Jim Carrey Face, Lesbian Heart with Heather Shaw

Summary

Good Guys Podcast – Episode Summary Jim Carrey Face, Lesbian Heart with Heather Shaw
Release Date: May 11, 2026
Hosts: Josh Peck & Ben Soffer
Guest: Heather Shaw

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Episode Overview

This lively episode features comedian Heather Shaw, known for her uncanny resemblance to Jim Carrey, as the hosts delve into queer identity, stand-up comedy, relationship realities, pop culture hot takes, and the peculiarities of modern life. With rapid-fire banter, candid humor, and a generous blend of irreverence, the conversation ranges from vegan junk food to gender pronouns to the politics of gold digging—with memorable digressions about Louisville, the Cheesecake Factory, and Heather’s “Jim Carrey face.” The trio maintains a sharp comedic tone throughout while offering genuine insight into identity, relationships, and the comedy industry.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Louisville Living & Regional Stereotypes (00:40–07:45)

• The group jokes about Heather’s residence in Louisville, Kentucky, riffing on stereotypes about Southern hospitality, taxes, bourbon, and weather.
• Heather pokes fun at Kentucky:
  “Stay dumb, stay stupid. Yeah, it doesn’t get dumber than people in New York… Honestly, people love to say, oh, they’re dumb in the middle of—no, they’re dumb in New York.” (01:17, Heather)
• The trio mock the allure of basic amenities in “progressive” Kentucky (Cheesecake Factory, Orange Theory, Whole Foods).
• Discussion of Cheesecake Factory’s overwhelming menu:
  “Cheesecake Factory is the Mecca.” (05:41, Heather)
• Vegan and lesbian life in small-town Kentucky:
  “I’m a lesbian, so I’m vegan. So don’t even put me in a Cheesecake Factory already. I’m out with the name Cheesecake.” (06:48, Heather)

Drinking Trends & Celebrity Influence (02:53–04:49)

• Hosts and Heather discuss the evolution of liquor trends, especially tequila following its celebrity-fueled “clean” branding.
  “George Clooney and his friends said drinking tequila is fucking sexy. And then every celebrity and their mother agreed… Now we only drink tequila.” (04:03, Josh)

Food, Veganism, and Relationship Dynamics (06:59–08:15, 11:54–12:16)

• Insight into Heather’s vegan junk food favorites and easygoing approach to veganism:
  “I’m a burger bitch. Just give me a messy burger. Fries. I’m good. That’s all I need.” (07:43, Heather)
• Banter about veganism as common ground in LGBTQ+ relationships and how Heather’s wife’s domestic skills (lawyer who cooks) complement her own comedic “artist” role.

Body Comedy & Queefs (12:12–14:35)

• Extended riff on queef jokes and the normalization of bodily humor, pushing boundaries with playful honesty.
• “There’s a surplus of queef material. Qm, we call it. Queef material galore.” (12:20, Heather)
• Hosts and Heather examine embarrassment, party tricks, and differences between genders regarding bodily mishaps—frank and funny.

Gold Diggers, Divorce, and Honest Relationships (17:55–18:25, 41:23–45:10)

• The team takes on queer divorce statistics and myths of domestic violence, with Heather providing cultural context:
  “Women will report on women because we’re not scared we’re gonna get murdered. If you report on a man, there’s a big chance he might be like, ‘you dead.’” (18:05, Heather)
• Later, a discussion on “gold digger” stereotypes:
  “If you’re rich and you can’t realize that somebody’s with you for your money, you deserve the gold digger.” (42:23, Ben)
• Honest takes on money, attraction, and why some people love gold diggers.

Viral Culture, TikTok & Pronouns (19:45–21:56)

• Heather and the hosts lampoon social media “support” culture and the performative positivity on platforms like TikTok and Instagram.
• Engages with “neo pronouns” and the boundaries of acceptance:
  “There was a subset called neo pronouns which were just like, kids whose parents were checked out, not paying attention to them, and they were like, call me frog. And I was like, I can’t do a ribbit.” (21:30, Heather)

The Jim Carrey Face Phenomenon (28:37–34:15)

• The hosts dive into Heather’s resemblance to 1990s Jim Carrey (“vintage JC face”), and her viral fame.
• Heather shares:
  “When I was 8, I would just pull it for like friends and babysitters… I’ve heard it my whole life… It’s like being called gay. It’s like I’ve heard it my whole life. I’m good.” (29:41, Heather)
• She confirms Jim Carrey never contacted her and explains why she’s cautious about leveraging the resemblance.
• Discussion on plastic surgery and celebrity face work, especially Carrey’s:
  “When somebody’s getting on a red carpet and being like, I don’t exist—it’s like, calm down. You’re on. You dressed up for this event.” (33:28, Heather)

Stand-Up Special & Comedic Craft (36:33–38:09)

• Heather plugs her new special:
  “May 14th on my YouTube. Shot it in Wisconsin… I love Wisconsin crowds because they’re professional drunks. They know how to be drunk… very limited crowd work.” (36:38, Heather)
• Discussion of comedy club rituals, crowd work, and old-school headshots.

Golf, Family, and Alone Time (45:43–49:50)

• Comedic observations about the culture of golf (“Waiting on people is trash. I was like, this sucks.” – 48:12, Josh).
• Ben and Josh swap stories of seeking alone time and the realities of parenthood.

Listener Mail & "Moron" Gripes (50:14–54:44)

• The “Moron Mail” segment covers a listener’s question about being “too hot” at people’s houses and etiquette around asking to adjust the thermostat.
• “If you’re getting in the 60s, that’s a you problem. You got to figure it out. Start coming over naked.” (51:43, Heather)
• Riffing on Starbucks’ cup lids, comedy club décor, and restroom codes as “What are you, nuts?” moments.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Queefs are wonderful. Little quack, quack calm. Little quack, quack.” (12:38, Heather)
• “There’s a surplus of queef material. Qm, we call it.” (12:20, Heather)
• “Cheesecake Factory is the Mecca.” (05:41, Heather)
• “I think everybody’s doing the O.” (Ozempic) (17:41, Heather)
• “If you’re rich and you can’t realize that somebody’s with you for your money, you deserve the gold digger.” (42:23, Ben)
• “Call me Frog and I was like, I can’t do a ribbit, you know what I mean? Like, it’s too much.” (21:30, Heather)
• “[Comedy clubs headshots] can we update this? …It’ll be like Dangerfield, which is great, but, like, it’s not modern.” (53:53, Heather)

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Memorable Segments & Timestamps

• [00:40-07:45] – Louisville, Kentucky banter and Cheesecake Factory obsession
• [12:12-14:35] – The “queef material” comedy run
• [28:37-34:15] – Heather’s Jim Carrey “face” and viral fame discussion
• [36:33-38:09] – Heather describes her new stand-up special
• [41:23-45:10] – Gold digger stereotypes, relationship realities, and Real Housewives drama
• [50:14-54:44] – “Moron mail” listener question on guest etiquette and the “What are you, nuts?” gripes

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Tone & Style

The episode is irreverent, open, joke-heavy, but also warm and inviting—marked by insider-y references, queer humor, and self-aware discussions of pop culture, gender, and relationships. The trio blends topical riffing with sincerity, offering both laughs and surprisingly thoughtful social observations.

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Heather Shaw’s Special

• Title: “All Right, See Ya”
• Release: May 14th on YouTube: Heather Shaw Comedy

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5-Star Moment & Outro

• “Go see it, you queers, and queef it up.” (57:01, Heather)
• “Otherwise, what are you, nuts?” – The show’s rallying cry

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This episode is packed with hilarity, candid intimacy, and razor-sharp insights—highly recommended for anyone who loves stand-up, queer culture, or just sharp-witted conversation.

Transcript

[A]

Two Jews, both big and tall. No subject too small for the Good Guys. A Mother Stream premium podcast team. Make it your weekly routine.

[B]

It's a Good Guys.

[A]

And if you don't give us five stars. What are you nuts?

[C]

What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys.

[A]

We're not the great guys. We're just the good. The good of the good guys.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. We are sitting here. She's got a brand new special out. All righty. See ya. It's Heather Shaw.

[B]

Hey. Hey, I'm gay.

[A]

What an honor, Heather.

[C]

Thank you so much for joining us. We've already started. She lives in Louisville, Kentucky. Josh, what are we doing? The taxes. You know, what money we'd save. We could buy a beautiful plot of land right next to Heather. She didn't invite us over or anything, but we. It's an open door policy in Louisville, right?

[B]

Yeah. No taxes, no education. There's really. I mean, who needs that?

[A]

Oh, what, are we building the spaceship over here on the Good Guys podcast?

[B]

Yeah, but you have nice weather. Oh, I'm so jealous.

[A]

What's your weather like over there?

[B]

Awful. It's. It's hot in the summer and then it's freezing. It's just not fun. It's fine to visit. Get me out.

[C]

Such a funny slogan for Louisville. Stay dumb, stay stupid. Yeah, it doesn't get dumber than people in New York. Honestly, people love to say, oh, they're dumb in the middle of. No, they're dumb in New York. Okay. California. Do you think they're smart, Josh?

[A]

Oh, my God. Have you ever met someone from Venice?

[B]

No,

[A]

no. Listen.

[B]

Yeah, but at least you guys have rights. Like, that's fun.

[A]

Rights are. Rights are rights. Rights are.

[B]

Rights are so fun. Oh, women can choose over here.

[A]

What can Tuk Tuk? They're not Tuck.

[B]

Tuck is. I don't. They don't give a fuck. Fuck. You know what I mean?

[A]

I don't think with that.

[B]

I don't. I don't really know, but I doubt you can abort.

[C]

That's not great. I would agree. That's a demerit in their column, but the whiskey. Or is it bourbon? The bourbon.

[B]

It's something I don't even. Yeah, it's bourbon and horses. I mean. Yeah, Old people stuff. Yeah.

[C]

Wow. Nature's abortion. Bourbon, that's for you. Yeah, that's what they have.

[A]

Hot tub and bourbon. They have.

[C]

They don't have rice, but they can pour a bunch of bourbon up their cooter. Too much.

[A]

Too much for sure. Too much.

[C]

Too much.

[B]

Have you been to Kentucky? Has anybody been to Kentucky?

[A]

Sure have. And Ben works in the booth space. He owns a canned wine company.

[B]

Right. Okay.

[C]

I do. Yeah, I do. See, I. But a long time ago. I think it's. Is George Dickel. Is there distillery in Kentucky.

[B]

Is that the mayor? I don't know who.

[C]

No, it's a booze hound.

[B]

I don't know. I don't even drink anymore, so I'm boring. I don't know anything about the bourbon. That was not my drink. I wouldn't drink that even if I was drinking.

[A]

I. I don't drink bourbon.

[B]

Yeah. Did you like, Like a dark liquor?

[A]

I always fantasize of being. Being that guy who'd be like, I'll have a Macallan 18 and swirl it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But it tastes like ass.

[C]

You're also far too Jewish. We both are. It's just not like brown liquor.

[B]

What did. What did Jewish guys drink, baby?

[A]

Blood.

[C]

What do Jewish guys swirl? Are Jewish on Passover, like potato vodka? No, we drink tequila. We're tequila drinkers. Tequila and wine. Wine's cool. Yep.

[B]

I was. I'm just gonna say wine probably, but I don't know.

[C]

The brown stuff's. It's tough. I always wish, too. The Cowan 18 on the rocks. Ooh, that's a hot water.

[B]

Yeah. That's insane.

[A]

Explain this to me, because back in my day when I was drinking tequila, kind of had this idea of, like, I drink tequila and I wind up on a roof.

[B]

Yes, same.

[A]

And now it's very trendy and, like, considered the clean drink.

[B]

Right. He doesn't get hungover. You don't get hungover from tequila.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

George Clooney. That's what happens.

[B]

Costamigos, baby.

[C]

That's it. George Clooney and his friends Randy Gerber and Mike Meltman said drinking tequila is fucking sexy.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then every celebrity and their mother agreed, and they all saw that they sold for a billion dollars. And now we only drink tequila.

[B]

Yeah. That's what didn't. Doesn't a Kardashian have a tequila brand or a Jenner?

[C]

Yes. Kendall. Kendall. Mrs. Jenner.

[B]

Yeah, it's hot now.

[A]

You just need a good representative.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

To really Clooney.

[A]

What could Obama get over the finish line? Like Absinthe?

[C]

I like ab. Yeah.

[A]

Zima.

[B]

Obama could sell the shit out of Zima.

[A]

Me and Michelle knock back a couple Semas.

[C]

I think. I think he'd do great in red wine. I really do. I'd buy a cabernet from Obama. Yeah, instantly. Obama Vineyards. I love it.

[B]

Obama Vineyards.

[C]

It's kind of great.

[B]

Yeah, it's good. I like that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The Baroque Vineyards.

[C]

I'm in.

[B]

Yeah. That's good.

[A]

My friend Castile lives in Louisville, Right? It's.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's not Louisville.

[B]

It is. It's. It's insane. They can't even pronounce it. I say, hey, Louisville. They go, it's long. I'm like, all right, my bad. I'm sorry. I enunciate.

[A]

Yeah. And. Yeah. And she has horses. And.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where was I? I was there. I spoke at University of Kentucky, and I. They had a Cheesecake Factory.

[B]

Yes. They love the Cheesecake Factory over there.

[A]

They had Orange Theory. They're. They're. They're progressive.

[B]

This is very basic. These are basic things.

[A]

Whole Foods.

[B]

Yes, there's a Whole Foods.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep. People about the prices, you know? Yeah. They love. They love the basic stuff. What's with Cheesecake Factory? They love it. The menu, that's a bible.

[C]

What do you mean, what's with Cheesecake Factory? This is an institution.

[A]

On my birthday there.

[B]

I don't.

[C]

Cheesecake Factory is the. Is the Mecca.

[B]

I get a little icked out when a restaurant has too many options, because it's like, you can make any. All of this you can make. It's. Is it all microwave?

[C]

I go there and I ask for one thing, Heather. I ask. I ask for the Skinnylicious menu. Okay? That's what I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I go, yeah. I have. Instead of 2,000 calories and eating at 800 and under, and let me tell you, I walk out of there feeling like a prince. Okay.

[B]

The Skinny Licious. I love that.

[A]

Just tell people you voted for Kamala, would you? Skinnylicious. Yeah.

[C]

Skinny Licious.

[A]

You're right, dude. I got a chili from. A white chili from Skinny Licious. That was delish. They have a nice angel hair and shrimp pasta Pomodoro. Fucking good, dude.

[B]

Yeah. And everything else on the menu is what, 3,000 calories?

[C]

It's either catering to the morbidly obese or the person who was formerly morbidly obese. Like, there's nowhere in between a cheesecake. The regular person can't eat there.

[A]

No.

[C]

What are they going to do?

[B]

I'm like, this is too much.

[C]

What do you do with the Louisville?

[B]

I don't. Well, here, I'm a lesbian, so I'm vegan, so don't even put me in a Cheesecake Factory already. I'm out with the name Cheesecake. Sure. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. My wife. My Wife is vegan.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that might explain why she's not attracted to me.

[B]

She's a lesbian Subaru.

[A]

No. We're going to get a forester. Do you have one?

[B]

No, I wish.

[A]

So you're. So you're a vegan. So you can't do a lot. You can do the bread.

[B]

Yeah, I can probably do the bread. Yeah. I mean a salad.

[C]

What's bread without butter?

[B]

Yeah. And bread without butter. Yeah. They used to have the impossible burger. I think they took it off because they were like, this is. Everyone here wants meat.

[A]

Are you a dirty get down vegan? Will you do an impossible patty?

[C]

Will you do fake. Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Junk food galore.

[A]

What's a good junk food vegan version? Like, what can you really do?

[B]

Like, they can do Philly cheesesteaks with like seitan. Yeah, I love a good burger. I'm a burger bitch. Just give me a messy burger. Fries. I'm good. That's all I need. I'm not like a raw vegan. I'll eat some, like, tofu. I like tofu. Do a lot of tofu.

[A]

Yeah, My wife, she's vegan. She cooks it all the time and she cooks. Oh, man, a nice map out. Tofu. Tofu.

[B]

Oh, baby.

[C]

My wife is a vegan.

[B]

Yeah, my wife. Oh, no. We're doing Borat in 2026.

[C]

My wife.

[A]

We just got him to stop doing the Mrs. Doubtfire impression.

[C]

Oh, no, by the way, you didn't. You discouraged me, but you just. Oh, no sugar in your teeth.

[B]

You belong in Kentucky, sir. References.

[C]

I'm so down.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

All I do is listen to some 41 too. Like I belong there.

[A]

Like

[C]

me there.

[B]

Hell yeah, dude.

[C]

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[B]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I don't cook. My wife cooks. I don't cook.

[A]

Is she more of the domestic of the two?

[B]

Yeah. That she can cook? Yeah, pretty much it.

[A]

And you said she's a lawyer.

[B]

She's a lawyer who can cook.

[A]

And here you are.

[B]

Can't she do?

[A]

You're the artist.

[B]

I'm the artist.

[A]

You're out here.

[B]

I do the dishes.

[A]

Connie. Creative.

[B]

Creating queef jokes. Yeah, just doing contracts. I'm doing queefs.

[A]

I would imagine, being a lesbian, though. There's a surplus of queef material.

[B]

It's a lot of queef material. Qm, we call it.

[C]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

Queef material galore. Speak great.

[A]

Speaking as a straight man. Sorry, I.

[B]

Haven't you guys said enough?

[A]

I.

[C]

That's what I've heard.

[A]

I. I couldn't be embarrassed by a queef at all. I think they're wonderful.

[B]

They're wonderful. Little quack, quack calm. Little quack, quack.

[A]

Ben's gonna check out of this combo.

[C]

Oh, by the way, I'm in. What's wrong with the queen?

[B]

Disconnection. We're getting a weird connection over here. No.

[C]

Yeah. You guys can't hear me.

[A]

No, we can. She's just a good actor.

[C]

Queefs are wonderful. I don't know.

[B]

Like, you guys experience them a lot. Not you, but, like, I mean, we're getting real personal farts.

[C]

We're big fart people.

[B]

Vag fart.

[C]

We fart?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

No, we're big ass.

[B]

Oh, you like the fart fart?

[C]

I like us. I like an ass fart.

[B]

Me, too.

[C]

I'm down now.

[A]

I'm checking vaginal fart.

[B]

I either get one or the other in this conversation.

[C]

No, that. Vaginal farts are less cool. They're not risky at all. Like, what's the worst thing in a vaginal fart? You pee, I guess.

[B]

I don't know. I guess the.

[C]

The alternative. You shit your pants so much, dude.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

Josh is going to.

[A]

No, I just. Because I'm thinking about you. Right. Like, Ben and I said, like. How do you say this? I don't. I don't think I experience queefs as much because I've been married for 15 years.

[B]

Yes. So we're teen.

[A]

You. I've been with my wife 15. We've been together eight, so it's like. Or married eight, so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what I'm saying.

[B]

With the queefs. We can get off the queefs.

[C]

A.

[B]

It's too much.

[A]

I noticed there was more of them when people were really trying to win the award. Like, there were a lot of. There was a lot of different positioning, and there were, like, a lot of things.

[B]

Yeah. They're getting into, like, the queef Olympics, right? Yeah.

[A]

And then it's like, oh, wow. Like, this was understandably.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I.

[B]

And honestly, I didn't. I'm not a super. Like, I'm not a super queefer. I just like the word. I just for the record, I'm not queefing everywhere I go.

[C]

Can you force a queef?

[B]

I can't. I can't. But I know some of my female friends, they can, like, if they just position themselves, they can just.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do it. I can't do it, though.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I'm too tight. I don't know how they do it.

[A]

Oh, man. Yeah, boy. Men have no party tricks.

[B]

Yeah. What do you guys got going on? You make. Well, you can do the farts.

[C]

We have. We have erectile dysfunction.

[B]

The funny.

[C]

We'll just be. We'll just be rat. We'll be at Whole Foods and something will pop into our mind. And all of a sudden you're hard at Whole Foods.

[B]

What about wet dreams? Does that happen? Putting it after teens?

[A]

It can.

[B]

Can it.

[A]

You. I do hear it. You hear about it.

[C]

Ben. It's not supposed to. I. I don't. I like. You can. You can get a boner in the middle of the night. I think the wet. The wet dream is typically for 13 years.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Because I haven't heard of it happening past 13.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because you're not having it.

[B]

Right. That's where it comes from. Okay.

[A]

I do hear it's very healthy, though. Like your. Your doctor will. Will. You know, they'll be excited for you. Yeah.

[B]

Cheer you on.

[A]

Yeah. They'll revere you.

[B]

If you're like, doc, I'm having wet Dr.

[C]

They would say yes.

[A]

I think the big yes.

[C]

That's hot. Docs. Docs. A real creep. Yeah.

[A]

They're like, tell me about.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Let me see.

[A]

Let me see. Josh, Let me see.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I didn't know if that was from his iPad. Prove it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'm a dentist.

[C]

Yeah. I'm going to need to prescribe an at home video to make sure that I know you're doing it right.

[A]

I think the issue with men as they get over like 35 to 40 is that their testosterone plummets.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the. Not getting hard for much, really. And so I think that's why the doctor's like, oh, good. Like anytime. Because you know me, I'm one of these Hollywood fuddy duddies. So I'll say to my doc, like, doc, you know, maybe I need a little test, you know, a little replacement therapy. And. And she'll look at me and be like, first of all, this is a walk in clinic. No, no. She'll say like, well, okay, you still Attracted to your wife? And I go, yeah, yeah. And she'll be like, are you able to, like, wake up with your kids and you don't fall asleep midday? And I go, no. And she goes, you work out? I go, I tried to. She goes, you're fine. She's like, your testosterone's fine.

[B]

Damn. You gotta start lying. Ah, yeah. You gotta start.

[A]

I usually just lie for the pk. It's the painkillers. So where I like to lie, are

[C]

we doing trts or anything like that in the lesbian community? Are we dosing on anything?

[B]

I don't think so. Not that I know of. I mean, it's all those OIC now. It's the only thing that people are dosing on.

[C]

Yes. Ozempic's big in the lesbian community.

[B]

I think it's just big in the community. I don't know. I'm not. I'm not the mayor of lesbianville. I think most of my friends are straight dude comics.

[A]

They're. That's lesbian adjacent. Yeah, Comic. You think Jared Freed's not a lesbian?

[C]

He'll love that. I'll skew. I skew very lesbian. I'm just saying I think I have more lesbian friends than I have a lot of lesbians.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, a lot. I could see it. And I love that. I love.

[C]

I'm a big. I'm a big Ozempic user. I just like. Yeah, we like. I think everybody's micro dose for a minute. Yeah, it's fantastic.

[A]

No, I might. I still am microdosing. Shout out, Rocco.

[B]

Hell yeah. Yeah, you can microdose code. Yeah. I don't know what they're doing in the lesbian community. I'm not really sure. I got to check in, but I think everybody's doing the O.

[A]

We recently found a statistic that said that amongst lesbians have the highest rate of divorce.

[B]

I hate this statistic.

[A]

Okay, say. Say more or less.

[B]

Okay. Just because we know when to leave. No, I hate the statistic. That's like lesbian relationships. Lesbian marriages have a higher rate of domestic violence, number one. Can I say that when they were polling lesbians, they were just saying, have you been prone to domestic violence? Not from your wife, but like in the past. So I think they're just asking, like, but whatever. Beyond that, women will report on women because we're not scared we're gonna get murdered. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, if you report on a man, there's a big chance he might be like, you dead.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You guys seem lovely, though.

[A]

No, no, we're.

[C]

Josh is murdered. Josh has murdered a few. He's killed over here.

[A]

Well, you know what? That's a Louis CK joke, isn't it? Like the biggest. Like the. The first biggest threat to women is heart disease, and the second is men.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Literally, they're like the number two killer of women.

[B]

Yeah. So I hate when people are like, oh, lesbians are so violent. I'm like, I think, you know, we just are fine to report because it's like, what are you going to do, cry? Are you going to block me?

[C]

Also, these reports, who is the same person who's writing the Yelp review is the one answering the census question.

[B]

Yeah. Who's answering polls?

[C]

Who's answering these?

[B]

I want to know.

[C]

I've never been asked white men ever.

[B]

Even, like, presidential numbers. I'm like, who are they asking? It's never me.

[A]

People at home at 11.

[B]

Is it just boomers?

[A]

It's people at home at 11. So they're not at work.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And they're just calling up.

[A]

They're excited to talk to someone.

[B]

Oh, they're just old people.

[A]

Some old. Yeah. And just some crazy.

[B]

That's the best part of Tick Tock now is just stumbling. Do you go on Tick Tock a bunch?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just stumble onto somebody crazy. It's very fun. Just somebody's world that you're just invited into for a second. You're like, this is you 24 7.

[A]

Have you guys stumbled on? There's a guy who does IG live. He's like a crooner. And every night he does, like, the standard. So he'll be like, fly me to the moon. And he's like, in tux and he looks like a throwback. The only catch is he can't sing.

[B]

I need to know who this is immediately.

[A]

And it's not perfect, other than he's tone deaf. Oh, no. He'll be like. He'll be like. That was a beautiful ditty written by Jerome Robbins from 1975. Here's one from. Otherwise, it's perfect.

[B]

And he's dressed up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. I gotta find him. That's a fun one.

[A]

And anywhere from seven to 15 people are watching.

[B]

And are they going like, good job, Jared?

[A]

Yeah, they're reading them up.

[B]

Hell, yeah. I love a supportive community like that where nobody's telling the truth, except when

[C]

it's so not justified. Like when a girl posts on Instagram and I'm sorry to say she's looked better and all of her friends. Slay mama, slay it's like, why are you lying to this poor girl? Yeah. Why are you gassing her up?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, sometimes do you find that. That girls are a little bit too supportive online to a fault.

[B]

Same with the gays. Gays can be too supportive. There was. There was a time when people were fine with neo pronouns. And I said, we got to live in reality.

[A]

What were neo like? They.

[B]

No, that's fine.

[A]

Oh, that's fine. I mean, that's fine.

[B]

They. Them is like, I've come around. You want to be that.

[A]

Robbieman has a great bit, though, about, like, how we overplayed our hand.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there was a subset called neo pronouns which were just like, kids whose parents were checked out, not paying attention to them, and they were like, call me frog. And I was like, I can't do a ribbit. You know what I mean? Like, it's too much. Yeah. Now we're getting into, like, you know, it's not even now you want to be called a frog.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's too much. It's too far. We gotta come back. We gotta reel it in.

[C]

You've seen that woman that thinks she's a dog, right? Have you seen that woman?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

No.

[B]

There's so many.

[C]

Yeah. She's like, call me dog.

[A]

And she.

[C]

And she walks on all fours.

[B]

I've seen some of them. Yes. Yeah. There's a few on Tick tock that I like. They just. They just run around outside.

[C]

Yeah. In the fields.

[A]

There's a kid on my. My son's little league team that's like, you'll be referring to me as Mongoose. And I'm like, your name's James.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But. But I'm like, you know what? Mongoose, no problem.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because he's respectful about it and he's.

[B]

It sounded like he was pretty rude about it when he said, you'll be referring to me initially with a gun to your head.

[A]

I'll call you anything as long as you're cool.

[C]

Mongoose is a pretty sick name, by the way. It is like, I'm with it.

[B]

It's better than Frog.

[A]

As long as we're all in on the joke. Like, if you want me to call you Frog and you go call me Frog, you mind? All right.

[B]

But there's serious. There's. There's no. Like, this is kind of fun. It's like, I'm Frog, and it's like, we can't do this. I can't. Let's fill out those job applications.

[C]

There's a difference between nickname and you being in or thinking that you're an amphibian. Josh, what nickname did you want as a kid? Did you have, like. You wanted people to call you something?

[A]

Yeah. Slim, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did I want a nickname? I'm trying to think.

[C]

I didn't.

[B]

Did you have.

[A]

No, I. When I was like, 17, someone was like, anyone ever call you Shua? And I was like, why? And he was like, you know, like, Joshua. Like, you're Josh, but you could go by Shua. And I'm like, I love that. And so now, for like the last 20 years, some people call me Shua and I like it.

[B]

That's kind of fun.

[A]

That's it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a good one. You guys, I don't have anything. I never was.

[A]

Sorry. You frogs.

[C]

I was just Ben. I was Ben. Full name Benjamin Ben, I always wanted to go by. There was this kid in camp, they called him Tuna, and I was like, oh, my God, is that fucking sick?

[B]

Why, though?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Did he smell?

[C]

I don't know. I think he swam like. I think he swam well.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Like a fish. Fair Tuna.

[B]

Not like, he's Tuna.

[C]

Was he fat? He was portly. I don't know.

[A]

I think that's probably why they called him Tuna. You know, you good at swimming? There's a lot of shit they could call you.

[B]

Meanwhile, he can't swim at all.

[A]

They're like, shark.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They called him Hippo. They called him Piranha. No, no. Striped bass.

[C]

Yeah. I wanted Tuna. Claudia tried for a while. My wife tried to get her friends to call her Juice Box.

[B]

See, you can't make up your nickname. It gets so.

[C]

I know, I know, but how cool would it be to like, Juice Box

[B]

is a good one. Juice Box is good. It's good.

[C]

But they. You have to be crowned.

[B]

You can't. You can't go around. It's like the frog. You can't just declare yourself. Juice box. It's hard. Yeah, it's a hard one.

[C]

This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Quo. Folks, you ever realize how many customers slipped through the cracks? Missed calls, follow ups that never happened. It adds up fast. That's why today's episode is brought to you by our friends at Quo. Spelled Q U O. The business communication system. Built so you never miss a call. Folks, your entire team can handle calls and texts from one shared number. So no more missed messages or dropped conversations. Everyone sees the full thread, replies are faster, and customers actually feel taken care of. This is Quo. Quo is the 1 rated business phone system on G2 with over 3000 reviews built for how modern teams work. More than 90,000 businesses, from solo operators to growing teams, rely on it to stay connected, professional and consistently reachable. Oh, Sally's taken pto. That doesn't mean Sally's customers don't get the great treatment. You can use Quo and somebody can step in for Sally while she's out surfing. Quo works wherever you are, right from your phone or computer. Keep your existing number, add teammates in minutes, sync your CRM and let the call routing handle itself as you scale. It's a dream folks. Money is on the line. Cash baby Cash. Always say hello with Quo. Try quo for free plus 20% off your first six months when you go to quoquo.com goodguys that's quo q u o.com good guys this episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by our friends at Element. Folks, you know we love Element here at the Good Guys Podcast. Element is what gets us through the day. It is our saltier friend. That's what makes you really feel like taking something that's going to help you feel hydrated. So often these stick packs just don't have any salt in them. Also they don't have any magnesium in them. Also they don't have any potassium in them. The big three Potassium, sodium, magnesium found in Element electrolytes. Let me tell you, trusted by me should be trusted by you. Trusted by my sister in law. Trusted by my sister in law's friend Emily. Trusted by my sister Maddie. Trusted by anybody who really runs. They love Element. Element is absolutely fantastic. And let me tell you, they also have a sparkling electrolyte beverage. Unbelievable. Through the roof. Why would you want to drink regular sparkling water when you can have a sparkling electrolyte beverage? And folks, this isn't just trusted by me. It's trusted by Stanford neuroscientists, functional nutritionists and professional athletes across the NFL, NBA, NHL and CrossFit. And let me tell you, I'm so excited to introduce for the first time Element Lemon Iced Tea. Element Lemon Iced Tea uses a full black tea extract, not isolated caffeine plus a meaningful dose of electrolytes free of sugar free artificial colors or other dodgy ingredients. It's built on the same formula as Elements Core Drink Mix Sodium, potassium, magnesium at levels shown to support optimal hydration. The result is a noticeably steadier feeling, less spike, less drop without the crash that comes from most caffeinated drinks. Their Element Lemon Iced Tea is it. It is Absolutely. Fantastic. Comes from the same founding group. Rob Wolf, co founder. You know, he's the former research biochemist, two time New York Times best selling author. He sat on the Navy SEALS resilience committee for over a decade. Let me tell you, we know that element's great. And now they have a lemonade that is also unbelievable. So folks today get a free 8 count sample pack of elements most popular drink mix flavors with any [e-mail] goodguys find your favorite flavor or share one with a friend and of course try their new lemonade.

[A]

Can we touch quickly on the your resemblance?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yes. When did you know we're two? Oprah.

[A]

When did you realize and are you glad that you have Jim's old face and not his new face?

[B]

Vintage JC face. The original 90s.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Is that crazy?

[A]

Hey, when did you realize that?

[B]

I think I was like eight. I was like eight during one of the Ace Ventura movies and I could just pull it. I never practiced in a mirror ever.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Never ever. I think I just have his mouth. I think that's what it is. I think it's just this because he didn't have this. And like, isn't that his mouth?

[A]

It's unbelievable. I feel like I'm on the acting studio. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, your dreams.

[C]

If you're not, if you're not watching on Spotify or YouTube, you're missing out because we are here with his mouth.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

We're here with Jim Carrey's mouth.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I think, yeah. When I was 8, I would just pull it for like friends and babysitters and. And I never had to practice it. And I heard it my whole life.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So I'm very desensitized to it. So everyone's like, doesn't it bother you? And I'm like, no, it's not new. Yeah. It's like being called gay. It's like I've heard it my whole life. I'm good.

[A]

You've made your peace.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And have you. I should know this, but has he contacted you? No, never.

[B]

Never. And I kind of king. I think it's. I love that because what's he supposed to do? Like if some. If. If you know how celebrities will have like a look alike online. There's this guy that kind of looks like Adam Sandler. Honestly, takes too far.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's a little annoying. I don't want to be like that. I'm so terrified because he like, really?

[A]

That's his whole shtick is just Adam.

[B]

Yeah. Where it's like okay, now what? Who are you?

[A]

You're never gonna be.

[B]

I'm really terrified of, like, I just don't want to. Yeah. Like, Jim Carrey was such a comedic legend in my mind. I know too much about him now that I should know, like, about his personal life from, you know, online people being like, oh, he's a Capricorn. I'm like, I don't even know that. But, yeah, I just always wanted to be like, I hope he doesn't think I'm, like, milking this. Or, like, you know, I try to do my own comedy thing so I have my own identity, because it's like, but what's he supposed to do? Somebody had your face. Somebody's like, I look like Josh Peck.

[C]

Would you reach out Adrian Grenier? He goes and he does Entourage. Yeah, that's what he does.

[B]

Would you reach out or, like, what? I'm like, what do you expect to. To do? Who cares?

[A]

Yeah. It's always weird when someone, like, does a little bit of, like, testament to you or like, something where they're honoring you and you're just like, thank you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. What's he. I'm like, I don't think he. What would he. It'd be weird. And I've never personally tried to.

[A]

It'd be great if you played siblings.

[B]

I know. I think it'd be fun.

[A]

That's kind of it.

[C]

That's fun. Yeah, that's fun.

[B]

Yeah. I am 30 years younger than him, so. Thank you, Josh.

[C]

I'll start moisturizing.

[B]

I'm going to start moisturizing today. It'd be great if you were his grandmother. I have no.

[A]

I have 30. 30 plus year siblings.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We'll do more of, like. That's good.

[B]

Yeah, I think it would be fun. I just.

[A]

I mean, you could play his kid,

[B]

but I feel like siblings kid is weird.

[A]

He's fun.

[B]

Siblings, fun.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or like, a version of the mask where I just turn into him and it's the mascot lesbian.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

I just. I haven't personally tried to ever get in touch with him. I figure if, you know, I don't know what. What would come of that? If it happens organically, great.

[A]

He's gotta find you.

[C]

A singular viral video would come of that. Yeah, that's what would come.

[B]

Right. And then what?

[C]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So if you need it, you have it in your back pocket.

[B]

But I. Yeah, I mean, I'd want him to just reach out organically, not, like, you know, this weird like, pestering him. Thank God he's not online. Thank God he's not online. People tagging constantly.

[A]

Ugh.

[C]

Celebrities that don't have Instagram, do they not have just, like, personal accounts where they follow people? Do you think he's just not online at all?

[B]

I don't think he is. I don't know the man. I don't know. Who knows you're not.

[A]

I just really don't know him. I think she's not really his sister.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Let me call him up. Father. No, but, like, David Spade is commenting on my stuff, so I'm sure, like, it's gotten back to him. Yeah, in a way. But, like, I don't think he's online. I don't think he gives a.

[C]

Did you.

[B]

Which is awesome.

[C]

Did you think it was a blessing?

[A]

Interesting. Recently when he got, like, where people were giving him because he accepted an award and he looked like he had had a little bit of work done.

[B]

I am so. I'm so concerned for society.

[A]

It was that dichotomy. And maybe they're not in the same world. And this is my mistake, because I was like. Like, for a guy who seems so enlightened and so over and past the. The temptations of the flesh.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Fame and the need to. I'm like, but you needed a facelift, huh?

[B]

Yeah. Do we buy any of that? Here's my thing. When somebody's getting on a red carpet and being like, I don't exist, it's like, calm down.

[C]

You're.

[B]

You're on. You dressed up for this event.

[A]

So true already.

[B]

I'm out. You know what? I'm a little cynical on that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This guy's surrounded by industry people and. And the fact that everyone's like, this must be a clone. This is. I'm like, has nobody seen facework? Like, Mickey Rourke? Hello.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is so normal. Who else?

[A]

Recently, little Bradley Cooper got.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Electric Gary Manilow, and.

[C]

This is bad, man. It was bad.

[A]

Is it bad, or does it need to settle as someone who's gotten some face stuff.

[B]

Yeah. But you can't tell. And I think you're not doing fillers.

[A]

I just had my bags removed.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

My eyebags.

[B]

I think the fillers are good. Yeah. You look great.

[C]

This is very different. He does look great.

[B]

You don't look touched is what I'll say. You know, the fillers are what's getting the men. Like, Gosling had a puffy face for a while, I think. I think the upper bluff stuff, which I think is what Jim Carrey and Barry Manilow. Bradley Cooper did. It's weird. It looks weird. And also, guys are allowed to age. So, like, calm down.

[C]

Also, you know what it is? It's really gay.

[B]

It's a little gay.

[A]

But what about Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt clearly had an. Allegedly had an amazing one. He's 60.

[B]

Facelift.

[A]

He looks spectacular. That allegedly, by the way.

[C]

That's not gay. Bad work is gay.

[B]

Fillers are a little gay.

[A]

I mean, clearly these guys must have paid.

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

I think they got a Groupon facelift on Bradley Cooper. I went for a facelift in a strip mall.

[B]

Yeah. I don't understand what happened to Jim, because I'm like, this man has access.

[C]

Yeah. Also, why is everybody getting work done? Why is everybody getting work done so close to when they need to go on a carpet?

[B]

Yeah, that too, maybe.

[C]

But are you getting it done in the off season? Off season? Yeah. To recover.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

No, I don't.

[B]

And then everybody's like, jim Carrey, he's just not the same. He's so quiet. He's. I'm like, he's old. That's what happens when you get old. Why didn't you not. He didn't always whisper. You know what I mean? He was lively at one point. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now he's like sugar power, honey.

[B]

You think he was doing that in

[A]

the 40s squared plus p squared is. I can't go to Iran, man.

[B]

Come on, Jack. Come on.

[A]

What's the quadratic theory for Kamala's pain in my ass?

[B]

Remember that debate? They were just whispering for an hour, no audience. Amazing the moment.

[A]

And Trump said, I don't know what he said, and I don't think he knows what he said. It was over. We should have just said, fuck it, we're done.

[B]

No, it was bad when they were debating golf swings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, no, we're really done.

[A]

We're cooked.

[B]

It's a presidential debate. He's like, handicapped six.

[C]

That was hysterical. And they're all liars.

[B]

Please.

[C]

Are you kidding me? And he gets a six.

[B]

Trump a fucking moron. You're not a handicap.

[C]

Six.

[B]

Crazy. This is presidential debate. And they're up there like, oh, my God. Amazing.

[A]

So tell us about your new special, your stand up. Give us.

[B]

Give us a lowdown.

[A]

Plug away.

[B]

I am so excited for this. May 14th on my YouTube. Shot it in Wisconsin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dead of the winter.

[A]

Milwaukee. Madison.

[B]

No. Janesville. Even crazier.

[A]

Where's that girl?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I Couldn't tell you. I love Wisconsin crowds because they're professional drunks. I think it's a requirement. You need a DUI before, like, you turn 18. So it's, you know, they're good drunks. They know how to be drunk. They're not like hecklers. They're just there to have fun. It was like dead of winter in Janesville, Wisconsin. It was great in a little kill box, which is like, you know, small room where, like, the laughter just has nowhere to go. So it's. It just sounds good.

[A]

It looks like the belly room at the Comedy Store.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Super good.

[C]

What a name.

[B]

I'm excited about it. It'll be fun. Quick. Very limited crowd work. I don't ask anybody what they do for a living. Probably also, I'm just not great at crowd work because I don't care about people. Like, you gotta be a little like, improv. I'm just gonna roast you.

[A]

Yeah. What am I gonna get to know you? Jim from Jamesville.

[B]

Yeah. I remember I was bombing so bad once in Naples, Florida, because everybody in the crowd was, I don't know, almost dead that I started doing crowd work with old people. And I would just be like, what medication do you take?

[A]

You know, they love to talk about it.

[B]

Yeah. What's your blood pressure? I don't know. Do your kids talk to you? Yeah, but other than that, I really. I'll only resort to crowd work if I'm. If I need to get out of something.

[C]

This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Home Chef. Folks, you know that feeling, okay? It's six o' clock and you forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer. Okay? You forgot. You're feeling down on yourself. You're like, oh, my God, my family's gonna starve. Until you remember that you have a subscription to Home Chef. Folks, Home Chef makes cooking simple. We're talking fresh food delivered, easy recipes to follow, and meals that actually taste great. No long shopping lists, no complicated prep, and best of all, easy cleanup. Also, great produce. Okay? Sometimes you'll do one of these delivery services, they'll come back with a rotten vegetable. Not Home Chef. No rotten vegetables here. It's perfect for busy schedules. Whether you need a 30 minute meal, an oven ready tray, or even a quick microwavable lunch, Home Chef has you covered. And it's not a one size fits all, folks. Home chef has over 30 meal options each week with choices for different tastes and different dietary needs. And people really love it, including me. Home Chef is rated number one by users of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste and recipes. Customers say they spend less time planning, shopping and prepping meals. Plus, it's affordable. Home Chef customers save an average of $86 per month on groceries. Oh, and when you forget to take the chicken out of the fridge, you got a Fritz fresh. It's right there. It was delivered ready to go. And folks, for a limited time, Home Chef is offering my listeners55.0% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life. If you go to homechef.com that's homechef.com goodguys for55.0% off your first box and free dessert for life. Homechef.com goodguys must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert, which is a crazy disclaimer. Obviously you think you can cancel your subscription and keep the dessert? What are you, nuts? This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Zyzol. Folks, you know Zyzol. You know that over the counter medicine with the cute little owl that helps you relieve allergies for 24 hours. Folks, Zyzole Allergy 24 hour relieves allergies while you sleep, so you wake up refreshed for a productive next day. There's nothing worse than having allergy flare ups. Okay, but taking Zyzol at night so you can get symptom relief and wake up feeling refreshed is the future. Zyzol starts working in as little as 45 minutes and is clinically proven to relieve allergy symptoms for 24 hours. Zyzol relieves allergy symptoms including sneezing, runny nose, itchy, watery eyes, and itchy nose and throat for 24 hours. The itch is the worst. Oh my God, those itchy eyes, that itchy throat. Literally. My wife looking at me as I'm clearing my throat, she's like, why don't you take Zyzol? I'm like, I should. You're absolutely right. Plus, it provides 24 hour prescription strength relief from outdoor allergens such as pollen, ragweed, grass and trees. I'm always around ragweed. You know, I need protection from ragweed and so do you. Folks. Eyes all allergy 24 hour relieves allergy allergies while you sleep, so you wake up feeling refreshed for a productive next day. There's nothing worse than having allergy flare ups. Okay, folks, be wise all. Take Seizal at night.

[A]

Let's do one weird story and then more on mail.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[C]

Awesome, awesome, awesome.

[A]

Well, here's some weird news from the California Post. Are women or men more likely to be gold diggers? New study reveals sinister answer. If she's made of money, he's sticking like honey, can you dig Cash often

[B]

access the old what jazz musician wrote this article?

[A]

Cash often acts as the ultimate adhesive that binds a well to do tycoon to a money hungry grifter. Those opportunistic parasitic gold diggers whom Kanye west and Jamie Foxx melodically scolded in their God the Post writing this. They do too much.

[B]

They're trying to read a reach a word limit.

[A]

Decades later, 2026 data reveals that gals aren't the only ones dating for funds. Guys are guilty of the grubbing too.

[B]

So what's the answer then? Guys are getting into it now.

[A]

Yeah, dudes are just as bad.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I support women gold diggers.

[C]

If you're rich and you can't realize that somebody's with you for your money, you deserve the gold digger.

[B]

Boom. That's, you know, that's the thought to have.

[C]

Yeah, that's it. And then you deserve each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like I'm deep. I just watched the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion last night. Let me tell you. Erika Jayne, you know, you both know this Erica Jean, she was, she was with top Mr. Tom Girardi. OK. And, and they deserved each other. I'm here listening. She's like, I got caught $25 million in fraud, all this stuff, blah, blah, blah. It's like, you were with him for his money. You got access to his money. He made his money doing some illegal shit. And he like, I, I really hope that your life gets a lot easier, but when I see a situation like that, I'm like, like, that's kind of what happens when you marry a tycoon.

[B]

I also wish that people would just be honest about it because anytime, like housewives, especially when they're married to some old fart, they're just like, I just love him. And it's like, just say that you love money. It's okay. Everyone knows.

[C]

Or, or say that you love him. You love him because he's rich. You can still love someone because they're rich.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Maybe they do love them. Right. But it doesn't have to be their heart.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Like, you love financial security. Maybe you grew up incredibly insecure about money. All of a sudden this person makes you secure. That makes you love Them, Right. Like it's not so. Yeah, I'm totally with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm pro gold digger.

[B]

I love gold diggers.

[A]

Ben is, you know, a macher, you know, provider, and his wife is also a badass provider macher. I've never been with anybody who makes. Makes a lot of dough. I don't know what that would feel like.

[B]

I don't know. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

[C]

The thing, the thing that's hard or interesting is I've. I wonder if it would have been different when I, Me and my wife met. We were 20 and 18. We were babies. Yeah. Right. So I think it's a little bit different being courted by somebody who's rich. You're not a gold digger if you meet someone and you're. And they're not rich. You're a gold digger if. If that person's already rich and you're being courted and you can't see that you're being courted and they're buying you Chanel bags and plane tickets. Think it's.

[B]

If you're. If you're like a 60 year old dude who's got like a gut and you're pulling a 21 year old hottie, don't you know, they're aware. Right? Yeah, it's all just like. Can we just call it what it is?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. No, you're aware I, I would be

[B]

turned off by somebody gold digging personally.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Wouldn't you? I don't know. I'm. I'm just like that. I would be. I would be like, I know what this is. This is not. You don't really care about me.

[A]

What about the reverse? What if you're the sugar baby? Someone under. Right.

[B]

But I can't do it either.

[A]

I know, but is it less bad if someone's like, I know what I'm doing here. Like, I love being around you, I love your energy, and I can provide you with a great life. If that by chance is more important to you than a soul mate.

[B]

Yeah. I'm out. I would rather be a lesbian of you. I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just think, like, I just can't personally sleep or like kiss anybody. Even kiss somebody that I'm not into.

[A]

Well, kissing's very intimate. It.

[B]

Yeah, but this is what I'm saying. You have to do all of it. You're gonna be all the crevices.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

You gotta hit him up.

[C]

Erica said in this reunion last night that one time Tom Girardi didn't speak to her for six weeks.

[B]

Well, that's a Blessing.

[A]

That's nice.

[C]

This is, this is called emotional abuse and manipulation.

[A]

Yeah, you never want a little break, Ben.

[C]

Six weeks, Come on.

[A]

I need a time.

[B]

Do you have alone time? Not with a baby. 10 months, one year. God, you guys aren't seeing alone time.

[A]

I got plenty. You have plenty of alone time, Ben,

[B]

because what's a 10 month? Well, you have a year old. What do they do?

[C]

My alone, my alone time. Seriously, my alone time is when I work and I try to play golf once a week. That's my alone time.

[B]

Which is seven hours on a Sunday.

[C]

I. Yes, yes it is. What are you a golfer? No. Which one is it?

[B]

I always see those of the ladies are like my husband's out playing golf and his hobby and I support him but he's gone for all day.

[C]

By the way, where are we supposed to go? The course is an hour and 15 minutes away. Yeah, how can I? You have to account for travel. She needs an lunch. Yeah, I can't have lunch?

[A]

No.

[B]

Mark can't have 18 beers on the green.

[C]

I'm hungry. Yeah, I'm hungry.

[A]

Wahlberg says you're just avoiding your family. That you can play 18 holes in about two hours.

[B]

Oh, you're not speed running, by the way.

[C]

All that you need to do is be Mark Wahlberg, belong to a million and a half dollar club and get the 7am tea time. And you can do it for sure. Ye. But if you hop in anytime after seven, he gets off first. That's what it is.

[B]

Of course if you get off first

[C]

course himself, which is an impossible tee time to get all of the alta cockers at all of these freaking country clubs. They all have the first tee time, ok. And they are even the fastest ones are still slow. Yeah, slow. Yeah. Because they're old as shit. Ok. They're, they're Biden six hands.

[B]

They should be golf courses for age. They should split up ages.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And race. Sorry, sorry.

[B]

So funny.

[A]

They already do that. Well, I had a very like upsetting moment when I, we were in the desert over Easter weekend and my father in law and, and all of my, the men in my wife's family are big golfers. Right. I've heard them talk about it for the last 15 years. I've been part of the family. I know they've been playing for 40 years and they're all good. So my son loves playing. He's seven years old, he loves tagging along. So I was like, you know what? I've never been on a golf course. I've never walked A golf course. I'm like, they're like, oh, it's a nine hole scramble. So it's going to be really quick, right? Not traditional rules. I was like, I'll walk it. I'll be my son's caddy, so I'll carry Max's bag and I'll watch him play and just, like, hang out. I like. I like the outdoors and I love getting steps. Let me tell you something.

[C]

You walked.

[A]

I was like, this was so. This was one of the most disheartening things I've ever done. First of all, it took forever. Waiting on people is trash. I was like, this sucks.

[B]

It's like bowling, dude.

[A]

Secondly, I said, you've all spoken about this fucking game for as long as I've known you. You all suck. And I know you're good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're this committed, and after 40 years, this is how good you are.

[B]

40 years.

[A]

But no, they're good. They really are good. But it's still not impressive to watch.

[B]

No. And no car. You don't have a cart because.

[C]

No, I. Josh, it's not impressive to watch. You ever. You ever film yourself skiing, thinking you're going really fast and then you watch it back? Okay. That's what it is. Okay. You're good relative to the people around you. If you golf cart, you never get in a groove. And then you get no steps. And then it's really.

[B]

You don't cart either.

[C]

I walk, I walk. You guys are just as crazy. It's just as fast.

[B]

But it's fun to get.

[C]

The thing is, it's not because they have all these settings on it. It beeps when you go in the wrong place.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Stops when you go in the wrong place. You're at 15 miles an hour, tops. Yeah, sure. You put a little Corvette on the course, you're in business.

[B]

Although golf courses I've been on, the walks are brutal. So between holes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. No, that's a Carrying your. You need to take a cart there.

[B]

There. You're carrying the thing like a caddy.

[A]

It's a. Yeah, I was, I was. But you know, he's got his own mini. Mini ones. But. But they also had the little. Like push carts. Yeah. Which makes it more reasonable.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Have you seen, quickly, before we get off this, the push carts, they've had innovation, okay. They have these push carts that are autonomous. You have something in your pocket, it follows you. It walks ahead of you if it knows the course. It goes up hills, downhills, around. Autonomous push carts. Genius.

[B]

Future is now.

[A]

Baby genius.

[C]

The future's now.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

We got them.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

We got him, Ben. Should we do a moron mail?

[C]

Let's do a. Mail is. We call our listeners the morons. We're all morons.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

Okay, we started this by talking about how Louisville. You guys are geniuses. New York, Louisiana. We're really nuts.

[A]

Louisville.

[C]

Louisville. So people write in and Let me pick a good one. Oh, this is a good one. Okay. Subject Certified fatty. Always hot. Hi, Josh and Ben. I'm a certified fatty. And every time I go to someone's house, I get hot. I start to sweat a little bit and become uncomfortable. As a guest at someone's house, is it rude of me to ask people to turn down their ac? With my closest friends and family, I have no problem asking.

[A]

Asking.

[C]

But when I'm at a regular friend's or acquaintance house, I get too shy to ask. What do you think? Am I nuts?

[A]

You have no option.

[B]

How cold are we talking?

[C]

Number one, if you're really. If you're. If you're really beefy, you might need it at six.

[B]

That's insane.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Can't live like you gotta.

[B]

No.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You gotta get a gastric bypass.

[B]

I mean, yeah, you gotta. You gotta get on the O. You gotta step outside. That's crazy.

[C]

Should I turn down my ac? Oh, no, you should get gastric bypass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Staple your stomach.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That's crazy. I don't if the house is hot. If it's somebody's 80s, sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if you're getting in the 60s, it's. That's a you problem. You got to figure it out. Start coming over naked.

[C]

The test is the window test. You crack a window if you feel significantly better. It was too hot in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Otherwise, you're the problem.

[B]

Yeah. I have a feeling he's stepping in houses that are like 71 degrees. It's like a nice. That's a nice temperature. It's a little chilly for me, but I'll take it.

[C]

I operate at 68.

[B]

What? Your poor child.

[C]

Same 68. My son sleeps at 62. It's like he's. He's in Russia in the winter. We're prepping him just in case we ever have to go home.

[A]

Night, night. Night, Reuben.

[C]

You're sheep skin for sweet slumber.

[A]

Our what do you.

[C]

Nuts.

[A]

Moment of the week are gripes with people. Places and things. Love it. Big and tall. Whatever's sticking in your craw, we'll go first so you have a moment to think about it. Anything works, Ben. You want to take us away?

[C]

Any complaining? We were talking about Starbucks before. Let me tell you. These lids are faulty, okay? These lids are faulty. What are you, nuts? You're a trillion dollar corporation. I shouldn't fear that if I pick it up by the top, that it's just gonna. The bottom's just gonna fall out. I caught it. I caught my coffee this morning. You know how fucking lucky I was that my entire Venti iced coffee didn't end up on my new. New Balances, My brand new. You see these? You see these?

[A]

Did they send those?

[C]

Oh, my God, your news stained. What the fuck is on the toe? I don't even know where this. It's coffee.

[B]

Can you see? This is absurd. That's a big stain, bud. That's huge.

[C]

Brand new.

[B]

You better take that up with the coffee.

[C]

These are brand new. It's like I queefed on my. On my shoe queefing. But, yeah, just get better lids. What are you, nuts?

[B]

What are you, nuts? Is that what you say afterwards? Wait.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What are you nuts? That's what we said. No, what are you, nuts?

[A]

You love Dangerfield.

[B]

I do. I do love Dangerfield. I thought he was great. Rip. He's on every comedy club, by the way. That's my favorite thing about comedy club. That could be my gripe.

[A]

Go for it.

[B]

Comedy clubs. I was gonna do one, but let me tell you, comedy clubs put up headshots of Jerry Seinfeld from 1982.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, can we update this? This is crazy.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

Can we at least get, you know, Ellen DeGeneres from 2003 up there? Yeah, it's. The headshots are absurd. And then it'll be like, Dangerfield, which is great, but, like, it's not modern.

[A]

Yeah, move on.

[B]

There's three women on there, and it's all just Joan Rivers Queen.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But I'm sure there's been other female comics.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Where's Paula Poundstone?

[B]

We need peepee nuts.

[C]

All right. What are you, nuts?

[A]

It feels anti Semitic when you do it.

[B]

Sorry. Love Jewish.

[A]

What was my. Oh, okay, listen, my witty nuts moment is if the restroom at your coffee shop, your place of business has a code. Make with the code. Okay, don't make me chase you for the code. I get it. You want to keep out the riff raff, the vagrants, but I gotta go pee pee. Okay, so make. What? Don't make it like I'm bothering you. Let's go. Code now. What are you nuts? Make with the code now.

[B]

What are you Saying code now, like when you order, or it'll.

[A]

Or yeah, like, just if I. Because sometimes it'll be hard.

[B]

You gotta hound them.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta. I'm chasing you for the code. If you even see me look around once, go, four, seven, nine, two.

[B]

Right, Great.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. Yeah. There should be a better process for that because it's real embarrassing, too.

[A]

Make with the code.

[B]

I know it's really embarrassing to, like, hound the barista.

[A]

Not fun.

[B]

And then they're mad. They're like, yeah, four, three, four, eight. I mean, yeah, you know.

[C]

How didn't you know? Four, three, four, eight.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like, okay, yeah, relax.

[A]

I've been going into Starbucks lately, and not just in nice areas. I think they're starting to, like, say, you know what? Anybody can go in whenever they're taking the codes away.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's open. It's insane. Let them do heroin in the bathroom. Life is hard.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'll next to him. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. All gender bathroom. All habits. I don't care.

[A]

I waited about 10 minutes for a bathroom, and I'm like, something bad's happening in there. And then a guy walked out and just a cloud of crystal meth smoke hit me in the face.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I was like, free me.

[C]

You're like, come back.

[A]

And I also was like, I knew.

[B]

Not from doing smoking in there.

[A]

I. Yeah. But I did know, like, how bad he must be feeling right now, seeing this line.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just was like, I'm gonna trigger him. So on his way out, I just went. And he was like.

[B]

And then went behind and made coffee for everyone.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plug your special. Plug anything. We loved having you on the show.

[B]

Thanks so much. You guys are so fun. Love it.

[C]

You're great.

[B]

All right. Great, guys. Love it. This special is called all right, see ya. It's on my YouTube. Heather Shaw comedy comes out May 14th. Go see it, you queers, and queef it up.

[C]

Go see it, you queers, and queef it up. Folks, this episode's five stars. Otherwise, what are you, nuts?

[B]

Listen to us.

[C]

Wherever you get your podcast, watch us on Spotify. This Spotify video, Heather, I don't know if you know, you go on the Spotify app. You go. You click on Good guys, You watch us on video. It's beautiful on your phone. You can flip it into landscape if you're feeling fancy. It's fantastic. Listen to us. Watch us on Josh's YouTube. The great heather Shaw folks. Mondays and Thursdays. We will see you next time. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for 15amonth plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[A]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail].