Hacking Your ADHD — "Calming Up: Beyond the Hype"

Host: William Curb
Date: February 20, 2026

Main Theme

In this episode, William Curb explores the concept of "calming up": gently increasing your internal energy and finding the optimal state of focus and motivation for people with ADHD, without resorting to extremes of hype, panic, or self-shame. Drawing from neuroscience (notably the Polyvagal Theory) and his own experience, William provides practical strategies to help listeners move out of procrastination and task paralysis through small, manageable changes, rather than explosive bursts of anxious energy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Static Friction and the ADHD Brain

• [01:20] William likens the struggle to start tasks to "static friction" in physics—harder to get moving than to keep moving.

  • Quote:

    "We often feel like we need a massive internal explosion of energy to overcome that static friction...But that explosion often carries us too far, landing us right in the middle of a panic attack or total overwhelm."
    —William Curb [01:47]

• Instead of big bursts of energy, William advocates for a gentler, more sustainable approach to overcoming inertia.

The Ladder of the Nervous System: Polyvagal Theory

• [03:01] Introduces Polyvagal Theory by Dr. Stephen Porges:

  • Ventral Vagal (bottom of the ladder): Connected, calm, optimal functioning
  • Sympathetic (middle): Fight or flight, anxious, energized
  • Dorsal Vagal (top): Shutdown, numbness, disengaged

• Emphasizes that these are not just mental states, but biological shifts:

  • Decision-making (prefrontal cortex) goes offline during panic or stress
  • Bodily changes: Digestive issues, muscle tension

• Key insight: ADHDers often try to use "top-down" regulation (logical reasoning) but "bottom-up" regulation (body to brain) is often more effective.

Bottom-Up Regulation: Telling the Brain How to Feel

• [06:22]

  • The brain reads the body's signals to determine mental state.

  • Practical "bottom-up" techniques:

    • Splash cold water on face (triggers dive reflex to slow heart rate)
    • Use weighted blankets or heavy lifting (body awareness/physical security)
    • Humming or chanting (vagus nerve stimulation)

  • Quote:

    "Our brain is constantly asking the body, how are we doing? ...If my heart is racing and my breath is shallow, my brain assumes there is a threat—even if I'm just sitting in a quiet office."
    —William Curb [06:57]

The Goldilocks Zone: Finding Optimal Stimulation

• [08:15] Overlap between relaxation and activation creates a "ready state"—alert but not overactivated.

  • Too little stress: Bored, sluggish, careless mistakes

  • Too much stress: Panicked, can't focus

  • The ideal is a balanced state of stimulation—a subtle, productive edge.

  • Quote:

    "We're looking to hit that Goldilocks zone right in the middle, where we've got just enough stress to feel sharp and fast, but not so much that we're jittery."
    —William Curb [09:00]

• Recognizes that, for ADHDers, “some stress is biologically necessary” to focus.

Calming Up: Raising Energy Without Hype

• [12:45]

  • “Calming up” is intentionally nudging yourself from a low-energy/numb state into readiness.

  • This does not mean “getting pumped up” or relying on big emotional triggers like shame or panic.

  • Quote:

    "Instead, I'm just looking for ways that I can bring up my state without the hype, without getting pumped up and the emotional intensity that can come with it."
    —William Curb [14:05]

  • Refers to the classic “task paralysis” scenario:

    • If constantly using “explosive” energy to start, you might get overwhelmed and abandon tasks halfway.

Practical, Gentle Strategies for Calming Up

• [16:05]

  • Use small “increases” to transition out of inertia:

    • One cup of coffee, not five
    • A single upbeat song
    • Light stretches
    • Splashing water on your face

  • Focus on “the smallest steps possible”—wiggling toes, tapping feet, stretching out, leaning forward

  • Quote:

    "My first steps here are often figuring out the smallest steps that I can do...If I just lean forward, I'm practically standing up already."
    —William Curb [18:13]

  • Pro tip: If your phone is anchoring you to the couch, toss it aside (gently) or turn it off temporarily.

Addressing Self-Shame and Expectations

• [19:45] William admits that he sometimes resents having to use these tricks (“shouldn’t I just be able to stand up?”)

  • Challenges expectation of just “willing” yourself into action—reminds listeners that ADHD brains work differently, and it’s okay to rely on physical cues.

  • Quote:

    "While it feels like we should be able to just do, that's not really how our brains work...Instead of trying to get ourselves to explode into action, let's instead try calming up to where we want to be."
    —William Curb [20:25]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Static friction analogy from physics: “It’s harder to get something moving than it is to keep it moving once it’s already in motion.” [01:28]

• On anxiety and excitement:

  “Anxiety and excitement are nearly identical physiologically...So our brain can get confused between them.”
  —William Curb [11:07]

• The ‘messy closet’ nightmare:

  “That burst of emotion was only enough for the first step, and now I've got stuff strewn across the room and this was a huge mistake.”
  —William Curb [15:44]

• On why “hype” isn’t always the answer:

  "As a dad in his 40s, that's sometimes a lot to ask."
  —William Curb [13:56]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:20 – Static Friction and ADHD motivation
• 03:01 – Overview of Polyvagal Theory
• 06:22 – Why bottom-up regulation works and practical tricks
• 08:15 – The “Goldilocks zone” of engagement
• 12:45 – Introduction to “Calming Up”
• 16:05 – Small-step techniques for breaking task inertia
• 19:45 – Addressing ADHD self-judgment
• 21:27 – Recap of key tips

Key Takeaways / Top Tips ([21:27])

1. You can’t logic your way out of stress or shutdown; use your body to cue your brain.
2. Some stress is necessary for focus; aim for optimal—not maximum or minimum—arousal.
3. Break inertia with the smallest possible steps. Don’t seek massive hype; use gentle upward nudges.

This episode provides a compassionate, practical reframe for anyone with ADHD who struggles with motivation and inertia. William Curb blends science with lived experience, advocating for small, physical cues and self-acceptance, rather than shame or excessive self-discipline, to enter a productive, regulated state.

Want show notes and links? Visit hackingyouradhd.com/274.
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