Good Inside with Dr. Becky: "Dealing with Feelings: A Conversation With Dr. Marc Brackett"

Host: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Guest: Dr. Marc Brackett, Founding Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence
Date: September 16, 2025

Episode Overview

In this insightful episode, Dr. Becky Kennedy speaks with Dr. Marc Brackett—a leading expert on emotional intelligence and author of Permission to Feel and Dealing with Feeling. The discussion centers on understanding emotions as essential data rather than problems to solve or feelings to eliminate. Together, they dive into the importance of emotional literacy for both parents and children, practical strategies for coping and co-regulating, and how to foster resilience. Dr. Brackett’s own personal story anchors the conversation, highlighting how early adversity inspired a lifelong mission to help others navigate their emotional worlds.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Dr. Brackett’s Personal Journey

• Early Struggles and Resilience
  • Dr. Brackett opens up about a traumatic childhood marked by abuse and bullying, and how these experiences left him emotionally isolated.

    “I just feel like my emotional life was kind of robbed from me as a kid… I ate [my feelings], I cried them, I banged my head them. I did everything that you would call unhealthy to deal with them.” (02:32, Dr. Marc Brackett)

• The Transformative Role of Uncle Marvin
  • His uncle, a teacher developing a feelings curriculum, moved in and simply asked: “How are you feeling?”—a turning point for Dr. Brackett at age 11.

    “He asked me the simple question that guides my work, which is, how are you feeling? No one asked me that question.” (03:51, Dr. Marc Brackett)

  • This early validation led to a career devoted to studying and teaching emotional literacy.

The Science and Practice of Emotional Intelligence

• Emotions as Data, Not Problems

  • Emotions are signals providing crucial information about ourselves and our environment.

    “Emotions are signals. They tell us to approach or avoid. … Emotions are information.” (14:50, Dr. Marc Brackett)

  • Five key roles of emotions: attention, decision making, relationships, mental health, and performance. (14:50–16:54)

• No ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’ Emotions

  • The binary of positive versus negative is unhelpful—instead, every emotion has a purpose.

    “There’s no positive or negative feelings. Emotions are data, information, as we said.” (17:58, Dr. Marc Brackett)

  • Attempting to eliminate unpleasant feelings is not only unworkable—it robs us of important growth opportunities.

• Emotion Regulation is Learned, Not Innate

  • Most people were never formally taught emotion regulation—during the pandemic, only 10% of people reported such education at home, 6–7% at school.

    “There is no area of your brain called emotion regulation. It is 100% learned.” (10:15, Dr. Marc Brackett)

Parenting: From Theory to Practice

• Early Disappointments Build Skills

  • Shielding children from all discomfort undermines their ability to build resilience. Those who face challenges early—speech delays, missed opportunities—must develop self-worth and grit internally. (07:37–12:47)
  • Parents should see setbacks (not being invited, not getting ‘the best’ role) as vital practice moments for later life.

• The Myth of the ‘Quick Fix’

  • There’s no one-size-fits-all regulation strategy; needs shift according to developmental stage and life circumstances.

    “People are so obsessed with the quick fix... what’s the one strategy that helped me deal with my feelings? I’m like, I don’t have the answer for that. I’m sorry.” (12:47, Dr. Marc Brackett)

• Two Harmful Extremes in Emotion Socialization

  • Dismissing/ignoring: “Suck it up, you’re on your own, kiddo.” (30:18, Dr. Marc Brackett)
  • Enabling/indulging: Overreacting, canceling plans, or letting emotions dictate reality (“We're going to talk about how you feel for the next eight hours”).
  • Healthier Middle Ground:
    • Validate emotions, open curiosity (“Tell me what happened, what’s going on?”), but maintain belief in your child’s capability to cope.

    “As a parent, I believe you and I believe in you.” (32:02, Dr. Becky Kennedy)

    • Shift from “I’ll fix this for you” to “I know you can get through this.”

• What Creates the Best Conditions for Children?

  • In Dr. Brackett’s research, the adults who made a positive difference were:
    1. Non-judgmental
    2. Listened well
    3. Compassionate
       Notably, “no one ever says the person who created the best conditions for them… was smart or a problem solver.” (34:13, Dr. Marc Brackett)

Practical Strategies & Takeaways

• The Power of Permission to Feel

  • Allow emotions space, name them, and welcome them without panic or shame (“Hi, anxiety, welcome.”).

• Self-Awareness is Not Self-Indulgence

  • Contrary to critics, brief check-ins, and increased self-awareness are not about ruminating all day, but about calibrating reactions and staying proactive. (23:47-23:58)

• Modeling Emotional Regulation

  • Authentically share your emotional process with your kids—e.g., “Daddy had a rough day, I need a few minutes to settle, then we’ll play.” (39:06–41:29)
  • Normalize not always being at your best. Use self-talk that demonstrates reflection and problem solving.

• Fathers’ Role (Often Missing)

  • Only 3% identify their father as the person who gave them ‘permission to feel’. Dads must become more emotionally available and involved. (39:06–41:29)

• Reground in Your Parenting Values

  • Before a tough moment, visualize and reaffirm the type of parent you want to be (present, curious, connected).

• Three Practical Mindset Shifts (Top Takeaways)

  1. “There’s no such thing as a bad emotion.”
  2. Move from self-criticism/other-criticism to self-compassion/other-compassion, breaking generational cycles of gaslighting.
  3. Adopt an ‘other-orientation’—cultivate curiosity about others’ feelings, not just your own (including your children and even in-laws). (46:14–49:01)

• Doing ‘Nothing’ Is Sometimes a Powerful Choice

  • Allow children the space to process before jumping in or demanding immediate apologies. (37:24–38:29)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Growth From Disappointment:

  “If getting rejected when you applied to college, if that is your first experience with disappointment ever… why would you have coping skills as an 18-year-old that are any different than, I don’t know, a six-month-old?” (09:43, Dr. Becky Kennedy)

• On Emotional Data:

  “Emotions are signals. They tell us to approach or avoid… They ensure our survival. They help us to thrive in life.” (14:50, Dr. Marc Brackett)

• On ‘Permission to Feel’:

  “The first strategy for healthy regulation is permission to feel.” (19:33, Dr. Marc Brackett)

• On Parental Curiosity:

  “There’s no relationship. And in some ways, in that moment, you also have no curiosity. Your curiosity is shut down.” (30:38, Dr. Becky Kennedy)

• On Modeling Emotional Openness:

  “What if it looked a little different? What if it was: Honey, I recognize you want to play…Daddy had a really rough day at work…If it’s okay with you…I need a few minutes to settle, and then we’ll play.” (39:06, Dr. Marc Brackett)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Personal Backstory & Uncle Marvin’s Influence – [02:32–04:19]
• Development of Emotional Intelligence Work – [04:37–07:37]
• Praising Grit vs. Natural Talent; Grit and Growth Mindset – [07:37–09:43]
• Emotion Regulation is Learned/Statistics on Emotional Literacy – [10:15–11:22]
• Emotions as Data (Five Purposes) – [14:50–16:54]
• No Good or Bad Emotions, Just Data – [17:25–17:58]
• Regulating Emotions: Permission to Feel – [19:33–19:48]
• The Problem with Extremes (‘Dismiss’ vs. ‘Indulge’) – [29:28–32:02]
• How to Respond: Non-Judgment, Listening, Compassion – [34:13–35:20]
• On ‘Doing Nothing’ and Creating Space for Processing – [37:24–38:29]
• Role Modeling as Parents; Getting More Dads Involved – [39:06–41:29]
• Actionable Parenting Mindsets (Top 3 Takeaways) – [46:14–49:01]

Final Practical Takeaways

• Embrace and validate all emotions as useful data.
• Shift out of binary thinking: feelings don’t need fixing or erasure.
• Practice brief, non-judgmental check-ins with yourself and your children.
• Find the middle way—hold space for emotion and simultaneously project belief in your child's resilience.
• Don’t strive to be the ‘fixer’; prioritize listening, presence, and compassion.
• Dedicate yourself to regular self-reflection, regrounding in values, and modeling healthy emotional processing.

Further Resources

• Dr. Marc Brackett’s latest book: Dealing with Feeling
• Website: marcbrackett.com

This summary was designed to provide a comprehensive, engaging recap of the episode, rich in actionable insights and key moments for parents and caregivers seeking to deepen their understanding and skills in emotional intelligence.