Podcast Summary: Good Inside with Dr. Becky – "Tony Finau: Staying in the Swing"
Episode Overview
In this episode, Dr. Becky Kennedy sits down with PGA Tour golfer Tony Finau for an in-depth, heartfelt discussion on the inner journeys behind athletic achievement and parenting. Centered on themes of grit, sacrifice, self-talk, and unconditional love, Finau shares his story from humble beginnings to professional golf, reflecting on what really matters both on the course and at home with his six children. The conversation is a master class in the art of repair after mistakes, self-compassion, and the power of presence—essentials for competitors and parents alike.
Main Themes & Purpose
- Inner ingredients of success: The show explores what makes Tony Finau not just a winning athlete, but a grounded and resilient person.
- Sacrifice & Family Values: Spotlight on the Finau family’s sacrifices and their impact on Tony’s drive.
- Self-Talk & Recovery: How athletes and parents can manage setbacks and “repair” after mistakes.
- Parenting Advice: Building grit, gratitude, and connection, especially in today’s busy, privileged world.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Tony’s Early Years and Family Sacrifice
(03:03 – 09:48)
- Origin Story: Tony credits his brother Gipper and Tiger Woods’ 1997 Masters win as his entry points into golf.
- Family Sacrifice: Finau’s dad built a makeshift driving range in their garage to save costs and foster discipline.
- “We were going about this game in a whole different way and making so many more sacrifices than most guys were doing.” (10:22 – Tony Finau)
- Learning Grit: Practicing mainly indoors due to budget and Utah weather, Tony and his brother developed resilience and an appreciation for hard work.
Influence of Sacrifice on Motivation
(09:48 – 11:09)
- Tony reflects on how limitations shaped his “intense drive.”
- Families with more resources sometimes struggle to instill similar motivation in their kids; Tony believes scarcity was part of his success.
Early Golf Mindset
(11:09 – 13:04)
- Though calm and “even-keeled” by nature and family expectation (his father was a “drill sergeant”), Tony is no less competitive—just expresses it differently.
- “Does that mean I’m less competitive? No, I’m just competitive in a different way.” (12:35 – Tony Finau)
Handling Mistakes: The Walk Between Shots
(14:40 – 19:39)
- Self-Talk after Bad Shots: Tony’s mental trigger for moving on is the sound of his club hitting the bag.
- “That’s like a trigger to me that it’s time to move on. That’s over with.” (15:56 – Tony Finau)
- Dual Realities: Holding high standards and accepting mistakes at the same time.
- “I have a very high expectation for my game and bad shots are gonna happen.” (16:26 – Dr. Becky, 16:55 – Tony confirms)
- Recovery Mindset: Viewing a mistake as “an opportunity to show I can still fight back.”
- “I’m not going to react, I’m not going to give this bad shot the energy that it deserves. … I know I can recover. I’ve done it thousands of times.” (17:43 – Tony Finau)
Parallels Between Golf and Parenting
(19:39 – 25:17)
- Dr. Becky connects “repair” in golf to repair in parenting after a bad moment.
- “Repair is some of the most powerful connection building you can do with your kid.” (21:14 – Dr. Becky)
- Tony shares a pivotal story from high school:
- After a devastating mistake on the last hole, his father simply asked, “Son, are you okay?” instead of criticism.
- “I was embarrassed because of how I acted... I was expecting this thrashing and it was the opposite.” (22:31 – Tony Finau)
- The power of presence: “Your kids need you to be someone that can help them recover and heal and strengthen them.” (24:17 – Tony Finau)
Being Present in Hard Moments
(25:17 – 28:04)
- Dr. Becky discusses “the feelings bench”—how the worst part of big emotions is feeling alone.
- “Sometimes saying little, and just kind of saying ... are you okay, is like they just sat down on the bench next to you.” (25:17 – Dr. Becky)
- Tony notes his ability to bring calm to his own difficult moments traces back to such experiences with his father.
Parenting Today: Grit, Gratitude, and Family Rituals
(28:04 – 33:50)
- Juggling Pro Golf & Parenting: Tony prioritizes being “a full time father.”
- “I feel like I’m trying to be the best golfer in the world and also trying to be a great parent to my kids. ... It’s a tall task.” (28:16 – Tony Finau)
- Practical Connection: Daddy dates (solo outings), device-free family dinners, and family prayer are anchors for his children.
- “Having individual time with them ... that could be a drive to the gas station and grab some snacks.” (29:19 – Tony Finau)
- Teaching Grit & Gratitude in Privilege:
- Finding ways to help his kids value hard work despite a different upbringing.
- “For them, [my focus] is to teach them gratitude... I think if they have gratitude... they'll use it as inspiration.” (31:49 – Tony Finau)
- “It doesn’t matter what you have. What matters is inside.” (33:11 – Tony Finau)
Legacy: What Tony Wants His Children to Remember
(33:39 – 34:05)
- “He was fun to be around and he was loving. He loved me.” (33:50 – Tony Finau)
Overtime: Rapid Fire Q&A
(34:21 – 35:30)
- Best advice received: “Know yourself and play your game.” (34:26 – Tony Finau)
- Superstition: Wears green every Sunday to honor his late mother. (34:37)
- Funny parenting moment: His son Sage’s random twerking. (34:55)
- Message to sports parents: “Love your kid unconditionally. ... Just love them unconditionally.” (35:16 – Tony Finau)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Family Sacrifice and Grit:
“Those sacrifices—I didn’t know it at the time... but once I started to recognize that I was going about this game in a whole different way and making so many more sacrifices than most guys were doing... it taught me grit and it taught me that I had to earn it.”
— Tony Finau (10:22) - On Staying Even-Keeled:
“Everybody finds their inspiration from something different... The best player in the world right now is Scottie Scheffler, and he goes about his business in a different way. ... I’m just competitive in a different way.”
— Tony Finau (12:35) - On Mental Resilience:
“We all know there’s nothing you can do about the past... The faster you can learn how to get on with it, ... the better chance you have at being good.”
— Tony Finau (15:56) - On Parenting After Mistakes:
“Repair is some of the most powerful connection building you can do with your kid. ... what do I do after? Everyone messes up. But not every parent can crush a repair.”
— Dr. Becky (21:14) - On Unconditional Love in Sports Parenting:
“Love your kid unconditionally. Just meaning without conditions, without your predetermined, result-driven conditions, just love them.”
— Tony Finau (35:16)
Timestamps for Important Segments
| Timestamp | Topic | |-----------|-----------------------------------------| | 03:03 | Tony’s early family and golf origins | | 07:40 | Sacrifices and creative solutions | | 09:48 | Sacrifice as motivation/grit | | 11:09 | Tony’s temperament as a young golfer | | 14:40 | Handling mistakes; walk between shots | | 19:39 | Dr. Becky on repair in parenting | | 22:31 | Tony’s pivotal high school story | | 25:17 | The power of parental presence | | 28:16 | Balancing golf with fatherhood | | 29:19 | Practical tips for parent-child connection | | 31:49 | Teaching grit and gratitude | | 33:39 | Legacy: what Tony wants his kids to say | | 34:21 | Rapid fire “playoff” questions | | 35:16 | Final message to sports parents |
Key Takeaways for Parents & Listeners
- Sacrifice and limitation can be powerful motivators—not just obstacles.
- Resilience and self-worth aren’t about never failing, but about how you recover and repair.
- Children thrive when parents are present in difficult moments, with empathy rather than solutions.
- Unconditional love and quality time, not perfection or achievement, are the foundations of family connection.
- Even elite professionals have everyday parenting struggles—they juggle, reflect, adapt, and aim to show up with love.
This episode is rich with stories, wisdom, and actionable insights, offering a fresh, empowering blueprint for both parents and athletes on finding the good inside—no matter what life throws at you.