Transcript
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Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it. Hi everybody. Welcome to Habits and Hustle. We are going to be diving into a topic today that is near, very near and dear to my heart. And that is children and how to talk to them effectively. Basically how to talk to your kids. So if you're somebody who doesn't have a kid, this episode may not be for you. But if you have a niece or a nephew or a cousin and you want to learn some really easy strategies to talk with them and connect with them in a deeper way, listen to this episode because I will tell you something. I have two kids. I have an 8 year old and a 10 year old. And a lot of it has for me has been a lot of trial and error. And I'm fortunate enough because of what I do for a living, I get to speak to some of the most amazing experts in the world. Some of the best, some of the best psychologists, some of the best behaviorists. And so when I learn something, of course like a guinea pig, I go and try it out. So some of these things that we're going to talk about are things that I've noticed have really improved my, not, not just my communication with my kids, but our level of depth in our relationship because it's so important to me. And I'm always like trying to research and figure out ways to do this. And the first thing I want to talk about is when I want my kids to open up to me. Number one, I try to be an active listener when I say that I want to make sure that my phone is away, I'm paying attention, I'm making eye contact because what I think happens so often because I've been, I've been someone who's done this so often and my friends do it. When you're a working mom and you have a million things going on and you're working on like a bunch of stuff, it's really easy just to be dismissive of your kid when they want to talk to you or when you are spending time with them. What happens a lot of times is you're kind of half assing it. Like you're, they're around and you're, you think because they're around you that you're actually spending quality time, but actually that's not true. So what I like to think is very effective is when you set aside dedicated time for you and your kid to spend with each other so you actually create a set time. Not just like loosey goosey but a dedicated time and you have your phone away and you are really paying attention and you are locked in. And I think that kids feel that energy. And I think that even if it's not super often, like even if it's like 20 minutes or 10 minutes a day, when you have that real time, when you are paying full 130% attention on them, they actually feel that versus being around all the time but not really paying attention. So my first thing is dedicate an allotted amount of time, actively pay attention and listen by like I said, putting your phone away, making eye contact and not interrupting when they actually speak. Because to me what I find I get the most information when I don't say a word and they just talk. And I also find that when you're placing, when you're doing this in environments that make them comfortable, it's so important. Some of my best conversations actually with my kids have been when I'm driving them to school in the morning or when I'm putting them to bed at night, right. Because their guard is down. And that's when you can, they really feel like they can open up. So that's a few little things. The other thing I wanted to talk about is making sure when your kids are talking to you that you ask, you ask them open ended questions. These like that to me has been a big game changer. Like don't just ask them how is school because if your kid is like mine, you're gonna get a fine. Or what did you learn today? Nothing. That's what I get. But then when I'm much more specific, I started to do this thing where I say to my kids, what was your rose today and what was your thorn? And that way the rose is like the best moment of your day and the thorn is like the worst moment. But then you start under a. You get to know what your kid's doing all day or like where their attention is and then like it opens up a dialogue. So for me those things have been very effective. And the other thing is that I found to be really impactful is when I share my own experiences with things. So I tell stories about things when, you know, when I, when I relate back to maybe what they're going through based on like some of the memories I have, but how things, things were with me or stories about me. And I like to talk to my kids kind of like they're like mini adults. I'm not a big baby talker. I think baby talking is like a terrible way and sets a bad precedent. But I talk to them like they're like mini adults and kind of like my kids are always saying to me now, by the way, I should say, Johnny's here.