Time Traveling Anti-Gravity Aliens and Worse! | Good For You Podcast #340

Summary

Good For You with Whitney Cummings – Episode #340

"Time Traveling Anti-Gravity Aliens and Worse!"
Released: April 29, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this freewheeling, hilarious, and deeply modern episode, comedian Whitney Cummings riffs on conspiracy theories, viral weirdness, and the overwhelming onslaught of increasingly absurd information in the digital age. Swinging between playful cynicism and philosophical bemusement, Whitney explores the blurred boundaries between reality and delusion as seen through the lens of viral news events (notably the recent White House Correspondents’ Dinner assassination attempt), quantum consciousness, social media algorithms, and the ever-mutating landscape of online discourse. Joined by her co-host and friends, she critiques the logic behind conspiracy content, the craving for meaning, and the existential fatigue that comes from questioning what is real.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Assassination Attempt at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Timestamps: 03:51–08:29

• Whitney opens with biting satire about the recent reported assassination attempt at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, commenting on the awkward reactions of figures like Cash Patel and the internet’s knee-jerk skepticism about whether anything is real anymore.
• Whitney (04:16):
  “How sad is it that my first thought was that it was [fake]? ... You're not responsible for your first thought. You're responsible for your first action. That's what my therapist said.”
• Discusses freeze responses in crisis, using the behavior of public officials as comedic material, and framing her own “fight” response in contrast:
  “Imagine that our FBI director ... is freeze. You don't get to be freeze.” (07:01)
• The segment lampoons both the seriousness and performativity of public emergencies in the media age.

2. How the Algorithm Fuels Conspiracy Thinking

Timestamps: 08:43–14:13

• Whitney rants about the way her phone’s algorithm seems to “listen” to her conversations and immediately serves up content that stokes doubt and paranoia:
  “Does anyone else feel like the algorithm is just like a bad DJ?” (08:57)
• She describes a spiral of being fed increasingly unhinged videos—from NASA conspiracy threads to speculations about staged assassinations.

3. TikTok Conspiracy Segment with Shannon Egans

Timestamps: 14:13–16:19

• Guest “TikTok Correspondent” Shannon Egans offers an almost parodic deep dive into the background of the would-be assassin, linking his NASA internship to obscure Twitter accounts and bizarre memes—lampooning the reach and “connect-the-dots” culture of online conspiracies.
• Shannon Egans (14:21):
  “Could he just be really smart? Totally. Then it brings me to this tweet … This is where we come into reaching territory. These are reaches.”
• Whitney and her co-hosts riff on the absurdity of every major event now spawning speculative theories about time travelers and government psy-ops.

4. Quantum Consciousness, Reality, and Science on TikTok

Timestamps: 17:25–24:55

• Whitney discusses how internet philosophy and quantum physics have become mainstream discourse—often in shallow, meme-ified forms.
• Whitney (18:46):
  “I cannot take on the things we all said when we were stoned at 18 now being true science... I for sure cannot do an episode about how reality doesn't exist when I'm in sunglasses in a Hawaiian shirt.”
• Features a clip of Harvard scientist David Sinclair talking about the observer effect:
  “Things change just by human observation. That is the weirdest thing you could ever find in science.” (19:19)
• She plays a viral TikTok summarizing the “Frauiger Renner experiment,” which allegedly “proves” multiple realities (21:35–22:08).
• Mockingly questions the priorities of scientists chasing such problems instead of solving cancer (24:42).

5. Gravity, Flat Earth, and the Infinite Conspiracy

Timestamps: 30:48–35:19

• The episode comedically jumps into the anti-gravity and flat earth rabbit holes, playing and deconstructing viral explainer videos claiming “gravity is a myth.”
• Whitney (31:00):
  “Why are we spending so much time on the toxic manosphere? We know you guys hate women, but now you hate gravity.”
• Ridicules men’s podcasts for “talking about invisible stuff” and muses about starting a business to “clean up” people’s broken algorithms.

6. Meta-Commentary on Reality, Social Media, and Collective Burnout

Timestamps: 35:19–43:07

• Whitney reflects on the exhaustion of constant doubt, the erosion of trust in reality, and how even skepticism is co-opted by even faker content.
• Whitney (36:22):
  “If gravity doesn't exist, why is it when I black out, I know that when I lay on the couch, I have to put one foot on the floor or I'm gonna vomit?”
• Wonders if the sheer quantity of hoaxes, revelations, and memes will destroy our willingness to believe anything at all.

7. Comfort in Enduring Uncertainty & Accepting Fake as Real

Timestamps: 39:05–43:07

• Cummings concludes with tongue-in-cheek resignation—a call to let some things remain unknowable, and perhaps to care less for the sanity of all involved.
• Whitney (42:56):
  “It might as well be real… So everything. Now we can just go, is it fake? No, it might as well be real. It's basically real.”
• She analogizes news and reality to “banana-flavored candy” vs. real bananas—if we talk about it and feel it, it exists enough.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Whitney (07:01):
  “Imagine that our FBI director ... is freeze. You don't get to be freeze. That's like, the first question on the FBI director. Are you freeze or flight?”

• Co-Host (31:25):
  “Well, he snuck a little flat Earth in there, too.”

• Whitney (35:56):
  “Can men go back to playing chess? What did men do before this?”

• On Quantum Physics & Algorithmic Madness:
  “For me, I can't look at one event without looking at the things that are happening concurrently. Hashtag autism… Here's the thing… we're all just fighting to be real, to stay real, to not feel like we are programmed like robots.” (17:35, 27:11)

• Whitney's Existential Resignation (42:56):
  “It might as well be real... So everything. Now we can just go, is it fake? No, it might as well be real. It's basically real.”

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Topic | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |--------|----------------------------|-----------------| | 1 | Assassination attempt: satire and reactions | 03:51–08:29 | | 2 | Algorithmic conspiracies & blanket ad | 08:43–14:13 | | 3 | TikTok correspondent on NASA intern, fake news | 14:13–16:19 | | 4 | Mainstreaming of quantum consciousness and realities | 17:25–24:55 | | 5 | “Gravity is a myth” and flat Earth TikTok | 30:48–35:19 | | 6 | Generational exhaustion, what's real vs. fake | 35:19–43:07 |

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Thematic Takeaways

• Cultural Fatigue: The podcast embodies the confusion, fatigue, and humor required to persist in a reality constantly undermined by meme logic and shifting internet narratives.
• Need for Skepticism—but Also for Boundaries: Whitney acknowledges that questioning is healthy, but an endless supply of manufactured doubt is exhausting and counterproductive.
• Resignation to the Absurd: The hosts consistently return to the position that, in a world where nothing feels “real,” we might as well embrace the absurd and enjoy the ride.

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Tone & Style Notes

• The conversations are fast, irreverent, and filled with comedic asides, callbacks, and self-aware commentary.
• Whitney’s voice is sarcastic, self-deprecating, and whip-smart, often shifting from existential musing to sharp cultural critique within a single breath.
• The show satirizes both its own compulsion to overanalyze and the broader cultural tendency to chase madness for meaning.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

This episode is an energetic, chaotically funny, and unexpectedly philosophical journey through the modern information apocalypse. Whitney Cummings and friends dissect absurd theories, reflect on the toll of the algorithm, and ultimately suggest: maybe the “simulation" is survivable, if we can laugh at it together.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I didn't see it or anything about it until you sent something up.

[A]

You didn't even know it happened. What? I have not made fun of Cash Patel in weeks. I do believe I deserve a trophy of some sort, but that ends today. I have tried to stop, but Cash Patel at this White House correspondents dinner shooting is so funny that either. That now I want. Now I like the guy.

[B]

I didn't know that there was a shooting, and I saw a video of him putzing around on his phone and sitting by himself. I thought somebody was making fun of him anyway, just like, nobody wanted to talk to him.

[A]

Everyone's getting up and running away from him. They didn't want to hear about hockey. He's used to having people just sprint away from him to avoid conversation about how there's no Epstein Miles look either the White House correspondents in her shooting was fake, and he knows it. So he's just sitting here like, you know, not worried. Not only not worried, he's like, no, I was waiting for my cue to rip my shirt. Like, whatever. He. Imagine being in the pitch meeting for, like, the. The fake White House correspondence dinner meeting and catch. Like, no, I feel like I should tackle the guy.

[B]

Oh, yeah. What if somebody stole his thunder and he was pouting?

[A]

Maybe someone like, sorry, just the idea that all these non Actors, they're like, we're gonna do a fake assassination attempt. Like, oh, can I tackle him? Can I tackle him? And the person that gets to tackle him, Cash, is like, ah. But, like, when it happens, they all tackle because they all want to be the hero. Like, nobody sticks to the script and the actor who's playing the shooters. Like, guys, I'm supposed to survive this? What are you doing? Either that is the case or this is his real reaction. Okay, we gotta regroup. We have to regroup. Regroup. Regroup. I. I just. I. I was joshing earlier, and I need to address it, all right? I was joshing that the assassination attempt could be fake. I don't think it was. It doesn't seem it was. Don't ask me. I don't know. I just. I. Who am I, Cash Patel? I don't know. But how sad is it that my first thought was that it was right? You're not responsible for your first thought. You're responsible for your first action. That's what my therapist said. But it did look goofy. It did look goofy, all right. It had. It did have community theater energy, you know? But then I was like, no. When. Why would you go there? That's such a disgusting thing to assume that a. An assassination attempt was fake. That's horrendous. That's a horrendous reaction, you know, so. But I did think it was fake at first when I saw it, but then I knew it was real. When I saw RFK Jr. Rush out of the building, leaving Cheryl Hines behind to fend for herself, I was like, that's. That's something you can't fake. If he knew it was fake, I feel like he'd be like, honey, come on. He would probably throw her over his shoulder and be like, I am Sparta. Like, he would have just started doing push ups with the assassin. I think I assumed it was fake at first because this does not seem like a human being's reaction to any kind of surprise, violence, or. Honestly, maybe he thought it was real and knew it was real. Maybe it was real and he was just like, thank God. Thank God. This. This guy will not fire me. This is my only way out. He's like, come for me. Honestly, the only way for his reputation to be salvaged in any way is to get shot at. He needs his butler. He needs a butler moment. There's also accusations recently that he has a drinking problem. Like, bad. And this will help with that, at least. Drunk men fight any chance they get. He won't even. He's done fighting anyone under any circumstances. I love this guy. He's just like, imagine. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Imagine that our FBI director of the United States has the freeze response. Like, people are fight, flight, or freeze? He's freeze. You don't get to be freeze. That's like, the first question on the FBI director, Are you freeze or flight? Because you can't fight only when people are freeze. I'm always like, what are you doing? Like, because I'm fight. I'm fight. I am fight so hard at the dog park when there's a dog, you know, brawl. I'm always. I'm in there, finger in the butt of the dog. Everyone's just standing around. I'm like, what is.

[B]

They could have used you at the dinner.

[A]

My finger would have been in that assassin's butthole so fast. I'm the person. Like, on a plane, when a woman starts spraying perfume, I'm like, ma'. Am. People get migraines. Sweet pea.

[B]

Finger in the butt.

[A]

No finger in the butt. Finger in the butt. Never mind. You need perfume, ma'. Am. Never mind. The guy on the plane who starts doing a FaceTime. People start looking around, panicking. I'm like, I got it. I got it. All right. I volunteer as tribute. All right. It is. I love to handle the obnoxious tool who's FaceTiming on a plane. This is where I shine. All right, I have a hammer in my car for when I see a dog that's been left in another hot car. I will smash your window for a Yorkie in a heartbeat. I have a hammer. It's got its own nook. Like, it has its own nook in my car. Thank you, alcoholic parents. I do believe that is my responsibility to handle public fights. I don't think I should have a better response to violence than our FBI director, is all I'm saying. So I will die on this hill. I am your dog's lawyer at all times. Kaj Patel. His reaction is just. These people are so weird. They're all so weird. They don't even react normal. They just. No one can. And even when they're upset, they. Their crying looks fake. Their fear looks fake. You know, they can't tell him anything at this point. You know what? He can keep a secret, but he keeps the secret by lying so badly that we all think it's even worse. He went on Rogan for two hours saying there's no files. In a way that made me think there were 20 million vials. I was like, oh, there's Definitely files in an Under Armour exercise. Doc was like, dude, we do not believe you know anything at this point except where the outlet balls are my guy. Oh, you know, I'm not going to make fun of Cash Patel's course man corset, his man bra, his spandex, you know, tight wetsuit he wears because I have my own version of that. I have my binky. I've got my things too. And mine are blankets. I get why Michael Jackson named his son that. There's a point where you're just like, oh, I get it now. Everyone's reaction did seem odd. That's all I'm saying. But we never. You never know. You never know how someone is going to react in a crisis, even yourself. When I was in my twenties, I thought everything in the news was real. And now I watch the news as if I'm watching Harry Potter. A lot of you think this assassination was attempt, was fake at first, and then that was my immediate reaction. I had to override that assumption. And I guess I just think we have to keep going even though we're mentally gone. It made me realize how it's all gone. It's gone. And I'm already in that place where I'm like, was this real? Was this fake? You know, talking to someone about it, trying to, you know, get someone else's eyes on it. And my phone heard me. It's obsessed with me. It's like obsessed with me. And does anyone else feel like the algorithm is just like a bad dj? I cannot stop buying blankets. Do I wear them like a cape around the house? So I'm like a cozy superhero? Yes, I do. And now I have a child and the amount of blankets that it takes to make a fort no one mourns you about. I'm obsessed with Lola blankets. They are so cute. They're so adorable. Because a blanket can either make or break your space, they can also make or break your mental health. Okay? That's why I recommend Lola blankets. All right. What makes Lola different is the quality. It's called the world's number one blanket, and honestly, once you feel it, it all makes sense. They are made with ultra soft luxury faux fur and the signature four stretch that makes them feel even better than they look. They're machine washable, double hemmed for durability, and they stay looking good. No pilling, no shedding, even after repeated washes. I also love that they're actually gorgeous. They don't. Because sometimes the good blankets do look like you're in hospice. So they Nailed it. They make your couch look put together. You can cover bodies with it, laundry, you name it, they handle it. For a limited time, our listeners can get 40 off select Lola Blankets products with code good for you at checkout. Head to Lola blankets.com and use code good for you to get 40 off your order. That's almost half. After your purchase, they're going to ask where you heard about us. Please support our show and tell them, wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets who instead of making you dance and have fun, makes you leave the dance floor, then the club, then just have you slowly walking into the ocean. I was already wondering if the gunman was staged. Then I get served up a video about how the gunman did an internship at NASA at a jet propulsion lab. Can you just let me live?

[B]

A high powered internship paid?

[A]

Does NASA pay their internals? Of all the things to be pissed off at NASA, they don't pay their intern.

[B]

He was in deep with NASA. He did a summer internship.

[A]

Well, okay, we're going to do a new segment called let's reap Shannon Egans. This is what came up after I was talking to someone saying, is this shooting real or fake? Shannon, go.

[B]

It's still unclear whether this is a real person or not.

[A]

Stop it.

[B]

This is the thing that you saw, that's all you're reporting right now, is that you saw this video.

[A]

No, she's the course, but she's our new Tick Tock correspondent on truth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now I introduce to you our new TikTok correspondent, good friend of mine, Shannon Egans. Take it away. Roll it.

[C]

I'm going to give you some information about the man that perpetrated at the event last night and you can decide if it's weird or not. Cole Allen was a teacher, but on his resume it specifically says that in 2014 he did an internship at NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab. Could he just be really smart? Totally. Then it brings me to this tweet by a person named Henry Martinez. Just tweeted Cole's name in 2023. And this tweet is not edited. This is the only tweet on his account not edited. You know how I know? Because this person doesn't have a country on their X account, which means that they haven't at least logged in until the earliest of 2025 when X rolled out the country feature. Everybody has to have a country on X. Now, what is the significance of a Henry Martinez? Well, it just so happens that NASA published a paper in 2014 with the Co author of the Henry Martinez. And look who was tagged on there. Mr. Lockheed Martin. This is where we come into reaching territory. These are reaches. Okay? The banner on Henry Martinez's X account is from a website called timemachine eu, which is just so weird to me. And this is, again, reaching. Look at the profile picture of Henry Martinez. This is a popular meme, okay? It just so happens to quite literally reflect a picture of the dinner last night. The orange cuck has been pulling low, astronomically low, for weeks. And then the last time this happened was right before the election. Not only that, multiple guests in attendance for the dinner say that the security was abnormally low.

[A]

They don't know.

[C]

They don't know pass through any detectors. Shannon, their account, they didn't get pat downs. There was no bag checks, and they went in.

[B]

How does she know their way?

[A]

Well, she said, guess there's a lot

[C]

more here than we actually know about that is certain.

[A]

Thanks, Shannon. See you soon.

[B]

I like where this is going because to me, it feels like every time somebody tries to kill Donald Trump, they say they might be a time traveler. And this is getting really exciting.

[A]

Is that what's being said here?

[B]

I think so. I think she's saying that some NASA intern. Okay, maybe this is an internship from the future.

[A]

Why are you confused?

[B]

I'm not confused.

[A]

She.

[B]

This. I like where this is going.

[A]

Do with that what you will, because I can't. It's annoying that if you question something now, the validity of something, there's no one, you know, normal who will do it with you. You know what I mean? It's like when you'll. You're like, guys, could this be just after everything that's gone on and the. The spaceship, you know, recently and all that kind of stuff, it's like, who will talk to me about. Like, this isn't fake. Right? I. I just want to. It's a fair question. And then you get more information like, okay, it's not. There was a shooter. Shooter with manifesto. Fine, that can't be written by other people.

[B]

But people that are really struggling with their annoying friends, every time there's a big news story, they're like, oh, shit, I got to deal with two weeks of hearing about was this real or not?

[A]

Every time, without talking about time travel is my only question. Is there anyone out there who's down to question everything, but not bring time travel or. Or a CERN collider? Like, can we just keep it to. Like, is it staged? No. Moving on. For me, I can't look at one Event without looking at the things that are happening concurrently. Hashtag autism. Here's the thing. Hashtag autism, adhd. All the things. I know. I know people keep. People keep DMing me what think my diagnosis is. They're like, you know, you also have add, but it's. It's. This kind of Asperger's is like, this. People like. Because on the show, you tend to do this a lot, and you have to put things in groups and you have to. You know, what else happens around the same time as this is I'm seeing in the Zeitgeist in my feed. The quantum theory of consciousness seems to be everywhere. I try to avoid it so it doesn't keep popping up. You know, I try. Not interested. There's a not interested button. It seems it stands to reason at this point that the universe only exists because we observe it. Do you have time for this? I'm just curious, because I don't. I'm slammed.

[B]

I'm glad you're trying to cram it into an episode.

[A]

Even when I do have time for this, I don't want to do it. I don't. I'm not doing this. I. I don't. I can't take on the things we all said when we were stoned at 18 now being true science. I for sure cannot do an episode about how reality doesn't exist when I'm in sunglasses in a Hawaiian shirt. Could this have been done any other episode? All right. Like, don't look at me. I could. I don't exist. It's fine. It's fine. So I don't want to explain this because it makes me feel crazy. Let's roll the clip of David Sinclair explaining this on a podcast. Because when you get down to measuring it at the fundamental level, reality doesn't exist the way we think it does. Things are created. Things change just by human observation. That is the weirdest thing that you could ever find in science. I don't know why we aren't talking about it more. This reality.

[B]

If me looking at this DNA molecule here affects the actual particles inside it. So I might be sort of projecting it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You create realities of particles, at least

[A]

maybe even macroscopic things, just by existing and having consciousness and having eyes and sensing it. How does the particle know that you've seen it? Can. Can we do a ban on men having podcasts? Do you think this is healthy for anyone? Have we solved all the problems that we're gonna just get to? None of this is real. Is this a way to get women to stop working. What's the angle? What's your angle here? Is this. Do guys do this? Because this, the simulation thing, felt like an easy way to defend yourself when accused of cheating. I'm in a simulation. My programmer made me do it. Like all these. These things that keep rolling out. I'm like, why now? Why do you need to tell us any of this? I'm good. You know what? I am all set. The good news for me about things only existing because we observe them. I'm delusional. I don't observe anything. So this is like great. I'm way too distracted at all times. I don't look at texts at all. And people are still pissed when I don't respond. So I didn't see it. But they. It's real to them. So look, this was a Harvard scientist, David Sinclair, bringing this up. But you know, the Harvard degree,

[C]

if

[A]

I'm going to believe it, I need to hear it from some random guy on TikTok. Roll the clip. Here's some guy with glasses.

[B]

So scientists just did the impossible.

[A]

They ran an experiment in reality itself broke down. So here's the fascinating story behind how one experiment collapses reality and you'll never see the world the same ever again. So this is called the Frauiger Renner experiment.

[B]

Here there's four scientists with four perspectives

[A]

doing one quantum test. Each scientist measured a particle and each followed quantum physics perfectly. But here's the kicker. They compared their notes. Their realities did not match at all. And the craziest part is that they

[B]

are all correct from their own perspective.

[A]

So imagine that we're playing this video game and one person.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

A red dragon. Did scientists find a way to do a study that said we're all right

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

I know well they're having an experiment to prove that groups of scientists can't even prove that the same thing.

[A]

Is there, Is it fair to say that these scientists that are studying this should be in jail? Like can you handle like these scientists mom will die of breast cancer and they're not working on that.

[B]

It's. It's a whole snake eating its tail. Because who is documenting the scientists? Documenting the scientists. And when they watched the scientists, did that have an effect on the scientists results? Because they were being watched. The whole thing is nonsense. All of it doesn't make it. It's not supposed to.

[A]

I'm immune to it. Yeah, if I'm watching a particle, you're watching me. Your opinion doesn't matter. So if you're watching me, it doesn't invalidate me. It's all I'm a scientist so I have to be the watcher.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's like I'm a lifeguard. I can save the girl. But if you try to say, you

[B]

can't lifeguard me, Adams change when I look at them. And you could. To prove it.

[A]

They get nervous. They get nervous?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They act different because they just want to be seen the way that I want to see them. They start. It's like. They start. They're my tiny dancer. Oh, my God. I'm trying to assess the mental state of the people consuming social media that, you know, after we've seen an assassination attempt. This is like the third or fourth one we've seen, you know, with him. All the videos around it are. Nothing's real. Nothing's real. So even if this attempt is real, reality is not real.

[B]

They keep getting worse at assassinating him. That's why I think they're. They're made up. Because the first one, he was like, we're not doing that again.

[A]

They know. They, they, they is correct.

[B]

They're like.

[A]

They're like.

[B]

That was too close.

[A]

We need a trans person to have been a shooter.

[B]

Let's just have somebody shouting at him on a golf cart. And then. And then the last one, we'll just have a guy out in the hallway.

[A]

Where's the silverware from the baller shooting guy? I mean, not even a spork. Not even like a. No cutlery whatsoever.

[B]

Yeah. If we're going to get this ballroom built, we got to get at least three more attempts.

[A]

The ballroom. He'll be safer because there's a bunker underneath.

[B]

They were in that ballroom. I don't know if it would have gone down like this. I don't know if that guy would have even gotten close.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Any president in the future is going to be so glad that. That when they're tuxed up, ready to party, they have less to worry about.

[A]

But they're. Because there's a bunker underneath it is the whole point.

[B]

Well, yeah.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

And you have to get on the White House property to get into the ballroom.

[A]

Ballrooms. What happens in ballrooms? Dancing salsa, the cha cha. And he's deporting all the people that know how to do those dances. What's gonna go on in there? At this point in our lives, we're all just fighting to be real, to stay real, to not feel like we are programmed like robots, you know? And the next video that popped up for me, I think you guys might enjoy it. This is our new correspondent. TV etymology. Gal. Can you give us one word, one esoteric word? Television. Tele vision. Telling A vision to your consciousness. As you turn on your television, you click on a program. This programs practice programming on that program is a channel. A channel is a term used for communication with spirits or otherworldly beings. When somebody channels something off and on, these programs are something that is being broadcasted. So when you break down phonetically the term broadcast, it's a broadcast, like someone's casting a spell. You could cast a spell. Broadly, what is broadcasted? The news. News. N, E, W, S. That's an anagram for north, east, west, south. It is all directions being broadly casted.

[B]

Not an anagram.

[A]

By the way, no one would have listened to that if she wasn't blonde.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I think at a certain point, if you don't tune out when you're watching that, you're. You're halfway gone.

[A]

But I feel like we're all looking for proof that we've got God. We're all looking, I think, for everyone's kind of like in the haunted house. Like, hold on, hold on. Let's check the other closet. Let's. You know, I feel like everybody is trying to, you know, figure out if anything we've ever thought was our idea. I'm mostly making you guys watch this so that your algorithm is as nihilistic as mine is. I just want to take you on this journey with me. After trying to figure out what is real and what is fake. And which, by the way, tick tock. Instagram. We need to work on. We need to. We need to work on this. Like, we need to work on. If I've seen one thing that's like, about questioning my reality, you gotta throw me something else. Like, we gotta mix. Don't, don't. Then send me one. The dinosaurs aren't real. Like, Lee, can I have the dinosaurs? Like, can the algorithm just go, let's let her have the dinosaurs? And then it's a T. Rex. They couldn't. They fell down. They couldn't stand up. Not today. I'm just getting crushed over here mentally. I'm like, I just don't. Don't throw me that. Like three. How does even with, you know, slot machines. It's like cherry. Cherry. I don't know the other things that. I should just start gambling. This probably would be healthier at this point. Like, if you're going to show me these videos, can you mix it up with a little Alex Earl and Alex Cooper and see which blonde is prevailing. Their energy drink. Soon to be recalled energy drink. The algorithm seems to want me to go into a complete Existential crisis. Because then I, I had to learn about this. So now you have to. Also because I'm not doing this alone. That gravity's a myth.

[B]

This is great. I love this one.

[A]

Why? Why?

[B]

I mean, just the way that they explain how it's a myth. They're just explaining, explaining gravity. It's amazing.

[A]

Gravity is a myth. Things fall due to density and buoyancy, not the mysterious gravity force. On a flat Earth, there is no need for gravity to pull you towards the center. Dense items simply sink in a less dense median. Like air. Why are we spending so much time on the toxic manosphere? We know you guys hate women, but you now you hate gravity.

[B]

Well, he snuck a little flat Earth in there too.

[A]

Is the anti gravity people are the same as the flat Earth people.

[B]

Well, apparently he, he's questioning gravity while describing gravity.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And in doing so was like, why would a flat Earth need that?

[A]

And when something falls, he's like, they should just, like they should cut the string on the light above him and just watch. Like, I thought gravity was, wasn't real, homie.

[B]

He's like, nobody will fight me on this gravity thing because they're going to come after me for the flat Earth

[A]

thing that I know it in there. Is gravity real? You tell me, guy in spaceship shirt who definitely worked in Blockbuster. Take it away.

[B]

Can I blow your mind right now? Okay. What if everything that we know about gravity is wrong? So chew on this. In 1665, did he just take off

[A]

a pair of glasses to. Hold on, hold on. Did he just take off a pair of glasses and reveal another pair of glasses?

[B]

This guy's major troll. He's hilarious.

[A]

That's so funny.

[B]

He goes straight up Lincoln Douglas debate on every dumb thing that's said on the Internet.

[A]

That's.

[B]

What if everything that we know about gravity is wrong? So chew on this. In 1665, Isaac Newton discovers gravity. You can look this up. But how is it possible that until 1665, for all of human history, nobody observed gravity the same way?

[A]

Who is this guy?

[B]

Well, the only explanation, the only explanation is that gravity behaved differently before 1665. Let that sink in. Right? And when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. In 2023, a 250 pound ostrich cannot fly but a million years ago, oh, a 500 pound pterodactyl can. Right? Look at the Egyptians building the pyramids. Cranes hadn't been invented yet, but Those bricks weighed 2,3000 pounds. So the only logical explanation is that ancient Egyptian bricklayers were Able to lift those bricks two to three thousand pounds. Well, that's only possible gravitational pull. It's like F150.

[A]

I love that's. There's also too many people talking that don't know what they're saying, and they're trying to cover it by rounding up or saying, like. And people go like. You know, and then you. You go. And there's 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 planes. And you're like, wait, hold on. I'm telling you all this, and I'm showing you guys all this, because I saw it. You have to, as well, as far as I'm concerned. And I think I owe it to our viewers and listeners to inform them just about what's going on with my algorithm so that if I start going off the rails, you know why. Okay? And I would. Who. I don't know. Who wants to invest. I want to start a business that is like an algorithm update. Like, you know, you have to clean out your dryer. You got to get the lint out, you got to do an air conditioning. You have to replace the filter. I think we need to do, like, a business where you drop your phone off for, like, a day. And they will clean up your algorithm because you're getting videos that are destroying your psyche, and they. You're only being fed things that are ruining your. And they're gonna fix it. Like, they fix it, and then they start feeding you videos again that make you want to live and try, right? They. They clean all the damage that you've done to your algorithm by being yourself in the next couple months. If I do slip into an existential crisis, I'm. I'm. I'm sorry, but I think you're next, is what I'm saying. And, look, I think people forget about the effect of conspiracy theorists or whatever you want to call these. These things. It being wrong is even worse. It's more depressing that I don't believe them. And I know it's that men just are doing this.

[B]

Now that you've convinced me that gravity isn't real, all of my problems are solved.

[A]

Now that you've convinced me gravity is not real in your T shirt. Now I'm a lesbian. I can't. This is why the fertility rate is going down. It's this type of stuff. Men sitting around talking about gravity as if they have a degree in anything brought to you by Bluechill. You need to stop talking about invisible stuff. Can we just focus on visible things for, like, a year and see what happens? What is this. Can men go back to playing chess? What did men do before this?

[B]

I mean, just drinking.

[A]

Go back to drinking. It was better. Can you just play fantasy football like an adult? Like, I just. This is troubling to me.

[B]

If gravity doesn't exist, why is it when I black out, I know that when I lay on the couch, I have to put one foot on the floor or I'm gonna vomit?

[A]

How come when I go over a speed bump, I lift up my drink?

[B]

Why do I always put my hand on the open six pack in the passenger seat when I go over a speed bump? What's causing that?

[A]

How come I don't wear a seatbelt?

[B]

Why do I always wait until I'm in the tunnel to throw my cans out of the car?

[A]

If there's no gravity, then how come my hairline keeps going that direction? Oh, God. I'm just. I am in a little bit of an existential crisis. Because even if you try to get to the truth or the type of person who's like, I think something's fake. I want to find out, you then stumble upon even faker things saying, real things are fake. I'm like, no, no. The couple things that are real, can we keep. Protect those at all costs? Can we not make enough things? Are not. Are not enough things fake for you?

[B]

I mean, the girl that's talking, like, dissecting the words, that's like, the resort cute. In questioning reality, it's like there's certain

[A]

things where you're like, oh, right. Medicine is called a practice. I've never thought about that before. Because they're practicing. They're doing the best they can with the tools they have. It's not called the championships. Or when you're like, oh, I wait for my doctor for an hour. And that's why they call us a patient. They need you. Like, whether that's true or not, it kind of is. Like, it's like mental Tetris, where it

[B]

feels good for, like, a mental vacation over there with her. The gravity and the science. Like, the people doing the hard science, questioning the hard science on things. That's like a curse if you. If you're committed to. Like, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life convincing people yes or no on gravity. Then what?

[A]

I'm a comedian. I'm not saying I talk about the most important things on Earth. I'm just saying I'm, you know, really just trying to hold on to a couple. I'm trying to find the walls here. We all need sort of like, to Feel that something is not, you know, made of marzipan in our hippocampus. Because every day you find out a new thing that is actually fake. You're like, oh, the food pyramid that we grew up. Columbus didn't discover America. Like, every day we get a new. We realized we were hoodwinked for real. Like, I don't need this. I don't need this. This is like. Like, what would it like, Debbie Downer energy? Like, why are you committing to your life, to just bumming everyone out in a way? I got it. That no one can really argue. That's what it is. You created a game no one else can play, and that's why you can win. And you're trying to make people feel stupid.

[B]

Well, it's. It's an easy way to find a friend because if anybody's willing to engage in a conversation with you, you've got them for a weekend.

[A]

But then also dead inter Internet theory comes along and I'm like, why am I giving attention to something that might even be getting attention? Because of dead Internet theory. Like, these guys are talking about gravity, are getting bought comments that are making them think they're crushing at this or something, you know, this is all to say that I think we're all a little creeped out by the 13 scientists or what is it, 14 now that are missing. Missing. I'm not pro missing scientists, but look, there is a chance that these guys were like, I just discover. I don't want to know this. I don't know. I also. The CIA, you know, look, hey, Hawaiian

[B]

shirt and red aviators. Do you want to talk about the CIA?

[A]

Hey, from Dustin dawn over there, I got something to say. All right? The CIA also just could have been like, look, no one can know this. You can you. If you either shut up or we got to get rid of you. This will make people go crazy. Okay? The scientists are like, I don't want to know this either. The CIA is like, then we agree, you gotta go. So either fake your own death or get out of here. I'm not for the government keeping secrets and doing this. But there I. There are things I don't think we need to know when it comes to gravity and quantum. I can mind my own business. I can. There's some information we just should not have. All right, look, with the aliens, it seems that I feel like the aliens got here, we were just like, okay, like, whatever, like. Or by the time the aliens finally information finally came. We don't trust anything anyway. We're like, Distraction. I don't. I'm good. You don't need to tell me if they're observing us. I would like to know that. I. I would dress better. The government surveils me. I don't know. That makes me a worse person or China or whatever. For the robots, I'm gonna act like a pig so that whatever robot they're making based on the average of all of this will be like an idiot. I don't know what to do with some of this information. I'm over, you know, whatever. People are like, I'm anxious. I have. Depressed. I'm like, we know too much. We're not designed to know this much. We're not designed to see the inside of Kylie Jenner's closet. We're not designed to know this much. Also, you can't make weed legal two years before you tell us there's aliens. Like, I don't know if this timing is by accident or on purpose. You'll see some videos that lead you to believe everything's on purpose and strategic and planned and television broadcast. And then other times, you're just like, these people are a mess. Like, no one knows what they're doing. Like, I. It's. I go back and forth. I would love to just pick one approach to consuming information that doesn't completely annihilate my psyche. We have to just surrender. John Beauregard. I. You know what? Maybe this has informed a lot of the way that I see things. Talks about simulacrum, how we prefer fake over real. We. We're at that point, and maybe that's okay. Maybe it's okay if it's fake. Maybe we don't need to know if it's fake. Who cares? You don't care. You need to care less about assassination attempts. Pat didn't even know about it. I mean, you're like, is it real? Is it fake? What's the difference?

[B]

Did people make it?

[A]

If it's real, they can't tell us what actually happened. So it's gonna be fake.

[B]

Even if it's real, if people are real and they made it, the thing is real. It's all real.

[A]

It's all real. Play.

[B]

The fake thing exists because a real thing made the thing. So it's real.

[A]

It's a. It might as well be real. So everything. Now we can just go, is it fake? No, it might as well be real. It's basically real.

[B]

We're spending time talking about it. That's real.

[A]

A banana, runt. Tastes like banana. A real banana. You know doesn't taste like a runt, but they're both banana. Banana. Banana flavored. It wouldn't taste like a better banana if a real banana didn't exist. Oh, gosh, you guys, I promise next week will be more hinged because I'm cleaning up my algo. My eyeballs will not be in fuego, and we're going to get through this. Like, can you just scald my entire eyeball at this point? So I get off of TikTok and Instagram, and I'm going to tune in because I'm. I'm going through my Benjamin Button phase. Next week, I will just look like an actual lollipop. Okay, I'm not blinked for the past hour. So thank you, everybody, for your patience and love you. See you soon. Big fan. Don't ride elephants. Don't. They're real. You're f. Sam.