The First Date Playbook

Summary

Good Guys Podcast: "The First Date Playbook"

Hosts: Josh Peck & Ben Soffer
Date: June 25, 2026
Episode Theme:
A funny, wide-ranging exploration into the hosts’ “playbook” for first dates, pet ownership, parenting choices, and modern etiquette—sprinkled with their signature mix of Jewish humor and heartfelt insight.

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Episode Overview

Josh and Ben riff on what makes a good first date in 2026, digress into stories of dog ownership, family dynamics, and city vs. suburb life, and share their sometimes-unorthodox, mostly hilarious, “rules” for everything from romantic gestures to parenting decisions. They cap the show with their classic "What Are You Nuts?" segment, airing personal gripes from vet bills to bizarre sports sponsorships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dog Ownership: To Rescue or Not?

Timestamp: 02:12–04:52

• Ben’s Dog Romeo: Ben shares a chaotic story about his dog, Romeo, getting sick after being fed guacamole and Peking duck, which leads into a broader discussion of pet ownership challenges.
• On Rescuing vs. Buying Dogs:
  • Ben: "When you have young kids, you don’t want... 'oh, it was a mistake, but he just gnawed off my baby’s face.' That’s a real thing." (04:13)
  • Josh: "You shouldn’t get heat for it. And if you do, people don’t know what’s up." (04:52)
• Breed vs. Rescue: They reflect on the unpredictability and trauma some rescue dogs may have endured and why some parents opt for specific breeds.

2. How to Raise a Good Dog (and a Good Kid)

Timestamp: 05:17–11:18

• The Dog Training “Playbook”:
  • Josh: Describes his father-in-law, Ken O’Brien, who leaves his Labrador with the breeder for a year for training, trading the puppy stage for a “proper” well-trained dog.
  • Ben: Agrees with the approach, reflecting on his late dog Theo's bootcamp experience.
• Breeders & Emotional Distance:
  • Ben: "You're sealing the babies from the mother as a profession in your home in New Jersey... you’re profiting." (08:06)
  • Josh: "You’re Cruella de Vil in acid wash jeans." (08:24)
• Pets vs. Children:
  • Josh: “Before I got a dog or a cat, I would honestly consider just having a fourth kid.” (10:01)
  • Ben: Acknowledges, post-kids, affection for pets naturally drops: "Anybody that pretends that they show the same amount of love to their dog [after kids] means that you’re neglecting your kids." (11:13)

3. Parenting, Safety, and Suburban Paranoia

Timestamp: 12:09–15:36

• When Is a Kid Old Enough to Walk Alone?

  • Both hosts compare childhood independence in New York with suburban anxiety about letting kids out of sight.
  • Ben: "I would feel better about Ruby doing that than walking around a super suburban quiet street..." (12:51)
  • Josh: Shares fears of “a van pulling up” and jokes about being “too fat to kidnap.”

• Tracking Kids with Tech:

  • They riff on FaceTime, GoPros, and AirTags for early independence, noting that tech has made it easier to monitor kids.

4. Should Josh Have a Fourth Kid?

Timestamp: 15:36–20:10

• Room to Grow?
  • Josh: Weighs the pros and cons of having more children in a cramped LA suburb versus moving for more space, with the anchor being proximity to his wife’s family.
  • Ben: “What you have right now... is very special. Having that proximity, having that help, especially when you’re talking about raising a small herd.” (17:35)
• They riff on the practicalities of big families—needing a sprinter van, higher costs, and the trade-off between freedom and family chaos.

5. Reclaiming Your Old Life?

Timestamp: 21:08–23:15

• Ben: "When I hear somebody say they want their old life back... it means that they haven’t accepted the fact that whatever they had, they had during a moment in time that no longer exists." (21:26)
• On Accepting Change: Both stress the joy of new experiences over nostalgia for single-life freedom, while lamenting the physical toll and heroism required of mothers having multiple children.

6. IVF & Choosing Gender

Timestamp: 28:09–30:27

• Josh: "I don't really have an issue."
• Ben: Expresses discomfort with IVF solely for gender selection, seeing it as "taking it out of God's hands," but concedes this will likely become mainstream.
• Balanced takes: Both acknowledge others’ right to make their own choices and keep the tone nonjudgmental and “progressive.”

7. UFC on the White House Lawn & “Idiocracy”

Timestamp: 30:41–34:53

• Josh: Describes the spectacular UFC event on the White House lawn, complete with Medal of Honor winners and the Marine band, noting the cultural shift from the usual 4th of July fare.
  • Josh: "When I was watching the fighters walk from the Oval Office into the ring, I was like, we’ve entered idiocracy. Yeah, it's unbelievable." (33:12)
• Ben: Reflects philosophically: “It doesn't have to be a political statement... you can also admit, regardless of party, that it’s nuts.” (33:54)

8. The First Date Playbook

Timestamp: 35:49–42:38

• Going Viral: They react to NYC's viral expectation that "men must send a car" for dates:
  • Ben: "If you don’t want to send a car, pick her up. I think that if you really like someone and they showed up there on their own, it’s pretty strange, right?" (36:13)
• Pro Tips:
  • Send an Uber Black or equivalent.
  • Settle the restaurant bill before she arrives—"Hand your card to the waiter."
  • Check in after the date to make sure she got home safe.
  • Text her the next day—don't “make each other wonder.”
  • Josh: “Be the fuckin’ man. Put some skin in the game.” (40:18)
  • Ben: Advocates a one-day “wait” before texting, but no more: “Wait one day. And then you went out on a Tuesday, text her on Thursday and say, I had the best time the other night. Are you free for dinner tomorrow? I think that’s classy.” (42:20)
• Role Play Segment:
  • The hosts play out an idealized date scenario, executed with their usual comic twist.
  • Memorable Bit: “I paid. I replaced me with a hologram of me. I’m home, honey. I’m home.” – Ben (39:41)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On rescuing vs. buying dogs:

  "I 100%, like, if you don’t have young kids, definitely adopt, don’t shop. But... the safety of my baby is more important than adopting a pet." – Ben (04:36)

• On parenting nostalgia:

  "There’s nothing about my old life that I want because my old life couldn't exist today. It’s impossible." – Ben (22:23)

• On modern dating etiquette:

  “Be the fuckin’ man. Put some skin in the game.” – Josh (40:18)

• On first date follow-up:

  "You need to send her the text. Hi, I just want to make sure that you weren’t kidnapped. Are you home? Text me when you’re home." – Ben (40:52)

• UFC at the White House:

  “When I was watching the fighters walk from the Oval Office into the ring, I was like, we’ve entered idiocracy. Yeah, it's unbelievable.” – Josh (33:12)

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Topic | Approximate Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------|--------------------------| | Dog ownership / rescue vs. breed | 02:12–04:52 | | Dog training and breeders | 05:17–11:18 | | Suburban vs. city parenting, kid safety | 12:09–15:36 | | Should Josh have a fourth child? | 15:36–20:10 | | Reclaiming old life vs. embracing parenting | 21:08–23:15 | | IVF and gender selection | 28:09–30:27 | | UFC on the White House lawn | 30:41–34:53 | | First Date Playbook discussion | 35:49–42:38 | | "What Are You Nuts?" (pet hospitals & sponsor gripes) | 42:38–47:31 |

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"What Are You Nuts?" – Weekly Gripes

Timestamp: 42:38–47:31

• Ben: Rails against exorbitant vet bills for his dog’s upset stomach:

  “They’re saying it could be pancreatitis... it’s gonna run about $7,000. What the fuck are you talking about?!” (43:58)

• Josh: Rants about seeing Hertz sponsorships plastered on professional paintball competitions but not having a working rental car app.

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Tone & Style

Staying true to the “Good Guys” brand, the episode is warm, fast-paced, and brutally honest, loaded with Jewish humor, gentle self-deprecation, and practical advice. Both Josh and Ben comfortably switch between heartfelt reflection and playful, sometimes absurdist, banter.

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Reader Takeaways

• On First Dates:
  Thoughtful gestures—car service, early arrival, bill prepayment, follow-up texts—are easy wins if “you put some skin in the game.” Confident, considerate communication beats games and ambiguity.
• On Parenting:
  The realities (and joys) of modern family life preclude longing for the “old days.” Embrace the new stage and adapt your values and routines.
• On Pet Ownership:
  Practicality sometimes overrides idealism. Choose what’s safest for your family, and train your pets well.
• On Cultural Shifts:
  Even the weirdest new traditions (UFC on the White House lawn!) can be celebrated for what they are, without making everything political.
• "What Are You Nuts?":
  Think twice before paying for unnecessary pet procedures or trusting a rental car company to get sponsorship priorities straight.

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For fans and new listeners alike, this episode of “Good Guys” delivers an irreverent but sincere take on 21st-century adulthood, with just enough actionable wisdom—and laughs—to keep you coming back.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a dear media production. Two Jews, both big and tall. No subject too small for the Good Guys. A Mother Stream premium podcast team. Make it your weekly routine. It's a Good Guys. And if you don't give us five stars. What are you nuts?

[B]

What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys.

[A]

They're not the great guys. We're just the good and good of the good guys. Mazda morons. Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast.

[B]

Josh, I think I found my color. Would you agree? This. This is a. I think this is. It's definitely a purple. It's in the purple family. But I think this just really brings out all of my colors. What would you call this? It's a purple, but it's almost like. What's that called when you have those dried leaves? What are the potpourri? Potpourri. I feel like my colors are potpourri. Would you agree?

[A]

What is that, a plum? It's a merlot.

[B]

Oh, the. What a great. See, this is it, Josh. Merlot. Okay. This is a merlot and plum. It's hoisin. This is a hoisin.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a fish sauce. What color shoe is that? Plum sauce.

[B]

Plumsome. It's hoisin. It's hoisin tea.

[A]

It's moo shu and Jason.

[B]

Oh, my God. What is better than mushu? What is better than Peking duck? I went over to my parents the other night. Josh and my dad, literally, I guess he did a party the night before where he served Peking duck. He's eating or he's serving. He doesn't eat meat. My mom's eating duck. I go to my mom, she's feeding my dog Romy. I'm like, what are you putting in his food? Peking duck. He's at the hospital yesterday. She's blaming me because I gave him a little guacamole. I. I'm like, you don't think it was the duck?

[A]

No, I would definitely blame it on the guac.

[B]

Ok, so it's the guac. Yeah. Romeo's have Romeo's garlic.

[A]

Is there garlic in the guac? I mean, I know it's onion.

[B]

Onion. Onion. Onion made it sick. I think so. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[A]

The guac. I mean, duck is an animal. They can eat meat.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. It's just so gluttonous. God, that dog has what a beautiful life. I'm teasing. My. What do you. Nuts. I'm going to do it later, but it's going to be about these fucking veterinarians and these pet hospitals. Yeah, it's a whole. What are you nuts? Josh? I'll save it for later, but, yeah, Romeo wasn't well, he's on the mend. He had blood in his stool. This is no good, Josh. You don't want blood in your stool. And I was thinking to myself, you know, every dog I buy dies, right? Every dog. But he's. He's alive. He seems to be fine and on the mend.

[A]

But do you think it's good? Super fancy, inbred dogs?

[B]

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe I need to go and buy a different kind. Honestly, the more I talk about it, the idea of buying a dog. No, no, no, bueno. Let him stay with his mother. I ripped him from his mom. Like, I didn't pay her.

[A]

Or as Joey Combasser would say, the mother. The mother. Yeah, man. It's really. Because I understand wanting to get a pure bred, beautiful little puppy. But then I also understand everyone who's like, you should only be rescuing. What are you doing? And. And mostly because they. They get sick easy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. King. They are fully. King Charles in general, from what I understand. They really. They don't get sick. They do die on the earlier side. The average lifespan is like 13, 14 years.

[A]

Some might call that the ultimate sickness.

[B]

Totally. But they're. But they're wonderful dogs. They're so great with kids. I think the fear of rescuing a dog for a lot of people with young kids is them having experienced trauma and then you just never know. It's not necessarily fair. But when you have young kids, you. You don't want. Oh, it was a mistake. But he just gnawed off my baby's face. Like, that's a real. That's a real thing. Because the person before him, the reason that he or she is up for adoption, God forbid, is, you know, maybe they were abused, maybe their owners. There was neglect, maybe they were. You never know. And that's not to say that about all dogs, but a lot of them are in these shelters for a very sad reason. And so I 100%, like, if you don't have young kids, definitely adopt, don't shop. But I don't know, I. I might get heat for this. But I do think that the safety of my baby is more important than adopting a pet.

[A]

You shouldn't get heat for it. And if you do, people don't know what's up.

[B]

Yeah, that's a.

[A]

That's a terrifying prospect. I know. I. It's a hard. Okay, so tell me what you think of this. Cause I kind of think my father in law has it the most dialed in, but very few people are willing to do this. So he is a duck hunter and he needs a Labrador to retrieve the duck and. Sick.

[D]

Sick.

[B]

What a fucking. Ken o' Brien is the coolest guy in the world.

[A]

The coolest.

[B]

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, dude?

[A]

The man in his mid-60s, has brown hair, doesn't dye his hair. Is that sick?

[B]

That's sick. And to the person on Instagram who commented on my recent post saying, ooh, salt and peppa Daddy getting ready for summer. Kill yourself. Okay. Kill yourself. I didn't see any of them and now I can't unsee them. But also it was shiny in the light from the side.

[D]

Continue.

[B]

But yeah, kill yourself. Ok. Fucking bitch.

[A]

Thanks for listening. Yeah, Kob man, I think his hormone levels are cranking. His T is top tier. Top tier T and but yeah, so he's always had a black Labrador retriever. And they're always the best dogs. And here's why is because he goes to a special, you know, breeder in California and gets the dog and then he leaves the dog with them for one year. Because A, they have to train them in general, but then B, they have to train them to retrieve. And so you are foregoing the cutie woodiest little stage at, you know, that puppy stage, which is impossible for most people. But what you get back is a dog. Like a dog, a proper dog, the best dog in the world. And all his dogs have been that way.

[B]

Yeah, we did that with Theo. Rest in peace. He's dead now, but we sent him to a camp for like two weeks. And training boot camps are important, Josh. They really are. Like, if you, if you want a dog that. And it's lovely over there, they are with other dogs. Or at least this is what I tell myself, that it's lovely over there. But you send them to this boot camp and they come back trained. I say to myself, yeah, they just must be using positive reinforcement. That's all. They must just be able to speak their language better than I can. Meanwhile, I'm sure if I went there using whips and shock collar. Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm sure they just have a much more curt tone. I'm sure it's the tone that's getting through. And I just blind myself. Yeah, I really hope not.

[A]

I really hope they just like walk the line of being like ultra pro. Like, they're just unemotional in ways that we would be emotional. But it's There anything, is there anything

[B]

more savage, Josh, than being a breeder

[A]

animal? People are always weird.

[B]

The idea of being a breeder, when you think about it, you, you have a mother, ok, you find a father, you're impregnating the mother, and then you're selling off the babies one by one for profit.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Is there anything, is there any worse job? Like, it's just, it's just terrible when you think, when you break it down like that, nuts and bolts, you are sealing the babies from the mother as a profession in your home in New Jersey. Yeah, you're profiting.

[A]

You're Cruella de Vil in, you know, acid wash jeans.

[B]

Fully, fully. And you're making, you're making bank, Josh. You're making.

[A]

I don't know if that juice is worth the squeeze.

[B]

Oh, I completely agree. I completely agree. But you are. You could clear three to five grand a dog.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, you know, but how many, you know, what do they got litters are you getting? And also, I remember this one. I, I dated this one girl when I was like, you know, 19 years old, who was from Moscow, Idaho. And so they had like a bunch of.

[B]

There's a Moscow in Idaho?

[A]

Yeah, bro. Made. Made famous by the Brian Goldberger murders.

[B]

Is it little Russia? Like, are there Russian roots?

[A]

It's Moscow.

[B]

Moscow. Not Moscow, but it's spelled like Moscow. Wow, okay.

[A]

Moscow from Kiev, Idaho,

[B]

I'm from.

[A]

Her and her family had like, they were, had like a little litter of baby kittens who were like, super cute for the first couple days. And I was like, this is exhausting.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's.

[A]

It's 10 babies.

[B]

Yeah, it's a full time job. And the fact that you just like raise the babies to sell them is just like, you're cold. You're a heartless bastard. Like, could you. I couldn't raise them and then give them up. I would, I would have to keep them or give them to friends that I would see regularly. I just like, I don't know, man. You have to have a, you kind of have to have a stone cold heart.

[A]

I just, I guess, like, also, it doesn't help that I'm allergic, but before I got a dog or a cat, I would honestly consider just having a fourth kid.

[B]

Yeah, that's fair. I think that you're, you're either a dog person early on or early on or you'll never be one. It's either something that you were raised on or. And even as somebody who was raised on it, like, I love, I definitely love Romeo, he's, he's a great boy. But like since having Ruby, I can't. Like there just isn't the same level of room like I in my heart like, or time like I'm playing with Ruby, Romeo jumps up, he wants to play and it's like, this is my time to play with Ruby. Like, Romeo, you're great, but I just like, I can't show you the same love and affection that I showed Theo when I had no baby. You know, it's just different life stages. Anybody that, anybody that pretends that they show the same amount of love to their dog or I'll switch that anybody that shows the same amount of love to their dog. Post kids as free kids means that you're neglecting your kids.

[A]

So do you not get a dog now again when Romeo's not here anymore?

[B]

The thing is this now becomes Ruby's dog. That's what I keep reminding myself. This is Ruby's childhood dog. And if Ruby loves having a dog, we'll have dogs. If he doesn't have the same connection that I had, then yeah, this will be the last one. Wow. But. But this is Ruby's dog. This is Ruby's dog. It's hard and he better. Any better fucking walk him. Okay, this is Ruby's dog. No, he's going to walk him.

[A]

He's a pick up his shit before Ruby can walk him.

[B]

I hope not.

[A]

That's also he will be right?

[B]

Because like I don't know, he's only, he's two. So if he lives the, the true life expectancy, which I'm hoping, okay, I lost one at seven. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll live to 1450.

[A]

Do you think? Do you see letting Ruby walk around the block alone, ideally

[D]

10.

[A]

Okay, so it'll. He'll be dead. I mean he'll be, oh, he'll be on death store.

[B]

There's a chance that he'll be dead. Yeah. And then I, and then I wouldn't want him walking. Yeah. Okay, so we'll see how, we'll see how Ruby deals with, with that.

[A]

Like you you saying that to me as a kid who grew up in New York like you, doesn't I, I wonder if there are people listening who are going, you would let young Reuben walk, you know, up and down the block at 10 years old at 10 in the morning in big scary New York. But I'm like, I actually would feel better about Ruby doing that than walking around a super suburban quiet street on

[B]

a 10 at 10am Totally right, totally. And yeah, yeah, because there's people around him, like, God forbid there's stores to go into. I couldn't take fake phone calls and run into a convenience store in suburbia.

[A]

That's.

[B]

You're. There's nowhere to go. So. I completely agree with you. And I was out walking, walking to the park, going to play basketball around 10. 10 for sure. I had plenty of friends. This wasn't me because my parents spoiled me rotten by driving me to school, but I had plenty of friends that were taking the public bus at 10 to school me.

[A]

That was me.

[B]

Yeah. It's not. It's because you really are with a community of New Yorkers. Like, for the most part. New York is a great place.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And sure, it has its outliers, but yeah, I think it's important for, for kids to get exposed to the city early. That way they're, they, like you're in a melting pot and you really feel it when you start to walk around. And yeah, I agree. It's way less scary than being alone in suburbia. Like, I, I don't know. To creep me out.

[A]

Yeah. It's a hard balance. Like, we live right by my son's school and we can like. And you know, he's seven, so obviously we've never let him go alone. But sometimes he'll be like, can you just like, watch me from the garage as I walk up to school? And it's like, we've tried it and it's seven is too young. But you know, when he's like 10 years old, like, I don't know. I. Again, like, around suburbia, it's just I, I'm always like a Vance gonna pull up. Vance gonna pull up.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

John. They're like, offer him candy. And that's it.

[B]

Yeah. By the way, I would take all that candy. You wanna, you wanna, you want a Milk Dud? Sure. Where do I sign up?

[A]

That was the silver lining for me is I was too fat to kidnap.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Too fat to kidnap.

[B]

That's a great T shirt. Too fat to kidnap. It's a great teacher. I wonder, like, and I'm surprised that nobody's like, invented this with the ability to FaceTime. We have GoPros. Like, is there not something that like a kid could wear that would show the parents just in those early days, like, what's going on in front of them without them having to be on FaceTime? Or is that like too much?

[A]

I don't know. But like, there's certainly many ways to track your kid with Air tags and, you know, hidden play. I mean, I think more so than ever, like, if you put a little bit of effort in, you can make sure that you would know where your kid was if, God forbid, they got picked up. But it's all. I don't know. Should we. Should we have the conversation about whether or not Paige and I should have a fourth kid?

[B]

Yes, we should. I would start by having the conversation with asking you, do you want a fourth kid?

[A]

I thought you're gonna say, I would start the conversation with, have you run this by Paige.

[B]

Let's start. You. Do you want a fourth kid?

[A]

I. It's really environmental and circumstantial, which it was not for the first three.

[B]

Okay, explain.

[A]

I think that where we live, we have Paige's family, which is everything, but we live in an LA suburb that just doesn't allow us to have a lot of room or like a huge house. And I'm not making light of, like, we are incredibly blessed, but with so many kids, I think it, it really helps to live in a place with where you can have some land and, you know, just have a bigger place. Right. Like, where the cost of living isn't so high. Because part of what we love about where we live is that you can have a house, but it's super congested, everyone lives on top of each other, and, you know, you're close to the beach, you're close to, like, some great activities and whatnot. And I think if I had that many kids, I would want to be able to open a door and have them run outside and it be fenced in and gated, and we don't have that. And I don't think we could probably have that in la. So I think that would be the thought. And would you.

[B]

Would you leave la?

[A]

But then we're leaving her family, so there's really no balance.

[B]

How far. How far is the closest leaving LA? Like, like, could you go. Could you go 15 minutes and have what you want? Or you needed to go 45 minutes? Because if you go 15 minutes, you're not leaving her family necessarily.

[A]

No, but, like, and, but then you kind of go, like, if I live an hour outside of la, like, do I just move to a more tax incentive state then? And, like, really live it up?

[B]

Totally. But you'd need to convince Mr. Ken O' Brien to do that too. Um, because I think that. Because I think that what you have right now, not only is it very important to you, but I think it's very special. I think having that Proximity. Having that help. Having just like the. The. Like the. The safety net of having that help, I think is enormous, especially when you're talking about raising a small herd. So even though I do think Ken o' Brien would do wonderfully in the Sunshine state of Florida. Oh, baby. Duck hunting. Where do we duck hunt? Can we duck hunt in Florida? There are no ducks. That's the only problem. We'd have to put out ducks. We could go gator hunting. Do you want to go with me?

[A]

Hunt some gators, wrestle gator or two?

[B]

Josh, we gotta sell that show to Hulu. Me, you, and Ken o' Brien hunting alligators. Are you kidding me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you kidding me? That's better than Snooki ghost hunting in Canada. You watch your tone. That's better. By the way, we can get Snooki too. Snooki could alligator hunt with us.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Holy smokes. And then all of a sudden, we pulled Joey Kamasta out of the water by the neck. Who wasn't a gator Joey. It was a gay. It was a gator.

[A]

Joey's in a two piece alligator bikini just fully tucked. Oh, my God. Speaking of summer coming along, I just don't know, man. I just wish I had gotten my top surgery earlier because again, every year during summer, I'm like, I'm not taking off my shirt. There's no way. And yet you, recently, in a clip that's gone completely viral, just have no problem letting that big, beautiful, gorgeous body shine. Even if it's. Even if it's with a gaffed diving attempt.

[B]

No, no, no issue at all.

[A]

I. Oh, God bless you.

[D]

Honest.

[B]

Honestly, it. Life's too short to care. Who cares? You also look great. Before we get to this, though, where I gas up your body. That's absolutely happening on the four kids. Just quickly closing that chat. Maybe five or. Maybe five. I think that. I think that if Paige is down, what's a. What's more of a blessing than that? I have to assume that with each new baby, it keeps you young.

[A]

Ina, the female rabbi. What's more of a blessing than that?

[B]

What's more of a blessing than that? Yeah, I think it's just. It's amazing. So if he's someone, I would do it. I know, it's crazy. You'd have to get Escalate Suburbans for navigators. You'd be locked out of regular cars.

[A]

We would need a sprinter van. We need a big house, a lot of land. I mean, yeah, you can't even, like, you really have to this is why big families road trip. Because five or six plane tickets, like

[B]

it's all very expensive. All very expensive. It's hard.

[A]

It's. You know what you're. And you only have one now. So like you really have no interest in your old life. But you know, maybe once, God willing, you have two, three kids. Me, like, there are plenty of people I know who are like, I've shut it down, right? Like, either they shut it down with the second or they definitely shut it down with the third because they are in anticipation of getting their life back.

[B]

And I understand.

[A]

I, I don't have any interest in that. Even though I sit here today with you, Benjamin, fucking exhausted. Like, yeah, these kids be kicking my butt. And yet like I go and so it would be over with Meer. And then what? I have to have dinner plans. No, thanks.

[B]

Yeah, it's just, it's interesting when, when I hear somebody say they want their old life back. To me that means that they haven't accepted the fact that whatever they had, they had during a moment in time that no longer exists. Like I used to. This is like pre rwby. I used to like lay awake at night and think about summer camp. How much I loved summer camp. How much I miss those people, how much I miss that time. It was so simple and different. I was 15 years old. I didn't have my phone for two months. It was just different. And then I think that can't exist now. It's impossible. So why am I thinking about it? It's the same thing with, oh, I'm going to go to dinner. No, I would want to go to dinner and then I'd want to go out and then I'd want to do some mystery drug and I want to be out till three in the morning. I don't. That's not going to happen ever. And it wouldn't be able to happen now. Like, let's just leave that then. The new normal. I hope new things bring you joy. To whoever said that, I hope like you've, like, I hope work brings you joy. I hope like rearing and raising children brings you joy. I hope that you can find things that make you happy. Like, I don't. I don't know. Right. Like, yeah, there's nothing, there's nothing about my old life that I want because my old life couldn't exist today. It's impossible. Part of that old life is freedom from responsibility. So unless you want to neglect your kids, the idea of going out to dinner and not watching the nanit because somebody's babysitting or not thinking about your child, you can't be, you can't be out till 4 in the morning. It's just irresponsible. And it'd be, I'd be so stressed, like, I wouldn't even have any fun. Like, you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, it's, it's a totally different hustle. But I, Yeah, I mean, obviously, if we could be guaranteed a girl that. There's just so many factors. It's like, and I'm not saying this is as being critical of my wife in any way, I think it's a lot to ask any person, male or female, mostly female, to carry, like, to carry a kid four, five times is a lot on the old bod. It's just like physically a heroic act of the highest measure. And when you start getting into multiples, I mean, some people might be like, oh, yeah, by then you're just kind of like, you know, at the 40th week you just kind of go and good night. It's over. Yeah, it is rough on someone's body. It's so rough.

[B]

It's, it's. I can't even imagine.

[A]

I can't even imagine postpartum. Cut that out me.

[B]

No, but, no, by the way, it's, it's 10 year five kids. It's 10 years of just like pregnant and post pregnancy. Oh God, it's 10 years. I can't do years.

[D]

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[A]

No, that's a blessing too, right? Because like if the fourth one comes out a little bit, like you go like, I push my luck.

[B]

God forbid. Me. Yeah, yeah, totally. You mentioned a girl. I do know people and I'm curious to your thoughts on this. I know people who have used IVF to pick gender. How do you feel about that?

[A]

I don't really have an issue.

[B]

I think. I think I have an issue.

[A]

Okay, say more.

[B]

I think that the idea of IVF is so unbelievable, but I do think that it should be reserved for people who are having trouble. I don't think that it should be. It feels too taking it out of God's hands. For me, the idea of making a baby in a lab, which is exactly what you're doing when you could have done it the other way, it just, it just feels strange to me. Um, but maybe that's. I have to assume that's exactly where we're heading. I think we're just early in it. But I'm sure that if you look back and. Or if we look forward 25 years, it will be completely normal to do that. Because why wouldn't it be completely normal to do that? You take so much of the risk out of it. Like there's so much more than just male or female. It's also, I'm pretty sure that you can make sure that if there's an issue with chromosomes or if like there. I'm pretty sure that you can prevent a lot of bad things, a lot of heartache when you do it that way as well. But yeah, it just, it's such a wonderful Godly process to me. Like I don't love, I don't love making it so man made, but it's interpretation, right?

[A]

Because another person could say, hey, if you can't have a baby naturally, maybe that's God too.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

Again, it comes down to picking and choosing.

[B]

It comes down to picking and choosing. To that person I would say, but they could say the same thing to me. But to that person I would say that it's not your baby, so it's not your decision to say if God wanted it or not. Similarly, it's not my baby, so it's not for me to say that somebody can't pick their Gender. So yeah, it's totally.

[A]

This is a progressive pod. We are peepee.

[B]

We're very, we're very progressive. We're very progressive.

[A]

And everyone says that always, no matter what, especially about you.

[B]

I'm progressive, by the way. I'm as, I'm as progressive as they come. And if you thought something else, you're wrong. Get your head out of the gutter.

[A]

Get your head out of your ass. Go watch UFC in front of the White House. Boy, Boy, oh boy. Did you watch this thing? This was a couple weeks ago, but did you watch any of it?

[B]

I, I missed it? No, I didn't watch it.

[A]

Wow. It was. Oh, man.

[B]

I, all weekend I was streamed. Where was it streamed? Like, where could you watch it?

[A]

Paramount plus the best streamer. My friend Larry Ellison, total coincidence, owns Paramount. Plus I was, all weekend, I was doing. The President was like, did you hear where UFC is? It's, it's at my house on my front lawn. Oh, man. I wanted to hear, there's, the main event was with a fighter named Ilya Topuria. And I wanted to, I just wanted to hear Trump say it once because you know, he would have been like amazing Ilya. But it was, My God, look, it

[B]

was the White House front lawn. It was literally on the front lawn. Did you see the White House behind it?

[A]

Yeah, dog, it was.

[B]

I have to look it up. So cool.

[A]

The whole week was amazing because leading up to it, the press conference in weigh in was in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

[B]

And look, it's like, it's like gladiators. It's like, like we are in ancient Greece and we are showing up to the Coliseum and we're watching people fight to the death. And the king is sitting there and he's watching. Not skull Trumpet King, but like that's the parallel. Like, it's so, it's, honestly, I think it's awesome. I, I, it's entertaining. I didn't watch it because I don't, I don't care about ufc. Ok. I'm a progressive that doesn't care about ufc. Okay. Okay. So whatever you thought about me, you thought wrong. I'm also wearing purple. Okay. Um, but yeah, I can never really get into ufc. I'm not much of like a watch people fan fight kind of guy. When I watch it though, it's fun, but it's not something that I ever seek out. But I understand people that do and it's a huge fucking sport.

[A]

I love the ufc. I mean, if anyone can just remove the politics from it for a Second, what I loved is, you know, it's obviously America's 250th birthday. The fighters walked out with Medal of Honor winners of all of every generation. So there were like, wow. Hundred year old Medal of Honor winners walking with the fighters towards the ring. The Marine band played the opening music for each fighter, which was awesome. Obviously every soldier in every sort of different type of dress was there, and then thousands of tickets were given to sailors and servicemen, so it felt like an event for the troops, which was pretty awesome. So I thought it was a spectacular event and mostly because I just love mma, but then also I have eyes and I think both things can be true that when I was watching the fighters walk from the Oval Office into the ring, I was like, we've entered idiocracy. Yeah, it's unbelievable.

[B]

It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, it's absolutely crazy, 100%. But yeah, I don't know why, like, that doesn't have to be a political statement to your point. Like, you can still enjoy it, think it's cool. It can still be a great representation of our country and doing something cool. And you can also admit, regardless of party, that it's nuts.

[A]

You know, usually they'll do these concerts and this is around 4th of July in the Capitol, right? And they'll get some like, sort of, you know, like some music acts and stuff, and it's fine. But for me, it has no, like, to me, I compare it to that, right? They would have spent a bunch of money on that and it would have been some forgettable music and sort of like the typical fare of like a very family friendly, you know, patriotic celebration. I'm like, this was doper to me. Like, yeah, I. But it's what I'm interested in.

[B]

Yeah, it was cool to you. It's something that a lot of people love and clearly just something that Trump loves. Like, presidents are allowed to have interests. Every president has interests. Obama loved basketball. Loved. And President Trump happens to be a huge fan of sports. He loves mma, he loves golf, and we found out at Madison Square Garden that he loves basketball, even though the only game the Knicks lost was with him.

[A]

Literally.

[B]

Literally, like the. We lost the first two games and then I think we won 12 straight, and then we lost with him and then we won the last two. So not saying it's a coincidence, but crazy.

[A]

Crazy. Should we get to some weird news?

[B]

I want some weird news. Even though there's no weirder news than lawn fighting at the White House. But get. Yes, give me Something strange.

[A]

That is so darn good.

[B]

Give me something bizarre.

[A]

Well, the New York Post writes, new New York City dating demand has men and women at war. No ride, no date. Singletons are screaming, send help. The guys and gals of Gotham are going at each other's throats in a vicious debate over a newly viral dating prerequisite. Men must send a car.

[B]

What do we think?

[A]

Yeah, you don't.

[B]

By the way, you don't have to send a car, but if you don't want to send a car, then you should pick them up. I. I think that. I think that the idea that you like someone and they showed up there on their own, it's. It's pretty strange, right? Like, I'm meeting you there. Like, no, if I really like you. I mean, Josh, we do this for each other and we're not. We're not dating or married. Like, I think it also comes down to the person. Like, I had dinner last week with Jesse Solomon from Summer House. Just met him first time I drove him home. I would have picked him up, too. I would have picked him up, too. I didn't know where he lived. But, like, I'm in my car. Like, what's it to me? I'm driving anyways. Once I'm in my car, I'm in my car. So, yeah, these guys need to be less fucking lazy. And if you don't want to send a car, pick her up. And by the way, if you don't have money for a car or to pick her up, you don't have a car. Go walk to her door, knock on the door, pick her up, and take the subway together or take the bus together or walk together. Yeah, I think it's weird thinking through it for her to show up to a date by herself. What do you think?

[A]

I think there's a couple. I think the hard part is finding someone you connect with. Personally, I think there are. The easy part are a couple of things that people don't do. And granted, you have to have some scratch to do this, but just coming from a male's perspective, I know that a. I think these are easy wins with a woman that can elevate you and put you at such a higher sort of tier than other men. And it's simple, right? It's. Yes, you send an Uber for them. You send an Uber Black for them. I don't know, maybe that's too much like Mr. Big and sex and the City.

[B]

No, it's great, especially. The only problem is sometimes you get a great car and Sometimes that Uber black becomes like, a Acura rx, and then she's like, what the hell? What are you doing here?

[A]

CX90. Yeah.

[B]

An Escalade or a Suburban. Wow.

[A]

I mean, if you can do that, you're already starting, like, at a. At a higher level.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I'll tell you what else. Settle the bill before she gets there. Just hand your card to the waiter.

[B]

Well, that requires you to show up early, and then you can't get there together. But, yes, in this world where you sent a car for her, you show up early, you take care of the bill. While you're crushing that, she also shows Josh that you're thoughtful. Girls love a planner. They love when you've thought of it already. They love that.

[A]

And it's like. And if it can look effortless, where she's like, where's the. Where's the bill? Here, let's role play. Okay. On your date, and you've already taken care of the bill. Maybe just you went to the bathroom and you went to the waiter. Hey, here's my Max, right?

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

That was the most delicious hibachi dinner I've ever had. And you have beautiful eyes.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Where's the bill? I assume we'll split.

[B]

I took care of it, honey.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

It's done, honey. You heard me call you honey. I took care of me, honey. It's on me. It's done, honey. It's done.

[A]

So we can leave it right now,

[B]

Honey, I've already left. You're talking to me. I'm virtual.

[A]

You're a hologram.

[B]

I'm a hologram. I'm on my way home. I paid. I replaced me with a hologram of me. I'm home, honey. Well, I'm home.

[A]

I am absolutely turned on right now. And I would like to take the quickest route to your apartment, sir.

[B]

Honey, you can't. On a plane. Honey, I'm gone.

[A]

I'm on a G7.

[B]

You can't see me, honey. You can't.

[A]

And the other thing you can do, honey, is. Babe, the other thing you can do is.

[B]

Oh, my God. If you stupid.

[A]

If you don't want to see the person again, write them a text after the date. Don't say that you don't want to see him again, but just say something nice. Hey, it was, you know, had a lot of fun. Hope you got home safe. Whatever. Hope you had a nice night.

[B]

Definitely check in on her to make sure she got home. Are guys not doing that? Are guys just, like, assuming. That's crazy. Like, you need to send her the text. Hi, I just want to make sure that you weren't kidnapped. Are you home? Text me when you're home. That has to. If you're not doing that, that's crazy.

[A]

Do the right thing. Do the right thing. And then the other part is, is if you do like her, write her the next day. If you check on her that night, make sure she got back okay. And then the next day, don't make each other, like, be the fucking man. Put some skin in the game and look. Because each of you are wondering if the other person's going to check in the next day and say, what's up? So break the ice. Like, yesterday was super fun. Like, did you see UFC on the White House Slam? You know, one of those emojis you

[B]

think you can do? Yesterday, the old me would have said, absolutely, because I was never, ever good at that game. And I know you shouldn't play games, but I think Girls sometimes need 24 hours of thinking that you forgot about them. Oh, and then you come in, and then you come in the day after, and you're like, I had so much fun the other night. Because then she's. Then she's hooked. And I know that's terrible to say. I was always texting that night, that minute I had the best time with you. I can't believe it. Like, I can't believe you went out with me. Like, let's do it again tomorrow. And she's literally block. Like, you're suffocating me. But, like, no. If you. If you can. If you can do it, wait a day. Just one. Nothing. No. Weeks. No. None of this. Wait one day. And then you went out on a Tuesday, text her on Thursday and say, I had the best time the other night. Are you free for dinner tomorrow? I think that's classy. Classy, but still pulling at the heartstrings a little. Yeah.

[A]

I will say. I don't know if I ever. I don't think I actually did any of the things I'm saying, but in hindsight, I think it's a good idea.

[B]

Should we do a. What? Are you nuts?

[A]

We sure. Sure. We sure should.

[B]

Our what? Are you nuts? Moment of the week is our gripes with people, places and things, both big and tall. Whatever's sticking in your craw. I mentioned this earlier, Josh. You know what's sticking in my fucking craw? The vets. Veteran. Veteran veterinarians, or even the vet hospitals. It's not the veterinarians. It's not them. They're lovely people. They couldn't get into medical school. They're lovely, okay? They're lovely, lovely, animal loving people. The pet hospitals, okay? My mom took Romeo. She had him for the weekend, and we were in upstate New York. She's like, ben, Romeo's not feeling too hot. He's shitting all over the place. There's blood in his stool. I need to figure out what's going on with him. I'm like, okay, mom, please take him. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. She takes him and she's like, you know, they're saying it could be pancreatitis. They're saying they want to keep him overnight for observation. They could give him an IV. You know, it's going to run about $7,000. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Because he's had diarrhea for like a day. You think it's pancreatitis? How about you ask if I fed him guacamole? How do you ask if his dog dad is an idiot? Okay? So my mom's like, no, no, no, none of that's. Just give me, like some. Some medicine for his tummy, like a probiotic and let me go out the door for 250 bucks. She texts me today, Romeo's on the mend. She also texted me last night, which my mom is just the best, but this is also what he nuts. She's like, I ran a bath for him. He's soaking his bones. He's feeling much better. I was just thinking, mom, you're the best, but you're just so funny. You put my 11 pound dog in a Jacuzzi.

[A]

So disposing. So good.

[B]

But yeah, these vet hospitals are fucking. What are you nuts? Josh, They're a cash grab. And my mom said to me, and she's so right, she's like, imagine people who go in and just say, yes. There are so many people that would have said, oh, he must have pancreatitis. Put him on the iv. I don't care how much you charge me. And then he gets released. You're at seven grand. And he was fine. Like I would want to cheap out

[A]

on my son's stitches on his eyebrow.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I was literally on the way to the hospital to have it done there, to have him, you know, glued back together by some quack. And thankfully his pediatrician called and said, don't you want to go to a plastic surgeon? It's on his face. And I was like, out of pocket. But we did it.

[B]

Yeah, that was the Right. Call. There's sometimes where we should spend money. Putting your dog with diarrhea on an IV, not one of them.

[A]

Shout out Dr. Ellie Safer. Unbelievable. It really beautiful.

[B]

A beautiful great Dr.

[A]

Safer.

[B]

Wow, Josh, you got a witty and nuts.

[A]

I do my woody and it's moment of the week is randomly my son and I will watch random televised sports on ESPN 100 or one of their subsidies. And you know, they have kickball, they have dodgeball, they have paintball. Who doesn't love paintball? And I noticed as anyone would know as a professional paintball watcher such as myself, my that paintball courses now in a competition are these big sort of inflatable pillars, right? Like these inflatable objects that they hide behind and shoot each other. And all I could see was it was sponsored by right on the inflatable Hertz Rent a car, wouldn't you nuts. Hold on. Rental car companies can't get their websites together, but they have enough money to sponsor paintball. Can you imagine what that that meeting look like with a bunch of the chair people? Like they say our app keeps crashing. They're like, no, no, no. Where are we with mahjan? Where's our mahjong sponsorship?

[B]

What's particularly great about that is I can't imagine that a paintball sponsorship is expensive. So it actually would show me the opposite. It would show me Jesus hurts. Ok, can you. You're a big company. Can you fix your app and pony up some money for the NBA finals or something like Paintball.

[A]

Paintball.

[B]

Save that for Save that for sports Society. Yeah, save that for Save that for somebody else with smaller revenues. Like, that's hysterical. Oh my God, it's espn ain't the Ocho. I got to watch dodgeball again. You know what else I got to do, Josh? Give this episode 5 stars. Otherwise what are you nuts? Listen to us. Wherever you get your podcast, watch us on Spotify. Spotify video is on fleek. Okay. Watch on Joshua's YouTube. Share our videos Mondays and Thursdays, folks. Twice a week. We will see you

[D]

next time.

[A]

Spider Man.

[C]

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