B (3:23)

Okay, why won't they ever be as successful? Because it takes you down this like, weird path of like, then you become that trainer.

A (3:30)

Yeah, you become one. You open Pandora's box, right? Like you break the seal. You now like once you do it once, you're going to do it again. And then you've now become that person. Then you get a reputation around that. And then people know, like, and you know what the best paying type of clients know and they find out and they, and they're not the ones that are really good. The best relationships, the best clients, like, they're not looking for that, they're looking for someone who's intelligent, that's professional, that's going to help. And like, so yeah, you might get the little floozy who just came out of a divorce and she wants to, you know, take advantage of the young, good looking trainer. It's like, and have a great night, whatever. Like, okay, so you get that one. But you're going to miss out on a lot for that. And then you're also, your peers lose respect for you. And if like in my case, I, I managed all my peers at one point we were all peers, I was a trainer, then the next day, all of a sudden I'm their boss and they often work for me. Imagine if I was a trainer who slept with all the ladies in the gym and then now I'm your boss telling you what to do. It's like, I get no respect for my female trainers. I'm gonna get no. And most of my, even my male trainers may not give me respect because of who I am. So, like, it'll kill your career. It really will kill your career if you do something like that. And so I'm always telling trainers that. So you have to rethink of. You have to know all this, right. That I grew up in an environment like that I grew up with. I mean, I had. I had girlfriends that would, like, show up to the gym to see who I was training and stand out in the parking lot, do crazy stuff because they were so jealous.

B (4:47)

Yeah, they were so jealous and secure.

A (4:49)

And so I would date these girls. Like, I can't have a girl like this. Like, this is my. This is my passion. This is my career. I had no intentions of leaving this industry anytime soon. And so I knew that I needed a very confident woman that was not going to get. And that's how I am. I'm very much so that way. This is why Katrina and I are so great like this. Like, we both kind of have this similar philosophy of, like, if you're going to cheat, you're going to cheat. Like, me being jealous about it and digging through your is not going to stop it or. Or start it. It's like, if anything. And I've seen this, like, I've seen. I've been pushed in that direction because I have such a jealous girl. I'm like, man, I'm fighting over something I haven't done. I'm having to defend myself. I may as well go do it. And so, like, I. I have that attitude of, like, I just. I'm going to trust my girl until she breaks my trust.

B (5:31)

Also, I got to say, it's like a huge turnoff when someone is that, like, insecure and jealous and they put. Because I have the same. I have the same kind of mentality, like, there's nothing you can do about it anyway. If anyone wants to cheat on you, they're going to find a way.

A (5:44)

Yes.

B (5:45)

You think you. By going through their phone and their email and all this is going to make a difference. Like what? And you catch them and then what? Yeah, you know, like, okay, and now it's. And so what they're going to deny. You're not going to deny it. Like, if you even put out that energy. Like, I want to even circle back to something you said earlier, but if you can give your kid any character trait, it was going to be confidence. Right?

A (6:03)

Yeah.

B (6:04)

And I, again, I'm not to say everything that you're saying. I can just basically say, me too, or I agree. But to me, confidence is the really the gateway for anything. Number one, if you're even like kind of good looking, but not really. If you're confident and you hold yourself in a certain way and you, and you believe in yourself, you're 100 times more attractive. If you believe in yourself, everything is a projection. And so the second that you show like, and not just show in a fake way, but when you're genuinely a confident person and have a high self esteem, because there's a difference. If you have a high and think of yourself in a certain way in a belief system, what you give to the world is such a different sense of, of like a physical attractiveness, mental attractiveness. There's nothing that will ever surpass that trait, that quality.

A (6:51)

100.

B (6:52)

Like 100.

A (6:54)

There's something I always say. I say that because in our space motivation and hype is like a real popular thing. I say motivation is self belief is everything.

B (7:02)

That's 100 true.

A (7:03)

I believe that. I just, I. If you have the confidence, you believe in yourself. Like everything else. Everything else falls into place from there. You just got to believe that you. And you don't have to believe that you're. You don't have like a delusion. You don't have to be delusional about it. Like I didn't have, none of us that started the podcast had any like delusion that we were good or we knew what we were doing or we're the best. Like, but we all had this self belief that we're going to figure this out totally and we will and we'll keep trying until we do. And so yeah, no, I'm, I'm a firm believer in, in self belief and confidence. I think that leads to everything else. And I found that in a partner and back taking it full circle from how you started this conversation, like, Katrina is every bit just like me in that. Like she is the same way. Like she just has that. She has so much confidence in herself that if I were to go out on her and do that, her attitude is just like, you're lost, buddy.

B (7:51)

By the way, I was just going to say you're lost. So the fact that she would even have that, that kind of like self. Self confidence, self esteem to me. Yeah. You met somebody who is perfect.

A (8:02)

Yes.

B (8:03)

And like, and the fact that you recognize that, that to be with someone like that will surpass any other type of kind of person. The fact that you had the like the. Again, I hate to keep on saying the word self awareness is so key because it will. It's now going to. It's changing the trajectory of your entire life for the good 100%.

A (8:22)

And the part that nobody told me about that I still today have this, like, it blows my mind. Katrina and I are on 13 year 13, going on 14 years now. It's been 13, 14 years.

B (8:32)

Oh, wow.

A (8:33)

Yeah. That we've been together. And this is no bullshit. I am more physically attracted to her today. We have better sex today. Like it. The love has just grown and grown and grown and grown and grown. It just keeps getting better and better and better and better. The older we get, the more time we spend together. I had no idea it would be like that. In my experience, every other girl I ever dated during the honeymoon phase, the flame is going and the desire is going, the lust is going, and it's like. And that would always fade. It would always fade after six months or a year. It didn't necessarily always go completely away, but it just wasn't there the same way. Her and I were the opposite. It was like, I don't even know if this is the girl for me or I'm really into her. And it's like, okay, I really like her. She started. Now I like her more. Now I like. It's just great. Grown and grown and grown and grown. The longer we stay together and the more things that we go through and we build and we do and the more challenges that we have. And then we see how each other handles it. Like, oh, yeah, there's no way that I'm at where I'm at today. If I didn't meet her 13 years ago. She's allowed me to be way, way, way better than I would ever have been. For sure.

B (9:35)

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A (11:45)

Yeah.

B (11:46)

And they say in words, you know, I really want to meet somebody and have this blah blah, blah life, you know, fill in the blanks. And yet they still can't get out of their own way and still dating 20 year old bimbos or 22 year old people who have nothing in, they have nothing in real life in common. And when I meet these people, like yeah, it goes on three dates, six dates and then they repeat the pattern over and over again. And these are people who are like again, which is interesting, self aware, really intelligent, very successful. You would think that they would have the wherewithal after doing this for 30 years that they would stop, stop the pattern and then be able to do what you, what you did. Now I guess this is my question. How do you, I don't even know if you can answer it. Like when you have the wherewithal and you are cognizant, it's to know that the ones that you were dating were not the right ones and you wanted to have that life.

A (12:35)

Yeah.

B (12:36)

The pushback I, I, what I get with people or when I talk about this is like you can't force yourself to be attracted to somebody that you're not attracted to.

A (12:45)

Yeah.

B (12:45)

How do you like tell people or help people get out of their own way?

A (12:50)

Yeah, yeah.

B (12:51)

That's so they can actually find real, find like real love and happiness in a real way. Not just frivolous and silly and be alone.

A (13:00)

That's a really good question. And I have thought about it and I do think I have some thoughts around how that worked or what I did because like I said when I first initially started to kind of date her or even Date the two girls before. I wouldn't have thought I would be attracted to them. But what I, I, if you have become self aware that you're attracting the wrong person and you're at least at that stage because that's obviously the first step. Like, because a lot of people are stuck, they don't even realize they're in this lust phase. And like, and, and they're attracted to all their insecurities, right? So they're, they're attracted to it for all the wrong reasons to all the wrong people and they still don't even realize it. Like that's a lot of people for a long time, sometimes their whole life. But if you at least got to the point where you realize, like I'm broken, I attract broken people. This is bad for me. What do I do from here? Well, you have to build with those, those, the things that you want. Like, I knew I wanted this queen. I knew I wanted this badass confident chick who was this solid partner that was going to be a good wife and a good mother and was going to be growth minded. Like, so I knew I wanted all those attributes. So then I stopped putting the other ones at the top. Like, oh, she's got to be a 10 at this. And she has to look this way with this color eyes and hair. And like that was, I was using that. It was still at the top. It was just like, wait a second, what if I flip that and all these other characteristics that are really, truly important. What if I went after that first and then see what kind of girls fell into that category and be open to at least dating? And listen, I, I dated a couple girls that, before her that I tried that and it just, it didn't work out. But it was a good learning experience for me that like, okay, I know that there I'm starting to notice that I care. I like these qualities, I like these qualities that I didn't have and all the other ones that I was dating where I was the daddy, right? And all the other ones. So I'm liking this like strong, confident woman that's independent, has her thing, her, her shit together, doesn't necessarily need me. But I'm liking some of that. But then I'm starting to formulate what that looks like. So you have to at least be open to dating in a direction that you probably don't think that you would date in. And so it starts there, it starts with one becoming aware and then be open to looking at the straight. Listen, you don't, you're not, you're not gonna have to. You don't have to go marry the person right away.

B (15:04)

Right.

A (15:05)

You know, so just go on some dates and go have some conversations and see what happens and see if that, that sparks something else in you or at least makes you go, you know what? That's, I'm going to go on another date. Let's see what happens in the next date. And.

B (15:17)

Can I interrupt for a second? I. This is what I think happens, though. You are lucky enough to catch it, catch yourself early enough where you can, like, pivot and change. What I think's happening a lot more and more now with what's happening with social media and all the apps and people aren't socializing and going out as much and they're really using, you know, they're looking at social media like they're looking at fitness influencers, looking at girls who are not even realistic. That's the first part.

A (15:41)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (15:42)

And they're now, like, past the point of no return where they've been doing their, their pattern for so long.

A (15:48)

Yeah.

B (15:49)

Where now they can't even. It's like, hard, it's, it's too hard because you're, you've been so used to, you know, doing things the way you've been doing it. The people you, You've been doing it with. You can't even get your mind to change the neuroplasticity where you can be attracted physically. Yeah. To something that's more appropriate for you because you're not wired that way.

A (16:09)

Because, Jen, it's, it's more. Because right now that's, it's a drug when you have an insecurity, when you're broken and you're, you're attracting the wrong type of person from you, it's like getting a hit of a drug.

B (16:19)

Yeah.

A (16:19)

And so you have to want to change bad. Just like somebody who is addicted to a drug who says, I, I, I know this habit is bad for me, I need to quit. It's going to be hard. And you're going to want to fall back in those behaviors because you have, you're addicted to those behaviors. You have to become aware that that's what that person is for you. For me, it was that I had had insecurities around being smart and successful and powerful. And so getting a woman that I could teach and lead and show her all the things like that fulfilled that. Like a drug, it gave me so. Because the initial connection was awesome. It was like.

B (16:55)

Yeah.

A (16:56)

You know, I felt so good.

B (16:57)

Like a man.

A (16:57)

Yes. All this all this feeling of security and confidence, and I'm. The man would come rushing in, and this is the right chick for me, for sure. You think that is because just like you probably think when you're on high that this is great, this is so good for me, you know, because you're on. You're on the high. And then. Then the. The come down and the hangover and the. Oh, my God, I feel so embarrassed because I'm. I'm this person again. Like, that's all it is, is there.

B (17:23)

It's so true.

A (17:24)

It's. They. They don't want to break the addiction bad enough that they're willing to go through the pain of the withdrawals. And so you have to. You have to be willing to do that first. Yes. And by the way, just like a drug, the longer you are aware of this issue that you have in partnering up with people, and the longer you've done that behavior and habit, the harder and the greater the withdrawal is going to be when you get out of it. If you've been doing that. Like I had been doing that through a lot of different girls till I was 27. It was a hard pattern to break to. Very. And being completely honest and transparent like this was also. One of the things I loved about Katrina was when we first started dating, she was patient for me to catch up on that. Sam.