okay. It was for taxes, right? Yeah. John Goodman. Not on that list. That's my list of who's not on the list. Random. Does no one else think it's weird that there's zero crossover with Epstein and Diddy? Racism or coincidence? It is weird that they don't inter. Like, did. Were they ever friends? Like, I. That's a weird. Like, if they saw each other, like, at the private airport, were they, like, you know, I don't know. I. I just feel like there's weirdly no crossover at all. But anyway, they're like the coke and Pepsi organized blackmail rigs. Epstein has been such an obsession for so long. I just feel like, I don't know, there's something. There's something up. I also think there's something up with people who are, like, obsessed with the list coming up now. People that are like, I want to see the list. We deserve to see the list. And then I want to see that video, Gabe. I want to see the video of those underage girls being abused. I want to see with my own eyes so we get justice. I want to see just how young they are. Again, if you're a bad person, what's the first thing you do? Start a charity? I just. Anyone who's too obsessed with the justice of Epstein list, Like, it's a little like, what are you. What are you up to? Like, I don't know. We have to shame them to make sure they go to jail. It's like, why do you want to know so bad? It's like, creeps are trying to study what gets people busted. It's like. It's like, you know how arsonists, they do it to help put out the fires later. It's just a little bit like, why do you care this much? Or are you just trying to throw everybody else off your trail? I never, Dude. A day does not go by where I don't think about that dude who was. I guess he was like the DA Of New York. And when Harvey Weinstein was like, you know, accused of all that stuff, he went out of his way to do a press conference for no reason, just to be like, we believe Harvey Weinstein is a bad man, and we believe these women. And everyone was like, no, we didn't. You didn't. We didn't even need to do this. And, like, six women came out, and we're like, yeah, we're hookers. He choked us. Sometimes big anti creep advocates are creeps. Like, if I was a creep, the first thing I would do Would, like, come after creeps? You know what I'm saying? It's just, like, it's the perfect cover. Like, most people are like, you know, you're like, hey, should the Epstein list come out? And you're like, yeah, of course. And they just move on with their day, but the people are like, where's the list, Cat days? Like, this is your whole day is your cause. Like, I'm just saying, this down to freedom guy, you know, I. I got in trouble for being like, this is fishy. Like, why does he have a publicist? Like, I don't know. You know, where all the kids are that are getting trafficked and why aren't you. Why are you. Why are you on Ellen? Like, why are you on. Why are you on Kelly Clarkson? And why are you on the couch with Drew Barrymore sitting on the floor, like, playing a Ouija board? Like, what's. What's happening? How does this. I can't, Like, I will never get over that. I will never get over him asking two women to shower together. If this is your main cause, if Epstein list is your main cause, I would like 20 minutes with your laptop. It's just, like, a personal request. Also, the list should be out. This is ridiculous. And their main defense for not releasing it is we don't want to re. Traumatize the victims, and we don't want to compromise their anonymity. Like, I don't know. I feel like the way to, like, help out the victims is release the people that abuse them. So they. That's what they're waiting on. Like, honestly, at this point, like, anonymity, that's really easy to do. Just go. I will go get the white out. The best way they can heal is to know that the. The powerful criminals who abused them were. Were in jail. Maybe I'm. Maybe it's just me. I feel like the victims would feel better knowing they can, like, go out to eat and not constantly worry their food is poisoned. Like, I. I feel. I just. I don't know. I just. I feel like they'd be thrilled to be able to, like, start their car for once in the past 15 years and not worry it's gonna explode. I'm just saying, like, I'm sure they love to go to jail for their own crime and not have to worry about hanging themselves. I mean, they can't even commit crimes if they want to. You know, I just. I. I just feel like if you're an Epstein victim, like, it's so different than being any other kind of victim. Because you're just like, oh, why do the most powerful people in the world have to have been the ones you know? Like girls get abused all the time. I couldn't just get someone who couldn't even afford a plane ticket. Like life's a nightmare. The least you could do for yourself is have better sex. And how are we going to do that without bluechew? We're not. 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Like, literally to the point to where if I disappeared, it would be weird. So that's. That's kind of my strategy. Anyway, Pat has been sending me stories because, you guys. Some people were annoyed that I was asking Instagram what to talk about. And so now we're here. Pat sent me a story about how a shark. If I can say this without laughing, Pat, I. If I don't. If I say this without laughing, you owe me $500,000. A woman had her hands bitten off by a shark. And, you know, this is like just my. This is just. It's. It's my Super Bowl. It's my Rum Smith. Bring a. And I just. I. I really enjoy watching nature just retaliating. Honestly, they're so done with us. Like, sharks are just bite. They don't even eat human flesh. This was for the love of the game. This shark went out of its way to. To, like, prove a point. Okay. Sharks are biting people, which is not what they do. They only do it when they're confused or what. Orcas are capsizing boats. Like, truly only of billionaires. Like, they're the Luigi of the ocean. Like, they're just like, nature is so over our arrogance. Like, I just don't. And you know me. I don't. If you go to the ocean. I don't. You're. I'm done with you. Like, I'm. People that go into the ocean. The level of arrogance. We have VR. We have. What else do we have? We have 3D. We have mushrooms. Do you have. Drugs are everywhere. You have. Edibles are legal now. Like, you need to go into the ocean, you loser. I don't. You know, the thing that bothers me the most about people that go into the ocean, like, to scuba dive. It's being in the. You know, get proposed to in the sand. Like, Godspeed. But, like, it's a. Why would you go into the ocean? It's. I know this sounds. It's someone's home. Like, that's someone. It's not your home. Is that crazy to think? Like, it's. It's someone else's home. Can you imagine if you woke up and there was a shark in your house? You'd shoot it. Why? Why can't. Why can't a shark kick your ass if you go into their home? I just. This feels fair. Honestly, I think that the shark was being pretty cool, given the circumstances. Like, you're breaking and entering into someone else's home who has two rows of teeth and can't go to jail. Like, the arrogance. Like, I literally divide people. Not Republican and Democrat, not gay and straight. I divide people. People who scuba dive and those that do not. And if you scuba dive, you can't be in my life. You are delusional. You are arrogant. I can't trust you. You have no concept of danger. I don't know what this is. If you're an ocean person. That's just Darwinism. I mean, what kind of arrogance does it require to think? Like, I want. You know what. You know what I'm gonna do on my vacation? I'm gonna go to a place where I'm the slowest and can't even see. Like, what is going on? Am I insane? And then you've seen Apex Predator. Who has movies made about it about just their teeth alone. There's movies made about just their mouth. There are entire movies. Just a shark's mouth. And by the way, scariest movie ever made. Like, literally, someone went into a room to pitch a movie, and everyone, we need a really scary movie. And they were like, just the sharks. The jaws of a shark. And they're like, say no more, salt. There's nothing scarier. And now we just don't. Sharks are older than trees. Do people understand this? Do you think that they're. Do you think they give a shit about your hands? They don't know what hands are. The reason we evolved hands in the first place was to pull ourselves out of the ocean in case we fell in to escape Sharks. They've only seen us without hands, so the shark probably thought he was helping. The shark's old enough to have seen humans back when we had Flipper. So the shark was like, oh, God. He bit her hand off. And he was like, I fixed it. The shark didn't kill her. Could have easily. Didn't Eat her. Didn't want to. Was literally just making a point. And if you don't think animals are smart enough to make points. Oh, bitch. Someone who is taking selfies with a shark, honestly, I know this is. Is tough to say. I. I think they actually need to have their hands removed. I'm not trying to be. It's like, some people need, like, lobotomies. We need certain parts of your brains removed. Kanye west, like, I think that would solve. I'm not even joking. I think that if we're gonna bring lobotomies back, Kanye would be the perfect. Like, truly, why not? The shark, honestly, probably saved her life. I'm not even kidding. Because if she still had hands, the next vacation, she would try to take a selfie with a tiger, and it would rip her head clear off her head. The shark saved her life as far as I'm concerned. And, you know, she won't have hands, but she will get to live. Like, I don't. Am I wrong? What kind of ingrate needs to go into the ocean? You've seen everything on land. You've seen the pyramids, Great Wall, China, Grand Canyon. Nothing. Nothing's good enough for you. You've seen every porn, every documentary, everything. You've been to the sphere on Mali. Still, nothing's good enough. Still got to go into the cold, murky ass death soup where nothing ever goes well in there. Where you can't breathe. Honestly, I make fun of girls when they get tattoos that say breathe. But if. But these are the only people that are allowed to get that tattoo. You actually do need the reminder to breathe. It's not the Coachella girls with the feather in their head, like, breathe like this. You do need, like, go places you can breathe. Don't forget, we don't talk about the ocean. As someone who's tried to, like, stop figuring out land, we don't spend enough time talking about the ocean. And truly, how little we know about it. And you know that NASA. I found this out when I was in Florida. Dania Beach, Florida. I was asking people in the audience about conspiracy theories. And I was like, does anyone have a good conspiracy theory? And this woman just went the ocean. And I was like, I'm on the edge of my seat. And she's like, we've only explored 5% of the ocean. And I was like, that's. That can't be true. She's like, yeah, NASA went down there. And they were like, nah. I looked into it. It is correct. NASA went down there and was like, nah. NASA People were like, we're good, but so we don't know. Like, we don't know anything about the ocean and because, like, oceans are warming up or something shift in the bottom. Like, you know, like, alligators are, like, clear now. Like, have you seen, like, there's critters from the deep down coming up top. Apocalypse fish. Apocalypse fish. They have, like, laser beams coming out of their heads. They've got, like. Like a ninja star of a mouth. Their hands are just like. Like, machetes. Like, we don't know what's coming up here. Like, we don't. So you know what? Again, you know, I love a big explanation for a lot of little things that are all connected. It could be toxoplasmosis. And I do. My theory makes sense because a lot of ocean people are cat people. Cat people. You get toxoplasmosis by having cats, okay? They have this disease. It's like a virus that makes you seek out danger. Google it. It's like the. It breeds in the stomach of a cat. So, like, rats try to get eaten by them. So anyone that has toxoplasmosis does more dangerous things. It makes sense, I think, that a lot of people that go in the ocean do it so they can come back and show off to their cat that they were around a bunch of fish. I. I don't know. But cat people and ocean people are similar to me. They're not as social. What's less social than going in the ocean? Like, I'm gonna go. It's like, it's basically running away from home. Like, you're like, I'm gonna jump in the ocean. And by the way, you know that you don't have to go in backwards like that. It's just like, that's so funny to me. I'm obsessed with it. I'm just obsessed. When they're just like. You're just like, loser. They're making fun of you. You can go in for head the other way. Like, I don't. You're just letting these scuba instructors, like, clown you like this. Like, they're just. I'm just saying, when people act like this, I. Who's gonna tell them? Like, no one thinks you're cool. No one's like, oh, sick. Like, no one's like, you have a picture with a shark. We're not, like, sick. We're like, you might have. I think you have a virus. Like, this looks like a brain infection. Like, no one's like, sick. Like, it's so wild when you realize that seeking attention as an adult, no one thinks it's cool. It's such a m. Literally anytime someone's like, famous or successful, no one's like, that's awesome. They're like, you're mentally ill. We will enjoy watching you, you know, exploit yourself and put yourself in danger. But, like, we don't like you. We feel sorry for you. You know, there was a guy on rich roll and he's a psychiatrist. I don't know what he is, but he said, like, you've succeeded as a parent if your kids do not wish to be famous. Like, wanting to be seen is so deeply mentally ill. And if you have to bring a shark into it, like, honestly, I'm not even mad at her. I am mad at her parents. I am mad at her parents that she felt the need to go take a picture with a shark. Like, mom, do you love me now? Like, what is it? I'm worried. Honestly, I'm not even kidding. I'm also worried about the impact of like, screensavers and Sharks in 3D. Like, we've stopped thinking that dangerous things are dangerous. Is anyone. Is this. Is this becoming a problem? Like, I don't. People fall off cliffs taking selfies. Like, is it because they. They went off a cliff in one of the video games? Like, when did we stop seeing cliffs were like, it's a. It's like a cliff. Like, it's like a cliff. I believe over 300 people have fallen off cliffs taking selfies. No one sees you with a cliff behind you. And it's like, dude, you're so cool. Like, no one thinks it's cool. I don't. Also, when I see someone doing something dangerous that could have been easily aied, I just think you're dumb. Honestly, I think it would be cooler if this was AI. If I saw a 55 year old woman with a shark, I'd be like, dude, I have to unfollow you because otherwise I have to like, intervene or like, call Britney Spears's dad to, like, get you into a basement in Calabasas. Like, you're a danger to yourself. Like, the level of pick me energy is so cringe. But, like, if you like I did, I'd be like, sick, dude. Cool. I'm so glad you didn't do that. And you're a woman in stem. Like, that's awesome. When was the last time that you needed to go to the doctor but just put it off and put it off? I don't know. You're too busy. You don't know which doctor go to? You're on hold for 45 minutes listening to Anya. We've all been there, but with Zocdoc, there is no reason to delay. 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I mean, most thongs, I'm like, do I need a tetanus shot to be wearing this? Like, honestly, the fact that we as a society have allowed like this abuse into our crevices, like, honestly, why isn't this Blake Lively's complaint? We'd be on board if Blake Lively was like, I have an HR complaint. They're making me wear thongs on this movie. We'd be like, yeah, you're. Yes, you're right. You're correct. You have been violated. That is, that is abuse. But like, I can't. Honestly, before me undies, I was going back to granny panties. I'm not even kidding. Yeah, it's got, it's got prints, really cute prints. Some of them have llamas on them. Love it. They come in sizes extra small to 4 XL. Flattering fit for everybody. Not just about underwear. Me Unnies has full loungewear, including joggers, hoodies, onesies, even activewear. I need to get those asap. It's all made with their signature buttery, soft, breathable, and stretchy fabric. Meundies is a brand that you can feel good about supporting these sustainably sourced materials. And they partner with made manufacturers that care about their workers. And if you're not 100 satisfied, your first pair is on them. No questions ask. Get 20 off your first order and free shipping on orders of 75 or more. Go to Meundies.com Whitney and use code Whitney. That's Meundies.com Whitney. Code Whitney. That said, I would like to go to space. I changed my mind. I changed my mind. It happens all the time. Lauren Sanchez is going to space. Came out today. She's. She's. She's shown in life. Here's the thing. If Lauren Sanchez is going to space, I'm. I'm in. How few women would get the opportunity to go to space? And you know what she's doing with it? She's taking her girlfriends. This is a girl, you know? I will do anything for a girl's girl. She's taking Gayle King and Katy Perry and some other friends. I don't know. Whatever this is, you know, a girl's girl. It's all that matters to me. Okay? I don't even. It is all about girls. Girls. Even if they all die together, they did it as a girl group. And that is so sick to me. Like, and here's it. People are like, what's a girl's girl? How do you. Because you know what? Girls that are not girls. Girls are ruining the world. This is. Honestly, I feel like nobody will talk about this. Girls that do not have girlfriends, no one calls them out on their shit. They act crazy. They. They lie. They think they get in the way with it because guys let stuff slide. Girlfriends don't. And she's got girlfriends. That's all I need to know about her character. And I like her. People ask. They're like, how do you know if someone's a girl's girl or not? Because guys cannot tell, okay? If someone's not a girl's girl, when she sees other girls, she'll be like, hey, hooker. Hey, whore. Like, that's not a girl's girl. We don't talk to each other like that. Actually, girls that are not girls, girls, they. They wear hats inside. Like, big hats. Like, remember when Amber Heard just wore, like, a cowboy hat. Like. Like, out. That's not a girl's girl. We don't. Like, what are you doing? Like, you're ruining the photos. Like, you're not. Like, you're in the. No one can see the screen. Like, why are you like. Like, girls. Girls call girls with girlfriends get called out on dumb stuff like that. We're like, hey, bitch. Cassidy, lose the cowboy hat. Like, we're not doing. Silly Goose. Like, I'm not. How much attention do you need, homie? Like, I can't. If. What if girls are wearing hats? We're all wearing hats, and we've coordinated it. We're not. We're. We're. We're in a chain about hats. Their face doesn't match their neck. Like, they're. You'll see, like, a line of foundation that is, like, lighter or darker than their neck. You're scaring the kids. Your foundation doesn't match your neck. They're two different colors. Like, the girl that is the current White House press secretary doesn't have girlfriends. They carry, like, a tiny purse. Like, the smaller girl's purse, the less girlfriends she has, because it's like, what. It's like, what is your. What's in there? Your plan B pill and your whatever. Monistat. I don't. What are you doing? My purse is. You know when. You know, when like a. Like, aid, like a government drops, like a cargo bag into a country that needs, like, food and water after, like, a disaster. That's. That's what my. That's my purse. There's. There's nothing you. I could get out of my. I put stuff in my purse. As if I'm going to run into a girl at the airport going through a divorce. Like a woman having, you know, who just got stung by a bee who just went through a breakup. Like, I'm. I'm prepared for pretty much any problem a woman would be going through. Nothing in my purse is actually, for me. That's how girls. Girls think. Okay, Girls who go to the bathroom alone. Sketchy. Sketchy. If I'm with people and I go to the bathroom like, I'm. Everyone's. All the girls are coming with me. That's not. It's not. We all go together. That's just like a. It's a rule. Like, if I'm with a bunch of people and a girl gets up and she goes to the bathroom alone, I'm like, okay, cokehead. Like, look at a girl goes to the bathroom. But, lolly, what are you doing in there? That's so private. Like, what are you doing? Like, oh, you're gonna just go fix your strapless bra fiasco alone? Like, I don't think so. You got yourself into this mess with the pantyhose saga. You really think you're gonna get yourself out of it? Like, I. I'm coming with you. Like, I'm not. I go to the bathroom with a group of girls at dinner. I come out of there with new makeup tips. Okay. I now know my rising sign. I have two new podcasts I've subscribed to. Okay. I've I'm a witness in two court cases. They don't go to space alone either. All right. I love Lauren Sanchez. I cannot stand women who attack her. Like, to me, she's such a Rorschach test. Like, if you are mean to her, you're not a girl's girl. And if you're a girl's girl, you like her, right? She has the opportunity out of space, she's taking her girlfriends. I love that shit. I mean, it is funny, like, imagining girls going to space. Like, a group of girls. Like, there's, like, an astronaut giving them, like, the lowdown, you know? And they're like. And the gravity and the this and the oxygen, and they're just like, I just. We can't go to space of Mercury's in retrograde. Do we know the date? Like, what's the date? They're like, okay, like, they got all zipped up. They're, like, ready to go. They're, like, in their suit. Like, right before they're about to get on, they're like, oh, I have to pee. Is there. Can we pee on. Can we pee on there? I just like, how are they gonna pee? Like, I'm actually very worried about that. That'd be my main thing. I'm ready to. I used to go on the Gravitron as a kid. I cr. I was the. I crushed the Gravitron when I was a kid, dude. I'd be the one upside down. Like, like, as soon as, like, I'd be the one upside down. I did puke on myself, because when you puke on the Graviton, it comes right back at you. But I was still, like. It gave me more. People knew to just give me my space. You know what I mean? I'm into it. I kind of want to go to space. Another group of girls who are allowed to get the tattoo that says breathe. This is the only other group. I don't know. I just. I want more girlfriends like this. Like this. Lauren Sanchez taking her girlfriends to the moon. I was like, I want girlfriends like this. Like, this is how I could do an episode of Joe Rogan where all the comments aren't death threats. I'll be like, guys, I saw the moon. I have proof it was fake. I would be, like, beloved on Reddit. That's my. That's my only goal in Life, to be Ms. Reddit. My girlfriends don't ask me to go, like, space. They're always. They asked me to, like, do medicine, therapy, and then it turns out to be, like, street ketamine. I'm like, it's not medicine. Can we stop with calling drugs medicine? Like, what are we doing, like, now? Weed, Ayahuasca, Molly? Like, dmt? They're not like medicine. I mean, it's just. Look, before I got sober, I would for sure do that. It's a very good scam. Like, no, I'm taking medicine. I don't. I was doing, like, mushroom chocolates as medicine. I don't. I don't think something qualifies as medicine if you don't sleep for six days and start talking to your ancestors on a landline. Like, I don't think that's medicine. I think that's maybe just straight up drugs. But anyway, I really want to talk about the Kevin Spacey video, because it is truly. Look, it might eclipse Shirley Temple in terms of my priorities and things to discuss, solve, obsess about. It's kind of my. It's the new hill that I will be dying on. But we don't have enough time today. Maybe do your homework for next week and give it a gander. It's Kevin's busy telling Guy Pierce to grow up. I. I just. I can't wait. But I do need to shut my whore mouth and get out of here. I have to get up in Truly. Two hours to go to Cleveland. I love you guys. Thanks for watching. I still don't know how to end these. So don't ride elephants. Ra.