Episode 538: High Performing Women and Why They Lose Attraction in Relationships When They Lead

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: Habits and Hustle
Host: Jennifer (Jen) Cohen
Episode: #538: High Performing Women and Why They Lose Attraction in Relationships When They Lead
Date: March 20, 2026

In this thought-provoking and candid solo episode, Jen Cohen unpacks a controversial but deeply resonant topic: why high-performing, ambitious women often lose attraction in relationships when they find themselves “leading” or being the dominant force. Drawing on viral social media moments and her personal experiences, Jen explores the paradox of modern female success, attraction dynamics, and the persistent longing for masculine energy in romantic partnerships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Traditional Attraction Dynamics

• Jen references a viral video where a woman says women need men “better than them”—smarter, more successful, fitter, etc.—and admits she “totally agree[s] 100%” (00:16).
• She acknowledges that this view is seen as controversial in today's climate, but insists it still reflects a deep, natural part of attraction:

  "I do want a guy who is better than me...I don’t want to be the one who is superior because it’s hard for me to be attracted to someone who I feel I'm dominating in some way."
  — Jen (01:20)

• The conversation highlights animalistic instincts around strength and roles, suggesting modern women, especially “alpha” women, need men who are “alpha, double alpha, or else I will eat him for breakfast” (00:51).
• Both speakers agree that women can lose attraction to men who are less successful, less fit, or lack initiative and confidence.

2. The Struggle of High-Achieving Women in Dating

• Jen and her co-host discuss how “the pool of men gets smaller” for successful, fit, smart women, as many men are intimidated or turned off by strong female energy (05:39).
• When forced to lead, women’s “alpha energy” is amplified out of necessity, but the presence of a truly alpha male “quiets down that girl’s alpha energy 100%” (06:34).

3. Nuance and Exceptions

• The co-host points out that there’s nuance—financial disparity may be tolerable “if the guy is still motivated, an entrepreneur, and doesn’t make me feel like I’m the wealthier one” (04:49).
• Jen clarifies that, for her, the most important elements are not just money, but all the “-ers” (smarter, fitter, stronger, etc.) due to how these impact attraction dynamics (05:28).
• They acknowledge a minority of women may genuinely want to be in control, but argue this is rare:

  “The majority of women who are just like doing well...we want the guy to be way better or we will eat you for breakfast.”
  — Jen (07:16)

4. How Masculine Energy Enables Femininity

• Jen describes how being with a more masculine, assertive partner allows her to “feel more feminine, more of a girl...like a little girl” (07:01).
• Her co-host echoes the sentiment, wishing men better understood that what looks like “masculine” female energy is often just a response to a man not asserting himself (07:34).

5. The Burden of Constant Decision-Making

• They joke about the stereotype of women “never knowing where they want to eat,” pointing out many high-achieving women are “constantly faced with a ton of decisions” and just want someone else to “handle it” sometimes (09:40–09:54).
• Jen remarks that not having to take control in every area is a massive turn-on and improves relationship dynamics:

  “If someone can alleviate some of that for me, oh my God, it is the biggest turn on for me.”
  — Jen (10:27)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Natural Attraction:
  “A guy has to be alpha, double alpha, or else I will eat him for breakfast.”
  — Jen (00:51)
• On Female Power and Dating Struggles:
  “I find, like, so many men aren’t even men. It’s actually kind of sad and pathetic...they’re weak, not manly, don’t take any initiative.”
  — Jen (02:47)
• On Relationship Dynamics:
  “…when a guy is all those things more than the girl, it quiets down that girl’s alpha energy 100%. That’s what happens.”
  — Jen (06:33)
• On Confidence:
  “The guy has to have enough real inner confidence…to actually show that and be that.”
  — Jen (08:18)
• On Decision Fatigue:
  “We’re constantly faced with a ton of decisions and in some scenarios, I think, just handle it.”
  — Co-host (09:45)
• On What Women Really Want:
  “If I don’t have to take control...it changes the entire dynamic...I don’t want to take control. Like, I’m taking control in enough areas of my life.”
  — Jen (10:04)

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Timestamps to Key Segments

• 00:16 – Jen introduces the controversial viral video and her reaction
• 01:20 – Expands on why she agrees with the sentiment; traditional attraction roles
• 02:47 – Problem with the “weak” quality in modern men
• 03:23 – Why “Alpha girls” need “double alpha” men
• 04:49 – Nuance around financial disparity in attraction
• 05:39 – Why high-performing women have fewer romantic options
• 06:34 – How a more masculine partner quiets women’s alpha energy
• 07:34 – Co-host wishes men understood this dynamic
• 09:40 – The decision-making burden leads to craving masculine energy
• 10:04 – The immense turn-on of someone “handling it”

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Tone & Takeaway

Jen Cohen’s tone throughout is fiercely honest, self-aware, and unapologetic. She leans into what might be labeled “old-school” gender dynamics, but reframes them through the lens of modern female achievement and emotional needs. The episode encourages self-reflection about what high-performing women truly want in relationships—and what may be missing when they continually find themselves in the dominant role.

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Final Note

Listeners—particularly ambitious women and the men who date them—will find this episode both provocative and affirming. The conversation offers insight into why so many high-performing women crave partners who confidently step up, and how both parties can better understand these deep-seated attraction dynamics.

Transcript

[A]

Hi, guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it. I have to talk about something that I saw that I was so excited to bring up on this podcast. I saw this video where this woman was saying that women need men that are better than them, who are smarter than them, more successful than them, fitter than them, more inspiring than them, more of everything. And the reason is because that's what we would naturally be attracted to. I gotta tell you something. I actually totally agree with her 100%. Like, I believe, like, a guy has to be alpha, double alpha, or else I will eat him for breakfast. And that's just the way it's gonna be. And when I was watching this, I thought to myself, wow, this is probably one of the most controversial videos. Or it probably would be a really controversial video because of the time we're living in.

[B]

Wait, really?

[A]

I think so. Because it kind of feels like it's like how people thought 50 years ago or 100 years ago. Yeah. But I think that we're living in a time that we're unable to say what we like. We say things that we don't actually really believe in our heads or that's actually really human nature. But the truth of the matter is, it's 100% true. Like, I do want a guy who is better than me, who is smarter, fitter, faster, stronger, taller, more inspiring, more successful, richer. I mean, all the things, right? Like, I don't want to be the one that is superior because it's hard for me to, like, be attracted to someone who I feel I'm more dominating in some way to them. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, no, I totally get that. I mean, especially, I think, like, the stronger. I could never imagine being with a guy that's literally weaker than me. I can only bench press £75. Like, if you can't do that, that's just craziness.

[A]

Okay. I think the exercising aside, I think it's overall. And I think that if people say otherwise, they're like, they're lying to themselves. It's bullshit. Like, what girl wants to be with a guy who is. Who's weaker, less successful, less inspiring, who is, like, all the things, you know, like, who is less fit? I mean, I don't know. I think we are as. We're like, we're animals. And as animals, we are animalistic and have needs, and we are automatically drawn to, like, a stronger. Like a woman is drawn to a stronger sex. It's just how it is when I'm With a guy or not now, I guess, but when I used to be, I guess.

[B]

Back in your dating.

[A]

Back in my dating life. No, I remember, like, even now. Like, what am I even talking about? Like, in real life now, even, Like, I find, like, so many men aren't even men. It's like, actually kind of like, sad and pathetic. Like, the pool of people that I see some of my friends having to deal with, I'm like, oh, my God, that is so unattractive. Yeah.

[B]

Help us.

[A]

They're, like, weak. I mean, it's just like, they're weak and they're just like, not manly. They don't take any initiative. They don't take any control. Like, I guess I am like an more of an Alpha girl. Right. So especially if you're an Alpha girl, you need a guy who's double alpha.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or at least Alpha. And so that's just. And even if you're not an Alpha girl, even girls who are Beta or Kappa or whatever you want to call it. Delta Gamma. Delta Gamma. Like, I don't know any girl. I don't know any girl, any woman, any female who is attracted to someone who they can walk all over and who is like, who has no spine and all that. Like, they may, they may decide and choose to be with them because it's easier.

[B]

Right, Right. Right.

[A]

And it's the path of least resistance, and they do it because they can. But don't lie to yourself or lie to me and say, like, you're hot for that person because there's no freaking way you are, period. That's my opinion. Now you can tell me yours.

[B]

No, I mean, I think I agree for the most part. I, I, I, Obviously there's, like, nuance to every situation, but I just could never imagine. I think the only category in which I could see myself giving a little, like, leewayness would be in this sort of financial success category. Just because I want to be a billionaire now. I cannot only dream such a silly thing.

[A]

Dating.

[B]

Why I can't, for example. So here, let me give you an example.

[A]

Focusing on, like, the outcome and not doing something that can make you. By doing the work to get there.

[B]

Dating guys.

[A]

No, you're saying I want to be X, Right.

[B]

So I'm like.

[A]

But also realistic expectations.

[B]

Hold on, let me finish my sentence. You're not. That's absolutely not even the point of what I'm trying to say at all.

[A]

Okay, okay, fine.

[B]

I'm saying, I'm saying I would. I consider myself to someone who's aspiring for crazy aspirations when it comes to success financially and also in career. Right now, if my guy that I'm dating doesn't want to be a billionaire, but they want to be a millionaire, for example, and they are moving towards that direction. They, they're motivated, they're inspired, they're constantly working, they're an entrepreneur. They have that grit to them where they're successful and they don't make me feel like I'm the wealthier one in the relationship. They still pay for things, they still support me, they still make me feel like the woman. Then I'm okay with that. But I don't necessarily agree.

[A]

I agree with you a hundred percent. I agree that like I think that

[B]

was the only area where there's. But I just said that there's nuance. I'm not disagreeing. I said I agree with everything you said. I just said that there's nuance and I'm just adding to the layer.

[A]

I actually agree with that. I think I'm riffing here. I think that it's not about the money. It's more about like the ers. Like smarter, fit to err.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

You know, stronger, you know, whatever it is. I just think that a lot of times when you are a successful woman and have a lot of those things going for you because you are fit and you are smart and you are successful, you know, the pools of men get smaller and smaller to pick from because there's a piece of it that's like a lot of gu are intimidated by that or the woman gives off too much alpha male energy where it's not even a turn on for the guy. So there's. Okay, that component becomes very difficult. So what I really feel is that when a guy is all those things more than the girl, it quiets down that girl's alpha energy 100%. That's what happens. The girl's alpha energy comes out more when she's around some. A guy that doesn't have it and can't bring it 100%. But when she right.

[B]

So like it brings out their masculine right.

[A]

So when I have a guy around me who's like way more masculine and super like super alpha, I automatically just. But not on purpose, subconsciously, I end up not cowering like, like, like, like

[B]

a weak bird, you know, you do just.

[A]

But I feel more cute. I feel like I get like, I feel more feminine. I feel more of a girl. I feel much more like a little girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And every girl wants to feel like a little girl. They don't want to feel like they're like taking over. And though I guess the girls who do feel that way, well, then all the power to you, you know, God bless you. But the majority of us, the majority of women who are just like doing well and strong and smart and fit and blah, blah, blah, we want the guy to be way better or we will eat you for breakfast. And so, so that's just how it works.

[B]

But I, I really wish that guys understood that concept, like, because I feel like if they did, they would understand that when they're presented with a woman who's maybe a little bit more masculine, if that guy were to just assert themselves more, that would allow the woman to be able to enter her femininity more. And I think guys don't understand that dynamic as much. And so they immediately think, oh, well, she's just a masculine, more intense female. And then they, they think to themselves, oh, well, she's got this. I guess I don't have to be like, I can just be a bit more beta. But I think if they understood that a lot of those really intense women who are power, you know, just powerhouses who are working, who are crushing it, they actually can be really feminine females within their relationship dynamics. They just need to be given that shot and they need to be with someone who. But the guy who can present that more masculine kind of vibe.

[A]

Right. But the guy has to have enough real inner confidence to even like do that, to actually show that and be that as opposed to going the opposite. Like, listen, I'm not gonna lie to you. There's a lot of women I meet who are like super, like have a, who are successful, who have like a really, a really strong male energy and it is a turn off. Right. But I'm saying for the majority, for the most of us, like people who are not like in the.01 percentile of like super successful crazy powerhouses. I'm saying the majority of people, majority of women who are whoever and on the scale of whatever that what we need, we are looking for someone who is better than us. We need men who are better than us. Like I said, smarter than us, fitter than us, all of the errs of us, you know, and it's just what we naturally will gravitate to. And like, again, you can't fake that stuff. Either you have it or you don't. Right. So this is not about like people like being, you know, kind of like pounding their chest and pretending it's the ones who actually are those things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you know that's really how I feel.

[B]

It's interesting. You know the joke about how women can never decide where they want to eat?

[A]

Yeah, that's me.

[B]

Yeah. So what's so funny about that scenario is that I just think the joke could be non existent if guys understood that sometimes we just don't want to have to decide things. We're constantly faced with a ton of decisions and in some scenarios I think like, just handle it.

[A]

Just handle it.

[B]

Like, you know what I like, we've been out to eat many times before. You know what my vibe is? Just fucking pick something and let's go.

[A]

I'm so. That's a great point. And that's what. I guess that's really, at the end of the day, what I was even getting to. Because I just want someone to like handle shit. Yeah. If I'm handling all this shit all the time, I want someone else to be like, you know, I got this. I don't have to handle stuff. And trust me, that like changes the entire dynamic of the relationship. If I don't have to like take control, trust me, I don't want to take control. Like, I'm taking control in enough areas of my life. I don't want to be taking control in every single area. And if someone can like alleviate some of that for me, oh my God, it is the biggest turn on in my, like for me.

[B]

I love that shit.

[A]

Yeah, me too. So that's all. Let me know what you think. Leave me a comment. And for someone who thinks that I'm out of my mind crazy or whatever, let me know that too. Because I like to hear from you and what you think.