Podcast Summary: Good Inside with Dr. Becky

Episode: Can We Really “Have it All”?

Date: November 4, 2025
Host: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Guest: Dr. Corrine Lowe, Associate Professor of Economics at Wharton

Episode Overview

This episode tackles the pervasive notion of “having it all” as a modern parent—especially for women—and unpacks the myth, the stress, and the reality behind this aspiration. Dr. Becky and guest Dr. Corrine Lowe dig into the data on women's time, societal expectations, and how families can rethink their approach to time, values, and self-care.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Deconstructing the Myth of "Having it All"

• Dr. Becky sets the scene: The “perfect mother” who balances parenting, homemaking, a thriving career, and Instagrammable weekends is a fiction.

  • [00:00] “Let’s first myth bust. This human does not exist. And if you think I’m that human, you are sorely mistaken.” - Dr. Becky

• Dr. Lowe’s take: The phrase "having it all" is tongue-in-cheek; behind every “perfect” image is chaos and challenge.

  • [03:38] “We were being a little tongue-in-cheek with that phrase… dinner is on fire, your heel is broken, and your coffee is spilled.” - Dr. Corrine Lowe

2. Economic Lens on Time and Constraints

• What Economics Teaches Us:
  Economics is about maximizing what you want within constraints—a lesson that especially applies to parenting.

  • [05:45] “Economics, at its core, it's the science of maximizing subject to constraints. And if there's anybody who knows about maximizing subject to constraints, it's moms, right?” - Dr. Lowe

• Trade-Offs Are Inevitable:
  “Having it all” ignores the reality that time is finite and that every choice has a trade-off.

  • [07:28] “There are trade offs, and especially with time.” - Dr. Lowe

3. The Modern Parenting Time Crunch: What the Data Says

• Increased Demands (Especially on Women):

  • Women’s careers are more demanding than ever; men’s household involvement hasn’t kept pace.

  • [08:07] “Men do the same amount of housework as they did in the 1970s… Men’s time at home has actually stayed relatively constant.” - Dr. Lowe

  • Moms today spend twice as much time with their children as moms did a generation ago.

    • [08:37] “Moms today spend twice as much time with our children as moms a generation ago.” - Dr. Lowe

• Result:
  The gender gap for unpaid household and childcare labor has actually widened, not narrowed.

4. Recognizing & Embracing Trade-Offs

• Trade-Offs Clarify Values:
  The necessity to make choices can be a source of clarity about what’s most important.

  • [15:10] “Trade offs clarify what my values are. And it’s always really helpful to know what my values are.” - Dr. Becky (paraphrasing advice she received)

• Utility Function:
  In economics, “utility” sums up your unique sources of happiness, fulfillment, and meaning. No one can define your utility function except you.

  • [16:35] “Utility is the sum total of the joy, fulfillment, meaning, and contentment that you can fit into a lifetime.” - Dr. Lowe

5. Practical Tools: How to Prioritize Your Time and Happiness

• Visualization Exercise:
  Imagine being a billionaire with no constraints—what would your daily life look like? Use the answers as a barometer for what you truly value.

  • [17:57] “Picture what would your life look like if you were a mega billionaire… That’s what you value. That’s unconstrained maximization.” - Dr. Lowe

• Making the Most of Limited Time:

  • Use your calendar as a reflection of your values (e.g., scheduling friend lunches as seriously as work meetings).
  • [21:58] “My calendar is kind of a force function for making me represent what I really care about.” - Dr. Becky

• Define REAL Leisure Time:

  • Leisure is time where you are the primary beneficiary—not a task disguised as self-care/obligation.
  • [23:45] “When I say leisure time, I mean something where the first beneficiary is actually you, which is really hard for us to do.” - Dr. Lowe

6. Overcoming Guilt and Modeling Self-Care

• Dismantling “First for Me” Guilt:

  • Doing things for yourself is not selfish—neglecting your needs leads to depletion, resentment, and poor modeling for your children.
  • [29:17] “First for me. And just to notice what comes up for me.” - Dr. Becky
  • [32:07] “If you let yourself become an angry, empty, depleted shell in service of your children and your family, you are modeling for your sons that they can expect that of their wives.” - Dr. Lowe

• Narrating Your Choices to Your Kids:

  • You don’t need your child’s approval to do things for yourself; model that adults have complex needs.
  • [34:16] “I love being your mom…and I love the time I have with my girlfriends…that is still a very important part of me. And my job is to make sure I keep it alive.” - Dr. Becky

7. Actionable Strategies and Closing Advice

• Find Something to Remove from Your Plate:

  • Offload (to your partner or outsource), or just drop tasks that aren’t essential.
  • [40:00] “I want you to find something that you’re going to actually take off your plate.” - Dr. Lowe

• Promote Your Partner:

  • Treat your co-parent as a co-CEO, giving complete ownership of tasks rather than delegating micromanaged steps.
  • [40:20] “You’re gonna take end to end ownership of the lunchboxes instead of me delegating it to you…” - Dr. Lowe

• Challenge Gendered Outsourcing Norms:

  • We’re comfortable outsourcing “male” tasks (e.g., oil changes) but often guilt-ridden about outsourcing “female” ones (e.g., organizing, cleaning).
  • [41:22] “We're actually pretty comfortable outsourcing male-coded tasks and uncomfortable outsourcing female-coded tasks.” - Dr. Lowe

• “Throw Out a Houseplant”

  • Metaphor for letting go of tasks that don’t fit your current life stage—give yourself permission.
  • [42:01] “All of my houseplants are dying…I would love to be…that person…maybe I’m not gonna be that person right now, and that’s OK.” - Dr. Lowe

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Instagram facade and messy reality:
  [03:38] “Having it all…and your heel is broken and your coffee is spilled and your baby is crying…my laptop doesn’t work. The screen is blacked out. So THAT’s the like, having it all.” — Dr. Corrine Lowe

• On trade-offs clarifying values:
  [15:10] “Trade offs clarify what my values are.” — paraphrased by Dr. Becky

• On utility and happiness:
  [16:35] “Utility is the sum total of the joy, fulfillment, meaning, and contentment that you can fit into a lifetime.” — Dr. Corrine Lowe

• Dr. Becky’s powerful declaration:
  [29:17] “First for me. And just to notice what comes up for me.”

• On modeling for children:
  [32:07] “If you let yourself become an angry, empty, depleted shell in service of your children and your family, you are modeling for your sons that they can expect that of their wives.” — Dr. Corrine Lowe

• On team/family and the “selfish” play:
  [36:25] “The team isn’t going to tell me, I need you to go on this trip. But like, the team…the team wants to win, period. My family wants to win as a family. And this is sometimes a part of that.” — Dr. Becky

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:00–03:31]: Busting the myth of “having it all”
• [05:40–07:28]: The economic view: maximizing with constraints, and why moms know “trade-off city”
• [08:07–09:25]: Stats on working parents, increased career demands, and the persistent gender gap
• [12:47–13:36]: Strategy: Get clear on values, make hard choices, get rid of guilt
• [16:35–17:27]: Utility function: Happiness and fulfillment are personal, not external
• [17:57–20:28]: Visualization exercise: What would you do with unlimited resources?
• [21:58–22:55]: Calendars as value systems; protecting your time for what matters
• [23:45–25:20]: Defining real leisure time and why it matters for parents
• [29:17–32:07]: Addressing the discomfort and guilt of self-care (doing things “first for me”) and modeling for kids the importance of adults' needs
• [40:00–42:01]: Concrete advice: Take something off your plate, “throw out a houseplant”
• [43:14–end]: Dr. Becky’s closing three big takeaways

Episode Takeaways

1. Let Go of the Myth: No parent can truly “do it all”—and chasing that ideal only adds stress and guilt.
2. Know Your Values: Trade-offs are unavoidable. Use them to clarify what truly matters to you, and let your core values shape your calendar and commitments.
3. Prioritize True Self-Care: Do something “first for me.” Real leisure time replenishes you and benefits your entire family.
4. Rebalance and Delegate: Share the load with your partner, challenge assumptions about outsourcing, and don’t be afraid to simply let things go (“throw out a houseplant”) during the squeeze of busy life chapters.
5. Model Healthy Boundaries for Your Kids: Showing your children that adults also have needs is an act of love and equality—it’s what raises the next generation with healthier expectations.

Tone: Wise, warm, validating, yet pragmatic—both Dr. Becky and Dr. Lowe are candid about their own struggles and keen to translate data and research into actionable advice for real-world families.