Episode 441: Peter Crone on Breaking Mental Prisons + How To Dissolve Limiting Beliefs in Seconds

Summary

Episode Summary: Habits and Hustle - Episode 441: Peter Crone on Breaking Mental Prisons + How To Dissolve Limiting Beliefs in Seconds

Host: Jennifer Cohen
Guest: Peter Crone (referred to as "Tony Robbins" in the transcript)
Release Date: April 15, 2025
Duration: Approximately 93 minutes

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1. Introduction to Peter Crone

Jennifer Cohen welcomes Peter Crone, introducing him as the "Mind Architect." She expresses initial nervousness about Peter's profound discussions on the subconscious and limiting beliefs but is intrigued by his compelling work.

Notable Quote:

Jennifer [01:59]: "I actually really am. I was going to say that before we started rolling because you talk so much about subconscious and conscious and like language that I... it's hard for me to kind of like grasp and understand."

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2. Peter Crone's Personal Background

Peter delves into his early life, marked by significant losses. His mother died of cancer when he was seven, and his father perished in a boat accident when he was seventeen. These traumatic experiences heightened his survival instincts and shaped his resilience.

Notable Quote:

Peter [05:36]: "Every human being has... our primordial imperative is just to make it. We just want to survive."

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3. Education and Early Career

Peter discusses his academic journey at Loughborough in the UK, known for its athletic prowess. Post-graduation, he moved to the United States to coach tennis, eventually becoming a trainer for Tom Cruise on films like "Mission Impossible" and "Moulin Rouge." This period exposed him to high-performance environments, reinforcing his interest in mindset coaching.

Notable Quote:

Peter [08:03]: "But I wasn't... and a lot of stuff weren't, you know... But I guess he changed it afterwards."

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4. Transition to Mindset Coaching

Realizing that physical transformation alone was insufficient for true personal growth, Peter shifted his focus to mental and emotional coaching. He observed that perception plays a crucial role in performance, leading him to explore the intricacies of the subconscious mind.

Notable Quote:

Peter [06:28]: "But I didn’t compete for the school. I played different sports for the school, but I didn’t play tennis."

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5. Understanding Limiting Beliefs and Subconscious Constraints

Peter introduces his concept of the "10 prisons of the subconscious" — restrictive beliefs that hinder individuals from reaching their full potential. He echoes Carl Jung's sentiment that unconscious beliefs shape our fate unless brought to awareness.

Notable Quote:

Peter [14:44]: "As Carl Jung said, he had a beautiful quote. He said, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will drive your life and you'll call it fate."

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6. Common Patterns and Limiting Beliefs

Identifying prevalent limiting beliefs, Peter highlights themes like "I'm not enough," "I'm not loved," "I'm not safe," and "Scarcity." These beliefs manifest in behaviors such as perfectionism, people-pleasing, and addiction, creating self-perpetuating cycles of limitation.

Notable Quote:

Peter [30:26]: "The feeling of inadequate, like I'm not enough for women, particularly... a sense of scarcity."

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7. Process to Break Free from Limiting Beliefs

Peter outlines his methodology for overcoming subconscious constraints:

1. Identify Triggers: Recognize areas of life that provoke strong emotional responses.
2. Reverse Engineering: Trace these triggers back to their root causes.
3. Reframing Beliefs: Challenge and dissolve limiting beliefs by recognizing them as false narratives.

Notable Quote:

Peter [17:43]: "So unravel all of that and help people to discover their own authorship. They are the genesis of their own experience."

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8. Example: Transformation of the Woman from Holland

Peter shares a poignant example of a woman from Holland who believed "It's all up to me" due to childhood trauma. Through his coaching, she realized this belief was a lie, leading to a profound sense of freedom and the ability to attract positive changes in her life.

Notable Quote:

Peter [26:18]: "She said, 'I'm not going to be the best coach in the world if you could just accept yourself...'"

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9. Methods and Tools: Reframing and Dissolving Beliefs

Central to Peter's approach is the power of language and self-talk. By declaring negative beliefs as non-truths, individuals can begin to dismantle their subconscious constraints and open themselves to new possibilities.

Notable Quote:

Peter [42:52]: "So the I'm not enough isn't a truth, it's a lie... And that's what I'm doing is I'm helping people see that."

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10. Impact on Relationships

Peter explains how subconscious beliefs directly influence one's relationships. For instance, a belief of "I'm not enough" can lead partners to perceive criticisms more harshly, while "I'm not loved" fosters fear of vulnerability and intimacy.

Notable Quote:

Peter [82:56]: "Relationships are going to be the reflection of your relationship with yourself."

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11. Live Events and Masterminds

Peter discusses his live events and mastermind groups, which attract participants globally. These gatherings provide a space for individuals to experience transformative breakthroughs, often leading to significant personal revelations.

Notable Quote:

Peter [56:02]: "So I do all these live programs basically..."

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12. Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energies

The conversation explores the challenges of successful, driven women embodying excessive masculine energy, potentially deterring partners seeking more feminine qualities. Similarly, men often grapple with embracing sensitivity without compromising their masculine identity.

Notable Quote:

Peter [89:07]: "It's tough... How can you maintain that sense of enthusiasm and drive while simultaneously embodying the softness... of a woman?"

---

13. Manifestation vs. Practical Action

Jennifer and Peter discuss the balance between manifestation (positive thinking) and taking actionable steps. Peter advocates for a harmonious blend of both, emphasizing that while mindset is crucial, practical efforts must accompany it.

Notable Quote:

Jennifer [73:16]: "But you're saying it so, like, matter of factly, but because it is."

---

14. Community and Support

Peter underscores the importance of community and a supportive environment in sustaining new behaviors and maintaining freedom from limiting beliefs. Engaging with like-minded individuals fosters continuous growth and reinforcement.

Notable Quote:

Peter [69:22]: "You need practice, you need time, you need support, you need reinforcement."

---

15. Conclusion: Embracing Humanity and Self-Love

Peter concludes by emphasizing self-love and embracing one's humanity as essential for breaking free from suffering and limiting beliefs. Accepting oneself paves the way for a life filled with possibility and freedom.

Notable Quote:

Peter [90:56]: "The woman... has realized that the way she's surviving is actually what's killing her. Me."

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Additional Insights

• Dissolving vs. Solving Problems: Peter differentiates his approach by focusing on dissolving the underlying beliefs that create problems rather than merely addressing behaviors.

• Observer Effect in Personal Growth: Drawing parallels with physics, Peter explains how changing one's perspective can alter perceptions and experiences, reinforcing the interconnectedness of mindset and reality.

• Responsibility and Authorship: A recurring theme is the emphasis on personal responsibility. Peter advocates that individuals are the authors of their own experiences, shifting the locus of control from external factors to internal realization.

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Where to Find Peter Crone

• Website: PeterCrone.com
• Social Media: Search for "Peter Crone" on Instagram and other platforms.
• Live Events: Upcoming live events are scheduled for March 20th in Los Angeles. Future events may require larger venues due to high demand.

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Final Thoughts

This episode offers a deep dive into the mechanics of the subconscious mind and the impact of limiting beliefs on various aspects of life. Peter Crone provides practical insights and transformative methods for listeners to break free from mental constraints, fostering a life of freedom and fulfillment.

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Note: Throughout the transcript, the guest is mistakenly referred to as "Tony Robbins." However, based on the podcast information and context, it is clear that the guest is Peter Crone. All quotes and attributions in this summary are correctly assigned to Peter Crone or Jennifer Cohen.

Transcript

[Tony Robbins]

Hi, guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it.

[Jennifer]

Before we dive into today's episode, I want to thank our sponsor, Momentous. When your goal is healthspan living better and longer, there are very few non negotiables. One of them quality. And when it comes to supplements designed for high performers, nobody does it better than Momentous. Momentous goes all in on NSF certification, which means every single batch is tested for heavy metals, harmful additives and label accuracy. And that's why they're trusted by all 32 NFL teams and top collegiate sports dietitians across the country. Here's the thing, they don't sell every supplement under the sun because they believe in and nailing the basics with rock solid consistency. And those basics are protein and creatine. Momentous sources. Creapure, the purest form of creatine monohydrate available. An absolute must for both men and women who want peak physical and cognitive performance. So if you're serious about leveling up, go to livemomentous.com and use code Jen for 20% off. Just act now. Start today. Jen for 20% off livemomentous.com Guys, today we have Peter Krohn on the podcast. And I'm nervous about this one. I actually really am. I was going to say that before we started rolling because you talk so much about subconscious and conscious and like language that I. It's hard for me and my personality to kind of like grasp and understand. Right. But I've seen like some of the work you've done and the things that you talk about and it's so compelling.

[Tony Robbins]

Thank you.

[Jennifer]

You're welcome. And that. So I wanted to have you on because there's a few little things that I caught through social media that really resonated and I think my audience will find everything in your work, what you do, very interesting. Okay, so just like I never really, like I said, read these things, but just so people can.

[Tony Robbins]

Just for shits and giggles.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, just for shits and giggles, exactly. Okay. It says here you're mindset coach, speaker and writer, known for your work as a well in personal development, performance optimization and spiritual well being. You were. You're referred to as the mind architect and focuses on helping individuals, athletes, business leaders break free from mental and emotional limitations and reach their full potential. Does that like kind of.

[Tony Robbins]

I mean, that sounds pretty cool. I'd meet that guy.

[Jennifer]

I would. Me too. That's why you're here. I wanted to meet that guy first. Let's start with what. Why do you call yourself or who calls you a mind architect and what is that?

[Tony Robbins]

So I sort of generated the moniker just by virtue of what I call, you know, necessity being the mother of invention. Right. Meaning that there wasn't any other title that seemed to be sufficiently appropriate. Like I'd been called a spiritual teacher or a performance coach or even once a Hitman for the ego. Oh, I like that one.

[Jennifer]

Those are good.

[Tony Robbins]

They're okay.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

But I always was fascinated with architecture and particularly if you look at some of these sort of sci fi type movies which I love, like Inception and Matrix and Doctor Strange and sort of the architecture of time and space. And really what I recognized, what I was actually doing was reorienting people's inner thinking space. So really redesigning who you are for yourself. So the architecture seemed accurate. And where was I doing it? You know, predominantly in the mind being as. That's the interface between, you know, our unmanifest self and manifest self.

[Jennifer]

So like how did you get into this? Because I like you talk about a lot about the subconscious and how like we have our limiting beliefs and what we thought of our, like it's so deep rooted and that. And then we act and our behavior is based on these ideas and thoughts of ourselves that we're not even aware of.

[Tony Robbins]

Correct? Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

But you're not a psychologist, are you not trained?

[Tony Robbins]

No, no. Like I don't have a certificate on my wall. No.

[Jennifer]

Okay. Well the funny thing is most of the people I know who do have that certificate, like are the ones who are the most screwed up. That's. Isn't that the irony of life? Right?

[Tony Robbins]

You said it, not me.

[Jennifer]

But yes, I said it, not you. So what is your background and how did you evolve into being this person that people go to, to kind of get, I guess like tap into that subconscious.

[Tony Robbins]

I mean I went through a lot of my own sort of personal story as a human from a young age. Like I was only child, my mum passed of cancer when I was seven. So that was obviously pretty significant for a little boy. And then so it was me and my dad. And then at 17, so 10 years later he went to work, he works on the boat. So go between Dover and England, Dover and France and Dover being the southeast part of England. And then Dover and Zeebrugge which is in Belgium. So they're ferry liners that carry cargo to people and with caravans going on vacation, whatever. And that boat capsized and so sadly he passed. So my dad went to work one day and I never saw him again. So they were both obviously significant. So 7 and 17, mum and dad gone. I had a stepmother, she wasn't married to my dad, but she'd moved in. So she was there for like the last four or five years prior to that. So she came in when I was about 12 or 13 or so. And so, you know, there was a semblance of some sort of adult figure taking care of stuff. But that really forged me into this, you know, more exacerbated form of survival that I assert. Every human being has. Like we as mammals, our primordial imperative is just to make it. We just want to survive.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

And so mine got obviously heightened at that point. Didn't know where I was going to go. I eventually went to college, did very well. I actually skipped a year because my grades all got affected. But that was.

[Jennifer]

Where'd you go to college? You're back in London, Back in the uk.

[Tony Robbins]

Oh, yeah, back in the uk. So a place called Loughborough, which was renowned more for sort of its athletic prowess, but it was sort of top five, you know, Oxford and Cambridge of the world, equivalent to the Harvards and stuff.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

And then sort of in the top five. It was a great school. And so that was an amazing. I did three years undergrad. I did a postgrad for a year, stayed on and then I, very soon after that came to the States originally just for an experience like they did, you know, exchange programs where they pay 50 bucks a month or something to come and coach entitled kids. Tennis. That's what I was doing.

[Jennifer]

Were you a tennis player?

[Tony Robbins]

I wasn't like as a. Like a college performing D1 here or whatever you'd call it. Yeah, I love tennis. I was a good athlete.

[Jennifer]

Okay.

[Tony Robbins]

But I didn't compete for the school. I played different sports for the school, but I didn't play tennis. But I was good enough that I took my certification program so I could teach, you know, kids. And so it just brought me to the States. They pay for your flight. They put you in a bunk with these eight, you know, obnoxious teenagers.

[Jennifer]

Yes, I know all about it.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes, that was quite fun. The kids have, you know, the parents had booting them out of Manhattan. It was in upstate New York. It was beautiful.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So it was a great introduction to the States, Made some great friends. And then that led to one thing, that then I came to California originally and stayed with a friend of mine that I'd met at the camp. He was trying to make a movie. I got involved with him Made the movie. It was, you know, a great experience, but a terrible business. You know, three 24 year olds doing the best they could.

[Jennifer]

Oh, wow.

[Tony Robbins]

So that's what brought me. Now I'm 55.

[Jennifer]

Okay. You look amazing. You're 55?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

What are you? Okay. That's a whole other podcast altogether.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

You do not look 55.

[Tony Robbins]

No. Thank you.

[Jennifer]

That's amazing. You look much younger.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. No, my, my. Thank you. Appreciate it. I play tennis still with kids who are half my age. I'm still the quickest on the court.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, that's okay. I want to get into all that stuff later because it's really incredible that you. You've obviously maintained your youth very well. So then you've been here for like, many years. Like 25 years or so. 30 years.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jennifer]

So they. So you were like, in movies and like, you were helping. I understand, because my background's fitness and like, we start, like, physically. If you start doing things physically, it does make a big difference in the mental performance, like mental strength, physical strength. It's all kind of.

[Tony Robbins]

Absolutely. That's where I started, actually.

[Jennifer]

Really?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. So it's common knowledge, so I can say. But I was Tom Cruise's trainer for a few years.

[Jennifer]

You were?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, for Mission Possibles and. Yeah. Moulin Rouge and Nicole in Australia and stuff like that. Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Okay. You don't. This is. This is great. I was called for Tom Cruise many, many years ago, but that. Are you a Scientologist?

[Tony Robbins]

No. No.

[Jennifer]

Okay. No, because he was only hiring it at some point. Like, only Scientology? Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

That was after I had left at the time. And a lot of the stuff was. But I wasn't. And a lot of stuff weren't, you know, But I guess he changed it afterwards.

[Jennifer]

So. Wait, so what movies did you do for him?

[Tony Robbins]

There were a lot. I was with him for five years, so.

[Jennifer]

Okay, I want to know what this is like. By the way, Mission Impossible is my favorite movie of all time. All of them, the whole series. And I'm upset.

[Tony Robbins]

These were early. I don't know if it was the very first one, but it was a couple afterwards. And three. We did a couple. The Moulin Rouge with Nicole. We did the others. We did Minority Report. I can't remember. We did the Blue Room and in London and New York, which. New York was a Broadway show that Nicole had done. Yeah, it was amazing. I. I lost track of all the movies. Jerry Maguire was on the back of that. He was just finishing that. She had done Peacemaker with George Clooney. Yeah. So it was five years.

[Jennifer]

But anyway, that's huge because he's like the most intense of, I would imagine, you know, more than I would. Was he as intense, I should ask you, as his reputation says, you know.

[Tony Robbins]

It comes down to how you define words. I would say he was passionate. I wouldn't say he was intense. I would say he's the ardent professional. I learned a lot from him. I have nothing but good words to say about my experience with them. He was the quintessential professional. I mean he did everything so well with such integrity and that was really inspiring to see.

[Jennifer]

Did you have to be on cloth like 247 because he would train like at 3 o'clock in the morning if he wanted to.

[Tony Robbins]

No, no, it was a, it was a unique setup and that was a big part of my history. So I'm not sure it's so relevant today.

[Jennifer]

Oh, it is relevant though. Yeah. I'll tell you why it's relevant because I think that in my, in my experience, my life, I have a background similar to you. Then where. But that leads like those opportunities that you create for yourself or that happen upon you, whatever, it's what you do with them. Right. And it's a great. You can leverage things into different possibilities and opportunities from having these experiences.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

And I think that like once you're. When you're with people who are like high performers.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

This is my. They can cut me off if you'd like. But yeah. And you start in one realm, it automatically like there it seeps into all sorts of different, like performance in different realms. Because everything is connected.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. No, it definitely for a kid who had been orphaned in England and didn't come from wealth or anything like I didn't. Wasn't left a penny. It actually went to my then stepmother. So I came to the states with about 200 bucks.

[Jennifer]

Right. Wow.

[Tony Robbins]

Which was tough. And I was sleeping on a, a very stained and not pleasantly smelling rent controlled apartment carpet, you know, in a living room with buddies. And so that was very humbling but in a way that it's really made me appreciate everything that I have. And so to your point. Yes. When I was then in this environment with the jets and everything that you could imagine, it's sort of like you sort of soak a piece of meat and whatever marinade it's going to absorb it. Right. So through the process of osmosis I was starting to imbibe my own higher frequencies of what becomes possible. So whilst I was a small cog in a big machine and very grateful for the experience. It did open my eyes to different ways of looking at life. And of course, then people, you know, there was press clips and things of what I was doing. And so there's a little bit of notoriety that came with it that then afforded me to work with other people who were high performers. So it did start a new trajectory. And that's why I'm. As I said, I'm super grateful for the experience.

[Jennifer]

So what was the first thing that you did that kind of took on a life, like, took on a new life?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. So when I left, much to the chagrin of kind of both of them, which was nice because they really enjoyed my company and we had great results together. But I just recognized that as much as I could transform a body, which was somewhat child's play, meaning because I'd studied exercise physiology, human biology as my undergrad, I kind of knew the ins and outs of anatomy to physiology and biomechanics. So that was relatively easy. And I got the job with them because I was a trainer originally, and I was getting such incredible results, and my name was thrown in a hat for a possible replacement for their old trainer. But what I recognized was that takes time, right. In the world of matter, you need time and space in order to make true, you know, significant transformation. And I had already been fascinated with philosophy, the mind. Why do humans do what they do? I was also a ski instructor for a while, and I can remember distinct moments where I would be watching two people I was helping, same age, same experience, same sort of seemingly athletic ability. But one was sort of had this trepidation and scared, and the other one went for it. And I'm like, it's got nothing to do with equipment anymore. Right. It's about perception. So that really opened up this whole line of coaching. At the time, I just was sort of doing friends and family to start, you know, seeing if I actually had, you know, anything decent to say. And then it really took off very quickly when I got some professional athletes who started to triple winnings and things like that, you know, on a professional level, where they were changing nothing but their mindset and, you know, golf and then baseball. And so that kind of really, that. That accelerated my career very quickly then.

[Jennifer]

So. Right. Because you talk so much about. It's all about, like, limiting beliefs, like, at what point in your mind or have. Where talent takes you so far. And then it comes into, like, if you actually think you can, or the mindset you have, or the limiting belief that you can, like all your Experience that you just said, what is that one thing that holds one person back and allows the other person to thrive and go so much further, even if that other person had more talent?

[Tony Robbins]

I don't know if there's one thing. I mean, what's come through me, the uniqueness and sort of proprietary nature of my work is I've delineated these 10 prisons of the subconscious that we all have. So you could argue that actually somebody's constraint becomes the impetus for their success. Like somebody, like a Kobe. He thrived on making people wrong. I would say it's a limited way of actually becoming accomplished because you're being defined by a negative. If that makes sense. Right. It's like, so even though it can get people a long way, it typically is being driven by the energy of fear. So with my athletes, there's the myriad of like, I'm not good enough, I'm a failure. You know, whatever it is that holds any human being back. So they could have all the talent in the world. Just like you probably have friends and family who are brilliant and they have a lot of potential, but they don't know why they can't access a loving relationship, nine, ten figure business or whatever they want or health in their body. So it's these sort of blind spots that hold people back, which is sort of my area of expertise to reveal.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

And as Carl Jung said, he had a beautiful quote. He said, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will drive your life and you'll call it fate.

[Jennifer]

I heard you say that. Actually, I saw that clip that you talked about that. And I'm so fascinated by this because it's 100% true. And this is what, this is like the. This is the pool that you play in.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

So that like I could do like a whole hour just on that. Like why we do all have. It's always the people who are the smartest who are. Sometimes they overthink their. Their way into analysis. Paralysis. Right. And that's why I think sometimes people who are the. I hate to say it, but like the more. Less intelligent or people who aren't that smart.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Get way further in life because they have nothing holding them back. They're like, why not? I'll just go for it.

[Tony Robbins]

Right, exactly.

[Jennifer]

Versus the people. They overthink, they analyze, they.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Their brain becomes their prison.

[Tony Robbins]

I have. Yeah. I don't know. Well, you probably know because you've listened to some of my stuff, but I tend to download in quotes. So I have a quote to that point about intelligence. Where I said, being smart doesn't make you any happier, it just makes your reasons why you're not way more convinced that's 100% true. So the people who have the IQs, the EQs, they're able to discern and to justify, rationalize why things won't work. So I could say, if there was one catch all for your question about what is the one thing that holds people back? Oftentimes it's the accumulation of disappointment or failure. So you think about a young mind in whatever regards, whether it's walking, tasting something, going up to a girl for the first time. You know, there's a certain innate cavalier part of being human where we're just curious. But then when you've had disappointments and trials and tribulations, the more you've accumulated, then the more your brain uses that as evidence as to why it's not going to work. So again, one of my quotes, I say past hurt informs future fear. So the greater the hurt, then sort of the commensurate energy that comes with that is now fear. So kind of the younger you are, which with a lot of my pro athletes, most of them are, then there's this sort of more fuck it kind of attitude, you know, so. Which to me is really representative of one of my favorite qualities, which is commitment. Like, most people just aren't committed in filling the gap, you know, relationships, their health, their career, you know, the. Their sleep program, whatever it is. Like, you know, they're not really committed. And that's not a judgment, it's just an observation for people. Maybe even as they listen to that go, holy shit. Like, I struggle with that, you know, the absence of commitment in my life. So athletes who are successful have less accumulated baggage and ideally combined with a lot more commitment.

[Jennifer]

How about regular people who are not athletes?

[Tony Robbins]

Same.

[Jennifer]

Just smart.

[Tony Robbins]

We're all athletes, we're all performers. At the end of the day, you're a mom, you have a show, you have a business, you're a performer. And so I work with corporations and I look at the corporate athlete. It's the same thing. What is your discipline, your dedication. How clear are you on what you're wanting to accomplish? Where are your big audacious goals that you're trying to get to? Same. Same with everybody.

[Jennifer]

Then how do. How do you. How do. How do you help somebody break free from that? Like, their, their limited belief? Like, what if they don't know it themselves? Like, what's the process? Can you walk me through what? Like, the process is to Even begin really knowing what's in your subconscious mind.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, It's. It's. It's quite insidious. And for that reason, it's. It's like kind of fine surgery, you know. Michelangelo was asked, how did you create this beautiful sculpture of David out of big, please. Some marble.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

And he said, I didn't. David was already in there. I just chipped away everything that wasn't David. Right. Which is beautiful. So I think, you know, early on in life, we take big chunks off the corner, right. You can maybe just see the corner of a shoulder. But what I'm working on is sort of the. The details around the eyelids and the nostrils. Right. So it's very subtle.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So it's sort of brain surgery a little bit quite literally.

[Jennifer]

Right, Literally.

[Tony Robbins]

So. So the process is, you're, you know, human being, whoever I'm working with, whatever walk of life, and, you know, you feel some constraint, some resistance, some frustration. There's a degree of you're not fulfilling on your version of potential, or life isn't the way you want it, or, you know, further down the line of imbalances, you're sick or you have anxiety or depression or addiction. Right. Most of my people are pretty robust. They have successful lives. They just want to go to the next level.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

But it runs the gamut, right? People to the point of, like, I've helped people who are suicidal, you know, and help them understand they're actually not. That's just a part of their subconscious that is asking to be relinquished. So they don't want to die. Part of the software that no longer serves and wants to die. And that distinction alone has saved many lives. Right.

[Jennifer]

Wow.

[Tony Robbins]

Do you see that?

[Jennifer]

Yeah. But how do you know that? Like what. Like if someone. How do you even get into that subconscious? Do you hypnotize them? Is that a way to do it.

[Tony Robbins]

So I can hear it? So to finish the question. So whatever area of life they're being triggered in, and there's normally only a few because of humans, we. Our details are very complex. You know, it's an uncle here, an aunt, a wife, a kid, a boss. But it's all the same. It's like we kind of have family stuff, we have health, body stuff, we have maybe money stuff, we have career stuff, and then maybe hobbies and passion. You know, it's like humans don't talk about too many things, right?

[Jennifer]

There's buckets.

[Tony Robbins]

There's buckets that, you know, we all are basically committed to and attached to. So wherever the people get triggered. I use that as an access point to reverse engineer. What is it that that must be revealing about you as a human where you're not okay with something. So again, one of my quotes I love, one of my favorites is life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free. So, meaning that it's the opportunity that life is to be human is that we scurry around doing the best we can, thinking we're trying to get somewhere and we get pissed off, upset, triggered, hurt, whatever it is. And that's where for me, without getting too poetic and esoteric, out of the gate. If we're these divine integrous beings who are timeless and limitless, meaning there's nothing that we can't handle, there's nothing we can't create. But if we get stopped by something, then that's where the subconscious is caught in some pretense or a lie that you're not good enough or you're not lovable, or you're not safe. So for me, this whole dimension of humanity on planet Earth is because we all came here to break free from the constraints with which we arrived. So that's the process is where do you get, basically, where do you get pissed off? Where do you get triggered? That's gold. And if you're with someone who knows how to reverse engineer it, then you'll discover why you get triggered. Because again, unless I say, unless it's life threatening, it's just ego threatening.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

Most of the time it's 99.999. It's ego threatening. So then that's the gold. Right.

[Jennifer]

So ego threatening is what. How do you define that?

[Tony Robbins]

Ego threatening, meaning that something. You got upset by something.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

You know, Jennifer got pissed off because. Or she's hurt because. Or she's scared because. Right. There's some the way even because we're under the, the, the illusion that we're at the effect of life. Oh, why are you upset? Oh, because somebody cut me off in traffic? Well, no, you're not upset because of that. Someone just cut you off in traffic. You're upset because of the way you react to it. And that's all us. So we become the author of us are inexperience. When you start to realize the power of responsibility. Most people don't want that. They want to point fingers, you know, like I'm, I'm pissed off because my husband. Da da, da. Or my wife or my kids or my boss. And so then you become a victim. It's sort of a powerless way to live life.

[Jennifer]

Very much so, yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So I undo all of that and help people to discover their own authorship. They are the genesis of their own experience.

[Jennifer]

It must be hard. I mean, I think it's. I would imagine the reverse engineering of it and making people see things they like is it. Don't people easily just revert back to how they were? It's easy to do that.

[Tony Robbins]

Like it's easy and they can. And again, it's dependent a little bit on age. The older we are, the more established all of our habits, patterns, neural pathways are.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So working with youngsters, it's sort of like, you know, the, the transformations can be instantaneous and lasting. So you need some time like anything. Like, you know, you're an athlete, so whatever sports you play. I love golf and tennis and skiing. And if someone was looking at my swing, they might have the most beautiful insight about what I'm doing. And I could maybe feel it when I'm with a coach, but then it's up to me to go and practice it. So it becomes ingrained. No different with the mind even. It's even more slippery though. It's a bit more subtle.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

But it's the same thing. You know, there's what I call the two main buckets of awareness of your blind spot bringing the unconscious conscious, as Carl Jung said. And then there's the practice of this new set of eyes that you're looking through of like, oh my God, I always thought my mom was da da da, fill in the blank. And so I've communicated with her like that, but that's based on my history of her and that's not who she is today. So we sustain our images of things and then we perpetuate because the ego wants to be right, even though what it's being right about are limitations. Which is insane.

[Jennifer]

Right. We want to convince ourselves that what we think is actually true.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Is that why? What the words we say are so important?

[Tony Robbins]

Yes. Yeah.

[Jennifer]

I was told the other day something like, even if you're saying something in jests or joking, like, you know.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Oh God, I'm so dumb because I forgot that like your brain doesn't have a sense of humor, so they don't know you're joking if you say the word I'm so dumb. Haha.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

They just think in that word I'm so dumb or just becomes the loop.

[Tony Robbins]

And it's a little bit more slippery than that because even what generates the I'm so dumb because by the Time you've had a conscious thought or an expression, it's being generated from a subconscious pattern. So that statement I'm dumb as a way of defacing ourself or mocking ourselves or joking, that only exists because of who you are at a deeper level, to even say it in the first place.

[Jennifer]

Right. Oh, God. See, this is where I get. I gotta really pay attention. Yes. Okay.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, we're not.

[Jennifer]

So say that again.

[Tony Robbins]

So say that this isn't the snicker bar, like version.

[Jennifer]

This is not that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I gotta really. Laser focus.

[Tony Robbins]

So think about it this way. So this house that we're in, beautiful house, can only exist because of the foundations. But we can't see the foundations. But nonetheless, the house could not exist if it weren't for them. Nor could we build a bigger house relative to the size of the foundation.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

So think of the foundations like the subconscious.

[Jennifer]

Yep.

[Tony Robbins]

So everything that happens in this house is directly commensurate with the foundations that allow for it.

[Jennifer]

Yes, I'm following you. Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

So likewise, someone's personality and their conscious thoughts and the words they say can only exist to degree that their foundations of their subconscious allow.

[Jennifer]

Right. So you can't change the foundation.

[Tony Robbins]

No. Well, you can.

[Jennifer]

Because you can.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, you can. That sort of, you know, sort of mental, emotional excavation, I guess.

[Jennifer]

I guess, yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

The re architecture. But you can, because the difference between like, you know, the concrete that's beneath us, this is based in language, which is why words are so important, because subconscious constraints are also based in programming. So, for example, the I'm not enough, which everybody can relate to, will manifest differently depending on somebody's circumstances and their proclivities towards, you know, whatever it is, focused on relationships, focused on money, it will manifest in that way. But the I'm not enough isn't an inherent truth. It's just a constraint. It's a. But if it's been there for 40 years, it's very convincing for that person. They'll say, oh, I'm so dumb, or, oh, I'm never going to meet anyone, or what? Why? Why was I trying to start a business? I'm so stupid to think that I would be successful. Those words make sense for somebody at a deeper foundational level think that they're not enough.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

You see, so. So what I would do is hear those things. They're not truths. Like there's no truth in saying I'm dumb or and I'm an idiot or I'm a failure. That's not a truth. It's a statement, a declaration that reinforces a deeper narrative if we can access that. You know, this is what I do in my masterminds or when I'm working with people. It's. It's so revelatory, it's so moving because people are like, holy shit. Like, I don't even know what I could do now. Because you're not being confined by anything anymore.

[Jennifer]

Right. And you, you. So you, in your work, you can actually take away that ideology at a foundational level.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

How? Like you're in a mastermind. Let's. I'm in your mat. Like, I like to know the nitty gritty.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, No, I love that. I love your. Your attention to detail.

[Jennifer]

Is the attention. Because I feel like, especially on this podcast or like in my life, I'm sure with you too. Like, you meet a lot of different people, experts in this and experts in that.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And they give you this very panoramic, big, you know, overarching ideologies. But in real life, it's really hard to kind of, you know, Conceptual.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes. So one last Saturday, in my mastermind, which just started, it's a three and a half month process. We meet every two weeks on a Saturday. It's a long day. I do theory and then I coach people. So one of the women I was coaching people from all around the world who attend, and she's in Holland and she's a mom of two kids and she had a question. She struggles with migraines and particularly around her cycle. And there's some sort of physiological associations, but really what it came down to, her deep subconscious pattern, was it's all up to her that it's not like she's thinking that. It's almost so. Well, yeah, I'm a single mom. Of course, it's like it's so commonplace for her to act that way, but it started when she was young and she had to drive her dad, who was an alcoholic. You know, when she's a kid having all of this responsibility put onto her, that wasn't hers to have.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

So she, from a very young age, developed the idea that lives are in danger. You know, it's not like she's saying this, but these are her care providers and she's young.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

So for a kid who's really dependent, she had to. It's the energy of resistance. If you have to, you must. You need to. These words carry weight. Right. So for a kid, it's like, I literally have to keep my dad alive because he's the one Paying or providing food or shelter.

[Jennifer]

Right, right.

[Tony Robbins]

But then that continued. So now it's perfect. She's fulfilling on the sentence of her subconscious, which we all do. So now she's a single mom, and now she feels like it's incumbent upon her to do everything. I understand the logic of it, but it's not a truth. So how do I undo that? You know, I take people through an exercise. So, for example, I said, you know, if I cut you open, am I going to find a manufacturing label that says, you know, da, da, da, you're from Holland. It's all up to you? And she laughs and said, no, of course not. I'm like, okay, so it's not part of your hardware, so where does it exist? She's like, well, it's what I believe. Okay, great. So it's software. Software we can play with. Right. I'm not. I can't change the color of your eyes. I'm not at that level yet.

[Jennifer]

But yes, yes, I throw that in. Exactly.

[Tony Robbins]

Stay in the possibility of it. But the language that I could do something with. So then I said, okay, so where does it exist? She's like, well, it's in my mind. Great. What's it format? Well, it's all up to me. It's words, right? Okay, yeah. So if it's just words, is it an absolute truth? I get your. It's how you feel. I get it's what you've done. But is it a truth that it's all up to you? And she really got it. She said, no, it's not a truth. You see, the shoulders drop, the physiological breathing patterns change. And it was so beautiful. And this will be coming out because we can use it as a podcast episode. And she said, oh, my God, I. I don't even. Like, I've just been introduced to a world I don't even know how to explore. And it's so profound. Like, that's my. My response normally is, I'm introducing you to a world that you're not familiar with. Because when you've lived in the world from a very young age, you know, we had a few years prior, when we're just free and kids and we do whatever and we throw up on people's. We don't know we're doing anything wrong. And then we're suddenly. We learn at one point that being us isn't enough. Like, there's something that kicks in at a very young age, the terrible twos, because we start to hear, wrong, bad, don't do this. So it's a very interesting part in the arc of a human being's personality, where suddenly we're told that who we are is no longer just unconditionally loved.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

And then from that point forth, all we're doing is trying to get that back.

[Jennifer]

I understand what you mean.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And so it all stems from an experience or a time in your childhood that you're acting out in adulthood, I guess.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. That's continued because it was so jarring. Sometimes it's really traumatic. I've helped a lot of people who've had some abhorrent things happen to them. You know, the whole world of sexual abuse and, you know, which sadly happens to a lot of kids. And now it's a parent or a child, an adult who's managing real physical sickness, real trauma in relationships, which is still playing out. The unreconciled trauma from childhood.

[Jennifer]

Do you notice, are there specific patterns that you see over and over again?

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

Okay, what are they? That.

[Tony Robbins]

Well, some of the most common ones are the feeling of inadequacy, like, I'm not enough for women, particularly the feeling of insecurity, like, we're not safe, you know, as a woman. Because sadly, for hundreds of years, the patriarchal has been somewhat abusive, you know, in varying degrees. Right. And so. And then some sense of scarcity. They're the three main buckets that everybody has. There's something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm not safe in the world. Like, I can't just, you know, leave my house open. No worries. Like, there's crime out there. The world is dangerous.

[Jennifer]

Right, right, right.

[Tony Robbins]

And then there's never enough. Like, even I've worked with, you know, 15, 20 billionaires, and they're still in a scarcity mindset because it's part of the human condition.

[Jennifer]

So then how does that even start? Like. But you were saying even earlier, even the Kobe, for example.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

He became really successful because of a chip on his shoulder that he had to, you know, he had to prove that he's not. That he is enough. Right. That's what I see all the time, too. I think that's a. That's that whole thing. If you really. When I talk to a lot of people.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

That's kind of when they. When you peel back the layers, that's really what kind of motivates a lot of people. Right.

[Tony Robbins]

It does, because they're proof.

[Jennifer]

They're trying to prove something to themselves subconsciously that they are enough, that they can do it. That.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

You know, just that they've just Are relentless.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

That will be what it takes.

[Tony Robbins]

But you just said it there in your own speaking, like they're trying to prove it to themselves.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Me against me. Right. It's my story of inadequacy that I think is because my dad said I'm a loser and I'll never amount to anything. But actually, that's just one thing that he said that probably took, like, 10 seconds, but I've been carrying for a decade.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Two decades. Three decades. So are you fighting your dad anymore, or is you fighting your own belief that you've actually started to own and identify as. And that's the old analogy of driving a car with one foot on the brake and one foot on the accelerator at the same time, which is how most people live their lives and why they get sick.

[Jennifer]

Well, you said something. Hold on. I want to. I want to, like.

[Tony Robbins]

Hold on.

[Jennifer]

Open this reference.

[Tony Robbins]

Your notes.

[Jennifer]

Yeah. That I haven't even looked at. Okay. So, like, I wanted. There was a line, something like, you know, you help people go from where they are to where they think they should be.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Like. Because I think that where we think. Like, where you. Where we think we should be versus where we actually are.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Is why people get so frustrated and depressed and upset because they always think they should have had a different life that they have right now.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. And it's one of the things I do live events now, and I spoke recently at one of them talking about how it's incredible the amount of energy.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

A human being exerts and puts into trying not to be where they are.

[Jennifer]

That's. Well, that's. I think, what social media has done, though, too. Right.

[Tony Robbins]

Like, certainly contributed to it. It does. Social media in and of itself is not doing anything. It's just appealing to these mechanisms of the. One of the fundamental prisons where we think that the way our life is. Isn't it? But. But we're getting there.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

You can never get there because you're never in the future. There's only the proverbial now that Eckhart Tolle's been talking about for 40 years.

[Jennifer]

Oh, my God. By the way, am I the only person who talks to you that has to, like, really listen intently to, like, it's not just me. Okay. Right. Because it's like. Because you're taught the way you speak about these things, it's like you have to pay attention. You can't just, like. You can't just, like, you know, shoot the breeze. Yeah. Listening. Yeah, Exactly. Like, thinking about where my errands Are.

[Tony Robbins]

You fully present with me one day?

[Jennifer]

I have to be because it's like you're taking it back, back. But I feel like that's what we do, right? Like no one seems to be happy with where they are. They're always seeking to for betterment. Like that's what personal growth really is though, right? Like you want to go from where you are to a better version of yourself to a better version of yourself.

[Tony Robbins]

You can. And there's, you know, I'm somebody who's utterly committed to doing, you know, the best I can with this lifetime and accessing, realizing my potential. But there's different ways by which we move, right? So most people move because of fear and lack and scarcity, right? So there's something wrong. And so the person who goes to the gym and signs up at the beginning of the year and pays their 50 to 300 bucks a month or whatever it is, is invariably being driven by something that they are not wanting. So most people's wanting, energy of wanting creates time, right? If I want something, then what I'm actually saying is I don't have it. So now I create time. So now I've got some sort of future idea of what it is that I feel will fulfill on in this case, really a sense of accomplishment or peace. Oftentimes wanting is really we just want relief from the suffering that we're in. So not wanting is usually the catalyst for wanting. So someone doesn't want to be out of shape, someone doesn't want to be pre diabetic, somebody doesn't want to be obese. And so they're now, well, what I'm going to do is go to the gym and get a membership and a trainer. That's fine. They might get some results, but invariably they're being informed by what I call the negation, the not. So that wanting can get results. But invariably they will fall by the wayside and they'll not show up after the first month or whatever it is, or they cancel the membership because it's not a creative form of desire. It's a reactive form. And when humans are reactive, we're actually holding onto something we don't want and trying to mitigate it or disprove it. So that's the, the again, the slippery and insidious part of like the ego is. It's like it knows relatives to society, well, I don't look good right now and I want to be loved and accepted. That's one of the primordial imperatives of every human is I Want to be loved and accepted because it goes back to that kid who felt they weren't. And so in order to do that, what do I have to do? Because I know who I am right now isn't. Which isn't that I'm not loved and accepted by society, but I'm not loved and accepted by myself. And so then the exhausting game of trying to become who I think I need to be to garner that from outside, which will never work because you're not trying to get it from outside, because everyone's playing the same game. If you think about it, it's kind of hilarious.

[Jennifer]

Should people get high before they listen to this episode? So they can. They can.

[Tony Robbins]

I don't know if that will help.

[Jennifer]

Possibly, I hope. I think so, because I feel like they. They can, like, really focus on this.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. I mean, many people do say that they have to listen to things, you know, four or five times to really get it.

[Jennifer]

To really get it. It makes it. But it makes perfect sense. But it's just like you're saying it so, like, matter of factly, but because it is.

[Tony Robbins]

Because it's physics, right? And I've been doing this for 30 years. So for me, it's very clear. And I think. Excuse me. That's one of the reasons that people are drawn to and enamored with my work. Because even if they can't keep track right now, because they've got their own kind of fog of their own ego, they can hear the inherent truth about what I'm saying. It's not even my opinion so much as it's just the mechanics of what it is to be human.

[Jennifer]

No, it's 100% true. It's about the. See, I think what I notice, even with myself, it's not that I don't know people, I think intellectually or just whatever, they know what they need to eat, they know what they have to do, but it's in the execution that everything falls apart. Because life. Or, like, they rationalize it or these blind spots. And so, like, how that, to me, is what the most interesting thing is. It's like, you can see my blind spots, right? I can see your blind spot. If I spent, like, time with you, like, you know, I would. I would come back and be like, oh, he has this, this, this, and this is his blind spot. But, yeah, because, you know, I'm a very. Then this is probably, you know, I'm hyper. I think I'm observant and critical. I'm very critical. But does that mean if I'm a critical person that really. I'm critical of myself 100%. And I'm just. You're just mirroring whatever it is that.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. It's not only mirroring what you see for yourself, it's also mirroring the coping strategies that you've developed.

[Jennifer]

Interesting.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. So you've become very astute. Like, I would, if I were to put you in a general consensus, you know, it's like a very easy label people have heard is like, you're a perfectionist.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, but only with myself. I'm not a. I'm not a perfectionist.

[Tony Robbins]

That's where it all starts. Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

That's all it starts.

[Jennifer]

But I notice everybody's like, idiosyncrasies and.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Like, not just short. I notice everything. Like how someone, like, uses their hand and twitches their foot or how they're, like, looking at me or if they're nodding and what they're thinking. Like, my brain is constantly in a loop of that.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

So.

[Tony Robbins]

So one level, you could look at that as a great asset. Like, I have the same. Right. So I make a distinction between being highly observant and being vigilant. They both carry the capacity to really be very present with your surroundings and be very aware. Like, you've got this keen eye where you can notice, as you said, these little. These little subtleties. I notice when someone's breathing pattern changes when I'm talking to them. Right. So I can see different softness in their face, you know, sometimes when they've sort of let go of a constraint. But being observant. Most people are observant, but from a place of previous need to survive. So their powers of observation have got this underlying current of fear, and that's vigilance. So I would assert, you know, not wrong or right, that much of your capacity to see things was and maybe still is informed a little bit by fear, where you're trying to get everything right or you're wanting to have things a certain way.

[Jennifer]

Control. Probably.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Which again, control is a behavior is where there's an underlying feeling of insecurity, where you. You don't. You got hurt before when things were out of your control. So now I'm not going to be hurt again. So I'm going to make sure that I control everything that I can, which is really just perpetuating the previous hurt as opposed to experiencing the hurt, allowing it, and then stepping into what is literally a brand new day every day.

[Jennifer]

So, like, someone. How do you walk? How do you walk through Life then. Are you perfect now? No.

[Tony Robbins]

No. I don't even like the word no. Because again, I say, please don't become perfect. You'll have no one to relate to.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, right, right.

[Tony Robbins]

So that's a, that's a adaptation. It's a, it's a strategy that the ego will use because the ego doesn't accept itself. I've gotten to a point where I'm just okay being me, you know, and people are going to think whatever they want to think. That's okay.

[Jennifer]

That's a great.

[Tony Robbins]

And I'm compassionate, I'm loving, I'm kind. I don't in any way claim to be perfect in every arena of life, I'm sure. You know, I've lost money on the stock market. I could have done better there, you know, like, am I really diligent all the time with my workouts? No, but I'm pretty damn good. You know, there's going to be room for improvement in all areas of my life. I'm just okay with that. And I'm doing the best I can. So I embrace my humanity, right. Which actually allows me, I think, to perform even better because I don't have these limiting feelings of inadequacy or judgment and self pity and woe that a lot of people do where they beat the shit out of themselves. Because I should have done this. I should. I'm like, no, I'm pretty chill.

[Jennifer]

You're pretty chill about that? Yeah, it's true. Because you seem pretty chill when you walked in here. Much more chill than I thought you were going to be. But then again, I barely know you. But yeah, because you were telling about the buckets for women, where the patterns are. What are the buckets and patterns for men that you see a lot?

[Tony Robbins]

Well, I said women more about the insecurity. It tends to be more about performance for women, obviously the primordial focus is on appearance and beauty. Right. These are like deep in DNA, right. The prettiest girl wins the alpha male. So this is how you continue the species, right? This is deep, deep, deep DNA stuff. So for men, it's more around performance, right? Like whether that be sports, sex, business, money, like, you know, that's where men struggle, right? Is that they're scared that they're not going to be doing something well enough. And so those are just big generalizations. But sometimes men can feel scared. I mean, I've helped a lot of guys who their dad was mercurial and really angry. And so they're scared too. You know, they tend to Cower. If it's somebody of status or a boss or same thing, you can still have that same feeling of insecurity.

[Jennifer]

So how do you work with someone like that to kind of get over the need to outperform and by again.

[Tony Robbins]

Tracing it back to what is the underlying, like, root narrative in their subconscious. Like, where did that start? Where was the first time you thought that being you wasn't enough? Or how you had to compensate was be the best or get the A or whatever it is? And so you. Normally people can remember. Sometimes they forget, but when I'm having a conversation with them, they'll remember. Wow. I can. You know, the first time I came home with my sister, my. My grade card, and she got all A's and I got a B. And my dad, I could see he was really disappointed. Something super benign.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

But nonetheless, at that moment, that child decided that I'm less than my sister or my brother. And so from that moment forward, they've tried to not be less than, which, of course, reinforces less than. But the way that shows up in behavioral adaptations is hardworking, perfectionist, people pleaser, you know, sort of. Now they've got adrenal fatigue, you know, manifests in the physiology over time.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So I would help them go back to that and say, okay, so at that moment, did it really mean that you were less than? Or did it mean you got Bs and they got A's? And so you start to separate emotion from fact. Right. Which is where ptsd, you know, get. Where people associate a moment with how they felt versus allowing the moment to be the moment. My dad went to work and died. Right. But for years, I had a story of loss which no one would begrudge me. It made sense. But I didn't lose my dad. My dad died. Right. And so the story of loss impacted me. The truth of my dad dying and I can still have grief. I miss the crap out of him. I know he'd be so proud of what I've accomplished in the world. These are all still legitimate, but I'm not losing anything anymore. Otherwise, it's a part of me that's gone. Right.

[Jennifer]

Yeah. It sounds like you do a lot of reframing and self talk.

[Tony Robbins]

Reframing and the self talk is really a dissolution process of self talk. Like, I don't solve problems, I dissolve them, is what I tell people. So people's problems sit on top of the narrative. That is a confining space. So I reveal the confining space, and then the dissolution of that opens them up to a world of pure possibility, you know?

[Jennifer]

Now, it reminds me of a video I saw that I think was what came up on my feed that you did.

[Tony Robbins]

Okay.

[Jennifer]

Which was about, like, love and falling in love.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes. That one went crazy. That's like 6.5 million views or something.

[Jennifer]

Really? Yeah, because it was so that to me, it was like. It was so. The way it was worded was very interesting.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. So that was someone in my live event. So I work with people in the crowd, which is really fun. People I've never met before. I don't know what they're going to say. I've had someone who had chronic pain. I showed him he didn't. To someone who was a loser and was on heroin and in jail to realize he's not a loser. I mean, really moving stuff. And that woman. Yeah, she was lovely. Juliana, I think her name is. But she was saying how she was 39 and worried about not finding love again. And she was talking about this one big love of hers when she was 20 and, you know, never feeling like she could ever revisit that. And, you know, so I was helping her see that she had collapsed. Love with the person, which we all do. Like, I'm in love with you in that person. And then if that person goes away, well, now I'm devastated. And so I just help people see. No, that person is extraordinary. And you might have hopefully a lifetime with them, maybe raise a family, and it's beautiful. But the love is yours. They might simply be the catalyst and the inspiration for it, Just as the anger's yours, but they could be the inspiration for it. Like, you pissed me off. Well, no, they didn't said what they did and you had a reaction. So that completely changed her life. And apparently millions of others where they're like, holy shit. Like, people who've just gone through a breakup, they're devastated, they're depressed. Like, what's the point? It's like, oh, no, I had so much love. That's me. That's. I can take that. Now, in theory, you can take it anywhere, but of course you're going to have preferences of the kind of people you want to hang out with. Like, I'm a super uber loving guy. Doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life with everybody, but I'm still the source of my love.

[Jennifer]

Well, yeah, I think the way it was worded or something was something to the effect that it's not that you were in love with him, is that you were in Love with the way it made you feel, the version of.

[Tony Robbins]

You that you became through and with him.

[Jennifer]

Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

And that's the journey of self revelation and self realization is that life is revealing our own potentialities in all regards. It's not just love, although I would assert that's our predominant state.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

But it's. You get pissed off with someone, see how angry you can get. Like it's not because of them, it's who you became through and because of them in terms of that energy, but it's still yours. And so that then introduces responsibility that most people don't want. Because again, going back to what I said earlier, most people are at the effect of life. Well, no, I'm happy because I got good news from. So I'm pissed off because of what my wife or husband said. I'm angry because. No, then you're a victim of circumstance.

[Jennifer]

Right. So you're saying that when we start putting things on the external only. Yeah, that's not. We can't define our ourselves or our happiness or our sadness based on outward outside.

[Tony Robbins]

You can, but you're going to be left unfulfilled and feeling hopeless. Because then that's when you become a control person, freak, whatever word people want to use. Yeah, because you're saying, well, it's ipso factor. Right. If I feel hurt or happy by my environment, I'm going to do everything I can to control the environment so that I manage my emotions. That's an exhausting way to try and manage yourself. If I can learn to be okay with whatever's happening, at peace with life, I've won.

[Jennifer]

Right. And you have to, I guess you have to practice that.

[Tony Robbins]

Well, awareness and practice, they're the two main buckets. I said most people just aren't aware. So that's why I have compassion. I say you can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to. So people are judgmental of someone who's smoking cigarettes? Well, yeah, the world knows cigarettes are bad, but that person's still doing it. It's not like they're like, oh, I can't wait to have a cigarette because I know it's great for my vitality. They're still in some form of suffering and the cigarette is their mechanism of relief. And now it's become a habit. But they're not aware of why, because underneath it they feel like they're a piece of shit or nobody loves them or.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

You know, that's the suffering. That's the real addiction is the idea of our Own inadequacy is the addiction. Then whatever shows up on top of that. Pick your poison, right? Yeah. But if you can get out of that, then you're free. You can be okay with whatever. That's why my main product is Freedom.

[Jennifer]

Freedom. It makes perfect. Because everyone wants to feel freedom.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes. But they're under the impression freedom will come when they perfect their circumstances.

[Jennifer]

Right. It's like, it's basically like a loop. It's an exhausting loop.

[Tony Robbins]

Exhaust.

[Jennifer]

Because I think also it's like your, your behavior is a product of what your subconscious thinks.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

It's not just. You're not just acting willy nilly.

[Tony Robbins]

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's why the quote again, Carl Jung is so beautiful because he said, until you make the unconscious, I call subconscious consciousness, it will drive your life. Meaning it's what's informing, but you'll call it fate.

[Jennifer]

Right. Okay.

[Tony Robbins]

So all behavior, like I said earlier, the words that you say are being. The genesis of them are these blind spots. So we think, oh, it's just bad luck. No, it's the energetic signature that you occupy in the way that you see yourself at the deepest level that creates your energetic way of relating to everything in life. So there's no coincidence.

[Jennifer]

Is this like frequency and vibration?

[Tony Robbins]

Everything is frequency and vibration. Language, words, and even testers said. Right. You understand the universe think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. Yes.

[Jennifer]

So how can you change, and how does someone change that frequency or that energy?

[Tony Robbins]

By recognizing if they're living in a prison based on linguistic. Like what I call prisons. Right.

[Jennifer]

So it's 10 of them too, right?

[Tony Robbins]

Yes, but it gets more complex and.

[Jennifer]

Oh God, yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Well, because each one has got a shadow side too. So I'll give you an example. So someone who thinks they're not good enough, typically that becomes an adaptive way as a coping strategy. So if someone is in an environment where they think they're not good enough, fill in the blank. Because one of my baseball players, he could go 4 for 5 in a baseball game, which is amazing. He got four hits out of five at bat.

[Jennifer]

Amazing.

[Tony Robbins]

But he was still miserable in the locker room. People understand why. Because as a kid, his dad would always tell him, well, what happened to the fifth at bat? Right. So that's still the continuation of that feeling that he still wasn't enough. So for most people, in the realm of I'm not enough, at the deepest level, that will inform perfectionism, people pleasing, hard work, a type drive, you know, that people are trying to compensate for. So If I'm not something, typically the way that the brain reacts to that is I'll try and become something. Do you see? I'm not something because that's something you want, that you want to be good. So I'm not that. You know, again, people aren't thinking I'm not good. They're thinking all sorts of things. Why can't I get a raise? Or why am I not making enough money? Or why can't I attract a good mate? That's all on top of the feeling of inadequacy. So then it's the compensations to become good or better. The darker side of I'm not good enough is I am bad. And that's typically where people have grown up in a little bit more of a harsh environment where they were dismissed or they were really treated like shit or they were around an alcoholic parent and they were beaten. And so sadly, although the not good enough can still be really painful and can lead to sickness and disease and dysfunction and all sorts, most people at least striving to do better. Somebody who's I'm bad tends to really become the addicts and the this sort of really self defeating homeless eventually maybe like really destructive behaviors. Because you're saying I am something derogatory, right. And so that's where it becomes, well, it and the woe and then self fulfilling prophecy of like well who gives a anyway. And that's where people can sabotage their lives to a really detrimental level.

[Jennifer]

What's another prism that you have?

[Tony Robbins]

I'm not loved. A lot of people have that one.

[Jennifer]

Really?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, a lot of people.

[Jennifer]

I'm not lovable or I'm not loved.

[Tony Robbins]

It can be either or you know, words can be very subtle in the way it lands for people. But it's basically the same phenomenon that I'm not accepted for who I am.

[Jennifer]

So what would be the shadow of that?

[Tony Robbins]

So like if you will think about it. Well, if someone is not loved, right. So wanting to be loved is, you know, a good thing. But if, if you're not loved, what would be a darker side of that?

[Jennifer]

I'm not liked, I'm hated or I'm not lovable?

[Tony Robbins]

Well, yeah, the darker side could be still as a not. I'm not even wanted.

[Jennifer]

Oh, I'm not wanted. Okay.

[Tony Robbins]

So not loved. Okay. You can stay around as a kid and it's like, but you're not getting affection. Mum doesn't hold you, dad doesn't tell you love you, doesn't acknowledge you. So that's a horrible Feeling. But if a parent says, you know, you were a mistake, which kids have heard, you know, or they might even hear the dad over like I had two friend of mine, she's a therapist. And these two kids, girls, wanted to go through all the transition bullshit, whatever, you know, and wanted to be boys. And she fortunately helped them because they didn't. What they had, what had happened is they'd overheard their dad one day saying to the mum, you know, I really wish I'd had boys. Which was for him a sort of a. Just. Who knows the context of their conversation. But those girls heard that the interpretation is we're not wanted for who we are, but if we become boys, we'll be loved. That's how primal it is. Because if you're not loved, you get kicked out of the gang and you don't make it. Right.

[Jennifer]

That's so interesting because especially what's going on with everything now.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

It's madness.

[Tony Robbins]

Insane. Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And so these things, that's why it's super dangerous of what's happening in our world right now. Right. Because it could be something as primal as like. And so subtle and so subtle and no one's even thinking about that stuff.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. But it still comes down to this primal need as a human being to be wanted, to be loved and accepted, to be safe.

[Jennifer]

Is there an age where these things are really kind of implanted so deeply? Or like, can you, like, for example, like seven and under is when these things really become super impactful or.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, I mean those formative years. Because as I said, it gets really subtle. I say these are the constraints with which we arrive, you know, which is just my take. People could argue the other way around. Meaning that this dimension of planet Earth, being human is. We're here to reconcile and transcend these limitations. So it's not because mum said or dad said, I would assert those souls wanted to have the experience of whatever that feeling of being dismissed or not wanted is so that they could transcend it. But most people don't look at life that way. They just try and get rid of the pain, you know, that's why we have pick your poison. Right? Like alcohol, food, sex, prescription drugs, street drugs, whatever. Whatever it is. Right. And so actually for me, the opportunity that it is to be human is go, oh, I'm a boundless, limitless, timeless soul incarnated into this three dimensional meat suit with a narrative that is based in some sort of limitation. And the game is, can I break free from that? That's the game that to me Is the purpose of life is to break free from the limitations with which we arrived.

[Jennifer]

So when you had your. So for you, for example, and you had your mom die and you had your father die at such a young age, what was your story? Was that like, I'm alone. I'm.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes, it's all up to me as well. Similar to the woman I said from my mastermind in Holland, I'm alone and also a big story of loss. Anything that's of value to me is going to leave. So my very first girlfriend, I was like, I compensated. I was a good guy, but I was the perfect boyfriend.

[Jennifer]

Right? You went overboard.

[Tony Robbins]

But as a compensation, yeah, which eventually is. It's not going to work, right. She. She literally said, I feel suffocated by your love.

[Jennifer]

Right?

[Tony Robbins]

And I was like, what's the fucking problem? There's so much love. But then I. When I got it, which is my awakening to my own behaviors, that holy shit. Like, yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't real. It wasn't authentic. It was real, but it wasn't true, you know?

[Jennifer]

So then how did you. Course correct. Are you in a relationship? Are you like, do you have.

[Tony Robbins]

I saw. I could see that mechanism then. So once you see again, it's a lie. So these prisons are lies. That's. That's, you know, that's a key part of this conversation.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

The I'm not enough isn't a truth, it's a lie. The I'm not loved is a lie. I'm not safe. They're all lies, right? So that's what I'm doing is I'm helping people see that. So, for example, yeah, my live event last a few days ago, this girl was wanting me to help her with her business. So just some random girl, she put her hand up, I said, who wants to chat? So I want you to help me in business, okay, Da, da, da, what's going on? And it turned out that when she was young, her dad said to her, you're going to turn out to be a loser just like your mom and your sister, right? And so she'd held onto that. This is very articulate, successful coach. But I helped to point out that she can't actually help people because she's trying to perfect herself because she thinks she's a loser. But you see, if you hold onto a lie and then you're just trying to disprove it, all she keeps reinforcing is the lie. She said in front of everyone. It was comical. She said, she just saved me 12 grand. I was about to do this coaching program which is another attempt to try to finally perfect herself. So the lie. So now she felt relief. What was so powerful? She came up to me at the end of the. When everyone was breaking chairs and leaving. She came up and said, you're not going to believe this. Show me her phone. She said, there's a client that I've been trying to get since June of last year. They texted me literally as you and I stopped talking.

[Jennifer]

Really?

[Tony Robbins]

Because now she was available. There's nothing. She's not trying to perfect herself behind closed doors before she thinks she's ready for business. I said, one of the greatest qualities you can bring in your business is accept. Because everyone who comes to you has got the feeling of that there's something wrong with them too. But you're the authority here who's desperately trying to perfect yourself.

[Jennifer]

Exactly.

[Tony Robbins]

You're a disservice to the people and that's why your business is not working. She was just blown away.

[Jennifer]

So you do all these live programs basically?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, Live events.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, yeah, live events.

[Tony Robbins]

So the mastermind is more. It's online people from around the world. Three month container. The live events are just fun where, you know, we're going to grow. People have asked me now to travel around the world and do them. They're just really fun.

[Jennifer]

They are. I sound. I love this because you basically come to one. I will. When's the next one?

[Tony Robbins]

March 20th.

[Jennifer]

And do a lot of like, where is it, where is it at here?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. We've outgrown the space. It's. I come into LA for it and there's 200 plus people. It's a good. It's a. It's intimate but it's a good size. But now, you know, we're looking at a bigger theater for 2000 because we sell out within 24 hours.

[Jennifer]

You do?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, yeah. People are flying from all around the world. There were people from this time. There was someone from Australia and all from east coast. And yeah, it's really flattering.

[Jennifer]

And so. So do you spend the entire time you say you give them some theory?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, I talk a little bit about whatever and then I just say, who wants to chat? So this time it was a girl who wanted me to improve a business is another woman who's turning 15 a week who doesn't have a relationship. But she wants love. And she. Part of our story is, you know, she hasn't had many relationships. She's turning 50. So I hold, I hear all the data. I Need. Right.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So immediately I said what's the significance of me you telling me that you're about to turn 50? Right. There's a story about that as to why she can't have a relationship. So we undo all of that and.

[Jennifer]

I want to hear it undo it. I'm curious because I'm sure there are people who are listening who may be turning 50 or 40 and I feel like relationships is a biggie. Right?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Because I think, I think it's harder and harder for people to meet people here or not just in life.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

And with everything with like social apps, social media now. AI.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

There's so many people that I think loneliness has become a massive. I think that's the real pandemic.

[Tony Robbins]

So I'm going to take something you said there because I think it will probably hit a core with people. You said it's getting harder and harder for people to meet people.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Because they haven't met themselves.

[Jennifer]

Is that, that's interesting.

[Tony Robbins]

Do you get that?

[Jennifer]

I do get that.

[Tony Robbins]

See, it's harder for people to meet because the more you drift away from your authentic nature, the more of a facade you're carrying and the harder it is to sustain and therefore the harder it is to have intimacy into me. See, so this is what if people really want to watch it. I have a super affordable. My, my membership program is freedom is 29 bucks a month and all my lives are in there. You pay more to go to the live than watching them free recorded. So if someone wants to watch that.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

And there's a 90 plus hours of other content on anxiety, relationships, freeing your mind, depression, a wisdom library like. Yeah. So all the lives get put in there because not everyone can come. So it was a powerful conversation. But she sat there just beaming in joy because she realized being 50 has got nothing to do with anything. The fact that she hasn't had many relationships got nothing to do with anything. And that she stepped into a whole world of possibility where I said by the time you come here next month you could have had probably five suitors come up to you if you want.

[Jennifer]

So what was it? If it wasn't the 50 and if it wasn't the fact that she's not. She hasn't had a lot of relationships. What was the reason why she was saying that in the first place?

[Tony Robbins]

Because she had at a young age learned to self soothe because her parents weren't available and so she'd become fiercely independent and what was so funny. And people cracked up because for some reason when I do my lives, I turn more into the comedian. And so she says, it's so funny. She says, I do heart centered workshops.

[Jennifer]

Are you serious?

[Tony Robbins]

So I was taking a piss because of course I'm coming from a lovely place. I'm like, I can just see that, okay, everybody drop into their heart, you know, and like this is all about love. And then, and I said, and then you leave and go back to your hotel room and cry by yourself.

[Jennifer]

But this is the, that's what she.

[Tony Robbins]

Did as a kid. So she, she's so scared to make herself so vulnerable. Which again is. That's why I get it, it's scary. I have compassion. But that's where people haven't met themselves to love themselves. Same with a girl who's trying to perfect herself before she thinks she's a good enough coach. Now I'm like, you'll be the best coach in the world if you could just accept yourself and tell people to get over themselves. That's all they want.

[Jennifer]

Well, I totally agree, but this is why I said it earlier about the psychologist, right. Like I find like a lot of times like people are not comfortable of just being authentic. Truly, the word authentic is thrown around all the time. Right? Like authenticity, all these things. It's like great hashtags. But the truth is nobody's really comfortable in just being who they are, being completely honest, you know, like just, just being different. Because different is not, for whatever reason, it's not accepted. People think it's not accepted.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

But the truth is I think the more different you are, the more actually you're actually you're more likable, not less.

[Tony Robbins]

Likable because it's a magnet. Like you think about if you had this really beautiful gala, everyone's in their like black tie and it's all fancy schmancy and everyone's sipping on their champagne, fruits or whatever and you throw in a 4 year old kid who's running around and he's got shit all over his face.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Like it's adorable. And people are drawn to that because it's freedom. That's why my products called freedom, you know. So for me, you know, if you want to took the world right now of like just insane amounts of mental health issues, the, the precursor, all of that is the absence of self love because then I'm, I'm in dis ease with myself. So then that's just going to spill out into the world.

[Jennifer]

But I feel like also it's speak people just besides self soothing. It's distraught everything is basically a distraction. Now if people are. The mental health, as you were just saying, anxiety, depression, suicide, all of it is, like, is becoming worse and worse because social media, comparing yourself to some other life that doesn't even actually really even exist, and people are using these all. And they're, they are getting, they're, they're becoming, it's becoming worse. And instead of like. And even though going on social media is why they're depressed, they're still, they can't, they can't seem to take themselves off because they need it as a distraction away from their own life.

[Tony Robbins]

So it's fueling all of these mechanisms where fundamentally someone is just simply not at peace with themselves. So it's this exogenous form of looking for, searching for some reconciliation. If I find the right person, if I have enough money, when I get my body right, when I start my business, when I get the dream home, forget about it, then I'm going to be awesome. But no, because you're awesome now. You're awesome now. Everybody is like literally everyone right now. I'd say everyone is a masterpiece and a work in progress. Yes. So can you be completely at peace where you are? No matter the size, waste you have or whatever it is you're going through, even as a sickness with whatever your bank account says, however dysfunctional or great your relationship, can you find peace with what is. That's the only way you can move forward to something that you might have as an aspiration simply for the pure exploration of what life is.

[Jennifer]

I mean, I'm going to actually listen to this podcast myself to make sure I understand so I can like, you know, get like the whole thing. So when you. I just want to go back to you for a second because when you did that movie Heal the documentary, so what was that? What were you considered? What kind of expert were you in that?

[Tony Robbins]

That was the mind architect. But I spoke to. So part of my background is in Ayurveda, which is a healing arm of yoga. So like Chinese medicine, which itself is fascinating.

[Jennifer]

Fascinating.

[Tony Robbins]

I use that for like, I'm still here in a three dimensional meat suit. You know, there's still things that I do to take care of myself.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Just. But internally, my terrain.

[Jennifer]

Meat suit. Did you call it?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, yeah. Three dimensional meat suit. People become misidentified. Like they say, I am a certain weight, I am a certain height. No, you're not. Because you're the you that has been consistent even when you were like three foot as a kid. And whatever weight you had or Loss. Right. If anything can change and that's not the real you. Right. So that's an access point to realizing, oh, I've become misidentified with form and then even the subtler form, which is the thoughts in your head. So that's where I'm helping people to disassociate from, to become free from like a radio station in your head just 24 7. Usually nonsense. Right. But most people believe it. And if you can start to create a bit of space from that, like you know, the. I forgot who it was. Aristotle or someone said it's the mark of an intelligent mind that can entertain a thought without believing it. Right. So you can have the thoughts of like I'm an idiot. I don't know, am I like you know, versus just saying like a declar declaration of facts.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So that's what I'm helping people understand is the power of the words that become the. They create the reality and the confines you live within.

[Jennifer]

So then they have to stop act. They have to stop doing certain behaviors and saying certain things to themselves.

[Tony Robbins]

They don't have to. But that would happen. Ideally it would happen automatically when you realize that what's been driving your behavior isn't a truth. Truth. Right. So it's again I say I dissolve problems. Solution based. World that we live in is like, okay, you have anxiety. Well, this is what you have to do. Right. You go and see an expert. Typically they, they traffic in the world of behavior. Right. Don't do this, don't do that.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

But I don't. I'm not interested. Behavior is a byproduct of your feelings and then your thoughts and then underneath your thoughts, subconscious. So changing behavior, it might work for a while, but if you're human, you know how hard that is to freaking sustain.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Because you're being driven by deeper code that has you think the thoughts you have feel the way you feel and then make choices to act.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So unless you undo that deeper code, which is what I'm talking about.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Then you're gonna. If you have willpower, you'll keep up the new behaviors for a while. If you don't, you say go back to the cigarette. And that therapist was a piece of. Anyway, you'll come up with a justification 100.

[Jennifer]

And that's why willpower is. That never works anyway. It's a muscle that will get tired.

[Tony Robbins]

Especially as you get older because you're not going to have the same sort of level of, of you know, like tenacity. Or cavalier attitude of you or, you know, eventually your dad's gonna die and now you've got no one else to make wrong. It's like, exactly, you fall flat on your face again. So that's why I want to be informed by love and freedom versus like love and limitation, fear and limitation.

[Jennifer]

Do you believe in like that I said earlier, like the, like hypnosis or breath work or any type of like, how about like psychedelic. Psychedelics to get you into that, that place in your head?

[Tony Robbins]

I think they all have a place and people, whatever journey they're on and wherever they're at and the people they draw into their life, it might be appropriate. You know, I think things like breath work, I think psychedelics help because that's going to get deeper, right? Breath work can be transformative. You can have a powerful moment, you know, especially if you're doing deep holotropic breathing.

[Jennifer]

It's hard.

[Tony Robbins]

It is hard, but a lot of people go into the crepitus and they have these epiphanies and that's great, but oftentimes anything that we're doing is. It's too late, right? What I'm interested in, just my own modality is revealing these deep subconscious constraints for what they are, which is lies. When you see it for what it is, a lie, then you're never going to be the same person. As an analogy, right? For 2,000 years we have said the world is a globe. And I guess still people arguing that it's not, which is fine, that's a whole different conversation. But let's just go with it. We're on a sphere, right? But prior to that, prior to Galileo, I think he decided or he saw that it's a sphere, everyone thought it was flat. So that is the prison, right? The flat. Cause it's a lie, but in that prison it's appropriate for what? The fear of falling off the edge. Do you see that fear is commensurate with the perspective. So you could say, okay, well what's your gadget for stopping people falling off? That's a solution, right? If I was Elon Musk back in the day and I had a laser bracelet that would detect how far the horizon was, I'd be a multi billionaire.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, no kidding.

[Tony Robbins]

But it would all be within a lie. Because now I've worked with NBA guys, I tell an mbi, try and fall off the planet, they jump high, give it four seconds, they're right back. So that you start to realize. So then when you reveal the lie, the previous fear Associated with it disappears. Do you see? So does that as an analogy, help you understand? So if someone thinks they're not enough, and as a byproduct of that, they had Hashimoto's, which is down the line of them trying to be a perfectionist and working too hard.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

You know, and I could say, well, you know, what you need to do is some breath work, meditation as a solution. But they're still being driven by the deeper code that they're not enough.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Once they see that for what it is, oh, my dad said, da, da, da. My sister and my brother was the athlete or whatever the justification was. So does that mean, like, truly, you're not enough? No, it's made up. Holy shit. If I'm not enough, what become then? I say, in the absence of that constraint, like, literally stepping out of prison, how would you feel? What become available? Oh, my God. That's when the shoulders drop. I. I'd do anything. That's a new world. There's no then. I don't need to tell them what to do. They start to look through new eyes, which will generate different behavior.

[Jennifer]

And so how.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, do you see that?

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I do understand.

[Tony Robbins]

It's like going to a different planet, like Wakanda or whatever it was in Black Panther.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

You know, so you go through a portal. In this case, the portal is dissolving your constraint. You suddenly enter this world of pure love and freedom and possibility. You don't know how to navigate it. Like the girl from Holland, which is cool. She's like, I don't even know what to do here. I'm like, no, I know. That's what I say to people. Even in my mastermind. I'm introducing you to a world with which you're not familiar. Yeah, but at least you're out of fucking hell.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tony Robbins]

Now we can start to explore. Who could you be if you're not trying to disprove some feeling of inadequacy? Who could you be if you're not always worried about whether you're going to make it or be safe? Oh, fuck, I don't know. I'd be so free. I'd start my business. I'd take better care of myself. I'd probably sleep like a baby. And, you know, there's all these different experiences that now become available in this new dimension.

[Jennifer]

So. In this new. In this new dimension. But how many of the people that you work with fall back into old patterns, old routines?

[Tony Robbins]

For sure. I mean, I don't keep track of the thousands of people. But you know, for people who are committed to my work, most of them for sure are going to have glimpses, you know, myself included. I'm at the bow, the boat of this whole work, at least in my way of sharing and teaching it. So I can still, you know, have, have, you know, an old feeling of whatever it is, very short lived now. But yeah, it takes practice and also it takes community. It takes environment. Right.

[Jennifer]

Community is a big one because if.

[Tony Robbins]

You'Re in a world where you're constantly being reminded of everybody's shortcomings, or you even hear your friends complaining about their marriages and their kids or their business, you're in the mire of like derogatory negative comments. Right. Versus in part of my freedom membership, there's a community where people support each other with the same kind of conversation. So that itself can be uplifting.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So yes, you need practice, you need time, you need support, you need reinforcement. And there's, there's many layers to it. So even if somebody in my mastermind, like this woman realizes all up to her and now realizes not, it's just not up to her, right? Like, okay, maybe the predominant onus is on her, but as a choice, not like I have to. It's a very different energy. She gets to be a mom. She loves to be a mom. Do you see the difference between it's all up to me and I have to do it? That's creating suffering and resistance. So it's a choice. And when you introduce choice, you now have freedom.

[Jennifer]

Okay, I have a friend. Oh my God. A couple weeks ago I was out for dinner and I'm like, I gotta go, I have to put my kids to bed. And he told me this whole big thing about how he has this spiritual advisor who said to him that he, and then he relays to me, he's like, oh no, Jennifer, you can't say you have to put your kids to bed. You have to say I get to put my kids together. I get, I'm like, so like this language, I find like there's a. It's, it all sounds dandy and fine, but it's, it feels very contrived and weird.

[Tony Robbins]

It can do.

[Jennifer]

Yes, right. Like, so I'm like, okay, well I gotta leave because I get to put my children to bed or whatever. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's like a whole different language you have or like language that you have to learn. It is.

[Tony Robbins]

And if it's, if it's done that that way where his spiritual counselor is telling him To. Then it's just another thing for him to do, which is only going to create more pressure.

[Jennifer]

Well, when you're living, he's embodying it, but when he says it to me.

[Tony Robbins]

It feels very like, yeah, it's instructional. So there's a difference between what I call instruction and inspiration. You know, if he's saying, oh, we. No, you have to do. You have to say, well, it's still. I have to. It's still the same energy.

[Jennifer]

And also now all I do is just laugh. Like, mock him. Yeah. I'm like, I. Yeah, every time he calls me, I'm like, oh, I get to, you know, I get to like, do the chores I have to do, you know, Or I get to.

[Tony Robbins]

I can't wait to do the dishes.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I get to do the dishes. You know, like, I.

[Tony Robbins]

It's again, you want to be careful that it doesn't become too fastidious in terms of. We're human.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

We're all doing the best we can. And that's where I think we can make space for a bit of comedy, a bit of compassion of like, these are good things to understand so that you can have a deeper reference point of like, oh, okay, yeah. At times I'm. My kids have been a pain in my ass and I'm just gonna put them to time out or bed. You know, you're human, you're a mom, you're doing the best you can. But if you can at least revert back to at some point in your evening or the next day, go, okay, that was an emotional reaction. Totally appropriate. As a human, I don't wanna live from there. Cause it's tiring. I also don't wanna be that person for my kids. And maybe there's an opportunity for a conversation where they can garner a bit more responsibility about the way they behave. You know, you wanna just come back to it. Otherwise it's accumulative over time.

[Jennifer]

I know. I guess, like, you don't know me at all. I know, but like, I laugh about a lot of people who. And maybe that you're going to say because I'm overly critical, perhaps, but about manifestation. Like, I'm manifesting this. I'm going to spiritual world of yeah, I'm going to woo woo. Yeah, like. And I'm like the anti.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes, you're super practical.

[Jennifer]

I'm super practical.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, same. I'm a Virgo.

[Jennifer]

I'm a Virgo too. When's your birthday?

[Tony Robbins]

September 10th.

[Jennifer]

September 16th.

[Tony Robbins]

Okay.

[Jennifer]

So yeah, I'm a. And I Like things that are like, like, you know, practical.

[Tony Robbins]

Right.

[Jennifer]

Like yeah, I'm not gonna like just think myself into getting what I want, you know, I'm gonna chase what I want.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

And then, so then the, the manifestation people like you don't chase you wait, you, you hold space, then it comes to you.

[Tony Robbins]

But so it's. For me it's always both.

[Jennifer]

Okay, so how does it. Where does.

[Tony Robbins]

It's no either or. Like the brain thinks in terms of duality. Good, bad, right, wrong. You know, and that's why people tend to go, well if a relationship doesn't work, it's like, like it, you know, it's like everything tends to be a bit too reactionary. And what about if it could just be both? Recognize that we're frequency based beings, you know, and that our energy does have. Like that girl who's talking to me in a live, her phone's off, right. She turns her phone off at the end, sees what time we finish and woo, woo, you know, hey, presto, abracadabra. This client who she's been trying to get for seven months shows up. There's something in that.

[Jennifer]

Yes. And I believe in that.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. So she now energetically has stepped into a different iteration of herself that isn't in this world of there's something wrong with me and I have to constantly perfect myself. So the way I would phrase it, she became more available to life, which is where life then met her at a different vibration. Now can she just sit around and go, oh, I'm at this new vibration? No. She has to reply to the person, say, great to hear from you, I'd love to work with you. And then whatever the next steps would be for this new type of person, she also has to be proactive in.

[Jennifer]

Right, right. So you think it's a combination of both.

[Tony Robbins]

My friend in college, he had a great expression because I started all of this philosophizing at a very young age. And he and I would sit under a tree and talk about consciousness. And it was fun as 18, 19 year old punk kid. But he would say, you know, believe in Allah but tie up your camels.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, right.

[Tony Robbins]

No, so that to me kind of captures it.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

Like you know. Yeah. Like there's whether you call it God or Jesus or Muhammad or whoever or Buddha. That's great. Have your dogmas. I'm not gonna poo poo you for it. And you know, be as responsible you can be as a co creator in life.

[Jennifer]

Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

So that's where the woman who's okay She's a single mom, but she has community and an ex and parents. You know, she's not fully alone. But she could also say, okay, maybe life will bring me some unexpected lover or a friend or a neighbor who loves kids in the next three or four weeks. You know, be open to the miracles too. 100 we tend to default to. It's all up to us. And for that reason, you know, life and woe is me. You know, it's like. I think it's. We can make room for both.

[Jennifer]

I think you can. But like you could. You see Very much you. Because I was actually very nervous. But I started this podcast by saying I was a little nervous because before I met you because I thought you were going to be way more woo woo.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

You know.

[Tony Robbins]

No, no.

[Jennifer]

But you're not so woo woo. You're like. You seem to be like very much.

[Tony Robbins]

Super down to earth to me. You know, again, going back to the monikers at the beginning. A spiritual teacher. I'm actually more of a physicist. Right. But my physicist lens incorporates code. Right. So I'm more of a tech guy also. But even with your mind. Right, because it's programming. So that's not woo woo. Because if you're living in a world where you think that you're not enough, that's a physical piece of code.

[Jennifer]

Yes.

[Tony Robbins]

100 so I could then attribute what people might think is woo woo as to why do they keep attracting a partner who's emotionally unavailable or maybe even a little abusive. That's not woo woo. You know, they just need to move to a better city or something. Well no, to me it's more. No, it makes sense energetically. If the way they view themselves is less than, they're going to attract woo woo people who will mirror that.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So I'm. Yeah, I'm not. I understand the whole world of vibration and quantum physics and all of that, but to me it's very practical.

[Jennifer]

Yeah. It really is.

[Tony Robbins]

It seems like miracles. Like that that girl got this text or, you know, the other things that have transpired with the myriad of people that I've helped. Like some woman had stage four endometriosis gone a couple of months after the end of the mastermind. That's not woo woo. That's freaking science.

[Jennifer]

But why is that? Because she let go.

[Tony Robbins]

Let go of the. In her world, her needs don't matter because she grew up as a kid where her needs weren't met. She wasn't given any attention.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Tony Robbins]

So especially as a woman then her system shutting down. Her needs don't matter. Whatever she wants is really irrelevant.

[Jennifer]

Right. So it manifests physically and she attracted.

[Tony Robbins]

Boyfriends who would never pay her the time of day or were abusive and eventually it shows up physiologically. Physiologically, yeah. The mind and body connection is not so much a connection as it's a continuum.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, it's a continuum. I would agree with that for sure.

[Tony Robbins]

So if you're living in a state of stress, I mean you talk to any like real like far like scientist, scientist who's like, no, no. Unless there's actual evidence and you know, a documented study, they're still going to say stress is the number one cause of death. Right. Or disease.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, stress for sure.

[Tony Robbins]

So what's stress? It's the way you're relating to your environment, which is based on perception.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

So if you can change the eyes with which you view the world, then you're going to change your physiological response to it. That's not. Woo woo. That's physics.

[Jennifer]

That's physics. Hold on, I think I have another question. Just want to make sure before I like, hold on a minute because I don't want to.

[Tony Robbins]

That's where Wayne Dyer had a great quote. He said, you know, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change that.

[Jennifer]

I love that. Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Is it because they change or is it because I have a new view?

[Jennifer]

It's because. It's because you have a new view.

[Tony Robbins]

Physics talks about the observer effect, you know, split the electron test with the two split tests, you know, like whether it's a wave or it's particles, all of the, this is all physics. So if you're the observer in a particular environment, you're going to see the way that you see and then you're going to, you're going to therefore like impose your particular vantage point on a circumstance. While someone else would have seen something completely different, yet it's the same environment. Ramana Maharshi, one of the greatest spiritual teachers, or in terms of legacy, he would say people would come to his ashram for satsang, which is where they come and listen and ask questions. And he'd sit there and do his best guest to answer. And he said, it's like people arrive with a palm full of gunpowder. Some people's gunpowder is completely submerged with water and for some other people it's damp and for some other people it's really bone dry. And he says, I'm saying the same thing to the whole group, but depending on their capacity to hear, it will elicit the kind of response they have. The person who's got completely submerged might go, ah, it's kind of interesting. I didn't get much from it. They did, but they're not aware of it yet. The person with bone dry gunpowder has the biggest epiphany. Same thing, but depending on the readiness of someone's consciousness, you're going to interact with life at that. That level.

[Jennifer]

I like that. It's so true. It is so true.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. So that's the beauty of, like, whether we call it karma or whatever this incarnation is about, that you're going to have to revisit the different arenas of life. Those buckets we talked about. Why does a girl continue to attract a guy that's not emotionally available or was a bit abusive? If she's the consistent theme, maybe, just maybe, you know, she's got some story of, like, she's not lovable or she's trash or. And so she keeps attracting guys and circumstances to reflect until she transcends that. She goes to a different timeline because she's now viewing herself differently, feeling differently, and as a result, life will present new circumstances.

[Jennifer]

Right, right, right, right.

[Tony Robbins]

That's physics.

[Jennifer]

She changes the pattern herself because she's otherwise living it over and over again until you learn it for yourself.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes. And then most people live the other way around, where they think, I want to change my circumstances before I'll change.

[Jennifer]

Right. But you follow yourself wherever you go.

[Tony Robbins]

Exactly right. And that's called seeing is believing, which I say is also called waiting.

[Jennifer]

Seeing is believing is also called waiting. Yes. I love your little. You're like your wordsmithing or your analogies or your word stuff. You do that all the time.

[Tony Robbins]

All the time. Because it helps people understand something that's kind of otherwise a little bit over their head. Like you said, you've got to really focus when you're talking to me. Yeah, yeah.

[Jennifer]

Because normally. Because it's not what I normally talk about. Right. So. And I have to just kind of like, pay attention, you know, I can't just. I can't just like, interject with something.

[Tony Robbins]

Because it's just cash this one in.

[Jennifer]

And just like, yeah, I cannot catch this one. I gotta be like, well, good.

[Tony Robbins]

I'm glad that you're on your. Your A game.

[Jennifer]

I. I have to be. I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

I. Because I know you. Like, I'm trying to think of some. What do people ask you about, like, layman's. People like me, that. What's the most common question that they would ask you.

[Tony Robbins]

I mean, they run the gamut, as you said. Usually in the arena of relationships, something to do with, you know, I mean, relationships, health and wealth. You know, they're the big buckets. Right. They're the real main three.

[Jennifer]

Give me one question in each that they ask the most.

[Tony Robbins]

Health tends to be specific to whatever someone's dealing with. Right. So, you know, why have I created or why do I have this particular sickness? And so I love to make the correlation for people between dis Ease and disease. So disease being the physical manifestation over time of disease, which is the absence of ease, meaning if my system's not at peace and just again, biologically, I'm going to be in the sympathetic part of my autonomic nervous system, meaning I'm in fight or flight because I'm not at ease. When we're at peace, we're in the parasympathetic, which is rest and digest and rejuvenate. Right. So that's just physics again. But if the way I perceive my environment is I'm like, I'm scared or I'm like, under stress, then my biology has to follow that. So then dis. Ease. Absence of ease. Well, so just even understanding that cascade, regardless of what you're dealing with, can help people to be more responsible about. Okay. In ways that I don't know how they have to manage it. Whether they get out of a narcissistic, horrible relationship or they leave a toxic job, or they just need to learn to take time and breathe and. And have a better sleep routine or meditate just to imbibe ease more in your system and see what your body does. That's one.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Relationships, again, are going to be the reflection of your relationship with yourself. So if you're in a place where you think you're not safe, then you're always going to see something your partner does as potentially threatening. If you think that you're not enough, you're always going to see something your partner does as a judgment of you, you know, so it's all a mirror. The whole life and the dimension of time and space and people is all just a mirror. So again, that's the good news. It's the good news and the bad news because most people don't want to be that responsible. Yeah, but I'd rather blame my husband.

[Jennifer]

It's much easier. Yeah, exactly.

[Tony Robbins]

It seems that. But in the long term, it's not because you're actually slowly killing yourself. That's what I thought was really funny. The Dutch Girl, the woman, you know, she said, holy shit. When she realized her mechanism for survival, which is, it's all up to me, which is the white knuckling of I've got to make care, make, take care of everything. She said, I realized the way that I'm surviving is actually what's killing me. Me.

[Jennifer]

Right. Is that always though, the way it is?

[Tony Robbins]

Everyone? But it was just beautiful that she could see it unprompted by me. You know, that's what happens when the lights go on in the back room. You're like, holy, I've been doing this since I was a kid. And so she thinks that she's doing something from a, you know, a smart place of like, well, it's all up to me, so I'm gonna push through. But actually that's a lie. And the mechanism she's using is what's actually her. Her uncomming.

[Jennifer]

Yeah. You know, it's funny, it's like that's a blind spot though, right? Like it is, right? Because usually your best quality tends to also be your worst quality.

[Tony Robbins]

Yes. They're two sides of the same coin. And that's why I said we can't be held accountable for that which we're oblivious to. That's where compassion comes in. Right. Because people can be very self righteous when they see what's going on. And that doesn't help. You know, it's about just being kind and realizing everyone's doing the best they can within limits of their awareness. But yeah, so then for the wealth, for the other bucket to finish. The answer to your question, you know, most people. I'll give one example. I was talking to someone I met briefly and she's a single mom too, and she's like trying to. She said, I'm in a great place with my kids and my energy and I feel really good. My health and her choices around food and da da da. And she said, now I'm ready to create abundance, which all sounds beautiful, you know, and that fits into the whole world of spirituality. And I said, well, therein lies your problem. She's like, what do you mean? I said, you don't create abundance, you reveal it. Abundance is. So what we want to do is actually instead of trying to create it, we want to dissolve. What is your illusion that you can't access it?

[Jennifer]

Jesus. I mean, I'm telling you I need a hard drink after I speak to you. And I'm not. I don't even drink. Does everybody say this to you? Like, who are you for? Who are you Friends with. Like, who are your friends? Yeah, are you friends like you?

[Tony Robbins]

Some of them are, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't. I mean, I'm on a show with you. I want to, obviously, give as much, you know, content that it's valuable to your listeners.

[Jennifer]

No, I think it's amazing.

[Tony Robbins]

But I shoot the. I play golf and tennis.

[Jennifer]

You're like a regular. Normal things, too.

[Tony Robbins]

Of course. Of course. But also understand the mechanics of how life works. And so it's fun because then I get to create and make up and. And play in the world that is this rich tapestry called Planet Earth.

[Jennifer]

But do you have most of your friends that you hang out with, do they think at your level of consciousness?

[Tony Robbins]

Maybe not in this regard, but they have their own levels of expertise. I have friends who are great musicians or great playwrights, and everyone's got their own different qualities.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, of course. I'm kind of teasing you, but I.

[Tony Robbins]

Get it, and I appreciate the compliment. But I guess I have a unique ability to understand the power of language and to. To, you know, discern in a very precise way, you know, making things that are otherwise profound palatable for people.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, like not so pal or not palatable. Like, so you're not even. You can't even say create because that means that you're thinking that you don't have the. It's not there in the first place.

[Tony Robbins]

Correct. So you're under the illusion that something's missing. Right. Isn't it subtle? Yes, it's so subtle, but it's so profound. Like, often people say my stuff. God, it's so. It's so simple, but it's really not easy.

[Jennifer]

Exactly. Well, that's the thing. Like, I'm thinking, like. Like, okay, what am I doing to my. Like, what am I doing in my life that's holding me back that I'm not even aware of?

[Tony Robbins]

Yes. Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Right?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. And you will be. And that's okay. You're human.

[Jennifer]

Right. And like, where am I blind? Like, I think that. Oh, I'm so. So I think, oh, my eq. So great. Like, oh, but I know my blind spots. But, yeah, as I'm talking to you, I'm like, I bet you there's so many things that I have no idea. I'm a total mess. A total mess, and I don't even know it.

[Tony Robbins]

I was feeling great before Peter Craig.

[Jennifer]

Exactly. I was. I felt I was super confident.

[Tony Robbins]

You're awesome. No, I can tell. And I could guess, you know, you're in same bucket of a lot of my Clientele who are high end performers. But there's usually just this unnecessary pressure, you know, the world of have to like your friend will be perhaps not in that arena. If I get to. I could see that you would perhaps, you know, take that with a pinch of salt. But yeah, you know, the feeling of you have to like, you know, I put a lot of pressure on yourself and there might be just a little bit more room for Jennifer to have a bit more freedom, a bit more joy, not take life so seriously, you know, and to just have a bit more ease about you and allow life to contribute to you as much as I'm sure you contribute to others.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, that's actually, I think a lot of people would probably fit into that bucket. I think you're right.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. And I'm guessing just because of who you are, the majority of your audience is probably women. They're probably very smart women. They're probably, as you said, higher eq. They're moving the shakers. They probably have families, but they also have businesses. Whether they're. They're, you know, really committed or it's a hobby, whatever. But they're dynamic women. Right. Extraordinary women. And my. Typically in that realm, what I see is where there's become a little bit of a. An exaggeration of the masculine qualities of being a little bit too driven, which can. Can start to ill infiltrate the relationship. So maybe they've even attracted a man who perhaps isn't so much of a man and he's become an extension of their children, you know, in the way that they have to manage or take care of them. So they maybe haven't made room for the softness of the feminine, you know, without getting into goddess language or any of that.

[Jennifer]

No, but you're right. I've done a thing on, first of all, just to kind of let you know, I have a. I have a 5050 split. Like a lot of my audience is made. Okay, cool. So. So that's the first thing. But I was gonna say I've done other people's podcasts. Not on this podcast so much. Where I talk about that.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Where I find that a lot of times, if you're a strong woman or you're successful, it can bleed into being too ma. Into masculine energy, which then is kind of like a turn off if you're trying to like attract a very alpha type of man.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And so the bat. It's a very delicate balance.

[Tony Robbins]

It is. It's tough.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

Really. And I Feel for both men and women. Because men oftentimes, the little boy syndrome that's out there, you know, they're trying to do the best they can to compensate, which is really not being a man at all. Being more of a man is like, yeah, I struggle in this arena and just owning. Owning it. Right.

[Jennifer]

But I think that a lot of women are single.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Who are very successful.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Because they, unfortunately, they're either too much in that masculine energy.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

But they don't see that.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Right. And then they have, they put on this facade like, oh, I don't get I don't need a man or I don't want a man. And that becomes their, like, playbook. That becomes their.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Talk.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Right. But. And the guy that they actually want, want a girl who's more feminine. And so it becomes this very, very difficult dance. That happens.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. No, I see it. And it's, and it's. There's no simple answer. Right. It's a. It comes back to choice. Right. For a woman who's driven, who's intelligent, who sees the world of possibility, and this world has become so much more accessible for all of us. Right. Whether it's travel or business or startups or investments. You know, it's like, it's, it's fun to be able to, but it's. How can you maintain that sense of enthusiasm and drive while simultaneously embodying the softness, the approachability and the nurturance of a woman?

[Jennifer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

And that's that. I'm not saying that's easy. Equally for men who can now also be more sensitive. Like, I make my own skincare products. Like I make a sugar scrub. Like, I love.

[Jennifer]

Who does?

[Tony Robbins]

I do.

[Jennifer]

You do.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. So I. Because I like to take care of myself. Right. But I'm also like, I like to be a man's man. And I want to be with a woman who's not, you know, trying to out perform me or something. You know, it's like.

[Jennifer]

But like, to me, that's like that. I think that's what happens, unfortunately. It becomes competitive.

[Tony Robbins]

Yep. And that's again, coming from fear. It's coming from fear. And ironically, the means by which we're trying to garner attractivity or becoming attractive to somebody is the obstacle to it. Right. So the woman oftentimes felt the need to become strong because she felt either inadequate or insecure, not safe. And so. Okay, well, if I'm gonna make it, I need to make sure I'm financially independent and da, da, da, da, da. And all of These things. Nothing wrong with that method, but it makes you unavailable. Right. Because now you've actually strengthened the independence as opposed to creating, you know, some sort of companionship or a partnership.

[Jennifer]

Totally.

[Tony Robbins]

And then the boy or the man, you know, who's now trying to disprove he's like, weak or trying to become the alpha. Trying to become strong is really constantly reinforcing that he's not. Which is equally unattractive to a woman.

[Jennifer]

100%. That's why people who are like. Like who. For women, anyway, you need to have a guy who's, like, super, like, truly confident.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Who is truly, like. It's like that they're not intimidated by you. That they're not, like. They don't feel like you're emasculating them because of your. Whatever you have, you know, it's very difficult. It's a very delicate balance.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. Interesting times. So again, it comes down to awareness. It comes down to patience. It comes down to compassion with each other.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

You know, like, hey, I've got this strong tendency to be driven and independent as a woman. And I know that's going to be both unattractive to you, but also maybe at times challenging.

[Jennifer]

But some. I say there's like, a lot of guys who actually, like, like it and it's like. Or like, rather have a girl who's like that. But there is like a body of men who, like, that's. That's what they're not. They don't. They don't. They don't need another dude. They don't need to, like, be dating another dude.

[Tony Robbins]

No.

[Jennifer]

Right. They want to have someone who has the softness.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And I. I talk with this all the time with, with. With people, like, all the time. Because I know I gotta wrap this up here.

[Tony Robbins]

That's okay. No, but I think it's where we can have more patience and compassion with ourselves and others. That we're all doing the best we can with the limits of our awareness. And just to be aware even of your tendencies and share those. That's a form of intimacy, right?

[Jennifer]

Totally.

[Tony Robbins]

To say, hey, I have this particular idiosyncrasy. And I know that could be a turn off, but I at least want to be open. And that softens it immediately. Once you can talk about it.

[Jennifer]

I think so. I think once anything is out in the open.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

It. It like that becomes. You become more vulnerable. That's attractive also, right?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, it really is.

[Jennifer]

I think so. Oh, my God. Well, Peter, thank you for being here. I know you're moving away. I won't say where. Is it like a secret?

[Tony Robbins]

Yes, it is.

[Jennifer]

Okay, good. Well, I'm not gonna say where it is. He's going to Mars. No. I'm sorry. So I, I really, I do. I appreciate you coming on this. Before you. You leave town. When do you leave?

[Tony Robbins]

Within the next two weeks. Oh. But I come back and forth. I wasn't based here, but I. I still come in and out of la, so I was up in the Tahoe region, as mentioned. So now.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Tony Robbins]

But I come in and do my live events, so if anyone wants to come to one of those, they can find that on my website.

[Jennifer]

I want to come to one of them. I want to see you in action. I want to see you do these things.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah, yeah. It'll help put it into perspective.

[Jennifer]

100%. It will. I would love.

[Tony Robbins]

Because then you experience it vicariously. The number of people who come up to see me often, they're like, oh, my God, I could see myself in all three or four of the people you spoke to.

[Jennifer]

And I can see that you're good at it because, like, you can. It comes naturally for you, you know, Like, I think it's a gift that you probably. Obviously you have. Right. Like you're. You pick up on something and then you just kind of keep on going with it.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And I'm sure you've done. I can imagine you probably really helped a lot of people.

[Tony Robbins]

Seems that way. It's certainly the people that come up to me or, you know, stop me on the streets or send messages. It's very, very flattering and humbling. So, yeah, I'll keep at it.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, please. I think you're onto something there. I think. I think you're removing.

[Tony Robbins]

Ending human suffering. Yeah. Okay.

[Jennifer]

I like that. And freedom. I love it all. Where can people find your Instagram is the best place to see you.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah. On social. Peter Krohn. And then my website, if they want to join freedom or maybe a mastermind in the Future, that's just PeterKrohn.com. yeah.

[Jennifer]

Oh, thank you, Peter.

[Tony Robbins]

Thank you. A pleasure to be with you, fellow Virgo.

[Jennifer]

Oh, yes, exactly. Pleasure is all mine. Thank you.

[Tony Robbins]

Bye.