GOURD GUYS: Big Moo Shu’s Going Meshuga

Summary

Podcast Summary: Good Guys - "GOURD GUYS: Big Mushu's Going Meshuga"

Episode Information:

• Title: GOURD GUYS: Big Mushu's Going Meshuga
• Release Date: November 28, 2024
• Hosts: Josh Peck and Ben Soffer

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Thanksgiving Plans and Culinary Preferences

The episode kicks off with Josh Peck and Ben Soffer discussing their respective Thanksgiving plans. Josh shares his excitement about spending the holiday at his mother-in-law's house, hinting at the possibility of welcoming a new addition to the Peck family. He humorously remarks, “There might be a new peck” (00:50), playing on his last name.

In contrast, Ben expresses his lack of enthusiasm for traditional Thanksgiving meals. He criticizes classic dishes, stating, “I think the Thanksgiving meal is just dreck. I think it is just crap” (01:48). Ben prefers to forgo the conventional turkey-centric feast in favor of a reservation at Ralph Lauren's Polo Bar, describing it as a “lovely meal” (03:01). This decision is rooted in his disdain for dry roast turkey and the typical side dishes like mac and cheese and green bean casserole.

Josh humorously notes, “We're a flying climb” (00:50), and both hosts agree that the traditional Thanksgiving meal often falls short of expectations. Ben further elaborates on his alternative menu preferences, emphasizing homemade bread, sweet potatoes, and a variety of vegetable medleys while dismissing the importance of turkey on the plate.

Reimagining Thanksgiving Cuisine

Josh and Ben engage in a creative exercise to design their ideal Thanksgiving menu. Josh outlines a spread that excludes turkey in favor of a diverse array of appetizers and sides:

• Appetizers: Family dip with cream cheese, mayo, and seasoned Beau Monde seasoning; baked brie with apricot jam; and a selection of crudités with homemade ranch or green goddess dressing (04:21).
• Sides: Parker House rolls with fresh butter, sweet potatoes with a maple syrup drizzle, winter vegetable medley including turnips and rutabagas, and string bean casserole.
• Dessert: Sour cream apple pie from Little Pie Company in New York, which Josh highly recommends (06:59).

Olivia, a recurring co-host, adds to the conversation by suggesting additional dishes such as a grandmother's cheese log and a honey ham, highlighting the importance of variety and personal preference in crafting the perfect holiday meal (08:06).

Authenticity of Chinese Cuisine and the MSG Debate

The conversation shifts to Chinese food, where Josh and Ben express nostalgia for authentic East Coast Chinese dishes like egg foo young and bunzao. They lament the decline in genuine Chinese offerings on the West Coast, with Ben declaring, “Josh, you can’t find good Chinese anywhere” (15:39). The hosts critique Americanized Chinese dishes—such as General Chow’s chicken and Kung Pao chicken—for straying from authentic flavors and ingredients.

A significant portion of the discussion centers around Monosodium Glutamate (MSG). Ben vehemently defends MSG as “the ultimate umami bomb” and criticizes the historical backlash against it, labeling it a “total witch hunt” with xenophobic undertones (16:03). Josh agrees, sharing insights about how MSG enhances the flavor profile of Chinese cuisine and lamenting the loss of its widespread acceptance.

They also mention contemporary influencers like Logan, a TikToker who advocates for MSG usage, and discuss the impacts of such endorsements on public perception. The hosts highlight the necessity of cornstarch in traditional Chinese cooking for achieving the desired sauce consistency, further underscoring the importance of authentic cooking techniques (17:04).

Listener Interaction: Vasectomy and Birth Control Perspectives

In a heartfelt segment, the hosts address a listener’s question submitted via SpeakPipe. Michelle shares her concerns about her husband’s reluctance to consider a vasectomy in the future, juxtaposed with her long-term use of birth control since age 15. She seeks a male perspective on whether her expectations are unreasonable (36:14).

Ben advises caution, suggesting that discussing such decisions before having children might be premature. He elaborates, “I think it's a little crazy to ask your husband to have a vasectomy unless he, like, demanded that you were on birth control” (38:03). The conversation delves into the complexities of birth control and vasectomies, with both hosts acknowledging the significant hormonal and emotional impacts of these choices.

Josh emphasizes the importance of open communication and mutual understanding in such decisions, sharing personal anecdotes about friends who have undergone vasectomies. Olivia contributes by discussing the adverse effects of birth control on her mental health, reinforcing the listener’s concerns about the burdens placed on women regarding reproductive control (40:11).

"What Are You Nuts?" Segment: Gripes and Gripe Points

The hosts transition to their regular segment, "What Are You Nuts?", where they humorously highlight minor pet peeves and absurdities. This episode features gripes about the inconvenience of handling Hershey's Kisses, which Ben critiques for being “too much work” compared to simply buying a chocolate bar (48:16). Josh resonates with the frustration, agreeing that peeling each Kiss individually is inefficient.

Ben shares his disdain for other trivial annoyances, like lip balm usage and unappetizing product appearances, maintaining a light-hearted and comedic tone throughout the segment. They also discuss the tediousness of the filmmaking process, with Josh expressing his frustrations about casting for his independent movie and the challenges of persuading agents to consider non-famous actors (47:13).

Promotional Segments and Advertisements

Throughout the episode, the hosts include brief promotional segments endorsing various products:

• Good Wipes: Emphasizes the importance of using superior wipes over traditional toilet paper for cleanliness, highlighting features like flushability and a variety of scents (13:33).
• Bilt Rewards: Encourages listeners to earn points on rent payments, detailing the benefits and ease of joining (12:12).
• Fatty15: Promotes a new essential fatty acid supplement, claiming it surpasses omega-3s in cellular benefits (21:48).
• Prolon: Introduces a plant-based nutrition program designed to support health and longevity by mimicking fasting states (25:45).

These segments are seamlessly integrated into the conversation, maintaining the episode's flow while providing valuable information about the sponsors.

Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

In the closing moments, Josh announces his plans to take his brother-in-law out for an Italian dinner, joking about enhancing the experience by excluding Hershey's Kisses from the menu (49:06). Ben and Olivia join in the laughter, reinforcing the camaraderie and playful dynamic between the hosts.

Josh reflects on the episode's content, highlighting the balance between serious discussions and comedic relief that defines the "Good Guys" podcast. The hosts encourage listeners to engage with them on various platforms, including YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, and to subscribe to their podcast on popular platforms like Apple and Spotify (50:08).

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Josh Peck (00:50): “There might be a new peck.”
• Ben Soffer (01:48): “I think the Thanksgiving meal is just dreck. I think it is just crap.”
• Josh Peck (03:01): “We're a flying climb.”
• Ben Soffer (16:03): “MSG is just the ultimate umami bomb and makes everything taste delicious.”
• Ben Soffer (38:03): “I think it's a little crazy to ask your husband to have a vasectomy unless he, like, demanded that you were on birth control.”
• Olivia (40:11): “I was so anxious, I ended up getting, like, diagnosed with an anxiety disorder because of it.”
• Ben Soffer (48:15): "Hershey's Kisses are nuts.”

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Conclusion

In "GOURD GUYS: Big Mushu's Going Meshuga," Josh Peck and Ben Soffer navigate a variety of topics with humor and candor, from personal holiday plans and culinary preferences to deeper discussions on reproductive choices and cultural food authenticity. Their engaging banter, coupled with insightful commentary and listener interaction, provides a comprehensive and entertaining listening experience. Whether sharing personal anecdotes, addressing serious listener concerns, or poking fun at everyday annoyances, the hosts exemplify the podcast’s commitment to being the "good guys" amid a sea of voices.

Transcript

[Josh Peck]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. I'm Josh Peck.

[Ben Soffer]

And I'm Ben Soffer.

[Josh Peck]

And we're the Good Guys. There's a lot of guys out there.

[Ben Soffer]

And we're the good ones.

[Josh Peck]

Mazda Morons. Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. I'm sitting here with Dr. Phil's barber, it's Ben Soffer.

[Ben Soffer]

It's been a while since I've had to do anything. I'm not gonna lie. I'm starting to twiddle my thumbs. I'm a little, A little, A little off the top. Oh, man. Joshi. Oh, fuck. I forgot to ask, when does this come out?

[Josh Peck]

Whenever you want it to come out, hun.

[Ben Soffer]

I just want to know if we should be talking at Thanksgiving.

[Josh Peck]

We should.

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Ben Soffer]

Great. Okay.

[Josh Peck]

And I'm not cutting that out. We're not cutting out a single thing.

[Ben Soffer]

Maybe just that little part.

[Josh Peck]

We're a flying climb.

[Ben Soffer]

I'm not so excited for Thanksgiving.

[Josh Peck]

Yes. Ooh, same here.

[Ben Soffer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Josh Peck]

I love it.

[Ben Soffer]

Let's talk about Thanksgiving. Okay. Where are you for Thanksgiving?

[Josh Peck]

I'm at my wonderful mother in law's house. It's going to be fan flippantastic. There's potentially going to be a new peck. And by that I mean a new. My wife, my sister in law is pregnant. I'm just saying it's going to be a new peck. But she's supposed to give birth in the next two weeks. We might have a new guest at Thanksgiving.

[Ben Soffer]

Well, congrats to them. Everything is nice and easy. Happy, healthy, that is. And what are we eating, Josh? What are we eating? That's all anybody cares about. What is, Josh.

[Josh Peck]

A fucking, I don't know, stuffing? Let's go nuts. What are we. What are you eating? More importantly?

[Ben Soffer]

Honestly, Josh, this is going to be like the, the worst thing for some people that I've ever said. I think the Thanksgiving meal is just dreck. I think it is just crap. Because the truth is, when what you're waiting for is worse than everything that comes before it, you have a fundamental problem with the meal. You have a fundamental problem. I'm in on your Mac and cheese. I'm in on your green bean casserole. I'm in on your stuffing. I'm in on your mashed potatoes. I'm in on your. Any way that you can make a potato, an au gratin, anything like that. I'm so in. I hate regular roast turkey. I think it's dry. I think it's no good. One in ten is juicy. But even if it's juicy, I wish I was having chicken. I wish I was having duck. I think roast turkey is awful. So what do we do? We made a reservation at Polo Bar, and we're gonna be going out and having a lovely meal. And then I'll probably have, like, a dinner. Like maybe like a Friday night dinner or something. Not Thanksgiving themed, though. Not. Because to me, the meal itself is not good. It is not good.

[Josh Peck]

You are going to Thanksgiving at Ralph Lauren's Polo Bar in the city. An impossible res. If you know, you know. And you are forgoing the Thanksgiving meal. Who will be attending said Polo Lounge? Wonderful fest.

[Ben Soffer]

It will just be me and Claudia. We are just doing the two of us. That is it. That's it. Keeping it small, quaint. Probably see our family other time during that end of the weekend, but that night, just us.

[Josh Peck]

You know who else I imagine is having a Thanksgiving like that?

[Ben Soffer]

Who?

[Josh Peck]

Elon Musk. All right, I went to. Well, now that I say it sounds sad. I ate for one. Sorry.

[Ben Soffer]

Now that he has say it, it sounds sad, but I was very excited. This was a choice. I believe it was a choice because the Thanksgiving meal is bad.

[Josh Peck]

I'm getting a vasectomy in the morning, and we're having Thanksgiving, the two of us, at night.

[Ben Soffer]

No family for me. It was my choice. You don't like the Thanksgiving meal? Don't lie. And this is no shade on Paige's mom's cooking. Okay. In case she's listening.

[Josh Peck]

Sure.

[Ben Soffer]

You're a wonderful cook.

[Josh Peck]

Unbelievable. I love Thanksgiving. I love it. And I hate turkey. Hate it.

[Ben Soffer]

Yeah. You hate turkey. Yes. Hate it.

[Josh Peck]

But let me. Let's all do this. Let's make our perfect menu. I'll start. So first you need a nosh, right? And don't get me started with that. Just wait. We're gonna eat early anyway. First of all, the meal should be between 3 and 4. First up, right?

[Ben Soffer]

Absolutely. Agreed. Agreed.

[Josh Peck]

And a minute later than four is sick.

[Ben Soffer]

Agreed. Too late.

[Josh Peck]

There needs to be. Now, the O'Brien family, my wife's family, they do a beautiful something called the dip. It's a family dip. This is cream cheese, mayo, and Dumond. What's it called? It's a certain kind of seasoning. I don't know what it's called. Cafe de DL Hughley. I don't know. I don't know the name of the seasoning, but Beau Monde. Beau Monde Seasoning. That's it. And it's like this creamy, delicious. There's celery in it. You use big Frito Scoops. I know it sounds crazy. It's delish.

[Ben Soffer]

Delish. I love a dip.

[Josh Peck]

So you get the dip going. Then you do a baked brie. Come on in. A filo dough pastry thing. Then you're doing. Then you get. Also get an apricot jam. Nice. Start with that. Right. And then you do a crudite.

[Ben Soffer]

Fine.

[Josh Peck]

Perfect. Nice. Like homemade ranch thing. Maybe a green goddess dressing. Shout out the great baked by Melissa Patton pending. Let's give her residual. Nice. Right. And we're grazing. And we're doing drive bys. Popping a couple to the fat face. Okay. Then you sit down. I want a homemade bread. I want a Parker house roll. I want a biscuit. And I want good fresh butter with Florida Sal baby. That crispy. I want those salt flakes to shine like crack rocks. Beautiful on that butter. Right. Gotta cut through the fat. Then I want a medley. I want a baked macaroni and cheese. I want some kind of potato dish. I'm not a mashed potatoes man, but I know that people like it. I want a nice sweet potato with that baked marshmallowy thing. Or do like a souffle. You don't have to do the baked marshmallows. Hey, we're not in Wisconsin. Maybe that's not for you. But give me something. A nice sweet sweet potato thing. Then I want a winter vegetable medley thing chopped up. I'm talking turnips. I'm talking turnips. I don't know any other ones.

[Ben Soffer]

A carrot.

[Josh Peck]

I'm talking a root. A gourd. I want roots and gourds. And I'm in gourd.

[Ben Soffer]

Vegetables. Okay.

[Josh Peck]

I'm talking rutabaga.

[Ben Soffer]

Maybe a beet.

[Josh Peck]

A beet, sure. And I want to drizzle a nice maple syrup drizzle on that thing. Great. Yeah. So I want those carbs, those veggies. Of course. String beans. String bean casserole. That's one of my faves. And yeah, I don't care about the turkey. Do with it what you want. That's going to be my plate. And then. And from the Little Pie Company in New York. The sour cream apple pie is so sick. Go get it right now. I ordered them for my birthday. My favorite thing, the sour cream apple pie. They also do a New York cheesecake. They do everything. But the apple pie is next level. And. Yeah. And then just spend the rest of the night tooting and being with family and watching football and tooting.

[Ben Soffer]

You ordered your own pie on your own birthday?

[Josh Peck]

I ordered three.

[Ben Soffer]

And you said my reservation was sad. Olivia, Olivia, what do you think is missing from Josh's? I think that that was an absolute feast. I think everything there was fantastic. But in case there are some missing.

[Olivia]

Items, I have to agree. I think everything in there is perfection. The only thing that I might add is my grandmother, every year, without fail, makes this incredible cheese log. And I'm not sure what kind of cheese it is, but she's got spices and herbs just rolled all over that thing. Some little pecans. You get that with some, you know, just little, like, water crackers. And you just go to town before your meal, and then there's a beautiful, like, fruit salad, usually. And then, you know, I'm not a big turkey person either. I find it dry, and I. I know I'm crazy. I don't really like gravy. So maybe, like, for me, I would love, like, a honey ham to kind of still. Ooh, like a roast ham or something. That's, like, really gonna scratch the itch for me.

[Ben Soffer]

You see, the three of us just sat here and said, we don't like turkey. And we were almost. We were almost worried that we were going to offend people. You're like, you're not going to hear this. I don't like gravy. No one does. Nobody likes this crap. So I have a question. Why are we killing 46 million turkeys? Let's kill somebody else. The ham sounds great. I'm not going to eat it, but I'll have a chicken. What is it with the obsession with the turkey? Turkey is not good. We're wasting these turkeys. I would vote to switch the whole holiday to duck. How sick would that be? We all just have a gorgeous duck. A paper duck. I was gonna say, imagine this. Josh, you come over. We have everything you just had, and then we have these little tortillas. We have a little hoisin sauce. We have some scallions. We have a Peking duck, and you make a little mushu wrap. God, that's Thanksgiving. That's Thanksgiving.

[Josh Peck]

Yes. Make mushu great again.

[Ben Soffer]

I mean, make mushu great again. Mushu is it.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah, Mushu is it.

[Ben Soffer]

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[Michelle]

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[Ben Soffer]

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[Michelle]

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[Ben Soffer]

Nobody's ever dared to ask, how many calories do you think you're in? 1 tablespoon of hoisin sauce.

[Josh Peck]

I don't know.

[Ben Soffer]

That shit is thick.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah, there's molasses in that. But I'm telling you, Mushu doesn't get enough. Like, it just doesn't get enough shine. Like someone like, if. If Olivia Rodrigo gave Mushu its flowers, I'm telling you, Big Mushu would be going meshuggah.

[Ben Soffer]

Big Mushu would be going meshuggah. Title of the title of the episode. Big Mushu going meshuggah. It is. Absolutely. And Big Mushu deserves its stay in this. In the limelight. It does.

[Josh Peck]

Can we talk about current and former, like, growing up. Right. The words mugu gaipan was more a part of my lexicon, like, of Chinese takeout. Like mugu gaipen, egg fu young, bunzao.

[Ben Soffer]

I don't know if you did that one, but bunzao is very good. Thai. It's sort of like a pad Thai, but a little bit different. It was a bunzao and came with a little bit of a acidic sauce.

[Josh Peck]

Mmm.

[Ben Soffer]

Delish.

[Josh Peck]

But it's no longer. I mean, they don't even do. Those are more. I found east coast dishes. I don't see them a lot on west coast Chinese menus, especially.

[Ben Soffer]

The egg foo young, I think is. I would agree the egg foo young is a period piece. There's something about it that is very 90s. Egg foo young.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah. It sounds like a rapper's name.

[Ben Soffer]

No, that's Young Egg Young. Egg foo.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah. Or like, you're from east la. What's up, Egg Foo? You know what?

[Ben Soffer]

I'm saying, my boy. Young egg foo.

[Josh Peck]

That's nuts.

[Ben Soffer]

Young egg foo. Oh my God. Yeah, I love Chinese. Chinese. Oh, God. Chinese takeout in the city though, has also, I think, gone downhill. I feel like you could just order in from anywhere back in the day and it would be spectacular. And now they are a dime a dozen. Josh, you can't find good Chinese anywhere.

[Josh Peck]

Well, why don't we talk about the utter witch hunt on msg, which it turns out MSG is just the delicious part.

[Ben Soffer]

Yes, total witch hunt. Seems incredibly xenophobic. I don't know what the fuck that was, but apparently MSG is just the ultimate umami bomb and makes everything taste delicious. That and cornstarch. Cornstarch, you need it. It's a thickener. It's what takes that brown sauce from soy to silky.

[Josh Peck]

Okay, you are so right. In growing up, because of my mom being on Sunburst.

[Ben Soffer]

Yes. You don't even need to finish this sentence. Every mother, no corn starch.

[Josh Peck]

Oh, man. I'd literally be sitting there and I would hope she would forget and then she'd be like, chicken and broccoli. No cornstarch. Just 8 year old Josh would be like, fuck.

[Ben Soffer]

That's at least better than sometimes you'd get a sauce on the side. And believe me, you don't want to see that chicken undressed. No, you don't. That chicken is pale as a ghost. Not a seasoning in sight.

[Josh Peck]

But what like General Chow's chicken, Orange chicken, Kung Pao chicken. These are all creations of America. Like this is not true Chinese food.

[Ben Soffer]

Correct. These are deliciously fried pieces of chicken in some type of a sweet tangy sauce with cornstarch to thicken it and MSG to make it the best of your life. But yes, the war on MSG fucked up.

[Josh Peck]

I don't like it.

[Ben Soffer]

No. And that guy, Logan, the tiktoker who does the cucumbers, you've seen him?

[Josh Peck]

Yes.

[Ben Soffer]

He's the one who. He's single handedly changing our opinions on msg. I bet you MSG is through the roof because of him.

[Josh Peck]

He adds it, right?

[Ben Soffer]

He adds it to everything.

[Josh Peck]

I love that. I love it. Have you seen.

[Ben Soffer]

And maybe he'll die, maybe he won't. We'll see.

[Josh Peck]

Have you seen an influencer on TikTok called Bo?

[Ben Soffer]

No.

[Josh Peck]

Boo.

[Ben Soffer]

What does he do?

[Josh Peck]

So he is Bo. I actually follow his son who's a boxer. That's how I discovered him. Big John. Lives up to his name. Big dude, loves Chinese food, lives in the UK and he'd Be like, Saturday nights for fucking Chinese. And he just goes. And hopefully, hopefully an order dog that is so epic and legendary. And he'll be like, hello, Peter. He's like, it's Big John here. And then it'll be like shrimp balls and chicken chow mein, regular chow mein, special fried rice, sweet and sour pork, Hong Kong style. Like it's all this cool British ways that they eat it. And it's so ill. It'd be like shrimp prawn balls, shrimp chips. And then he'll end it. Curry sauce. And then he'll end it with. And one for May Bosh. And his art order is just so epic. And I'm trying to. On his Instagram, once he wrote out the order and I. Oh, oh, oh, ok. This was just one for him.

[Ben Soffer]

What's his name?

[Josh Peck]

Big John One. John.

[Ben Soffer]

Big John One.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah.

[Ben Soffer]

Ok. Love him.

[Josh Peck]

Ok. Special fried rice, chicken chow mein, chicken balls, salt and chili chicken, Singapore rice noodles, salt and chili king prawn chili, crispy beef, salt and chili salt and chili chips, curry sauce, barbecue pork ribs, prawn crackers. Bosh.

[Ben Soffer]

What the hell is a prawn cracker? That's what I want to know.

[Josh Peck]

Think like a shrimp chip.

[Ben Soffer]

Wow.

[Josh Peck]

And I write him, dude. He be. He posts this shit. Oh, no. The guy at the Blue Orchid is in the Blue Orchid, which is in the uk, A Chinese restaurant. I gotta try it. And the guy who works there is Richard. Hello, Richard. Speak, John.

[Ben Soffer]

I've even heard of the Blue Orchard. It's a famous Chinese place, I think. Very famous in the uk. In the uk.

[Josh Peck]

Cool.

[Ben Soffer]

I think. Or wait, what comedian did we have? What British comedian?

[Josh Peck]

Jim Jeffries. But he's Jim Jeffries.

[Ben Soffer]

Australian. Australian. Yes. Okay, maybe it was different.

[Josh Peck]

He was talking about Mot 32, which is famous. Yes, but that's in Vancouver and Vegas.

[Ben Soffer]

Wow. We need to try. This is our show to Hulu Josh the top 10 Chinese food places in the world and we'll review them. Wow.

[Josh Peck]

Every. Why don't we do top 10 of every place?

[Ben Soffer]

Top five place. Yes. In. It's called the top five. Wow.

[Josh Peck]

Yes. Great.

[Ben Soffer]

Okay, cool. I'll do it for free. Not. No, thanks.

[Josh Peck]

Hey, can I bring up something to the group? I recently have been having to use lip balm because Josh has been a little dry. I'm going to ask you guys something. Okay. I'm going to apply it on the podcast and you tell me how I can walk around like this. Okay. And this is incredible lip gloss. This is from Jack Black, sponsor the podcast. I love Jack Black. Everything they do is perfect. This is not an indictment on Jack Black. This is an indictment on lip gloss. Are we ready? Chapstick lip gloss. I don't care what it is. You're a fucking Carmex man, whatever you are, you know? Okay, here.

[Ben Soffer]

And if you're not watching the podcast, I'll try to describe it, but you should be watching it on YouTube. Josh is looking. Looking very strange.

[Josh Peck]

He's light layer. I can't. Olivia, be honest. You're here. I can't walk outside like this. I look crazy, dog.

[Ben Soffer]

Oh, are your lips glistening? I can't see. They're glistening.

[Josh Peck]

Oh, my God. I look like I just ate a Krispy Kreme. Like.

[Ben Soffer]

Yeah, let me see. Yeah, they're glistening for sure. Absolutely.

[Josh Peck]

I'm a grown up dude.

[Ben Soffer]

No, they're too. They're too. They're too glistening for a grown man.

[Josh Peck]

I'm married to a woman.

[Ben Soffer]

Yeah, too glistening. Too glistening.

[Josh Peck]

What do I do?

[Ben Soffer]

Honestly? You. You just deal with chapped lips. The thing is, it's that season, Josh. It's dry season.

[Josh Peck]

It's.

[Ben Soffer]

I take two Zyrtecs now. My skin gets so crackly, my eczema pops back up, but I do nothing about it. I'm not gonna lotion myself every day. I'm not gonna apply Vaseline or in this case, a gorgeous Jack Black to my lips. I'm not doing that right now. I'm not. That's it. I use their gorgeous deodorant every day. Cause it's fantastic.

[Josh Peck]

All their products.

[Ben Soffer]

I love Jack Black.

[Josh Peck]

All their products.

[Ben Soffer]

And it makes me feel, Josh, like a fucking man when I put on that deodorant. And it might be because on other days I wear my wife's deodorant, but when I wear my own Jack Black deodorant, I feel like a man.

[Josh Peck]

And let me tell you, even their lip balms, Outstanding. I love to put it on at night and I feel fancy in my dreams. But it's minty. It's delish. Shea butter.

[Ben Soffer]

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[Josh Peck]

Oh, let me ask this. This will be a fun segment with Olivia. Okay, tell me what would be a. What's it called? Like a deal breaker. Deal breaker.

[Ben Soffer]

Okay.

[Josh Peck]

And not. And obviously the great Ethan would never do any of these things. This is completely hypothetical. You meet a guy, smoke show, handsome. You know, I don't know what you're into. Young Gerard Butler. I don't know. And. But he wears a tinted lip gloss, like, has shiny lips, but otherwise is handsome. He has a centurion card, a black Amex, but like literally every time you guys go out and it's flavored, it's either tangerine, something fancy. Is that a deal breaker?

[Michelle]

1,000%. That's a deal breaker.

[Olivia]

I couldn't. I could not handle that. I mean, my lips aren't even glossy all the time. To have him like showing me up. One with. It's a tinted balm. We've got like a little sparkly pink action happening. Different strokes for different folks. But I just don't think I could handle just like a perfectly glossed out on my partner.

[Ben Soffer]

No, you go.

[Josh Peck]

You go, Ben, you go.

[Ben Soffer]

I'm out. No, no, I don't want that.

[Josh Peck]

Give a living or a hypothetical.

[Ben Soffer]

Oh, okay, Okay. A hypothetical, as Josh said, man is absolutely perfect. Perfect the same way. Centurion card, chiseled jaw, all the stuff, whatever you're into. Except he wears transition lenses.

[Olivia]

Again, I'm sorry, but I feel so shallow. But I'm gonna have to say that might be a deal breaker too.

[Ben Soffer]

You can't. That was the right answer. You can't go from the outside in and be half tinted, half not done.

[Olivia]

The tint is too much.

[Ben Soffer]

Tint is too much.

[Josh Peck]

Okay, I got one. He's perfect, handsome, got it all going on six pack. But every time you guys are going out, he says, are we going to go party or what?

[Ben Soffer]

I'm in. I take him.

[Olivia]

I also think I'd have to take him.

[Ben Soffer]

He sounds like a hoot.

[Olivia]

Yeah. Good time.

[Josh Peck]

Okay. He also wears a cross body bag, like one of those, like, fanny bags that goes across your torso.

[Olivia]

Oh, every time, Every time.

[Josh Peck]

Every time you guys are. You guys are out.

[Olivia]

Is it like one of the fashionable Euro ones that's like.

[Ben Soffer]

Yes.

[Olivia]

Okay then. Yes, 1000%. I'm still in.

[Josh Peck]

Wow.

[Ben Soffer]

Yeah, I'm hard out. If he's wearing the crossbody Euro. I have one more. Perfect. I love the way we describe perfect Josh. Chiseled six pack. Yeah, he only wears Ed Hardy T shirts.

[Olivia]

Hard pass Hard pass. I can't do that. I can't handle that.

[Ben Soffer]

We need to bring back Ed Hardy.

[Josh Peck]

Okay.

[Ben Soffer]

Those shirts went hard.

[Josh Peck]

He's perfect. But no matter whether you're going to a black tie affair or just a random date night, he's wearing Javiana thongs.

[Ben Soffer]

These invites.

[Olivia]

By Javiana thong, do you mean like a flip flop or like the underwear?

[Josh Peck]

No, the Haviana thong. Like the flip flop.

[Olivia]

Oh, okay. Okay. No, you can't have your toes out all the time. You know, reserve that for a special occasion.

[Josh Peck]

Okay.

[Ben Soffer]

Respect.

[Olivia]

Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to pass on that.

[Josh Peck]

That's a good question, too. What if there was a guy? Because, like, I feel like, in my experience, not everyone. Not speaking in generalities here, women are celebrated for wearing a fun undergarment. But if a man does run for the hills.

[Ben Soffer]

Yeah.

[Josh Peck]

Is that a deal breaker, Olivia?

[Olivia]

You know what? I'll be honest. I don't. Nothing like this has come across my.

[Josh Peck]

Desk like a cheetah print or.

[Olivia]

I don't know, I mean, mesh.

[Josh Peck]

It's like a laundry bag material.

[Olivia]

A laundry bag material. That's a lot. That's a tall order. But I could get down with a fun print. That sounds like, you know, it's playful. What a time. The mesh detailing, I feel like that would just be incredibly uncomfortable. I'd be pretty concerned for your well being after a day of, like, wearing that in a tight denim. Could you imagine?

[Josh Peck]

Oh, my gosh.

[Ben Soffer]

I think I'm so shallow that I'm almost out on a guy wearing underwear that isn't black. Like any other color. I think I'm out white shit stain. Okay. Any other color you're going to wear. Red briefs. What are you nuts? Red briefs? No. Imagine me, Josh in red briefs.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah, It'd be crazy. It'd be crazy. What I would think is, oh, he got a deal at Nordstrom Rack.

[Ben Soffer]

Like, yeah, on red briefs.

[Josh Peck]

Dude, there are two packs. Here's the thing about me. I don't wear only black. I hate to break it, because I go to Nordstrom Rack and the kind of high end Calvin Klein. The cut that I like, which is their best one, in my opinion, they sell a two pack, and it's a dark gray and a navy blue, and that's. And I have, like. So I have about 10 navies, 10 grays and 10 black, and I switch them out, but they also have a red and a light gray, and I never get it.

[Ben Soffer]

Of course, by the way, you wearing a gray and a navy. I'LL let it slide. Okay.

[Josh Peck]

Thank you.

[Ben Soffer]

I'll let it slide.

[Josh Peck]

God bless you.

[Ben Soffer]

But the red. I once accidentally bought a pack online that came with the red and brown. Oof. Out. Sorry, can't do it. I can't.

[Josh Peck]

Nuts.

[Ben Soffer]

I had to throw him away.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah, I get it. Should we do another story?

[Ben Soffer]

We should do a story. Yeah. Would love. Would love to hear of something hilarious going on in the news.

[Josh Peck]

Well, did you know that 1 in 3 Gen Z workers are too scared to use office bathroom? They're literally scared. S less. For a generation that likes expressing their emotions, Gen Z keeps a lot bottled up inside. A whopping one in three zoomers is scared to use the bathroom at the office. According to a recent study by online bathroom appliance purveyor, the UK based bazaar surveyed more than 1,000 employees on their workplace loo habits and calculated the impact of bathroom breaks on company productivity. According to the study, one in 12 employees have never gone number two at work, while 34% are scared to use the facility. Hmm.

[Ben Soffer]

All I have to say is they didn't survey any Jews. We could not possibly control not taking a shit post coffee in the morning. No way. Unless they. Unless there's a serious problem going on. That is Constipation. This is Josh's least favorite topic.

[Josh Peck]

I hate this.

[Ben Soffer]

You're going to have to go. And if you're not, you're subjecting yourself to some physical pain. This is no good. Go do your business. If you're worried about the smell, bring a little spritz. Bring something. A little poo pourri so that you can make yourself feel better. Okay. Bring a good wipe to elevate your experience. But ladies, start taking more dumps at the office.

[Josh Peck]

I'm cutting this out. So gross. Yuck. Yucky. As Ben would say.

[Ben Soffer]

Yucky.

[Josh Peck]

Oh, man. Well, there's another. Oh, there was one I wanted to. I got one set up and I got it. The frick is it. It was really important. I think it was good. We don't need to talk about Brianna and Zach, Bryan, right?

[Ben Soffer]

We can if you want to.

[Josh Peck]

I think we just are clearly team Brianna here. We love Brianna.

[Ben Soffer]

She's the greatest Love queen. Love.

[Josh Peck]

Total queen. Utter queen.

[Ben Soffer]

Total queen. No, that's it.

[Josh Peck]

Super queen.

[Ben Soffer]

She wants to come back on the podcast and, like, talk, like, intimate details. No problem. And actually, you know what's funny? She. If you remember, she was on the show and she's like, no, don't talk about that with us. And maybe that's like, maybe we should have known.

[Josh Peck]

Don't talk about, like, cut some.

[Ben Soffer]

She had come to us and she had said that I think she had spoken about their relationship on the podcast and she had politely asked us to remove it, which we did, of course, but maybe that was because, you know, this guy's a little bit loco over there, and if he heard it, there would have been some big Balagan.

[Josh Peck]

Balagan, which, for anyone who doesn't know, means a big mess. Yes. I just, again, to reiterate, Brianna is the greatest. Just. And you know what it's like, really. And I like seeing this no matter what, because breakups are hard no matter what. But, like, to see how Dave and Josh have been this, like, cohesive team behind her warms the heart.

[Ben Soffer]

It's super cool. What they're doing is really, really cool. Completely turning the tables, all with her saying, no, fuck you and your 12 million. It's just so badass because that's a lot of money and people think she's crazy. They're like, how don't you take 12 million? Do you know the stress that she'd need to live under every single day? Having an NDA, being a public person, talking, worrying about what she's going to say and if she's going to have three of that million just snatched? This was the move. This was the move. She lives in peace. She tells her truth. Hopefully she writes a book. She'll make far more money than the 12 million. She'll be better off for it. Team Brie. Team Brie.

[Josh Peck]

Team Brie. And as someone who has never signed an NDA either, I'll say shout out Brie. Much respect.

[Ben Soffer]

Shout out Brie. She should start a podcast, though. I don't know if you've thought of this, Ms. Chicken Fry, but you should start a podcast called Baked Brie where you, if you want, you could get high and eat cheeses. Or it could be a baking show. Yeah, about baking. Brie either works, but Baked Brie, I think, is an amazing name.

[Josh Peck]

I love it. This kid went to school for marketing. Should we get to a speak pipe?

[Ben Soffer]

Yes.

[Josh Peck]

Speak pipes are questions or advice. We will answer them on the podcast, but make sure they're brief. Brevity is key. Go to speakpipe.com goodguys and maybe we'll air your question on the show. This one's from. You guessed it, Anonymous.

[Ben Soffer]

Elodie Rose.

[E]

Hi, guys, this is Michelle. I'm a huge moron. Love you guys. Keep doing what you're doing. I just had a quick question. Wanted a male perspective So I am newly pregnant and pregnant with our first child. Body's going through a lot of changes. I've had a lot more respect for what women do. And I was just talking to my husband and brought up a theoretical topic that if down the line we have four kids, our family's complete. Would he get a vasectomy? He was vehemently against this, and I kind of got annoyed. I'm like, I'm going through all this stuff. Men don't have to do much in regards to pregnancy. Obviously, you guys are going to be good fathers. But besides, the point is that too much to ask for my husband to get a vasectomy? And again, this is theoretical. We don't even have our first baby yet. But just the thought that he wouldn't even comprehend it when I've been on birth control since I was like, 15, just feels unfair. So I just wanted a male's perspective. Am I being crazy or is he.

[Ben Soffer]

Oh, this is. This is. This is heavy. I was all on his side until the birth control at 15 piece. So I think we gotta break this down. I think that it is insane to be having an argument about something that's not gonna happen for 10 or 15 years. So, one, I would shelf it. If you haven't even had your first kid and you're considering having more, I would shelf it. That said, I do think it's a little. A little crazy to ask your husband to have a vasectomy unless he, like, demanded that you were on birth control. Like, if that was. If he said, I need you on birth control so we can just go hog wild, then. Okay, you can say back to him, I want you to get a vasectomy so we can go hog wild. If it was your choice to be on birth control as a birth control mechanism, I don't know. I don't think that they're comparable between a procedure and taking a pill. Because there are pills that men can take to shoot blanks.

[Josh Peck]

There are.

[Ben Soffer]

I don't know if that's a. I probably made that up.

[Josh Peck]

You did. You did.

[Ben Soffer]

You couldn't just let it slide as possible.

[Josh Peck]

Ben, that would be bigger than Ozempic. That would win the Nobel Prize.

[Ben Soffer]

Why can't we make that? We should. We should make that.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah, let's.

[Ben Soffer]

We can make that.

[Josh Peck]

Let's add that to the list with the anti cancer pill.

[Ben Soffer]

Yeah, we're going to make both of them, no problem.

[Josh Peck]

You have a minor in chemistry.

[Ben Soffer]

We'll make it. And then I had one other thought here. No, I don't know. No, I don't think he can ask him to do that. Oh. The other thought was, by the time you're done having kids, wouldn't you think that he wouldn't need a vasectomy anymore? Josh.

[Josh Peck]

No.

[Ben Soffer]

Wouldn't God have taken care of things by then with the biological clock?

[Josh Peck]

I think you're way off on this one, Benny boy.

[Ben Soffer]

Okay. Okay. You think she can demand the vasectomy?

[Josh Peck]

Okay, first, I think you are dead on with what you first said, which is the thing. This is all hanging on, which is theoretical questions, like, this is a recipe for disaster.

[Ben Soffer]

Agreed.

[Josh Peck]

There is no need. Because again, it's all theoretical. So listen, once this guy. Let's say you have these four kids. Once this guy goes through four kids of sleep deprivation, booby diapers, preschool, potty training, he's gonna. He's gonna self vasect, okay? He's gonna. He's gonna do it. He's gonna do a back room one by himself. He's gonna look it up on YouTube. Okay? You're gonna be like, honey, why are you heating up that knife, Will? So don't worry about all that. You know what? I don't think this is tmi, but I think she brings up an excellent point, and I don't think it's worth. And please, Olivia, tell me if I'm. If I'm saying the right thing here. Birth control is not nothing. Like. And growing up, like, I didn't understand it completely until I, like, was with someone who was on it and then off it and the way they were affected by it. And for some people, it is not a big deal, but it's a bunch of hormones in your body that can make you feel crazy. Right, Olivia?

[Olivia]

Yeah. I started birth control when I was 17, and I went off of it after about, like, nine months on it because it made me, like, truthfully insane.

[Josh Peck]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

Like, I was so anxious, I ended up getting, like, diagnosed with an anxiety disorder because of it. And so it does have a really, like, insane impact on women. And I think, like, from her perspective, there's, like, the common thought, I guess, is that, like, a vasectomy is technically reversible or what have you. And, you know, instead of having, like, a constant flow of hormones, it's not nothing. But vasectomy is not nothing either.

[Ben Soffer]

Or you could just practice safer sex. Like, I don't know if you guys didn't hear what I said, but, like, what I meant to say was, if he forced her to take birth control, then that's fucked up. And she can force him to get a vasectomy. But if she chose to have birth control, to take birth control. And yes, it's widely regarded that birth control has a lot of side effects. I'm not saying that it's not right for the right people, but it has certainly side effects, and it's a huge thing for a girl to do. But unless he forced you to do it. If you were just like, I want to have a guarantee that we can have unprotected sex and I won't get pregnant. Like, there are ways to be safe adults without being on birth control was all I was trying to say. And so if he forced her to do it, then she should be able to force him to get a vasectomy. If she was on birth control because she wanted to be, I think it's equally his choice to not want a surgery that twists his nuts totally.

[Josh Peck]

I just think, like, if you're, you know, if you have a bunch of kids and someone goes off, like, is on birth control in their 20s, and then they go off of it because you're having kids and every couple of years, and maybe you just, like. And then just be like, just get back on it, like, Papa Zyrtec. It's like, it's a big thing. And I think. And what's wild is right. If you think about it, it's like you're doubling the amount of estrogen and female hormones in your body. Imagine if men took a pill that doubled the amount of male hormones. Testosterone would be fucking yoked.

[Ben Soffer]

No, it would be fucking sick.

[Josh Peck]

I paid for that. But. But men would be walking around with roid rage all day because, like, everything that makes us, like, insufferable would be to the 10th power. Right? So I understand that.

[Ben Soffer]

I don't know if this is true or if I read something that wasn't true, but I believe that. I read that there are women who were on birth control forever, went off birth control and couldn't even look at their husbands. They're like, I married this guy. Like, it changes your perception on your partner as well.

[Josh Peck]

Whoa.

[Ben Soffer]

Maybe that's true. Maybe that's not. Olivia, have you heard that?

[Olivia]

Yes, I have heard that, and it is true. Yeah, I didn't make it up. It has something to do with the pheromones and how you perceive that because it affects your hormones so much, it's crazy.

[Ben Soffer]

So the underground talk, Josh, is that birth control was actually created so that women would like their annoying ass husbands and be more subservient.

[Josh Peck]

You know what we wouldn't need birth control if we just banned cargo shorts. If we banned cargo shorts and Lazy boys orthotic shoes, then just women would be more attracted to men.

[Ben Soffer]

They would. Absolutely. But c'est la vie. C'est la vie, C'est la vie. Wow, look at us. Getting less savvy, getting serious, but in a funny way. God, we're so cool.

[Josh Peck]

We're so good. All I know is I've had two buddies of mine get vasectomies from the same guy in Santa Monica. And my boy Le called me on the way, and he's sober and. But they gave him a Valium beforehand because, like, you know, it's an in office procedure, so you're not getting, like, laughing gas or any of that. Good, good. They just numb it. It's very, like. It's pretty. It's done pretty easily nowadays, but they just numb a little area around the taint. They just go in snip, snip, boom, boom. They cauterize it. A little smoke comes up, oh, there's a new Pope, and all of a sudden you can't have kids anymore. And my. And Len called me, being a sober guy on this Valium, on the way there, his wife was driving and he goes, bro, I'm gonna have a couple of these vasectomies if I get Valium every time.

[Ben Soffer]

Does it stop the flow? What does it stop the flow of? Like, do you get the same amount of testosterone?

[Josh Peck]

Yeah.

[Ben Soffer]

Yeah, yeah, you do.

[Josh Peck]

Mm. Everything is the same, except the part that makes that without getting too distracted.

[Ben Soffer]

Except that good cum. But you still have it.

[Josh Peck]

This is the episode. This is where Lauren and Michael Bostick cost and goes. You know, we've decided to go in a different direction. You actually don't fit the Dear Media.

[Ben Soffer]

That I don't know that good come title.

[Josh Peck]

They.

[Ben Soffer]

Could come.

[Josh Peck]

Lord and Michael talk about some wild shit on their pod, too. So I think we're in good company.

[Ben Soffer]

We're in great company. We're in great company.

[Josh Peck]

I hate you. Terrible. Olivia, I'm sorry about us. This is horrible. At least there's video evidence.

[Ben Soffer]

This is what happened when we speak for 15 minutes about birth control. Okay. We earned it.

[Josh Peck]

Should we get to. What are you nuts?

[Ben Soffer]

Yes, we should.

[Josh Peck]

Our what Are youe Nuts? Moment of the week is our gripes with people, places and things. Things that are sticking in our craw, big or small. I'll start. So I wrote a movie, and I'm going to hopefully direct it. I think I am. And my wonderful agents, my agents See, they're fabulous. Love them, very lucky to be with them. This is a new thing for me. So I'm talking to different agents, I'm learning a different process because I'm always the actor kind of singing for my soup, praying that I get the role. But now I'm the one offering the role. And I am just getting a view into how crazy this business of mine is. Because we basically, they say, put a list together for your. Your lead character who you want to play the main lead role. And you got it. We got to get a name for financing. Got to get, you know, got to get somebody good. So I put names together and they read the list and they go, don't even try. These people are too famous. They won't even read it. They won't even look at it. Because, you know, it's a little independent movie, of course. Understandable, right? So I go, okay, let's go old school babies. Let's hold auditions. Let's find an unknown. Let's find a young Josh Peck, you know, somebody who can really do the work. They go, what are you, nuts? You need a name. So my answer is, what are you, nuts? This business is nuts. It seems impossible, but we'll see.

[Ben Soffer]

First of all, what are you nuts for just telling me about this. Now, I demand a small role. It can be small, but I demand a small role.

[Josh Peck]

It'll happen. It's happening for you.

[Ben Soffer]

Great. And if you need any help, I will manifest this thing into a billion dollar project. You let me know.

[Josh Peck]

Call your Montclair gifting guy. Maybe he'll put some money in.

[Ben Soffer]

We don't need him. We got plenty of folks. Trust me.

[Josh Peck]

Great.

[Ben Soffer]

Next. Just because now I'm thinking about this, don't ever let some agent tell you that you can't get Tom Cruise. Because if you want Tom Cruise, we're gonna call Tommy, we're gonna show him the script, and he's gonna tell you to your face that he doesn't like it. But nobody's gonna tell you. But nobody's gonna tell you that you can't put it in front of Tom Cruise.

[Josh Peck]

I make a no right to the face.

[Ben Soffer]

I wanna know from you, not from your agent, that never showed it to the person at all, okay? Cause they fucking do that. Great. What are you, nuts? My what are you nuts? Is totally different. And it might offend some people, but I think I will course correct my what are you nuts? Is the Hershey's Kiss. Okay?

[Josh Peck]

Interesting.

[Ben Soffer]

Hershey's Kisses are a what do you nuts Too much work, Josh, for too little reward. I want chocolate, okay? I'm craving that good milk chocolate. Ozempic is on day seven of seven. I'm having sugar cravings. All I want is Hershey's chocolate. I go, I pick up a kiss. You unwrap the tinfoil, you pull out the things. There's a piece of tinfoil still stuck on it. You take it out, you put it in your mouth. By the time that's done, you're ready for the next one. There is too much work in the Hershey's Kiss. So this got me thinking. Okay, maybe I should just buy Hershey's bars. That's probably a better solution to my problem. Or unwrapped Hershey's Kisses in a large bag. I don't know if it exists. That would also be a problem solver here. But the Hershey's Kiss is a. Whaddya nuts?

[Josh Peck]

That's right, Hershey. You heard it here first.

[Ben Soffer]

The Hershey's Kiss is nuts.

[Josh Peck]

You know, tonight, Ben, I'm going out or no, tomorrow night I'm taking my brother in law, Will, who's about to have a baby next week to a beautiful Italian dinner with my brother in law and his brother in law. We're going out for an Italian dinner, care of Dorcia. Shout out Dorcia. And the only thing that would make it better would be if you were here.

[Ben Soffer]

I would absolutely love to be there and I wish that I could be. And if they have Hershey's Kisses as you walk out, throw them in the trash.

[Josh Peck]

I will stand on business if I see one.

[Ben Soffer]

Don't even look at them, folks. That's our show. What a show it was. Five stars. If not, what are you nuts? Listen to us on Apple, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch us on Josh's YouTube. Share our clips. Instagram and TikTok. TikTok and Instagram Mondays and Thursdays, folks. We will see you next time.

[Josh Peck]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.