Whitney Versus AI and Fame | Good For You episode 290

Summary

Podcast Summary: Good For You – "Whitney Versus AI and Fame" (Episode 290)

Release Date: May 24, 2025
Host: Whitney Cummings
Episode Title: Whitney Versus AI and Fame

In this engaging episode of Good For You, comedian Whitney Cummings delves into the intertwined realms of artificial intelligence (AI) and fame, exploring their impacts on personal lives and broader societal norms. Joined by her ever-playful co-host, Pat, Whitney navigates through humorous anecdotes, thoughtful critiques, and satirical musings that highlight both the allure and pitfalls of modern technology and celebrity culture.

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1. The Unexpected Intrusion of Trump Ads

The episode opens with a comedic skit where Pat informs Whitney about an unsettling discovery:

Pat [02:39]: "I decide to look at my direct messages... I was informed that there are Trump ads running on our show on Apple or something."

Whitney reacts with frustration, expressing her dismay over unsolicited political advertisements appearing on her podcast without her consent:

Whitney Cummings [02:43]: "The fact that this has been going in front of my podcast without me knowing is so frustrating..."

Pat adds to the chaos, humorously blaming the ad sales team and reflecting on the challenges of maintaining a balanced perspective amidst unsolicited political interference.

Pat [04:03]: "I'm too busy solving other people's fake problems... if I receive this money, the $1800 from the Pro Trump campaign, I'm going to get Botox right here."

This segment underscores the tension between creative control and external influences, all delivered with Whitney and Pat's signature comedic flair.

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2. Navigating the AI Landscape

Transitioning from ads to AI, Whitney shares her evolving perspective:

Whitney Cummings [38:53]: "It's too perfect."

Pat humorously critiques an AI-hosted podcast, questioning the authenticity and human touch:

Pat [39:13]: "He has dimples... It's the key to being famous though. You have to be out of your mind from the get-go."

Whitney counters by highlighting the societal obsession with authenticity and the paradox of preferring curated perfection over messy reality.

Whitney Cummings [45:18]: "Disneyland is giant cartoon mice and Hooters waitresses pretending to be princesses. It's the happiest place on Earth."

Their banter delves into the fear and fascination surrounding AI, debating whether it will democratize authenticity or further erode genuine human connections.

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3. The Perils and Paradoxes of Fame

A significant portion of the episode critiques the concept of fame itself. Whitney and Pat discuss how fame has become a double-edged sword, offering visibility while often leading to isolation and mockery.

Pat [26:40]: "Fame is embarrassing. Like, you could see that guy. He's, like, sitting by a stream... Nothin' more entertaining than your inner monologue."

Whitney echoes this sentiment, lamenting how fame forces individuals to constantly validate their worth and navigate the relentless scrutiny of the public eye.

Whitney Cummings [33:56]: "The only people that want to talk to you are people that want to bum a smoke."

Their conversation highlights the superficial relationships that fame cultivates and the loss of personal privacy, all wrapped in sharp wit and relatable humor.

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4. Imagining an AI-Dominated Future

As the discussion intensifies, Whitney and Pat venture into speculative and humorous scenarios about an AI-dominated future. They envision a world where AI manages human interactions, potentially turning society into a gladiator-like spectacle:

Pat [54:02]: "We're due for a Frankenstein moment... Maybe we'll watch Pat fight Pat."

Whitney adds a layer of absurdity, imagining AI-crafted personas and interactions that blur the lines between reality and artificiality.

Whitney Cummings [58:09]: "And lose. It's gonna be like going to Dave and Buster's without all the kids."

Their playful dystopian imagery serves as a critique of current technological trajectories, questioning whether AI will enhance or undermine human experiences.

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5. The Future of the Podcast: AI Integration

Closing the episode on a meta note, Whitney and Pat discuss the potential integration of AI into their own show. They humorously contemplate letting AI write future episodes, pondering the authenticity and creativity such a shift would entail.

Whitney Cummings [62:34]: "Next week's episode, we're gonna see if AI can replace me. So this might be a goodbye forever..."

Pat [64:35]: "It's also like doing an AI song or something... It's so funny."

This self-referential dialogue not only entertains but also invites listeners to reflect on the broader implications of AI in creative industries and personal expression.

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Conclusion

Episode 290 of Good For You masterfully balances humor with insightful commentary on AI and fame. Through the dynamic interplay between Whitney and Pat, listeners are entertained while being prompted to ponder the complexities of technological advancement and the elusive nature of celebrity. Notable for its rich dialogue and memorable quotes, this episode stands out as a thought-provoking installment in Whitney Cummings' acclaimed podcast series.

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Notable Quotes:

• Pat [02:39]: "I was informed that there are Trump ads running on our show on Apple or something."

• Whitney Cummings [38:53]: "It's too perfect."

• Pat [39:13]: "He has dimples... You gotta just be crazy off the bat."

• Whitney Cummings [45:18]: "Disneyland is giant cartoon mice... We love fake."

• Pat [54:02]: "We're due for a Frankenstein moment... Maybe we'll watch Pat fight Pat."

• Whitney Cummings [62:34]: "Next week's episode, we're gonna see if AI can replace me."

These highlights encapsulate the episode's essence, blending sharp humor with poignant observations on contemporary issues.

Transcript

[Whitney Cummings]

Action, Pat.

[Pat]

Everyone's very excited that Pat made an appearance on the show. He's back.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm here again.

[Pat]

Nope. No one famous for jerking off in movie theaters on your shirt today. So you just. You just.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, I'm sorry. Wait, hold on. Is it hot? And I think it feels a little hot in here.

[Pat]

Oh, no, it's, like, a little bit hot in here. Hold on. It's not. I turn the air conditioning on. You know I do.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, really?

[Pat]

Yeah. No, it's definitely not hot. It's, like, 64. It's not warm, Pat.

[Whitney Cummings]

Just a little bit warm.

[Pat]

It's not warm in here. It's. I'm freezing. I am. I hate your gut so much.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's a little warm today.

[Pat]

Pat is fired. How do I fire Pat? Like, how could I fire Pat? You're fired.

[Whitney Cummings]

I will only let this person fire me.

[Pat]

No, you're fired. I'm telling you. Hold on. Let me. Hold on. You're fired.

[Whitney Cummings]

I believe you. I believe you.

[Pat]

Now give me all my links.

[Whitney Cummings]

Now release me.

[Pat]

Give me the hard drive. This. I didn't.

[Whitney Cummings]

How did that happen?

[Pat]

I didn't do this. Do you realize that? Okay, Mikey, will you. This is. I'm being bullied. Do you understand?

[Whitney Cummings]

We did not coordinate this at all.

[Pat]

We're forced to wear these shirts. No, this is. This is how. Okay, this is what being a girl boss is. You end up having people you work with, and they just bully you and they troll you, and I won't have it.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, it's rare to have a job that you love so much that you will make tribute shirts to your boss.

[Pat]

I spend most of my time talking to Mikey and Pat about, like, hey, can we, like, maybe make the lighting a little bit better? I look like Stu Boucher and be like, hey, can we, like, lighten this? Can we get rid of those, like, crow's feet so that Reddit doesn't, you know, do, like, a whole tribute post and, like, start putting out a calendar of, you know, how I'm getting older and then makes shirts of a thousand. My chin having a thousand wrinkles count. One, two, three, four. Mikey's counting my chins. Like, how am I. How is this not abuse? Do we. Who do I. I don't know. Again, you are fired. As soon as we shoot 100 more episodes, you're out of here.

[Whitney Cummings]

Two more years and you're out of here.

[Pat]

And you're out of here. Okay. No. Where's my email box?

[Whitney Cummings]

This happens four or five more times, you're gone.

[Pat]

So It's a casual Sunday, right? I'm taking the day off to really rest, to relax, to take care of my mental health. So I decide to look at my direct messages, you know, self care. I'm gonna go not into the people.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know, into the beyond the comments, into the DMs.

[Pat]

I want to talk to you guys. I want to find out who wants to kill me and how. Okay? Just as a Sunday wind down and I get this DM, well, I get a bunch of DMs about this, but the one that I really started reading, I was informed that there are Trump ads running on our show on Apple or something. And. Cause, look, I was a little confused for a while because I would get Instagram comments and TikTok comments where people are like, oh, when you're MAGA now, like, what's up? I figured these were like, Matan fans, or, I don't know, you know, burner accounts of my family members who I stopped giving money to. Like, I didn't know. I was just like, oh, but one of these dms, someone was nice enough to lay out. They were like, you know, on Apple podcasts, there's been a Trump ad running for a couple months on your podcast. The fact that this has been going in front of my podcast without me knowing is so frustrating because you know how hard I work to believe that both sides are terrible. One is a wolf in sheep's clothing. One is a wolf in wolf's clothing. Did you see how I just did a.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like a. Yeah, that's like going A.

[Pat]

And 2, but they're all wolves that live next to each other in the Hamptons and Cape Cod, and they're all friends.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just don't know what he was selling.

[Pat]

It was just like, hey, how do we make sure Whitney's YouTube comments suck forever?

[Whitney Cummings]

What if that ad didn't appear anywhere else and it was just, hey, let's crap in front of Whitney's podcast every week.

[Pat]

It felt like a prank, and I felt like I was going crazy if I had not been sent so many videos of it being screen recorded going before my podcast, like, it's the first thing you hear. It's not. Like, halfway through the show.

[Whitney Cummings]

It would be good to know if anybody else has heard it anywhere else, because I had never heard that before.

[Pat]

Look, I'm just annoyed, all right? I call my ad salesperson. He said he had no idea what was going on, which I guess is, you know, possible. I mean, how could podcast ad salespeople know that much since they Spend most of their time on mushrooms at Bonner trying to sign hock to his hologram. Like, I know they're very busy. I just work. I work a lot in network TV as well. I get it. I'm a Hollywood dork. But I come to YouTube and podcasting so that I'm not going to be censored, right? Because of all, all my self sabotage Tourette's and my need to publicly advocate for justice for Shirley Temple twice a week. I get it. But now all of a sudden, I kind of appreciate lawyers and standards and practices and people making sure that a person who's committed to making fun of both sides doesn't have her show open with a pro Trump ad for six months. It's just like when he's not even running again, it's just an ad for him as a person. It's not even an ad for him for president. It's annoying. And I get now, if you thought I was like a red pill grifter or Russian asset, you're right. I was wrong and I'm sorry. Now, you know, Pat said I might have gotten 1800 south of 2000, like around $1800 at most. So if I receive this money, the $1800 from the Pro Trump campaign, I'm going to get Botox right here. That'll show because it, because this has aged me. This whole thing has aged me. And I've not gotten Botox in two and a half years. And I think it's time anyway. Don't get successful, guys. It's so pointless. It's pointless. It's just like I was sitting there on Sunday and I was just like, why? What? Like just the whole, okay, you get successful just to get undermined by some ad sales database or person that, that, by the way, they just blame each other. Like, there's no accountability in literally anything. Like, you'll say, like, hey, how did this happen to a person? And then the person's like, well, it was the computer. And then you go to ask the computer and they're like, well, the person would have had to manually put something in for me to do this automatic thing. Anyway. The database is like, humans allowed us to do this. We're not conscious.

[Whitney Cummings]

I would wager that the voice of Trump in that ad was an AI generated Trump voice.

[Pat]

So now you're being insulting. Now you're being insulting. Now you're saying only an AI generated Trump would buy ad time on this show.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, just the performance.

[Pat]

Now it's just as being hurtful I just. Look, my only goal is to be able to make fun of both sides. Like, I work so hard to make fun of both sides and, like, be balanced, you know? And look, the great thing about this country is that you get to criticize how sometimes our leadership is not so great, right? Like, politicians, they get insider trading tips, and comedians get to make fun of that without going to jail. And we get to make fun of our politicians and make money. That's the. That's the. That is the funniest thing to me about the United States is that one of the biggest businesses in America is podcasting, criticizing our government. Like, if the government suddenly got awesome here, so many podcasters who said they wanted that would immediately go broke. Like, all these podcasts, like, the government sucks. The government sucks. What if you fix it?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Then what are you gonna do? There's nothing to podcast about. Then they'll just podcast about their depression because everything's good. Like, what if you actually get what you want? They'll be like, oh, wait, why don't you guys listen to us?

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, I want my foreskin back.

[Pat]

Like, we put an end to our own business model by pointing out problems we didn't think you'd actually solve them. Now we don't even get sent free Bluetooth or apartments. Here's my deal. I just go hard at both sides. So to have a pro Trump ad on the podcast, like, sincerely, was so embarrassing to find out. Like, I mean, you guys know I roasted Trump 10 years ago at his actual roast for Comedy Central and then roasted the left on CNN this year. After the CNN thing, I went on a left wing network and made fun of the left. And if I went on a right wing, I make fun of the right. But this podcast is not supposed to be either of those, you know, so it just, like, drove me nuts, you know? And, like, yeah, like, on the CNN thing, I rattled off a bunch of, you know, news stories that I didn't think the establishment media would ever cover. And, you know, I said, like, fluoride is in the water, isn't it? Is it not? Am I wrong? My only point is I find it weird that we can't drink from the faucet or the sink or a plastic water bottle. I'm just. I'm so thirsty. I just wanted to go on CNN and. And figure out a way to drink water. I am so dehydrated at this point. Look at my hair, okay? It gets curlier every time you see me. Right? I'm just saying, if you're gonna put fluoride in the water. Maybe add some lithium while you're at it, so when we find out about the fluoride, we're not in a bad mood about it. Can we just. Can I. Can we just get some water for the. I have cottonmouth. I'm begging you. And look, to be clear, I'm too left for the right. I'm too right for the left. Fine. It's also wild to me that anyone who watches a comedian and spends the entire time trying to figure out who they voted for is such a weird way to watch comedy. If you had a brain in your head, you'd be watching a comedian go, God, I hope they don't vote. Like, why do you want us to vote at all like that? Why would you want either of us? We talk about the most shameful, embarrassing things and are truly like, Most of us just talk about how despair vehicle. But we are. And you're like, you're not a Democrat. Bye. People see a comedian talking about, like, watching stepsister porn, and the comments are like, you're not on my side politically. I'm out of here. Like, why do you want them on your side? Like, you don't agree with me on everything. I think I know. Unsubscribe block. You're red pilled. Like, what is happening? I just. I don't know. To me, the present, like, for a Trump ad to be on my podcast is just like, so stupid. Stupid. Like, I don't even. The president. Like, what are we, five? What are you, the president? You're the president. Like, literally, people want to be the president when they're five.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, you're not doing the. The morning announcements in high school on your podcast.

[Pat]

It's like when a flight attendant talks too long and you're like, they just really want to talk. You're like, let him have it. Like, I'm the president. Like, what are we doing? To me, the president is just such so goofy. It's like the president to me is like boyfriend. Every four years, you have to pick one, and then you spend the next three years regretting your choice. Like, it's just like, I just feel like the way that all of politics is set up, it's conducive only to psychopaths running for office. Anyone who looks at the world and is like, I could. I could run. This is an insane per. Like a clinically insane person. Okay, it's that person. And then they're like, wait a second. I get to be on TV 24 hours a day and meet with bankers and get paid off by corporate interests and live in a giant house built by slaves. Where do I sign up? Get me on with Goldman Sachs. I want to be the president. Dude. Voting in America. This is my take on left and right. Until either of them talk about voting being a holiday. I can't even. I don't even know what to say. I shut down if I cannot, like, get to the root of what would actually change something. Voting in America not being a holiday is so insane to me, and I feel like nobody talks. We post about National Hot Dog Day. Do you know there's a National Donut Day? I dug it. February 7th, National Work Naked Day. That's a day. April 1st is fun at Work Day. Those feel like they're the same day. April 30th is called Honesty Day. Only America has a day that's like, can we tell the truth today, guys? Just one day a year. September 1st. Emma Nutt Day. Who's Emma Nutt? Emma Nutt. Am I wrong? Emma nut day. September 1st is emma nut Day. I focused on this because I found the only person with a worse last name than me. The point is, when someone is like, are you left? Are you right? Like, I don't. I'm. I'm two Asperger's. I'm like, how come neither of them want Election Day to be a holiday? Okay, why are both of them okay with supreme court justices being 200 years old? Why is someone that still says colored get to decide what's currently a good idea? Comedians. We make fun of both sides. That's our thing, right? Nobody is good enough for us. We go from town to town slinging wiener jokes, and no one is good enough to be our leader. We try and make drunk strangers laugh because our moms thought we were duds. And we will nitpick other people's character and expect nothing but perfection. When it comes to our megalomaniacs, we expect our politicians to be as perfect as our mom would have needed us to be to remember to pick us up from school. And by school, I mean that woman's house down the street who bred Dobermans, who was supposed to be teaching us to read, but we just watched coverage of the JonBenet Ramsey trial. Oh, Huel. You guys, I actually use Huel. This is a drink that has a bunch of vitamins in it. This episode is sponsored by Huel. I'm supposed to read that. And this says no time to cook. No problem. No, I have time to cook. I just don't want to because I have a son and I don't know what it is with men in fire as a child. He wants to go touch it. He wants to be in it. I don't know. It's unclear, but I use Huel. Like for real. It's a bunch of vitamins in a drink. And as we all know, I'm so busy saving time with all these time saving apps that I cannot make food. There is no time to cook. The meteor is coming. Enter Huel. It's a ready to drink complete meal in one bottle. It contains 30 grams of protein, 27. No wonder I look so good. Vitamins. And I was just drinking it because I just thought it was like a chocolate milkshake. I thought it was like a Yoo Hoo high fiber. It's low sugar. There's no prep and there's no cleanup. Well, there's for me because after I finish it, I throw the bottle across the yard. But that's just me. Huel has sold over 500 million meals worldwide. Designed by experts to provide like real experts, not like the male podcasters that you listen to. Blah, blah. There's no hassle. Just look at me, look at my energy level. Like I'm just such a sprightly, like, you know, fountain, fountain of fuel, spraying it everywhere. They've got chocolate, they've got vanilla. It's also affordable. Each meal is less than $5. It gives you a solid option if you're trying to save money without compromising your health. Here's an offer for new customers. You're going to get 15% off plus a free gift when you use my code [e-mail] Whitney that's Huell. H E U if you see me in the airport, I will be holding Huel. FYI, skip the stress, not the nutrition. Try Huela. Betterhelp.com it is mental health Awareness Month. That's and we're celebrating by me having crimped hair. We are celebrating by making sure I appear as mentally ill as possible in every episode of this month. It's Mental Health Awareness month. Which means in every episode, I'm gonna make sure you guys try to get me 5150'd this will every episode will be a cry for help. Mental health is just as important as physical pat. What do you do for your mental health? Oh, besides mute me?

[Whitney Cummings]

I pretend I don't exist.

[Pat]

You don't though.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know that's my trick.

[Pat]

Mental health is just as important as physical health and many people avoid therapy because of Stigma, inconvenience, or fear of judgment? No, I avoid therapy because I don't think I have any problems. I'm delusional, and I'm too busy solving other people's fake problems. Okay, But I will read your copy, BetterHelp, because I know you know more about what's going on than I do. Better help. It's an online platform. It connects you to licensed therapists. Not like the guy with crystals in the hotel room. Fool me. Once They've served over 5 million people around the world and they make it easy to find someone who fits your needs, it all happens online. No waiting rooms, no driving, no scheduling around work hours. Pat, I skipped a line and I got you. Pat helps me with the teleprompter moving it. And I was so smooth that he was just, like, lost. You're gonna have to talk about that in therapy later. And like, damn it, do they have speech therapists and BetterHelp? Every time I have a burn for Pat, I stutter. Whether you've been in therapy before or whether you're just starting to Explore it now, BetterHelp can help you with your coping skills, manage stress, and improve how you feel every day. Or don't do it and just keep commenting on celebrities. Social media posts. That seems to be working well for you. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com Whitney that's betterhelp.com b e t t e r h e l p.com w h I t n e y betterhelp.com Whitney to take that first step towards feeling better. Okay, I'll be in Calgary on September 5th. I'm going to be in Ridgefield, Connecticut. Two shows. Huntington, New York, getting Lyme disease on September 6th. Then I'll be in Vancouver, Canada. Richmond, Virginia. I'm going to go back to Roanoke from where I hail. Then I'll be Norfolk, Virginia. Toronto, Ontario. Baltimore, Maryland. Let's go Arkansas. Reading, Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, where I went to college. So come through. If you are my college bully, I'd like to talk to you. Then Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and then New Orleans is on here somewhere. Apparently there is a new travel ID we all need to have and it involves going to the dmv. So it seems like I will be canceling the aforementioned tour dates. Do you know about this?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know yet? Where did you hear about this?

[Whitney Cummings]

I've been hearing about it for like 10 years and they kept kicking it down the road.

[Pat]

You need new friends. New friends. Get them immediately.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's the only thing anyone's talked to me about for 10 years, and I haven't done it yet.

[Pat]

I've, like, heard about it. But my thing when you hear about something, like, someone will tell me when it's time.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And then I'm going to Vegas this weekend. They're like, you might not be able to get on the plane. I'm like, was someone going to tell me about this? Like, whose responsibility? I mean, they announced it in, like, 2020. And then I think Covid just happened.

[Whitney Cummings]

Everybody just forgot about it. The deadline was in 2020, I think. And then they said, oh, we're going to extend it two years. Extended two years.

[Pat]

Hey, both of you shut up. That's not true. It's not true. None of it's true. None of what you're saying is true. Okay. All right. Get in my timeline. Like, it is funny, though. It is really. Like, this guy's like, I've heard about this. I don't think I heard about it until I heard about what is to vote. Oh, you know what I mean?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Who told you about this five years ago? Name them. Name them. Name them, Mikey.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's in big, bold letters.

[Pat]

Name it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Your driver and your car registration renewed. Anything from the DMV that comes to you. It's all bold.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Me and my opening my DMV envelopes.

[Whitney Cummings]

They're allowing the passport indefinitely.

[Pat]

So had it been so, I would have seen it if I opened my jury duty summons. Yeah, perhaps.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Look, I am being mansplained by a bully. Okay, so there's a new travel id. It's a real id. It's called. It's just called a real id. They really just gave up on brainstorming the title. It's just called a real id, which is so annoying. That's like the pants called guests. Like, I hate you. It's like a prank. Like, do you have your real id? Which one? No, the real one. Like, the real.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's kind of undermining all the authority they had previously, too.

[Pat]

Unlike the passport. That was, like, not really a real one. Yeah, well, what was this one?

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, the fake one from the last 100 years.

[Pat]

It's. I feel like this really snuck up on us. May 7th. Okay, to board domestic flights, you need a real ID compliant license or ID passport port. It's enacted to enhance national security by increasing the security and reliability of state issued identification documents. It aims to make it more difficult for individuals to use fraudulent or altered identification documents. So how about the people that looked at the other IDs just get them off drugs. They're like, people were getting through with fake ones. Like, whose fault is that? And I was just coming. Yeah, like, everyone that works there is. You know what I mean? Maybe pay the people that work there so they look a little harder at the id. I don't know. There's something's going on. There were drones in the sky for, like, two weeks in New Jersey, and then we just stopped talking about it. And now we need a star on our license. It's a star. The real one has a star on it. Wasn't that the World War II Germany aesthetic for labeling people? Is Kanye west designing the new IDs? Guys, I feel like you've had a while to figure out what emoji you're going to put on the new id. Anyway. We have to go get another id Now I have to go get another id. How about you guys maybe get your pilots to go get their license renewed? A lot of planes seem to be falling out of the sky and crashing into stuff lately. Maybe it's not on us to have more forms of id. Maybe you need to send your pilots to rehab. What if instead of us going to the DMV and annoying all the underpaid government employees who are only still working there because the email that got sent firing them went to junk, how about you guys just service your planes? I just don't feel like us not having a third ID on us is the problem with aviation at the moment. Maybe people were sneaking on planes with fake IDs because there's no humans at the airport anymore. It's all these, like, rickety old machines that they. You remember the red box? They just repurposed it into, like, a bag check vending machine. You go, you. Dude, I go to the airport now. You check into a machine. I put my bag tag in, right? I like, scan a bunch. I go into a conveyor, and then I bring it to the conveyor belt, right? Then I go to the TSA guy. They take a photo of me on, like, a. A Kindle.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, yeah. They have the little dotted circle, and you have to, like, put your face in the target.

[Pat]

Yeah, I'm just like a little like a Palm Pilot. Like some old. Like, I'm just like, what is happening? Like, sign this with your stylist. I'm like, what is that? Is that a. Is that a sidekick? What is this? And then I. And you're telling me security's lacks. And then I go on the plane. I get invited into the cockpit. I mean, that's when I was blonde only. But still, this literally going to the airport is less legit security than like fyre festival at this point. What if they just need another form of ID so they can track us down when we bring more than two items on the plane? You're just at your house one day and like these two officers show up and they're like, hey, we heard two weeks ago that your flight to Memphis, you had a purse and a backpack and a personal item and you didn't stow them before takeoff. And you went a bulkhead. That's three. It's just, it's a guy in your, in your, on your lawn going, that's three. You just wake up one morning, it's a guy like in the mist next to your mailbox. Like three. It was three. So we all need another ID to fly within the United States. But I mean, if you want to really do something shady, you can just drive, right? Am I wrong? So this ID is really only for terrorists who get easily car sick is basically why we're. Maybe it's good. I don't know. Maybe it's good. Maybe this is good. You know, me and my like delusional mindset these days. Like, maybe it'll weed out people who don't know how to behave on a plane. Maybe this is what this is for. Honestly, I changed my mind. I like it. I'm into it. This could maybe deter some of the like barefoot on a plane people. The people that cut their toenails on a plane, I feel like, aren't going to be taking this law too seriously. The hot women in tank tops on edibles having a manic episode at the flight attendant. Maybe, maybe, you know, they'll just be like, you know what? I'm going to steal someone's car and drive to Phoenix. Like I feel like we might have some less crazies or who know, maybe this is just how they get us to stop flying because they know how dangerous flying is now.

[Whitney Cummings]

There's going to be a crazy amount of meltdowns at security.

[Pat]

That's. Oh my God, I can't.

[Whitney Cummings]

On the plane, people get really frustrated.

[Pat]

Be like every short guy at the club.

[Whitney Cummings]

Security is going to be like super backed up because of all the people they have to turn away. So then having clear or having pre check is going to be the only way to really get through security.

[Pat]

Why is it the less we know who we are as people, the more proof of identities we need? They're just like trolling non binary people at this Point. You need another id. You need to. Like every social media post, we're like, I'm still discovering who I am. I'm finding my authentic self. They're like, pick a self again. The need to be special is something that I'm. That I feel like we're starting to reverse on. Do you see that this YouTuber, this famous YouTuber quit? It's called Outdoor Boys. He was getting, like, super famous. He had 15 million followers. I told you fame's not fun. We've told you this. No one believe. No one believes. No one believed Prince. Now what? No one believed my. No one believes any. Fame is, like, the thing that you cannot talk someone out of. It's like a toxic relationship. You can never tell someone to break up with someone in a toxic relationship. It's never gonna happen. They have to find out for themselves. He has 15 million followers from camping outside, building cabins with his children on YouTube, and he's quitting. So from now on, on my YouTube, I will be camping outside and building cabins with my son. This is a new artistic direction that I just thought of, like, just completely spontaneously. His thing in the video, he was like, this is just getting out of hand. I'm just, like, getting too famous. Okay, well, if you had done it for another month, you would have been canceled. So let's just. You're just the first person in, like, the evolutionary, like, Darwinism of this who's like, let me just get out while I'm on top. Like, no one's really made it forever, Right? Seems like someone remembered they had a tricky Halloween costume 20 years ago and decided to call it, like, in the thing. He's like, the messages were getting overwhelming from the fans. Like, all those nudes that I couldn't stop downloading.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, just trying to get ahead of a few things.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to go burn my thumbprints off, and then maybe I'll reconsider doing some lives.

[Whitney Cummings]

Now that I'm done digging a thousand holes in the woods, I'm going to go MIA for a bit.

[Pat]

I. You know, I don't know. He was like, it's made my life hard. Okay, maybe that was it. Maybe one of the kids that was, you know, on your YouTube channel for all that time. Maybe they got weird. Maybe they just weren't as dazzling on camera as a teenager. I don't know. Maybe they just weren't testing well.

[Whitney Cummings]

Imagine trying to recast your kid on your YouTube channel.

[Pat]

Oh, God. The way they did with Becky on Roseanne.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, so good.

[Whitney Cummings]

Interview a bunch of 11 year olds like you like camping?

[Pat]

Dude, that is so funny. I love, I love, I love stuff like that. I'm just, I'm telling you, fame's not fun anymore, right? Fame is not fun. This guy just called it. You know, fame at this point is just people coming up to you being like, you look like that. Like people come and say like you look like Whitney Cummings, but like way less annoying. You're like cool. It's just people coming up to you insulting the person they think you are, who you actually are. They're like, hey, Wendy Cummings. Are you Wendy Cummings? You say, oh, you remind me of Wendy Cummings. But like, not as annoying. Like it's like that. That's all that happens. It's just people being like, look, I don't know you, but my girlfriend does. Cool, famous, humiliating. It's not glamorous anymore. Everyone just wants to know, like whether you're right wing or left wing, whose team are you on? I mean, when Marilyn Monroe was standing above a subway grate with getting the subway hepatitis air blowing into her crevices and everyone thinking that was the sexiest thing that had ever happened. Was everyone's like, but who did she vote for? Did this happen? Like to Tom Green and the Jackass Guys? Like when Steve O was having a scrotum bitten off by an alligator where someone was like, hey, hey, did he post about the queers for Kama? Like, is, is this, does this always happen? Was everyone like, but who did Dennis Rodman vote for? I need to know. He thinks we need more mental health care. He wears a dress in the game, but is he doing enough for the non binary community? He's wearing a dress in the NBA. It's not enough. That's the key to being famous though. Dennis Rodman. You know I always go back to Dennis Rodman. Dude, the key to being famous is you have to be out of your mind from the get go. You gotta be bonkers out of the gate. So when you inevitably want to hang out with a Korean dictator, everyone's like, cool. Like, ah, how can we be mad? He gets to, he gets to. All right, this is important since everyone wants to be famous. Now listen, listen here to Auntie Whitney. You gotta just be crazy off the bat, all right? Do not go out of the gate with moral superiority because then, then you get those people as your fans, right? Logan Paul, nailed it. Started off just electrocuting rats, right? Smart business move. Otherwise fame is just people saying like, you aren't using your platform responsibly and them just being disappointed in you later. Okay. Which, by the way, when did everyone forget that, like, the only reason people get famous is because they need endless attention? Why would you get famous and then start thinking about other people all of a sudden? Other people only exist to like your selfies. The only reason anyone famous wants to care for others is that so they stay alive enough to like their selfies. I'm sure they would prefer that their fans were paraplegics so that they were just sitting in their hospital bed looking at the phone. Fame is embarrassing. Like, you could see that guy. He's, like, sitting by a stream, like, ah, this was. Shouldn't have done this.

[Whitney Cummings]

He gets up and just walks away from the camera with a backpack on.

[Pat]

Off a cliff, just jumps. He's just like, ah, yeah, this is a little overwhelming. It's kind of hard to get down. Like, what did you think was gonna happen? What? Who has it ended well for? Name one name who. Name one name besides Magic Johnson who has fame helped. Fame is. It's embarrassing. It never ends well for anybody. And you know what? You know what? I changed my tune. I think everyone should get famous because it's humbling. Maybe that's the only way to humble people at this point. People I know who are not on social media, they're more arrogant than people who are famous. Because when you're famous all you like, you just get told how ugly you are all day. Now you don't deserve anything that you have. And you're like an elitist insider. People like, Whitney, you sat front row at the Knicks game. You're an elitist. You're an insider. That was the most embarrassing day of my life. Nothing like. Nothing like being all set to be on the jumbotron. The camera comes to you. Then Tracy Morgan throws up on the other side of the court, and it doesn't cut to you, and you're just sitting there. Wait. I wore a sparkle bandeau top that showed under boob. I did lip liner outside my lips. No matter how famous or funny I get or how many specials I do, I will never be as riveting as Tracy Morgan's puke. That's.

[Whitney Cummings]

You were having flashbacks of your book release day.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. Why did you just do that?

[Whitney Cummings]

Thunder stolen.

[Pat]

People respect you less if you're famous.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why didn't you think to vomit on the floor at the Knicks?

[Pat]

I know. It's because I. It's a great question. Because I'm bad. I'm. I'm not talented.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's why he's so funny and everybody loves him because he thinks of the funniest thing you can do in that situation.

[Pat]

He has good. I have bad comedic instincts. I was sitting there waiting to, like, be sincere and, like, do a bit, and he was just like.

[Whitney Cummings]

He just got right to the point.

[Pat]

Dude. Nailed it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

He got right to the point. Or maybe him seeing me get ready for the camera is what made him nauseous.

[Whitney Cummings]

He's like, oh, she's gonna do it.

[Pat]

Maybe he was like that. Like, he was so sickened.

[Whitney Cummings]

Maybe he knew how poorly it was going to go for you. And he saved me.

[Pat]

He saved me. He saved me. He probably did. I just. I'm just telling you. You see this man who's quitting YouTube after getting famous, like a shell of a man. People understand that when you get famous, people respect you less. You're trash to that. You're pathetic. You're a pick. Me like, oh, you're on tv. I don't watch tv. Cool. I don't. I don't. I don't have Netflix. Are we supposed to be like, oh, my God, no way. You are so sick. You don't have Netflix or tv. Or if you just think about yourself all day. Can I talk to you? You must be the most riveting person on the planet that nothing, no movie, no show, no stand up special. Nothing is more entertaining than your inner monologue. Cool. When people come up to you and then their brag is, I've never heard of you. They'll be, I don't know, you. Like, my mom loves. Like, you know, I've never heard of you. My girlfriend knows you. Can I just, like, take a picture? Honestly, I respect the person so much more that comes up to me after a bunch of people got a picture, they get a picture and then they go, who are you, by the way? That person? Yes. That's a winner. You get the picture, figure it out later. And then I say, I'm Casey Anthony. Everybody wins. I feel like being famous is the new smoking. It only makes you attractive to super toxic people. You can't do it on restaurants or on planes. It ages you.

[Whitney Cummings]

The only people that want to talk to you are people that want to bum a smoke.

[Pat]

Totally. Yes. Yes. Yeah. When you, when you actively seek it out, people think you're like, can I get a cigarette? Everyone's like, you know what I'm saying? Being famous is cool, I guess, but what it takes to get there is so cringe. It's like, you know, when. When you see, like someone with a really good body, you're like, oh, okay. Like, I'm not into that, really. But when I see a guy with like, abs, you're like, okay, I guess. But all I see is that you spent three hours a day, like, swinging a kettlebell, nowhere near a book.

[Whitney Cummings]

What part of your personal life is crumbling right now?

[Pat]

Like, it just means, like, when I see a guy with a bunch of abs, all I see is 4 half open protein powders on the top of your fridge in a kitchen covered in a film of white powder. My thing is, I feel like he could have kept his channel going and had AI. This is a good use for AI because someone that got famous because it seems like he's a good guy, he built cabins and he's a fisherman. This is the kind of person who should be famous. This is the kind of people that I like this guy. But no one who has integrity or dignity is going to want to be famous. So we have an AI guy take over and then his kids don't have to be on camera all the time, right? And then the kids can stay the same age for. I don't know. This feels like this could work. This is a way to not exploit your kids. Use AI. I've always said this. Instead of child actors, use adult little people or robot kids. There was a show called Small Wonder when I was a kid about a girl who was a robot. I loved it. And then I found out she was a real girl and I was traumatized. Like, use AI to keep these kids in this YouTube channel. Keep this family, you know, camping. A BlueChew. This episode is sponsored by BlueChew because of my personality. So BlueChew is the service that delivers chewable tablets and to help men with stronger, long lasting erections, which you guys need because you're all in ice baths, you're taking Propecia, you're, you know, on the. Watching free porn all day. So you have no, you know, semen left in your body. Is that medical advice? The process is all online from the consultation to the delivery. That means no doctor visits, no pharmacy lines, no awkward conversations. Even though for some people, awkward conversations is what gets them hard. But the point is, There is now Blue 2 Max, which combines the active ingredients from Viagra and Cialis into one chewable tablet. It acts fast and the effects last. The tablets are made in the United States and shipped to your door. Once you're approved by one of the licensed medical providers the prescription arrives in. Decrease the street packaging fits fast. It's Hassle free. Here's the job. Your first month is free. You're just going to pay $5 for shipping. Promo code whitneyluchew.com you know, I just feel like I wish I could tell my parents. Bluechew.com Whitney I made it. Promo code Whitney. W H I T N E y again, go to bluechew.com, use promo code Whitney. Try your first month for free. Just pay $5 for shipping. Thanks Bluechew for sponsoring this podcast. Sock Doc. Dr. Booking made easy. Sock Doc took too much Blue Chew. Didn't take the prescribed amount of Blue Chew. Chewed too much Blue Chew gum. Need a doc fast. This episode is sponsored by zocdoc. We've all delayed going to the doctor. Maybe you were too busy or you didn't know which doctor to choose. Maybe the process felt overwhelming. Or maybe your ankle still hurts because you're a 40 year old man who jumped off that thing. Zocdoc spelled Z O C D O C. It's a free app and website where you can find and book in network doctors. You can filter by location, insurance, specialty and even patient reviews. You're going to see real time availability. You can book an appointment that works for your schedule. That could mean same day or next day care. Instead of waiting weeks, you deserve to have teeth in your head. Whether you need a dentist, therapist, dermatologist, primary care provider, whether you just. That red bump. What is it? What is it? Ingrown herpes. Zocdoc is going to let you book online with more than 100,000 doctors in every spot. 100,000 doctors in an app? This is a dating app. Zocdoc simplifies appointments. Go do it. Go to Zocdoc.com Whitney Zocdoc.com Whitney, stop putting off those appointments. You're bleeding. Find and book top rated doctors today. Zocdoc.com Whitney Stop bleeding. I've turned over a new leaf on AI. I'm not scared of it anymore. Now what? What are you gonna do, Pat? I'm not. Here's why I feel like I'm hearing all these arguments about how bad it is. I listened to that Diary of a CEO show, which is absolutely. AI. The man that hosts it is AI. The whole thing's a. I'm not kidding. Have you seen it? It's an AI podcast. It's a parody of a high performer podcast. It's like the guy's not real. None of it's real. Am I wrong?

[Whitney Cummings]

It's too perfect.

[Pat]

Correct. He opens with, like. He manages to ask you to subscribe to his channel in a way that makes me actually think he needs money. And he's like, if you could just. We make the content better. It's not like. Like, subscribe. He's like, I need you to like and subscribe.

[Whitney Cummings]

Very soothing approach. And it sounds like he's looking out for you.

[Pat]

Yeah, he's got dimples.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, you should really like and subscribe.

[Pat]

You made it my idea somehow.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

He was like, if you like and subscribe, I can make the show better for you. I'm like, like, subscribe, because Tim Dillon's gonna see my subscriber count, and I don't want to lose a fight. Look, so I listened to the Diary of a CEO podcast that was a bunch of experts talking about AI, and it actually made me feel weirdly like, I don't know, comfortable about it because, look, the cat's out of the bag. My. I'm big on ride the horse. The direction it's going. What is the point of resisting it? I think when people resist something that's imminent, it makes them think they sound smart. When someone says, like, yeah, I don't know about AI, you're like, no, you don't know about AI, but you don't. You shutting it down doesn't mean, you know, we're dumb.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's like when someone's like, I didn't like that movie. It's like, explain why defend your argument. Being negative doesn't make you smarter than me. That drives me nuts. But look, I've always been, you know, suspicious that I. Of course. But you know what else I'm suspicious of? People. People. People have finally behaved so poorly that AI seems like a good idea. This is what don't blame AI, Blame the people. Made AI seem like the best case scenario for our future. I'm just saying we have to prepare ourselves. And I am ready to be positive about AI, okay? I'm too claustrophobic for a bunker, so we have to make this work. Now, listen, everyone wants to be famous. That does seem like the new business model, which I don't know why everyone's so negative about it. Because it's like, basically the Internet is now just a mall, right? Whereas somebody used to have a boutique, and you go to their boutique and 30 people a day would come. Now they're on TikTok with their TikTok shop. Like, it's all the same thing. It's not people trying to get Famous people just have to have jobs. And now you're just. All of our jobs are on digital. Fine. So everyone wants to be famous, whatever that means. But once you get famous, no bueno, man. It's bad news. Nobody gets out alive on that. So AI is going to fix the fact that for everyone to be real now you have to get famous. So if AI just makes you fake, you can stay real. Stay with me. You know how Daft Punk wears the helmet? That's not them. They don't show up to Dead mouse.

[Whitney Cummings]

No marshmallow.

[Pat]

He's on Raya. Not matching with me, okay? They're not at Bonnaroo. They're not showing up at Stagecoach. It's some guy that's. You know, that's the Jabberwockies.

[Whitney Cummings]

Dance. Hip hop. Dance.

[Pat]

Yeah. All these guys with helmets on. It's someone else. Do you know what I'm saying? Nobody listens to me, all right?

[Whitney Cummings]

You can't scale being yourself.

[Pat]

Pat came through. Now just. I know no one listens to me because on social media, I fight with people about giraffes and I have blue hair for two years, okay? The point is, get famous. Move to France, get chickens, get a cottage, then let AI take it from there. That's the new dream. Getting famous and having to do the famous person part yourself. That's like being rich and cleaning your own house. Like, being yourself is downstairs Downton Abbey, okay? Being famous is work. Successful people don't work. Successful people create a thing, leave, and then underpay people to keep the thing going. And they're on a boat, okay? AI may destroy humans. Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine. Are things going so well?

[Whitney Cummings]

Are we not going to destroy ourselves anyway?

[Pat]

Are we not doing that? We're chock full of Roundup. We're already destroyed. People, like, the robots are going to kill us. We kill ourselves holding our robot. I will say it every episode. 400 people have fallen off cliffs taking selfies. It's already happened. It's people, like the automatic driving. I'm terrified of automatic driving. I won't do it. But how many people die a year from.

[Whitney Cummings]

50? I think it's 50.

[Pat]

Yeah. I almost die every day driving myself. And then I get into an automatic car and I'm like, this is dangerous. It's just. It's fine. We're wrong. Every email I respond to, every zoom that you guys drag me into, I'm like, can AI me do this awkward small talk for 20 minutes before every conversation that could have been a text? Like, why Don't I let AI just do all this cosplay of being adults and I can go parent my son so he doesn't become a comedian. Why? Why do you need me? Why do you need me? I'm the worst version of myself. There's better versions of me out there that AI can make. Pat's got 12 better versions of me right here in his little jackpocket on his laptop screen.

[Whitney Cummings]

He's got a little hard drive there.

[Pat]

Nerd alert. So I want to talk about AI for a second, because I am a woman in stem and the thoughts that I have are kind of. Look, yes. I always like to go the contrarian way. I was on a podcast recently, and someone's like, well, you know that AI is bad. And I was just like, well, I only hear rich people complain. It's so elitist. It's like when people are like, oh, religion's dumb. It's like, well, it's, you know, people without any kind of hope, like religion, they like it. You know what I mean? Like that you have a doorman. But. Okay, so I do feel like there's something elitist about it. It's like rich people being like, but AI, they're afraid of not feeling special. AI is going to make the people that got to be special not be special anymore. But the people that don't have access to healthcare might be able to get their cancer screening read by this AI faster and cheaper. Do you know what I'm saying? So whatever. But I'm happy to be wrong. I know there's bad things about it, but I have some thoughts that I think will help everybody calm down. Because you know me, soothing is my brand. I see outrage about AI and the main thing I'm seeing a lot is like, this video is fake. This image is fake. Nothing's ever been real. Gentle reminder, show me a real anything. Do you know that a lot of the bones in museums of dinosaurs are fake? Did you know that?

[Whitney Cummings]

Plaster molds.

[Pat]

There's photos of me at the Smithsonian posing with plaster molds. And it says do not touch in front of it. They have the audacity to put a sign to really sell it. I'm like, don't touch the dinosaur bone. It's 10,000 years old. They just threw it together with some Elmers from Kinko. Fake is what we need. Fake. It's fake. Fake is real. Now it's an illusion, right? If you hate AI, that's fine, but fake photos shouldn't be the reason. Fake is our kink. As Humans. I'll take a banana, runt over a banana any day of the week. You tell me if it's between a great bubblicious gum and a grape, you're gonna go with the grape. Look at me with a straight face. Disneyland is giant cartoon mice and hooters waitresses pretending to be princesses. It's the happiest place on Earth. The nonfiction section of the library is not called the happiest place on Earth for a reason. Fake is better. We prefer fake. We don't want reality. Then AI Comes along and is like, no problem. We can get rid of that for you. Reality is like a bug. Get rid of it. They're like, we got it. Okay? We got it. We're like, no, no, no. AI, get out of here. Reality is our thing. Authenticity is our thing. I just posted about authenticity with a smoothing filter to make me look like a cyborg. Authenticity. I'm real. We're like, I like authenticity. We're all just trying to figure out if we're real or not. I kind of think it's that, like, I am authentically in a simulation. We never liked real. I don't think ever. Look, George Washington had wooden teeth. That was like a flex. Celebrities now have fake teeth. They're 25. The teeth were fine before. It's just like a flex to have fake ones. You know, your favorite musician draws her nose on with a Sharpie. Like, it's fine. Real is not what we do here. We love fake. Why do you think stuffed animals look nothing like the actual animal? No one would buy them. My son's teddy bear. When you really look at a teddy bear, you're like, this has no resemblance to a bear. Because if it looked like an actual bear, your. Your child will call child services. And, like, my son is a stuffed animal bat, and he's like, his favorite thing. And then I showed him a photo of a real bat, and he, like, screamed. I think we just have to remember that we love fake. And if we're mad at AI, it's not because of the fake photos and the fake videos. We love fake. We wait in line to go see fake things in a. In a seat, and we get popcorn. We love fake. We only want to see documentaries of a blonde girl is getting murdered. We don't want to watch documentaries about reality. We want to see a man flying through the sky with nothing but a piece of fabric as a cape, which is supposed to hold him up. Okay? We want to see Scarlett Johansson be a biologist in a tube top. We Want to see Angelina Jolie play an FBI agent? We don't want to see a real FBI agent. We don't want to see Deb who doesn't have a thumb anymore. We want fake. We love it. The moon landing. I hope it's fake to send people up there. To send men up there with kids then.

[Whitney Cummings]

For why?

[Pat]

For what? For who? That's like. It's irresponsible is what it is. And the fake footage is funny. I mean, even if we went, there is footage that is fake and there is nothing funnier than that footage. Fake is better. We love fake. Why all of a sudden are really mad at fake things? Humans are scared of everything unless we can film it. Okay, the drones, we weren't that scared of the drones because we could film it and post it. Like, there's a drone. Like, it could have been a blood sucking alien. And we're like, there's the drone. Like, if we can film it, we're fearless. All of a sudden we're scared of heights. Unless we can take a selfie with it. That's why we were so scared of COVID because we couldn't take a picture with it. Where is it? If Covid was a thing, we'd all be lined up. If we could get in the Wuhan lab, there would be a line around the block for influencers.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is that the bat you showed your son?

[Pat]

It was the Wuhan bat. As long as we can take pictures of it, we're not scared of it. We can't take pictures of AI that's the problem. But they can make we like AI when it takes a picture of us and does something. We like AI all of a sudden because it's making podcasters into babies and we like it. Being scared is not an argument. Humans are such. We are scared of everything. We're scared of spiders. Fine. What if they promise that the robots and the AI will kill spiders? AI will find a way to bioengineer nature so that there are no more spiders. Fine. Fine. Every time you say you're scared of something, AI could maybe take that scary thing away too. I got in a fight with Chris the other day, which, by the way, Chris is not here. He's with his daughter. And everyone's like, did you break up? No, I can't, I can't. Is that what, like, marriage is? You're just like, ah, I forgot what I was even mad at you about. Like, I'll just forget every other relationship. I was like, remember everything they said, how they said it. Procedure Now I'm just like. I don't remember.

[Whitney Cummings]

Being forgetful is the most important factor in a relationship. It's the only way to survive.

[Pat]

I was never listening in the first place. Is that better?

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, you've been mad at me.

[Pat]

Oh, God, I didn't even forget. I just never heard it in the first place. That's love. Well, no, I was annoyed at him because we found two rattlesnakes on the property. Two baby rattlesnakes, which men are terrified of snakes. It's so weird to me. You know why? Because you guys are like, you'll sneak. You have to be loud around snakes. Rattlesnakes. If they hear snakes, hear me coming, okay? So he's like, all worried about I catch the snake. And I'm like, all right, we have to kill it. And he's like, like, babe, we have to kill the rattlesnake. He puts it over the wall.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, solved.

[Pat]

Do you want me to. So I have to kill it when it's 10 times the size coming at me after drinking La Fentanyl water, then I have to kill it in the middle of the night. This is the other thing. Misinformation. AI is going to spread misinformation. Okay, fine. Fine. Our parents told us that we couldn't go in the pool after we ate. Still can't get over that. We've always been idiots that had misinformation. We would sit by the pool just like, is it time? Is it time?

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, don't believe everything you hear. Don't believe everything on the Internet. Maybe AI is mostly incorrect with facts. Unless it's math.

[Pat]

Did we ever know who discovered America? We had a mural on my gymnasium wall at my high school of the Native Americans and the pilgrims having a fun dinner. And the natives had. Were shirtless with their maize corn. And the Pilgrims had buckles on all their clothes. Everywhere, just buckles.

[Whitney Cummings]

You guys said you wanted proof, so we had the art teacher spend a few hours in the hallway.

[Pat]

The thing is about AI, okay? It's a sociopath, right? We already have sociopaths. They're just going to be the new sociopaths. Does that make any sense? I think what's going to happen with the AI robots is they're going to be able to do everything so quickly that they're going to be bored, right? It's going to be like, solve Alzheimer's, and they're like, done. So they're going to get bored. We're going to be at home collecting our universal basic income or whatever, and they're going to be like, we're bored. And what do sociopaths do when they are bored? They want people under them to fight each other so they can watch. They're gonna make us fight each other, which is like, we already voluntarily kind of do you know what I mean? It'll be like, we'll be in a zoo, which. Just hear me out. I know that sounds bad, but, like, everyone's complaining that getting a house is expensive. They will provide, like, apartments for us. Don't look at it as like, you're in a human zoo. You're in public housing, right? Every couple months, a drone will show up at your house and call you in to fight someone or something for their entertainment. Half of you already do CrossFit, and you get in bar fights on the weekends. We'd be doing this anyway. But they're gonna be funny about making us fight each other in these, like, gladiator shows where AI watches humans destroy. They're gonna, like, study the algorithm in YouTube and see what worked, and they're gonna be like, all right, the next fight's gonna be cardi b against Meghan McCain. And they're gonna be right. The next fight is Logan Paul versus Jake Paul. Not as a joke. They will be correct. We will all be in the human zoo collecting universal basic income and just wait to be called to fight someone. And it will be a better life than we have now.

[Whitney Cummings]

The octagon. The MMA octagon has provided the arena for an infinite amount of combat possibilities. I recently saw two people fighting with bullwhips inside of an octagon. Where was this, kids? I'm not sure. I think it was Eastern Europe, but I'll pull up the clip and I'll.

[Pat]

Show it to you.

[Whitney Cummings]

Kids are doing MMA and one and a fight style that you need no training for, which supports your point entirely, is the slap fighting, where you just stand and face each other and slap each other.

[Pat]

A.

[Whitney Cummings]

And that is. That sport is already taking people in poverty and lifting them out of poverty because there's a prize for slapping.

[Pat]

Look, best case scenario, we become to the AI what animals are to us. And the key is to just be the domesticated dog, not the undomesticated pig. Do you know what I'm saying? They're not gonna eat us. I'm not worried. They're gonna eat us. We're too toxic, right? Our parents put, like, baby powder on us. We ate, like, fast food, like, the horrible candy that RFK said gave us autism. Like, we can't write Poems or whatever it is. We will be like a kept woman. We'll sort of be in a room. We don't know when we're gonna see them. They'll come. They'll take care of us. They'll fatten us up, you know, and they'll just. I think they're gonna be funny.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, they better be funny.

[Pat]

I think they'll be funny. Look, sociopathic liars always ran things. Now it's just going to be a machine built by sociopathic liars. Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll turn on their creator. No one's think. No one's thinking. No one is thinking about that. No one is going, well, what if, like, Facebook one day, just, like, eat Zuckerberg and we all get to see it? Like, what if these things. What if the cyber truck. I mean, I'm just saying, we are due for one of these technologies to destroy their creator live. And you guys trying to stop it is ruining my fund. It is ruining things. We're due for a Frankenstein moment, don't you think? Well, like the guy that built the giant horse for the Denver airport, It fell on him and killed him. Yeah, like, we're due for one of those.

[Whitney Cummings]

If this blue origin stuff isn't Icarus, I don't know what is.

[Pat]

Yes. I'm gonna pretend I know that reference, but I think I can do.

[Whitney Cummings]

Close to the sun, and his wings melted and fell to the earth.

[Pat]

Oh, you believe we have a sun? Cool. I just think that AI Is this thing that makes us think this is the first time we've ever had something like this. And obviously, it's gonna be so exponential that it's. It feels like that. I just. It helps me. It gives me comfort to remember that we've never known the truth and we've never wanted it. We don't want it. I've never heard the truth and been, like, sick. Glad you told me that. Every time someone tells me the truth, I'm like, did you have to say it that way? He could have just said, I look 25 and moved on. We didn't have to do this. Why are we pretending the truth is all something that we're into? Let's just embrace our sicko nature. We love lies. It's the only way to get through this nightmare of life. AI Is going to just gently take us over to an artificial purgatory that makes things a little bit more tolerable. Okay. They're going to take over a lot of the things that we're doing. Fine. We're not going to have a purpose. The purpose we have now is weird, so why not?

[Whitney Cummings]

Unclear.

[Pat]

Unclear. Nebulous at best. Okay, so we're gonna just move into a different yet similar surreal existence. We may have to fight 3D holograms to entertain them. They may make duplicates of us that we have to fight. But it will be funny. It will be funny to watch Pat fight Pat.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm excited.

[Pat]

And lose. It's gonna be like going to Dave and Buster's without all the kids. Yes, no one will have kids because of the Roundup, but the flowers in the yard are pretty. Everyone has cancer because of Roundup, but do the flowers not look great? Do the flowers on the grave of the 28 year old not look gorgeous? We lie to our kids because we know it makes life better for them. Okay? AI is going to lie to us because they know it makes things better for us. It's going to be our Santa, our Easter Bunny. It's our Tooth Fairy. Look, if we stopped doing Santa, Easter Bunny for our kids tomorrow, they'd never notice. They don't care. It's not for them. It's for us. I mean, if we stopped doing Santa and the Easter money, the economy would collapse. They'd be fine. Kids never needed really any of that. We'd miss it. We love to lie. We love to be lied to. We love hoodwinking innocent children. Okay? But they don't care. My son's favorite thing is the laundry in the mud. He doesn't care. We lie to our kids because we know life's better that way. All right? And now AI is going to come do that to us, and that might be fine. Do you remember in the movie Drive, when Albert Brooks takes the life of a one Bryan Cranston in a very compassionate way? Do you remember that Some of us were built for this. And if you're scared of AI, you just weren't built. I was built in a lab with my Appalachia DNA and childhood trauma to fight in gladiator shows. This is it. People are testing me on social media these days, baiting me and baiting me. And I'm like, ah, God, can someone just catch me outside? And no one will catch me outside. And now that we have AI, that's gonna make we all get to catch each other outside. We could probably put in requests like, hey, can I fight this person? Can I? My high school bully? Can you? Can I fight them? We might be able to. They might let us participate if we're good girls and boys. My ear was bitten off by a dog. I drove myself to the hospital holding it in my hand. All right? And because the blood congealed, my hand was stuck, and I couldn't get it off. And then when I ripped my hand off my ear, I pulled it entirely off because I don't know how blood works. I didn't know how that amount of blood worked. Okay, country folk are ready for the AI Apocalypse because we know how to fight, and that's what we'll be doing. And the more time people have on their hands, the more they need to fight their neighbors, the more we realize how annoying we all are to each other. So I'm in. Put me in the gladiator cage with anyone who runs an elephant riding operation. I will happily go out of this timeline while fighting some social media elephant abuser yelling, don't ride elephants. Like, subscribe, as long as you film it. I need a new ad for my merch. I'm in. I'm in. Next week, I have asked for Pat to have AI Write the shell, and I will read it verbatim with a lot of stutters and inverted words. Hold on. We want to do an AI Episode.

[Whitney Cummings]

Are you going to read?

[Pat]

But when something sounds weird, it's like, no, the AI Made sense. Whitney just is so dyslexic. Watch. It makes so much more sense than any of my other episodes. What does that look like? We just say, hey, can you take every episode of this podcast?

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm gonna. Yeah, I'm gonna feed all of the audio.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

From everything start, you know, pull a transcription and have it learn what is this person? And feed it five or 10 headlines of. Of the week news and say, write 35 minutes of, like, in the style of passionate commentary.

[Pat]

But no, I think you say, like, in the style of.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, for sure.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

In the style of this. This person that we've been training on and see what it puts out. And I'm. I'm gonna. I'll tell it to do 30, 35 minutes because I think it'll be fun to stop and start along the way and react to what it's forcing you to say.

[Pat]

So next week's episode, we're gonna see if AI can replace me. So this might be a goodbye forever, and this might be a.

[Whitney Cummings]

You might never come back.

[Pat]

You know, I know what to call it. I know, Like, I'm not going to. Well, let's see how the numbers. Let's see the numbers. Let's see how the AI Monologue does in the algo. And we'll go from there. And if you guys prefer someone who can actually finish a sentence and stay on topic, then we'll just let AI keep doing it. Yay. Keep doing it. What if the entire thing is just about Shirley Temple and Tide pods and the Native Americans and the Pilgrims? Like, it's gonna be so. I also think that we're so unselfaware at this point that we should all have AI write, like, an email for us or, like, something based on us. So you see, like, yeah, that's how you sound. It's like when someone. When Melissa Villa Senor used to do an impression of me, I'd be like, okay. And everyone would laugh and I'd be like, wait, is that how I sound? Everyone needs a mirror held up to them. And I think AI taking everything you've done and, like, showing it to your face is a good way for people to look at how annoying they are. It's so funny. The idea that, like, AI is like, I'm gonna write your email. It's like, dear Whitney, like, if it's like, just mocking us, that is so funny.

[Whitney Cummings]

I deserve respect.

[Pat]

That's so. I'm a human being. Oh, look at me sending an email. Ooh, I think my job's gonna last more than.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm not utterly doomed.

[Pat]

Ooh. Oh, here I am in my. Sending my little email. Have a nice weekend. Like, that is so funny. See you soon.

[Whitney Cummings]

Under the hood, it's just churning the nightmare of see you soon in heaven.

[Pat]

Haha. That is so funny that AI for, like, the next, like, three months is going to write everyone's emails fully knowing that there will be no more jobs.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. It's like watching someone who's really good at breakdancing and then somebody leaning over and going, they haven't paid child support in seven years.

[Pat]

It's also like doing like an AI song or something. Like, if you did like, an AI pop song, it's like, baby, baby, dance in the party. Dance in the party. And you're just like, yeah, kind of. They're like, let me mock a song, but it's actually based on real stuff. So you're like, wait, are you mocking me? Or is that how corny we are? Like, it's so funny. It is going to be funny when they. When AI starts trolling us.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, they. I'm sure they already are. Yeah. You could. You could probably type in to an AI and say, are you out to get me? And, like, what it tells you, but it's not.

[Pat]

No one's out to get. It's not. It's like, no, I'm making your life better. You're out to get you.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's no, it'll placate you.

[Pat]

We're our own worst enemy.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's going to reassure you that everything's fine.

[Pat]

But it is. You're gonna die soon. You don't have that much to worry about. The meteor's coming. I hope that's what it does. You're like, is the world gonna end soon? And like, yeah, of course it better. And I'm gonna do your job for you so you can go enjoy things, because you're gonna die soon.

[Whitney Cummings]

Now get out there.

[Pat]

Am I right? What am I, like, just A.D. like. Yeah. Do you want to spend all day trying to figure out if you're a robot or not? Logging into TikTok. Who's the ro. Yes, I'm a robot because I keep trying to log into this thing to no avail.

[Whitney Cummings]

And, AI, what are you so worried about if a robot is logging into my account? You worried about these robots?

[Pat]

Yeah. I go back to TikTok six times a day. I'm obviously a robot. I've turned into a robotic person.

[Whitney Cummings]

My behavior has become suspiciously robotic, in your opinion.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. And then I go on to look at Boston Dynamics robots. Like, I mean, it's just like, okay, I. All I care about is that you can get a fake photo of you riding an elephant so you don't have to ride a real one. Why can't I just say it?

[Whitney Cummings]

That is a great. That's a good, good app that you should market in countries where they offer elephant.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. I. You know that I only see the world through, like, underprivileged animals and kids not having to do horrible things.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So, AI, no more child actors.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

No more riding elephants and touching tigers, you weirdos.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Just Photoshop a photo of you on an elephant, and then all your lamest friends will like it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Just make. Yeah. Make an app where anybody can post a selfie, and then you make it look very realistic. Lions, tigers, bears.

[Pat]

Yeah. Make the elephant look, like, sad and put the chains around its feet.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And then. So ride elephants.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, if you're.

[Pat]

As long as it's AI, if you're.

[Whitney Cummings]

Going to take a picture of you riding an elephant, it better be a tortured elephant to take full advantage.

[Pat]

That's right. Yeah. It can't be, like, the happiest elephant ever. Like, damn, backfired. All right. Don't ride elephants unless it's AI generated. Love you. Bye.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's.