Snow White Haters Need a Mirror | Good For You - Episode 283

Summary

Good For You – Episode 283: "Snow White Haters Need a Mirror"

Release Date: April 5, 2025
Host: Whitney Cummings
Guests: Chris Cole and Pat
Episode Title Origin: The episode delves into the controversy surrounding the new "Snow White" movie, exploring public reactions, the portrayal of characters, and broader societal implications.

---

1. Introduction to the Tour and Snow White Discussion

The episode kicks off with Whitney Cummings enthusiastically promoting her stand-up comedy tour, highlighting her upcoming dates and encouraging listeners to attend her performances. However, the conversation quickly shifts focus to the contentious topic of the new "Snow White" movie.

Notable Quote:
Whitney Cummings [00:24]:
"I'm late to the game on Snow White. I know. I just wanted to wait to see because you know how now, like you'll be obsessed with some story and it's all over your algorithm..."

---

2. Critique of the New Snow White Movie

Whitney expresses her skepticism and lack of interest in the latest rendition of "Snow White," labeling it as "cringy" and not particularly enjoyable unless it's appreciated for being humorously bad. She draws parallels to cult classics like "Showgirls," suggesting that some movies gain appreciation over time for their flaws.

Notable Quote:
Whitney Cummings [01:45]:
"It's a little cringy. I love a movie that's funny for all the wrong reasons. We love Showgirls. Like what's the amount of time where a movie is bad for so long that we then love it?"

Whitney further criticizes the protagonist, Rachel Ziegler, arguing that her portrayal overshadows the collective effort of the entire cast and crew. She emphasizes that hating the character shouldn't equate to condemning the movie's broader production team.

Notable Quote:
Whitney Cummings [03:57]:
"If you're going to hate the new Snow White, hate it for a reason other than her, you know, so that all the other people that worked on it can be proud of the last four years of their life."

---

3. The Fallout and Public Reception

The discussion delves into the public backlash against Rachel Ziegler's performance, with Whitney highlighting the disproportionate focus on her character's likability. She points out the absurdity of the backlash by comparing the IMDB ratings of "Snow White" to experimental films like "Human Centipede," underscoring that a single character's reception shouldn't dictate the film's overall appraisal.

Notable Quote:
Whitney Cummings [02:30]:
"Should Snow White have a lower IMDb rating than Human Centipede? ... it's like, if you don't like me and you don't like my take on the podcast, fine, but don't. You're not mad at Pat?"

---

4. Broader Commentary on Hollywood and Representation

Whitney extends her critique to Hollywood's handling of character portrayals and the industry's tendency to prioritize certain narratives over others. She touches upon the historical context of "Snow White" being Hitler's favorite movie, questioning the separation of art and the artist, and drawing uncomfortable parallels between past and present cinematic influences.

Notable Quote:
Whitney Cummings [03:30]:
"No one cares that Snow White was legitimately Hitler's favorite movie. And he was a trained artist. So I'm just saying great art."

She also addresses the challenges faced by young actors in maintaining authenticity while navigating public expectations and media portrayals.

---

5. Internal Dynamics and Personal Anecdotes

The conversation takes a more personal turn as Whitney shares her experiences and frustrations with maintaining public personas, especially as they relate to her young co-hosts and guests. She humorously critiques the overexposure of young celebrities like Rachel Ziegler and the pressures they face in the digital age.

Notable Quote:
Whitney Cummings [06:00]:
"This is the first time in the history of our species that we have filmed 20 year olds speaking and broadcast it around the world. This is like such a PR nightmare."

---

6. Concluding Thoughts on Media and Influence

Whitney wraps up her critique by reflecting on the influence of social media algorithms and the superficial measures of success in today's entertainment landscape. She underscores the importance of valuing the collective effort behind a production rather than fixating on individual performances.

Notable Quote:
Whitney Cummings [04:35]:
"If you don't like me and you don't like my take on the podcast, fine, but don't. You're not mad at Pat?"

---

7. Summary and Takeaways

In this episode, Whitney Cummings spearheads a critical examination of the new "Snow White" movie, challenging the audience to look beyond individual performances and appreciate the collective endeavor of filmmaking. Through her candid discourse, Whitney highlights the complexities of modern media consumption, the pressures on young actors, and the often misguided nature of public backlash.

Key Insights:

• Collective Effort vs. Individual Performance: The importance of recognizing the hard work of the entire cast and crew rather than fixating on one character.
• Media's Role in Shaping Perceptions: How algorithms and social media can distort public opinion and amplify controversies.
• Art and Morality: The ongoing debate about separating art from the personal histories or beliefs of its creators.

---

Note: This summary excludes advertisement segments and non-content portions of the transcript to focus solely on the substantive discussions within the episode.

Transcript

[Whitney Cummings]

First and foremost, I'm a standup comedian and I am on tour. If you want to pay money to watch a woman talk with her clothes on, come see me do stand up. Okay? I'm going to be in all the cities. You know my tour dates, right, babe? Rattle them off.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, you're going to be in. You're going to be in. Give me one.

[Whitney Cummings]

Couples therapy with you. You're going to be in New Orleans. We added a bunch of dates. New or. I just got back from Wisconsin, Vegas in May. I'm going to Spokane and Seattle next weekend. I think those are close to being sold out. I'm coming to Virginia, Norfolk, I'm coming to Canada, Toronto, all the places. Whitney Cummings dot com. You know what to do. Bap, bap, bap. I am late to the game on Snow White. I know. I just wanted to wait to see because you know how now, like you'll be obsessed with some story and it's all over your algorithm and then you'll bring it up to someone else and they'll be like, what are you talking about? Like last week my entire TikTok was Nikki Blonsky, the girl from Hairspray, doing very wild cameos. That was my whole thing. And I brought it up at like a work dinner. And everyone, I mean truly, I thought that they were going to call Britney Spears, his dad, to put me in a conservatorship. They thought I was so insane. And so the Snow White drama, I wasn't clear if everyone was really mad about this because I was like, all these guys can't be this annoyed at this 20 year old girl, right? So I didn't really care. I don't really care about Snow White. I haven't seen it. I have been watching clips and I'm not saying it's a great movie. It's a little cringy. I love a movie that's funny for all the wrong reasons. We love Showgirls. Like what's the amount of time where a movie is bad for so long that we then love it? You know what I mean?

[Pat]

15 years.

[Whitney Cummings]

15 years, okay, that's probably a good. Like when, when Showgirls came. When Snow Girls. Hey, if you guys really want to make some money, Showgirls, meet Snow White. Snow Girls. I will. I am quitting this right now to go get a kickstarter. Going for that. I just do feel like I think I'm usually the person that's like, okay, guys, uncle, uncle, we're. It's too much. It's you can hate Snow White. But should Snow White have a lower IMDb rating than Human Centipede? To. It has a lower IMDb rating than Human centipede dose. Guys, you realize 4,000 other people worked on this movie. It's like, if you don't like me and you don't like my take on the podcast, fine, but don't. You're not mad at Pat? The Pat? What about Pat here? What about Pat here who drove all the way in from Bikersfield to come in and help me get this? You know, did. He's done nothing wrong. Think about him. You know, let's not ruin a whole movie because the star of it is annoying. Of course she's annoying. She's 20 and she's playing Snow White, which means literally 12 years ago, she thought Snow White was a real person. Like, that's not that long ago. People are like, she doesn't look like the original Snow White. What? She's not a drawing from 1938. She's not made out of crayons and paint. Like, as someone who is made of crayons and paint, I don't recommend it. I'm not defending the movie, okay? I've seen some of the clips. It doesn't look any worse than all the other movies that are always out. It's just, at least here, if you're going to hate Snow White, at least hate it for a reason other than her, you know, so that all the other people that worked on it can be proud of the last four years of their life. If you're going to hate the new Snow White, hate it. Because the original was Hitler's favorite movie. It was. Did you know this? No one cares that Snow White was legitimately Hitler's favorite movie. And he was a trained artist. So I'm just saying great art. Yeah. Have you seen his art?

[Chris Cole]

Not Hitler's art. I'm talking about Snow White. Snow White. Great art.

[Whitney Cummings]

I mean, can you separate the art and the artist with Hitler? That's a tough one. I can separate R. Kelly and Michael Jackson and just Hitler. It is tough to separate the art and the artist. I haven't seen his art, but you know that he wanted to be a painter and that no one bought his paintings. So I have something to tell all you out there. If a man wants to paint, let him paint. Let him paint. There's no telling what he'll do. You thought men get mad when they're rejected by women. I mean, when they're rejected by art dealers that carry Jackson Pollock. I mean, that Must be humiliating because, you know, most art is just so dumb. It's just like, like four splashes and someone's like, sorry, art's not good enough. It's like the. The splashes.

[Chris Cole]

Duct tape banana.

[Whitney Cummings]

A duct tape banana. Duct tape.

[Chris Cole]

Mental.

[Whitney Cummings]

I do love. By the way, I started getting interested in this story when Mark Platt, the big producer of the movie, his son Jonah, like, defended the movie and basically just said this entitled girl, like, ruined the entire movie and defended all the other people who worked on the movie. I love that he did that. But like, Rachel Ziegler didn't make this movie. She did the literally the least. Is it fair to say Pat. Pat comes from making movies. She did the least of anyone on this film. Yeah.

[Pat]

She was told what to do the.

[Whitney Cummings]

Whole time, the entire time, and she couldn't even do that. Like, why does her personality get to ruin this entire thing? And honestly, what's going on with us? Like, this is always my thing. What's going on with us that we're giving this. Who. Who's. I didn't know that this was a problem. And people like, isn't she annoying? I'm like, no, I don't know. Because when I see her on my feet, I don't press play. I don't. I don't. Who's watching actresses talk? Why? What's up with you that you saw her talking and you pressed play, homie. Like, what is going on with you that you finished her segment on Fallon? You watched her. Fallon. Who is on the edge of their seat when a 22 year old talks? Like, what is up with the. Why is anyone putting a microphone into the face of a 20 year old anyway? I mean, we used to only do that so that we could Photoshop a in the place of the microphone later. That was actually less weird than just letting them say their opinion. This to me, this is wild, dude. People like, she's entitled and she. She. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Yeah, she's a kid. This is the first time in the history of our species that we have filmed 20 year olds speaking and broadcast it around the world. This is like such a PR nightmare. As someone who is a PR nightmare, if I think this is bad, this is bad. Okay, what in the Blake Lively are these talk show. I mean, she literally said in one of her talk shows, she's like, I get stopped for photos when I'm going to the Snow White Ride and I hate it. I'm such a narcissist. I'm like, why did they air that? Why did they pull Ashley Simpson off of the stage on SNL when she was lip syncing to her own song? That was embarrassing. But this is okay. We used to. Kids used to scurry off stage when they did something embarrassing. Why is anyone listening to an actress? You know what actors jobs are, right? Does anyone know what an actor does? Their job. They signed up to say what other people said, which means on some level they know they shouldn't talk willy nilly. They're like, that's not for me. At a very early age, they got the memo. When I just say things, I think up, it doesn't go well. But if I just read what this other person wrote, people clap for me. So there's a humility. She knew that she, she knew at a very young age, I guess, like, this isn't working for me. So there's a humility in that. But then, then you, you put a 20 year old on Jimmy Kimmel and let her talk about Palestine. Are you loco? I mean, talk shows are our thing. Talk show are comedians thing. That's what we do. Except for Michael Richards, who after he said a horrible Rachel epithet. Sorry I have to bring this up. Like every couple episodes, he went to apologize and made it worse. Said some pretty nasty things to some Afro Americans. So Rachel Zegler is talking. She's 20. She's 20 years old at the time. She's doing all that. If this had been three years earlier, by law, her talking on camera would be child labor. Three years earlier, legally a child. Okay, why are we listening to this child plus three years. Her. Her own parents don't listen to her talk. Why do you think she became an actress? They didn't listen to their own child. And I would like to hear their side of the story. You don't, you don't try to get famous because your parents were like on the edge of their seat when you spoke. They didn't. If her own parents didn't want to hear her talk, why are you listening? Dale? What's. I thank God I wasn't filmed at 20 years old when I was talking. It would have been so much worse, dude, if I was talking on camera at 20, it would have been. My best friend was Armenian. So I just would have been like, we need to stop the genocide in Armenia, wherever that is. I had just read Naomi Wolf a book, the one about makeup. The Beauty Myth, it was called. And I was ready to lecture anyone who would listen to me about how the patriarchy uses makeup and cosmetics to hold women down and that women have less time every day because we have to spend two hours putting on makeup and it's full of cancer causing chemicals, which is what makes us crazy. I would have told you this with a full face of makeup. Expired makeup on, looking like carrot bottom. I did not know to put my makeup in the fridge back then, okay? I didn't even have a fridge. Yeah, of course she's entitled. She got hired to play Snow White. I have low self esteem. If someone hired me to even be a Snow White at Disneyland in Tampa, you couldn't say nothing to me? Nothing. I would you. Oh, get. I am. I am. Excuse me. How dare you speak to me.

[Chris Cole]

Disneyland in Tampa. So they just took you somewhere that doesn't exist too.

[Whitney Cummings]

Whatever. Orlando.

[Chris Cole]

Disney World in Orlando.

[Whitney Cummings]

We're back here. Remember when I was at Universal City or Universal? I was performing in Orlando and I was at Universal. And because I was performing at the theater, I got to go like in the back of the theme park and no one could tell me anything. They're like, don't film. I was like filming and I was giving them my back. The police, the Universal Studios police showed up. Another Dale, this was definitely Dale showed up. And they're like, we need your TikTok right now to take this down. And I was like, I'm back stage at Universal. You can't tell me nothing. Okay? I've been stopped by security for walking around the back of the park. I'm fully in trouble. So if I don't make the show tonight, guys, it's because I've been arrested by Universal security for snooping around and making tiktoks about the back of the bun. This is what happens when I don't take Prozac. You guys. They're making me pull over. They're pulling over and they're talking on walkie talkies. Being 20, you this. She thinks she's changing the world. I'm. It's. It's. When I was 21, I thought I was going to change the world by becoming a journalist. You guys. I went to. I studied journalism. I was going to reveal the dark underbelly of corporate greed. And I swear to God, I was like, and now I work for YouTube. What's YouTube? What's Saudi? Who owns this? I don't even know. I worked for NBC, which is General Electric. I work with Fox. Is that Murdoch? I don't even know who is this? Do I? Russia is probably. Putin is definitely my boss. Are we. What's. Do I work For Delta, somehow I just. I don't even know. Like, you are so delusional at that age. Like, who care? We're all deranged at 20 years old. And the 20 year olds. IG also. I'm not defending her. I'm just saying IG feeds now. Like, you see some people in their 20s and you see what they've been programmed with that. It's like, chase your dream. Don't work for someone else. Build your own dream. She thinks she was doing Disney a favor. Like, she thinks Disney owed her. Like, she came in there like this. This story is dumb. And she. Why wouldn't she think that? I was not taught that. I was told, never chase your own dream, okay? You don't have dreams. You have nightmares. Okay, you don't. I was told that life is not fair and nobody owes you anything. And if you get a job, wear a low clutch shirt and do your key goals. That's what I was told, okay? I was told that if someone has a bigger job than you, they probably know more than you. If they hire you, they probably know more about the job. That's not how it is now. It's the opposite. All of these, like Instagram and TikTok quotes have led these munchkins to believe that if you work for someone, you're a blessing to them. Your presence is a blessing to them. They could never have this company without you. The real thing here is theater kids. Now, I wanted to be a theater kid. I say this out of deep jealousy. My aunt and Roanoke would not let me take speech and drama, as it was called. She made me take economics and typing, where I had to type with a box over my fingers and write checks. Practice writing checks. Which, as someone that didn't have any money, was very traumatic. So here's the deal with the theater kids. The theater kids, like, we don't. We can't let the theater kids talk. You know, remember Dirty Dancing? Like, they're the sister in Mean Girls. They're the Rachel McAdams. They're the Aubrey and Pitch Perfect in school. Imagine being a theater kid. Imagine the level of delusional confidence you would have to be to do theater in high school. And in high school, the rest of us are insecure. We have acne, we have braces. And they just wanted me in front of the whole school. Like, if you have that much confidence in high school, your brain should be studied. I couldn't raise my hand in high school. And they're singing Fiddler on the Roof in leggings. In front of the seniors. What are these only children? Like, what is this? Where would this even come from? Like, if they didn't play sports so they never got punched in the face, they never got elbowed in the camel toed an away game. You don't know what that's like. If you're a theater kid, you do not even know what adversity is like. You don't. You don't get hit. You do stage combat. You choreograph your lashings because you're Aaron Burr in Oklahoma or I don't know, I've never seen Oklahoma. Most plays are about being yourself and finding your voice and people accepting you. That's not how athletes work. If you play basketball, if you played sports, if you're an athlete, it was about being the best you can be. It's not about being yourself. It's being the best. Or you're going to do 50 pushups and so is the rest of the team. You don't find your voice in sports until you're breaking up a fight between the head coach and your dad. And you do not even know who you're rooting for to win that fight. That is a tough one. Why is anyone doing press for anything? Snow White. I'm sold. So I've got so say no more. Snow White. The Zelda poster just came out. I don't even need.

[Chris Cole]

I'm going.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't even need the. Don't, please.

[Chris Cole]

Don't, please.

[Whitney Cummings]

Zelda is coming out in a year. I think. I don't need Timothy Mallamy telling me about how big of a deal it was to do. I don't. I don't need to see any. Don't show me any actors. It's going to ruin Zelda. I'm telling just Snow White. That's it. You know when you're already sold on something and then they advertise to you and you're like, oh, man. Like, I will buy something and then the brand will email me about a sale because they're like, we have a sale. I'm like, I know where to find you. Okay. Hey, Nike. Believe in yourself. I know where to find Nike. I know where to. But now that you're marketing to me now it's like, weird. Now I'm uncomfortable. I like my movies and my sneakers to play hard to get. I'll find you. I don't want to. I don't even want to know who the actress is. I want to see Snow White. Never being Snow White out in the wild. That's like seeing the guy in the mascot costume in the parking lot. I don't want to meet the. The guy who's in the Philly Fanatic. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to meet Troy. The guy who dresses up as a hornet every Thursday night. Not even clear if he's been hired to do so. The actress playing an iconic role is basically the weirdo inside the mascot costume that you never wanna meet. Am I wrong? Have you ever met him inside of a mascot guy and been like, dude, we should hang out?

[Chris Cole]

No, because mascots know their place. They won't talk. Yeah, they know the deal. The fanatic has his own dressing room and he comes out as a fanatic. He goes back in as a fanatic. And there's probably a different door on the other side.

[Whitney Cummings]

It is his aunt's van. That is his dressing room.

[Chris Cole]

Get out of there. Doesn't speak.

[Whitney Cummings]

Don't break the spell. You know what I mean? Don't break the spell. Like the Bachelor. Dude, reality TV has this locked up, okay? Bachelorette, until the finale happens, you are not allowed to speak. They put them in a bunker somewhere in Burbank so that they never give anything away because they know as soon as you see these people talking, it's just gonna ruin it. I'm just saying, if you're playing Snow White In 2025, you should be seen about as much as the Epstein list, which is not at all. You should be in a Dropbox file on Hunter Biden. Sams should be printed out and hidden under one of his paintings. Honestly, if I'm going to hear from anyone talk on the Snow White movie, I want to hear from the animators of the Dwarves. Am I wrong? Think that person had an interesting job? Like when, like when they were making the crotches of the Dwarves. Did they? Did they give him a normal size crotch? I hear that that part's not dwarfed like on little people. I think that part's regular sized people. I would listen to the animators talk about that for literally hours. Also, do you know why the dwarves are old? Pat, you knew this was going to be the bee in my bonnet. It's still a 22 year old hanging out with old men. Even if they're short. Yeah, they're still way too old to be hanging out with a 20 year old. Who's the fairest of them all. Right?

[Pat]

They found her in the woods.

[Whitney Cummings]

I have to. I'm gonna see here. Yeah, they've got the easiest access to under her skirt. I'm just saying. You guys remember the drama on wizard of Oz? Like, the drunk little people were, like, terrorizing Judy Garland the entire time. I'm just saying old short men or old dwarf little people can be creeps. Just because they look like kids doesn't mean they're not into kids. Or maybe just because they wear kids clothes or the size of kids. This is gonna get me in so much trouble. I'm just saying. I will go here. Short pedophiles can be into tall teenagers. Is this why we can't get monetized on YouTube? There is a point where you gotta elevate yourself. There is a point. A lot of my friends who are like, and people don't respect me, and he didn't respect me. And my barista was rude to me. It's like, but you also are wearing a crochet bikini top with fishnets and jean shorts. I'm not saying you don't look cute. It's just there's a point where we're not still wearing Delias. Okay? There's gotta be a point where we're not still wearing, you know, tube tops that say spiritual gangster that are like, do you know what I mean?

[Chris Cole]

Namaste in bed.

[Whitney Cummings]

We gotta grow up a little. You know what I mean? There's a certain point where when people don't respect you, it has everything to do with how much you respect yourself and the way you present yourself. I am so obsessed with quints because it's all very clean. It's very clean, timeless pieces that you can dress up, you can dress down. I can put a Quint cashmere cardigan over my edit T shirt that I did get at a gas station and still look cute. Elevated trash Quince partners directly with Top Factory. So you get the exact same quality you'd find from designer brands, just without the insane, ridiculous markup. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton loungewear, premium suitcases. I'm obsessed with their travel. I got some of their earrings too. For a friend of mine. Gold earrings, very well priced. I love the quint. Only works with factories that follow ethical, responsible manufacturing practices. No kids tears on your pants. Shopping with Quinn feels as good as the clothes do. So your next trip, your next couchbound shopping spree, go to quint.com Whitney to get free shipping and 365 day returns. That's Quince. Q U I N C.com Whitney. Hey, guys, what's better than wine? Nudity. So naked wine. Ah. I'm climaxing. Raise your hand if you've ever stood in front of a wall of wine bottles at the grocery store trying to put them in your purse. Just kidding. Trying to look like you know what you're doing, but really you're just grabbing the one with the cutest label. Me has a horse on it. Add to cart. That's it. But I always get it wrong. This is why I love Naked Wines. Naked Wines connects you directly with the world's best independent winemakers. No middlemen, no ridiculous markup. Just great wine delivered straight to your door at 60% off retail prices. What I love is how unique each wine is. These aren't like mass produced bottles. Small batch craft wines made by real winemakers with real stories. I recently got a bottle delivered to me that was so good I did not cry at all. Wine usually makes me cry and reach out to exes. I did not text 1x I would. Can I get some points for that, sir? Not one ex did I reach out to with this wine. You should love this company.

[Chris Cole]

When was the last time you drank wine?

[Whitney Cummings]

Look, the point is I only have two phones now, not three. That's progress. Look, go online, activate your deal and boom. Six bottles of wine show up at your house for a crazy good price. No commitment. Chris would know something about that. No fees and you can pause or cancel anytime. Even better. The more you rate and review the wines, the better your next box gets. It's like personal wine concierge that actually learns your taste. Plus it's the easiest way to impress your friends. Also, do sommiers? Really? I mean, after Covid, does anyone know what anything tastes like? Let's be honest. Don't waste your money on those dorks. Here's the deal. Get six bottles of wine for just $39.99 with shipping included. That's 100 bucks off your first box. Use the code Whitney for both the voucher and the password. Naked wines. Click enter voucher. Use code Whitney for six bottles of wine for just 39.99. You'd be dumb not to. Do you think any adult sized pedos ever make dwarves get botox to look super young?

[Pat]

Now that's a poll for the audience.

[Whitney Cummings]

Also, why not just remaster the old one? You know why? I think it's literally because people think they can't say the word master. They were probably like that word master's not. I don't. From what I understand of all the words in our vocabulary that are horrible that you probably shouldn't say master from What I understand is from mast on a ship. I mean, bad things happen on ships. Ships are what, an. Oh, no. Maybe. Do you think it comes from that? Master bedroom is from mast of a ship, I believe.

[Pat]

Yeah, but like, thousands of years ago, people would live in someone's house, and they were the master of that.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, I know, but that's not why it's called that. I. Because you're apparently. Because it's a nautical. Nautical thing. It just is a coincidence. It's also master. However, I think. Thanks. Look it up. And your. Your voice just went pitched up. So he still believes I'm wrong. I do know. My realtor did just tell me. You can say master bedroom because it's a nautical term, but you can't say walk in closet because that's ableist. I spent my whole life trying to be able to afford a walk in closet. Now I can't even say I have one.

[Pat]

We're gonna have to call your. At your real estate agent.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why?

[Pat]

Because it's not a nautical.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, you just googled something random. All right, well, whatever. This is what I was told. No, I.

[Pat]

The messenger.

[Whitney Cummings]

I didn't say master bedroom for years because everybody said, you're not supposed to say that, and then it got debunked.

[Chris Cole]

The term master bedroom emerged in the early 20th century, with the first recorded use appearing in 1926.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, so that was way after slavery was abolished in America, Referring to the.

[Chris Cole]

Largest bedroom in the house, typically reserved for the head of the household. I don't think it's actually a racial term, but, I mean, I don't know.

[Whitney Cummings]

You can be a master of other things besides just, you know, people.

[Pat]

You can gain. You can be a master in any skill.

[Whitney Cummings]

Chess master, chef master, mind headmaster.

[Pat]

You can be a chess master or a tennis. You could be a Bassmaster.

[Whitney Cummings]

What's Bassmaster? Oh, a fish.

[Pat]

Like, you're really good at fishing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Cool. It is the dorkiest. People want to use that. Or like a. Like a. I feel like it's like a Dungeons and Dragons term. It's very unofficial, so it was used more. Well, I was wrong then about it being boats, so. Great news, guys. I was wrong just in the wrong direction. I was right, but wrong. I don't know. I'm sure it's case by case, but the word does have like a. You do kind of go like when you hear it, you know? But animating the dwarves. What about that? Why did they animate them instead of just using them? I think it's this. Dwarves in snow White are not the same as little people. The dwarves have like noses and ear. Like, they would have to be in prosthetics. They're fictional things.

[Pat]

Caricature. Yes. Back in the day, cartoons would do caricatures of types or groups of people. And that's also frowned upon.

[Whitney Cummings]

So I feel like if you hired a real person the same way. Friends of mine. I mean, this is not an exact friends of mine who are like Latina or they feel like when they act in certain roles, they want them to Latina it up. Like talk a certain way. And like, if you're a little person playing a dwarf in the movie movie, they're gonna be like, can you just like be more dwarfy? And they're like, no, I'm an adult. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like, it's like blackface dwarf or something. It's doorface. It's.

[Pat]

There's no right.

[Whitney Cummings]

There's no right. Well, you know what my. I think it might be, which is just maybe I have this primed in my head because the owner of the Redskins, a big part of why he didn't want to change the name is because he had Redskins logos all over his private jet and his like emblazoned in the wood in his ceiling of his house. You know, it was like to. If you are setting up an entire set with I don't know how many. How many dwarves are in the movie, you have to accommodate the entire set. I can't even step bump into a makeup trailer. It's like this far off the ground. I mean, it's like danger. Like, it's like you have to change the makeup chairs. You have to like, it's not accommodating at all to someone of that size. Right. I mean, most Hollywood actors are pretty much that size, but not that they have, you know. And like, you can't just like, you know, be like, here, do you want some snacks at the craft service? Like, you can't, can't just scatter a.

[Pat]

Bunch of muffins on the ground.

[Chris Cole]

The motion.

[Whitney Cummings]

Throwing those little mini packs of raisins.

[Pat]

The wheelbarrow, just dump it out.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just I.

[Chris Cole]

In like a kiddie pool on the ground for water. Here's a bunch of straws.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just. And it's like the makeup artist would throw their back out trying to do touch ups. Like, I think there's like a very real thing with that. I'm sorry. Like, I know it's gonna get me in trouble. It's the same thing with A friend of mine got in trouble for having a character in a movie play autistic. And they're like, you should have hired an autistic person. And it's like, well, most autistic people, at least the kind that she was, had the movie about can't handle the sounds and the lights and the. You know what I mean? Like they, it's like too stressful for them. So if you did hire someone who was extremely autistic, they'd be like, you're abusing an autistic person. Because all of these sounds, you know.

[Chris Cole]

So it's animate them.

[Whitney Cummings]

Animated autistic person. Look at you, babe.

[Chris Cole]

Just solving totally normal movie.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's just also, I am going to defend Rachel Zegler on one front. I know that, that everything she says is super annoying, but she is gorgeous. We're not pretending she's ugly. We're not doing this. Also, here's the thing. Even if she is ugly, you shouldn't even know. No one should even know what, like what she looks like. You shouldn't even. Saying a 22 year old is ugly makes you look like a weird. It's weird if you go, oh, she's hot. But it's also weird if you go, she's ugly because you're like, first of all, you don't get to reject a girl who is way too young for you anyway. She's hot is weird, but also she's not hot enough. Even weirder. Okay? This movie's made for your child, okay? Do you really want Sophia Loren in this movie? Like, we don't. We're not doing, we're not doing this. Okay? I'm not, I'm not. And oh, the main slam is people were mad that they changed the story, okay? They're like, they changed the story of Snow White. Okay, well, when it. In 1937, when this version came out, was everyone like, this isn't what they did in Grimes Fairy Tale? What a dork you are. Dude. Snow White is seven in the book. Are we mad no one's kissing the seven year old? Like, we've got to update some. Why is nobody mad? No one. Why am I always mad at things that no one else is mad about? The thing that really annoys me about Snow White, I cannot believe this is what it's getting got on. The story is about a woman who's 30 who hates a woman who's 20 because she's prettier than her. And then the online guys are like, she's not pretty enough. No one Sees how crazy this is. Like, is irony just canceled at this point. I mean, it's a movie about the evils of a woman in her 30s looking in a mirror. It is a horror movie about a woman in her 30s looking in a mirror. And then all hell breaks loose. I mean, this is. It's about a gorgeous older woman who wants to unalive a younger woman because she's prettier than her. No one thinks that's toxic. Whistle while you work. No one thinks that's weird. No one. It's corporate propaganda. This is obviously Walt Disney saying to his animators, like, work is fun. Just have a good attitude. Just sing more. This is literally a quote from, like a Dale Carnegie like, thing to his employees that are like, you know, deep throating tetanus coils while making a bridge that is now a cemetery full of workers who fell in the concrete when it was wet. It's like, whistle while you work. How do I be what? I can't.

[Pat]

Animator strike. Hey, I got a new song for this one, guys.

[Whitney Cummings]

I did listen to the podcast episode of behind the Bastards about Walt Disney, and he did not pay his animators. They worked crazy hours. So this is just gaslighting, people. It's literally Snow White, like, sweeping the floor, being like, guys, stop complaining about these 23 hour days. If you just whistled, like, it'd be fine to make 20 cents an hour. How has no one realized how evil this is? Walt Disney trying to brainwash his animators whose fingers were like nubs at this point. They're all hunchbacks by the end of the time they made the first Snow White. Ooh, Pat, what if the reason there's so many dwarves in Walt Disney movies, because there are so many, is. Is it less ink for the animators back then?

[Pat]

That's probably the number one reason I.

[Whitney Cummings]

Would say, don't you think?

[Pat]

Expensive ink.

[Whitney Cummings]

For real.

[Pat]

You gotta shrink these.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, we're out of ink. We just got to make these guys shorter. Yeah, I'm not even kidding. That's probably it. Am I wrong? You know, I'm onto something. What?

[Pat]

I know there's. There's ink that fills the whole frame, every frame.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it would have been cheaper.

[Chris Cole]

Well, no, there's.

[Whitney Cummings]

It would have been cheaper.

[Chris Cole]

But they do cells. But they do cells on top of the background. So the clear cells of dwarves.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just saying, is dwarves in the original Snow White mean less ink, which means less expensive for Walt. This guy. This guy knew how to pinch a pen, right?

[Chris Cole]

He knew that whistling was Free, maybe. What you guys can afford whistling yourselves? I'm not gonna whistle for you.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like, people say, like, there are certain things comedians shouldn't joke about. Aren't there certain things we shouldn't be able to sing about? You can't sing about making your workers be more grateful for doing hard labor. It's. You just need an attitude adjustment. I mean, it does feel like an allegory. Back when it came out, you know, as these people were doing hard labor, they were complaining. Like, just whistle, right, Because I'm onto something. Not only the animators, but dwarves. I'm sure the kids see themselves in the dwarves. And kids were basically doing child labor back then. So, like, hey, kids, just whistle while you're, you know, fingers are getting smashed, making ovens full of coal. They're like, we can't whistle. We have popcorn. Long. Sorry, but just do a musical about it while your teeth are bleeding from all the chemicals. Who cares? Like, this movie is for children. The parent. You guys don't even have to watch it. I have a kid now, so I'm like, looking at all this stuff, trying to figure out, like, most kids stuff sucks. I'm sorry. The books for kids are all written by drug addicts as, like a prank. I swear to God, every children's book to me feels like a dare that went too far. Like, two guys are saying, hey, dude, I bet I could sell a children's book about this, like, hippo that, like, is scared of heights. You're like, what? Half of them don't even rhyme. It's so insulting. How do you even write a kid's book? You just show them your meganslaw.com registration. Like, hey, I was up to Catch a Predator. Can I get a book deal? Like, how does this even work? They're all like, subtly very creepy. I just don't think adults need to be mad at a kid's movie. Why? Why? It's setting a bad example. Okay, well, you're the one on Twitter all day calling a 22 year old girl ugly. Maybe you're setting the bad example. I don't know. Do kids know if a movie's bad? They're like, this one's traumatic for kids. Okay? When I was five years old, my parents showed me a movie called Old Yeller. I think everything was uphill from there. And then I saw that movie with the horse in the quicksand. And that is why I am on Prozac today, because I have to compulsively online shop in order to numb the pain of that visual in my head. What was the most traumatic movie you saw growing up, babe?

[Chris Cole]

It was Artex for sure.

[Whitney Cummings]

Really? But that was the name of the horse. Yeah. It was a Never ending story.

[Chris Cole]

It was Never ending Story.

[Whitney Cummings]

He didn't also, by the way. Oh, don't get me started on Wild Hearts can't be broken. Huh? Oh, God. When they have the horse jumping into the pool. I knew it was wrong even then. Was your favorite movie growing up, babe?

[Chris Cole]

Probably. Never ending Story. Movies are tough. Movies are hard. I watch a lot of shows actually. GI Joe animated movie. Okay, final answer.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Chris Cole]

The one that came out in three parts.

[Whitney Cummings]

Here we go.

[Chris Cole]

Three days in a row. Sergeant Slaughter. Real dude hosted it.

[Whitney Cummings]

So what if GI Joe came out as a movie now? What would. Who playing GI Joe would make you mad? The way people are mad about Snow White.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, dude.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, if Timothy Chalamet was like.

[Chris Cole]

I mean, that's like on the tip of my tongue obvious, you know, But I feel like there's probably even a better. Like a better one. But no, let's do Timothy Chalamet because. Because I'd be like, he's not buff. There's no way you'd be able to do this.

[Whitney Cummings]

I watched the Bob Dylan movie on a plane on my. The person next to me screen without headphones on, and I was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable. Dude, why the fact. Just like, why do. Okay, so if to win an Oscar for as a woman, you have to be a hooker, you have to be a stripper, you have to be a prostitute for a guy, you just have to, like, smoke a cigarette. Like, he's just smoking the whole time. And nothing makes me more uncomfortable than an actor who is. By the way, I'm doing the exact same thing. I just was annoyed at people doing to Rachel Ziegler. But watching a guy, like an actor, all I see is the actor trying to win an Oscar. I don't see Bob Dylan. I just.

[Chris Cole]

Watching a movie with you is hard because you see behind the camera, you see.

[Whitney Cummings]

You make me watch Joan Dirt over and over.

[Chris Cole]

We watched the Goonies that you hadn't seen. And her comment.

[Whitney Cummings]

I had never seen the Goonies.

[Chris Cole]

Her comment was, whoever did the lighting is a master.

[Whitney Cummings]

The cinematography in the Goonies is. It looks like a painting. It is beautiful. Phenomena. Phenomena. It is stunning. I'm sorry, I don't like watching kids solve problems.

[Chris Cole]

But, like, you have to scared Chester Copper Pot. He was a professional, and he didn't get as far as they got a real thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Don't know. What is the story of the Goonies? What's it about?

[Chris Cole]

It's about. It's about a bunch of friends in the Goondocks of Victoria.

[Whitney Cummings]

How old?

[Chris Cole]

I don't know.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like. Yes, yes.

[Chris Cole]

Let's go with 12.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm good. Already out.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, but they're gonna find treasure. They're gonna find cut gems in marble bags. And. And they're gonna save their town.

[Whitney Cummings]

Tell them to go apologize to their parents.

[Chris Cole]

They saved the town. How about they go, Their parents should apologize to them.

[Whitney Cummings]

Should they maybe hire a surgeon to sew their moms back up?

[Chris Cole]

Mom keeps her house now because they risk their lives.

[Whitney Cummings]

But did she keep her pelvic floor?

[Chris Cole]

No, moms did back then. Name a mom.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just. Of course, Snow White. Name a mom. If you try to make everybody happy with a movie or a tv, it's gonna suck. That's the thing. This is because these movies, they try to make everybody happy. They make no one happy. I've made sitcoms. I know what this is like. Okay? Also, how soon we forget about Cats. Remember, everyone's like, this is the worst movie ever made. Wasn't Cats like, Taylor Swift was dancing around with, like, a cat butthole? The press for that movie, babe, reminded me for the Cats movie was just like, Jason Derulo.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. Talking about how they Photoshopped this package smaller. Like, well, you know, they Photoshopped out my hog. Like, sick press release. Just so everybody knows I was only.

[Pat]

Gonna watch it for the hog.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Now I'm not going.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. I was like, derulo's in this in tights.

[Whitney Cummings]

Here's the other thing. Just make another movie. You can't change. Just stop changing movies. It's like when. Like, let's make a female 007. Don't do that. Because what? Because you're just gonna give the man that. You're trying to make some feminist statement by being like, let's make a female 007. It's like, that's just. Have a woman write a movie that's about a spy kid or whatever, and then she gets to make the money, because then the man, the toxic man who only made a movie about a male spy and put, like, Cali Berry in a bikini or whatever thing you think is problematic about it. You're just giving that person more money. Okay? Humans don't like change is all I'm saying. I'm saying this as a strategist and a marketing person. They don't like change. Says the person whose podcast studio is different every week. They don't like change. My neighbor still wears Oakley's. You guys men still wear Tevas. When a pothole gets filled on my street, honestly, I kind of miss it. Let's talk Talk about skin confidence because nothing will mess with your self esteem faster than a breakout right before a big moment. And nothing will ruin your relationship more than you constantly trying to squeeze your boyfriend's zits and him not letting you I've had pimples pop up before. Before dates, before interviews, red carpets. Not quite as bad as the pimples on Chris Cole's back. But the worst is when I do not have a plan to treat it. That's why I love Apostrophe. Whether you're dealing with acne, dark spots or signs of aging, Apostrophe connects you with an expert dermatology team that creates a treatment plan for your unique skin needs. Here's how it works. You fill out a simple online consultation about your skin goals and medical history, upload a few selfies, and then a board certified dermatology provider builds a treat and plan tailor just for you. They'll recommend oral and topical prescription medications that use clinically proven ingredients to help clear up your skin. And it's not just for facial acne. Chris Cole They've got your back covered, your chest and even butt acne too. Full body confidence. Add to cart. You don't need any in person appointments, no pharmacy lines. Apostrophe shifts your medication straight to your door. Their packaging is actually very adorable. Get your prescription in a bottle, personalized sticker, even a cute little postcard of the box. Get your first Visit for just $5. When you use the code Whitney, that's $15 savings and it's only available to listeners of this show. Head to apostrophe.com whitney apostrophe.com whitney click get started, use Code Whitney and sign up to get your first visit for just five bucks. Thank you Apostrophe for sponsoring this episode. Also Rachel Ziegler, but I hate to break it to you, she's going to be fine. Her eyes are very far apart and these days that is a Darwinian advantage. Alon will add her to cart and make her his next concubine baby maker. Speaking of genetics, 23andMe is bankrupt. Was that not an incredible segue?

[Chris Cole]

That's great.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm so good at segues it's ridiculous but they make me feel shame and they have picked me energy so I never get to do any of them. But I just wanted to show that off for you, dude, 23andMe is all out of spit. I guess no one's using 23andMe anymore. It went bankrupt. I feel like everyone's all out of spit from drinking too much prime energy drink and Adderall. There's an Adderall shortage, okay? No one has any spit left for this pyramid scheme scam. But everyone was doing 23andMe. I mean, it was ubiquitous for a minute. And I feel like now that Di is over, no one needs proof that they're 2% Native American or 1% African. They're like, I don't need this. Now that Trump's in office, everyone's trying to prove they're white. Everyone's trying to prove they're 100% white. They're like, no, you gotta believe me, man. Like, look at this. This is me at a Dave Matthews concert in 2004. And I have a hemp braided bracelet that's kind of dirty that I never take off. And I have that look. I've got that seashell necklace every dude was wearing for a while with a shirt that says no fear. I promise, man. Look at me, I'm. I'm fully white. I didn't know you did a background check on me. Okay, I promise I'm fully white. Look, I have cargo pants with nothing in the pockets. I'll spend you my. The new 23andMe to prove you're white is just to send your Spotify wrapped. Look at Zach Brian and Coldplay and Lex Friedman. Just look at the top drawer of my closet. It's full of hacky sacks. I swear. Throw me a hacky sack. Watch what happens, dude, I promise. Yeah, I promise. I'm white. I listened to reggae in the early aughts. What is the relationship between skateboarders and hacky sackers?

[Chris Cole]

None.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is that like the relationship between stand up comedians and like, mimes?

[Chris Cole]

Yes, but we do hack circles at gas stations on tour. But we usually, usually use a soccer ball that's slightly deflated.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Chris Cole]

Just a little bit. And then we. We do that. Like, a real hacky sack is like whack.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, really? A wacky sock, if you will.

[Chris Cole]

I don't like it as much.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, well, they're both ridiculous. Can men just hang out? Do they have to bring like a.

[Chris Cole]

We make a game.

[Whitney Cummings]

You have to make a game into it.

[Chris Cole]

We whistle.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah, you have to, like. We have to whistle, do some kind of thing. Anything to not go to the doctor. 23andMe always felt weird. You know, I was always on some I mean, first of all, it sounds like, you know, 23andMe sounds like Leonardo DiCaprio wrote a book about the oldest woman he's ever dated. And I guess I just, just. It's amazing a business had a worse name than forever 21. Shocking. I did a 23andMe. And do you know what my feedback was, Pat? Do you even remember this?

[Pat]

They were able to process it?

[Whitney Cummings]

Nope.

[Pat]

They couldn't complete the analysis.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why not?

[Pat]

No DNA. Because you're a robot.

[Whitney Cummings]

I didn't put enough spit. I didn't spit enough. I didn't put enough spit in the sample. I paid for it. They. I paid for it. I spit in it. They emailed me saying, you're an ashy ass mouthed, dehydrated mess. Honestly, that is really good feedback. That is better than your fourth grandfather was Mae west and you have cancer. Like, I was like, yeah, I'm dehydrated. Like, I actually did change. When you can't get your 23andMe sample in because you don't have enough spit. Like, that is a rock bottom. Okay, I just. No one thought that was weird to give yourself spit to some tech dorks. Like, we put tape over our computer cameras and then think it's okay to gag into tupperware phalluses and FedEx it to a bunch of dorks who've never seen a naked woman. I would rather give blood than spit at this point. Spit is very intimate and I save it for my lover and my baby's face. I. I would not. I'm. I would rather give my tears than my spit. At this point. I. I would rather cry into a tube. Based and based on the amount of tears, you could probably tell a lot more from my parents choices than my actual ancestry. I just. With privacy, we just cannot pick a lane. We don't want to be tracked and we want to be pn. But then we let clear at the airport, scan our eyeball and fax it to Russia. Like, you have a VPN on your computer, but you have nine illegitimate children in Illinois. Like, can we. I'm allowed to say that as an illegitimate child. The eyeball kiosk. You guys play extra at the airport to xerox your retina so that you can be the first person to be in the tube of farts. Cool. We don't. I just. It's. We don't want people to like, see our Google searches, but we like, accept all cookies every day. It's over. I find it freeing that just like everyone has everything. You have my DNA you have. You know, it's like, fine, read my text, read my emails. I find it freeing that there's no privacy anymore. Because you know what it makes me do, Pat? The right thing. I don't have to worry about what I should say or what I shouldn't say because I just operate as if. Like I am in court. How do I not lose custody of my son in 10 years? That's how I send every text message. I'm like, is this going to lose me custody of my child in 10 years? That's it. Okay? Which is why I don't get. That's why I don't know anything about Andrew Tate. I'm not watching that video. You're not going to drag me into this. I'm not going to watch the violence video about that. And it means I do not get to forward a lot of very hilarious memes to my friends. But. But I sleep like a baby. How about that? Blend in or stand out. Did you even know I was here? Guys, buy the merch. I can't do this anymore. Okay, so Pat is coming in today with a level of audacity that I have not witnessed since my dad had the audacity to tell me that I was gonna be able to finish school because the bill was paid. What was that? Pat? Pat came. Why? Like, here's the thing, being around men, I'm in a male dominated field. I forget how much I've normalized. Like, it is completely normal to me that grown men during work hours on a weekday, will assess and try to predict who would win in a fight between two wild animals in different configurations. They'll talk about it for hours. And it didn't. And I guess that since I've, you know, been pregnant and in a postpartum existential crisis for a year, I kind of like forgot. So Pat has come in and would like to talk about some kind of battle. Proceed, Pat.

[Pat]

Well, you did a TikTok live today.

[Whitney Cummings]

I did a TikTok live and I.

[Pat]

Just wanted to know if you had done any battles on TikTok.

[Whitney Cummings]

If I'd done any battles on TikTok. I battle for my self esteem every day on TikTok. Okay? I battle to get into that algorithm, the stats. Well, I'll have you know I'm not getting in the algorithm currently on TikTok because, number one, I stopped talking Blake Lively, and that just makes you completely irrelevant at this point. Number two, I used a skin filter and two of my videos were flagged as AI. They think I'm a robot because of their own filter or maybe just because of how dead my eyes are. I'm not sure. But I'm not getting in the algorithm because they think I'm a robot.

[Pat]

That's upsetting.

[Whitney Cummings]

I agree. I'm flattered. I think I'd rather people think that I look. Why is when someone say, you look like a robot, I take it as a compliment. I'm like, thank you. Oh, my God. Like, I'd rather have no. I just think no wrinkles, when in fact, they're probably just saying your eyes are dead and there's no inner light coming from you. I think that's what they're actually saying. And you're repeating yourself over and over again. Chris knows nothing about that. I. Okay, so what is the battle pad? Do you want to just. I mean, we're blue balling everybody with this. Yeah.

[Pat]

So somebody joins your live and then you literally go head to head, and then the audience gives you guys head.

[Whitney Cummings]

To head on what?

[Chris Cole]

That's what I want.

[Pat]

You can, you can literally just start at the camera or you can compete and, like, come up with a game to play. But basically the audience just says it's a popularity. Who does the audience like better? And they give you guys gifts and whoever gets the most gifts.

[Whitney Cummings]

We should play a game called female comedian against any other person and watch the other. It could be a serial killer. It could be literally like Diddy. And Diddy would win against a female comedian. I mean, by the way, the fact that you think that, like, oh, Whitney's gonna go on a tick tock and battle people, you know that being a female comedian going on live is just battling people.

[Chris Cole]

That's all you do.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's all you do. All people do is go like, you look 50. Why do you look so old? And then I'm like, well, I stopped getting Botox. And they're like, well, you look old. And then if I ever do a Botox, they're like, you get Botox. And I'm like, is this just it?

[Chris Cole]

The analog version of TikTok battling is. And it brings me much joy, is when a coffee place has two tip jars and they'll be. And it'll be like, this team versus this team. Or like Han Solo, Luke Skywalker. And it's like you feel inclined to tip in one of the jars just to like, cast your vote. Yeah, but it's just.

[Whitney Cummings]

They just tricked you.

[Chris Cole]

They got me. But I'm in. But I'm in. I'm down.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because you're so Wired to, like, be on a side. So Luke Skywalker versus the other person. You said Hunt. Which one would you do, by the way? I love that baristas knew how to get men to tip. It was. Just bring Star wars into it.

[Chris Cole]

That's it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Make me think about Star wars before I've had my coffee.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. Or there's, like, Die Hard one, Die Hard three. Which one would you do with a vengeance? For sure.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's. Which one's that?

[Chris Cole]

That's three.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. I don't. I. I thought there were. I didn't know there were three Die Hard movies. I did not know that.

[Chris Cole]

I thought there was the Christmas one, I believe. Right. The first one's the Christmas.

[Whitney Cummings]

Does that mean die with an erection? Is that why you guys like it, like, till the end, really? I will die hard. You. I would be. I'd want. Watch out if you. If my corpse is. If there's a viewing of me when I'm dead, watch. I'm gonna steal your girl. My corpse is gonna steal your girl. Is that it? Is that what's called Die Hard? Why else would it be called that?

[Chris Cole]

It's what every. Every man's dream.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm not kidding. Is that what. That's what it's supposed to mean?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. It's like, die dead enough or wake.

[Whitney Cummings]

Up dead or like a boner till the end. Take a blue chew before you. Every time you go into a situation where you might perish, Take a blue chew just so everybody just knows what's up.

[Chris Cole]

If somebody jumps out and scares you, just immediately be like, hold on, Let me go.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is that every.

[Chris Cole]

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is that everybody's experience? Like, as a man, is it your. Like, it's every woman's experience that I would drown because then you would see me without makeup on? Like that. Is that. Every guy's nightmare is that you die and then they look at your corpse and you're like, nah, you died in, like, a pool. Yeah. When you drowned. You're worried you're gonna have shrinkage when I drown? I'm worried you're gonna see my face without makeup.

[Chris Cole]

Just the worst couple. It'd be like, this makes sense.

[Whitney Cummings]

You too. Yeah. You two belong together. And then why did we drown? If you and I drowned, it meant that one of your 3D printed miniatures were at the bottom of the pool and we couldn't get it.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. Or we were like, let's swim out to that rock. We don't swim.

[Whitney Cummings]

We did that once, remember? We Were in, oh, in California on the way to San Jose. And I wanted to get, like, an influencer photo on a rock in the middle of the lake for no reason. I didn't post it. I'm not even that person. And I was like, take the boat. We were, like, rowing this little boat, and it was, like, super romantic and cute, and I couldn't not be toxic. I was like, I want to go stand on that rock. And like. Like, I don't be in ketosis and, like, be a Leo. Like, I haven't. People talk about their inner child. I have an inner influencer that I cannot control.

[Chris Cole]

And I was like, I could park this boat. I'm a man.

[Whitney Cummings]

He pulls me up. The fact that more influencer couples don't die is shocking. So we go up to this boat. I get off it, it's covered in, like, slime and sea smegma, clam snail or whatever, and I'm standing on it, and I'm like, there's a strong chance I am going to fall off this and crack my skull open. This isn't for a campaign. No one's. There's no paid partnership here. You and I are the only paid partnership at this point. Unpaid partnership of this relationship. And I made you, like, take a photo of me on a rock in the middle of the lake. Haven't even posted.

[Chris Cole]

I'll send you the photo.

[Whitney Cummings]

Send the video.

[Chris Cole]

I'll send the video. And.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then when you were coming up, I was like, this is either going to end our relationship. Cause and if you didn't get the photo, I was gonna be so mad. And I was like, oh, I don't have an inner child. I have an inner influencer who just wants to, like, unbox.

[Chris Cole]

Well, that's the tricky thing too, is I had to drive the boat around, and the boat wanted to move. And then I was, like, trying to shoot the photo of you and get the right angle so I didn't blow it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why that boat wasn't participating.

[Chris Cole]

Meanwhile, you were about to, like, slip and sack a rock.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know why that boat sucks so bad? Cause it's a she. Oh, you guys are trusted. See, you guys make. You make boats, girls.

[Chris Cole]

I thought I was gonna hit a rock, capsize the boat, and then we were gonna be walking back around the lake.

[Whitney Cummings]

Him a rock. Sorry, never him a rock.

[Chris Cole]

Nah, she does funny things, like leave out ring sizers and stuff like that.

[Whitney Cummings]

I do not. I do not leave. Okay? I do funny things and I will own them. But that is not one of them. I do have a ring sizer. I do. It's like. It's like your keychain.

[Chris Cole]

Perfectly. Like an 8.

[Whitney Cummings]

It has like 5. It has like 500 ring sizes. Like 7.5, 7.25.

[Chris Cole]

It has them all.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like your janitor comes out to exactly the right. No, they're in my bathroom. And not in a drawer. Which means you go through my drawers.

[Chris Cole]

It's not like it was on the sink. Sink.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's your fault.

[Chris Cole]

When I saw it.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't know why.

[Chris Cole]

And it was singled out to. Exactly.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because I wanted to measure your wiener.

[Chris Cole]

I was like a photo of it just.

[Whitney Cummings]

It was. It must have been out for something.

[Chris Cole]

I'll send you that photo, too.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, there was. Do not. Do not. Do not. Okay, I know. I got that for a reason. And how dare you embarrass me in front of YouTube. Why did I have that out? But, you know, it was like a thing of a bunch.

[Chris Cole]

It's a ring. It's a.

[Whitney Cummings]

But you didn't put it. But you didn't measure it. You don't know what the size is.

[Chris Cole]

They were all bunched. And then there was one up here.

[Whitney Cummings]

But that's not my. I didn't measure my ring finger. You would have to measure it. So you don't have my ring size. To be clear. So put your welding tools down because you don't have my ring size. To be very clear, if you think.

[Chris Cole]

I don't have your ring size. That.

[Whitney Cummings]

If you think I left out my ring size, like some kind of psychopath.

[Chris Cole]

I had your ring size.

[Whitney Cummings]

So you've just been thinking.

[Chris Cole]

Months.

[Whitney Cummings]

You've been thinking about this that whole time, like you've been thinking, I did that. I. When you hear something about the person you're with and they're like, oh, I just thought you were doing this. And I'm like. And you stayed.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You thought I just left. Casual.

[Chris Cole]

You were helping me. I thought you were so helpful. I was like, what a. What a gem.

[Whitney Cummings]

I had so many other things I was going to talk about, but Snow White really monopolized this.

[Chris Cole]

Really took it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Really took it. Do you have any notes for me, babe? Any feedback? Anything that I said that made you less attracted to me?

[Chris Cole]

That never happens. No, the thing about calling exes. Yeah, that was probably the joke.

[Whitney Cummings]

The joke about I drank wine that didn't make me call exes.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't.

[Chris Cole]

I'm kidding.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't.

[Chris Cole]

I'm kidding.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Cole]

Jokes.

[Whitney Cummings]

The fact that I just. I was like, you're mad at me for making a joke. I know, I know, but sometimes you make jokes, like, Real chill.

[Chris Cole]

Who does?

[Whitney Cummings]

But it did bother you a little bit.

[Chris Cole]

No.

[Whitney Cummings]

Really?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You guys, it might be time to wrap up the podcast. Chris Cole's checking his watch.

[Chris Cole]

No, I'm settling a score of a friend who said, hey, that heelflip trick you do in the beginning of In Bloom, what is that called? My son and I are arguing about it, and he thinks it's called something. I think it's called something else. So I told him what it was actually called.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's called what? I'm 43 years old and it's called.

[Chris Cole]

A heelflip spin out.

[Whitney Cummings]

I've never heard of a spin out before.

[Chris Cole]

Well, neither have they.

[Whitney Cummings]

How many tricks do you think you've invented?

[Chris Cole]

A few. I don't know. 17, 18?

[Whitney Cummings]

That's not a few.

[Chris Cole]

No, a few. I don't have any named after me, though.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can we make one and name it? Can I design a trick?

[Chris Cole]

Nobody can do that.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you need to take a call?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yep. Oh, it's his daughter. Okay. Yes. Tell her I said hi. I love you guys, as always.

[Chris Cole]

Don't ride elephants.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm big enough. Like, you're a different fight. I mean, are we insane? You slept with your ex? Please get up for the absolutely wonderful. Whitney. They're gonna put shoes in my pants. Wendy blew it out of the water. Martin, put down her feet hard. No. Amazingly, it's kind of just getting started. I love it here. Is that weird?