Podcast Summary:

Good Inside with Dr. Becky Kennedy – "Helping Kids Through Loss with Grief Expert David Kessler"
Date: December 9, 2025
Guest: David Kessler, internationally renowned grief expert

Overview of the Episode

In this deeply moving and practical episode, Dr. Becky Kennedy welcomes grief expert David Kessler for an open, honest discussion about helping kids—and ourselves—navigate grief and loss. Drawing on Kessler’s personal history and professional expertise, they share actionable insights on supporting children through all forms of grief, not just death: divorce, moves, disappointments, and more. Listeners receive frameworks, language, and validation for one of parenting’s hardest moments, with compassionate guidance on how to show up authentically and not leave kids alone in their pain.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Journeys into Grief Work

[02:28–03:55]

• David shares his traumatic childhood filled with multiple forms of loss, including his mother’s death during a mass shooting event, and how these experiences propelled him into grief work—not by choice, but necessity.
  • “I grew up with a lot of loss in my childhood...I came away from that feeling really damaged and broken...finding my own way through it.” (David Kessler, 03:07)

2. Children’s ‘Magical Thinking’ and the Personalization of Loss

[04:01–06:39]

• Children often believe they cause bad things to happen, not because parents say so, but as a way to regain a sense of control.
  • “That’s key with children, is that we personalize it. We think we did something.” (David Kessler, 04:33)
  • “We would rather be guilty than helpless.” (David Kessler, 06:39)
• This magical thinking is adaptive in childhood, offering an illusion of control.

3. The Isolation of Grief and the Impact of Adult Responses

[07:12–10:12]

• Dr. Becky reflects on children's vulnerability and the danger of shutting down conversations about grief.
• David describes feeling isolated when his grief was not acknowledged and public disclosure (like a teacher announcing a parent had died) ultimately caused embarrassment rather than solace.
  • “It felt so isolating. Only me again. I am the only one in this pain.” (David Kessler, 08:15)
  • “You’ve been thrown onto another planet with no instructions.” (David Kessler, 10:12)

4. Defining Grief: Love and Change

[10:17–11:39]

• David provides two powerful, memorable definitions:
  • “Grief is love. It’s another form of love.”
  • “Grief is a change we didn’t want.” (David Kessler, 10:30 & 10:39)
• Dr. Becky emphasizes the power of simply naming a child’s experience, “You didn’t want this to happen,” as a profound intervention.

5. Parents Want to Fix, but Grief Isn't a Problem to Solve

[11:39–13:19]

• Parents’ instinct is to fix or protect kids from sadness, but grief is not brokenness, and the real path is to teach kids how to feel and continue living.
  • “Grief is not being broken. Grief is, you know, these feelings that happen to us...to be with, not to fix.” (David Kessler, 11:41)
  • “You have to teach them how to grieve and how to live grieving. Feel those feelings and life continues.” (David Kessler, 12:49)

6. Rewriting Our Stories with Compassion

[13:32–15:43]

• With time and healing, we can revisit childhood judgments and reinterpret them with adult compassion—for parents, authority figures, and ourselves.
  • “As an adult, I could find compassion...my mother didn’t abandon me. She died.” (David Kessler, 14:54)

7. Big Myths and Misunderstandings About Children’s Grief

[16:01–16:47]

• Children are “puddle jumpers”:
  • They move in and out of grieving quickly; adults can misinterpret this as lack of feeling.
  • “A child can be in enormous pain...and five minutes later, want to go out to play.” (David Kessler, 16:35)

8. The Dignity of Pain & The True Role of Parents

[16:51–18:37]

• Parents should allow children the dignity of owning their pain.
  • “We have to give even our children the dignity of their own experience.” (David Kessler, 17:08)
• The goal isn’t to erase their hard moments, but to ensure children never feel alone in them.
  • “We can’t change the hard, but we can change the alone.” (Dr. Becky Kennedy, 17:54)
• Grief must be witnessed, not distracted away:
  • “Grief must be witnessed. We need our grief witnessed. We need to know someone else sees our pain.” (David Kessler, 18:37)

9. Grieving as a Parent: The Loss of David’s Son

[20:36–23:12]

• David shares the profound devastation of losing his own son, adopted from foster care and lost to addiction.
  • “It was…shocking and paralyzing to be in that kind of pain.” (David Kessler, 21:51)
• The pain of grief is incommensurable; “the pain we’re in is the worst pain.”

10. Practical Guidance: Honest Conversations About Death

[23:12–27:32]

• Avoid euphemisms like “went to sleep” or “went on a long trip.” They confuse and distress children, causing sleep issues and anxiety.
• Truthful, loving explanations ground children in reality, lessen anxiety, and build trust.

11. The Funeral Question: Should Kids Attend?

[27:43–36:03]

• David’s take: Funerals are a once-in-a-lifetime event and a teaching moment; he leans toward involving kids, with preparation and honesty.
  • “Funeral…is another way we say I love you.” (David Kessler, 28:24)
• Dr. Becky finds a middle ground: Don’t force, don’t abdicate the decision to children, but give context, information, and support.
  • “Kids can handle more than we realize…Funerals can be a very concrete representation.” (Dr. Becky Kennedy, 36:04)
• Prepare children for literal misunderstandings ("headstone" literal story, 34:34-35:53).

12. Alternatives and Cultural Considerations

[36:37–37:36]

• Mini-rituals, memory gatherings, and alternative ceremonies can be meaningful if a funeral doesn’t fit.
• Families and cultures make the ultimate decisions.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “We would rather be guilty than helpless.” – David Kessler [06:39]
• “Grief is love. Grief is a change we didn’t want.” – David Kessler [10:30–10:39]
• “We can’t change the hard, but we can change the alone.” – Dr. Becky Kennedy [17:54]
• “Grief must be witnessed. We need our grief witnessed.” – David Kessler [18:37]
• “Truthful answers, even if uncomfortable, because I know we can get through hard things together.” – Dr. Becky Kennedy [32:20]
• “What we run from pursues us, and what we face transforms us.” – David Kessler [38:12]
• “Say their name. Ask about the person. You didn’t make them cry, you became a safe person to cry with.” – David Kessler [39:06–39:39]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Personal history and pathway to grief work: [02:28–03:55]
• Children’s magical thinking and assuming fault: [04:01–06:39]
• Isolation and the struggle to find support: [08:15–10:12]
• Simple, profound definitions of grief: [10:17–11:39]
• Puddle jumping and myths about kids’ grief: [16:01–16:47]
• The dignity of pain and the role of parents: [16:51–18:37]
• Losing a child, navigating personal grief: [20:36–23:12]
• How to talk to kids about death: [23:12–27:32]
• Should kids attend funerals?: [27:43–36:03]
• Practical rapid fire takeaways: [37:41–39:55]

Actionable Takeaways for Parents

• Acknowledge children’s feelings openly and honestly. Use clear, simple language; avoid confusing euphemisms.
• Don’t try to fix grief. Be a witness, a companion, not a problem-solver.
• Model living with grief. Show children it’s possible to feel pain and go on.
• Give children dignity in their experience—resist sweeping pain away.
• Prepare for literal questions and misunderstandings; clarify language thoughtfully.
• Create rituals for grief, whether traditional or personalized, and involve children with context and support.

Rapid Fire Wisdom & Final Thoughts

• “Grief is forever, but you can remember with more love than pain.” [37:48]
• “What we run from pursues us, what we face transforms us.” [38:12]
• Never compare or insert your own loss; just listen and love. [38:30, 38:47]
• Saying their name and inviting stories is a gift. [39:06]

Metaphor for Grief:
“For every spring, there’s a summer. For every summer, a fall. For every fall, a winter. Everything that lives dies. And we have this wonderful time in between to be with one another.” (David Kessler, [39:55])

Tone

The episode is warm, candid, and full of compassion—a blend of lived experience, wisdom, and practical guidance. Both Dr. Becky and David Kessler emphasize honesty, presence, and shared humanity as the best tools for parents supporting grieving children.

For parents facing the unthinkable or navigating everyday losses, this conversation offers empathy, validation, concrete advice, and hope—a blueprint for not letting kids be alone in their pain and for honoring the grief we all must face together.