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Whitney Cummings
Oh, hey, y'all. I am on tour. Go to Whitney Cummings.com for tickets. You name it, I'm coming there. Whitney Cummings.com. hey, everyone. We're back. Whitney and Grace. Grace is back with a vengeance. And we've spent the last 20 minutes being awkwardly avoidant of each other because I'm like, save it for the pod. I don't think you guys understand how hard podcasting is. Not the actual act of podcasting, but the 20, 20 to 30 minutes before podcasting.
Grace
Oh, yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You're awkwardly trying to make small talk, but no big talk because, like, save it.
Grace
Yep. Yeah, there's. Why would I say something important right now?
Whitney Cummings
I know. We're kind of just like.
Grace
Anyway, just like, your hair looks fine.
Whitney Cummings
I know. I'm like, how was your weekend? Don't tell me if it was interesting. Don't tell me. Save it. Like, it's just such a weird. Like the 30 minutes before a podcast is just kind of like, well, we're not gonna blow our interesting. I'm not gonna blow it on like a one on one hang.
Grace
No.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? No one's paying me for this chat.
Grace
No, it's just like, I like your shirt. You smell great.
Whitney Cummings
Thanks, thanks.
Grace
Thanks.
Whitney Cummings
So how was your weekend?
Grace
My weekend was good. I went to the Rose bowl flea market for the first time.
Whitney Cummings
Okay.
Grace
Bought nothing.
Whitney Cummings
Was depop down. I love ordering stuff on Etsy. Not only because look at these gorgeous items that I have acquired. I like the way they're wrapped. I like to see the creativity. I'm like, I didn't even know I needed diapers and here they are. Because this diapers, this new vase I got is wrapped in diapers and it always looks like a bomb.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
It's always like, I should. This is either chock full of anthrax or it's the new labyrinth warm figurine that I ordered. Can't tell.
Grace
Could be both.
Whitney Cummings
If you think that the. The products on Etsy are creative, wait till you see how these.
Grace
Oh, my God, these.
Whitney Cummings
These small businesses wrap these items.
Grace
Yeah. These women clearing out their storage units. They are whatever's they're. They will just like stuff something with socks and be like, there you go.
Whitney Cummings
Can't get enough. Can't get out with socks.
Grace
Like. Yeah. Which is how I move my mugs. And it's a really good way to do it.
Whitney Cummings
Wrapped in a life is good T shirt. Like what? You know those things that are on sticks and then there's like a, like a handkerchief at the end where Like, Huck Finn was like, Huck Finn's luggage.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I'm like, is that a bandana with, like, a bow on the top?
Grace
And then sometimes you'll be like, oh, they wrapped it in newspaper. That's so normal. And then you unwrap it and you're like, this is from the day the Titanic sang. Like, where did they get this?
Whitney Cummings
Totally. Like, the. The paper is actually more valuable emotionally and otherwise. So you went to the Rose Bowl. What else did you do?
Grace
I just did a lot of, like, home improvement stuff.
Whitney Cummings
Okay.
Grace
I'm looking for someone to help me hang some shelves.
Whitney Cummings
Okay. How's that going with Dingle one Apps? Trying to. Okay. Out there, you know, Unhinged. Unhinged, Unhinged.
Grace
Yeah. Circling back to the very first conversation we ever had.
Whitney Cummings
I do think TaskRabbit should be a dating app. I. I said it.
Grace
I agree with you.
Whitney Cummings
Why not?
Grace
And I'm about to sign up.
Whitney Cummings
TaskRabbit is just a literal. Okay. I'm torn between never let a stranger come in your house or pay them to come in your house with a knife and a hammer to do work. 100%, which. Has anyone been murdered by a TaskRabbit yet? Pat? Google it.
Grace
That's actually. Would be good to know. I would like to know that before I embark on this new journey.
Whitney Cummings
I feel like we would know.
Grace
I feel like we would too. And also, I do feel like I am already emotionally paying to spend time with men. I don't know. So why not just pay money instead? Legal tender.
Whitney Cummings
Where are we on diy? Like, I. I think you could hang.
Grace
A. I can hang a lot of stuff, but if it's, like, heavy, it needs to be screwed in at the same time. That's where I run. I'm. I only have two arms.
Whitney Cummings
Here's. Okay, here's my problem with Grace. I'm jealous because she can wear the ugliest clothes and they look so cute, and it makes no sense. She is the Chloe 7 year of tick Tock. Like, she. Sorry, My dog just unlocked the door and came in. She sensed me, and I have to neg her a little bit because, as you can see, my dog likes her more than she likes me. I know. That's great. Grace is, like, trolling people with her clothes.
Grace
That is true.
Whitney Cummings
She dresses like Temple Grandin and it works. And it makes sense to not one person.
Grace
I do consider it, like, a personal challenge to be like, what's the ugliest thing I could put on my body right now and have it still, look.
Whitney Cummings
One time she showed up in a basketball jersey.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, went down to her calves and was like, that's kind of sick.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, how does she do it?
Grace
I've been thinking about this lately, and I think that the key to having, like, good personal style or just, like, a personal style is just being, like, getting dressed in the morning and being like, if my inner child were holding me at gunpoint, what would they want to be wearing? Who does she want to be today?
Whitney Cummings
Like an apron with no bra.
Grace
No. Exactly. Like, yes, actually. Yeah. 100%.
Whitney Cummings
Come on, Sally Goose. Yeah. I don't condone. I think it confuses men. I mean, that's kind of my main. I like to confound men with my outfit choices.
Grace
Yes.
Whitney Cummings
You know, that's. That's the goal.
Grace
I'm not doing anything to entertain them. I don't. I don't care.
Whitney Cummings
And then you did go on a date, though. What. What do you wear on a date? Like, what are you. Can I guess?
Grace
Yeah, please.
Whitney Cummings
Your top. Let me guess. Was like a denim vest.
Grace
I do have that outfit. And now I'm putting it together in my head and I might try that on the next day.
Whitney Cummings
Just like, all denim everything or like a giant baggy, like, Kansas City Chiefs shirt.
Grace
Yeah. But make it fun and chic.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. And then like a. Like a top hat. And then like a beret.
Grace
9.
Whitney Cummings
Just stickers. A bumper sticker across your forehead that says Bernie or bust or something that says, feel great.
Grace
I feel great. And I kiss good, too. That was my Rose bowl purchase. Yeah. On my last three dates, I wore cutoff shorts with cowboy boots and a long sleeve black shirt.
Whitney Cummings
It's so good. It's like, so if you showed up and I was a guy, I'd be like, huh? Are you trying to make someone jealous? Like, is this. Are you. Do you need more time?
Grace
They do. They almost always comment on what I'm.
Whitney Cummings
Wearing, but it's like, do you need. Do you want me to. Do you want to buy that?
Grace
Reschedule.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
Grace
Were you running late for something?
Whitney Cummings
The way you put your outfits together, it is always like, do you need more time? Like, did you come from the airport? Like, what? Do you come from the pumpkin patch?
Grace
The pumpkin patch? Yeah. Like, okay, so you only had access to, like, four of your things. I get what's going on. Like, no full closet.
Whitney Cummings
You do look like a kindergarten substitute teacher who lost a fight with the crafts table.
Grace
And that is kind of what I'm going for, if I'm being honest.
Whitney Cummings
It Works. It drives me nuts.
Grace
Yeah. And then I wore overalls and a wife beater on a date and a hat and then.
Whitney Cummings
Wife beater. Good way to communicate. You are not woke at all.
Grace
Exactly.
Whitney Cummings
Overalls. Like, you're either getting some or Nothing.
Grace
Yeah. Yeah, 100%. And then I don't even remember I wore, like, a silky shirt with, like, jeans and boots.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Every now and then you'll do, like an 80s, like, paralegal working girl.
Grace
That's true. Kind of. I'm kind of vibe kind of doing that now.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. Very into it. Okay. So how did the date go?
Grace
It was fine. It wasn't like there wasn't a romantic spark, but we, like, had fun.
Whitney Cummings
But. Did you text before?
Grace
Not really. Not a ton. Which I kind of like.
Whitney Cummings
Are you trying to do less texting before date?
Grace
I'm actually, because that has been my MO Is to kind of just be like, yeah, we match. Like, if I think that you're attractive and you don't, like, seem like a complete psycho, then, like, let's just get drinks in a public place.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
Grace
But I'm kind of swinging back towards, like, maybe let's talk a little bit.
Whitney Cummings
More on the phone. I like a FaceTime.
Grace
Yeah. I've never done that.
Whitney Cummings
I love a FaceTime because it tells me a lot about you. Like, what you do when you. Are you walking around? Are you.
Grace
What's that going like this? Like somebody who's never FaceTimed in their life or.
Whitney Cummings
And then I can kind of see your place a little bit. I can be like, is that a Die Hard poster? Is that. You know what I mean? Is that.
Grace
Wait, is that a Die Hard?
Whitney Cummings
Wait? Yeah. Can I see the gun wall? The wall of guns?
Grace
Oh, my God.
Whitney Cummings
I would like to see that ahead of time. What is that?
Grace
Is that the freezer? Really quick.
Whitney Cummings
But I think the key is really to go like. Like be on long enough to where they go into the bathroom, and then you can see what's in their bathroom.
Grace
They're taking you into the bathroom on FaceTime.
Whitney Cummings
Why is there a loofah? You have a girlfriend. I just.
Grace
Again, there's bobby pins on the windowsill.
Whitney Cummings
You know me in the bobby pins. Best way to know. And I just. I really like to get a little, like, whiffier back because the towels are yellow. You have a girlfriend. There's a way. Or just recent breakup, like, I liked. There's a lot you can glean from a quick FaceTime.
Grace
Oh, yeah. You know, absolutely. That's. You can 100%, especially like, seeing their place tell if a woman has been there.
Whitney Cummings
That's right.
Grace
You walk into an apartment and you're just like, I sensor.
Whitney Cummings
Because I see the Bath and Body Works. Moonlit path, half empty shimmer lotion. But I don't know, you just don't see it. Yeah. Like, do you not know it's there? When you go to a guy's house and you're like, did you just not like the giant fuchsia exfoliate? Like, it's like a huge sphere.
Grace
Yeah, like something you can only get at Sephora. It's like, I know you're not going there wet.
Whitney Cummings
I know a girl's been here. Did you?
Grace
Left 10 minutes ago.
Whitney Cummings
Why not throw this out?
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Why not at least give me a challenge?
Grace
Right?
Whitney Cummings
You know what I'm saying?
Grace
Make it like a scavenger hunt. It could be so fun.
Whitney Cummings
Let me open a couple drawers. But to just have it hanging from your hot, cold knob like, it's a little like, do you even want to hang? Do you like me?
Grace
Right? Oh, I get it. I'm only here to start a fight between the two of you.
Whitney Cummings
So, okay, so she's hooked up to the ring camera, and you wanted me to walk in so that she. She's on her way.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Great. Cool. I'm gonna get out of here.
Grace
I'll go.
Whitney Cummings
I'm part of your weird sex game. Yeah, like, I'm. You're. You want to get your girlfriend back.
Grace
God.
Whitney Cummings
Hey, y'all.
Pat
Yes, I am in Anne Frank's attic. I'm visiting. So, what's one piece of advice you wish someone had told you at the start of your pregnancy journey? I mean, I know you can't answer that because you're listening, but. So I'll just answer. For me, it was the importance of having a good prenatal vitamin that I could actually trust. And you know that I don't trust anyone. I don't trust men, women. But ritual, they won me over. One thing I don't need to worry about was whether or not I was getting the right nutrients to support my pregnancy. It was a game changer during a time when I had a million other things on my mind. Like who's his dad? Rituals essential for women. Prenatal multivitamin is designed to deliver 12 key nutrients in just two daily capsules. How many? Two. All made with high quality vegan ingredients. They've got essentials like methylated folate and nature. Identical choline to support your baby's neural tube development. Omega 3 DHA for brain and early vision development and vitamin D to support fetal bone health. Plus it's designed with morning sickness in mind. It's delayed release design makes it gentle on an empty stomach. I tried a couple other prenatals and they were. I'm just going to say it just as I thought. Rat ritual is the best. It doesn't make you feel like you're burping up a wharf or like in a koi pond. Ritual includes a citrus essence in each bottle. So taking my vitamins actually became something I looked forward to. It's also important to know what you're putting in your body. And I'm not talking about when I got pregnant because I didn't know what that was. But ritual I did not. Okay, you need to know when you are pregnant what is going in your bloodstream. With rituals, dedication to traceable science and sourcing, you always will for yourself. With 25% off your first month for a limited time at ritual.com Whitney ritual.com Whitney sorry, I didn't. My neural tube development wasn't great when I was a kid because my mom.
Whitney Cummings
Ate wine when she was pregnant with me.
Pat
When I first started podcasting, selling online was the last thing on my mind. The only thing on my mind at the time was good lighting. But now it's become a huge part.
Whitney Cummings
Of what I do.
Pat
I sell my merch. Uh, and I owe a lot of that to Shopify. Whether you're setting up a little or a lot, Shopify helps you do your thing. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the. The launch your online. Sorry, I'm already laughing about outdoor outfit. Hold on. For those of you that listen to podcasts, you know that I have a longstanding weird.
Whitney Cummings
It's not a feud with Shopify, it's just. It's just the copy.
Pat
I believe that they troll me and I think it's funny. Whoever works over there and I'm already laughing, wondering if outdoor outfits is going.
Whitney Cummings
To be in this copy or not.
Pat
After I had a complete meltdown about it last time. One of the things I love most of. I'm on the edge of my seat.
Whitney Cummings
Sorry.
Pat
One of the things I love most about Shopify is how simple it makes everything. I remember struggling. Oh, wait, I missed that paragraph.
Whitney Cummings
Wait, Shopify.
Pat
You better leave this all in pat. If you don't, I am calling the police. Or what's left of them. I think they've all been defunded in California. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage to the all the way to did we just hit a million order stage. Every stage Shopify is there to help you grow. One of the things I love most about Shopify is how simple it makes everything. I remember struggling with other platforms that were either. Look, I, I'm. I am a woman in stem, okay? And I am highly qualified. I'm an engineer and I couldn't figure out Shopify just makes it easy. Kevin Christie, who designs my shirt, he's an artist. Even he could figure it out. But my best friend from high school who, who makes my merch in Roanoke, Virginia, even he can figure it out. Right? Shopify does everything. They manage inventory, they analyze sales data right at your fingertips. And their AI powered Shopify magic has been a game changer, making it easy to convert browsers into buyers with the best converting checkout on the Internet. I'm not seeing anything about outdoor outfits.
Whitney Cummings
And I am livid.
Pat
Sign up now for $1 per month trial period at shopify.com Whitney all lowercase go to shopify.com Whitney now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in or if you want to sell some outdoor outfits, Shopify is for you. Shopify.com Whitney okay, so as you know.
Whitney Cummings
We have changed the format of this podcast and we're gonna be consistent because that's my thing. I've got my together and we are going to start with our topics of the week and we are gonna weigh in on all the most relevant pertinent things going on. We're just gonna start right out of the gate with the issue that is tearing our country apart right now. To recline or not to recline your seat on a flight. Here's my thing with this. And then Grace, I'll let you say what the right answer. Oh, boy. I'm gonna say my ridiculously delusional blind spot. Problematic take. Is it so hard to just read the room? Like if. Whether you're gonna. If you wanna recline, can you not take a gander at the person behind you? Make a little eye contact, check and see if the person is nine months pregnant or if they have a giant cast on their leg or a Great Dane in the. Or a service peacock or if they have elephantitis of the fibia. Just see if it makes sense. Just there. A little glance of like a little goes a long way.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Do you know what I'm saying? You know what you Have. I know this is a big ask, but we might just need to make eye contact. Those under 25, eye contact. It's a thing where instead of looking at yourself and your phone, you're looking into someone else's eyes instead of your own eyes on some filter where they've been made 10 times bigger than they actually are. You may just need to check in with another human and consider their feelings or experience. Right. Like, you might just have to step out of your self absorbed bubble for like 30 seconds, read context clues, micro expression, see if it makes sense to recline. My guess is most people would probably like, sure. Or they'd be like, you're like, never mind.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? You might just have to have that non verbal like, moment. Like, you'll see that they're, you know, I don't know, have nine babies strapped to them or I don't know how I travel with my baby much. And like, you'll see that they're holding their mom's urn or I don't know, whatever they're going through. And you'll go, you know what, I'll just engage my core.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? For this flight, not lean back and I'll feel good about myself because I did something considerate. You'd be surprised how good it feels to be considerate. I do believe with this reclining thing, you're missing an opportunity to either go like, cool. To recline and they'll go cool, or to go like, you know, oh, never mind. You're holding a goldfish bowl with a fish. You know, all good. Not doing it after someone was like, do you mind not? You'll feel good about yourself.
Grace
That's true.
Whitney Cummings
Unless you're a psychopath.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, am I close?
Grace
I feel if the seat reclines, I think that you have a right to recline. That being said, don't. If you feel bad about reclining or like somebody is reclined into your space. Don't claim my space because you didn't have the foresight to like book an aisle seat. You know what I mean? Like, I paid $15 extra for this seat to put my legs in the aisle. That's my right. Don't put your legs in my space. You can recline your seat all you want. I don't care. Honestly, it does start a domino effect. So if you want to be the one who starts that, that's on you.
Whitney Cummings
But like, what happened to just being like reclining and someone and going, oh, I'm so do you I know we're all in this together.
Grace
Did people ever do that?
Whitney Cummings
Just.
Grace
Did people ever be like, sorry, I'm gonna recline.
Whitney Cummings
When I get into an Uber or a cab, I always go. I know I don't have to, but I always go, do you mind if I talk on the phone?
Grace
They're always so that. Well, that is. That's different.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, is it?
Grace
I think.
Whitney Cummings
But I don't have to ask.
Grace
That's true.
Whitney Cummings
But I want to ask.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Because I doubt they're even allowed to really say no. I mean, they can give me stars, but I'm like, I just. I would want someone to just check in 100%. That's all it is. It's just, like, this basic. Just human decency of connecting. Like, even if you go like, oh, can I recline? And the person's like, sure, right? You'll be like, okay, I'm inconveniencing someone. Therefore, it's not going to be as relaxing.
Grace
That's true.
Whitney Cummings
The fascinating thing is how looking at this is like an experiment of, like, how humans will instantly turn on each other in these little mazes that corporations put us in, and we will attack each other instead of all going, hey, should we all yell at the person that design these?
Grace
Yeah. Hey. While we're arguing about the seats reclining, the doors are falling off the Boeing planes.
Whitney Cummings
Wait, no. This is the person. People are dying, and the person that whistleblow it got shot in the woods, Right? And hot. Like, wait, hold on. Ow.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Why are we turning on each other?
Grace
He can't recline his seat anymore. They took him out.
Whitney Cummings
It's just, like, amazing to me that we're turning on each other instead of coming together and retaliating. It's the criminal organizations like the airlines who trap us into giant tubes of farts where they give us all these airplane seats that are designed by whoever the mastermind was behind Guantanamo Bay bunk beds.
Grace
They're. They're cartels.
Whitney Cummings
It's. What. It's. It's so crazy to me that they haven't figured out a way because now you see all these, like, videos of people fighting on planes. Is that good for air travel? Or people like, I think I might just drive because I don't want to get a dog fight on the plane.
Grace
Or is it Delta's, like, reposting it on their TikTok? They're like, fly Delta.
Whitney Cummings
They kind of are. You're like, you need some good content.
Grace
Look at us.
Whitney Cummings
It hasn't hurt them. Isn't that kind of wild.
Grace
But that's the crazy thing is, like, if one single airline was like, you know what? We're going to earn 50 fewer dollars on every seat on this flight, and we're gonna make it the best experience flying. Everybody would want to fly.
Pat
Like, yeah, yeah.
Grace
It would be constantly sold out.
Whitney Cummings
I would love to be like. If an airline was just like, you know what? This is the airline where none of our flight attendants will get CTE from a passenger who has snapped. I'd be like, I want to fly that airline.
Grace
Yeah. And I want to work for that airline.
Whitney Cummings
Yes.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
We don't have to do, like, you know, like, stewardess. Don't have to bob and weave. Someone who's lost their mind because their kneecap just got knocked off from, like, someone reclining who was just trying to breastfeed. Like, it's just gotten too inhumane, you know?
Grace
It's extremely inhumane. Well, that's also, like, the genius of Southwest is that they made the whole experience into a sport so that you don't think about how horrible the experience of flying Southwest is.
Whitney Cummings
Wait, say more.
Grace
Cause you're like, before. They're like, all right, everybody line up. Section A1 through 30. If you're 31, don't get up. Sit in your seat. We're not. It's not time for you yet. And then they're like, all right, one by one, file through. If you're out of order, they'll be like, sorry, it's not your turn. Sorry, it's not your turn. And then you're embarrassed, and people are like, sorry, I'm sorry. You're 29. I'm 28. I need to. Legally, I get to go in front of you.
Whitney Cummings
And by the way, people are sticklers. Like, a three, a four. And you walk up and, like, I gotta be honest. I do get. Come on, Mona. I do get some sick satisfaction out of walking up to, like, a 5. And the person thinking I'm cutting.
Grace
Yep.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean?
Grace
They were like, sorry, can I see your boarding pass?
Pat
4.
Grace
Sorry, I'm ahead of you.
Whitney Cummings
But it's like. It's like. It's my, like, the best. Big mistake.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Huge. It's like my Pretty Woman moment. It's like my Bethany Franklin Chanel moment. Like, oh, you made a huge mistake. Like, oh, you thought I was dumb and didn't know what I was doing. Oh, I've been flying Southwest every weekend for 20 years, pedaling these jokes. You thought I was some ditz, like, entitled ditz who's trying to cut the line. I am green. Platinum, gold green. I don't even know what green.
Grace
Whatever they have on Southwest, which is probably just like, I don't know, a plastic punch card.
Whitney Cummings
I. Yeah, it's like on every airline. It's like, I'm gold medallion plus on. On Southwest, it's like I am plastic double Tupperware. Okay. I.
Grace
Let me get one of those cards where I can put my own picture on it if I want.
Whitney Cummings
There is on Southwest, by the way, like, it is its own. Whoever runs Southwest doesn't. Didn't ever fly any other airline.
Grace
They're on acid, dude.
Whitney Cummings
First of all, the flight attendants being in shorts is so funny. First of all, I'm like, these aeropostal mother who are just like. They dress like you on a date. They literally all look like Jane Goodall. They're just in like these weird. Or who's the guy that got stabbed in the heart by the stingray?
Grace
Steve Irwin.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, they all like Steve Irwin. And they all have a couple good bangers.
Grace
They're all singing into the mic before the plane takes off.
Whitney Cummings
Dude, it's just like an American Idol on there. And my favorite is like, they all look. There's nothing a comedian loves more than like a terrible joke. For some reason. That's the funniest stuff to us because we're so dead inside. And when they get on and they're like. And now we're boarding our flight to Boise. And I was like, what? And they're like, just kidding. We're going to Vegas. Literally. People like, people like throw their children to the front. People have heart attacks. Like, just kidding. Want to make sure you guys were listening. Like what?
Grace
Like it's so 5:30 in the morning.
Whitney Cummings
It's 5:30.
Grace
5:30.
Whitney Cummings
Everyone is still on Ambien, dude. And like, we barely got on this plane.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Just kidding. Like, is that.
Grace
That's not funny.
Whitney Cummings
So funny to me. Oh, my God. So, yeah. I do think that as a species, we are. It is kind of fat. And I do think powerful people understand this. That humans will turn on each other.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
If you put them in a situation like that is unfair. Instead of turning on the person that put them in the unfair situation.
Grace
100%. We should all. Instead of like fighting each other about reclining seats, we should all be filing complaints with the Department of transportation.
Whitney Cummings
Does the distance of the flight matter for reclining seat?
Grace
Yes. If it's a 30 minute flight. Grow up. Sit upright.
Whitney Cummings
Yep.
Grace
Practice your posture. You're probably slouching in Normal life anyways.
Whitney Cummings
That's right.
Grace
Or slouch down in your seat.
Whitney Cummings
I'm gonna kill you to a kegel.
Grace
30 to 45 minutes. You're flying from Chicago to Kansas City. You can grow the hell up.
Whitney Cummings
Also, time of day.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
If it's 5am Some people are gonna need to recline. Yes. Here's something that bothers me, and I. And I don't know whose side I'm on on this, but in this whole debate, I'm just all over the place because it does bother me when people go to the airport and then they're stunned. They're at the airport. When you walk into the airport, you have to lower your bar for everyone's behavior. Everyone's like. When they're like, we know. And I'm like, dude, you're at the air. Like, you knew what this was. You know how this goes.
Grace
You know the coffee cost $12.
Whitney Cummings
Unless you're like, leonard and Capra, you haven't flown public in 30 years. You're like, what is all this? It's like, oh, buddy, you don't. But like, stop. This has never gone well. This has always been a nightmare.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I mean? It's like to come on a plane and then be stunned that people that it's unpleasant. That's it. That's it. I fly so much that, like, when. When someone, like, doesn't get in a fistfight on a plane, I'm like, what a. That was sick. Right? What a lovely day at the airport.
Grace
Humanity is healing.
Whitney Cummings
Do you know what I'm saying?
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Completely like the idea that you just need to get this like, hit of self righteous indignation of like, someone on a plane acted like an animal. That's what we do here. That's the thing.
Grace
Yeah. Welcome to the airport.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Grace
Welcome to the airport.
Whitney Cummings
That's kind of the deal. So I also think it's just like, making sure our bar is abysmally low, but also with how expensive tickets are, I understand why people are pissed.
Grace
And also part of the problem is that literally everyone has TSA PreCheck now, which, like, don't get me wrong, it's fine that everybody has it because, like, the lines are still short. It's still easier to not take off your fucking shoes or whatever.
Pat
Yeah.
Grace
But it's now everybody feels like they're important. That's because the first thing that happens to them when they get to the airport is they go, sorry, I don't have to take off my Shoes or take my laptop out of my bag. I'm special.
Whitney Cummings
Don't get me started on you clear dorks who get escorted to the front of pre check and don't even make. Oh, I look at them too. Yeah, someone goes to that tries to.
Grace
Cut when you're next in line. And then some bitch from clear comes. She's like, sorry, no, but.
Whitney Cummings
But the person's always looking there. They never want to make eye contact because we're all like, really? You just gave your eyeball to China and you get to cut me line, you loser.
Grace
Paid China to steal retinal data.
Whitney Cummings
I. I signed up for clear, of course. And I go in and they're like, scanning eyeballs.
Grace
I was like, no.
Whitney Cummings
Like, thank God I have a new face every couple of years or this would be scary. I think the real issue is not, are you reclining? Are you not reclining? It's are you putting your window shade up or down? That's the bee in my bonnet.
Grace
Wow. It depends on where you're going to.
Whitney Cummings
Get out of this home right now. Your shade. Window shade on a plane is sick. It's mental illness at its finest. If you put the shade up on a plane the entire flight. You hate people with migraines. What are you looking at?
Grace
What do you need to illuminate the majesty of creation?
Whitney Cummings
Oh, right. You're looking. Looking at the clouds to take a picture.
Grace
I'm thinking about the six poems that I was forced to read in high school. And I'm looking at the Grand Canyon, which I think is the Grand Canyon taking a photo.
Whitney Cummings
We're in a simulation when no one wants your photo of from the plane taking a picture. What are we doing? We're looking out into the what.
Grace
Which pictures from the plane window is so funny because it's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I work at National Geographic and I saw your plane window picture, and we would love to hire you. That it was just the way you captured the worst part of the Rocky Mountains is so exciting.
Whitney Cummings
But it's also just like. I mean, this is like, tricky. Screensavers have ruined pretty views completely. Like screensavers. I'm just looking in the most gorgeous every day, all day. And then I see something actually beautiful. I'm like, cool, great.
Grace
Maybe you feel that way because you don't open the window shade on the plane.
Whitney Cummings
Well, I don't do that because you're near the sun and you're actually giving.
Grace
Other people cancer early in the morning. No shade's staying down. But, like, especially if it's nighttime, you just want to. Like, it's the holidays, you know, you're, like, flying into the city, and the lights are, like, beautiful, and it's dark, and you're just like, look at my little life. You know what I mean?
Whitney Cummings
I don't. I don't open it till I hit the ground.
Grace
That makes me. I think this is also an OCD thing, because I'm like, if I can see. If I can see it, I know what's happening, and that makes me feel in control.
Whitney Cummings
But you know what else? I don't like looking out the window either, because this is gonna sound so childish and stupid when I'm looking out. I all of a sudden go, like, I don't know how planes work.
Grace
You look at me like, how are we here?
Whitney Cummings
This is so dangerous. We're going so fast. Like, I like to keep it closed. Just like, all right. As far as I'm concerned, we're just, like, on the ground this entire. Like, I don't want to know what's going on out there. I don't want to see anything. Because then you start doing math in your head, and you're like, this is, like, probably not going to work.
Grace
Oh, yeah. Although, like, the, like, yeah. Mass Force Accelerate. You're just like, oh, man, I didn't crunch numbers in a while, but this does not look good for us.
Whitney Cummings
I don't know. And, like. And you're kind of like, I don't know. That's a baseball field. Looks really small. Like, I don't know.
Grace
Should I review the safety pamphlet? This feels dangerous.
Whitney Cummings
Like, I don't want to know what goes on out there for the most part. My dog's farting. Okay, next topic of the week is about an old man who is being forced to dance for us despite being on Death's Door. We're not talking about Joe Biden. We are actually talking about someone who could be a decent president. Frankie Valli. Who is that, you ask? I don't really know, but he's. The guy's 90 years old, and Grace sent me this video of Frankie Valli. What did he sing in the middle of the night?
Grace
No, he sings, like.
Whitney Cummings
Okay, so, like, songs from the 50s.
Grace
Yeah. Okay, Jersey boy. Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Whitney Cummings
He's worth $90 billion, so whatever. You know, obviously big. He's still performing. I don't. What is a society. We're focused on ageism and sexism and transphobic and homophobism. We do not talk about ageism enough. Dude, this guy should be Eating pudding on a beach. Why are we forcing old people to perform form and run for office? They should be wandering around a mall with tissue paper on their faces, stopping a shaving cut or a stigmata or whatever. They should be out shoplifting from things Remembered, enjoying the last couple years of their lives, writing checks for $15 to their grandkids and complaining about immigration. Look at this guy there. What is this? There's. When I see an old guy performing like this, I'm just like, how many settlements does this guy. How many waitresses in the 50s did this guy grope that he has to keep making money? Like, can we get some of Diddy's baby oil on this guy? He is very ashy.
Grace
This has been going at least the side of TikTok. I'm on. I'm on elder abuse talk.
Whitney Cummings
Okay?
Grace
That's what I'm saying, because you follow me. Yes. No, this has been popping up all over my TikTok because people, I think that this concert series just started and people have been going and they're like, this man is not okay. His mouth is barely moving his body. Like, he like, literally looks like an animatronic doll from like the It's a Small World ride.
Whitney Cummings
Well, I'm suing him for plagiarism then.
Grace
The scariest ride at Disney World. This poor man and his backup dancers are like singers, dancers. They're giving it their all. And they look so like young and full of life. And it's a. It's a scary and harsh juxtaposition.
Whitney Cummings
It's funny because I think TikTok started with like, why are we watching all these 16 year olds dance? Like, it's too. This is like inappropriate. Now they're like, all right, well, how about these 9 year old.
Grace
Are you happy now?
Whitney Cummings
Is there any in between? Can any of us, like, do anything just like, not over correct in any capacity? I mean, I, I don't understand how this is not elder abuse. You know what I'm saying? Like, we in politics. Remember when we saw Mitch McConnell like going to freeze like a K hole live on television and you're just like. I mean, you know, they remember recently they rolled out Jimmy Carter with his mouth like open to endorse Kamala Harris.
Grace
I just like, literally 99.
Whitney Cummings
And now we're watching this nutcracker just dance at a casino. I. I just thought music was at least being classy about it, you know, Whitney Houston's estate had the decency to make her into a hologram.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
You know, instead of parade Her Mormon corpse around the borgata. I mean, this is sad to me. He looks like a character from Team America World Police. Like, it's like, why does he look like Geppetto made an elderly marionette doll to be racist with? Like, he looks like when a cartoon cat walks out of a freezer.
Grace
No, he looks like the cat that you dissect in high school and you're like, did it look like that when it died?
Whitney Cummings
Why does Frankie Valli look like the type of toys he grew up with? Like, I don't. He looks like a doll that would push someone down the stairs. You know what I mean? Like, the kind of doll that makes you sell the house you just bought. Like, he looks like the exact moment a vampire got, like, exposed to sunlight and we're just pimping him out. Like, why can't people just go out on top? An age with a little bit of dignity? Can we, like, normalize? Just quitting, retiring. Like, this whole, I'm a high performer, I grind. This should not apply to the elderly. This is why Shelley Duvall from the Shining is my hero, okay? She got famous. She got the bag, got everything she needed. She's like, bitch, I'm out of here, dude. She knew it was ahead. She knew that she was gonna be peddled around some Law and Order SVU CSI Tampa nonsense, you know? She knew. She knew that if she stayed in Hollywood, she'd end up in some Activia poop commercial like Jamie Lee Curtis if she didn't just go out in a blaze of glory, you know what I mean? She's like, I'm not. She's like, if I get Botox at 50, I'm in LA5. All right? Let me just let these bangs grow out. And I'm a Montana 10.
Grace
First of all, her skin looks great.
Whitney Cummings
She's. Yeah. And she's. She's got a band again. She's dressed like you on a date. She's got a bandana on, black T shirt. And then. You don't have to do this for. Can we just. All we participate in this, too. Stop buying tickets to these people. You are participating. Dude. Bridget Fonda also nailed it, all right? She just went away, okay? She's like, I'm not going to do this Kathleen Turner thing, playing monsters and psychopaths just because I'm a woman over 55, okay? I'm out of here. Dude, Frankie Valley, man, that's upsetting.
Grace
You have so many avenues available to you now to make money. If you're that famous, like, you don't need to be, you know, stomping around on stage or, you know, being like Weekend at Bernie'd around, like on a stage. Just, like, write a book and betray everyone you've ever loved.
Whitney Cummings
Love it. I used to make fun of the guy that did the grill. George Foreman Grill. You're like, what a loser.
Grace
Now I'm like, billionaire got it with a B.
Whitney Cummings
Device.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Make a device.
Grace
Yes.
Whitney Cummings
A hot sauce.
Grace
Slap your name on any kind of good product.
Whitney Cummings
Newman.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Salad dressing.
Grace
Done.
Whitney Cummings
Susan Summers, Thighmaster.
Grace
Sorry.
Whitney Cummings
These are, these are deep cuts in my, in my hippocampus. These are things that weed over the pandemic. Deleted from my brain. And I'm like, do you see me, like, pulling them out? I am not even joking.
Pat
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Whitney Cummings
Look at me.
Pat
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Whitney Cummings
So my third topic of the week is Tim Waltz. Now, I don't get political, but politics. We're in post politics.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Do you know what I'm saying? They're all such maniacs that I'm. I'm happy to make fun of all of them. Me making fun of Tim Waltz is not going to be why they're going to lose the election. Tim Waltz has been to China 60 times.
Grace
Is it actually 60?
Whitney Cummings
Is it pat, check me on this, because that sounds like a lie. It sounds not true. It's reported more than 30. More than 30 times.
Grace
Okay, why don't we know. Weird.
Whitney Cummings
Why don't we know how many times? There's got to be a way. It started in the 80s, and I think a lot of the digital records that people are relying on don't exist from any time before 1995 or 98.
Grace
I feel like we should fix that. I feel like there are so many.
Whitney Cummings
Like, by the way, a job that wasn't the second most important job in the world. Like, if you were applying to work here. If you.
Grace
If.
Whitney Cummings
When?
Grace
When.
Whitney Cummings
Grace. I'm sorry, guys. I can't record this podcast. I'm too busy trying to make my dog comfortable.
Grace
Mona.
Whitney Cummings
The fact that I just, like, cannot even focus on what I'm doing because I want to make sure my dog's comfortable. So grace and I FaceTimed about her being an assistant. Whatever. Many years ago, if I'd been like, have you ever been to China by any chance? Or if you were just like, I'm not going to be able to start next week. I'm doing my 30th trip to China. I would just have closed the laptop. I just would be like, did she, like, just, just.
Grace
Yeah, tell her your IT guy Joel would have gotten into my computer one time and been like, no.
Whitney Cummings
Tim Waltz, the Great Waltz of China. Waltz has a very deep connection with China. I heard. Because his parents are actually dumplings now. That's a fact. I guess I'm just saying he's like, I like taking in history and culture. It's like his favorite part of the Chinese culture is suck Z Dong. I'm so sorry. I just. I just. This guy is so bad at defending himself. He's out here. Like, why have sex with a kid when you can infiltrate them with a deeper emotional connection? Like, what? He's like, no, no. I took them to tour until. The only thing weirder than hooking up with kids is hanging out with them.
Grace
That's true.
Whitney Cummings
I'm confused. Tim's. His best friend was a young boy at the time. Is that. Or did a young boy put Tim in the friend zone? Like, what's happening? Tim is like hanging out with these 14 year old boys because they are the only ones who would take part in his favorite hobby. Walking down the railroad tracks looking for a dead body. Tim Waltz is like, I don't. I don't know. It's. He's such a goober. Like, look at this guy. It's a. It's no wonder that every guy who looks like a teddy bear wants to lay on kids beds. Let's not take it literally. I'm not saying that he hooked up with kids. I'm just saying hanging out with kids.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
If you're not actively repulsed by someone else's kid, I have questions 100%.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I don't know. I just. It seems weird. I don't know what's going over the Democratic Party that you didn't like, give your VP pick a goofy maybe ask Jeeves about the, like, where your VP pick traveled 60 times.
Grace
It's crazy that, like, Shane Gillis can get SNL and before the job even starts, they're, like, canceled. You use a slur. One time on a canceled podcast six.
Whitney Cummings
Years ago that was on Rumble. Like, what? No one could even find it.
Grace
Nobody bothered to be like, sorry, can we just, like, see your passport?
Whitney Cummings
No, they came after Melissa via senior when she got SNL for some tweet from seven years ago that was, like, on Facebook that had, like, been deleted. And then they're like, yeah. Oh, no. We just didn't notice that Tim Waltz, you know, was. Lived in Wuhan with a bunch of kids. What are we doing? Yeah, I don't. The kids parts. Not even. You know me, I always have, like, the weird takeaway on something. I just, like, there's no reason to go ten times as weird. I went to China once. I was like, I got it.
Grace
Yeah, you would have to have, like, a. Well, it's also, like, you don't, like, speak the language. You don't, like, work in fashion. You're not, like, in manufacturing. You were just there.
Whitney Cummings
Here's the real question. On those 60 flights to China, did you recline your seat? Tim. Shade up, shade down, shady, shady, shady, Every which way. You got it. Unless you're teaching English as a second language.
Grace
Unless you are for are of Chinese descent.
Whitney Cummings
I don't know. Did Woody Allen give him a discount on wives? Like, I don't understand why anyone. I went to China one time for New Year's Eve, went to Hong Kong. Got it.
Grace
That's crazy.
Whitney Cummings
Got it. Don't need to go back.
Grace
Cool.
Whitney Cummings
But why China? Why not Vietnam? Why not India? Why China? Do they have a connection to China? You know when someone has a connection to a country out of nowhere?
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like Pat's friend Fist, who I love, just, like, goes to Armenia once a year and you're like, fis. Weird.
Grace
Cool.
Whitney Cummings
Fine.
Grace
I used to go to Guatemala every summer when I was in high school.
Whitney Cummings
You did? Weird.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Why?
Grace
Because my dad was doing doctor stuff on there.
Whitney Cummings
That's fine, though. Yeah, that's.
Grace
And I already spoke Spanish.
Whitney Cummings
That's like child abuse. That's different.
Grace
Exactly.
Whitney Cummings
I just mean, you know, when someone has a connection to a country for some reason, it's usually fam.
Grace
It's usually family.
Whitney Cummings
Extended family, but fine. I don't like you in Trinidad. Yeah.
Grace
I don't believe his wife is from China.
Whitney Cummings
What's. What's the. What's the. I'm not gonna. We will Go. We will record this until we get sit here. We will. I will turn this podcast around. Next topic. Everyone's talking about Elon Musk's robots. He rolled out the new Optimus robot. There was an event where I guess he showed them. They were pouring drinks that seemed weird to robots. Be afraid of water. I don't know. Having a robot pour drinks, it's like having Dracula juggle garlic. I don't know why they chose this. I mean, what if someone throws a drink in a robot's face? Is that murder? I don't know the answer. These are all the questions. I guess he's gonna have to figure out if Elon Musk. I mean, he does. He is kind of like a robot in a lot of ways. That's the slam on him. I. You know, he isn't making robots at this point. I think he's just duplicating. This is how he. He's not producing them, he's just reproducing. At this point, I don't even look. I made a whole special about robots. I am pro sex robot, but regular robot. I don't know, man. How much time do we all really need to save is my question. How far are we going to take this thing? How much free time do we all need? Okay, we already have Amazon, postmates, doordash. We don't go to library. We just Google things. We're saving all this time, yet we're more slammed and stress than ever. Like, when humans save time, all we do is book up that time with other dumb. You know, we saved all this time, and what do we get? Pickleball and fake therapy. Humans. Humans need less time on their hands, not more time on their hands. Like, the more time we save, the more cults we join. It's like as soon as people started saving all this time, we had too much time to think. I feel like we saved all this time, and then all of a sudden, people were like, wait a minute, the Earth doesn't look round. Like, too much time to think is not good. People were like, I saved all this time. Huh? Where's Avril Lavigne been? Ah, I'm in a wormhole of Stevie Wonder videos. He doesn't look blind in this one. Like, that's the problem with society now. It's. We have way too much time. It's like, no one used the time we saved to, like, clean up the ocean or, like, do anything productive. People are just on their phone, like, 10 hours a day scrolling. And beyond getting on Reddit, fighting About my real age. Alons robots would mean we have even more time to do this kind of stuff. If we have even more time on our hands, there's just going to be more documentaries about how Abraham Lincoln is gay. Do we need this? I don't know, Grace.
Grace
I mean, no, that's the, the, the idea about, like, we have too much time on our hands is so true. And I remember, like, I have ocd, which is, I think, like, largely a product of having way too much fucking time on my hands. Interesting, because your brain is just like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We haven't thought about. What if we thought about that? And then it's like. Cause at least my brain of ocd, it's like, if I have something to do, like, I can break through, I can do it. But like, like the. When it first started getting bad, I remember my dad being like, I think this is because, like, ancestrally, you're supposed to be like running away from a lion. And that's you. You're just like, safe and you have nothing to do.
Whitney Cummings
And now you're like a spoiled. Running away from a liar.
Grace
Exactly.
Whitney Cummings
Not talking about your ex or anything. It's so true. And that's funny because when, you know, when I tell people I have ocd, it's. It's wild because I'm like, I just haven't got this thing done because I have ocd. And I just. And they're like, well, how come it's not done that if you have ocd? It's like, that's not how it works.
Grace
That's not how it works. It's not. It's actually so unhelpful.
Whitney Cummings
It's not. It's an obstacle. It's like if you can channel it to that thing. But it's very rare. It's usually like the. Oh, I have to like, pick at my toes for two and a half hours before I write that script.
Grace
I succumbed. I succumbed.
Whitney Cummings
But then I can't because now I have carpal tunnel in my hands and.
Grace
My feet are bleeding and I'm on WebMD.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Grace
And I'm booking doctor's appointments and I'm sending pictures to my friend.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, I'm not an anti elon musk person at all. Like, I just. And I'm not an anti robot person. I just. I think, I think the robots, they're going to be amazing for medicine, they're going to be amazing for surgery. You know, they're going to be great for getting people out of a fire. But the helping around the house is that I don't know chores. I believe chores build character. Chores keep humans humble. When people start doing chores, they get drunk on power. Okay, If Diddy just kept doing laundry, none of this ever would have happened. I'm telling you, robot cleaning your house also, is anyone. Is anyone House so messy that you like. At what point is this dystopian reality worth a house being cleaned? Like I'd rather walk into your place and it'd be a little messy than walk in to see R2 you staring at me knowing my days are numbered. Like I don't. The robots at these events, like they were cooking. Like Elan had all these robots cooking. I think he expected everyone to be like, oh thank God. Wow, we're starving. Like we weren't. It was going fine. Like we don't. I don't want a robot cooking for. I definitely don't want a robot cooking for my man. That crosses a line. I'm just telling you, if robots start providing for my man, I will not handle it well. I know this about myself. I don't respect dolls. I put Barbie dolls in the microwave till I was 15 years old. I need you to understand that I will snap, okay? I don't care. I don't. I'll get jealous. I'll just kick her in the pool. I don't care. Okay? But I will fall. I will fall for the scam. You know, eventually I'll have it. I said this about everything. Twitter, Facebook, I don't want. And then. But my deal is I'm going to get it. I'm sure at some point as we all are. But let's just wait. I'm going to wait till they work out the kinks. Okay? I'm going to let the robots the first round. Let's let them strangle some billionaires in their sleep first. Let's let them malfunction and fall on Bill Gates and break his skull open something. I'm going to do that before I bring it around my toddler. Maybe because they're going to be sketchy. Like every. All technology is sketchy at first. Remember Samsung's were like exploding on planes. E Scooters vapes were just blowing up in kids faces on playgrounds. It was just wild, you know. So why do we think that these robots aren't going to explode at your gender reveal party? That seems to be where everything explodes. I don't know. I just think a lot of things that launch end up being lemons. And I don't want A lemon robot. This happens with everything. It happened with the apple. Apple pencil. It happened with hoverboards. Obamacare. Let's just let. Dude, the fact that this demonstration showing them cooking was so wild to me, I love that Elon Musk, because Elon Musk was literally just like, we're making robots. You know what we need? Who needs the most help? Women in the kitchen. Like, who are you dating, dude? Oh, right. White girls with dreadlocks. Like, all technology reflects the dork who designs the technology, right? So it's like, this is just going to reflect what Elon thinks we all need based on his weird life. It was like when he said that we had a population crisis, remember? He was like, we're running out of people. It's like, no, dude, you just fly private. He was like, there's a shortage of humans. I'm like, go to O'Hare Book Southwest. Yeah, just one time. You're like, guys, we need to.
Grace
We're good.
Whitney Cummings
We need to do the one child policy.
Grace
Actually, I'm getting a vasectomy. Right?
Whitney Cummings
Too many people. Like, robots are going to be helpful. I'm not anti robot. They're gonna be helpful with medicine. Like, a lot of people don't understand. Like, you know, they're gonna help, like your parent with a stroke speak. It's gonna be a miracle. Although thank God that did not exist when my parents had strokes. The only thing that got me through my parents being bedridden with strokes was not being able to talk to them and allow them to gaslight me from their deathbed. Like, some people have parents who should not speak to them. So please don't take that time. That technology should be consensual. Like, like, like, yeah, I want that. Or no, let's. Let's tell my parents that's not available yet, you know, because it's like, if my mom could talk again when she was on her dad, like, that would have been a nightmare. Like, the robot's gonna be like, whitney, your mom is able to speak for the first time. She wants to say something to you. I'd be like, that she's sorry that she loves me. The robot's gonna be like, no. She said, put on more lip gloss. Like, great. I know this. This neuralink works. I know that's exactly what you would say. I guess my only request is to not make the robots female. I don't want Optimus Giant in my house. Stop making technology female. Because it makes men hate us more series. A woman, anytime she doesn't hear you or plays the wrong song. I see guys like, stupid woman. Siri not listening. Why I even do it? I'll ask for something. I'm like, siri, get the out of your ear. If it was a man, I'd be like. Or whatever song you want. Whatever song you think you should play. I mean, you must be right. Like, it's.
Grace
It's.
Whitney Cummings
Making technology female is such a setback. GPS is female. And when it doesn't work, it's always like, stop nagging me, you bitch. Get off my back, you micromanaging ninny. I always make. I always make the GPS in my guy's car. English. Like, you know, like an English.
Grace
Oh, yeah.
Whitney Cummings
So it's like, know it all. Yeah, more just like English people are so annoying. Like, everything that's faulty. Guys make female boats. She cars, cars, boats, robots. It's like cars and boats have always been female. Right. They're expensive. They break down. They age relentlessly. They're considered obsolete after having for 10 years throw some paint on them and throw them back out there. I just. I don't think them being female because they're not gonna work at first and be annoying. And that's gonna be a setback.
Grace
I'm just glad somebody's gonna be finally putting some doctors out of work. It's about time.
Whitney Cummings
Your dad's a doctor. What does he think of all this?
Grace
I haven't talked to him.
Whitney Cummings
Anesthesia is not gonna be taken away.
Grace
No, that's not. That's a. That's a human. Well, yeah, because you need somebody to sue if it goes wrong.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting.
Grace
You know what I mean? Like, there's gotta be an adult in the room.
Whitney Cummings
Doctors being replaced by robots. But it'd be good for that. You know, something will have emotion that doctors are so desensitized at this point, it's wild. At least robots will be like, how's your day?
Grace
Yeah. Why do you think I am the.
Whitney Cummings
Way I'm just dated? I dated a doctor who was raised by doctors, and it's not their fault. It's just. They see horror.
Grace
I know.
Whitney Cummings
So they don't. Like, they know you're fine.
Grace
Yeah. Your problems are smoked potatoes.
Whitney Cummings
You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I dated this doctor who, you know, granted, I was not emotionally mature at the time when I would communicate with him, and he'd be like, how are you? And I'd be like, good. And he'd be like, great. And just keep going. Cool. And I remember, like, if you're not bleeding, or there's not, like, a bone protruding out of your epidermis. They know you're okay, you know, but, like, they're just desensitized, you know? It's like every woman's dream to, like, date a doctor. But, like, you get in there and you're like. There's just no emotional bandwidth. Which, by the way, you don't want your doctor to have.
Grace
No.
Whitney Cummings
You don't want them to, like, freak.
Grace
Out at a certain point.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, God. That you might die soon. You're like, what? Like, I need. You need someone who's.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Calm, cool, collected. A friend of mine's dog got attacked by a coyote, and the coyote ripped the skin off this dog. I'm hysterical. She's hysterical. We're, like, crying, and sometimes you just need to be upset. The dog is fine, whatever. And I'm hysterically sobbing, and I'm like. And the skin came off the dog's body, and he just went, oh, that's called a degloving. And I was.
Grace
In my childhood, it was just like.
Whitney Cummings
Can you just be like, what about.
Grace
That bedside manner they always talk about?
Whitney Cummings
Can you. He was just like, oh, that's a de. Gloving. Like, as if I was gonna be like, oh, good, thanks.
Grace
I was gonna Google what it's called later.
Whitney Cummings
Like, I was just like. You just said the grossest thing. Like, all I needed you to do is go, oh, no.
Grace
How can I. Oh, my God. That's horrifying.
Whitney Cummings
Totally. That's called a degloving. And then just, like, went back to, like. And they all watch, like, Anchorman. It's so weird. It's like doctors. Like, the more serious their job is, the dumber the movies they watch. He's like, I'm in the middle of Joe Dirt. Can't talk. Like, are you responsible for keeping babies alive? But. Okay.
Grace
God.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, my gosh. Anyway, robots. I don't know how this is going to go. I. Look, I. I have a robot. And I'm going to tell you something right now. It's not all it's cracked up to be. It's a blast for, like, a couple months, and then it turns into, like, you just have a mannequin in your house where no one knows where to put it. It just becomes this, like, scarecrow, this lying face down in your attic because no one can find the cord.
Grace
It's just like, the second scariest pair of tits in your house.
Whitney Cummings
A plus, Grace.
Grace
Thank you.
Whitney Cummings
I just. I'm telling you, like, it Just becomes like, your lug. Unless you've like. Like, serial killers will do great with this, but it just turns into. You're, like, lugging a, like, dead body, like, corpse around.
Grace
Yeah, it's just like, skin.
Whitney Cummings
It's not a good look on the ring camera. I'm just telling you the fact that no one has arrested me as a problem. I have, like, drug around this, like, corpse. I'm like, someone should show up at my house. Right.
Grace
With the dog. The cadaver dogs. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
To arrest, like, the fact that I'm carrying around what is a woman's dead body. Basically, like, ring can you guys.
Grace
Decapitated, by the way.
Whitney Cummings
Can you guys please have some kind of thing in the ring camera that if you see that, the police gets called.
Grace
I feel like this is actually proof that we're not being surveilled as much.
Whitney Cummings
As we think we are, so nailed it.
Grace
Nobody's. Nobody. Nobody wants your data.
Whitney Cummings
No.
Grace
Nobody's watching you.
Whitney Cummings
If you were just to look at my ring camera, it would look like I kill a woman twice a week.
Grace
Right.
Whitney Cummings
And no one has showed up in my house.
Grace
Unless you're a person of color, then they probably are.
Whitney Cummings
But, oh, yeah, then they'll. Then they'll watch you. Black people are too smart to get ring camera. They're like, are you out of your mind? I'm not gonna get arrested for walking into my own house.
Grace
Oh, God.
Whitney Cummings
So, yeah, I mean, look, if you get a row, I'm just telling you, it's gonna be like any. Everyone's got their technology drawer of, like, all their papers, past phones and their past, like, pilots and all that kind of stuff. You're going to have, like, you're just.
Grace
Your flashlight, your pocket.
Whitney Cummings
A robot after a couple months, just turns into a red box in your basement. All right, we're now going to do an IG live. You guys are going to ask questions. How big are Grace's feet? Well, her head is.
Grace
How much are you offering? DM me? We can figure something out.
Whitney Cummings
What is your shoe size?
Grace
I'm like an eight and a half, but I have really narrow feet.
Whitney Cummings
That tracks really like. Like, she's like, Holocaust museum feet.
Grace
I kind of do. Yeah. Really long toes.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, you do. Oh, like, toes. What is the ancestral. Like, what is the biological basis for having long toes? Climbing trees.
Grace
That's like, something like that.
Whitney Cummings
Because it's German, right?
Grace
Yeah, I'm German.
Whitney Cummings
Crawling out of whole death mass graves.
Grace
Yeah, it's. It's. The longer your toe, the less time. More time it Takes trench foot to really set in.
Whitney Cummings
Right. Right. I don't even know what trench foot is, but MILF alert. Thank you. Where's Diddy? I don't know.
Grace
Good question.
Whitney Cummings
He's in jail. Something that I love about jail, I love about is that they kill pedophiles.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Now, Diddy, on our tax dollars, which in California is no game. He is probably in maximum right. Right now.
Grace
Because under. Yeah. Like, supervision, they'll kill him.
Whitney Cummings
Murderers agree that pedophiles have to go 100. I love that about murderers. There's something. So there's this video where this guy killed a pedophile in jail and he had life. He was, you know, never gonna get out anyway, and he just went. He's like, I'm already in prison. I'm just gonna spend time killing all the pedophiles in here.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Sick.
Grace
Still gonna get my free meals.
Whitney Cummings
That's right. That's my type of super. And what's also sick is like. Like, security guards, like, let it happen.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
They're like, yeah, go take a shower with that guy.
Grace
Have fun.
Whitney Cummings
What is Grace up to these days?
Grace
What am I up to these days? What aren't I up to these days?
Whitney Cummings
Hinge, bumble, Hinge, bumble.
Grace
Raya. If they let me back in.
Whitney Cummings
Yes.
Grace
And.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, did you get bumped off, Raya?
Grace
Well, I quit, Raya, because I was like, I found the love of my life. I don't need this anymore.
Whitney Cummings
And then. Lol.
Grace
Lol.
Whitney Cummings
And then they won't let you back on.
Grace
Well, you have to reapply.
Whitney Cummings
Mm.
Grace
It's a whole racket.
Whitney Cummings
But here's the thing about Raya. Raya is it's not even an elitist thing anymore or, like, Hollywood thing. You just have to Pay. It's like, $10 for five matches.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
And you're showing me people in men in V necks in Australia, you cannot.
Grace
Like, limit your geographic area. So they're showing you people who. Yeah. Are like, yeah, I live in Sweden, and I have no plans of ever basically saying, like.
Whitney Cummings
Like, this is someone that you would only like if you never met them in person. That's what rye is.
Grace
Did you call it great on paper?
Whitney Cummings
Yeah. They're like, this guy lives in Australia, and frankly, that's about the proximity that makes him tolerable.
Grace
It's for people who need emotional distance. So they're like, we'll just take care of the physical.
Whitney Cummings
It's just this point for, like, crypto hundred errors who, like. And DJs who, like, live in sketchy places. Like, I'm just like, what are you running from? Why are you on the run from the law?
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Why are you never in the same place? Like, we know what this is. Like, I'm good. It's all, like, models and photographers. Do they have such a hard time finding each other before Raya?
Grace
That's what I want. It's. I'm like, you see really hot people on a dating app, and you're like, why are you here? This isn't for you.
Whitney Cummings
Also photographer. You mean you have the new iPhone? What?
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
On earth. We have Robin Tran on the show. I love Robin Tran. I would love to have her on the show. Worst date ever. Ooh. My worst date ever. I haven't had a lot of. I don't, like, date much. Like, I kind of meet someone, and I'm like, just go over to your house.
Grace
And then you're.
Whitney Cummings
I'm like, I don't. Worst date ever. Oh. I mean, I would say the worst date I've ever been on was actually the. One of the best dates I've ever been on. Was talking to this guy, and he was so great. We, like. I was, like, touring, and we, like, talked on the phone for, like, hours. We got along so well. I met him at a pizza place on Sunset, and he was already there. He was early, and he was already in the booth. And I walked in. We were having the best time, and I was like, oh, this guy and I are gonna like. And then at the end, we both get up, and when I tell you, he came up to my chin hairs.
Grace
That's a full Sex and the City episode.
Whitney Cummings
It was. Or like, the. The. The Saved by the Bell one where she comes out and she's in a wheelchair. I'm like, you didn't see the handles when you were sitting across from her? But. Yeah, but it was like. It was that. And it was like.
Grace
It's so disappointing.
Whitney Cummings
I love a short king. I would have been fine, but he was kind of like.
Grace
I was like, well, you're tall. Men are emasculated by tall women often.
Whitney Cummings
I also, like. I don't know. Who knows? Who knows?
Grace
What was your worst date one time? This is a longer story, so I won't get into it, but the spark notes is that one time I accidentally shit myself on the floor. You didn't see it, but it was the worst.
Whitney Cummings
You let me go first. You let me go.
Grace
Yeah, that's the closer.
Whitney Cummings
Was this. It was just out of nowhere.
Grace
Well, you know, I have chronic problems with my Gut. And both, you know, physical and mental, just generally not well.
Whitney Cummings
And you have problems with your gut. You do have bad gut instincts with men. Yes, I do know that. But can we get to your.
Grace
Yeah. I'd been on, like, a. With this guy. He was like, come over. Like, I'll make you dinner or something. So I was like, great. Cool. So I go over there. He was gonna make me dinner. He's like, let's go pick up, like, ingredients for dinner or whatever. And he's like, let's make a charcuterie board for dinner, which is not dinner. So it's just. We're just eating soft cheeses and, like, cured meats.
Whitney Cummings
Was he in real estate?
Grace
No.
Whitney Cummings
Music. Okay.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
There.
Grace
We definitely couldn't cook. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
I just mean, like, charcuterie board is so, like. Like a. Like a cool guy's version of, like, a cool date or something?
Grace
Completely.
Whitney Cummings
I mean.
Grace
Yes. Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Like, just microwave a hot Pocket and call it a day.
Grace
Totally. And I was like, we're in, like, a cool neighborhood. Like, there are so many places we could have just, like, picked up dinner from, whatever. Like, I'll even split. Like, we'll pay 5050, whatever. But no. So I'm just, like, eating soft cheese, which is really not good for me. And then, like, watched a movie, fell asleep. Like, two in the morning, three in the morning. I, like, wake up, and my stomach is, like, grumbling like a ship from Pirates of the Caribbean. It's just, like, not good.
Whitney Cummings
Cause you had eaten congealed mold.
Grace
Yes, exactly. That's probably the reason. And so I was like, it's gonna pass. It's fine. Like, whatever. Laying there, laying there, it's simply not going away. So I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna go up, get up and, like, go to the bathroom. So I leave his room, go to the bathroom, and, like, as I'm, like, traipsing across the floor.
Pat
Traipsing.
Grace
It just, like, falls out of me.
Whitney Cummings
And you're wearing what now?
Grace
Nothing. I'm wearing.
Whitney Cummings
Wait, hold on.
Grace
Which is actually probably best case.
Whitney Cummings
This is actually the weirdest part of it. Hold on. So I love. I love a. And this. He fed me this cheese, and he's this horrible person, and so I'm sleeping over. Right.
Grace
And he wasn't horrible. He wasn't a horrible person. It was just like, this is. I. I knew what I was getting into as soon as I ate that.
Whitney Cummings
And then what? And then did he wake up?
Grace
No. No, I. I was just like, oh, fuck. So I was, like, running around his kitchen. He didn't have paper towels out. So I'm opening all the cabinets, looking for a roll of paper towels to just, like, try and clean it up, finally find some. I mean, I'm, like, fully panicking. And then get it all cleaned up, whatever, clean myself up. The craziest part is then instead of being like, hey, I'm gonna go. I've got work, get back in bed, fall back asleep, two hours later, wake up, sit, same thing, feel the same. I don't shit on the floor again. But I do, like, shit my brains out. And then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna call it. This has been fun. I'm gonna go. So I do. I'm like, hey, we had such a good time. Sneak out. And he was like, okay, no problem. Walks me out. And then, like, as soon as I get to my car, I was like, did I flush the last time I went to the bathroom? And then I never saw him again.
Whitney Cummings
Whose idea was that?
Grace
It was his. Why would I lie and say it was mutual? It wasn't.
Whitney Cummings
I mean, I'm. I'm. Well, I'm having a worse reaction to hearing about that guy dying right now. This is more traumatic to me.
Grace
It's. I have a, like, physical trauma response in my body. Every time I think somebody's asking you.
Whitney Cummings
If you still see your psychic that thought you were poly.
Grace
Yeah, I still see my psychic.
Whitney Cummings
Are y'all on shrooms yet? I haven't done shrooms in a while. I think I'm due.
Grace
Yeah.
Whitney Cummings
Despite this vest, I am not on mushrooms right now.
Grace
I am.
Whitney Cummings
I don't. Are you?
Grace
Oh, I. I do like them.
Whitney Cummings
When I was on the. The Bert Kreischer tour, there were these, like, microdose mushroom gummies.
Grace
The best.
Whitney Cummings
I loved them.
Grace
Yes.
Whitney Cummings
They just made me kind of, like, more alert, but, like, I wasn't, you know.
Grace
Yeah. It's like, if you're going out, like, have one mushroom gummy, have, like, one drink, and you feel amazing.
Whitney Cummings
That was it. Like, I didn't need to, like, start a cult or, like, forgive ancestors or, like, you know, they just, like, take the edge off. Yeah.
Grace
In a way that, like, alcohol doesn't, because it just makes you be, like, you know.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah.
Grace
Sloppy.
Whitney Cummings
Like Immigration. Right. For what?
Grace
For what? For what?
Whitney Cummings
Oh, remember this story when Grace told the story about choking her date in bed? I believe that's when you slapped a man.
Grace
No, I just choked him. I didn't slap him.
Pat
I thought you slapped my friend.
Grace
Slapped a guy? Because he slapped her and she was.
Whitney Cummings
Just like, can we stop with this feminism, please? Is feminism over? We're slapping men in the face. We're choking them. They can kill us. You guys, can you maybe stop with this also? If you can choke a man and.
Grace
It hurts him, he's not your man.
Whitney Cummings
He's not your man.
Grace
And I learned that the hard way. My life is just a series of lessons.
Whitney Cummings
Oh, what is Grace's handle? Stan Hathaway is her handle. She posts like once a year.
Grace
I literally have not posted. I should. Let me know if I should start posting again. What do you want me to post?
Whitney Cummings
But can I ask you a quick question? You're how old?
Grace
28.
Whitney Cummings
Is your generation not posting on. It's dorky.
Grace
Well, it's not that it's dorky. It's just like I feel like we did it so much and then it was like, you know you hate this term, but like the dump of it all. And then it became like it went from being so staged and everything is an opportunity for like a photo. And then it went swung all the way to like, we're taking pictures of trash and we're posting them in a series of 20 pictures of trash. And now it's just like, everybody's like, I'm. I'm bored. I'm tired of this.
Whitney Cummings
Yeah, but like, don't you feel if you're not posting that you're invisible? Or is that just me?
Grace
No, I do feel that way, which is why I just like carry shame around in my body all the time and shit myself on.
Whitney Cummings
But like, how do you get self esteem.
Grace
Dating apps?
Whitney Cummings
But like, how do you like conjure up a purpose for living.
Grace
That'S. You got me there. Look into my dog's eyes.
Whitney Cummings
Taylor Swift is going on tour again. How do you make your exes jealous then?
Grace
That's. That. That. No, that's. That's my one motivation for posting is just being like, look at me, I'm out there.
Whitney Cummings
Okay. What a dream. You guys, this was a way more fun IG live than I anticipated. You guys had questions. I'm starving. I just went into like a blood sugar crash. And so you guys are gonna have to just like pat, log off because I can't stop. I love you guys. Thanks for coming. Thank you, Grace. We love you. Bye. Goodbye. Go Red elephant.
Podcast Summary: "The Recline of Western Civilization" | EP 260 | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings
In Episode 260 of the "Good For You" podcast, host Whitney Cummings engages in her signature comedic and candid conversation with co-host Grace. This episode delves into everyday societal dilemmas, personal anecdotes, and sharp observations on modern life. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their discussions, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps for reference.
[00:00 - 19:14]
The episode kicks off with Whitney and Grace addressing a universally relatable annoyance: reclining seats on flights. They explore the etiquette and personal considerations passengers should take into account before leaning back their seats. The conversation highlights the tension between personal comfort and respect for fellow travelers’ space.
Whitney's Insight: Whitney emphasizes the importance of "reading the room" before reclining. She suggests a brief eye contact to gauge if the person behind might need the space, such as a pregnant passenger or someone with a cast.
"If you wanna recline, can you not take a gander at the person behind you? Make a little eye contact... Just there."
[14:57]
Grace's Perspective: Grace adds that while reclining is a passenger’s right, it’s equally respectful not to encroach on someone’s personal space, especially if they've paid extra for additional legroom.
"If you feel bad about reclining or like somebody is reclined into your space... You can recline your seat all you want."
[16:18]
The duo humorously critiques airline practices, touching upon how corporations create environments that pit passengers against each other over minor inconveniences rather than addressing broader issues affecting air travel.
[22:00 - 32:16]
Shifting gears, Whitney and Grace tackle the topic of ageism, specifically focusing on performances by aging celebrities who continue to entertain despite their advancing years.
Whitney's Critique: Whitney humorously dissects a recent performance by Frankie Valli, questioning the societal pressures that keep elderly performers in the limelight.
"This guy should be eating pudding on a beach. Why are we forcing old people to perform?"
[29:22]
Grace's Commentary: Grace echoes Whitney's sentiments, highlighting how platforms like TikTok amplify concerns over the treatment of older entertainers, portraying their performances as forced and unnatural.
"They look like animatronic dolls from 'It's a Small World'... It’s a scary and harsh juxtaposition."
[30:48]
Their dialogue underscores a broader societal tendency to undervalue the well-being of the elderly, pushing them to remain active in industries where they may no longer find personal fulfillment.
[37:43 - 56:46]
Whitney and Grace delve into the burgeoning role of robots in everyday life, sparked by Elon Musk’s unveiling of the Optimus robot. They debate the potential benefits and drawbacks of integrating robots into household chores and professional settings.
Whitney's Skepticism: Whitney expresses concern over robots taking over tasks that build human character, such as doing household chores. She fears that relinquishing these responsibilities to machines might lead to a loss of humility and increase dependency on technology.
"Chores build character. Chores keep humans humble. When people start doing chores, they get drunk on power."
[42:34]
Grace's Practical View: Grace acknowledges the utility of robots in fields like medicine and emergency responses but remains wary of their presence in personal spaces. She argues that while robots can enhance efficiency, they may also exacerbate issues related to human interaction and privacy.
"They’re going to be amazing for medicine, they're going to be amazing for surgery... But the helping around the house, I don't know."
[53:15]
The conversation critiques the over-reliance on technology, pondering whether the convenience offered by robots comes at the cost of essential human experiences and interactions.
[56:46 - 68:32]
The latter part of the episode shifts to personal stories about dating experiences, highlighting both humorous and challenging moments faced by the hosts.
Grace's Unfortunate Date: Grace recounts a particularly distressing date where she ended up having a severe gut reaction after eating soft cheese, leading to an embarrassing situation.
"I accidentally shit myself on the floor... It was his idea."
[62:11]
Whitney's Dating Anecdotes: Whitney shares stories about her past relationships, emphasizing the emotional disconnect often experienced with partners in high-stress professions like medicine.
"I dated a doctor... He was like, how are you? And I'd be like, good."
[53:44]
Their exchanges offer a blend of humor and vulnerability, providing listeners with relatable insights into the complexities of modern dating and the importance of emotional connection.
[46:00 - 58:08]
Whitney and Grace touch upon the impact of social media on mental health, discussing how platforms can both alleviate and exacerbate feelings of isolation and anxiety.
Whitney's Observation: Whitney reflects on how saved time through technology often leads to increased screen time, contributing to heightened stress and mental overload.
"We saved all this time, yet we're more slammed and stressed than ever."
[44:18]
Grace's Experience: Grace relates her struggle with OCD, attributing it partly to having excessive idle time exacerbated by constant connectivity.
"I feel like my OCD is largely a product of having way too much fucking time on my hands."
[46:28]
The hosts advocate for mindful use of technology, suggesting that intentional time management could mitigate some of the negative mental health impacts associated with excessive digital engagement.
Throughout Episode 260, Whitney Cummings and Grace offer a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and sharp societal critiques. From the petty frustrations of air travel to the profound implications of technology on human interaction, their conversation navigates a spectrum of topics with wit and relatability. The episode underscores the challenges of maintaining personal dignity and mental well-being in an increasingly fast-paced and technology-driven world.
Notable Quotes:
"A little glance of like a little goes a long way."
- Whitney Cummings
[14:57]
"This is what I'm telling you, like, your clingy behavior is irritating."
- Grace
[16:18]
"Chores build character. Chores keep humans humble."
- Whitney Cummings
[42:34]
"If you’re not actively repulsed by someone else's kid, I have questions 100%."
- Grace
[40:53]
These quotes encapsulate the hosts' blend of humor and thoughtful commentary, making the episode both entertaining and insightful.