Episode Overview
Podcast: Habits and Hustle
Host: Jennifer Cohen
Guest: Shawnee Suisa
Episode: #534: The Real Reason Why Most People Don’t Change
Date: March 6, 2026
This solo-with-a-friend episode sees Jen Cohen and frequent guest (and friend) Shawnee Suisa dive deep into the true reasons why people resist making life changes. Moving beyond the commonly cited notions of laziness and lack of motivation, the conversation explores themes of identity, comfort zones, social circles, self-perception, and the stories we tell ourselves about change.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Introduction: Setting the Stage
- Jen welcomes back Shawnee, noting their history of candid and insightful conversations.
- Main Question: "The real reason why most people don't change."
- Thesis: It's not laziness, but deeper psychological and social reasons.
The Threat to Identity (01:15 – 02:27)
- Jen: Change threatens identity. Remaining the same feels safer than venturing into the unknown.
- Quote: “I think that staying stuck feels safer than changing because that's unfamiliar.” – Jen (01:50)
- Shawnee relates to the idea, mentioning how moving to a new city can feel freeing because it disassociates people from their old identities.
The Five Key Reasons People Don't Change (03:32 – 05:01)
Jen expands on the nuanced causes for resistance:
- Change Threatens Your Identity
- Comfort is Addictive
- Waiting for Certainty
- Social Circles Punish Growth
- Confusing Motivation for Readiness
- Quote: “Comfort is actually more addictive than failure... People wait for certainty that never comes.” – Jen (03:34)
- Quote: "People are always waiting for motivation which never comes. And they think that they're not ready because they're not motivated." – Jen (04:01)
The Role of Social Circles (05:16 – 06:26)
- Surrounding yourself with “doers” is crucial. Your peer group can either hold you back or propel you forward.
- Quote: "If you're around the right social group, you can get a lot of positive peer pressure because their positive actions and activity will inspire you..." – Jen (06:03)
- Shawnee notes her own experience: “I’ve surrounded myself with really tremendous people. So I’m seeing a lot of people who make some really great moves.” (06:26)
Mindset & Intentional Positivity (06:33 – 09:05)
- Banter about differing worldviews: Jen is more blunt, Shawnee is intentionally optimistic.
- Shawnee: “Your reality is your perception. All that matters is your reality; nothing else actually exists, literally.” (07:33)
- Discussion about how intentional positivity helps reframe experiences.
- Quote: “If you're starting to think badly... you basically are able to shift quickly into a more positive mindset, which is really great to do, by the way.” – Jen (08:18)
- Shawnee's “positive polyness” can sometimes create blindspots, such as trusting the wrong people.
Comfort Zones & Real-Life Examples (11:27 – 12:30)
- Shawnee shares a vivid example: living with her dad for 7 years post-college due to comfort and ease, despite wanting to leave.
- Quote: “That was such a thing that I wanted to change for literally every day that I was there, but I chose not to.” – Shawnee (11:35)
- Easier and cheaper options often keep people stalled in suboptimal situations.
Complacency, Resentment, and Growth (12:33 – 14:32)
- Jen warns that complacency can breed resentment and self-deprecation.
- Quote: “A lot of times that complacency ends up being resentment and … unhappiness in a real way.” – Jen (12:33)
- Both urge listeners to assess and change environments, social circles, and relationships that no longer serve them.
Shrinking to Fit In & Generational Shifts (14:01 – 14:46)
- Discuss how people (especially women) sometimes shrink themselves for others' comfort.
- Quote: “You think in order to make the other person happy, you got to shrink yourself… it's not okay.” – Jen (14:12)
- Shawnee observes today's generation is less likely to do this, mentioning changing social dynamics.
Comfort Isn't Always Bad, But Beware (15:04 – 16:53)
- The pair clarify that comfort isn't inherently negative – it's about balance.
- Shawnee appreciates having had a “safety net,” but now recognizes how it limited her ambition and growth.
- Quote: “It could have been like 10x more successful had I not lived there.” – Shawnee (15:42)
- Jen: Too much comfort can dampen resourcefulness and drive.
The Stories Our Brains Tell Us (16:53 – 17:39)
- A new insight emerges: We often make change seem much harder than it is due to imagined fears.
- Quote: “What we are so afraid of in our head is never as bad in real life. … Our brains can be our worst enemy.” – Jen (17:39)
- Both recount instances of finally making a change and realizing it was much easier than anticipated.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- "Change threatens your identity. That's what I believe to be the case." – Jen (01:17)
- “Comfort is actually more addictive than failure.” – Jen (03:34)
- “If you're around the right social group, you can get a lot of positive peer pressure because their positive actions... will inspire you.” – Jen (06:03)
- “Your reality is your perception… nothing else actually exists, literally.” – Shawnee (07:33)
- “That was such a thing that I wanted to change for literally every day that I was there, but I chose not to.” – Shawnee (11:35)
- “A lot of times that complacency ends up being resentment and self, like deprecation and unhappiness in a real way.” – Jen (12:33)
- “Our brains can be our worst enemy.” – Jen (17:39)
Key Timestamps
- 01:15 – First discussion of change threatening identity
- 03:32 – Jen lists her 5 key reasons people don’t change
- 05:16 – Role of social circles and positive peer pressure
- 06:33–09:05 – Banter on optimism vs. realism, self-perception
- 11:27 – Shawnee’s example: comfort zone of living at home
- 12:33 – Consequences of complacency
- 14:01–14:46 – Shrinking to fit relationships; generational change
- 15:04–16:53 – The double-edged sword of comfort
- 16:53–17:39 – The gap between imagined and real difficulty of change
Takeaway & Closing Sentiments
The episode concludes with a call to action:
- Don’t let the comfort of the familiar or the stories in your head prevent you from making moves toward growth.
- Surround yourself with people who challenge and support positive change.
- Remember: Most changes aren’t as terrifying as they seem, and every step forward builds self-worth and confidence.
For more content, resources, and to join Jen’s self-improvement book club, visit jennifercohen.com