Fat Camp & Family Trauma with Jessica Kirson

Summary

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Good Guys Podcast — "Fat Camp & Family Trauma"

Episode Date: May 18, 2026
Hosts: Josh Peck (A) & Ben Soffer (B)
Guest: Jessica Kirson (C)

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Episode Overview

This episode of the "Good Guys" podcast dives into the intertwined topics of family, Jewish culture, body image, and comedy trauma with renowned comedian Jessica Kirson. Through rapid-fire banter and deeply personal anecdotes, Jessica, Josh, and Ben explore how childhood experiences, particularly within Jewish households, shape food relationships, neuroses, and comedic material. The conversation oscillates between hilarity and poignancy, especially as Jessica recounts her time at "fat camp," the impact of family diet obsessions, and earning her place in comedy.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Family (Non-)Friendship

• Josh enthusiastically introduces Jessica as a longtime family friend, only for Jessica to note they've actually never met, but their mothers were best friends.
• Quote:

  "I'm the worst kind of family member because we've never met. All I do is ask Jessica for favors." — Josh (01:00)

• Jessica jokes about "blacking out" most of her life, discussing Jewish allergies, medications, and family quirks.

2. Jewish Ancestry, Shared Neuroses, and Therapy

• The hosts and Jessica riff on uniquely Jewish ailments and how their cultural background shapes worldviews and daily complaints.
• Jessica on personality:

  "I could look at a rainbow and be like, ugh, it's too bright. I'm miserable." — Jessica (04:22)

• Discussion of therapy as a Jewish rite of passage, with Jessica noting:

  "Very freeing to realize that you'll never be okay, to accept." (04:36)

3. Childhood Environment and Family Dynamics

• Jessica's mother was an in-house therapist, filling their home with clients and therapy groups, which Jessica describes as "so Jersey." (05:00)
• Jessica on childhood:

  "I lived in the attic, and I'm Jewish, so it’s a little like Anne Frank." (05:13)

• Family included step-siblings, notably Zach Braff.
• The hosts agree on generational parental flaws, especially around food and emotional regulation.

4. Food, Fat Camp, and Jewish Diet Culture

• Ben and Jessica share growing up with food-obsessed families, leading to disordered eating and diets from a young age.
• Jessica recalls Jewish fat camp, where being only slightly overweight warranted being sent away:

  "Jewish fat camp is, you’re 8–10 pounds overweight, and you’re sent to a fat farm because that’s Jewish fat." — Jessica (10:40)

• Humor and pain intertwine as Jessica recounts self-esteem issues and candid stories from camp.
• Memorable Story:

  "I gave my first hand job in fat camp... took me an hour to find his dick, there were so many rolls." — Jessica (12:31, 12:40)

• The cycle of losing and regaining weight after camp, and the normalization of self-loathing, is a recurring theme.
• Ben discusses breaking a stadium seat, commiserating with Jessica about the humiliation of public "fat moments." (14:23)
• Quote:

  "Is there anything more humiliating than breaking a seat?" — Ben (15:00)

5. Parental Critique and Dieting Pressure

• The hosts and Jessica describe their parents’ paradoxical approach to food — criticizing weight while having food issues themselves.
• Josh's Diet Memory:

  "My mom would be like, 'Josh, drink two big bottles of Poland Spring, you’ll be 10 pounds lighter tomorrow'." (09:28)

6. Body Image, Clothing Tricks, and Canoodling

• Discussion of hiding perceived flaws with Spanx and oversized clothes, as well as the insecurity of intimacy at higher weights.
• Josh:

  "At this time they didn’t have Spanx for men, so I had a homemade girdle." (20:20)

• Jessica: "You go to weddings, you can't breathe, but at least you fit through the door." (21:51)

7. Comedy Career, Travelling, and Performing for Tough Crowds

• Jessica talks about persevering in stand-up, appreciating the audience's love after years of hard work (23:14), but also describes difficult shows in 55+ communities:

  "The crowds are 80, 90, some have passed, and they all have this face..." (23:54)

• She recounts performing for a Chabad crowd, facing unexpected religious restrictions:

  "You did pretty good, but you sang Happy Birthday... you can’t sing in front of religious men, it might excite them!" (28:44)

8. Jewish Grandmother Humor and Backhanded Compliments

• Stories about grandmothers masking criticism as compliments:

  "My grandmother loved me, but she, God, did she hate that I was fat... she’d look me up and down and go, 'Grape Nuts.'" — Josh (30:08)

• Jessica: "My grandmother would wake me at 4 in the morning to ask what I want for lunch." (30:34)

9. Obsessive Relationship With Food & Secret Eating

• Ben and Jessica confess to elaborate eating rituals, secret eating, and the lengths they’d go to avoid judgment or maximize pleasure.
• Eating out of the trash is discussed, tongue-in-cheek but with honesty about disordered eating behaviors. (52:08)

10. Audience Questions & “Moron Mail” (43:25)

• Listener writes in about purposely rear-ending a crush's car to meet him. The trio debates whether she should confess or "take it to the grave."

  "Guys are supposed to be trapped. They’re never supposed to be told they were trapped." — Ben (43:47)

11. What Are You, Nuts? — Pet Peeves Segment (53:32)

• Ben: Passive-aggressive “I’m happy to do it” is never genuine (53:48)
• Josh: Delivery drivers taking too long for food drop-off photos (54:52)
• Jessica: Social media influencer culture in public, and aggressive NYC drivers (55:42, 56:50)
• Hosts commiserate on entitlement and lack of social shame among modern influencers.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• "It is very freeing to realize that you’ll never be okay to accept." — Jessica (04:36)
• "Jewish fat camp is, you’re 8–10 pounds overweight, and you’re sent to a fat farm because that’s Jewish fat." — Jessica (10:40)
• "I gave my first hand job in fat camp... took me an hour to find his dick, there were so many rolls." — Jessica (12:31, 12:40)
• "There’s got to be something in the middle. Nobody should yell at you, of course, but..." — Ben (07:30)
• "My mom would be like, 'Josh, drink two big bottles of Poland Spring, you’ll be 10 pounds lighter tomorrow'." — Josh (09:28)
• "The drug — my drug of choice — Russian dressing." — Jessica (49:33)
• "You go to weddings, you can't breathe, but at least you fit through the door." — Jessica (21:51)
• "Guys are supposed to be trapped. They’re never supposed to be told they were trapped." — Ben (43:47)
• "I do have a big problem with all the people doing the influencer stuff... Everyone wants to be a star." — Jessica (55:42)

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Fun & Memorable Lightning-Round

• Food Fantasies: All three describe their fantasy meals, from hot pastrami sandwiches (Ben) and Hillstone sushi (Josh) to artichoke dip and veggie burgers (Jessica). (39:17–41:19)
• Bathroom talk and "award-winning exits" — A recurring theme of proud but embarrassed Jewish digestive woes. (41:46)

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Jessica Kirson Plugs

• Website with tour dates: jessicakirson.com (58:44)
• Launching "The Jessica Kirson Show" podcast
• YouTube: Jessica Kirson Comedy — featuring lots of long crowd work clips (59:39)

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Overall Tone

The episode maintains a fast-paced, deeply self-deprecating, and warmly irreverent Jewish sensibility. While much of the conversation is framed in humor, there’s a frank openness about therapy, addiction, eating disorders, and the generational impact of family trauma, all filtered through the lens of stand-up comedy.

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For New Listeners

If you haven't listened, this episode is a hilarious, raw, and relatable exploration of Jewish familial quirks, the pain and humor of growing up overweight, and the catharsis of talking about it all among friends. Jessica Kirson’s frankness about family, trauma, and comedy is both moving and wildly funny.

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Transcript

[A]

Two Jews, both big and tall. No subject too small for the Good Guys. A Mother Stream premium podcast team. Make it your weekly routine. It's a Good Guys. And if you don't give us five stars. What are you nuts? What are you nuts?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're the good guys. We're not the great guys. We're just the good and good of the good guys. Whoa. Monster morons. Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. We are here with, quite literally, the funniest person alive, Jessica Kiersten, good family friend. Oh, my God, we made it. Here we are.

[B]

I need to know about the familial friend elements of this, Jessica, because Josh has been touting you as his family friend for quite some time.

[C]

We are. We're like family. It's so funny. But we never met, okay?

[B]

So I need. I need.

[A]

I know I'm the worst kind of family member because we've never met. All I do is ask Jessica for favors. Come on the podcast. Can I have tickets to your show? I have friends in Long Island. Can they have tickets to the show? She's very generous with me.

[C]

Yeah, I am. Well, it's so familiar. You know, our mothers were best friends growing up.

[B]

Wow. Yeah. Wow.

[C]

Yeah. And his mother is, like, a big fan of mine, which I love.

[B]

To have Barb as a fan. I mean, that's all you need in this life is to have Barb as a fan. Have you met Barb?

[C]

No, I don't think I've ever met her. Have I? I don't know. I've blacked out my entire life. I have no idea if I met your mother.

[B]

Do you take Zyrtec?

[C]

Um, no. You think it's from Zyrtec?

[B]

I think it was, yeah.

[C]

I think it's from my childhood.

[B]

Maybe it's also Zyrtec. I don't know. I don't know. I've convinced myself that it's from these over the counter meds. Except for Zyzol. Zyzol's fantastic.

[C]

What's Zyzol?

[B]

Zyzol's like.

[C]

It sounds like a Yiddish medica.

[D]

Zyzolt.

[B]

It is, it is. I mean, I would say that probably 99% of Jews take some type of allergy medication. So we take.

[C]

I've took. Taken already today. Gas X. Yeah, like a ton of. Ton of, like, you know, psych med. Not psych meds. That sounds really bad, but like depression medication, which does. I'm never been more anxious and depressed and I can't go to the bathroom.

[B]

It's a nightmare. I'm constantly constipated, too. Josh, what about you?

[A]

I'm on psych meds.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's great. I think you're one of the. You're one of the rare Jews, Ben. You have some of the trappings. Like, you have flat feet, which is a real Ashkenaz feature.

[B]

I do, I do, I do. I have flat feet. I have a bigger second toe. I have constant indigestion. I do have to take a Zyl Zyrtec type of.

[C]

What is Zyl?

[B]

Zyl is like, allergies from dust, pollen, the occasional seasonal.

[C]

You know, I. I'm a mess. I have a fatty cyst on my shoulder, which I never even knew what that was.

[B]

That was my nickname in high school. Fatty cyst. That's. That's. That's what they used to call me. They used to call me Fatty sis.

[C]

Yeah, that's. I love that. I'm going to go by that on stage. No, I said to the doctor, I fat on my fat. Like, my fat. Like, my shoulders overweight now. Like, this is insane. But I have that. All of a sudden, my pinky toe started going under the toe next to it. And I'm. I googled it. I'm like, I'm dying.

[B]

Like, there's no. This is normal.

[C]

There's so many things going on.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I have, like, a bump here I had to get checked out because I thought I was, like, riddled with cancer, but.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[C]

He said it's just like a normal lymph node that. It's very scary.

[B]

Do you have any familial, like, beauty marks that will pop up that you've seen in your parents that will pop up late in life? Like, my dad swears he has a beauty mark right here, Josh, that he swears he didn't get until he was 50, and he swears that his father didn't get it till he was 50.

[C]

I don't think that's called a beauty mark. Like, do you? I don't.

[B]

It's definitely not beautiful. It's a girl. It's ugly. I can tell you that. It's not beautiful. Well, you're gonna have growth.

[C]

You're gonna have the same one, but

[B]

it pops up in sofr. Men at 50. Isn't that interesting?

[C]

Yeah, that is. That's scary. Like, you're just gonna have, like, another arm at six.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it is.

[A]

It's. It's amazing how much we live in the wake of our Jewish ancestry. Right? Like, we can never. We can never get away from it. It's with us everywhere we go.

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

I want it. I own it. I love it. I don't know what I do. If I didn't complain all day, I complain.

[C]

I could look at a rainbow and be like, ugh, it's too bright. Like, I am miserable.

[B]

Yeah, but you like that, Josh. But are you happy being miserable? Because I'm happy being miserable. I want to clarify. I'm a very happy person that loves being miserable.

[C]

Well, I've accepted that. It'll never change. No matter. I've been in therapy. You know, my mom's a therapist. I've been in therapy since I'm eight. It's just. It's never going to be okay. So it's very freeing to realize that you'll never be okay to accept.

[A]

Jessica, will you share some of. I know you have so many great stories about growing up with. Because didn't your mom. Wasn't her practice in your house?

[C]

Yeah. So my mom saw clients in the basement, and I. He knows. Cause it's so Jersey. And there were no.

[D]

There were no cell phones, papers.

[C]

Like, it really. There was nothing. There was no way to reach her. And the clients would just come to the house, sometimes two at a time. Like, the den was like a waiting room, and I was the secretary. I was in rage, and I had to be quiet because she had clients. So. And I lived in the attic, and I'm Jewish, so it's a little like Aunt Frank. And, you know, I couldn't reach her, and it was just insane. And actually, my stepbrother is Zach Braff, who was on this. Right?

[A]

Yeah, of course. You know Zach Braff.

[B]

Of course. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. So Zach and I and my stepbrothers and stepsister and my sister would all sit on the stairs, like, hi. And just listen to the groups and. Cause his father was a corporate lawyer, but became a couples therapist with my mother.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

And all of a sudden, it was like Meet the Fockers. It was literally like that in the house.

[B]

Your mom is a genius, though. She got to write off your home. This is a place of business.

[C]

Right? And it was amazing because she was, like, an art therapist. So sometimes I would just go downstairs and there'd be, like, all these tinfoil structures in a circle, and that's what she would analyze. It looked like everyone just had, like, Italian food, like, subscrib.

[A]

Jessica did the boomer. We were just having this conversation. Did the boomers. Were the boomers Awful, awful parents. Tim Dillon, that's his theory. But I think in general, even the overly therapies, as modern and as evolved as they think they are, I think they really ruined us.

[C]

Yeah, I really. I think so. It was very different then. I mean, it sounds like. I hate saying when I was a kid, but it's like, so different now. Like, you know, my father would just, like, scream at me and say awful things and, like, no one even cared or noticed.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, and now it is very different. I think it's. Every generation is. Horrific.

[B]

I was gonna say, but by comparison, Josh is. I don't know if, you know, he's the coach of 7 and 8 year olds in Little League, and all that he can talk about is that these kids have no structure. They could be yelled at. It would be nice if they were yelled at, because then all of a sudden they would take a little bit of criticism. Otherwise, you give them criticism in Little League and then they can't do anything.

[C]

So I agree.

[B]

There's got to be something in the middle. Nobody should yell at you, of course,

[A]

but can we compare each of us? What, like the greatest hits were of our parents yelling at us and I'm happy to go first.

[C]

Can you go first? Because I have so many.

[B]

I was going to say you. You start. Because I have the. I have nothing.

[A]

I know as you. Ben has amazing parents.

[B]

I. I'm leaving. I'm sorry. Sorry.

[C]

You do. I think that people that say it was amazing and perfect, like, they're. There's. It's not okay. It's.

[B]

It's just. It's still amazing. Is it. Is it perfect? No, it's exactly like what you said. But they're. They're. They're the. They're the best. My dad's a kosher caterer. My mom's a florist. I love this so much. She literally. They.

[C]

So the food is delicious.

[B]

Delicious. And I don't think maybe the only. That's funny. Maybe the only problem is that I developed a terrible, terrible eating disorder as a result.

[C]

Well, every Jew so far. Almost every Jew.

[B]

But I'm saying when you're the son of a caterer, you are on another level. I was drinking Slim fast shakes at 12.

[C]

Yeah, me too.

[B]

Trying to lose weight. Maybe that's the only thing. But my parents are so.

[C]

They weren't on you about weight at all or nothing?

[B]

Maybe they were, but, like. But I was. But I was fat. They should be on me. Well, otherwise I would be dead.

[C]

Yeah, that's Yeah, I get it. But I think that, like, if. Were they obsessed with food and diet?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

So that's okay. Hurtful.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I have not.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Okay. I have that.

[C]

I have a lot of that.

[B]

I have that for sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We were all on diets from the day I was born. We all have.

[C]

Well, that's a major thing.

[B]

We have that.

[C]

So you're not. Okay.

[B]

Okay. So we have food. Josh. I'm not.

[C]

Okay, Josh, you're ready.

[B]

All right. I'm being therapized. I'm being therapized. This is good. This is good. You go first. When were you yelled at?

[A]

Oh, please. There the greatest hits were, I gave up my life for you. And it was my pleasure. It was my pleasure.

[B]

That was always it.

[A]

To give up everything for you, you know, this was the best. I was very successful at 40. I was doing fabulous. But I always wanted to have a child. Like, that's where it starts. But even with the diet culture, like, I remember my mom would be like, Josh, drink two big bottles of Poland Spring. You'll be 10 pounds lighter tomorrow. You have to flush. Flush it.

[D]

Flush.

[C]

So your biggest thing is just the catering company food?

[B]

No, food is the only thing. That's the only problem, I think. But as you say, things. Maybe there are.

[C]

Well, I'm just asking because. Were your parents heavy?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then they were on you about food.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's very Jewish.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[C]

Like, I went to fat camp.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

For four years. Jewish fat camp.

[B]

So did my wife. What camp did you go to?

[C]

I call it Jack Camp.

[B]

Where was it? What was it called?

[C]

In the Berkshires. Pinsmont.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Where'd she go?

[B]

Shane? No, she went to cpt.

[C]

She went to Fat Fucks Camp.

[B]

Pocono Trails. Yeah. No, this is the most Jewish. The most Jewish thing is that she went to fat camp and she wasn't fat.

[C]

Well, this. This is exactly what I was about to say. Jewish fat camp is. You're 8 to 10 pounds overweight, and you're sent to a fat farm because that's Jewish fat. Yeah, Right. It's not other. Like, I was an athlete and maybe like, 10 pounds overweight, and I went to fat camp and I went for four years. And I have a whole bit about it in my act, and I'm. I'm writing a movie about it because it's hysterical. I say, you know, we played a lot of fun games, like breathing, chafing, Try to hide and seek. We tried to hide, but. Yeah, but my parents had horrible food issues, and they were always on us about eating.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. My dad said to me, like, you know, if you don't lose weight, the boys aren't going to like you. So I like. I ate the furniture. You know what I mean? I just. I didn't want them to like me.

[A]

But.

[C]

But it's amazing how they judge and put us on diets. And they're fat, too.

[B]

I mean, I think my favorite movie of all time is Heavyweights.

[C]

Well, that's.

[B]

It is the funniest movie of all time.

[C]

And I wanna do another one where it's like a dramedy. Cause it is very heavy. No pun intended. There's a lot of serious stuff going on too.

[B]

Absolutely. I did not go to fat camp. I was just fat in regular camp. But I should have gone to fat camp. I was probably. I was 40, 50 pounds overweight.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Forever. I would always lose weight in camp, though. There's something about being in that environment.

[C]

Because you're.

[B]

I'd come back £20 less.

[C]

Yeah. Because that sucks too. Because you come home from fat camp and you're like, hi. And like, everyone's like, you look amazing. And then at the end of the year, I made

[A]

when does the Bus Come?

[C]

And you have like chips flying out of your mouth and you're farting like. It's a mess.

[B]

It's a mess.

[C]

I. I say this in my. I do. But I gave my first hand job in fat Cam. It's totally true.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's just. That's just Jewish camp in general. We are very, very sexually active.

[C]

Well, it took me an hour to find his dick. And there was so many roles. Where is this?

[B]

He was a big boy.

[C]

Yeah, he was huge.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

Yeah. I felt like I was like kneading bread.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[C]

It was really a lot. I got carpal tunnels.

[A]

It was molding mochi, you know?

[C]

Yeah, it was. It was a lot. But every. All the kids were really nice because everyone hated themselves. So it was really nice.

[B]

And so you were probably being only a couple pounds overweight. You were the queen.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, I was the skinniest one in camp. But then I. I came as one of the heaviest in the beginning of the summer again.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, it was a lot.

[B]

It's the cycle.

[A]

Did you guys. Growing up. Because I was really heavy. Whenever there was another heavy person, I was so hard on them. Like, in my head, I'd be like, some self restraint.

[B]

Ron,

[A]

you're huge. Your poor knees.

[C]

Yeah, totally. Because you have that. What's it called body dysmorphia. Like, I didn't realize how this is really true. I was. I was in. I was at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I've been talking about this on stage, but I was fooling around with my ex on a bed, and it was facing this big mirror right where you're, like, watching yourself. And I was behind her, and I was enormous. I must have weighed, like, 300. I mean, I used to be enormous. And I was wearing this huge purple T shirt, and I was looking in the mirror, and I'm like, I look like Barney. Like, I literally look like Barney right now. Like, I didn't realize how big I was until I looked in the mirror. I was enormous. But, like, it just dawns on you sometimes.

[B]

It doesn't even hit me when I look in the mirror. I'm 60 pounds less than I was. I went to the Philadelphia 76ers game yesterday. I want you to know. I broke a seat in the suite. I sat down, and this seat snapped. And I looked at my wife, and I'm like, am I that fucking fat? And she's like, I guess so.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I snapped a seat at the Xfinity Arena. This isn't, like, a folding chair. This is a stadium seat.

[C]

Right, Right. Snapped. So it's sturdy.

[B]

It's supposed to be.

[C]

Well, you look great to me, but I have broken seats. I fell through the seat at the Passover dinner once that I just disappeared from the table.

[B]

Is there anything more humiliating than breaking a seat? That's horrible. You took reclining too seriously. You.

[A]

You know, Jessica really feels a kinship with the slaves of Egypt.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I swear to God. We were, like, going around reading the Haggadah, and then all of a sudden, I just went, like. I disappeared.

[B]

I got to go.

[C]

Yeah. And my father's like, shut your mouth, you.

[A]

It's good. This holiday is good for Jessica, because less bread, you know?

[C]

Yeah. He was brutal with foodstuff. Brutal stuff.

[B]

Was he big or. No.

[C]

Blew up to get back at him. I blew up. I'm like, you. Like, now you're happy? Like, it was. It was really on purpose when I was a kid. He always had weight stuff and dieting and everything.

[B]

This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at SeatGeek. Folks, if you're not buying your tickets on SeatGeek, that's a. What are you nuts? I went to the Philadelphia 76ers game, or I really should say the New York Knicks game, where the Knicks literally beat the crap out of the Philadelphia 76ers last week. And let me tell you, I got my tickets on SeatGeek. It was the best experience. I got a great deal in a suite, by the way. Yeah, you can buy suite tickets. I couldn't believe it. They literally. Somebody just, like, threw up two suite tickets. It was fantastic. I. I had the best time. And I buy all of my tickets on SeatGeek. You want to go to a concert? Okay, we're going to James Taylor at Jones Beach. That's right. Be there. Be square. New York Knicks tickets. They're making literally a generational run. I'm buying all of my tickets on SeatGeek. If you're not checking SeatGeek, okay, this is. What are you nuts? Do you not like good deals? Do you not like good deals? Of course you like good deals. And folks, let me tell you, with over 35 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There are more than 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports festivals, and more. There are so many artists going on tour right now. Bruno Mars, bts, Ariana Grande, Morgan Wallen, James Taylor. Literally, the only person who cares about that is me and my dad. Okay, James Taylor, Chris Stapleton, Noah Khan. And folks, the US Is hosting the World cup this year. You can get your tickets on SeatGeek. MLB season just started. Let's go Orioles. Okay. Pete Alonso. Also, let's go Mets. But like, I got a roof of the Orioles. That's also what he. I can't believe it. I'm an Orioles fan. I'm an Orioles fan. Folks, concert season is about to kick off too. So to make it even better, you can use code goodguys for 10% off your SeatGeek tickets. Do you understand? I just gave you free money. 10% off the event that you are already going to. 10% off. Use code [e-mail] or download the mobile app. Folks, the mobile app is fantastic. Make sure to click the link in the description to download the app. I'm telling you, folks, seatgeek is it. It'll automatically be added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you, seatgeek. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Little Spoon. Folks, anyone who's a parent knows feeding decisions aren't a one time thing. You make them again and again and again, stage after stage. Okay, you start with beautiful milk. You move from milk to beautiful solids. In the solids, we're making purees. I was making Baked apples. We then started making these beautiful chicken fritters. Okay, let me tell you, this is a full time job. We want the best for our kids, but sometimes the stuff out there, it just doesn't live up to it. And parents are constantly asked to compromise on ingredients, nutrition, transparency, and even safety. And it really makes you wonder, why does it feel like there are more high quality food options for dogs than there are for kids? On top of everything else, parents are juggling. That constant uncertainty is exhausting. And simply put, little spoon makes it just a little bit easier. And oh my God, does Ruby love their puffs. These puffs, oh my God, they're out of this world. I took a bite of one. Oh my God, it was fantastic. I know why he loves it. But look, little spoon is there for you at every stage. We're talking baby stage where they support from babies first feed. Baby cereals. Baby blends when solids begin, first bites, first spoons. All of it. All of it. And again, ingredients you can trust. What are the toddler stage? Biteables Cut to size. Pinchable meals that make the transition to table food feel easy as it should. Big kids with big appetites. Me, you know, maybe I'll just like snag one. Okay, Snacks, everything. There's something for every stage at Little Spoon. And so such amazing peace of mind knowing that everything that they make is great for your kids. Because folks, feeding the kids doesn't have to be complicated. Little spoon makes it easy with real nutritionally balanced meals and snacks designed for every stage. It shows up ready to go, takes the pressure off and somehow still gets devoured veggies and all. No artificial dyes, flavors or sweeteners either. And you know what? That's a win I'll take every time. Get 30% off your first online order at littlespoon.com goodguys with code goodguys that's L I T T L e S P O-O-N.com goodguys with code goodguys for 30% off your first order.

[A]

I'm jealous that you were canoodling at 300 pounds, you know, like messing around like when. I don't think I, I don't think I, I did anything until I was like 210 because I was 300 and then I, I took down about 210 and I used to wear, I. At this time they didn't have Spanx for men, so I had a homemade girdle.

[C]

No, you didn't.

[A]

Yeah, Calvin Klein. It was like.

[B]

But you can only get it you hike up your undies. That's like. That's the big fat man move. You tuck them, you get them over your hips, and you wear them just under your belly button.

[C]

She's so gay. I love it.

[B]

Oh, we're really gay.

[A]

I had a piece of Lycra that was made into a tank top by the Chris Dangle Shout out, the costumer on Drake and Josh, God bless her. She was like. And she had dealt with her own, you know, body stuff, and she was wonderful. And she was like. She had this wonderful little affect to her voice. She goes, I'm gonna make something for you. And she did. She knew my struggle, and it smoothed me right out. And it was. And I wore it till I lost 90 pounds, right around 210. And that was the first time that I. I think I, like, really canoodled with a girl.

[B]

At what weight were you comfortable not wearing an undershirt? Because I specifically have this memory where I felt so insecure, just, like, in a polo. Because, like, I had, like, I still have big nipples. Like, I had, I guess, bigger nipples. I'm literally bigger nipples. And I needed. If I didn't wear an undershirt, I was just so uncomfortable. The second I put on that undershirt, I was like, oh, I'm skinny. Nobody can see how bad I am. Did you have that, Josh?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I still, to this day, wouldn't mind wearing one. I don't need to now, but I wouldn't mind it. I don't. I like being a little snatched.

[C]

Yeah, it's great. But it's like, I've been to so many weddings where I can't breathe, but I'm like, at least I can fit through the door.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, I really. That Spanx is amazing. Oh, I know.

[B]

They need to make it for men. We don't have it.

[A]

They do. They make a male. They make some men's stuff.

[B]

Sarah.

[A]

Sarah Blakely.

[B]

I don't want it. I don't want it. I can't wear that. I'm happy with what I do with my undies. There's something. If we start buying Spanx. Josh, we can't buy Spanx. We can't do it.

[A]

Jessica, what's it like now that you've just been blowing up and crushing it so hard for so long? But I imagine you're like, you're traveling every weekend doing huge shows. How's that? Is that wearing on you? How do you feel? Tell us more. I can't imagine you loving traveling.

[C]

I hate it. I've been. I've been doing this for. I'm in my 27th year.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

And I worked hard from the beginning. Like, I didn't take time off. You know, I've busted my ass for that many years. I actually. When I do theaters now. Cause I'm doing theaters, thank God, and they sell out. But I. I'm very humble. Very. Like, you guys don't know me well, but I need to be a little less humble and have a little more ego. But now I force myself to stand on stage and take in the standing ovation or the claps and the screaming out because I know how hard I've worked.

[B]

Yeah, you deserve it.

[C]

Yeah. It's exhausting at this point to. I mean, this weekend, I'm going to Spokane, Washington. Like, who the fuck wants to go to Spokane, Washington, to do a club? But you have to keep. You don't have to. But I. My business keeps going, and I think I just keep getting more and more followers and fans because I work so hard.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But it's. It is very tiring. It is.

[B]

What's the. What's the worst place you've ever played?

[C]

Oh, my God. You guys are gonna laugh. But it has to be the 55 and older developments in Florida. Yeah, I knew you would laugh. They're hard.

[A]

Say more.

[C]

Say more. I talk about it through my whole act. I say, the crowds are 80, 90. Some have passed. And they literally, they all. This is what I talked about in my first special. They all have this face like, we're gonna look. We're gonna look like that, too.

[D]

Like, welcome to good guys. Pod Pee in a pod.

[C]

But they all look at me like this. Just hundreds of them. Like, even when they're saying something positive,

[D]

like, it's gorgeous outside. The test came back negative. I'm gonna live.

[C]

Like, this is all in my act. But they just. I hear. I don't even get laughter for 45 minutes to an hour. But they pay well, so I do them. I don't care. I have kids. Yeah, but they. I hear sound like, aaron,

[D]

Help me.

[C]

You know, like halfway through the show, bingo. Like, they have no idea what's going on, and. And they have whole conversations like, did

[D]

she just say she's from New Jersey? Do you think she knows the Eisensteins?

[C]

You know, it's like this whole thing going on, and then I. They have to do a meet and greet. There's always more. You guys know what I'm talking about? Of course.

[D]

We need you to do a meet and gre. To do a beforehand cocktail part. I'm like, all of a sudden, you mean you. To mow our lawn, take the cleaning

[C]

and, you know, walk the door. And it's like. And I have to stand there. This is the worst part. And do a meet and greet. And they all walk across the dining room, and it's like, night of the Living Dead. Just hundreds of this just walking towards me. And then their comments always start out nice and end up nasty. It's the same thing, right?

[D]

Like, I.

[B]

You're gonna.

[D]

I thought you were very talented, but no one around me laughed once. Not one person even smiled. You should yourself.

[C]

Or you're so pretty up close, But

[D]

on stage, you look like an animal. Disgusting.

[C]

You know, you guys both had grandmother. They're so judgmental. But it's just a part of, like,

[D]

my grandmother be like, what's wrong with you? Your hair looks like a nest. You're embarrassing me.

[C]

I'm like, hi, how are you? Like, we're at a Shiva. I'm like, it's crazy.

[B]

It's so funny. It's not even. These are just. This is just human nature.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're describing the elderly. Josh and I joke all the time. Anybody that approaches in the street. It's never that you're a fan. It's always, oh, I don't know who you are, but my sister's cousin, huge fan. You mind if we take a picture? It's human nature. Yeah. People need. They. They just. They can't just give a compliment. They have to share something negative.

[C]

Yeah. And they don't have boundaries.

[B]

Zero.

[C]

And they're inappropriate.

[B]

No, they feel like they know you. Especially now with social media, they feel like they really know you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's when they get to see you in person, they know you.

[C]

I know. And they think they're friends and they can say whatever they want. It's. It's really unbelievable. I mean, it's. It's so I. You guys will love this story. I did a show once in Florida for a chabad, like a very religious show. And I had never done one, and I was panicking. Panicking. Cause, you know, the religious people don't like me because I eat box. You know what I'm saying? So some of them like me, you know, But I went and I was literally more nervous for this show than any other at that time. And there was Hasidic men, like, I'm not kidding. Like, in women, like, the cur.

[B]

The whole thing and everything.

[C]

I'm sure I couldn't curse I couldn't really, like, talk. They don't. A lot of them didn't know the culture. Like TV show. Like, it was really hard. And I did a very good job considering. And that's a lot for me to say because normally I kill. And I'm like, that. The guy in the red shirt did not like me. Like, yeah. And I. I go up and I do this thing. And I could not believe that I did okay. Like, I was shocked. I was proud of myself. And then the rabbi walks up to me after, you know, the whole thing with the curls, and he goes, you did pretty good, but you're gonna die. He goes, but you sang Happy Birthday and you're. I'm doing like a Brazilian act. I don't even know what I'm doing. No, I think he was like, and you can't sing in front of religious men. It's not okay.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Because I covered my ears. My son in law. And I go, what? I go, when did I sing?

[B]

Why did they book you?

[C]

Right. I literally sang one line, happy birthday to you. I'm like, so that song makes you hard? Like, why can't.

[B]

You know?

[C]

Because you can't sing or dance in front of these religious men because it might excite them.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Can you believe that?

[B]

No. And I need to clarify. This is not. This is not the norm just for anybody listening.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This is not the norm. And the fact that they would book you.

[C]

I know.

[B]

And then have anything to say is what's wrong.

[C]

Right.

[B]

You book talent for the talent. You don't book talent to mold the talent.

[C]

Right.

[B]

To your audience. Pick. Pick somebody else.

[C]

Well, this is the problem that happens a lot. Like, I've done so many Orthodox shows, you know, for modern Orthodox people, and they're amazing. Yeah, amazing, of course. But there are times when I've been booked and like, not been told, kind of given the, like given the chance to say no because I didn't know what the details were.

[B]

Oh, somebody will just book a show and say, you gotta go here.

[C]

Yeah, well, you know, this is the money. Are you interested? But I should have been told, like,

[B]

this is the crowd.

[C]

Sing in front of them. You know, they're gonna judge you and look you up and down the whole time.

[B]

That's tough.

[A]

It's amazing that that compliment that feels wounding is so specifically Jewish.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Growing up, my grandmother loved me, but she, God, did she hate that I was fat. And so she would do this bait and switch when I was at her house. She'd go, you're so gorgeous, Joshi. You're gorgeous. And I go, thanks Grandma, what's for dinner? And she'd look me up and down and go, grape Nuts.

[C]

Only a Jewish grandmother would say grape Nuts. Yeah, my grandmother would wake me up at 4 in the morning to ask me what I want for lunch in Florida.

[D]

I'm like, she's like, what do you want? I have sliced turkey or cottage cheese.

[B]

It's such a good face. I don't know if you can see your face, Josh.

[A]

Oh, it's the best.

[C]

I think he probably knows it cause it's I so many videos.

[B]

Yeah, but it's so good. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Nutrafol. Folks, Good hair days do more than we give them credit for. When your hair feels healthy, you show up differently. You feel more confident, more relaxed, and you're not constantly checking the mirror. Nutrafol supports hair health from within and delivers results over time so your hair becomes something you enjoy, not something you stress out about. Folks, Nutrafol, as you know, is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. I love my dermatologist. I'm sure you love your dermatologist too. I trust her. I'm sure you trust her too. Nutrafol's hair growth supplements are peer reviewed, NSF certified for sport and clinically tested. It's not a one size fits all approach. Nutrafol offers multiple formulas for men and women tailored to different life stages like postpartum or menopause and lifestyle factors such as plant based diet so you get support that's actually right for you. Adding Nutrafol to your daily routine is easy. Order online, no prescription needed, with automated deliveries and free shipping to keep you on track. Plus, with a Nutrafol subscription, you can save up to 20 to 0% off and get added perks like free Headspace membership to support your hair health journey. Folks, let your hair become one less thing taking up space in your head and see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code goodguys10. That's nutrafol.com promo code goodguys10 spelled n u t r a f o l dot com promo code goodguys10. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Built Rewards. Folks, whether you're renting or paying a mortgage, one of your biggest monthly expenses should be working harder for you. What are you nuts? You're paying paying your rent and you're getting nothing for it? That's where BILT comes in. BILT is the membership for where you live that rewards you with points on every housing payment, no matter where you live and no matter if you're in a rental. No matter if you have a mortgage. It's unbelievable. BILT started out rewarding members on their rent. Now, as of 2026, BILT members can also earn points on mortgage payments wherever they live. Every housing payment earns you points you can use towards flights with top travel partners like United and Hyatt or Lyft rides, Amazon.com purchases, and so much more. Personally, I redeem my points for travel. There's nothing better. You're literally paying your mortgage and you get a free vacation. If I told you that and you said I don't want it, that's a. What are you nuts? You're telling me you can pay your mortgage payments or you can pay your rent and you get a free vacation? Of course I'm redeeming it on travel. And here's what I think is the most underrated part. BILT members also get access to a neighborhood concierge. They can make restaurant reservations, book fitness classes, and find new local spots, all while being rewarded at more than 45,000 merchant partners. It's like having a personal assistant baked into where you live. It's simple. Being a renter and now owning a home is better with Bilt. Join the membership for where you live at joinbuilt.com goodguys that's J-O-I-N B I-L-T.com goodguys make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.

[A]

Should we do a quick weird story and a moron mail?

[B]

Yes, weird story, moron mail. What are you nuts? Yes, definitely.

[A]

Okay, so we we pick a couple weird stories from from the New York Post. Just saying. So recently single moms to be are finding Mr. Right sperm donors to parent alone. After years of dead end dating, bumping into bums on matchmaking apps and in person pickups, Leslie Jones, a wannabe mother with a ticking biological clock, finally spotted what she called her very own superman. A tall, dark and handsome hunk who was ready to make a baby. So naturally, she bought two vials of his sperm for a thousand bucks. I'm 35, single, and I really want to be a mama.

[B]

Cheap.

[A]

So great. That's like the erewhon of sperm. No.

[C]

Yeah. That is cheap.

[B]

Cheap. A thousand bucks for. That's like, there's got to be something wrong with his sperm.

[C]

Yeah. You don't want to buy one eye

[B]

sperm, by the way. Yeah, that's one thing.

[C]

No, you don't.

[B]

You don't want to buy cheap sperm. A thou. Somebody selling their sperm for $1,000. He probably has a disease.

[C]

He probably has. Yeah. A lot going on.

[B]

A lot.

[C]

Yeah. The kid's going to be like, not okay. Thank God. We didn't do that.

[B]

Thank God. And it's very important to look at the entire family tree. You see one hunk, Josh, you don't know what his brother looks like. And by the way, the hunk is one in 100. The other 99 in that family. No. Good.

[C]

I wonder what kind of information you can get because, like, we got everything.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[C]

Everything.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[C]

Yeah, that's it. That. The way that article reads is making me sick. Like, why not get a. Like, I hate that stuff.

[B]

Agreed.

[A]

It's bad.

[B]

Agreed.

[A]

What about. Yeah, my buddy recently, he's just had to give a sperm sample because him and his wife are trying to get pregnant. And I guess they wanted to analyze what was going on. He's older. And I was like. And then what happens after you're done? He's like, well, you go into the room and then you put it in sort of a cup in a cabinet and you walk out. And I go back through the nursing station. And he goes, yeah. And I'm like, there isn't a back door. Like, they should just. They should be like, leave the cup in here, and then this will let you out to the parking lot. Why do we have to make eye contact with a bunch of fucking RNs? Like, hello, Janine, guess what I just did?

[B]

And he forgot about the. The part where you put on an old porn in a small TV with a nice little remote and you have a recliner where you know that 15 guys have jerked off right. To the same porn today.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And by the way, you walk back through and you see Janine. Josh, Janine knows what you just did.

[C]

Of course. Of course she knows. She knows you watch porn of like two, like real, like two deadheads in a van.

[B]

Like.

[C]

Right. And she has a huge bush.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Yeah, that's. That's hot.

[B]

Old school.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I. I would not want to. I even feel uncomfortable when I walk with My pee. Like a pee sample through.

[B]

Weird. Yeah, I agree.

[C]

God, that's. Yeah. Can you imagine just holding it, like getting a hard candy, Having a whole car, you just holding the vial of steam.

[A]

I go to the In L. A. We have like a motion picture clinic. Right. So it's like if you have the screen act, skilled insurance, it's basically just for actors. I'm pretty sure the scale there is just for show. I've never seen anyone on it. We all refuse as we walk by. They go, we're going to need to weigh you. I go, 190. I will never get on that.

[C]

I do that. Me too. I'm like. They're like, we're going to have to weigh you. And I'm like, 128. Okay. I just weighed myself.

[B]

I won't weigh myself in the morning. I only weigh myself at night.

[C]

Oh, that's pretty masochist. Yes.

[B]

Because weighing myself at night, I can just assume. I'm sure I'm 10 lighter in the morning.

[C]

This is 10 is amazing.

[B]

I'm sure I ate a lot. I had a lot of water. I had an electrolyte. I'm retaining water like a camel. I'm sure I'm 7 to 10 lighter in the morning.

[C]

That's really funny.

[B]

That's it.

[C]

Yeah. And then when I weigh myself, I move the scale all over the apartment. Put it on.

[B]

It's not on like a.

[A]

You get out of the level.

[C]

Yeah, I put it on the balcony. I put it everywhere to try and move it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

The study is on a slope, clearly.

[B]

And the scale is always broken.

[D]

Oh, it's.

[C]

Oh. If it's not to my favor, it's broken. And a lot of times, like, you know, you'll. You'll do it and then you have to pee and then you'll do it again. You know, if my hair is wet, I have to dry it before I. Yeah. It's crazy.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[C]

We order food.

[B]

I'm. Yeah. Where. What are you. What are you in the mood for? I'm hungry. I had a fucking protein shake before this.

[C]

I love asking this. If you could eat anything you anything, like, don't care about diet calories. What would you eat right now?

[B]

I would have a hot pastrami sandwich on rye bread with coleslaw. Russian, very high. Very high. That's what I'd have. And then I'd have a sesame bagel toasted with scallion cream cheese and pastrami locks. But let me know if I ate that. If I ate this right now, I'd be asleep.

[C]

Me, too. But that's. Those are my kind of. Those are very Jersey. It's like the coleslaw Russian. That's very Jersey.

[B]

So good. And hot pastrami. If you're eating cold pastrami. Putting you nuts. It's disgusting.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Needs to be hot.

[C]

Yeah. Josh, what about you?

[A]

I would eat the sushi from Hillstone. Have you. Or Houston's. Have you had it?

[B]

Delicious.

[C]

Oh, my God. Houston's is my favorite. My favorite restaurant.

[B]

Unbelievable. I didn't tell the whole menu.

[A]

I. I would have the spinach artichoke dip.

[C]

The best.

[B]

The sushi so good.

[A]

The ribeye. The Hawaiian ribeye steak with a big baked potato and an ice cream sundae after. Kill it.

[C]

I. I can't believe you just said that. Because that's my favorite restaurant. I've been going there. I love it. Love it.

[B]

It's everyone's favorite restaurant that nobody can get into.

[C]

Yeah. Well, is it here? I think it's.

[B]

There's one here, but it's Hillstone, right? It's Hillstone. It's Hill.

[C]

Yes. It's great. I've. Yeah.

[B]

Fantastic. Yeah. The one on park is still there. There was one on 54th street that closed because somebody fell down the stairs and they were suing them. I know.

[C]

All of the info has to be at the.

[A]

At the City Court building. In the City Court Building, yes.

[B]

That one's closed. That one's gone. But, yeah, there are. I mean, Hillstone, Houston's East Hampton Grill, whatever you call it.

[C]

It's amazing.

[B]

It's amazing.

[C]

Oh, God. They have a great. Believe it or not, veggie burger made with plums.

[B]

I did know that.

[C]

It's delicious.

[B]

I love their food.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Only they put. They put nuts in sushi, and it's good.

[C]

They do.

[B]

Yeah. They have this Thai tuna roll. Oh, my God. Where they put in a macadamia nut. Unbelievable.

[C]

I have to go back. I haven't been back in a while, but I used to go constantly. The spinach artichoke dip is insane.

[B]

Insane.

[A]

Sick.

[C]

There's a recipe for that online.

[B]

Is there?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If you make that at home, it gives you diarrhea, though.

[C]

No, that's.

[B]

It gives you diarrhea if you're there, too.

[C]

It flows right out.

[B]

You're right. It depends on what I need.

[C]

Yeah. I love.

[B]

Maybe I need it.

[C]

I love eating things that give me diary.

[B]

You're like, wait, my mom's gonna kill me for saying this. So does my mom. She literally. She'll call me she's like, ben, you said diarrhea. God, what a great day it is.

[A]

We are so broken as Jews. We are so Jewishly broken.

[B]

I'm having the best day because I had diarrhea this morning.

[C]

Yeah, I know. My mom could eat a piece of popcorn and be on the toilet for seven hours. I don't know what's going on in there.

[A]

Benjamin. Benjamin. I had such an exit. An exit. This was award winning.

[B]

An exit.

[A]

It was like hurricane harbor down there.

[B]

Oh, my God. Oh, that's so cute.

[C]

Yeah, there's a lot of bathroom stuff goes on.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Yeah, my Irish Catholic wife. They've never talked about the shitter anyway. Are you going to put up a moron mail?

[B]

Let's do. Let's do a moron mail. So we call our listeners the morons. Because we're all morons. We all talk like we know so much when we all know nothing. And so we get moron mail where they write in. Maybe it's server advice or. Or something. And I pulled one up that I thought was. Was funny. Okay. Hi, Ben and Josh. I've been with my boyfriend for about eight months. We met in kind of an unconventional way. I used to go to this coffee shop downtown in our small city, and if you go often enough, you start to recognize the same people. Noticed him a few weeks in a row, developed a huge crush. But I'm kind of shy and couldn't figure out a way to talk with him without being weird. So one day I put on my best outfits and makeup and made a very questionable decision. I waited to leave the shop at the same time as him and intentionally rear ended his car. He was incredibly kind and worried about me, even though it was completely my fault. We obviously had to exchange info and we've been inseparable ever since. My dilemma is I've never told him that this was on purpose. I've always framed it as an accident. Do I tell him or take it to the grave?

[C]

This is insane.

[A]

We don't have to share everything.

[B]

It's so crazy.

[C]

I don't think he would, like, not want to see her now. If he knew it was on purpose.

[B]

If he knew that she was a psychotic liar. Yeah, from the get that she trapped him. Guys are supposed to be trapped. They're never supposed to be told they were trapped. Yeah, girls trap guys all the time, but if the guy knows that he's trapped, it's a different story. I don't think you can trap and tell. I think she has to take this to the graveyard?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

But the anxiety is going to kill her, right? I hope not. But she's gonna die before him. I hope not. But this level of anxiety could kill someone.

[C]

It depends who they are.

[B]

True.

[C]

Like, she might not be anxious. Like I am. Like, she might just be able to, like, let it. I guess if she's asking, she's. It's really on her mind.

[B]

It's on her mind. It has to be. I don't think she tells him, though.

[C]

I don't either. Do you, Josh?

[A]

No, I can. No, don't tell him. Black it out. Take muscle relaxers. There's so many aids to blacking things out. On my Wellbutrin, I don't remember most of my childhood, and that's been the goal. I'm gonna up it. I wanna forget it all. I only remember one season of Drake and Josh. Like, I really wanna forget everything.

[C]

Oh, my God, you're so funny. I do too. Maybe if I up my meds, I won't remember fat camp or, like, other things that have happened. Yeah, there's so many.

[B]

You think if I up my magnesium, it'll. It'll help her?

[C]

No, I. Have you ever tried crack?

[B]

No. It's on my list. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Zenni Optical. Folks, you know I love glasses, okay? I've had a million different pairs. Sometimes I like to wear them, sometimes I like to wear contacts. Sometimes I like to raw dog it, okay? Sometimes I like to just have my eyes feel alive. But I can obviously see better when I wear glasses because I need glasses, okay? I should be wearing glasses all the time. And let me tell you, Zenny Optical makes of a ton. It's so easy. Sometimes I don't wanna wear my glasses because maybe they're smudged. Maybe I have a little bit of a scratch and it's like, I don't know what to do with these. With Zenni Optical, you can just get another pair. You can just get another pair because they literally have glasses for under 30 bucks. Zenny is an online eyewear shop. Prescription glasses, sunglasses, blue light lenses. Starting at under $30. You go to Zenni.com, pick a frame, upload your prescription, and they ship it right to your door. No appointment, no store, no upsell at the counter. And let me tell you, under 30 bucks, get 12 frames. Get 12 frames. Oh, I don't like red anymore. I like green.

[D]

Cool.

[B]

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[A]

Mmm.

[B]

Water.

[C]

Are you a drug guy?

[B]

No, not anymore. I want. At one point, I dabbled in stuff. Only fun. It was never a problem.

[C]

Oh, it was a problem for me.

[B]

Yeah, I. Yeah, no.

[A]

How long are you sober, Jess?

[C]

Five years.

[B]

What was your drug of choice?

[A]

Russian dressing.

[B]

That was mine, by the way. The drug. I still can't shake it. My food, for sure, was my drug of choice.

[D]

Manischewitz.

[B]

I would put Russian dressing on my pasta.

[C]

I put Russian dressing on everything. I make it for my kids, and I call it pink sauce because it's. It's ketchup and mayo.

[B]

You ever put it on gefilte fish?

[C]

No. That sounds good.

[B]

Unbelievable. Not that wet gefilte that you get out of the can. You need a nice firm line.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a good idea. Yeah, I. What was the question? Oh, the drug. I know. How funny is that? I have no brain cells. It was always pot. But that's like. I always went to pot, believe it or not. A couple times. It was a lot of Ambien. Every night. Yeah, but it's been every. I mean, there's nothing I could do that I just. Didn't I say I had a problem with cocaine. You know you have a problem with cocaine when you're like, it's my turn and you're alone. Yeah, That's a.

[B]

That time.

[C]

But I'm a garbage can.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I literally. Yeah. It's like, no matter what it is, I'll use too much of it.

[B]

I'm just fortunate that it stopped at food, because there's no reason it stopped at food.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Cause I have such as. Josh knows such a bad relationship with food. The fact that I was ever able to dabble in drugs and it not become a problem is a miracle.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I could take down three pad Thais. I would go to Subway and get two footlongs, like, and I would eat it. So upset. Like, I'd eat the second one. Like, why are you eating? You're so full. As I would eat it. No.

[C]

Where did you eat? Secretively.

[B]

No.

[C]

I've always been proud.

[A]

Oh, I did.

[B]

I was proud.

[C]

Major secret eater. I am.

[B]

No, I don't. I don't think so. I ate just. And everybody around me was just like, ben, why did you just order? My dad would always say, ben, you know, you ordered seven appetizers. I'm like, yeah, I want to try everything. He's like, we come here all the time. What do you mean you want to try?

[C]

We were just here yesterday.

[B]

We're here always.

[A]

We're at a Cheesecake factory.

[B]

Ben, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to try all of these apps.

[C]

Yeah. I still am very secretive. Like, I would dip salad and dressing in the cup and then go home and slam a baked ziti in my mouth. You know what I mean? People would be like, my sister would be like, jessica, everyone knows you don't eat like this. Like, you're heavy. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's obvious you don't.

[B]

That's the best. Yeah.

[C]

Did you ever eat out of a garbage can?

[B]

No. I have a friend who did, though.

[C]

I have.

[B]

I threw out my. This is actually disgusting story. I got. I got sushi and there was, like, probably like, seven leftover pieces of sashimi, and I put it in the trash. And he was super high, and I remember him going into the trash and eating sashimi out of the garbage.

[C]

That's bad.

[B]

That's bad. It's not like a sandwich.

[C]

It is awesome, but it's. I couldn't do it with fish.

[B]

Neither could I. Yeah, actually, I'm. I. Maybe I've probably eaten out of the trash. I have to have eaten.

[C]

Like, when you're drunk.

[B]

No, Like, I threw something out and then I'm like, oh, no. I actually really want. And I take it back.

[C]

Right? Like, it's not touching anything.

[B]

No, it's not touching anything.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not dumpster diving. I've had a sandwich off the top of the trash. I'M sure I've.

[A]

Look, I've smoked fingernails, okay? So when you get that down and dirty, like. And now I, like, check the label on what kind of magnesium I'm taking.

[B]

You know, which, by the way, that's fine. You have to. Otherwise, one makes you shit, one makes you sleep. Magnesium is very versatile and very scary. Glycinate and citrate, you confuse these two. You're up all night with diarrhea, and in the morning you're asleep.

[C]

Well, I'm up all night anyway, so I might as well take that because the diarrhea will help I. If I overeat. Yeah, yeah, Josh, I'm the same way. I'm, like, reading the thing. Like, is there too much salt in this? Yes. It's hilarious from what I did.

[A]

Ben, should we get to what are you, nuts? Our final segment?

[B]

We should what do you. Nuts Is our gripes with people, places and things. You have a million. What do you. Nuts, both big and small. Whatever's sticking in your craw, Josh, you have one. You want me to go first?

[A]

You go first. I'll go, and we'll give Jessica a second to think of one.

[B]

My what do you nuts? Moment of the week is anytime anyone says I'm happy to do it, they're not.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Anytime you ask someone, you say, do you mind walking my dog for me while I'm away? I'm happy to do it. They're not. Okay. So if you're comfortable accepting favors from people who don't want to do you a favor, then allow the person who said, I'm happy to do it to do the favor. But if you are a good person and you can read between the lines and somebody says, I'm happy to do it, just let them out of it. Okay? Let them out. What do you not stop holding people to things? I'm happy to do it. You're not. Also say no. Say no. Don't tell me, I'm happy to do it if you're not happy to do it. I'm flipping it on the other side. Yeah, all of it's nuts. You say you're happy to do it. That's not okay. You accept the fact that somebody's happy to do it. That's also not okay.

[C]

Yeah, I agree. It's kind of passive aggressive, right? I'm happy to do it.

[B]

You're not.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Just say no.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I'll do it if you want me to.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's the exact same thing. And I think it's a Huge. What do you notice, Josh?

[A]

My Woody Nuts moment of the week is if you get something doordash. And you are one of our wonderful frontline delivery drivers. God bless you. My suggestion is take the picture of it in front of my door quick. Because I don't know what you're doing. If you're like, updating your iCal and because I'm giving it a good 20 Mississippi's before I go out to get the food. But I don't want to do this. I. It's delivery for a reason. And sometimes I go out to get the food and they're like, over there going, it's like a photo shoot with the Chinese bag.

[B]

They're like, yeah, I. I was going to say, you're lucky that they're doing it before you open. Open the door. Mine's always, I've already opened the door and they're asking me to pose with the bag.

[A]

It's nuts.

[B]

It's nuts.

[A]

What are you, nuts?

[B]

Nuts.

[A]

Jessica, you got.

[C]

I love nuts. I mean, like, cashews and. Anyway, I. I do have a big problem with all the people doing the influencer stuff. I've been thinking about that a lot. Like, you just walk down the street in New York and they're like, hey,

[D]

everyone, I'm in New York City. It's really amazing. Like, I just want to say, get ready with me.

[C]

You know, it's like I have such horrible anxiety. That sound goes through my head for, like, weeks. Like, I just will wake up in the middle of the night and hear ah.

[D]

Like, really on my.

[C]

Um. It just. Everyone wants to be a star. It's just. It's. It's a lot. It's really. I guess because we've done so much to work so hard, and it's just. It's really. These, like, TikTok girls that are just doing stuff to get attention, and I. I can't deal with it. I really can't.

[B]

Have a little shame.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

People love to have no shame. What you're describing is the person who has put a ring light on in the middle of the street or in the middle of the restaurant because they have no shame.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Nobody around them exists. They exist in their phone. They exist in their followers.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Have a little shame.

[C]

That's really true. And I keep getting, you know, people tailgating me driving into the city.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Like, people are right up on. And there's traffic. It's like, where am I supposed to go now? I just slam on my brakes or drive slow. Did you ever do that? I do it all the time.

[B]

I'm a. I'm such a. Like, I'm a. Such an aggressive driver. I don't tailgate. I'm very aggressive, though.

[C]

Really.

[B]

If there's. If there's nowhere to go, I'm gonna find somewhere to go.

[A]

He's me, sugar, Jessica. And if I get a Sugar.

[B]

If I get a ticket finding somewhere to. Somewhere to go. It's the cost of doing business, but I find somewhere to go.

[C]

I wouldn't think that. I don't know you well, but I wouldn't think.

[B]

No, no, this is my. This is my dirty secret that I talk about all the time. I park illegally all over Manhattan. I drive everywhere. Park at the pump. I'm going to pay your fudgeing garage. No, I'm not paying Jewish too.

[D]

I'm not. I'm going to pay. I'm going to park in front of the fire. I mean, how common. Is there a fire?

[B]

Correct. Never. There's never a fire ever. Ever.

[C]

Josh, are you an aggressive driver?

[A]

No, but I am. I'm so. I'm so autistic that I shouldn't be on the road because the realities are. I'm in my Tesla and my mouth is open and I'm, you know, count leaves on the trees. I'm like, rain.

[C]

My God, you're so funny. My mouth is open.

[A]

It's bad. My wife does it all the time and my kids are mouth breathers. And my wife goes, thanks.

[C]

Oh, my God, that's so counting leaves. That's amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What a visual.

[A]

Jessica, will you plug dates? Anything you want people to go watch? We loved having you.

[C]

Oh, I love you guys. I mean, this is so familiar to me. It's like so different than being on, you know, some of these guys. Podcasts.

[B]

Yeah, this is the only podcast.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So you like pussy too, huh? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I have a website, jessica kirsten.com. it has links to all my dates. And I'm starting my own podcast, the Jessica Kirsten show, which I'm really excited about. It'll be available everywhere, especially you. Porn. And. And when I get hungry, I get a little, like, inappropriate horny.

[B]

Me too.

[C]

Yeah, there's. They both go together.

[B]

I was gonna say they sit on the other opposite sides of a very thin line. Yeah, very thin line right there. I'm starving. I need a jerk off.

[D]

I almost ate my own schlong.

[B]

I wish. Too fat. Can't do it. You can't really do it. Never do it. No. There was always that kid in camp that claimed that he could suck his own dick.

[C]

Of course.

[B]

It's like, really?

[C]

I want to buy fat camp to do that.

[B]

But yeah, no one can.

[C]

They can't even reach their chin.

[B]

Like their toes.

[C]

No. But I have and I have a big YouTube that I want to promote. Like it's Jessica Kirsten comedy. But I have a lot of subscribers and I, I been posting a lot of long crowd work videos on there that some people don't know about.

[B]

Well, everybody needs to know about all of it. We had the best time having you on. Thank you so much folks. This episode is 5 stars. Otherwise, what are you, nuts? Listen to us Wherever you get your podcasts, Watch us on YouTube. Do you know about Spotify video? When you have your podcast, you need to get it on Spotify. Our video is on Spotify. Let me tell you. You go into the app, you can watch it on the Spotify app.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

On the go. It's fantastic.

[C]

That's interesting.

[B]

It's amazing. So watch us on Spotify Mondays and Thursdays, folks. We will see you next. Foreign.

[E]

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