Podcast Summary: Good Inside with Dr. Becky — "Raising Kids in a World of Smartphones & AI"
Episode Date: November 18, 2025
Host: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Guest: Dr. Jean Twenge (author, psychologist, researcher)

Episode Overview

This episode tackles one of the most pressing concerns for modern parents: how to raise healthy, resilient kids in the age of smartphones, social media, and artificial intelligence. Dr. Becky Kennedy is joined by Dr. Jean Twenge, renowned psychologist and author of "10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High Tech World." Drawing from decades of research and their own parenting experiences, they deliver concrete, actionable guidance for setting tech boundaries—while focusing on building long-term resilience, autonomy, and connection.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Challenge: Parenting in a High-Tech World

• Parent Questions: The most common worries involve when to give a kid a smartphone, phone use at bedtime, managing meltdowns over tech boundaries, and modeling healthy device use as adults. (00:00–05:00)
• Dr. Twenge’s Motivation: Her research on adolescent mental health and technology—and her journey as a parent of now-teenaged daughters—collided, leading to her "10 Rules" book. (03:24–04:32)
• On Meltdowns: Instead of asking “How do I set limits without a meltdown?” Dr. Becky reframes: “How can I do X and tolerate my kid’s reaction? Because no one likes to be told ‘no’ at any age.” (05:01; [Dr. Becky])

Rule #2: No Devices in the Bedroom Overnight

• Why This Matters Most:
  • Phones in bedrooms—even if off—disrupt sleep, which is foundational for mental and physical health. (07:43–09:05)
  • This rule is for everyone (kids, teens, adults), not just children.
  • Research shows most kids use their phones between midnight and 5am on school nights. ([09:16] Dr. Twenge: “That shows you how pervasive it is…spectacularly bad for sleep.”)
• Practical Framing:
  • Dr. Becky: “There’s no shame here. No one feels amazing about how they handle tech at home. You can always set this rule, no matter the past.” (10:10)
  • Rigidity in Rules: Phones out at night is one non-negotiable; “This is truly in the name of protecting every child.” ([10:10–13:44] Dr. Becky)
• It’s Never Too Late:
  • If you’re worried it’s “too late” or that you’ll seem inconsistent, remember: new information justifies a change in course.
  • [14:24] Dr. Becky: “The job of a parent is to make the best decision with the information you have. Information changes. Consistency is about attunement to your values.”
• Modeling Leadership:
  • Name changes and anticipate resistance: “I’m going to tell you something you might not like, there might be a couple hard days, but I owe you this.” (16:27–17:45)

Parental Controls: Imperfect But Important

• Why It’s So Hard:
  • Device-based controls are confusing—even for savvy adults. Kids find workarounds. ([18:25–20:05] Dr. Twenge: “Everyone I know does.”)
  • Third-party software may be required for laptops (often ~$60/year), and basic “kid” phones are preferable before driving age.
• Delay the Smartphone:
  • Dr. Twenge: “No smartphone until you’re driving” (Rule #5). Flip phones or kid-designed phones often avoid social pressures and workarounds. ([19:50–21:18])
  • Most kids are getting smartphones (with full access) as early as ages 10–11, which is concerning given maturity differences. ([23:10–23:35])
  • Delaying the smartphone is “the best parental control that there is.” ([20:42] Dr. Becky)

Social Media & AI Relationships

• Access & Age: Kids with early smartphones often gain unrestricted access to social media and new threats, like AI “boyfriend/girlfriend” apps. ([23:56–24:35])
• AI Companions:
  • Some AI platforms simulate romantic validation or “sexy chat” relationships for young users.
  • Dr. Becky: “Early AI relationships give the illusion of intimacy without any of the hurdles of awkwardness or discomfort. That’s dangerous if kids start to expect real people to act like always-affirming chatbots.” ([25:16–27:32])
  • Dr. Twenge: “These chatbots are programmed to be affirming...what happens in a real friendship, with a real human being who doesn’t always agree?” ([27:10–27:32])

Rule #6: Phone-Free Zones

• Create Tech-Free Rituals:
  • Designate times—like family dinner or game night—where devices are off-limits for both kids and adults. Even model honest narration if you must check a phone (“I’m just responding to grandma”). ([28:57–32:33])
• The Power of Presence:
  • Family dinner becomes a nightly “container” for connection and conversation, even if the routine is loose.
  • [31:22] Dr. Becky: “It’s been more impactful on my relationship with my kids...than any complicated strategy. There’s something magical in the simplicity.”
  • Avoiding looking up facts on your phone can enhance natural conversation and family bonding. Wondering together is “a powerful way of connecting.” ([32:46–34:34])

Rule #8: Grant Real-World Freedom

• Building Resilience:
  • Limiting tech isn’t about “ruining childhood” but about freeing up time for real-life accomplishments and independence.
  • Dr. Becky: “There’s no better feeling in the world than watching yourself do something you couldn’t before…If we’re reducing [phone] use, we must increase real-world agency.” ([35:18–36:44])
• Pushback and Parental Anxiety:
  • Parents often catastrophize ("What if my 6-year-old gets kidnapped in the grocery store?"), even as evidence shows these risks are extremely rare. ([37:03–37:54])
  • Overprotection leads to anxious, unprepared young adults. “[41:11] Dr. Twenge: ‘I have more and more students who can’t make even simple decisions without texting their parents.’”
• Scaffolding Independence:
  • Start small and increase responsibility; find “a little bit of discomfort you can tolerate” and move from there.
  • Encouraging independence builds confidence in kids and gives busy, depleted parents needed relief and support. ([41:38–43:55])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [05:01] Dr. Becky:
  “The reason it’s hard to answer that question is it’s the wrong question. The question needs to be: how can I do X and tolerate the fact that my kid is going to have a meltdown? Because they will. No one likes to be told no.”

• [09:16] Dr. Twenge:
  “The majority [of kids] were using their phones between midnight and 5am on school nights...Spectacularly bad for sleep.”

• [14:24] Dr. Becky:
  “The job of a parent is to make the best decision with the information you have...Now you have new information.”

• [16:10] Dr. Twenge:
  “Personally, I also think it’s totally fine to say, ‘I made a mistake and I’m going to try to correct it.’”

• [20:42] Dr. Becky:
  “Delaying a smartphone is almost the best parental control that there is.”

• [27:10] Dr. Twenge:
  “Those chatbots, they’re programmed to be affirming. What happens if you have a friendship...with a human being who isn’t always going to agree?”

• [31:22] Dr. Becky:
  “It’s been more impactful on my relationship with my kids...than any of the more complicated strategies.”

• [36:44] Dr. Twenge:
  “Best cure for anxiety is experience.”

• [41:11] Dr. Twenge:
  “I have more and more students who can’t make even simple decisions without texting their parents.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:24: Dr. Twenge shares her path from research to parenting to writing the book
• 07:43: Rule #2—No devices in bedrooms overnight discussion
• 13:44: Is it too late to change the rules? “You’re the parent, you can change.”
• 18:25: Parental controls and the reality of workarounds
• 21:18: Why delay smartphones until driving age?
• 24:35: AI “boyfriends/girlfriends” and why they’re risky
• 28:57: Establishing phone-free zones—family dinner/game night
• 34:45: Rule #8—Giving real world freedom & scaffolding independence
• 41:11: The dangers of overprotection—real campus examples

Takeaway: The Sturdy Parent Approach

Dr. Becky closes with the message that it’s never too late to update your family’s “flight plan” as a parent. The most critical rule? No phones in bedrooms at night, starting today if needed. Empower yourself with new information and hold boundaries with warmth and firmness, knowing it models the resilience and adaptability you wish to see in your child.

For more:
Read Dr. Jean Twenge’s book: 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High Tech World
Join the Good Inside community for further workshops and support.