Good Inside with Dr. Becky: Carpool Q&A

Host: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Episode Date: September 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this special “Carpool Q&A” episode, clinical psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Becky Kennedy answers real parent questions about the often-chaotic world of parenting in the car. She shares practical, compassionate strategies to defuse sibling battles, facilitate meaningful conversations, manage separation anxiety, and reclaim some joy (and sanity) during school runs and carpools. The atmosphere is warm, relatable, and action-oriented, giving busy parents quick but deep guidance for those all-too-real moments behind the wheel.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage for Car Rides ([05:20])

• Teamwork Mindset: Begin car rides by affirming to kids that you’re all “on the same team.”

  “Car rides can be tricky. I want you to know we’re on the same team. We are going to be able to get through this tricky thing together.” (Dr. Becky, 05:33)

• Self-Care for Parents: Have something grounding for yourself during car time—your favorite song, a snack, or anything that makes the moment more manageable for you.

  “Insert yourself into the car moment, and I promise you, you will not be as reactive.” (Dr. Becky, 06:13)

• Permission to Pause: If things get too heated, it’s okay to pull over and reset.

  “Hey, we’re gonna take a break for a moment. I need a deep breath.” (Dr. Becky, 06:30)

2. Managing Sibling Fights in the Car ([07:00])

• Proactive Practice: Prepare kids during calm moments, not in the heat of battle.

  “Talk to your kids in a calm moment when you're not about to get in the car… Hopefully your kids see this as a game, not as a punishment.” (Dr. Becky, 08:10)

• Practice Grounding Skills: Have children physically practice keeping hands to themselves, and take deep breaths together.

  “Let’s also say I can keep my hands to myself, and have them actually practice putting their hands on their bodies, which is something they will then be more likely to do during an actual car ride.” (Dr. Becky, 09:02)

3. Getting Kids to Open Up After School ([10:05])

• Let Go of Immediate De-briefs: After-school car rides aren’t always the best time for conversation.

  “Don’t think about the car ride after school as the time you’re going to get information… hopefully this feels like a relief.” (Dr. Becky, 11:32)

• Relatable Comparison:

  “Picture me meeting you after work, right outside your office and just peppering you with questions… I’d find that so annoying.” (Dr. Becky, 10:55)

• Better Timing: Wait until dinner or bedtime for those meaningful check-ins.

4. Easing Separation Anxiety at Drop-Off ([13:30])

• Parent Mindset Shift: The parent’s goal isn’t to ensure a “tear-free” drop-off—accept discomfort as part of the process.

  “Our job as parents is not to make a tear free drop off… If your kid feels like you’re anxious about the fact that they're anxious, that makes them more anxious.” (Dr. Becky, 13:48)

• Balance Validation and Optimism:

  “One foot in validation… the other foot is in what I call capability or hope. We have to see a more capable version of our kid than they can access in the moment.” (Dr. Becky, 14:38)

• Sample Script:

  “I know drop off can feel tricky and I know you’re going to end up having a great day.” (Dr. Becky, 15:22)

5. Turning Around a Tough Morning ([16:20])

• Transition Rituals: Use play, silliness, or routines to signal a fresh start on the way to the car.

  “From today forward, when we walk to the car, do we want to say really weird, random sounds—ugly, buggly, juggly. That’s enough to get your kid out of difficult morning mode.” (Dr. Becky, 17:13)

• Directness for Older Kids:

  “Hey, that was a tough morning. Let’s have a more fun, connected energy.” (Dr. Becky, 17:55)

• Intentionally Mark the Transition:

  “Put something into the transition to signal to everyone that we can put a tough morning behind us and move forward in a way that feels better for everyone.” (Dr. Becky, 18:40)

6. Feeling Like a Chauffeur ([20:10])

• Reframe Optimization: Instead of optimizing each kid’s schedule, sometimes prioritize the family’s or your own needs.

  “Try a weekend where I optimize for our family, not for each kid.” (Dr. Becky, 20:50) “Your mood, how much energy you have...the idea of the family being together instead of split apart all the time, it actually ends up being better for everyone.” (Dr. Becky, 21:24)

7. Lighthearted Listener Questions

• Weirdest Thing Under the Car Seat:

  “A piece of old moldy, very stinky string cheese under the buckle.” (Dr. Becky, 22:40)

• Song Guaranteed to Brighten the Mood:

  “‘I Want it That Way’ by Backstreet Boys. I had to do a little bit to get my kids into it, but now they’re on board.” (Dr. Becky, 23:08)

8. Self-Care in the Car for Parents ([23:30])

• Podcast and Snacks: For herself, Dr. Becky keeps a favorite podcast downloaded and always has a snack.

  “Giving my kids a snack without having one for myself never felt good. And I like that I’m modeling self-care.” (Dr. Becky, 24:05)

9. The Unique Potential of Car Conversations ([25:00])

• Low-Pressure Sharing: Kids sometimes open up more in the car, because the environment feels less intense—no eye contact, just parallel presence.

  “When you’re driving… the lack of direct eye contact communicates to a kid that there’s not as much intensity and so they’re more willing to share.” (Dr. Becky, 25:25)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It’s kind of like you’re giving them practice in the gym before the big game.” (Dr. Becky, on practicing car behavior, 09:20)
• “Being playful, being silly is always the best way for kids to have better behavior because they feel more connected to you.” (Dr. Becky, 17:23)
• “Sometimes the magical moment happens in the car.” (Dr. Becky, 25:49)
• “Even as we struggle on the outside, we remain good inside.” (Dr. Becky, 26:55)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [05:20] - Setting the stage for positive car rides
• [07:00] - Handling sibling fights in the car
• [10:05] - Why kids don’t open up in the car after school (& what to do instead)
• [13:30] - Separation anxiety and drop-off strategies
• [16:20] - Salvaging a rough morning
• [20:10] - Combatting chauffeur burnout
• [22:40] - Fun closing questions—what’s under the car seat and best mood-brightener song
• [23:30] - Dr. Becky’s self-care essentials for car time
• [25:00] - The unique nature of car conversations

Episode Tone

Warm, empathetic, and practical. Dr. Becky mixes her clinical perspective with her own parenting struggles, using humor and humility to reassure listeners that challenging moments are universal—and always addressable.

Takeaways

• Car riding with kids is tough for everyone. Proactive strategies, playful moments, parent self-care, and permission to drop the pressure can transform these routines into more connected, less stressful experiences.
• It’s okay to set boundaries, model self-care, and forego “perfect” transitions.
• Even the car can be a place for connection and growth—for both parents and kids.