This Podcast Might Be Evidence Someday | Good For You with Whitney Cummings Episode 298

Summary

Podcast Title: Good For You
Host: Whitney Cummings
Episode: This Podcast Might Be Evidence Someday | Episode 298
Release Date: July 19, 2025
Guest: Patton Oswalt

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Introduction

In Episode 298 of Good For You, Whitney Cummings engages in a candid and provocative conversation with comedian Patton Oswalt. The duo delves deep into the contentious issue surrounding Jeffrey Epstein's alleged list of powerful individuals involved in criminal activities, societal normalization of the sexualization of minors, and the pervasive double standards that allow influential figures to evade accountability.

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Discussion on the Epstein List and Lack of Evidence

Whitney opens the episode by addressing the ongoing debate about the nonexistent Epstein list, using humor to underscore the frustration with the lack of transparency.

• Whitney Cummings [00:00]: "Last week, I weighed in on the Epstein rigmarole. There's no list. Ta da."

Patton joins in with a comedic visualization, highlighting the absurdity of the situation.

• Patton Oswalt [00:12]: "He's opening up an envelope and it catches on fire and turns into a Raven, and David Blade just pukes up 17 goldfish. It just spells out no list."

Despite the humor, Whitney emphasizes the serious implications of the lack of a list, expressing her weariness of "creeps" who harm children and by extension, the community of comedians and podcasters.

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Critique of Powerful Individuals and Societal Inaction

The conversation shifts to a broader critique of powerful individuals who exploit minors, questioning why society fails to act decisively against such abuses.

• Whitney Cummings [02:00]: "What could we do? Push them off the boat. You know how you can tell someone will be a serial killer or a sociopath if they kill animals as kids?"

Whitney proposes radical solutions, such as using technology to detect harmful intentions, though she acknowledges the complexities involved.

Patton adds to the discussion by highlighting how powerful men might manipulate legal systems across different countries to evade prosecution.

• Whitney Cummings [07:47]: "What's odd is that everyone's surprised. I never thought this was going to come out. I knew we would never know a list."

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Sexualization of Minors in Media and Society

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting how various forms of media and societal norms contribute to the normalization of the sexualization of minors.

Ballet and Art:

Whitney fervently criticizes the ballet world and art institutions for their roles in perpetuating the sexualization of young girls.

• Whitney Cummings [16:02]: "They all look seven, right? They'll look like a seven-year-old boy doing the splits. That. That's art. No, it's not art."

She extends this critique to historical art, questioning the morality and intentions behind paintings and sculptures that depict young females in compromising positions.

• Whitney Cummings [25:11]: "Everyone has paintings of girls in the 1800s who looked terrified. Painters were the photographers of their day."

Music and Popular Culture:

Whitney also addresses the music industry's problematic history with songs and videos that sexualize young girls, citing examples like Rod Stewart and Anthony Kiedis.

• Whitney Cummings [27:48]: "What is this for? We all came of age. We lived it. We don’t need to see it."

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Societal Double Standards and Cognitive Dissonance

The episode explores the paradoxical nature of societal reactions, where past abuses are met with outrage, but similar or even worse behaviors in the present often go unnoticed.

• Whitney Cummings [29:10]: "Why are we mad at all of it? We're fine with gutting up toddlers and them twerking and memes on our phones."

She points out the inconsistency in how society handles accusations against powerful men compared to everyday normalization of inappropriate behaviors.

Patton supports this by highlighting the lack of immediate backlash against current offenses compared to historical ones.

• Patton Oswalt [38:18]: "Hey, give them some credit for that."

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Public Outrage and Accountability

Whitney critiques the timing and focus of public outrage, suggesting that society only reacts vehemently when convenient or when high-profile figures are implicated.

• Whitney Cummings [40:04]: "The public only seems outraged when an island is involved. Creepy stuff happens on land, and nobody cares."

She laments the superficial nature of outrage, where genuine issues are overshadowed by sensational but unsubstantial claims.

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Satirical Solutions and Concluding Thoughts

As the discussion progresses, Whitney employs satire to propose absurd solutions, such as obtaining lists of individuals involved in questionable activities to hold them accountable.

• Whitney Cummings [27:48]: "Can I get the list of people who refuse to stop making girls school uniforms? We got to go. It's a sex thing now."

In her concluding remarks, Whitney emphasizes the need for vigilance against societal normalization of harmful behaviors and calls for a collective effort to "nip it in the bud" before issues escalate beyond control.

• Whitney Cummings [44:43]: "There are people I know who need to stop drinking. There's gotta be a fix for this."

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Notable Quotes

• Whitney Cummings [00:42]: "Can I just have a brat summer? Can I not have to worry about kids on islands and horrible things?"

• Whitney Cummings [07:03]: "They could say, that's AI. Why do you think they waited so long to say this list isn't real?"

• Whitney Cummings [16:26]: "Do I sound crazy? There's a porn category called Teen."

• Whitney Cummings [29:13]: "You can't date her and then sell it. You can't date her painter, sell it, even in the 1700s."

• Whitney Cummings [38:31]: "If they like White Chicks, they're gonna love Juana, man."

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Conclusion

Episode 298 of Good For You presents a no-holds-barred discussion on the intersections of power, abuse, and societal complicity in the normalization of harmful behaviors towards minors. Through sharp humor and incisive commentary, Whitney Cummings and Patton Oswalt challenge listeners to reflect on the underlying issues that allow such abuses to persist unchecked. The episode serves as a call to action to recognize and address these double standards before they become irrevocable societal norms.

Transcript

[Whitney Cummings]

Last week, I weighed in on the Epstein rigmarole. There's no list. Ta da. Okay? They should have just had David Copperfield do it. They literally should have had Criss angel be like, there's no list.

[Patton Oswalt]

He's opening up an envelope and it catches on fire and turns into a.

[Whitney Cummings]

Raven, and David Blade just pukes up 17 goldfish. It just spells out no list. We're like, I really needed a break from creeps. Okay? And by creeps, I mean evil, psychopathic monsters that harm children and harm the rest of us. Because when you harm a child, you know what you're doing, right? You're making a comedian. You're making another stand up comic. You're making another podcaster. You're making more competition for me. So I have real. Is it blood in the game?

[Patton Oswalt]

Skin in the game?

[Whitney Cummings]

Can I just have a brat summer? Can I not have to worry about kids on islands and horrible things? I didn't get to have a brat summer last summer because I was pregnant, so I had more of a fat summer. But now I just want to be a brat. I want to ignore international crime rings. Remember when, like, Instagram was engagement rings, not crime? It was like he popped the question. We were like, how annoying. Now it's like, international crime wearing. We're like, can I go back to those engagement rings where you called your wife? You're obviously marrying for citizenship. Your rock prop circles, even. I'll look at those rings. Can I go back to looking for coupons for nuva rings? Do we have to do crime rings? Epstein and Diddy basically being exonerated in the same week. That was too much for even me. Here's the good news. You know me, always got some good news for you. People are outraged. This is. This. This is where we should be outraged. It's actually kind of nice to see people outraged about the right thing, not. You shouldn't be outraged at your professor for saying history instead of her story. This is the time they covered up a giant evil. What can I call this?

[Patton Oswalt]

Torture ring?

[Whitney Cummings]

I've heard all the angles about the Epstein list, and I have an angle that no one else is crazy enough to say. Like, what is your hunch about. About my hunch about all this?

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, it's gotta have something to do with international waters and boats.

[Whitney Cummings]

Damn. Of course all this happened. Of course. Powerful, gross, disgusting, evil people have done all this. It's been happening since the beginning of time. Powerful people think kids are hot. I don't know what to tell you. And no one will Fix it. Silicon Valley spends all day on all their little apps that. That tell you. Tells me when my period is and tells me when my. The. The. The. Here's the time to meditate. Neuralink we're gonna. We'll get to the people who had strokes. Eventually we'll get there. Can we start with reading someone's mind who thinks a kid is hot and then it just slowly leaks poison into their head. So we can all just safely post our kids on TikTok without there being downloads. I downloaded my kid. You're not Pampers coming in with an offer. I'm coming to your house. I feel like we all need to stop right now. And we need to find the cure for creeps who are into underage people. Because this is like this does need to be handled. Right. What do they call now? The minorly attract minor attracted people. Let's call them minor attracted. Right. This is like some movement to try to humanize minor that hurt people. Hurt people. And if they abused. They were abused. I don't care. Push them off the boat. Put. Push them off the boat. You know how you can tell someone will be a serial killer or a sociopath if they kill animals as kids? Frogs, cats or whatever. I think there are also signs with minor attracted. How come we don't know that? Could we measure their brains or something while they watch Charlie in the Chocolate Factory and see what happens when the Oompa Loompas come on or something like there's a way to do this if they say they want to be a priest when they grow up. I'm watching you. The awkward thing about all this is there is a list of international powerful psychopathic creeps. And Epstein got them onto an island with other powerful creeps to do crimes with. Powerful creeps. Ghislaine is a brunette. She's thought this through. This is what nobody's focusing on is that Ghislaine is ahead of all of this. She wasn't just going to let her man go down like that. She. He loved her. He loved her enough to get his needs met other ways and stay with her. Okay. You gotta remember Ghislaine Maxwell. What's her birthday Pop?

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm guessing something really sad.

[Whitney Cummings]

December 25th. As a child she had to compete with Jesus. She never got attention on her birthday. That leaves a deep wound. And now she has recreated what is familiar to her. Basically coming in second to a man who is thinks he's Jesus. So she's thought this all through. This is like her life's plan. She knows the age of consent in every country. My guess is that because so many other countries do not share our belief that 14 year old girls are children. She figured this out. They believe in many countries that children are consenting prosecution property. Cool. Many countries think Americans are backwards for thinking that a 14 year old girl isn't a grown adult who should be sent around the world to fake laugh at balding princes in a hot tub. Leaders in other countries, if we came to them and said, oh, we have videos of you with underage girls doing criminal things, they're like, no, those girls were 14. That's not underage to us. First of all, we were on an island, then we were on a boat where there's no law. International waters, which is the whole point of going on a boat in the first place. The girl was 16. That's like an old lady to us, quite frankly. We were jumping on a grenade. Then you're in a pickle. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. They're like, I guess I'll go home now.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. To my 16 year old wife. Like, who I'm frankly sick of. So what is the leverage that they would have if the leaders and these powerful people of other countries were doing all this on camera? It's not really a crime. In fact, revenge porn is a crime. And if you blasted that out, you would be. A girl was consensually doing something and now you're making it public. That to me is why none of the international stuff can like international powerful people count. Does that make sense? Like, what leverage do they have on them?

[Patton Oswalt]

They could interfere with their personal relationships, with their business relationships. If somebody's the head of a bank and they and their wife's father owned the bank and now there's a video of them, they're not going to be ahead of a bank anymore.

[Whitney Cummings]

Their wives a bit were poisoned years ago. In the real world, wives don't get to know anything. And even if they do, that's, that's why they're in the relationship. They're like, oh great, yeah, you're gonna go sleep with other women. Right. I don't have to like keep having your belly hit me in the face. I don't know if we're gonna tell your wife you cheated is enough.

[Patton Oswalt]

They could show it to anybody that you're involved with that wouldn't want to do business with you if you.

[Whitney Cummings]

But why is it legal to show that 15 year old girl?

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh no, it's the threat of showing they never, they wouldn't have to show it.

[Whitney Cummings]

If they're like, show it, then you've committed a crime. That's the thing about all this stuff.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's like, if they can trace it back to who showed it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, if I go, pat, I look through your phone and you're like, well, why'd you look through my phone? I'm like, forget that. It's what I found. No, why did you.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's like it could appear somewhere, but.

[Whitney Cummings]

Then they could say, that's AI.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, today they can.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why do you think they waited so long to say this list isn't real? They. I think that it's like, so any videos now, people can go, their AI.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm sure there was some replanning going.

[Whitney Cummings]

On in the last video. As good as possible, so that the AI influencers look at them, they look real. Just so they can go like, oh, all these videos are AI.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

So maybe that's one angle of it international wise, right? But any powerful American people who did it, if it was with someone from another, if it was a French girl, what's the law? Because I feel like Ghislaine probably figured out a way to make this all somehow, like, legal, right? In some way.

[Patton Oswalt]

She grew up around one of the most influential black male artists on the planet and met up with someone who was primed and ready to make that. Make billions of dollars doing that.

[Whitney Cummings]

What's odd is that everyone's surprised. I never thought this was going to come out. I knew we would never know a list. But you know, don't you kind of know in your gut? That's the other thing. Don't we kind of know if you just stop scrolling for five seconds and reconnect to your intuition. Go stand on some grass. We know. Do we even need a list? The people I want to see the videos of the underage. Okay. I don't. I'm good. I would love to never see those. Right, but don't you kind of know? You know what I mean? You know, you know, you know who it is and who it isn't. Like, if you really just think about it, you're like, that feels right. That painting was weird.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't want to sidetrack you at all, but do you remember I sent you that Bill Clinton released a mystery novel about the. The first husband in the White House who was covering up murders?

[Whitney Cummings]

It's been a pleasure. Just gonna head out. I'm done. Head up. Just gonna head out. Also, I live here, so, Pat, you leave. What do you mean, a novel?

[Patton Oswalt]

Only A month or two ago, good old Bill Clinton released a novel not dissimilar to the OJ If I Did it series about a man who is married to the first female president who happens to be covering up murders.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's. We know, it's fine. Okay, I just. What I'm saying is if you do horrible things, play the saxophone on MTV 40 years ago, it seems to have really. Isn't it amazing how quickly one person can get canceled over some little tiny thing and you're like, oh, like we were just kind of looking for an excuse or. But then there's other people where they did one thing so cool that they just have immunity forever. It's kind of wild, right? So here's the thing. Let's. Let's say that these people are announced and found out what's going to happen. That's the other thing. The only thing worse is this list coming out and that's going like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's crazy. And then everyone's like, what, what, what are they going to do? Lose their podcast sponsors? They're going to lose their deal with dear media? They're going to want go to jail? Then what? Same thing's going to happen that happened with Diddy. Our tax dollars are going to go to making a TV show about them being innocent and then we're gonna be mad. There's no way. Twitter is the most pissed off about all this. I find like Twitter is where the kind of like dudes are super protective, like super invested in the Epstein stuff and all this stuff about like powerful men being creeps and evil and getting away with it. I guess I don't know how to tell you this, but it's like it's kind of only a surprise if you've never been a teenage girl and have like, guys. This is the same thing with guys being scared of aliens. When guys are like, oh my God, like what are we gonna do about the aliens? Like, how am I gonna walk to my car at night if it's like, yeah, that's our life all the time. We're used to this. Aliens are the least scary thing in our life on a daily basis. It's just kind of like once you've been a teenage girl and you've seen creeps get away with stuff over and over again, you see how embedded is in our society. Like it's not that shocking to me, you know, Like, I guess this is shocking to someone who's never been told by a 40 year old man. When you're 16 like, you're such an old soul. Your parents don't understand you. You're just so mature for your age. Like, think about how insane every teenage girl has been told that. But, like, they're coaches. This is how things go. I have never been less surprised by anything. The Epstein list being brushed under the rug. Give a Google to Anthony Kiedis and his new girlfriend, who is now 19, and I believe they've been dating a while or they were friends for a while. Okay, this is what's wild to me. If something happened a while ago, we're outraged. But if it's happening right now, nobody cares. It's easy to be moral about something that's over and that happened. And we can all argue about whether it happened or not. But if something's happening now, right now, no one's like, hey, Anthony Kiedis, hold on. We'll deal with Epstein list in a second. That's bad. But, like, should we. What's up with that guy? Can someone head to Malibu Country Mart and give that guy a knuckle sandwich? Hey, homie, why can't you date a woman even half your age? And why does nobody care? It's. He's what? He's at the Grove right now with a girl who's going to Brandy Glanville Glamelville to get a new crop top, tube top. Rich, powerful men get to do whatever they want, and we will always let them. It's like when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock in front of everyone and everyone froze. All these people that play heroes in movies and come to the rescue, they literally get cast as being, like, superheroes that stop someone from getting hurt and protect people. When it happened right in front of them, they're like, did not do anything about it. Actors couldn't even act like they cared. Nobody called the police. No one helped Chris Rock. It was. It was prom. How could they? It was their prom night. And after that, they were like, that was disgusting. No one needs you to weigh in after. No one needs it now. It's easy to be outraged later, you dorks. To get some kind of points. But we saw you just sit there and not care. I don't think you're a good person because you're mad about Epstein now. Right? But not when you got off the first time. You didn't even know because you were too busy enjoying the artsy movies by the genius Woody Allen. I have an idea. Let's do a segment. It's called Nip it in the Bud. Nip it in the bud. This is a segment where I list all the things you're going to be outraged about later that are happening now. So we can start getting mad now instead of later when we can't do anything about it. Okay, let's start. Here's some things we should nip in the bud. I find it weird that we're all outraged about the creepiness towards girls, even though it's just so normalized in other areas that nobody even noticed. We're like, Epstein, that was wrong. But nobody bats an eye when Will Smith sings I like pretty girls. Women. Just say women. Let's all start saying women in our videos. You're 60. Let's all say girls. Let's stop saying girls. Let's just say, let's like normalize the word women. I was, I gotten a thing with someone recently where he was at work and there was like a 24 year old girl that was working there. And he's like, oh, I just am like scared she's gonna think I have whatever. And you know, he was like. And the way that he started was like, he's like, so there's this young lady at work and I was like, I don't mean to be that person and I don't think you did anything weird. But it is odd to put her age an adjective about her age before what she is. Just say a coworker to say like young lady. It's just that I know it's not wrong. It's just like socially acceptable. And girls kind of go like young lady is like a hello, young lady. Like, it's not like creeps use that. And it's. Cause then what do you call someone who's 40? Oh, this, you know, metapausal wench that works to my right. Like you battle axe. You're so when you're incorporating the language about the person's age and appearance within just casual conversation, that's. That's the stuff that's like right in front of us that nobody wants to talk about. And they're like, how does Epstein happen? Because of all these little creepy women. Know if Jeffrey Epstein met a 15 year old, be like, hey, young lady. And everyone go, that's weird. That's weird. Why is he talking to at all? But young lady, it's just like a, it's a thing we do. Okay, so let's just say women. Okay, let's. Let's just nip this in the bud right now. If you want to go back to things that happened a while ago, like Epstein's crimes Rod Stewart. His video. Tonight's the night. I'll never let this go. Don't say a word, My virgin child. This was on the radio. Just let your inhibitions run wild. He the video. He's just truly seems to have kidnapped a girl in a nightgown. The secret is about to unfold. Yuck. Yucky virgin child. No one's mad. He was just in Vegas. I want to go to that show. I'm going to become that person. Hey. For like I'll. Should I just go to Rod Stewart's Vegas show?

[Patton Oswalt]

He's in the middle of singing and there's just a. Huh.

[Whitney Cummings]

Come again? I'm over 20, so I'm sure you won't. But. Huh. Dude. Benny Mardones. What's that song called? She's just 16 years old. Leave her alone. They said. And they were right. I'm trying not to sing it. Separated by fools. In the video the dad of the 16 year old is like get out of here. Because I'm.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, there was like 60 years in rock and roll where if your band didn't have a song about a 16 year old girl, you were irrelevant.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. A loser. I have my nieces and cousins staying with me and it's like we're eating again. Didn't we just eat? How do you. It's my. I have ants look. My ant spray. I have ants all over my home because all we do is eat. And I just. I don't. It's like a nightmare. Okay. Thanks to Door Dash, I don't have to hate my family. Okay? Because Door Dash is here to help make sure food is ready. From June 26 to July 30, DashPass members get daily deals of all the stuff they're already ordering. Zero delivery fees, reduced service fees on eligible orders. This is your excuse to stock up on ice cream, sunscreen, party cups. But I did get balloons off of Door Dash recently and tiny screwdrivers. Because all my son's toys are like. What's Alcatraz? What's the. It's like they're. You need a tiny screwdriver to even be able to start not having a battery. There's a tiny screw. It's like a labyrinth of. You get in. And that's like. Okay. Here's another thing. You know. It's like a Russian nesting doll of screws to get to the battery size that doesn't exist. 32B. That's my bra size. You don't get to make batteries. Order on DoorDash. Save big during Summer of Dash pass Sign up today. Dash Pass benefits. They apply only to eligible orders. Terms apply. Bluechew. Hey, y'. All. In honor of Bluechew, I am dressed as a bluechew today. Our entire set is bluechew themed. And this is how we do it out here in these streets. Because performance matters, okay? Way more than promises. There's a difference between being ready and hoping for the best. Bluechew helps you ready, be ready, period. Unless you're on your period that turns a lot of guys off and you need an extra Bluetooth. Bluechew is the original service offering chewable tablets that help men achieve stronger, harder, and longer lasting erections. For sexual activity, it's not just about getting hard. It's about staying there. Everything is done online. You sign [e-mail], consult a licensed medical provider. Once approved, your prescription is shipped directly discreetly to your door. No waiting for your girlfriend to start crying to get ready to go. You can just go to. You don't have to go to the pharmacy. No awkward waiting rooms. Better way to handle performance when it counts. Bluetooth tablets are made in the usa, prepared and shipped in discreet packaging. It will arrive within days. Your first month Patton birthday. My first month is free. Just use promo code Whitney at checkout. You'll only pay five bucks for shipping. Well, if that's not a turn on enough, I don't know what is. That gets me. It's blue.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'll be ready and waiting.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah. BlueChew.com promo code Whitney. Visit BlueChew.com for full details and safety information. Offer only valid where Bluechew is available and subject to medical approval. Huge thanks to Bluechew for sponsoring this revolution. Our whole culture is desensitized to sexualizing minors. Music, fashion, science. People are so outraged by Epstein that we casually throw out studies that are like, girls mature fast. Faster than boys. What? What? You realize that's the study that groomers use to get them on a boat. They're like, well, girls mature faster. That is what 40 year old guys go. Yeah, but girls mature faster. I mean, you're 16, I'm 40. We're basically the same age. Maturity wise. This is what groomers use as proof of why they should date younger girls. Just because someone's parents drive them to the gross experiment doesn't mean the thing isn't gross. A lot of people need 50 bucks cash. The most annoying part of all this are the people who are like, horrified over, like, abusive young girls, but then they go see ballet. You don't get to do both. If you are mad about the Epstein thing, you don't get to go see ballet. You don't get to repeat creepy science studies. You don't get to listen to Rod Stewart, Betty Mardones. You don't get to see ballet. How do you. The cognitive dissonance where you're like, you're a Twitter warrior who's like, abstein files. And then you get your whole family in a car, you get dressed up, you put on a belt to go watch the Nutcracker where a bunch of young girls are on their tiptoes presenting their camel toes. Why is there no. If that hadn't been happening on an island, you'd be furious. But it just happens to be happening down the street. So you're like, this is probably ballet. You don't think it's weird that the guys have binoculars? Why are you even. Why is anyone even. Why are any guys even here at all? This should. This is. Wait, so you just love dance all of a sudden? You just love dance. You love watching dance. Why? Also, why can't ballet be Women in the 40s in Jeans Square dancing? You just. What, you love the art of a young girl even if she's older. They all look seven, right? They'll look like a seven year old boy doing the splits. That. That's art. No, it's not art. You're not smarter than me because the, the dance is old. It's like. Well, it's been around for 300 years. Exactly the reason to get rid of it. What am I? Okay, let me just say this. Not as loud because then I'm. Because I'm saying I'm. I'm right. And the way I'm saying it will make it come off like I'm wrong. If you think ballet is not weird, then let's start it at 18. Watch everyone lose their mind at this early. So they're flexible. Why. Why do they need to be flexible? Why do we need to start ballet at 3? Why is any 3 year old girl in a spandex song? I'm just curious. And who are these coaches? Drown em. Who are these men who are like touching their lower backs? Being like, arch your back? Who are they? Who are they? What's. Why do the tutus go out in ballet? Why do they go out? Why can't they just go down? Why do I have to stick out? Make sure we can see everything. Why can't they. They cover the undercarriage of said teenager. Just curious. Why are they kicking up so Much. Why are they kicking up? No one needs to see that. I'm not entertained by ballet. Is it fun? Is if you're watching your kid, adorable. But I'm not gonna go see other young girls do. Bell. I'm grossed out. I'm like, oh, God, why are babies in lingerie? I watch ballet the way most people watch mma. I'm like, oh, God. Is it stop. How is this legal? This is too. This isn't okay. How. You can't be mad about Epstein and then be okay with all these other weirdo things that exploit young girls. If you support art in any way, you should go to jail. Art is a bunch of creeps trying to do porn in a way where they can get away with it. Epstein was very into the art world. That's always the first thing he goes to art Basil. Okay? He's into art because this is the way to make it socially acceptable for you to be a creep. That's it. You're hiding in plain sight saying, we appreciate the female form. Then how come you don't have a bunch of paintings of naked dudes, do ya? All art and museums are literally paintings of girls in the 1800s who. Who looked terrified. Painters were the photographers of their day. That. Can I photograph you? Can I paint you? How pissed were painters when photographers came along? Look, we got these girls for three days in our apartment. Now you're going to come and just. That's the whole thing. Is that the fumes from the paint made him sleepy. Why? Why is it telling a girl to get naked and staring at her illegal. But if there's a camera between you and her, it's art and it's fine. I don't look at paintings of naked women and go, God, this is so beautiful. I'm like, isn't she cold? Where's her mom? Where was this? Was this his house? Where was this painting takes days to get. Is this revenge porn? Was. It was bas. Art was basically revenge porn. Am I wrong? Because these are all women they had affairs with and stuff. And then they sell them for all this money. I'm. You can't date her and then sell it. You can't date her painter, sell it, even in the 1700s. Also, why did you paint her chin like that? You don't have to include a double chin. That's just rude. That's just insults to revenge porn. Why is it the girl with the pearl earring? Lady with the pearl earring? Woman with the. Why does that be a girl? Girl, girl. Why is Degas sculpting ballerinas. Why not adult women? Here's why. They're not sculpting older women and they're not painting older women. Because older women would go like, what are you doing? No, of course not. Pay me, Pay me. You know, this could take 12 hours. I think you can knock it out in two. Yeah, it's taking advantage of people that don't know that they can say no to stuff. Why are art classes nude models still? Is it harder to draw fabric? My friend Kevin Christie's a real artist. He's like, hands are the hardest part. You don't need to be bucket naked for an art class. And that's college. This is college kids painting adults like Reverse Creep. But you guys somehow, like, are forcing young kids to look at naked people and for no reason and call it art.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's a good dose of reality for the youth.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, but there's porn now on computers. Why does that have to be in front of you?

[Patton Oswalt]

I like that assignment better. Yeah, just look up old people on your computer.

[Whitney Cummings]

By the way, Sports Illustrated was Martha Stewart. It's. You can f. That's the thing. Sexy old women. That's the thing. Now get that. Well, I don't. We're letting a lot slide. And then we're like, our mind is blown when the creeps are creepy. We're spending a lot of time on something we can't fix and we can't change. Meanwhile, a lot of creepy stuff's happening right now. Nobody cares. Mom influencers give their daughters a bath on TikTok. I don't know, man. Look, I sound crazy when I ramble on about this stuff. But then the Epstein list, everyone's like, wait, I think we've got a lead. It's like, well, yeah, no, you have a bunch of it. A bunch of current leads right now on your phone that are happening right now. Why do you only care when an island is involved? I don't think anyone cares. That creepy stuff. It happens on land as well as. Well, it's not just princes and presidents either. Your upstairs neighbor, who's 45, is truly watching euphoria right now. I'm saying it's not just these people. I don't interview with the vampire. Kristen Dunst was how old? 10. Blood on all of our hands. How about. I don't know? I don't think there's ever been a need for a nude scene. Not one time. This is why the left can't get it together. As someone who I think is still on the left. I don't know. Do you know? No one wants me anymore because I just criticize both sides. I guess this is why the left can't get it together. They say, get your laws on my body. But then actresses need seven lawyers to put laws on their body so they feel safe going onto a set to do a nude scene that no one needed to see in the first. Porn is free, guys. What do we do nude scenes for? Always scripting nude scenes. We're bringing in people. Intimacy court. For what? The biggest movies are. Finding Nemo, the Lego Movie. They're not. We don't. These. They don't even do well. We don't need an art film where Zendaya dates an older man and gets choked at a hotel in a coming of age drama. No one. Who's this for? We all came of age. We lived it. We did it. We don't need to see it. Put him in jail, please. Thanks. I have a list. All right. I would like the list of people who watch Charlie Chaplin cast his film called the Gold Rush. There was a girl named Lita Gray when she was eight. Eight. He cast her, then later they reconnected during the casting process for the Gold rush. Lita was 15. Chaplin, mid-30s. They began dating. Dating. Let's be serious. She got pregnant. He married her to avoid criminal charges. I would like the list. The priest who married them, the whole cast and crew of the movie. I'll be with his makeup artist, his mustache guy. Um, wait, I want. Can I get that list? Can I get the list of people who shot the Elvis music video called One Boy, Two little girls.

[Patton Oswalt]

He looks like he's lost in the woods.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can I get the list of people who refuse to stop making girls school uniforms because. We got it. They got to go. School uniforms. Girls with plaid skirt. They got to. It's a sex thing now. It's. We have to. We have to fix it. We've sexualized school girl uniforms. Therefore, girls can't wear them anymore. We got to move on. We wear it for Halloween. If you want to look hot for Halloween, you dress like a sexy school girl. Now it. Now that it's a sexual fantasy. We can't. We can actually have young girls wearing it all the time. It's like calling a white tank a wife beater. We just call, like, sexy girl. Sexy school girl uniform. We just, like, say that. What are you for Halloween? I'm a sexy schoolgirl. Huh?

[Patton Oswalt]

You mean school girl.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. You don't have to be redundant. That's weird. Why isn't anyone protesting schoolgirl outfits, being hot, or frankly. I would like a list of all the guys who call their girlfriend's baby in bed. Get me the list now. It's cute. It's a cute nickname. Fine, but we're not doing it in bed. I've always found it weird. For God I'd say baby in bed. It's like, I will be like, excuse me. Excuse me. I just heard the word baby in this context, so I'm no longer in the mood. If you say baby now, I have a horrifying visual. And if you say it out loud and have that visual and keep going, I will call the I will 3D print a gun so fast.

[Patton Oswalt]

I will 3D print a gun so far up your ass.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do I sound crazy? There's a porn category called Teen. I guess the idea is that it's 19, right? Or it's still technically teen. Can I ask you a question? Are 21 year olds so ugly? 21, 22. Do you guys. Do these creeps see a 22 year old? Like, we're mad about the Epstein list, but you guys are fine with pornhub just having teen casually being a category, even if it's an older girl who looks like a teenager? Like, why are we even. I don't know. Are you gonna get the list of people who click on teen important categories? I don't know. I'm not even talking about criminals and creeps. I'm talking about the guy on Twitter who's mad about Epstein. American flag in his bio. Two kids. Good dude goes to watch some porn. You know, what is it these. What's hot these days? Step brother. Who cares? In the dryer. Pizza deliver. Fine. And they see teen and just go, no, thanks, and keep going. Why are we mad at all of it? All right. Why are we fine? No one's mad at child beauty pageants. We're fine with gussing up toddlers and them twerking and memes on our phones. I don't know this child that's twerking in my phone. I don't want that on my phone. Why is it okay for me to send a text with a toddler twerking in it in the Giphy in a bikini with makeup and pigtails going like this. Who is this girl? Where's the list of people in Silicon Valley who turned this girl into a giphy? So I can send it in the text? I can I get a list of that person who's like, this will be cute. Like, you know, like, you can like, Send this toddler. She's in makeup and she's going like that. Give me the list. I want that person's name. It's probably Taylor. I can guess the first ones. I can guess the first parts of their names. Hey guys, I mean, you're a fan of this show, so you must be trying to get informed these days. But you know what? You trying to get the news. Good luck with that. Depending on what feed you're in, the same story will sound like a conspiracy. Maybe it's a cover up or maybe it's a crisis. Maybe if it's AI we don't even know. I mean, it's all over the place. Ground News is the app that shows you how headlines are being spun to manipulate you across the political spectrum so you can actually think for yourself. See how many sources are covering a story, who's ignoring the story, how they're framing it. Compare headlines, spot media blind spots. Be better than your friends. Track bias with tools like the bias bar and the factuality scores. Don't have a picking size. It's about choose me. Seeing the full picture before you decide what to believe is 2025 in a nutshell. Read everything and then you decide what you're gonna believe. Go to Ground Dot News slash Whitney and get 40% off the vantage subscription that I use. That's full access to all the tools that make Ground News so addictive. Again, that's Ground News slash Whitney. If you care about calling out power and actually stay informed, this app should already be on your phone right next to Hinge. How about a list of everyone who worked at Coppertone when they had an ad with a toddler and the the dog was pulling her panties off? I'd like the list of those people and if they're dead, I'd like to know the address and coordinates of their graves, please. Thank you. 1953. Tally Embry Advertising in Florida. I've gotten some information on it. Was hired their admin created the concept of a little girl and a puppy. And the puppy was pulling off the little girl's panties. And then they hired someone to paint it. Then the original artwork was destroyed in a fire. I think men were fighting over it is my guess. By the way, whoever set that fire, hats off. I would like a list of everyone who helped set that fire so I can visit their graves and bow down to these great heroes who burned the painting of the young girl with her butt showing. With a puppy. Look, I'm just saying we only care about trafficked girls who were selected by men who could have anyone. There's something about it. I don't think we can trust anyone on this anymore. And you know me. I like to. I like to go to the person adjacent to the situation. You know, go to the wives. The wives always know there are people out there that know the truth. So my thing is, like, let's stop asking the government. They're always going to lie to us. The government's going to lie to us. So here's what we should do. I think if we want the truth. Example about Diddy. We should talk to his ex wife. Can he get her on the line? Why not? She knows everything. This would save us so much time if we could just get Kim Porter on the horn. Can you get her on the horn? Get her as a guest. Oh, we can't. Oh, right. She crossed over from. What is the current diagnosis? It was pneumonia. A month ago, it was undisclosed causes. And then on the death certificate, it was listed as deferred. So. Okay, nothing to see here. Okay. Okay. So we'll never get the dating information. So. Okay, so for Trump, you know who would know? You know, who know his first wife, Ivana. Get her on the horn. Can you get her? We can book her. She'll come on. She'll come on. Because, by the way, she'll have it, like, written down. She'll have, like, printed photos. We'll know it's real. She'll have, like, old printed plane tickets and stuff that hard. Hard drives can be destroyed, right? You can't be like, your printed photos aren't real. This isn't. This is. AI, you dumb trollop. We can't say that to her. Let's get her. She's got some shoeboxes somewhere or something. Can you get her on the line? Pat? Skyper. Huh? Ah. Ah. Gah. Fell down a flight of stairs, huh? Not weird at all. There was an elevator. I'm pretty sure in that. Ah. And her digs. All right, how do we talk to someone who would know about the Epstein list? Hmm? Ghislaine is in jail, which is weird since FBI said that there's no list. And I'm sure. I'm sure they have a good reason to have a woman in jail for being involved in crimes that did not even happen. But you know who would know? You know who always knows? The chefs. Clinton's chef from back in the day. Get them on. Get them on. Come on. Call him. What? Oh. What? He went for a. He went for a hike and never came back. Huh? He drowned. What? Oh, well, what about the. Okay, what about the other chef that. Wait, I thought. I thought the other chef drowned. That was a. Two of them drowned. All right, so they didn't go. They didn't go with security guards. Don't they have security or something? Well, that's what we should ask Clinton. Security guards, they always know. I got a bunch of them. I've got a list of them right here. Okay, there were. Let's see. I've got William Barkley, Scott Reynolds, Brian Hanley, Tim Sable. A lot of majors and generals. Can you get these guys on the horn? Gary, Steve Williams, Conway le bleu, Todd McKinnon. Can you get them. Get them on the line? Oh, all 12 of them. Wait. Huh? All 12 of them. What? Ah, well, they gone. All gone. Must have been the jab. I don't know. The point of all of this is we're never gonna know the truth. And I hope I never do, because I don't want to drown. Just have an ocean behind me. Just prepping you for my future. Look, I'm gonna say something that is not gonna go over well in any nation, regardless of their age of consent. But I think it's important. We do need to stay vigilant in fighting creeps, sociopathic monsters. Because if a man that is in charge is into an underage girl in any. Yes, it's bad to have a transactional relationship, a physical relationship. That's disgusting. I think you should. What could I say? Pew, pew, pew, pew. All the pew pews. Another thing about this that should be very disturbing, right? Besides the fact that being around an underage girl in any physical should make you physically nauseous. Okay. Period. The end. But if you're in a boat with these underage girls that are, you know, being trafficked, you're also hanging out with them. You're spending a lot of time with them. Older men hanging out with teen girls, socializing. This explains why all these powerful leaders are so dumb. Honestly, the worst thing I think at this point I could see on an Epstein tape is American politicians and leaders socializing with teen girl. Like, hanging out, talking. Look, I have my nieces and cousins staying with me right now. They're 18 and 22. I love them, but they've been here four days. I've gotten dumber. I've gotten dumber. If you are a man that is a powerful person in charge and you are involved in this kind of stuff, you are spending your nights trying to figure out what movie to watch. They've been trying to figure out what movie to watch downstairs for truly an hour and a half. Their favorite movie is White Chicks.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hey, give them some credit for that.

[Whitney Cummings]

Izzy Phillips, one of my dear love. But they're what? So if you are one of these creeps involved in all this, you're also watching white. Like you also. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Patton Oswalt]

If they like White Chicks, they're gonna love Juana, man.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just mean your brain is also gonna atrophy. You're surrounded with people that already say yes to you, that are paid to agree with you, that are scared of you. And then I think actually that's probably more of the turn on to hang out with people that laugh at your terrible jokes and think you're such a genius. Oh, you're a prince. Yeah, he was born into power and has a bunch of inbred dogs on his bed covered in stuffed animals. That is true, by the way. Google that. Allegedly, royalty are emotionally stunted people. Teenagers are probably the only people who make them feel seen. What if the royals that just like, go hang out with teenagers on these islands and they're like, check out my labo boo. I have the one that's tie dye. They're like, cool. Those are the only people that will think you're cool. We got to protect kids at all costs because stuff like this, this, this severely traumatizes them for life. They will. They will go on to need love from strangers, to feel shame in life. They will do maladaptive behaviors. They will go on to do standup in Baltimore, Maryland, October 4th, Toronto, October 3rd, Arkansas, October 24th and 25th, Philadelphia, November 22nd for Lauderdale, December 5th and on and on. The point is these men hanging out with minors is a huge problem because it corrodes their brain. And then they make decisions for the world. Even if it's legal in France. We're going to. Yeah, but you're hanging out with a 15 year old. That's actually. That's the real crime.

[Patton Oswalt]

You have juice boxes on your boat.

[Whitney Cummings]

You have. You get the surprise box.

[Patton Oswalt]

Labubu, why are there go Gurts and juice boxes on your yacht, sir?

[Whitney Cummings]

That's what I'm saying. All right. The. The sex part, that's the tale as old as time. Like, that's we're just following the traditions of the Romans and the Greeks and all of the creeps in every society forever and ever. All right? But you don't get to negotiate treaties and be on Team Justin Baldoni. You can't weigh in on wars if your Spotify wrapped has Blackpink. You cannot represent a nation if you give out gift cards to Aritzia, dear. No wonder why politicians are so bad at lying. Because they practice with the easiest people to get something over on. People have no choice. And they're just like, yeah, that's good. Yeah, totally. Not only are you a disgusting, evil creep, your kink is being agreed with and laughed at and told. You're so smart and so interesting when truly no woman in their 30s would ever talk to you because you're a. You're a politician. You lie for a living. By the time a woman is 30, she's like, yeah. No actors, they lie for a living. No magicians, they trick for a living. No baseball players, they cheat for a living. No politicians, they lie and say they can fix global warming even though they fly private. No, thank you. I realize that these powerful men are so lame and boring and unoriginal and desperate and. Pick me. That only teenagers will listen to you speak, but that does not mean you get to traffic young girls. You will just have to order, my buddy. I'm sure they still make them a Teddy Ruxpin. This is where the robots come in.

[Patton Oswalt]

You can put in whatever tape you want in the Teddy Ruxpin. It doesn't have to be the stories.

[Whitney Cummings]

These men need to feel like they're on a pedestal. They need to feel like they're, like, geniuses and none of us. Or do we. Or do the adults just need to start telling them they're smart? What do we do? What do we do? What do we do? Waiting on that list. I requested a couple lists. I expect them to be in my inbox by morning. I don't think I need to talk about Epstein anymore. I think we're. I think now it's getting to a place where it's very obvious what's going to be outraged is almost like virtue signaling at this point. These people are craven monsters. They've always been craven monsters. I knew when Trump dropped a cologne we weren't gonna get the list. This will happen again, and it's happening now. And, ooh, my hair looks cute like that. And if you guys are upset about this, but not retweeting Anthony Kiedis and his child bride. You know. You know, when you go to bed, you know I'm right. You know I'm right. By the way, what do they call it? Red Hot Chili Peppers. They were fine. They were fine. They were fine. They were fine.

[Patton Oswalt]

Were they?

[Whitney Cummings]

Thank you. I was a Smashing Pumpkins guy. I was a Pearl Jam guy. Okay, then we're gonna stop for real. I think that the Red Hot Chili Peppers made music that only 18 and 19 year olds would even like. When music is like that, I'm like, oh, this isn't for adults. I was like, this is a lot. Like, I can't dance to this. Like, I don't know what's happening. Like, I don't. I'm good. I'm not impressed. But he. They were like 12 Benson Boons in one band. Am I wrong?

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, now you're selling me on them.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it was also, I'm wearing the gold lame Speedo. It's like Jared Leto wearing the cat head. It's like, oh, so you're weird. So it's okay we look the other way? If you're weird, take a walk without your friends present, without Twitter present. Get out of the adrenaline addiction and go, what is happening now that I'm not saying anything about that? After other people bravely talk about it? And then I jump on the bandwagon. What bandwagon could you jump on right now? Hmm? Is it Anthony Kiedis? Is it Woody Allen? Gerard Leto? Is it? Do you know what I'm thinking? There's a couple. I can't even say that. I'm too scared to say, but I'm just saying.

[Patton Oswalt]

Say it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Nope, nope. I'm gonna go back to my ya girt.

[Patton Oswalt]

Sorry. Got a girt going.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sorry. See? Why wouldn't you want. Why wouldn't you want to date women that are older? I've got yogurt in a glass pot that I can reuse. I'm going to put pens in it later. You can put other things in it, like dice or marble.

[Patton Oswalt]

Put that. You're scaring the little girls away with your girt.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just saying. What is what? Just on a purely logistical, I would. Okay, now forget all that. I would like to talk directly to creeps and sell older women. Give us a chance. I have a pool. I have, you know, yogurt in a glass thing. I can burn a candle and then turn the candle into something that holds your pens or your razors or whatever you want. I've got pet insurance. Just try it. Do I got blue Chew? If you're not sexually attracted to older women, fine. You'll blue chew through it. We've got a solution for this. Creeps should by now be able to figure out how to not act on that. It's like, okay, I'll just date a really skinny short woman my age. Don't get your glasses don't get your prescription renewed. Get that. Yeah. Get the Blue Chew, you know, and, I don't know, buy some gnomes. There's gotta be a whack. There's gotta be a way.

[Patton Oswalt]

You were the school girl. You want a school girl in the room, you put on the dress.

[Whitney Cummings]

There's just gotta be a way. There's people I know who to stop drinking. They're taking some pill. They're Subutex. To not do certain drugs. There's gotta be a fix for this. Get a dollhouse. Get a Cabbage Patch Kid. I don't know, but who is the brave person who's gonna step up and say, in Silicon Valley, rubber, I made the thing to scratch the itch. Zuck, you with me? All right. Well, back to a cause that really matters. Don't ride elephants. Certainly not baby elephants. Oh, if you ride baby elephants, oh, you're major on my list, Sa.