Katy Perry, AI Friends, Influencers Sinking , and more Great News! | EP 288

Summary

Episode Summary: "Katy Perry, AI Friends, Influencers Sinking, and more Great News! | EP 288"

Released on May 11, 2025, Episode 288 of "Good For You" features host Whitney Cummings alongside co-host Chris Cole. This episode delves into a variety of contemporary topics, blending sharp comedic insights with candid conversations about celebrity culture, artificial intelligence in personal relationships, the evolving landscape of social media influencers, and a humorous take on recent "great news" events.

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1. Katy Perry: The Unintended Victim of Public Perception

The episode kicks off with Whitney expressing her unfiltered opinions on Katy Perry's recent public persona and performances. She humorously criticizes Katy for what she perceives as erratic behavior and over-the-top performances.

• Whitney Cummings [03:00]:

  "The real issue right now, the real victim in 2025 May, is Katy Perry. Stop it now. Over my dead body will you bully a brunette who acts weird in public."

Whitney juxtaposes Katy Perry's attempts to stand out—such as incorporating space-themed elements into her shows—with the public's often negative reaction to celebrities who display happiness and uniqueness. She draws parallels between Katy's situation and other celebrities who have faced backlash for their public behavior, highlighting societal double standards.

• Whitney Cummings [19:43]:

  "Why am I the only person that cares about that? No one thinks that's weird."

2. AI Friends: Redefining Human Relationships

Transitioning from celebrity culture, Whitney and Chris explore the concept of artificial intelligence in the realm of friendships. They discuss Mark Zuckerberg's idea of creating AI friends as substitutes or supplements to human interactions.

• Chris Cole [32:18]:

  "Mark Zuckerberg wants to make fake friends. I have enough fake friends for everyone to go around suck."

The conversation delves into the potential implications of relying on AI for companionship, questioning whether technology can genuinely replace the depth and authenticity of human relationships. They debate the emotional and psychological impacts of forming bonds with AI entities versus real people.

3. The Decline of Influencers: From Icons to Overexposure

Whitney and Chris critique the current state of social media influencers, arguing that the relentless pursuit of content and validation has led to a saturation of superficiality. They examine how influencers contribute to societal issues such as mental health challenges and the commodification of personal lives.

• Chris Cole [46:33]:

  "If someone's like, do you want to go out on the boat? I'm like, I don't know. Does it work?"

The hosts highlight the pressure on influencers to constantly engage their audience, often at the expense of genuine personal well-being and authenticity. They question the sustainability of influencer culture and its long-term effects on both creators and followers.

4. "Great News!" Segments: Embracing the Absurd

In contrast to their critical discussions, Whitney and Chris introduce a series of humorous "Great News!" segments, featuring outlandish and fictional positive news stories. These segments serve as comic relief, showcasing absurd scenarios that parody real-world events.

• Chris Cole [41:36]:

  "A truck carrying $800,000 of dimes flipped over in Texas, and dimes went everywhere."

• Whitney Cummings [43:36]:

  "I need eye bleach all the time."

These segments not only provide laughter but also subtly critique the often bizarre nature of modern news cycles, where trivial or sensational stories can garner significant attention.

5. Reflections on Modern Society and Technological Advancements

Towards the episode's conclusion, Whitney and Chris engage in a broader reflection on how technological advancements and societal changes impact human connections. They ponder whether the complexities introduced by technology hinder meaningful interactions and collective progress.

• Whitney Cummings [28:19]:

  "They were probably Scientologists. But here's the thing. I don't know what Katy Perry did... she appropriates. That's what people want."

The discussion invites listeners to consider the balance between embracing technological innovations and maintaining authentic human relationships, emphasizing the importance of genuine connections in an increasingly digital world.

6. Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Whitney Cummings [03:00]:

  "The real issue right now, the real victim in 2025 May, is Katy Perry."

• Chris Cole [32:18]:

  "Mark Zuckerberg wants to make fake friends."

• Whitney Cummings [19:43]:

  "Why am I the only person that cares about that? No one thinks that's weird."

• Chris Cole [46:33]:

  "If someone's like, do you want to go out on the boat? I'm like, I don't know. Does it work?"

• Whitney Cummings [28:19]:

  "They were probably Scientologists. But here's the thing. I don't know what Katy Perry did... she appropriates. That's what people want."

7. Conclusion

Episode 288 of "Good For You" presents a blend of sharp humor and insightful commentary, addressing pressing issues in celebrity culture, technology's role in personal relationships, and the pervasive influence of social media influencers. Whitney Cummings and Chris Cole effectively use comedy to explore and critique the complexities of modern society, offering listeners both entertainment and thoughtful perspectives.

For a more immersive experience, watch the full episode on YouTube.

Transcript

[Whitney Cummings]

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[Chris Cole]

Call Child Services, because on May 25, I will be in Las Vegas, Nevada, probably without my children. Last time I performed in Vegas, Pat, weren't you there? Make that up.

[Pat]

You were the last comic to perform at the Mirage.

[Chris Cole]

I got it closed. It closed down. What is that? Remember when I did that show Lilly Sing, and the next day it got canceled? I think they were already getting canceled. But I like to really come in at the end, you know, and let the nostalgia do the work. I don't think I'll be bringing my child to Vegas this time because last time I brought my son onto the floor. And remember that, like, weathered trollop was like, ma' am, you're not allowed to bring your child here. Looked at me as if I was the one that had made bad decisions my entire life. Do you remember that? It, like, shook me for a while. I was like, hold on, hold on. This woman looks down on me.

[Pat]

And she was right at the time, by the way.

[Chris Cole]

She's still right. She's still right. Okay, I'm not going to take my kid to Vegas. I'm just going to leave him at RuPaul's Drag Race. I'm coming to Canada. July 18, I'll be in Winnipeg. On August 9, I'm going to be in Halifax, Canada. I think these are all with Bert Kreischer, right? And then he'll. He'll do that. He'll do videos with his shirt off on the treadmill or something so I don't have to do all this. And then I'm going to go to somewhere else in Canada. I'm going to be in ridgefield, Connecticut, on September 5th, the day after my birthday. Two shows. Huntington, New York. I'll be the Paramount on September 6th. And then Vancouver, Canada. 912 Richmond, Virginia. I will be there September 19th. Norfolk, Virginia. September 20th, Toronto, Ontario. I'm coming to you in October. And then Baltimore, Arkansas, Pennsylvania. I'm going to be in Reading, Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Florida. Swing by Epstein island, then back up to New Orleans on December 6th. Action. All right, so everybody, Pat's in Holland. Like, such a white place to, like, I'm going to Holland on vacation. So he. Pat's remote. What have you learned about Holland? What can you tell us back here?

[Pat]

I have not seen a single piece of garbage on the ground anywhere.

[Chris Cole]

Hmm.

[Pat]

It's insane.

[Chris Cole]

Have you seen a single self made millionaire? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Have you seen a single man?

[Unknown]

That man's single.

[Chris Cole]

By the way, today, Chris and I were at something and Stassi Schroeder, like, comes up and says hi. And I was like, this is my boyfriend, Chris. And what did she say?

[Unknown]

She thought you were messing with her.

[Chris Cole]

No. She goes, what? You're single?

[Unknown]

She's like, what? No, like, who are you really? I was like, boyfriend, Chris, but. And she's just like, no. It's like her husband, like, pointed at some. Somebody else. Her husband? No, no. I thought you were single. Like, why are you hiding?

[Chris Cole]

You're all. You're single.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Like, I swear you're single. I was just like, is she. Let's elaborate on this. Like, huh? And you're like, yeah. You were just telling these jokes. I was like, she was, was she?

[Chris Cole]

And then simultaneously, Chris and I were like, tell me you muted me without telling me you've muted me. Yeah.

[Unknown]

And she gave the look to you, like. Like muted, right? Like, she doesn't follow at all. Oh, yeah.

[Chris Cole]

That was like such a brutal. Like if I hadn't posted you on social media.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, yeah. She goes, what did she say?

[Unknown]

She was like, you're hiding him.

[Chris Cole]

You're hiding this guy. It was so confrontational. I loved it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I loved it too. I was just like, like, tell me more.

[Chris Cole]

Are we done with this silly off the top of the show, Awkward flirting. Are we done?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Get into the nitty gritty, can we?

[Chris Cole]

By the way, hold on. Pat, do you write the chapter descriptions of the show?

[Pat]

I do an auto transcribe and then I run it through GPT to get me the chapter list, and then I sometimes will edit them.

[Chris Cole]

Isn't it called Chat GPT? Are you in a rush? You in a hurry?

[Unknown]

Yeah. You on first, you're like. You're friends with it.

[Chris Cole]

Did you just skate? It passed last week when the first chapter said, awkward chat between Chris and Whitney.

[Pat]

No, I saw that.

[Unknown]

That's awesome.

[Chris Cole]

So the chat bot. The chatgpt said it was awkward.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Wow. Rude.

[Chris Cole]

It was an awkward chat. And I was like, did Pat write that? Like, what's worse, right?

[Unknown]

That were so Awkward that a robot saw it.

[Chris Cole]

A computer thinks we're bad at socializing.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you're not in love, you cold, dead computer. Got it.

[Chris Cole]

Like, it literally said awkward.

[Unknown]

Get that in your caption.

[Chris Cole]

I don't like. How did my mom write the like, who?

[Pat]

Maybe it's a little. Maybe it's a wake up call.

[Unknown]

Awkward conversation with no son of mine. You're like, mom.

[Chris Cole]

Awkward talk where she's not wearing enough lip gloss.

[Unknown]

Disappointing conversation.

[Chris Cole]

Now I'm like, looking at the chapter. But every day I find a new way to hurt my own feelings. Now I go look at the chapter names on YouTube and it's always like, whitney Dronin on again. It's like, wait, what?

[Unknown]

Hold on.

[Chris Cole]

Whitney attempts comedy.

[Unknown]

Give this lady a drink already.

[Chris Cole]

Whitney gets wasted and rants about rocks being destroyed.

[Unknown]

Whitney screaming witch.

[Chris Cole]

Anyway, so can't wait to look in the mirror this week. So you just let that stay pat?

[Pat]

I think it's funny. Isn't it funny?

[Chris Cole]

I just, like, I. I've never looked at chapter time. Should I look at the whole history of the show?

[Pat]

If you want, I'd have to write a program that will go and do that. Or I could spend time with your family.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, do that. Definitely do that.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you could go to the Van Gogh museum. You can Van Gogh to it.

[Chris Cole]

I cannot wait to see what Chat G. Leave that in just so chat. GPT is like, Chris Cole, obviously a father. Dad.

[Pat]

The best joke ever.

[Unknown]

Yeah, objectively, a good joke. Wordplay with Chris Cole.

[Chris Cole]

Dave Chappelle speaking into Chris Cole's ear, feeding him jokes. I love when guys abbreviate random shit. But you know, Zayed, he'll he an Astros fan, and he'll be like, so the Stro are playing. I'm like, how busy are you?

[Unknown]

Yeah, are you.

[Chris Cole]

Do you need more time? Like, let's not even talk. Like, you are just too slammed. Obviously.

[Unknown]

Stro And Astros gives a complete different vibe.

[Chris Cole]

But you're making me, like, go. This is like when someone tries to get a new nickname for themselves. Going. And you're like, I'm not. It's like, I'm Sarah, but like, call me Kiki. You're like, I can't. No, you don't get to just do, like, now I have to go along with this. Like, the Stroz. No one says Stroz. No, I have to go. The who? The Astros. And then I'm not. Now I'm lame for not knowing.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

And now your whole thing about saving time. Now we've spent Four minutes on this.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I have to work.

[Chris Cole]

You made me work everything. Anything that saves time costs more time. Always. Always. I'm done with postmates in Amazon and door dash and stuff. It takes me so much more time to order something because all I do is track it and where is it? Are they on the way? Are they close? Like, I. And then once I get. I'm like, do I have everything? This is the one I ordered. Like, it takes twice as long to do something that saves time, right?

[Unknown]

When they're just like, if we're out of this, these alternatives, choose them. You're like, I would have.

[Chris Cole]

I would have just do that. On dating apps, they should be like.

[Unknown]

If this person doesn't like you, what about these alternatives?

[Chris Cole]

If by the time you swipe, they're like, hey, he already found someone. But, like, may I interest you?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

In the hacky sack, that's what AI.

[Unknown]

Is going to be good for. AI will be like, we've searched his profile and it seems that he's in a relationship with somebody.

[Chris Cole]

You guys, enough.

[Unknown]

We talk about that later.

[Chris Cole]

Enough. This is a serious podcast and they need me. So, look, I do want to talk about something serious. Up top. I'm just going to get it out of the way. It's not Israel and Palestine. I think we solve that. The real issue right now, the real victim, I believe, in 2025 May, is Katy Perry. And Pat, I need to be very clear with all of you. Stop. Stop it now. Over my dead body will you bully a brunette who acts weird in public. First of all, she's plagiarizing my whole brand, and I'm not even mad. If anyone should be mad at a brunette who wears too much makeup, who is being delusional and acting insane at live shows, it should be me, because I invented that. First off, to be clear, Katy Perry is. People are mad because she's act. She's doing this show where she's running weird and she went to space, and they're like, she said, this is the most normal she's ever behaved. And I actually think that's why you're mad. Once she stopped dressing as an actual hamburger, you guys were like, she's kind of being weird. Once she divorced Russell Brand, we're like, she's gone crazy. What? She's not with Russell Brand anymore. What a weirdo. Like, guys, it is very possible that going to space is the most normal thing Katy Perry has truly ever done. I'm just fascinated when we decide we're mad at someone. Jared Leto has an island where he has a cult where his fans come. That always ends well. And he's just gunning for a Netflix documentary in 10 years to come out. Like, I don't understand. Jared Leto has tunnels under his house. He bought a house that was owned by the CIA. He has a cult, but everyone's like, it's fine because he dresses like a cat at the Met, she said. However, Katy Perry keeps saying she. She feels like a human pinata from all the backlash from her going to space. Look, to be fair, Katie, welcome to what it's like to be a female comedian all the time. Okay, compared to us, you're literally beloved. But still, I'm obsessed. When everyone turns on one celebrity, it's like a weird Rorschach test of, like, something else must be going on. It happened with Anne Hathaway. I remember after she won her Oscar, people were just like. Like. Like, she's a pick me. Like, she's a theater cat. People just didn't like how excited she was to win her Oscar. Like, she didn't nail the energy or. Or she didn't, like, read the room or, like, be psychic about how everyone wanted her to behave. And then the Oscars, where she hosted it in James Franco, remember? And James Franco just gave up halfway through. He's like, I'm not doing this. It's too embarrassing. So she just, like, was in, like, a duck costume. Like. Like, she was just, like, singing Cotton Eye Joe. Like, she just lost her mind. And we don't like when people try too hard. So I think that the mistake Katy Perry made is that she's happy. And we're not doing that. Okay? Which is interesting because all we do is read books and screen grab quotes and listen to podcasts about how. Like, how to be happy. And that's our goal, to be happy. But that's not for anyone else but us. No one else gets to do it.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Chris Cole]

Okay, what's more annoying than a happy person?

[Unknown]

On my trek to be a happy person, I can't see people happy already.

[Chris Cole]

You can't get there before me.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that drags me down.

[Chris Cole]

It's not like, I didn't say you could be happy yet, because I'm not.

[Unknown]

Like, is that what it looks like? I'm not there yet. I hate you now.

[Chris Cole]

It's just in the default when someone's happy is like, oh, well, they're on drugs. People are like, she's on. And I'm like. Or she's just, like, rich and doesn't care.

[Unknown]

I Don't. When I first moved to California, I looked around and everybody was like, being nice. And I was like, why is everybody acting all happy? Why is everybody acting? And I really thought everybody was full of. It just turned out they were actually.

[Chris Cole]

Happy because they live in San Diego. They live in California. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

They live in San Diego. Diego. It's like phenomenal.

[Chris Cole]

Well, they were probably Scientologists. But here's the thing. I don't know what Katy Perry did. I don't know if she went to too much therapy, worked too hard on herself. Whatever she did, she's just. She's happy. And it's not cute. It's not a good look. We're not doing happy right now. We're not doing healed. Okay? I think the key to everyone's survival right now is to read the room. Right? If you're a celebrity right now, you cannot be joyful. But also, don't be ungrateful because then you'll go into chapel. Roan. Why can't she just, like, be grateful for her success? Like it's a. It's impossible to hit. Like no one's gonna hit it. But that's what needs to be. You have to hit the exact tone, okay? And whatever you do, do not post yourself eating eggs on social media. They will send you to jail. Cause eggs are expensive. The things we used to throw at people's houses for fun.

[Unknown]

You used to be able to get like a 24 pack for that.

[Chris Cole]

You know how sad it is that eggs are so expensive kids can't even vandalize their neighbors anymore. They. This country has really gone down the drain. I think that's why they have to go on and do negative trolls. Teen trolls would go away if they could just egg people's houses again.

[Unknown]

Yeah, but think about the keyboard warriors and how bad their aim is. They don't throw eggs.

[Chris Cole]

They don't get depressed.

[Unknown]

They're not good.

[Chris Cole]

I bet they're toilet paper people. Cuz you don't have to. You just kind of.

[Unknown]

Yeah, but you're stationary. You're not driving by in a car. Like you learned physics with egging as a kid. Like, you were just like, okay, I'm turning this corner and at this speed I'm trying to hit that door.

[Chris Cole]

I didn't do it in a car. Really?

[Unknown]

You didn't throw him out of a car?

[Chris Cole]

No.

[Unknown]

Neither did I.

[Chris Cole]

Okay, so Katy Perry says she feels like a human pinata. That's because you are a human pinata. I don't know how to Break it to people that this is your job. No one brought. Because the only reason I'm talking about this. It seems like a niche thing to talk about someone who's famous, who's dealing with backlash. Everyone wants to be famous. I think it's 80% of young people want to be influencers. So I do feel like this is relevant. And everyone within your own town is like, has some kind of fame, you know, I'm just saying no one likes you. Any of you. We don't. We. We don't want anyone to be famous for any other reason than to attack them. That's the whole point.

[Unknown]

Like, that's the new thing.

[Chris Cole]

You thought we were just going to like you forever. In what? Name one celebrity. We canceled John Wayne, like, a year ago. He'd been dead for 30 years. It was not. We couldn't let him just have it.

[Unknown]

Nobody gets out alive.

[Chris Cole]

No one. Even the dead people don't get out alive.

[Unknown]

Mother Teresa dig you up.

[Chris Cole]

Did you see Mother Teresa? There's this whole thing about how she's like, mother Teresa is not a girl's girl. It's like, what Mother Teresa. I mean, she was like a monster. But you cannot curse on this babe. It's a family show. It's a family show.

[Unknown]

I can do this, though. I've done commentary.

[Chris Cole]

Stop caring if people like you. They don't. There's something very freeing and just going, nobody likes you. They never did. The only reason they like you in the beginning was because they wanted to build you up just so they could smash you. You have to hang the pinata first before you hit it with liking. Anyone is just hanging the pinata. Okay? They got Morgan Freedman, okay? They couldn't just let him live out the last 10 years of his life.

[Unknown]

Not. Nah.

[Chris Cole]

They were like. He was flirty with his makeup people. He was a creep. I actually met someone who did his makeup once, and I was like. So did he, like, flirt with you the whole time? She goes, yeah, I loved it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's called charming in my book.

[Chris Cole]

I think it's important that everyone understands the. That the only way to achieve being liked is to die. I didn't. I don't make up the rules. You gotta die early. If Marilyn Monroe lived three more years, we'd be like, wow. Yeah, she's wearing a lot of makeup. Setting a bad example for young girls.

[Unknown]

It's a steep price, though, I'll tell you. Is it death?

[Chris Cole]

I think people are killing themselves trying to be like people. 400 people has fallen off Cliffs taking selfies. Why am I the only person that cares about that? No one thinks that's weird.

[Unknown]

And nobody likes a selfie. You're doing it for nothing.

[Chris Cole]

And I think as they. And I think as they're going down, they're like, that was worth it. They go, oh, no, or no, no, no. I thought I was gonna die once I told you this, and I told you what I said. Right.

[Unknown]

Huh.

[Chris Cole]

You've probably almost died.

[Unknown]

Yeah. A lot.

[Chris Cole]

But did you ever think you were gonna die and said something right before it and you didn't die?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

What would you say?

[Unknown]

I can't say it.

[Chris Cole]

Like, skate or die. Oh. Oh. Oh. Chris Cobra. Cole.com. i was falling off of a fence, and between the fence, there was like, a. Like, a ravine between the fence and this, like, concrete wall. So I was basically gonna, like, whatever, slam my head and break my neck, and I'm falling, and I went, not like this. The point is, no one likes you. Just enjoy it. Enjoy your life. There's nothing you can do. She made some mistakes, okay? She used to wear cupcakes on her boobs. You can't stop doing that. She's also. I'm gonna say this with, like, the only way I know how to say it. She's for China. She's not for us.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

I've always watched her and been like, this girl knows what she's doing. There's no one in America. There's no one's here. And everyone here is like, I want to listen to Fiona Apple on a record. Like, we're like, dorks. We're like Joni Mitchell again. She's not on Spotify. What am I gonna do? Most of the world's in China, and they want their pop star in front of fake pyramids doing this. And she does it. She will do this. She will appropriate. That's what people want. And pop stars won't appropriate anymore. Billie Eilish is running around dressed like Adam Sandler. No. China's like, what? That's not what we're doing. Can you dress up like a mermaid and get underwater immediately? We will give you all of our money. Watch all of Katy Perry's. She has people dressing as sharks. She understands the assignment, and the assignment is China, her new show. The way she's running, that's just. It's just. Am I wrong?

[Unknown]

No, it's. It's a Small World ride at Disney.

[Chris Cole]

That's it. She went to space. So when she goes to China next, she could be like, I saw you guys from Spain. I saw you up there. She's a business woman. Also. People are like, her tour sucks. Now I want to go see it.

[Unknown]

I have a hard time believing that.

[Chris Cole]

Beyonce was in town for four days. I didn't go. Her and I have the same birthday. I don't want to go see someone be perfect. I don't want to leave being like, I'll never be able to do that. Why are my. My hips don't work. I don't want to. I want to leave going. I could do that. No one cares if something's good. Name a good movie. Anyone?

[Unknown]

Wedding Singer.

[Chris Cole]

Die Hard.

[Unknown]

Nice.

[Chris Cole]

What?

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, Pat.

[Chris Cole]

What's the best movie?

[Unknown]

Dumb and Dumber.

[Pat]

Cable Guy. Face it.

[Chris Cole]

I believe that anything you guys just named truly the four worst movies on the planet. And that's my point.

[Unknown]

Joe Dirt.

[Chris Cole]

No, see, no one wants good. Citizen Kane. Don't care. Couldn't sit through it. Snore. Okay. Showgirls. I used to go to interactive screenings. $80. I had a bag full of all the stuff I'd throw at the screen. It was just bras no one wants. Good. Why is everyone around trying to be so good? Katy Perry figured that out. She's like, why am I doing these Kegels all day and trying to just run around with a lightsaber? Everyone's on drugs anyway. If you don't think her show is good, you're just not doing enough. You're a dork.

[Unknown]

What about her movie?

[Chris Cole]

Katy Perry has a movie?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Part of me, 2012.

[Chris Cole]

Put it on right now. Don't ride elephants. Name a business where someone's perfect all the time. If Elizabeth Holmes started a new business, Theranos 2, I'd be the first investor. The biggest mistake that she made with the whole space mission is she was, like, excited about it. William Shatner went on the same trip, complained about it, and no one got mad. They were like, okay, as long as he had a bad time. She should have been like a Karen about it and complained that the crew wasn't diverse enough. She should have complained that it was toxic because there were no trans women.

[Unknown]

The food sucked.

[Chris Cole]

Would have gone over like gangbuster. She'd be a hero. She'd have a Dear Media podcast. She'd be a truth teller and be on panels about empowerment with Meghan Markle. We want a whistleblower. We want a squeaky wheel. I don't know. Why am I so. I'm, like, weirdly defensive. Katy Perry. Because if she was blonde, we'd be like, what a Cutie brunettes aren't allowed to be dumb. If Sydney Sweeney did anything Katy Perry is doing, we'd be like, oh, God. She's just like, how does she do it all? How does she get it all done? What a girl's girl. Look at her being a girl's girl. Going on a spaceship with all those gals. My kink is delusional confidence. I love it. Tate McRae makes me feel bad. I don't like skill. I look at Katy Perry and I'm like, I can try that later. I could be a pop star. No one wants anything good anymore. What? Name one person that won a gold medal in the Olympics last year. Ray Gun. That's all we care about. Ray Gunn won the Olympics. I dressed up as her for Halloween. She's also my hero. Oh, hey, y' all. I. I mean, look at me. I don't need to give my summer wardrobe a serious upgrade. Like, I don't. I. I mean, I did buy this on Etsy, and it is a shirt with tassels and medallions on it that was for sure owned by a cat breeder in Alabama. And I do love it. But when I wear stuff like this, I get texts from my friends that say, are you okay? So I'm thinking about getting a little bit more adult with my outfit. So I'm going to upgrade. And the only way I'm gonna upgrade is with quint. They've got 100% European linen shorts and dresses starting at $30, luxury swimwear, Italian leather platform sandals, a ton of elevated basics that somehow make me look all pulled together without even trying, even with this personality. Here's the kicker. Everything is priced 50 to 80% less than you would find at similar brands. It's because Quint works directly with the top tier factories and cuts out the middleman, not kids. Fingers off. So you're going to get luxury quality, no retail markup. They also only work with safe, ethical and responsible factories. And all of the fabrics and finishes feel free. They're just. I'm not even going to say they're, like, great. Like, actually, Quince is, like, amazing. I'm obsessed with the jewelry, the luggage. I got all these, like, little cardigan sweaters because I'm like, 90s dream girl vibes these days. And I got a lot of Navy stuff. I'm over black. Very into Navy. Treat your closet to a summer glow up. Go to quints.com whitney for free shipping. Also, they have men's stuff, too, so get your guys together. 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E.com Whitney Quince.com Whitney Blissy. You might not realize it, but your pillowcase could be messing with your hair and your skin. Blissey fixes all of it. Blissy makes 100% mulberry silk pillowcases. No cheap satin, no harsh cotton. Just dermatologist recommended silk that helps reduce breakouts, frizz, dryness, even fine lines while you sleep. It's anti aging, naturally hydrating, hypoallergenic, antibacterial and it gives you moisturized skin through the night. So the deal is if you put all these amazing products on your skin and then you go to sleep and you put them on your pillow, that means your pillow is going to look younger in the morning. You're basically just get wiping it all it's absorbing with your cotton pillowcase. It's a scam. You need silk pillowcases if you're frizzy, ass hair, split ends, being sweaty at night, everything. Your pillow is the most important thing. I take my pillow with me when I travel, I take a silk pillow with me. I'm not willing to age 45 years because I, you know, willy nilly ran out the door and slept on some pillow. You know that that some scam that leeches all the moisture out of my skin. And now I've got. I love no one loves crows more than me. I don't want their feet on my face. There's tons of colors and patterns including their new Harry Potter line. What? Chris is listening. So it's super giftable. Or just upgrade your own setup because you're a listener. Blissey's offering 60 nights risk free plus an additional 30 off when you shop at blissey.com Whitney bl I s s-y.com blissy.com Whitney use code Whitney to get 30% off your skin and hair will thank you and so will your very shallow boyfriend. The reason I talk about this is because I had an epiphany this weekend coming back from shows in Indiana. Three hours of sleep. I think everything's fine. I think we need to stop panicking. What I'm about to say is exactly what dermatologists told me when I was 14 when they were putting me on Accutane. They said it will get worse before it gets better.

[Unknown]

So.

[Chris Cole]

So they should have just said your face is gonna look like a bloody pastry for homecoming and prom. The point is it's all gonna get worse before it gets better. This whole thing here in the usa, it's gonna get Worse. But we can't look at it that way. Everything that is happening now, that is so dumb. In America, they're like, it's the apocalypse. It's working for us. There's a reason nobody messes with us. It's not because they respect us. Oh, no, China kind of messes with us, but I think we actually like it. It's like our kink. We have this weird humiliation, like, masochism with them. What I'm saying is maybe the stupid things that drive us nuts about America are actually why the aliens aren't destroying us. They were too confusing, honestly. They might just take pity on us. Everything is so insane. I do think this is a deterrent. The aliens are like, oh, yeah, we don't need to destroy them. They're already destroying themselves. The aliens are probably gonna destroy us when we start to gain on them technology wise, right? So if they witnessed us send some people to space and everyone was like, screw you. They're like, oh, they don't want to progress. They think it's lame when someone, yeah, we all hate, like tech inventors. Like, we hate progress. They're like, we don't. We don't have to worry about this because anytime someone does something amazing, we're like, loser. They send their pop stars to space to like a mission that is like the sea quest of the sky. It would be bullying. How do you kill a species of people who put chemicals in their own water and then drink it? How do you, how do you oppress a species who self confines? Humans could live in the woods free with nature, but we pay money to live in boxes next to other people.

[Unknown]

And then complain about how we don't have enough room.

[Chris Cole]

Aliens are like, they voluntarily live like pigs divided by very thin walls. How do you imprison a species who doesn't want freedom? Pity is a good defense strategy. Like when you're about to break up with a guy, you know, because you saw on his phone that, like, you know, he got nudes or something. And you storm down to confront him, but you find him trying to assemble a desk from Ikea and you're like, he's been there for hours. He's like throwing things on YouTube, getting a chore. You can't help. They'll be like, oh, man, how could I be mad at you? You're too dumb to make a choice. I don't.

[Unknown]

There's no way you orchestrated this. Somebody took advantage of you.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, like this side chick is bullying you. I'm saying, yes, civilization is collapsing, but I Actually think it's kind of protecting us in the short run, you know, like, whether it's, like, foreign adversaries or aliens. I feel like they saw Katy Perry's new tour and they were like, wait, guys, let's not kick them while they're down. This feels like the last leg shake of life. They're like, is it dead? Like, they saw a Simple favor too. And they were like, wait, they're letting Blake Lively keep making movies? Wait, Amber Heard is making movies in Spain? There's no point in hurting these people. They'll just forgive us. You can't hurt people who won't let themselves be hurt because they're so checked out mentally due to the constant barrage of chaos that they're too desensitized and obsessed with their brand to even care. It's a power move. You can't hurt a species of people who voluntarily do CrossFit. Are you listening to what I'm saying? You know, only 18% of people under 30 drink now. We're raw dogging this life by choice. We've chosen to be awake during this nightmare. The aliens saw that Zuckerberg said that humans only have three friends, and they were just like, oh, God, these poor things. Killing them would be like, you know, too kind. Mark Zuckerberg went on the Yvonne show and said, the average American has three friends. I don't agree. Literally, three days a week, I have to tell people I'm on a plane when I'm not on a plane because I don't have time for all my friends that I love, and this is my personality, and that's how many friends I have. Can you make one that helps cleanse our friends that we can't stop being friends with, that we're friends without an obligation?

[Unknown]

Erase book, Shark Tank.

[Chris Cole]

Mark Zuckerberg wants to make fake friends. I have enough fake friends for everyone to go around suck. I'll give you some of my fake friends if they ever get back from Coachella. It's been over a month. They're still there. They can't find their charger. He literally said, you can make AI friends. No, we don't. No. First of all, if people don't have friends right now, it's because we lost them because of your thing that you made and how cringe all of our friends looked on social media. It's because we found out that we muted each other on your platform and it ruined our friendship. You did this. My friend wore the same top in three posts, and I had to mute them. We did this day already. You can't go back to that top. That's a carousel. That's not a solo. That's not a solo post three times. That's a carousel, Janine. Okay? You ruined all of our friendships by showing us the most cringe, desperate side of all of our friends. You revealed to us through meta Facebook, whatever you dorks call it, that our friend was hanging out with the friend that we don't like, and I saw it, so now I can't be as you did. People lost friends because we saw each other's Instagram feed, and we can't be friends with people who talk to camera and say, hey, guys, you did that. I can't be friends with a guy who calls his wife his rock. I can't be friends with mark anymore. He's 40 and he uses a smoothing filter. This is your fault.

[Unknown]

I'm with you all the time, and you just said that you get asked all the time, what products do you use for your hair? And I know that that's not true because I'm with you all the time.

[Chris Cole]

That's so funny. Everyone keeps asking me where this top is from. Oh, my boob just came out. Sorry. Everybody keeps asking me where this top is from. You gu. Also, Mark Zuckerberg. Remember when you start a company with your friends and then sued them and took it? Remember when you actually had friends, the Winklevoss guys, and they're. How did you manage to be meaner than the German people? You hurt a German person's feelings. Do you know how hard that is to do? You did that. I feel like if you think a person needs more than three friends, all you're doing is revealing to everyone that you don't listen to hip hop. Every song is literally, Keep your circle tight. No fake friends. He's like, I'm making fake friends. Hey, Zuck, maybe stop listening to Imagine Dragons for five minutes and get some rap music on your playlist. When rap comes on, does he just sprint out of the room? Okay, so Mike just told me that Mark Zuckerberg did a song with T Pain. I don't agree. Keep your circle big. Like, pulling that acquaintance into your inner circle. Trust everyone. Like, it's.

[Unknown]

Invest more in that friendship.

[Chris Cole]

Like, yeah, if you see someone, just. That's your friend. Now, I also don't think we need more than three friends. More than three friends was only a thing when we before we got siloed into custom algorithms and we needed people to help us, like carry hay. No one needs more than three friends. That was like, because your baby was going to die.

[Unknown]

Also, what's Friends? What is Friends?

[Chris Cole]

I just. No one has anything in common anymore. You can't be friends with someone in a different algorithm. It's just too confusing. Dear friends of mine, we can't even agree. We can't even have a conversation. They'll be like, hey, did you see that? P. Diddy was proven innocent. I'm like, that's not what I saw. I don't know what you've been Googling to get that news, but we're not the same all of a sudden. We have nothing in. There's also too much stuff. There's too many TV shows, too many movies, too. There's maybe three people, max, who have seen all the same movies and TV shows as you that you have shared references with. At this point, I can't have friends anymore. It doesn't. I'll be like, hey, did you hear the new Avril Lavigne song? And they're like, she's been dead for 10 years and replaced by a girl named Melissa. I'm like, I was your bridesmaid. We used to read the same newspaper, listen to the same music, you know? Now it's like, did you hear that new Sabrina Carpenter song? They're like, she's a man, right? I'm like, what? I'm like, should we visit Greenland on our trip to Australia? They're like, greenland? You mean the 51st state in America? Friendship's done. It's you and your phone now. Unless you go to space, in which case you get to have some girlfriends, but only in space. Get with the times, you guys. Nothing normal will ever happen again. We don't have friends anymore. Social media, your invention, Zuck, ruined the idea of friendship because now our friends see us do our job. You know how weird that is that your friends see you do your job? That never should have happened. It used to be your friend has a job. I don't know what happens at your job. I don't care what happens at your job. We hang out, you complain sometimes about your job, and at their funeral, you learn. Okay, they ran Philip Morris. Okay, all right. I mean, I knew their co worker, you know, Pam ate your yogurt at the off. Like, ruined the Christmas party. I didn't hear about the marketing cigarettes to children part. That didn't come up at the baby shower. Now our friends see us do our jobs, what we get paid to do. Like, my friends can't see me at work. They can't watch me podcast or do standup Friends can't handle it. They can't handle what we do for money. Now. All my.

[Unknown]

They shouldn't have to.

[Chris Cole]

All my friends are like, did you see Whitney on CNN New Year's Eve? She talked about fluoride being in the water. Yeah, okay, then send me back the diptyque candle. Never. Gotta thank you for that, but I gotta. Are you okay? Text Google the two chefs.

[Unknown]

I'm not lying.

[Chris Cole]

Two chefs died. I didn't do this. I was so shocked, too. That's why I said it. At least re. Gift the candle to me next year. How about we hang out? Fake worrying about your friends is the new being someone's friend. During the pandemic, my friends were like, whitney has blue hair. Everyone's like, are you okay? You have blue hair. I'm like, you weren't worried when I kept my hair brown so that Hollywood producers and casting directors would like me and put me in a mediocre TV show? That's when you thought I was mentally healthy. Going on CNN and calling out stories established media would never cover is funny. That's just funny. There's this thing now where if someone does something brave anymore, everyone thinks they've gone insane. Like someone trying to make you less brave is not your friend. I miss friends that pushed each other to do wild things. That's a friend. Real friends go like, yeah, date that guy with the Firestone tire tattoo on his neck. Yeah, get out of your system. Let's go jump off that thing. Jump off the thing. Let's go see if snapping turtles if their bites really do nick the bone. That's what I heard. Should we see? That's a friend. Let's go put Mentos and Pepsi on a plane. That's a friend. Okay, now friends are like, I saw your latest post. Are you okay? Are you okay that you haven't muted me yet? Why are you watching me at work? I'm at work, you weirdo. My work is online. I don't come watch you write your briefs or whatever you do for a living. Be like, hey, how's it going in here? How's your brief?

[Unknown]

My posts aren't for my friends, and Katy Perry is not for us.

[Chris Cole]

Babe, where were you 20 minutes ago when I was trying to say all this?

[Unknown]

Showing up.

[Chris Cole]

Zuck. Dude, you. This is your fault. Dude. You made an app that made everyone stop being lit. Friends aren't lit anymore. Okay? How about everyone get cool again and we'll start going back to human friends so Zuck doesn't have Friends. Because he's. Because. Well, first of all, Zuck doesn't have friends now because it's too awkward because no one knows if Thread is still an app or not, and they don't want to ask. And you just. You can't sit in an ice bath on the Internet and expect to have friends. You have to pick one dude. You can't pay to be in an MMA fighter camp and just stand there on national TV in a uniform and think anyone can talk to you with a straight face. Like you. That was you, Zuck. Just do things that make people wanna be your friends. Stop wearing a white T shirt every day. It's insulting. Stop trying to make a uniform happen. Steve Jobs at least picked something an adult would wear. It's like when sociopaths try to figure out how to behave, they're like, hey, I'll wear this white shirt, all right? Like, that's literally what the person emoji wear. He dresses like the person emoji.

[Unknown]

He, like, Tom from MySpace just stole Tom from MySpace's shirt. This.

[Chris Cole]

He totally did. He's like, okay, top friends. Let me dress like the top friend everyone has. Look, my boyfriend. I know is sitting here in a white shirt. I see the irony of what I'm saying. Okay, but if you want to run the world and program all of our brains, you're going to have to wear a button at some point. Okay? He dresses like he's at the sleepover party nobody invited him to in high school. It's like the simulation sleepover party is. How about you go to quince.com promo code? Whitney, get yourself a shirt. Do you remember when Zuckerberg tried to fight Elon Musk?

[Unknown]

Mental.

[Chris Cole]

We just let this slide. Why don't we talk about this every day? See, dude, this is your problem. You couldn't just be his friend. That was your shot at having a friend and you blew it.

[Unknown]

He's the only other alien, only two.

[Chris Cole]

People who could talk to it. You couldn't just grab a bite. You couldn't just both use a laser to hunt your dinner or in your tunnel or whatever. I don't know. Talk about real estate on Mars and ketosis or whatever. Like, talk about how hard it is to Western Union your handmaids. No, like, commiserating.

[Unknown]

What do humans do? They fight. Yeah, let's fight.

[Chris Cole]

You could, like, commiserate about how women are so dramatic when you tell them you're casually putting embryos in your employees on a weekly basis. There's a lot to discuss there. No, you Couldn't just do that, Zuck. You couldn't just be his buddy and sauna together and go look at the Titanic at the bottom of the ocean like a normal billionaire. You had to be like, should we fight on a live stream? You had to do be weird. You could have just gone to space and hung out. But no, you had to challenge him to a duel. But I don't want to be negative, so I think it's time to share some great news. Great news. A man that was paralyzed from a stroke was able to speak with new technology. I believe it was Neuralink. This is amazing. I will say there are some people who should not hear their parents speak to them after they've had strokes. Some of us didn't have parents who would use this technology to say something kind. I just. If you guys are inventing this, let's just, like, do a little caveat that the children get to have a say in whether or not they spend $1,000 for their parents to finally be able to speak again, only to tell them they're a surprise for no reason. Don't really need to sink money into. My mom on her deathbed, telling me I should wear more lip gloss, because that's what she did. She eked it out at the buzzer.

[Unknown]

Great news. A truck carrying $800,000 of dimes flipped over in Texas, and dimes went everywhere. Millions of dimes just north of Dallas.

[Chris Cole]

You had left a strip club.

[Unknown]

I don't know. Like, my question, though, is, like, armored vehicles, if they just flip over and just dump all the money out, like, that doesn't seem right. Right? So they just threw $800,000 worth of dimes on, like, a normal Peterbilt and just let it flip.

[Chris Cole]

What's a Peterbilt?

[Unknown]

It's like a Mack truck.

[Chris Cole]

Then why did you say that?

[Unknown]

Because I wanted to be cooler. It made sense. It was, like. It was so specific that the people that got it would think it was funnier, you know?

[Chris Cole]

I know what you mean.

[Unknown]

That was my good news.

[Chris Cole]

Okay? This is. This is how much I love Chris. I was like, oh, do you want to, like, come with some, like, good news topics? And it was that Nichols fell on the freeway and that woodpeckers are smashing.

[Unknown]

Car windows in Massachusetts.

[Chris Cole]

I was like, what website are you on? Sesame Street.org. like, where do you get your news? Sillygoose.net like, what website? What algorithm are you in?

[Unknown]

I'm looking for this type of news. It's the only news I want to read on the.

[Chris Cole]

On the. At the break.

[Pat]

Apple.com.

[Chris Cole]

Literally.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

@ the break room at Toys R Us. Like, where do you get this news?

[Unknown]

I just asked somebody at Party City. I'm like, heard anything of.

[Chris Cole]

I'm like, I don't get your ear.

[Unknown]

To the streets, Donna.

[Chris Cole]

I just went to a news site and watched people perish in the Ukraine war live. Like, where are you getting your news?

[Unknown]

Can't take that. I Google weird news.

[Chris Cole]

You googled weird news?

[Unknown]

And then booyonkers. All of it came up.

[Chris Cole]

What was up with the woodpeckers?

[Unknown]

So there's a woodpecker, like, invasion in this town in Massachusetts, and they're fighting their reflection in car windows and smashing the windows, which I feel like is just teenagers getting away with smashing a bunch of windows. And they're like, woodpeckers.

[Chris Cole]

That is so funny. I love when you're like, that's not what it's like. Enough teenagers were like, there's these woodpeckers.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Like the police chief's son is the one smashing windows.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

They, like, grab the football out and then just like these woodpeckers. There goes one now.

[Chris Cole]

Woodpeckers don't fight other woodpeckers, you know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

Do in Massachusetts.

[Chris Cole]

Like, that's so Boston.

[Unknown]

No need to Google it.

[Chris Cole]

More great news. A boat full of influencers sank. Now, can you imagine being an influencer and going on this boat? And it just worked. There's no content and things going well. This is what I'm trying to get you guys. We need to retrain our brains to be grateful when things go wrong. That's the only currency we have left. Things going wrong runs the economy. That is why we went into a recession, because things were going well. Things going badly. That's where the money is.

[Unknown]

Called a sitcom situational comedy.

[Chris Cole]

Thanks, babe. I was always. I always wondered what those were. Our economy. Our economy's in the gutter because things aren't going badly enough. Okay. The boat repairman just got a job. Yeah. Did the influencers get folliculitis? Yeah, they did. Don't look at things going bad as bad news. This will help boost the economy. When things go wrong, that's when things get sold. Band AIDS pills, Super glue. Not enough things go wrong. Right? That's why they make batteries last two days because they know you're never going to drop the thing and break it. So they have to make the things suck. So you buy more and more and more. I bought. I buy a battery every day now.

[Unknown]

I just bought batteries.

[Chris Cole]

If more things would just go wrong, maybe stuff would be made better in the first place so they don't have to rely on things going wrong to make money. This is the mentality you need to survive and understand capitalism. I need you guys to just understand when something goes wrong. You have content, you have a story, you have a post. Was anyone talking about Katy Perry before this? I'm just saying I'm going to her show. No one wants to hear about anything else. If it's going right, no one cares. If you just let the boat sink, you will have more than three friends. Are you listening? Okay.

[Unknown]

They better know how to swim.

[Chris Cole]

If someone's like, do you want to go out on the boat? I'm like, I don't know. Does it work? They have one of those boats that, like, gets to the dock and back. If so, nothing.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you're both a try hard.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, I need an option to be able to fake my death at some point. Is your boat in or is it out?

[Unknown]

Machiavelli.

[Chris Cole]

Can I rely on your boat to be unreliable? Okay.

[Unknown]

I need some spontaneity in my relationship with this boat.

[Chris Cole]

Great news. An air traffic controller warned travelers to avoid Newark Airport quote, at all costs.

[Unknown]

At all costs.

[Chris Cole]

While airlines, because they're cutting flights. And, you know, he says there's, like, a shortage of people. Dude, it would be so funny if this guy just did this because he's like, it's too much. He's like, don't come here. And he's like. Like. He's like, my back. I can't.

[Unknown]

He's just making the schedule, and he's just like, oh, God, I don't want to give up.

[Chris Cole]

I just. I also love that someone's like, hey, you guys, do not come to Newark. I work here, and I'm not good at my job. I don't know how to do this.

[Unknown]

I like someone that moral responsibility to.

[Chris Cole]

Tell you, but I lied on my resume, but I really need this job, but I don't want anyone to get hurt. So can you just go to JFK for a couple years till I just get this pension.

[Unknown]

One flight at a time.

[Chris Cole]

But also, it's like, flights are delayed. There's. There's more people traveling than ever. Where are you going? Where's everyone going? Where are you going? Like, which is it? Are we addicted to screens or are we not? Yeah, are we. What is. Are we. Are we only on zoom and working from home all day, or are we traveling more than ever? We can't Handle the amount of air travel happenings. Which is it? Or are we isolated phoneheads who never leave the house? Are we, like, outdoorsy travelers who are never home? I don't get it. The point is, none of this adds up. But it's great news. Look, I already assumed air travel was unsafe, and now that you say this, I'm, like, cool. All I hear is there won't be kids at Newark airport.

[Unknown]

The price of a bottle of water has gone down at Newark Airport.

[Chris Cole]

This is how you have to read the news. Because it's all bad. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Unknown]

They don't report the good.

[Chris Cole]

I'm trying to train you guys to understand that all news is good news. I think this is how Scientology operates. I'm not.

[Unknown]

Maybe you wouldn't know.

[Chris Cole]

I wouldn't know. You didn't get said. No. Which is great news.

[Unknown]

You got too close.

[Chris Cole]

Great news. The first robot retaliated. This video is so wild. It's a robot, like, fighting back.

[Unknown]

Oh, God.

[Chris Cole]

And don't. Good, you guys, this is good. Get them. Get them all. Let's just end this before it begins. I kind of wish this was the direwolf attacking its maker, but this will do for now. Let's just get this out of the way so that the robots can just be in the rearview mirror. They can be like the Apple pencil. Remember. Remember the Apple pencil?

[Unknown]

I use it all the time.

[Chris Cole]

You do?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I use it with the iPad all the time. I draw with it. Love it.

[Chris Cole]

They still make.

[Unknown]

Love it.

[Chris Cole]

They still make an apple pencil.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

That's so funny.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

Well, remember, like, the Palm Pilot with the little stylus.

[Unknown]

Oh, stylus are gone. The jawbone. Bluetooth gone.

[Chris Cole]

Remember, like, mini discs. That was the future.

[Unknown]

The mophie charging case.

[Chris Cole]

It's important that we see that technology that was. Had things. The VR thick goggles. They won't. They're not catching on.

[Unknown]

They aren't catching on.

[Chris Cole]

They're not catching.

[Unknown]

They're too expensive.

[Chris Cole]

Not only that. Not only that. And if you put them on, they weigh down your face, and you're gonna. It's bad. It's. You're gonna look older. Oh, women will never do that.

[Unknown]

Also, strictly. Dude.

[Chris Cole]

Also, I need to see who's in the room.

[Unknown]

Totally.

[Chris Cole]

Women need to see who's in the room.

[Unknown]

We.

[Chris Cole]

Hey, tech dork. Stop making blindfolds. Stop. Stop tricking us into blindfolding ourselves, you creep. I need to know where I am. Okay? It's a general rule. Yeah, I'm not going to buy Technology that does this. How about technology that gives me a 360 vision of who's behind me too?

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, like those spy tech glasses from the 80s that had a little mirror on the inside corner.

[Chris Cole]

Could you make those so that I'll know if a tech dork is creeping up on me to try to steal my retina if I can make sure the clear kiosk isn't getting me. Chris, how did you feel about our video? About you teaching me to skateboard and me defeating you easily?

[Unknown]

I loved it.

[Chris Cole]

Are you really nervous? Am I forcing you to do this?

[Unknown]

I love.

[Chris Cole]

I do feel like if I watch this, I would think the person was holding their boyfriend captive.

[Unknown]

No, I love being in here. I would be in that chair if I weren't in this chair. Yeah, I love hanging out. It's super fun.

[Chris Cole]

Do you want to talk more? Should I talk less?

[Unknown]

I'll talk more when I have something to say. The problem is I have something really good to say. Four seconds too late.

[Chris Cole]

Then why don't you go like I have something really bad to say. Four seconds too soon. I don't wait till I have something good to say to say it. I don't have that kind of time. There's no. You know what I mean? It's not about saying something good. What do you. What advice have you learned? Nothing from this episode. No one wants good.

[Unknown]

That's true.

[Chris Cole]

That's not. Have you seen the Internet?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I think it's just like if you're on the Internet, you will be hated.

[Chris Cole]

I have bad news for you, Chris.

[Unknown]

If they're watching you, they hate you.

[Chris Cole]

I realize you have are two time thrasher of the year skater that wins all. The skater of the X Games. You win the X Games and stuff.

[Unknown]

Try hard, little brother.

[Chris Cole]

Energy like it best when you fall. That's what they're. That's what they want.

[Unknown]

That's what they want.

[Chris Cole]

That's what they want.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Do it.

[Chris Cole]

You did Trey flip Wallenberg, but if people like you, he fell 68 times. This. It's the 68 times totally. Most of the videos you falling, it's in. You land it and you're like, oh, boring.

[Unknown]

Well, also when you land it, it's like, oh, that looks like it was supposed to happen because you went the exact speed and the board flipped exactly right and it was perfectly with you the whole time.

[Chris Cole]

Being bad at something is the only way people know it's real. Because now if you're good at something, people just assume it's AI or assume it's fake or edit it or something neat. So it's like how photos where your arm is in it taking a selfie does better on social media because they know it's real.

[Unknown]

Really?

[Chris Cole]

Yes. Good is over and I'm in.

[Unknown]

This is the end of good.

[Chris Cole]

It's. It's not. No one cares, man. Oh, really? You're going to try hard? What's the meanest thing you can call someone? A try hard? Yeah.

[Unknown]

But everything ebbs and flows. Everything goes through its waves. Think about Green Day. Green Day.

[Chris Cole]

So.

[Unknown]

And then you don't hear from them for a bunch of years, and then there's a new. There's a new group of 8th graders, and they're super into Green Day again. Green Day will always be there.

[Chris Cole]

Why?

[Unknown]

Why Green Day? Because they're a perfect example.

[Chris Cole]

I'm gonna bite my tongue because I feel like we just fought about this.

[Unknown]

We don't fight.

[Chris Cole]

But also it's. We don't fight. That's actually really fun. The Green Day and the Beatles. I just like. I'm sure I'm wrong. And Bob Dylan. I'm sure I'm wrong.

[Unknown]

You're not wrong about Bob Dylan.

[Chris Cole]

We didn't even watch the Cate Blanchett movie where she played Bob Dylan.

[Unknown]

Who?

[Chris Cole]

And then we made another one with.

[Unknown]

Tim Lee Chalame, Timberlee Chalame, Tim Chimney.

[Chris Cole]

Can someone please interview Cate Blanchett about the Timothee Chalamet movie where he plays Bob Dylan? Yeah, can we have a screening of both of them at the same time?

[Unknown]

No. Like a battle of the bands.

[Chris Cole]

They're both just like. They both just got lung cancer. For a movie. No one watched the first one played by an actor. Can you imagine being Bob Dylan?

[Unknown]

Curly hair, sunglasses, cigarettes, still alive, Rolling in his grave while he's still alive.

[Chris Cole]

He's like, hold on, hold on. You guys think I'm dead. Like, I think I.

[Unknown]

It says dedicated to Bob Dylan at the end, the memory of.

[Chris Cole]

He's like, guys, I love everything you say.

[Unknown]

I love everything.

[Chris Cole]

I hope I'm not, like, cutting you off.

[Unknown]

You're never cutting me off. You actually make great room for me to get in here. I just need to have better things to say, like more stories like the Dimes and the Woodpeckers.

[Chris Cole]

And I love what your news is, babe.

[Unknown]

It's just so fantastic.

[Chris Cole]

It's like, do you have a. You know when you put, like, a blocker on a kid's Internet? Like, do you think you did that for your kids and forgot to Take it off.

[Unknown]

And I just do it for me.

[Chris Cole]

And that's what you read.

[Unknown]

I just immediately just go, like, what's silly?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. And they're just like, I know mine. I started. Because you have to. Okay. So if you want to improve your algorithm, you have to press, like, on the things you want to see more of, and you have to go out of your way to press. Not interested. Yeah, And I do that now. Like, I'm actively working to improve my algorithm. So I'm like, oh, a coyote is hunting with a raccoon. Yes. More, please.

[Unknown]

Yes. I need eye bleach all the time.

[Chris Cole]

Eye bleach?

[Unknown]

Yes. Like, I want to see. I want to see bees that fall asleep inside flowers, and their butts are just sticking out of the flower.

[Chris Cole]

I think that means they're dead. I'm not trying to be negative. I'm. I'm gonna stop being negative.

[Unknown]

I think you're wrong.

[Chris Cole]

I just. You know that when we rescue bees from the pool, which is like, I will fully jump in the pool to rescue a bee.

[Unknown]

I've watched it.

[Chris Cole]

And a beekeeper reached out to me because I was like, on Instagram once, and they're like, you know, those are, like, forager bees, and if they're out getting water, that means they're gonna die in, like, five days anyway. I was like, yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. But what if this was the. The first day of his rum Springer? I'm not gonna, like, I need him to, like, he's gonna get.

[Chris Cole]

Not gonna be like Timothy Chalamet and Bob Dylan and be like, you're gonna die soon anyway.

[Unknown]

Do you know how long your day would feel if you were just drinking water out of a pool the entire day? Like, five days of doing that is so long.

[Chris Cole]

Your brain is so funny, babe. I love you guys. Don't ride elephants. And I will be looking at the chapter descriptions. Chatgpt.

[Unknown]

Timothy, Chill me.

[Chris Cole]

I wonder what they're going to describe that exchange as.

[Unknown]

Two robots talking. What I grab is time. Z rate.