Whitney on Wolves and Wall Street| Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 284

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Whitney on Wolves and Wall Street" | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 284

Release Date: April 13, 2025

In Episode 284 of the "Good For You" podcast, comedian and host Whitney Cummings engages in a lively and humorous discussion with iconic street skater Chris Cole. The episode delves into a range of topics, from economic policies like tariffs to ethical considerations surrounding animal conservation, all delivered with Whitney's signature wit and candidness.

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1. Introduction and Setting the Stage

[00:00 - 02:08] The episode kicks off with Whitney introducing Chris Cole, highlighting his achievements as a three-time X Games winner and two-time Thrasher Skater of the Year. Their playful banter sets a relaxed and engaging tone for the conversation.

Notable Quote:

• Whitney Cummings: "Enjoy watching him slowly fall out of love with me." [00:30]

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2. Tariffs and the Economy

[03:01 - 07:03] Whitney transitions into the main topic: tariffs. She expresses her skepticism about the effectiveness of tariffs in boosting the American economy. Whitney critiques the superficial understanding of economic policies, emphasizing how they often lead to higher prices for consumers without guaranteeing substantial job growth.

Notable Quotes:

• Whitney Cummings: "The economy is literally so high school. It's a bunch of, like, pick me kids making all of their choices based on what the seniors are doing." [04:50]
• Chris Cole: "But I think, and I was just thinking, is there a blend of the tariffs, slash American made that we're going to land on where it's like we get parts that come from other places that they're cheaper, but then American factories put them together so the American people pay more but not so much more like it's all made here." [70:21]

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3. The Stock Market as Emotional Feedback

[03:20 - 09:38] Whitney offers a comedic critique of the stock market, likening its fluctuations to male emotional outbursts and teenage gossip. She argues that the stock market's volatility is a testament to how emotions drive economic decisions, often leading to irrational market behaviors.

Notable Quotes:

• Whitney Cummings: "The stock market crash is literally guys being dramatic and, like, overreacting to things." [04:00]
• Whitney Cummings: "The stock market is appropriating women's culture, and I'm not going to have it anymore." [04:34]

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4. American Made vs. Imported Products

[17:54 - 33:32] The conversation shifts to the concept of "American Made" products. Whitney humorously navigates through various American brands and products, questioning their authenticity and the true meaning behind being "American Made." She raises concerns about the ethical implications, such as the use of prison labor and the real cost of manufacturing goods domestically.

Notable Quotes:

• Whitney Cummings: "Prison labor. So like you'll start seeing more American made stuff. But like, who knows if it's made?" [31:48]
• Chris Cole: "They have the scares of the year. He's on the team. They got a really good team." [32:54]

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5. Generational Attitudes Toward Work

[19:18 - 22:52] Whitney discusses the reluctance of Gen Z to engage in traditional factory jobs. She attributes this to a desire for more meaningful and less monotonous work environments, coupled with a preference for roles that offer personal fulfillment and autonomy. Whitney humorously predicts that this generation's aversion to hard labor could pose challenges for economic policies aimed at revitalizing manufacturing sectors.

Notable Quotes:

• Whitney Cummings: "American kids in their 20s, they don't want these jobs. They don't. They're not. They're above factory jobs, okay?" [19:18]
• Whitney Cummings: "The next generation sees working for someone else as building someone else's dream." [20:50]

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6. Ethical Concerns: Dire Wolves and Animal Treatment

[37:07 - 67:08] One of the most engaging segments revolves around the controversial topic of reviving extinct species, particularly dire wolves. Whitney delves into the ethical dilemmas of such scientific endeavors, questioning the motives behind them and the potential consequences for both the animals and society. The discussion highlights issues like animal abuse, the commercialization of wildlife, and the blurred lines between scientific progress and ethical responsibility.

Notable Quotes:

• Whitney Cummings: "I just don't think that this is left or right at all. Like, I just feel like this is an issue of should anyone own a thing that costs $2 that got here, that's thousands of miles away?" [61:27]
• Whitney Cummings: "Dire wolves within 10 years will be minks. We don't care about that." [66:14]

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7. Cognitive Dissonance and Social Commentary

[09:36 - 27:15] Throughout the episode, Whitney employs sharp social commentary to critique various societal norms and behaviors. From questioning the value systems that dictate economic decisions to highlighting the absurdities of modern consumerism, her insights provide both humor and food for thought.

Notable Quotes:

• Whitney Cummings: "This is where the economy loses me. It's also just like, blows my mind that humans are so easy to con and persuade." [05:58]
• Whitney Cummings: "Most of their shoes for people that aren't skateboarders do look special needs." [33:17]

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8. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

[69:17 - 75:40] As the episode winds down, Whitney reflects on the earlier discussions, reiterating her concerns about economic policies and ethical considerations. The playful yet critical dialogue between her and Chris Cole underscores the complexities of modern societal issues, leaving listeners both entertained and contemplative.

Notable Quotes:

• Whitney Cummings: "This is our species at this point. So Steve Wynn, who a big guy in Vegas... that's the economy." [09:15]
• Whitney Cummings: "We don't need tariffs now that we... I mean, honestly." [37:07]

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Final Thoughts

Episode 284 of "Good For You" provides a blend of humor, critical analysis, and candid conversation. Whitney Cummings and Chris Cole navigate through complex topics with ease, making economic and ethical discussions accessible and entertaining. Whether you're interested in the intricacies of tariffs, the future of the workforce, or the moral implications of reviving extinct species, this episode offers valuable insights wrapped in witty banter.

Subscribe and Watch: For more engaging conversations and insightful humor, watch "Good For You" on YouTube.

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Note: Advertisements and promotional segments were omitted from this summary to focus solely on the core content of the episode.

Transcript

[Whitney Cummings]

Whitney. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the program. I'm Whitney Cummings. Pat Fogerty is remote because he has priorities. He has a wife and a family for some reason. Here in the studio with me today is the iconic street skater. Two time. How many times did you win the X Games?

[Chris Cole]

Three.

[Whitney Cummings]

Huh? I wrote two time X Games winner.

[Chris Cole]

No. Two times Skater of the Year.

[Whitney Cummings]

Ah. Two time Thrasher Skater of the year. Three times X Game winner. One time X of. Of Whitney Cummings. Chris Cobra, Future. We kind of broke up.

[Chris Cole]

Have I been broken up with?

[Whitney Cummings]

A couple times in my head. I forced Chris to sit here with me today and watch me talk about current events. So enjoy watching him slowly fall out of love with me. I am on tour this weekend. I'm going to be pedaling my wares, AKA childhood trauma. I'll be in San Diego on Sunday. I'll be with my baby's biological father, Matt Rife. Next weekend, I'll be in Phoenix, Lexington. The next time, Indianapolis, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Vegas. And on and on and on. It never ends. And if you don't know where to get tickets, I really. You don't vote. What's worse, the guy with the vest and a T shirt underneath or the girl with the vest with nothing underneath?

[Chris Cole]

The guy with the vest and the T shirt. We know that.

[Whitney Cummings]

There's nothing under that.

[Chris Cole]

That's, like, sick. Why are we like, I'm Steve Irwin?

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, no, that to me has, like, pool hall vibes. That to me has, like. There's probably a couple knives in here in case things go sideways at the Queens of the Stone Age concert in Anaheim, right? You know?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. This says I've stashed my knife in the dirt out front of the stadium a few times.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can I ask you a question, babe, before we get started? I'm really trying to slide into this slowly because we're going to talk about tariffs. Do you wash your jeans?

[Chris Cole]

Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you regularly wash your jeans?

[Chris Cole]

Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

How often do you wash your jeans?

[Chris Cole]

And I can't say I've always been this way, but I do wash my pants kind of a lot. I used to not wash my pants until you could see the salt. Tie dye, salt wines.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, well, we'll take that out.

[Chris Cole]

No, leave that in.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, thanks.

[Chris Cole]

Leave that in.

[Whitney Cummings]

You have no rights here.

[Chris Cole]

Everybody should know and.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, well, I'm just trying to make sure I'm not in the presence of, like, you know, bacterial infections. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Chris Cole]

Folliculitis.

[Whitney Cummings]

The fact that you know the word folliculitis means you've Been told by a doctor to wash your jeans.

[Chris Cole]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Whitney Cummings]

Anyone who knows folliculitis has a history with being unsanitary.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, babe, tell them what it is.

[Whitney Cummings]

Anyone that says babe. Also, same group of people who know folliculitis.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. Also has pointy guitars, also wears vests.

[Whitney Cummings]

With T shirts with patches. No, stay. I like it.

[Chris Cole]

You know what? I'm just going to run it and then. Hey, babe, back on it.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're simply the best. I know you like that.

[Chris Cole]

That was great.

[Whitney Cummings]

So this episode, I come to you as your number one source of political and economic news. It's time to talk tariffs. Mikey, I know you're going to want to weigh in on this. Do you want to just yell at me now, Mikey, I want to hear your thoughts. How old are you, Mikey? Now it's 26.

[Mikey]

20, 25, but I feel like I'm like, 65.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're 25, but you feel like you're 65? Yeah, I thought that too, when I was, I was just, like, knew everything. The stock market crashed. Then it. Then Trump. The most recent thing that just happened is that he held for 90 days. Now the stock market is back up. Can we, Can I just go off on the stock market for a second? Because I am, I am. As someone that has been pathologized for years for being emotional and this and that. The stock market cracks me up because it is truly proof that men are so much more emotional than women. It, it's all just you guys. A stock market crash is literally guys being dramatic and, like, overreacting to things. Like, that's our thing. You know, I, I, I never thought I would be annoyed that you guys were also being emotional because I'm like, I'm not emotional now. I'm like, why are you guys doing the very thing that you yell at us about? Like, every couple years, you guys have, like, PMS and the stock market crashes. The stock market is literally all, like, It's a pendulum of confidence and insecurity again. That's our thing. The stock market. It's appropriating women's culture, and I'm not going to have it anymore. The economy is literally so high school. It's a bunch of, like, pick me kids making all of their choices based on what the seniors are doing and what they think someone cool thinks is cool. The stock market is, is. It's how guys gossip. Right? Again, our thing. Like, I feel like the stock market is just, like, men's emotions deciding that they don't like something Anymore because of some gossip they heard. They're just like, oh, like, we're not talking to Tommy anymore. Why not? He was our friend, okay? We don't like him anymore. We. Okay, we hate Tommy now. And this whole time, Tommy was just Home Depot. Like, why? Men will spread rumors about the stock market the way girls spread rumors about other girls. Like, that's what guys will do. They'll be like, oh, you know, I don't know about Home Depot. Like, I heard nobody's fixing up their homes anymore. You know, people are traveling more and they're living in apartments more. You're like, oh, where'd you hear that? And they're like, my cousin. Does he live in an apartment? No. Is he traveling more? No. But this is. Trust me, dude, like, okay, I guess we're all mad at Home Depot now and we're gonna take our money out of that and put it in lime scooters. Cause I heard people love getting concussions and tearing their Achilles. Like, it's literally the stock market is just delusional confidence to get everyone in on something. And as soon as there's like a rumor that the whole myth gets shattered, it's like, it's like, it's like love bombing a brand.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, it's insane. It's insane. And that the. The pitch is that everybody gets in on it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Uh huh. But I'm only getting in on it because you're getting in on it.

[Chris Cole]

But also, I've devoted my entire life to it. But you should totally, like, get in here with your money so I could take that money.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just don't get why anyone's. It's all just hearsay gossip, you know what I mean? They'll be like, you know, I'm selling Brandy Melville. Oh, we're selling Brandy. Why? Well, we looked at the weather in Dubai this summer and we think sales are gonna slow down. Why would grown men weigh in on how teenagers are gonna dress this summer, huh? Like that? Like, the logic is always so wild to me. This is all value is made up. That's the problem, okay? We do real things based on imaginary value. And it's so hard for me to take seriously. It's like if you had an imaginary tea party with your kid or your ne. You or whatever, and then one of the kids spilled imaginary tea on the carpet and then you threw the carpet away because it had a stain. This is where the economy loses me. It's also just like, blows my mind that humans are so easy to con and persuade. Like, we're Also the same species that thinks that Jackson pollock is worth $250 million. Pat's going to show the Jackson Pollock. It's here somewhere. Look, I know I couldn't make a Jackson Pollock. My son. You couldn't do it.

[Chris Cole]

You could.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I don't have that many mental illnesses. There is a de Kooning worth $375 million. And I know art is just like how billionaires launder money. It's fine. It's what?

[Chris Cole]

Does anybody have any idea on how they valued it? Like, how do they come up with that arbitrary number? It's exactly that number.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, the criminals that run the world. Yeah. It's the same way they decide where Epstein island is going to be. Where do you get somewhere where you're on water that doesn't have international law being enforced? And then how do you pick what girls are going to come? Oh, it's going to be from a country where the age. Legal age is 15. You know what I mean? It's. That's how those decisions are made.

[Chris Cole]

Just arbitrary number.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, it's sort of like, okay, this.

[Chris Cole]

Is how you hate round numbers.

[Whitney Cummings]

I hate round numbers. Hate round numbers. But that's more on a statistic. We'll get to that in a second, because I need. I need to talk about the measles album. Break in. The number of people that have measles.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, is the measles rising?

[Whitney Cummings]

Always comes to a zero, zero. That's like, always a. There's 500 cases of measles in Texas. And if there's 500, that means there's 10,000. Yeah, no, like, not everyone goes to the doctor, you guys. And so they're saying there's 500 cases of measles in kids. Fine. So that means there's like 8,000 in adults. Because adults don't go to the doctor. Most of us don't go to the doctor at all to go to the doctor for measles. They're just like, oh, herpes. Fine, move on. Like what? Like what? Put some Mike's Hard lemonade on it and move on. Just some Vicks Vapor rub on it. Like, no one thinks it's going to.

[Chris Cole]

Drink this twisted tea and go away. This twisted tea all go away. Six twisted teas. And I don't care anymore.

[Whitney Cummings]

So it's like, I don't. We don't. We have no idea. And you know what really grinds my gears? When you give me a clean, even number. That would never really happen if it's. We're talking science. We're talking measles, you guys. Can you not round up or down just for. I know the number is going to be different by this. Just. Can you say 488 cases instead of 500 cases? Like, are you in a rush? Are you in a hurry?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you need more time?

[Chris Cole]

We always need more time.

[Whitney Cummings]

I haven't said that to you in a while.

[Chris Cole]

Thank God.

[Whitney Cummings]

When a guy wants to argue with me about it and they don't have it together, I'm just like, do you? Do you want to. So here's the thing. I think Worth also has gotten so crazy for so many reasons. We've gotten into the total, like, postmodern, like, Simulacre of like, Jean Beaugard of, like, we actually prefer something that's fake to it being real.

[Chris Cole]

Wait, the what?

[Whitney Cummings]

The postmodern, like, John Beaugard's, like, a philosopher that his sort of thesis was about how we prefer fake to the real. Like, you would rather have a grape runt than a grape.

[Chris Cole]

Thank you. What I just needed to know.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you know what I'm saying? Like, chewing gum is actually better than grapes at this point. Watermelon Jolly Rancher is, like, kind of better than most watermelon. Like, we prefer the simulacra to the original, you know, so. Which is why Chris will eventually fall in love with the robot that is right behind him. He will prefer.

[Chris Cole]

It is so.

[Whitney Cummings]

The robot of me.

[Chris Cole]

It is so sweet.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can they even see it? You will start to go. It's scary. But the fact that it doesn't talk and looks enough like her is enough for me.

[Chris Cole]

It is just like, I can't do it with my eyes. But to try to do that is just wild.

[Whitney Cummings]

So this is our species at this point. So Steve Wynn, who A big guy in Vegas. He has, like, the Wynn Hotel. He had a Van Gogh. He. His vision is going. He puts his elbow through a Van Gogh while he was showing it to his friends and they repaired it and the value went up. That's the economy. When something made by a mentally ill person gets damaged, it actually is worth more money. We're in a free fall, folks. Hey, everyone. We're brought to you by herobred teleprompter script. 180 seconds. If you've ever tried to eat healthier and thought, okay, I'm just going to give up bread, you know, first of all, how dare you? Rude. Second of all, you don't have to. That's where Herobred comes in. Herobred makes bagels, tortillas, and Dinner rolls that were soft, fluffy, and delicious. And my OCD is not being distracted by my boyfriend changing the screen behind me. Ultra low net carbs, zero grams of sugar, and they're high in fiber. All right, I was a little skeptical. I got a lot. You know, me and my conspiracy theories. I was like, what classic plain bagel? I don't know, tastes like a regular bagel, and it's actually kind of more tasty. This doesn't add up. Is this a drone? It's got 4 grams of net carbs, 0 grams of sugar, 19 grams of protein. It actually became part of my morning routine. You toast it, you slap it, some cream cheese, and it's done. Handled. And they have tortillas too. Taco Tuesday doesn't have to be cheat day anymore. The fact that men invented something called a cheat day is just like, could there be a less surprising invention in the history of time? Herobred makes it easy to enjoy all the foods that you love without sabotaging your health bills. So whether you're trying to cut back on sugar, up your fiber, or just have a bread option that doesn't leave you in a carb coma, Herobred has your back. Use code Whitney to get 10% off your first order. That's Code Whitney at checkout. Soft, fluffy, full of flavor, and better for you. Try Herobred today. You guys, you know, I'm a fashion icon. That's my thing. That's my brand. But you also know that I can't handle a con. I can't do it. I'm just at this point where if I'm being conned, I'm out. I will be the one doing the conning around here. I will be the one doing the tomfoolery and skullduggery. I will not be skull dugged on, okay? So I just cannot stand when I, like, find, like, the cutest shirt or, like, the she. And then it's. It's what? Why am I paying so much for this? I know. I know what it costs to make. I know what it costs to make. Okay? I'll get in that Google wormhole, and then I'll put together the, you know, actress that you hired to wear your clothes in an ad, and I'm like, I'm paying for her. I'm paying. So, okay, so I'm trying to buy this, like, cute, white, crisp shirt because I'm classy, and then I have to pay this actress because you hired her to do the ad, and now she's telling me how to vote I don't. I'm good. This is why I shop at gas stations. But thankfully Quints came along. Quints is the place to get high end fashion and travel gear at prices that won't make your credit card cry. Think like lightweight European linen dresses from $30. You can be so cute, like full on, just white lotus chic. They have also, by the way, a roller bags because you know me and my luggage love it. I have to get new luggage because I took very fancy luggage back to the place that made it when it was broken. Not only did they not fix it properly, they didn't give me the other one back.

[Chris Cole]

Skullduggery.

[Whitney Cummings]

I mean, just to the bone. All right, so I got this amazing like roller bag. Got through airport security. I was able to. I throw, I mean I do throw my luggage down a flight of stairs. I mean, like to be fair. And it has like weights in it. So still pristine. They handled it over at Quints. This is the only place that I buy new clothes. Like actually. So here's how they keep the prices so low. Quince partners directly with top factories, cutting out the middleman and those insane retail markups. Instead of paying $300 for a suitcase, you're paying like $100. And the quality is still next level. They work with factories that are ethical, responsible. All the materials feel expensive because they are. So whether you're jet setting or just manifesting your next vacation, treat yourself to the upgrades you deserve. Go to quince.com Whitney get free shipping and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N C E.com Whit so here's the thing. We're going to talk about tariffs. Just be, just chill out, okay? You know I'm right. Just how about this before we get into this, just rest easy. I'm about to be right. All right? And also, oh, it reminds me, you're going to go. Yes, you are right. I can see the comments. You are right. You're alt right. Remember, I'm too right for the left, I'm too left for the right. Neither of you get to claim me. And if you disagree, that doesn't mean I'm being paid by Russia. Although now that I have a son and have to pay for fake fire insurance in California, I am very open to questionable paid partnerships to be very.

[Chris Cole]

Where do they. Is it a Venmo? Like, how do they send like the people that are paid by Russia? Where's the, where's it going?

[Whitney Cummings]

I'd love to find out.

[Chris Cole]

Like Is it a direct deposit?

[Whitney Cummings]

My number's on Reddit. Putin. Try me. Also, by the way, people that accuse me of working for Russia, I've worked for way worse people than Russia. Okay, so, all right, here's my first thought. My first thought about this was like, okay, Trump wants to bring factory jobs back to America. I like it. I like that. Hold on. But I know there's a catch. I know there's a catch.

[Chris Cole]

Of course.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. Too good to be true. So he wants to bring factory jobs back to America, but his best friend's main focus is building robots that will replace factory jobs. I mean, I know right now the Tesla robots are very busy dry humping Kim Kardashian in Malibu to photo shoot, but, like, it seems clear, like, they're being made. You know what I mean? Like, it's. It's a real com. Tesla's a real company. I wasn't sure for, like, a long time. I actually think he's just, like, impregnating his employees. So we think there's a real company there or something. Like, which, by the way, there are people that work at Tesla. They have come to shows before. Recently, we were in, like, Northern California, and there was a girl that worked at Tesla, and all I could think about was, like, has he asked you to be one of his incubators? Like, harem? One of his handmaids? And she said no and was, like, embarrassed about it. It was such a bummer. We'll play the clip. You work at Tesla. Oh, you do? Really? Oh, fuck. And he hasn't asked you to have. Is that hurtful? It's kind of tough. Are all the girls kind of like, did you get asked? Like, are all the girls kind of like, what would happen? What would you do if he was like, hey, you want this fucking ass burgers? He'd be like, here's my spoon. Does he throw it this way? Like she's legitimately bombed and like that. That would actually be humiliating.

[Chris Cole]

Embarrassed that she didn't get asked.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Cole]

You'd be like, am I what?

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, how do I do? I need to make my eyes further apart? Like, how do I get him to want to have a kid with me?

[Chris Cole]

Are my hips not what you.

[Whitney Cummings]

Anyway, come see a show, I make you trash your boss, and then I put it on the Internet. The point is the idea of bringing production back to America. I am all for this, but is there a less painful way to do it? Because if that did happen immediately, people would only really need those new production jobs to pay for the products that are now more expensive because of the tariffs. So would kind of cancel each other out if production jobs come to the U.S. like, you have to provide trade schools so people have tangible skills. I like this.

[Chris Cole]

That's pretty cool.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because that might mean college as it is now is irrelevant in college. Like, even if you're going in person at this point, it's just like a scam where kids, like, learn to throw soup at paintings to protest climate change. Which, by the way, idiots. Most paintings are just paint thrown at a canvas. So if you throw soup at it, it looks the exact same.

[Chris Cole]

More expensive.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, you just raised the value of the painting, you idiot. Like, if a Jackson Pollock had tomato soup thrown on it by some idiot who was like, not queer for some other country, that would murder them in In Cold Blood if they actually went there. Like, you just raised the value of the painting. Jackson Pollock literally made his paintings activist proof. All of his art just looks like soup that was thrown at a canvas and dried up. Like, honestly, if you wanted to file art these days, paint something recognizable on it, you could just skillfully paint something that exists in real life that I'd want to look at. If you want to ruin a painting, make it something people want to hang on a wall. And not a mentally ill person's cry for help. That. That's not a painting. That's called a podcast. I feel like the real problem with bringing factory jobs to the United States is that American kids in their 20s, they don't want these jobs. They don't. They're not. They're above factory jobs, okay?

[Chris Cole]

They think they.

[Whitney Cummings]

They're not gonna. Best case scenario, they'll do standup at the Laugh Factory. Cause they're stars. They'll go to the Color Factory, which is where influencers go and take pictures of themselves and rainbow ball pits. I have nieces who are Gen Z. They're not going to work in a factory. They won't even work at the Cheesecake Factory because that would mean they would have a boss. The next generation sees working for someone else as building someone else's dream. Even if they have no experience to build their own dream. They would last five minutes in a factory. As soon as they found out the factory was owned by Nike, they're like, wait a second, hold on, wait. This is for Nike. They're going to lose their minds and start livestreaming a boycott because the owners of Unilever are white men who are trash. Like, they're not doing any of this. Okay? The reason manufacturing went to other places is. No one in America believes they should be working for some corporation who treats workers badly. They want to be the head of the corporation who treats workers badly, not the workers that are being treated badly. They see the horrible boss paying $2 an hour abusing people, going, that should be me. That's what I am born to do. They want to start their own company where they underpay people, where they turn a blind eye to fingers getting cut off, where they don't have to get near the cobalt mines yet have three charities for kids with cleft palates to pretend they care about children. And they also get tax breaks on the money they make from using child labor in India. I mean, it's just like a circle jerk rat king nightmare. When a CEO in America does decide, you know what? I'm gonna give a kid in their 20s a chance. This is my rich friend son. What could go wrong with this Nepo baby working for me? Two days in, they're like, never mind. I don't need to get sued for telling my employee they can't work from home for two years. I guess I'll just use kids in Malaysia who will be grateful to get clown lung for making shoes that show every single toe. That's why. That's why too much confidence. This next generation can't do factory work. Like, psychologically, they won't do it. When someone in their 20s has a great job where their boss is rooting for them and loves. They believe they're already working in a factory. They think they're doing. So imagine if they were in an actual factory. I don't want American workers. Personally, they think every workplace is toxic, but they work from home. Your workplace is toxic, but it's your home. Oh, so it's you in a room alone. That is pretty toxic.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

That is pretty terrifying. I agree. Toxic used to mean like you would be inhaling chemicals. Now people get uncomfortable at work. People used to get clown lung at work. You get a case of popcorn head. Now Gen Z is brushing their teeth with charcoal because it's cute for social media. Some people have to swallow it as their job. Okay. So that your ring light works on your paid partnership with charcoal toothpaste, which says in huge letters on the side of the tube, do not swallow. If you're an employer in America. And now you're going to have to hire a bunch of Americans because of this tariff. Like, what you do have going for you is that half of Gen Z does believe they are in a simulation. So you might be Able to just be like, oh, like, this is fake anyway. You know, like, if you put these pieces together of this toy, this is where you earn points, you know, this is where you build your collection of magic swords for Zelda. Is that a thing?

[Chris Cole]

Master sword. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Master swords.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

We already went through this.

[Chris Cole]

The master sword.

[Whitney Cummings]

You can't say master. We went through this whole thing last week. Kids in their 20s, they don't want to work in factories. This is our problem. Okay. They want to be activists. How convenient. They want to stand up and protect people in bad work conditions while wearing shein clothing that was made by a limbless tot. I just feel like the irony is too intense for me, and I'm going to dip my toe into a scary area right now.

[Chris Cole]

Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I'm going to say the C word. China.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, that.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, I'm ready to focus. My Prozac is. Is popping off. I'm not talking about Chinese people. I'm talking about the Chinese government. And if you don't remember that the Chinese government did have a one child policy implemented from 1979 to 2015, trying to curb the population, restricting families to one child for sterilizations. Now can I talk about them? How could I forget that happened? Even though I know what you're thinking, every time I go to the airport, I don't think forced sterilizations are that bad.

[Chris Cole]

I thought that they were kind of on to something.

[Whitney Cummings]

I kind of. Honestly, I was like, hey, every time the guy next to me on a plane lands and they pick up their phone right away, you don't need what there's. Yeah. Landed. Yeah, I just landed.

[Chris Cole]

That's not the move.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can you hear me? I just. I'm on the tarmac. Like, dude, this is a text Max.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, the move is to turn it on with your ringer on so you get all the dang. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And if you don't, you feel like a loser.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. Is. Oh, my God, you just blew my mind. Because I think the person with all the dings is the loser.

[Chris Cole]

Because you're really showing how nerdy you are.

[Whitney Cummings]

So are you telling me that guys leave their sound on when they land so everyone can see how popular they are? Even though those are probably.

[Chris Cole]

It's probably just one problematic woman. Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just saying, I think it's pretty wild that half of all men believe that they can land a plane if they needed to, but they don't know how to turn their text notifications off. Like, also like, your phone's going off. Cool. You're getting a bunch of offers from Pottery Barn. Cool. Like, no one's like, oh, those are all people. The one child policy is, like, it is what it is. I don't know how you think. I honestly wouldn't mind America having one so that I wouldn't. So that's what I could blame having one kid on. I just, like, I wanted another one. But, you know, there's a policy. Like, it's not that I couldn't. You know, I just need someone to make the decision for me because Chris Cole over here is too busy shopping for stickers for his vest to take initiative patches. Tariffs would make Chinese products more expensive. So What? They're like $2. Like, what do we need more Chinese products? Like, like, let's just talk, like, stuff. Let's not talk microchips and. And generators and stuff like that. Like, consumer items. Okay. I don't need my toddler playing with a two dollar toy to make him happy. No one's happy if it's made by a toddler making $2 a year. Who lost his knuckles making it. Like, who wins in this situation? Like, it's wild to me. We want to make conditions better in America in workplaces, but we're like, happy to buy a toy wagon from China that cost five bucks knowing so many people lost their tibia and fibia in the assembly line for this thing that costs $5. Like, no, a toy shouldn't be $5. A wagon. Wagon for. Shouldn't be $5. And I shouldn't get it the same day I ordered it. Like, it feels wrong. Like, when I order something that I know is made in China and I get eight hours later, I'm like, I feel bad. It's like when I watched the icarly documentary, I was like, something's wrong. This is a. Okay, I know we're raising awareness. I know I'm supposed to be, like, supporting this. It is a documentary about teenagers being sexualized to raise awareness, but they're doing the same exact thing and playing the same exact scenes as sexualized teens, except they're not even paying the girls.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. And it's like a best of and it. The best of sexual harassment.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's a highlight reel of all of the disgusting scenes.

[Chris Cole]

You need to know how to get to them.

[Whitney Cummings]

So. So creeps can all just. They don't have to waste time scrolling through the episode story parked. Yeah, they can get straight to Ariana Grande sucking on a potato or whatever it was. So you Know when you, like, can't articulate something, you have to, like, just settle for cognitive dissonance because you're like, I'm just gonna sound crazy if I articulate that. I have a weird vibe about something. Like, the sound of freedom Guy. You remember, Pat? I was getting pummeled online, okay? Because I knew something was off. I was like, this guy is saving kids from being trafficked, yet he's on the Ellen show next to the toddler in a unitard twerking. Something's off to me, but I guess I'm crazy. What if Chinese people are stoked about this? Is there any chance that Chinese workers are like, oh, my God, thank you so much for the tariff. Now we'll only work 18 hours a day. Like, is like. They're like, oh, good, we can remove half the nets around the factories because less people are jumping because they never see their families. Like, is that possible?

[Mikey]

Chinese New Year. All the Chinese workers go home and talk to the people that live in their village or town or whatever city. And then once the factories open back up, they all quit because they realize that they're getting, like, terrible conditions.

[Whitney Cummings]

Whoa.

[Mikey]

So the person that told me this framed it as, yeah, you need to regrow the crop quote unquote. As in, get new workers every.

[Chris Cole]

Every year.

[Mikey]

Yeah. Kind of crazy. Like, it really is.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, that's, like, my obsession about why that's, like, my obsession about why Ghis Maxwell is still alive. Because I have a theory that every country that wants her gone because the leaders have, you know, incriminating evidence. All the hitmen are, like, ran into each other at the same 711 down the street from her prison. And they, like, had, like, they started talking, and they're just like, wait, Putin's paying you how much? Wait. Well, I'm not doing. Hold on. Wait.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. They pull out the flip on her phone. They're like this.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just don't think that this is left or right at all. Like, I just feel like this is an issue of should anyone own a thing that costs $2 that got here, that's thousands of miles away? This is. I don't know what stance I'm taking. Every now and then, I'll take a stance, and someone will be like, you're a left wing. Woke late. And then I hear, you're a red pill. I'm like, a red pill grifter. If I say something I don't. You guys, let me just be very clear with you. If you know me at all, you know, I would never totally Agree on much with a person who doesn't have a dog. Trump doesn't have a dog. I'm not right or left. I'm dog or no dog. If someone doesn't have a dog, I don't. I don't know you. Cat's fine. Cat's fine. I'll take it. It's a different vibe if I'm texting with a cat person. I just know to change my profile photo to the one of me with blue hair. They know I'm coming in peace. Trump. Trump doesn't even have a fake dog, like, for appearances. I mean, Biden had a. Biden's was an. Biden had a dog that bit so many people and he did nothing about it.

[Chris Cole]

That's kind of sick.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh.

[Chris Cole]

Like in the interest of comedy. That's really funny. Like a senile dude with the dog that bites everybody.

[Whitney Cummings]

That tells me everything I need to.

[Chris Cole]

Know about Joe Biden fighting Secret Service agents inside the White House is awesome.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't know what's worse, honestly, Someone without a dog or someone whose dog is like not on a leash and attacking people. Both of you are my enemy and I don't trust your choices. So the point is the tariffs ideally there to encourage us to buy American made items. Okay, this is a little awkward. Okay, it's awkward. Given the fact that our country's like main export at this point is confidence in blogs. I did look up American made items. Okay. Chris Woodworker. This chair, this American made chair made by Chris Cole.

[Chris Cole]

I made.

[Whitney Cummings]

That only took six months. We don't need assembly lines over here. How many?

[Chris Cole]

Five months.

[Whitney Cummings]

Five months.

[Chris Cole]

I didn't see and see it. I had to do this with a hand palm router.

[Whitney Cummings]

So look, you could have recruited a couple children to maybe help you with the tough spots. But I did look into. Okay, let's just go American made. Let's just see if this. This is. This could be good.

[Chris Cole]

It'd be easier to build factory jobs on. On the items we already have.

[Whitney Cummings]

So just like my thing was what's already American made. I just want to see what we make here, sir.

[Mikey]

Sorry. One thing about the concern about the American made stuff though, and this kind of happening already is like prison labor. So like 13.

[Whitney Cummings]

And that happens with Walmart. Yeah.

[Mikey]

So like you'll start seeing more American made stuff. But like, who knows if it's made?

[Whitney Cummings]

So if we see more American made stuff, it could be prison labor.

[Mikey]

Yeah. Getting paid like, sense.

[Whitney Cummings]

So you're telling me that if I get a cute tank Top. Maybe one of the Menendez brothers made it.

[Chris Cole]

You know which one would have been the one that made it.

[Whitney Cummings]

So do they get reduced prison time if they do it or do they get paid?

[Mikey]

I think they get paid like cents on the dollar. Like, not like the dollar.

[Whitney Cummings]

Here's some American companies I found out. New Balance, Okay. Jeep, both American made. So we're all just divorced dads now. I guess if we do that. Like, if you're doing like, if you're like, I'm just gonna do American made Jeeps. New Balance, like, cool. Like, we all have just a American.

[Chris Cole]

Made Jean short company to go with those two things.

[Whitney Cummings]

I do. I. I feel like Jeep and New Balance is like old money Nepo baby trying to pretend they aren't rich because their parents got rich from something horrible.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I do love a New Balance, though. You know this about me.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, yeah, You've got a bunch.

[Whitney Cummings]

I do. What? I mean, when I wear New Balance, people do let me park in the handicap.

[Chris Cole]

They're the number one skate selling shoe right now.

[Whitney Cummings]

New Balance.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is that true?

[Chris Cole]

That is true. Right now.

[Whitney Cummings]

Balance. There must be some kind of like, in your job.

[Chris Cole]

They have the scare of the year. He's on the team. They got a really good team.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. I just. Most of their shoes for people that aren't skateboarders do look special needs. They have. They have special needs. Energy. Like, am I wrong?

[Chris Cole]

No, they totally. They're. They're short bus.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm not sure. I'm not. I just. There's like a. They're basically guys wearing heels. Like, if you're wearing the, like New Balance. I'm just saying. I don't know. Am I. I wear them. I wear them. I love it. I love it when people.

[Chris Cole]

I know the ones you're talking about.

[Whitney Cummings]

New Balance. I'll do Jeep. I don't know. I used to have the Jeep Wrangler. I'm not, not doing it. You know what? American Made. Fine. I'll get a Jeep Wrangler. I love deep throating my own hair. We looked up some amazing top down. Like, why am I eating my hair on the way to this date? When a guy picks you up in a Jeep Wrangler and there's like, let's go. And you're like, can I. Where's my purse? Can I not? I did look up some American Made products and I was surprised, honestly, how much everything looked like it should be in the props department for the show Portlandia. Like, I don't. I'm sure I don't what else we got? I did find a company that is American made in Massachusetts. I really want to. I'm like, I just want to buy American made. Anyway, we should be doing this anyway. I'm not even thinking about the. There is. In Massachusetts. There is something. It's called half in the bag. It is a bag that holds your wine bottle. So this is, you know, it's a bag that just holds a wine bottle. That's a. I mean, my mom just made these out of my onesies. But, you know, this woman, she started a company. I went to the website and it says half in the bag. Customers aren't partially inebriated. They only want a fashionable cloth to carry their wine in. That's not defensive at all. These are wine bags. They have whales, lobsters on them. This is what America is currently manufacturing. I don't think China stands a chance. They've got patterns. One has fish. Very festive start. One has maps. Like, it's maps on it. A map of the places you know you wish that someone was making your wine bag. Cheaper just to rub it in, says your girl. This is so American. Like a bag for winos who need their wine on the go, but hate the sound of a paper bag. Like, I don't how to bring your wine into your kid's recital without making a scene. I mean, I'm into it. Like, of course, when I look up American made products, the first one that comes up is a contraption to carry your wine, conceal your liquor. Like, we got twee alcoholism. We got it. Putting your wine in, like, a cute, fun bag. It's like when a girl at a party is, like, super emo and she puts her cigarette in one of those long things from, like the 40s. It's like a cigarette totally. And like, everyone's like, oh, my God, that's so crazy. But, like, no one has noticed that she's pregnant. We gotta be cute sometimes, you know? But so that I'll be buying those maybe for Christmas for people that could be good. There's is. Is it. What's this one called, Pat? American Flannel Company.

[Chris Cole]

The Vermont Flannel Company.

[Whitney Cummings]

Vermont Flannel Company. Okay. This is an American made item. I don't want to be not patriotic or whatever, but I just for me, flannels. If you're, like, from the south, you find your flannels hanging from a barbed wire fence. You go for a ride on your horse in Virginia, you come back with a new wardrobe.

[Chris Cole]

It's just like, yeah, you shake it Out. Make sure there's no business put up.

[Whitney Cummings]

To like, remember their no Cowan route back from hunting or something. Like you go out, you come back with like a new wardrobe.

[Chris Cole]

You know, they can't find their way back. You have a new shirt.

[Whitney Cummings]

So it's. I just. I don't know. I know. And people are probably listening, going, it's not about clothes. Eggs are expensive. I know. I got it. Car is expensive too. Why do you think I'm trying to get chickens? And why do you think I ride a horse? Because I love the smell. No. Another American made item right here. We continue our journey through this wild flea market of American goods. Boomerangsbyvic.com yes. We don't need tariffs now that we. I mean, honestly. Boomerangs by Vic.

[Chris Cole]

I'm stoked on this.

[Whitney Cummings]

China must be shaking in their boots. At the state of the art advanced technology we have here in America. Behold a boomerang made by a guy named Vic. What?

[Chris Cole]

This is a product I can get behind. This is a name I can get behind. I love it. Let's scale this operation.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, of course. Of course America makes boomerangs. You try to hit someone else, it backfires, hits you in the face. But perfect metaphor for America. Like a boomerang. Is this like a fidget spinner for adult.

[Chris Cole]

And we took it from another country.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yes. It's like I literally didn't understand how boomerangs worked. Exactly. So I watched.

[Chris Cole]

No one does. No one does. What are you talking about?

[Whitney Cummings]

What do you mean?

[Chris Cole]

You throw them at a bird and then you hit the bird.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't think that's what they do.

[Chris Cole]

I think that's what they're for.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, I watch a YouTube video of a guy who is from somewhere in. It was a stand. Hello, I'm Nominus.

[Chris Cole]

I make wooden boomerangs. It was a stand, not Australia.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, it's like a turkmenistan, like one of the stands. And I watched the video and the guy. It's the loneliest thing I've ever seen. It was heartbreaking. It was just a guy throwing it and catching it himself. So you can play catch alone.

[Chris Cole]

How far does it. How far does it go out? Does it go in a big circle? What are we talking about?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes pretty far and then comes back. Honestly, they should sick. They should sell boomerangs next to blow up dolls. Honestly, on Craigslist like that. It's the same demographic of people. I don't think you can literally play catch alone. If I keep talking about this, I'll burst into tears. Like, I can't even think about it.

[Chris Cole]

That one's so sick. Just like some grandma socks.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is a boomerang by Vic. That's four. That's more of a ninja star. No. Is this what happens when you date a straight guy? You know about boomerangs and ninja stars? Like, it's like a nightmare.

[Chris Cole]

I made ninja stars.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. Yeah. You? Yeah. You have a nunchuck?

[Chris Cole]

I make a lot of nunchucks.

[Whitney Cummings]

None or numb?

[Chris Cole]

None.

[Whitney Cummings]

Nunchucks.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

One last thing. That was made in America. Field notes. This is a little journal. Feels like it was made in Vermont or Colorado or something. There are these little journals for people who can't figure out how to use the notes app. Look, I.

[Chris Cole]

Back pocket.

[Whitney Cummings]

How come I've never seen that before?

[Chris Cole]

Always have it in my back pocket.

[Whitney Cummings]

Where did you get that?

[Chris Cole]

I buy them.

[Whitney Cummings]

Where?

[Chris Cole]

Where'd I buy it?

[Whitney Cummings]

You go to the mall.

[Chris Cole]

Wait, Paper Source Chris goes to stores.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, I've never.

[Chris Cole]

I love the mall.

[Whitney Cummings]

He goes to the mall. He's in Paper Source. He's like greeting cards. He's like. Comes back with, like. Like, caramels from a candy store.

[Chris Cole]

Like, I usually have pocket candy. I don't have any right now. I ate them on the way in, but. But I bought this particular thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is that suicide notes? No.

[Chris Cole]

Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

What's in there? Just girls, phone numbers.

[Chris Cole]

Notes about my feelings. It's measurements.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is it?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Mikey]

What kind of measurements?

[Chris Cole]

It's like furniture stuff. But I bought that from Barnes and Noble.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, babe, I love you. Barnes and Noble Recently. Barnes and Noble is a journal store now.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, totally.

[Whitney Cummings]

I used to be. You go there. This is how. This is the narcissism. So remember, it used to be that if there's a celebrity around, people would film them. Or if something was. If something was, like, agreed on as the main attraction. So I was performing in Miami recently, and they were filming me while I was on stage. And I was like, guys, can you not. This is new stuff. And they looked at me like I was nuts. These girls were filming themselves. I was in the background of their video. Like, I'm the extra in the background. Like, oh, so sorry.

[Chris Cole]

That's as.

[Whitney Cummings]

Remember when you would go to Barnes and Noble to get books that had other people's writing words in them that were like, the. I write books now. You get empty ones because you're the star. Like, I. You guys don't know. I. I'll take it from here.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

There's 500,000 books in Barnes and Noble and like, no, no, no. I'll write my own.

[Chris Cole]

I need to. I need to jot down my own thoughts.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is sweet.

[Chris Cole]

Babe, I can't handle your thoughts. I need to handle my own.

[Whitney Cummings]

Chris uses this to try to remember very basic things that just should be, like, second nature. And it's why I love you so much. But most people, when I was looking at the website, it's a lot of, like, bird watching. It's like they have birds on them, and, you know, it's like guys out in the brush in the field, bush in the field, and watching birds and writing notes, I guess, about the birds. So I guess this is American to me. Just the idea that they cut down birds homes to make books out of birds homes. And then they watch the birds try and scramble for a new home. They're like, oh, they seem really anxious today. Yeah, because you took their home to write about them living there because you had to pretend you're a zoologist instead of just signing the divorce papers already. Wait, you guys. I've never been starstruck by an ad read before. I'm starstruck, so I see this brand on TikTok all the time. It's called the Parrot app. This is a real, genuine reaction. No joke. For realsies. It's how you have a conversation. Oh, my God. When we were in a fight recently, I was like, we should get this and do this. I can't believe that they're sponsoring the podcast. How did they. Do they know? Okay, let me just read the copy and be a professional. When is the last time you had a deep, fun or flirty conversation with your partner?

[Chris Cole]

Babe, we do that all the time. We just did it. You told me to enter the one door, and I was like, are you flirting with me?

[Whitney Cummings]

That was actually really cute. My baby was sleeping, and I was like, come in the front door, not the side door. And I was actually being really rude. And he was like, ooh, flirty flirt. No, but when's last time we had a deep conversation?

[Chris Cole]

A deep conversation. We do that all the time too.

[Whitney Cummings]

We do?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah. Especially right before bed.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, the deep conversation before bed is literally you being like, what's your favorite color?

[Chris Cole]

Sometimes I do that.

[Whitney Cummings]

We'll be falling asleep. And he's like, hey, what's your favorite color? I'm like, I don't. I don't know because I'm 40. I'm not sure. What's yours? Neon green.

[Chris Cole]

It's glow in the dark.

[Whitney Cummings]

Glow in the dark. Anyway, if you're like, Most couples, AKA us, the daily grind just gets in the way. That's why I'm about to start using the paired app. It helps you and your partner stay emotionally connected with just five minutes a day. Here's how it works. I'm so excited. Okay. You and your partner download the app. Okay. Do it now.

[Chris Cole]

Doing it right now.

[Whitney Cummings]

We're gonna pair it together because you were so good at pairing our calendars.

[Chris Cole]

I did do that.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then you're gonna get a quiz, a prompt or a game to answer, and you can't see the response until you've answered yours. So it creates like a cute.

[Chris Cole]

I got it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. It's downloaded. You have to put it on my too.

[Chris Cole]

No, I'm getting it now, but okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

And here's the thing. If your guy does have to put in nine passwords before he does the Paired app, that's. And puts his phone down at dinner. Maybe not the guy, but they're gonna ask questions. Look, like, what do you admire most about your partner, Babe?

[Chris Cole]

Your insights.

[Whitney Cummings]

Really?

[Chris Cole]

Your laughter.

[Whitney Cummings]

My insides. Thanks.

[Chris Cole]

I love. I love your takes on things and I love your laughter and I love your. Your emotional awareness.

[Whitney Cummings]

What's your favorite memory? Together.

[Chris Cole]

Taking the boat out was pretty cool.

[Whitney Cummings]

That was like, I'm not a boat person. We did. We stopped on the way to San Jose and we, like, took a boat out and we both were like, in the same, like, energy of like, are we doing something fun?

[Chris Cole]

Like, we can we just like, let's just do it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Let's, like, be fun. Whether you've been together for two months or 10 years, paired apps helps you open, resolve stuff that's been lingering, and even flirt more. It's like couples therapy meets game night. But no awkward zoom sessions. Thank the lord. Head to pear.com Whitney. Start your seven day trial. Are you writing this down? Promo code Whitney.

[Chris Cole]

Promo code Whitney.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're going to get 25% off. And that's pear.com. oh, you don't go to the app store. Go to pear.com Whitney. Start by making love a daily habit. Lumi. Okay, let's just say it, you guys. Body odor stanks, literally, figuratively and emotionally, depending on where you are when you recover. That's why I'm fully obsessed. I've been using this since the pandemic. This is a whole body deodorant that you can use anywhere. That odor pops up your armpits, your feet, your belly buttons, your thigh folds, even down there. And yes, it works for 72 hours. Wild Lumi was invented by an OB GYN who got tired of people being embarrassed by body odor in places that traditionally deodorant is designed for, so she made one that is. It's powered by mandelic acid, clinically proven to stop odor before it starts. And it is not an antiperspirant, so it doesn't block your sweat, just blocks the smell. I am a pig, and I got a famous skateboarder to fall in love with me. Okay? So if that's not an ad for Lumi, I don't know what is. I smell like wharf at all times.

[Chris Cole]

I love your Worf, babe.

[Whitney Cummings]

The texture is smooth. Dries fast. The new Vanilla Bliss. Let's go. Honestly, Amazing. Not too sweet. Clean, cozy. They've got a starter pack for new customers that comes with a solid stick deodorant, a cream tube deodorant, plus two free minis and free shipping. And if you combine the starter pack at discount, you're going to get 40% off code Whitney at checkout for 15% off your first purchase at Lume. That's code [e-mail]. try the number one whole body deodorant, why don't you? And smell amazing from head to toe. Oh, gee. You know when you're, like, off and.

[Chris Cole]

You don't want that petriatic acid or whatever it was called. Don't want that.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's in that the thing. We do want it, right?

[Chris Cole]

Yes. You don't want the sweat.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, we want to smell like Lumi.

[Chris Cole]

And not Worf at all times.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is a segment called the Bee in My Bonnet. Did you see that? The tech dorks have decided to resurrect.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, my God. The direwolf. It's not, though.

[Whitney Cummings]

He's trying so hard. What do you think? Oh, you got you psyched.

[Chris Cole]

No, because it's not the direwolf, because you have to have an actual. You have to have an actual embryo from a direwolf to make a direwolf. So they have, like, some gray wolf and all this other stuff?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I mean, they took the DNA and they. I mean, a lot of dogs had to die for them to put it inside the dog and try to get it going. I mean, they did it.

[Chris Cole]

They did it, but it's not unless.

[Whitney Cummings]

They'Re lying about it and they put a bunch of filler in a golden retriever.

[Chris Cole]

It's a gray wolf. It's not a dire wolf.

[Whitney Cummings]

Uhhuh.

[Chris Cole]

Dire wolves apparently were like their own species. They were. It's like an orca versus a What.

[Whitney Cummings]

If it was a real dire wolf?

[Chris Cole]

Because it is, but it's not.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's enough of one.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is. How did you just out me me.

[Chris Cole]

That's how. We have to just. We need. We need to send them to La Brea. Back into the tar pit. They, like, that thing needs to go back into the tar pit where they all went the first time.

[Whitney Cummings]

Brought if. Okay, let's say it's 75% direwolf.

[Chris Cole]

Okay, this is a problem.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why?

[Chris Cole]

Because they tear the club up. You know, like, dude, you don't want a dire wolf, like, near the elementary school.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, you don't think it's kind of sick?

[Chris Cole]

No, it's sick as fuck. But it's also like, woolly mammoths are sick as shit too.

[Whitney Cummings]

But, like, okay, the guy that did the direwolf. I know you were just on Joe Rogan's podcast. I'm sure. I'm sure your heart is in the right place, but I also hate you. I also might need to just fight you. Like, it's not. It won't be. I just have to, like, I think there's a better way to do this to get whatever you need out of this. There's a better way to do it where animals are not going to be abused. Because if you do not abuse and roofie. I just missed my finger. I'm so grumpy. You are going to die. They don't care that you brought them back. They're not like, what? You're my. They're. They don't. They're. You're not their dad. You're not their friend. They. I mean, this is a cool way to commit suicide. Like, it's kind of sick. Like, there's.

[Chris Cole]

It is really.

[Whitney Cummings]

Silicon Valley are two types of people. The men that want to live forever by high performing, the ones are like, how quick can I die? Let's make a wolf. Like, you know, so I kind of respect it. I don't have to hear about you ice bathing and stuff. But I guess if someone needs a cool story. Oh, dire wolf bit my finger off. Like, okay. You can also just lie. Can people just go back to lying? Maybe. I don't know.

[Chris Cole]

You can't lie anymore.

[Whitney Cummings]

You can't lie anymore.

[Chris Cole]

Also, if I've learned anything from Mummy movies, it's that when you bring things back from the dead, they are cranky. Real pissed. This direwolf's gonna tear a club up.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you guys know what the word dire means? Does anyone?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Means causing or involving great fear or Suffering dreadful, terrible. As in a dire calamity in Latin translates to terrible wolf.

[Chris Cole]

I was wrong.

[Whitney Cummings]

But this means nothing to a kid who went to an Ivy League school, who has never heard no in his life, who thinks his biggest contribution to the world is bringing back an apex predator nobody knows how to handle. Could anyone just go. Could any rich person just go put clean water in Appalachia and then do all this? Like, is there anything can do? You want to be a hero? Like, we can help you be a hero? Like, nah. Because honestly, why would a creep that wants to bring back a dire wolf even want to clean up the water in Appalachia? He loves weird creatures, like kids with three eyeballs. He loves a Cyclops kid. Let's bring that. Let's get more of those. It should be in a cage next to my new direwolf at Comic Con next year. I am really going to try to be cute about this, but I want to be very clear. I hate you. So if you've done this, I truly, like, I shouldn't say that. I will never stop making fun of you. I will always be on your tail. I am a dire woman, and it is so much worse than a direwolf. I am a dire wolf with a bone when it comes to stuff like that. My side hustling is exotic animal trafficking. Not doing it, like, sitting in it. I sit in animal traffic quite a lot. Anytime someone is touching a lion, tiger, or bear cub, it is abuse always. And the thing that I think makes me the craziest about it, it brings me back to being raised by alcoholics. Like, the idea that the cognitive dissonance of. What's the number one thing that you know about mothers that are apex predators? Number one thing. Oh, there's a line. Do they have a baby with them? There's a bear. Do they have a baby with them? Number one thing. Yeah, Moms are protective of their babies, but then they see a bear cub loose, and they're like, oh, look, a bear cub. What do you think had to happen to the mom? What do you think had to happen? So I'm just. I'm so fascinated by our, like, ability to, like, override that. Right? I hate. You know what? I don't hate you. I hate your guts. Is that bad? Is that worse? Like, how do you tell someone? I feel like, all we do online all day, people, like, I hate you. You suck. What can I say to make you know? I'm not kidding. Like, I. I don't even know how to, like, relay to someone the level of vile. I think you are. Like, imagine being aware of what is going on in the world, having the power to maybe actually change some of it. Economic inequality, disastrous health care situation in America. And you're like, you know what? We need a super wolf who can tear a person in half without thinking twice. Have you been in an urgent care recently?

[Chris Cole]

We're doing a good job on our own.

[Whitney Cummings]

No urgent. They don't care what you're going to bring. Imagine. Dude. The Silicon Valley guys need a timeout. You're on the. It's a timeout. Okay. It is amazing how there is no limit to the number of additional items guys will add to the list of things women need to be terrified of on a daily basis. Like, you got like a cool wolf. Awesome. Awesome. I'll just add that to my list of the other things I have to worry about on a daily basis of perishing from. You just made our list. So much longer. So already have to deal with like death by maybe walking to work. Walking to my car after work. I don't know. Childbirth. Your weird neighbor dress gets caught in an escalator. Cancer from our thongs and deodorant, which we only wear for you. And this is how you thank us? By adding direwolf to our list of possible causes of death? I. My panties are in a bundle in a way that is inexplicable. I'm already kind of on pins and needles because I have a bobcat I have to contend with. This is the bobcat that was in my yard. That's not a sober animal. That's not a sober predator. Okay. Our apex predators are on drugs. Let's. Let's hold on the direwolf for like maybe a couple years till we figure out how to get our wild animals sober. I don't know. Is there. It's like a Betty Ford section just for critters. I don't. Are there not enough terrifying things in the world? Like, how much adrenaline do you guys need? I think we are in an addiction to shopping, which we kind of talked about. But also there's an adrenaline addiction we're going to have to do something about. Like, does anyone just buy a jet ski anymore? Do you? I feel like you have your adrenaline addiction under control. Cause you fly off buildings and you ride a motorcycle.

[Chris Cole]

I do it enough.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is this gonna get worse? Are you gonna start?

[Chris Cole]

Am I gonna.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. No.

[Chris Cole]

But they're gonna. They're gonna keep going.

[Whitney Cummings]

They won't stop.

[Chris Cole]

They'll never stop.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is our adrenals are so shot. At this point, this is what it's come to. To feel alive. In my day, we would just go ride a rickety roller coaster at Six Flags Over Texas and call it a day. What happened to dorks getting their kicks from chasing Pokemons off cliffs? Can we do that more? Dude, Zuckerberg already kills his own goats for dinner. Did that not catch on? Like, seems like. I don't know. It seems like that would have lasted a little longer for the dorks. You know what I mean? Like, killing a goat is not enough for you. Can someone, I don't know, can someone get me a direwolf? Killing the goats isn't quite doing it for me anymore. I want to go watch the dire wolf kill my goat. I'll record it with my meta glasses while I pleasure myself. You guys have to be put in a prison. You're not suitable for. You can't be in the world. Like, do you think they need more high octane things? Am I making this up?

[Chris Cole]

We already have monsters here that kill babies. People bring snakes into, like, Florida, and then the snake will eat their baby and they'll be like, oh, the snake got too big.

[Whitney Cummings]

Go to Australia. There's scarier things in someone's trunk than, like, a dire wolf in Silicon Valley. Like, there's plenty of scale. I just. I'm just telling you this right now. This is going to get worse. And it's going to get worse because everyone. It's like the photo economy now. And everyone's going to want a photo with this direwolf and that direwolf one day is going to go real. Siegfried and Roy, real fast. It's going to go real. What was the name of the seaworld Orca? Tuktunkta. The girl thought she was best friends with this orca, and as soon as she didn't wear her hair in a bun and put in a ponytail one day, the bitch was gone. I mean, it's called a killer whale. That's what they do. It's called a dire wolf. It's right there in the name.

[Chris Cole]

I think the. I think the person that you're really pissed about is the one who is trying to bring back the woolly mammoth, because that was the one who walked so that direwolf could run. This second dork now wants the direwolf because the first dork wanted the woolly mammoth. So he's like, I want to be cool, too.

[Whitney Cummings]

The fact that you, like, make me understand how men's minds work. I appreciate this so much. So there was Some. You know, like, I remember when I first came to la, it might have been a little bit later, both Baz Luhrmann and Oliver Stone were trying to make a movie about Alexander the Great. And it's very hard to get movies made, but just because the other person was making it, they were like moving really fast on it. And I remember going like, oh, this is like, that's it, that's it. So you guys have to.

[Chris Cole]

It's dork.

[Whitney Cummings]

So the guy that was working on the woolly mammoth, someone else was like, I gotta just. I gotta just speed up this dire wolf thing.

[Chris Cole]

That's it. It's like, how do I get my name known like that too? Direwolf.

[Whitney Cummings]

I. Okay, so. Well, okay, so competition with other men. I just. I'm worried that these tech dorks need more and more high octane things to make them feel alive, because they can't feel things because they're a psychopath. So it's like. I don't know. I. I honestly. Can we just. I would love to come to Silicon Valley to pitch some ideas to you guys of other things that you can maybe do to get some adrenaline going. Like, just honestly drive on the freeway in Los Angeles, an influencer chock full of expired Adderall will live streaming on YouTube will drive you clear off the road and into a fiery ditch full of ketamine baby oil that Diddy's team had to, like, get rid of. Like, really fast. Like, there's. There's a feed that will show you dead bodies sliding down Everest. You can watch people climbing Everest and one will die, and they'll just unhook them and let him go. Is. Could. That you could. You could probably pay to watch it live. Dude, honestly, just drink tap water in America. That. That's a party. Will I have a hippocampus tomorrow? Like, I don't. Jumping out of a plane, like, is that. I mean, honestly, these days, just flying on a regular plane is kind of the same thing. Just take a Boeing. I don't know if you really want to roll the dice with your safety. How about just like, go to a doctor in America? You know what I mean? I don't know. They'll probably give you a painkiller that you don't need that you get addicted to, and you'll die driving yourself to your sister's gender reveal. If you don't crash before you get to the gender reveal, the airplane dropping the blue glitter will crash into your sternum. Like, there's other ways, you know? And if you're in Texas. Honestly, just sit in a waiting room at a doctor's office. You could get measles. Like, do that. I cannot wait to watch in slow motion on Twitter some dork's head being crushed by a woolly mammoth. I will. I mean, look, I can't wait. Honestly. That's. That's going to be my smut at this point. You know how many trainers are killed by elephants a year and no one knows about it? These are just elephants on drugs, dude. Rich people. Darwinism is actually kind of my favorite thing. As long as animals.

[Chris Cole]

It's everybody's favorite thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

But as long as animals aren't being abused, that's when I get annoyed. Like the billionaire who had everything but had to see the Titanic. Like, I just had to say it. Like, loser. Dude, money is not enough for these people. Like, we don't need to bring back the. They're gonna kill you. And I honestly, I'm on the edge of my seat. I just. The problem is when an animal defends itself, they get put down right away, right? What happened to just dating hot yoga instructors? Alec, you know Alec Baldman. Alec Baldman. Alec Baldwin did it, right? He married a frisky yoga teacher. And his life is just, you know, basically the same as someone having to fight for their life with. Against a super wolf. He. He figured out how to get his adrenaline.

[Chris Cole]

Adrenaline in check.

[Whitney Cummings]

You have to get it like the whack a mole of your adrenaline addiction. Right? But no animals have to be brought to life for this only to get drugged up and be sitting in a cage at a Dan Bilzerian party who. I will say my greatest accomplishment is that I have been blocked by Dan Bilzerian by every one of his accounts. And I'm actually kind of due for like a three day episode of harassing him and making fun of him. Note to self. Write that. Write it down in your little. Your little Vermont journal that we got.

[Chris Cole]

Field notes, not Vermont flannel.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, they say the first sign of a sociopath is when you kill an animal as a kid. I think the other sign is when you bring back dead animals as an adult only to torture them and make their life a nightmare. What are they? We. Okay, ask me about the why it's not a good idea to bring back the woolly mammoth.

[Chris Cole]

Why is it not a great idea to bring back the woolly mammoth?

[Whitney Cummings]

We don't know what they eat, do we? Do we, pat. Just drop something?

[Chris Cole]

People?

[Whitney Cummings]

We don't know what they eat. I don't like when people who have the reputation of being bullied in the past are being bullies right in front of us, and we're not this whole. We were bullied in high school. Like, okay, so now you get to just bring back dead animals only to put them in a cage so you can take a photo with them for your hinge profile? Like, I don't. I can. Can men just go back to sitting in the front seat of their car with a seatbelt for their hinge photo for the hold up a fish. It was working like these. You know what it is? Here's the other thing. These are people who have no real friends. That's it. Bringing back the direwolf. Why? Because they go, okay, man's best friend is a dog. They heard dogs are a man's best friend. Okay, so. So if I have a wolf, will it get me a girlfriend? No, I don't. There's. It's some kind of nerd math, okay? It's. No one wants to date a guy with a dire wolf. It's already scary enough to go back to a guy's house when they don't have a wolf in the garage. To go back to a guy's house and have to deal with the fear of finding another woman's bobby pin on the side table or scrunchie under the pillow is already a nightmare, and I have to worry about. What do you think they named it, Babe?

[Chris Cole]

Are the names connected?

[Whitney Cummings]

Romulus and Remus and Khaleesi. We really have children running the world, and children are at the helm. And honestly, I don't even think children would do this. Romulus and Remus were the founders of Rome. So you're going to insult these incredible wolves by naming them after the founders of a city that held gladiator shows that fought animals against each other till they went extinct. Does no one see the irony in this? You brought back an extinct animal only to name them after the cities whose people watched animals go extinct for fun. I'm starting to think I need to go to space with Lauren Sanchez. I can't live here. I can't do this, okay? I can't. The tech dorks like, I just. What do they do? Can't they hunt people? That's fine. That. I feel like that's.

[Chris Cole]

I'm sure they do.

[Whitney Cummings]

Khaleesi is the name of the other one. Yeah, the girl who killed all of her people for no apparent reason. Also Blake Lively's alter ego. Does anyone have respect? Respect for truly anything? Are we done? Why Am I trying? We put elephants in cages. We hold tigers in our lap knowing that the mom had to be killed to get the cubs for our TikTok stream. And now we're bringing back extinct species so that Harry Potter dorks can, what, look cool at parties? I can't. Do they need to do more drugs or less drugs? What's happening? I'll be fine, by the way. I'll be fine. Wolves and I get along great.

[Chris Cole]

Did they start this process, by the way?

[Whitney Cummings]

This is coming from someone who has wolf. I'd sponsor a wolf at Wolf Connection. Yeah, I get along very well with wolves. I like a clear hierarchy. Virgos and wolves get along very well. If you get it, you get it.

[Chris Cole]

Did they start this process when Game of Thrones was still on and popping, or did they.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, this just happened.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, but when do they start?

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't know, but if Game of Thrones is your favorite show, you're turned on by incest, and I'm never gonna stop saying that. I do believe this. Like, dog is a man's best friend. These are guys that don't have friends, so they needed to make their own friend. But they're rich, and they're like, French bulldog. Not enough golden retriever. Nope, nope. I'm gonna make the coolest best friend there ever was. You know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna do it. I need a best friend, but I'm also a sorcerer. There are 3 million dogs in shelters right now you could rescue, and I'm sure they would gladly bite your face off as well. If that's just your thing, you don't have to bring back the super wolves. This isn't going to work. They're going to have to put them on drugs. Okay? This is going to go real orca at SeaWorld real fast. The second someone gets the drug cocktail wrong, someone's face is going to be in really bad shape. This adorable little puppy that this guy's holding will be in some canned hunting facility. It's going to be, how quickly can I get a purse made out of it? How quickly can I get a coat made out of it? Look at my dire wolf hat. Look at my direwolf part. Like, it's going to be so fast. Direwolves within 10 years will be minks. We don't care about that. They're squirrel. They're going to be squirrels. Right, But I am just telling you, the amount of drugs I. I happen to know the amount of drugs that will sedate an animal of this size. It Is unthinkable. And the second you get that dose wrong, you got a problem on your hands. Yeah, the arrogance. It's like. It's like these losers that had, like, teddy bears growing up. So then they see a real bear, and they're like, let's get a selfie. And their head gets bitten off. I mean, don't get me started on the video of the guy that's being eaten by the bear as he's taking a picture, and he won't stop, and everyone's filming him. It's just like, I think we're just gone as a society and they're benefiting because we really need a distraction right now.

[Chris Cole]

Pits.

[Whitney Cummings]

They're like, let's go back to better. The glory days when terrible wolves were out on the.

[Chris Cole]

Like, that's how not quite the dire.

[Whitney Cummings]

Wolves, by the way, move to Slav Bard, where polar bears are more.

[Chris Cole]

You want to get eaten? We got a place, dude.

[Whitney Cummings]

Slav Bard. More polar bears than people. Go there. Go there, dude.

[Chris Cole]

What is. What?

[Whitney Cummings]

Dire wolf. These dire wolves will be an exhibit in Planet Hollywood in Vegas within two years. And you know what? Then it's my problem. Then I'm the one that's gonna have to go. I'm gonna go to lions, tigers, and bears. I'm gonna go.

[Chris Cole]

You're gonna. You're gonna fall in love with the dire wolf.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm gonna have to be here. I'm gonna have to try to get it to a GFAS accredited sanctuary. I'm gonna be with a. In a fight with a bunch of psychopaths on Instagram, and I'm gonna have all these, like, weirdos that are fighting with you.

[Chris Cole]

Until then, it will be locked in your bedroom, and you'll be sleeping in the guest room because you have a dire wolf in the bedroom.

[Whitney Cummings]

I guess my question is, really, what's it gonna take for these nerds to feel cool? What's it gonna take? Money's not working. Models didn't work. You're still mad at us for not sleeping with you in high school? Still mad. Well, we didn't sleep with you for a reason. I mean, we slept with everyone else but you. Maybe it was you. Maybe we weren't snobs. Maybe it was you. Maybe we knew that you had a God complex. We knew one day you'd force a surrogate dog to give birth to a dire wolf. So you get what? What, to what? Become friends with Zuckerberg so he'd hit you up on WhatsApp and be like, hey, you Rule you have a dire wolf. Want to hang out? Want to come watch me awkwardly hover around MMA fighters next weekend in Tuls? Cool. Is that what you want? What do you want? The tech dorks don't get to bring back extinct species unless I see video proof of you making a girl orgasm. Then I'll entertain it.

[Chris Cole]

You wouldn't click that link anyway.

[Whitney Cummings]

You'd be like, ew, tech dorks. You're not gonna bring back extinct species. You still can't make a printer that prints for more than a month. The dire wolf is going to go very Theranos, very fast. Only the dire wolf will have way more blood than Theranos did. I can't say I told you so. It's beneath me. So I will make my vow right now that I will not say I told you so. When Tana Mongeau is getting mauled by a dire wolf at Coachella during a live stream for a paid partnership with Farmer's Dog, I will say, hey, girl, I had my ear bitten off by a dog. I know the guy to sew it up. And I will bite my tongue to help her with her bitten tongue. This is the segment where the people that love me most troll me hard to prepare me for the YouTube backlash.

[Chris Cole]

The tariffs, they're going to tear you up. You're going to split the room on the tariffs for sure.

[Whitney Cummings]

But why? I was pro and anti, right?

[Chris Cole]

Yes, but they'll still find something wrong with it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Totally. But, like, what's pat? What are the things that I'm ignorant about?

[Chris Cole]

I wouldn't say you're wrong about. It's. It's such a difficult topic that it takes about 20 years to really prove who was right and who was wrong.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Cole]

We don't make your changes, so.

[Whitney Cummings]

Thanks for saying that, Pat.

[Chris Cole]

It's debatable.

[Whitney Cummings]

We don't know.

[Chris Cole]

No, nobody knows. We don't know it's gonna work or not. And he's already walked it back.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, but the. By the way, old 90 day. Hold on. The tariffs. Who's the guy from. What's it called?

[Chris Cole]

Three's Company?

[Whitney Cummings]

No.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, John Ritter. Yeah. John Ritter.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, Shark Tank, the business guy. Meanie. Oh, Kevin O'Leary. Kevin O'Leary. He was on I don't know what show one of those shows crush their heads against. Did you see what he was saying? He's like, we should do a 400% tariff. Da, da, da. My instinct just goes like, this must be bad. This must be bad. Crash is bad. But, like, China steals Our technology then sells it back to us.

[Chris Cole]

It's all nuts. But I think, and I was just.

[Whitney Cummings]

Thinking, by the way, also, you know my biggest issue. I can't believe you haven't even brought this up or consoled me about it. I'm sorry I interrupted. What else is China responsible for?

[Chris Cole]

Well, I was just thinking as you were doing your hot take and I was trying to zip my lip. I was thinking, is there a blend of the, of the tariffs, slash American made that we're going to land on where it's like we get parts that come from other places that they're cheaper, but then American factories put them together so the American people pay more but not so much more like it's all made here. Right. Or are they going to. Are they going to find a loophole where if they put an American company headquarters in China and then they can't do.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't think you can do that.

[Chris Cole]

I don't know.

[Whitney Cummings]

Maybe. I love you so much. I'm not following, but I just love you.

[Chris Cole]

Okay, wrong takes. Let's see.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know. By the way, here's the thing. I just realized when you're like. And you were doing your hot take, I think these are my opinions. We joke about people like, oh, that was a hot take. I'm like, I think this is just my take. We say hot take is a joke, but I'm like, I'm serious.

[Chris Cole]

No, total. Just take.

[Whitney Cummings]

No. The biggest thing what keeps me up at night.

[Chris Cole]

Keeps you up at night?

[Whitney Cummings]

The moon. No, worse. The opposite of the moon. What's the opposite of the moon?

[Chris Cole]

The sun.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is that.

[Chris Cole]

Yeah, that would be the opposite.

[Whitney Cummings]

What is my biggest fear in life besides blood banks?

[Chris Cole]

Embarrassment.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's true.

[Chris Cole]

Meteor.

[Whitney Cummings]

Pat, you are an encyclopedia of my neuroses. What is it? Fluoride chloride.

[Chris Cole]

Fluoride.

[Whitney Cummings]

Fluoride. There's that. Not so much anymore.

[Chris Cole]

I think even though nothing's been done.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think it's, you know, I think if we were all at full capacity, it would just be all the same problems just on speed. You know what I mean? I don't think we would just be maybe more feral if we didn't have. Are we the only country that has fluoride in the water?

[Chris Cole]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And we're able to do all this. Imagine if we didn't. We might just be. It might just be too much.

[Chris Cole]

What's your biggest fear?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Chris Cole]

Or biggest.

[Whitney Cummings]

What is the thing I'm the most angry at China about? You know this.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, the, the. The amount of batteries that you need to have.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just love watching you guess because I must just be so annoying to have as a girlfriend.

[Chris Cole]

You're like, you have to have a screwdriver for everything.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, okay. The mini screwdriver that goes with the mini battery to open it. I cannot. That I. I can't believe you didn't say a new charger for every phone.

[Chris Cole]

Truth.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, fine. The fact that the world is running out of sand. China has used all the sand.

[Chris Cole]

That's wild.

[Whitney Cummings]

Don't get me started on the sand miners. They go down, bring up the sand, and are never seen again. That's a whole other thing.

[Chris Cole]

Oh, really?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yep. Oh, yep.

[Chris Cole]

Interesting.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I know this because the survivors told me.

[Chris Cole]

Oh. What people are also going to comment is they're going to say, have you seen the. The dire wolf skulls at the La Brea Tar Pits? And everybody's going to say, and yes, we've seen it.

[Whitney Cummings]

You don't think I spent my entire twenties going on awkward dates with guys that were sober and asked me to walk around the tar pits. You've got something else coming to you.

[Chris Cole]

And 40s. Because I want to go, oh, God.

[Whitney Cummings]

It is near an Erawan. But, yes, I did have to go watch an elephant statue die in a tar pit because that's what the La Brea Tar Pits are. It's an exhibit. Here it is the exact same horror from Land Before Time where I had to watch the horse drown in the quicksand. Never ending story. But the good news is there's no sand left, so we don't have to worry about quicksand anymore. So thank you, China. Actually, I did a full circle. I appreciate you getting rid of all the sand because no horses will sink, and I am. It's late.

[Chris Cole]

What's your hot take on the tar pits, though? Do you know they just pop up randomly and they just have to, like, put cones around them.

[Whitney Cummings]

You guys, this is his personality all the time. He's the, like, the sweetest. Like all. As we go to bed, he will just like, so what do you think about, like, you know, do you think.

[Chris Cole]

She'S like, it's late.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, he's someone who'll be like, so what do you. Where do you think a giraffe would wear a tie? Like, on the top of its neck or, like, the base? And I'll be like, that is funny. That's like something you would ask.

[Chris Cole]

It would probably be debonair to wear it at the top. But that's funny.

[Whitney Cummings]

Getting winked at by a guy in a black denim vest. What more could you want? Don't ride elephants everyone I have to change our outro not to don't ride elephants don't bring back woolly mammoths and is that our new sign off don't.

[Chris Cole]

Ride elephants or bring back woolly mammoth.

[Whitney Cummings]

Or go to therapy please thanks Take your shirt off I'm big enough like you're you could fight I mean are we insane you slept with your ex.

[Chris Cole]

Please get up you're the absolutely wonderful.

[Whitney Cummings]

Whitney look at the shoes are my pants Wendy blew it out of the Wendy just pouted palm Marcus was on her feet a hard amazingly it's kind of just getting started I love it here is that weird.