Good Inside with Dr. Becky — "Let's Talk Back-to-School" (August 19, 2025)

Episode Overview

In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy tackles the perennial challenge of the back-to-school transition, blending personal anecdotes, research-informed advice, and her trademark warmth. Dr. Becky explores why this season is universally fraught for families, how parents’ own childhoods affect their responses, actionable strategies for coping with transitions, and the power of reframing resistance and resilience. The conversation is lively and compassionate, offering realistic guidance to make the back-to-school season less overwhelming for both parents and children.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Universal Dread of Back-to-School (00:00–03:50)

• Acknowledging Parental Denial: Dr. Becky confesses her own tendency to avoid thinking about the school year looming in late summer. She notes that failing to prepare makes everyone’s transition harder.
  • “My denial of the school year coming often leads to my kids having a pretty bad first week of school experience. And I want to avoid that...without taking away summer.” (A, 00:22)
• Relatable Parental Questions: Dr. Becky explains how the sudden switch from “lazy mornings” and “ice cream” to “30 things to do before 7:07am” is universally challenging.
• Variety in Parental Preparation: She humorously reflects on her evolution from packing backpacks days in advance to fully relying on reminders from friends or shifting responsibility to her youngest child.
  • “I am also now the parent with my third kid where he just knows he does it...I’ve been all the parents.” (A, 03:23)

Why Is Back-to-School So Stressful? (03:50–06:07)

• Loss of Summer Freedom: Both kids and parents struggle with losing unstructured summer days.
  • “There’s something we love about that...more agency and more time...as soon as we sense that that’s about to go, it feels really, really bad.” (A, 04:13)
• Denial Delays Preparation: Parents’ desire to soak up every moment of summer often prevents sharing useful info with kids, making transitions bumpier.
• Kids Need Predictability: Children have a harder time holding expectations in their heads, making the lack of prep extra stressful for them.

How Our School Experiences Shape Our Parenting (06:07–07:43)

• Fast Forward Error: Parents project their own unresolved childhood experiences onto their kids’ struggles, fast-forwarding to worst-case scenarios.
  • “A moment doesn’t become a moment. It becomes this whole story. And then I’m not even responding to whatever happened today.” (A, 06:43)
• Check Internal Reactions: Dr. Becky points out how our history colors our immediate emotional responses to our children’s challenges.

Meeting Each Child’s Unique Needs (07:43–09:51)

• Tailoring to Temperament: Each child needs a slightly different approach, depending on personality:
  • Deeply Feeling Kids (DFKs): Need control, advance notice (but not too much), and sensitive attunement to emotional states.
  • Independent/Capable Kids: Want agency, direct involvement (“Here are the supplies we need. What do you think we should do?” [A, 08:32])
• Practice Letting Kids Lead: Dr. Becky advocates regulating her own emotions first, then letting children take some initiative.

The Deeply Feeling Kid & The Arc of Resistance (11:45–16:41)

• Understanding Deeply Feeling Kids: They experience the world intensely and notice every detail, especially during transitions like starting school.
  • “They’re just amazing perceivers of the world. They know. ‘This is new… I’m not trusting that person right away.’ There’s something amazing about those kids.” (A, 12:12)
• Separation Takes Longer: The analogy of learning to swim — some kids just take longer to separate but can still ‘swim’ independently.
• Resistance is Normal:
  • "Resistance is part of your kid's arc" (B, 13:39)
  • Kids express resistance (“I’m not going to school!”), which is developmentally normal—an externalization of internal conflict. Dr. Becky suggests:
    • “The truth is we all have multiple parts of us...I have resistance to getting out of bed and going to work as an adult…I figured out how to make sense of that and work through that. Not our kids.” (A, 14:09)
  • Don’t fast-forward to catastrophic conclusions.

What To Do In the Face of Resistance (16:41–19:20)

• The “Do Nothing” Strategy:

  • “My favorite strategy in the world: doing nothing. That is definitely, I think, a go-to response.” (A, 16:47)
  • Instead, take a deep breath and “don’t fast forward.” Wait, let the moment play out, then calmly acknowledge your child’s statement (“I heard you”) and proceed.
  • Avoiding the power struggle by lightly offering options (“You still need breakfast. Do you want a bagel?”).

• Declining the ‘Power Struggle Party’: Dr. Becky uses humor to normalize these parental dilemmas.

  • “Do you want to attend this power struggle party I’m inviting you to?...As an adult, it is my job to continue RSVPing no—not with rudeness, just, no.” (A, 18:27)

Surviving the Painful Drop-Off (19:20–23:29)

• Empathy for the Hardest Moment: Drop-off, especially for young children, is gut-wrenching—even for experts.
  • “It is so painful. It’s so real...Good parents have kids who cry at drop off. Your kids’ tears are not a barometer for whether you did a good job.” (A, 19:41)
• Mantras for Surviving Drop-off:
  • “Your kids’ tears are not even a good indicator of whether they’re going to have a good day.”
  • “I hope you have something planned after [drop-off]...make sure you have something for yourself right after.” (A, 20:27)
• The Importance of Post-Drop-off Support: Dr. Becky advocates seeking community or self-care directly after emotional drop-offs.

Celebrating a Back-to-School Win (23:29–28:29)

• Ten Years in the Making: Dr. Becky shares a proud moment when her oldest son, after years of encouragement, spoke encouragingly to himself during a tough homework assignment.
  • “He said, ‘This is a really challenging one. But that’s okay. I can do challenging things.’” (A, 24:23)
• Focus on Process, Not Outcome: She emphasizes that the true victory is in kids developing adaptive self-talk—regardless of whether they get the answer right.
  • “His identity as a learner was not about getting something right…it actually was about finding purpose in the challenge.” (A, 26:33)

Redefining Wins and Building Resilience (28:29–30:35)

• Tolerance for Frustration: Building resilience looks messy, not perfect.
  • “Building resilience is messy, is whining, is frustration...If we do a little shift, and I know you know what I call this—like, the sick joy of like, all right, it’s not my most enjoyable five minutes, but boy, is this my most impactful.” (A, 29:08)
• Redefining Wins: The episodes that feel like failures are often wins if you reframe your goal from short-term peace to long-term growth.
  • “Parents who tell me their wins come in the moments they used to think they were failing, but they’ve just kind of redefined what their goal is, what their role is.” (A, 30:25)

Speed Round: Fun School Memories (30:35–31:22)

• Peanut butter & jelly was her childhood favorite snack (though no longer allowed).
• Blue was the go-to folder color for both science and math (“Way too disorganized” [A, 30:58]).
• Weirdest school habit: her alarm had to be set so the last two digits were a multiple of the first. (“There was no waking up at 7:25 or 7:30...Wouldn’t happen.” [A, 31:12])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We all want the road to be straight…I get my kid out of bed, they do the next step...not my house, for any of my kids. If you think about the road, it’s a little curvier. Then the curvy part is just the resistance.” (A, 16:21)
• “If I can tolerate this feeling, I am telling my kid that this feeling is tolerable.” (A, 29:13)
• “It's not the backpack or the lunchbox or the outfit that's going to make the biggest difference. It's your kid's connection with you. And that really comes from your connection with yourself.” (A, 31:52)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:30 — Setting the Back-to-School Scene
• 02:30–03:50 — Are You a Planner, or Last-Minute Parent?
• 03:50–06:07 — Why the Transition Feels So Hard
• 06:07–07:43 — How Our Childhoods Show Up in Our Parenting
• 07:43–09:51 — Adjusting Approaches for Different Kids
• 11:45–16:41 — Deeply Feeling Kids & School Separation
• 16:41–19:20 — Responding to Resistance (“Do Nothing”)
• 19:20–23:29 — Coping with Difficult Drop-offs
• 23:29–28:29 — A Resilience ‘Win’ (Self-talk Over Outcomes)
• 28:29–30:35 — Reframing Resilience & Redefining Wins
• 30:35–31:22 — Lighthearted Speed Round

Final Takeaways

Dr. Becky closes with a gentle reminder for parents to breathe, let go of unnecessary pressures, and focus on connection and resiliency rather than achieving a seamless or perfect transition.

• “As the emails come in and all of the lists arrive and you wonder, do I really need to get my kid a new lunchbox? ...Take a deep breath and recognize all that you’re already doing.” (A, 31:39)
• Simple closing ritual: “Even as I struggle on the outside, I remain good inside.” (A, 31:56)