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Josh
The following podcast is a dear media production. Two Jews, both big and tall. No subject too small for the good guys. A mother's dream premium podcast team. Make it your weekly routine. It's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars. What are you nuts? What are you nuts?
Ben
Yeah, we're the good guys.
Josh
They're not the great guys. We're just the good of the good.
Cosmo
Of the good guys.
Josh
Oh, my gosh.
Ben
Father Caris.
Josh
We're for klempt. We're famished. We're all the things. The Queen of Melrose is here. Welcome, girl.
Ben
Hey, how you doing, Joss Pat.
Josh
How you doing, girl?
Ben
Nice to finally meet you, Boo. Boo.
Josh
Thank you.
Ben
Or should I say boobalicious? I'm gonna say booblicious.
Josh
Let me help you with. You need your help with the headphones.
Ben
I'm having a conundrum.
Josh
Please.
Olivia
What you guys can't see is Josh is adjusting Queen's headphones and they are looking fantast.
Ben
Blame the hairdresser. Blame the hairdresser.
Olivia
The Queen of Melrose. I can't quite explain to you how excited we are to have you. When I told our dear friend, do you know the points guy, Brian Kelly?
Cosmo
No.
Olivia
If you don't know him, he wants to know you.
Ben
Where is he?
Olivia
He is your biggest fan boyfriend. He's super rich. Is he here and is he in the back?
Cosmo
Is he going to come out?
Olivia
We should have.
Ethan
We should have Josh.
Olivia
Damn it. We'll set up an intro later. Yeah, we'll set up an intro later. It's great. He's two young boys.
Ethan
He's single. We're going to.
Olivia
I'm going to set you up.
Ben
He's single and ready to mingle.
Josh
He's a big tech entrepreneur, ungerstupped as. As our people say. And he's handsome. Six, seven, eight.
Olivia
Yeah.
Ben
And you think he's proportions.
Josh
He's got to have a piece.
Cosmo
Probably. Yeah, yeah. When they're that big.
Josh
Yes. Like an aircraft carrier.
Cosmo
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ben
You can land the aircraft on that.
Josh
T. Call me at 7:37. I fell in love with you on the out and about podcast. The great Joey Commasta. But this is. You're having a moment, aren't you?
Cosmo
I'm having a moment.
Josh
Tell me.
Cosmo
It's kind of longer than a moment. It's been like a year and a half now. It's like constant podcast and lap dances.
Ben
And all the things. No, it's been really good.
Cosmo
It's been really good.
Ben
I started on Soft, white underbelly. That's when I went on. And basically, my sponsor, because I'm in the program.
Cosmo
Oh, okay.
Ben
How long do you have?
Josh
17 years.
Cosmo
Wow.
Ben
I turned double digits. Here we are, Daddy.
Cosmo
Thank you.
Ben
Oh, my God. Congratulations.
Josh
We're in its status at home.
Cosmo
Harlem.
Ben
Harlem.
Cosmo
It was Harlem.
Ben
So I grew up in Spanish Harlem, you know, and it was Spanish and Italian.
Cosmo
So it's like where they made the Godfather.
Josh
Yeah.
Cosmo
Okay. So they use my grandmother's apartment to make the Godfather. Okay. They rented. They gave us $75. I remember the check. And it was like two weeks. And, like, they were filming in her apartment.
Ben
Also, my older brother, you know, did you see the scene in the Godfather with Sonny when he's beaten the shit out of his sister's husband?
Josh
Classic.
Cosmo
Yes, yes.
Ben
Classic scene. Okay, so my brother was under the.
Cosmo
Johnny pump for two weeks, okay? So he got pneumonia right after he got his check. So that's how I remember Harlem, growing up with the Mafia.
Ben
My father was in the mob. He wasn't in the mob.
Cosmo
He was, like, hanging out with the mob. You know what I mean? It was like a thing.
Olivia
Mob adjacent.
Ben
Jason.
Josh
Ben's from Harlem, too. He's from 62nd and Madison.
Ethan
What, I'm mob adjacent?
Ben
That was.
Olivia
I actually. I went to school in the Heights, So a little bit. A little bit higher than Spanish Harlem in Washington Heights. But I. I am familiar. I pop out, look to the left, going up the fdr. And I think, God, it's great that I'm passing this. Thank. Thank God I didn't have to take the streets.
Josh
So you're there. Your father's mob adjacent. The FBI starts sniffing around, right? Some things.
Cosmo
She did her homework. Yes. Okay.
Ben
Josh back.
Josh
Guilty.
Ben
I'm not mad at you, boo.
Cosmo
Boo. Yeah.
Ben
So anyway, grew up in Harlem, you know, and then. Then we moved to Queen. My grandmother became a Jehovah's Witness to vow Catholic.
Josh
Yes.
Cosmo
Okay. True story. They come to the house, they never left. Okay, so now you can't be gay.
Ben
No birthday, no this, no that.
Cosmo
I'm eight years old. I'm like, what the is going on? They throw out all my Barbie dolls. Okay?
Ben
I'm like, what the fuck?
Cosmo
Trauma. Traumatized.
Ben
So my mother. My father's in the mob. His mother is a Jehovah's Witness. So he's telling.
Cosmo
He's in the Bronx gambling and whatever, doing his thing.
Ben
And he's telling my mother, take the kids to the kingdom, Hal. So meanwhile, my mother is trying to do the right thing because my. My Grandmother's the matriarch of the family, and I'm. Did you leave the.
Cosmo
Cut to two years later, My mother's like this, kids, let's go. You know. So it was back to, like, Christmas.
Josh
And because no birthday is no holidays.
Ben
No birthdays, no holidays. Can't be this. You can't be that. Basically. No blood transfusions.
Cosmo
Like, yeah, it's like the ends.
Olivia
But what a list of rules.
Ben
I don't know how Michael Jackson did it, I'm telling you.
Josh
And Prince.
Olivia
I wonder where the blood trace.
Ben
I don't know was Prince of Jehovah?
Josh
I think so.
Ben
Oh, my God.
Cosmo
It's brutal.
Ben
It's brutal, brutal, brutal, brutal.
Cosmo
Especially when you're Catholic and you have all these things growing up.
Ben
Yes.
Cosmo
And then you're not allowed to have them.
Ben
But it didn't work. So my grandmother stood Jehovah. And then my Uncle Junior, my father's brother, worked in the Palm restaurant out here. So those days, it was like Johnny Carson. It was Merv Griffith.
Cosmo
It was all.
Ben
It was like I Dream of Jeannie. It was all the. You know, it was just like the.
Cosmo
Hangouts against steak and lobster.
Ben
I think they just closed the Palm. I think there's one down.
Josh
Yeah, there's no more in la. There's no more downtown one's gone. The Beverly Hills one.
Ben
Oh, really? Have you ever been in there?
Josh
I went to the one on Santa Monica, the original.
Ben
That was the one. That's where they all worked.
Josh
I mean, Ben, imagine. Like, I know the Palm in New York was. Was popping, but this was like Don Rickles at the Bar Carson. Like, I. When I went there, I saw. The first time I saw Denzel Washington eating with his family. Second time, Schwarzenegger was eating there when he was governor. No Secret Service around. I found that weird, you know?
Olivia
Yeah, but he was crushing a 50.
Ben
50.
Olivia
I knew the Palm was gone the second I saw it at Newark Airport. Yeah, that's when I knew. The Palm is done. You can't. If he can get a stake in the airport.
Cosmo
Yeah.
Olivia
That means that the brand is dead.
Cosmo
Over.
Olivia
No.
Cosmo
They sold their soul.
Olivia
They sold their soul.
Ben
But it was the times of my life.
Cosmo
It really was.
Ben
It was the 80s in New York.
Cosmo
And it was the 80s in LA.
Ben
So basically I was 17 years old.
Cosmo
And we moved to Queens. My grandmother had a house in Queens.
Ben
So my father was kind of implicated in that goodfellas Lufthansa thing where FBI.
Cosmo
Agents were following me to school. They were in my backyard, and they were trying to implicate him, you know, indict him. But he literally had nothing to do with it. But he was hanging out with all the guys.
Ben
So basically, court case, court case, court case.
Cosmo
And, like, I'm gonna lose my father. My mother's like, one. One day we're riding around in a Lincoln, the next day she's on food stamps. And it was just the life.
Ben
But I wouldn't trade it for the world. Got you here, you know, it was just like, wow. You know what I mean? It's like growing up, it was like.
Cosmo
Literally a Martin Scorsese thing.
Josh
You know, we had a similar upbringing. I was on Drake and Josh and Ben's the son of a caterer.
Olivia
Very similar. But my grandma did live in Queens. I was gonna say, where in Queens?
Ben
Astoria.
Olivia
Okay. I mean, Astoria. Fantastic food, fantastic food.
Ben
Where were you guys from? Forest Hills, I feel.
Cosmo
So you guys were the uppity echelon.
Ben
Like, you guys were the Forest Hills. You guys were the bougie crowd.
Olivia
No, there was a lovely Key Foods. I love the Key Foods. Oh, Keith, they had a great dime.
Ben
What's the dime? Oh, my God. Then it was Pathmark.
Olivia
Yeah, Key Foods is great. And there was a great diner in Forest Hills. I don't remember the name.
Josh
Clock.
Ethan
Tick.
Olivia
The Clock something. Tick Tock.
Ben
Yes, yes. It's in Bayside. No.
Olivia
Yes. Excellent.
Cosmo
Yeah.
Olivia
They have the best Supreme Tuna. Supreme Tuna.
Cosmo
They have the best Queen's Tuna in New York.
Ben
Agreed. The best tuna, the best food, period.
Cosmo
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ben
You guys are making me hungry. Can we order a pizza?
Josh
We're speaking our love life language. Is this great? I, I'm telling you, I, I, I remember this Russian guy, Russian guy I know who got sober, would always talk about the Tick Tock liquor store. And he said I would drink a half a pint. He goes in the morning, a pillow, Prozac and a half a pint. And my hands would be shaking 20 years later.
Ben
That was Eugenia's cousin. There you go.
Cosmo
Oh, my God.
Ben
Guys, I feel. Wow. This is. Give me a hug. Air hug. Here we are.
Josh
Give us some insight. We're a bunch of married stiffs over here. Olivia's been in a long term relationship. Ben, you know, has a beautiful baby on the way. Baruch Hashem. I have two. I have a third on the way. Okay, so you are single, ready to mingle? Yes. Where are we at?
Ben
No, I was, you know, I have.
Cosmo
A few very strong relationships throughout my career. Yes, yes, yes.
Josh
And where are we today?
Ben
Today we're single. I'm seeing somebody, okay, for like seven years. Met him in the gym. I was on Herbalife. I was really.
Cosmo
I was really skin t like 10 years ago.
Josh
That was legal speed, right?
Ben
Long hair. And I would walk around my gym.
Cosmo
In Burbank with two fake asses. So they were calling me Cosmo Kardashian, okay?
Ben
So this guy comes up to me.
Cosmo
Literally like six foot seven, okay? He goes, I don't know what you are, but I like it, you know? So here I am in the gym, all freaked out, and that's it.
Ben
So basically just keeping it open and fun, you know? Yeah, I had a few tight. Like, I still have the rings. These are.
Cosmo
I was going to get married twice.
Ben
But, you know, in gay years, you know, it's. It's not the same, you know, I mean, and it's like. So I just keep it open, you.
Cosmo
Know what I mean?
Ben
And I literally let him do what he wants to do. I'm like, you want to do whatever eight years later. And then I do what I want to do. But, you know, if you love somebody, you know, there's that old saying, if you love something, you let it, set it free. But it always comes back, you know, Because I see there's no institution of marriage anymore.
Cosmo
Like, really not. Like, especially when you're a celebrity. Like, look at JLo. How many times. Come on now. You know what I mean?
Olivia
Too many.
Ben
Halle Berry. It's like, oh, she was on Oprah. How do you cheat on Holly Berry? Yeah, it was in six months.
Cosmo
It was done. You know what I mean?
Ben
So being that they have like the, you know, the social media and. And hot trannies. I'm sorry, but I don't think we have a chance.
Josh
You heard it here first.
Cosmo
Clip it, period.
Josh
Speaking of period, what do we think about that? Because recently at the Oscars, you know, Halle Berry came 20 years later and recreated her famous kiss with Adrien Brody.
Cosmo
Yes.
Josh
On the red carpet. Of course, it was in front of his girlfriend. So, you know, a little different than 20 years later. What, What. What did we think about that?
Ben
You know, hopefully his girlfriend was a good sport, honestly. Because you know why people get jelly.
Cosmo
No matter how gorgeous you are. And she is absolutely strikingly gorgeous. His girlfriend.
Josh
Yeah. And. And, and so is Halle Berry.
Cosmo
Oh, my God.
Ben
And Halle Berry looks good, but she's getting a little up there, honey. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, but. But still, she still gets free drinks. I'm sure she's had.
Olivia
She's had unbelievable long Helle Berry I was talking about it with Claudia. I'm like, what the fuck has she been? I haven't seen her in anything in 20 years and she's still like, she, she gets on that carpet and she is the moment. Yeah, I would be, I would be pissed if I was the girl.
Ben
She killed it.
Cosmo
She killed it.
Josh
What would Claudia say, Ben, if I.
Olivia
If I made out with Halle Berry?
Josh
Yeah.
Olivia
She would throw me off a roof.
Ethan
If I made out with Halle Berry.
Olivia
That's right. I think I would have a. I think I would have a better time if I made out with Adrian Brody.
Cosmo
Jewish K. Agreed.
Josh
Is he a piece. He's handsome.
Ben
So he comes to my store.
Cosmo
He used to come in my store with these hot, beautiful.
Ben
It might have been the same girl.
Cosmo
He was dating her. This is like a few years ago.
Ben
And she's in there, she's trying on.
Cosmo
Clothes and like, she's like absolutely gorgeous. Could be the same girl when he was. He's been with her for a while. I don't know.
Ben
So she goes, well, I have all these clothes.
Cosmo
And she goes, I'm like, well, are you gonna buy them? Yeah. Do you want to report the credit card stolen? Are you going to get the. You know, because my primary purpose is.
Ben
To sell a shmata.
Cosmo
You know what I mean?
Ben
To sell a dress.
Olivia
Yes.
Cosmo
I was raised by Israelis, by the way.
Ben
Oh, thank you. Was all Israeli.
Cosmo
Well, those were my bosses. When I walked in when I was 21 and coked out and I just.
Olivia
Couldn'T stop selling, I could feel there was a tethered connection. Now I understand it.
Ben
I could feel it's the queens, it's.
Josh
The Israelites, I love it.
Ben
You gotta know.
Cosmo
Bull, Bull, you know, Bulbul. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ben
So, yeah. So they raised me basically how to.
Cosmo
Do business, basically, you know. And now they're all in Israel, you know, and they gave me for Christmas, they were like, buy me a brand new car, you know.
Ben
Cause if you're making, if you're hustling.
Cosmo
For an Israeli, they're with you like neck and neck.
Josh
Oh yeah.
Ben
You know what I mean?
Cosmo
Yes.
Olivia
So.
Ben
And I was partying and we had to open the store at 11:00, but.
Cosmo
They wouldn't let me sleep till 2.
Josh
Yeah, well, Israelis are not knowing for punctual.
Cosmo
What do you mean? Noon?
Ben
Noon.
Josh
I see you 1:30 maybe.
Cosmo
Yeah, right.
Ben
And they would come to my house at 2:00 and wake me up because.
Cosmo
That was my party years on Melrose before I got my own store.
Ben
And they were like, we're gonna bring you falafel, open the windows. We're gonna give you some water. You're gonna come to work. It's already 2:00. Cosmo and I would just sell my cunts off. I would just sell. And, you know, if you're selling and making money with an Israeli, the best.
Cosmo
Partner in the world.
Ben
So they sent me to Israel, and basically they bought me brand new cars, you know, Very, very. We're still family.
Cosmo
We're still family. Yeah.
Olivia
How much. How amazing is Israel? Like, your trips, like, it's just the most gorgeous country.
Cosmo
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Ben
Tel Aviv. And, like, it was just we and the clubs there. Like, they don't have a sick. They don't have a clue here that how they do it out there is.
Cosmo
How they do it.
Ben
They have that park, that fam.
Cosmo
Where it's like all the, like, closet.
Ben
Cases, all, like, the married.
Cosmo
I never left. I mean, it's for a week.
Olivia
It's definitely the gayest country in the world. That's for sure.
Ben
The queen bought a tent.
Josh
I'm not going back to my room. Wait, before we move on Olivia, Ethan, the wonderful Ethan is in the position of Adrien Brody. You cool with the Halle Berry kiss or what?
Ben
You know what?
Josh
For the moment, you have to be. You have to be. You have to be. But I'd also probably like it if he kissed Adrien Brody more. Ooh, we're learning things about Olivia. Cool. There's a category for that, too.
Ethan
Josh.
Olivia
You know, I'm a little bit of a disorganized person, okay?
Josh
I just want you to see a neurologist. That's it. That's all I've asked of you.
Olivia
I have too much going on. There's nothing wrong with my brain. The problem is there's too much going.
Ethan
Into it from too many different places, okay?
Olivia
Too much going on. And I needed a solution, Josh, So that when I woke up in the morning, I wasn't in a frenzy. What am I gonna do today? Who am I gonna speak to today? I needed something all in one place. And that, Josh, is now brief. The now brief on The Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra is everything and more that I needed.
Ethan
It's gonna tell me what calls I have today.
Olivia
It's gonna tell me what meetings I have today. It's gonna tell me the weather, okay? Everything in the morning that way, Josh.
Ethan
I'm not so stressed.
Olivia
I don't forget things. And you're not trying to ship me off to some loony bin. Okay? Now Brief is saving me.
Josh
I'm not gonna ship you off. I'm gonna fly you anyway. Look, the thing with Now Brief with Galaxy AI, what I love about it, it's not just in the mornings, it's in the evenings too, right? So to tell you the weather for the next day, it'll give you what.
Olivia
You got going on tomorrow, keeps you bettering yourself. Honestly, Josh, where has this been all our lives?
Josh
I love it. Now Brief is. It's my cup of tea. It makes me feel very official, very important. And if you want to feel all those things and more, get your Galaxy S25 Ultra@samsung.com now brief displays daily select information from select apps may require Internet connection. Galaxy AI features by Samsung free through 2020 and requires Samsung account login.
Ethan
This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Element. Folks, Element helps anyone stay hydrated without the sugar and other dodgy ingredients found in popular electrolytes and sports drinks. Who wants dodgy ingredients and sugar? Not me. Electrolyte deficiency or imbalance can cause headaches, cramps, fatigue, brain fog and weakness. Things we don't want. Folks, Element is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix and sparkling electrolyte water born from the growing body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at sodium levels two to three times. Government recommendations. What are the government nuts? They're crazy. Each stick pack delivers a meaningful dose of electrolytes free of sugar, artificial colors or other dodgy ingredients. Element is formulated for anyone on a mission to restore health through hydration and is perfectly suited for athletes, folks who are fasting for those following keto season, low carb whole food or paleo diets, folks. Element is it tastes delicious. Great for you. We need to get those electrolytes up.
Ben
Up.
Ethan
Okay. And it's not just me who's telling you this. It's us Olympians. It's professional athletes, it's special forces, it's healthcare experts. Everybody's on the Element train. Why aren't you? Right now, Element is offering a free sample pack with any purchase. That's eight single serving packets, free with any Element order. This is a great way to try all eight flavors or share Element with a friend. Get yours@drinkelement.com goodguys this deal is only available through my link. You must go to drinklmnt.com goodguyS-R-I-N k l M-N-T.com goodguys welcome to Chloe in Wonderland.
Chloe
I don't know how many people Remember this? Oh, you are one decision away from a different life. I know for a fact that it was her who sold this to the media.
Josh
I'm willing to sacrifice anything in order to put love at the center of my life. I do explain to Mason how drinking affected me.
Chloe
I think it breaks them so much more that you forgave them. Every week, I'll sit down with fascinating guests.
Josh
I believe you're worthy of love and you deserve love.
Chloe
It wasn't nearly as bad as what I went through emotionally with the pregnancy I had with my daughter. For real conversations.
Josh
Do you remember when we wrestle, like, straight up crazy drunk wrestled?
Chloe
That's how rumors get started.
Olivia
Was it helpful for people to come in when you were with your ex.
Josh
Husband and be like, you should be with somebody better?
Chloe
If people are broken, they have to fix themselves. This is a window into my world and the stories that make it meaningful. Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland. New episodes drop every Wednesday on X and on Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts, see you there.
Josh
Speaking of relationships, what do we think? I think Ben and I, Ben, you'd agree, we'd love to hear what you feel about the Justin Baldoni Blake Lively mishigas, right? Are you up to date on this?
Cosmo
Oh, my God.
Josh
Tell me, what's your feeling?
Ben
So I think. I don't know, it could make. Do you think it can just make.
Cosmo
The, like, a total twist at the end? Like maybe it wasn't her fault, you think? Like, I mean, I know they have receipt after receipt after receipt. Everybody turned against them. Right? You know, and I hear that she's really difficult, and I hear that, you know, everything she did has receipts and, you know, she was insecure about her.
Ben
Baby weight from everything that went on.
Cosmo
But do you think there's a slight chance that Diddy will get off?
Olivia
You never know.
Ben
You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? There's that slight chance that she's got that little ace in the hole. You know what I mean?
Cosmo
Something he did that will implicate the fuck out of him. Do you think that.
Ben
Because it's like, wouldn't that be a twist and a turn?
Olivia
I think the only thing stronger is the Taylor Swift fans that are now angry because Blake called her the queen of the whatever it was Dragon's Den. I think that once you have the swiftness all over you tonight.
Ben
Last night, this morning, this was like.
Josh
Over the last month, no one updated the queen.
Olivia
Apparently they like to. She described. They were like dear friends. And she described the Relationship as just Taylor is just like the dragon queen that they all, like, kneel to. Not a direct quote. I don't know if this is true.
Cosmo
Oh, I didn't hear that one though. But I know they're like, they're on the outs right now for sure.
Olivia
And once you upset the Swifties, it's no good.
Cosmo
It's over.
Ethan
It's no good.
Olivia
We don't do that. We love. We love Taylor Swift and we love all her fans.
Josh
I think we'll see. They definitely don't. Neither of them are looking great right now. But I think Ben's wife, who has a big pod, who you'll have to go on her pod when she comes out to LA or you're in New York, much bigger than ours, even if that's even possible, really crushes Ben. I know he married well. Now we're.
Olivia
We're a family of podcasters, but tough job.
Josh
She and her co host, her sister Jackie, brought up a great point. They're like, if you have to ask how much she weighs, you can't lift her. Like what? You can't ballpark this person.
Olivia
He asked her how much she weighs.
Josh
Or the trainer or something, but apparently it kept getting back to her.
Olivia
Never ask a woman her weight.
Cosmo
Never. Or her age.
Olivia
You can't even ask me my weight.
Josh
I'll lie to you.
Olivia
I'll lie. You can ask.
Cosmo
We're gonna be good friends.
Olivia
Yeah, we will.
Ben
We're all going to Kansas.
Cosmo
That's it.
Josh
Yes.
Cosmo
For lunch.
Olivia
Yes. We need a sandwich.
Cosmo
It's delicious.
Josh
The Kibbutz room.
Cosmo
Yeah.
Josh
Do you think the LA food is as good as New York?
Cosmo
No, no, no, no.
Ben
I mean, they, they, you know, all these cuisines they're trying and it's like, it's pretty good though.
Cosmo
It's not bad. But New York just has more like, authentically good food.
Josh
Yes.
Cosmo
Like, you could literally have a dirty water hot dog on the corner. And it's so tasty, you know, so tasty.
Ben
I don't think it compares to New York.
Cosmo
No.
Ben
Especially Italian food.
Olivia
What do you put on your hot dog queen?
Ben
Well, when I go to Pink's because.
Cosmo
They named the hot dog after me, Queen of Melrose. One day it was like National Hot Dog Day. And basically I went there and they said, we're going to do a Queen of Melrose hot dog. I was honored. It was crazy.
Ben
So basically I like a kielbasa.
Cosmo
Who doesn't?
Ben
Hey now.
Olivia
Delicious.
Cosmo
Yeah.
Ben
Yup. Right? I like the kielbasa one. It's spicy.
Cosmo
It's so delicious. And it's literally like this big. Like, you could have it the next day, too, for lunch, you know, But.
Olivia
I like the like, like Brian Kelly big, but smaller.
Josh
Kielbasas are good too. Right.
Ben
We gotta meet this.
Cosmo
I don't discriminate. As long as it works, we're fine.
Ben
Yeah, Good.
Cosmo
Yeah.
Josh
Frank, clip that too, please.
Ben
Just phone it to my W.
Olivia
So a big kielbasa. What are we throwing on it?
Ben
So basically, what they put on it is, like the bacon or like, all.
Cosmo
The good things for you, like all the healthy, fabulous. Yeah.
Ben
Bacon, a little chili, a little sauerkraut, a little mustard. But it's really. Because you ever order something spicy and it's not spicy. I love spicy. Do you guys like spicy?
Cosmo
Yeah.
Olivia
Yeah. So anything that'll clean the sinuses, that's what I like.
Ben
And other things.
Cosmo
Yes. Yeah.
Olivia
Yes.
Ben
But I like the New York dog. They're the only one in LA that.
Cosmo
Has the New York dog. So it's basically the hot dog with the sauerkraut and the mustard and the red onions. Love that. Yes, yes, yes.
Josh
So tell us about. We are a very pro smoking podcast, and you are clearly pro smoking. Tell us about your smoking journey where you. You brought in this new pack of American spirits. I've never seen this before. Are these made specifically for the Queen of Melrose?
Cosmo
No.
Ben
I wish I could take that valor, but no, that's not the case, darling.
Cosmo
But they are.
Ben
They are new and they're sky blue.
Ethan
Yeah.
Cosmo
Yes. And they're supposed to be the lightest of the American spirits. So I'm a Marlboro, as you can see. I sound like an obscene phone call. Yes. But I'm a Marlboro smoker all my life.
Ben
Red. It was reds.
Cosmo
And then I went to Marlboro Lights.
Ben
Of course, which I think is stronger than the reds.
Cosmo
It's weird because when you smoke those, they're delicious. Yeah.
Josh
You ever smoked the ultralights in the Silver pack?
Ben
The ultralight.
Josh
Oh, my God. Smoke the 100.
Ben
Did you smoke before?
Josh
Of course. I'm a drug addict. It was oxygen.
Ben
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Josh
But I'm a. I. I smoke Newports.
Ben
Newport.
Josh
I hate myself.
Ben
Oh, wow. So, yeah, the Newports, it was like I would go, like, to Queensbridge and.
Cosmo
Hang out with those guys, and there was in the Newports. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but it was Marlboro Reds for us.
Ben
Yeah, but so when did you quit, though?
Josh
I mean, thankfully, it never had a hold on me.
Cosmo
Okay.
Josh
So now, like, Ben and I can attest maybe, you know, once a month, every other month. Like, I can smoke a stogie and not trip on it.
Cosmo
Crave another one.
Josh
Thankfully, it's like that. Yeah.
Olivia
I think they're so cool. I wish I was addicted. I just can't.
Josh
I just can't get addicted.
Olivia
I can't. I smoke them and I. I want more. I can't. Like, I'm like a 12 cigarettes every six months.
Cosmo
Oh, my God.
Olivia
I want to pack a day. Like, well, hang out with the queen.
Ben
And we'll have a movie night, and.
Cosmo
I bet you'll be buying a pack of cigarettes.
Olivia
Yeah, I promise.
Cosmo
I promise.
Olivia
Are you 27 straight? I think. 27.
Josh
When you wake up.
Ben
When I first wake up, I have.
Cosmo
A cup of coffee and a cigarette. I still have that.
Josh
And that's like a ritual, right? You sit outside, you have a stoop. What are we talking?
Olivia
That's. That's a ritual, Josh, for a quick dump.
Cosmo
I think I learned on the stoop in New York, you know, Now I have a beautiful house in Burbank, and it has. I have huskies and all the things, you know, I live in the Rancho district, so when you wake up, there's people riding horses, literally.
Ben
So I feel like I'm not even in la. And I had to move from Melrose.
Cosmo
I had a condo around the corner.
Ben
And I moved because somebody tried to.
Cosmo
Break in my house in my condo.
Olivia
Oh.
Ben
So I said, it's time to get out of Hollywood. And my friend's like, try Burbank.
Cosmo
And I'm like, I will never move to Burbank, ever.
Josh
It's the burbs, right?
Cosmo
But when I tell you it's beautiful, like, I live in the horse district, you don't even feel like you're in la. And I'm out there smoking a sticker bat like this, and she's smoking with her robe on. Yes. And there's all these cowboys and Burbank people, and then there's the queen in the middle like this. Hello, Wyatt Earp. Yeah.
Ben
No, you know what? So I. I switched to American Spirit.
Cosmo
Not so long ago because I heard that they actually. Because, like, Marlboro has arsenic and, like, all those things.
Ben
And, you know, you hear the tales for years, but you're like, you're still.
Cosmo
Smoking, you know, literally, my mother, God.
Ben
God forgive her, she had copd.
Cosmo
So basically.
Ben
And my father and I seen her.
Cosmo
With the oxygen tank, and it was me and my sister going, oh, my.
Josh
Yeah.
Ben
Like, if you don't quit after that, it's over. It was frightening. Like, she was, like, breathing, like, through.
Cosmo
A straw, you know, a cocktail straw.
Olivia
But have you seen those Canadian cigarettes with the. The warning symbols where, like, there's like.
Ben
Oh, they have, like, the dead people. I see dead people.
Olivia
Dead people. Or. The one that I loved was Josh, when they. That. That cigarette carton that had a naked person on it, and it said something to the effect in French of, like, smoking can cause you to get naked in the middle of the night. Like, they have these weird slogans that don't make any sense.
Josh
So can hanging out with Cosmo.
Cosmo
Right? Exactly. Or you'll never get laid again. Never. Never.
Olivia
I think that's what.
Ben
I love it. No, they do come in from Europe.
Cosmo
And stuff, and there's all these cigarettes, and there's, like, death and blood and. Yeah, it's a thing.
Ben
But I switched to American spirit. So at my gas stat, right before I come to work, I fill up my car, and the guy there is, like, a scientist.
Cosmo
Literally knows a little bit about everything.
Ben
But he works in a gas station.
Cosmo
Whatever. Okay.
Ben
So anyhow, he's telling me about the American spirits.
Cosmo
I hope we don't get in trouble with the cigarette people. That comes to my house in Burbank. Of course, while I'm like, this.
Josh
Philip Morris is here to see you.
Olivia
Yeah.
Ben
He said those little rings around the cigarette, if you look at the cigarette.
Cosmo
Those are still poisonous. He goes. That's why he goes, if you want roll your own cigarettes, they don't have these poisonous rings on them. Yeah.
Ben
So it's still horrible.
Josh
What isn't? Can we do something? Can we enjoy how hard we work? She's in the sh.
Olivia
Are you a Zin?
Cosmo
You got to have a cigarette.
Ben
My store smells like Ash Wednesday.
Josh
Oh, speaking of, we're entering into last.
Cosmo
We are?
Ben
Yes, we are. Yes.
Josh
As a wonderful Catholic, tell us, what are you giving up?
Cosmo
Nothing.
Josh
Perfect. Ben, could you. I mean, Ben is semi kosher, he doesn't eat pork, and he tries to be observant. What would be the thing you'd give up for the 40 days, Ben?
Olivia
Wow. 40 days.
Josh
Is that right? I'm married to a Catholic. I'm married to an O'Brien.
Ben
Oh, you are a nice Irish girl.
Josh
I am our king into cashews.
Ben
I'm a little Irish.
Cosmo
A little Irish, too. Italian and Irish. Yeah.
Ben
The best of all of it, baby. Yes.
Josh
What would you give kids? Do I have a third on the way?
Ben
Do they have your eyes? They do.
Josh
Here, you want to see?
Ben
Let me See the babies?
Olivia
They're gorgeous.
Ben
I feel like an Aussie here. I. I feel like an aunt.
Cosmo
Oh, my God, they're gorgeous. Oh, my God.
Josh
And Ben.
Ben
Oh, you got to come to my store with the stroller and bring the wife in and everything.
Josh
Get the kids ready. Burning Man.
Ben
A little fashion.
Josh
Yes.
Ben
Drag.
Olivia
And.
Josh
And Ben's about to have his first in May. A beautiful boy.
Ben
Congratulations on the baby train.
Olivia
Thank you, Queen.
Ben
I'm naming baby.
Olivia
I'm naming him Queen.
Cosmo
Queen Cosmo.
Olivia
Queen Cosmo. Josh, what I'm giving up is Ozempic. That's what I'm giving up for 40 days.
Josh
That's big.
Ben
Oh, so tell me about Ozempic, please, because I went on Ozempic and I had to get rushed the hospital.
Olivia
Really? I want to hear more. I want to hear more about that. What?
Ben
Every side effect that they say would happen to you happened to me.
Olivia
Who gave it to you?
Ben
My doctor.
Olivia
And what did they put you on? Too high? It sounds like they put me on the low.
Ben
The lowest. Joe's. It's so weird.
Olivia
Okay, and wake up.
Ben
And it out a. A shot. A shot of oic. I can't handle what's going on over here.
Josh
I can do free basing, but I can't do O.
Cosmo
Right, right.
Ben
You. You can't snort it anymore once you.
Cosmo
Turn into a pickle.
Ben
But anyway, that's another thing.
Olivia
Josh, we have to get Cosmo on WeGovi, WeGovy or Zepp bound. We need to switch you, because maybe Ozempic isn't right, but there are other. There are other meds that work.
Ben
I just. Congratulate me, guys.
Cosmo
I just got Zepbound today, so I want to go back to.
Ben
Yeah, I have it in the refrigerator.
Cosmo
In the store, because I live in the store, basically. And I'm going to try a shot.
Ben
So hopefully. I'm praying, guys, do a little prayer for the queen. She doesn't get a yeast infection.
Olivia
Put it right in your belly. Right in the belly. Don't put it anywhere else in the belly.
Ben
So did you lose weight on the Ozempic?
Olivia
Oh, yes. Oh, yes, I was. I said I wouldn't say my weight. I will say I was 290. I'm now 2:51. I was 239.
Cosmo
Wow, bro. So do you guys see the total difference?
Josh
Oh, yeah.
Cosmo
He looks like a different person.
Josh
He looks great.
Olivia
I was fat. I was fat as fuck. Now I'm just, like, fat.
Ben
No, I love food. That's another addiction. I had to go to food.
Cosmo
It's so many addictions, darling. There's so many.
Josh
Oh, I lost £100. But I did it the old fashioned way before there was.
Ben
Oh, you did. Like you literally was.
Josh
Loser frick. If I could have been shooting up.
Ben
No, but God bless you for doing. I'm telling you. Because you know what? The old fashioned way, I think is the best way.
Cosmo
You know, ideally, for sure. Yeah. Yeah.
Ben
You look great and you have good.
Cosmo
Arms and you're working out.
Ben
And I was.
Cosmo
I would buy you a soda. What kind you like? Roy Rogers?
Josh
Cherry Coke?
Cosmo
You got it, baby.
Josh
Oh, my God.
Cosmo
Queen of Melrose. Let's go.
Ben
Oh, my gosh. This is it.
Josh
This is how it ends for me and Paige. Can you imagine that power couple, by.
Olivia
The way, I love it. I ship it.
Josh
Sorry, Paige.
Ethan
This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Bioni. Folks, we know you've been abroad. You've told us a million times. You went for six months, you found yourself, yada, yada, yada, you came back, you were just as annoying as you were always. Okay, you were just as annoying. You were no more cultured. But what you did notice was that everything that you were eating over there felt significantly worse than what you were eating over here.
Olivia
Right?
Ethan
Let's say we're in Italy, all right? Maybe we're in Venice. We go, we get some pizza, we get some pasta. We feel amazing over there. We come over here, we're eating pizza and pasta. What are you nuts?
Olivia
We feel like we're crap.
Ethan
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Josh
A story because the New York Post, our local newspaper, said, has a story that goes, my boyfriend has a micro penis and here's what our perfect sex is like. The girlfriend of a man brutally mocked by his mates for having a micro penis has leapt his defense, stating no complaints in the bedroom department here. Penny Talbot said of her boyfriend, I don't know why she had to name him of two years, Jake, but said everything is a okay. He is at a lovely 2.9 inches. And she said for her it's not just about penetration and climax, but the foreplay and everything that leads up to that. And yeah, they're having a great time, really.
Cosmo
So a he's probably got a really big bank account. Fair and a very long tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Olivia
Very long song mom needs to stop listening. But I do want to know if the 2.9 is erect or soft. These are things that we need to know.
Josh
It's erect.
Olivia
Maybe he's a grower, Josh. Maybe he's not a shower.
Ben
There are. I've seen.
Cosmo
I've witnessed it. Yes. Yes.
Ben
So is that the case, you think?
Josh
I would imagine 2.9. Yeah. Erect.
Ben
But I met a penis.
Cosmo
Penis doctor in my store. He does the implants. Wow.
Josh
Persian fat.
Cosmo
Aren't they all? Aren't they all so good? Yeah.
Ben
So basically, there's a way where you.
Cosmo
Could actually put filler.
Ben
Like where they put. In your face.
Cosmo
They put that in your dick. So you could actually make it fatter and, like, a little longer. Plus the penis implant, it'll grow, like, an inch and a half, you know?
Josh
Whoa.
Ben
They haven't put one on Chaz Bono yet.
Cosmo
They have. They haven't did that yet. They're still working on that.
Josh
Sure.
Cosmo
With the girls. But he says the NBA is his biggest client.
Josh
No.
Ethan
Wow.
Cosmo
Because they're, like, big guys, and some of the big guys are very small, you know, so it's like they. Yeah, so he. That's what he said. NBA, you know? Yeah.
Josh
Speaking of the NBA. Sorry, Ben. What were you gonna say?
Olivia
I was gonna say Josh has heard me tell this story. I was once staying in a house for the weekend with a man that just had this surgery that you're talking about, and he was leaking by the pool the whole weekend. He would get up and there would be a puddle.
Cosmo
No.
Ben
Of urine.
Olivia
Disgusting. What'd you say?
Josh
Of pee. Pee.
Olivia
I don't know what it was.
Cosmo
It was probably the filler.
Olivia
It was something he was leaking. No good.
Ben
There's nothing safe anymore.
Cosmo
That's it.
Josh
Speaking of. We have an obsession here with the great Shaquille O'Neill. Because the man knows how to make a dollar. And we. We respect that. He'll do a corporate gig. What have you. You've worked with Shaquille O'Neal, haven't you?
Olivia
I love that we transitioned from huge to Shaquille O'Neal.
Ben
Well, I was thinking. I was thinking about going into it, but I'm glad I was going to go into it, but I'm glad you did. I'm here for you, Glenn.
Cosmo
We're vibing.
Josh
Unbelievable.
Ben
We're five people.
Cosmo
We should stay in touch.
Ben
Yeah, for sure. I'm around the corner.
Cosmo
Perfect. Yeah.
Ben
So, Shaquille O'Neal. I did the clothing for Deontay Wilder, the heavyweight champion of the world a few years Ago.
Josh
You know, Deontay, Ben.
Olivia
Of course.
Josh
Yeah. So all of his unbelievable, gorgeous, spectacular walkout ring walk looks was all the Queen.
Ethan
Oh, wow.
Cosmo
Five of them.
Olivia
Sick.
Cosmo
Five of them.
Olivia
Wow.
Ben
So the last one we made had laser beams coming out. He wanted something really menacing when he formed.
Cosmo
So that was in the mgm.
Ben
We did a dress rehearsal.
Cosmo
He's supposed to come out real menacing.
Ben
So I delivered him the costume. He tried it on because, remember, he blamed me for.
Cosmo
He blamed me for losing the fight.
Josh
What did he say?
Cosmo
He said the costume was too heavy. So that was on the front page of every magazine.
Ben
But what I loved, on the COVID.
Cosmo
Of New York Times, it said the outfit won.
Josh
Yes.
Cosmo
And Deontay lost. And it was voted the best ring walk outfit in boxing history.
Josh
So good.
Ben
I was like, the Queen's gonna. So anyway. But anyway, got out. This was the rumor that got out.
Cosmo
So, yeah.
Ben
So I'm like, Deontay threw me under the bus. Like, we're so cool, you know? But anyway, the night of the fight.
Cosmo
I went to go deliver the outfit.
Ben
The day before, he tried it on. He loved the outfit. So the next day, I'm in the locker room and I felt tension, and.
Cosmo
I'm like, Deontay wasn't Deontay. So basically, Fury got in his head. I knew it. So I'm like, if Deontay say, if you. If you're going to wear this outfit, you better kick his ass. So he goes, I will, Cosmo. I will.
Ben
So anyway, it's time. It was Black History Month, too.
Cosmo
So it was all this hype. So he's walking out with the ring wall. He goes, where's Cosmo? Cosmo.
Ben
So anyway, it was. It was just a group of us, his wife.
Cosmo
We were having the best time making clothes, you know, that went out throughout. We became best friends.
Ben
So as soon as we go outside and the mgm, first of all, they.
Cosmo
Were supposed to close the lights. So you were supposed to see the laser beams. That didn't happen. So everything was just like, kind of weird energy that day from Deontay not being himself. From walk, doing the walk, all that stuff.
Ben
So you're walking into the.
Olivia
So how much money did you put on Fury?
Ben
I was good with the outfit.
Cosmo
The price of the outfit, baby. I was.
Ben
She was. She was good.
Josh
So how did this get to Shaq?
Ben
Oh, we were talking about.
Josh
So this is better.
Cosmo
This is better.
Ben
So, okay. No, I'm going somewhere with this.
Josh
I'm ready.
Cosmo
Yeah, but, you know, I'm like. I'm notorious about my Memes, I'll go on and on and talk about the curtains and the bedspread. So anyway, so we go out and Deontay loses the fight in front of me. I was mortified, you know? The next day, it's in the headlines. The outfit was too heavy. So I'm like, deontay threw me under the bus.
Ben
Long story short, he calls me up. He goes, I would never do that to you, Kyle.
Cosmo
He goes, you're gonna be with me to the ends, you know? And I'm like, I think this was the end. But anyway, so he apologized. It was just all, like, propaganda. It was all proper.
Ben
So he meets Shaq in a nightclub.
Cosmo
In Hollywood, and Shaq goes, who made that outfit for you?
Ben
Who made that alpha for you? You look fly as drj. I gotta give me some of those lasers. He's like, arnold Schwarzenegger, be Shaq.
Cosmo
It's like a little mixture.
Ben
So then all of a sudden, FaceTime.
Cosmo
Calls me and my partner Donato, because me and Donato made the outfit. It was beautiful outfit. Like, Google it. It's gorgeous.
Ben
And he goes, deontay passed me your number in a club. This is Shaq.
Cosmo
And I'm like, oh, Shaq shot. So anyway, he goes, I'm doing a gig in Atlanta, and I want you.
Ben
To come by and I want you.
Cosmo
To make me an outfit. He goes, I'm a dj.
Ben
So I knew he was a dj, but I thought it was like R B, soul.
Cosmo
I didn't know it was EDM and.
Ben
Little glow stick girls going, shaq, Shaj. Okay. I thought it was like, more like Soul Train, baby. I was ready, you know what I mean? So anyway, long story short, he flies me to Atlanta. No.
Cosmo
I meet him on Jimmy Kimmel, okay? So he goes, I'm in Jimmy Kimmel. You want to take my measurements? And I'm like, do I want to take Shaq's measurements? Okay. I fucking ran to Jimmy Kimmel. And he was there.
Ben
And actually we took his measurements, you know, and we made this thing for him. He flew me to Atlanta, and I.
Cosmo
Saw his fabulous dj. Oh, my God. Then we hung out with him after.
Ben
So he goes, how come you don't have your own show? He goes, goes, you are.
Cosmo
So he goes, why?
Ben
So I says, I don't know.
Cosmo
You got any connections? He goes, yeah, I own a network. So the next day we come, I come back, and this cameraman in my store, and he's like, we're gonna film you for a week. We're gonna make a sizzle Reel. You're gonna have your own show. So I'm like, oh, my God, another pinch me moment. You know, I'm so sober. You know what I mean? These are the gifts, you know?
Ben
You know, about the.
Cosmo
Right?
Ben
I mean, look what's going on. It's happening.
Josh
It's coming true. It all worked out.
Ben
So anyway, filmed the sizzle reel.
Cosmo
And, you know, he goes, okay, we're gonna, you know, go over the sizzle reel. I still have the sizzle reel. And what happened was two weeks later. Covid.
Olivia
Covid bastards.
Ben
I'm telling you.
Cosmo
And we're all gonna die. You know what I mean? Like, literally, they're shoveling people in the parking lot of the hospital. It was, like, devastating.
Ben
So that went on the shelf. Yeah, but that was my thing with Shaq.
Josh
Wow.
Ben
Yes.
Ethan
This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Herobred. Folks. Herobred is it. It's the reason that I've been able to lose weight. Sure, I've gotten the assist from some GLP ones, but I'm telling you, Herobred is it. Herobred allows me to eat sandwiches. When was the last time you went on a diet?
Ben
Diet.
Ethan
Or started thinking about making some lifestyle changes, and we're still able to eat sandwiches? The answer is never. Never. Because bread, typically in the United States, is not good for us. Loaded with sugar, just empty calories. No good. And then when we try and find a healthier alternative, they taste crap. They taste like crap. And that's exactly what Herobred solved. They solved the problem of needing to make compromises when it came to eating bread and leading a healthier lifestyle. Style their breads, all of them. We're talking white bread. We're talking croissants, bagels, Hawaiian rolls, wraps, ultra low net carbs, no sugar, high fiber. What more could you want? It's absolutely fantastic. And when I tell you, I swear to God, the taste and texture is that of regular bread. Their white bread is just white bread. Except it's better for you. It's unbelievable. They've spent so much time crafting the perfect bread bread, you won't even know the difference. You have to try it. These breads are nutritious. Why wouldn't you?
Olivia
If I.
Ethan
If you have two options, one's nutritious, one isn't. Of course you're going with the one that's nutritious. I know you don't believe me. Try it for yourself, and then you will. And I mentioned their product range, but I'M telling you, they're classic plain bagels with 4 grams of net carbs, no sugar and 19 grams of protein. How unbelievable is that protein packed bread? So folks, Herobred is offering 10% off your order if you go to H E R S and use code Goodguys at checkout. That's goodguysh. E R O co Hero co this episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Mint Mobile. I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it.
Olivia
Paws off.
Ethan
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Josh
So I want to get your opinion. We do this thing called a speak pipe where people call in and want advice from us. They like to ask questions and whatnot. So I thought we could take one or two. Yeah for our what are you nuts? Moment of the week. If you want to leave us a message, get advice from us, go to speakpipe.com goodguys and our first is from Anonymous.
Anonymous
Hey good guys, fellow dog parent here. I have a very serious question. My neighbor left a sticky note on my garage that said incursive. Your dog barks all day long. Just want to let you know what would you do in this situation? Okay, first of all, I work from home. My dog does not bark all day. Okay? She barks maybe every other hour, like, you know, bark, bark, bark. And then I say, buffy, stop barking. And she stops barking. Okay? So I don't know what they're talking about. I don't know. Maybe my dog barks when I leave. But, like, okay, you live in an apartment building where dogs are allowed. Like, what do you expect? Okay, please help me. Do I go over to her? Do I say something? I know who left this note on my dog. Like, what do I do? Thanks.
Olivia
Bye. It sounds to me like they live in a cheap building with thin walls. So look, if you're not gonna pay up, okay, to have thick walls, you're gonna need to deal with some inconvenient noises. I completely agree that it's not illegal to own a dog. The same way it wouldn't be illegal to have a crying baby. If you don't want to hear it, you need to live in a building that has thicker walls. Or put on a noise machine job. Josh, how about you put on a noise machine? I personally don't think unless this dog, the way that she explained it, the dog is once an hour and the person is being dramatic. If this dog really is non stop, you talk to your porter or you talk to the person in the building who runs the building and say, look, 4B, the dog won't shut the fuck up. We have to do something. But otherwise I don't. I don't think there's anything to do. You picked a building with thin walls, Queen.
Cosmo
Well, I just went through something like that. I have a little Karen that lives next to me, and girl, it's like, I want to, you know, take care of it the New York way. But the queen don't want to go to jail again. She cries when she leaves. But.
Ben
So what I was recommended to do.
Cosmo
Is to go over to her and befriend her. Like, just go knock on her door, you know, Would you like to go for a cup of coffee? You know, contrary action of what we would do from New York. Right?
Josh
Would you like an American Spirit?
Ben
Would you like a cigarette, a drink.
Cosmo
And a line of Coke?
Ben
Yes.
Cosmo
My mind, we're having that party, but doesn't work anymore. But my mind, we're getting it.
Josh
Yeah, we're getting it.
Ben
So I would just, like, try to talk to her.
Cosmo
Like, you know, that would be like, try to befriend her. That's the advice I got from my sponsor.
Olivia
It's good. That's good advice.
Josh
Next one from an anxious girly.
Anxious Girly
Hey, morons. Bhbhbh.
Josh
That's her fandom for some vice.
Anxious Girly
A girly could use some advice. So I've been dating the most amazing guy for a little bit over a year. And I've always been someone that's been very intentional with dating. I have been dating for marriage. I'm also waiting for marriage. And it's just really important to me for religious reasons, to wait for big steps like moving in and whatnot until marriage. And so I also feel very strongly and, and you know, at my current age, I'm almost in my 30s, that like a guy should know what he wants after a certain amount of time. And so we've been dating for a little bit over a year and I always told myself I wasn't going to wait that long for a guy to decide whether or not he wants to marry me. And so I've been in this relationship. We both said that we want to marry each other. We've had all the hard conversations. He continues to tell me, he keeps dropping hints that he's going to propose and he has asked my parents and he keeps telling me that he. It's in the progress, but I'm just dying of anxiety waiting for it to happen. Happen. We've talked about having a spring wedding next year and I just, I'm having a really hard time waiting and waiting for it to happen, but I want it to be his decision when it happens. What is your advice for me for an anxious girly? What do you have for me? Thank you. One of your only non Jewish listeners, but BH guys, thank you.
Olivia
Oh man, this is sad.
Josh
Do you want me to tag? I'll tag in really quick. You're. You're gonna mess this up, up. You're gonna ruin this because of your expectations, trying to control people, places and things out of your control. And I hate to break it to you, but any sort of projection of what you once thought of, this is how it's gonna go. And I wanna be engaged in less than a year and blah, blah, blah, get over it. That's just not live in the world that is instead of the world you think you deserve.
Ben
Oh, that's.
Cosmo
That's the queen of the sober podcast right there.
Olivia
God, ladies, I'm with you. But I also think if she's that type of personality where she's anxious, he should know that and he should give her some reassurance. If he's marrying a nervous Nelly, you know, I Don't know. Just fucking do it. Rip off the band aid. What are you waiting for? To the same point, Josh, it's never going to be perfect on his side, so, like, he might as well just pop the question at in and out after a burger. She just wants to get married. She doesn't want anything. Like, you can't want something special and just want it to happen. So if she just wants it to happen, he should just do it. It's her loss on the big celebration, you know?
Ben
Queen bitch, you sound desperate.
Cosmo
And nobody wants desperation, girl, honestly. But I hope for the best.
Ben
I hope for the best. I don't think this guy, if he.
Cosmo
Didn'T pop it yet.
Ben
Yet.
Cosmo
Hopefully he pops it. Good luck. Good luck.
Olivia
Good luck. I hope he pops it, too.
Josh
I met my wife. We were young. I was 24, she was 20, but. And we got engaged. I was 28, 29. So, you know, we were in our early 20s. So I had that Runway, and she didn't pressure me. And then her aunt and her mother once pressured me, and I was like, fine, I'll do it.
Olivia
I knew I wanted to do it. Really what I was going to say was, honestly, it's on your mother to go to him and say, say, and say, propose to my daughter next week or there's gonna be hell to pay. Like, it's on somebody else to pressure him, not you.
Josh
He screwed up. Asking the parents, like, when? The day that I asked my wife's father for permission to marry his daughter, I was like, I'm married now, because there's no waiting or turning back. So I was like, I asked him on a Tuesday, and I proposed to her Thursday morning or something. You know, just do. Do it.
Olivia
You just do it.
Ben
But it sounds like it was already.
Cosmo
Like, in the bag.
Ben
You know what I mean? Like, you know, you guys stood together. You had the family dynamic. You know what I mean? Yeah, it was cool.
Cosmo
You just needed a little, like, push.
Josh
Yes.
Cosmo
You know, a little, like, do it already over here, you know?
Ben
But with her, we don't know if she has that same dynamic.
Cosmo
You know, maybe he's just, like, being around the bush. I don't know. So good luck, Saha.
Ben
Good luck.
Cosmo
Yeah.
Josh
So our final segment is. What are you nuts? We'll introduce it first and give you time to think about it. It's our grievances or gripes with people. Places and things. Things big or small, sticking in your cross. So anything currently that you're just like, what are you, nuts? Like, why would you do that? Why is this thing nothing too big or too small? So think about it. Ben and I will go first. You have time to think of yours. And then also I wanted to give you a moment. You were nice enough to possibly you brought me some things because Coachella's coming up. Burning Man. Did you want to throw me.
Ben
I want to do a little makeover to show you what I do in the store at Melrose. For 30 years now it's. Tis the season. It's Coachella and Burning Man. So we want to show you a little something. Try on a little something.
Josh
Great. So should we wait till we're done?
Olivia
Yeah, let's do it.
Josh
Because I'll have to do that. Okay, perfect. Okay, so. And that'll be first of all, plug away. Where will they see that video? All of the great Cosmo Life. The Queen of Melrose.
Ben
So Queen of Melrose is the platform. And then also Cosmos, Glam Squad, and Cosmo Ensenado. Queen of Melrose. All platforms. And then I also just came out with some music. It's on Spotify and it's. Did you hear my song?
Josh
I must have.
Cosmo
That's going to be another day. It's fabulous.
Ben
Yeah. So we have.
Cosmo
Yeah. Help me with this. Help. Right.
Josh
Queenamelrose.com Cosmos Glam Squad.
Cosmo
Okay.
Ben
Did you hear her or should I repeat that?
Josh
Follow Queen of Melrose on all social media platforms.
Cosmo
Yes, yes.
Josh
Two stores both on Melrose, one on Fuller. And where's the other one?
Ben
Melrose and Fuller. And the other one is Melrose by the Starbucks.
Cosmo
Well, what street is that over there? I just got.
Josh
What are we talking? Cursing. Sierra Cursine.
Cosmo
Curs.
Ben
You know, the neighborhood.
Josh
Come on.
Ben
Okay, so Cosmo and Autos on cursing.
Cosmo
Okay.
Ben
Cosmos Glam Squad. It's been there for 25 years.
Cosmo
It's on Fuller. That's the rock and roll store. Okay.
Ben
And then we have Queen of Melrose.com.
Cosmo
Where you could order jewelry.
Ben
We make everything by hand. You could order all the Queen of Melrose merch.
Cosmo
So we have all that on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ben
So we've been trying to figure out this Tick Tock thing because people are getting rich.
Cosmo
Okay.
Josh
Do it.
Cosmo
It's crazy.
Ben
Yeah. Get paid. So we, after work, we've been on.
Cosmo
Tick Tock and actually been selling glasses and selling merchandise like crazy. So it does work if you work it. Yeah.
Ben
So basically, you can find us on TikTok.
Cosmo
Queen of Melrose, Melrose Love. We have a lot going on.
Josh
I love it. It's awesome. So subscribe to YouTube, Instagram, TikTok. All Queen of Melrose.
Cosmo
All Queen of Melrose. Yes.
Josh
The content queen.
Cosmo
Yes.
Josh
So our what are you nuts? Moment. Ben, do you want to get us started?
Olivia
Yeah. Jaywalking with an infant. What are you nuts? I literally made a right. I drive everywhere in this city, as everybody knows, I'm going to make a right. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eyes, eye, I see a dad with literally an infant strapped to his chest crossing against the light.
Ethan
Are you.
Olivia
Are you brain dead? Like, I just.
Cosmo
You.
Olivia
You can risk your own life risking the baby. Like, it's just the definition of what are you? Nuts? Nuts. Nuts.
Josh
So my Woody and Nuts is actually. Will be teed up by a story of yours. Will you please just share with us a video about your time being in season one of Cops?
Ben
First season, babe.
Josh
First season. Queen.
Ben
First season of Cops. The Queen is going to Las Palmas and Santa Monica Boulevard, the unemployment agency over there.
Cosmo
And they have, like, a little park there where they sold all the drugs to everybody.
Ben
So the Queen's there, and she's like, you know, getting her little, you know, prescription. And then all of a sudden, my go, Cops. And I turn around, there's like, a.
Cosmo
Big fuzzy microphone and lights and cameras in action, and they're like, you're on Cops. So there I was, like a deer in the headlight, okay? And they're like, do you have a warrant?
Ben
Do you have this? Do you have that?
Cosmo
And I said I was my twin brother Joseph. I didn't say I was Cosmo because I had a warrant.
Ben
Long story. Sign this release, please. So the release was to show my face on Cops. So a few weeks later, they're in New York.
Cosmo
All my customers, everybody's like, Cosmos on Cops.
Ben
I hear Cosmo in my living room. So they just kept on playing that same episode literally 30 years ago.
Josh
Yeah.
Cosmo
And they still play it. Yeah.
Ben
So you could Google the Queen on Cops.
Josh
Well, my Woody and my Woody and Nuts is. Is no residuals on Cops.
Cosmo
No residuals.
Olivia
Listen, that's terrible.
Josh
You commit a crime, what can you do? You deserve a residual. People are making money off this. Cops.
Ben
Yeah.
Cosmo
A lot. Yeah.
Josh
Get these criminals some residuals.
Olivia
Yes.
Ben
Maybe you guys got a connection. You could talk to somebody.
Josh
I can't even get residuals.
Ben
Cosmo.
Josh
It's not looking good for us. This is two people who make no residuals off their appearances. Queen, do you have a Woody Nuts?
Cosmo
What are you, nuts? Okay, so let's say, what are you nuts? Okay.
Ben
Something happens every day so in my store, you know, you're going to come in and we're going to give you a makeover, and basically, you know, you want to shop. And, you know, fine, you know, we'll dress you up, we'll put one outfit.
Cosmo
On you, maybe two outfits. I will take a picture.
Ben
The queen will do the right thing. She'll take a picture. Picture. But what's happening lately? People are like, I want to try.
Cosmo
On more and more and more.
Ben
And then before you know it, the fucking dressing room is up to here. And then they want to walk out.
Cosmo
Without, you know, not even buying a T shirt or a hat. Okay, this is true story.
Ben
So I'm like, what do you.
Cosmo
Not came nuts.
Ben
Kmart's on third. Cross is right there, too.
Cosmo
You know what I mean?
Ben
So I'm gonna lock the door, you're.
Cosmo
Gonna clean your mess.
Ben
And so, you know, it just gets so. It's like, what are you, nuts? Have a little shopping etiquette. You know what I'm saying?
Josh
Yes.
Ben
One outfit.
Cosmo
Cute.
Ben
The queen will take your picture.
Cosmo
She'll give you a lap dance.
Ben
The second outfit, she'll show you where the glory hole is in the dressing room. But come on now, you know, don't keep on going. Just say, listen, and we're gonna stop right now.
Cosmo
Don't have the queen overwork my step death period.
Olivia
It's like tasters at an ice cream store. Josh. Tasters at an ice cream store. Two, tops. And if you walk out, if you try three, you can't walk out. You can't. You're locked in for a scoop.
Josh
100%.
Cosmo
I'm so with you.
Olivia
I am locked in for a scoop. Cosmo, the queen of Melrose. Thank you. Thank you for coming.
Ben
Thank you.
Olivia
Pleasure.
Ben
Thank you.
Josh
Cosmetic. This was amazing.
Olivia
This was a pleasure.
Ben
Thank you.
Olivia
You are amazing. We can find Queen of Melrose Cross platform everywhere. We're global, especially TikTok shopping. Okay, listen to us good, guys. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch us on YouTube, share our clips. Instagram and TikTok. We're on TikTok too. Cosmo. Just so you know, Mondays and Thursdays, folks. We will see you next time.
Ben
Please note that this episode may contain.
Josh
Paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.
Ben
Individuals on the show may have a.
Josh
Direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Podcast Summary: Good Guys – "Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose"
Release Date: March 10, 2025
Hosts: Josh Peck and Ben Soffer
Guest: The Queen of Melrose (Cosmo Ensenado)
In this engaging episode titled "Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose," hosts Josh Peck and Ben Soffer dive deep into personal histories, cultural influences, relationships, and lifestyle choices with their vibrant guest, The Queen of Melrose. The conversation is peppered with humor, noteworthy anecdotes, and insightful discussions that provide a comprehensive look into the lives of the hosts and their guest.
The episode begins with the hosts' trademark humorous banter, setting a lighthearted and inviting tone. Josh Peck introduces the show, humorously emphasizing the podcast's identity as "the good guys," and warmly welcomes The Queen of Melrose to the conversation.
Notable Quotes:
Josh and Ben share stories about their upbringing in Harlem, highlighting familial ties to mob figures. Cosmo elaborates on his father's peripheral involvement with the mob and the consequent FBI surveillance, painting a vivid picture of their youth spent amidst these influences.
Notable Quotes:
The hosts delve into the impact of religious backgrounds on their childhoods. Cosmo recounts his grandmother’s strict adherence to Jehovah’s Witnesses, leading to a tumultuous home environment. Ben adds his perspective on blending cultural identities, mentioning the closure of the iconic Palm restaurant and its significance in their community.
Notable Quotes:
Discussion shifts to the cultural vibrancy of Harlem and Queens. The hosts reminisce about classic New York eateries, such as Pink's Hot Dogs, and compare the authenticity of New York food to that of Los Angeles. They highlight the nostalgic elements of their neighborhoods and the unique experiences that shaped their identities.
Notable Quotes:
A candid conversation about smoking habits ensues, with the hosts discussing their preferred cigarette brands and the transition to American Spirit for perceived health benefits. They share personal stories related to smoking, including health scares and efforts to quit or reduce consumption.
Notable Quotes:
The conversation veers into relationship dynamics, with each host sharing their current status. They discuss the pressures of modern relationships, referencing celebrity couples like Halle Berry and Adrien Brody. The hosts offer humorous takes on relationship rumors and the complexities of maintaining long-term commitments.
Notable Quotes:
In the "Speak Pipe" segment, listeners' relationship dilemmas are addressed. One notable question comes from "Anxious Girly," who expresses anxiety over her partner's delayed proposal despite mutual intentions. The hosts provide advice on managing expectations, communication, and the importance of patience in relationships.
Notable Quotes:
The final segment features the hosts airing their pet peeves and grievances. Olivia criticizes jaywalking drivers with infants, while Ben and Cosmo share amusing stories about overzealous customers in their store who misuse services without making purchases. The hosts use humor to highlight everyday annoyances, reinforcing the show's relatable and entertaining nature.
Notable Quotes:
The episode concludes with promotions for Cosmo's fashion ventures and social media platforms, encouraging listeners to follow and engage with their content. The hosts wrap up with light-hearted interactions, maintaining the show's engaging and personable atmosphere.
Notable Quotes:
Cultural Identity and Upbringing: The hosts explore how their mixed cultural backgrounds and familial ties to the mob shaped their identities and life choices.
Religious Influence: The impact of strict religious practices during childhood is highlighted, showcasing the challenges and eventual liberation from those constraints.
Authenticity and Nostalgia: There's a strong emphasis on appreciating authentic cultural experiences, particularly in food and community interactions, contrasting New York's vibrant scene with Los Angeles.
Health and Lifestyle Choices: The discussion around smoking habits underscores the balance between personal indulgences and health awareness, reflecting broader lifestyle considerations.
Relationship Dynamics: The hosts offer a blend of humor and sincere advice on relationships, addressing modern pressures and the importance of communication and patience.
Everyday Grievances: The "What are You Nuts?" segment ties the episode together by adding relatable humor about everyday annoyances, enhancing listener engagement.
"Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose" offers a rich and engaging exploration of the hosts' personal histories, cultural influences, and modern-day relationships. Through candid storytelling, humor, and insightful discussions, Josh Peck and Ben Soffer, alongside their guest Cosmo Ensenado, create a relatable and entertaining experience for listeners. The episode seamlessly blends serious reflections with lighthearted banter, making it a standout installment in the "Good Guys" podcast series.