Hacking Your ADHD – Ep. “Grandma Has ADHD: Jamie Shapiro on Late Diagnosis and New Beginnings”

Host: William Curb
Guest: Jamie Shapiro, ADHD Coach & Author of This Explains So Much
Date: November 10, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode explores the realities of late-diagnosed ADHD, especially among older adults and seniors. William Curb and guest Jamie Shapiro discuss the lifelong journey of undiagnosed ADHD—how it shapes family dynamics, aging, memory, and relationships. Jamie shares personal stories, insights from her work with seniors, and practical advice for navigating ADHD across the generations.

Key Themes & Discussion Points

Jamie Shapiro’s ADHD Journey & Intergenerational Diagnosis

[02:52 – 05:22]

• Jamie introduces herself as an ADHD coach, podcaster (Grandma Has ADHD), and author of This Explains So Much.

• Describes how her child’s ADHD evaluation led to Jamie’s own midlife diagnosis, despite her prior success in career and family.

• The revelation her 77-year-old mother also had undiagnosed ADHD propelled Jamie into coaching, specializing in seniors and aging.

  “I’m 45 years old, I have ADHD. …I started my own business. I graduated college with high honors. Why does it matter? But it wasn’t until I realized a little less than two years ago that my 77-year-old mother had ADHD that I jumped into the ADHD space” – Jamie Shapiro [05:00]

ADHD and Aging: Memory, Social Isolation, & Diagnosis Confusion

[05:22 – 08:37]

• Cognitive decline is part of normal aging, but ADHD can amplify memory issues and be mistaken for dementia.

• Social isolation increases for seniors, especially those with ADHD who lose their “brain buddies” (family, coworkers).

• ADHD traits can impact life expectancy, not because of ADHD alone, but due to related choices—e.g. risk-taking, inattention, self-care challenges.

  “If you look at the early stages of dementia…forgetting names, misplacing items, short-term memory issues—like, what else is that? …They think it’s normal aging and no, it’s actually ADHD.” – Jamie Shapiro [14:58]

Gender, Hormones, and Historical Context

[09:09 – 11:17]

• Women often hold it together until perimenopause due to estrogen’s procognitive effects, leading to a late surge in ADHD symptoms.

• Jamie references the Salem Witch Trials: historical evidence suggests persecuted women exhibited ADHD-like traits (“around the age of 40…”).

• ADHD is not a new condition; it’s masked, rebranded, and misunderstood through history.

  “If you go to AI or you know, just ask …what traits in people persecuted during the Salem witch trials are consistent with ADHD, you’ll be blown away.” – Jamie Shapiro [09:59]

ADHD’s Strengths: Curiosity, Creativity, Patterns

[12:07 – 12:57]

• ADHD brings advantages: ability to connect disparate ideas (“MacGyver brain”), pattern recognition, curiosity.

• These strengths are often overlooked or misunderstood as quirks.

  “One of the things I’ve viewed as the biggest strength from ADHD is just this being able to see these connections that other people don’t see.” – William Curb [12:25]

Revisiting Family & Relationship Dynamics

[14:58 – 19:23, 20:35 – 27:07]

• Discovering a parent’s ADHD recontextualizes years of conflict and misunderstanding; offers new empathy and healing.

• Grief and relief accompany late diagnosis—grieving lost years, celebrating newfound understanding.

• Parentification, emotional dysregulation, and generational trauma are common in ADHD families.

• Jamie shares practical relationship advice:

  • Recognize emotional escalation (“amygdala brain”).
  • Take breaks and agree when to revisit heated discussions.
  • Practice self-compassion and extend it to others.

  “If you see it, should you say something? …You’ve got to be delicate… I always lead with the positives… If I ask you if you have ADHD, you need to know that’s like the biggest compliment I can give you.” – Jamie Shapiro [34:16]

  "There's an expression: 'You can be right or you can be happy.'" – Jamie Shapiro [19:35]

Late-Life ADHD Diagnosis: Challenges and Benefits

[22:35 – 24:02]

• Stigma and generational silence often keep older adults from seeking or accepting a diagnosis.

• Yet, even an 80+ diagnosis can transform quality of life, bringing clarity and self-acceptance.

  “He had been diagnosed at 80 and said it was the best seven years of his life.” – Jamie Shapiro [23:28]

• Diagnosing older adults can also inform the next generation, breaking cycles of misunderstanding.

ADHD Strategies Across Lifespan

[25:22 – 27:43]

• Jamie describes tools that help her compensate and thrive: calendar entries for everything, utilizing reminders, smartwatches.

• Acceptance and planning—like “protecting future Jamie”—are crucial.

• Self-forgiveness is key: dropping shame around mistakes and building supportive systems.

  “I used to always, before I knew ADHD’s impact, I’d be like, I’m definitely going to remember this… and I wouldn’t write it down. …Of course I forgot every time.” – Jamie Shapiro [26:46]

Authenticity, Shame, & Finding Community

[29:56 – 33:46]

• Jamie and the hosts joke about carefully curated Zoom backgrounds, but emphasize the importance of honesty about mess and imperfection.

• Letting down the mask fosters true connection—“find your tribe.”

• Jamie lauds her mom for allowing honest photos of her home to combat stigma.

  "My mom can have relationships with people where she gets to be her authentic self...rather than contribute to more social isolation." – Jamie Shapiro [31:15]

Starting the Conversation with Older Adults

[33:46 – 37:37]

• Begin ADHD discussions with affirmation—highlighting positive traits, resilience, and creativity before discussing challenges.
• Avoid leading with stigma or the word “disorder.”
• Use “the compliment sandwich” approach to sensitive topics.
• Diagnosis isn’t about fixing the past, but giving context and opening the way for better future relationships.

Memorable Quotes

• On navigating memory issues as you age:

  “Forgetfulness that comes from ADHD doesn’t need memory care protocols—it needs ADHD strategies such as reminders, structure, external cues and tools like smartwatches or calendars.” – William Curb [38:57]

• On breaking family cycles:

  “If you have a parent, don’t think that ADHD stops when you’re 40 or 50 years old. …Give them the gift of understanding ADHD.” – Jamie Shapiro [37:51]

• On late diagnosis and acceptance:

  “I think there’s going to be a relief but also a grief in not having those tools and that understanding.” – Jamie Shapiro [15:55]

• On finding strengths in ADHD:

  “We can like, come up with crazy, brilliant ideas. And we’re brilliant. …If I ask you if you have ADHD, you need to know that’s like the biggest compliment I can give you.” – Jamie Shapiro [34:28]

Practical Takeaways

ADHD Management for Seniors

• Don’t mistake “senior moments” for natural aging—ADHD may be the underlying cause.
• Structure, reminders, external supports are essential; diagnosis can bring validation and unlock new strategies.
• Social connections and community are crucial to reduce isolation.

Navigating Family & Relationships

• Extend empathy—both to oneself and ADHD-affected family members.
• Openly discuss ADHD with sensitivity, focusing on gifts before challenges.
• Reframing old misunderstandings can transform longstanding family dynamics.

Proactive Aging with ADHD

• Prepare “future you” by planning routines, finances, and support systems now.
• Embrace curiosity and life-long learning as ADHD superpowers that can support aging well.

Notable Segments & Timestamps

| Topic | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------------|--------------| | Jamie’s ADHD discovery and family journey | 02:52–05:22 | | ADHD impact on aging and late diagnosis | 05:22–08:37 | | Gender, hormones, and ADHD in history | 09:09–11:17 | | ADHD’s strengths: curiosity & pattern-finding | 12:07–12:57 | | Memory, dementia, and ADHD—diagnosis challenges | 14:58–15:55 | | Transforming relationships post-diagnosis | 17:17–19:23 | | Relationship advice: amygdala brain, taking breaks| 20:35–21:39 | | Stigma for older adults, benefits of diagnosis | 22:35–24:02 | | Tools & strategies for “future self” | 25:22–27:43 | | Authenticity, shame, and finding community | 29:56–33:46 | | Starting tough conversations with loved ones | 33:46–37:37 | | Final advice for families with aging ADHDers | 37:51–38:33 |

Final Thoughts

• Recognize and accept ADHD across generations: Whether for yourself, a parent, or a grandparent, it’s never too late for understanding to improve quality of life.
• Proactive management and compassion can transform aging with ADHD.
• Open conversations—with a focus on strengths—are key to overcoming stigma and fostering genuine connection.

For further reading and show notes, visit hackingyouradhd.com/256