Podcast
GR8 Relationships
Hosted by Hermann Eben with Paul Moore · EN
Pursuing Their BEST - Freedom in Relationships
23episodes
Episodes
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Just Let Me Be Mad
1w ago00:30:02Tap to summarizeSome people aren't interested in getting to a solution or finding a way to get along - they say, "Just let me be mad!" Is that okay? Not if they are not willing to slow down and talk to help resolve whatever is the issue. But, you also want them to express those feelings whether valid or not. Feelings are bad or good; they are just indicators. Therefore, they respond to the stimuli they receive and are untrustworthy and fickle. You can reinforce the idea that feelings are primarily responders and often untrustworthy by considering two simple statements: Bad can feel good Good can feel bad “Bad can feel good” is easy to prove. You have no doubt experienced feeling good, even excited, as you encounter temptation and sin. But it is followed by an inner conviction that you have done something wrong. That good feeling about doing something bad will always be temporary unless your heart is hardened. Vengeance is one “bad” that may feel good longer than other sins because your mind is focused on justice and “getting even.” Most other sins register quickly with regret or guilt replacing whatever positive emotion was there. The story of any sin fits the “bad can feel good” statement and is clearly illustrated in the original sin in the Garden of Eden. So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings. And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. – Genesis 3:6–8 (NKJV) Put yourself in Eve’s place and let your emotions follow the story. Eve was swept away by the appeal of the fruit – good for food, pleasant to the eyes, could make her wise – so she ate. It sounds like she felt good about eating the fruit, BUT it was bad. And to prove it was bad, notice where their feelings go next. “Their eyes were opened…knew they were naked…hid themselves…” Feelings were responding to the reality of what God said would happen. Most often, the good feelings happen before and during the sin because we do not listen to the conviction of our conscience or the Holy Spirit saying – “Think about this! Don’t do it!” “Good can feel bad” is also real. Consider the emotional conflict you experience when you know a close friend or relative is sinning. You know it is time to speak with them, so you gather your courage to do it, but your emotions work against you. And, in those cases where the conversation goes poorly, you may experience feelings of regret instead of peace or joy for doing what was right. A good parent disciplining their child understands that “good can feel bad.” Similarly, when a good leader shares the truth with a person because they are not doing a good job, it often does not feel good. Consider the following: Just because I do right, does not mean I will feel right (at that time) Corollary: Just because I feel right does not mean I am doing right
Transcribe →Excellent Tools for Change
2w ago00:30:01Tap to summarizeTo use the Magic Question tool properly you need good listening and question skills. It is designed to help people discover solutions rather than being told what to do. Try these steps on yourself and see what happens.
Transcribe →Not Emotion Led or Emotionless
3w ago00:30:02Tap to summarizeDo you have a favorite scary movie? Maybe the classic movie "Pyscho". Mine is the original "Alien" and even though it is my favorite, it's difficult to watch, because it does such a good job of scaring me with its special effects and story!
Transcribe →Freedom V Principle
May 2600:30:02Tap to summarizeThe Freedom V is an excellent tool and principle because it helps you grasp the relationship between freedom and self-governance. The Freedom V graphic is largely self-explanatory. The two most essential elements are the V shape and the arrow in the middle.The V ElementsFirst, the V shape. The lines on the right and left are boundaries that define the limits of acceptable behavior. These boundaries are best when they are clear and bright. Nothing is left to speculation or conjecture. And they need to be easily known and advertised, if possible.Second, the space inside the V represents the area of Responsible Freedom. That is where you use your freedom responsibly, within the structure’s accepted norms. The amount of freedom increases as you move up the V shape. The structure can be malevolent or benign, but there will still be a V shape. Even in the most disgusting dictatorships or gangs, some gain more freedom by not crossing the boundaries set by the structure.Third, outside the V are consequences for crossing the boundaries. Once you cross the boundary, you move into the area of Irresponsible Freedom. Again, this applies to both good- and bad-value organizations or structures. Even evil organizations have their boundaries. Hopefully, the consequences are clearly stated when the boundaries are set.The ArrowFinally, the arrow in the middle represents self-governance. The color on the arrow represents the degree of self-governance being demonstrated. At the bottom, it needs improvement. The yellow and green represent the increase in self-governance as you move from bottom to top. And the colors directly correlate with the narrow or expansive freedom allowed.So, you can see that for any of us, in the structures in which we live, the more we abide by the rules of the structure and stay within the boundaries, the greater freedom is provided. In other words, the more self-governance is demonstrated, the more freedom is provided.The TableIn the graph above, the table to the right provides some additional ways to look at the Freedom V. For example, you can divide self-governance into three distinct levels that overlap.Self-absorbed - From the bottom in the red into the yellow area. That would be someone who is either inexperienced, lacks knowledge of a topic, or ignores what is right. That is the Learning Stage, which is the same as the first stage of the GR8 Leaders coaching model. At that stage, people need specific rules due to tighter controls. That does not mean you ignore the “why” of the rules.Self-controlled - From the middle yellow area into the green. That would be someone who demonstrates adequate self-governance. This can be measured generally or specifically for individual work or life situations. They are in the Apply Stage, where they mostly need guidelines since they understand the rules.Selfless or Self-denial - The top area of self-governance that tends to work to benefit others. That is the Serve Stage, where people operate on principles and know how to apply them to various life situations.The Freedom V will work with any relationship or organization and is especially well-suited to families and businesses with strong values.A person with self-governance considers others and the impact of their actions on others. They will stay within the V if the freedom inside the V is about excellent and Godly values.
Transcribe →What Is The Highest Principle?
May 1900:30:02Tap to summarizeThe Antonov 225 is a very large airplane—350 tons and can carry 300 tons of cargo—but it flies! That must mean that gravity is not real OR there is a principle higher than gravity. Of course, gravity is real, but Bernoulli's Principle shows us that speed combined with the shape of a wing creates lift "defying" gravity.
Transcribe →Correcting Lousy Behavior in Relationships
May 1200:29:56Tap to summarizeJudging other people is so easy, isn't it? All it takes is to look around at all of the "other sinners" and start our judgmental engine. And, what is best about it, even if we don't know something that they are doing that's wrong, we still can speculate about how bad they are. When we are judgmental, we are not willing to accept someone the way they are—flawed, depraved humans just like us. Our "Flashing ME" wants to elevate ourselves above them to make us feel better.
Transcribe →Three Actions To Blossom Relationships And Help People Change
May 500:29:55Tap to summarizeWhen you operate with freedom toward others, you do not judge them. You can be disappointed with their behavior, but you recognize that any change they make will not last unless they decide to change.
Transcribe →How Can I Accept Them When I Hate Their Behavior?
Apr 2800:29:55Tap to summarizeWhen you want to be accepted by others you will be controlled by them. Now think about it, it’s their choice whether they will accept you—you must meet their standards (probably multiple standards) and even if you meet their standards, they still may not accept you. Ultimately it comes down to whether they want to accept you or not. And, if you really want to be accepted, you may compromise or ignore your values and beliefs. That's one reason why gangs work and good people do bad things they did not think they would do.
Transcribe →Have To or Want To?
Apr 2100:29:57Tap to summarizePast promises or goals you made can become obligations. It is no longer what you "want" it is now a “have to do”. Now all obligations are not evil, that is not the point. When you start sensing the "have to do" you begin to ignore that you still have freedom to do it or not. You have taken a desire or want, a good goal or commitment and now it requires compliance, blocking any sense of choice or freedom.
Transcribe →Are You Good But Up To No Good?
Apr 1400:30:00Tap to summarizeAs with most of this relationship material, I represent the way to NOT be doing relationships. And, for this control people item, that's me! I speak control fluently and will tell you it severely damages relationships.
Transcribe →