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Whitney Cummings
Bap, bap. Oh, hello. Hi, Whitney. Here, Grace. Here it is. November. Okay. And as. As this year comes to a close, I'm starting to think about the year ending and like, what this year theme. As I'm doing something on New Year's Eve, I'm going to roast the year. I'm like, what is this year? What's the theme of this year? I think it's clear to me that this has become the year of. Of that de. Evolution started like the year we took just a hairpin turn back to being pharaoh monkeys that just throw shit at each. The year that brought out our worst. The year where we didn't care about anything but ourselves. This year was so bad. The bright spot was watching a baby hippo be abused in a Thai zoo. 100% that that hippo is being abused.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
And that's the sweet. That's the nicest thing we've seen that hippo.
Grace O'Malley
Hippos kill more people every year than like alligators and sharks for sure. That hippo mudang is going to come back and kill all of you.
Whitney Cummings
By the way. You're watching a hip. I can't even watch it because I'm watching.
Grace O'Malley
No, it's horrifying.
Whitney Cummings
It's anybody with a brain in their head, which I know there's not many left, or we've all gone so disassociated that we don't know. But that's how far gone we are mentally that we watch an animal being abused and we're like, oh, like it's. It's being tortured and we. We're gone. Yeah, okay, this. I just missed the thing. This is the hero that no one seems to have empathy for any human, any child. Unless. You know what? We do have some empathy, but only if it's a squirrel. We have more compassion for squirrels than humans at this point. An Instagram squirrel was abducted by the state of New York. Right? Was euthanized. Look, I'm just jealous that the squirrel was euthanized just before election day so we could avoid all this stress. God, I'm like, should have been me. Lucky squirrel. Look, I love squirrels as much as the next person, but the fact that we're only able to show any kind of empathy if it's for a fancy rat. I mean, it's. It's the end. This also it. Is this where our tax dollars are.
Grace O'Malley
Going, oh, my God.
Whitney Cummings
This is when the government has their to. This is when the government's super organized and knows how to push something over the finish line.
Grace O'Malley
So Much for you falling in love with New York City.
Whitney Cummings
H. I know.
Grace O'Malley
No, not anymore.
Whitney Cummings
Between the Lyme disease and the squirrel murder, I'm out.
Grace O'Malley
The mirage is ended.
Whitney Cummings
Look, you know how this is a. By the way, the government is functions all of a sudden. Like what?
Grace O'Malley
Oh, how about that?
Whitney Cummings
No, they had a youth guy scheduled for the squirrel. You know, youth guy. You can't get a youth and someone to youth and I was. I got an epidural. I waited four hours for an epidural. Yeah, at a.
Grace O'Malley
You know, at a very nice hospital.
Whitney Cummings
Clean water to Appalachia. Can't do it. There's a squirrel that we don't. Okay.
Grace O'Malley
Also, God forbid a person wants to euthanize themselves.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Grace O'Malley
Come on.
Whitney Cummings
Ballot boxes don't work food stamps. Food is full of chemicals. Yeah, but when it comes to the vermin, we have a surgeon ready with the ketamine drip.
Grace O'Malley
He's being read his last rites.
Whitney Cummings
We have the morphine. There's a priest to humanely kill a squirrel. And a squirrel, by the way, if it was 10ft away, if it was in a tree outside, no one would care. Yeah, no, but it was inside the apartment, so. It was inside, so we had to send the squirrel guy. So in America, bridges are collapsing, but if a squirrel's in someone's apartment, we all of a sudden have the technology to track the location. We got the cage. We got the peanut butter on a spoon to get him in the cage. We got the driver to the. We got the paperwork.
Grace O'Malley
Also, isn't this Eric Adams? New York Eric Adams, king of let's kill all the rats? That was his whole platform was like, what if we killed all the. That's a rat.
Whitney Cummings
He's a squirrely guy. Maybe he got sick of being called squirrely. It's just weird to me when government agencies all of a sudden are super on top of things. I tried to rescue a giraffe in a fire in California that was being abused. And I. No one. I'm like, don't you want to come up even for a selfie? Animal Control, like, they had no. They were just like, well, we don't know, man. Like, what is going on? The government is like, hey, I know. People are being stabbed in the streets with machetes by zombies. And we make. Because we made you wear masks for two years, and we won't give you health insurance. And so everyone's on the street doing fentanyl because of their bad knee. But the good news is we handled the domesticated squirrel It's. You don't have to worry about your ig feed being adorable any. Never again. Do you remember when I had the raccoons?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. That sent you to the hospital for rabies shots. Okay, that was one of. One of the. One of my favorite Whitney attacks of all time. Was. Was he you texting me saying, can you add a trip to the hospital every Thursday for the next four weeks because I have to go and get a rabies shot?
Whitney Cummings
No context.
Grace O'Malley
You did not preface this at all by saying, like, I got scratched by a wreck. You just said add to calendar.
Whitney Cummings
Went on a wild date last night. I think you're gonna need. I think I'm gonna need a rabies shot.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, God. I'm dating a magician.
Grace O'Malley
Jesus.
Whitney Cummings
No, I. I. What? I had a. I always have cuts on me. My. On me legs. On my legs. You know this about me. I had some cuts on my legs and then from other animals biting me that are. That don't have rabies. And I went outside one night when we had the puppy, and I was. He was peeing at night.
Grace O'Malley
You had seen the raccoon in the tree. It had been kind of hanging out. Right.
Whitney Cummings
We're a family. We are one.
Grace O'Malley
You also live in nature.
Whitney Cummings
Me and the raccoon, we're all one crow.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whitney Cummings
We're. They're. They get me. And so I knew the adult raccoons. I've seen them around the elders. Yeah, I mean, they. They do. They do pretty. They don't do well enough on Instagram to really develop the relationship I need for them. The coyotes, the crows, and the owls are better for the brand. And so I've seen the big ones, but I go outside, I let Ludo out instantly. These were also the. The kind of edible indica edible days. So I really was. I was. Did not sure what was real or fake. And I go outside and I just felt something run up my leg. And I just thought it was my new skims robe being just made in China. I just was like, oh. And then I looked down. I saw three baby raccoons. And then they all just went up the tree. I don't know why. Yeah, and they went up the tree. Fine. I'm dating a vet at the time. I don't even mention it to like the next day.
Grace O'Malley
Insane.
Whitney Cummings
I was like, oh, the right. Oh, that raccoon. One of them ran up my leg and he was like, what? Like, he was just like, you need to God now. Oh, sorry, I'm touching the Mic. Pat. Pat.
Grace O'Malley
I am Pat's soldier. I am Pat.
Whitney Cummings
I have rabies. Okay. I feel up the rabies. I feel like I'm handling.
Grace O'Malley
You've got long onset rabies.
Whitney Cummings
Given the fact that I'm rabid, this is pretty good. So runs up my leg. I'm like, it's obviously fine. Yeah, it is. Zero people have survived rabies.
Grace O'Malley
No, that's. I was just about to say that. Rabies is like, if the symptoms start, you are done.
Whitney Cummings
That said.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
If someone were to survive it, it would be fudgeing. I put my money on me. I'm not trying to be arrogant. No, I do think it'd be me.
Grace O'Malley
You were bred for this.
Whitney Cummings
I was built in a lab to beat rabies.
Grace O'Malley
You're the COVID vaccine.
Whitney Cummings
I'm just telling you. So I was kind of like, I kind of hope I have it because I feel like I'm going to be the guy. But anyway, rabies is more. By the way, it's not bats, it's not raccoons. Fine. And so I had to go get some Monte Crobal antibodies. You have to. Very few hospitals even have it.
Grace O'Malley
Right.
Whitney Cummings
You go, and as if you're not already a little anxious about it, everyone is so, like, checking to see if.
Grace O'Malley
You'Re foaming at the mouth.
Whitney Cummings
Well, it's more like the way they look at the. No one comes in for this. Like. Yeah, it's just like.
Grace O'Malley
Like, how were you in the situation?
Whitney Cummings
You did this? There's. It's so hard to almost get rabies.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, you have to be such a maniac. Like, they're like, what happened? Exactly. Like, they can't understand it. And they're like, oh, did a bat fly? And I'm like, no. And I'm like, a raccoon ran up my leg. It doesn't. Yeah, everyone needs to hear the story. And then they're kind of like, do we need to drug test her first?
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God.
Whitney Cummings
They're trying. They're like, oh, we need to take some blood first. They're like, ish. Well, how many drugs is this person on that she managed to get herself in this jam?
Grace O'Malley
So whatever happened to believe women?
Whitney Cummings
Well, how about that? I mean, look, that.
Grace O'Malley
That applies to rabies.
Whitney Cummings
I don't see gender. So. And then. Yeah, it's. It's tricky. And you have to get them at every week at the same time. And I'm like, I have rabies. I can't remember when. And so I had to get the Montecrol antibodies, but it kind of becomes this, like, standoff thing where you're like, do you think I have it? Yeah, chances are you don't. We just. But I'm like. But I don't.
Grace O'Malley
Level with me.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Like, yeah, I. I'm giving myself rabies. Right. So that I don't have rabies.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's famously how vaccines work. Wait, also, are you now vaccinated for life? Because that's.
Whitney Cummings
I didn't get the fifth one.
Grace O'Malley
Very. It was probably my fault. I didn't add it to the calendar.
Whitney Cummings
Because there was four in a row.
Grace O'Malley
And then, oh, my God, like, 30.
Whitney Cummings
Days later, and I just.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God, I killed me.
Whitney Cummings
It would be your fault. But I also didn't tell you, but.
Grace O'Malley
Do, like, a Matthew Perry's assistant. But to me, oh, no.
Whitney Cummings
The assistant on the hook.
Grace O'Malley
The assistant is literally being indicted for murder because they got the drugs or manslaughter. Yeah, because he got the drugs from Matthew Perry. Fully, like, in jail, like, awaiting driver.
Whitney Cummings
Better change his name. Oh, wow. Oh. Because if you buy drugs for someone.
Grace O'Malley
I mean, it's you, too. But that's the thing is, like, it's. The. The argument is that it's like, well, he's an adult. He knew, like, right from wrong. He should have, like, said no. But then obviously the defense is like, but he worked for this person who was, like, giving him his livelihood. Like, where's the line? You know?
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Like, I mean, the reality is, if he said. I mean, I don't know, Matthew, if it. If he said no, he would have just found someone else.
Grace O'Malley
Exactly, exactly.
Whitney Cummings
So.
Grace O'Malley
And, like, they'd worked together for years. Like, by all accounts, this was, like, a healthy working relationship.
Whitney Cummings
And then he might be able to say, though, like, you knew he was trying to be sober. You knew.
Grace O'Malley
It's a complicated thing, but. Oh, God, he's, like, kind of on the hook for it.
Whitney Cummings
That's terrifying.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Well, back to me. I have real problems. I wake up the next morning, there is the adult raccoon in my tree.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Okay. And it's just slurp. Slurped. No, it's like, what's it when you're, like, slumped. Slumped over the tree. Slumped over the tree. And it's. I'm poking at it. Of course. I make a charcuterie board for it to try to get it. The vet I'm dating is like, don't. You are. And I'm like. And he's like, we need to get the vet. I'm dating goes. We need to kill it and cut its head off. And I'm like, dude, if we break up. If we break up, that's your hinge bio, dude. He's like, we need to cut its head off. I'm like, I feel like that's not the protocol.
Grace O'Malley
I feel like there are, like, humane.
Whitney Cummings
Traps or put on a stick to threaten the other raccoons.
Grace O'Malley
Like, put it at the Game of Thrones style.
Whitney Cummings
Like, is this just your own thing?
Grace O'Malley
Like, but so.
Whitney Cummings
But if something might have rabies, you have to.
Grace O'Malley
You're supposed to. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Cut the head off. So that's a whole other thing. We didn't do that. I'm not a mukbang guy. And so I. It's. It's. Obviously something's wrong with it. It's sick, right? So he's like, you need to call animal control and report this thing. And I'm like, I got it. I'm an adult. You go to work and be a vet. I'm gonna handle this thing because I'm a big girl now. I call animal control. I'm like, they know me. They. They. I.
Grace O'Malley
Hey, guys. It's Whitney, by the way.
Whitney Cummings
I'm so arrogant when it comes to this stuff. Like, I'm the giraffe lady. They're like, what? We. Literally, the turnover on these employees is every two weeks.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God.
Whitney Cummings
We get paid so little and bitten so much, you know, I'm like, it's.
Grace O'Malley
The last guy who was working the phone died of rabies last week, by the way.
Whitney Cummings
I fully called being like, hey, it's Whitney. Like, yeah. And I'm like, there's a raccoon in the tree. And she's like, yeah, that's where. That's where they live. And I was like, you know, I know, I know. But, you know, level with me. It's acting very weird, you know, and it's. It's. I'm poking at it, and it's not reacting or running away. And she was like, oh, well, you know, a lot of people are testing their cocaine for fentanyl, and if it tests positive, they're flushing it down the toilet. So a lot of the coyotes and raccoons have fentanyl in their bloodstream, so it's probably just that.
Grace O'Malley
Open the schools.
Whitney Cummings
I'm out.
Grace O'Malley
What?
Whitney Cummings
I'm. We're. It's over. We're not.
Grace O'Malley
We're not make. We're not coming back.
Whitney Cummings
Fentanyl raccoons. No, it's a wrap.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
We cannot.
Grace O'Malley
We already had the cocaine Bear and Elizabeth Banks does not need another project on her slate right now.
Whitney Cummings
Was that her movie?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I didn't know that.
Grace O'Malley
Cocaine Bear.
Whitney Cummings
That's so random.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
From. From the maker of Cocaine Bear. I endorse Kamala Harris. Okay. So anyway, that is all to say. That's all to say. Perfect segue. Autism.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Grace texted me today. I was like, what should we talk about on the podcast? We're not going to talk about politics. And she responded with, he said we.
Grace O'Malley
Need to talk about people self identifying as autistic. Like, well, first there's. I sent you the TikTok of the guy talking about how people who use the word autistic really freely, like, being like, oh, sorry, like, I'm just autistic. And he's like, yeah, you're basically just saying you're like that. That's exactly what you're doing.
Whitney Cummings
In a way that's more like, bless her heart.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. It's like socially. It's the socially acceptable way to use the word. Started now, because you would never, like, go to an autistic person and be like, they're being so autistic right now.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
No, no, Imagine.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, wow. So it's like the new R word to say that.
Grace O'Malley
Like, it's not the new art, but it's just like, why would you. Why would you do that?
Whitney Cummings
But it's also, as someone that is probably autistic and is always accused of being autistic. Little of both. A lot of my. I was diagnosed as a kid with autism. Beat it. We know this. But also as a kid trauma. The effects of trauma also masquerade as autism in a lot of ways, as kid. When you're a kid, who knows? Like, when I was diagnosed with it, it was probably just like, I don't even. They would molest you and if you reacted, you were autistic. Like, I. Honestly, back then, it was a different time.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God.
Whitney Cummings
If you were. If you. If you rejected your professor's advances. Like, she's so autistic.
Grace O'Malley
This girl's mad that I molested her.
Whitney Cummings
And so I don't know what it is now, whatever. But, like, I also. It's tricky because I. I vividly remember this. I don't know where I think we were in one of the roast writers room, and I was like. I said, like, I don't know what I have, like adhd, Asperger's or whatever. And you just went, I don't know. But you got something.
Grace O'Malley
I remember, and I stand by it.
Whitney Cummings
I remember it so vividly. Cuz, like, it's so funny. You also see me when I'm not working. Like, I have no loyalty to the person I was 30 seconds ago completely. I will bail. I interrupt myself if you think I interrupt other people. I interrupt myself when I'm talking. I will call it if I am bored. No one is safe.
Grace O'Malley
I love that about you. And I think that I'm the same way because I'm very, like, strong opinions loosely held. Like, I'm like, yeah, I think I'm wrong. Or I'll be like, today I love death metal. Like, tomorrow I don't.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, I just. Okay. But, you know, I would like to come clean on something, please. I just discovered edm and I'm all in.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, no. Somebody Spotify shut down her account.
Whitney Cummings
All right, y'all, I'm not even going to read the copy because normally people like, go, oh, send product. And then read this copy about how you pretend to, you know, use the product. Not this guy. Okay? Authenticity. Brown over here. Okay? All real. Don't lie, McGillicuddy. Sitting here with Huell anyway. Didn't even know we were doing ads. I really use it, okay? I'm. Look, I'm allowed to say spaz. Probably not just lost the partnership with the brand I actually really like and use. I'm in. I'm a manic person. I. I'll toast, I'll start it, I'll forget about it. That I can't. I have a baby. I'm like, literally just eating, you know, his spit up off the floor at this point, Like, I'm like, have not had a normal meal in a while. I'm touring Huel to the rescue. Okay? This is the one I use. The chocolate one is my favorite. It's just 35 grams of protein. I've never had more energy. I mean, have you ever seen me even this energetic ever? I mean, I am. I don't know what's going on, okay? But this is all these vitamins that my body is chock full of because I've just been doing hu. I take it on the road with me. I put it in my check luggage. By the time I get to the hotel, I can just, you know, I don't have to, you know, be eating some Auntie Anne's pretzel at the airport. I have like, a healthy meal in this bottle. Vitamin D, iron, calcium, potassium, vitamin B12, like, I mean, zinc. No wonder everyone's getting sick except me. Choline, dude. This is what's up. I'm obsessed with hu. Cost less than $5, which is way less than most takeout options anyway. Hu. Makes it easy to stay healthy even on the busiest days. No prep, no cooking, just grab a bottle, you're good to go. Huel is my fuel. Because I always say that. I was just in an argument with my guy cuz he's like, doesn't eat properly and I'm like, stop calling it food. Call it fuel. Maybe call it fuel. You're going like, oh no, I don't want any fuel right now, thanks. But when you say food, you're like, nah, I don't want any food right now. They're we're. Dude, Huel, I'm telling you, game changer. 15 off with the code. Whitney@huellhuel.com. that's 15 off with the code huel.com. fuel up the easy way with Huel today. I love it. It's also non gmo. What a concept. The things that are, you know, said to be healthy don't secretly, you know, have poison in them. Fuel, it's delicious too. You're just like trust drinking a chocolate shake. Thanks, Yule. Also, I don't know about you guys, but there's something special about unwinding with a nice glass of wine at the end of a long day. And I have a 11 month old, so the days are just getting longer and longer. But finding a quality wine at a good price is not always easy. You guys know that most wines are scams. I mean, let's just say it. I'm not gonna lie to you right now. Did you see Sour Grapes? Great documentary about the rigamarole that is the wine business. That's why I love Naked Wines. Naked Wines, it connects you directly with the independent winemakers from around the world. And it cuts out the middleman. So you're getting great wines without all the additional costs in scam. Okay, I don't, I don't like scams. If a. A wine cost a crazy amount of money, it takes out to me away the effect of the wine of the. It's not relaxing. If I'm like, this was 80 bucks. God, it's delicious. But it was 80. But like it undoes the whole point. Okay, Naked Wines has a special offer just for listeners of this podcast. You're gonna get six bottles of wine for just 39.99 with shipping included. That's insane. Whether you're a red lover, a white fan, or somewhere in between, they have a selection that'll make your taste buds happy without breaking the bank to get started head to nakedwines.com Whitney. Use the password Whitney to unlock six bottles of wine for just 39.99. That's naked n a k e d wines.com/whitney password Whitney. Cheers. Let's forget our problems. Grace O'Malley. Okay. We were in Chicago for the Chicago shows. She's playing some. It's like, are we in a W hotel lobby? Is this a sushi restaurant? Music? Like, what am I listening to? And there's no. It's just like, just noises. I love my just noises. It's on some beepee bop option. Yeah. And she says it's for smooth brained people. And I was like, I was just. I. Because this is my thing. I can't let shit slide. And I obsess over something until I can't get over something until I figure out why the person commits their life to it.
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
Whitney Cummings
That's one of my problems. Like, if I see. I like your shoes, but I'm saying if I see crazy shoes, I have to go, like, someone like spent time.
Grace O'Malley
Making these, designing them.
Whitney Cummings
They sketched it. They, you know, it's like my whole thing with the squatty potty. I'm like, would you rather have the hundred million dollars a squatty potty guy has? But also every time you meet a new person, they're like, what do you do? How did you. So I. Because he had to pitch it for years and he had to be like, no. But if you sit like this, okay, so your comes like he it. You know what I mean? So I'm obsessed with what people dedicate their lives to. So I'm thinking this EDM thing and I'm like, how does a person go, I want to make music, but I don't want it. I just want it to be in like elevator. Like, I'm not great at it.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I'm not trying to be Bob Dylan. I'm not trying to be the Beatles. I want to be like in the background.
Grace O'Malley
I wanted to like have a drop and be able to be played in a club. If they turn the volume all the.
Whitney Cummings
Way up, it's not even club music. It's not. That's my thing. I'm like, where does this go? Is this like unlicensed? Is it. Because you don't license it.
Grace O'Malley
It's commercial free.
Whitney Cummings
That's what I'm saying. I need to understand what something is in another way. I'm like, what, what car brand is this? What comedian is this? Do you know? I'm saying, so if you were to Go like, who is Bob Dylan in comedy? I don't know if this is the copy. Go. Oh, he's like the David Tell of music.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I need to know what EDM is of other. Is it the Fanta of soda? Is it the. The Pepsi? Like, do you know what I'm saying?
Grace O'Malley
I think you might be autistic.
Whitney Cummings
No, I am.
Grace O'Malley
I'm.
Whitney Cummings
No, I can't get out. I'm just. I have to live this way. I know I have to live in here.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, God.
Whitney Cummings
And so I can't get past it. Grace is like, yeah, it's just called edm. And I'm like, no, no. But who makes it? Like. I was like, is this computer to the source? No, I'm like, this is computer. If a computer made music, I. Yeah, that's. That's. I'm like, if a computer made. Is this, like, what Jeff Zuckerberg thinks is good? Like, sex music? Like, I need to know who's listening. I need to know. I know everything. And so I said to her, I was like, now I'm obsessed with EDM because she's playing it. I start playing it, and I'm doing stuff, making fun of it, and then I just find myself focusing on what I'm doing.
Grace O'Malley
And I was like, no binaural beats. Thank you, Huberman. I learned this from him, like, listening to, like, binaural beats for focus. Really good.
Whitney Cummings
Wait a minute. And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I just paid attention to what I was doing for more than two minutes. That was weird.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Because music. I realized I'm so sensitive to it. I don't have to worry about it being good or bad. I don't. I'm not gonna change my mood with the next song.
Grace O'Malley
I'm just like, yeah, well, I. I get so obsessed with, like, the words of the song because I have karaoke disease, which is where I have to know every single word to every single song in case it's my big moment. Because you never know when it's gonna. You never know when you're gonna be Lady Gaga with a hundred people in a room and one of them is ready to leave you. So I have to know every word to every song. So I can't listen to music with words when I'm, like, trying to do. Do something.
Whitney Cummings
No. Yeah. Oh, interesting. And then I go into, like, how come Lady Gaga. When was this album?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Music is so deeply distracting to me. Or I'm like, completely should have been a bigger song. Like, I can't just let it Go into the background. So I was like, oh, I'm EDM guy. And not only that, I will listen to the same EDM song. Oh, I mean, my guy is leaving me. It's. He's like, I cannot with this.
Grace O'Malley
I hate to break it to you, but you listen to every song like that is that.
Whitney Cummings
I do listen to one song.
Grace O'Malley
I. Driving up to this house, my brain, somewhere in the back of my brain starts going, I am actually good can help.
Whitney Cummings
That was. Dude, how dare you? Because, oh my God. It actually gives me a pit in my stomach. That was the song I was listening to on repeat over the pandemic.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
And I feel cold for from that house we were renting. And my hair was purple and my eyes were dilated and I was just like, I'm just this. I don't. I'm never doing comedy again.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Hey, guys. Oh my God, it was so dark. It was so cold.
Grace O'Malley
I am actually good.
Whitney Cummings
Dude, I cannot believe you brought that up. Because every time it comes on, I'm like, swish it.
Grace O'Malley
I listen to a lot of Ethiopian jazz.
Whitney Cummings
Really?
Grace O'Malley
When I'm working. Yeah. Cuz it's just like. I like that, you know, it's like. It's just fun, like in the background. But it's not like EDM sick.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, I'll try. I'm into vitamin strings quartet.
Grace O'Malley
I don't know what that is.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, it's a violin. It's a group that plays like current hits violin.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that's fine. They did like, like a Lindsay Sterling kind of vibe.
Whitney Cummings
Yes.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
All the Bridgerton stuff. Like they cover Taylor Swift, but it's just Violet.
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
Whitney Cummings
Which is. I know.
Grace O'Malley
Get that away from.
Whitney Cummings
I'm trying to go in person. They're playing a Thousand Oaks in two weeks.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I thought you meant Taylor Swift. And I was like, really? What change?
Whitney Cummings
She will be at the Long John Silver's.
Grace O'Malley
Yes.
Whitney Cummings
How the mighty have fallen. I. So, okay, so I do feel like we're at this place where more people than ever are identifying with their neurodivergent stuff. But I also feel like we're at a place in history where, like, all of us are changing mentally, so it's hard to tell what's work. So I'm like, okay, OCD add. Got it. Yeah, but like, if you had ADD ten years ago, clinically. Mm, fine. But if you didn't ten years ago, you have it now.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Is it. You know what I'm saying? There's a little bit of like, if you didn't have It. You have it. Do we all have it?
Grace O'Malley
Right?
Whitney Cummings
You know, and also with the sensory stuff, because a lot of people, like, your thing was like, people are like, I'm have Asperger's. Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Well, people are. People are so quick to be like, like, I'm gonna go home. I'm autistic. And it's like, they're like, I don't like crowds and, like, loud noises, and I'm like, I don't think you're autistic. I think you're just kind of lame.
Whitney Cummings
You're a door. We call them dork.
Grace O'Malley
I think you just don't like concerts and that's fine. But, like, don't buy the ticket and don't come.
Whitney Cummings
Don't guilty. Like, don't. You're not better than me because you're sensitive or fragile completely that. It's like, I'm just fragile. I just say, you want to leave. It's fine.
Grace O'Malley
Sorry. I just, like, I can't put down this book. I'm just, like, autistic, and it's like, well, you're reading a book. That's porn. It's literally just, like, one of those books that is porn. You're not autistic. You don't love reading. You're just addicted to porn.
Whitney Cummings
I'm not getting enough attention. I got to head out.
Grace O'Malley
No, literally, sorry. Nobody's asked me about my lame job. In 20 minutes, music is playing, and.
Whitney Cummings
Everyone'S looking at the musician, and I just kind of like, I already posted, so I'm just gonna head out.
Grace O'Malley
Also, like, I took an edible, and now, like, sounds are really loud. It's like, yeah, maybe just don't take edibles.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Or, like. Or are we getting more. What's the word?
Grace O'Malley
Like, sensitive.
Whitney Cummings
Not sensitive. Like, is our tolerance going down?
Grace O'Malley
Definitely.
Whitney Cummings
Because we're controlling everything, and we're, like, not leaving and doing stuff.
Grace O'Malley
Well, I think, like, nobody's been well since lockdown. Like, I think everybody's brains are just, like, not right.
Whitney Cummings
I think it's also. We are so. We're able to control things so much. The volume we're able to control. We're looking at. We're able to control so much that when you go to an environment, you can't control stuff. It's, like, weird.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? Like, I was driving, and I saw the sign, like, the exit sign, and I, like, couldn't see it that well. And literally, my hand went up to.
Grace O'Malley
That's crazy.
Whitney Cummings
I was just like, how? And I was like, that's real. That's a real sign.
Grace O'Malley
Oh my God.
Whitney Cummings
It's not in my phone. It's not in my hand. You know what I mean? Do you ever, like, when I see a, a printed picture, sometimes I'm like.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, I, I'll get that.
Whitney Cummings
You know, I think we're so used to being able to manipulate our environment and control. We see that like when people go out now, they're just like, yeah, but if, yeah, if you were like young and in high school during all this and just home, like, yeah, I would.
Grace O'Malley
Probably be a much different, lamer person.
Whitney Cummings
May I? Yeah, may I? You may cancel myself for a sec.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, boy.
Whitney Cummings
Could we also just be like getting self respect or like knowing what we want as people or we have a lot of options now or like, also.
Grace O'Malley
Like, maybe generationally we're all just like getting older.
Whitney Cummings
They're like, I'm autistic. No, bitch, you're getting older. No, bitch. Bitch is 30.
Grace O'Malley
You turned 30 years old. Of course you can't go out to a club and dance to Avicii like you did when you were in college. Get real.
Whitney Cummings
30, you're not autistic. You're 30. This is how this goes.
Grace O'Malley
Also, like, there's. I've seen so many men put in their like hinge profiles being like, don't hate me if I like have a touch of the tism. It's like, first of all, what the is wrong with you?
Whitney Cummings
No, no, but that, that really. No, no, no, no. I know that I've gotten in trouble for like making fun of gaslighting a little bit that I cannot stand that someone's like, I'm so that when he goes to you, when he doesn't respond to you, when he cheats on you, he's like, I can't read social cues. I didn't know like, what. Nope. Or when he lies to you, he's like, oh, that my autism. I just couldn't. Like, I don't like when someone leads with autism or Asperger's so they can then cheat on you or lie to you and be like, oh, it's my Asperger's.
Grace O'Malley
Like, unless you are like, Unless you are like, I literally cannot eat anything other than cheese pizza for every meal. And I work in trains and that's what I dedicate my life to. Don't be like, I'm autistic on my dating profile just cause you like to read and wear glasses.
Whitney Cummings
Also autistic people don't go around being like, I'm Autistic. They're just painting. They're painting in the corner, dude.
Grace O'Malley
I got in big trouble when I was in, like, fifth grade because one of our classmates was autistic. And I, like, very earnestly asked a couple of the girls in our class, like, is this guy autistic? Cause I was like, I think I'm reading this correctly. Just, like, genuinely asking if we knew. And one of them told the teacher on me, and she sat the whole class down, and she was like, somebody has made a disgusting accusation against your classmates. And I was like, sorry, my dad's a doctor. This is just like, how we talk. Whenever people use, like, I'm autistic as an excuse to, like, leave an event or something like that. I'm like, yeah, I have inflammatory bowel disease. Okay, I'm still here. I. If I don't have a bathroom within 30ft of me without any line, it could be the end of my social life.
Whitney Cummings
By the way, the fact that she goes to all these concerts, yes, that is why she has this inflammatory bowel disease, but. Well, not because she's drinking from cups at random.
Grace O'Malley
Exactly. All times drinking Molly from strangers.
Whitney Cummings
And she's just doing mushrooms at Coachella.
Grace O'Malley
Off of some girl named.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, Tiffany's. It's fine. It's just. Different story for another day. I just. It's like. It's weird because it's like when someone's like, I can't. And I'm like, you might just, like, know what you want and know what you like and don't like, you know. You know, you might just have self respect. You might just be like, I'm going to go home because I don't want to be here. That's fine. There's a new that I don't like when you're honest and someone's like, oh, you're autistic. I'm like, no, I'm just saying.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know, when I say the truth, people are like, you're so autistic.
Grace O'Malley
I'm like, this isn't me not having a filter. This is me just choosing to say what I want to say because I'm an adult.
Whitney Cummings
You're a weirdo, dude. Yeah, you're a weirdo. We were weirdos. We were goth. We were like, we don't do what everybody else does. You know what I mean? And so. But I do think, like, OCD, 80D, Asperger's, autism. What?
Grace O'Malley
That being said, nothing pisses me off more than when somebody's like, I'm so ocd, because they're like, no, no, no.
Whitney Cummings
But you got here on time.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, no, you're here, but you're here. You didn't have to, like, get out of the car and restart it six times because you were like, did I kill somebody when I was backing my.
Whitney Cummings
Car to leave the house on the way here? Did it. You pull over for an hour trying to feed a crow.
Grace O'Malley
Right? Right?
Whitney Cummings
Or not, you tell me.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I'm sorry. You like your clothes to be color coded in your closet? I used to have three different Catholic prayers on a plane, like five times in a row in the right order. And if I messed up a single word, I had to start over or else the plane was going to crash and everybody I loved would.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, oh, you have ocd. Cool. So do you get emails and direct messages from Etsy saying, hey, we think your account has been hacked because you had to order 12 shirts with horses.
Grace O'Malley
11 didn't feel right. Did 10 didn't feel right.
Whitney Cummings
Has Visa called you?
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God.
Whitney Cummings
To be like, there's some suspicions, vicious activity because you can't stop buying Labyrinth figurines. I mean, like, are we. What are we doing?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, you're not ocd, you're anal. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You're neurotic.
Grace O'Malley
You have a word for it and it's anal. And you should try it on for size.
Whitney Cummings
Have you ever.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, no.
Whitney Cummings
Been with an ex boyfriend and seen a zit on his back and been like, gotta get it. I know we're not thinking about it. Yeah. I know we're not together, but I. I think I gotta get it.
Grace O'Malley
I can fix him.
Whitney Cummings
I don't. It's just. I can't. Like, yeah, the biological. Which is where a lot of the OCD stuff comes from. It's like, you know, it does have a biological basis. Get all the berries, hoard all the stuff.
Grace O'Malley
You know what I mean?
Whitney Cummings
Like hoarding and nest. It's kind of nesting.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, when I was pregnant, it was wild. Oh, your OCD plus nesting brain.
Grace O'Malley
I've heard that that's insane. Well, also, postpartum OCD is as common as postpartum depression. That's a real statistic.
Whitney Cummings
Well, look, the great news is my postpartum OCD and depression was Clash of the Titans.
Grace O'Malley
It just.
Whitney Cummings
It was funny to watch them argue. One day I would write a script, the next day I just retired. Yeah, it was pretty wild. Um, but it. I do think that there's, like, a biological basis for it. But.
Grace O'Malley
But yeah, when I. My, like, OCD was First, like, like, bad to the point that it, like, interrupted my life when I was 19 and home from college after my freshman year. And my. My dad was like. I was like, I literally can't, like, sit and watch a movie. I feel like I have ants in my veins. Like, I feel like I, like, can't be in my body, like, so anxious. My dad was like, I think that this is because evolutionarily you would be having, like, a lion, tiger, or bear chasing you and you feel too safe. And I was just like, yeah, for sure, but not the time.
Whitney Cummings
Also. Yeah, that's the thing. Your brain was designed to be living in the wilderness, and you're in this nice house.
Grace O'Malley
Ye.
Whitney Cummings
So, dad, can I get an out of you or not?
Grace O'Malley
I was just like, yeah, sorry. I need Adderall therapy.
Whitney Cummings
We all are. I mean, we're all designed to be, like, living in the wilderness, fighting for our lives at all times. And now we're, like, in super safe environments. So we're just making up fake fears online, being, like, completely use the wrong pronoun. Like, you know, and so I. It is a. I do think I need something that just satisfies my OCD in a good way. I think, like, organizing, writing jokes helps, but I need something, like, tactile. I started doing puzzles, but the problem with ocd, people don't understand. You don't finish the thing you're doing.
Grace O'Malley
It's not like, that's your add, but also, yeah, I think it's both.
Whitney Cummings
Why can't I finish the puzzle?
Grace O'Malley
Because then you've, like, satisfied that urge.
Whitney Cummings
And you're like, great, I'll get the outside.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
And then I'm like, nah, nah, done.
Grace O'Malley
That's good enough.
Whitney Cummings
I'm back.
Grace O'Malley
Whatever.
Whitney Cummings
I'm just like, I don't.
Grace O'Malley
Don't need it.
Whitney Cummings
I just. I was cut out for bigger things.
Grace O'Malley
I got a script to write.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? I gotta go, like, start another thing I'll never finish.
Grace O'Malley
I got an idiot percolating.
Whitney Cummings
It's hard to finish things. Yeah, for me, I think I definitely get bored. But I. I think it's weird because it's really served me the skill of I cannot be bored. I mean, we know this about me. We know that I stopped dating someone because he started telling me the same story he'd already told me again.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, but that's just fair.
Whitney Cummings
Well, it was two things. It was, number one, honesty. It brought up, like, alcoholic, like, hello, like, you. Are you not present? Like, I can't have a kid like, you're just. You know, and it was just like, you're gonna make me sit through this. I can't pretend, dude.
Grace O'Malley
The meanest thing that Henry ever did to me was, like, years before we started dating, we were on a hike, and I was telling him, like, a long story that is like, one of my, like, barn burners. One of my. Ugh. And I finished telling the story, and it's quiet for, like, 30 seconds. And he goes, you want to know something? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, you've told me that exact same story. The same, like, lines and inflections and pauses. And I was like, I will throw myself off this trail right now.
Whitney Cummings
I do a lot of drugs. Like, what was the.
Grace O'Malley
I mean, it was in the. It was deep in the pandemic, so it was just like, okay.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. It was a blur.
Grace O'Malley
It was a blur.
Whitney Cummings
Okay, you say something.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, You.
Whitney Cummings
You know what? You.
Grace O'Malley
You have.
Whitney Cummings
You know what?
Grace O'Malley
You come up with an interesting story.
Whitney Cummings
You know what? That's my whole thing with everyone out there. Like, you're interrupting. I'm like, go.
Grace O'Malley
I'm tired of carrying this conversation.
Whitney Cummings
You know what?
Grace O'Malley
You go on my back.
Whitney Cummings
Let's see how it goes. You go, do you get paid to talk? Let's see what you got. I'm so done with this shit. It's like, it's fine. Different people are good at different things. I am done complaining about anything is if I'm not gonna solve the problem.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I'm only going to complain about things where I go, you know what? I'll fix that.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Otherwise, you're just annoying.
Grace O'Malley
I'm at least going to try, you know? Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I could run the country. But, like, this person. This person. It's like, then go. Yeah, do it. I just. That's a big one. I just cannot be bored. It's help. It helps me in writing. It helps me in writing jokes because I'm like, I always have to have a shorter attention span than the audience.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, that's. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Because your standard for being interesting has to be so high.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
But it's funny. I also think that. I think I'm more normal than I am because I spend so much time with Bert Kreischer. Dude.
Grace O'Malley
Sure.
Whitney Cummings
I was with Bert. We were on, like, the Fully Loaded tour somewhere. And he. I said something. I was like, I don't know what I just said. Like, you know, can I tell you something? But you can't tell anyone. Like, I was like, I really. I was like, I gotta tell you a secret. And he, dead serious, was like, oh, I won't tell anyone. I only think about myself. He was dead serious. And I was like, that is so refreshing.
Grace O'Malley
Very refreshing.
Whitney Cummings
It made me try. I was like, you're right. I can tell you the secret. I knew he wouldn't repeat it.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Because it would mean he has to talk about something else.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Besides him. And I was like, that's oddly refreshing. And then we went to go see Sturgill Simpson, and we were in the car, and we all got, like. Got a little stone. And I was, like, telling a story. Barn burner, telling a story. And my guy and Leanne are, like, into it. And then Bert, as soon as I was done, was like, oh, God, since you started talking, he literally was like, since you started talking, I've been wanting to tell you about it. And he just went into it like he was obsessed the entire time. It was like, God, waiting to be able to talk.
Grace O'Malley
Don't interrupt. Don't interrupt. Don't interrupt.
Whitney Cummings
I wasn't mad. I was like, you know what? That did take too long. Like, I'm big on going. Best idea wins, best joke wins most. I will shut my mouth.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, you know what? I bet yours is better. I should have tightened that up.
Grace O'Malley
That being said, there's no worse feeling than, like, standing in a group of people, and you start, like, telling a story, and then every. You can just tell that you've, like, lost everybody, and you're like, who's telling stories for what? Kill myself?
Whitney Cummings
What are we. What. What are we, drag queens in kindergarten? No one needs your story.
Grace O'Malley
Kindergarten.
Whitney Cummings
Like, what do we do? I mean, it's just.
Grace O'Malley
You're right. I'll shut up.
Whitney Cummings
It's just.
Grace O'Malley
You're right, you're right. I'll muzzle myself.
Whitney Cummings
I don't know if this is a superpower survival skill or if this is holding me back in life. I'm unclear.
Grace O'Malley
Probably both. Well, the thing is, like, OCD specifically, is so deeply unhelpful. In. For most. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
No, no, no, no, no.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
It's for, like, running in circles. It's. I mean, I knew this is actually my rock bottom in ocd, and I've done absolutely nothing about it.
Grace O'Malley
Is.
Whitney Cummings
When Sarah Sherman from SNL was on the podcast, were you in the room for this?
Grace O'Malley
No, but I was in the house.
Whitney Cummings
I. She's. I mean, I'm upset. Like, she's.
Grace O'Malley
She's so funny.
Whitney Cummings
No, no, she's so funny. She's here. We talk for, like, an hour and a half, and I. I See a pair of cuticle cutters.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, I know. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
And I just start digging at my feet. Yeah. And I. I take my shoes off. I'm lit. My foot is here, and I am in a.
Grace O'Malley
In.
Whitney Cummings
I am on another planet. I am. I. I am. It is. I'm on drugs. Digging out, like, an ingrown toenail that may or may not even be there.
Grace O'Malley
Not there.
Whitney Cummings
It hasn't been there.
Grace O'Malley
Your brain is a mat. Oh, the psychosomatic symptoms.
Whitney Cummings
When you're like, oh, God, oh, I gotta. I mean, I am gone. It is when you're doing your ocd, whatever your thing is, you're on drugs. Like, I completely. The dopamine recept. Like, people don't understand that when you have ocd, you're getting an orgasm from doing the repetitive thing.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. And. Well, and then it makes your thought worse.
Whitney Cummings
By the way, I pulled an ingrown toenail in Vegas, like, two years ago. I think about it three times a week. I think about it.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that makes sense.
Whitney Cummings
It does.
Grace O'Malley
You. You, you. It paid off.
Whitney Cummings
Is it because it's a.
Grace O'Malley
Because it's like, the one time it paid off.
Whitney Cummings
It's a soothing thought or something. I don't know what it is, but the intrusive thoughts is. Is a tricky one. Oh, I've definitely cut out my leaving a conversation going, you shouldn't have said that. That was dumb.
Grace O'Malley
I've actually also been really working on that and trying to just be like, literally, nobody's thinking about you. Everybody's. Everybody's Bert Kreischer, whether they want to admit it or not. Literally everybody for more reasons than they'd like to admit. Yeah, but everybody is. Everybody is going like, sorry, I just wanted to say my thing.
Whitney Cummings
We obsess about what other people think about us till we realize that they're just not about us.
Grace O'Malley
Nobody cares.
Whitney Cummings
Okay. We're, like, not even.
Grace O'Malley
We're not.
Whitney Cummings
We'll try to get to some of these topics, but our OCD can't get us out of this. We can't get out of here. I mean, we're remembering National European Vacation, Big Ben, Parliament. Like, we can't get to the topics. Okay. Sorry, but I was just saying autism. Like, I don't know. Like, I cannot wear a sweatshirt with nothing under it.
Grace O'Malley
That's a sensory thing.
Whitney Cummings
I can't wear pants that go under the belly button. It's. It's all I'll think about.
Grace O'Malley
I can't wear anything other than full butt underwear.
Whitney Cummings
I can't. That's my new Intrusive thought is you in full blood underwear. So now you gave me that. Which is I'm calling hr okay? The seasons are changing, so do our routines. And sometimes that means more stress. Holidays are coming up. That leads to thinning. That leads to shedding. If you're looking to support healthier, thicker hair, Nutrafol is here to help. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over 1 million people. Neutrful isn't just a one size fits all solution. It's designed with specific formulas for different life stages and lifestyle factors. Whether that's postpartum, metopause or even plant based diets. What does cause hair shedding? I lived with a vegan once. Never again. Neutrful uses a 100% drug free ingredients to support hair growth by targeting the key root causes of hair thinning like stress hormones, aging and nutrition. With Neutrful, the subscription to Neutrful, you're going to get automated deliveries, free shipping, even access to free naturopathic doctor consults. It's a dating app. Just call it what it is. Neutropol. In clinical studies, 72% of men saw more scalp coverage and 86% of women reported improved hair growth within six months. Visit neutrophil.com use promo code good for you. And get $10 off your first month subscription plus free shipping. That's neutrophil.com promo code, good for you. I mean, look at me. I have a mane of hair, okay? I'm just, I'm telling you, neutral is a game changer. It's wild. Take it. Don't be silly, Quince. Okay? I'm not even. I don't even. This is just gonna come from the heart, you guys. So I am so over clothes. Like I'm so over whatever these weirdos are trying to put on our bodies, okay? My body, my choice. Can we talk about clothing then? If this is what everybody's obsessed about, Quint is the only place that I can find clothes that are not cringe. I, I, I just. Can I get a normal sweater? Can I get a rust turtleneck? It's the fall, okay? I want a, I want a, an off white cream cardigan to put with like a silk skirt and sneakers, okay? Quince is the only place I can find normal jewelry, normal luggage, normal anything, okay? Quince is my favorite. I'm obsessed. It offers a wide range of wardrobe staples. Cashmere leather jackets, silk blouses at affordable prices. They work directly with the top factories, high Quality fraction of the cost. It's not just clothing. They also. They have bedding. They have home goods, outer outfits, and more. I went to the mall the other day. I don't. I don't go to malls often, but I was like, you know, I'm gonna go. I couldn't find anything. And I was like, I'm literally just going back to quints. I gave shopping in person at the brands that I've always known a try. They failed me. Everything was bonkers. The. The sweaters had the shoulders cut out. Like, what temperature is. It got like, what. What is that? Like, everything was. Everyone's trying to be a western person now all of a sudden, because Beyonce put out a country album. And like, everyone. Every store is just like, look, we're cosplaying Western people. Everything says brat on it. Can I be an adult? I just want. I just want to look cute. I just. I just want to be adorable. I want to be a fashion icon. I don't want to overpay for it. Brands have lost their minds. Everyone's on drugs except the people over at Quince. Check it out yourself. Go to quince.com/whitney. Free ship. Oh, they also have great baby clothes. Free shipping, 365 day returns. That's quince.com/whitney. Treat yourself to some cozy essentials today. We already talked about OCD a little bit, but there's, like, the way that I organize my. You know, that organizing my books, my library is a really big part of my thing. Thing. That's where I go when I need to just lose my mind. And it now has to be when your hands go over the books. It has to be like a smooth. It used to be authors next to each other that I think would have interesting conversations.
Grace O'Malley
You're psycho.
Whitney Cummings
I grew up, just so you know, I didn't have. I was also very neglected. So it was a lot of, like, my toys were, like, things I didn't have a lot of, like, cosmetics and shampoo. And it was like, a lot of just lining things up.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
That's most.
Grace O'Malley
I used to do that. I used to go up in my room and close the door and just rearrange the stuff on top of my dresser for literally hours.
Whitney Cummings
That's all I did.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
And then, like, I would just move shampoo.
Grace O'Malley
That's definitely where it started. 100%.
Whitney Cummings
So here we are. Okay. Oh, my God. I want to talk about OCD so much more, but my OCD will let me stop. Okay. Our topics of the week are not Political. Don't panic. This one is. Is. Speaking of ocd, I can't stop thinking about this. I know this is a little bit of a blast from the past, but anything about Ghislaine Maxwell to me at any time is breaking news. She's our first lady of Alcatraz, the only surviving of the Romeo and Juliet that was the Ghislaine and Jeffrey star crossed lover fiasco. The two lovers that were finally torn apart by their mutual love of crime. I just. I. My algorithm's wild these days. And I did see a photo recently. I'm just gonna say that I've never seen of Ghislaine. I'm a fan. She is a fashion icon. I'm just gonna pay credit where credit is due. Oh, so she.
Grace O'Malley
Nobody can rock a pixie cut like that, dude.
Whitney Cummings
She has this pair of cowboy boot earrings that I have been looking for on ebay for months.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God. Your ebay searches are just like Ghislaine earrings.
Whitney Cummings
Red flag. Red flag. I'm like, why do these men in suits keep showing up at my door?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
So, yeah, this is because she was, like, weird. She was sociopath. Psychopath, whatever. She is not a doctor. She would kind of pander in a way to whatever event she was going to. So when she would go to, like, south, she'd wear, like, cat.
Grace O'Malley
Like she knew, like an elementary school teacher at the holidays.
Whitney Cummings
Yes.
Grace O'Malley
It's Thanksgiving. I've got pumpkins on my ears.
Whitney Cummings
Uhhuh. Yes, you do. You got those.
Grace O'Malley
I got a light up vest.
Whitney Cummings
And so I'm kind of obsessed because she is this, like, psychopath. Like AmberLynn 2.0, but she also had huge jugs. Did not know this. It changes things.
Grace O'Malley
Blessed with round naturals.
Whitney Cummings
It changes things.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Okay. I'm obsessed with women. The women that psychopaths pick to be their partner in crime. Okay. Because this is what we're missing. Okay? Now that we're in an age where everywhere you look, another rich man who has tunnels under his house or an island of young girls was just hiding in plain sight. You got to get hip to the clues before it shouldn't take 20 years to find Jeffrey. It shouldn't spend 20 years to catch Diddy. The number one clue if someone is a secret creep is the woman they pretend to be dating or pretend to be married to. You know, my number one flag in a billionaire man is if he is dating an age appropriate woman. Always weird. Okay. Epstein has a billion dollars and he's dating Janet from Three's Company. Be Serious. I don't mean. I'm just saying you're allowed to be shallow and not a criminal. You know what I mean? You can be a billionaire that's just dating a 30 year old blonde. Nope. What's. Why her? Okay. I think she's adorable. I'm just saying what she did was she sanitized him or she made him cool and made everyone be like, oh, look at this dude with this age appropriate worldly bon vivant who has this like chic Bob, like Diddy and Kim Porter. Always thought that was weird. He was with a woman his age. If a rich dude is like, ostensibly mature or full of integrity, check the cabinets for baby oil. I'm just. If a rich guy seems like he's with a woman who's his equal emotionally and mentally, check the hard drives.
Grace O'Malley
Okay.
Whitney Cummings
It's. It's a prop to. It's a prop to throw us off.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
From the chicanery, the ghislaine thing, I've been fascinated because I'm like, how does she end up here? What? I've been in toxic relationships. I've been talked into doing that. I've had crazy ideas, you know, I've even entertained polyamory, mostly because I was tired and pregnant. But the Dom sub, how does it get this far? My obsession with Scientology, you know, it's because I'm like, any day.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I'm like, yeah, I don't.
Grace O'Malley
They have a point.
Whitney Cummings
I'm susceptible to this. You know, I'm always looking in the market for a cult. I'm always in the market for someone who'll just like, give me a schedule.
Grace O'Malley
You know, they won't miss the rabies shot. They won't miss the rabies shot on the calendar.
Whitney Cummings
She's obviously a monster, but I'm obsessed with the psychological number that he did on her. And I always figured, oh, she's like a tomboy, you know, she, she. He gets the glam blondes. You know, he shined his light down on her. He. She finally got the college football quarterback and, you know, she was willing to do anything to keep him kind of thing. You know, she has an amazing. But plot twist. She's a perfect 10. This whole time I was under the impression she was some wafy boyish, you know, me. You said it.
Grace O'Malley
That's what I was gonna say. That's what I. That's the. That was on the tip of my tongue. If I, If I'm not. I would never do this, to be clear, but if I were trying to like, aid In a bet. Like, disgusting. Like, pedophilia ring in her mind.
Whitney Cummings
It's legal in Europe for sure, but it's just very international.
Grace O'Malley
If I were going to do that, people would take one look at me and my small, titted frame and be like, we don't trust this bitch. Something's amiss. We don't want anything to do with her. But she's.
Whitney Cummings
Look at her. She's hangry.
Grace O'Malley
She's brunette, and she has no boobs. So why are we listening to her? Let's throw her in jail. Let's question her.
Whitney Cummings
But I think if.
Grace O'Malley
I'll break.
Whitney Cummings
But if. Like, when a billionaire is dating her, I'm like, what. What contract? What insecurity did he tap into? Like, what? And I'm like. I'm like, okay. You know? Like, her tits are unbelievable.
Grace O'Malley
They're perfect, dude.
Whitney Cummings
They're perfect. Look, I used to think her haircut was a blunder, but now I know she has that haircut because it was a power move.
Grace O'Malley
Balancing out the tits.
Whitney Cummings
It's a power move. Yeah, dude. She knows the quality of those cans under that oxford shirt.
Grace O'Malley
I mean, that's why I could not pull off the pixie.
Whitney Cummings
I think you could.
Grace O'Malley
There's no payoff. There's no payoff. You go, okay, okay.
Whitney Cummings
For gay guys, there's a huge payoff.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, well, that's not the market I'm trying to tap. Unless.
Whitney Cummings
Unless I feel like we move on from stuff like this way too fast.
Grace O'Malley
Totally.
Whitney Cummings
We should be still talking about the Epstein thing. People just move. I'm still dissect. I'm still trying to, like, figure this out. How do we prevent.
Grace O'Malley
If he hadn't killed himself, we would be having a trial. We get nothing. It's just like. All right, show's over, guys.
Whitney Cummings
I just moved on, Diddy. It feels like people moved on.
Grace O'Malley
I know.
Whitney Cummings
I'm just like. I don't. So I'm. You know me. I gotta get in the weeds on this. I. It makes him even more of a creep. He had this rack available to him. He still needed to look at the children's menu.
Grace O'Malley
I mean, that's when you know it's a true disease. Like, it's. I mean, it's a choice, but it's not like there's like a. Like a predilection.
Whitney Cummings
Like a. Like these jiggly amazing.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Naturals are like, I can't get hard.
Grace O'Malley
That doesn't work for me. What?
Whitney Cummings
And that is broken, because that is what would procreate. That's what Your biological brain would say, this is how you're gonna make a baby.
Grace O'Malley
Like, yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Programmed to do that. You know what I mean? Like, you should be able to. Big boobs, small boobs. But if it's like a turn off. If you're like, ah, yeah, I. Look, did he kill himself or did an adult woman just sit on his face for the first time and his neck snapped?
Grace O'Malley
God.
Whitney Cummings
It's anyone's guess. Finding out Ghislaine has big boobs is like finding out Jimi Hendrix was in a band with Joe Pesci. That's true.
Grace O'Malley
What?
Whitney Cummings
I know, I know.
Grace O'Malley
What?
Whitney Cummings
Okay, another thing we don't talk about. Enough. Here's what matters. You know, I always got to come in some weird angle, having this sick ass body. Okay. And. And being able to date whoever she wants and choosing this guy. It can happen to any of us. I'm not. I just mean she. She could.
Grace O'Malley
She should have gone on the COVID of Speaker Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.
Whitney Cummings
No, I think Martha Stewart's on the COVID forever now. What the hell is happening? Is that.
Grace O'Malley
I hope I look like Martha Stewart. Can we chill on Martha Stewart 120?
Whitney Cummings
Like, being.
Grace O'Malley
Do you remember?
Whitney Cummings
She's a. Yeah. What are. Hold on. I'm sorry.
Grace O'Malley
Don't touch that, please.
Whitney Cummings
Watch Martha Stewart's crib. Everyone's like, she's such a. I'm like, girl boss.
Grace O'Malley
She's a dick.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, it's fine. If I was more of a dick, I bet I'd have a bigger career. She. Just watch her, Chris.
Grace O'Malley
You have to watch her episode.
Whitney Cummings
She was so mean to the crew. They just left it.
Grace O'Malley
All the editors were like, no, no, no, leave it.
Whitney Cummings
She's like, in her 15th home in Nantucket. And which, by the way, why are you doing MTV Cribs? Like, what are you. Yeah, like, what are you.
Grace O'Malley
Whitney?
Whitney Cummings
What's this? Like, what's this for? I'm sorry. And so she's showing her, like, you know, 15th century French boudoir with the whatever. And she's like, in this. I got at a flea market. Could you back. Can you back away from the wall? I need you to back away from the mall, please. You can. Like, she's just yelling at the crew. The entire. Who cares, right?
Grace O'Malley
Also, like, you can't afford a person to, like, follow the crew around and be like, sorry.
Whitney Cummings
Even if they lean on the wall. It's fine. Nikki Glaser shot a show here and they ripped half the paint off.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God, they did. Oh, that's crazy.
Whitney Cummings
We're like, all right, well, okay.
Grace O'Malley
We were like, sorry, could you guys, like, fix that or, like, pay for it? They were like, maybe.
Whitney Cummings
All right, look, I'm just saying Ghislaine could have had any man she wanted. And this is what you. You gotta look at this. Okay, so what does this say about her? She could have had any guy. This means she wasn't a girl's girl. She didn't have female friends. If she had female friends, they'd be like, your body. You can do so much better than this. Don't settle for this guy. You know what I mean? You don't need to be with him.
Grace O'Malley
You have a pixie cut. You already did the hard thing.
Whitney Cummings
They'd be like. They would take the photo and go, look at you. I'm gonna put this photo on hinge and find you a physical therapist who loves you for you and who is not gonna engage in a criminal. You don't. A girl behaves a certain way. And I go, this is because you don't have girlfriends.
Grace O'Malley
Well, you also told me, like, when somebody has bad work done to their face, it's because they don't have girlfriends. Because, like, everybody's girlfriends are like, yeah, I tried that. It was. It made me look crazy. Or like, yeah, like that's too much, or that doctor's bad, or like that, you know, you should go here. But when somebody has bad work done, it's like, so you either didn't talk to anybody, which you didn't do, or you don't have anybody.
Whitney Cummings
You trust everyone lying to you. Don't everyone say, I'm obsessed with people's bad behavior, where you're like, this is kind of you, but also, you only surround yourself with people that enable you. And so this is how you got to be this monster.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know, I mean, because you can. You can only get to a certain level of monster without people.
Grace O'Malley
Yes. Anding. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
And you have to work so hard to get bad work done. You know what I mean?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Someone's gonna go like. Or like, you know, Right. The doctor has to hate you.
Grace O'Malley
Especially in the era, like, you were.
Whitney Cummings
Mean to the nurses at the front.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, you were rude.
Grace O'Malley
Especially in, like, the TikTok era, where every single doctor will be like, hey, guys, this is my patient. Look at this. Gorgeous. Like, they want. They're all on their hawk in their thing.
Whitney Cummings
But if you're a bitch to the doctor, like, fine.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
They don't care.
Grace O'Malley
Say no more.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. I Just like to always look at the reason behind the thing and people that aren't girls. Girls. Bad things happen.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean?
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Hmm. Just saying, if she had girlfriends, her life would have been a Reese Witherspoon movie. How to Lose a pedophile in 10 days. I'm just saying, double down on your girl friendships.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I'm. I truly believe the reason I'm in a healthy relationship now is I spent my, like, 30s working on my female friendships.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. Are you, like, it doesn't matter if I'm in a relationship if my female friendships are suffering. I'm so deeply unhappy.
Whitney Cummings
You're getting your, like, needs met emotionally. Your soul's being fed. That's when you can be in a good relationship with your guy.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, completely.
Whitney Cummings
So, guys, any girl that doesn't have girlfriends, always a red flag. Run, girls. Any guy that doesn't have guy friends, always a red flag.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Because it's me. Like, you have to get all your needs met for me.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
So the ultimate crime of Ghislaine Maxwell. She was a mean girl when we were growing up because my mom was an alcoholic and she would drink wine in a glass and fancy. That's fancy.
Grace O'Malley
It's glass.
Whitney Cummings
And she worked at department stores, so she always had fancy clothes that she got 30. 30, 30, 90 off. So we had La Perry face cream. We had fancy stuff. So I thought we were rich. Egg on my face, dude. When I got sent home from school because we didn't pay the tuition, and then, like, I was like. I had no clue. So I also fell from grace, like, finding out that you're. I truly thought we were, like, rolling. I like that we were, like, wealthy. And then when you find out you're broke, you're like, oh. Like, there was never food in the fridge. And I was like, well, the butler forgot to come. Like that, genuinely. Because my mom would only get food for, like, people. So it would be, like, brie cheese, and, like. Yeah, we had, like, artichokes. What we did have was really nice, but there was very little.
Grace O'Malley
You're like, why is this apple plastic?
Whitney Cummings
And by the way, she worked at Bloomingdale, so I would.
Grace O'Malley
I would take.
Whitney Cummings
It was a little brown bag. Yeah, Those. That was my lunch bag.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, oh.
Grace O'Malley
And I'm like, sorry, I'm rich.
Whitney Cummings
I literally thought I was like, Serena Joy.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, my God. Serena Vander Woodson.
Whitney Cummings
Vander Woodson.
Grace O'Malley
Serena Joy.
Whitney Cummings
Handmaid's tale. Sorry. With this election. Handmaid's tale.
Grace O'Malley
I was marrying my head Christian Ultra nationalist.
Whitney Cummings
And I miss that show.
Grace O'Malley
It's great. I think it's. There's another season coming.
Whitney Cummings
I know, but is it sad that once they went to Canada and she stopped being.
Grace O'Malley
I know it's a little. She went back.
Whitney Cummings
I was like, she's just running around to Patagonia and getting all these jackets.
Grace O'Malley
I don't know if you're caught up. She goes back. You gotta listen. I think I'm the last person watching Sale.
Whitney Cummings
I just was like, I just. When the showdown between her and Serena Joy, I wanted her to hit her.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, completely.
Whitney Cummings
And I don't know. That's just me. And when she didn't hit her, I was like, yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Also a testament to Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Serena Joy.
Whitney Cummings
She's incredible.
Grace O'Malley
Incredible.
Whitney Cummings
I mean, I gotta say, I wasn't blown away by her performance in Chuck.
Grace O'Malley
What? She's in Chuck.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, dude. You don't remember the Handmaid still? Before it came out, it was the girl from Chuck, the girl from Gilmore Girls, and the Scientologist. And now it's all. It was like, what? The girl from Gilmore Girls had her.
Grace O'Malley
She won an Emmy for that cut off. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
And you're like, they were amazing.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah. She wept.
Whitney Cummings
Then it was sort of like, oh, God. Like.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
A lot of people passed, like, it was, like, brutal. The casting was brutal. Oh, Ali Bree passed like, you're just like, couldn't get Lizzie Kaplan. And then it was all these, like. Like, TV stars that were very commercial.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know, and then all of a sudden, they're.
Grace O'Malley
They were like, we have to have people watch this.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. And then they ended up being great also. It's so good. It overcame that.
Grace O'Malley
Yes. Also me, the most starstruck I ever was in your house was when you did that, like, promo for Handmaid's Tale where you were doing a zoom with Ann Dowd.
Whitney Cummings
So funny.
Grace O'Malley
And I was just, like, in the background setting it up, like, Ann Dowd.
Whitney Cummings
My full hero, who every time I made a joke, she was like, well, no, it wasn't that. And I was like, I want you to like me.
Grace O'Malley
But, like, do you know what?
Whitney Cummings
I just. Yeah. No, no, no, she doesn't. So I would kind of be like, yeah. And then I, like, thought he was gonna do this. And she's like, yeah, well, the character wouldn't have done that. I'm like, I know. I'm an idiot. I'm a clown. I'm a clown. I don't know why they have me here.
Grace O'Malley
And please come on. The Podcast Open invite.
Whitney Cummings
Also, we have a little moment of that is irking me. I just want to flag this. Pam Anderson is. Is back in the zeitgeist for I just want to flag it.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, boy.
Whitney Cummings
When people start saying an actress is brave because she's not wearing makeup.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I want to let you know I'm onto it. I see what you guys are doing. This isn't progress. This isn't a problem. Older women in movies is progress. Ah. She's not wearing makeup and you're saying she's brave. I'm just. I'm on to you. And she's about to win a bunch of awards and all this stuff because she has the audacity to be the age she is with a camera in front of her.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Not progress if we're lauding it.
Grace O'Malley
That being said, I did hear that she's really good in the movie.
Whitney Cummings
No, I'm sure.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Which by the way, I mean, I just. Are we assholes for not giving her an Oscar before now?
Grace O'Malley
No. Yeah, yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Also being so shocked. Not progress, right?
Grace O'Malley
No, no.
Whitney Cummings
I'm just more. You know what I mean?
Grace O'Malley
Yes. But like, it's like the fact where like she'll go on a talk show and then because she's going on, everybody's like, well, the rest of us will not wear makeup today. And they're like, how do you feel not wearing makeup? They're like, I feel so free. I feel amazing. At least she's not wearing makeup. Yes. And then it's also like the next day they're wearing makeup again.
Whitney Cummings
I just want everyone to remember Barbie's the biggest movie.
Grace O'Malley
Mm.
Whitney Cummings
And Taylor's the biggest musician. And that's what people want. Oh.
Grace O'Malley
The whole conversation about there's like a whole. Taylor Swift, like, had a long break from the Eras tour like earlier in the fall and. Or in the summer or something. And it was clear that she'd like gotten filler in the interim. Like she went to a Chiefs game a few weeks after she'd been seen.
Whitney Cummings
Nothing good for her.
Grace O'Malley
No, like, obvious. She's a 35 year old woman. Like she's.
Whitney Cummings
Is Taylor Swift 35.
Grace O'Malley
She's turning 35 in December.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
Like she is. And she's the most famous woman on the planet. Like, of course she's doing shit to her face. Like, that's obvious.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. But she's gonna have someone so good that is. It's going to.
Grace O'Malley
Right. And it looks great. Like she looks great. But people are so unwilling to believe that she's had any kind of work done, by the way.
Whitney Cummings
If she does, why not?
Grace O'Malley
First of all, who cares? Yeah, why not? She has the money to get the best work possible.
Whitney Cummings
So she also got boobs and.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, yeah. And it's like. But people are just like, how dare you, like, say that she, like, got anything done to her face? And it's like, I think you need to go unpack that with somebody.
Whitney Cummings
But also, you're the one saying it would be bad if a woman did what she wanted to do for her business.
Grace O'Malley
Exactly.
Whitney Cummings
And by the way, like, she can sleep a little later, not worry about bag, like, whatever. Why can't it be self care? While everyone's like, self care. You have to take self care as a woman. Why can't. Whatever that is. Yeah, I used to do it. Now I stopped doing Botox because no one ever knew what I was thinking and I couldn't. I was like, people think I'm autistic, but I also have no micro expression. I'm going to go back to micro expressions for a minute to see if I'm able to actually land levels out, if I'm able to just, like, get what I'm saying to someone else. Like, you remember there was a time where my OCD was so bad, I was like, I'm going to say it again a different way.
Grace O'Malley
Yes.
Whitney Cummings
Am I being clear? I feel like I'm being clear.
Grace O'Malley
Am I being clear? Was your tagline for like four months.
Whitney Cummings
Am I. Am I. Do I have a dick coming out of my. Like, I just was like, I need to stop getting Botox because I was just getting it here and on these sides.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
But now I'm like, I like it. I can also, by the way, do you notice my new ticket?
Grace O'Malley
I'm just copying your dog.
Whitney Cummings
I know. I'm playing.
Grace O'Malley
Oh, are you clicking your tongue?
Whitney Cummings
I. By accident.
Grace O'Malley
I thought you were.
Whitney Cummings
Started like a couple weeks ago.
Grace O'Malley
Chomping.
Whitney Cummings
That's. I didn't try it. I didn't.
Grace O'Malley
It happens sometimes.
Whitney Cummings
Are you sure?
Grace O'Malley
Yes.
Whitney Cummings
New tick.
Grace O'Malley
New tick just dropped.
Whitney Cummings
It was a new. There was a. A year ago it started being the, like, one eye. When I'm like, trying to think of something.
Grace O'Malley
Well, that's worse.
Whitney Cummings
And now I'm doing a tongue pop out of nowhere.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah. For a while, like back in, like 2021, I was really big on, like, TikTok hands. Like, you know when, like, tiktokers are, like, talking this, like. Oh, like, very, like, emotive. What is.
Whitney Cummings
That's always been my hand expression.
Grace O'Malley
I don't even remember. There was something specific that I was doing with my hands that people were like, you are on TikTok too much.
Whitney Cummings
That is so funny. I also. Real quick, we'll close with this. I have been. I am back in TikTok jail.
Grace O'Malley
You love it for saying that Tony Hinchcliffe is short.
Whitney Cummings
Honestly, I. It said. All it said in the caption was Tony. It was from the last podcast, a Tick Tock. And I just don't. We don't. Once I had once I said that the Disney castles look like dicks. And now that I'm just generally talking about, I don't know, but I'm out of.
Grace O'Malley
You know what? Ban it.
Whitney Cummings
But my Tick Tock. I don't know if this is my punishment, but all my Tik Tok, by the way, it's just become like a fleet live flea market. I mean, it's just.
Grace O'Malley
It is. It's.
Whitney Cummings
It's a Bangladeshi man selling me crystals in the street.
Grace O'Malley
Being on TikTok today, the day of the election was just like, here's why it's so important that we are looking at Pennsylvania. Switch. Here's why, like, I voted this way. Switch. Did you know that you can get a facial massager that also works on your clit for $10 right now on TikTok?
Whitney Cummings
It's the end. What's the end? Dude, the end. Some woman from Pensacola is like, check out my new. And it's QVC now. It's qvc. Home Shopping Network.
Grace O'Malley
It's crazy.
Whitney Cummings
What is the. You're selling? TikTok has a shop. They have their own.
Grace O'Malley
They're making the TikTok Shop. This skirt is so cute, you can't even tell it has shorts underneath. It's available right now for $10 on TikTok shop. And also you get six of them.
Whitney Cummings
Who are the kids making these pants? The Tick Tock Shop.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah, that.
Whitney Cummings
Wait, Tick Tock has a.
Grace O'Malley
It is called the Tick Tock Shop.
Whitney Cummings
No, Tick Tock has a factory.
Grace O'Malley
No, it's like third. It's like Amazon. They're making a move on Amazon. They are trying to make a move.
Whitney Cummings
Well, where does that leave Teemo?
Grace O'Malley
Left in the dust.
Whitney Cummings
That was my. I was rooting for Teemo.
Grace O'Malley
I know.
Whitney Cummings
You know me and my, like, yes. Random brands I want to root for. Yeah, I should have posted the Tony thing on Teemu. Oh, no. Get. I. I was here.
Grace O'Malley
Launch your streaming platform.
Whitney Cummings
Rumble's up next. Okay, trust me, trust me. I'm gonna go where Russell Brand and Sam Tripoli get to be Me, Sam, Tripoli, and Jamie Kennedy are out of here if you don't get us. I just am like. Is like, how are we shopping all of a sudden? I don't. There's a. There's a corset that makes you have. Have abs. All of a sudden I'm like, who are these people? Why are they so good at talking? Were they selling before TikTok? Are they clones? I'm not.
Grace O'Malley
Also, half the ads I'm getting on TikTok shop are from TikTok being like, you should start selling on TikTok shop. You want to make $1 million?
Whitney Cummings
Are they trained? Were they.
Grace O'Malley
No.
Whitney Cummings
Were they in sales before?
Grace O'Malley
As somebody who works in it? No.
Whitney Cummings
No. Okay, so there's. Whatever. Sheri, she's. And this. It comes in four colors, and it. She's not an actress.
Grace O'Malley
You can literally just go, I'm gonna start. I'm gonna, like, do. Be an affiliate on TikTok. So you, like, start posting TikToks using, like, the merch, whatever you bought on TikTok Shop, and you link it and you just go like, commission, and you get commission on it. It is insane.
Whitney Cummings
Wow. I just. I don't know. I guess I just had had higher expectations for the Chinese app that children were dancing on. I just feel like it used to just be for creeps, and now it's.
Grace O'Malley
It used to have integrity.
Whitney Cummings
Where we get our Christmas gift. I don't. I just. Well, yeah, because you know what drives me the most nuts is when I go to tick tock again. Never looking at the thing ever. I look at the downloads.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
So it's like.
Grace O'Malley
Like the shares.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, It's a teenage girl dancing, and I'm like, why does this have 30, 000 downloads? What are we. What are we doing, guys? What are we saving these videos? I. If. If a. A video with a kid in it has any more than zero downloads, dude. Or if someone downloads it, you just go to their house right away. Get the squirrel people.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Found the squirrels. So quick to kill them. Shoot them in the head.
Grace O'Malley
I mean, which presidential candidate has a plan to get parents to stop posting their 5 and under children dancing on TikTok?
Whitney Cummings
I will say I am trying to write a bit on this right now. People are like, are you gonna monetize your show? Of course. Are you gonna post your kid's face on social media? And I'm like, yeah, I am. Yeah, it's gonna be a different face in, like, two. Like, what are we. Yes. Yeah, I'm not. I just don't look. We all put. When I grew up, my dad had an office, and there were pictures of me in a frame in his office. And people would come in. We had take your daughter to work day. They would take us in person to.
Grace O'Malley
The job, parade the girls around to.
Whitney Cummings
The pedophiles in our little skirts and show us to the people they worked with. You know, people used to have a wallet. They'd be like, here's my son, Olin Mills picture. I mean, it's like, you want one?
Grace O'Malley
I've got extras.
Whitney Cummings
Do you know what I mean? It's just. I don't know, dude. I'm not.
Grace O'Malley
But there's a difference between being like, yeah, I'm. I don't care. Like, not. I don't care, but, like, I'm, like, open to posting my child's face on the Internet and being like, now dance. Like, you're gonna stand next to your dad and you're. You guys are gonna do a dance.
Whitney Cummings
That's sneaky.
Grace O'Malley
These kids are, like, working.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
Grace O'Malley
They're working for, like, eight hours a day, and they're not seeing a dime of this money. Like, there's no protections for kids like they have for, like, those Nickelodeon kids. It's like your money goes to a trust. Nothing.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. So they were just doing what Ellen was doing.
Grace O'Malley
Yes. It's completely unregulated.
Whitney Cummings
That is child labor.
Grace O'Malley
Completely. A lot of these kids are homeschooled.
Whitney Cummings
Oh.
Grace O'Malley
Because their. Their parents are like, I. You gotta work their child. I mean, that's a new child, household income.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, well, because, I mean, my whole thing with all of the child actors is they couldn't get to this set without their parents driving them to the audition and that, you know.
Grace O'Malley
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
We'll see how good a dancer Henry is, and we'll go from there, is my guess. Love you guys. Don't ride elephants. Goodbye.
Podcast Summary: Good For You – "Rizz 'Em with the 'Tizm" (EP 263)
Episode Details:
In Episode 263 of the "Good For You" podcast, comedian Whitney Cummings sits down with guest Grace O'Malley for a candid and humorous discussion ranging from personal struggles with mental health to societal observations on neurodivergence and social media trends. The conversation delves deep into topics like the misuse of autism terminology, the challenges of OCD, the pitfalls of modern social interactions, and critiques of contemporary celebrity culture—all infused with Whitney's signature comedic flair.
The episode kicks off with Whitney and Grace critiquing government priorities, specifically highlighting the inefficiency and misallocation of resources.
Whitney Cummings [00:51]: "An Instagram squirrel was abducted by the state of New York. Right? Was euthanized. Look, I'm just jealous that the squirrel was euthanized just before election day so we could avoid all this stress."
Grace O'Malley [02:25]: "So much for you falling in love with New York City."
Insight: The hosts humorously emphasize how trivial issues, like animal control mishaps, overshadow critical societal problems, reflecting frustration with governmental focus.
Whitney shares a comical yet insightful story about almost contracting rabies, intertwining it with discussions about mental health stigmas.
Whitney Cummings [07:12]: "Zero people have survived rabies."
Grace O'Malley [08:29]: "Oh, my God."
Insight: Through her story, Whitney highlights the absurdity of certain healthcare protocols and the societal tendency to trivialize serious conditions, blending humor with a critique of mental health misunderstandings.
A significant portion of the conversation centers on the overuse and misuse of autism as an identity, drawing parallels to derogatory terms historically used to marginalize groups.
Grace O'Malley [14:01]: "Like the new R word to say that."
Whitney Cummings [14:56]: "And so when someone lies to you, he's like, oh, that my autism. I just couldn't."
Insight: Whitney and Grace discuss the implications of casually identifying as autistic, questioning the authenticity and motivations behind such self-identifications, while also touching upon their personal experiences with autism and OCD.
The hosts critique the current state of TikTok, lamenting its shift towards commercialization and the decline in content quality.
Whitney Cummings [66:55]: "It just become like a fleet live flea market."
Grace O'Malley [67:44]: "They're making the TikTok Shop. This skirt is so cute, you can't even tell it has shorts underneath."
Insight: Whitney and Grace express disillusionment with TikTok’s evolution into a marketplace, pointing out how it detracts from genuine content creation and fosters a culture of impulsive consumerism.
Both hosts delve into their personal battles with OCD, discussing intrusive thoughts, coping mechanisms, and societal misunderstandings surrounding the condition.
Whitney Cummings [34:54]: "Why can't I finish the puzzle?"
Grace O'Malley [39:30]: "You have a word for it and it's anal. And you should try it on for size."
Insight: The conversation sheds light on the daily struggles of managing OCD, highlighting the importance of understanding and compassion from society while showcasing the hosts' resilience in navigating their mental health challenges.
Whitney emphasizes the significance of maintaining healthy female friendships as a foundation for stable romantic relationships.
Whitney Cummings [57:50]: "Any girl that doesn't have girlfriends, always a red flag."
Grace O'Malley [58:11]: "Are you, like, it doesn't matter if I'm in a relationship if my female friendships are suffering."
Insight: The hosts advocate for the value of platonic relationships in fostering emotional well-being, suggesting that strong friendships can mitigate the challenges faced in romantic partnerships.
Whitney and Grace analyze and satirize the behaviors and public perceptions of celebrities like Ghislaine Maxwell and Martha Stewart, blending humor with sharp critiques.
Whitney Cummings [50:07]: "She's a fashion icon. I'm just gonna pay credit where credit is due."
Grace O'Malley [54:29]: "I was marrying my head Christian Ultra nationalist."
Insight: Through their banter, the hosts critique the superficial aspects of celebrity culture and its impact on public perceptions, using Ghislaine Maxwell as a case study for discussing deeper societal issues.
The discussion transitions to the pressures faced by women regarding aging and self-care standards, critiquing societal expectations and the commercialization of personal appearance.
Whitney Cummings [62:14]: "When people start saying an actress is brave because she's not wearing makeup."
Grace O'Malley [62:54]: "You're allowed to be shallow and not a criminal."
Insight: The hosts challenge the narrative that not adhering to beauty standards is inherently brave, arguing that it often overlooks the genuine agency and efforts of individuals to care for themselves.
Throughout the episode, Whitney Cummings and Grace O'Malley intertwine personal anecdotes with broader societal critiques, using humor as a vehicle to explore complex topics. Their candid conversation offers listeners a blend of comedy, introspection, and critical analysis of modern life, making "Rizz 'Em with the 'Tizm" a compelling listen for those interested in both laughter and thoughtful discourse.
Notable Quotes:
Whitney Cummings [14:56]: "I don't like when someone leads with autism or Asperger's so they can then cheat on you or lie to you and be like, oh, it's my Asperger's."
Grace O'Malley [29:29]: "You have a word for it and it's anal. And you should try it on for size."
Whitney Cummings [57:50]: "Any guy that doesn't have guy friends, always a red flag."
Timestamp Highlights:
Note: This summary excludes sections identified as advertisements or non-content segments to maintain focus on the substantive discussions between Whitney Cummings and Grace O'Malley.