Hacking Your ADHD – Episode Summary

Podcast: Hacking Your ADHD
Host: William Curb
Episode: How to Keep Going When Life Feels Impossible
Date: February 24, 2025

Overview

In this episode, William Curb addresses the challenges of maintaining focus and motivation during overwhelming times—specifically when life feels impossible or the world seems to be spinning out of control. Drawing from his own experiences of grief and day-to-day overwhelm, William explores the difference between healthy breaks and numbing behaviors, and offers practical advice for navigating the emotional turbulence that often accompanies ADHD. The episode emphasizes self-compassion, emotional check-ins, realistic goal-setting, and seeking community.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Navigating Overwhelm and Loss

Timestamp: 02:00 – 04:30

• William shares a personal story about the sudden loss of his mother—a time when he felt life should have stopped but, in reality, daily responsibilities continued relentlessly.
• The grief was compounded by the necessity to handle logistics, care for his children, and deal with everyday tasks, presenting a powerful example of how the world keeps moving even during personal heartbreak.
• He notes that, like many now facing overwhelming global events, it’s easy to feel a sense of cognitive dissonance when everyday routines persist while external chaos unfolds.

Notable Quote:
"It was incredibly surreal how the world just didn't stop in place for my tragedy."
— William Curb (03:50)

2. The Challenge of Focus During Crisis

Timestamp: 04:30 – 06:45

• William admits to struggling with focus even at the best of times, but notes that extraordinary circumstances make it even harder.
• There’s extra effort required simply to keep up, and it's important to acknowledge the added difficulty rather than judge oneself harshly.
• He pushes for self-forgiveness: “Just take a breath and go easy on yourself.” (06:20)

3. Understanding Numbing and Breaks

Timestamp: 06:45 – 12:00

• Definition of Numbing: Behaviors undertaken specifically to avoid uncomfortable emotions (e.g., overindulging in TV, social media, food, or even overworking).
• Numbing is not always about vices—focusing excessively on “productive” activities (like work or exercise) can also serve this purpose if their intention is avoidance.
• A Critical Question: Is numbing necessarily bad? William explores the idea that temporary numbing can help us cope, but it’s not a sustainable long-term strategy.

Notable Quote:
"Numbing may feel like the natural response to stress, and in some ways it is. But it's only meant to be temporary."
— William Curb (09:50)

4. The ‘Go Big or Go Home’ Trap

Timestamp: 12:00 – 13:30

• William discusses his own history of unrealistic, grandiose plans as a means of “solving” his difficulties—a pattern familiar to many with ADHD.
• He emphasizes that “go big or go home” usually means going home, advocating instead for small, incremental changes.

Notable Quote:
"We don't need the ultimate plan where I never rest and I feel great all the time and everything always gets done and I guess I just don't have ADHD anymore... plan. That's not really a plan. It's a fantasy."
— William Curb (13:10)

5. Distinguishing Numbing from Taking Breaks

Timestamp: 13:30 – 16:20

• The difference lies in intention and aftermath:
  • Numbing is a mindless form of escapism, usually leaving you feeling worse or unchanged.
  • Genuinely taking a break is intentional, restorative, and leaves you feeling better or more relaxed.
• William shares an example of how codeword puzzles serve as a beneficial break for him, not an escapist tool.

Notable Quote:
"Typically, after a puzzle or two, I feel mentally ready to move on. I don't feel trapped in what I'm doing. And that's just what we're looking for."
— William Curb (15:30)

6. The Power of Emotional Self-Check-Ins

Timestamp: 16:20 – 17:30

• People with ADHD often overlook their feelings until overwhelm hits, causing physical or emotional problems.
• Regular check-ins can help prevent crises and guide action.
• William highlights the importance of noticing both emotional and physical states before they become urgent.

7. Emotional Regulation, Executive Dysfunction, and Support

Timestamp: 17:30 – 19:00

• Emotional regulation is tightly linked to ADHD; difficulty managing feelings often leads to cycles of numbing.
• True coping means identifying feelings and taking manageable steps.

Notable Quote:
"Often it feels like all we have is our little bucket of water and we're standing in front of a great big fire... you don’t have to go it alone."
— William Curb (18:10)

8. The Importance of Community

Timestamp: 18:10 – 19:00

• Fighting despair and overwhelm is easier with others. William urges listeners to seek community support—be it friends, online groups, or therapists.
• Working together, even small contributions “start to make a difference.”

Notable Quote:
"Despair tells us that there's nothing we can do, but there’s always something you can do. You can always resist."
— William Curb (18:45)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Story on Grief: 02:00 – 04:30
• Focusing When Life Is Overwhelming: 04:30 – 06:45
• On Numbing and Its Dangers: 06:45 – 12:00
• ‘Go Big or Go Home’ Myth: 12:00 – 13:30
• Numbing vs. Taking a Break: 13:30 – 16:20
• Practicing Emotional Check-Ins: 16:20 – 17:30
• Building Community and Finding Support: 18:10 – 19:00

Memorable Quotes

• "It was incredibly surreal how the world just didn't stop in place for my tragedy." — William Curb (03:50)
• "Just take a breath and go easy on yourself." — William Curb (06:20)
• "Numbing may feel like the natural response to stress, and in some ways it is. But it's only meant to be temporary." — William Curb (09:50)
• "We don't need the ultimate plan... That's not really a plan. It's a fantasy." — William Curb (13:10)
• "Typically, after a puzzle or two, I feel mentally ready to move on. I don't feel trapped in what I'm doing." — William Curb (15:30)
• "Despair tells us that there's nothing we can do, but there’s always something you can do. You can always resist." — William Curb (18:45)

Top Tips from the Episode

Timestamp: 19:00+

1. Give Yourself Grace:

   • Be gentle when things are hard. Judging yourself harshly is never helpful.

2. Do Frequent Emotional Check-ins:

   • Don’t wait for feelings or stress to become critical before noticing them.

3. Abandon the ‘Go Big or Go Home’ Mentality:

   • Small, manageable steps are more effective and sustainable than drastic changes.

4. Find Support:

   • Don’t face challenges alone; seek out friends, communities, or professional help.

Final Thoughts

William Curb’s episode is a compassionate reminder that hardship, distraction, and avoidance are human—especially for those with ADHD. By exploring personal stories and offering practical frameworks for distinguishing healthy breaks from numbing, he encourages listeners to accept their humanity, find community, and embrace small, actionable steps forward—no matter how overwhelming life may feel.