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- [00:00]
A
The following is a listener supported ministry from the Grace Evangelical Society. What should we say and how should we help believers who are struggling with addictions? Some addictions have a lot of shame. Some are actually applauded addictions. But Christians do struggle with addictions. And what principles might be helpful? Let's talk about this today here on Grace in Focus. We're just delighted that you joined us today, friend. This is a ministry of the Grace Evangelical Society. Our website is faithalone.com at that website you can learn about our free online seminary with an MDiv degree. Our free magazine called Grace in Focus, published six times per year. And our bookstore where you can find Bob Wilkins latest book, the Gospel, is still under siege. Right now we're inviting you to get information and get registered for our national annual conference coming up May 18th through the 21st, 2026 at Camp Copass. Great sessions and recreation and fellowship. VBS for the kids. Get information@faithalone.org get registered today. Now with today's question and answer discussion, here are Bob Wilken and Ken Yates.
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B
Bob, we got a question from Brad, which probably is a two or three parter, but let's start off what he says is that he leads an addiction recovery program at his church. And in this program he emphasizes eternal security and rewards, all from a free grace perspective. But he's dealing with people who are struggling with different addictions. And he obviously teaches about confessing your sin and being renewed by the Holy Spirit in their minds. Romans 12. But here's the question and I'm kind of curious to know what you have to say about this. What about these believers who struggle with a particular addiction, whether we're talking about an alcoholic, drugs, pornography. What would be your advice to them as they're dealing with. I'm assuming here that what he's talking about is these guys know they have eternal life because he says he shares the gospel with them, the gospel of eternal life through faith. So what would your advice be for someone who's struggling with something like that?
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C
Yeah, I did come out of an alcoholic family. My family father was an alcoholic. My father's father was an alcoholic. Most of the people in his family were alcoholics. Lots of people on my mother's side of the family were alcoholics as well. And the studies show that if you are the child or even grandchild of an alcoholic, you're 10 times more likely to become an alcoholic yourself. I think this goes back to the verse, remember the verse, Ken, where it says the sins of the father are past to the third and. And even the fourth generation.
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B
Right.
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C
I think the principle there is that if your parent or grandparent, or maybe even great grandparent has a certain addiction, you're likely to have that as well. And it's not because it's genetic. I don't think that could be part of it, but I think it's environmental. In other words, if you grow up in an alcoholic family, you learn certain coping mechanisms. And one of those coping mechanisms is drinking. So the way when you have it
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B
modeled in front of you.
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C
Yeah. You know, my dad would be anxious, and so he'd drink, and he would drink more and more and more until the anxiety went away. That was kind of the model that I saw, not just with my dad, but even my mom's side of the family. And a lot of the Serbs in Southern California were heavy drinkers, if not alcoholics. So I do have some experience there, and I've read lots of books on what's called aca. Have you ever heard about adult children of alcoholics?
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B
Yes.
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C
So adult children of alcoholics. I've probably read eight or ten books on this subject. I found them very helpful. They basically give you the idea that it doesn't have to continue with you, whether the addiction is alcoholism or some other drug, that you're addicted to pornography. There's also sex addicts, I guess. If the question is, what advice would I give? Is that what Brad's asking?
- [04:29]
B
Yeah, I think what he means is, if I'm a believer, believe, Okay, I know I have eternal life, but I struggle with it. You know, I have this addiction that I just can't seem to shake. And for me, the question is, okay, what advice do we give someone like that? I mean, would we say, for example, you can have complete victory over it because you'll hear that, you know, if you just let go and let God, you'll have complete victory over it. Or could we say, for example, that sometimes. No, you're always going to struggle with this.
- [04:59]
C
Okay. So I went through a fair amount of counseling myself because when I came into marriage with Sharon, she had her issues from her growing up, and I had my issues from growing up. And so the two of us recognized we needed counseling. We did a lot of counseling together, the two of us, with the counselor. But I also did some individually, which I found helpful. And I remember one time I was talking to a counselor, and he said this. He said, you remember the old records, right, where you'd have an arm and the record would roll around and it would play songs. I said, sure. And he said, you know what would happen if you had a scratch on the record? And I said, oh, yeah, I remember that. It would skip over those places and it wouldn't play real well when it got to the scratches. He said, well, everyone's life to some degree is like a record with scratches on it. And in your case, you've got some pretty deep scratches. Those are things which are not going to go away. He said, you're dealing with perfectionism, and that's something you're going to continue to have to overcome. And you've got other scratches in your record that you need to continue to overcome now. He said, you can, and I believe you will overcome those things, but don't think that they're ever going to completely go away. Because if you think that way, that's pie in the sky thinking. And that would be my view. I'm not suggesting that an alcoholic is always going to crave alcohol, though. I've talked to alcoholics who haven't had drinks in years, and they say they still would like the taste of a drink or whatever.
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A
It's coming. It'll be here before you know it. What am I talking about? The Grace Evangelical Society's National Conference 2026, May 18th through the 21st at Camp Kopas, an absolutely beautiful campground in North Texas, right on the lake with lots of recreat, great food, a great place to stay, wonderful fellowship and wonderful free Grace Bible teaching. Information and online registration now@faithalone.org events first timers waive registration fees. Faithalone.org events One of the points they
- [07:16]
C
say about an alcoholic is that the big problem with the alcoholic is not the alcohol, because you can put the person in prison and keep them from getting drunk, but they still have all the underlying problems, whether it's perfectionism or whether it's rebelliousness or whatever it is. This outburst of anger, which is a big problem among alcoholics and the perfectionism is a big problem with alcoholics and abusive behavior by alcoholics. And, you know, they call the person the dry drunk. You know, they don't drink anymore. Well, my suggestion would be recognize that you have this issue. You know, you're a perfectionist or you've got anger issues or whatever. And then, yes, I agree with him that we want to teach the people about the promise of everlasting life that can never be lost. We want to teach them about eternal rewards, but we also need to teach them the principle that God recognizes our status. In other words, not everybody starts the Christian life at the same level some people start like Ozzie and Harriet. Now, most of you listening don't remember Ozzie and Harriet, but this was a show where they had two sons, Ricky and Dave, and they were just an ideal family and they grew up in this wonderful family. But some people grow up in a family like Ozzy and Sharon Osborne. Ozzy, a terrible drug addict. If you grow up in that family, you. You're not starting the same level that someone grows up with Ozzie and Harriet. So I think it's important for people who are suffering with an addiction to realize God understands us and he understands that we're not starting the Christian life at the same level as somebody that didn't have the same level of abuse we had growing up.
- [09:08]
B
You know, this brings up an interesting point to me anyway, and that is that evangelicals can be. Even grace. People can be judgmental, to use your analogy. If I grew up in an Ozzie and Harriet home, it would be very easy for me to look at someone who grew up in Ozzy Osbourne home and say, well, what's the problem with those guys? And I could think more highly of myself like these examples here for this addiction, it's hard for me to understand, you know, an alcoholic. I didn't grow up in an alcoholic. I don't understand someone who has that craving. And so as Brad has asked this question, so he has this group in his church and he's teaching them there. I know that part of the question these people are asking is, you know, as you're teaching me about rewards, well, I'm obviously not going to get any rewards because I fall off the wagon sometimes. I still have these anger issues as you're talking, whatever, you know, I still have these problems of growing up in an alcoholic home. And, and I can see, to me, I can see how this would be a problem because they would say, well, that's what I expect. And then I would say, well, I'm just justifying my, my actions, you know, and then, and then the other side of me, like, I'm. I'm just a terrible human being because I look at these other Christians and they don't have these struggles. And so I guess maybe part of Brad's question is, okay, so if you're dealing with people who have these issues, what do we tell them about reigning with Christ and rewards if they're dealing with these things that so many other believers don't have to deal with? Now, I know that these other believers have their own problems, but these are pretty upfront.
- [10:53]
C
Okay, so here's a couple of things. Number one in the parable of the talents you look at one guy gets five, one guy gets two, one guy gets one. Well, an alcoholic might be a person who is a five talent guy, but he's had a really bad background and the fact that he has quit drinking and that he has found some level of victory there is tremendous. And he's got the five talents. But the former alcoholic may be a one talent person. The thing I like to tell people is be the best you you can be. Don't compare yourself with anybody. Right? Paul says I don't judge myself before the time. I don't compare myself to other people. You don't want to compare yourself to Billy Graham or anybody else. I get down if I compare myself with other people because I know I've got lots of issues in terms of perfectionism or anxiety or anger or those kinds of things. And I've seen tremendous growth. I don't want to say, look, I haven't seen growth. I've seen lots of change in 53 years of being a believer. But I'm still nowhere near what I would like to be. And because of my perfectionism it's even worse, right? I would encourage people, just be the best you can be and leave the results up to God. The Lord Jesus Christ is going to be very gracious with us. I had a friend who graduated from Dallas with me and he went on to get a PhD in counseling and he counseled over at Southwestern Baptist and also in private practice. And he said with some of his patients, just them not hurting themselves in a day was a victory. And he believed that they were overcoming if they could go a day continuing to be believers who were walking in a Christian fellowship and not hurting themselves.
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B
Well, this is going to bring up another question so we're going to make this a two parter, a two parter. So thanks for that. And remember everybody, keep grace in focus.
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A
Be sure to check out our daily blogs at Faith Alone. They are short and full of great teaching just like what you've heard today. Find them@faithalone.org resources blog. We would love to hear from you. Maybe you've got a question, comment or some feedback. If you do, please don't hesitate to send us a message. Here's our email address. It's radioaithalone.org that's radioaithalone.org and when you do very important. Please let us know your radio station call letters and the city of your location on our next episode. More about addictions, the vice lists. Please join us. And until then, let's keep Grace in focus. The proceeding has been a listener supported ministry from the Grace Evangelical Society.