Summary7 min read

Good For You Ep. 309: Grace O'Malley and Whitney Go Deep

Podcast: Good For You
Host: Whitney Cummings
Guest: Grace O'Malley
Date: October 5, 2025

Episode Overview

This lively, irreverent episode features comedian Whitney Cummings and rising comic/writer Grace O’Malley in a candid, hilarious conversation marked by self-deprecation, sharp observations, and genuine moments of vulnerability. Bypassing topical news and interviews, the duo takes turns asking each other deeply personal and absurd questions. They dive into their own upbringings, ambitions, pet peeves, comedic philosophies, and pop culture obsessions, all while teasing out universal truths about growing up, identity, and the search for authenticity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Authenticity, Image, and Self-Discovery (02:00 - 04:30)

Whitney laments the struggle of projecting an appealing public persona:

“You always kind of just answer the same question the same way. You're, like, going on a lot of dates and you're like, ‘this is my favorite movie’ because you want to, like, sound smart... and then you're kind of like, I don't like any of the stuff I pretend I...” (02:43)
Grace agrees that in your 20s, you often give dumb or performative answers to “get to know you” questions.
Both resolve to answer honestly on the podcast, delighted by revealing truths in a public setting.

2. Bucket Lists and the State of Showbiz (03:55 - 07:10)

Whitney and Grace discuss comedy careers in the age of TikTok and the resurgence of scripted content.
Grace’s Dream: Writing for sitcoms, joining a writers’ room.
Whitney’s Dreams: Getting her new sitcom made, possibly featuring Grace; and, humorously, running a jam-producing scam farm like Meghan Markle.

“If I can figure out the property tax farm scam, I will." (06:11)
Both share a yearning for more authenticity and for the return of thoughtfully scripted entertainment.

3. Formative Childhood Memories (07:12 - 14:30)

Grace’s first memory: Childhood in a cramped apartment, cutting a hole in her pajamas for “freedom.”
Whitney’s traumatic early memory: Accidentally setting herself on fire as a child, not feeling pain in the moment.
Both share experiences of “checking out” during chaotic upbringings—Whitney practiced “being discovered” by strangers, thinking commercials represented happy families.

“My first memory as a kid...was catching on fire. That will stick in your hippocampus." (08:13)
Whitney reveals family stories—taking a Quaalude as a toddler, being sent to live with relatives—and how she realized, as an adult, that childhood narratives are often re-written or twisted by grownups.

"When did you realize that most of your truth was twisted?” (12:49)

4. Pet Peeves & Social Dynamics (18:15 - 26:00)

Whitney’s biggest annoyance: People being late—sees it as a power play or attention-seeking substitute for being famous.

“When people are late, it’s their way of being famous.” (18:20)
Text etiquette: Whitney rails against rushed texts full of typos (“fix it!”) and people who respond with just the letter “Y.”
Grace’s pet peeve: When people tease a juicy secret, only to refuse to share it—calls out the performative moralizing behind it.

“You now need to stop the bleeding. You need someone to witness you not telling.” (22:32)
Both mock performative apologies and lying in social/corporate situations. Whitney embraces “playing dumb” as a strategy for exposing dissemblers.

5. Favorite Foods, Guilty Pleasures, and Deathbed Meals (26:20 - 33:00, 69:00)

Whitney’s ‘last meal’: Magnum ice cream bar (cherry-chocolate from Germany).
Grace’s fave: Struggles to pick, jokes about her binge eating tendencies and her family’s endless food lists.
Both share love of “trash” foods: candy corn, Cadbury Creme Eggs, churros.
Guilty pleasures include “bad movies” (Windy City Heat), trash TV, and documentaries (which Whitney argues are just “salacious gossip” now, not highbrow).

6. Best Advice Ever Received (38:43 - 33:36)

Grace, via Theo Von: “Don’t take anyone’s advice,” a cerebral “riddle” that cracks the duo up.
Whitney’s wisdom: Only take advice from people who have what you want; don’t ask single friends about relationships and vice versa.

“The hard things can be hard, but the easy things shouldn’t be hard. When the easy things are hard, that’s when there’s something wrong.” (33:33)

7. Dating, Icks, and Social Observations (34:02 - 39:16)

Grace’s biggest ick: A date who earnestly ordered champagne at a dive bar (“If it was part of a joke, it would have been funny. But he was so dead serious.”)
Whitney’s stories: A date ordering milk (which she found hilarious), and catching a partner lying about travel (Bahamas vs. ‘visiting family’).
Both agree: If you’re wearing bracelets, they better be for a serious cause.

8. Pop Culture Moments (39:20 - 45:00)

Whitney’s favorite moments: Mariah Carey’s deadpan “I don’t believe in time”; Mariah’s “I don’t know her”; Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl “wardrobe malfunction.”
Grace’s favorite: John Travolta’s hilarious “Adele Dazeem” flub at the Oscars, cult movie “Grease” and its cast of “45-year-old teenagers.”
They riff about celebrity eccentricity, the strangeness of media, and the enduring appeal of chaos.

9. Sober Living and Comedy Superpowers (47:01 - 51:10)

Grace recently sober—her standup and conversations feel sharper and more confident.
Whitney: Getting sober lets you redirect addictive energy into work.
Both share their “comedian superpowers”: Whitney claims to always know what time it is on stage and where someone is from; Grace says she has a gift for reading people and “seeing phonies from a mile away.”

10. Lightning Round: Personal Favorites and Quirks (52:08 - 68:59)

Whimsical rounds on “Who would play you in a movie?” (Grace playing Whitney as Liza Minnelli), favorite genre of music (Whitney: pop/rock, Grace: electronic/‘brain smoothing’), favorite movies (Whitney: Labyrinth, Grace: The Town), favorite comedian (Whitney: David Attell, early Ellen DeGeneres; Grace: with a Carrot Top joke).
They unpack personality quirks, coffee orders, hidden talents, and music preferences.
Whitney shares that she revels in silence at home and never plays music, preferring “to hear if the coyotes are coming.”

11. Culture, Criticism, and the Internet (74:00 - 76:59)

Whitney addresses online trolling and criticisms:

“You don’t have to find a moral reason to not like me. You are twisting this in such a weird, tight knot… Just say you don’t like me, and that’s OK.” (75:01)
They agree that embracing “not for everyone” is healthier than appeasing trolls online.

Notable Quotes & Moments

“Thank you everybody, for allowing us to monetize our friendship. Because I don't know how to make eye contact off camera at this point.” — Whitney (02:30)
“We both lived in apartments… This is why we get along.” — Whitney (07:56)
“My first memory as a kid...was catching on fire. That will stick in your hippocampus.” — Whitney (08:13)
“I would literally rather you show up on time and spit in my face than be late.” — Whitney (18:31)
“You now need to stop the bleeding. You need someone to witness you not telling so that I'll be the person that goes, yeah, she didn't tell me, she bit her tongue.” — Whitney (22:32)
“The hard things can be hard, but the easy things shouldn’t be hard. When the easy things are hard, that’s when there’s something wrong.” — Whitney (33:33)
“I can see a phony a mile away.” — Grace (50:24)
“I have a new personality every day. Couldn’t tell you [my coffee order]—I am not loyal to the person I was yesterday.” — Whitney (65:35)
“I love corny music. I love, like, going through a divorce... I love a Pink. I love a Sheryl Crow. I love a.. just, let's do this." — Whitney (56:21)

Standout Memorable Moments

Whitney’s childhood fire story (08:09-14:00): A blend of trauma, humor, and self-reflection that sets the tone for their open-book style.
Grace’s “champagne at a dive bar” date (34:24): A classic “ick” and comic gold.
Whitney’s rant about lateness being a kind of “personal celebrity” performance (18:20-20:10).
Pop culture breakdowns: Mariah Carey’s time denial, Janet Jackson’s “prepared” wardrobe malfunction (39:20-44:00).
Mocking advice culture: “Don’t take anyone’s advice” (30:45), and only get advice from people whose lives you’d want.
Guilty pleasures and ‘bad documentaries’: Whitney calling out the self-righteousness of true crime/celebrity doc culture.

Episode Flow & Structure

00:00-02:00: Banter, podcast premise, introduction of Grace O’Malley.
02:00-06:00: Authentic friendship, public personas, “bucket list” ambitions.
07:12-14:30: Deep childhood memories and comedic origins.
18:15-26:00: Pet peeves, text/social norms, power plays.
26:20-33:00: Favorite foods, deathbed meals.
34:02-39:16: Dating fails, icks, and red flags.
39:20-45:00: Favorite pop culture moments, celeb eccentricities.
47:01-51:10: Sober standup, comedian “superpowers.”
52:08-68:59: Lightning round—movies, shows, coffee, music, quirks.
72:05-73:45: Guilty pleasures: documentaries and trash TV.
74:00-76:59: Coping with online hate, embracing being “not everyone's cup of tea.”
77:14-end: Closing friendship affirmations, anecdotes, and banter.

Final Thoughts

This episode offers a candid backstage pass into two comics getting real about their backgrounds, insecurities, industry insights, and private quirks—with plenty of punchlines and moments of relatable awkwardness. Listeners get to know Whitney and Grace as both sharp observers and vulnerable humans, making for a funny, revealing, and highly replayable episode.

Loading summary

Transcript818 lines

[00:01]
Whitney Cummings
Living with schizophrenia isn't easy, especially when you're not getting relief from some of your symptoms. It can be hard when you're still dealing with symptoms like hearing voices or seeing things that aren't there, and negative symptoms like feeling unmotivated or avoiding social situations. If this sounds familiar, it might be time to talk to your healthcare provider and explore a different kind of schizophrenia treatment. Discover your possibilities@treatingscz.com this is a real good story about Bronx and his dad, Ryan. Real United Airlines customers. We were returning home and one of.
[00:37]
Grace O'Malley
The flight attendants asked Bronx if he wanted to see the flight deck and.
[00:40]
Whitney Cummings
Meet Kathy and Andrew. I got to sit in the driver's seat.
[00:43]
Grace O'Malley
I grew up in an aviation family.
[00:45]
Whitney Cummings
And seeing Bronx kind of reminded me.
[00:47]
Grace O'Malley
Of myself when I was that age. That's Andrew, a real United pilot.
[00:51]
Whitney Cummings
These small interactions can shape a kid's future. It felt like I was the captain.
[00:55]
Grace O'Malley
Allowing my son to see the flight deck will stick with us forever.
[00:59]
Whitney Cummings
That's how good leads the way. Grace o', Malley, everybody. You are hearing the angelic voice of a one Grace o'. Malley. Yes, I know. She is doing a caricature of someone from Boston. There's something about people from Boston and Australia where it's like. Is that. Do you have. You can't turn it down at all? No, there's no. It's like your tongue is. There's muscles in the tongue. You can't un. Like, you know, Boston.
[01:23]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And that's tough. That's definitely tough. Cause I don't wanna talk like this. You think this gets me laid? Hey, how are.
[01:31]
Whitney Cummings
I like your balls? So she's here because I have decided to retire and the AI and robots are frankly not coming fast enough. I don't know why you guys are so freaked out about them. Because I've been waiting for. I did not. I didn't sign up to do a podcast every week for the rest of my life. Had I not thought robots would be here by now or AI or something. So Grace is coming in, filling in. We don't have time for background anymore. We don't have time for recap.
[01:59]
Grace O'Malley
No, we just gotta get right into it.
[02:01]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. You know, and so this is an episode called if we get in the Algorithm. I'm stunned because we're going pretty wholesome and not too topical. You know that I've been weighing in on topical things lately against my will. Okay. So Grace and I are gonna get to know each other. We are going to ask each other questions. By the way, that like, honestly, I don't think anyone knows the answers to any of these questions for me.
[02:24]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I mean, these ones were just ones to just ask free flowingly, and then the game one is later down the line.
[02:31]
Whitney Cummings
We would never be able to get to know each other like this. Not for public consumption. So thank you, everybody, for allowing us to monetize our friendship. Because I don't know how to make eye contact off camera at this point.
[02:41]
Grace O'Malley
I've been dying to get to know Whitney, and I knew we had to get three tripods here.
[02:44]
Whitney Cummings
I'm trying to get to know myself. Has my publicist answered these yet or do I just. We're still trying to figure out who I am. You always kind of just answer the same question the same way. You're, like, going on a lot of dates and you're like, this is my favorite movie because you want to, like, sound smart. Or this is my favorite book because you're trying to seem interesting and then you're kind of like, I don't like any of the stuff I pretend I.
[03:02]
Grace O'Malley
Like when I was right. That's so crazy. You say that. Because it must be your 20s. Because when I was writing these down, I was like, I feel like I give, like, the dumbest answers to most of these questions all the time.
[03:12]
Whitney Cummings
I don't. I haven't really thought through it, but I feel like I'm supposed to say this.
[03:16]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[03:16]
Whitney Cummings
And then you kind of get older and someone's like, one, one why? And it all falls apart. That's your favorite movie. Why?
[03:22]
Grace O'Malley
Oh.
[03:25]
Whitney Cummings
God, I haven't even since.
[03:26]
Grace O'Malley
It's not even mine.
[03:27]
Whitney Cummings
I haven't even seen the movie. You just got me.
[03:31]
Grace O'Malley
I heard about it. Yeah.
[03:32]
Whitney Cummings
I don't know. I want you to like me at the same time. Cool. Chloe Sevignier is in it. I don't know. Do you think I'm smart?
[03:40]
Grace O'Malley
It's a 24. Do you think I'm sexy?
[03:42]
Whitney Cummings
Totally. And then as you sort of, like, get more tired and unable to pretend, it's like, I'm excited to see what my answers are. My. I'm excited to tell. Today's the day I tell the truth. Let's go.
[03:55]
Grace O'Malley
All right, rapid fire. What's on the bucket list?
[03:57]
Whitney Cummings
What's on the bucket list? I feel like you should start with this because we were talking the other day about, like, what it's like to start comedy right now. And, like, if I were, like, 25 right now, what I would be doing, and I would probably be dancing, doing TikTok. Dances like hoping like Jojo Siwa notices me. Like, I. I would be so corny. And you handle it in such a cool way. I was such a pick me like desperate nightmare. Like, hey guys, here we got like unboxing. Just things that were not sent to me by brands at all. Pretending, losing money. Yeah, Just totally just like hashtag partner, not a partner. No partner in sight. Never going to have a partner at this rate. And you do it like in such a, like chill like way. What do you want for your end of your 20s, your 30s, 40s, now that there's no business left?
[04:47]
Grace O'Malley
Well, career wise, definitely. We were talking the other day, like a sitcom or a television show. I want to write great. And I want to be in a writer's room.
[04:57]
Whitney Cummings
I love this so much because everyone likes sitcoms are like, the office was like really cool when I was doing my sitcom, which you guys understand. It's scripted. It's scripted. First of all, a bunch of guys from Harvard making fun of people with real jobs. Like, cool.
[05:13]
Grace O'Malley
Whoa. Never thought of it like that.
[05:15]
Whitney Cummings
That's. I mean, that's. I. It. It's a brilliant show. But it's like, wouldn't it be funny if like people worked at like a paper company? Wouldn't it be funny if people like went to Chili's? Like my family, we just like go to Chili's.
[05:27]
Grace O'Malley
That was like I went to Montauk over the summer and the kids are playing with like blue collar toys, but they'll never work a blue collar job in their life.
[05:36]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, and they work at like a fake like peach stand. It's like a money laundering scheme. It's like a write off so that their rich parents can say it's a working farm so they don't pay property tax.
[05:45]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's exactly what it is. All of it. Yeah, I learned. I know.
[05:48]
Whitney Cummings
I got. That's how Bethany Frankel and I first met. I trashed the Hamptons and she came for me. Cause I was just explaining that it's a money laundering scheme. It's fine. That's why the bioweapon of Lyme disease is there someone else was as annoyed as me.
[06:03]
Grace O'Malley
She's the mayor, so.
[06:06]
Whitney Cummings
Okay, so you wanna actually like script things and write things? Look, I know that pranking people and talking on camera like live streaming is like, it's. You guys are gonna get sick of this for a while. Hey, can you guys like think about this before you talk? Scripted is coming back.
[06:21]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I think so. I think people like actually can appreciate like a A great show.
[06:25]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
[06:26]
Grace O'Malley
Correct. I don't think that'll lose. What's on your bucket list?
[06:29]
Whitney Cummings
That's it. So just great sitcom and that's it?
[06:31]
Grace O'Malley
Well, I mean, there's many things on the bucket list, but I thought we had. I thought we were doing one Rapid Firestyle.
[06:35]
Whitney Cummings
Okay. Sorry.
[06:36]
Grace O'Malley
No, no.
[06:37]
Whitney Cummings
What are we doing? I do want the sitcom that I'm writing right now to happen that I'm writing. I'm not sure if I can tell where it is. I think 1 Grace O' Malley may or may not be in it. So I want to do that sitcom. I want to have a farm. I want to live on a farm. Not in California. Maybe in California. I don't know if I can figure out the property tax farm scam. I will if I can be as smart as Meghan Markle and do a fake jam.
[07:03]
Grace O'Malley
Cult of religion.
[07:04]
Whitney Cummings
You know that this is people like Meghan Markle as you realize that all this jam is just a rigmarole to not pay property tax.
[07:09]
Grace O'Malley
Whitney, I don't know about Markle's jam.
[07:11]
Whitney Cummings
Can we.
[07:11]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know about her jam.
[07:13]
Whitney Cummings
What is your first memory when you were a kid?
[07:16]
Grace O'Malley
I remember my parents were young when they had me out of wedlock. I'm a bastard.
[07:22]
Whitney Cummings
Also a mistake.
[07:23]
Grace O'Malley
Mm. And we lived in the throne.
[07:27]
Whitney Cummings
We're now sitting in a throne.
[07:28]
Grace O'Malley
That's right, bitches. Motherfuckers. We here. We have arrived. What was that?
[07:34]
Whitney Cummings
I love it.
[07:35]
Grace O'Malley
Do it.
[07:36]
Whitney Cummings
That's your thing now. Clip it, Pat. Clip it.
[07:38]
Grace O'Malley
That's my tag. Clip it, motherfuckers. We are here. We have arrived.
[07:42]
Whitney Cummings
I don't think I can do that. I like it. You can. You just. It feels a little like a wet. It went okay. It went okay.
[07:48]
Grace O'Malley
Okay. But no. My first memory when I was a kid, we were. My mom and dad were living with my uncle. We all lived together in an apartment in Southeast.
[07:57]
Whitney Cummings
This is why we get along. We both lived in apartments.
[07:59]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And we. And I remember cutting a hole out of my feety pajamas because. And I made it, like, out of my toe. And. Because I was too constrained.
[08:10]
Whitney Cummings
My first memory as a kid. No one is going to like this, but it was catching on fire.
[08:16]
Grace O'Malley
What?
[08:16]
Whitney Cummings
That will stick in your hippocampus. I really don't have a lot of memories from early childhood. And Kurt Metzger is trying to convince me that I was in that Gate Gateway program, which is like the Gateway. You work at a podcast studio. You've heard comedians talk about this. Obviously, it's like when you were in some, like, CIA program where they brainwashed you as a kid.
[08:38]
Grace O'Malley
And how do you feel about believing that?
[08:40]
Whitney Cummings
I'm like, I might just also have been, like, zoned out. I was. My childhood was chaotic. Like, I wasn't present for it. I checked out early. I started imagining myself on OPRAH at, like, 4 or 5. I was on another planet. I was. I saw a commercial. I was like, I want to do that.
[08:55]
Grace O'Malley
Wow.
[08:55]
Whitney Cummings
Because I. I saw a commercial, and that's where all the happy families were. I'm like, I'm going there. How do I. This is not for me. Y' all are a mess. Like, I was disassociated. I would just watch commercials all day and practice, like, how to eat. Like, I would roll up, like, for, like, Oscar Mayer things and, like, practice eating. And I was just, like, When I was in grocery stores, I would, like, wait for someone to, like, just, like, pick me.
[09:16]
Grace O'Malley
Like, hey, kid, want to be a star?
[09:18]
Whitney Cummings
So that's it. So I would just, like, talk to strangers. Like, I'm like, who's going to kidnap me and take me to Hollywood? So my family, whatever. Hot messes. I thought we were rich, because when your mom's a wino, like, an alcoholic like, that drinks wine, you think you're, like, so rich. Like, there was, like, white wine in the fridge. There was always, like. I was like, we're, like, so fancy.
[09:41]
Grace O'Malley
It's a classy kind of.
[09:42]
Whitney Cummings
It's a classy kind of alcoholism. And I just thought that we were, like, so rich, and. But, like, the whole fridge isn't supposed to be white wine. Like, I realized later, I was like, no, it's not. I learned from a commercial that that's not how refrigerators are supposed to look. And so we never paid the bills. Like, my dad just never paid electric bills and stuff like that. And so it was always freezing. I didn't think this was weird. I don't want this to sound sad, but I would turn on all of the fires on the. What is it called? On the stove, Like, a burners. And I would get dressed in between the burners, and I wore a very long shirt that was like, World Wildlife Fund. I'm sure it's a scam. Now that I'm an adult, I look at all of these, like, funds and conservation societies. I'm like, okay, so they were trafficking zebras and kids.
[10:26]
Grace O'Malley
That's what you need to get into if you want to have a farm.
[10:28]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, right. I know. I'm working on it. And so it caught on fire. And I. I just remember completely catching on fire and looking at it like. Have you ever been in like a situation like that, lighting on fire as a child?
[10:40]
Grace O'Malley
No.
[10:41]
Whitney Cummings
Let me talk to your dad. He would get it.
[10:43]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, no, I've also blocked some stuff out.
[10:45]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. See, this is why I get along with your dad better. He's been electrocuted. Okay. He's had his character built.
[10:50]
Grace O'Malley
My boy's fried.
[10:51]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. And so I remember going up, like, any of the near death experiences I had. I remember things getting really slow and just staring at it.
[10:59]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, wow.
[11:00]
Whitney Cummings
And I remember just being like, whoa. Like, this is such a wild way to go.
[11:04]
Grace O'Malley
Wow.
[11:05]
Whitney Cummings
I just remember because I think if you didn't get a lot of attention as a kid, you're just like, I'm about to get so much attention.
[11:10]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[11:10]
Whitney Cummings
I remember thinking that.
[11:12]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I mean, that. That is probably. That makes sense. But wow, what a spectacle.
[11:17]
Whitney Cummings
It has to be because when you're in that moment, nothing hurts. Like, when my ear got bitten off, it didn't hurt, like, serious pain. Your body, you know, it's like when you get your arm. You know, like when you get your arm bitten off by a shark. The girl who had her arm bitten off by a shark, she said it didn't hurt. Like, your body floods oxytocin to the area so that you keep fighting to stay alive. So it didn't hurt. It only hurts, like, after. So I remember being like, how long should I let this go? Holy shit. You know, like, I'm gonna. Everyone's gonna want to talk to me at school. Like, I just remember, like, the weird. I don't remember a lot of things as kids, but I remember going, that was a weird reaction to this.
[11:52]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[11:53]
Whitney Cummings
Like, the second thought was like, that first thought was spooky.
[11:56]
Grace O'Malley
I'm still stuck on you. On fire. So you're on fire.
[11:59]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Yeah.
[12:00]
Grace O'Malley
How do you be on fire?
[12:01]
Whitney Cummings
Did you stop, drop and roll? No, I got down and I got off the. There was like a. What's it called? Excelsior. That cereal. I remember there being like, cereal. So I would always, like, crawl on top of the. My parents weren't around a lot when I do the math on these stories. And I remember I was talking to the therapist about. They're like, wait, you had to crawl up to get. Where was the adult? Yeah, like, there's never an adult in the story. I also took a Quaalude when I was a year old crawling around and I told her the story and. And it was so clearly the story that was told to me by my parents who were lying to me about what happened. I was like, oh, no. It's like we went to the neighbor's house who had had back surgery, and there was, you know, like, painkillers on the floor that had fallen. And there was like, hold on. Why would anyone with back surgery invite a toddler over to the house? Like, what are you talking about? Like, it makes no sense.
[12:49]
Grace O'Malley
The things start adding up. As an adult. So when did you realize that, like, most of your truth was twisted?
[12:56]
Whitney Cummings
I mean, look, it's. It's. It's still unclear. And then I call my uncle, and I'm like, what was the deal with me taking the. The sleeping pill? He's like, oh, the Quaalute at the belly dancer's house. I was like, mark. And then every person I ask, it gets worse and worse. So I'm like, I'm just gonna lay off on asking, like, let's just leave it at the bell. The Quaalude at the belly dancer's house.
[13:16]
Grace O'Malley
Well, I'll tell you, what I meant to say on my bucket list was a lewd. You can't get your hands on them anymore. No ludes.
[13:22]
Whitney Cummings
EBay, I'm sure, has a couple lewds. I'm sure you get your hand on a couple nudes. I'm sure. Like, Craigslist, maybe.
[13:29]
Grace O'Malley
Also, one more question about the lighting on fire.
[13:31]
Whitney Cummings
How old were you? I think I was, like, seven, eight.
[13:35]
Grace O'Malley
Holy shit.
[13:35]
Whitney Cummings
Because I went to school.
[13:36]
Grace O'Malley
Did you have a burn?
[13:38]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, I have. I still have burns on the side of my leg right up here. And I went. Because it was the. It was black, the nightgown, and it burned into the side, and my dad put Vaseline on it.
[13:48]
Grace O'Malley
Well, yeah.
[13:49]
Whitney Cummings
Which is truly. You're not supposed to do that, like, at all.
[13:53]
Grace O'Malley
No, you're supposed to let it breathe.
[13:54]
Whitney Cummings
Went to school, and they were like, ah. So I think that's maybe when I got sent away to live with my aunts.
[14:02]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that checks. That's a. That's a big red flag in the classroom community.
[14:06]
Whitney Cummings
I remember going to school and being like, this is like, I have such a cool story.
[14:09]
Grace O'Malley
Like, I'm literally like, I'm a superhero.
[14:12]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, dude. Like, I'm going to crush with this story. I can't die. And they were like, you need to go to the school counselor. And I was like, but I'm going to crush with this story.
[14:20]
Grace O'Malley
Always the mind of a comic.
[14:22]
Whitney Cummings
I know. I'm like, can I go to the can we call child services in like 20 minutes, please?
[14:26]
Grace O'Malley
And let me call them. I'll explain. It's funnier when I say it.
[14:30]
Whitney Cummings
And we paused this program to talk about our. Our sponsors and I. If you're watching on YouTube. Yes, I am in a hotel room. And so I'm not even going to read the copy because it's going to look so crazy to read off the computer. Uncommon Goods. Have you been to this website? Look at this. It's got the weirdest holding. Can you see the weirdest, coolest, most unique gifts? I love this look. Game day Bingo. That is so good. Oh, look at this little side thing that holds a book on the side of a couch. It's genius. It's like the most genius, like, life hack things.
[15:08]
Grace O'Malley
Look at this.
[15:09]
Whitney Cummings
It's a porcupine. No, it's a hedgehog that waters your flowers.
[15:13]
Grace O'Malley
Ah.
[15:13]
Whitney Cummings
Look. Do you see it? That is so cute. Okay, I'm gonna read the official copy. But I'm getting so excited. Look, Garden of Ghosts. These are little rocks that are ghosts that go in your garden. Where is was so cute. Okay, let me get. Let me get to the. This is real excitement and real dear joy coming from my heart. Okay. Yes, there's a bunch of. You can get gifts for anyone. Honestly, I look for gifts in the weirdest places. I like going to thrift stores and collecting gifts, like throughout the year. So I have really cool stuff to give people. But Uncommon Goods, now you saved me from having to inhale mothballs in some random thrift store money laundering scheme on. On the road. But here's what they're saying. Whether you're shopping for moms and dads, teens, book lovers, foodies, mixologists, or avid gardeners. Thousands of ideas you won't find anywhere else. I can corroborate that. We just looked at the website. It's going to give you back $1 to a nonprofit partner. You choose. More than three points. $1 million. More than $3.1 million donated. Whoa. To date. Okay, so don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush. Uncommon Goods. Go to uncommon goods.com/wh Whitney. Uncommon goods.com/wh Whitney for 15% off your garden Ghost rocks. These are like things you never thought you needed. And then when you see them, you're like, I don't know how I've lived this long without those Uncommon Goods. We're out of the ordinary. You know about me and Cash App. It's like the ultimate will they, won't they? We love Cash App. The Setup is fast. It puts what you need in one place. It does more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure your money stays your money. If you direct deposit at least $300 in paychecks each month and use the Cash app for purchases, you can unlock up to $200 and in free overdraft coverage. If you overdraft unexpectedly, there's no hidden fees. Remember when you would over you're like I went over, I have an overdraft because I'm broke and now I have to pay more money for my overdraft fee. So you're just going to charge someone for being broke? Mental no hidden fees with Cash App Manage your money on your terms. Take advantage of free overdraft coverage up to $200 on cash app today for a limited time, new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use code CASH APP10 in their profile at Sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App as a bank partner or partners prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member FDIC Overdraft coverage provided by Cash App a Block Inc. Brand. Visit Cash App Legal Podcast for full disclosures. It's okay not to be perfect with finances. Experian is your big financial friend and here to help. Did you know you can get matched with credit cards? Some cards are labeled no Ding Decline, which means if you're not approved, they won't hurt your credit scores. Download the Experian app for free today. Applying for no Ding decline cards won't hurt your credit scores. If you aren't initially approved, initial approval will result in a hard inquiry which may impact your credit scores. Experian so what is something people do that drives you crazy? But if you said anything, it would make you the crazy one. I love this question.
[18:15]
Grace O'Malley
I. I don't know what mine is. I know I wrote these down, but I don't.
[18:21]
Whitney Cummings
I can do mine first. If you did think about this one. People being late. Now listen to me. I believe when people are late, it's their way of being famous.
[18:31]
Grace O'Malley
I don't. I did not know where the studio was.
[18:34]
Whitney Cummings
I don't think you were late today. And I was a little bit late today. I was a little bit late today. Who cares? Why? So when people are late, you. You know, you know how to get there. You know how to get there on time. So you're an adrenaline addict, you want to be famous and you want attention and it's fine. I. I am all of those things too, but I don't bring someone else's time into it. So to me, when someone is late, I'm like, I would literally rather you show up on time and spit in my face than be late.
[19:05]
Grace O'Malley
That's difficult.
[19:06]
Whitney Cummings
Steal my money. Steal, come take my wallet, run out, never speak to me again. Steal something I can get back instead of my time, which I can't get back.
[19:15]
Grace O'Malley
And that's got to be hard living in New York, because nobody gives a about your time in New York. I mean, sorry, la.
[19:21]
Whitney Cummings
So we'll zoom. We'll zoom. If you show up late at this point with me there, we'll spend the entire time talking about your time management issues. We will spend the entire time just a full job interview of if we can move forward as friends. Because, like, I'm just trying to. I'm trying to understand why you think your time is more important than mine. When you show up late, you're basically just saying, my time's more important than yours. And then I have to watch the performance. And if you show up with a hot Starbucks, you will have to drink the entire thing in front of me while it's still hot.
[19:58]
Grace O'Malley
Drink it on one knee.
[19:59]
Whitney Cummings
Drink it. You needed it. You needed this so bad, and now you're going to show up and because there's no one else on the road. You think. What do you think I just took a helicopter here? You think that I wasn't in the same traffic as you? Yeah, you gotta pull it together. Or you just. You want attention. You want me to pity you? You want me to. You want me to think you're busy?
[20:19]
Grace O'Malley
Ooh, what a twist.
[20:21]
Whitney Cummings
You want me to think you're busy?
[20:24]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[20:24]
Whitney Cummings
Reschedule. It's like, also when people text, like, why? Instead of yes. It's like, you know what?
[20:31]
Grace O'Malley
Like the letter Y, you take.
[20:32]
Whitney Cummings
You just don't text me at all. Text me when you have time to respond.
[20:35]
Grace O'Malley
I'll throw my phone across the room. The letter Y. I'm not rushing you. Oh, wow.
[20:41]
Whitney Cummings
I'm not rushing you if you send me a text. Here's the other thing. What are these texts full of typos where you just fire off nine texts? Fix it. Nine. Fix it. Just read it before you send it. Take a gander at the text you just wrote.
[20:56]
Grace O'Malley
Okay?
[20:57]
Whitney Cummings
You can't just fix it in emails. You don't.
[21:00]
Grace O'Malley
You. You re.
[21:00]
Whitney Cummings
Why do you reread an email before you send it, but not a text message? Can anyone just Have a modicum of pride or dignity anymore.
[21:11]
Grace O'Malley
I gotta keep my back on. I gotta put my phone.
[21:15]
Whitney Cummings
You know when it's just like a street of someone just having a meltdown? Just misspell, fix it. Misspell. Fix it. Misspell it.
[21:20]
Grace O'Malley
Just.
[21:21]
Whitney Cummings
Do you even need me for this?
[21:23]
Grace O'Malley
That's just my mom.
[21:25]
Whitney Cummings
Well, that's fine. Mom says, okay.
[21:26]
Grace O'Malley
I'm like, oh, corn. Sorry. I meant porn. Every time. She's always. I'm like, I know what you meant. She's like, oh, I'm just so dumb and elderly. My mom loves calling herself elderly.
[21:37]
Whitney Cummings
My age.
[21:38]
Grace O'Malley
No, she loves calling herself elderly for.
[21:40]
Whitney Cummings
No reason at all. That's really funny.
[21:41]
Grace O'Malley
And she'll send grandma emoji when she messes up.
[21:44]
Whitney Cummings
There's another thing that. What about you?
[21:47]
Grace O'Malley
I would say it drives me nuts when someone's like, oh, dude, I gotta tell you. Oh, wait, I can't. And they really. They stand by it. I'm only asking one more time. Like, dude, tell me. They're like, no, I can't.
[21:59]
Whitney Cummings
Why not? Why can't they?
[22:00]
Grace O'Malley
Because they're sworn to secrecy. Or it's. It's a hot, hot, juicy goss. And they have. They just can't. But why be saying it?
[22:10]
Whitney Cummings
Why not?
[22:10]
Grace O'Malley
But why bring it up?
[22:11]
Whitney Cummings
No, I'm just trying to understand what their logic is. All of a sudden you have integrity after blue balling someone.
[22:16]
Grace O'Malley
Like, I mean, it's. It's so pressed on your mind that you're. You tell someone that you're about to.
[22:21]
Whitney Cummings
Tell them something, but what is there? Are they trying to pretend to be a good person? Because that's it. You're gonna tell. If you're saying I can't tell you, it means you've told a couple people already.
[22:32]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[22:33]
Whitney Cummings
And you now need to stop the bleeding. You need someone to witness you not telling so that I'll be the person that goes, yeah, you didn't. She didn't tell me she bit her tongue.
[22:42]
Grace O'Malley
See, this is why you're so much smarter than me. That's like thinking three steps ahead. And I'm just thinking, wow, you just.
[22:48]
Whitney Cummings
Blue balled me, though.
[22:49]
Grace O'Malley
That's it.
[22:50]
Whitney Cummings
That was. That person is trying to stop the bleeding on a mess they already made. And they're dragging you into it. So that then goes, ask Grace. The other day I was like, I did.
[23:03]
Grace O'Malley
I didn't. Now I'm part of the whole ploy too. And you didn't tell me the truth.
[23:06]
Whitney Cummings
I love when people try to get points for doing what's expected of them as people.
[23:12]
Grace O'Malley
The right thing. It's like. It's so crazy.
[23:15]
Whitney Cummings
It's my favorite thing now. It's like, people. I think people mess up on purpose now just so they can apologize.
[23:22]
Grace O'Malley
What?
[23:22]
Whitney Cummings
It's like, well, no, you don't get points for apology. You never should have done in the first place.
[23:26]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. You were already a bastard for that.
[23:27]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Like, you don't get points for having messed up and then having done the right. Doing the right thing by apologizing.
[23:33]
Grace O'Malley
That's not how the world works.
[23:34]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Yeah. So you don't get points for about to have told me and then not.
[23:39]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God, I'm not walking away from that conversation being like, oh, what a saint.
[23:42]
Whitney Cummings
But, yeah, you're garbage because you have already told a couple of people.
[23:45]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I never even thought of that.
[23:47]
Whitney Cummings
And you. This is. Again, this is how people feel. Like celebrities. Tell me to talk to me now. Now you're on the star of a show. Now you're on the star of an interview.
[23:57]
Grace O'Malley
You're walking Page Six.
[23:59]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. And everyone's obsessed with you.
[24:01]
Grace O'Malley
But I. Those. Yeah, you're right. Those are the people. That's why I won't ask more than one time, because those are the people.
[24:06]
Whitney Cummings
Who are like, just tell me.
[24:07]
Grace O'Malley
Tell me.
[24:08]
Whitney Cummings
Tell you.
[24:08]
Grace O'Malley
If you asked again, now they're on.
[24:10]
Whitney Cummings
A red carpet, and they're a celebrity.
[24:12]
Grace O'Malley
And we're like, tell us. Yeah, I'm not g. Given that to you.
[24:15]
Whitney Cummings
You don't get the floor like that.
[24:16]
Grace O'Malley
It's. And also, my other thing is when people are so blatantly lying, it's like when you can just read between what someone's saying, and it's like, also in, like, a corporate sense of, like, oh, actually, we cannot do that because this is. This is exactly why. And they'll give you such a long explanation that it's so clearly made up.
[24:36]
Whitney Cummings
I like to wait. I like to just wait and, like, let people go and go and go, because they're gonna sit slip.
[24:42]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[24:43]
Whitney Cummings
And they're gonna admit something, you know? So it's like, they'll go, like, yeah, well, it can't work that way because we're closed on Mondays. And then. And then you keep letting them go, and they'll go, well, on Monday, this happened. I'm like, well, I thought you were closed on Monday.
[24:53]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it's right there.
[24:54]
Whitney Cummings
And like. And then. But, like, you're baffled. Like, oh, I must be an idiot. I don't think I can even understand what you're saying. Because I thought you were closed on Mondays. I guess I'm just the dumbest person alive.
[25:04]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, and you say it all the time. People. People tell on themselves.
[25:08]
Whitney Cummings
They really do let them keep talking. Just shit. You can't call someone out on a lie. No, you can't.
[25:13]
Grace O'Malley
You just can't. But like it. But if it is right there, if it's someone's, like, teetering around something, I'll just be like, let's cut it right here. Are we doing this or are we not?
[25:24]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, I just lean into being the dumbest person alive. If someone treats me like I'm an idiot, I'm just like, okay, so. But then how does it. How do I. But then, like, how does that.
[25:35]
Grace O'Malley
Now she is an actresse.
[25:37]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, I just. I love it. I'm just. Because I. Then I'm like, oh, I get to sit here and watch a narcissist, like, in action, think that everyone's an idiot. Like, I'm obsessed with people think they're the smartest people alive. And we're all such idiots that, like, I'm like, I'm just go, babe.
[25:55]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it is a real show. It's gotta be exhausting.
[25:58]
Whitney Cummings
Go. Like, it must be hard to be you. Like, how do you even manage being this smart when everyone else is just, like, a drooling fool? Also, do you want me to take the tag off your shirt with the tag off? I just mean, like, people like that always have some glaring, stupid thing.
[26:16]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[26:17]
Whitney Cummings
Also, your shoe's untied.
[26:20]
Grace O'Malley
I almost looked.
[26:21]
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? Okay, obsessed. Here we go. What's your deathbed meal? What a house. You do cryptic.
[26:30]
Grace O'Malley
So, like, I couldn't think of what the right way to word this is, like, your last meal ever.
[26:34]
Whitney Cummings
I guess it's. I guess it's really childish. You're like, what's your favorite food? Yeah, I can tell you exactly what it is. I was on a layover in Germany. Germany. Fake country. It's a fake. The whole thing's fake. I don't. I don't get it. I was in the German airport in Frankfurt, and there's planes had clown stripes on them. Like, it's a. They are trying so hard to not be Germany that it's just also spoke. Smoking lounge. Opaque with smoke. Opaque. Smoking lounge in the airport. I love that in America we're, like, trying to live forever. And everyone's like, I'm gonna starve myself and wake up at 2am and jump in an ice bath and live forever. And they're Just like, when is this gonna be over?
[27:13]
Grace O'Malley
Opaque is a great descriptive way of saying it. Oh, it was just. I pictured it.
[27:17]
Whitney Cummings
I thought it was a curtain, and I was like, oh, why would they, like, hot? And then it was just like. I opened the door, it was just, voom. I was like, what are you doing? I know.
[27:26]
Grace O'Malley
We'Re smoking. Yeah.
[27:27]
Whitney Cummings
It kind of looked like an oven, so. I know, I know. I had there, though, a Magnum. Don't know why they call it this again. Germany. You guys just cannot be serious people. Magnum ice cream bars. Do you know about these? Yeah, they have a double, like, cherry chocolate ice cream bar. I had four in a row in the airport. And that stinks.
[27:53]
Grace O'Malley
Only because that's not something you can bring home with you.
[27:55]
Whitney Cummings
I fe. I. They have raspberry in New York. I will find them. Oh, I'm gonna find them. It was like. It was food. I'm always like, ah, whatever. Don't, like, live to eat. Eat to live. Like, who cares? Like, I. Having eating disorders for so long. You're just like, food is like. Like, you just want to get over with. I was like, I wasn't on my phone. I was just sitting there eating this ice cream. Wow. Never been happier.
[28:16]
Grace O'Malley
Four of them.
[28:18]
Whitney Cummings
So good.
[28:18]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Wow.
[28:19]
Whitney Cummings
I don't even have jokes for this. I just want to be the face of Magnum. Oh, popsicles.
[28:23]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I was gonna say clarify.
[28:25]
Whitney Cummings
No, but they also are big chocolate phallic things, and I was like, I don't know how to break it to.
[28:30]
Grace O'Malley
You guys, but throw an XL on there and make them smaller.
[28:34]
Whitney Cummings
It's a giant Magnum chocolate phallus. What's your favorite food?
[28:40]
Grace O'Malley
Deathbed food. So I've got the opposite eating disorder where I eat too much. It's called the binging.
[28:46]
Whitney Cummings
I just said I ate four popsicles.
[28:48]
Grace O'Malley
Well, you did say from having. What is it? What did I literally do?
[28:53]
Whitney Cummings
I used to have binging, too. And then I would go to the gym for, like, three hours. I would binge protein bars that were so, like, viscous and hard that I wouldn't be able to move.
[29:02]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, shit.
[29:03]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
[29:03]
Grace O'Malley
So I do the binge kind of thing, and I just eat and eat and eat. So food. I live for food. That's actually kind of my thing. And so I can't really pinpoint what my last meal would be. My sisters and I tried to talk about this one time, and my other sister just kept listing off things. It was so funny. Like, we were all just looking around, waiting for her to stop, and she was like, yeah. And also, we. I gotta get, like. I don't know, like, Cracker Jacks. That'd be good. She just, like, kept adding random shit. We're like.
[29:31]
Whitney Cummings
We said one thing.
[29:32]
Grace O'Malley
She was like, oh, I thought it was a meal.
[29:33]
Whitney Cummings
You know what? I also have a hot take. Candy corn. I know. I love candy corn. And Cadbury creme eggs. The ones you gotta.
[29:42]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[29:43]
Whitney Cummings
I'm now kind of going like, oh, it'd probably be something like churros, too.
[29:47]
Grace O'Malley
You black licorice girl, too.
[29:50]
Whitney Cummings
You got me good.
[29:51]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[29:51]
Whitney Cummings
And it's correct. And I'm correct if you're a red licorice person. Fine. Enjoy your life skipping around in your Skechers because you're that guy. No way. No way.
[30:03]
Grace O'Malley
No.
[30:04]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, my God. They feel like sketches are kind of fancy sketchers.
[30:07]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, they're just, like. They're tricking us.
[30:09]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, yeah. Hookahs. They've sent me a couple hookahs. What's the. What's the hook?
[30:13]
Grace O'Malley
They're comfortable.
[30:14]
Whitney Cummings
They're so confident. Does your generation need, like, what.
[30:18]
Grace O'Malley
How.
[30:19]
Whitney Cummings
How comfortable are you guys gonna get? You get to wear pajamas all day. You had a sleep. You had a sleepover party for four years in the pandemic. The food comes to you. The Uber picks you up. Like, how comfortable are you guys gonna get?
[30:31]
Grace O'Malley
We're not very comfortable. The world's ending. I mean, we're just enjoying ourselves while we're here.
[30:38]
Whitney Cummings
Do you have the best advice you've ever gotten?
[30:44]
Grace O'Malley
My best advice I've ever gotten, actually.
[30:45]
Whitney Cummings
Was Theo from Theo?
[30:47]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. He said, don't take anyone's advice.
[30:51]
Whitney Cummings
You think that's good advice?
[30:53]
Grace O'Malley
I thought it was hilarious. He goes, can I. Can I give you some advice?
[30:56]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
[30:57]
Grace O'Malley
And I was like, yeah, of course. He goes, don't take anyone's advice. Which I guess contradicts my advice because, like, the whole thing. And I was like, that's how Theo.
[31:06]
Whitney Cummings
To, like, just put a labyrinth in your head for no reason.
[31:11]
Grace O'Malley
I was like, so, what should I do?
[31:13]
Whitney Cummings
Hey, Theo, can you not talk in riddles for five minutes? It's.
[31:18]
Grace O'Malley
I feel like I was under a bridge.
[31:20]
Whitney Cummings
Theo will say, yeah. Were you, like, at the. Do you have a pot of gold where you. At the end of a rainbow? Like, Theo will say something, and you're like, that's the most genius thing I've ever heard. And then a year later, you'll be like, wait, hold on.
[31:32]
Grace O'Malley
Because at the time, that was genius. Now I'm saying it out loud.
[31:35]
Whitney Cummings
My brain in A knot all of a sudden. Okay, best advice you've ever gotten. I. I like Theo's advice. I think it's make sure the person you're getting advice from has the life you want. Don't take advice from someone who doesn't have the life you want. So, hey, Theo, I take advice from you.
[31:51]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[31:51]
Whitney Cummings
Because, you know.
[31:52]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[31:52]
Whitney Cummings
It's like, don't take advice about being married from single people. Don't take advice about being single for married people. You know?
[31:57]
Grace O'Malley
Y.
[31:58]
Whitney Cummings
And then I think, don't take advice about dating, what to do with a guy from a girl. And don't take advice about what to do with a girl from a guy. Like, when my guy friends ask their homies, they're like, what should I do about this girl I'm dating? I'm like, what do you.
[32:11]
Grace O'Malley
What you guys are all throwing.
[32:13]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, you're. You're asking the guy who got kicked.
[32:15]
Grace O'Malley
Off bumble in a restraining order. We just all kind of brushed that under the rug.
[32:20]
Whitney Cummings
Ask. I always say to my guy friends, just ask me for advice on what to do.
[32:24]
Grace O'Malley
That's totally fair. Yeah.
[32:24]
Whitney Cummings
With the girls that you're dating.
[32:26]
Grace O'Malley
That's. I mean, that's good advice in itself.
[32:28]
Whitney Cummings
I'm like, don't do any of the things you think you're gonna do.
[32:30]
Grace O'Malley
Was. Do you think that would be your advice?
[32:32]
Whitney Cummings
My advice. Oh, my advice for.
[32:33]
Grace O'Malley
Oh.
[32:34]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, yeah. That good advice that I got. This is a very simple piece of advice that I got that I apply to everything. And sometimes I'm like, oh, there's some caveats to this, but in personal relationships, in work relationships, the hard things can be hard, but the easy things shouldn't be hard. When the easy things are hard, that's when there's something wrong. So I was dealing with, like, in a work situation, I don't know if you've ever had to work with someone who maybe was being tricky.
[33:02]
Grace O'Malley
The easy things don't go addressed. It turns into a blowout.
[33:06]
Whitney Cummings
Why are the easy things so hard? Like, let's. Do you want to do it too? Let's do it at 2, next day. Can we do it at 12? Sure, we'll do it. This should be scheduling. The thing you love more than anything should be easy. Picking a time should be easy. I think you're just trying to.
[33:23]
Grace O'Malley
Be.
[33:23]
Whitney Cummings
In the power position. Yeah.
[33:25]
Grace O'Malley
There's an underlining issue that's much larger.
[33:27]
Whitney Cummings
You know what I'm saying? In any relationship, the easy things can't be. So, like, in my relationship, the hard things Are hard as they should be. But the easy things are not hard with Chris at all.
[33:34]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I mean. Cause if the easy things are hard, what are we doing? Yeah, what's the point?
[33:38]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, totally. And I'm checking my luggage. I'm always gonna check my luggage. Is this a fight just for everyone out there? I'm always going to check my luggage. And if you have a problem with it, I. You know what? You're. You're dirty. How about that? The people, they're like, I never check. I'm like, okay, back away slowly and disinfect yourself because you have athletes afoot.
[34:02]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[34:02]
Whitney Cummings
I used to never check. And I'm like, no. Nope. Now I have ringworm. I bring my stuff. I bring my dial soap. I bring my loofah thing that has fingers in it. So you get the crevices. I'm washing myself. If I'm in Vegas for two hours, I will check my luggage. Biggest ick you've ever gotten while seeing someone. This is a good one.
[34:24]
Grace O'Malley
I went on a date, one of. One of the three dates I've ever been on. And as soon as I got there, homeboy ordered champagne at a dive bar for both of us.
[34:34]
Whitney Cummings
That is so, so funny, dude.
[34:35]
Grace O'Malley
And if it was part of a joke, it would have been funny. But he was so dead serious. I was like, I want to leave right now. For me. Order for me champagne for the lady.
[34:47]
Whitney Cummings
No, if he's Armenian, like, that's.
[34:50]
Grace O'Malley
I thought you said comedian. Is this an Armenian?
[34:53]
Whitney Cummings
All Armenians are as funny as any comedian. But it.
[34:58]
Grace O'Malley
Who.
[34:58]
Whitney Cummings
What?
[34:58]
Grace O'Malley
Who.
[34:58]
Whitney Cummings
What? What was this person?
[35:00]
Grace O'Malley
Joe Schmo.
[35:02]
Whitney Cummings
Champagne is such a trash move. The nicest champagne at a dive bar.
[35:11]
Grace O'Malley
And we're sitting on a sidewalk.
[35:12]
Whitney Cummings
It's actually really funny. Yeah. If he knew what he was doing.
[35:16]
Grace O'Malley
If that was a joke, I think I'm gonna start pulling that.
[35:19]
Whitney Cummings
That's hilarious. One time I went on. I went out with a guy three months longer than I should have, because on our first date, he ordered me milk.
[35:27]
Grace O'Malley
That's hilarious. That's so funny.
[35:29]
Whitney Cummings
I went to the bathroom, and I came back and there was a glass of milk, and I was like, that is so funny.
[35:35]
Grace O'Malley
It's really good.
[35:36]
Whitney Cummings
But so what? Like, did you just. Did you drink it?
[35:40]
Grace O'Malley
I did.
[35:41]
Whitney Cummings
He wanted you to have a headache.
[35:43]
Grace O'Malley
I applaud. Yeah. Oh, well, here's the other thing. So this is a terrible story because he. I thought he had a. I thought he was really, really drunk because he said he went to the Yankees game beforehand, and he was a Little drunk. And so I said it on a podcast. I said, yeah, this guy, he was hammered. Well, he ended up hitting me up and said he has a speech impediment.
[36:00]
Whitney Cummings
So do I.
[36:01]
Grace O'Malley
And so I look like an ass.
[36:06]
Whitney Cummings
You know what? I have a speech impediment. I don't tell people when they get me on that.
[36:12]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
[36:13]
Whitney Cummings
So that's it. When people are, like, say that. I say things like, for no reason, like ancestral trauma, stuff like that. I never say it when it would embarrass somebody. So I say it a lot so people know, because I don't want them to get embarrassed. Like, I would never say, like, well, I have a speech impediment to someone when I'm talking to them and have it. And it comes up.
[36:31]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[36:31]
Whitney Cummings
You know?
[36:32]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah.
[36:33]
Whitney Cummings
And this is why everyone thinks I'm on drugs. Because when they say that, I'm like, oh, no, I'm not slurring. I just, like, legitimately have a speech impediment. But I don't want to embarrass them, so I just let them say, like, whatever they want. Whatever they want. Yeah. Okay. So what's your biggest ick I've gotten while seeing someone? I mean, telling me. Well, telling me that they were going home to see their family and then seeing a plane ticket that was going to the Bahamas with some NFL players is. That was definitely a big ick. Let me think.
[37:09]
Grace O'Malley
Do you think there was sexual relations with these NFL players? Was he gays? What I'm asking. I suppose.
[37:16]
Whitney Cummings
By the way, anyone who dates me is gay, so you know what I mean? That's just the deal. Yeah, it's. I'm just. I was made in a lab for gay men to study. I'm a little proud. Yeah. I am trying to think what else. Things that give me the ick. Look, I just. If you're gonna wear bracelets, you know, it better be like, your brother has the cancer of the charity that the bracelet's for.
[37:49]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And I'm gonna need a death certificate.
[37:51]
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? It's. Or it's like, it's. Again, funny.
[37:57]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[37:57]
Whitney Cummings
Like, I just want to see how long I could wear bracelets before you would say something, and you haven't. That's so weird. And I'd be like, dude, that's so funny.
[38:04]
Grace O'Malley
It literally says, look here.
[38:06]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Like. Like, a friend of mine got proposed to, and her guy got her, like, a ring that's, like, comically tiny. Just. It made her sweat. It Out.
[38:14]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, wait, that's really good.
[38:16]
Whitney Cummings
Just to see how long and see.
[38:17]
Grace O'Malley
If she really loves.
[38:18]
Whitney Cummings
And it was like two weeks. And then gave her the real one that she had, like, designed and a whole thing. But, like. But she did. After two weeks, she was like, oh, I thought we did design one together. I mean, I'm just curious. Like, that was that just for no reason. And he was like, she finally snapped, you know, because he had. She had no. Post it on Instagram. Like, nothing. He's like, how come you haven't posted on Instagram? Like that we're engaged.
[38:36]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, she didn't even bother. Oh, my God, that's so funny.
[38:39]
Whitney Cummings
But he, like, made her sweat it out, which is so. I love stuff like that. But actual it.
[38:44]
Grace O'Malley
That's a good testament. Like, they'll. They'll stay together.
[38:47]
Whitney Cummings
Phone on the table.
[38:48]
Grace O'Malley
Phone on the table.
[38:49]
Whitney Cummings
On the table. Just like.
[38:52]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Especially if it's like, lighting up with hinge notifications.
[38:56]
Whitney Cummings
But also, like, I don't. I know I'm. I can compete with that phone.
[39:02]
Grace O'Malley
I'm not on a triple date with Siri.
[39:04]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, like, you're competing with this. And I'm like, if you can't go an hour and a half without looking at your phone, you're not successful enough.
[39:16]
Grace O'Malley
My dream man has a pager, dude.
[39:20]
Whitney Cummings
That's what I'm saying. That's a power move. All time favorite pop culture moment.
[39:26]
Grace O'Malley
That's a good one.
[39:30]
Whitney Cummings
I have a lot. One of them is actually recent when Mariah Carey said she doesn't believe in time. Mariah Carey just bangs out these iconic memes and moments. I mean, her saying, I don't know her. I mean, that's like, this woman does not care. Like, we spend all this time trying to seem with it and together, and she's just on another planet. And I'm just so happy for her. Her.
[40:00]
Grace O'Malley
Have you ever seen her? Oh, so you guys don't want to talk about 9 11? She stopped her whole concert, but you guys don't want to talk about 9 11?
[40:08]
Whitney Cummings
Like, no, we're at a concert. What was the day she went to another planet? Like, there was a day.
[40:13]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Everyone's so worried about Alvar Lavigne. It was really Mariah Carey. That's why she needs so much time in between Christmas.
[40:20]
Whitney Cummings
That's so fun. But there was a moment where she was like, oh, I. I've graduated from reality.
[40:27]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[40:27]
Whitney Cummings
Or was it gradual?
[40:29]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know. We don't see her besides the month of December.
[40:33]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
[40:34]
Grace O'Malley
So I Mean, I don't know what she's doing in her spare time.
[40:37]
Whitney Cummings
She doesn't believe in time.
[40:38]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that's the thing.
[40:39]
Whitney Cummings
So there's no every. You know, it's like, this is where. See, this is. You don't get it. You don't get it. There's no time. She's right. Also, which is crazy.
[40:51]
Grace O'Malley
But as a person peeved by time.
[40:54]
Whitney Cummings
Imagine what.
[40:55]
Grace O'Malley
What.
[40:56]
Whitney Cummings
What duality, by the way. It's not easy being me. I have to. I have to live with the duality that there is no such thing as time. But if you are late, you have taken the only thing from me I cannot get back.
[41:10]
Grace O'Malley
You have to stand on business and then also make sure the business goes down.
[41:13]
Whitney Cummings
It's hard being me. It is hard being me. And just know, if I am ever late, I will say, well, time's not real. Okay, I'm gonna probably have more. But what about you?
[41:25]
Grace O'Malley
What was the question?
[41:26]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, pop culture moment. Does that count as one?
[41:28]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know. Totally. I mean, everything she does is insane. I will say, I. I'm a big fan of John Travolta, Adele, De Zim. Did you ever see that one? As. That one's classic. He. He fully that up.
[41:43]
Whitney Cummings
Have you seen the video of him and Olivia Newton John singing I'm Coming Home? No, they did a little ditty together, like a little Christmas song. Is there, like, Greece reunion, which. I love that in Greece, everyone. The actors are truly 45.
[42:00]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[42:01]
Whitney Cummings
Just like, playing teenagers.
[42:02]
Grace O'Malley
And I. I didn't. I never knew that Rizzo got knocked up.
[42:05]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
[42:06]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I had to watch that back as an adult. I'm like, oh, that's what they meant by it broke.
[42:09]
Whitney Cummings
That's a whole thing. Yeah.
[42:11]
Grace O'Malley
I had no idea.
[42:11]
Whitney Cummings
Wild.
[42:12]
Grace O'Malley
I thought they were talking about the Magnum popsicles.
[42:14]
Whitney Cummings
And they say, like. They say, like, oh, they don't let women over 40 on TV and movies. Yeah, they do. They were just playing teenagers. If that's not progressive, I don't know what is.
[42:26]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, we gotta go back. I know.
[42:28]
Whitney Cummings
They all had, like, a limp and, like, a bad knee popping perks in the back, so it's so wild. I don't know what Scientology does do to your brain, but he is shooting this in his private airport and in his private plane, like, thinking we'd all just be like, look, it's. What were their names? Sandy and Danny.
[42:50]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah, Danny.
[42:51]
Whitney Cummings
It was Danny, right? Yeah, it was Sandy and Danny. There they are. It's like, no, that's John Travolta's. Scientology airport in Calabasas.
[42:58]
Grace O'Malley
This is our.
[42:59]
Whitney Cummings
It's so crazy. It's so crazy. Yeah. I will send you this video. It is. I love a totally not tone deaf, but something that is so. That shows that someone is so gone but happy.
[43:11]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[43:12]
Whitney Cummings
By the way, kind of obsessed with Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson showing the boob because it's harder and harder to believe. That wasn't on purpose. The older you get, it's harder and harder to believe.
[43:24]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. That was iconic. And she was ready. Like, she was ready to go.
[43:28]
Whitney Cummings
There were so many things about it. Like, why did the top even do that? Why was that even a feature?
[43:35]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I've never seen a top like that, I'll tell you that.
[43:37]
Whitney Cummings
And why did she have the piercing if she knew it was gonna be covered? That piercing or whatever it was would be very uncomfortable to have under a corset unless it was gonna come up. Why would you be ready? Why would you be nipple ready?
[43:49]
Grace O'Malley
I saw something the other day that Michael Jackson was stinky.
[43:54]
Whitney Cummings
I am so sick of you guys coming for Michael Jackson. Truly the greatest entertainer of our time.
[44:03]
Grace O'Malley
Someone said he had a stank.
[44:04]
Whitney Cummings
This is my favorite exercise is trying to defend Michael Jackson. Have you seen this is It?
[44:09]
Grace O'Malley
This is it.
[44:10]
Whitney Cummings
This is It. It's a documentary about Michael Jackson doing his last show that never happened.
[44:15]
Grace O'Malley
Have you seen the other documentary?
[44:17]
Whitney Cummings
You know what? They pulled it. I can't because they pulled it from hbo.
[44:22]
Grace O'Malley
It's too traumatizing.
[44:23]
Whitney Cummings
Why did they pull it?
[44:26]
Grace O'Malley
These boys didn't want this.
[44:29]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, if it's so accurate, why were these 50 year old men flying around like vultures 40 years later bragging that they got to hook up with Michael Jackson?
[44:43]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know, maybe it got lost in the move. It went from Max to hbo. Max to hbo.
[44:48]
Whitney Cummings
Got lost in the movie.
[44:48]
Grace O'Malley
Probably got lost in the movement. Lost in the rebrand.
[44:53]
Whitney Cummings
You get it, Felt it.
[44:54]
Grace O'Malley
Lose yourself.
[44:55]
Whitney Cummings
Fell through the cracks. Look, honestly, this is. It changed me as a performer.
[45:02]
Grace O'Malley
Wow.
[45:03]
Whitney Cummings
You see my. You see how good. You see how good of an entertainer he is? He's dancing like in the show, and they had to get people to dance with him on stage. He's got like 50 of the best dancers in the world behind him and they. They're like trying to do what he's doing that he's doing so effortlessly. And they're like trying to keep up. They cannot. It is wild to watch. Like, you don't realize. This is why, you know, I'm obsessed with the 13th lane in the Olympics.
[45:28]
Grace O'Malley
No, I didn't know this about you.
[45:29]
Whitney Cummings
Okay, so you know when you're watching people run in the Olympics and you're.
[45:32]
Grace O'Malley
Like, that sounds like that fast. Yeah.
[45:33]
Whitney Cummings
They don't seem like they're that fast because they're all next to super fast people.
[45:36]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[45:37]
Whitney Cummings
13Th lane. Some guy.
[45:40]
Grace O'Malley
Just a random guy.
[45:41]
Whitney Cummings
Context.
[45:42]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that'd be great.
[45:42]
Whitney Cummings
Or by the way, your fittest friend, David Goggins.
[45:45]
Grace O'Malley
Frankly, that'd be huge.
[45:46]
Whitney Cummings
Yes. And I go, whoa, I can tell how fast they are now.
[45:49]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, we need reference.
[45:50]
Whitney Cummings
That's it. Reference.
[45:51]
Grace O'Malley
Absolutely.
[45:52]
Whitney Cummings
This episode is brought to you by Square. Okay. So square we use when we sell the merch. It is the easiest. Like if I can use it, truly anyone can use it. So if you've checked out somewhere and it's been like fast and easy, that means it was square. That's the only way I know how to say it. So it's like you can tell when checkout is quick. The receipts are easy. You get loyalty first. That is going to mean it is square. Businesses that use square, just pull it together. Square is more than a point of sale. It's one connected system. Hardware for in person, on the go. Software for inventory, staff marketing and customer insights. Tools like square checking to access earnings quickly. It scales from one location shops to multi team operations with no contracts or hidden fees except tap chip, Apple pay and online. And see sales in real time across every channel. So if you're starting a business or writing one, that deserves better tools. Square helps you sell, manage and grow without slowing down. Right now you can get up to 200 off Square hardware. That's amazing@square.com. g O/ Whitney. That's square.com. capital G, capital O, slash Whitney. Run your business smarter with Square. Stop being a silly goose. Get started today. Haven't drank in a month.
[47:02]
Grace O'Malley
Haven't drank in a month. Yeah.
[47:03]
Whitney Cummings
How do you feel?
[47:05]
Grace O'Malley
It's. It stinks.
[47:06]
Whitney Cummings
I feel great. Yeah.
[47:08]
Grace O'Malley
My set's so much better. Like all like everything. It's just everything's so much better.
[47:13]
Whitney Cummings
You mean you like have a memory?
[47:15]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, like I'm like on fire. Yeah. I mean like I'm like, like people are like, wow, you really seem like you're in it now. I'm like, wow, what? What the hell was I doing?
[47:23]
Whitney Cummings
Well, you know what else? And this is gonna be me appealing to people's workaholism to get you to curb your alcoholism, which is that when you stop drinking or doing your thing that anesthetizes you, you need to find another thing to get you that hit. So you'll work even harder at stand up to be like, oh, I gotta get that applause break now.
[47:44]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[47:44]
Whitney Cummings
And then you'll get a healthy addiction.
[47:46]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And that's where I'm kind of right now. And it is just a break, but.
[47:50]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
[47:51]
Grace O'Malley
That's how these things start.
[47:52]
Whitney Cummings
Okay, real quick. I'm not gonna know yours, but you're gonna know your. Maybe we just ask. Ask.
[47:57]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[47:57]
Whitney Cummings
Okay. Guess the answer for the favorite.
[47:58]
Grace O'Malley
Favorite food. Favorite food. Magnum popsicles.
[48:01]
Whitney Cummings
Boston baked beans. What is yours?
[48:06]
Grace O'Malley
Pasta.
[48:07]
Whitney Cummings
Okay. Oh, that's. Yeah. A plus. Longest relationship?
[48:11]
Grace O'Malley
Four years. I'm guessing for Whitney and Whitney.
[48:15]
Whitney Cummings
Four for me. I think it's like three and a half.
[48:18]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[48:18]
Whitney Cummings
I think. But I mean, was I mentally there for. I mean, I was mentally there for maybe, like, two months.
[48:23]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[48:23]
Whitney Cummings
Okay.
[48:24]
Grace O'Malley
Okay. Yours.
[48:26]
Whitney Cummings
You always say you've never been in one. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
[48:30]
Grace O'Malley
Trick question.
[48:31]
Whitney Cummings
Lucky. Okay. Hidden talent.
[48:35]
Grace O'Malley
Hidden talent. I feel like you bake.
[48:38]
Whitney Cummings
That's interesting. I'm very good at cooking. Not baking.
[48:42]
Grace O'Malley
Okay. I thought it was, like, one or the other.
[48:44]
Whitney Cummings
It's like. Like, baking requires patience. I'm very good at cooking, but because it's just like a Southern. Like, you just put everything on a skillet.
[48:51]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[48:51]
Whitney Cummings
It's not like a. We don't overthink. Anyone can cook, by the way. Truly anyone. Yeah, but, like, you just. It's like you put everything on one skillet.
[49:00]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[49:00]
Whitney Cummings
I'm trying to learn. I'm weirdly good at cooking because I also use an amount of butter that is shocking when you see it, but that is why it's so good.
[49:07]
Grace O'Malley
Well, yeah, but it makes everything delicious.
[49:09]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. No, my guys. Like, this is. I mean, like, truly a half a stick of butter for anything I make just entry point.
[49:16]
Grace O'Malley
You.
[49:16]
Whitney Cummings
I feel like you are good at, like, a. Some kind of bar game, like pool or darts or. Like, there's something that's like the superpower of someone who's been in bars a lot, you know? Like, I'm obsessed with the superpowers comedians have. I always know what time it is.
[49:29]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah.
[49:30]
Whitney Cummings
I always know it. I know. I always know how much time has elapsed. Not that it doesn't exist, but when it does, because I have to pretend it does for money. On stage, I always know how much time's elapsed, and I always know where someone's from.
[49:40]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, wow.
[49:40]
Whitney Cummings
It's. You can always put it together. I'm like, are you from Denmark? And they're like, how'd you know? I'm like, there's. You've been doing this. And I always know what someone has drank.
[49:46]
Grace O'Malley
Drink.
[49:47]
Whitney Cummings
I'm like, that's tequila. I'm like, that's tequila energy. That's gin energy.
[49:52]
Grace O'Malley
Really?
[49:52]
Whitney Cummings
It's just once. You've been doing, like, you know, clubs for long enough.
[49:55]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. No, that's true. Yeah.
[49:56]
Whitney Cummings
You know, like, before crowd work, before, everyone was on their best behavior in crowd work because they, like, wanted to get in your video, and it was just chaos. Like, you had to learn stuff like that. And I grew up with alcoholics. Don't mean to brag. I feel like you have one of those.
[50:06]
Grace O'Malley
I think. I think I could. Well, what I was going to say was, I could do this. Okay. Yeah. So no one can ever do it, but I guess I can read people pretty good.
[50:18]
Whitney Cummings
I love that.
[50:19]
Grace O'Malley
I can read people pretty good. That's like a real normal, hidden talent.
[50:22]
Whitney Cummings
But is that also kind of like a Boston thing?
[50:24]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I could. I could. I could. I think more of it is, I can see a phony a mile away.
[50:29]
Whitney Cummings
But you have to keep that. Don't change that.
[50:31]
Grace O'Malley
No, I'm not.
[50:32]
Whitney Cummings
Because I had that, and then I lost it. Because with what I do for a living, you have to pretend people are different than they actually are, and you have to be nice to people who are monsters. So I kind of was just like, no, that. And then I would make excuses by. I would go to therapy and then get the reasons they were like that. To then be like, oh, no, they're just hurt. Oh, they're just scared. Oh, no, they're just fake because they're insecure about who they are. And then I started doing all that, and then I was like, no, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
[50:57]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it's easy to get lost because, like, then. Then you, like. But also you're, like, empathetic because you.
[51:00]
Whitney Cummings
Have to be around so many people who are like that for every job is. But, like, I sort of corrected too far the other direction.
[51:08]
Grace O'Malley
Interesting. Yeah.
[51:09]
Whitney Cummings
And, like, made excuses for people or whatever.
[51:11]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. No, I. And I, like, I have to call it out. I can't just keep it in.
[51:16]
Whitney Cummings
Here's the thing. I'm with you. I am now at the point where I'm going, you know what? It's not my job to tell you.
[51:23]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[51:24]
Whitney Cummings
Because you're not gonna hear it.
[51:25]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[51:26]
Whitney Cummings
From. You know what I mean? I used to be that person. I used to be like, oh, I just. I want to make sure. That I don't know what's going on, but I just want to make sure. Like, I'm not making you feel like you have to be fake.
[51:35]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[51:36]
Whitney Cummings
Like you don't have to perform for me.
[51:37]
Grace O'Malley
You don't have to do the dance.
[51:38]
Whitney Cummings
I do that. And then people like, what? And I'm like, oh, I guess we weren't. You, like, yeah.
[51:43]
Grace O'Malley
Being you. Yeah.
[51:44]
Whitney Cummings
Yes.
[51:45]
Grace O'Malley
But it's like such a run around.
[51:46]
Whitney Cummings
We just caught the. I say all the time. I'm like, we don't have to do this.
[51:49]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you do say that. You don't have to do this.
[51:53]
Whitney Cummings
Like, I think I'm liberating someone for I. I also say I don't do small talk and I don't. Don't do hugs if you're. If I'm in la, if I've seen you every night for the past month, we don't need to hug again. Like, who? Oh, I love who would pay you play you in a movie.
[52:08]
Grace O'Malley
I'm gonna go you.
[52:12]
Whitney Cummings
I'm gonna go you. You playing me just as. Who was that?
[52:17]
Grace O'Malley
Eliza Vanilla just all popped up on pens.
[52:22]
Whitney Cummings
Just you being like, I'm winning Cummings. Like that. Like, just Whitney.
[52:25]
Grace O'Malley
She was an old soul.
[52:27]
Whitney Cummings
No, you play me as Liza Minnelli.
[52:30]
Grace O'Malley
I'm Grace. I'm playing Liza as Whitney.
[52:32]
Whitney Cummings
No, you're Whitney, but you just do your Liza impression.
[52:35]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, perfect.
[52:36]
Whitney Cummings
I love that. You should be on SNL and you have that impression, but you're like my Rudolph. Like, every person you say you are is the same impression, which is so funny. I prefer when people do impressions that are more like how the person comes off than actually sounds.
[52:50]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that is good.
[52:51]
Whitney Cummings
Like, if I was like, pack the car at the Hammond yard. I'm Grace. Like, that is fun. And then nailing that crushed it.
[52:57]
Grace O'Malley
Who? No, I think. I think your answer would be yourself.
[53:01]
Whitney Cummings
I don't think I should play myself. No, I think it should be like, Jeremy Piven in a wig. I like stuff that's more like matches the energy. Like, remember when Louis Anderson played the mom of Zach Galifianakis in baskets with just a wig?
[53:18]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[53:18]
Whitney Cummings
You know this, right? Dude, look up Louie Anderson as Zach Galifianakis mom in baskets. Basically, they were trying to cast it. Trying to cast it. It's basically Louis Anderson and they just put Louis in a wig. Wait, and you should be played by, like, Chris DiStefano.
[53:39]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[53:39]
Whitney Cummings
Do you know what I'm saying?
[53:40]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. The pivot's great there.
[53:42]
Whitney Cummings
It's just a funny, like, The.
[53:44]
Grace O'Malley
The.
[53:44]
Whitney Cummings
The positivity is there.
[53:46]
Grace O'Malley
That's really funny to think about.
[53:47]
Whitney Cummings
The unrelenting. Just like down for whateverness. You know? Favorite genre of music. Yours is. You're all. Is it. Is it. Wait, oh, my God. Don't even tell me what it's called. You call it brain smoothing music. What is it? It's in elevators. It's literally what you listen to in elevators. It's like Muzak. Do you know what Muzak is? It's like the fake music they play in hotels so you don't have to license real music. It has no lyrics. It's ru. You got me into it, annoyingly. It's like four Russian men that live in LA now. Rufus del Sol.
[54:31]
Grace O'Malley
No, I know. I was. I was so against it my whole life into it.
[54:36]
Whitney Cummings
Because lyrics are very distracting to me. I just don't understand. It feels like totally different instruments. It feels like there's like. It's very computery.
[54:44]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, no, it is. That's the whole thing.
[54:45]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, it's electric.
[54:46]
Grace O'Malley
Okay. Yeah. Electric dancing.
[54:48]
Whitney Cummings
Like there's no, like, real instruments. It feels like it's like a video game that just won't turn off.
[54:55]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. It really gets me all fired up.
[54:57]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. There's something about it. It's good background music.
[54:59]
Grace O'Malley
It is. It is.
[55:00]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. You were playing it when we were in Chicago, and I was just like, am I going insane? Has the same song been playing for two days? And then she.
[55:08]
Grace O'Malley
Then she sent me. She was like, I actually kind of like these guys.
[55:11]
Whitney Cummings
Well. Cause then I was like, I'm gonna do a bit. Make you making fun of this. And then I listened to Rufus del Sol, and there's a song called the life you wanted. And it just like. It's called this is the life you wanted. And I was like, this is the life I wanted. Yeah, it's like a.
[55:26]
Grace O'Malley
It's like a trance.
[55:26]
Whitney Cummings
Yes.
[55:27]
Grace O'Malley
It's like a cult.
[55:28]
Whitney Cummings
It brainwashed me to being grateful for my life, straight up. Did you see people got trampled at his show?
[55:34]
Grace O'Malley
I. No, I didn't. But I did see that Kevin Hart was listening to them. He went to one of their concerts with glasses on. So, you know he was doing drugs.
[55:43]
Whitney Cummings
Is that what it is? Oh, like sunglasses.
[55:45]
Grace O'Malley
Sunglasses.
[55:48]
Whitney Cummings
Okay.
[55:48]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, and yours would be pop.
[55:50]
Whitney Cummings
My favorite music is pop or rock. What is rock?
[55:54]
Grace O'Malley
Rock and roll.
[55:55]
Whitney Cummings
Rock and roll who?
[55:56]
Grace O'Malley
Rock and roll, baby.
[55:57]
Whitney Cummings
Name one person that is. Is a rock guy. I'm Benson Boone all the way.
[56:03]
Grace O'Malley
That's pop.
[56:04]
Whitney Cummings
That's pop.
[56:05]
Grace O'Malley
That's pop.
[56:06]
Whitney Cummings
If that's not your next special title. I hate your guts.
[56:09]
Grace O'Malley
That's pop.
[56:09]
Whitney Cummings
That's pop. Okay. I love corny music. I love, like, going through a divorce in a One of the cars that don't have a dot convertible.
[56:21]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, Lady Twang.
[56:22]
Whitney Cummings
I love Lady Twang. I love a pink. I love a Sheryl Crow. I love a. Like. I love a. Just. Let's do this.
[56:31]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it is good.
[56:32]
Whitney Cummings
I'm not gonna. Like. My life's so hard. I'm done with Nepo babies thinking their life is hard and making music. Why are you bumming me out?
[56:40]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I mean, your life's too pretty.
[56:41]
Whitney Cummings
You know what else I. You have to compete with silence. And I am. When I tell you. My nanny, who works with my son, not my. I don't have a personal one for me yet. She said what? She was like, do you just not play music, like, in the house?
[56:57]
Grace O'Malley
And I was like, that's a crazy thing to. To notice.
[57:01]
Whitney Cummings
I was like, huh?
[57:04]
Grace O'Malley
Did you ever think about that?
[57:05]
Whitney Cummings
Well, then it wouldn't be, like, you couldn't, like, hear a needle drop. You wouldn't be able to, like, hear just footsteps, you know? Like, how would you. Why would you. What if there's a ghost? You can just drown it out. Like, don't you want to hear? I need to hear if the coyotes are. Like, I need. Silence is like my kink.
[57:19]
Grace O'Malley
Silence. Wow.
[57:20]
Whitney Cummings
I drive in silence.
[57:21]
Grace O'Malley
Wow. Have you. That's so. That's so good. You ever play music? No.
[57:25]
Whitney Cummings
I'm working on. I'm. I'm working on it now, but to me, it feels so indulgent. Like, what am I like you. This main character energy thing is very, like, what am I? Just in my own movie? Just like. Like, I'm going to work. I have to think about the work I'm about to do. Just the idea that we're all just, like, partying at all times at our houses and, like, just music. Like, people walking down the street just listening to music. Pay attention. This is why none of you. Why are you running into things?
[57:50]
Grace O'Malley
So.
[57:51]
Whitney Cummings
Why so many car accidents? You guys are just, like, jamming guys.
[57:54]
Grace O'Malley
Today I'm gonna do something really crazy. I'm gonna go to work without any headphones.
[57:59]
Whitney Cummings
Mine is the other. I'm listening to music in my house. Like, I really am Nell. I am, like, fully Amish. Okay, let's see. Favorite comic. Ooh, your favorite comic is. That's such a tough one. There's such different kinds based on those whiteboards you brought. I would have Said Carrot Top, but that hurt your feelings earlier. Carrot Top is very effective at what he does.
[58:22]
Grace O'Malley
Was yours before? Of course. Was yours Bill Cosby? Because there is a picture on your Instagram.
[58:31]
Whitney Cummings
Are you done talking? Are you done anything else to say? No.
[58:36]
Grace O'Malley
You have the floor.
[58:38]
Whitney Cummings
Let's be clear, okay? Psychopaths are the best at comedy, full stop. This is why women aren't as good at it. Okay? Bill Cosby was so funny before he started sitting down. Huh?
[58:55]
Grace O'Malley
I nailed it.
[58:56]
Whitney Cummings
Okay. Bill Cosby's show was so funny. I don't think anyone stand up that well, but the Cosby Show, Pound for pound Martin is funnier. But Bill Cosby is very funny. I don't know why I was posting about it. The irony is I probably posted about it when I was on sleeping pills. I think David tell like pound for pound.
[59:23]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[59:24]
Whitney Cummings
Is every comics kind of like favorite comic. It's just, here's what's so annoying about Dave and what's so great about him when people ask is that everyone can have a take on something. Take, take, take, take, take. And then he'll go like, so Scientology. And you're like, we've heard it all. What have we not? He'll have some angle.
[59:43]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[59:44]
Whitney Cummings
No one's thought of. Yeah, like, no one. You can sit down and go, like, what would a tell? What would a tell say? I've tried to do that before. And then you see him and you're like, the penguin thing. What? Like, he'll just have some angle you've not heard of.
[59:58]
Grace O'Malley
It's brilliant.
[59:59]
Whitney Cummings
On stuff that is. Everyone's touched.
[60:01]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, everyone.
[60:03]
Whitney Cummings
He could do Michael Jackson thing tomorrow. That wouldn't been as original as my take, which is that he's innocent.
[60:11]
Grace O'Malley
No, I think you've caught him on that one, actually.
[60:14]
Whitney Cummings
By the way, I'll say it now that. Now that. But I couldn't say it before, but Ellen, now that, like, people see, like, you know, know a little more. Ellen stand up. Her sitcom obsessed. Still watch it. The standup was so good. The last couple specials feel, like, defensive.
[60:31]
Grace O'Malley
The last special was a podcast.
[60:34]
Whitney Cummings
A podcast. Okay.
[60:35]
Grace O'Malley
That's how I feel.
[60:36]
Whitney Cummings
Something we're doing right now that I defend as being very good and funny. Podcasts, which are hilarious.
[60:43]
Grace O'Malley
Promoted as stand up.
[60:44]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm with you. I'm with you.
[60:45]
Grace O'Malley
I'm with you.
[60:47]
Whitney Cummings
But she used to do, like, remember the observations were just so good. Like, remember she did this whole thing on Gogurt. Remember Gogurt's, like, about how, like, how busy how was eating a yogurt? Like, so, like, if someone called you was like, hey, do you want to go to a movie tonight? She's like, ah, I just opened a yogurt.
[61:05]
Grace O'Malley
It's too good. So simple.
[61:08]
Whitney Cummings
So simple. And like, things that I love. Observations that everybody sees all the time and doesn't like, notice it, but sees it and the comic says it, like about how on the instructions on shampoo, it says like a quarter size of shampoo. She has a whole thing on that which is like so funny.
[61:25]
Grace O'Malley
It's so good. And that's like the kind of jokes where everyone looks around, they're like, yeah.
[61:29]
Whitney Cummings
That'S it, that's it. Like when you trip and fall, how you look back at where you tripped. So everybody. Yeah, like you look back to be like, what was on the ground. So like, no, so the person far away sees that you, like, you do this whole performance to be like, what was. Ah. And you figure it out.
[61:46]
Grace O'Malley
It wasn't the edible.
[61:47]
Whitney Cummings
It wasn't me. Yeah. And how you turned it into a run, like, it's just so funny.
[61:54]
Grace O'Malley
Okay, favorite song.
[61:55]
Whitney Cummings
Baby Shark da Boo da Doo. But you don't listen to music. I don't. I do. My favorite song, like, ever. I mean, simply the best. Tina Turner, I think is like the best song.
[62:05]
Grace O'Malley
Simply the best. Yeah.
[62:06]
Whitney Cummings
Don't you think?
[62:06]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[62:07]
Whitney Cummings
Least favorite celebrity. I think I would say something like someone who's like a, like doctor. Ah. Like someone who's like a fake doctor or something.
[62:14]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that's a good answer.
[62:15]
Whitney Cummings
It's like also a great cop out. Ah, you're right.
[62:19]
Grace O'Malley
I think that's.
[62:19]
Whitney Cummings
That's where I shine.
[62:20]
Grace O'Malley
It's like a political answer. Yeah, that's good though.
[62:24]
Whitney Cummings
Least favorite celebrity. I mean, Danny Masterson, like, those are obvious. Yeah, but celebrities don't only have to be the Sound of Freedom guy.
[62:36]
Grace O'Malley
I don't know about that guy.
[62:38]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, he. Yeah, he pretended he was like, helping girls in sex trafficking and then got a publicist and was like on TV shows promoting a book and then was like asking his volunteers to like, shower together to like get kids out. It was like, Jesus. Again, anyone who's overtly moral, what are you up to?
[62:55]
Grace O'Malley
Sounds like Michael Jackson.
[62:59]
Whitney Cummings
No, if it sounded like Michael Jackson, it'd be winning a war. And Grammys can be the best music you've ever heard.
[63:04]
Grace O'Malley
If it was Michael Jackson, it would be Little Boys, Littler Boys.
[63:08]
Whitney Cummings
You don't have to say both. Seems like, you know, you're the one that wants to imagine them little all right, I know some 45 year old boys, okay. They live in LA. I hate that. I hate it when instead of having a good retort, you just go like.
[63:24]
Grace O'Malley
Okay, well, I was pretending to be the pervert myself.
[63:27]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, God. Because that's actually the best way to be. Right. But it's such a. It's like bring up Hitler. It's like, okay, well, the conversation's over.
[63:35]
Grace O'Malley
That's so true. It's like. Yeah. It's like, okay, all right.
[63:40]
Whitney Cummings
You're just gonna let people have only heard the last thing I said, so it sounds dumb.
[63:46]
Grace O'Malley
No, that was my pervert bit. It didn't go over well.
[63:48]
Whitney Cummings
That's. It's. Wanting the last word is so. Is like, you're a monster. But letting someone else have. It's even worse.
[63:56]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah, you've got that just going like.
[63:58]
Whitney Cummings
Let me just let you. Okay. We'll end it on that because it was such a good point. Favorite city. Let's go. Favorite city. First job.
[64:09]
Grace O'Malley
Your favorite city. Your favorite city could potentially be Philadelphia.
[64:14]
Whitney Cummings
That's a really good guess, and I don't think you're wrong. I don't know. Because we're the worst people to ask about this because we tour in any city. That's like a great comedy city. I just like, I'm poly with cities.
[64:28]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[64:28]
Whitney Cummings
I love so many of them.
[64:29]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[64:30]
Whitney Cummings
For different reasons.
[64:31]
Grace O'Malley
And then you. You don't want to. You don't want to mess up and say your least. Favorite city. No tickets.
[64:36]
Whitney Cummings
Been there. By the way. I love Kansas City. I love Tucson. There's a lot of, like, weird places I like.
[64:43]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. I really love Providence, Rhode island, especially this time of year. I'm just trying to sell tickets.
[64:50]
Whitney Cummings
Okay. Thing they can't live without. Oh, your coffee order is. We're in the airport and she will order it ahead of time and go pick it up at the Starbucks and not wait in line. I'm always so blown away by that time.
[65:07]
Grace O'Malley
Efficiency.
[65:07]
Whitney Cummings
I know.
[65:08]
Grace O'Malley
I don't believe in time, but I'm never late. I'm never late.
[65:13]
Whitney Cummings
Your coffee order is like, I feel like it's iced.
[65:17]
Grace O'Malley
Always ice.
[65:17]
Whitney Cummings
I feel like you're always like making noise with your ice. It's like, how much attention do you need? Just, you know, iced coffee, milk. Dunkin. It's your order. It's Dunkin. How about that?
[65:28]
Grace O'Malley
I'm a dunking, dunking Duncan, I would say. What was the question?
[65:32]
Whitney Cummings
What's your favorite? Your coffee order.
[65:34]
Grace O'Malley
Your coffee order.
[65:35]
Whitney Cummings
Good luck. Never done the same one twice. I Have a new personality every day. Couldn't tell you don't have one. I am not loyal to the person I was yesterday. Now I'm on, like, some green tea with strawberries. I don't even know. I don't have a coffee order. Like, I don't. Who has a coffee? Or like, you're. You're just be picked it and that's it forever.
[65:53]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that's fair.
[65:54]
Whitney Cummings
Like, this is just you. Your thing now.
[65:56]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. It's like. It's like deciding on the same meal for the rest of your life.
[65:59]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. I'm like, no. Every time I go in, I'm like, can I get a sample? I want to try it. Like, every time I least. Favorite musician and favorite musician. Favorite musician. Ooh, for you.
[66:11]
Grace O'Malley
Favorite.
[66:12]
Whitney Cummings
Favorite musician. Kid Rock. Favorite musician. Rufus. By the way, a computer.
[66:20]
Grace O'Malley
They play live instruments at some of the shows.
[66:23]
Whitney Cummings
Okay.
[66:24]
Grace O'Malley
Your favorite musician. Are you a Fleetwood Mac girl?
[66:28]
Whitney Cummings
No.
[66:28]
Grace O'Malley
No. Okay.
[66:29]
Whitney Cummings
You know what?
[66:30]
Grace O'Malley
I am?
[66:30]
Whitney Cummings
I am a Fleetwood Mac. On YouTube. Her singing backstage Wild Heart before the show. It's pretty amazing.
[66:39]
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
[66:39]
Whitney Cummings
I don't really know Fleetwood Mac beyond the Lindsey Buckingham sketch on snl, which is like, that's. But I know the famous songs.
[66:47]
Grace O'Malley
Yes.
[66:48]
Whitney Cummings
My guy. Super into Fleetwood Mac and Hollow. It's like, I don't know that because my parents never played music because they were fighting and drinking, and I'm like hardcore Lauryn Hill, Tori Amos. If I were to go like, favorite, favorite.
[67:02]
Grace O'Malley
Okay, gotcha. Because I was trying to. I was trying to find the happy medium for the. The pop country twang.
[67:07]
Whitney Cummings
Allison Kraus, Mary Chapin Carpenter, maybe. I like this new Lainey Wilson character. But, yeah, I love Brand. It's Brandi Carlisle, maybe.
[67:18]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah.
[67:19]
Whitney Cummings
Brandi Carlisle is a animal. But I like a little. But you know me.
[67:23]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you.
[67:24]
Whitney Cummings
I like some pizzazz. Okay.
[67:26]
Grace O'Malley
Almost.
[67:27]
Whitney Cummings
Okay. Favorite movie, favorite show. Guilty Pleasure. Your favorite movie is what? The Good Will Hunting.
[67:33]
Grace O'Malley
So the town.
[67:35]
Whitney Cummings
The town.
[67:36]
Grace O'Malley
Yes.
[67:36]
Whitney Cummings
It's a love story.
[67:38]
Grace O'Malley
It's my favorite.
[67:38]
Whitney Cummings
Between a woman in a town.
[67:40]
Grace O'Malley
No. About a bank robber and what he loves to do is robber.
[67:44]
Whitney Cummings
A robber.
[67:45]
Grace O'Malley
He loves to rob, but he also loves this girl. And so they run away together. It's really beautiful.
[67:50]
Whitney Cummings
Okay, Is that the one with Blake Lively?
[67:53]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And she plays the worst Boston crackhead you've ever seen.
[67:57]
Whitney Cummings
How is her accent in it?
[67:58]
Grace O'Malley
Awful. God awful. My sister could have done it better.
[68:01]
Whitney Cummings
But if she's like a crackhead or you're like, oh, it's maybe the crack.
[68:03]
Grace O'Malley
No, no, My. My crackheads have A very distinct accent. They are kind of like our prom queens, huh? We put them on a pedestal.
[68:12]
Whitney Cummings
Nice. Okay.
[68:13]
Grace O'Malley
Favorite movie?
[68:14]
Whitney Cummings
My favorite movie.
[68:16]
Grace O'Malley
Your favorite movie. I'm sitting here. I literally had my hands in my head. I caught myself.
[68:20]
Whitney Cummings
Labyrinth. You probably haven't even seen it. So Labyrinth was before I was a kid, so I had an older brother. So I watch leftover movies that he never returned to Blockbuster. Because if you don't return them after a certain time, they just give up on you. But it's really expensive, so. David Bowie and a bunch of, like, Gremlins.
[68:39]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yes. Yeah.
[68:41]
Whitney Cummings
It's actually, like, amazing. The more you watch it, the more you see it's like, all the cheat codes for life right there in a movie. And they were all, like, on mushrooms, like, Jim Henson. It's like puppets.
[68:49]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah.
[68:50]
Whitney Cummings
It's truly puppets.
[68:51]
Grace O'Malley
I would have never guessed that.
[68:52]
Whitney Cummings
And it's Jennifer Connelly.
[68:53]
Grace O'Malley
Ever.
[68:54]
Whitney Cummings
Yes. I'm obsessed. Every sentence in that movie is the best advice you've ever gotten in Labyrinth. Yes.
[69:00]
Grace O'Malley
Wow.
[69:00]
Whitney Cummings
Okay. Guilty pleasure. Oh, by the way, also, Windy City Heat, which is like, if you know, you know. If you don't.
[69:08]
Grace O'Malley
I learned. I've told you Recently, I learned 15 new things every time I see you.
[69:13]
Whitney Cummings
Windy City Heat is a prank movie that Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Carolla did. They found this porn star who was just nuts, and they pretended that he was starring in a movie. Bobcat Goldthwait directed it, and they filmed him thinking he was the star of a movie. And they prank him for, like, a year, and it's just him, like, being a diva, thinking he's starring in. A man like Dane Cook comes in and auditions, and he's like, how could you pick Dane Cook over me? Like, this egomaniac. You've seen it. Oh, dude, it is next level. Shocking. Like, Don Barris is on the phone going, I'm on the. I'm on with the head of show business. I can't talk right now. He's like, well, let me talk. He's like, let me talk to the head of show business. And he's like, I can't. We're busy. Like, it is so ridiculous and funny.
[70:00]
Grace O'Malley
I'm watching that tonight.
[70:01]
Whitney Cummings
Dude, it is so funny. I have, like, a DVD of it because it was, like. I don't know when it was made, but it's, like, kind of iconically like a comedy, just sort of like, gem. And then Jimmy Kimmel even has him on. They had a fake premiere and had him come on his show as a guest of this fake movie, the whole thing.
[70:21]
Grace O'Malley
Oh my God, that's awesome. I've never even heard of that.
[70:24]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. If you're mad at Jimmy Kimmel, watch this and you'll like a man. It is so brutal.
[70:29]
Grace O'Malley
That's awesome. Oh my God.
[70:31]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, I think that's it.
[70:32]
Grace O'Malley
That's good.
[70:33]
Whitney Cummings
My guilty pleasure is this. Okay. Documentaries.
[70:36]
Grace O'Malley
Documentaries.
[70:37]
Whitney Cummings
So documentaries. Stop pretending. Documentaries mean you're smart. It's not. You didn't read a book. Documentaries now are more salacious gossip, nonsense, exploitation than any scripted movie. This new things. Like, I watch documentaries like, oh, about Gabby Petito. So you just watched them zoom in on a 21 year old girl obsessing about her dying. Like, why is this, like, smart? Why are you erudite? Like, why are you better than me? Because you made a documentary like, leave. Only creeps are watching this. Did you see this girl get murdered? You're not better than me. You're not aware the icarly documentary. You're basically just actually exploiting these people again and playing all the video of Ariana Grande doing all of that horrible stuff. Now all the creeps know where to find it. It was off.
[71:26]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[71:26]
Whitney Cummings
And. And you're gonna, like, act like you're raising awareness or something. Documentaries, they don't mean you're smart.
[71:33]
Grace O'Malley
We've also really mainstreamed true crime.
[71:37]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
[71:37]
Grace O'Malley
Everyone's like, way too cash about that.
[71:39]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Dude, Jenna Freeman has the best bit about this. We should actually play it at the end of the episode where he talks, she talks about why true crime is so big. It's like you don't have to deal with the lead actress. Like, she doesn't complain.
[71:50]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Like, it's so why the AI actress is huge.
[71:54]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that we're just like watching true crime all day is just. Or people are making so much money off it. No, I don't really have a take for that. Like, I don't. True crime.
[72:06]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, it's like. I don't know, people like listen to it when they go to sleep. It's like. And then she got decapitated.
[72:14]
Whitney Cummings
But. But I made it back from Saudi Arabia. I think it's actually like, women. It's us studying because we're prey. It's like studying how murders work.
[72:24]
Grace O'Malley
Look out for the signs.
[72:25]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, we like get obsessed with it. It's like men watching sports because you guys, like think you're gonna get gas to like jump in at any moment.
[72:31]
Grace O'Malley
That's why they wear the jersey to go.
[72:33]
Whitney Cummings
So that's why we watch like, murder stuff to be like. Because at any moment I could be hurt. Like, you know, we learned how to, like, bob and weave.
[72:39]
Grace O'Malley
That's dark.
[72:40]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Like, don't have an ice pick in your car. Will be used against you. Like, don't pick up the hitchhiker. Even though he's handsome. Yeah. Ted Bundy is like. I mean, it is awkward that. I mean, he got married many times when he was in prison, but he has been played by Zac Efron. Who else?
[72:59]
Grace O'Malley
They played all these little. Little Disney boy as well. Oh, damn it.
[73:06]
Whitney Cummings
I know who you're talking about.
[73:07]
Grace O'Malley
It's not Austin Butler, but it looks like Josh Drake and Josh Drake.
[73:12]
Whitney Cummings
Josh. You know what my other guilty pleasure is? Bad movies. Like, bad. I think bad movies at this point are almost better because you can just take. Take the pressure off.
[73:23]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[73:24]
Whitney Cummings
You just take it for what it is. But people love showgirls.
[73:27]
Grace O'Malley
No. What is a showgirl?
[73:30]
Whitney Cummings
Us.
[73:31]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, wow.
[73:32]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
[73:32]
Grace O'Malley
So Taylor's singing about us.
[73:34]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, always. She's always just reading my diary.
[73:38]
Grace O'Malley
She's for the girls.
[73:39]
Whitney Cummings
I ordered the CD and the tape. Did you really got a poster?
[73:45]
Grace O'Malley
You go the pop up.
[73:46]
Whitney Cummings
I'm like. It's funny. Like, Tara Swift with me. I. I am a bigger fan almost of her as, like, a businesswoman.
[73:54]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, big time.
[73:55]
Whitney Cummings
Like, that's my. The music. I, like, know it. I'm not, like, on a loop, but I'm just like. I'm a. I'm on the edge of my seat.
[74:03]
Grace O'Malley
That's the blueprint.
[74:04]
Whitney Cummings
That's it. I'm a fan.
[74:06]
Grace O'Malley
They do all these master classes. The only one I really want to hear from is Taylor Swift.
[74:10]
Whitney Cummings
I'm like, oh, and then she wore this color nail polish and this thing. I'm, like, looking at a woman who has worse OCD than me, and I'm like. I'm honestly just humble.
[74:17]
Grace O'Malley
And she thinks so far in advance, it's. I've never seen anything like it.
[74:23]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, yeah.
[74:24]
Grace O'Malley
Imagine comics move like Taylor Swift about their specials.
[74:28]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, we don't know what our flight time is tomorrow. We're just like, how are we near to the airport? Truly tomorrow. Okay.
[74:36]
Grace O'Malley
At least we're not burning jet fuel, right, Taylor?
[74:40]
Whitney Cummings
We do have to cut that. This has gone on very long. I'm having way too much fun. You guys never get to see me have fun like this. You always see me being like, here's why I took down the tweet. Okay, now here's what I meant to say about Tim Waltz. It's just a Lot of trips to China. Okay.
[74:58]
Grace O'Malley
You're so refreshed after somebody.
[75:02]
Whitney Cummings
You know what I love? Nothing more than idiots coming after me on the Internet about something. Because, number one, you're like, the shoes dropped. I don't have to wait. And number two, it's you. You don't like me. And that's okay. If that's okay, just say that. Just say you don't like me. And when these gargoyles are just, like, sitting, waiting for some. The person they already don't like to do something that they can actively like. You got one? Got one. No one's mad if you say, I don't like you. No one's mad if you're like, you're not my cup of tea. No one's mad at you. You're allowed to have taste. You're allowed to do that.
[75:37]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
[75:37]
Whitney Cummings
But the fact that you're waiting for me to, like, make some kind of steak and then pounce on it, it just shows how obsessed you are. Like, how I'm having so much more fun than you.
[75:48]
Grace O'Malley
You know what you are? Taylor Swift.
[75:51]
Whitney Cummings
Nah, nah, nah, nah. I think they. That's who they thought they hired. When I went over there, they were very shocked. The amount they paid me was like. Okay. It's like, you don't have to find a moral reason to not like me.
[76:04]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Just record it.
[76:05]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Because you think not liking a woman is, like, bad or something. Cause you've got it all wrong. Like, you're backwards. But a woman going over there to it just. There's something refreshing when you get that you remember, like, oh, like, if they're mad about this, you just don't like me. You are twisting this in such a weird, tight knot. Like, you are having to contort reality in such a wild way in order to justify not liking me. To make you seem like a good person that I don't have to worry that you might be right. Whereas a lot of times when you get criticism, you're like, ah, maybe I didn't. Maybe that wasn't. Maybe that wasn't good enough. Yeah, maybe I do look busted. Maybe I do need Botox again.
[76:48]
Grace O'Malley
No, Never.
[76:48]
Whitney Cummings
But when that. When it's so wrong, you're like, ah, yeah. It's the one time I don't agree with trolls for the first time, you know?
[76:58]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. That's something to hang your hat on.
[77:00]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Grace o' Malley is going to be in Rhode island soon. I will be in Arkansas, the Rhode island of the south. And Philly and Reading and a bunch of places that I'm going to try to drag Grace. Wherever I go, I feel closer to you.
[77:14]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God. We're like best friends. And now I know that. And before, not so sure. We've never really talked about the intimates.
[77:22]
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Look at us just making our money.
[77:24]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. We're just like acquaintances.
[77:26]
Whitney Cummings
This is when I knew we just became like real friends is when I clowned you for the pajamas. And you're like, you think these are pajamas? I've been a couple times. And Grace is pushing back. She's starting to realize we're equals. I don't like it snapped on me in Virginia and I'm gonna snap one more time.
[77:43]
Grace O'Malley
That wasn't my fault. I'm not an outdoors person. We went on a hike.
[77:47]
Whitney Cummings
What kind of person walks through a spider web with their mouth open? I mean, that is just a level of scrolling TikTok.
[77:53]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I'm gonna say what the comments say. What kind of person goes on a hike in a jumpsuit?
[78:01]
Whitney Cummings
No bug bites.
[78:01]
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And no sweat either. It was crazy.
[78:04]
Whitney Cummings
And we will end on this video right now of Grace beginning her lashing out at me with, okay, Whitney, I love you, but Whitney, I love you.
[78:16]
Grace O'Malley
But this. Do you see that?
[78:19]
Whitney Cummings
You just walked through the spider web.
[78:22]
Grace O'Malley
You know, I'm a gallons of sweat and I just went through a widow's peak. Oh.
[78:29]
Whitney Cummings
Oh, that's. Is that crawled out of my head? Is that the spider's house who you just ruined?
[78:34]
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah.
[78:34]
Whitney Cummings
Colonizing you, pal. Pretty fast, actually. Yeah, don't. That's a. That's a granddaddy.
[78:41]
Grace O'Malley
Long legs. They eat bugs. We love them.
[78:44]
Whitney Cummings
I think I just. This is broke me crazy. Easier than capturing Bigfoot. This is the first time I've ever seen Grace. I'm not laughing. I'm so sorry.
[78:51]
Grace O'Malley
I'm so glad I took some time off from drinking. If I was hungover right now.
[78:57]
Whitney Cummings
Grace just ate a spider web.
[79:00]
Grace O'Malley
And.
[79:02]
Whitney Cummings
I mean, it was like pretty.
[79:03]
Grace O'Malley
Easy to see, but. Oh my God. That was true. That was honest.
[79:07]
Whitney Cummings
I love you guys. Don't ride elephants when you visit Saudi Arabia because it's now a free country.
[79:12]
Grace O'Malley
By Sam.