Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose

Summary

Podcast Summary: Good Guys – "Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose"

Release Date: March 10, 2025
Hosts: Josh Peck and Ben Soffer
Guest: The Queen of Melrose (Cosmo Ensenado)

In this engaging episode titled "Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose," hosts Josh Peck and Ben Soffer dive deep into personal histories, cultural influences, relationships, and lifestyle choices with their vibrant guest, The Queen of Melrose. The conversation is peppered with humor, noteworthy anecdotes, and insightful discussions that provide a comprehensive look into the lives of the hosts and their guest.

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1. Warm Welcome and Introductions (00:00 – 04:59)

The episode begins with the hosts' trademark humorous banter, setting a lighthearted and inviting tone. Josh Peck introduces the show, humorously emphasizing the podcast's identity as "the good guys," and warmly welcomes The Queen of Melrose to the conversation.

Notable Quotes:

• Josh Peck [00:01]: "What are ya nuts?!"
• Ben Soffer [00:26]: "We're the good guys."

2. Upbringing and Mob Associations (05:00 – 07:35)

Josh and Ben share stories about their upbringing in Harlem, highlighting familial ties to mob figures. Cosmo elaborates on his father's peripheral involvement with the mob and the consequent FBI surveillance, painting a vivid picture of their youth spent amidst these influences.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Soffer [05:00]: "My father was kind of implicated in that Goodfellas Lufthansa thing where FBI was sniffing around."
• Cosmo Ensenado [05:26]: "Growing up in Spanish Harlem with those Mafia connections was like living in a real-life Godfather movie."

3. Cultural and Religious Influences (07:35 – 15:31)

The hosts delve into the impact of religious backgrounds on their childhoods. Cosmo recounts his grandmother’s strict adherence to Jehovah’s Witnesses, leading to a tumultuous home environment. Ben adds his perspective on blending cultural identities, mentioning the closure of the iconic Palm restaurant and its significance in their community.

Notable Quotes:

• Cosmo Ensenado [07:35]: "They threw out all my Barbie dolls. Trauma. Traumatized."
• Ben Soffer [07:55]: "My grandmother stood Jehovah. It didn’t work, so they moved us to Queens."

4. Life in Harlem and Queens (15:31 – 30:00)

Discussion shifts to the cultural vibrancy of Harlem and Queens. The hosts reminisce about classic New York eateries, such as Pink's Hot Dogs, and compare the authenticity of New York food to that of Los Angeles. They highlight the nostalgic elements of their neighborhoods and the unique experiences that shaped their identities.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Soffer [24:00]: "They named the hot dog after me, Queen of Melrose. I was honored."
• Cosmo Ensenado [24:25]: "The New York dog has the sauerkraut and mustard and the red onions. Love that."

5. Smoking Habits and Health Choices (30:00 – 43:00)

A candid conversation about smoking habits ensues, with the hosts discussing their preferred cigarette brands and the transition to American Spirit for perceived health benefits. They share personal stories related to smoking, including health scares and efforts to quit or reduce consumption.

Notable Quotes:

• Josh Peck [26:09]: "I'm a Newport smoker. I hate myself."
• Ben Soffer [26:34]: "I switched to American Spirit because Marlboro has arsenic and all those things."

6. Relationships and Celebrity Rumors (43:00 – 55:00)

The conversation veers into relationship dynamics, with each host sharing their current status. They discuss the pressures of modern relationships, referencing celebrity couples like Halle Berry and Adrien Brody. The hosts offer humorous takes on relationship rumors and the complexities of maintaining long-term commitments.

Notable Quotes:

• Josh Peck [10:59]: "I think Ben's wife... crushes Ben. I know he married well."
• Olivia [12:10]: "She's had unbelievable long Halle Berry. I want to know if the 2.9 is erect or soft."

7. Relationship Advice Segment: "Speak Pipe" (55:00 – 65:00)

In the "Speak Pipe" segment, listeners' relationship dilemmas are addressed. One notable question comes from "Anxious Girly," who expresses anxiety over her partner's delayed proposal despite mutual intentions. The hosts provide advice on managing expectations, communication, and the importance of patience in relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Josh Peck [55:00]: "You're gonna mess this up because of your expectations."
• Olivia [56:20]: "If he's marrying a nervous Nelly, you know... Just do it."

8. "What are You Nuts?" Segment (65:00 – End)

The final segment features the hosts airing their pet peeves and grievances. Olivia criticizes jaywalking drivers with infants, while Ben and Cosmo share amusing stories about overzealous customers in their store who misuse services without making purchases. The hosts use humor to highlight everyday annoyances, reinforcing the show's relatable and entertaining nature.

Notable Quotes:

• Olivia [61:04]: "You can risk your own life risking the baby. Nuts. Nuts."
• Cosmo Ensenado [63:00]: "Have a little shopping etiquette, you know what I'm saying?"

Closing Remarks and Promotions (End)

The episode concludes with promotions for Cosmo's fashion ventures and social media platforms, encouraging listeners to follow and engage with their content. The hosts wrap up with light-hearted interactions, maintaining the show's engaging and personable atmosphere.

Notable Quotes:

• Josh Peck [59:15]: "Follow Queen of Melrose on all social media platforms."
• Ben Soffer [59:46]: "We're on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube. Follow us everywhere."

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Key Insights and Themes

1. Cultural Identity and Upbringing: The hosts explore how their mixed cultural backgrounds and familial ties to the mob shaped their identities and life choices.

2. Religious Influence: The impact of strict religious practices during childhood is highlighted, showcasing the challenges and eventual liberation from those constraints.

3. Authenticity and Nostalgia: There's a strong emphasis on appreciating authentic cultural experiences, particularly in food and community interactions, contrasting New York's vibrant scene with Los Angeles.

4. Health and Lifestyle Choices: The discussion around smoking habits underscores the balance between personal indulgences and health awareness, reflecting broader lifestyle considerations.

5. Relationship Dynamics: The hosts offer a blend of humor and sincere advice on relationships, addressing modern pressures and the importance of communication and patience.

6. Everyday Grievances: The "What are You Nuts?" segment ties the episode together by adding relatable humor about everyday annoyances, enhancing listener engagement.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Josh Peck [00:01]: "What are ya nuts?!"
• Ben Soffer [05:00]: "My father was kind of implicated in that Goodfellas Lufthansa thing where FBI was sniffing around."
• Cosmo Ensenado [05:26]: "Growing up in Spanish Harlem with those Mafia connections was like living in a real-life Godfather movie."
• Josh Peck [10:59]: "I think Ben's wife... crushes Ben. I know he married well."
• Olivia [61:04]: "You can risk your own life risking the baby. Nuts. Nuts."
• Ben Soffer [26:34]: "I switched to American Spirit because Marlboro has arsenic and all those things."

Conclusion

"Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose" offers a rich and engaging exploration of the hosts' personal histories, cultural influences, and modern-day relationships. Through candid storytelling, humor, and insightful discussions, Josh Peck and Ben Soffer, alongside their guest Cosmo Ensenado, create a relatable and entertaining experience for listeners. The episode seamlessly blends serious reflections with lighthearted banter, making it a standout installment in the "Good Guys" podcast series.

Transcript

[Josh]

The following podcast is a dear media production. Two Jews, both big and tall. No subject too small for the good guys. A mother's dream premium podcast team. Make it your weekly routine. It's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars. What are you nuts? What are you nuts?

[Ben]

Yeah, we're the good guys.

[Josh]

They're not the great guys. We're just the good of the good.

[Cosmo]

Of the good guys.

[Josh]

Oh, my gosh.

[Ben]

Father Caris.

[Josh]

We're for klempt. We're famished. We're all the things. The Queen of Melrose is here. Welcome, girl.

[Ben]

Hey, how you doing, Joss Pat.

[Josh]

How you doing, girl?

[Ben]

Nice to finally meet you, Boo. Boo.

[Josh]

Thank you.

[Ben]

Or should I say boobalicious? I'm gonna say booblicious.

[Josh]

Let me help you with. You need your help with the headphones.

[Ben]

I'm having a conundrum.

[Josh]

Please.

[Olivia]

What you guys can't see is Josh is adjusting Queen's headphones and they are looking fantast.

[Ben]

Blame the hairdresser. Blame the hairdresser.

[Olivia]

The Queen of Melrose. I can't quite explain to you how excited we are to have you. When I told our dear friend, do you know the points guy, Brian Kelly?

[Cosmo]

No.

[Olivia]

If you don't know him, he wants to know you.

[Ben]

Where is he?

[Olivia]

He is your biggest fan boyfriend. He's super rich. Is he here and is he in the back?

[Cosmo]

Is he going to come out?

[Olivia]

We should have.

[Ethan]

We should have Josh.

[Olivia]

Damn it. We'll set up an intro later. Yeah, we'll set up an intro later. It's great. He's two young boys.

[Ethan]

He's single. We're going to.

[Olivia]

I'm going to set you up.

[Ben]

He's single and ready to mingle.

[Josh]

He's a big tech entrepreneur, ungerstupped as. As our people say. And he's handsome. Six, seven, eight.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Ben]

And you think he's proportions.

[Josh]

He's got to have a piece.

[Cosmo]

Probably. Yeah, yeah. When they're that big.

[Josh]

Yes. Like an aircraft carrier.

[Cosmo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ben]

You can land the aircraft on that.

[Josh]

T. Call me at 7:37. I fell in love with you on the out and about podcast. The great Joey Commasta. But this is. You're having a moment, aren't you?

[Cosmo]

I'm having a moment.

[Josh]

Tell me.

[Cosmo]

It's kind of longer than a moment. It's been like a year and a half now. It's like constant podcast and lap dances.

[Ben]

And all the things. No, it's been really good.

[Cosmo]

It's been really good.

[Ben]

I started on Soft, white underbelly. That's when I went on. And basically, my sponsor, because I'm in the program.

[Cosmo]

Oh, okay.

[Ben]

How long do you have?

[Josh]

17 years.

[Cosmo]

Wow.

[Ben]

I turned double digits. Here we are, Daddy.

[Cosmo]

Thank you.

[Ben]

Oh, my God. Congratulations.

[Josh]

We're in its status at home.

[Cosmo]

Harlem.

[Ben]

Harlem.

[Cosmo]

It was Harlem.

[Ben]

So I grew up in Spanish Harlem, you know, and it was Spanish and Italian.

[Cosmo]

So it's like where they made the Godfather.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Cosmo]

Okay. So they use my grandmother's apartment to make the Godfather. Okay. They rented. They gave us $75. I remember the check. And it was like two weeks. And, like, they were filming in her apartment.

[Ben]

Also, my older brother, you know, did you see the scene in the Godfather with Sonny when he's beaten the shit out of his sister's husband?

[Josh]

Classic.

[Cosmo]

Yes, yes.

[Ben]

Classic scene. Okay, so my brother was under the.

[Cosmo]

Johnny pump for two weeks, okay? So he got pneumonia right after he got his check. So that's how I remember Harlem, growing up with the Mafia.

[Ben]

My father was in the mob. He wasn't in the mob.

[Cosmo]

He was, like, hanging out with the mob. You know what I mean? It was like a thing.

[Olivia]

Mob adjacent.

[Ben]

Jason.

[Josh]

Ben's from Harlem, too. He's from 62nd and Madison.

[Ethan]

What, I'm mob adjacent?

[Ben]

That was.

[Olivia]

I actually. I went to school in the Heights, So a little bit. A little bit higher than Spanish Harlem in Washington Heights. But I. I am familiar. I pop out, look to the left, going up the fdr. And I think, God, it's great that I'm passing this. Thank. Thank God I didn't have to take the streets.

[Josh]

So you're there. Your father's mob adjacent. The FBI starts sniffing around, right? Some things.

[Cosmo]

She did her homework. Yes. Okay.

[Ben]

Josh back.

[Josh]

Guilty.

[Ben]

I'm not mad at you, boo.

[Cosmo]

Boo. Yeah.

[Ben]

So anyway, grew up in Harlem, you know, and then. Then we moved to Queen. My grandmother became a Jehovah's Witness to vow Catholic.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Cosmo]

Okay. True story. They come to the house, they never left. Okay, so now you can't be gay.

[Ben]

No birthday, no this, no that.

[Cosmo]

I'm eight years old. I'm like, what the is going on? They throw out all my Barbie dolls. Okay?

[Ben]

I'm like, what the fuck?

[Cosmo]

Trauma. Traumatized.

[Ben]

So my mother. My father's in the mob. His mother is a Jehovah's Witness. So he's telling.

[Cosmo]

He's in the Bronx gambling and whatever, doing his thing.

[Ben]

And he's telling my mother, take the kids to the kingdom, Hal. So meanwhile, my mother is trying to do the right thing because my. My Grandmother's the matriarch of the family, and I'm. Did you leave the.

[Cosmo]

Cut to two years later, My mother's like this, kids, let's go. You know. So it was back to, like, Christmas.

[Josh]

And because no birthday is no holidays.

[Ben]

No birthdays, no holidays. Can't be this. You can't be that. Basically. No blood transfusions.

[Cosmo]

Like, yeah, it's like the ends.

[Olivia]

But what a list of rules.

[Ben]

I don't know how Michael Jackson did it, I'm telling you.

[Josh]

And Prince.

[Olivia]

I wonder where the blood trace.

[Ben]

I don't know was Prince of Jehovah?

[Josh]

I think so.

[Ben]

Oh, my God.

[Cosmo]

It's brutal.

[Ben]

It's brutal, brutal, brutal, brutal.

[Cosmo]

Especially when you're Catholic and you have all these things growing up.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Cosmo]

And then you're not allowed to have them.

[Ben]

But it didn't work. So my grandmother stood Jehovah. And then my Uncle Junior, my father's brother, worked in the Palm restaurant out here. So those days, it was like Johnny Carson. It was Merv Griffith.

[Cosmo]

It was all.

[Ben]

It was like I Dream of Jeannie. It was all the. You know, it was just like the.

[Cosmo]

Hangouts against steak and lobster.

[Ben]

I think they just closed the Palm. I think there's one down.

[Josh]

Yeah, there's no more in la. There's no more downtown one's gone. The Beverly Hills one.

[Ben]

Oh, really? Have you ever been in there?

[Josh]

I went to the one on Santa Monica, the original.

[Ben]

That was the one. That's where they all worked.

[Josh]

I mean, Ben, imagine. Like, I know the Palm in New York was. Was popping, but this was like Don Rickles at the Bar Carson. Like, I. When I went there, I saw. The first time I saw Denzel Washington eating with his family. Second time, Schwarzenegger was eating there when he was governor. No Secret Service around. I found that weird, you know?

[Olivia]

Yeah, but he was crushing a 50.

[Ben]

50.

[Olivia]

I knew the Palm was gone the second I saw it at Newark Airport. Yeah, that's when I knew. The Palm is done. You can't. If he can get a stake in the airport.

[Cosmo]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

That means that the brand is dead.

[Cosmo]

Over.

[Olivia]

No.

[Cosmo]

They sold their soul.

[Olivia]

They sold their soul.

[Ben]

But it was the times of my life.

[Cosmo]

It really was.

[Ben]

It was the 80s in New York.

[Cosmo]

And it was the 80s in LA.

[Ben]

So basically I was 17 years old.

[Cosmo]

And we moved to Queens. My grandmother had a house in Queens.

[Ben]

So my father was kind of implicated in that goodfellas Lufthansa thing where FBI.

[Cosmo]

Agents were following me to school. They were in my backyard, and they were trying to implicate him, you know, indict him. But he literally had nothing to do with it. But he was hanging out with all the guys.

[Ben]

So basically, court case, court case, court case.

[Cosmo]

And, like, I'm gonna lose my father. My mother's like, one. One day we're riding around in a Lincoln, the next day she's on food stamps. And it was just the life.

[Ben]

But I wouldn't trade it for the world. Got you here, you know, it was just like, wow. You know what I mean? It's like growing up, it was like.

[Cosmo]

Literally a Martin Scorsese thing.

[Josh]

You know, we had a similar upbringing. I was on Drake and Josh and Ben's the son of a caterer.

[Olivia]

Very similar. But my grandma did live in Queens. I was gonna say, where in Queens?

[Ben]

Astoria.

[Olivia]

Okay. I mean, Astoria. Fantastic food, fantastic food.

[Ben]

Where were you guys from? Forest Hills, I feel.

[Cosmo]

So you guys were the uppity echelon.

[Ben]

Like, you guys were the Forest Hills. You guys were the bougie crowd.

[Olivia]

No, there was a lovely Key Foods. I love the Key Foods. Oh, Keith, they had a great dime.

[Ben]

What's the dime? Oh, my God. Then it was Pathmark.

[Olivia]

Yeah, Key Foods is great. And there was a great diner in Forest Hills. I don't remember the name.

[Josh]

Clock.

[Ethan]

Tick.

[Olivia]

The Clock something. Tick Tock.

[Ben]

Yes, yes. It's in Bayside. No.

[Olivia]

Yes. Excellent.

[Cosmo]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

They have the best Supreme Tuna. Supreme Tuna.

[Cosmo]

They have the best Queen's Tuna in New York.

[Ben]

Agreed. The best tuna, the best food, period.

[Cosmo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ben]

You guys are making me hungry. Can we order a pizza?

[Josh]

We're speaking our love life language. Is this great? I, I'm telling you, I, I, I remember this Russian guy, Russian guy I know who got sober, would always talk about the Tick Tock liquor store. And he said I would drink a half a pint. He goes in the morning, a pillow, Prozac and a half a pint. And my hands would be shaking 20 years later.

[Ben]

That was Eugenia's cousin. There you go.

[Cosmo]

Oh, my God.

[Ben]

Guys, I feel. Wow. This is. Give me a hug. Air hug. Here we are.

[Josh]

Give us some insight. We're a bunch of married stiffs over here. Olivia's been in a long term relationship. Ben, you know, has a beautiful baby on the way. Baruch Hashem. I have two. I have a third on the way. Okay, so you are single, ready to mingle? Yes. Where are we at?

[Ben]

No, I was, you know, I have.

[Cosmo]

A few very strong relationships throughout my career. Yes, yes, yes.

[Josh]

And where are we today?

[Ben]

Today we're single. I'm seeing somebody, okay, for like seven years. Met him in the gym. I was on Herbalife. I was really.

[Cosmo]

I was really skin t like 10 years ago.

[Josh]

That was legal speed, right?

[Ben]

Long hair. And I would walk around my gym.

[Cosmo]

In Burbank with two fake asses. So they were calling me Cosmo Kardashian, okay?

[Ben]

So this guy comes up to me.

[Cosmo]

Literally like six foot seven, okay? He goes, I don't know what you are, but I like it, you know? So here I am in the gym, all freaked out, and that's it.

[Ben]

So basically just keeping it open and fun, you know? Yeah, I had a few tight. Like, I still have the rings. These are.

[Cosmo]

I was going to get married twice.

[Ben]

But, you know, in gay years, you know, it's. It's not the same, you know, I mean, and it's like. So I just keep it open, you.

[Cosmo]

Know what I mean?

[Ben]

And I literally let him do what he wants to do. I'm like, you want to do whatever eight years later. And then I do what I want to do. But, you know, if you love somebody, you know, there's that old saying, if you love something, you let it, set it free. But it always comes back, you know, Because I see there's no institution of marriage anymore.

[Cosmo]

Like, really not. Like, especially when you're a celebrity. Like, look at JLo. How many times. Come on now. You know what I mean?

[Olivia]

Too many.

[Ben]

Halle Berry. It's like, oh, she was on Oprah. How do you cheat on Holly Berry? Yeah, it was in six months.

[Cosmo]

It was done. You know what I mean?

[Ben]

So being that they have like the, you know, the social media and. And hot trannies. I'm sorry, but I don't think we have a chance.

[Josh]

You heard it here first.

[Cosmo]

Clip it, period.

[Josh]

Speaking of period, what do we think about that? Because recently at the Oscars, you know, Halle Berry came 20 years later and recreated her famous kiss with Adrien Brody.

[Cosmo]

Yes.

[Josh]

On the red carpet. Of course, it was in front of his girlfriend. So, you know, a little different than 20 years later. What, What. What did we think about that?

[Ben]

You know, hopefully his girlfriend was a good sport, honestly. Because you know why people get jelly.

[Cosmo]

No matter how gorgeous you are. And she is absolutely strikingly gorgeous. His girlfriend.

[Josh]

Yeah. And. And, and so is Halle Berry.

[Cosmo]

Oh, my God.

[Ben]

And Halle Berry looks good, but she's getting a little up there, honey. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, but. But still, she still gets free drinks. I'm sure she's had.

[Olivia]

She's had unbelievable long Helle Berry I was talking about it with Claudia. I'm like, what the fuck has she been? I haven't seen her in anything in 20 years and she's still like, she, she gets on that carpet and she is the moment. Yeah, I would be, I would be pissed if I was the girl.

[Ben]

She killed it.

[Cosmo]

She killed it.

[Josh]

What would Claudia say, Ben, if I.

[Olivia]

If I made out with Halle Berry?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

She would throw me off a roof.

[Ethan]

If I made out with Halle Berry.

[Olivia]

That's right. I think I would have a. I think I would have a better time if I made out with Adrian Brody.

[Cosmo]

Jewish K. Agreed.

[Josh]

Is he a piece. He's handsome.

[Ben]

So he comes to my store.

[Cosmo]

He used to come in my store with these hot, beautiful.

[Ben]

It might have been the same girl.

[Cosmo]

He was dating her. This is like a few years ago.

[Ben]

And she's in there, she's trying on.

[Cosmo]

Clothes and like, she's like absolutely gorgeous. Could be the same girl when he was. He's been with her for a while. I don't know.

[Ben]

So she goes, well, I have all these clothes.

[Cosmo]

And she goes, I'm like, well, are you gonna buy them? Yeah. Do you want to report the credit card stolen? Are you going to get the. You know, because my primary purpose is.

[Ben]

To sell a shmata.

[Cosmo]

You know what I mean?

[Ben]

To sell a dress.

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Cosmo]

I was raised by Israelis, by the way.

[Ben]

Oh, thank you. Was all Israeli.

[Cosmo]

Well, those were my bosses. When I walked in when I was 21 and coked out and I just.

[Olivia]

Couldn'T stop selling, I could feel there was a tethered connection. Now I understand it.

[Ben]

I could feel it's the queens, it's.

[Josh]

The Israelites, I love it.

[Ben]

You gotta know.

[Cosmo]

Bull, Bull, you know, Bulbul. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ben]

So, yeah. So they raised me basically how to.

[Cosmo]

Do business, basically, you know. And now they're all in Israel, you know, and they gave me for Christmas, they were like, buy me a brand new car, you know.

[Ben]

Cause if you're making, if you're hustling.

[Cosmo]

For an Israeli, they're with you like neck and neck.

[Josh]

Oh yeah.

[Ben]

You know what I mean?

[Cosmo]

Yes.

[Olivia]

So.

[Ben]

And I was partying and we had to open the store at 11:00, but.

[Cosmo]

They wouldn't let me sleep till 2.

[Josh]

Yeah, well, Israelis are not knowing for punctual.

[Cosmo]

What do you mean? Noon?

[Ben]

Noon.

[Josh]

I see you 1:30 maybe.

[Cosmo]

Yeah, right.

[Ben]

And they would come to my house at 2:00 and wake me up because.

[Cosmo]

That was my party years on Melrose before I got my own store.

[Ben]

And they were like, we're gonna bring you falafel, open the windows. We're gonna give you some water. You're gonna come to work. It's already 2:00. Cosmo and I would just sell my cunts off. I would just sell. And, you know, if you're selling and making money with an Israeli, the best.

[Cosmo]

Partner in the world.

[Ben]

So they sent me to Israel, and basically they bought me brand new cars, you know, Very, very. We're still family.

[Cosmo]

We're still family. Yeah.

[Olivia]

How much. How amazing is Israel? Like, your trips, like, it's just the most gorgeous country.

[Cosmo]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Ben]

Tel Aviv. And, like, it was just we and the clubs there. Like, they don't have a sick. They don't have a clue here that how they do it out there is.

[Cosmo]

How they do it.

[Ben]

They have that park, that fam.

[Cosmo]

Where it's like all the, like, closet.

[Ben]

Cases, all, like, the married.

[Cosmo]

I never left. I mean, it's for a week.

[Olivia]

It's definitely the gayest country in the world. That's for sure.

[Ben]

The queen bought a tent.

[Josh]

I'm not going back to my room. Wait, before we move on Olivia, Ethan, the wonderful Ethan is in the position of Adrien Brody. You cool with the Halle Berry kiss or what?

[Ben]

You know what?

[Josh]

For the moment, you have to be. You have to be. You have to be. But I'd also probably like it if he kissed Adrien Brody more. Ooh, we're learning things about Olivia. Cool. There's a category for that, too.

[Ethan]

Josh.

[Olivia]

You know, I'm a little bit of a disorganized person, okay?

[Josh]

I just want you to see a neurologist. That's it. That's all I've asked of you.

[Olivia]

I have too much going on. There's nothing wrong with my brain. The problem is there's too much going.

[Ethan]

Into it from too many different places, okay?

[Olivia]

Too much going on. And I needed a solution, Josh, So that when I woke up in the morning, I wasn't in a frenzy. What am I gonna do today? Who am I gonna speak to today? I needed something all in one place. And that, Josh, is now brief. The now brief on The Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra is everything and more that I needed.

[Ethan]

It's gonna tell me what calls I have today.

[Olivia]

It's gonna tell me what meetings I have today. It's gonna tell me the weather, okay? Everything in the morning that way, Josh.

[Ethan]

I'm not so stressed.

[Olivia]

I don't forget things. And you're not trying to ship me off to some loony bin. Okay? Now Brief is saving me.

[Josh]

I'm not gonna ship you off. I'm gonna fly you anyway. Look, the thing with Now Brief with Galaxy AI, what I love about it, it's not just in the mornings, it's in the evenings too, right? So to tell you the weather for the next day, it'll give you what.

[Olivia]

You got going on tomorrow, keeps you bettering yourself. Honestly, Josh, where has this been all our lives?

[Josh]

I love it. Now Brief is. It's my cup of tea. It makes me feel very official, very important. And if you want to feel all those things and more, get your Galaxy S25 [e-mail] now brief displays daily select information from select apps may require Internet connection. Galaxy AI features by Samsung free through 2020 and requires Samsung account login.

[Ethan]

This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Element. Folks, Element helps anyone stay hydrated without the sugar and other dodgy ingredients found in popular electrolytes and sports drinks. Who wants dodgy ingredients and sugar? Not me. Electrolyte deficiency or imbalance can cause headaches, cramps, fatigue, brain fog and weakness. Things we don't want. Folks, Element is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix and sparkling electrolyte water born from the growing body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at sodium levels two to three times. Government recommendations. What are the government nuts? They're crazy. Each stick pack delivers a meaningful dose of electrolytes free of sugar, artificial colors or other dodgy ingredients. Element is formulated for anyone on a mission to restore health through hydration and is perfectly suited for athletes, folks who are fasting for those following keto season, low carb whole food or paleo diets, folks. Element is it tastes delicious. Great for you. We need to get those electrolytes up.

[Ben]

Up.

[Ethan]

Okay. And it's not just me who's telling you this. It's us Olympians. It's professional athletes, it's special forces, it's healthcare experts. Everybody's on the Element train. Why aren't you? Right now, Element is offering a free sample pack with any purchase. That's eight single serving packets, free with any Element order. This is a great way to try all eight flavors or share Element with a friend. Get [e-mail] goodguys this deal is only available through my link. You must go to drinklmnt.com goodguyS-R-I-N k l M-N-T.com goodguys welcome to Chloe in Wonderland.

[Chloe]

I don't know how many people Remember this? Oh, you are one decision away from a different life. I know for a fact that it was her who sold this to the media.

[Josh]

I'm willing to sacrifice anything in order to put love at the center of my life. I do explain to Mason how drinking affected me.

[Chloe]

I think it breaks them so much more that you forgave them. Every week, I'll sit down with fascinating guests.

[Josh]

I believe you're worthy of love and you deserve love.

[Chloe]

It wasn't nearly as bad as what I went through emotionally with the pregnancy I had with my daughter. For real conversations.

[Josh]

Do you remember when we wrestle, like, straight up crazy drunk wrestled?

[Chloe]

That's how rumors get started.

[Olivia]

Was it helpful for people to come in when you were with your ex.

[Josh]

Husband and be like, you should be with somebody better?

[Chloe]

If people are broken, they have to fix themselves. This is a window into my world and the stories that make it meaningful. Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland. New episodes drop every Wednesday on X and on Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts, see you there.

[Josh]

Speaking of relationships, what do we think? I think Ben and I, Ben, you'd agree, we'd love to hear what you feel about the Justin Baldoni Blake Lively mishigas, right? Are you up to date on this?

[Cosmo]

Oh, my God.

[Josh]

Tell me, what's your feeling?

[Ben]

So I think. I don't know, it could make. Do you think it can just make.

[Cosmo]

The, like, a total twist at the end? Like maybe it wasn't her fault, you think? Like, I mean, I know they have receipt after receipt after receipt. Everybody turned against them. Right? You know, and I hear that she's really difficult, and I hear that, you know, everything she did has receipts and, you know, she was insecure about her.

[Ben]

Baby weight from everything that went on.

[Cosmo]

But do you think there's a slight chance that Diddy will get off?

[Olivia]

You never know.

[Ben]

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? There's that slight chance that she's got that little ace in the hole. You know what I mean?

[Cosmo]

Something he did that will implicate the fuck out of him. Do you think that.

[Ben]

Because it's like, wouldn't that be a twist and a turn?

[Olivia]

I think the only thing stronger is the Taylor Swift fans that are now angry because Blake called her the queen of the whatever it was Dragon's Den. I think that once you have the swiftness all over you tonight.

[Ben]

Last night, this morning, this was like.

[Josh]

Over the last month, no one updated the queen.

[Olivia]

Apparently they like to. She described. They were like dear friends. And she described the Relationship as just Taylor is just like the dragon queen that they all, like, kneel to. Not a direct quote. I don't know if this is true.

[Cosmo]

Oh, I didn't hear that one though. But I know they're like, they're on the outs right now for sure.

[Olivia]

And once you upset the Swifties, it's no good.

[Cosmo]

It's over.

[Ethan]

It's no good.

[Olivia]

We don't do that. We love. We love Taylor Swift and we love all her fans.

[Josh]

I think we'll see. They definitely don't. Neither of them are looking great right now. But I think Ben's wife, who has a big pod, who you'll have to go on her pod when she comes out to LA or you're in New York, much bigger than ours, even if that's even possible, really crushes Ben. I know he married well. Now we're.

[Olivia]

We're a family of podcasters, but tough job.

[Josh]

She and her co host, her sister Jackie, brought up a great point. They're like, if you have to ask how much she weighs, you can't lift her. Like what? You can't ballpark this person.

[Olivia]

He asked her how much she weighs.

[Josh]

Or the trainer or something, but apparently it kept getting back to her.

[Olivia]

Never ask a woman her weight.

[Cosmo]

Never. Or her age.

[Olivia]

You can't even ask me my weight.

[Josh]

I'll lie to you.

[Olivia]

I'll lie. You can ask.

[Cosmo]

We're gonna be good friends.

[Olivia]

Yeah, we will.

[Ben]

We're all going to Kansas.

[Cosmo]

That's it.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Cosmo]

For lunch.

[Olivia]

Yes. We need a sandwich.

[Cosmo]

It's delicious.

[Josh]

The Kibbutz room.

[Cosmo]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Do you think the LA food is as good as New York?

[Cosmo]

No, no, no, no.

[Ben]

I mean, they, they, you know, all these cuisines they're trying and it's like, it's pretty good though.

[Cosmo]

It's not bad. But New York just has more like, authentically good food.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Cosmo]

Like, you could literally have a dirty water hot dog on the corner. And it's so tasty, you know, so tasty.

[Ben]

I don't think it compares to New York.

[Cosmo]

No.

[Ben]

Especially Italian food.

[Olivia]

What do you put on your hot dog queen?

[Ben]

Well, when I go to Pink's because.

[Cosmo]

They named the hot dog after me, Queen of Melrose. One day it was like National Hot Dog Day. And basically I went there and they said, we're going to do a Queen of Melrose hot dog. I was honored. It was crazy.

[Ben]

So basically I like a kielbasa.

[Cosmo]

Who doesn't?

[Ben]

Hey now.

[Olivia]

Delicious.

[Cosmo]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Yup. Right? I like the kielbasa one. It's spicy.

[Cosmo]

It's so delicious. And it's literally like this big. Like, you could have it the next day, too, for lunch, you know, But.

[Olivia]

I like the like, like Brian Kelly big, but smaller.

[Josh]

Kielbasas are good too. Right.

[Ben]

We gotta meet this.

[Cosmo]

I don't discriminate. As long as it works, we're fine.

[Ben]

Yeah, Good.

[Cosmo]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Frank, clip that too, please.

[Ben]

Just phone it to my W.

[Olivia]

So a big kielbasa. What are we throwing on it?

[Ben]

So basically, what they put on it is, like the bacon or like, all.

[Cosmo]

The good things for you, like all the healthy, fabulous. Yeah.

[Ben]

Bacon, a little chili, a little sauerkraut, a little mustard. But it's really. Because you ever order something spicy and it's not spicy. I love spicy. Do you guys like spicy?

[Cosmo]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

Yeah. So anything that'll clean the sinuses, that's what I like.

[Ben]

And other things.

[Cosmo]

Yes. Yeah.

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Ben]

But I like the New York dog. They're the only one in LA that.

[Cosmo]

Has the New York dog. So it's basically the hot dog with the sauerkraut and the mustard and the red onions. Love that. Yes, yes, yes.

[Josh]

So tell us about. We are a very pro smoking podcast, and you are clearly pro smoking. Tell us about your smoking journey where you. You brought in this new pack of American spirits. I've never seen this before. Are these made specifically for the Queen of Melrose?

[Cosmo]

No.

[Ben]

I wish I could take that valor, but no, that's not the case, darling.

[Cosmo]

But they are.

[Ben]

They are new and they're sky blue.

[Ethan]

Yeah.

[Cosmo]

Yes. And they're supposed to be the lightest of the American spirits. So I'm a Marlboro, as you can see. I sound like an obscene phone call. Yes. But I'm a Marlboro smoker all my life.

[Ben]

Red. It was reds.

[Cosmo]

And then I went to Marlboro Lights.

[Ben]

Of course, which I think is stronger than the reds.

[Cosmo]

It's weird because when you smoke those, they're delicious. Yeah.

[Josh]

You ever smoked the ultralights in the Silver pack?

[Ben]

The ultralight.

[Josh]

Oh, my God. Smoke the 100.

[Ben]

Did you smoke before?

[Josh]

Of course. I'm a drug addict. It was oxygen.

[Ben]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Josh]

But I'm a. I. I smoke Newports.

[Ben]

Newport.

[Josh]

I hate myself.

[Ben]

Oh, wow. So, yeah, the Newports, it was like I would go, like, to Queensbridge and.

[Cosmo]

Hang out with those guys, and there was in the Newports. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but it was Marlboro Reds for us.

[Ben]

Yeah, but so when did you quit, though?

[Josh]

I mean, thankfully, it never had a hold on me.

[Cosmo]

Okay.

[Josh]

So now, like, Ben and I can attest maybe, you know, once a month, every other month. Like, I can smoke a stogie and not trip on it.

[Cosmo]

Crave another one.

[Josh]

Thankfully, it's like that. Yeah.

[Olivia]

I think they're so cool. I wish I was addicted. I just can't.

[Josh]

I just can't get addicted.

[Olivia]

I can't. I smoke them and I. I want more. I can't. Like, I'm like a 12 cigarettes every six months.

[Cosmo]

Oh, my God.

[Olivia]

I want to pack a day. Like, well, hang out with the queen.

[Ben]

And we'll have a movie night, and.

[Cosmo]

I bet you'll be buying a pack of cigarettes.

[Olivia]

Yeah, I promise.

[Cosmo]

I promise.

[Olivia]

Are you 27 straight? I think. 27.

[Josh]

When you wake up.

[Ben]

When I first wake up, I have.

[Cosmo]

A cup of coffee and a cigarette. I still have that.

[Josh]

And that's like a ritual, right? You sit outside, you have a stoop. What are we talking?

[Olivia]

That's. That's a ritual, Josh, for a quick dump.

[Cosmo]

I think I learned on the stoop in New York, you know, Now I have a beautiful house in Burbank, and it has. I have huskies and all the things, you know, I live in the Rancho district, so when you wake up, there's people riding horses, literally.

[Ben]

So I feel like I'm not even in la. And I had to move from Melrose.

[Cosmo]

I had a condo around the corner.

[Ben]

And I moved because somebody tried to.

[Cosmo]

Break in my house in my condo.

[Olivia]

Oh.

[Ben]

So I said, it's time to get out of Hollywood. And my friend's like, try Burbank.

[Cosmo]

And I'm like, I will never move to Burbank, ever.

[Josh]

It's the burbs, right?

[Cosmo]

But when I tell you it's beautiful, like, I live in the horse district, you don't even feel like you're in la. And I'm out there smoking a sticker bat like this, and she's smoking with her robe on. Yes. And there's all these cowboys and Burbank people, and then there's the queen in the middle like this. Hello, Wyatt Earp. Yeah.

[Ben]

No, you know what? So I. I switched to American Spirit.

[Cosmo]

Not so long ago because I heard that they actually. Because, like, Marlboro has arsenic and, like, all those things.

[Ben]

And, you know, you hear the tales for years, but you're like, you're still.

[Cosmo]

Smoking, you know, literally, my mother, God.

[Ben]

God forgive her, she had copd.

[Cosmo]

So basically.

[Ben]

And my father and I seen her.

[Cosmo]

With the oxygen tank, and it was me and my sister going, oh, my.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Like, if you don't quit after that, it's over. It was frightening. Like, she was, like, breathing, like, through.

[Cosmo]

A straw, you know, a cocktail straw.

[Olivia]

But have you seen those Canadian cigarettes with the. The warning symbols where, like, there's like.

[Ben]

Oh, they have, like, the dead people. I see dead people.

[Olivia]

Dead people. Or. The one that I loved was Josh, when they. That. That cigarette carton that had a naked person on it, and it said something to the effect in French of, like, smoking can cause you to get naked in the middle of the night. Like, they have these weird slogans that don't make any sense.

[Josh]

So can hanging out with Cosmo.

[Cosmo]

Right? Exactly. Or you'll never get laid again. Never. Never.

[Olivia]

I think that's what.

[Ben]

I love it. No, they do come in from Europe.

[Cosmo]

And stuff, and there's all these cigarettes, and there's, like, death and blood and. Yeah, it's a thing.

[Ben]

But I switched to American spirit. So at my gas stat, right before I come to work, I fill up my car, and the guy there is, like, a scientist.

[Cosmo]

Literally knows a little bit about everything.

[Ben]

But he works in a gas station.

[Cosmo]

Whatever. Okay.

[Ben]

So anyhow, he's telling me about the American spirits.

[Cosmo]

I hope we don't get in trouble with the cigarette people. That comes to my house in Burbank. Of course, while I'm like, this.

[Josh]

Philip Morris is here to see you.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Ben]

He said those little rings around the cigarette, if you look at the cigarette.

[Cosmo]

Those are still poisonous. He goes. That's why he goes, if you want roll your own cigarettes, they don't have these poisonous rings on them. Yeah.

[Ben]

So it's still horrible.

[Josh]

What isn't? Can we do something? Can we enjoy how hard we work? She's in the sh.

[Olivia]

Are you a Zin?

[Cosmo]

You got to have a cigarette.

[Ben]

My store smells like Ash Wednesday.

[Josh]

Oh, speaking of, we're entering into last.

[Cosmo]

We are?

[Ben]

Yes, we are. Yes.

[Josh]

As a wonderful Catholic, tell us, what are you giving up?

[Cosmo]

Nothing.

[Josh]

Perfect. Ben, could you. I mean, Ben is semi kosher, he doesn't eat pork, and he tries to be observant. What would be the thing you'd give up for the 40 days, Ben?

[Olivia]

Wow. 40 days.

[Josh]

Is that right? I'm married to a Catholic. I'm married to an O'Brien.

[Ben]

Oh, you are a nice Irish girl.

[Josh]

I am our king into cashews.

[Ben]

I'm a little Irish.

[Cosmo]

A little Irish, too. Italian and Irish. Yeah.

[Ben]

The best of all of it, baby. Yes.

[Josh]

What would you give kids? Do I have a third on the way?

[Ben]

Do they have your eyes? They do.

[Josh]

Here, you want to see?

[Ben]

Let me See the babies?

[Olivia]

They're gorgeous.

[Ben]

I feel like an Aussie here. I. I feel like an aunt.

[Cosmo]

Oh, my God, they're gorgeous. Oh, my God.

[Josh]

And Ben.

[Ben]

Oh, you got to come to my store with the stroller and bring the wife in and everything.

[Josh]

Get the kids ready. Burning Man.

[Ben]

A little fashion.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Ben]

Drag.

[Olivia]

And.

[Josh]

And Ben's about to have his first in May. A beautiful boy.

[Ben]

Congratulations on the baby train.

[Olivia]

Thank you, Queen.

[Ben]

I'm naming baby.

[Olivia]

I'm naming him Queen.

[Cosmo]

Queen Cosmo.

[Olivia]

Queen Cosmo. Josh, what I'm giving up is Ozempic. That's what I'm giving up for 40 days.

[Josh]

That's big.

[Ben]

Oh, so tell me about Ozempic, please, because I went on Ozempic and I had to get rushed the hospital.

[Olivia]

Really? I want to hear more. I want to hear more about that. What?

[Ben]

Every side effect that they say would happen to you happened to me.

[Olivia]

Who gave it to you?

[Ben]

My doctor.

[Olivia]

And what did they put you on? Too high? It sounds like they put me on the low.

[Ben]

The lowest. Joe's. It's so weird.

[Olivia]

Okay, and wake up.

[Ben]

And it out a. A shot. A shot of oic. I can't handle what's going on over here.

[Josh]

I can do free basing, but I can't do O.

[Cosmo]

Right, right.

[Ben]

You. You can't snort it anymore once you.

[Cosmo]

Turn into a pickle.

[Ben]

But anyway, that's another thing.

[Olivia]

Josh, we have to get Cosmo on WeGovi, WeGovy or Zepp bound. We need to switch you, because maybe Ozempic isn't right, but there are other. There are other meds that work.

[Ben]

I just. Congratulate me, guys.

[Cosmo]

I just got Zepbound today, so I want to go back to.

[Ben]

Yeah, I have it in the refrigerator.

[Cosmo]

In the store, because I live in the store, basically. And I'm going to try a shot.

[Ben]

So hopefully. I'm praying, guys, do a little prayer for the queen. She doesn't get a yeast infection.

[Olivia]

Put it right in your belly. Right in the belly. Don't put it anywhere else in the belly.

[Ben]

So did you lose weight on the Ozempic?

[Olivia]

Oh, yes. Oh, yes, I was. I said I wouldn't say my weight. I will say I was 290. I'm now 2:51. I was 239.

[Cosmo]

Wow, bro. So do you guys see the total difference?

[Josh]

Oh, yeah.

[Cosmo]

He looks like a different person.

[Josh]

He looks great.

[Olivia]

I was fat. I was fat as fuck. Now I'm just, like, fat.

[Ben]

No, I love food. That's another addiction. I had to go to food.

[Cosmo]

It's so many addictions, darling. There's so many.

[Josh]

Oh, I lost £100. But I did it the old fashioned way before there was.

[Ben]

Oh, you did. Like you literally was.

[Josh]

Loser frick. If I could have been shooting up.

[Ben]

No, but God bless you for doing. I'm telling you. Because you know what? The old fashioned way, I think is the best way.

[Cosmo]

You know, ideally, for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ben]

You look great and you have good.

[Cosmo]

Arms and you're working out.

[Ben]

And I was.

[Cosmo]

I would buy you a soda. What kind you like? Roy Rogers?

[Josh]

Cherry Coke?

[Cosmo]

You got it, baby.

[Josh]

Oh, my God.

[Cosmo]

Queen of Melrose. Let's go.

[Ben]

Oh, my gosh. This is it.

[Josh]

This is how it ends for me and Paige. Can you imagine that power couple, by.

[Olivia]

The way, I love it. I ship it.

[Josh]

Sorry, Paige.

[Ethan]

This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Bioni. Folks, we know you've been abroad. You've told us a million times. You went for six months, you found yourself, yada, yada, yada, you came back, you were just as annoying as you were always. Okay, you were just as annoying. You were no more cultured. But what you did notice was that everything that you were eating over there felt significantly worse than what you were eating over here.

[Olivia]

Right?

[Ethan]

Let's say we're in Italy, all right? Maybe we're in Venice. We go, we get some pizza, we get some pasta. We feel amazing over there. We come over here, we're eating pizza and pasta. What are you nuts?

[Olivia]

We feel like we're crap.

[Ethan]

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[Josh]

A story because the New York Post, our local newspaper, said, has a story that goes, my boyfriend has a micro penis and here's what our perfect sex is like. The girlfriend of a man brutally mocked by his mates for having a micro penis has leapt his defense, stating no complaints in the bedroom department here. Penny Talbot said of her boyfriend, I don't know why she had to name him of two years, Jake, but said everything is a okay. He is at a lovely 2.9 inches. And she said for her it's not just about penetration and climax, but the foreplay and everything that leads up to that. And yeah, they're having a great time, really.

[Cosmo]

So a he's probably got a really big bank account. Fair and a very long tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Olivia]

Very long song mom needs to stop listening. But I do want to know if the 2.9 is erect or soft. These are things that we need to know.

[Josh]

It's erect.

[Olivia]

Maybe he's a grower, Josh. Maybe he's not a shower.

[Ben]

There are. I've seen.

[Cosmo]

I've witnessed it. Yes. Yes.

[Ben]

So is that the case, you think?

[Josh]

I would imagine 2.9. Yeah. Erect.

[Ben]

But I met a penis.

[Cosmo]

Penis doctor in my store. He does the implants. Wow.

[Josh]

Persian fat.

[Cosmo]

Aren't they all? Aren't they all so good? Yeah.

[Ben]

So basically, there's a way where you.

[Cosmo]

Could actually put filler.

[Ben]

Like where they put. In your face.

[Cosmo]

They put that in your dick. So you could actually make it fatter and, like, a little longer. Plus the penis implant, it'll grow, like, an inch and a half, you know?

[Josh]

Whoa.

[Ben]

They haven't put one on Chaz Bono yet.

[Cosmo]

They have. They haven't did that yet. They're still working on that.

[Josh]

Sure.

[Cosmo]

With the girls. But he says the NBA is his biggest client.

[Josh]

No.

[Ethan]

Wow.

[Cosmo]

Because they're, like, big guys, and some of the big guys are very small, you know, so it's like they. Yeah, so he. That's what he said. NBA, you know? Yeah.

[Josh]

Speaking of the NBA. Sorry, Ben. What were you gonna say?

[Olivia]

I was gonna say Josh has heard me tell this story. I was once staying in a house for the weekend with a man that just had this surgery that you're talking about, and he was leaking by the pool the whole weekend. He would get up and there would be a puddle.

[Cosmo]

No.

[Ben]

Of urine.

[Olivia]

Disgusting. What'd you say?

[Josh]

Of pee. Pee.

[Olivia]

I don't know what it was.

[Cosmo]

It was probably the filler.

[Olivia]

It was something he was leaking. No good.

[Ben]

There's nothing safe anymore.

[Cosmo]

That's it.

[Josh]

Speaking of. We have an obsession here with the great Shaquille O'Neill. Because the man knows how to make a dollar. And we. We respect that. He'll do a corporate gig. What have you. You've worked with Shaquille O'Neal, haven't you?

[Olivia]

I love that we transitioned from huge to Shaquille O'Neal.

[Ben]

Well, I was thinking. I was thinking about going into it, but I'm glad I was going to go into it, but I'm glad you did. I'm here for you, Glenn.

[Cosmo]

We're vibing.

[Josh]

Unbelievable.

[Ben]

We're five people.

[Cosmo]

We should stay in touch.

[Ben]

Yeah, for sure. I'm around the corner.

[Cosmo]

Perfect. Yeah.

[Ben]

So, Shaquille O'Neal. I did the clothing for Deontay Wilder, the heavyweight champion of the world a few years Ago.

[Josh]

You know, Deontay, Ben.

[Olivia]

Of course.

[Josh]

Yeah. So all of his unbelievable, gorgeous, spectacular walkout ring walk looks was all the Queen.

[Ethan]

Oh, wow.

[Cosmo]

Five of them.

[Olivia]

Sick.

[Cosmo]

Five of them.

[Olivia]

Wow.

[Ben]

So the last one we made had laser beams coming out. He wanted something really menacing when he formed.

[Cosmo]

So that was in the mgm.

[Ben]

We did a dress rehearsal.

[Cosmo]

He's supposed to come out real menacing.

[Ben]

So I delivered him the costume. He tried it on because, remember, he blamed me for.

[Cosmo]

He blamed me for losing the fight.

[Josh]

What did he say?

[Cosmo]

He said the costume was too heavy. So that was on the front page of every magazine.

[Ben]

But what I loved, on the COVID.

[Cosmo]

Of New York Times, it said the outfit won.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Cosmo]

And Deontay lost. And it was voted the best ring walk outfit in boxing history.

[Josh]

So good.

[Ben]

I was like, the Queen's gonna. So anyway. But anyway, got out. This was the rumor that got out.

[Cosmo]

So, yeah.

[Ben]

So I'm like, Deontay threw me under the bus. Like, we're so cool, you know? But anyway, the night of the fight.

[Cosmo]

I went to go deliver the outfit.

[Ben]

The day before, he tried it on. He loved the outfit. So the next day, I'm in the locker room and I felt tension, and.

[Cosmo]

I'm like, Deontay wasn't Deontay. So basically, Fury got in his head. I knew it. So I'm like, if Deontay say, if you. If you're going to wear this outfit, you better kick his ass. So he goes, I will, Cosmo. I will.

[Ben]

So anyway, it's time. It was Black History Month, too.

[Cosmo]

So it was all this hype. So he's walking out with the ring wall. He goes, where's Cosmo? Cosmo.

[Ben]

So anyway, it was. It was just a group of us, his wife.

[Cosmo]

We were having the best time making clothes, you know, that went out throughout. We became best friends.

[Ben]

So as soon as we go outside and the mgm, first of all, they.

[Cosmo]

Were supposed to close the lights. So you were supposed to see the laser beams. That didn't happen. So everything was just like, kind of weird energy that day from Deontay not being himself. From walk, doing the walk, all that stuff.

[Ben]

So you're walking into the.

[Olivia]

So how much money did you put on Fury?

[Ben]

I was good with the outfit.

[Cosmo]

The price of the outfit, baby. I was.

[Ben]

She was. She was good.

[Josh]

So how did this get to Shaq?

[Ben]

Oh, we were talking about.

[Josh]

So this is better.

[Cosmo]

This is better.

[Ben]

So, okay. No, I'm going somewhere with this.

[Josh]

I'm ready.

[Cosmo]

Yeah, but, you know, I'm like. I'm notorious about my Memes, I'll go on and on and talk about the curtains and the bedspread. So anyway, so we go out and Deontay loses the fight in front of me. I was mortified, you know? The next day, it's in the headlines. The outfit was too heavy. So I'm like, deontay threw me under the bus.

[Ben]

Long story short, he calls me up. He goes, I would never do that to you, Kyle.

[Cosmo]

He goes, you're gonna be with me to the ends, you know? And I'm like, I think this was the end. But anyway, so he apologized. It was just all, like, propaganda. It was all proper.

[Ben]

So he meets Shaq in a nightclub.

[Cosmo]

In Hollywood, and Shaq goes, who made that outfit for you?

[Ben]

Who made that alpha for you? You look fly as drj. I gotta give me some of those lasers. He's like, arnold Schwarzenegger, be Shaq.

[Cosmo]

It's like a little mixture.

[Ben]

So then all of a sudden, FaceTime.

[Cosmo]

Calls me and my partner Donato, because me and Donato made the outfit. It was beautiful outfit. Like, Google it. It's gorgeous.

[Ben]

And he goes, deontay passed me your number in a club. This is Shaq.

[Cosmo]

And I'm like, oh, Shaq shot. So anyway, he goes, I'm doing a gig in Atlanta, and I want you.

[Ben]

To come by and I want you.

[Cosmo]

To make me an outfit. He goes, I'm a dj.

[Ben]

So I knew he was a dj, but I thought it was like R B, soul.

[Cosmo]

I didn't know it was EDM and.

[Ben]

Little glow stick girls going, shaq, Shaj. Okay. I thought it was like, more like Soul Train, baby. I was ready, you know what I mean? So anyway, long story short, he flies me to Atlanta. No.

[Cosmo]

I meet him on Jimmy Kimmel, okay? So he goes, I'm in Jimmy Kimmel. You want to take my measurements? And I'm like, do I want to take Shaq's measurements? Okay. I fucking ran to Jimmy Kimmel. And he was there.

[Ben]

And actually we took his measurements, you know, and we made this thing for him. He flew me to Atlanta, and I.

[Cosmo]

Saw his fabulous dj. Oh, my God. Then we hung out with him after.

[Ben]

So he goes, how come you don't have your own show? He goes, goes, you are.

[Cosmo]

So he goes, why?

[Ben]

So I says, I don't know.

[Cosmo]

You got any connections? He goes, yeah, I own a network. So the next day we come, I come back, and this cameraman in my store, and he's like, we're gonna film you for a week. We're gonna make a sizzle Reel. You're gonna have your own show. So I'm like, oh, my God, another pinch me moment. You know, I'm so sober. You know what I mean? These are the gifts, you know?

[Ben]

You know, about the.

[Cosmo]

Right?

[Ben]

I mean, look what's going on. It's happening.

[Josh]

It's coming true. It all worked out.

[Ben]

So anyway, filmed the sizzle reel.

[Cosmo]

And, you know, he goes, okay, we're gonna, you know, go over the sizzle reel. I still have the sizzle reel. And what happened was two weeks later. Covid.

[Olivia]

Covid bastards.

[Ben]

I'm telling you.

[Cosmo]

And we're all gonna die. You know what I mean? Like, literally, they're shoveling people in the parking lot of the hospital. It was, like, devastating.

[Ben]

So that went on the shelf. Yeah, but that was my thing with Shaq.

[Josh]

Wow.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ethan]

This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Herobred. Folks. Herobred is it. It's the reason that I've been able to lose weight. Sure, I've gotten the assist from some GLP ones, but I'm telling you, Herobred is it. Herobred allows me to eat sandwiches. When was the last time you went on a diet?

[Ben]

Diet.

[Ethan]

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[Olivia]

If I.

[Ethan]

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[Olivia]

Paws off.

[Ethan]

Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money too. After years of overpaying for wireless, I finally got fed up from crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees and quote three perks that actually cost more in the long run. And I just switched to Mint Mobile. I'm telling you folks, Mint Mobile is it. The service? Fantastic. The price. You can't beat it. Why not give it a try? You should. So say bye bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages, Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at just 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Ditch overpriced wireless and get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for 15 bucks a month. If you like your money, Mint Mobile's for you. Shop [e-mail] goodguys that's mintmobile.com goodguys m I n t M-O-B-I l e.com goodguys upfront payment for $45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month new customer offer for first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Josh]

So I want to get your opinion. We do this thing called a speak pipe where people call in and want advice from us. They like to ask questions and whatnot. So I thought we could take one or two. Yeah for our what are you nuts? Moment of the week. If you want to leave us a message, get advice from us, go to speakpipe.com goodguys and our first is from Anonymous.

[Anonymous]

Hey good guys, fellow dog parent here. I have a very serious question. My neighbor left a sticky note on my garage that said incursive. Your dog barks all day long. Just want to let you know what would you do in this situation? Okay, first of all, I work from home. My dog does not bark all day. Okay? She barks maybe every other hour, like, you know, bark, bark, bark. And then I say, buffy, stop barking. And she stops barking. Okay? So I don't know what they're talking about. I don't know. Maybe my dog barks when I leave. But, like, okay, you live in an apartment building where dogs are allowed. Like, what do you expect? Okay, please help me. Do I go over to her? Do I say something? I know who left this note on my dog. Like, what do I do? Thanks.

[Olivia]

Bye. It sounds to me like they live in a cheap building with thin walls. So look, if you're not gonna pay up, okay, to have thick walls, you're gonna need to deal with some inconvenient noises. I completely agree that it's not illegal to own a dog. The same way it wouldn't be illegal to have a crying baby. If you don't want to hear it, you need to live in a building that has thicker walls. Or put on a noise machine job. Josh, how about you put on a noise machine? I personally don't think unless this dog, the way that she explained it, the dog is once an hour and the person is being dramatic. If this dog really is non stop, you talk to your porter or you talk to the person in the building who runs the building and say, look, 4B, the dog won't shut the fuck up. We have to do something. But otherwise I don't. I don't think there's anything to do. You picked a building with thin walls, Queen.

[Cosmo]

Well, I just went through something like that. I have a little Karen that lives next to me, and girl, it's like, I want to, you know, take care of it the New York way. But the queen don't want to go to jail again. She cries when she leaves. But.

[Ben]

So what I was recommended to do.

[Cosmo]

Is to go over to her and befriend her. Like, just go knock on her door, you know, Would you like to go for a cup of coffee? You know, contrary action of what we would do from New York. Right?

[Josh]

Would you like an American Spirit?

[Ben]

Would you like a cigarette, a drink.

[Cosmo]

And a line of Coke?

[Ben]

Yes.

[Cosmo]

My mind, we're having that party, but doesn't work anymore. But my mind, we're getting it.

[Josh]

Yeah, we're getting it.

[Ben]

So I would just, like, try to talk to her.

[Cosmo]

Like, you know, that would be like, try to befriend her. That's the advice I got from my sponsor.

[Olivia]

It's good. That's good advice.

[Josh]

Next one from an anxious girly.

[Anxious Girly]

Hey, morons. Bhbhbh.

[Josh]

That's her fandom for some vice.

[Anxious Girly]

A girly could use some advice. So I've been dating the most amazing guy for a little bit over a year. And I've always been someone that's been very intentional with dating. I have been dating for marriage. I'm also waiting for marriage. And it's just really important to me for religious reasons, to wait for big steps like moving in and whatnot until marriage. And so I also feel very strongly and, and you know, at my current age, I'm almost in my 30s, that like a guy should know what he wants after a certain amount of time. And so we've been dating for a little bit over a year and I always told myself I wasn't going to wait that long for a guy to decide whether or not he wants to marry me. And so I've been in this relationship. We both said that we want to marry each other. We've had all the hard conversations. He continues to tell me, he keeps dropping hints that he's going to propose and he has asked my parents and he keeps telling me that he. It's in the progress, but I'm just dying of anxiety waiting for it to happen. Happen. We've talked about having a spring wedding next year and I just, I'm having a really hard time waiting and waiting for it to happen, but I want it to be his decision when it happens. What is your advice for me for an anxious girly? What do you have for me? Thank you. One of your only non Jewish listeners, but BH guys, thank you.

[Olivia]

Oh man, this is sad.

[Josh]

Do you want me to tag? I'll tag in really quick. You're. You're gonna mess this up, up. You're gonna ruin this because of your expectations, trying to control people, places and things out of your control. And I hate to break it to you, but any sort of projection of what you once thought of, this is how it's gonna go. And I wanna be engaged in less than a year and blah, blah, blah, get over it. That's just not live in the world that is instead of the world you think you deserve.

[Ben]

Oh, that's.

[Cosmo]

That's the queen of the sober podcast right there.

[Olivia]

God, ladies, I'm with you. But I also think if she's that type of personality where she's anxious, he should know that and he should give her some reassurance. If he's marrying a nervous Nelly, you know, I Don't know. Just fucking do it. Rip off the band aid. What are you waiting for? To the same point, Josh, it's never going to be perfect on his side, so, like, he might as well just pop the question at in and out after a burger. She just wants to get married. She doesn't want anything. Like, you can't want something special and just want it to happen. So if she just wants it to happen, he should just do it. It's her loss on the big celebration, you know?

[Ben]

Queen bitch, you sound desperate.

[Cosmo]

And nobody wants desperation, girl, honestly. But I hope for the best.

[Ben]

I hope for the best. I don't think this guy, if he.

[Cosmo]

Didn'T pop it yet.

[Ben]

Yet.

[Cosmo]

Hopefully he pops it. Good luck. Good luck.

[Olivia]

Good luck. I hope he pops it, too.

[Josh]

I met my wife. We were young. I was 24, she was 20, but. And we got engaged. I was 28, 29. So, you know, we were in our early 20s. So I had that Runway, and she didn't pressure me. And then her aunt and her mother once pressured me, and I was like, fine, I'll do it.

[Olivia]

I knew I wanted to do it. Really what I was going to say was, honestly, it's on your mother to go to him and say, say, and say, propose to my daughter next week or there's gonna be hell to pay. Like, it's on somebody else to pressure him, not you.

[Josh]

He screwed up. Asking the parents, like, when? The day that I asked my wife's father for permission to marry his daughter, I was like, I'm married now, because there's no waiting or turning back. So I was like, I asked him on a Tuesday, and I proposed to her Thursday morning or something. You know, just do. Do it.

[Olivia]

You just do it.

[Ben]

But it sounds like it was already.

[Cosmo]

Like, in the bag.

[Ben]

You know what I mean? Like, you know, you guys stood together. You had the family dynamic. You know what I mean? Yeah, it was cool.

[Cosmo]

You just needed a little, like, push.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Cosmo]

You know, a little, like, do it already over here, you know?

[Ben]

But with her, we don't know if she has that same dynamic.

[Cosmo]

You know, maybe he's just, like, being around the bush. I don't know. So good luck, Saha.

[Ben]

Good luck.

[Cosmo]

Yeah.

[Josh]

So our final segment is. What are you nuts? We'll introduce it first and give you time to think about it. It's our grievances or gripes with people. Places and things. Things big or small, sticking in your cross. So anything currently that you're just like, what are you, nuts? Like, why would you do that? Why is this thing nothing too big or too small? So think about it. Ben and I will go first. You have time to think of yours. And then also I wanted to give you a moment. You were nice enough to possibly you brought me some things because Coachella's coming up. Burning Man. Did you want to throw me.

[Ben]

I want to do a little makeover to show you what I do in the store at Melrose. For 30 years now it's. Tis the season. It's Coachella and Burning Man. So we want to show you a little something. Try on a little something.

[Josh]

Great. So should we wait till we're done?

[Olivia]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Josh]

Because I'll have to do that. Okay, perfect. Okay, so. And that'll be first of all, plug away. Where will they see that video? All of the great Cosmo Life. The Queen of Melrose.

[Ben]

So Queen of Melrose is the platform. And then also Cosmos, Glam Squad, and Cosmo Ensenado. Queen of Melrose. All platforms. And then I also just came out with some music. It's on Spotify and it's. Did you hear my song?

[Josh]

I must have.

[Cosmo]

That's going to be another day. It's fabulous.

[Ben]

Yeah. So we have.

[Cosmo]

Yeah. Help me with this. Help. Right.

[Josh]

Queenamelrose.com Cosmos Glam Squad.

[Cosmo]

Okay.

[Ben]

Did you hear her or should I repeat that?

[Josh]

Follow Queen of Melrose on all social media platforms.

[Cosmo]

Yes, yes.

[Josh]

Two stores both on Melrose, one on Fuller. And where's the other one?

[Ben]

Melrose and Fuller. And the other one is Melrose by the Starbucks.

[Cosmo]

Well, what street is that over there? I just got.

[Josh]

What are we talking? Cursing. Sierra Cursine.

[Cosmo]

Curs.

[Ben]

You know, the neighborhood.

[Josh]

Come on.

[Ben]

Okay, so Cosmo and Autos on cursing.

[Cosmo]

Okay.

[Ben]

Cosmos Glam Squad. It's been there for 25 years.

[Cosmo]

It's on Fuller. That's the rock and roll store. Okay.

[Ben]

And then we have Queen of Melrose.com.

[Cosmo]

Where you could order jewelry.

[Ben]

We make everything by hand. You could order all the Queen of Melrose merch.

[Cosmo]

So we have all that on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ben]

So we've been trying to figure out this Tick Tock thing because people are getting rich.

[Cosmo]

Okay.

[Josh]

Do it.

[Cosmo]

It's crazy.

[Ben]

Yeah. Get paid. So we, after work, we've been on.

[Cosmo]

Tick Tock and actually been selling glasses and selling merchandise like crazy. So it does work if you work it. Yeah.

[Ben]

So basically, you can find us on TikTok.

[Cosmo]

Queen of Melrose, Melrose Love. We have a lot going on.

[Josh]

I love it. It's awesome. So subscribe to YouTube, Instagram, TikTok. All Queen of Melrose.

[Cosmo]

All Queen of Melrose. Yes.

[Josh]

The content queen.

[Cosmo]

Yes.

[Josh]

So our what are you nuts? Moment. Ben, do you want to get us started?

[Olivia]

Yeah. Jaywalking with an infant. What are you nuts? I literally made a right. I drive everywhere in this city, as everybody knows, I'm going to make a right. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eyes, eye, I see a dad with literally an infant strapped to his chest crossing against the light.

[Ethan]

Are you.

[Olivia]

Are you brain dead? Like, I just.

[Cosmo]

You.

[Olivia]

You can risk your own life risking the baby. Like, it's just the definition of what are you? Nuts? Nuts. Nuts.

[Josh]

So my Woody and Nuts is actually. Will be teed up by a story of yours. Will you please just share with us a video about your time being in season one of Cops?

[Ben]

First season, babe.

[Josh]

First season. Queen.

[Ben]

First season of Cops. The Queen is going to Las Palmas and Santa Monica Boulevard, the unemployment agency over there.

[Cosmo]

And they have, like, a little park there where they sold all the drugs to everybody.

[Ben]

So the Queen's there, and she's like, you know, getting her little, you know, prescription. And then all of a sudden, my go, Cops. And I turn around, there's like, a.

[Cosmo]

Big fuzzy microphone and lights and cameras in action, and they're like, you're on Cops. So there I was, like a deer in the headlight, okay? And they're like, do you have a warrant?

[Ben]

Do you have this? Do you have that?

[Cosmo]

And I said I was my twin brother Joseph. I didn't say I was Cosmo because I had a warrant.

[Ben]

Long story. Sign this release, please. So the release was to show my face on Cops. So a few weeks later, they're in New York.

[Cosmo]

All my customers, everybody's like, Cosmos on Cops.

[Ben]

I hear Cosmo in my living room. So they just kept on playing that same episode literally 30 years ago.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Cosmo]

And they still play it. Yeah.

[Ben]

So you could Google the Queen on Cops.

[Josh]

Well, my Woody and my Woody and Nuts is. Is no residuals on Cops.

[Cosmo]

No residuals.

[Olivia]

Listen, that's terrible.

[Josh]

You commit a crime, what can you do? You deserve a residual. People are making money off this. Cops.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Cosmo]

A lot. Yeah.

[Josh]

Get these criminals some residuals.

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Ben]

Maybe you guys got a connection. You could talk to somebody.

[Josh]

I can't even get residuals.

[Ben]

Cosmo.

[Josh]

It's not looking good for us. This is two people who make no residuals off their appearances. Queen, do you have a Woody Nuts?

[Cosmo]

What are you, nuts? Okay, so let's say, what are you nuts? Okay.

[Ben]

Something happens every day so in my store, you know, you're going to come in and we're going to give you a makeover, and basically, you know, you want to shop. And, you know, fine, you know, we'll dress you up, we'll put one outfit.

[Cosmo]

On you, maybe two outfits. I will take a picture.

[Ben]

The queen will do the right thing. She'll take a picture. Picture. But what's happening lately? People are like, I want to try.

[Cosmo]

On more and more and more.

[Ben]

And then before you know it, the fucking dressing room is up to here. And then they want to walk out.

[Cosmo]

Without, you know, not even buying a T shirt or a hat. Okay, this is true story.

[Ben]

So I'm like, what do you.

[Cosmo]

Not came nuts.

[Ben]

Kmart's on third. Cross is right there, too.

[Cosmo]

You know what I mean?

[Ben]

So I'm gonna lock the door, you're.

[Cosmo]

Gonna clean your mess.

[Ben]

And so, you know, it just gets so. It's like, what are you, nuts? Have a little shopping etiquette. You know what I'm saying?

[Josh]

Yes.

[Ben]

One outfit.

[Cosmo]

Cute.

[Ben]

The queen will take your picture.

[Cosmo]

She'll give you a lap dance.

[Ben]

The second outfit, she'll show you where the glory hole is in the dressing room. But come on now, you know, don't keep on going. Just say, listen, and we're gonna stop right now.

[Cosmo]

Don't have the queen overwork my step death period.

[Olivia]

It's like tasters at an ice cream store. Josh. Tasters at an ice cream store. Two, tops. And if you walk out, if you try three, you can't walk out. You can't. You're locked in for a scoop.

[Josh]

100%.

[Cosmo]

I'm so with you.

[Olivia]

I am locked in for a scoop. Cosmo, the queen of Melrose. Thank you. Thank you for coming.

[Ben]

Thank you.

[Olivia]

Pleasure.

[Ben]

Thank you.

[Josh]

Cosmetic. This was amazing.

[Olivia]

This was a pleasure.

[Ben]

Thank you.

[Olivia]

You are amazing. We can find Queen of Melrose Cross platform everywhere. We're global, especially TikTok shopping. Okay, listen to us good, guys. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch us on YouTube, share our clips. Instagram and TikTok. We're on TikTok too. Cosmo. Just so you know, Mondays and Thursdays, folks. We will see you next time.

[Ben]

Please note that this episode may contain.

[Josh]

Paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

[Ben]

Individuals on the show may have a.

[Josh]

Direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.